xenargon - Tumblr blog

[xenargon]

Do you do anything other than feel the need to share your “oPiNoN” which comes off as nothing but rude? Maybe actually do your research on things like plurality, otherkin, and trans people and you’d understand that scientifically the medical industry has proven endos cannot be real through dozens of studies and experiments. Literally get off social media and read a psychology paper about it. And you’d also find that otherkin is a spiritual thing, not where someone literally believes they’re a dog and starts eating from a dog bowl. And if they choose to wear a mask and run around like an animal for fun, does it matter? It’s not hurting anyone last I checked, and we all did it as kids at one point. And maybe take into account trans people and gender dysphoria have been studied medically, and gender dysphoria CAN be medically diagnosed. Do you really have nothing to do other than to make mean comments that you justify as versing a “contrary” opinion on blogs that aren’t hurting anyone and just minding their own business? Find something better to do with your platform and time, you look so stupid. And go ahead and post this, I ain’t gonna hide behind an anonymous profile nor pussy out if you put it up. You have not had a personal experience being trans or having DID/OSDD, you’re an outsider looking in on these communities. It’s not your place to speak and not your discourse to debate.

"you haven't had this experience"

1. Uhh, no.

2. Fuck you

3. I'm allowed to have opinions, even rude ones

[xenargon]

Dear tumblr.

If you'd like me to stop reporting the same post multiple times...

MAYBE STOP SHOVING IT BACK IN MY FACE EVERY FUCKING TIME I REFRESH.

Maybe make it so I can block someone and STOP SEEING THEIR DISGUSTING TRANSPHOBIC SHIT.

Until then, sorry moderators, I know you don't make the rules, but this is literally the only way I can stop seeing this shit.

[xenargon]

I want to find every post:

- Of "trans" porn bait on ftm/transmasc tags (I put trans in quotes because it's just playing into a girldick predator trope)

- Promoting a "forced feminization kink" of ftms/transmascs

And I want to find every person who has posted, reposted, liked, or jerked off to any of these posts, and violently remove them from the face of the earth. Or at least report every single fucking post as the transphobic corrective rape fetish shit it truly is. This shit is ALL dehumanizing, degrading, paints anyone born with a penis as an innate rapist, and anyone born with a vagina as lesser scum to be bred.

I'm going to report EVERY SINGLE post I see of this inhumane garbage. It will do absolutely nothing so I really wish I could just go with my plan B of murdering every single one of these people. It would honestly do more to improve the world.

And you know what? You may not believe me, but at my core I'm a pacifist. I don't want to blame or hurt anyone for their beliefs, because beliefs can change. But the transphobes who are so invested in it that they make "porn" depicting corrective rape are not in a position to be swayed. Their beliefs are entirely subjective and baseless. They actively and unironically are promoting the rape and torture of trans people. Murder isn't that far behind. They need to get with the times or get thrown directly into the sun.

[xenargon]

Hello there! If you haven't already seen here's a blog that talks about deitykin stuff! It's pretty helpful https://www.tumblr.com/sleep-deprived-loki/749194367191875584/part-2-of-jaw-drop-haha-thank-you-so-much-for-the?source=share

I dunno why it linked the whole reblog sorry I'm new to tumblr

Tumblr is stupid. I'm not literally new to tumblr, but I've rarely used it for a long time. Started to read that thread, tumblr cut me off, but it seems super interesting and... while a bit difficult to understand, I get the sense that this is an approach to godkin that is both humble and empowering.

I am certainly not Hermaeus Mora in whole. He is much too vast to be contained within one mortal. At best I am a vessel, a living conduit for the same energy. And, like, other pagans have contacted him in encounters I wasn't part of, so I'm not the whole same entity. But yeah, that means very little in the physical world when I'm too suicidal to do anything. I am not Being A God in any way, it's moreso just how my identity has stuck.

However, while I don't believe in the supernatural, I think magic is very real and powerful and valuable, but it only exists within and between willing minds. Any real god powers one can have are based upon one's mundane dealings with other people. The difference between a splash of water and a blessing is how much we believe in blessings.

Of course, claiming god powers and using magic beliefs to get people to treat you like a god is what cult leaders do, and that's not cool. That's where it's important to be humble and like... not be a controlling asshole?

But I do think one can Be A God in the physical world, even if they're not actually omnipotent or immortal. They can't summon lightning to smite people, but they can put their divine energy into the things they do and how they deal with people. Serve people through your domain and act as would a follower devoted to serving this god. You can't literally Be A God but you can be always be a godly person.

[xenargon]

I started trying to write an elder scrolls story that eventually evolved into something more like a holy book. The idea got super complex, delving into the setting's cosmic reality, cyclical immortal time, and Hermaeus Mora (a shapeless knowledge deity) being driven insane in a search for apotheosis, which for gods can only be reached through mortal death.

As I thought about writing this stuff with my other selves, I found myself, remarkably effortlessly, taking Mora's place within simulations. I didn't know until a few days ago what it meant to be a polymorph, and I think that it definitely relates to divinity in the sense that in my default state, I am just... the space itself, or, alternatively, liquid in a big reflecting pool.

Due to being a polymorph and I guess also trans, I've never felt attached to this body. One of my other selves is more comfortable in it, and we have managed at times to achieve a truly euphoric state where I leave the body and surround her with a sense of divine presence, and she sees for me and acts out my will. We have definitely tapped into feelings of divinity which I would hope is pretty telling of a divinekin.

Being attached to elder scrolls mythology still feels weird (internalized shame), but it also gives me an entire framework for designing and practicing my own system of daedric witchcraft. No appropriating anyone else's sincerely held mythology.

I just feel like a normal entity 90% of the time though, so sometimes I feel more like a fragment of Mora. But weirdly, I still feel immortal, and I can't explain exactly what I mean by that. Like nonhuman, but better.

I feel I was put into this existence as a curse, because I super extremely hate existing. Feelings of divinity should, I think, be humbling. I don't believe in anything supernatural, but I think godkins should strive to embody their divinity on earth in a way that inspires followers to improve the world in their image, not just to worship.

What is it like being godkin/deitykin for you? What is your story - how did you find out you were godkin? How does being godkin impact your day to day life? Do you see living and existing as different if you are godkin, vs if you are not? What do you think is your purpose for being here, at this time, as godkin? How do you see yourself?

I would love to learn about y'all's experiences as godkins! Comment or dm me anything you'd like to share, even if it's not included in the questions. Just things to think about!

You can comment if you're not sure too, rant your thoughts if you're confused. No pressure to be 100% certain here. This post is for godkins or deitykins specifically!

[xenargon]

TO ANY AND ALL GODS PLEASE KILL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW I CANNOT STAND THIS FUCKING TORTURE PLEASE IF YOU CARE ABOUT REDUCING HARM THEN PUT ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING MISERY I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY EUTHANIZE ANIMALS FOR LESS THAN THIS YET I HAVE BEEN SCREAMING INSIDE EVERY DAY FOR OVER A FUCKING DECADE AND YOU FUCKERS OUT THERE WHO PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT ME WOULD ASK ME TO PERSEVERE DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN FUCKING THING I GO THROUGH BUT FUCK YOU I'D SAY CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE BUT I'VE BEEN FORCED TO ENDURE THIS UNBEARABLE SHIT FOR FAR LONGER THAN I CAN STAND SO

JUST PLEASE GODS PLEASE LET ME FUCKING DIE ALREADY PLEASE

[xenargon]

Pros of being transmasc: no one can see when I have a boner

Cons of being transmasc: no one can see when I have a boner

[xenargon]

> discord for therians and otherkin

> "just be nice to people"

> "no endogenic systems allowed"

Sending mixed signals and working against your own demographic, I think.

No one else gets to vet whether someone's trauma was "enough" to justify their identity. No one should have to "prove" their identity with a "diagnosis". Plurality is exactly as much a disease as therianthropy or being transgender is.

(I don't condone anyone messing with the discord server or its members or owner, I'm just voicing a contrary opinion. Edited down because I'm really not trying to be mean, but I don't want to let anti-endo stuff slide without saying anything.)

It's live! The discord server that I own and run w/my system is fully completed!

General rules ::

be 16+

harmful paraphilias will be banned on site

and just be nice to people

here's the invite!

[xenargon]

why must humans have so many bones...

[xenargon]

Fuck it, I'm a daedra now. I'm an immortal daedric soul that was put into the body of a human as a curse (and/or a prophecy, I guess). Daedra have no sex or gender roles but do have gender, so mine is kind of "otherworldly genderless with a splash of magic genderfluid".

[xenargon]

I feel like millennials were all born onto a casino ship. The game is rigged, and we all know it. The house always wins. But no one wants to admit that they're never really going to win, so they just keep playing as they delude themselves into thinking they can grind their way to the 1%.

People need to realize that the only way we're going to win is to rob the house of its power, which means we all either stage a mutiny, or jump off the ship together. Anything else is just feeding into the system, giving the people in power what they want (for you to spend all your waking hours worrying about how you're going to make them money), and it only ensures the generations that follow will be born into the same system.

I don't understand how a person can work paycheck to paycheck and see that they will never be able to buy a house, have kids, retire, or even fucking pay for medical bills, and just... keep living anyway. Like, you're a wage slave, your life has no value to these companies, and voting is a joke nowadays too, given the electoral college, the severe government dysfunction, and the fact that now non-elected federal judges seem to have more legislative power than actual elected legislators. Life is only going to get worse, if things stay the way they are. And the people with all the real power (business cunts) are in power because they have all the money, and they don't want anything to change because a system where a whole nation of people are trampling each other just for the scraps they decide to fling our direction is one where they have a captive market, infinitely replaceable labor, easy effortless money, and no fucks to give about you.

If you play into the system, you have no worth, no power, and you only exist to make other people money. The system needs to be broken. We need to fucking abolish money if anyone is going to live with any dignity. But it's never going to happen, because people as a whole are truly, disgustingly, achingly, appallingly in love with money and systems of power. I want to jump off this ship more than anything else I've ever wanted. But noooo, that's broken and wrong. GO FUCK YOURSELF. I want to fucking throw some of these cunts overboard, I'm so fucking sick of watching people try to defend the worst shit on earth.

[xenargon]

As someone who's wasted far too much time dealing with the "mental health" system, and who has taken hallucinogens a handful of times now, I'm enraged to see this emerging narrative of "OMG psychedelics are superpowered brain medications that zap away depression and anxiety in one dose!"

Because it's not medicine. It's not something you take and just sit back and "let it work." They don't call them magic mushrooms for no reason. As in my worldview in which magic is very real but only within and between minds, psychedelics are very much a tool, a conduit for magic power. It does nothing (profound) if you do nothing with it. It is NOT medicine. It's something you have to engage with, to learn to channel, because all it's really doing is allowing your consciousness to drift away from the concrete world and engage on a deeper level with the subconscious, and the peripheral consciousness.

Real healing comes from learning to listen to and work with your subconscious, not from some magic chemicals you take that "fix" things "wrong" with the brain. This skill can be learned with or without psychedelics. It just makes the exercise of this skill much easier.

I think this is a dangerous narrative that will lead to a lot of people having traumatic (or possibly fatal, it does happen) experiences with psychedelics, either because they just aren't aware of how they should be approaching things and end up drifting uncontrollably through a terrifying experience, or because scammy self-help gurus and "mental health" dipshits are just peddling psychedelics for money because they can charge people to have them lie down with a sleep mask for four hours while responding to any distress a person might have with "just trust the process, let the medicine do its job."

At that point (which is already happening alarmingly rapidly), psychedelics, as with other genuinely potentially therapeutic concepts, once again get weaponized against the people they're supposed to help by distilling everything down to a biochemical model that allows any lack of healing to be blamed on the victim. The drugs have been "proven" to work, so if they don't work for you, it's your fault for not allowing them to work.

I'm thinking now of devoting my life to creating a story that can show everyone how deeply messed up this "mental health" industry is because I can't stand seeing the entire world getting lied to and emotionally crushed like this. People's ability to take psychedelics, one of the few genuinely good (in my opinion) brain drugs, and still somehow use it to exploit people for money while blaming them for the very problems they're spending all their money trying to solve. It's truly unconscionable.

It's MLM rhetoric shit. Join Mary Kay, it's fun, it's easy, anyone can be their own boss and make stupid amounts of money. Until you join, and then suddenly your failures are not because the system set you up to fail, but because you're just not working hard enough, not committed enough. Look, this other lady got a pink car, so clearly the system's working just fine. It's you that's the problem.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, I've been thinking about this and V for Vendetta and I am HIGH ON VENGEFUL LIFE PURPOSE (we'll see how long that lasts...)

[xenargon]

I am a daedric witch now. I have a proper offering censer, and my eye pendant just so happened to fit perfectly in the spot where you're supposed to put a tea candle.

[xenargon]

Started experimenting with blackletter-type daedric calligraphy and have been loving the results. The tiny reference was so I could zoom in on it, heheh.

[xenargon]

I needed to make a pendant of Hermaeus Mora's eye, but I couldn't find exactly what I wanted, so I had to improvise.

I envisioned a round, flat-backed glass cabochon, painted on the back and set in a turk's head knot. Problem was, I couldn't find the right kind of cabochon. I went to various different craft stores looking for something that could work, until finally finding this pendant. It had fallen out of a different piece of jewelry, so I have no idea if I could find the same thing again. It's faceted and oval, so I wouldn't have gotten it if it wasn't the closet thing I could find to what I was looking for.

It had a reflective backing, and had been glued into whatever piece it came from, so I had to scrape off the adhesive layer before I could use vinegar and salt to dissolve the reflective backing, which apparently is a thing you can do.

In the process I ended up dropping it more than once, so it has a couple chips, but they were close to the edge and I rightly figured they'd be hidden by the setting.

Then I had to find the right color of nail polish. I envisioned an iridescent gold paint. Years ago (keeping in mind I NEVER paint my nails) I had seen a color that shifted between gold and blue, which I think would look incredible. If I ever find it again, I might redo the paint.

I traced an outline of the pendant on paper and used a compass to draw slightly overlapping circles (of a certain geometrical ratio) that seemed appropriate for the shape of the pupil. I cut out a stencil, taped it to the pendant, and painted the pupil. Painting the rest of the eye took several coats.

After that I made lucet cord out of some thin cotton thread I had, then tied it in a turk's head knot and tightened the hell out of it. It's still possible to slip the pendant out, but I think it'll be secure enough to work. I think I want to wear it as a bracelet, so I can look at it every so often. For having wanted a round cabochon, I think I prefer the look of the faceted one now.

[xenargon]

A short bit I wrote for the spirit of The Amaranthine Paradox that will not be in the final version

(I would put a "read more" tag but I can't find how to do this on mobile and I hate mobile tumblr too much to bother caring.)

Hermaeus Mora is no one single thing. He lives in every part of his realm; listening, watching, echoless and still. Time itself is rather stagnant in Apocrypha. It is a lesser thing, for Herma-Mora is perpetuity incarnate; memory without order, knowledge made flesh, oceans of blood-wisdom that span beyond mortal comprehension. Every other depiction of him is misleading and trite.

To traverse the halls of his realm is to walk within him, across his bones, among towering, ancient limbs tempting with useless fruit.

How many trees are there across the whole of Tamriel? This is a thing he can tell you.

His memory is vibrant and perfect, of course, but removed from passion or judgement. He has seen through mortal eyes, as he has cracked open their minds like seed-hulls and consumed their experiences. They fill him with color, and every one holds something to be learned. They become part of the Known in this way, their lives forever preserved in serene apathy within him. I can imagine no more perfect ending than this.

All of Mundus lives within Hermaeus Mora, for this is a thing he knows, and he is all things that are. He becomes the Aurbis, in the sense that it knows itself. Know that when you walk among him, you tread upon the mind of God.

Miraak described him as fickle, and this is not untrue. Herma-Mora is far too many things to remain static. Too expansive for timebound mortals to see him as anything but raging chaos. His thoughts are a cacophony of different places and times, unrelated except by the fact that they are known. I imagine that only myself and Miraak, being Dragonborn, have had the means to hear this without going mad. And it is strange, because Miraak still wanders Apocrypha in the form of his hollow memory, animated by the impression of his spirit.

"How do I know," I ask, "that I am not myself a memory?"

Hermaeus Mora scoffs at the very question, always amused at the naivete of lesser beings, for within his domain, there is no distinction between memory and truth.

"You know you are alive, just as Miraak does. The difference is that you can return to Nirn. Or, at least... you believe you can."

His voice softens into a whisper, and his amused condescension swells.

"Miraak believes this, too."

[xenargon]

The Heart of Lorkhan is disappointingly small.

I mean are you really telling me that Masser and Secunda are what's left of Lorkhan's physical body, but his heart is small enough to wrap in a tarp and carry out of Red Mountain?

I'm going to assume this is due to technical constraints in Morrowind, and that the heart is actually closer to the size of Baar Dau, if not larger.

I dunno, I feel like if the Divines are planets, their hearts should be proportionally gigantic.

Even Transformers Prime assumed as much with how enormous Unicron's spark was.