you-can-never-go-home

[you-can-never-go-home]

!◇! Alex wants to live.

So desperately does he want to live. He wants a real attempt at being an adult. Wants the chance to experience life as he's never been allowed to before. Life out from under his father's boot and his mother's leash.

He wants to say it's not a crime to live.

But he can't when it feels like a crime, a sin worthy of the deepest hell, to still be breathing. Josh's death is on his head. The blood of his parents on his hands. The tortured souls of the other sacrificial children weigh like a noose around his throat.

Maybe it would fix it all if he had just laid down and died for Judge Holloway.

But Alex had fought, had won. Because he had wanted to live. He deserved to live!

Didn't he?

[you-can-never-go-home]

// I'm adjusting to the summer and the influx of mental stressors a bit better now.

I'm gonna try and be a bit more active over here. I need to ramble about my babies.

[you-can-never-go-home]

[you-can-never-go-home]

!◇! Alex doesn't know what the actual Halo of the Sun looks like or what it means until he goes to the church.

The simplified version of the Halo makes him feel safe. His parents and family were prominent figures in the Shepherd's Glen's sect of The Order. The sect ran the whole town and worked the religion's occult symbols into the aesthetics of the town.

Alex's parents taught him and Josh that any place marked with a Halo was somewhere safe. Because both children were sacred (in very different ways) the other cult members would have known to make sure no harm came to the Shepherd children.

So, Alex grew up his whole life with the training that the Halo means something good. Something welcome and safe.

Once he discovers it's true look and what it means, the Halo's just one more lie branded on his broken mind by his parents.

[you-can-never-go-home]

Starter for @biohazardsurvived | Alex and Maria ___

Since coming home, very little had gone as planned.

Upon his discharge from the hospital all that that plagued him was an incessant need to find Josh. Anxiety like bugs under his skin nipped at Alex's nerves. The instinct to find and protect the thing of most value in Alex's life had sunk its claws into his brain and pushed him past the borders of exhaustion.

The hunt for his brother felt endless. The boy hadn't been home or seemingly around town. Trails of clues leading Alex strange places where monster roamed the foggy streets of Shepherd's Glen. Still, he pushed through. Shoved through the exhaustion and fear as it led him places he realized he really didn't want to be.

Consciousness returns to Alex with agony. Piercing, throbbing pain pulsating through his head. An ache burned in his shoulders and down his spine. Fingers stiff around the handle of his knife.

Where is he?

Flashes of gravestones and gnashing teeth appear in his muddled mind. The pulse of pain pushing the images away before his mind can claim the information. Thoughts slip away, leaving only the anxious drive to find Josh. The need to protect claws its way under the ridge of his ribcage and festers there. He can't breathe.

Alex's eyes snapped open as he gasped for air. Chest arching slightly to drag in as much oxygen as possible. It still didn't feel like enough. An injury along his side pulled sharply with the jerky movement. The ground below him was cold, the sensation biting through his pants but unable to penetrate the heavy canvas of his jacket. The temperature sapped the already dwindling energy from his exhausted limbs.

He stared upwards, gaze unfocused. For a moment he wondered in his vision had left him but the shadows above him shifted and light from afar caught a swirl of thick fog in the air. The vision of fog drifting lazily in the air calmed some small fraction of the anxiety biting into him.

His breath leaving him in a huff, he pushed himself to the side. Rolling over strained bruised flesh but still he pushed on. He rolled onto his front and collapsed there a moment, dragging in ragged breaths. The world spun as the throbbing in his head returned with a vengeance. He gritted his teeth and pressed his hands to the moist street, one hand still curled tightly around his knife. The pressure caused the rough street to dig into his knuckles but he ignored it.

"Psst! Alex..."

His head jerked up from where he had it resting on his forearm. Josh's whisper tickling in his ears. He looked around quickly, searching for a figured in the dark.

"Josh?" He called, pushing himself to his feet. He wobbled a moment but quickly adjusted his stance. A shiver wracked through him. Breath turning to vapor to mix with the surrounding fog once it left him. Clutching the knife at his side, he looked around the dim lighting of his surroundings. It was night and the fog made it difficult to see with a lack of streetlights.

A flicker to the side drew his eye to the end of the street. A rusted sign stood tilted with one light flickering, allowing him to read it. The world "Now Leave Silent Hill" stole his breath away.

"Silent Hill?" Alex's voice was hoarse. His throat tight around the words. "H-how did I get across the lake?!"

That couldn't be right! He looked around, there had to be someone here to tell him he was dreaming. Off towards the entrance to the Grand Hotel he saw a figure in the dark. Too tall to be Josh and too human to be one of those things.

"H-hey! Excuse me!"

[you-can-never-go-home]

Tormented Souls

[you-can-never-go-home]

!◇! Alex wants to live.

So desperately does he want to live. He wants a real attempt at being an adult. Wants the chance to experience life as he's never been allowed to before. Life out from under his father's boot and his mother's leash.

He wants to say it's not a crime to live.

But he can't when it feels like a crime, a sin worthy of the deepest hell, to still be breathing. Josh's death is on his head. The blood of his parents on his hands. The tortured souls of the other sacrificial children weigh like a noose around his throat.

Maybe it would fix it all if he had just laid down and died for Judge Holloway.

But Alex had fought, had won. Because he had wanted to live. He deserved to live!

Didn't he?

[you-can-never-go-home]

Alex took a deep, ragged breath with his head down. Trying to calm the sea of ragging thoughts. His stomach clenched as if the coffee he'd drunk was rapidly turning rancid. Pain throbbed in his jaw as he teeth clenched too tightly.

Head jerking up as he heard footsteps on grow nearer. His pulse pounded in his throat so quickly that it felt like he couldn't breathe. A handful of napkins were offered out to him and he couldn't get a single muscle to obey his command. Mouth refusing to work and send the other away. Hands not even letting go of the mug in order to snatch away the napkin.

He could only sit there. Spine stiff as a steel rod as his their eyes met. A look of knowing plain as day in the other's eyes. The sight of it catching the breath in Alex's throat. His chest spasmed as his lungs struggled for oxygen.

How could he have been so stupid?

It should be over. They never leave the Toluca Lare area. He should have been safe here!

"Not- nothing." His voice felt coarse around the word. Mouth growing increasingly dryer as the incessant thunder of his own pulse began to roar in his ears.

This guy didn't look familiar at all. Shepherd's Glen wasn't all that big and it was very isolated. Even having been gone for a few years, he should have recognized this guy. Was he from across the lake? From the ranks of the Order in Silent Hill?

Opening his fingers felt like trying to pry open metal but finally Alex was able to release his death grasp on the coffee mug. Hands trembling the second that he no longer had anything to clutch onto. He forced his gaze away from the other man. reaching into the pocket of jacket, he pulled out some loose bills that equaled to more than the cost of the coffee. He slapped them on the table, covering the glyph sketches.

Pressing back hard against the back of the book, he slid out of the chair. Trying his best to keep a wide gap between them. Grimacing as the wound in his thigh throbbed with burning agony. "I need to go. I'm late."

Gradually, Vincent was getting acclimated to life outside of Silent Hill, but it wasn’t easy. He’d left town with plenty of money, but in order to avoid suspicion, he got a small apartment and job that allowed him imitate normalcy.

Although he knew how to drive, he didn’t have a car-or a real license- so he usually took the bus. However, he’d somehow managed to miss it that evening, so he had to run to clock into his shift at the cafe. He threw the door open a bit too forcefully as he hurried in and straight to the back, not noticing any of the patrons, or the glares he got from his coworkers.

After he’d clocked in and straightened himself out, he went around bussing the abandoned tables. In doing so, he noticed the booth in the back had coffee spilled over its surface, as well as its occupant.

He grabbed a handful of napkins and offered them to the vacant and tired looking young man.

“You look like you could use these. Let me take care of this…”

As he was leaning over to wipe down the table, his eye caught the napkin and the shapes drawn on it For a moment, his breath froze in his throat and he fought the urge to press his hand to his chest, where the large brand still burned.

Panicked, he looked at the man again, searching his face for familiar features. He was from the Order, but he didn’t look familiar. Maybe he also hadn’t recognized Vincent, but the look on his face said otherwise.

“Uh, do you…is there anything else you need? More coffee…maybe…?”

[you-can-never-go-home]

Tormented Souls

[you-can-never-go-home]

i love the aesthetic of caroline’s outfit in tormented souls

bitch runnin’ around wearing a floral dress with a bow on her butt like “you can’t explore a cursed mansion if you ain’t cute.”

[you-can-never-go-home]

Starter for @black-vvolf ___

The sun was starting to set. It sent a wave of crimson and orange colors through the window of the cafe. The light doing little to warm the glass or Alex's spirit. He sat in a booth towards the back of the cafe. A good view of the street could be seen through the window and the front door. They had only gotten to this town this morning and it didn't feel nearly far enough from Shepherd's Glen.

The cup of coffee sitting between his hands had long since gone cold. How long had he been sitting here? He should probably return to the motel room soon. The wound in his leg was healing slowly and the burning pain simmered in the damaged muscle. He should probably be lying down.

But he just couldn't face Elle right now.

Everything was on its head right now. The hollow ache of loneliness and regret panged deep under his sternum. His shoulders hunched forward as he stared down at the napkin sitting under his coffee. The white paper torn slightly with smears of ink from one too many scribbled halos of the sun.

Alex's face scrunched up as he stared at the circles. Mouth tight in a sneer. He quickly moved the cup to cover the mark. His tongue sticking to his teeth as his mouth grew too dry. What was he thinking? They were too close, it was too soon.

If the wrong people saw that, he was a dead man.

The bell of the door rang and Alex jolted. The coffee sloshing as he jerked the mug. The cool liquid splattering over his hand. Alex too preoccupied by the figure in the doorway to care. The other seemed normal enough but there was something about how he held himself. A look in the other's eyes that Alex had seen on his parents and their church friends.

That very realization made Alex's pulse jump. He ducked his head lower and his vision wavered. Coffee-slick fingers clenching at the mug and slipping slightly. The weight of his ceremonial dagger burned in his pocket. He gripped the mug harder to keep from snatching at it.

[you-can-never-go-home]

Tormented Souls (2021)

Tormented Souls is a survival horror game developed by Dual Effect and Abstract Digital and published by PQube Limited. The game draws inspiration from classic survival horror like Resident Evil, Silent Hill, and Alone in the Dark.

While investigating the disappearance of twin girls at Winterlake, something terrible happens to Caroline Walker. Waking in the dead of night, naked and hooked up to some kind of outdated medical equipment in a bathtub, Caroline must fight for her life as she explores the halls of the abandoned mansion.

[you-can-never-go-home]

@lovehungered : Cont. from x ___

Relief washed over Caroline like a wave of cool water as the man caught her. Strong hands holding up her body weight when it felt like her own muscles would collapse from the sheer weight of existing. The sea air clung to her bruised skin. The chill almost delightful and soothing. Like a balm over wound and soul.

Her left eye fluttered with exhaustion. The sound of his voice so gentle despite it's frantic edge. It was so unlike the sound of screeching claws and wet, writhing flesh. A curious calm that felt so out of place here on this damned island. Sweet and almost melodic to her ears after the night she had suffered.

Her good eye slipped closed. Letting out a breath, the rest of her strength seemed to go with it. Body falling a bit more heavily into him. She could feel were her bloody clothes clung to various cuts and gashes on her skin, pulling at the stinging wound. But to lean on another felt like a peek at heaven. Just long enough to rest a second as she gathered her frayed, wispy thoughts.

"Th- anks." Her voice sounded strange in her own ears. A slight hoarseness she hadn't been expecting. She realized she hadn't drank anything all night. She hadn't been sure she could trust any liquids in the hospital, not even the water in the pipes. But this man, he seemed sweet. Kind. Maybe he'd get her a drink on the ship.

What had her life become in a single night that she would gladly trust in the first pirate she saw?

"I-" She cleared her throat. A gloved hand coming up to cover her mouth as she gave a hoarse cough. Could she really speak of what she had seen, had experienced? Sure, everyone heard of countless oddities on the sea. But what she saw? She wasn't sure there was tales of such things on the sea.

Mustering up what energy she had left, she tilted her head towards him and gave a soft smile. "Thank you for the help. This family visit didn't really go as I thought it would."

[you-can-never-go-home]

Notes from The Director's Office | Mun

Hi there!

My name is Zaira. I'm in my early 30s. I'm genderqueer (She/Her), Bi, and gray-aro.

I've been RPing (in general) since I was 13. I've been RPing on Tumblr since 2016. My first muse on here was Sam Winchester (SPN) for many years.

I love horror media. I watch lots of horror movies and I love horror games (as long as there's not too many jumpscares).

Note: Unless specified otherwise, all artwork on this blog is official art from the media.

[you-can-never-go-home]

Alex: Basic Verses

Road to Ruin: Set during Alex's trip from the hospital to Shepherd's Glenn. Plagued by horrific nightmares and driven by a deep internal need to find his little brother Jock, Alex heads back home towards Shepherd's Glenn. Wrapped up in his army jacket and a soldier's instinct that something is wrong, he's driven above all else to get to Josh.

Tides of Sorrow: Set through the events of the game. Alex feels frantic and lost as he desperately searches the town for his brother but finds nothing. There's monsters in the town and every turn he takes he's faced with memories of just how little he means to his parents and the citizens of Shepherd's Glen. Despite the mounting anxiety that something is deeply wrong, Alex keeps pushing on. Using all his training to kill the monsters endangering his friends and keeping him from his goals.

Shepherdless Lamb: Set after the events of the game. Alex is lost and listless. The entirety of his family is gone. He's the only Shepherd left. Injured and exhausted but alive. He's filled from horrible memories and realizations that his miserable life was far worst than he ever realized. He needs to get as far away from Shepherd's Glenn and Silent Hill. He needs to start over but with brutal truths unearthed, he's not sure how.

But he'll try his damnedest.

Soldier's Calling: Set after the events of the game. Alex's devotion and unending love has been rewarded. Despite the horrors he's faced and the agonizing truths he's learned, the cursed fogs of Silent Hill have blessed his soldiering spirit. Before leaving Shepherd's Glenn, Alex's little brother Josh is returned to him. Alex is now Josh's legal guardian as the only adult left in the boy's life. Taking his brother and keeping close, Alex flees from the foggy towns around Toluca lake.

He needs to start over and discover how to provide for Josh and himself.

[you-can-never-go-home]

Semi-selective, indie RP blog for Alex Shepherd (Silent Hill) and Caroline Walker (Tormented Souls).

This dual-fandom blog explores two young adults trying to survive their respective hells. Both born as sacrifices to cruel, vile gods. Caroline, born to adoring parents, was cherished but lost. Alex, born to cold and conflicted parents, was abused and neglected all his life. Now, these two battle through their religious trauma to prove they have a right to life.

Protected by Zaira (she/her) | Mun + Muses 20+ | Crossovers, AUs, and OCs welcome. | Blog is 20+ only,

[you-can-never-go-home]

Semi-selective, indie RP blog for Alex Shepherd (Silent Hill) and Caroline Walker (Tormented Souls).

This dual-fandom blog is explores two young adults in their 20s just trying to survive their respective hells. Both born as sacrifices to cruel, vile gods and suffering in adulthood from amnesia. Caroline, born to adoring parents, was cherished but could not be protected from her family's cult. Alex, born to cold and conflicted parents, was abused and neglected all his life but his kind spirit could not be snuffed out. Now, both these two battle through their religious trauma and try to find existence outside their hometowns.

Protected by Zaira (she/her) | Mun + Muses 20+ | Crossovers, AUs, and OCs welcome. | Blog is 20+ only, for my own peace of mind.

Current Activity: Low

Replies are slow due to mental health/burnout. Discord is for mutuals.

Canon Triggers from Lore: Religious abuse, child abuse, child death, gore, violence, monsters, eye gore/injury, child sacrifice, family death.

Rules | Mun | Bios | Alex's Verses | Caroline's Verses

Caroline: cis-woman, bisexual, gray-romantic.

Alex: He/Him Genderqueer (he's too sheltered/smothered to realize), Gray-Aro, Gray-Ace