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He knows every single thing that I was scared would blacklist me, he knows every detail, and he still thinks I'm so easy to love.

I never thought I'd be allowed to have something like this

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I couldn't love him more.

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all advertising needs to be destroyed im sick of ads on the free apps that *came with the computer i bought*.. on MY computer! im sick of 15 seconds of advertising before i watch a video made by a zillenial then paid to recite how much they love the new mocoa cocoa drink mix im sick of brands pretending to be my friend im sick of urban space used only to sell you products (later, somewhere else) im sick of subscription services im sick of copyright im sick of new roads for new customers for our new walmart im SICK!!!! burn it all down i can't live like this!!!!

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Amazing

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I wish I could taste a sliver of normalcy without the world collapsing around me.

I wish I could abandon this house fire, I don't wanna be the girl who dies here.

I want a long life and it hurts so much to want that.

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Y'all I'm like really happy

Like I didn't know I could feel this type of happiness

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I've only ever been loved in a heartbreaking way.

In a 'youre bad for me and it hurts and I don't wanna love you but I love you' way

I want someone to love me like it's the easiest thing they've ever done. I'm tired of being a painful kind of love.

-A.

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Bells… I put a new can of pepper spray in your bag.

Billy Burke as Charlie Swan in Twilight (2008)

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I just came out as nonbinary to everyone on my Instagram (no family)

It's terrifying

Like I've had this internal battle since I was 14, forcing it down over and over and over again

Every time I would let myself think about it, to the point of almost coming out

I'd push myself back into the closet out of fear and a lot of internalized transphobia

I never thought anything bad about other nb/trans people but when it came to me? Oh god I hated myself so much

I centered my world around being desirable to men, I would do so much, cut away so much of myself so I could "earn" men's praises

And I was even more terrified of being unlovable

I thought no one in their right mind could ever accept me and love me if I was nonbinary. I thought it was asking too much, that no man would ever love me like that.

I was 17 when I started thinking those things

Then I was in a relationship with a man for over a year and I knew the whole time he'd leave me if I was anything other than a cis woman (I knew because I asked maybe 3 months in)

And he broke my heart anyways, for other reasons

So I'm done centering my world around men

I'm done being scared of making other people uncomfortable over MY gender,, or lack thereof

God I don't even like men that much, I don't know why I ever tried so hard

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not to dredge up old wounds and sound bitter but when I was 17 my dad died in a house fire and the very next week we had a huge geometry test I hadn’t studied for because of the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation so the extremely kind kid sitting next to me let me cheat from his test since the answers were multiple choice, but I was SO stressed about the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation I didn’t even notice we had different tests.

My teacher handed them back the next day with an obvious zero written on mine, and when I started crying in class he told me that’s what I get for cheating, in front of everyone.

Most things from my teenagehood I have let go, but if I ever run into this man in a grocery store I 100% will ask him what is problem was.

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When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

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The cute depersonalization moment when I twisted my hand to the point of pain because I feel like I'm in a first person video game ((: love that for me

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Just Quirky Depersonalization Things™ like ahaha did I see a video on tiktok about The Simulation,, guess no one is real guys OOOoo

Fuck off please. It's not a cute little game, it's fucking terrible to not feel like an actual person.

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I pressed my hand against the mirror

I was crying

I wish I could feel even the ghost of who you were but I don't know you

I wish I could help you

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I'm gonna wake up at 6:15 tomorrow because I used to wake up that early for school and hated it

And I'm going to love it

I'm going to love waking up early because I am alive whether or not I want to be

I am alive

And I deserve to love it

I deserve to love being alive

12:07am Jan 11 2021

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PLEASE tell me more about ratatouille the musical

i cannot even BEGIN to EXPLAIN

basically on tiktok people started joking about ratatouille the musical, a musical that does not exist, as kind of a way for theater people to mess around during covid? right? so they started writing fake songs for this musical, creating fake playbills, people started doing coreography for the songs, costume designers jumped in with pitches, sets were designed, all by users, for a musical that does not exist, so it’s just a really fun exercise in creativity and collaboration, right? it’s funny, but it’s also heartwarming and just exciting to see people coming  together like this, showing off their creativity, taking this seriously, making a broadway musical in minute long videos on the internet.

everyone is having fun, it’s really charming, it’s a bit tongue in cheek but also sincere, just a fun “let’s all make a fake musical” game.

anyway it’s being performed on january first, for real, to raise money for The Actor’s Fund. it exists now. it has been manifested. starring Wayne Brady, Adam Lambert, Ashley Park, Tituss Burgess as Remy, etc. various created-on-tiktok songs will be performed. disney is allowing this to happen. even the playbill is made from a tiktoker’s design. there is a playbill. 

[image described: a banner for ‘ratatouille the tiktok musical’, which is text on a purple background. to the right is a drawing of a fork holding up a bite of ratatouille, shaped to look like a rat. end descrip.]

tiktok has manifested a musical.

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As horny as I am, I'm not at all interested in sex without a deep connection. I refuse to share my body with someone who is anything less than obsessed with me.