dreamlessprodigy

[dreamlessprodigy]

My bestowment of failure and trauma

The problem with trauma is that I never know how to put it into words. 

I try and I try but it is ever so difficult to speak a word. 

I try to share my story, but it never comes out right. 

I try and draw my story, but it isn’t a very good sight. 

Instead I will try and tell you how it felt to be in that moment. 

To have what felt like everything ripped away from you, my failure of bestowment. 

But that is quite literally what happened when your baby is taken out of your arms. 

And every single nerve in your body is crying out in alarm.

To have your baby moved hours and hours away,

And laying helplessly and desperately trying to stay awake,

You don’t know what’s happening and nobody has a clue,

Your child isn’t here, and there’s nothing you can do

Because you’re under observation for being very sick

With needles and other instruments giving you a horrid prick,

and you’re laying there, on many different medicines,

‘We can’t control your blood pressure,’ they say, well no doubt you got the message.

You close your eyes to try and take yourself away,

You think of the words, the words your husband whispered to say,

 ‘You can have anything you want, just please get better’ he said to your son,

And you use that as power to get through the night to see the morning sun 

That was just the beginning of the hardships we endured through,

Because after this, all the memories and thoughts sit and stew,

To see something so small and so delicate hooked up in wires, 

blood dribbling from their fingertips, ankles, you sit and watch from a burning pyre.

I walk ordinary corridors as if I’m still there, 

even if physically I am here, my mind is elsewhere.

The sound of monitors and alarms haunt the core of my dreams, 

and no amount of medication has given me any sort of relief. 

The panicked cries of doctors resuscitating my son,

Echoing screams of the mother, events that cannot be undone 

Even telling myself 1 year on that everything is okay, 

My son is healthy, happy and plays all day, 

But it’s difficult to separate myself from the past and present, 

But hopefully one day I can have dreams once again, more than pleasant 

[dreamlessprodigy]

Neurodivergent parents

I’ve created a parent support group for neurodivergent people. I found there were plenty of groups for parents with neurodivergent children but absolutely nothing for neurodivergent parents. I’m autistic myself and I wanted a safe space away from neurotypical people to ask questions and gain support. So if any parents would like to join it then please do.

[dreamlessprodigy]

I love you’ you say to me but only when I speak the words

But love from you is an emotion that is simply blurred

I don’t want grand gestures, big presents or for you to shout from the roof

Just some time together, an interest in activities and communication is my proof

And kisses and hugs that don’t need to be asked for. Because I’m trying everyday,

To be noticed by you in each and every way.

I take photos of you, I plan activities with you and I do my very best,

To be a wife, a mother, and a woman and all the rest

You dismiss what I plan like it’s simply nothing in the wind,

Whereas I’ve spent weeks hoping for things to be binned

Because all I want, which I don’t get often, is you

And not the words you speak ‘whatever you want to do’

I want you to want the same things as me

And not go along with things that make you unhappy

Im not asking you to change who you are or change aspects about yourself,

But me crying at midnight isn’t something I should be doing by myself

I waited for you and you never came,

Even though it was you who made me cry, you’re to blame

So just take your time and think about our future,

Because talking about coparenting plans at night is a wound and a suture

Because you are supposed to tell me ‘we’ll live happily until we are old’

And not ‘I’ll reduce my hours if we break up to parent’- that’s cold

At this point I’m asking if you’re marrying me because you want to

Or are you marrying me for our sons sake, is that what is true?

I want you to be with me because you want to be with me,

Not because you feel sorry for whoever it is you see

[dreamlessprodigy]

Today is my birthday

Today is my birthday,

And I did not have a good day

And I just want to go on and say:

It was awful.

I woke up at 5am, a surprise nappy change for my little one

I bring him a bottle as he cries and I start my day with a yawn

My partner wakes up an hour later and says he is tired,

I just glare at him, baby in arms and eyes unwired.

 Today is my birthday, hip hip hooray

But alas, I did not have a good day,

My partner complains he is not well and lays down,

Meanwhile I wash the dishes, the clothes and give him a frown,

I check my facebook and see messages from strangers,

Happy birthday, they say, and other sorts of phrases,

My partner says his throat is sore and dry,

Meanwhile I sit on my bed and cry,

One day, I said, just one day I wanted,

But instead I feed my son absolutely gutted,

 Today is my birthday, and my fiancé is sick,

But he was fine the day before when he went on his trip,

My dad forgot to even send me a text,

And, to be honest, I don’t even know when I’ll see him next,

Today has been rubbish so to speak,

And my partner is saying how he feels weak,

 Over the last two months I have missed every outing,

As my fiancé has been ill, and my son and counting,

I have sacrificed my needs, my time and my fun,

 And to be honest, I’m just feeling a bit fed up and done

Today is my birthday and it was my one day,

And my fiancé has a cold and a cough, so he says.

I didn’t want much, just to feel some effort to feel special,

But today was another normal day, except I ate cake alone next to the kettle.

Post natal depression sucks, and I really feel the drain,

I sometimes long for my past days where I felt as right as rain

 Today is my birthday, and I am crying on the couch

All alone, writing this poem in a slouch

[dreamlessprodigy]

I am in love with a boy

Once upon a time, I was in love with a girl,

I loved the way she would smile and speak; she was a beautiful girl,

She was my universe, and I was one star among many trying to be noticed,

And one day I was noticed, but despite how close we were, it was too cold to be around her.

Once upon a time, I met a boy,

He was a blue star, shining and glistening,

I thought being around this star would freeze me,

But it did not.

He was warm, and he remained by my side,

Now we created a nebula where a new star was birthed

I was able to finish this story finally

I was in love with a girl

“Once upon a time, I was in love with a girl

I loved the way she would smile and speak; she was a beautiful girl,

She was my universe, and I was one star among many trying to be noticed,

—

But as my star drifted further away, it became a little more cooler around here”

[dreamlessprodigy]

Me and my fiancé started streaming games so please follow us :)

[dreamlessprodigy]

I need friends on this so feel free to add me

[dreamlessprodigy]

The Endless: Dream And Death

Art by Alex Maleev

[dreamlessprodigy]

I don't use Tumblr often but I did not wanna remain silent. Black lives matter!

BLACK LIVES MATTER. YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW. @ noturjacky on IG

[dreamlessprodigy]

Same energy. 

[dreamlessprodigy]

I know this is like half a decade old but I have just found this and wanted to put my own say on it. I am a massive advocate for feminism and you can not throw the sexist card when someone does not like your character. It actually bothers me to the core that Clare has said that the traits she gave Clary she only associates with male characters and that basically, the reason we don’t like Clary is that she has these male traits. 

That is so wrong. Traits are not masculine or feminine, traits are traits. And there are PLENTY of female characters with similar traits done correctly that are not annoying. 

-Ciri from the Witcher. She has a blatant disregard for her own safety, she is reckless and impulsive.

-Arya Stark. Loyalty to her family and loved ones as well as recklessness.

-Harley Quinn. The definition of impulsive and recklessness.

-Hermione Granger. Loyalty to loved ones and impulsive at times. 

I could go on, but my point is, there are many female characters that share similar traits to Clary but are not annoying. Clary is not annoying because she has ‘masculine traits (biggest pile of bull I have heard). Clary is annoying because she’s a Mary Sue whos only plot point is to drool over Jace.

“I know clary is the main character but is she meant to be a little annoying? I love the books, I just can’t stand her thought process. — ***”

—

Look, it’s okay if you don’t like Clary. Characters are like real people: there is no such thing as one that everyone loves. She is meant to be realistic and flawed, of course—she’s impulsive and rash, she’s quick to act and sometimes also quick to judge—and just like with real people, that means some will like her and some won’t. (In fact, with Clary, I deliberately gave her a lot of traits I associate with boy heroes in fiction: impulsiveness, recklessness, lack of regard for her own safety, the responsibility to protect her mother, best friend, boyfriend; the responsibility to save the world. I wanted to see how they would sit with a girl protagonist. And, well, a lot of people don’t like it.)

One thing I do find interesting is that with male characters, they are very rarely called “annoying.” You can hate a male character,  or find them evil, but annoying, being a very dismissive term is applied almost uniquely to women and female characters. In fact, this seemed so across-the-board to me that I looked around and indeed found a great essay by Leupagus about just this:

(To Anyone Annoyed By A Woman: An Open Letter)

Jeri Ryan shows up as a sassy con artist on “Leverage,” and people groan about how annoying her character is. Michelle Borth plays a self-confident sailor who sleeps with Steve McGarrett on “Hawaii Five-0” and someone writes a horrifying story about how she gets murdered — and gets dozens of people praising it for “killing off that annoying bitch.” People gush about Michael Fassbender and complain incessantly about January Jones in “X-Men: First Class,” calling one amazing and the other — you guessed it! — annoying. Ellen Page is so annoying in “Inception.” Gwyneth Paltrow is so annoying in “Iron Man.” Annoying, annoying, annoying — it would be funny if it weren’t so predictable. 

So I guess what I would say is that of course being a female character doesn’t meant you get a pass from anyone ever not liking you. But if you’re using the word “annoying” to describe a girl or woman, real or fictional, take a moment to stop and ponder what it is that makes you think that character is annoying, what precise actions she took that bothered you so much, and whether they would have bothered you if a boy did them.

[dreamlessprodigy]

I'm the forgotten NHS worker

As everyone prepares to give a round of applause to the doctors, care assistants and to the nurses of the NHS for their hard work and for still being on the frontline through this virus, I want to give a round of applause to the forgotten NHS workers. The domestics and the cooks. The ones with no medical experience but still do their absolute hardest to give a duty of care to patients. The domestics who have to ensure everything is deep cleaned and risking their health to clean the bedrooms, the toilets, sinks, floors. The cooks who work hard hours to feed the doctors, nurses and most importantly, the patients through all of this. The domestics and cooks who still have to come into work and don't get time off like other cleaners and cooks in restaurants and schools.

They also deserve your round of applause

So just remember, this Thursday on the 26th, give a round applause to the domestics and cooks. Because they too are risking everything to come into work and ensure your loved ones are well fed and in a clean, comfortable environment.

[dreamlessprodigy]

peak fantasy environment designs:

floaty islands

glowing mushrooms

bigger versions of normal animals

animalistic dragons

deep, sentient forests

sky/space whales

[dreamlessprodigy]

Book extract

Here’s an extract from my novel that me and my wifey are working on, it’s still in the process of being edited so this extract is a very rough copy: 

Titania had followed his map as far as the greenery that surrounded the city’s walls. He then lost his map in a huge gust of wind and used his own intuition to guide himself the rest of the way. It took a little longer than he expected, and he arrived in Neihelen in the late afternoon, but alas, he was there. He knew that walking into the middle of an elven city with bright red hair was a recipe for disaster. Slipping his hood up over his head, Titania took his first steps into the unknown. It had been years since the teen had been in any sort of city, he had completely forgotten how busy they were. To Titania, cities were one big, loud, anxiety inducing mess of people pushing passed one another. Though Neihelen’s rumours of how beautiful a city it was reached Titania’s ears, the lad wasn’t that impressed. The houses were a flashy display to show off the elves’ wealth and he could definitely hear an argument breaking out between a dwarf and another elf.  “Hospitality my ass…” Titania muttered under his breath as he ventured deeper into the city. He wanted to find an inn to stay in whilst he figured everything out with his mission. Jun was sat on Titania’s shoulder, proudly looking around at the crowds of people. Titania, however, wasn’t too proud as he walked through a labyrinth of opulent buildings that led into the centre of the city. And it was market day. He tried to cover his face the best he could and with every direction Titania turned, he walked into someone else. Compared to the elves, Titania was tiny and therefore, a lot of people weren’t paying that much attention to him. There wasn’t a single moment when the mage could take a breather from it all: he could see the docks as ships pulled up and were greeted by the elves, there were different merchants running by, yelling about why they should buy from them and not their fellow competition, he could hear alchemists chanting spells as they sat at the docks with their drinks, and Titania could see a group of young teenagers giggling to themselves. So overall, cities were a lump of mayhem and Neihelen was no different. He had to stumble out of the way as a carriage whirled passed him pulling haystacks and that was when he had enough. He just wanted to find an inn, and he couldn’t seem to even see the buildings anymore because of the crowds of people. He decided the best course of action would be to ask a merchant. Titania pushed passed a few people and approached a cheese stall. He cleared his throat and began to speak.  “Hello, sorry, I was wondering if you could point me in the direction to-”  “He’s a dragon slayer! Look at his hair!”

[dreamlessprodigy]

from weheartit

[dreamlessprodigy]

[dreamlessprodigy]

The Ring Nebula Is Much, Much More Than A Ring

“Upon observing it, Charles Messier wrote: “it is very dull, but perfectly outlined; it is as large as Jupiter & resembles a planet which is fading.” This observation originated the misnomer “planetary nebula,” but physically originates when dying stars expel their outer layers. Despite looking very much like a ring to our eyes, the Ring Nebula is anything but.”

There are few objects in the night sky as famous or striking as the Ring Nebula. Discovered way back in 1779, its visual, ring-like shape can easily be seen with the human eye through even a modest telescope. But despite its appearances, it’s no ring at all. There’s a large, diffuse outer halo, a series of intricate, extended, knotty hydrogen structures, two lobes that extend even larger than the ring component but along our line-of-sight, and finally that bright, high-density donut that appears ring-like to our eyes. At just over 2,000 light years away, it is the closest planetary nebula to Earth, and the template for what we think will happen to our Solar System when the Sun dies.

Whether you’ve ever seen the Ring Nebula or not, you’ve probably never seen it like this before. It’s much, much more than a ring, and you can see that for yourself today.