recoveryfail

[recoveryfail]

I know Trump being elected sucks(more than sucks, but I've exhausted my vocabulary already) but he is not the only member of government. A trans person named Sarah Mcbride was elected to congress, that means something, it means a lot. The election is over, but the fight is not. We will survive, we will persevere. I believe in us.

[recoveryfail]

I've lost 17 pounds, but I'm not very excited because life fucking sucks and is only going to get worse

[recoveryfail]

I don't know what to do know

I'm going to start a fast at 6 and not eat until we get election results. Who wins determines my plans from there.

[recoveryfail]

I'm going to start a fast at 6 and not eat until we get election results. Who wins determines my plans from there.

[recoveryfail]

I just retook my weight in every room of the house, and sometimes I got 204 sometimes I got 202 and sometimes I got 200, so I don't know what is right

I somehow gained 3 pounds even though I've been fasting for nine-and-a-half hours. Literally about to kms

[recoveryfail]

I somehow gained 3 pounds even though I've been fasting for nine-and-a-half hours. Literally about to kms

[recoveryfail]

Good News: I'm down to 201 pounds which means I've lost 19!

Bad News: My parents moved the scale to their room and when I went in there to get it, my mom woke up. I told her I was weighing the cat(I do this frequently, so it is believable) and she was really groggy, so she'll hopefully forget by morning.

[recoveryfail]

I'm going to kill myself

[recoveryfail]

I can't find the scale. I don't know what to do. I might have to kill myself over this.

[recoveryfail]

Thinking about killing myself right now, but I'm not even particularly suicidal, just forcing myself to be numb so I don't have the umpteenth panic attack over my future(both future as in five hours from now, and future as in the rest of my life).

[recoveryfail]

Monday, October 7th, 2024 Meal Plan

Breakfast: Cup of coffee with one tablespoon of sugar cookie creamer(35 cals)

Lunch: One medium banana(105 cals)

Dinner: One grilled cheese sandwich(200 cals)

Total cals: 340

[recoveryfail]

The fact one Lindor caramel truffle is only 74 calories is going to be my downfall. I know I'm going to end up eating one because 74 isn't that much, and then before I know it the whole bag is gone and I've eaten over 1,500 calories. I wish I could just throw them out(or keep them from being bought in the first place)but they're not exclusively mine, so that isn't an option.

[recoveryfail]

October 1st weight(I know I'm a little late, I've been sick): 205

[recoveryfail]

I'm so behind on my schoolwork(well, none of it is late, but a lot is due tomorrow and I haven't even started)but every time I go to try and work on it I get so overwhelmed that I can't think of any solution except killing myself. Not just the work overwhelms me, but so does everything from the future. Graduating from college, getting a job, having to go into work everyday while also maintaining a house. I can't deal with it.

[recoveryfail]

I like putting my scary thoughts on Tumblr. It's like they go from living in my brain to just visiting. Sure, they're still there, and they really like having sleepovers, but now there's room for other stuff too. Sometimes it's other scary thoughts, but sometimes it's nice stuff too like recipes and school assignments.

[recoveryfail]

My parents have me microchipped or something. They must. I had been so good, didn't eat, not a single calorie all day, then they come home with restaurant food. This always happens, I always get food, from out or made, when I don't eat. Except it's not observation because I've been home alone all day. They don't know I haven't eat, but they must because they brought food, and so they have to have something in my brain. They want me fat. Why do they want me fat? All I can think of is the witch from Hansel and Gretel. Are they going to eat me? I don't like fatty food, but they eat stake sometimes, not a lot because it's expensive but have a few times, so maybe they do like fatty food. I don't mind being killed, I don't mind nourishing someone else's body, but I hope I don't feel it. Being cooked sounds painful. I wish I didn't have to be fattened first.

[recoveryfail]

There are insects in my brain. I'm not sure if I'm being metaphorical.