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yintii-blog1 · 5 years ago

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3D modeling. (I was going to school for writing originally, can you tell?)

I have been over and over with myself on this many times. I have a dream to make a very successful title in the indie game atmosphere.

I never went to art school like I was going to. Sometimes I’m glad, other times I’m frustrated idk how to do a lot of the things I’m interested in doing. Like 3D modeling for example.

I realized this dream of mine around 14 when a friend of mine was describing how he wanted to make video games. We had a class that was introducing us to Game Maker Studio. Originally it was a very ugly editor and I wasn’t impressed.

However once we started MAKING I was amazed. I thought games were way too hard to make all the way up to this point. I started taking that media class seriously. All the photoshop tutorials were even showing us how to make game assets, I was stoked!

When I found this new passion I told my friend and he thought it was cool too! We started talking about how we liked certain games like this and how we wanna make a game like “that” etc.

This was sadly a very short lived pipe dream between the two of us. He eventually decided that wasn’t what he wanted to do but it was mostly because of the level of work involved.

It was weird to me something that inspired someone so much was pushed away from it because of the hard work? Of all things? I thought life was mostly hard work, wouldn’t you want to work on a game in that sense? If you had to work on something?

Over the years I studied art more and more. I took an animation class as well. I eventually got accepted and like,FAFSA to cover half of it and I still had to pay a lot of that back, meaning I still needed like 550 a month in just extra payments to attend.

I don’t know if other people had great support for this decision, but I did not. I couldn’t determine what was the right choice for me and I ended up not going. It seemed the one college wasn’t worth it.

It feels like I should have gone to some other kind of dedicated art school but I didn’t. I just went to my local community college and took basic classes.

I got really depressed in this time because school had just become even more boring than when I went to high school. I didn’t feel challenged or interested with anything and I had no motivation to try to do anything. So I dropped out

This dragged on for a few years and then I got a job at a tech company I was really proud of. Over the time I worked there, I grew to hate it.

I left that company and wandered between jobs trying to find something I enjoyed doing. The thing I came back to every time was art and games.

I felt like I couldn’t go back to doing it however. I felt ashamed I turned my back on something that really made me happy and was something that I wasn’t good enough for or something.

It’s taken like 2 years now but I’ve learned a lot and grown in a way I needed. I have learned to accept myself and stuff. I know there wasn’t a lot here about my self hatred but it’s been an issue. I’m learning to live life for me again and not to meet the expectations of others.

It has helped me focus because now it’s for my happiness and not my success which otherwise would be my impending doom, you know? It’s about taking one step at a time.

Here’s another step I’m taking personally. I’m going to be developing games and producing documenting content surrounding it.

I am making two games, a board game, and a video game. The video game is ambitious for someone who has never made a game so that’s why we are doing the board game, and I’m taking the time to learn the things like modeling and such. It’s going to be minimalistic but decent, idk I have a good idea in my head I’m just making the most practical way to get it out right now.

I wanted to write a lot of my recent thoughts so if this post confuses you it’s because it was for me. I need to just produce t h o u g h t sometimes. That’s all, no ending, just end of thought.

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