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I love Dick Grayson so much it’s not even funny. He is such a loser.

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9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!

Bruce:

Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.

Bruce: *clap clap*

———

12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!

Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!

Jason: HEY! YOU!

Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.

Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.

———

13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?

Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-

Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.

———

Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.

Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.

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Idk if anyone else remembers, but Batman canonically carries around Bat-cookies according to the Batman/Scooby-Doo crossover.

I LOVE to think Batman carries them around as snacks for Robin. I love it even more to think he uses said cookies to bribe Robin into good behavior in a similar fashion to Scooby Snacks.

Little Dick Grayson: I don't wanna go to some stupid Gala! U can't make me!

Bruce, in desperation: would u do it for a bat-cookie?

Dick: woah! Bat-shaped! Cool!

Bruce: andddd you can have another one after the party

Dick, mouth full of cookie: okay :)

Bruce, internally: thank fuck a parenting hack that works

Batman: stop! Don't kill him!

Red Hood: and why do I give a fuck what you-

Batman: would u spare his life for a Bat-cookie?

Red Hood:

Red Hood: I'm not a kid anymore-

Batman: they're fresh, look, still warm

Red Hood: ...

Red Hood: this works ONCE. This ONE time. Gimme that damn cookie.

Batman: of course

Red Hood: Fuck I've missed these what the hell does Alfred put in em

Bruce: go to sleep, Tim

Tim: I'm almost done-

Bruce: go to sleep now and you can have a bat-cookie

Tim: a what?

Bruce: a bat-cookie. See? Here, first taste is free. Try it.

Tim: bribery? Really?

Bruce: positive reinforcement

Tim: giving me treats like I'm some kind of dog?

Bruce: try it and then we'll debate the ethics

Tim [eats cookie]:

Tim:

Tim: okay

Bruce: Okay?

Tim: if I promise to sleep a full 8 hours I want two more and a glass of milk

Bruce: u drive a hard bargain but I accept

Dick: aw, c'mon, Damian. One picture. For me, to remember your first day of high school. Do it for a bat-cookie?

Damian: -tt- I've heard of these so-called "bat-cookies" Insulting. I am not a child. I refuse to participate in such an asinine tradition.

Dick: shame. Alfred made animal-friendly ones so you can share with Ace and Batcow. I guess they don't get any treats either, then

Damian: well

Damian: since it would please you so very much, I will overlook this patronizing lapse in judgment

Damian [tries one bite of cookie]:

Damian:

Damian: given Batcows higher food intake requirements, I will require at least a dozen.

Damian [takes another bite]: perhaps two dozen

Duke: you agree I did a good job today?

Bruce: yes? I suppose. Earlier, when you stopped that-

Duke: shut it. Don't care. Cookie me.

Bruce: excuse me?

Duke: I know about the cookies, old man. You've been holding out on me. The cat's out of the bag. I did a good job, I get a cookie. That's how it works, right?

Bruce: uh well

Bruce: that was a long time ago

Bruce: i had to discontinue that method after-

Duke: are you saying I'm not a valid member of this family because I was never Robin?

Bruce: of course you are! But I don't have any on me-

Duke: don't. Lie. To. Me.

Bruce: Okay! Okay. You're right, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Just... do me a favor, and don't go announcing to the whole cave you got-

Duke: YES. MY FIRST BAT-COOKIE! SCORE!

Every batmember in the vicinity: BAT-COOKIES ARE BACK????

Bruce: NO! stay back! Stay back you animals! Alfred! Alfred! It's happening again-

Alfred, sighing: I'll preheat the oven, sir

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when i started watching g1 for the first time, i was NOT prepared for whatever the fuck its doing with Megatron's transformation😭😭

it gave me so much psychic damage

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Ahh the brick that is Soundwave. Sometimes I just like to ponder his cassette player mode; as such cases, a handle? I figured it would kinda make sense 😌 but alas also makes him a very maneuverable thing, I’m sure those two most definitely are aware. But yknow? Being used to bash the face of your rival in is not the Worst thing to ever happen. It’s like a cat being held by the scruff if you think about it. Basically deactivates all movement cuz the mama is holding them

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chat i hope you find this as funny as i do

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do you think transformers ever get tickets like regular cars do (feat ticket bra)

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Test new equipment🤫

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Little roller

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the tfp kids give optimus a figurine

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me stumbling out of the woodworks after 12 years: "batman but its miraculous ladybug au"

so basically the motivation for this au was a read a bunch of mlb crosovers and then thought but what if the batkids had miraculous lol?

marinette and adrien are both dead in this universe they died of old age like 10 years ago

Batman found the bat kwami shortly after his parents death and then spend most of his childhood training with Ekkho to become The Batman (also Ekkho may be the cause of Bruce's fear of bats in this au)

Dick got his kwami from his Mom, he knew kwami existed but didn't know they could be used to transform until after his parent's murder when he took up the role of Robin, he later passed it down to Jason hoping it would protect him and became Nightwing after getting the peacock from a mission (it was stolen to be used for its power and Dick found it in Bludhaven after a crime group used it to make senti-monsters to steal shit)

Selina stole the cat ring and the ladybug earrings from a traveling french exibit. Selina only wanted the ring because Cat theme and gave the earrings to her friend Harley Quinn, it wasn't till after Harley had left she realized they were both magic artifacts, but she decided that wasn't her problem anymore

Jason got the Robin kwami from Dick, he was Robin till the day he died and both him and the Miraculous exploded. The Robin miraculous was damaged and Peep was never the same.

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D-16 after he gets paired with every single Optimus Prime at once.

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can’t believe we were gonna have a continuity where optimus chases megatron instead of the other way around that was crazy