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[xoxo-gossipgourd]

(soc) have you been watching the whole time?

The London Post Gazette's Gossip Column is always open to new submissions. While we keep our writer anonymous, they'll gladly screen any letters you may send.

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

London Post Gazette Gossip Column

Nezzer’s Theatre Down In Ashes

Some blame the playwrights for getting too courageous with lighting, but rumours of arsonists are beginning to circle. Perhaps Appythart and Phelps are plotting more than they’re letting on? Look for more smoke soon, we’ve been warned

Cedric The I’ll Eat Anything Star Shaped Returns

Hide your decorative ornaments and consider an Angel atop your tree this year. But surely, he ought to be dead? Not according to our sources. If it’s a copycat, he’s gone out of his way to mimic the appearance as well

Moyer the Destroyer Still Missing

Constable Dwight states the body has yet to be found, he may still be alive. Arthur Hollingshead, who famously solved the many murders of one Charles Entertainment Cheese Pincher III, thinks otherwise. Last known sighting of the Destroyer was immediately following the Star’s unveiling following the Christmas pageant.

Pickering Picked Up

One of London’s most talented and sought after actresses appears to be off the market. Eye witnesses claim she’s been seen with the same anonymous suitor multiple nights in a row. Previous leads that she was dating her Princess and the Plumber co-star seem to have been false.

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

First thing you need to know about me is that I can spill whatever beans I want.

But hey girl hey welcome back to the inner circle 😘

Hey Gossip Gourd?

@xoxo-gossipgourd

keep my name out of your filthy mouth plz

thank you

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

So, is it true Vicki might be coming back to Bumblyburg? What do you think happened to Larry’s former flame?

Oh. You guys thought Vicki left? It was my understanding that she was still around, but once she admitted she wasn’t that into Larry, she was quickly dropped from hanging around our usual group of friends.

Now, is she making her return to that inner circle? That’s something worth keeping our eye on. Especially if any lingering feelings for Larry are still holding on - what with Petunia being the Pepperazzi’s newest obsession…maybe our IT Couple fumbles this close to the previously seeming upcoming engagement finish line.

But that’s assuming she’s even still into Larry - if my memory serves correctly, she was the one who didn’t love plain ol Larry

XOXO

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Have you considered though

That the next veggie to disappear

Might be you

?

Every Veggie in Bumblyburg could disappear and I’d still be here. I’m like a cockroach.

XOXO

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Are you the musical Cats? because you’re big and showy but I don’t know how to feel about you yet.

Is the curiosity killing you?

XOXO

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Is Petunia the next Veggie victim? Or is it all talk no target?

How could I possibly know that

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Tom Grape’s been getting involved from a distance, despite claiming to want to stay away. Should he be welcomed back with open arms, or is the sour grape a rotten idea?

Tom? I haven’t heard that name in years. Not as long ago as Rosie, but still…

If Jonah and all these reappearing asparagus have taught me anything, we ALL deserve second chances

XOXO

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Are you a real gourd or just appropriating gourd culture for the pun?

An excellent question!

The answer is a bit of both. You see, this account existed way back in 2015. Sitting unused for years. Made by a gourd who never touched it.

But luckily, that gourd trusts me with all their passwords. So I took it over, made it my own. You all seem to enjoy having me on your dashes.

XOXO,

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

What’s the deal with Ellen?

Ellen? Lunt’s wife?

She seems pretty normal. Which I guess around here is a red flag.

Haven’t seen her around lately, though. Or her husband, for that matter. Are they missing? Or are we not looking hard enough? And what would they even have to hide?

XOXO

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Are you the musical Grease? Because You’re the One that I Want and I’m Hopelessly Devoted to You (revealing ur true identity)

Are you running out of these musical pick up lines?

My identity isn’t even that big of a secret, but I like how much not knowing who I am seems to be ruffling feathers (figuratively speaking of course, vegetables) so I’ll let you continue to try to figure it out

XOXO

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

I absolutely do not 🙅

Is it true you’re shacking up with Gossip Gourd?

“Gossip Gourd wishes.”

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Are you a fan of Broadway theater, Gossip Gourd? Because I hear you’re a Wicked date ;)

Aha, cute.

I’ve never been to New York, but I have streamed quite a few proshots and bootlegs in my day. Very excited for the Spamalot revival.

Of course, some of our friendly neighbourhood Veggies are big Broadway fans - could one be on the way out should New York City lights come calling? Only time will tell.

XOXO,

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

What’s your opinion on crime

Depends on the crime, I guess? That’s a very strange question. Should I track your IP address?

Although I’m against things like murders in practice…it has made the gossip train a much livelier ride lately

XOXO,

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

What’s ur take on the Mr Lint rumors?? Seems a lot of stories of who Mr Lint was and wasn’t. Hard to keep track.

I’ll be honest with you, anon. I was just as confused as everyone else on which was Lint and which was Lunt most of the time.

I know one played Wicker and one played Rattan in the second Minnesota Cuke, but I couldn’t even tell you which gourd played which - assuming they weren’t switching back and forth the whole time.

Now from my own observations, I do think Lint was the one a certain zucchini felt sparks with - which makes his aversion to Lunt’s marriage very interesting, if true.

Will he come back? I hope so. Not because I particularly liked the guy, but just to spice things up some more.

XOXO,

Gossip Gourd 😘

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

Not the gourd you’re looking for 😘

Have you heard anything juicy about the boyz in the sink?

"Oh, yes. I did hear more threats of Mr. Lint's return, but we've yet to see him. I don't know if there's a big reveal planned for a comeback or if we're just being teased to test the waters. I certainly expected Mr. Lint to appear before Mom Asparagus, but... say, @allknowingveggie and @xoxo-gossipgourd, we still don't know who you are. Couldn't either one of you be the fabulous, mysterious, and all-too-chaotic Mr. Lint? I'm just sayin', it wouldn't surprise me. I might even be okay with you showin' up takin' over my business, if it turned out to be the Mr. Lint we all know and love. Of course, I have my other theories too. I might keep those to myself, lest I spoil some big surprise by accident." She smirked, and added, "We'll just have to see when the cowards are willing to put a name and face to the gossip they spill."

[xoxo-gossipgourd]

What do we think about everyone shacking up, bestie?

Oh, so many friends to talk about! Let’s see…

Bob and Megan? Well they’ve been on and off longer than some of these fans have been alive. But throwing a child in the equation might be the glue that adheres them permanently- unless Megan wants Francois to be a child of divorce.

Larry and Petunia really seemed like the “it” couple back when they finally got together. But now with this A drama and a certain papprazzo pepper…things could start shaking up. We’ve already seen Petunia get jealous of Acmetha, and that was in the past. Is Larry a jealous type too? Personally, I can’t wait to find out.

Charlie Pincher and Bartlebey…one of those things that I’m not even sure I want to know. They seemed happy, secure, until, of course, the butler found out the invisible hand Charlie played in the disappearance of Mom Asparagus. But now that moms been found alive and blogging - will all be forgiven? I’m not sure if their relationship is on a strong enough foundation to withstand that.

And speaking of Mom Asparagus - Dad must be thrilled, but a certain famous bowler might be driven to the edge. Who’s to say Mom won’t be murdered for real this time?

Oh, and murdering spouses - did you see Archibald and Lovey talking civilly? Pretty weird given that she’s still sure she burried him.

And we can’t forget everyone’s favorite green girls - why IS Esther acting so shy around Achmetha? They’ve already confessed to having kissed, and I have a feeling their little two girl slumber parties don’t stop with just kissing.

We’ve also had a few newer faces to keep an eye on. The banker seems to have been getting pretty friendly with a certain red headed rhubarb, and I don’t mean the rug. I don’t know them as well as I know the others, but know that I’m watching with baited breath just like you.

XOXO

Gossip Gourd 😘