ejactulationzach

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Oblivious twink votes for Trump three times because he was the gayest candidate

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I simply manifest my anxieties into chronic hives and microbursts of depression

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An absolutely iconic scene. This is cinema at it's prime and if you can't see that, you should get your eyes checked. Thank you James for this wonderful flick!

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theyve released my little green apes

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AITA;

me female (26) had recently moved in with my boyfriend (25) of 4 years. Ever since then we've done everything together and honestly, I thought it was going amazing! Up until yesterday when we had a HUGE fight.

You see him and I have an awfully unique (and a bit childish lol) sense of humor. With the both of us finding nothing funnier than lighthearted pranks! Especially when their elaborate and low brow.

So given this aspect of our relationship, I was SHOCKED to hear that he wanted me to stop taking eggs from cartons at the supermarket and smashing it on his forehead.

He see's it as 'creating a scene' and is a 'bitch' to get out of his hair.

Disregarding the foul language, personally I don't see the problem. Not only does it become a scene only if he overreacts like a child, but also who doesn't love a hot shower!

In my opinion it's funny af especially when he starts to get covered in hives afterwords (he is allergic to eggs.)

So here I am to ask you, am I the asshole?

Edit: by lighthearted i mean anything beyond a Bart Simpson esque, is a no go! So anything involving slingshots or megaphones, aren't allowed.

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I must apologize for my previous post. It was just... too fucking funny

im so deeply sorry for being so fucking cool

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Attention is the only premium currency within an atomized world.

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Yes I do carry a circumcision blaster with me 24/7 just in case some poor soul with an uncut gem decides cat calls me and no I will not elaborate on the logistics

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Im getting gay porn on my feed. We're so cooked, its practically burnt

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The LOONEY twink death IDEOLOGY has gone too far! We must return to the COMMON SENSE POSITION of bear birth and fast!!!!!!

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I don't think we should be calling teenager boy 'twinks' and labeling them growing up as 'twink death.'

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BREAKING: Elon Musk has announce that the United States Dollar (USD) will no longer be a fiat currency and instead be based on the "Reddit Gold Standard"

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*walks up to CHICK at bar* Yo someone get this bitch Ritalin!! *looks over and winks at the homies as they violently take notes*

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i fucking accidentally bought 1mg melatonin gummies meant for freaking children and baby's and junk instead of the 10mg fucking gummies for adults and shit so now i got to eat like 5 gummies to feel anything and im so fucking pissed

[ejactulationzach]

Men, it is a matter of national security, that we old-person proof all the stairs in the Whitehouse

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One more year until my account gains sentience Stay tuned

[ejactulationzach]

I give half my income to my theory Goblin who refuses to take a shower. This will change the world