zickmonkey
James
What if I scream really loud
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#I'm Aro/Ace and almost got married for the bit this January (to another Aspec person)#i don't know how serious we both were but im genuinely concerned that if shed had her passport we would've#at the very least I know I wouldve. for the bit.#and for citizenship#essentially i don't want a relationship for like genuine romantic reasons at all#i do not want to date ever#but part of me does want to get married either for UK citizenship (though i don't even know if i want to move to the UK anymore)#or ive constiently considered marrying a man for easy kids.#i know im Aro/Ace but i also like girls. i consider myself an Asexual Aromantic Lesbian#ive never been attracted to a woman romantically or physically but I still prefer women. Its been a source of confusion for years.#so the marrying a man thing is kind of a huge thing#but id love to date a man that i just like as a bestfriend and never tell him that i dont reciprocate the love he has for me#if he's a good father and a good man then id happily share his bed.
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Big brothers my beloved.
#sorry I watched the scene in papergirls with Mac and her brother again#talking about her getting sick about her being the reason he made something of himself#her brother crying because thats his little sister and he loves his little sister and he missed her for so so long#them listening to the music they both loved when they were young#it made me think about my favourite scene in the outsiders#when Darry and Soda see Pony in the hospital and hug him immediately#both so scared he was dead#It made me think of my brother and how glad I am to have him#Once my sister and I were talking about a song that at first seemed like it was about her#because it referenced piercing your own nose in your bathroom and she's an idiot who did it in her bedroom#but then the next lines about crashing your car into a tree just to be held a little tighter and realized it was about me#And even though we were all joking#he gave me the biggest bear hug#big brothers my beloved
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"oh fuck I hear the birds again"
#anyway maybe I'll text Ryanna and then go to sleep#at... 5:35 am#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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What if hypothetically for my mom's birthday I bought us a trip to Iceland?
#The us isn't like super selfish or anything Iceland is just our thing#We're both super interested in the culture because it's something we both have and lost#My amma was super interested too but our connection was lost with her mom#it's an us thing#I am mostly kidding because I still have to pay myself back for scotland and BC#But like 947$ for the flight#$1921 for the hotel for like nine days#that#that's only 2868$#granted double the flights so 1854$ add 1921$#so 3775$ which like#that's not bad at all for TWO people?#The only problem is A) still paying myself back but more so#My father's birthday is literally only 7 days after my mother's so I need to pull out this kind of extravagant shit twice in a week#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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Decided to start working on cancerbook again but I think I lost all of my Tommy research :(
#It might be in my folder#I hope it's in my folder#Because believe it or not I don't really want to redo the research#I kind of forgot that I was actively at Rainey talking about her#The fake medicine of canon is so much easier#My canon not cancerbook canon#Do you think John Green called the fault in our stars cancer book at first?#Or do we think John Green is a better person than I?#(certain genocide related qualities aside) (BOO John and Hank Green)#Cancer book has a title btw#but cancer book is so much easier than We Weren't The Lucky Ones#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling#books#writing
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What if I don't want to write contemporaries anymore? What if I want to be cool?
#Fantasy my beloved#(I literally have no creativity I cannot write fantasy)#But like what if I could?#What if I was talented?#anyway back to grief book and cancer book ig#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling#writing
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Every time something bad happens in a book I get sad and I think that's why I like contemporaries
#the little things are fine.#like death is okay. i love books where the main theme is grief.#but war is so much#hate crimes are too much#i know these things happen and i feel so tired#i like books about kissy kissy but like the pg 13 kind#where the worst thing that happens is a break up or highschool#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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I think it's unfair that I'm a writer but I had no special connection to my high school English teacher. I'm also gay. Where's that special bond?
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you ever get surprised by your own recurring issues. like come on man. I thought we were past this.
#Me#I don't know maybe you SHOULDN'T HAVE ACKNOWLEDGED THE OCD???#Look man I consistently forget I have OCD#And then I monologue an obsession to myself and think “man it sucks to be me”#And then of course the only proper thought to have next is “boohoo it must be so hard to be a privileged white girl that must be so tough.”#Like yeah sorry I know that I'm white and have food and stuff#But also I am allowed to be upset when I think about my incurable disorder that makes being alive tough#Like yeah I have food but I once went on a trip to Toronto and didn't eat a single thing for the entire three days#I was convinced everything I bought was full of bugs#I also bought a bag of doritios when I was home but it was on the bottom shelf at the grocery store and I wasted the whole thing#I genuinely couldn't get myself to open it because again I decided that there were bugs inside. It haunted me#I don't LIKE wasting food but I get to such a place that I can't physically eat certain foods for asinine reasons#ocd#actually ocd#anyway that's on please kill me life is hell
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Pov: it's 5:38 am, you've been awake since 8 am the previous morning. You can hear the birds loud outside your window so you look outside- it's light out, the sun is rising and the street lights are taking care of the rest. Immediately you get the urge to go for a jog.
#dw guys i went to sleep not for a jog#but like#what if i went for a jog?#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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Wow okay so in Acotar Feyre has to slowly learn how to put up a mental shield but in Hofas they all just magically know instinctively?
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Hi did y'all want updates on my dog?
He's 6 months old now and a good boy (just kidding- he loves to steal food off of counters)
He just learned how to catch and it is his FAVORITE past time. He plays fetch but only if you don't throw the ball too far and his favorite toy is a rubber pig that oinks. He loves it so much that upon coming home from daycare, and missing it, he played with it so hardcore that he broke the squeaker and my brother urgently bought him a replacement pig the next day.
#Fergus#or as i call him#the FergBerg#anyway Caterpillar if you see this its really just for you#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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my first favorite hobby is yapping. second is being extremely quiet and not talking ever at all ever.
#when I show up to work pouting and blatantly ignoring everyone (Ryanna included)#but by the end of my shift I've indepth explained years worth of Remus lore to Ryanna in the makeup aisle#shout out Ryanna lmao#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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i made this poll a while ago and watermelon won, which to say the least had many members of the mangoenthusiast.com up in arms about it, so settle this for once and all
no third option, propaganda is welcome. reblog after voting <3
#Look this isn't fair#I'm a mango girlie through and through.#Just in general if I have to pick between the two I will pick Mango every time#But watermelon is THE summer fruit#Like it would be fucked if they started printing mangos on serving dishes instead of WAtermelons y'know?"\
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What if hypothetically I was allowed to be happy
#Look man idk how to explain it it's just that I think I might start crying#It's definitely a depressive episode but also I keep doing this cool thing called thinking about what I shouldn't#I love knowing I'm wasting my life
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do you ever laugh with your friends and think oh this is the point. this is the point of everything
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I realized today that I was really genuinely imagining my future.
#I was thinking about when I move out. Which isn't now by any means.#I didn't think I would ever leave. I like to pretend#I like to imagine a world where i live alone but i know one day ill kill myself in my childhood bedroom.#But today I was watching Tiktoks of this woman who bakes with her little recipe cards#who's prepping her freezer for Post Partum#and then i looked at Recipe Cards on Etsy so i could start collecting my own#so when I move out I'll have the recipes i like without having to come back#and i was thinking about how I should still make Apple Crisp for my kids even though I don't really like it#thinking about how I'll have to make food i don't like because I'm too picky#Too many basic foods would be foreign to them if I didn't.#Do you understand?#I thought about living#I thought so genuinely about having a life and having kids and being alive#jamie shut the fuck up#personal blog#just vibing#rambling
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