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System Roles!!

Different headmates in your system might have different roles, such as:

Rat Bastard

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Your trauma is valid whether you keep it a secret, or talk about it a lot and anything in between. 

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i know we're all sick of self-care being a marketing tactic now, but i don't think a lot of us have any other concept of self-care beyond what companies have tried to sell us, so i thought i'd share my favorite self-care hand out

brought to you by how mad i just got at a Target ad

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growing up I always wanted to be poorly understood by science

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me [coming to terms with a truth about myself]: hm..................................................... unfortunate

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Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

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No thoughts, only tail wags 🐾

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Long post, but bit of a vent and ask for input/advice

CW for general discussions of trauma and poor sleeping habits from it.

I'm looking to vent, to ask if anyone else experiences this, and to also ask if anyone knows how to help an alter in this situation.

I have an alter who particularly gets very anxious at a specific time of night. He'll check the clock and as the time gets closer become more and more anxious. When it's close, he'll hide under the covers, try to be quiet and still, and wait a few minutes until the time is past by a few minutes. If we go to bed much earlier (by a few hours), this doesn't happen. I think it throws off his schedule. If he's not in bed, sometimes he'll hide other places, in a bathroom, etc. Squat down and cover his eyes. After, he'll also often turn the lights on and look around the room, in hiding places, before going to bed.

I'm really not sure why he does this. I try to tell him he's ok, that we don't have to, but he's never convinced. He says something or someone will get him. That he has to be still and in bed and seem asleep, or else he will get hurt by someone. I don't have any idea why he does this. Sometimes my mind goes to worst case scenarios trauma wise, and other times I think he might just be generally anxious at night as any kid might be. But I still don't know why that particular time upsets him.

One of the hardest parts about this disorder is how intrusive this is, how despite how I fight it he still gets anxious and comes around. It's also very hard to help him. If I knew he was worried about a person or event, I could tell him, "Don't worry, we're not around X person anymore." I always feel so lost on how to help alters, find coping mechanisms, etc.

How do you deal with anxious sleeping habits? Do I just try to get to bed early? Find a routine for him? Do you have an alter who's anxious at specific time of night? I just wish I knew more about him, how to help, and this disorder in general.

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shout out to the headmates, alters, and parts, that rarely front.

you're still just as much as a member in your system, even if other beings in there front much more often than you.

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Being plural is so funny. Your parents are too mean to you when you're 9 and you perform mitosis about it

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Friendly reminder that the way a system presents online has absolutely no bearing on how they present in the outside world.

For a lot of systems online is the one place they can finally be safe to be themselves and drop the mask they have to hold. And also, being online, you have access to a lot more info about what other alters have been up to by just scrolling through posts made by others in the system.

What may seem like an overt system is actually a very covert system when interacting with people offline

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i think a lot of younger systems would be better off if they took a minute to stop stressing about roles or consciousness labels or headspaces or origins and just treat members of their system like random guys. that one headmate you can't tell the role of? they like hot chocolate with marshmallows and listening to the rain. you too. you need to be a random guy. being a random guy is good for everyone.

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Someone being good to you now doesn't negate what they did. Someone not having bad intentions doesn't change what happened. Someone not meaning to be hurtful doesn't take away the sting.

You are still allowed to have feelings about whatever it was. You don't have to just "get over it".

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We view roles as the primary purpose a person formed and their current position in the system. A sort of combination of the two. We apply roles to most system members since each tends to fit in to at least one, some a couple.

I think they've helped us in understanding certain people's behaviors, as well as our past. For example, we realized recently that we do actually have a gatekeeper, and he was around when we were very young. We've had persecutors at times of stress, especially when trauma was still going on. So I think knowing people's roles does help us understand about them, why they do what they do, and how we can help them.

I think for a few they've "chosen" their role or new role by changing their behavior. We have reformed persecutors who are strong protectors now. (And we also understand persecutors are often protectors in their own way, but we still see the roles as seperate because how other alters interact with a protectors vs persecutor is very different for us). But I think for the most part alters come to be with their role over time.

question 102: how do you define "roles", for your system? do you have them? do you think they're helpful? do you find them to be innate or chosen, or some mix, or neither?

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i am not the same person i was 37 seconds ago