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honk honk officeer burgeese

this is bullying @ staff - the plastics are bullying on main

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psd update + new header + pin! excited to do more kim things with you all <3

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look away if you're dating kim ... but kim is a terrible cook. don't let her cook for you. she will fail.

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"well i -" a pause. she blinks at the doctor ... once, twice, three times. maybe she just mentioned some slang the kids had thrown around at the station. someone had called antonio senpai. which makes sense now ... since he's kind of old too. "ummmm, depends. how old are you, doctor langdon?" crossing her arms over her chest, then placing her hands on her hips. "you can't just say no. you didn't even hear what i wanted yet? what if it's official police business? what if someone's dying, frank? can i call you frank? do you prefer franklin?"

senpai <3

"is that . . . are you calling me old, detective?" he blinked at the cop once, twice, three times before shaking his head. "we're the same age. —we're the same age, right? isn't a senpai like a sensei? someone older and wiser that you look up to? you know what? i'm just going to take it as a compliment. thank you kim burgess, i am wiser than you, thanks for noticing. —but whatever you want, the answer is still no."

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jay halstead ( @x51163 ) : i love you, but please don't ever make dinner again.

unbelievable. here kim was, a working mother and wife. mother of two lovely ( cute and adorable girls ) and a senior baby dog. but she's still surprised to hear her husband quip up about the dinner she'd made. brows furrows together. "yeah mama, never cook! more mcdonalds!" georgie adds, making kim cross her arms over her chest. little rosie with her arms wrapped around her leg. "i think ... that this family could use a nicer tone." giving her husband a look, then poking his chest with her finger.

"the girls happen to love when i cook chicken for dinner," she frowns, but georgie scrunches her nose. "it kinda dwy, mama." and kimberly halstead groans at her family. "how come you two always team up?" shaking her head, there's a laugh as she looks to the chicken - that looks entirely too dry. maybe they had a valid point. "would you like to cook dinner instead, agent halstead?"

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ADAM RUZEK + WORRYING ABOUT KIM BURGESS.

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adam ruzek ( @x59054 ) … gets a starter.

"you want to ... buy a house?" tilting her head at her fiancé. she was the one who told him they should move in together - she even batted her lashes ( a nuclear weapon for convincing boyfriends ) and told him it should be soon. especially with adam's dad olinsky and michelle sleeping in his apartment. the apartment that kim spent most of her time in anyways. she just hadn't expected to take the big step of buying something of their own. yet it bubbles in her chest.

neither of them had the full amount for a house - but since they were pushing the wedding ( ugh, don't remind her ) they might be able to put a down payment on something of their own - instead of finding another little place to rent. so she climbs into his lap, they're in kim's tiny apartment right now - since olinsky took adam's couch, and michelle was currently living in his bedroom. she plays with his hair as she watches him - still smiling like a fool in love, and that shoe kind of was a perfect fit for kimberly burgess. "what are we going to do with so much space though?" yes ... she's fishing for him to say it. ( say you want a family with me, adam ) because she did. she wanted it all with him : the house, the babies, the job ( intelligence, detective ) and so much more. she wants the wedding ... she's so mad she let roman talk her into suggesting to push it. she just wants to be his wife. kissing his jawline softly, gently nipping at his skin.

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carol danvers ( @warbyrds ) … gets a starter.

they were on a 'best friend date' like helen and mack had dubbed any time the moms were together without the dads. kim knew something was coming - that carol had been keeping some kind of secret ... she was glowing, and she notices the signs in her best friend that she'd been experiencing herself. nine weeks now. ( the size of a strawberry ) or a large grape. a little life she cherished so much, yet one she hadn't allowed herself to truly be excited for yet. so much could happen, kim knew that well. all too well. she wishes this was her first time ... that her body didn't have the memory of loss. that she couldn't remember the tears she cried before - how numb she'd felt after. how it tore her further away from her husband, not closer the way a baby was meant to do. she wants to be happy - but for now it was a little secret. they hadn't told mack. she knows adam wants to. that was his little bumble bee. it's not like she loves keeping secrets from their loved ones either - but she doesn't want to share heartbreak with their daughter.

but then carol blurts out the magic words 'i'm pregnant' and kim starts to tear up, smiling as she does. "me too," she breathes out, feeling instant relief - not suffocating anxiety. maybe a village wasn't so bad. yes she has ptsd now. yes she knows she's more scared than the average mom, but she would have someone to help break the fall if something were to happen again. so she reaches out, grabbing carol's hands, giving them a tight squeeze. "i'm so excited for you - for us!" and for once, she lets herself just be happy. let it seep into her blood and pump around her body - she surrenders into the joy and excitement of adding another life to their family. "did you tell helen yet? i'm sure she'll be over the moon. we didn't tell mack yet, so if we can ... keep it for adult chats?"

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CHICAGO P.D. / 5.06, “Fallen” (2017) 

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kim wasn't driving today ... it was kevin's turn. so when they're stuck in a weird line, one that main hadn't warned them about, she understands why he gets out of the shop to check it out - so kim is quick to unbuckle and follow along. ignoring shouts of everyone. "sir, get back in your vehicle please." she nods to a man who's waving his hands aggressively, shouting something about being late for an important meeting. "the sooner you get back into your car - the sooner we can fix this mess and get everyone moving again, got it?"

the female officer blinks when she sees the suitcase, and yep !! it sure was ticking. "i'll call it in," requesting extra units and bomb squad at scene from main through the radio, then nodding to kevin. "they say not to touch the bag, but to clear out the area." looking around at the furious crowds gathering - another ( possibly ) catastrophic morning in downtown chicago. "if you start over there - i'll go here?" maybe splitting up was a risk. but so was everyone getting blown up.

a locked suitcase in the middle of the road

one    universal    trait    chicago    neighborhoods    share    :         impatience    .              thoroughfares    are    invariably    clogged    with    traffic    ,         it’s    nothing    new    .          but    ,         this    is    :         influx    of    traffic    ,         normally    persisting    ,      is    at    a    deadlock    .          the    hindrance    commanding    embittered    residents    to    blow    their    horns    .          ‘    the    hell    is    the    hold    up    ?    ’          words    are    mumbled    ,         broad    digits    unfastening    seat    -    belt    with    a    brief    click    .          ‘    i’m    gonna    check    it    out    .    ’          keys    to    patrol    car    are    expelled    from    ignition    and    pushed    snug    into    pocket    .

‘    officer    ,         officer    !          what’s    going    on    ?          i    have    to    get    my    kids    to    school    !    ’       /          ‘    i    need    to    get    to    work    ,         let’s    move    !    ’       /          ‘    why    the    fuck    aren't    we    driving    ?!    ’          various    folk    gripe    from    their    vehicles    .          ‘    just    try    and    mellow    ,         we’ve    got    this    under    control    ,    ’          kevin    attempts    ,         though    ,          once    approaching    crowd    of    bodies    ,         brows    furrow    .          ‘    excuse    me    ,         i    need    you    all    to    get    back    in    your    vehicles    !    ’          but    the    horde    doesn’t    disperse    ,         instead    ,         they    step    aside    ,         and    reveal    …     a    suitcase    .

‘    it’s    ticking    !    it’s    a    bomb    !    ’          …     yup    ,    just    another    berserk    morning    in    chicago    .

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kim gasps. she was excited to see her best friend at her - well, it wasn't really a bachelorette, but it was more of a ... let's celebrate that kim was finally marrying her ( other ) best friend. getting on her toes, doing a small jump which causes her to fall directly into kevin's hard chest. "oompfh." she mumbles, looking up, her hair a bit mussed. "i have an idea - you can't say no because like ... it's my party, right?" nodding along to her own idea. "we leave - my sister is crazy ... i want to go somewhere with you likeeeee the roof. can we climb the roof?" she just means the stairs of her apartment, sneaking onto the roof through the usually unlocked door. "pretty please kev? you owe me since like.. adam stole you as his man-of-honor." best man were the words she was really looking for - but they didn't come to her. leaning up to whisper in his ear. "they had me do vodka shots, kev. save me."

BESTIEEEE

‘    i    know    that's    right    !    ’          there's    a    twitch    ,      corner    of    maw    drawing    upward    .          digits    ,         strong    ,         agile    ,         betwixt    neck    of    bottle    cloaked    by    paper    bag    .          ‘    now    this    bestie    might    be    late    to    the    party    ,         but    he    always    come    prepared    .    ’           free    hand    strips    bag    ,         unveiling    expensive    bottle    of    marlow    .          though    ,         there's    an    extension    of    arm    ,      a    sky    -    scarper    out    of    reach    of    petite    guests     .          ‘    uh    -    uh    ,      nope    .          marlow    ain't    for    tiny    girl's    who've    already    had    way    too    much    to    drink    .    ’      

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Send me hc + a word of your choosing and I’ll write a headcanon relating to that word!

Or send hc + two words and I’ll try and come up with one that links those two things together!

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she listens, makes a mental note of what to ask the team to fetch for samira. kim wasn't leaving her side. she'd be glued to the woman's side until jay was awake to take over kim's job. walking right next to her, fingers and arm brushing against her as they walk. hoping to be something steady - in the midst of everything that was scary and unknown right now.

"i'll see what i can get for you - tea, toast and fruits shouldn't be too crazy." she promises with a small curve upwards of her lips. jay would be fine, he had so much waiting for him. he had a girl who clearly loves him - a baby on the way. one he hadn't told them about yet - maybe he hadn't let himself feel the excitement yet. this job would do that to you. make you fear the simple human emotions.

"he knows what's waiting - he's going to come home to you both." kim knows jay as someone who fights for those he loves, even when he doesn't know how to fight for himself. this would be one of those moments - he would fight, and he'd pull through. he had to. for his family. they need him.

then there's a smile again, gently placing her hand on samira's lower back as she walks her to the shop waiting outside. "i'd say he's due for at least three months of diaper duty after this one too." she nods, but moves her head to the side - she understands. "i know, it's okay to be scared. it just means you have something you don't want to lose, something to hold onto. just like he does." opening the door for samira, ready to follow her into the backseat.

samira let the hug hold her a little longer than she normally would have.  she wasn’t someone who broke easily — not in the trauma bay,  not in the on-call room,  not in front of her patients or their families.  but this wasn’t a patient.  this wasn’t protocol.  this was jay.   &  for once,  she let herself be held.  she let her body soften into kim’s,  let the storm in her chest be buffered by someone else’s steadiness.  when the hug finally eased,  she gave the smallest nod — one part thank you,  one part i’m okay enough now.  barely.  but enough. 

the shift back into movement helped.  focus helped.  she adjusted the strap of her bag as kim squeezed her arm,  the gesture grounding her.  she even managed a breath that didn’t feel like drowning.  when kim asked about food,  a flicker of something warmer passed through her — faint,  but real.  ❝fruit’s fine.  citrus.   &  toast,  for some reason. ❞ mangoes,   but that seemed far-fetched in the moment.  her voice was thin but steady,  a clinical report of cravings from the battlefield.  ❝but no coffee cake.  or garlic.  they hate garlic. ❞ a beat.  ❝i used to love garlic. ❞ it was barely a joke,  but it was an attempt,   &  it was hers. 

she walked beside kim through the hospital corridor,  one hand still brushing occasionally against her stomach like a rhythm she couldn’t break.  when kim said he’s coming back,  something in her steadied.  not healed.  not soothed.  but held upright.  ❝i know, ❞ samira said quietly,  almost like she was reminding herself.  ❝he knows what’s waiting for him.  he wouldn’t leave that. ❞ but she knows patients rarely have the choice.

the corner of her mouth twitched with something like a smile,  fragile  &  trembling.  ❝he’s not getting out of midnight feedings that easy.  or baby CPR classes.  i already signed us up. ❞ she was joking — sort of — but her eyes were glassy again.  because she meant every word.  he had to come back.  he had to.  ❝ kim? …  i'm scared. ❞

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We were taking fire and I.. I hesitated. Just froze. I mean, I could’ve lost the hostage. I could’ve got one of the guys hurt. I could've– But you didn’t. Because I got lucky.

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the words she almost speaks - they linger in the room. an unspoken wish they all had ... especially when it came to cases with kids, so kim just nods. letting it hang in the ether. wishing wouldn't change what had happened the night before - it didn't remove the sights of the small body bag. it didn't undo the evil. it only made the heart yearn for changes they weren't the masters over. so instead, kim squeezes her ( whatever hailey was, it was complicated ) against her own body. kissing her head again.

"i know -" the pause lingers, kim shakes her head lightly. she was about to say something - it might be a hit or miss, yet she feels like it needs to be spoken, needs to be said by someone who loves hailey. "you're not that kid anymore," she whispers gently. moving her hand to brush over hailey's blonde hair. "you got out. you're safe now. we've got you. i got you."

how    does    horror    start    ?          with    a    man    angry    ,         waving    a    beer    bottle    around    before    releasing    it    .          with    the    birth    of    wounds    and    bruises    .          with    the    trauma    that    seeps    into    your    bones    like    a    disease    ,      like    a    black    -    cancer    .          you    remember    knuckles    against    bone    .          you    remember    the    snap    .          the    wails    .          it    overwhelms    like    an    arctic    breeze    stripping    you    of    breath    .          is    that    how    this    victim    felt    ?          yesyesyes    .          but    this    victim    wasn’t    so    lucky    .          life    was    doomed    from    the    start    ,         and    now    ,      it    was    gone    .

fingers    comb    honey    -    blonde    tendrils    from    eyes    .          the    sudden    warmth    of    arm    around    shoulders    ,      a    reminder    of    desired    comfort    .          an    appreciation    for    birds    of    a    feather    .          ‘    it’s    okay    .          i     —     i’m    good    .    ’          but    is    she    ?          bruises    fade    on    the    outside    ,         but    they    remain    intact    in    the    hollow    of    chest    .          ‘    i    just    wish    …    we    could    have    —    ’          but    the    words    don’t    surface    .          like    a    forbidden    topic    never    to    be    spoken    about    .          it    hurts    too    much    to    say    the    words    out    loud    .          so    ,         instead    :          ‘    she    was    just    a    kid    ,         dealt    a    bad    hand    .    ’

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"yeah - pretty badass." kim agrees with a small smile, a bigger smile will hurt her face. she felt it already, the way her curved lips tug at a now stitched up wound. that it all drags towards a bitter healing process. she didn't want this. but then again, no one who got hurt asked for it, right? blinking a few times as she tries to settle herself - to not fuss about the future, when the presence is demanding her to be present. she couldn't allow herself the maybes. she had to think about right now, right here.

"you're my best friend too," a small pause before kim chuckles, a motion that echoes her entire head. "probably not the definition of smart - but very brave. i meant that." she smiles, keeping her head slightly tilted. that way it was easier to focus on samira, and she'd convinced herself it helped with the pain too.

she didn't want to ask for more painkillers - needed a clear mind. like if she had to identify the men who did this, she didn't want to be high on drugs. away from her own being. but she frowns when samira mentions being nauseous. "did they bring you something to eat and drink? did they check on the baby? i can be your temporary baby daddy until jay's back?" shrugging her shoulders at the suggestion. it might be a silly one - but she knows jay wouldn't mind, in fact he might even approve or thank her.

there's a small shake of her head, features growing somber again. "no - i.. i'm good. i'm always good." even if ... if sometimes it felt like she was losing her spark. her courage, her hopes for the world, faith that everything would work out. she kept being beaten down. every time she gets on her feet - every time something is looking bright for her - the world takes it from her, or she takes it from herself. ( like she'd done adam ) so she can't help but to ask. "do you think it's worth it? what we do? the sacrifices we make?" she didn't want to sacrifice anymore. she wanted.. she wants her life. she wants adam, she wants the babies, the house, the wedding ... but she also wants intelligence. she just can't figure out if she's capable of paying the price - over, and over, and over again. no matter how willing she is to eat herself for those goals.

samira’s laugh was soft — barely a breath,  more disbelief than anything.   she dragged a hand down her face,  her palm lingering for a second at her mouth like maybe she was holding the words in.   or steadying them before they spilled.   ❝ badass,  huh? ❞ she murmured,  a flicker of something close to a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.   ❝ i think i mostly just stood there  &  prayed they wouldn’t come back up those stairs.   ❞

her voice dropped a little,  quieter now.   ❝ but i wasn’t gonna leave you.   not when you were bleeding.   not when i could still do something — even if that something was just … being there.  ❞ she looked at kim then,  really looked at her,   &  the weight in her eyes said what she didn’t know how to phrase right.   how scared she’d been.   how close they’d come.   ❝ you’re my best friend,  kim.  i don’t care if it was smart or not.  i wasn’t leaving that stairwell without you.   ❞

she shifted a little in the chair,  arms crossed loosely over her stomach.   ❝ they're out there. adam ... & jay.  they're going to catch the guys who did this.  ❞ the words hung heavy for a beat,  before she gave a short,  dry laugh.   ❝ but,  yeah.   i’m trying not to throw up.   but i’m here.    &  i’m not leaving you alone.  ❞ she tilted her head.   ❝ how’s your head feeling? besides the badass battle scar.   can I get you anything?❞

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kim understands. she wasn't pregnant, and the smell was a lot for her too - not quite as bad as old cadaver, but still had the same rotting smell to it. a scent of death. and since samira isn't a suspect, but a witness, and one that kim trusts, she nods. heading inside with the doctor for her to change her clothes. "i'll walk you there. wait outside the room, give you a little privacy." but also keep anyone else out of the room - since samira was a witness. it was all protocol, but like with softer boundaries, because samira was one of their own. she was family.

there's another nod. "okay," offering a small smile. hoping it functions as a comfort - that samira feels the affection behind. kim wants to be her friend still, all while having to get the information they needed. that was why she went. one) jay had wanted it to be her, but mostly because: two) kim wanted to be there for samira. they were friends, no. friends didn't sum their relationship up. they were more like sisters. so kim squeezes her arm gently, opening the door to the locker room for her - quickly checking out that she'd be alone inside.

samira let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding,  the weight of kim’s hand on her shoulder a small mercy in a morning that hadn’t offered many.  she nodded once,  slow,  grateful.  ❝ yeah,  ❞ she murmured.  ❝ i’ve got a spare inside  — just give me a minute to rinse off  &  change.  ❞ she didn’t meet kim’s eyes right away,  too focused on not throwing up in the middle of the ambulance bay. 

it wasn’t the blood.  not really.  it was the chaos.  the helplessness.  the weight of two lives pressed into the space of one body.  it wasn’t the ER.  it wasn’t controlled.   &  her body,  usually so reliable,  was suddenly rebelling in ways she couldn’t predict.  a tight coil twisted low in her belly,  sharp  &  nauseating,   &  she clenched her jaw against it,  one hand drifting to her abdomen without thinking. 

❝ i'll to go with you,  ❞ she said after a beat,  finally looking at kim.  her voice steadied,  even if her posture didn’t.  ❝ i need … to not smell like this.  ❞ she gestured faintly to herself — stained scrub top,  drying blood,  the weight of it all.  ❝ ten minutes.  then we’ll go.  you can ask me anything.  just … not yet.  okay? ❞