xieomarra

[xieomarra]

sometimes i am wrong and that’s pretty exciting

[xieomarra]

coworkers have taught me to mentally break the stereotypical molds i have upheld in my brain

art student meets finance bro

both are trying to be generally kind 🤝

[xieomarra]

i think a little bit of shame is a good thing and i think people avoid it.

when it comes to how politics affects people i think people become apathetic because they're afraid to acknowledge their complacency.

it all really comes down to fear and shame and guilt. i think people try to avoid these feelings but it's something that must be faced and acknowledged. when people try to avoid all suffering i know they haven't come to terms with themselves and with reality. and even with their own spirituality. what are you running from if you refuse to deal with your own greed and selfishness.

i don't think anyone can improve themselves and grow as empathetic individuals without recognizing this. i hope to keep growing in this way.

there's always more that i can do on an individual level to help others, and acknowledging that first is at least a start.

[xieomarra]

i'm starting to embrace human error in text. when there's simple human error i know a machine didn't correct something and spit it out. i think using lower cases when i type and slang and not always being grammatically correct is a way of being able to know for certain that there is a human behind the text. it wasn't taken and spun through a chatbot to make sure it's perfect. i want to keep using slang and error and grammatically incorrect commas and semi colons to preserve the humanity behind simple written text. AI feels inescapable, and i do use it in professional settings i'll be honest, but at least on my social media i can preserve my own lack of expertise when it comes to grammar, because it's me. when i was little i'm sure i wasn't paying attention to the day we went over semi colons and hyphens. i tend to write in run on sentences, it's something my teachers always used to write to me in bold red ink while crossing out my sentences. i think i'm embracing it now as a form of rejection of AI. blehhhh

my computer has an extension where it corrects my text for me, my laptop highlights typos with red ellipses under it. maybe i'll try to turn these off from time to time.

intentionality is soooo sexy and beautiful and i take everything so seriously and so profoundly which i used to hate about myself, but now i fall deeper in love with myself when i have these little epiphanies. these little nuances and quirks about myself that are things i want to do just for me. i enjoy the act of being non-performative. it's a little secret between me and myself and maybe whoever reads this that i do little special things because i think it's what makes me ME. and that's what makes my life exciting. my inner monologue is always being creative and connecting and finding joy in the little things, and it's so fun to listen to her.

[xieomarra]

i hate cowards

[xieomarra]

inspiration is everywhere if u connect hard enough

#I Lov Dostoevsky

[xieomarra]

when i have a stable income i will buy taxidermy animals. i love animals and seeing dead animals always makes me emotional. not sad necessarily but very emotional.

animal print and fur and texture is very intriguing to me 4 artistic / spiritual purposes.

#yogarat #punkrat

[xieomarra]

some things in this life are just for me and myself

[xieomarra]

nothing makes you more grateful to feel fresh air enter your lungs quite like seeing your last name on a gravestone

[xieomarra]

El día que me olvides alma mía No se si existirás en mi penar Al verme solo triste abandonado Mi vida la haría yo arrancar Mi vida la haría yo arrancar Hay cosas que se reciben con resignación Hay golpes que el destino da sin compasión Pero cuando se pierde un cariño No hay nada que calme este dolor No hay nada que calme ese dolor

Fuiste tú todo mi ser Mi amor todo te lo entregué El amor que te profeso Es el mas bello mujer Si los lazos que nos unen Se llegaran a romper Que se acabe ahorita mismo La existencia de mi ser

Si los lazos que nos unen Se llegaran a romper Que se acabe ahorita mismo La existencia de mi ser

[xieomarra]

when i was a little girl i used to pray every single night out loud with my brother in our shared room. i would thank god for keeping my family safe and sometimes add a little whispered prayer here or there without my brother hearing. then it was his turn and we would both say amen. i used to pray to keep everyone in my family safe, one by one i would ask for their protection and try not to single anyone out.

sometimes i would think "what if god isnt real" and i would immediately shake my head furiously until i got dizzy and my head was clear.

i don't know if it's a latin thing, or an immigrant thing, or a daughter thing, but i've always felt the need to protect my family. i always felt like it was my responsibility to comfort my mom when she cried, or to resolve my parent's issues when they argued.

i recently told my mom that i would take care of her no matter what and that she would live her last years in peace. i promised to pay for my parent's helper in peru if they decided to retire there.

i think sometimes artists judge others who decide not to take the starving artist route. i sometimes envy people who live their lives entirely for themselves. i'm trying my best to find a high paying full time job in tech. and although maybe i'd be happier doing something that's more close to art, like how i would wish, i don't think i would be happy even then. i am an artist and in love and consumed by the idea and creativity that comes with that identity.

but i asked god from the time i was 5 years old to take care of my parents. and now that he's not a figure in my life it's up to me to carry on his duties. i think sacrifice is an honorable thing, perhaps i'm traditional in that sense.

[xieomarra]

[xieomarra]

hablando de la muerte con mis padres me duele pero aunque me da miedo yo se que soy muy tierna con ellos, y k nunca van a pensar que no los amo. ellos conocen mi corazon y eso me da paz

[xieomarra]

while driving my parents to the airport, i felt the sun in my eyes as i sat in traffic on i-95. i immediately furrowed my brows, anger rising in me as i began cutting people off and swerving through lanes to get to departures as fast as i could. my grandfather just passed away after two weeks of being in the hospital. today at around 1pm

in one week, i’m supposed to leave for peru—originally, when we booked this “vacation” 3 months ago, my family and i believed i’d be seeing him there, alive and well. i thought about the first line of the stranger, where he says his mother died. i thought about the heat of the sun the day Meursault pulled the trigger. my phone buzzed occasionally with substacks about pop culture or spring cleaning vlogs. i thought about how absurd death is, how everything just keeps going. even after my father had just learned that both his parents were now together in the afterlife. everything just keeps going. today’s heat felt unusually harsh. the sun feels no empathy for anyone