your-local-timespace-explorer

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

I went to the small pizzeria in a nearby village last month and asked for a calzone, and when she brought it to me the owner had a look on her face I can only describe as bitter.

Naturally my first assumption was that she was judging me for my food order (maybe calzones are too easy compared to other pizzas and she felt under-challenged as a pizza chef?), but then I looked at my calzone and the more I looked at it, the more I felt like it might have been a failed attempt at a cat calzone.

(I didn't ask for a cat calzone, just a calzone.)

If I had immediately identified it as a cat calzone I would have of course said something about it, such as "Aww that's so cute! You made it in the shape of a cat!! Thank you!" — but it was too late. I hesitated too long, and it was just failed enough that I wasn't sure it was meant to be a cat.

I think this poor woman knew her cat calzone was a failure and I wouldn't be able to recognise her effort for what it was, hence the bitterness in her eyes when she brought it to me.

I asked my friend if my pizza looked like a cat to her, and she said "Are you saying this because of the olives? I think they were just placed randomly."

no, I think they were meant to be eyes, and a cat nose. And those are the ears. Wait, I'll turn it in your direction so you can see

Friend: "It's just a pointy calzone... Maybe you should ask the chef if she meant to make it a cat?"

If I tried to make a cat calzone and the recipient of this gift went like 'hey, sorry, is this weird-looking thing meant to be cat?' I would sell my pizza restaurant and drown myself in the river.

After considering this, my friend said we could brainstorm a better phrasing—but then we ended up agreeing that since the chef didn't go 'haha sorry I tried to make a cat and failed!!' when she brought my pizza, the options were a) she didn't try to make a cat; b) she feels humiliated by her failure, and either way it's better to say nothing.

But I felt deeply curious about this unresolved mystery, so this week when I went back to the pizzeria I asked for a calzone again.

The options were now: a) the chef brings me a better, recognisable cat calzone and I immediately remark upon it and she's happy and we erase the failed cat calzone from the historical record and never mention it ever;

or b) the chef brings me a normal calzone, which suggests that the vague cat shape from last time was accidental and just another instance of chronic cat pareidolia.

(I refused to consider option c) The chef brings me another failed, hardly-recognisable cat. She just doesn't seem like the kind of person who would let that happen to her twice.)

Here's the photo of the failed cat calzone from last time, which, according to my friend, just looks like a pointy calzone with randomly-placed olives and not a deliberate attempt to make a cat:

And here's what the chef brought me this time:

THAT'S A CAT.

I knew it!!!!

And it looks so sad!! This cat calzone looks like it will burst into olive oil tears if you once again fail to identify it as the cat that it is

But I didn't; I was so ready this time. I went "A cat!!!!! It's so cute!" and the chef went like yes!!! I tried to make one last time but it looked weird :(

I said I was pretty sure it was a cat last time and apologised for not bringing it up and she said no, it's my responsibility to make it a decent cat. She also said she was glad I'd come back and ordered another calzone because she was really bothered ("vraiment embêtée") by that first failed attempt, and wondering if I'd noticed an attempt was made (and failed)

That's so relatable. It's like when you make a really embarrassing spelling mistake in a text and you're not sure if the other person has seen it and is judging you for it. Should you bring it up? Can it go unnoticed if you don't? It's the cat calzone equivalent of that. I'm so glad we were able to clear the air.

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

"This is Wolff. He does not know why people occasionally come up to him for side quests. But he always gives them one."

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

Another fun thing I do with customers - specifically parents of very small children who don’t know they’re alive yet - is directly imply I think the coffee is for the baby, not the parent. and lemme tell you, like 70% of parents eat that shit up. They immediately go along with the bit and start discussing it with their newborn child, while the baby just stares at us like ����

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

current mantra

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

What is or isn’t a slur can be highly contextual, y'all.

“Jonny Sims bummed a fag off my ma” doesn’t contain a slur, but “What are you, some kind of fag?” does.

“Queer studies”, “the queer community” and “I’m queer”? Not a slur. Some bigot calling you a “dirty queer”? Slur.

“Be gay, do crimes” and “He’s gay” ≠ slur, but “Ew, that’s so gay” = slur.

In conclusion, stop buying into this fucking “q slur” bullshit. Queer people talking about the queer community aren’t using it as a slur any more than a gay man calling himself gay is using that term as a slur.

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

idk who needs to hear this today but it finally sank in for me and i need to share it:

failing does not make you a failure.

amelia earhart failed her last goal in life but you would never call her a failure. she went down in history as a hero, and even if she isn’t your personal hero, you likely still wouldn’t claim that she was a failure of a human. i don’t know what you’re doing, whether it’s big or small, or perfectly average. but whatever it is, whether it’s doing laundry on your own for the first time, learning a new instrument, or planning a walkout, your success or failure in the matter does not dictate anything about your worth. a person is not their accomplishments and a person is not their failures. whether you win or lose, i’m proud of you. even with the little things. i’m proud of you.

treat yourself with as much kindness as you can muster today, okay? i love you!

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

its finally warm out 🪄☀️

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

I think the hot new trends for this summer should be reading comprehension and critical thinking skills

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

I love social media

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

TIL that in 1903 the New York Times predicted that building a flying machine would be possible in 1-10 Million years.

via ift.tt

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

god finally

you, reading this. you're a creature now. reblog to creature your followers

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

Having to block 90% of the systems I come across for their absolutely insane hypocrisy is wild. We should not be hating on people for deadass just existing differently than us.

Seriously wish Tumblr would stop shoving this shit in my face. I'm tired of seeing the cruel bullshit towards endos and other sys origins. I'm tired of finding out people I thought were chill are actually hateful assholes.

Endos, y'all deserve better. You're safe on all my blogs. All sys origins are.

Systems complaining about being fake claimed and trying to spread positivity while actively fake claiming a massive part of our fucking community are hypocritical and that's the end of it. Your posts are soured by it. They mean nothing in the face of your hatred and ignorance, much of which is willful. The exclusionary bullshit you do to others is exactly what you hate done to you.

Anti-endos get the FUCK out of here. You will never be welcome and you will continue to be blocked on sight. If you try shit you will deadass just be laughed at and ignored so don't bother.

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

Some of y’all really think racism in America looks like this:

When it really looks like this