howifeltabouthim

[howifeltabouthim]

'But what am I to do without you! What will I do with the rest of my life!'

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

' . . . now that you have taken his place, ah, how I wish he were still here!'

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . he was struck by the realization that though she might never love him again he would continue to love her, for he had pledged himself to her, for as much as they shared of eternity. Her detesting him did not free him from his pledge.

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . don't you love me, don't you understand who I am . . . ? He turned quickly to her, and caught only a glimpse of her gloating shadowy face. But he did know who she was.

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

So Gideon had his friends, in whom he did not altogether believe.

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . in response to Gideon's words she offered nothing of herself, not even a smile to acknowledge his hopeful smile . . .

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

At any rate she did disappear, leaving behind her little boy Vernon, who was to mourn her forever. (Unless—and this is possible—Vernon was to meet with her in later years, far beyond the boundaries of the Bellefleur empire, and of this chronicle.)

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

For to die like that . . . to die like that is surely a privilege.

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . there are inevitably things of which one does not think if one wishes to remain sane . . .

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

“You can be in a good marriage and you can be in a bad marriage, and they can both be the same one but just at different times.”

— Anne Tyler, French Braid

[howifeltabouthim]

'If, at the very last moment,' she said suddenly, her heart kicking in her chest, 'if—even on the church steps— Or, after the ceremony, when we are about to drive away— If, you know, you made a sign to me . . . Ah, even at the very last moment, Gideon, you know I would return to you!'

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

With a pang of gratified alarm Garnet saw that she was doomed to carry this man's image with her, in the secrecy of her heart, for the rest of her life.

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

Did he want to weep, did he want to cry aloud, as she did?

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

(for he too had suffered, perhaps more cruelly than she)

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

To be the bride of that finest of gentlemen, and to live on his country estate in England for the rest of her life!

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

But the affairs had ended badly. Abruptly, and badly. There were tears and protestations and occasionally threats of suicide, and always self-pitying litanies: How did I fail you . . . what did I do wrong, why won't you look at me, why has everything changed.

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur

[howifeltabouthim]

And loved without hope, in defiance of fate . . .

Joyce Carol Oates, from Bellefleur