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yumenoangst · 2 years

Note

HI HI IM THE ANON WHO JUST RECENTLY ASK OMG IM SORRY I FORGOT TO TYPE THE CHARACTER NAME HSHSHS but yeah can i req a prompt 68 by mod runa with tsukasa ? With an s/o who cant feel emotion pls i love all of the woks here ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ♡

Joker Faced

wordy county: 644 words

tw: none

Runa's mini note: HI ANON ILYSM MWAH MWAH !!! /p thank you so much as well dearie anon <3 we appreciate you and everyone else here very much for supporting us~

Empty yet so murky with the most distorted colors you could think of, that was the best way to describe the endless void within you. Things that others felt were almost like a luxury to you, an empty shell. However, you knew one way to imitate that luxury, slide on that joker face, become someone who you’re not.

A chime of the bell rang throughout the school building, just like any ordinary day. A wave of goodbyes swarmed every student, walking off to their obligatory clubs. You’re cheery face heading to the place you find peace of mind, the archery club’s shooting range. You could say that you were technically a part of the club but never participated in the activity—a superficial observer, nothing else.

No one seemed to care that you watched them practice, but it seemed to motivate everyone to do their best secretly. As you gently stroked the cat’s head, the door slid open as if it wasn’t there to begin with, “Ah, Y/n, I was looking for you!” You turned your head up to see Tsukasa out of breath, his face flushed, “Tsukasa? What’s wrong?” Your voice gently rang, but that was simply an imitation. After all, you were basically a doll.

“I… I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while about something, do you mind?” His violet eyes slowly fell to the ground, clearly nervous, but what for? “Of course; what is it?” You tilted your head questioningly, the void in your heart growing bigger by the second. Perhaps he’s found out that you’ve been a joker all along?

Stutters and stammers emitted from the boy’s voice, but he worked up enough courage to speak, “I know it's random, but… I’ve liked you for the longest time!” That love-stricken face was all you could see, but why? Why couldn’t you let him down gracefully like gentle rain? That face of impersonation shattered immediately.

“Ah, is that so?” Your voice was hollow and cold, clearly signing that you could care less. The red knight flinched; what happened to the docile upperclassmen he knew so well? More so, he thought he knew so well. “Y-Y/n?” His voice was trembling, obviously not understanding the situation. What went wrong?

“This… This isn’t like you… What’s wro—” Tsukasa was cut off, unable to finish what he wanted to say. “This isn’t like me? What do you know about me?” Your words became sharp like a sword’s blade, piercing through the boy’s heart. “You- You’re someone who’s always looking after me, a gentle and caring upperclassman, right..?” Shaky words began to spill out of the boy’s heart, his world shattering bit by bit.

“That? Sorry, but I’m simply a joker. Someone who imitates those things called ‘feelings,’ something I don’t have,” you emptily snapped back, your touch becoming cold to the cat that was once resting on your lap. “I pretended to be someone I’m not; it’s that simple,” your icy voice scaring off the aloof creature from you. Slowly, you rose from your seat, approaching the knightly prince, “You know nothing.”

Tsukasa felt weak, both physically and emotionally. Did he really know nothing? He did. Fooled by a fool, he felt cold, something he hadn’t experienced yet in his life. Is this what it’s like to be rejected? A shattered heart for a shattered world. He couldn’t move at all, not even to turn his head back to see your silhouette. A love so false, so one-sided, and so foolish. You left the now broken boy to decay in the silent room as you continued to be eaten alive by that greedy void within you. Joker faced to the end; you felt your whole body swallowed by that void, no more turning back. This was a fate you could care less for; after all, you are just a hollow doll.

#mod runa #enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars #enstars imagines #enstars x y/n #enstars angst #ensemble stars angst #tsukasa suou angst #tsukasa suou x reader #tsukasa suou

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yumenoangst · 2 years

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Also also!! To the anon who just sent in a req please send us another ask to tell us what character you're requesting for exactly please~

Mod runa~☆

#mod runa

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yumenoangst · 2 years

Note

Not a req but Can I ask does this account have an anon system 👀?

I'm pretty sure we do~ We just haven't had any anons come ask or sign off as anything so we left it blank-

mod runa~☆

#ask answered #mod runa

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yumenoangst · 2 years

Note

I've been thonking... what about a reader! oddball that Eichi adores just as much, if not more, as Wataru, who after noticing what Eichi is trying to do, overworks themselves so much they end up dying due to stress moments after they're announced as the loser, destroying eichi in the process? aka I've won but at what cost AND WHAT IF EICHI NOTICES RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT THAT HE IS SO PAINFULLY IN LOVE WITH THEM omg the pain is real

YOUR BRAIN NONNIE ITS SO FUCKING BIG HOLY FUCKING SHIT I COULD MAKE A WHOLE ASS SERIES ON IT

LITERALLY HIM NOTICING AT THAT MOMENT JUST MAKES IT SO MUCH BETTER

eichi is such good angst material ugh

#mod qian #ask answered

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yumenoangst · 2 years

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𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚈𝙾𝚄

NOTE: this has multiple flashbacks without heavy warning so it'll look uh, it'll be fun to find out what is what I guess..?

wordy county: 2.39k words

tw: mention(s) of death and suicide

Runa’s mini note: I was inspired by haniwa's Dear LAYLA so uh,,, this is heavily inspired off of it

When was the last time that he felt his heart was warm? Ah, that’s right, years ago… He’s already forgotten how to shed tears; any sort of gold was thrown away, but he couldn’t throw away the memories that he’s already forgotten. The villa where the two of you spent your summer together was now collecting dust. The memories of him asking you to meet next summer are just like how he asked last summer, but for now, let’s dance so that you won’t be lonely.

The world only revolved around you two, petals of Forget-Me-Nots and Gardenias blurring his vision. The moment he regained clear vision, he saw what was something he’d long forgotten. Vast greenfields, the patches of Shasta Daisies, and the bright smile of yours that could chase away any worries the boy had. His eyes grew watery as he saw you, hand outstretched towards him. He couldn’t help but take your hand, quickly being led throughout the field full of pure white daisies. It was so nostalgic, but why?

The sounds of the world slowly growing muffled, your soft giggles and laughter drowning out as if he’s underwater. Running and running, your back still faced the azure-eyed boy. That was until you stopped to turn around with your voice silent, but somehow it shows that you’re speaking. Unknown words were exchanged to the boy as he didn’t know what you were even saying. Soon enough, you showed him that same reassuring smile before the same blue, and white petals covered Izumi’s vision.

Izumi regained his vision once again, but this time was alone, nowhere near the scenery that he was just at. Instead, the boy found himself lying in bed, the room dark. He looked around to see his nightstand with a picture facing down; curious, he lifted the picture up to have a wave of nostalgia hit him. It was a picture of you and him at the same Shasta Daisy field, smiles of pure and innocent happiness. This made the boy wonder, are you still happy and smiling? Even if you were gone, were you still happy?

Izumi felt so many emotions overcome him as he didn’t know what to feel. Nostalgia, pain, sadness, and all sorts of other emotions. He knew that you were gone; your warmth was no more. Crying out to himself in the darkroom, “S/o, I want to see you again…” His pleads were head upon no ears. The one who taught him how to love was you and only you. However, he knew that you were no more. Once dry, the picture frame is now wet from the lonely tears the ash-haired boy cried. “Good night S/o, sweet dreams,” was all Izumi could whisper before setting the frame back facing down. Bits and pieces of memories were unsealed as the night went on.

The clock ticked slowly as Izumi stared at the ceiling. Everything felt so empty without you, but then again, it felt like he’s sealed everything away. Wet tears soon dried, the warm blanket felt as lonely, just like the last time he slept, and the soft snores of the saddened boy echoed throughout the silent room. However, the boy's dream was something that’s like a fairytale, straight out of one, to be exact.

Lights, camera, and action was all the boy could really do. Posing with products for advertisement ranging from a fashion line to even makeup products. The clicking and flashing of the camera constantly went off as the little boy obediently did what he was told. However, a certain emerald-eyed boy didn’t want to stand around and pose any longer.

As the young ash-haired boy finished, he noticed that his supposedly younger brother had disappeared. The boy grew worried as he left the room to look for the younger blonde, calling out his name multiple times, “Yuu-kun, where are you?” The young Izumi continued searching for the blonde as he heard a familiar voice. Izumi quickly followed the voice as he turned around the corner of a hallway to see you and his beloved brother. “Just who are you, and what are you doing to my Yuu-kun?” Izumi gave a glare toward the younger version of yourself. “Your Yuu-kun?” You gave a confused face; you simply found the boy wandering and decided to walk with him if anything wrong happened.

Makoto turned around to see Izumi as he ran back to him, “Onii-chan, this onee-chan stayed with me the whole entire time! Don’t be mean to her,” Makoto pleaded to Izumi with the most enormous puppy eyes. Izumi sighed and rubbed the nape of his neck in an embarrassed manner, “Is that so… Sorry then, but who are you exactly then?” You chuckled at the boy’s change in attitude as you introduced yourself, “Me? I’m Y/n. I’m also a model here; let’s be friends! What do you say?” You then stuck your hand out in a friendly manner, wanting to shake hands with the boy.

Izumi felt a bit taken back by the upfront gesture, but he didn’t hate it. He looked at Makoto, who also looked back at him, nodding his head to accept the gesture. Izumi slowly took your hand as he nodded his head, “Yeah… I’m Izumi; nice to meet you too.” From there, something bloomed and grew more than just being friends, but for now, this was the building blocks of your friendship to something more.

Time passed as the two of you grew up. Childhood friends were the best way to put it. Makoto slowly distanced himself from Izumi and you; it honestly broke your heart. You don’t know what you did, but soon enough, the little bird left the nest, finding his home somewhere else, leaving you and Izumi together. You couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely now that the young baby bird had left the nest.

The two of you were walking home together from school just like every day, but you were feeling down for some reason. Izumi noticed this, but he didn’t know what to do. He simply made you sit on a nearby bench and bought your favorite drink. The cold surface coming into contact with your warm skin made you jump at the touch of it, “Really, Izumi?” You gave a deadpan before taking the drink from him. “Hah? Really? That’s all you have to say to me?” Izumi snapped back, his hands making their way to his hips in a motherly manner.

You laughed at his attitude, your mood feeling a lot better than before, “You’re right, thanks, Izumi! You know how to really lift my mood, don’t you?” Izumi let out a sigh of relief as he took a seat next to you on the bench, “Of course I do; we’ve been friends for a while now.” Izumi never acted like this to anyone else but you and only you. You melted the thorn in his heart, but only he knows that.

Izumi doesn’t want to lose you, not at all. He wants to protect you with all his might; he doesn’t want to have you feel all sorts of pain. He’ll be there to protect you, shielding you away from all the darkness in the world.

However, one day, Makoto wanted to have you meet the rest of his unit members. The two of you kept in touch, but he also grew distant from you, just as distant as he did with Izumi now. The day you met Makoto’s friends, you felt so happy for him, but you couldn’t help but feel lonely as well. You ended up getting along with his teammates, but you still felt lonely. “Makoto, I’m so happy that you’re able to meet such amazing people; I’ll be cheering you guys on!” You gave a ‘happy’ smile as everyone else laughed and smiled genuinely. Makoto couldn’t be any happier that you approved of his dreams and friends. However, in the back of your head, you kept telling yourself, “I’m not lonely…”

After the gathering ended, you quickly left, calling Izumi. After moments of the phone dialing, you heard the voice you’ve been waiting to hear, “Hello? Y/n, what do you need?” You continued walking, your voice shaky, “Are you home?” Izumi noticed your shaky voice and softened his tone, “Yeah, I’m home; wanna come over?” You simply nodded your head, “Yeah… I’ll be on my way there.” Not long after that, you hung up, making your way to his home.

On the other hand, Izumi sighed as he prepared food for the two of you, waiting for you to arrive. A simple dinner for the two of you, miso soup and pork cutlet. Izumi knows that it’s a bit unhealthy for his diet, but he can make exceptions since this is for you, after all. Besides, cooking the two wasn’t all that hard since he had the ingredients needed to make the two. Simple and fast was something he could make before you could make it to his home, and just like that, time flew by as the boy finished dinner. Bringing the food to the dinner table, he started setting the table until he heard the doorbell ring.

The boy quickly opened the door as he saw you. “Ah, Y/n-“ Before Izumi could say anything else, he was cut off by you giving him an abrupt hug. Izumi didn’t say anything else but returned the hug. He knew that you hadn’t been feeling good, but he didn’t know what to do to cheer you up. He felt horrible that he couldn’t do a single thing to help but be by your side. “Let’s go have dinner Y/n; it’ll get cold if we wait any longer,” Izumi suggested, gently freeing you from his touch. You nodded and slipped off your shoes, making your way to the same table you’ve eaten dinner on for who knows how many times now.

You took a seat across from Izumi as you waited for the boy to take his seat as well. “Thanks, Izumi, it means a lot to me,” you gave a grateful smile; you wouldn’t know what you would do without him. Even when your parents weren’t there and away at work overseas, he was there for you. “It’s no big deal, but don’t you have something on your mind?” Izumi asked, his eyebrows raised up in a questioning manner. You flinched at the sudden question, “Me? Um… To be honest, I’m feeling-“ your voice was then muffled; Izumi couldn’t hear anything else now. Just like that, you finished what you were saying and a pained smile on your face. He felt his heartbreak as purple hyacinth, and pure white lily petals covered his vision just like last time.

Izumi immediately woke up from his long dream; he stared outside his window with the stars shining ever so brightly, his thoughts plaguing his mind, “I wonder if they’re eating well…” Izumi felt the same nostalgic feeling overcoming him, the darkroom made the boy not able to go back to sleep. Perhaps the dance of these flowers will fulfill the dancing he couldn’t do. White, blue, and purple petals blurred his vision as he saw something he’d never want to recall ever again.

“S/o? Dinner’s ready; I’m opening the door,” Izumi said, swinging the door open, but to see something that’d cause the boy to seal away what was hidden so long ago. Izumi stood there in horror as he saw your lifeless body hanging from the ceiling. Your cellphone on the floor was left open; perhaps this is a clue to what happened. Izumi shakily took the phone as he went through your phone, disgusting social media rumors about you, hate messages, and the death of your parents. You loved your family dearly, and to hear that they were gone was the tipping stage. You broke and couldn’t be fixed. The thing Izumi wanted to do most for you was to protect you, but he failed. He felt hopeless, the only one who was always by his side even if he was mean to you. He still cared for you, and you were everything to him. This was the breaking point for him, first Leo and now you. Monochrome and grey the boy’s world grew. The once purple, blue, and white petals all grew monochrome as his vision blurred once again, finding himself in reality.

At your funeral, the boy cried out his heart. The one he loved most was now gone and he couldn’t do anything to help you at all. The biggest guilty feeling plagued his heart throughout the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years. The monochrome world started becoming darker, slowly fading almost into one shade. However, color would soon be brought into his world.

It was the two-year anniversary of your passing, the summer heat getting to him was quite bothersome, but it wasn’t enough to derive his focus from your grave. He placed the bouquet of daisies and lilies on top of your grave, gently gliding his fingers over your engraved name, “I really miss you S/o…” Izumi continued to speak to your grave as if you were really there in person, “Are you laughing up there? I really want to see you again, you know? It’s really dark without you here…” Izumi placed your favorite drink down as an offering to you. He could never forget how you’d smile every time he made your day. It was something he loved ever so dearly.

“I really hope you know that you taught me how to love and that I love you a lot…” The azure eyes of the boy started to crystallize with tears, unable to stop them from flowing. He missed you so much it hurts, but he knows that he has to move forward. “I hope you’re resting well and in peace, good night love,” Izumi said his last goodbyes and turned around to leave, but heard a faint whisper of someone. It was sweet like honey and music to his ears, “I love you too Izumi, I’ll see you next summer!” Izumi turned back to see nobody, but he noticed that there was a sole Forget-Me-Not flower placed on your grave. For the first time in two years, he saw the tiniest pigment of blue.

#mod runa #enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars #enstars imagines #izumi x reader #izumi sena #izumi sena x reader #izumi sena angst

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yumenoangst · 2 years

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ロボトミー

(lit. Lobotomy)

TW: possible triggering or gag-reflex inducing of lobotomy surgery, please do not search if you are easily nauseous with these materials. light descriptions, no major of the lobotomy. Reader’s right eye is bandaged. Please, for the sake of the lord, do not search up lobotomy procedures and go to images. Lobotomy meaning is written below. Reader loses emotions, and loses emotions for Hajime. Please skip the part of where the TW starts in the fic if you get woozy or nauseous easily with gruesome descriptions.

lo·bot·o·my

/ləˈbädəmē/

noun

a surgical operation involving incision into the prefrontal lobe of the brain, formerly used to treat mental illness.

Many patients showed other effects, such as apathy, passivity, lack of initiative, poor ability to concentrate, and a generally decreased depth and intensity of their emotional response to life.

Taglist: @s4egusas (hehe)

Hajime Shino x gn!reader(angst)

“You’ve become so apathetic…

So why… did you choose it?”

Was it fate or was it a last resort? No one knew, and you didn’t know as well. Your responses were robotic, nearly no sense of emotion.

Your schizophrenia became worse, agitation, delusions, and even dangerous behaviour became worse and worse the more you refused treatment. Your persecutory delusions became much worse, the more violent you’d get when someone would try to help you.

It was useless.

You were taken to the surgery room after being sedated - a difficult process as you had nearly attacked someone in the process. Taking a few hours, Hajime waited by your empty hospital bed, waiting for your return.

He was informed about the procedure. How it would affect you. Yet he didn’t have a choice to say yes or no, as it was the last resort. The blue haired boy desperately wanted to say no, but he wasn’t able to once he saw your form, unconscious, being rolled into the surgery room.

That was the last moment he was able to see you, without properly saying a ‘I love you’. He wanted you to have a good memory before everything was severed.

But it was too late as the automatic doors closed.

An hour had passed until you were rolled back to the hospital room. Hajime, wiping his tears, letting space for you to rest in as he peered over the doctors’ shoulders to look at you.

TW: PLEASE SKIP IF YOU GET EASILY WOOZY.

Your right eye was bandaged. A procedure of the lobotomy surgery - putting the medical tool in your eye socket to sever the nerves - that had made Hajime look away. Just imagining how it must have looked nearly made him gag.

END OF TW

Your form was sleeping - nearly unresponsive as the doctors left, nurses giving Hajime a checklist on how to care for you when the nurses weren’t here.

And when you had woken up, you were unresponsive, but noticing who Hajime was and thankfully knowing a little about your surroundings. But what made Hajime’s heart heavy was when you asked what his relationship was with you.

Weren’t you his significant other?

But you didn’t give any response when Hajime had told you about the status of the relationship with him.

It hurt, but he had slowly walked you on what you needed to do step by step. And fortunately, your symptoms were gone - but with a more severe repayment for the removal of your symptoms.

And it seemed that you did not care about anything in life as you lay on your hospital bed, Hajime’s hands holding your left hand as you watched the white ceiling.

You did not care when he had dripped tears on your hand.

#enstars x reader #enstars imagines #ensemble stars x reader #enstars angst #yumenoangst #hajime shino x reader #hajime shino angst #mod ryo

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yumenoangst · 2 years

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↳ ❝ [ MIRROR MIRROR ] ¡! ❞

✎ SUNNY; hi guys (insert jail alarm) idea came up and i wanted to practice? thanks to swanee (@/yumetokashite) for reading over this !! i'll drop it before i chicken ouf :3c

✦—word count: 190

✦—sort: drabble ?

contains: identity issues (?), derealization/depersonalization, blood. please read at your own risk!

mirror mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest of them all?

cupping his hands under the tap, letting the water flow down his cheeks. skin as smooth as silk, little droplets latching onto his hair—the liquid felt strange as it slowly dripped off through the gaps of his fingers, joining the melody of the running tap. it felt like he was holding nothing.

the mirror never lies.

head spinning with something, he pressed the tap shut and pulled a towel from the shelf. rough, callous—he dried his skin, watching the water soak into the red fabric. a strange shape stared back at him—an oval imprint without a face.

of course, himeru, you're the prettiest of them all!

tired eyes found what they were avoiding—but gold met rust, and blue met indigo. a red towel in both of their hands—but one of them looked unusual for a dye. red like poppies, like leaves of autumn and the blood in his veins. one of them raised a hand—but which one was it?

the mirror never lies, but eyes likes to play.

who's the prettiest of them all?

#mod sunny #enstars #himeru #tw identity crisis #tw derealization #tw depersonalization #tw blood #ensemble stars

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yumenoangst · 2 years

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hii~ i like the way you write angst it has some amazing plot twist!!! can i request for arashi having a big fight with her s/o and not knowing that the s/o has a disease or something that she cant get stress? IWKZJSJ thank you in advance.(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Of course anon! Here you go!

病気

byōki

(Lit. Sickness)

Arashi Narukami x Reader(angst)

f!reader

TW: angst, disease, mentions of severe stress, possible heart disease, hospitalisation, swearing

"I didn't mean to say that,

I'm sorry."

There are some days to people in relationships whether it be platonic or romantic to have some quarrels and fights at times.

It was common for some, and seldom for others.

For you and Arashi, it was rare.

Rare to see both fight. You both may have different opinions, but the two of you had resolved the situation in a more pacifist way.

Maybe today was different. Maybe not.

But today wasn't a great day for both of you. It truly wasn't. You had failed something that you worked so hard on, and your phone had broke.

You were not in the mood to laugh and hug it out.

Meanwhile your girlfriend, Arashi, was on the couch of your shared room in the apartment.

As you opened the door after pushing the buttons of the password, you open the metal door, revealing your blonde lover sitting on the couch, with her cat and the television on.

And it was clear as the bright sun on a clear day that you did not want to talk it out with Arashi.

Taking your shoes off and putting them sprawled at the door, you drop your bag harshly down and walk over to your room.

You had enough stress today. Any more would put you in a dangerous state...

Taking out your phone from your pocket, you leave the phone on your bedside table as you get some casual and comfortable clothes and go to the bathroom.

Changing from your uniform, you go out of the bathroom, holding your blazer, blouse and skirt to go to the laundry, until you were stopped by your partner.

Growling, you turn harshly to the taller being, as you ask, "What do you want?"

Startled, Arashi slowly responds with, "you seem down today, do you want to talk it out?"

Shaking your head, you turn back to your way as you growl out that no, you did not want to talk it out, and that you did not want to talk to anyone at all.

You just wanted to be alone.

Stomping away from Arashi, you dump the uniform into the laundry basket, and leave, until the said girl stops you again.

"What do you want now? I said I want to be alone."

"Still, don't you need-"

"Why do you want to talk to me anyways? Can't you just listen to what I say for once?"

The grip on your wrist loosens as Arashi looks at you. You continue,

"I've had enough stress already, and you're adding on to the fucking stress, now leave me the fuck alone before I do something you regret."

The blonde, now more irritated, retorts back, "If you want to be alone so much, then why did you even decide to be in a relationship in the first place?"

"Whats wrong with you that you can't understand someone wanting to be alone for a goddamn day? Do you not understand?"

"Then you shouldn't have come home then if you wanted to be alone for a day!"

'What? Am I not allowed in this house anymore?'

You think. But the thoughts were stopped as your vision becomes blurry and your balance becomes unstable.

Your vision started to fade as you drop on the wooden floor.

Waking out from her anger, Arashi quickly picks you up from the floor as she takes her phone and quickly dials 119 for help.

"My girlfriend, she suddenly fainted, please come quick, please-!"

Quickly checking the pulse to make sure you were still living, she had ran to the front door and had took the staircase to go down to the ground floor of the apartment.

When she heard the siren noises nearing the apartment block, Arashi ran to the source of the sound as the paramedics took you away from her and set you down on the stretcher, quickly wheeling you in.

Yet, your girlfriend was not allowed to go with you.

As the ambulance had driven away, Arashi quickly called over a cab and had went over to the ER where your unconscious form was being driven to. After paying the bill, she left, quickly searching for your whereabouts.

The front desk had told her to wait until you were in a more stable state.

A few hours passed.

And a few more minutes.

A few more seconds.

Until she was allowed to enter the room where you were hospitalised in.

It was silent until you spoke up.

"You didn't know, huh?"

Turning her head to you, she nods her head to carry on.

"My heart was really weak from birth... so if I get too much stress... or a dangerous amount of stress, there's a chance my heart might stop... even the smallest amount of it will make me tired."

"...What...?"

"But my condition isn't okay nor does it meet the checklist to get a transplant, so I've been like this my whole life... so... our fight kind of made me like this, yeah."

"Oh... I... I see..."

"So it means that if I get too stressed...

I might die."

#enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #mod ryo #enstars x y/n #enstars #arashi narukami x reader #arashi narukami angst #arashi narukami

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yumenoangst · 2 years

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A Waltz' Finale.

Shu x gn!Reader

✄ TW; implied suicide, unhealthy obsession at one point(?), seeming unrequited love

✄ A/N; Post-War! And no beta :’) There are different parts to the fic that are separated by numbers 😔 Instead of anger... Shu feels the sad™ I based it on my own experience (with some changes of course) but keep in mind that everyone's experience is different.

✄ I got bored halfway (honestly, way to go me 🙄) cause I wrote this at an ungodly hour, so sorry if this is that good-

✄ And with that, please stay safe and know people care about you!

———

His world of perfection shattered.

His castle of sand in ruin.

It took so much of his body just to go home after the devastating defeat Valkyrie had against fine.

And now Shu was here, locked in his room.

Rather unfortunate that his body had certain needs. If he could, he would stay on the ground, hiding, and only speak to Mademoiselle for hours on end.

But of course, that wasn’t the case.

Slowly, he tried to get up, looking lazily over to the bathroom door. He barely had the strength to get up. His legs shaking as he let out a breath he didn’t notice he was holding in. Thankfully, there was a bathroom inside his room. Which made it a lot easier to take care of himself in the safe confines of his room.

The only thing that he still had with him.

The only safety he felt anymore was here. In his room.

Slowly, he walked inside the bathroom, quickly going to the mirror to splash his face with cool water. The mirror showed his reflection, the tired look on his face said numbers, he would tell himself. But at this point, he didn’t have a care in the world.

Medicine surrounded his sink. The permanent headache that he had couldn’t be stopped with the painkillers he had noticed, which is why he uses a lot of sleeping medicine to aid sleeping his days away.

He looked sick.

He felt sick.

Which, he supposed it was another reason for the medicine to be here.

If only there was medicine to forget.

———

It had been a long time since this all started.

Shu didn’t let anyone in his room. Only sometimes were there people who would speak through his locked door.

At first, it was his family. Slight concern would show, talking about how this wasn’t him and he needed to let go of something so trivial, while others would simply complain about him doing nothing.

But how could they understand how it felt for him?

Ah… what a failure he was.

Anyone else who did appear sometimes was Mika, his teammate, who would be the one to bring in food and leave it at his door. While sometimes it would be Y/N, who was one of his classmates.

At first, he was surprised to hear Y/N, but it slowly turned into a recurring event, where they would appear to tell stories about school and the outside, which Shu learnt to slowly appreciate.

Finally, he decided to make an exception.

Letting in Mika and Y/N sometimes in his room.

Mika continued to be the one who would bring in food and such, while Y/N would be making Shu pick up on his self care.

“How are you feeling today Shu?” Their voice barely above a whisper as they gently brushed Shu’s hair. Something that Shu learnt to find that would calm his nerves.

Shu hummed slightly, not being able to come with a response. It had been a long time since he spoke so his words were limited.

“That’s good.” The conversation was one sided, but Y/N didn’t mind that, which calmed Shu even more. “I was thinking, maybe we could go to the kitchen and cook something? If you would like that is.”

Shu quickly shook his head to the side. His face showed his discontent with the suggestion. He didn’t want to leave his room yet, and he made sure that Y/N knew that.

“That’s okay! Don’t worry about it.” Y/N laughed slightly, their whole talk being light hearted as they continued to brush and play with Shu’s hair.

Oh… How much he would love to hear Y/N’s voice till the end of time.

———

III

It was almost suffocating.

Shu felt powerless. Because of something stupid that had happened months ago, here he was with being treated like a child by two of the people that he cared about.

He would have rather they let him rot instead.

A shaky breath escaped his lips.

They had done so much for him and he had done nothing back. He only treated him cruelly before.

So why were they doing this?

Sudden anger went through Shu’s body.

He had done nothing this whole time, he was being useless. Even with all the fabrics around his room, all the machines to see he did nothing.

All he did was sulk and speak to Mademoiselle.

How pathetic.

How pathetic he was.

———

Just like clockwork.

His heart would beat strongly in his chest as he tried to get off his bed, he propped himself on his elbows.

As annoying as it felt having his heart make so much noise, he supposed it made him feel human.

His movements were still sluggish but with the help of others he could move a bit more.

His joints could move a lot more than before.

But he didn’t feel better per say.

He still felt sick.

Powerless.

He hated the feeling.

If he wasn’t so keen on his permanent physical appearance he would have stabbed his heart out.

He doesn’t want scars to look back into and sulk even more. He had done enough of that already.

———

He could feel it.

He was starting to become incredibly dependent on Y/N.

He could feel how obsessed he was getting.

He shouldn’t, he cannot.

He screamed internally. What was he doing?

Yes, Mika was there and he needed him as much as he needed Y/N health wise. But Mika wasn’t… Y/N.

Ah. He wouldn’t mind only having a life that only had Y/N…

Did he love them?

Perhaps.

But even he knew that he was going too far. He was driving himself insane.

———

The only sound that he could hear was his heart and the ticking of a clock.

Shu quietly sat on the bathroom floor. He had done this many times before, contemplating if he should do something he shouldn’t.

Only this time he decided to do it.

A sort of dread clouded on his mind.

He couldn’t handle it anymore, that is why he was here after all.

Regret?

Maybe.

It was only a matter of time before his body would give up, he thought.

But there was something that was weighing on his mind.

It was almost as if his hand moved on its own.

It wasn’t for much time that he realised he longed for someone so caring such as Y/N. But he knew better than to try to go after them, they deserved so much better than someone who turned twisted such as himself.

He wanted to hear their voice one last time.

Dialing Y/N’s phone number he waited to see if the other would pick up. Nervously tapping at his leg slightly as he waited.

Not before long, Shu could hear their voice.

“Hello?”

“Y/N… can you hear me?” Shu hadn’t spoken in so long, his voice slightly raspy, it hurt his throat to speak.

“I… I don’t think we will be able to see e-each other tomorrow…” Shu’s voice was stuck in his throat, a hiccup escaping it. “I- I wanted to tell you a final goodbye”

Ah… suddenly he was crying again.

And before long, Shu hung up. Dropping the phone next to him, laughing dryly.

He didn’t want to hear what Y/N would tell him. It wouldn’t be long before sleep would consume him.

For the last time.

#I tried to imitate the setup of the other mods #cause... AT LEAST THEY KNOW HOW TO AESTHETIC #can you tell I don't use social media much #anyways I wanted to at least post SOMETHING in this blog since everyone else has already #I am so late apologies ��#shu itsuki x reader #shu itsuki #tw sui implied #there is something funny about me accidentally posting this when I wasn't done and having a heart attack thinking I deleted everything #no. I just accidentally posted it. and honestly I'm just gonna... keep it and not look back ye-#mod brioche

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yumenoangst · 2 years

Text

⇢ synopsis; finding out you're not soulmates

⇢ pairings & characters; hakaze kaoru x gn!reader

⇢ tags; angst drabble, soulmate au

⇢ word count; 241

⇢ notes from mod qian; dedicated to jade & chiara

"Hakaze Kaoru," you called out to him. It was rare that anyone would use Kaoru's full name- especially for you. It was simply unnecessary, long, and most importantly, cold-blooded. Your relationship with Kaoru was never cold, and it was never meant to be cold. Everyone, including yourselves, treated this as a fact.

When his full name was used, it only meant one thing: serious news- usually something bad. There were either two tones when you used his full name: impersonal or angry. This time, it wasn't the latter. If you were angry, Kaoru was confident that you could work it out- but when you were as cold as you just were, the future became uncertain.

"Yes? What happened, my dearest Y/N?" Kaoru hugged you from behind. His warmth was soft, meaningful- something that one found in a soulmate. It felt as if it was the last time you had the right to enjoy such a thing, bringing his arm up and your head down to bury yourself in it. You could almost see his worried expression, even if your eyes were closed.

"Today. I found out my soulmate-" You didn't need to tell him any more. You both understood what it meant- that you were never meant to be with him, even if everyone, including yourselves, thought that you and Hakaze Kaoru were meant to be. Fate simply decided on another path, one that seemed to easily break your heart.

-`, end notes ꒱ ↷🖇🥛

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⇢ If you liked this post, please reblog it! It would help our posts reach a wider audience if you did~!

⇢ If you would like to join the taglist, please send an ask!

⇢ taglist; @lilikags

⇢ quick links; masterlist | back to blog

#enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars #hakaze kaoru #hakaze kaoru x reader #enstars x you #hakaze kaoru x y/n #hakaze kaoru x you #enstars x y/n #enstars imagines #hakaze kaoru imagines #undead #undead imagines

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yumenoangst · 2 years

Note

hello hello helloo!! idk who will reply to my ask but hello people is it ok if i request an unrequited love with tsukasa, tsukasa being the one crushing on y/n cause it turns out they already have a s/o??

Of course anon! Here you go!

片思い

kataomoi

(Lit. Unrequited Love)

Tsukasa Suou x Reader(angst)

gn!reader

TW: angst, broken hearts

※Reader's s/o is Kohaku Oukawa.※

"I... didn't have a chance from the start,

didn't I?"

It was a known fact that Tsukasa was head over-heels for you.

The whole of Ensemble Square knew it, even if he didn't say anything.

His actions showed it all, after all.

But what made some look at the red haired boy in pity was that you, did not know about his feelings.

And some knew, that you already had a lover.

A caring, kind, and loving boyfriend.

You and Kohaku had met first as strangers, but when both of you were able to know each other better, you two had developed feelings for each other.

That was six months ago.

As Kohaku was an idol, both of your relationship was in private, which had let Tsukasa to believe that you did not have a significant other.

When Tsukasa heard that Kohaku had gotten a significant other, he was happy for his younger cousin. Tsukasa wanted the best for him after all.

Yet Tsukasa did not hear who Kohaku's lover was.

So when Tsukasa saw the both of you, Kohaku and you, together walking at a park, he had faltered for a bit and composed himself.

Surely he wasn't barging into something private, right?

Oh how wrong he was.

But he didn't know. No. Tsukasa didn't notice his cousin's face grimacing when the red haired tagged along.

But you had welcomed him to join, yes. You didn't make a face or say anything that said he was not welcomed.

It was at Knights practice when Tsukasa had told his unit members that he would confess to you.

But due to how exited the boy was, he wasn't able to notice Izumi looking away in pity, how Leo's smile dropped, how Arashi had covered her mouth, and how Ritsu had woken up from his sleep, looking at the red haired boy.

Yet, they weren't able to say that you were already taken.

By his cousin nonetheless.

Gesturing to the window and down below outside the window, Tsukasa followed his senior's gestures, and saw you and his cousin.

After some seconds had passed, Izumi moved.

Both holding hands in a tight grip, swaying them around and walking to a cafe nearby.

No. He couldn't believe it.

Sure, Kohaku did have a significant other, but he didn't tell him that it was... you.

Hands shaking, Tsukasa turns to Izumi.

Voice shaking, he mumbles,

"I didn't have a chance in the first place"

#enstars x reader #enstars angst #yumenoangst #mod ryo #tsukasa suou x reader #tsukasa suou angst #enstars

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