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yourgreatestinsomnia · 3 years

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THE FIRST TIME (NSFW) || OSAMU DAZAI

PAIRING: Osamu Dazai x F!Reader (she/her)

TYPE: one-shot

WORD COUNT: 6.2k

WARNINGS: NSFW, virgin! reader, swearing, Dazai's suicide references, scars and mentions of suicide attempts, grammar errors

AUTHOR'S NOTE: oh yay. a nsfw post. finally. this was HELLA long, you guys. and i found myself enjoying this. this is related to my first ever dazai one-shot fic "mysteries" and the link is below. i highly recommend you reading that first before reading this. but you don't have to if you don't want to. it'd just be more touching and it'll make more sense once you've read that.

✰ RELATED TO: MYSTERIES || OSAMU DAZAI x F!Reader

BUNGO STRAY DOGS STORY SERIES MASTERLIST

Something about Osamu Dazai made you feel certain ways more than anyone else could’ve. And you knew that he had his ways with his charming words and the way that he’d tease you to get you annoyed at his presence yet you were so in love with him, you couldn’t get frustrated with him forever.

But he was a mystery, indeed, and he kept himself hidden from you for so long. So long enough for you to blurt out that you wanted him to open up to you just a little bit and you wanted to have him spill out something about himself because you knew he had been hiding so much of his life from you for so long.

And you didn’t know you ended up here, with your gaze piercing into him. Both of you stared at each other, unsure of what to do next and you felt his hands on your own, having him eye you cautiously and carefully.

His hands felt so warm to your skin and you took in a few breaths, hoping to calm yourself down as he did the same with you, maybe in hopes of calming himself down as well. “Y/N,” Dazai spoke your name and you looked at him, where his eyes were filled with adoration and a hint of happiness even beamed in the highlight of the hazel hues.

“Dazai,” you responded with his name.

“I want to kiss you.”

Your eyes widened, but you didn’t choose a time to react. Within instinct, you flung yourself onto him, and there weren’t a lot of words that needed to be spoken right then and there. All at once, the usual scent of his cologne lingered around your nose as usual, but this time, you could only feel the synchronization of your lips along with his, and finally, you were able to be in time with the connection that you shared with him; he felt the same way, he had to—otherwise, he wouldn’t have done any of this.

For some reason, the scent of his cologne was stronger than it was before. Your palms made their way to his heated cheeks as you felt him tug on your bottom lip, clearly, he was asking for your permission to enter, and you obliged.

The palm of his hands went from your waist and he trailed his fingers further down your waist and you opened your mouth as his tongue darted further deep into your mouth.

You sighed, parting your lips from his and you could see that your hand was gripping on his tousled hair and Dazai was looking at you with his lips partly open. You were slowly breathing in deeply, trying to catch your breath as he did the same.

“Y/N,” he looked at you as you put your hand down from your hair.

You gulped at him. “Yeah?”

“I want you.”

“Ah—” you felt your cheeks flush into a warm abyss. You felt heat creep its way up to your neck and you covered your face, unsure how to respond to his sudden comment. He chuckled at your flustered reaction and you felt his palm on your cheek as he rubbed his thumb on your flushed skin. “Sorry. I didn’t know how to react—to, uh—”

“S’okay, my belladonna,” his voice slurred, and you noticed that his hazel eyes had gotten a bit darker. “It has been a weird night. We don’t have to do any—”

“I want to!” You interrupted him.

Dazai’s voice chuckled deeply as he pulled your face closer to his and you felt yourself get warmer with each second that passed. He rested his forehead against yours; you could feel his heartbeat quicken as you placed a palm on his chest and his lips remained parted as he looked at you with those darkening eyes—almost as if they were in a pool of consistent need and want.

“I like you a lot,” he whispered, closing his eyes finally.

You sighed, placing a hand on his palm that rested on your cheek. “I like you a lot too, Dazai.”

“We really don’t—”

“It’s not that, I want to, but—” you gulped and then leaned back, turning away from him. He raised his eyebrows at you but he kept a smile on his lips; he had that gentle, comforting stare as he rubbed his palms on your waist soothingly. It was hard to respond to him when he looked like that—when he wasn’t in his own thoughts of mysteries, and instead, his eyes were focused on you.

“But what, love?” He kept that smile as he played with your hair.

Your eyes widened as you ignored the soft pet name and you turned away. “I—I’m, uh…”

“I’m here, Y/N.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his response and you let out a deep sigh. “I’m a virgin.”

There was dead silence between the both of you before you decided to cover your eyes in embarrassment; there was nothing to be embarrassed about—except when it came to admitting to the person you have fallen so deeply in love with about your virginity, no, not that, really—and before you knew it, you felt his hands move to your own and he exposed his gaze to you after you took a moment to hide yourself.

Dazai sent a genuine smile your way and then placed his lips on yours. You felt him put your hands down and he threw his arms around your waist, pulling you in closer to him as your legs were slightly spread apart and you felt the cologne tickle your nose once more; that heavenly scent that allowed you to get lost as you both opened your mouths open for each other and then it became a lot stronger, harder, and passionate with every second that flew by.

No words were shared except actions had only been spoken; with the palms on his hands gripping your waist as he tapped his fingers to signal you that he was going to grasp your behind and once he did, you pulled back slightly and continued to catch your breath.

“Too much?” He questioned, raising a brow before leaning in closer to your lips and he whispered, “I’m sorry. You’re just too cute for me not to do that.”

“It’s just—” you bit your bottom lip.

“Don’t bite your lip like that,” Dazai commented as he pulled you closer to him; you were getting used to the scent of the cologne at this point. “You’re driving me fucking crazy.”

“I have never done anything before so I don’t—I’m not sure what to do.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, love,” he smiled and rested his forehead against yours. “I will take care of you.”

And you knew that Osamu Dazai was true to his words, despite him hiding so many from you. He engulfed you in his arms before you two came in contact with passionate and deep kisses, and you felt him harden underneath you as he tightened his grasp on you. You didn’t know how to fully work through these emotions; these powerful feelings of want, and he decided to pick you up right there to take you to your bedroom.

At first, he laid you down on the bed and then bit onto your neck lightly, causing you to squirm and gently gasp from his touch before he decided to trail his hands down your body as he tugged on the bottom of your shirt.

He retracted and then looked at you; you didn’t expect him to look so gorgeous from the moonlight peeking through the windows and ruffled curtains, but he did. “I think this is in the way, belladonna,” he chuckled to himself and you nodded, confirming that he was able to slip off the cloth on your skin.

When he did, his breath hitched for a moment before he placed his lips on your collarbone and then nibbled on your skin. You closed your eyes, not used to this sudden touch but you consistently craved for him to keep going—and he trailed his kisses down above the hem of your bra; tickling with the fabric with his fingers as he placed a kiss above your breasts.

“You’re more beautiful than I thought,” Dazai complimented you, hair tousled all over his face as usual and his fingers went down to the hem of your pants. “And is this okay?”

“More than okay,” you responded, covering your chest shyly.

He noticed your action as he pulled down your pants quickly and Dazai threw his hands to unbuckle his belt as he chuckled at your blushed state as you continued to cover your chest. “You don’t have to hide, love,” he noted, pulling his black pants down and then he leaned in closer to you. “You look beautiful to me, fuck, you really do.”

You didn’t say anything, and he placed his lips on yours again. He slowly unbuttoned his black blazer and then all that was left were nothing but his underwear and the white buttoned top that was hiding beneath the black clothing.

“Tell me when to stop,” he demanded, kissing your neck once more as he grinded into you, having you nearly gasp at the touch of his hardened member met with the heat between your legs. “If you’re uncomfortable, I can stop at any time, love.”

“You keep calling me that,” you noted as you hissed at his teeth grazing your collarbone as Dazai inched himself further down.

“Well, of course, I like you,” he chuckled deeply against your collarbone before kissing the skin. “A lot—and this is how I feel about you. I always have, belladonna.”

His hands gently grasped onto your breasts and you sighed from his touch. You usually felt his hands close to you when it came to hugs and simple high-fives, but this was different. Euphoric. And when he tightened his grip on you, you closed your eyes, letting out soft breaths, calming your beating heart as you felt his teeth nibble on the skin of your collarbone.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he complimented you before easing down to plant kisses around your breasts. “Any chance I can get rid of this piece of clothing? It’s kind of in the way.” He chuckled deeply, toying with the straps of your bra.

“Ah, I—” you gulped, sudden nervousness easing into your tone of voice.

Dazai took note of this and he lunged in, kissing you hard where both of your lips were synchronized in a gentle rhythm. He gently picked you up from the bed to ease your head to rest on the pillows. ‘Comfy,’ you thought, being swallowed by the whites of the pillow sheets.

He departed from your lips before placing a kiss on your cheek and then inched closer to your ear, continuing to fiddle with one of the straps of your bra. “You’re beautiful, Y/N; everything about you is gorgeous. I am in—” he stopped himself for a moment before letting out a breath. You eyed him curiously. “—I really like you.”

“Were you about to say something else?” You raised your eyebrows.

He hummed, not wanting to respond to that question. And you could see the adoration glow in the golden hues of his eyes. Gentle and pure; the way he had always been with you, but this was different. And exposing your skin to him, you only giggled lightly as you tugged on his white button-up, teasing him that he had to give up his top first before he could unstrap the bra that was hiding your upper chest from him.

“Alright, alright,” Dazai laughed, waving a hand before he untied his black tie, tossing it off to the side with the remainder of the other clothes blanketing the floor. He unbuttoned his top quickly, and soon, it was discarded to the other batch of clothes.

He kept himself hovered over you, tousled brown hair sticking to his face; he was already sweating, clearly in dire need of release and it seemed as if he was bottling up so much damn emotion and you knew he liked you back—he definitely did; light breaths, the way he reached in to kiss your neck gently, the murmurs that he’d whisper of how beautiful you looked.

“So gorgeous, love,” he whispered, nibbling on your ear as you arched your back gently. You felt his fingers trail on your back, grabbing onto the back of your bra. “Let me see all of you.”

“O-Okay,” you let out a stuttered breath. “Are you sure you’re going to like what you see?”

“Hmm,” he hummed sweetly, kissing your cheek as you felt your bra loosen while he hovered over you. Dazai looked at you with those gentle gleaming eyes. “What makes you think I won’t find you more gorgeous when you’re naked?”

Your cheeks flushed from his words. He smirked at this. ‘Asshole,’ you thought, you knew he was making you feel certain ways in words that you couldn’t even comprehend. “You’re making me flustered,” you shook your head. “Stop that.”

“With you looking like that…” he trailed a finger along your jaw before he lifted your chin up to make strong eye contact with his lustful, divine eyes. “I could never.”

“You’re going to be hot with all those bandages,” you pointed out, delicately moving your fingers along the layers that were all over his chest, neck, wrists, and—wow, you never thought that he’d cover so much of himself like this.

“Are we going to have sex or have small talk?” Dazai raised an eyebrow. You raised a hand to smack him and he playfully flinched away, pleading for mercy. “Ah, my dear, please; I’m quite fragile, so don’t hit me too hard.”

“Why you—”

He grabbed onto your wrist, pulling you down further into the bed with a smile growing on his face. “I trust you with my life,” he whispered, his smile suddenly vanishing into a serious look. You kept your lips parted. “You mean so much to me, Y/N. So, so much.”

“Then why are you leaving?” You asked, not wanting to let your lips quiver from the question.

“I have to,” Dazai whispered closer to your lips. “I don’t want to, but it’s what’s best.”

“You can’t just take my virginity away tonight and leave.”

“I don’t want to come off as an asshole,” he chuckled, shaking his head, part of his hair was tickling your face at this point. “But it’s best for me, and for you. One day you’ll understand. And you will understand why I left.”

“I kind of already do,” you said, parting some of his chocolate hair back. “I won’t fight against what you want to do. You have your own life, Dazai; choose whatever path you believe is right.”

He looked at you in awe. So much kindness was swimming in your eyes, and Dazai noticed the watering eyes all at once as well. He closed his eyes, lost in his own thoughts—watching you care for his state was a gentle nature for him, and you didn’t argue against his own choices, no matter what; he leaned in to kiss you, not wanting to hesitate on the very moment that he was sharing with you.

Moonlight danced along the dark, midnight sky, and it kissed both of your bodies altogether. You kissed him for a while, lips moving along with each other perfectly and desperately, and you felt him bite on your bottom lip, where you allowed him to freely intertwine his tongue with yours.

You felt him slowly remove your bra, allowing you to move your adjusting hands to move through the straps and he threw it to the floor; another piece of clothing to the collection. Dazai didn’t hesitate to move down to your breasts, planting a kiss after a kiss after one another—sloppy yet tender all at once, and he began sucking on your breasts, allowing you to arch your back against the sudden, overwhelming feeling that soared throughout your body.

“Oh my God,” you nearly cried out, not used to the euphoric sensations that your body felt and his hands grasp on your hips. Without hesitation, you noticed his fingers tickle down to your waist, toying with the hem of your panties and then he quickly pulled them down.

‘Christ,’ you thought. ‘When did you learn how to make a woman feel so good?’ And that was when he continued to flick his tongue on your breasts, making you groan underneath him and your fingers made their way to his ruffled hair.

“A—Ah, I’m sensitive, Dazai!” You exclaimed, a smirk growing on his lips as he lifted himself up to place a kiss on your lips. You heaved out breaths, looking down to still see that one of his hands was still messing with your panties.

“I noticed, belladonna,” he chuckled raspily against your lips. “You’re so cute.”

“I just—my God,” you gritted your teeth, feeling overwhelmed with the feelings already and you turned away from him.

Your eyes looked at the hand that was pushed against the bed, and Dazai’s bandages were usually wrapped tightly around his wrist. However, it was gently loosening, and you kept your gaze at the white layer slowly loosening its grip on his scarred skin.

He noted your gaze at his wrist and then sighed, keeping that smile on his lips, and then he sat up. You looked back at him, raising a brow in confusion as he removed his touch from your panties and then he held up his wrist with the loosened bandages.

“Curious, aren’t you?” Dazai asked; nervousness was shown in his tone. He was never like this—ever and you lifted your figure up with your elbows dug into the bed. He gulped for a moment before curling a finger into a loose layer of the bandage.

And within seconds, you placed a palm on his hands, catching him off guard. “You don’t have to show me anything that you’re not comfortable showing me,” you said to him, hoping that he’d get the message immediately. “Please. I just—”

“You were just wanting me to have him open up to you more, weren’t you?” Dazai tilted his head. His playful tone was rising, and you felt your eyes twitch at his response. “If I recall, Y/N, you were upset I never talk to you about anything about myself and I always keep myself hidden from—”

“Okay, but—” you shook your head. “If this is too much, then don’t do it. Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“If you’re going to show all of yourself to me—” he said, flicking his finger up to remove the loosened bandages, and the moonlight peeked in enough to show the large ray of marked scars all over his wrist; some burnt marks were scattered on his skin and as you widened your eyes at the image, Dazai could only chuckle, “—then allow me to do the same, love.”

“Dazai, I—”

“Onto the next one,” Dazai said, a smile still on his lips but his eyes looked hollow. Empty. You weren’t sure if he was anxious to show you his scars but it seemed as if so and you kept your gaze on him, where he removed the bandages on his other wrist, then the bandages drifted to the floor.

He held out his wrists to you, lips pursed in hesitation as you eyed every scar that was tattooing his skin. “Were these…” you were afraid to ask.

He knew what you meant, though. “Suicide attempts?” He laughed at his response. Of course, he did. “Perhaps I may have gone a bit too far.”

“Dazai, no—”

“I almost forgot,” Dazai held his hands up to the bandages blanketing his chest, and slowly, second by second, he carefully removed the bandages that hid the trauma underneath all of the layers that he wore, and he exposed the marks all over his neck and the bits of discolored and scratched skin around his chest.

He tossed the bandages to the side. At this point, the floor was scattered with layers. “Dazai, I…”

“I wonder, Y/N,” Dazai sighed deeply, keeping a forced smile on his lips as he turned his head down. “I wonder why you have feelings for someone like me. I’m not a good person. Nor do I have a reason to keep living.”

“Do—don’t say that!” You exclaimed, placing your hands gently on his wrists and you pulled him close, catching him off guard. You weren’t sure if this was the right thing to do, but you did it anyway; kisses along the large scars around his neck as you peppered them to his collarbone and then slowly inching to his wrists, marking your kisses after one another to the scars that seemed to haunt him yet he didn’t mind it at the same time.

“Y/N—”

“Don’t talk,” you continued to kiss his wrists, feeling his hair flutter along your forehead. “You’re beautiful and amazing, Dazai. I believe you deserve to be here.”

“Love, I—”

“No matter what, you’re perfect to me,” you said, continuing to caress his skin with your lips. You hoped that he’d find comfort with your affection, showering him with the devotion that he deserved, caring for each scar since one held its own story. To Dazai—the first man you fell in love with. The first man that made you feel emotions that you couldn’t describe to anyone else.

For a brief moment, you rested your lips against his wrist, and silence filled the room. Ambient noise danced along the both of you; wind chiming from the outside and the stars were on both of you.

Dazai sat up, pulling you close to him as a gentle smile grew on his lips while he placed a palm on your cheek, shushing you as you tried to whisper that he was perfect to you regardless of how many scars have traumatized his skin. And he placed his head on your shoulders, completely head over heels with his thoughts—and you hugged him tightly, feeling his grip tighten on you.

“I—” Dazai stopped himself from speaking for a moment before he sighed. “I am very lucky to have met you, Y/N. I wouldn’t want to have grown feelings for anyone else.”

“You’re really gonna make me cry, you know that?” You playfully smacked his head and he laughed loudly; so real and beautiful.

“Sorry baby, let me just have my moment here.”

“You have the nerve to call me that,” you wanted to smack him again as a joke but you felt his grip get tighter on you. “Dazai.”

“Baby.”

“Alright,” you shook your head, pulling away from him and he grinned cheekily at you. “We’re not even together, yet you’re calling me all these pet names. What gives?”

“Hmm,” Dazai rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at you. “What? You’re telling me you don’t like it when I call you that?”

“I do, but—”

“A-huh,” Dazai raised an eyebrow, a smirk on his lips before he kissed your lips deeply. Once he departed, he kept his brown eyes on you, admiring every bit of your figure to him. “You’re beautiful, belladonna, you always have been gorgeous to me.”

“You’re just as beautiful, Dazai,” you responded, playing with his hair. “Please remember that.”

“Your opinion is wrong, but I’ll remember it because you said it.”

You shook your head. “You’re something else, you know that?”

He inched his lips closer to you, smiling heavenly as you noticed the tint of happiness glow in his eyes. “Y/N, I can say the same for you…”

“You’re close to me.”

“Oh?” His eyes were going to be the death of you one day along with that smirk resting on his face; clear as day, you noticed that he was lost in his feelings for you, completely derailed by the fact that he exposed most of his scars to you and he pushed himself onto you. You landed deep into the bed again, head meeting the pillow and his lips were pressed onto yours—hard yet so lovingly all at once.

Dazai quickly spread your legs apart for a moment before he grinded his hard erection into your growing heat and he intertwined your fingers with his own, where you both held hands while he kept kissing you. Each kiss was filled with desperation and want, and you knew he wanted this but God, so did you.

“I want you,” he said after he broke the kiss, both of your breaths heaving out desperately and saliva was drenching both of your mouths.

Dazai let his fingers down to your thighs before he slowly put his fingers close to your growing heat, and then he made contact with your clit, causing you to hiss out a breath and he grinned at your sudden reaction.

“That’s sexy,” he commented before moving his fingers to rub your clit and you felt your body shake at the touch of his fingers, and he noticed that you were getting wet just by the circular movements.

He looked at you for permission and you nodded, biting your lip as you turned away, hiding your flushed face in the pillows as he inserted a finger into you, causing you to feel yourself open up for him only slightly and once Dazai glanced back at you to make sure you were okay, you continue to nod.

Because that was all you could really do, and he picked up his pace with his finger in you, thrusting in and out and he could only smirk at the sound of your wetness growing on one finger and without even asking, he had confidence growing within him. Dazai inserted another finger in you, making you arch your back at the sudden insertion and you almost choked on your breath.

He kept a palm on your chest as you tried to keep yourself from moving too much from his touch. Dazai chuckled, watching your movement as he continued to pump his fingers in and out; your wetness continued to grow and the noise filled the quiet room. “You’re beautiful,” he complimented you. “So sexy, God.”

Without warning, you felt your legs shake but—at one moment, he removed his fingers from you, and then your eyes shot up at him. “Wha—”

“Hold on, love,” Dazai said, quickly pulling your panties off, and then you felt him get off the bed. He pulled on your ankles closer to him and you noticed that half of your body was off the bed and he threw your legs over his shoulders. You looked up, he was kneeling down to keep his eyes gazed at the wetness between your legs. With that look of hunger on his face, you turned away shyly. ‘Oh God.’

He kissed your thighs gently, murmuring that you were safe with him, and then with one flick on his tongue on your clit, you gasped out loud; these sensitive feelings were too new to you and you weren’t used to this.

However, your reaction made him want to keep going, and then he inched himself in, tongue darting all over your clit before he made his way into you, and the way that he moved his mouth on you like this made you feel such excited and gleeful emotions that made you feel as if all the stress was suddenly falling off your shoulders.

Because with the way he moved his tongue in you, hand intertwined with yours and one other hand gripping your hip, you continued to let out soft moans that slowly grew into louder ones that praised him just by the sound escaping your lips. And you felt your core shake, heat up—your legs were trembling, and you felt something boiling up inside you.

“Cum for me, baby,” he spoke against your thighs, continuing to kiss them as he inserted his fingers into you, thrusting them quickly so that you’d reach your high quickly and you wanted to hold back for some reason yet you didn’t want to because this man was making you feel this way and Dazai was the first person you’ve ever shared these intimate moments with.

You slowly came, heaving out breaths as a stuttered moan filled the room, and you felt him shift near the bed and Dazai pushed you further into the bed just so he could make his way on the bed. After your first orgasm, you sighed deeply and you noticed he took his underwear off and your face heated up at the sight of his erection resting in his hand.

“What?” Dazai chuckled, tilting his head. “Am I too sma—”

“No, no, no!” You retorted, waving your hands around and what was this man doing to you? “I just—I’ve never—”

“I know, love, I’m just teasing,” he chuckled, pushing your legs slightly farther apart from each other as you closed your eyes, unsure of when he was going to insert himself into you but he noticed that you flinched back slightly. He knew you were scared, nervous, worried, and he leaned in, kissing you gently before he pulled back and sent a comforting smile. “It’s okay, baby. It’ll feel good.”

“O-Okay,” you gulped.

“Let me know when you want me to stop, okay?”

And you closed your eyes, bracing for the moment, and you felt his cock rub your clit, making you bite your lip at the touch. Then he inserted himself into you, your walls opening up to him as he slowly pushed himself into you, trying his best not to hurt you—though you couldn’t lie to yourself, the raspy moan that left his lips once he inserted himself into you was unbelievably sexy and you coughed out a groan.

“Are you okay?” Dazai asked, letting out a soft moan as you nodded and he pushed himself further into you. “Agh, baby, you’re so tight.”

You were breathless already, giving your virginity to the man in front of you and Dazai chuckled, intertwining his fingers with yours and he held your hand up to his lips, kissing your fingers carefully. He felt himself fill you up in all the way, your walls tight and clenched around him and he leaned down, kissing you before resting his forehead against yours.

He didn’t say anything but you only nodded, which signaled him to keep moving, and so he slowly thrusted out, and it hurt a little bit but soon, after thrust in and out, as gentle as he could be with your fragile body in his arms, it felt good. Too good.

You let out a moan when he thrusted in a bit too fast but he took this as a note to go faster, and soon, Dazai kept pushing in and out of you, your wetness all over his cock, and he bit his bottom lip, letting out exasperated moans.

“Fuck, oh my God,” he moaned, keeping himself hovered over you before he buried his face into your neck and you threw your hands over his shoulders. You began to bite on his collarbones as he did the same to your shoulders, barely muttering out an “oh my God, you’re so damn tight—fuck—you feel so good.”

“Da—Dazai,” you moaned.

You spread your legs out more for him and he continued to pick up the pace, and he let out grunts after he kept thrusting into you. “Baby, agh—just like that,” he moaned into your ear, and you gripped onto him, scratching his back in the process.

“Osamu!”

“Again,” he gritted his teeth, pushing a hard thrust into you as you let out a loud moan. He slowly pulled himself up, throwing a hand to your breast as one was resting on your palm. “Again, say that again.”

“Osamu!”

“You’re beautiful,” Dazai panted out, continuing to thrust into you as your moans began to grow in the room. And God did he look sexy like this, hovering over you with his grip so tight on you just as you were so tight around him. “So, so beautiful, belladonna; you’re gorgeous like this.”

“I—I’m going to—”

“Hold on, baby,” Dazai grunted, continuing to push further into you as you let out breathless moans; it was music to his ears and sweat was noticeable on his forehead, where his hair stuck to his face. “I’m so close.”

“Osamu, please, I need to—”

“Cum, love,” he said, and then you nodded quickly, allowing yourself to release and you came underneath him from his last thrust into you; you felt his cock twitch from your orgasm.

“Oh God—”

“I’m going to cum, baby,” Dazai exclaimed before he pulled out of you quickly, touching himself in the process as he came all over your breasts and you covered your flushed face at the liquid hitting your skin; he groaned at his own release and then tilted his head down, heaving out breaths.

You kept on catching your breath, covering your flushed face with your hands and your hair was sprawled all over the pillow. You felt his hands on your own and he made you take a look at him; a sweaty face with ruffled brown hair all over the place, blush all over his cheeks, and his mouth was panting for breaths. He leaned in to kiss you and then he departed to kiss your forehead soothingly.

“I’m gonna borrow a towel to clean you up,” he said. You nodded, and he was smirking at his cum on your breasts before he made his way to the bathroom.

After catching your breath, you felt yourself warm up at the sudden realization that holy shit, you just gave your virginity to Osamu Dazai and it felt amazing. You chuckled at yourself, continuing to cover your face until you were alerted with a damp towel on your chest and a shirtless—plus still naked—Dazai next to you.

You stared at him oddly and he took note of that. “What?” He laughed. “I can’t clean you up?”

“No, no, you can, it’s just—” you bit your lip. “Did we really just—”

“Have sex? Yes, love.”

“Did you—did you—”

He cut you off with a kiss on your lips, palm on your cheek and he smiled at you delicately. “I did not like it. I loved it.” Dazai responded, taking the damp towel and then returning to the bathroom with it.

You heard the sink running from the bathroom and you sighed deeply. You looked over the bed to see his crumpled white button-up and you reached over the bed to pick it up and you threw it around you, not bothering to button up the shirt as exhaustion took over you.

Dazai exited the bathroom and he was scratching the back of his head. He took the time to put on his underwear and then he eyed you, under the covers with your face hiding in the pillow below you and he recognized the top that you were wearing.

“My shirt, love?” He laughed, lifting up the covers before you looked up at him. “It looks good on you.”

“Mhm,” you murmured sleepily before he pulled you close to his chest, your cheek resting near his collarbone and exposed scars to which you placed soft kisses on the marks.

You trailed your finger along the scars, feeling your eyes water up at the thought of Dazai leaving and you buried your face further into his skin. “Don’t leave me,” you softly said, hoping that he’d hear those words yet at the same time, you didn’t want him to hear them.

Yet he did. “It’s best for you if I go, at least, for now,” he responded while moving his fingers close to yours and he intertwined his with yours. You both felt complete.

“Dazai, I like you a lot,” you sighed deeply.

“I really like you too,” he kept his head resting on your pillow. He leaned in to kiss your forehead and you tighten your grip with his hand from his touch. “But I need to do this for myself. I have to go away… for a bit.”

“I won’t tell you what you can and can’t do,” you said, fighting back tears once again. “Are you going to forget about me?”

“I could never, my belladonna.”

“Dazai?”

He trailed his fingers on your arm in hopes of comforting you. “Yes?”

“I-I will miss you.”

He didn’t hesitate and he began to leave small kisses on your forehead. “I will miss you more, my belladonna. But please—I will be thinking of you. I’ll find my way to come back to you.”

“Do you promise?”

Dazai pulled you closer to him and you felt his lips on yours; he tasted so bittersweet.

“I promise.”

You didn’t bother looking at him because, for some reason, you believed that he was going to keep his word and that you were putting all of your trust in him. Something about Osamu Dazai was mysterious to you, and you had given all of yourself to him this night, and with his lips on your forehead as he murmured on and on about how special you were to him, you had to believe his words.

He placed another kiss on your lips before you felt your body giving in to exhaustion.

His lips tasted so bittersweet again.

917 notes · View notes

yourgreatestinsomnia · 3 years

Text

CONFESSION (NSFW) || OSAMU DAZAI

↳ PAIRING: Osamu Dazai x F!Reader (she/her)

↳ TYPE: one-shot

↳ WORD COUNT: 5.3k

↳ WARNINGS: NSFW, hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, a lot of... grammar errors

↳ SYNOPSIS: You realize you fall in love with your colleague, the one who you've been sleeping with.

↳ AUTHOR’S NOTES: wooo. okay, bear with me. i am not the best at writing NSFW, i don't know what i am doing. but most importantly, i tried to write this in a different style, so i hope that it is good. if not, then oh well LOL. i'm sorry this kinda sucks

“Stop bickering you two and get back to work!”

An audience watches—it fuels Dazai; a smirk rises on his lips. An irritated glare was thrown at his way from where you were sitting, eyes attempting to glue at the screen of the laptop. An empty report. Yet Dazai finds that amusing. He fiddles his fingers together before resting his elbows on your desk. Putting your head down, you sigh deeply. Atsushi pokes your shoulder; worry was evident on his face.

“Dazai, quit bugging Y/N! She has business to attend to!” Kunikida roars once more. His face was now beaten to a crimson red. No sign of blushing, whatsoever, except a fuming rage firing out from his lips. Dazai pays no mind to this. He continues to delve deep into the amusement. A cock of his head while he kicks your foot.

“Y/N, quit being distracted,” he hums.

“Shut up,” you huff, now raising your head to eye the rain dripping down from the Agency’s rooftop building. Quick taps were enough to keep you stuck in a gaze. Dazai continues to sing a song. He twirls the purple-colored pen with his fingers. With one click of his tongue, your eyes dart down to him swinging the pen around; the only bit of stationery that he begged you to buy because the color suited you when you were both on your lunch break. He was too annoying; you were planning to only buy a notebook that day.

Part of you continuously thought about how life would’ve been if you never made contact with Dazai. The moment was inevitable; your coworker had surprises up his sleeves, all bandaged around. A present always ready to be opened by you. Finding a moment of freedom from Dazai’s annoyance was rare, yet you weren’t going to question why your heart didn’t settle in its right place whenever he shared a few words with Yosano.

‘It’s over,’ you’d say to yourself. The comedic part was that you two weren’t together. Shameless. Dazai was nothing but someone who needed an emotional release; a stress-ball that you were. Completely loose in his hands. Lost with his touch. One swift movement of his fingers was enough to keep you under his spell. And was to have Dazai completely out of your life a decision worth making after all?

He suffocated you. Lungs were tight. With every bite on your collarbone, you pondered if he was there to toy with your emotions. A flirt, he was. Always playing with the hands of beautiful women in front of your eyes. Yet his release was lost with you—cathartic. A stomp on an empty cigarette; once it had been smoked, it’s over and lost in the remains of the ground. Perhaps that was you. Were you even important to him?

It had been a week since you declined the last fling. It was meant to be over. Your heart rapidly picked up its speed whenever he walked around. Shit. Dazai was nothing but a nuisance—an annoyance to your presence. This was the longest he had ever lasted and your thoughts spiraled into a tornado. Maybe he found someone else; a better fuck—another woman better than you? Fuck, it frustrated you.

A clench of your fists causes Atsushi to raise his eyebrows. Standing up, you keep your head down and rummage past Dazai who sent a confused look your way. Not wanting to hear more of Kunikida’s anger releases, you stomp out of the Agency offices. The best way to escape the situation was to be alone. Out of Dazai’s presence. Annoying. That’s what he was.

You walk into the washroom, quickly closing the door behind you and a sigh fanned out from your lips. Taking small steps towards the mirror, your hands shake while they grip on the sink in front of you. Blinking rapidly, you swore under your breath. Fucking Dazai; not just literally, but fuck him as a person too. The feelings he made you feel. Everything.

The turn of a knob causes you to jerk up your head, eyes widening at the door slowly opening, and with a quick movement, you are greeted with autumn colors within the eyes of the man you despised the most. A sharp glance was aimed towards your way. You wince at his look; a grim smirk on his lips as his fingers played with the knob before it clicked to a loud lock.

“What do you want?” You groan, turning away from him.

“I came to check up on you,” Dazai raises a brow. “You don’t seem too happy to see me.”

“Fuck you.”

His smirk rises; the cocky brow arches. “That’s my plan.”

“Wa—” you were interrupted by his hands thrown around your waist, causing you to yelp out in surprise before you were sitting on the counter of the sink. The space was tight; you felt your thighs nearly slipping. Cool marble touching your skin. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Hmm,” Dazai purses his lips and then lets out a forced laugh. “Oh. I told Kunikida I was gonna fuck you in the bathroom.”

“Exc—”

“I’m kiiiidding,” he wails out. “You’re so gullible, you know? You’re easy to tease; I’d know that for sure out of all people.”

“I hate you,” you spat, bottom lip trembling.

“Sure you do,” he rolls his eyes. “Say that all you want.”

“Stop,” you close your eyes. Heart thumping in its unusual rhythm. A smile still rests on Dazai’s lips, with his leg hugging your thighs, maintaining a good sense of friction. Part of you stifled back a moan, and you nearly whined at the soft movement of his knee alongside the slightly exposed skin from your skirt.

Legs open enough for the whole world to see; flesh exposed to others. Black pencil skirts—the type of clothing that he loved on you. Blush tickling your cheeks; whether from the light makeup or that you were flustered by the way he made you feel. The exposure of your collarbone from the white top was too bare; an empty canvas. Dazai preferred cold color acrylics on your neck; all painted by the tip of his lips and graze of his teeth.

Though this moment was different. You continue to move slowly from his touch. His grip is strong around your waist. The smirk disappears on his lips. Dazai almost pulls back, but he insists that he stays put. You keep your eyes closed before you grasp onto his arms, tightening the cloth of his coat, and he takes note of your trembling lips.

“Y/N?” He asks, worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

“I—” you open your eyes. His lustful state had vanished. Weird. Dazai tilts his head before placing a palm on your cheek. With the enlargement of your eyes, your heartbeat quickened once more. This feeling. Fuck. The unthinkable emotions returned. He straightens his position before your hands tighten on his coat. “Nothing,” you quip.

He fights back a chuckle. “Don’t say that. Something’s wrong.”

“I’m okay,” you argue.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, you know that, right?”

You gulp. “I know.”

He blinks in confusion. “Then what’s—”

“Just leave me alone!” You shout out loud, completely startling him before he steps back with a blank stare. Tears began to sting your eyelids, completely engulfed by your emotions. No, no, no. Pure denial. You fight back from lunging yourself into his chest.

One swift movement and you disappeared from the bathroom. Your mind mentally clocked out for the day. The pitter-patter of the pouring rain outside wasn’t helpful at all; the lightning cracks were enough to startle you. It was too busy—on an unusual weekday—in the city of Yokohama to be jammed packed with traffic on the streets. Lights dim to a dark hue; bar signs flickering from a distance.

You decide to walk home for the day. The horrendous rain that dripped down wasn’t as bad as before—thankfully—though you didn’t mind that you were wandering through the streets; head soaked from the precipitation, eyes stung from the tears that dripped down from your cheeks. A flustered mess you were, only with a bit of a sneeze here and there.

‘Please, no.’ You thought to yourself imagining the inevitable. A quick breeze of his words was enough to keep you off your feet. Though it only started with one night at a bar, where you and Dazai clanked drinks together; joyous laughter about the most recent cases at the time. It took less than two hours for both of you to get tangled up in bed; the unbuckling of belts was on rewind in your mind. His lips were on yours, which had been a ghostly touch for about a week now. And he fucked you into submission, completely taken back by how good that man was in bed yet something about his personality as a whole caught you off guard in numerous ways that you—thought—were meant to be unexplainable.

Usually, Dazai stayed the night. He always did. Regardless of how much energy he still had from fucking you until your eyes rolled back, Dazai continued to keep himself underneath the sheets with you. Thumb trailing your thighs; kisses gently placed alongside the pillar of your neck as you attempted to sleep. And he’d offer to cook breakfast the following morning, but you’d refuse since you couldn’t trust him to not accidentally kill himself in your own home.

The way he made you feel.

Heart completely drenched in denial. Feelings tucked away in a tight chest. Every time you gulp with your feet wandering further down the streets, turning a block here and there, you slowly come to your senses. Part of you believes that you were going insane. Dazai. Out of all people to fall in love with; after a few mere sessions of stress-release underneath the wrinkled blankets and the way his body flowed alongside yours.

Of course. This had to happen with you—with Dazai.

You rummage through your pockets before unlocking the door to your home. The door closes shut behind you with the drips of your rain fading down to the floor. Your legs shake. Unable to move, yet you force yourself to do so.

Though with a few steps in, you fall to your knees in the kitchen before resting your head alongside the wall. Your eyes continue to sting; tears start to flow once more. Dazai. Your heart aches; with one glance at your fingers, you realize that you had fallen in love with the man. ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen,’ a wind of thought soared through your mind. Cries wail from your lips quietly, in hopes to not disturb the other neighbors of your stressful demise. A pathetic situation to ever slip into.

You weren’t sure if it was that crisp smile that he’d throw at you with a wave of his hand, declaring his goodbye before earning a bicker from Kunikida before they left for a mission—or the fact that he’d leave a cup of your favorite drink at your desk when you were napping on the job. (Clearly, something that Dazai could relate to.) And the way he continued to stay after every night; the growth of the bond that he had with you was enough to cause your chest to swirl into unusual feelings that you weren’t used to.

As if on cue, you dig your head down to hear the twist of the knob from your front door. Already knowing who it was, you plan out different sentences that you could quickly rehearse in case that Dazai had some questions in mind.

Footsteps were declared on the wooden floor. You feel his body stop close to you and he bends down, eyeing your shaky figure.

Much to your surprise, your head shot up at the touch of his hand on your head before he slowly moved his fingers down to meet with your cheek. Your drenched self starts to soak his bandages, but he pays no mind to it. Instead, Dazai sighs before a smile twinkles in an instant, causing you to hum in confusion.

“You’re soaked,” he notes.

Your eyebrows twitch. “You think so?”

“Let me run a bath for you.”

“Wait, what?”

“You heard me,” he says, and he makes himself at home in an instant like that. This was never unusual. Part of you liked it, yet you despised him for every bit of it.

Dazai was never the type of man to commit; you knew it all too well. The way he acted around you was no different than the other women he’d meet at the coffee shop that the Agency would hang out in or those that were engaged in a mission. (He’d get a lecture from Kunikida for being ‘unprofessional’, but—as if Dazai really gave a damn.)

The water starts to run, capturing you out of your thoughts before he makes himself back to the kitchen where you sat on the floor uncomfortably. Dazai looks down at you before that smile returns; a comforting touch that he had on his face, and he bends down once again to grasp onto your waist, causing you to gasp.

“Stand up now!” He cheers, allowing you to smack him playfully on his shoulder. He winces; you groan in annoyance. “I’m just trying to help.”

“You can go now,” you spat back.

“So sassy,” he slightly pushes you into the bathroom where you watch the tub slowly fill up.

You furrow your eyebrows at the yellow rubber ducky that was floating along the waves of the water. Turning around, you point at the toy. “What the hell is that?”

“What?” He shrugs his shoulders. “You don’t like it? I got it for you.”

“I’m not five,” you scoff.

“I think it adds a nice touch to a lovely bath, you know?”

He smiles; you scrunch up your nose. “So you knew I walked home in the rain?”

“Well, yeah,” he chuckles heavenly—a sound that causes your breath to hitch. “I was worried about you. I may have followed you home without you realizing.”

“Asshole.”

“How sweet,” Dazai places a hand on his head in delight. “I never knew you could have such a kind heart. Now, let me help you clean up.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Dazai twirls his finger around. You huff, turning away from him. Before you can retort that you were capable of taking off your clothes, he bickers, “—and yes, I know you can take off your clothes like the independent woman you are. But let me help.”

You wanted to spit back at him, but your mind didn’t want to. So you let him. And slowly, he unbuttons your shirt with a soft hum; singing along to a pop song that had been stuck in his head for days, as what he said from one of the nights that he stayed at your place from before. Dazai strips you from your shirt before fiddling with your skirt, slowly taking it off which causes you to—unconsciously—cover your chest with your hands. What. And it wasn’t like that you were this nervous from when he’d have sex with you like before.

“Why so shy?” He asks in amusement. The wiggle of his eyebrows causes you to scoff. “It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”

“Shut it, Dazai,” you murmur.

“You’re beautiful,” he says with confidence. You felt your neck heat up at his compliment. “I’m serious. Absolutely stunning.”

“Stop that.”

“I think not,” he clicks his tongue before you are completely naked in front of him; soaked clothes scattered across the cream floor of the bathroom.

Dazai says nothing. Instead, his eyes held a gentle glow; the lust-divine you saw whenever he was inside you on those intense nights of him fucking you at every location in your apartment was gone. And instead, you were met with a more reassuring gaze. It was all too new—too real. You let yourself give in to it; he looks gorgeous, as he always does, and he never fails to capture your eyes just as you were gazing into the honey-kissed irises of his.

When you sit in the tub, the water is warm. You blink a couple of times, trying to surround yourself with what was currently happening. Dazai soaks up a sponge, offering to rub it down your back while he complains—in a funny tone, really—about how Kunikida was so goddamn annoying today and then proceeds to change into another subject. At some points, he picks up the rubber duck and then squeezes it in hopes you would react to it.

(He was earned with splashes on his clothes. Which was fine.)

Dazai did most of the talking. Though the way that he offered to lean you down into the tub so your head and shoulders would rinse out the soap as he talked about how he wanted to try a new type of coffee brand, it continued to make you feel more at ease. With more squeezes of the rubber duck, he offered to massage your neck while you were already attempting to calm down from your breakdown from earlier. And you let him.

You expected his teasing comments. Maybe some gestures that he’d hint at that he was in the mood. Though he did none of that. And he even left the room to go retrieve your white bathrobe that hung above the back of your bedroom door.

After you exit the tub, the water drains in its slow motion. Dazai dries your soaked body up—all clean, and he continues to hum regardless of it all, and the scent of fresh fruit lingered in the air from the soap you used.

You walk outside of your bedroom after him. Fingers flick off the light switch before you walk towards your bed. Eyes slowly giving into a slumber. Lazily, your legs gave in and you fall onto the mattress. Face encumbered by the pillow. It smells like Dazai; the bedsheets remind you of him—of the nights you had with him. Lustful sessions of his body intertwined with yours, yet you held memories dear to your heart from when he continued to be his generous self around your presence.

“Someone’s tired,” Dazai chuckles before he makes himself a seat on the bed. “Get some rest, Y/N.”

“Wait.”

You grasp onto his wrist quickly. He parts his lips in confusion. “What’s wrong, Y/N?”

“I—” you bit your bottom lip. ‘Just ask,’ you think to yourself—and why? You weren’t sure. But you wanted it. “Please stay.”

He blinks. “Is that what you want?”

“I—um,” you stutter. “Yes.”

Dazai smiles; a sweet touch to his solace stare. “Thought you’d never ask.”

The back of your head was met with your side of the bed. You hold onto the bedsheets, taking in his scent though he was next to you, slowly stripping off his clothes. Layered bandages around his torso and shoulders; nothing left but his boxers on, and Dazai didn’t hesitate to slump onto the mattress with you. He yawns in satisfaction. Contentment arising from his lips with a swift smile.

“I like sleeping here,” he murmurs.

You turn to him. “Oh yeah, why is that?”

“Because you’re close to me.”

You blink, completely stuck in your own mind. As if your brain backfired its gears, you took in the chance to move his body to the side which caused him to gasp in confusion. Without hesitation, you place your lips down to meet his; the taste of dark coffee sweeps by your mouth. Permanent scars embedded underneath his bandages, yet you couldn’t help but find every bit of his body so peaceful to trail your fingers along the bruised skin.

Though Dazai does not hesitate. He finds himself kissing you back, allowing your fingers to move around his layered chest and his hands meet your cheeks. Electricity sparks within your veins, much like his, and he jerks his hips upwards to meet with yours. Though his motion was different; it wasn’t so rough, and it felt softer, but his grips were no different. A stronger grasp this time.

Dazai finds victory when a moan leaves your lips and he smirks at this. Continuing to move his hips upwards, you grit your teeth at the bit of friction from his clothed cock grinding against your exposed clit. Fucker. He didn’t bother to bring you spare underwear—all you had on was a bathrobe blanketing your bare body; was this planned? Most likely, maybe.

“Need you,” he murmurs along your lips before bracing himself to kiss you again; more passionately as he grips on your neck hard. “You’re gorgeous; every bit of you is beautiful to me.”

“Dazai.”

“Don’t talk.”

His lips feel so intoxicating when they travel down your neck. Dazai throws you over, and he remains on top of you. You grip on his curled locks while his tongue devours your skin; finally, that empty canvas of your collarbone has been painted with swirls of purples and blues. The way he likes it. His body grinds into yours; fluttered moans left your lips.

It seemed as if it was all a hallucination. Yet with every bite of his teeth alongside your skin, your mind snapped back into reality. His fingers toy down to meet your thighs, gently squeezing them before he meets with your—already—soaking clit. Smirking at your wetness, he continues to kiss you; more of a need. Want. Dazai wants it all, and you knew you were falling right into his trap once more. These feelings. Love was inevitable with this man; there had been no way that you could ever see a bonding relationship with him to grow into an everlasting romance.

But he was still so good with how he made you feel. One more night. At least, allow yourself to give in to his touches. In love with his movements and who he is. You let yourself give in to him one more time. No matter what game Dazai loved to play, you weren’t sure if you were just a pawn to him. It was always hard to tell, though he toyed with you in ways that were left with nothing but breathless nights.

“You’re so stunning,” he says close to the shell of your ear. He inserts a finger in you, causing you to gasp as you throw your arms around his chest. Pulling him close to you, he snickers humorously. A cocky bastard that he always was. And he lets himself thrust his finger in.

An arch of your back as wails of your panting moans left your lips was a cue for him to insert another finger. Without warning, two fingers had entered you, and you felt your walls clench around him. A pleased smirk was photographed on his face. The look of pure enlightenment that he’d had when he was horny was enough to keep it a memory in your head; it was unbelievably sexy and it caused your body to squirm underneath his dominant presence over your body.

Dazai kisses you once more, drowning your moans into his mouth. You grip on the arm that he was fingering you with; endless pants had soared from your lips at this point. Dazai continues to kiss you, peppering your swollen lips with kisses; bruised with a sting of red from how much he devours his tongue with yours. The sight he loves to see—or so that’s what you thought.

“Cum for me, love,” he states; you oblige. He groans at the wetness of his fingers before he reaches up and then flicks his tongue at your fingers. Dazai bends down, taking in one of your breasts before plunging back into rummaging himself out of his boxers.

Your eyes flutter shut, shaking your head at the sudden release of your first orgasm before Dazai makes himself on your bed. His cock rests in his hand before he tilts his head. He looks at you for a moment, arching a brow. To add to your confusion, Dazai leans down to kiss you before planting several kisses on your flushed cheeks; a new sensation, odd. But you knew you liked it. And he continues to do this until you tumble out laughs to echo in the air.

He smiles brightly, nuzzling his nose into your cheek. “Safe word if it hurts, okay?” He whispers close to your ear. As usual, he always said this—though this time felt different. You nod and Dazai places his forehead against yours, letting out a heaved breath once he inserts himself into you.

You tighten your lips at the sting of your walls expanding for him. God. The feelings were always a pleasure to get used to at first. And he stares at you; wide-eyed yet his autumn irises held patience in their pools. With a quick nod, he decides to move, and with slow thrusts entering you, you find yourself gripping onto his wrists as he hovers himself over you.

His pace increases once your moans start to get louder. Dazai nearly swings his head back in excitement; engulfing himself in the pleasure of you around his cock. Tight enough for him. He groans while he grits his teeth before grabbing onto one of your breasts. A small squeeze; you heave out a gasp. And he continues to keep at it with the pace he was in, eyeing the bruises alongside your collarbone.

Dazai continues to fill you and his moans begin to soar throughout the bedroom. Typically, he fucked you until you were overstimulated, though this night was fairly different for him. It seems like it, at least—with every thrust he gave in, your hips float down onto the mattress while you tighten your grip around his wrists.

He notices this and then reaches down in order to attempt to kiss your forehead. Feather-light kisses brought chills down your spine; the storm outside cracks a bit of lightning. Dazai continues to thrust into you, keeping his pace steady though he outweighs his stamina by increasing his movements. Your moans play a symphony; enough for him to feel aroused while he angles his hips to hit you deeper than before.

“Dazai!”

“Fuck,” he swears. “You feel so damn good. You’re so fucking beautiful.”

“Da—Dazai, I—” your body gets lost in the sudden haze of lust. The coil in your stomach continues to grow while the bed creaks alongside Dazai’s movements. He attempts to stifle his moans by burrowing his face into your neck, breathing his pants alongside your jaw. The pressure is too much; a boiling sensation allows you to snap, with your voice raising out loud, “—I love you!”

He immediately stops and then forces himself up to stare at you. Blinking for a moment out of your high, you cover your mouth in shock. No, no, no—fuck please, no.

“What?” He questions.

“I’m sorry, I—” you tighten your lips. Fuck. No, no. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—I mean, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

Dazai stares at you, wide-eyed while your body jolts into an adrenaline rush of fear. “You love me?” He asks, baffled.

You remain quiet for a moment, not caring about the situation that you were in. “I—I love you, Dazai. I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t—” he shakes his head before pushing himself onto your lips. Before you can retort, you felt him thrust into you. Hard. A moan escapes out of your mouth in an instant. Dazai refuses to waste time, so he allows himself to continue the pace. A smile grows on his lips. You weren’t sure if it was from pure satisfaction of the pleasure that he was receiving or that he was actually giddy from your sudden outburst.

Whatever it was, Dazai continued to let himself take it in. And he keeps thrusting in you without a care in the world. He leans down, kissing you all around your cheeks before you can even sputter out moans since you were drowning from his lips all over your elated face.

“Beautiful,” he says, nearly breathless. “You’re so beautiful. Inside and out. Fuck, you’re too perfect.”

“I—I’m—”

“I know, baby,” he groans, throwing out a new pet name; your heart flutters. “You feel too good.”

“Dazai!” You cry out his name in ecstasy.

He moans out your name, signaling that he was close. Tongue racing alongside your collarbone while you keep his chest close to you. Every thrust was erratic; a speed that was picking up its pace. Dazai’s starting to become needy, continuing to murmur out for you to cum undone for him, and you oblige to his command. A squirm of your body underneath him while he lets out an echoing groan—your name follows suit; Dazai’s eyes hazel down to exhaustion before he flops down on you.

His expresso locks tickle your ears. Body still shaking from your outburst, you were taken back by his arms tightly gripping you close to him. “I’m so sorry,” you grit your teeth; jaw aching, and Dazai notices your shivering.

He shushes you before he attempts to kiss the tears that were trailing down your cheeks. “Don’t apologize, Y/N.”

“No, you’re gonna hate me now.”

“What?” He asks, shaking his head. “You’re the one that hates me.”

“I don’t hate you, I just—” you stop yourself from speaking.

“You love me, right?”

“I’m so—”

He stops your response with a kiss, catching you off guard. Dazai departs from your lips, causing you to stare at him in confusion while he chuckles loudly. Eyes filled with accomplishment before they fall into a close. Slowly, he slides himself out of you before fumbling down next to you on your bed; speechless.

“I’m not good with words, Y/N,” Dazai says, continuing to pant. He keeps that smile on his face before he smiles at you. “But I love you too.”

The alarm clock strikes at only nine at night. Too early for Dazai’s bedtime—though he rarely had a proper one. Lightning continues to bolt loudly from outside of the apartment building; the walls shake. He hums that one pop song that had been stuck in his head again and he snaps his fingers along with it. You lay in bed, lost in a puzzling daze, and you knew that you have been wrapped around his finger; a loose tie, and you were tucked in. A man who flirts with other women nonstop admits that he loves you; eyes jumping around in a daydream with your sheets still holding onto that arousing scent of him.

He opens his eyes and flickers his stare at you; sweet gaze so lovingly, your heart tumbled into its own cartwheels. Thunder continues to roar from the outside. Wind shouts near your window. Dazai notices your body shivering.

“Come here,” he says.

You move closer to him, letting your face rest against his chest. He twirls his finger alongside your shoulder while you bury yourself into him. Dazai inhales your scent, taking in your presence, and then he plants a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes close, hoping that all of it was real. His words. The way he smoothly lets them loose when he admits how he feels back.

“I love you,” he murmurs once more close to your ear. Your breaths fan his collarbone and you keep yourself steady. “I mean it.”

His fingers meet yours. Intertwining into one. A brand new string of connections.

“I’m tired…” you sigh.

“Sleep then, love.”

“Don’t leave.”

Dazai lays there with you. Part of you ignores the fluttering heart inside your chest. Maybe this was all a dream—at least, with Dazai’s presence around, you always felt like you were in a dream. The way he made you feel was one thing, though how he acted around you seemed different from others, though the harsh denial of you knowing you were falling in love with him had brought more harm than good. Though he tumbled his way close to you, and you remained close to him; ear resting on the beating heart that was on a faster pace than yours within his own chest. A soothing melody.

Dazai brushes his lips alongside your forehead once more.

“I won’t.”

tags: @bsdparadise @whorefordazai @meatbun-aku @sirenascales @dazaiaiko @sky-drgn

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