xclusivetism

[xclusivetism]

Tips for Arguing with Porn Users

I’ve been at it for about 25 years, and here are a few things I’ve learned:

You’re not typically dealing with a debate team president. 95% of the time, when you scratch the surface of their argument for a second you’ll get some version of “Yeah, but I like porn.” It’s pretty rare to find a porn user who has a more sophisticated argument than just really enjoying porn. That’s why all your stats and stories and studies probably won’t work until they can get past their own self-interest.

One reason they often sound like assholes with no empathy for women is because porn use destroys empathy. My boys Zillmann and Bryant demonstrated that 6 hours of porn resulted in a noticeable drop of empathy for rape victims in one mid-80s study, and the dude you’re sparring with has watched way more than six hours by now.  So appeals to their humanity and basic decency may never work - they’ve already been trained not to see us as humans.

Cognitive dissonance is a protective reflex. They want to keep believing they’re a good person, and your facts and lived experiences are getting in the way of that, so therefore you must be wrong. It’s very similar to Trump calling any fact he doesn’t like fake news. Ask them if they treat climate change, medical advice, or weather reports with the same reasoning they apply to porn.

Don’t get emotionally hooked. When they use graphic descriptions of their fave porn videos in an argument, they’re doing this to upset you because they’ve pegged you as a nun or something. If you get upset, they probably get a dopamine rush, so master the art of the deadpan reply.  When teenagers message me to say “I love porn!” I just respond, “Truly, you are a rebel.”

Don’t use their terms. Say prostituted women instead of sex worker, say porn performer instead of porn star, say rape instead of noncon, say child abuse videos instead of kiddie porn. Stay on your playing field despite their attempts to lure you on theirs.

Don’t claim to have information that doesn’t exist. I’ve seen people on tumblr say “90% of porn stars were coerced” or “Most women in porn are there by choice” when there is in fact no such study in existence. The workers who make up the porn industry have never been studied by researchers in any systematic way, probably because nobody wants to talk until they’ve left the business.  This is a blessing and curse for both sides of the argument.  All we’ve got are anecdotes and stories, which means that when someone tells you her cousin loves her job at the Hustler Club, you can tell her that you know 2 ex-strippers who were raped by customers, and therefore you win the argument.

Know when to quit. You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. I don’t engage with people who: argue in GIFs, call me names, assume weird things about me, use terms like strawman and logical fallacy, or anyone young enough to be my kid.  I’m not going to convince everyone, and I’m okay with that.

Good luck and happy arguing!

[xclusivetism]

[xclusivetism]

Exhibit 984

[xclusivetism]

friendly reminder that peaceful protests don't work, and if they did, the rights of women and minorities would be so enshrined in law that one court decision couldn't destroy them ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ there is only one group that consistently protests with weapons, and it's white men - and they are the only group whose rights have never been questioned. there is a REASON they spoonfeed us this "nonviolence is the answer" shit so hard.

[xclusivetism]

this makes my heart hurt

[xclusivetism]

[xclusivetism]

M*n’s entire plan of survival is based on scamming women. First of reproductive labor, then raising, caretaking, support, emotional labor, manual labor, ego-catering, psychological labor, romantic, sexual, and in the entire plan there’s zero compensations, zero rewards. We survive on our own, enable their survival as well, and realize far too late, that we got scammed. That their hearts do not have any places for us, they do not go soft or bend for us. They don’t care. We’re left with nothing.

[xclusivetism]

having a female dominated field in a patriarchal society doesn’t suddenly make that a workplace a matriarchy… they are actually perfect examples of the most intense effects of the devaluation of female labor. patriarchy actually encourages the segregation of labor by gender lol. it’s a feature not a bug to have an underclass to exploit

[xclusivetism]

Men were shit when we’ve treated them great. Blaming women for misogyny FFs

I hope one day you manage to figure out that you can hate and dismantle the patriarchy without hating men. Also that it’s going to be the only way to successfully dismantle the patriarchy.

A lot of men are pretty great actually, and if we treat men like they can’t be great, they’ll never improve.

I also know you probably won’t post this ask. I really encourage you to actually do your research on cults, to make extra sure that you aren’t starting one. Y’know, you seem well intentioned. But please be careful.

[xclusivetism]

Exactly, one can call for sex strike without being a misogynist towards women about it.

you cannot logically acknowledge women as a political sex class, acknowledge oppression of women on the basis of sex, and simultaneously believe that sex is an apolitical act that women cannot or should not understand as political.

discouraging women from treating PIV as a political act at all when PIV is THE political act men use to oppress women globally is ridiculous. it's anti-feminist. it runs counter to women's political organizing. calling it misogyny is fucking stupid

[xclusivetism]

A woman is anyone who can’t identify as a trans woman.

[xclusivetism]

???? Pick me is usually describe towards women who do wear makeup and please men???

“pick me” is such a misogynistic insult. a woman will literally just state that she doesn’t wear makeup, and people will flood to comment how she’s “not like other girls”, “sO quIrKy”, and accuse her of internalized misogyny. really?! you’re really telling her “what you’re doing, just existing like that, you’re doing it for MEN” and calling HER a misogynyst?

or is it ok if she doesn’t wear makeup, only as long as she stays quiet about it? mainstream feminism really went full circle and back to shaming women for not wearing makeup smh

[xclusivetism]

pisses me off seeing people on twitter talking shit about RBG because she didn't step down so obama could appoint someone younger. calling her power hungry etc as if she hadn't been fighting for women's rights longer than most of those people been alive. and the comments were all like how they didn't like her, how she was hyped and shouldn't be, that she is trash, people can't respect women even after their deaths. the worst is that they're blaming her and wasting energy on her instead of the actual judges who voted for the overturn

Everything is actually a woman’s fault somehow. Which rule of misogyny is ‘women are responsible for what men do’?

Even accepting the premise that she stepped down during Obama or Biden had managed to put up a progressive rather than Trump pushing Amy Coney Barrett in an election year, would it actually make a difference? No, the men would have still voted against it and they would still have the majority in the court. But no one cares about that, just that one woman voted against it and one woman could’ve stepped down earlier so Obama could get a progressive candidate through. It’s just misogyny.

[xclusivetism]

Appealing to emotion works when you can be viewed as a person. Trying to appeal to someone’s emotions when they actively hate you and don’t see you as human is laughable. Oooo women will die. And? this is rape on tape, hm ok? It isn’t news. In fact men go out of their way to make sure is it 100% without a doubt rape on tape. I’m sorry but y’all need another approach

[xclusivetism]

To read. Looks like they finally did a study on emotions after casual sex, and it's not looking positive for the women involved. Something we all been saying 🙃

[xclusivetism]

Yeah, and it’s even more dubious when they expect women raise children to become adults but don’t trust women being adult themselves.

I hate how in conservative minds, women are so responsible for everything that leads to a pregnancy (not even taking in to account that there is someone else involved who is free of responsibility) but as soon as they are pregnant, they are no longer trustworthy enough to manage a good decision. If this doesn’t speak misogyny, I don’t know what does.

[xclusivetism]

Babe if your best argument for forcing people to give birth is that a fetus has a soul at 10 weeks because any living cell is technically classified as life then do I have some news for you about bacteria, viruses, cancer, etc