ycicle

[ycicle]

[ycicle]

Anyone who thinks a rapist (any rapist) can be rehabilitated is an idiot.

No, I don't care if this is a "slippery slope" and doesn't fit in with your rehabilitative justice fantasies. A rapist should not be allowed to "reintegrate" into society because he went to bed in time and was polite to guards in jail.

[ycicle]

Honestly some of yall have got so caught up in the buy small movement that you have forgotten a small business owner is still a business owner. While small businesses do less material harm than large corporation, remember that the reason for that is often lack of resources, not some inherent moral superiority. Many small business owners would become Jeff Bezos if they could, and most wish they can grow their business into a large corporation. They deserve just as critical an eye on them as large corporations, and they cannot be allowed get away with consumer harm or employee mistreatment. It’s literally always on the business entity to do the right and ethical thing, no matter how small they are

[ycicle]

day 41

it's kinda funny how things work out. a while back i learnt this skill which at this particular moment in my life has turned out to be one of the most useful things i have ever learnt to do. but this had the ability to also be literally the least useful in this moment

if i had fallen off my bike onto my right arm instead of my left, then i woulda potentially been stuck on exactly how to type this right now. at least i would have been able to make use of the likely 6 weeks i'm going to have to take off work while my wrist heals, getting to try it out with the other hand

not to get all philosophical about it, but i think that it's interesting. as life changes, choices you have made in the past can impact you in ways that you don't expect. i can't help but stop and think about that. had things gone just a little differently, i might have been learning a new little skill right about now

but yeah, i think i am just using this as an opportunity to show off one of those funny things you acquire in your lifetime but never really have an opportunity to vindicate

nice to meet you <3

[ycicle]

day 28

hi tumblr (the entity), i promise i didnt forget about you

i have been in sydney the last few days and it's nice to be back home. it was nice to catch up with old friends, go to the places i don't normally get to see anymore

i feel a little tired, i always end up having sleepless nights when i'm out and about in the city because i don't want to waste time sleeping that i could be spending with friends

versus the country i feel a little more like i'm just another person; it's actually a nice feeling not having to worry about the way that people look at me. i know there will always be bad eggs but i genuinely do feel that i'm understood there, and out of place here

today i go back to work, as much as i don't want to. i had to buy a new bike since my old one got stolen, so that i can get to work. i should probably invest in a car, but a bike is more my style anyway, at least for the moment

i've had less mundane things to talk about on here, but my head is spinning a little more than i want it to for that. i'm not quite teetering on the edge yet so i'll be ok without that release

hope you have a nice day

[ycicle]

day 14

i'll be honest with you! it's been a busy weekend, so i guess i just have to admit i'm gonna miss days now and again. coming off night shift, then back to back Social Engagements. it's a lot for me.

i went and saw some friends today. it was honestly a bit rough for me. with a lot of my group of friends it ends up feeling the same way, and i want to know if it's the people i end up meeting, or if it's something i'm doing to encourage it

i'm just really tired of feeling like an afterthought. i don't like the way my friends only seem to invite me out to things last minute. these are friends i'm lucky to see twice in four months, while they see each other every week if not every other week. they're good people, but i struggle to really feel appreciated when they can be organising something for weeks and then i get a last mintue, 'oh, by the way, since you reached out, we're hanging out tomorrow' invite; while if i want to spend time with them i feel i have to harass and hound them until we've finally got the day and everyone's on board -- and i'm the only one who's trying since they already get their fill of each other in a week

i should be grateful i got to see them, but when they spend so much of the time we're out filling me in on fun things they've been doing with each other i just feel sad. i wish i could be included in those things too

[ycicle]

i'm in a weird spot, and it's not like distressing me but i'm really curious to see how it's gonna turn out. i have almost fully reconnected with my birth gender but not my birth sex. this seems like a confusing concept but it just feels like it makes sense to me?

it's like bringing together everything in a way that seems so neat and tidy compared to how lost and disconnected i felt within myself at the start of last year. like in a way my transness is an extension of what it means for me to exist as someone of my agab?

this isn't how i view transness in general, but it feels true of me and i've connected to some people with similar feelings. but then what does that mean for my relationship?

SO views our relationship as queer in a gay way, where i view it as queer in a straight way. is it ok that those don't match up? is that going to cause issues in our relationship? am i overthinking things? (i mean definitely, to the last one)

i really like SO and being with somebody i can talk to about all of this and just sorta exist with is nice. also not constantly having my 'gender affirmed' while also still being acknowledged as trans and that just being, like, a part of who i am as a person? that's nice too

[ycicle]

it's so hard to eat in the summer. i can barely manage a meal a day. i really should invest in an aircon

[ycicle]

Trying to watch interesting video essays on youtube and every sentence a word is censored? When did that shit get so widespread? We can't have adult conversations anymore?

[ycicle]

Why the fuck are all of the trans tags full of softcore porn. Fuck off. What the fuck.

Like stop.

[ycicle]

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection

[ycicle]

Winter Camellia

[ycicle]

day 11

sorry, night shift takes it out of me: i've already missed one of my dailies!!

i really don't mind where i work right now. it's a good place filled with good people. but what's depressing is seeing how so many of my coworkers are mistreated. i'm mistreated by my own management too, but not nearly to the same level as some of the teams here

we're about to have 6 or 7 nurses leave all at the same time? and this is just carrying on a trend that's been happening since midway through last year. it's really depressing to see, and i know that eventually, if i do stick around, there'll be nobody here who i know. compare this to when i started, where we had nurses who had been there for decades; it feels wrong

i really miss some of the girls i used to work with. they were good people, bright personalities, and i feel like the more they leave, the more sour and unapproachable i become -- but i wonder how much of this is the change in team and how much is burnout

it's this ongoing theme of loss that seems to pervade my life. i've been seeing a therapist since i was 19 and one of our topics of heavy focus has been my separation anxiety. but i just don't feel like it's got better. i still feel sad that i disconnected from a friend at 10 years old, i still feel like i'm never wanted, i still struggle to connect with people

i still wonder if i should even be in the dating scene when i'm this insecure and this prone to total meltdown when things get broken off. my anxious attachment style would absolutely be a red flag if i was on the other side? maybe? although SO says the same is true of them. so maybe i'm overthinking things (as usual)

both when i have broken things off and when things have been ended with me it's taken a toll on me. it's difficult to say goodbye, it's difficult to take a step back. i want to believe i'm getting better but i'm not sure i am

[ycicle]

day 9

i will never not be happy when cheezbot likes my first post. it's so wholesome and sweet. thank you cheezbot

i'm on night shift at the moment, i always struggle with night shift and i always try to do more than i can do and fill my days with dates or appointments. it's a horrid idea tbh

that said i'm excited to see SO. we haven't spent proper time together in a little while. it'll be shorter than i want it to be but any time spent with them is good time

soon i have a few weeks holiday - i hope we have a bit more of a chance to catch up then

[ycicle]

nothing important, just a small upload to see how my theme's looking. trying out some text too.

[ycicle]

Day 8

there's 358 days left in the year as of today.

i can't figure out if that's meant to mean something.

a lot happened last year and it really shook me up. yesterday was my first real low of 2024. just when you feel you finally understand yourself something new comes in some more turbulence.

i feel a little off tbh. i'm making this for nostalgia reasons. once upon a time i had a tumblr that has long since been burnt, filled with all my confused thoughts from when i was a teenager, and i think i need that again now that i'm an adult.

i feel almost disappointed? annoyed? like i should have my shit figured out by now i'm 26 years old. i don't know why i'm annoyed, it's exciting to be finding new things, but

idk

family christmas always makes me sour. whether i have to see Him again or not. it doesn't help all my family hates each other. i'm complacent and quiet enough though that they expect me to pick sides and just listen to their shit.

happy new year :)