midnightscriptures

[midnightscriptures]

Dancing and the Devil

I have this tantalizing urge

to put my lips to your lips

and to trail down to you throat

I could stay there all day feeling the blood rush just under the skin

scrape my teeth along the pulse point and imagine

for a second

biting down in an imitation of a lover

to feel the blood flow into my mouth

with metal and flesh stuck in my canines.

Darling

no one ever accepts the devil's offer to dance.

So when you did and my prey was willingly placed before me

it only makes sense that I wouldn't realize your intentions.

As you led the first waltz

and then the second

with blood staining your front

flowing from your throat

does it surprise you that the beauty of it all left me blind

to the dagger you had been guiding into my spine

ever since accepting my hand.

What greater grace is there

to die

while killing an angel.

The blood of someone so holy staining my smile

as I fade into some deeper

darker

place of torture.

A dream to never be repeated

A dance to be cherished

[midnightscriptures]

On Anger and Self Isolation

Anger Lives in my lungs

Hatred has its thorny roses traveling up my throat

With a single crimson flower resting just behind my tongue

I will cough up petals

and blood

before I allow myself to let the thorns prick you.

The beast I house in my lungs, in my throat, would see you torn to pieces

would have me hurt you until there is nothing left to hurt

would see your blood stain my fingertips

and my lips

as I tear out your jugular.

And how I wish to say I hate that urge

to say that I recoil at the mere thought.

Perhaps I am not ashamed to admit that the idea intrigues me

that some days I yearn for the feeling of blood and gore

and perhaps I should be ashamed.

There curled within the blossom in my mouth lies a thorn designed specifically for you.

And as I am wont to do

I would rather bite my tongue than let the venom I bear

spread this disease to you too.

You love me

and despite my love for you this venom would kill you

taint the memories we have

and harm you more than you would ever deserve.

I will sit unhappy in my silence

and touch the morbid with all the gentle self-loathing it takes

to grow thorns in your lungs.

I will be content knowing that despite hurting you here

you will not have blood-stained skin

or a bone deep hatred of me

come the morning

[midnightscriptures]

A Poem For a Friend Twice Lost

One day I want to show you

How you mean the world to me

I want to hold your hands in mine

And lead you through each well loved memory you have gifted me

Each memory cherished and poured over throughout years

I want to show you how my hands would tremble to spell out the words

And how my breath would catch as I thought of our next story

I want to show you just how much I adored how you wrote me

How you wrote of me

But that is for a different story then the one we have been placed in

In this story first we loved

And we were loved in return

and then you forgot us

forgot me

And it was fine

I learned to move on

I learned to live again without that gentle hand

But then you came back

After months

A gentle message

"Hey, you want to talk?"

And you were back

And my hands shook

And I sobbed

But this time you did not love

You did not share the affections I did

You did not write of me the same

And now you have started to fade away again

And all I will be left with is the doubt and the grief

Maybe I am a fool

Maybe I am your fool

But all I ask is you leave me with a goodbye this time

[midnightscriptures]

A Letter to a Friend

I do not regret knowing you

I do not regret our friendship

I do not regret the love I felt

Nor do I regret all our connections

But I regret believing you truly cared

And I regret falling for your lies

And I regret letting you hurt me again

I regret listening to you talk about how happy you are after ignoring me for days

I regret letting you ignore my traumas

And I regret crawling back after you left

I regret not being strong enough to leave

And I know that you're manipulating me

And I know you're love bombing me

And I know you are using me

And I miss when we would talk for hours

And I miss when we'd say we loved each other

And I miss when it felt like just us against the world

And I guess that's why I will never leave

Despite all the ways you hurt me

[midnightscriptures]

Something Wrong

There is something wrong with me

I have asked the doctors and they all say

Its because of disease that affected me when I was young

Because of months of tiny fragile lungs

And constant empty burning stomach

I have asked the therapists and they all say

Its because of unkind hands when I needed support

Because of years of fear

And harmful words

But I look at myself

At my body

With the rattle of my lungs that comes and goes

With the scars that have partially faded and the scars not yet faded

With the scratches and marks and burns and rashes

With the oddly placed freckles

With the way my eyes never really have that "shine"

With the sharp teeth

And I wonder

Was I ever human

Or was I simply good at playing the part

[midnightscriptures]

Decay

It feels like all my organs are decaying

Once again I'm back on this hill

Between Here and Never

I'd thought it'd just be me Forever

Once upon a time I'd wished

That I could be a warrior

That people would cheer my name when I come into town

But now I'm older

And everything's grey

All my thoughts have decayed

My organs melt within my body

Mushrooms growing on what remains

This body moves but doesn't know

My heart unbeating leads me far away

But to this hill my body will remain

As my organs decay

[midnightscriptures]

Acceptance; Tonight & Tomorrow

Tonight is one of those nights The nights where I sneak to the kitchen

Make myself some cocoa 

And Think

I think a Lot on these nights

About the Present

The Past

The Future

It’s not always all that great

But it’s what I do

I don’t rest

I can’t rest

Too much energy

Too many thoughts

There are days that I enjoy it

There are days I dislike it

There are days when I don’t particularly care

Tonight is one of those nights

Where I drink my cup of cocoa

and ponder what could’ve been

If one thing changed 

I’d never met the people I love so dearly

If one thing changed

I wouldn’t be typing this today

If one thing changed

I’d be living instead of surviving 

If I could change one thing

I don’t think I’d change anything

That is what acceptance is for me

It’s not pretty

It’s not fun

It’s not terrible

It’s a day by day;

night by night,

thing.

Today I choose to think about the future.

Today I choose to make plans;

even if theyre all for vain.

Today I choose to love as I wish to be loved

Tonight will be when I accept 

Tomorrow is a new day

The same sun will be in the sky

The same moon will be hanging above

but tomorrow will be a new day

Tomorrow is the day I will tell the people I love them

Tomorrow will be the day I walk from my burnt bridges

Tomorrow might be worse 

but

Tomorrow has all the possibilities tonight does not have

But until tomorrow,

I will think about my future

And I will love 

And I will cry

And I will laugh

And I will be me

[midnightscriptures]

From the Diary of a Reformed Persecutor

I am trapped in my mind

Controlling the body that does not belong to me

Is a part of me I fear

I am so scared of myself

I love myself

I fear myself

My body no longer feels like my own

When I can control my the body

The body that is not mine

I do not recognize it when I look in the mirror

The person staring back is not the person I am

Not the person I see when I see myself

This body is not mine

This blood is not mine

But the blood on my hands comes from the body I am in

There is no body that is truly mine

No heart that beats belongs to me

I exist only in this mind

I am real

I am not real

When the horror come to haunt me I am reminded

That these memories arent mine

That I am only here to help this body meet an end it deserves

I am just here to prevent the early end

The end that would have come if I were not a horror myself

[midnightscriptures]

Untitled

Sometimes I feel the parts of me that stay in my mind.

The wings that beat with a protective force.

The ears that wiggle and brought childish joy.

The tail I had to maneuver the little ones to my side.

I miss having them under my wings,

Begging me to fly them around the forest,

showing them the world we made around us.

I miss climbing the trees that spanned my personal world.

Trees that grew so high that if you were to stand at the top ,

The cotton candy clouds close enough to touch.

And the clouds, their beauty.

A pink colour incredibly contrasting the green leaves of our trees.

I miss my home

The home that was built in my mind.

That kept me safe in the worst of moments.

[midnightscriptures]

Fleeting Lives

Life is fleeting,

one moment someone you care for is there.

And the next they are gone.

Life is fleeting.

Once they are gone you learn things,

Things you don't want to know,

Things you wish you never knew.

Don't you just wish to forget?

To only have the good times?

And lose what you've learned

[midnightscriptures]

Untitled

Who are the people you know?

Do you know them?

Truly know them?

Are their sould bared to you,

and as such,

bared to the world?

Do you know of their wrongdoings?

Or of where they have failed?

Do you know who they are?

What theyve done?

And where they've been?

[midnightscriptures]

writing tip:

if you push buttons on a keyboard, letters will appear on the screen. and with that power you can do anything

[midnightscriptures]

the situation is still out of control

[midnightscriptures]

Dear Brother

Garroth writes a letter to Zane after he dies, if only Zane was still alive to read it.

TW: Referenced Major Character Death, Greif, Referenced Minor Character Death

Posted on Ao3 as well 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37887820

Dear Brother,  

I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I am sorry I wasn't fast enough, and I couldn't stop the blood from flowing out of your body. Dark black burns covering your body. You were smoking when I reached you from those very burns. Not regular smoke, of course not, but smoke nonetheless. And it reminded me for a half second of when we were younger, and I found you with the baker's son. I wish I had gotten there fast enough, so I could have at least had a chance to stop the inevitable.  

That's a terrible way to start this letter, but you need to know that I'm sorry for what Happened to you. I love you dearly, a magnificent light on the family. I could not stop the inevitable, but how I wish I could. When all you now know is blood and war and hatred, I wish I had reached out when you had drawn away. Wish I had known what to say for once your light had been so bright, childish Naivety had no reason to dull... I miss you. The real you. The you who used to come to me after a nightmare. The you who used to tell me about the stories you'd read, or the adventures you so deeply wished to have.  

You were always a sickly child, and sometimes I wished I had stayed when word comes that no one had seen you for days due to your being prone to illness.  

You were never a fragile child though. And although I regret that fateful day, the day that caused you to draw away from me, I regret more that I never apologized for what I did. And I am sorry, I am so sorry that words may never describe it.  

I'm the only one left of our mother's sons, and it is so lonely. I cannot grieve, it would not be right to grieve for someone my friends only saw as an enemy, but when I am alone I weep for my brother's. And I pray that things could have ended differently. If Eirene, you were always so fond of her I never thought it would end like this, were kind one day we may be able to see each other again.  

Brother, there is a place I know of that I saw when I was still running. It was a beautiful place, a field of flowers and high grasses somewhere that I know you would have loved to see, and I'd like to believe that is where you are now. A beautiful place, where the anger in your soul has faded and you can be left peaceful.  

You were always the scholar thinking on it now, you could probably have told me what every single one of those flowers were. I wonder what happened to that little boy sometimes. I never should have left you alone there, but I so wanted to be free, it was selfish of me and it hurt you in the end. It hurt so many people in the end.  

It is wishful thinking, but I do want you to be at peace.  

If you see Vyladmir can you tell him I love him? And I miss him as well? I know I never had the bond with him as I do did with you, but I still miss him.

You died my enemy, but you died my brother as well. I will never deny that the same blood that runs through my veins once ran through yours. Not after this. I won't disrespect you, and our mother, like that again.  

You weren't born evil, no one is born evil, but you were taught and tainted. And I wish I had taken you with me when I had ran. I wish I had kept you safe.

I am a Ro'meave, and my blood is tainted with blood, curses, and grief. But I am your Brother, and I am our Mothers son. And I refuse to forget that again.

My Darling Brother, I hope in death you shine just as bright as you had as a child. I hope the pain you grew to accept has finally left you. I also hope that you see him again, and I apologize for being the one who caused his death, I know how much you had adored him. I should have known how Father would have reacted, how he would have punished you for the crime of love, and I am sorry for the pain we put you through, you did not deserve any of it.

And So, today I will mourn my lost brothers. And the family that could have been.

      Ps. I put your grave in a meadow, it looks beautiful in the spring, and I know you will love it.

Your Brother, now and forever,

Garroth

[midnightscriptures]

Three Lives

Three Lives Lost

For 

Three Tears Shed

- 

Three Tears Shed

For

Three Lives Lost

[midnightscriptures]

The Flight of The Fallen

                                                            (Do not repost)

As I fell from the Heights,

of which I had been raised,

I laughed. The Ghosts of

boiling Wax scorching My skin.

I had become Icarus.

Flying on Wings that were never Mine.

And as the raging Sea grew closer

I felt a Freedom I had never Known before.

The Freedom of Falling when You should be Flying

[midnightscriptures]

Death

                                                                (Do Not Repost)

  She welcomes me, 

    with her warm embrace, 

   to Her land of Those Who Have Already Gone.

 She beckons me to join Her,

   to leave the Worries and Woes of my life.

Oh,

  how I wish to join leap into Her Realm,

  for I know She would have me.

For She,

    my hidden Mistress,

                            is Death.

  How Beautiful She is,

           and how lovely Her embrace,

    but I dare not go.

Oh,  

    how I wish to join Her,

   but I dare not leave my Lover.

    Who’s Love reminds me

     I am not alone.

How Cruel She is, 

      my Mistress,

             to Beckon me from my Lover

How unloyal of me,

         to want for Her Embrace,

     to wish to join another.