jasontoddscrowbars

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The Robins are running along building tops in the rain because that’s what they do.

Dick at lead, Jason behind, Tim and Damian at back due to the long held age hierarchy that every family holds and fuck if the order would ever change. Oldest child rights, suck it Tim and Damian -via Dick and Jason.

They are in a hurry to go to a checkpoint to meet Bruce and are running behind because Dick and Jason were making Tim and Damian do the tango under the moonlight for a TikTok.

Tim sees it a mile away as they go to jump down to the next building. He should call it out. He doesn’t.

Dick lands on the edge. His toes slips out from under him and he begins falling like an old cartoon with a shriek.

Jason’s already landing. He is both surprised, trying to catch him and horrified as he tries to not fall himself as he’s slipping. He’s now letting Dick fend for himself as he’s reaching for the ledge. Dicks cursing.

Tim whips his arm out as he comes to an abrupt stop at the top of the building they jumped from. Damian peaks around him as they watch their brothers have a very quick twister game before falling over the edge of the building screaming.

Damian: Yahtzee.

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Jason: severe stomach sensitivity to garlic

Jason: sees garlic parmesan wings

Jason, five minutes and seventeen wings down later texting Bruce: 🫏🚽🚑

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Batman. There has been many variations and actors through the years.

But the real question is.

“Who is your favorite Batman?”

The Robins perked up as they stared at Clark at the front of the car. He had his little notepad out and a pen as Bruce was driving the rental van beside him. Bruce gave a groan but remained quiet.

Jon and Kon were already wagging their hands but Clark was mostly interested in the boys point of view. He already knew his sons.

The family was going on a vacation north to try snowmobiling in the winter. An idea brought to attention by Dick who wanted some bonding time and pursued by Tim when Dick suggested it could be strategy training. It was sure not end up well but for now they had to humor a long drive until they reached the trails in the woods.

Jon was aggressively wagging and waving his hand, he looked like a kid at a metal concert banging his head to a hard beat. Clark couldn’t tell if Damian was abhorred or his tsundere was kicking in as he watched with wide eyes beside him.

“Jon?” Clark acknowledged.

“What are different Batman’s?” He asked quickly tucking his hands between his legs batting his eyes.

“Fuck, you’re so stupid,” Damian muttered setting his hand on his thigh.

Clark wished he hadn’t seen it. He wished he hadn’t seen and heard the many things between these two boys.

“You know, the actors who play us in the movies.”

Jon’s mouth formed an o, Damian squeezed his thigh as he practically growled. He really was a mini Bruce.

“Dick!” Clark exclaimed sparing his son who knew all too well what he was doing, “what about you?”

Dick leaned back as he reflected. Hummed as his knees bounced. Tim was growing angry as he sat between Dick who couldn’t sit still and Jason who didn’t understand personal space as he manspread in the very back. He was tucked into a little crevice, his knees tight between theirs.

“Adam West.”

“You would old timer,” Jason agreed.

“Nice,” Clark agreed, “Jason?”

Jason spread his legs wider as he leaned forward with excitement. Tim’s eyes narrowed in on his knee that was forcing Tim’s into Dicks bouncing one.

“Bale.”

“Ha!” Tim exclaimed bitterly.

Jason leaned back offended, unsure where his answer had gone since he’d stayed up late with this fan boy who went on and on about Bale and every Batman.

“Oh? And what’s so wrong with that?”

“Just typical of you.”

“Typical.”

“Sure. You chose the most badass Batman because you think you’re badass.”

“Oh, It’s got Talia in it!” Dick excitedly agreed.

“Bruce kills her,” Kon instigated.

Damian’s eyes narrowed.

“What?”

Clark tucked tight back into his seat. He could feel it. Bruce’s anger radiating to him. He realized then that this was one of those topics he shouldn’t have touched upon. Apparently Damian wasn’t aware of that movie and for good reason.

“That Bruce fucks your mom and then kills her.”

“He didn’t want to,” Dick quickly intervened, “he loved her!”

Damian was red with fury.

“Great Tim!” Jason snapped.

“I wasn’t the one who told him, it’s Kent! It’s one of the reasons on the list they’re below us, remember! They don’t know when to shut up.”

“That explains a lot,” Clark muttered.

Clark paused as he saw Damian staring into the back of Bruce’s seat.

“And who is your favorite?” Kon inquired turning back.

“Simple,” Tim crossed his arms, “battinson.”

They groaned.

“Ugh, he grew up in the twilight era afterall.”

“I did the fuck not!”

Damian was shivering with trauma of the news of his mother’s death. When did this happen and why didn’t he know? Who was this Bale?

“Fine,” Tim growled, “Bruce. Who is yours?”

The car fell silent as they turned to Bruce. He was gritting his teeth. Clark wanted to know his answer. He didn’t pressure for it though. He knew he’d already be getting a kryptonite something shoved somewhere tonight.

“Turn the car around.”

They all snapped their heads back to Damian. He was pitch red with fury.

“Why?” Clark asked.

“I must exact revenge on this Bale for killing my mother.”

Jason twitched as he restrained his laughter. As he did his knee pushed Tim’s tighter. Tim turned punching him in the nuts making him fold over with a groan. Dick choked with laughter but Tim brought his arm back in the rebound and met his gut making Dick fall sideways with his legs tucked tight in a groan.

Finally with some space, he contently threw his legs open wide taking claim and sighed with satisfaction.

“Affleck.”

Jason and Dick paused their groaning, Tim’s face fell and Damian held his knife that he was unsheathing out.

“My favorite Batman is Affleck,” Bruce said.

Everyone avoided their eyes in the car. Went to doing their own thing. Began to fall asleep, go on their phone, look out the window.

Clark stared at Bruce uneasily.

“Affleck?”

Bruce gave a grunt.

Clark disappointedly slumped in his seat.

“And you gotta make them a pair. My favorite Superman is Cavill.”

Clark snapped his head sideways.

“Jon!” Bruce chimed in.

Jon snapped forward-

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Dick ran into the kitchen where Alfred was sipping some tea and reading one of the many daily papers.

He shoved a tablet over one of the papers in Alfred’s hands showing a story on the modern form of social media, instagram.

Lowering his glasses to read it, Alfred saw the first line- ‘Wayne Butler Convinced Bruce to Adopt Dick Grayson’.

Dick stared at him with starry orbed eyes with such hope.

Alfred flicked his glasses back up making Dick pull the tablet in abruptly and shook his paper straight.

Alfred: I wonder how far they had to reach to pull that out of their ass.

Dick scoffed. Sharply turned and began to dramatically stomp as he stormed off.

Dick: way to be a buzz kill, Alfred.

Alfred could only grin.

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Dick ran into the kitchen where Alfred was sipping some tea and reading one of the many daily papers.

He shoved a tablet over one of the papers in Alfred’s hands showing a story on the modern form of social media, instagram.

Lowering his glasses to read it, Alfred saw the first line- ‘Wayne Butler Convinced Bruce to Adopt Dick Grayson’.

Dick stared at him with starry orbed eyes with such hope.

Alfred flicked his glasses back up making Dick pull the tablet in abruptly and shook his paper straight.

Alfred: I wonder how far they had to reach to pull that out of their ass.

Dick scoffed. Sharply turned and began to dramatically stomp as he stormed off.

Dick: way to be a buzz kill, Alfred.

Alfred could only grin.

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Based this on a modern hear no evil see no evil speak no evil. Draco’s haunting eyes, Tim wearing headphones, Harry smoking.

Also based on my fanfic fading little one, sequel to come.

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Bruce and Clark making out. Full on eating each other’s faces. Getting freaky.

Damian and Jon walk in. Bruce and Clark are now a seat cushion apart as if nothing happened. The boys continue on cluelessly.

Bruce: Clark

Clark: don’t Clark me as if your tongue wasn’t trying to suffocate me.

Bruce:

Bruce, high pitched: B-butt Munch?

Tim, who they thought was asleep in the corner abruptly popped up startling them. He was shaking his head disappointedly.

Tim: you guys are sick.

Tim: suffocating him with your tongue. No wonder where Damian gets his kissing from.

Bruce: what?

Tim: it’s enough I have to hear their poor attempts at affection. I’m gunna go snoop on Dick.

Bruce blinked.

Clark, calling: Or you just couldn’t snoop at all!

Tim: get real, Butt Munch.

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Redid the face of a drawing. Took away his beard and slimmed his face. Changed his mouth a bit. Sort of changed his hair.

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Terrible twos. Age reversal au.

Tim has a nightmare that Dick and Jason are babies and are naughty terrors at that. He wakes up in relief that it’s a dream only to have two heavy weights clinging to his arms. Raising his head he sees the terrors as clear as day.

He drops his head and tries to wake again.

Realizing this is not a dream but reality, Tim has to try and discover how this happened all while dealing with Dick who is ‘deeply in love’ with him and Jason who is allergic to his clothes and is always streaking.

Being a single foster brother mom isn’t easy but he’ll get it done. As long as Dick stops trying to sneak kisses and Jason stops flashing Steph and Cass his Oscar Mayer.

One thing he is sure of? Jason not wearing clothes as a child explains a lot why he’s always walking around (nearly) ass naked as a man.

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Headcanon that Damian uses the metric system, having learned from his mother and grandfather.

It causes some tension with his brothers, especially with person of interest descriptions.

One time, Damian finally snapped when talking to Joker.

(All dressed as robins, too lazy to change to hero names)

Joker: alright, you won, haha, I’ll tell you what he looked like but only cus you earned it.

Tim, unenthusiasticly: please hurry.

Joker, licking his lips: he was about six feet tall-

Damian: you mean 1.83 meters.

Joker scoffed. He seemed to have lost his good mood as he smiled a bit differently.

Joker: Six feet-

Damian: I know. 1.83 meters.

Joker growled as he rested his head back.

Joker: 182.9 cm!

Jason: damn, he can do math.

Dick: could you do that?

Jason: *bombastic side eye*

Damian, now yelling in frustration: 1828.8 mm!

Joker: haha, I’m gunna kill you kid, I said 6 feet!

Damian: I heard you! 1.83 meters

Joker, about to explode: you fucking privileged brat! How about I stick you 1.83 meters underground?!

Damian lightly smiled with satisfaction making Jokers face fall.

Damian: as long as you get it.

Joker slowly nodded.

Joker: you’re right. I think I’m getting it now.

Joker: so what’d be the equivalent of, say, 2 meters?

Damian, shrugging confused: six and a half feet-

As Joker sneered Damian froze. He fried. Then he began high pitched screamed as he fell to his knees.

Tim, wide eyed in awe: I have found a new master.

Dick: no!

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Spiders.

The Wayne Manor. Four in the morning. Dead silent. Until it wasn’t.

Jason: ahhhhhhh!

Thump, crash, tump- tump-tump!

Jason: ah hell no!

Bruce slowly wiped at his face flicking his grogginess away. He stared at his ceiling a moment as he heard the other boys running. He then tossed his blankets back.

Bruce: alright, here we go.

He shuffled his way to Jason’s bedroom where he found the light one and Dick hanging back cringing. There was a ruckus of things being thrown around. Not good.

Dick moved aside letting Bruce in.

Tim throwing apart Jason’s bed, sheets everywhere, pillows across the floor and the mattress off. He was now examining the frame with dulled determination as Damian was at the other end with more desperate focus.

Across the room, Jason was standing on a chair scratching and patting every inch of him.

Bruce: bug?

Jason: it ran across my back!

He was now heaving in hysterics.

Jason: my shirt was rode up and I felt its legs run down my back and across. It was heavy. It felt like someone touching me. I thought one of you was tickling me.

Dick: why would we do that.

Jason: I looked back, and bam. It was huge. Like the size of a nickel!

Damian: that’s it?

Jason, snapping: you have a big spider run down your back like that!

Jason, sobbing now: who knows how long it had been there?! I was awake this whole time and didn’t feel it! Not until it ran down. I’m in shorts and a tank! How did I not feel it crawl up.

Tim, glancing up at him: it either went up your shirt or you’ve been carrying it a long time.

Jason:

Jason: what if I’m carrying eggs?

Tim caught something out of the corner of his eyes. He was the big catcher of the house. He could see a fruit fly three rooms away on a patterned rug. As he whipped down Damian caught onto him and dove in for the save.

Whack!

Damian: dammit Jason!

Jason: why is it my fault!

Damian: it didn’t have to die because of you!

Jason: maybe the others will see it and learn not to run across my back!!

Bruce: one night.

Tim: Jason?

Jason: hmm?

Tim tossed something. Jason’s eyes went wide with horror as he was frozen in fear. As the spider landed smack on his shirt the room was at a standstill. Then Jason fell backwards, his soul leaving him as he landed with a thud.

Bruce: dammit, Tim!

As the spider scurried away to live another day, Jason twitched with a squeak.

So, true story, spider just ran across my back just like this. Unfortunately it is still living in my bed and it’s his room now.

I’m cool with spiders until they’re on me.

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Damian: did you leave that poor dog in your car in this hot weather?

Dick side glancing Tim sitting in the passengers seat reading a book.

Damian: the windows aren’t even down. That’s animal cruelty. I expected better of you, Grayson.

Jason: fucking sick.

Hoooooooonk. Tim reaching across the car holding the car horn down relentlessly.

Damian: poor thing.

Damian: I’m gunna go break the window and save him.

Damian running.

Dick: no-

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When the crew comes back from a long mission, sometimes they don’t even make it far from the cave to their own beds and they all form a pile on Bruce’s.

It all began as Robins when they’d crawl into his bed with nightmares from battles. Bruce tried to get them to sleep in their own beds but they would run to his when they got bad dreams. At some point, they would just skip starting in their own beds and go straight to his and now were just used to forming the dog huddle.

Bruce is always at center for heat and the babies Tim and Damian in the nooks of his arms. Dick kind of cradles around the top by their heads to make sure they’re ok while Jasons around their feet. He doesn’t sleep well and wakes up easily since he’s always on guard. He tends to like to be able to look around at every noise so he prefers this spot.

The problem is, Tim has night fits. Bruce usually is pretty good at locking the boys legs in by weighing them down with one of his but one night Bruce is so tired he rolls around facing Damian unleashing the unusually strong beast.

As Tim has a dream of kicking Joker in the nuts like a dog does running, he meets Jason in the back sending him rolling off the side. Jason’s eyes flash open wide as he’s falling face first off the high edge with a smack onto the floor.

Everyone flies up as he just sits up confused and half asleep.

“What are you doing down there for?” Tim asks.

Jason leers back at him.

“You ok bud,” Bruce adds, “fall off the bed again?”

Jason throws his arms up over the bed as he begins pulling himself up, his body aching from their fight against the clown.

“No,” he growls beaming at his brother who blushes, “I was mufasad.”

Bruce scratches the back of his neck apologetically as Jason forms the ball, back on the corner of the bed, this time keeping an eye on Tim. Tim just gets this sheepish grin.

“Long live the king.”

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Damian: did you leave that poor dog in your car in this hot weather?

Dick side glancing Tim sitting in the passengers seat reading a book.

Damian: the windows aren’t even down. That’s animal cruelty. I expected better of you, Grayson.

Jason: fucking sick.

Hoooooooonk. Tim reaching across the car holding the car horn down relentlessly.

Damian: poor thing.

Damian: I’m gunna go break the window and save him.

Damian running.

Dick: no-

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When the crew comes back from a long mission, sometimes they don’t even make it far from the cave to their own beds and they all form a pile on Bruce’s.

It all began as Robins when they’d crawl into his bed with nightmares from battles. Bruce tried to get them to sleep in their own beds but they would run to his when they got bad dreams. At some point, they would just skip starting in their own beds and go straight to his and now were just used to forming the dog huddle.

Bruce is always at center for heat and the babies Tim and Damian in the nooks of his arms. Dick kind of cradles around the top by their heads to make sure they’re ok while Jasons around their feet. He doesn’t sleep well and wakes up easily since he’s always on guard. He tends to like to be able to look around at every noise so he prefers this spot.

The problem is, Tim has night fits. Bruce usually is pretty good at locking the boys legs in by weighing them down with one of his but one night Bruce is so tired he rolls around facing Damian unleashing the unusually strong beast.

As Tim has a dream of kicking Joker in the nuts like a dog does running, he meets Jason in the back sending him rolling off the side. Jason’s eyes flash open wide as he’s falling face first off the high edge with a smack onto the floor.

Everyone flies up as he just sits up confused and half asleep.

“What are you doing down there for?” Tim asks.

Jason leers back at him.

“You ok bud,” Bruce adds, “fall off the bed again?”

Jason throws his arms up over the bed as he begins pulling himself up, his body aching from their fight against the clown.

“No,” he growls beaming at his brother who blushes, “I was mufasad.”

Bruce scratches the back of his neck apologetically as Jason forms the ball, back on the corner of the bed, this time keeping an eye on Tim. Tim just gets this sheepish grin.

“Long live the king.”

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Jason old man sighed as he sat down on the toilet after moving around all day, his muscles and bones aching. It felt so good to sit there he might just take a twenty minute shit.

Jason: *realization he just sounded like Bruce*

Jason: I’m so glad no one heard that.

Bruce, cleaning up the laundry outside his room: don’t worry bud, it only goes downhill.