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Wow I can’t believe it’s already 2019

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please let us know the assigned positions of all astrological signs (if you feel too lazy then just tell me what virgos r plz)

tops - taurus, leo, 

verses - virgo ,libra, gemini, pisces 

bottoms - scorpio, aquarius, cancer, aries

incel - capricorn

is not a real sign - sagitarrius 

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Your many career choices!

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im so tired of this life. i want to be a roomba. i want knives taped to me. and i want to be set loose.

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if chickens were big enough to eat us do you think they would

without question

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fuckin.. shut up. Shut up. im looking at jars on ikea.com shut the fuck up.

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my future husband: stop crying you foolish little man just tell me what’s wrong:

me: I,, ,,,, hnnn,,, hhwhghhhh,

husband: *grabs my waist* TELL ME! *tearing up, pleadingly* PLEASE! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG

me: *shakily hands him this faded photograph* yyyy’’’mnnf hhfhg,g,,

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not only should killing pedophiles be legalized it should be considered a sport

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i cant even genuinely come up with something funny to caption this, it’s just kinda absolutely like, maybe the best picture of Michael ive ever seen. i mean like, he looks like an animal. like some sort of predator, like not a good one, but maybe he can kill you if he gets lucky

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writing prompt ahhhuhhh you live in a world where uhhahhh the number of syllables in your name is the number of times you will fuck

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absolute  u n i t 

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tegan

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Mmm…