yup-i-am-weird

[yup-i-am-weird]

I Care

Ship : Loki x GN!Reader

Synopsis : Reader attempts suicide but Loki is there to rescue them in time.

Word Count : 1061

TW : Suicide attempt, depression, self harm, panic attack, (grammatical errors?, english is not my first language) etc.

Please don't read if any of this triggers you.

You were hiding behind a soil wall you created with you elemental powers, three children none aging more than ten standing beside you as the enemies rained fire. It was in a middle of a fight when some terrorist organisation had decided to hijack a building and you guys were busy fighting them while simultaneously evacuating the building. Normally it would have been an easy task but it turned out that the organisation was linked to hydra and had got their hold on some dangerous weapons. Currently you were rescuing three kids as you tried to protect them from the attack.

"Y/N, take the kids and leave, now!", Steve said on the comms. Taking his orders you were about to leave with the kids to help them to a safer place when you spotted a man dragging himself on the floor, his head bleeding from side with his leg twisted in a uncomfortable position clearly broken, you take in the sight as the flashback of your own father's similar injury hits you, making you let out a small gasp. You continue watching the man for a couple of seconds until Clint shows up and helps the man.

The kids were still beside you, until one was not, as you turned around you heard him scream, one the terrorist had gotten to the little boy and was holding him in a tight grip, "Help me inside the building or he dies", the man said from behind the mask as the kid got more and more scared. At a distance you notice Natasha almost getting stabbed by a knife and you stop it in mid air by manipulating the wind. The terrorist on the other hand uses your distraction to his advantage shooting the kid and running inside the building with his crew. "No!", is all you could say as you hear the gunshot.

Later at the compound

"Y/N, what the hell were you thinking, you had enough time to save that kid!", Tony yells at you as you visibly wince at his words. "Tony, it's enough, leave it", Steve tries to calm him down. "I am not sure, if you see it Cap, but their distraction is evident, they are always so lost!", Tony says sharply as his words cut threw you.

Later, you go to your room, letting the weight of what just happened sink. You were a terrible person, you couldn't even get past a mission without distraction. That innocent kid did not deserve to die. It was only because of you that he was dead. He had so much life ahead of him but your recklessness got him killed. Nobody likes you. No one. You are a fool. They all hate you. You are useless.

You sat in you room thinking these things over and over, again and again as your head starts to hurt and tears start streaming down your face as you harshly grip the bed sheets, then your hair, and soon without releasing you are scratching your wrists with nails leaving small red marks all over. You are crying and feeling overwhelmed, almost on the verge of a panic attack, as you blame yourself for the boy's death and feel completely useless and unwanted. They all hate you. No one would care you if you just disappeared. Your brain tells you.

After about half an hour, you go to the roof top, deciding to end all the pain forever. You take the elevator and reach the top of the tower. A weird serenity surrounded the area which was in complete contrast to the storm inside of you, which had you trapped in it so bad that you couldn't take it anymore. You took a step forward. The sky had a tinct of pink and orange as the sun was setting, the noise from street below wasn't really audible from this height. Why was it so peaceful? Why was nature so calm when you were not. You felt more angry and hurt at the sight. You did not understand why you couldn't feel this calm and relaxed and someone else could.

You were still crying, and continued moving forward slowly till you were almost at the edge when suddenly, "Y/N! Stop! What are you doing?", you heard Loki's voice call from behind you with a sense of urgency in his voice. You turn out to find him looking frightened and concerned. "What are you doing? What are you thinking? Get away from the edge! Now!", he said still sounding panicked. "Just let me go", you say through tears. "No, I am not letting you go, i cannot", he says stepping forward, coming close to me. "No one cares, Loki, I am just a burden for everyone, i keep making mistakes, I am of no use", you say crying. "No, Y/N, I care about you, you are not a burden and this isn't the answer to anything, taking your life won't help, you can't give up", he says gently gripping my shoulders.

"I give up,Loki, I am weak, I am very weak", you say still crying hysterically. "Y/N. You. Are. Not. Weak. You are the strongest person I know, you remember you are the one who told me mistakes don't define a person, that waiting and trying can always make things better, and pain only makes us stronger, remember?", he asks looking at you with concern and gentleness as you nod your head yes. "Then why are you giving up yourself?, I know you are strong, and I care about you and always will", he says pulling you close to his chest as you cry more.

"Shhh, it will all okay, I am here, just don't try to take your life again, please, it hurts me, I don't know how will I survive without you", Loki says, his own voice breaking now, as he speaks with a hint of vulnerability. "I am sorry", is only what you can say. "Don't apologise", he says and holds you till you have calmed down, rubbing circles on your back. "I love you Y/N, I love you a lot, I cannot live without you, please stay with me", he says, shedding a couple of tears, "You, love me?", you ask little surprised, "More than you know" is all he says as he pulls you closer.

[yup-i-am-weird]

How Would the Marvel Characters React to you Calling their name in your sleep

It is early morning when he is there lying beside you in the bed admiring your sleeping form. His one hand is under his head which is slightly raised giving him the perfect view of your face while the other is intertwined with your own when he hears you call his name. His eyes widen and a smile spreads across his face. He looks at you with doe eyes and starts imagining what you could possibly be dreaming of (which he hopes isn't something bad). He kissed your forehead and moved closer to you, wrapping his arms around you securely. A sense of warmth fills his chest. He no longer feels like a monster with you by his side. He feels redeemed, never having even thought that one day someone would love him this much, so much that he was also equally in love with you and would do anything to keep you safe and happy.

Bucky and you were cuddling on the couch after a long day at work. He was laying on his back with you on top of his chest. It had been a rather tough mission and you wanted nothing more than to cuddle with him. The enemy had almost shot him and even though you knew it wouldn't have got him killed you couldn't help but think otherwise. You didn't tell him about your thoughts though, you just laid there drawing lazy circles on his flesh arm and feeling the warmth of his super soldier body. At some point he had turned on TV which you barely even registered and felt yourself drifting off to sleep. Minutes later he heard you call his name in your sleep. He immediately turned his attention to you, brows scrunching in worry. Were you having a nightmare? He thought to himself and began examining your face for any signs of fear. He found none which made him smile contently. Yes you were worried about him but it wasn't a nightmare you had. You just dreamt about having more warm moments with him like this. He felt relieved, safe and relaxed with you in his arms, which he wrapped around you little more tightly like you were some fragile thing he needed to protect.

Wanda was reading to you when you fell asleep on her. You guys were in bed with your head resting against her chest and her hand around your waist. After you fall asleep she stays like that and continues reading for a while when she hears you call her name in your sleep, instantly a huge smile spreads across her face and she pulls you closer to her, unable to resist the cuteness in your simple act. She feels you are the most precious thing in the world that she needs to protect while also being possessive over you.

[yup-i-am-weird]

Ask Me No More

Bucky : *on his phone scrolling* Why do people need to put everything about their relationship on the internet?

Sam : *laughing* Why you jealous or what?

Bucky : *offended* Why will I be jealous of someone's relationship?!

Sam : I don't know....maybe because you're single *says teasingly*

*everyone else in the room is smiling at their harmless bickering which they have gotten used to by now but can never get enough of*

Bucky : Oh don't worry bird brain. I won't get anyone anyways *little sad now*

Y/N : What!? Why do you say that?

Bucky : Maybe because I am more than hundred years old, have a metal arm, with brainwashing and criminal history?

Natasha : Don't say that

Y/N : Exactly, have you even seen yourself in the mirror?

Sam : Man, I didn't mean to upset you

Bucky : What do you mean y/n?

Y/N : Omg, I can't believe I have to explain this but those steel blue eyes, lord anyone could get lost in them, your age is literally JUST a number because your body is still young, your history? well fuck that because anyone in love shouldn't care at all and your hair is literally the most beautiful one I have ever seen, I mean it looks so fluffy and soft, your voice is so hot and personality...omg you are so kind, humble, understanding, brave I am at loss of words and YES I forgot to mention the pretty face an.....

Wanda : Y/N!

*you look around the room to find everyone staring at you*

Tony : Y/N don't tell me you have a crush on Manchurian Candidate

Y/N : *unable to form words as you realize what had just happened * I...

Sam : Ohho*looking between you and Bucky* I think you *referring to Bucky* have found a solution to your problem old man

Bucky : *looking directly at you with a very charming smile* Will you like to go out with me doll?

Y/N : *getting up from your place* Ask me no more

[yup-i-am-weird]

Testing

*the avengers are all gathered in the living area*

Y/N : I am getting really bored

Tony : Yeah let's play truth and dare

Natasha : I'll go first, Y/N I dare you kiss the hottest person in the room

*as the words slip out of her mouth, all the heads turn towards you. Literally everyone knew about the crush both Loki and Bucky had on you, but little was it known to them that you liked both of them*

Y/N : you can't be serious nat, that's WAY TOO CHILDISH, we are not

Sam : Well, if it's that easy then go ahead finish your dare

*both Loki and Bucky sat still staring at each other as if it was staring challenge with occasionally looking at you*

Y/N : Ugghhh.... I hate you guys

Tony : *smirking*Come on y/n, you know who is the hottest

*you gave Tony a look. If you chose between Loki and Bucky it would not only start a serious argument between them but also hurt one of them, which you were sure you didn't wanted to happen but you also could not choose someone else. God, why was it so difficult to pick one of them. *

Wanda :*giggling at your confusion*Have you decided y/n?

Y/N :*looking up from the floor, an evil smile forming on your face* Yes, I have. Nat you said the hottest person, right?

Natasha : Yeah

Y/N : *getting up from your place* Well, then

*you walk towards her and gesture for her to get up*

Natasha : Wha...?

*before she is able to register what is happening you place one hand around her waist while the other gently grabs her face as you softly place a kiss to her lips, surprising everyone in the room*

Wanda : Omg!

Thor : Lady y/n, I never knew you had a liking for women.

Y/N : Neither did I Thor, I was just testing if I did *you say with a smirk on your face*

*both Loki and Bucky look back and forth from you to each other with equally bewildered expression*

Natasha : *slightly blushing* Well y/n, you are a really amazing kisser.