borderlinelife13

[borderlinelife13]

Inspired

Yesterday morning my little 11 year old 5lb Pomeranian died suddenly with no warning… I have been devastated. Especially being so unbalanced lately with meds and starting my senior semester as a psych research student. Out of all of this, all my friends were nowhere to be found. For months I lost my spark. The one that drives creativity but yesterday I found it in the strength and grief and love…

[borderlinelife13]

Charcoal

I remember yelling at the school counselor who was on the phone with my parents, “ if you send me to boarding school, I’m going to kill myself!”

I was 16. After school, at 7pm, my parents took me to the hospital. My first hospitalization ever.

I’m not going to get into it because this is not what this post is about.

One of the days I was there, my brother came to visit with his then college…

[borderlinelife13]

682 days now but… 681 days. ‪I calculated this in the morning... the last time I attempted... was 681 days ago... this is the longest I have ever gone. ‬

[borderlinelife13]

Endless

That’s the beauty of life. Endless possibilities and endless adventures. Endless emotions to feel. I think that’s why I haven’t been able to actually go… why I keep trying because there’s too much more to do. So much more to experience. So much more heartache, love, magic and beauty. How could I ever leave that? Even if at the end it was all darkness at least I got to try. Right? I got to love, I…

[borderlinelife13]

[borderlinelife13]

Straight through the heart.

[borderlinelife13]

Angel of death

Risk it all for love

I never thought

I could do that

Would do that

I don’t even know

Why I love you

The way I do

I’m drawn to you

In an unearthly way

Unexplainable

Magnetic pull

I’d follow you to hell

I’d walk through the fires

And know I was safe

Because I’m by your side

I’d cross oceans

And deserts to find you

You’re my universe

The center of everything that is

And ever will be

And I know…

[borderlinelife13]

Self Internalized Stigma IAT

Hi, I created an IAT study in my Psych statistics class today and I’m interested in my mental illness BPD. If anyone with BPD is willing to take my study, it’s completely anonymous. I’ll post a brief abstract in the coming week, so you can understand why I wanted to create this study. Please please help. I need 20-30 people to take this study!!! Thank you so much!!!! Here is the link: http://lab…

[borderlinelife13]

What you need to remember: Being Borderline

A text I wrote to my boyfriend when he told me to wear my pain like armor:

I think you sometimes forget you’re with someone who feels things on a scale you’ll never be able to understand. That it’s exactly like I’m a burn victim but with emotional nerve endings being plucked at random and nothing I can do to stop it. Try to wear that immense emotion. When everything you feel is magnified by…

[borderlinelife13]

Theory about life

I’m just abstract in the way I do and see things. I don’t believe that things need to be done in a certain order or that money is all too important. I believe in doing what makes you happy and following your dreams. I believe that there is time to change if you don’t like something. That life is about trying to experience everything, the good or bad. That society shouldn’t define how your life…

[borderlinelife13]

Being his.

What was it like being his?

At first, in the beginning, the first six months… were a dream come true, a fairytale. I was a real live princess and he was Prince Charming. Those were the days. He was everything I ever imagined. He’d carry my books to class for me, open doors, get me sweet presents. We were in love. His parents even showed me around at a party as their future daughter in law.

Then…

[borderlinelife13]

Borderlifer : Sara Elizabeth On Whizbuzz Books

Borderlifer

A little over a year ago, I began writing poems and over time amassed almost 200 poems. This book is a collection of those poems.

They are mostly about what I was going through at that time, but also things in my past and overall my journey going through these things in my life while dealing with and having a mental illness. Things such as love, loss, grief, abandonment, happiness, the whole of the emotional spectrum.

Being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, these poems represent what it’s like to live with this disorder and how deeply it makes me feel and just how vast my emotions run on the pages of this book.

The poems in this book were put in chronological order to show what it’s like to be inside the mind of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. To Start a conversation about mental illness and end the stigma surrounding it. To give insight into what someone with mental illness goes through and to give hope to others who are going through it, that they too are not alone.

Book Links Website Twitter Instagram On Amazon

Go to this book and many more on Whizbuzz Books: https://whizbuzzbooks.com/borderlifer-sara-elizabeth/?utm_source=TR&utm_medium=Tumblr+Whizbuzz&utm_campaign=SNAP

[borderlinelife13]

I finally did it!

I finally did it!

I am publishing a book!

Here’s a link to the preview https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1247573

I am so excited.

I will let you all know when it gets published and goes up for sale on paperback and kindle.

[borderlinelife13]

Demons laugh

The demon took the form of a man

He sold her the fairytale she always dreamed of

She was none the wiser

You see, he was beautiful but not in the way anyone but her could see

For it was an elaborate trap

He wanted to consume her and everything that made her special

So, she fell and he snickered

As days went by, the mask slowly fell

But she had stars in her eyes

No matter how much he showed her

She…

[borderlinelife13]

Doomed

Should I of stayed?

Would we have been okay then?

Look at us now

You don’t even see it

You didn’t see it

Two hellbent souls

Trying to love

But too broken to be

Now we’re here

Trying so hard to hold on

But I see what’s happening

The growing distance

This won’t last

This won’t work

This is doomed

It’s always been doomed

A Shakespearean tragedy…

-B. 6-9-18

[borderlinelife13]

Beautiful chaos

You’re dangerous

You’re the worst kind of amazing

You are a demon in disguise

I don’t want to let you go

I don’t know how

I can’t

You made me your fool

A doll for your rage

You tricked me

A sense of security

A false love

I am yours

I fall at your words

Hopeless

But how do I let you go,

When I still believe in you?

When I still believe there’s a heart in there

You’re my destruction

My fallen angel

[borderlinelife13]

The greatest story

This is hard

This is really hard

I’m not going to lie

You’re a stubborn grump

I’m an emotional ball of twine

You’re snarky and testy

I’m needy and damaged

You’re anger

I’m the emotional spectrum

You’re regimented

I’m all over the place

We’re two different souls

Intertwined in this place

Going through time

Finding our own way

But this is not easy

No one ever said it was

I don’t think anything…