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sweetsummercourier · 1 year ago

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Little Do You Know

When I open my eyes in the morning

And you're not there

When my lungs cannot breathe anymore

And I'm lying right there

It'll be you in my heart that I'm holding

Synopsis: on the boat ride back to Paradis after the Rumbling, Saoirse and Mikasa comfort each other regarding the events of the past and the loss of Eren.

Characters: Mikasa Ackerman, Saoirse Wolford-Blackwell (oc)

Content: angst and comfort, mentions of pregnancy / unborn child, mentions of decapitation and character death, season 4 characters are 18+

Word count: 3k

A/N: Women supporting women! This time, I wanted to focus on Saoirse and Mikasa's relationship, and the friendship that they've forged over the course of the show and manga. I should mention that in my AU, Mikasa still loves Eren. I think I'd be doing her a disservice if I removed / ignored that aspect of her. As always, proofread by me and Grammarly.

as a reminder SAOIRSE'S SURNAME HAS BEEN CHANGED. It is now Wolford-Blackwell.

Borders by @thecutestgrotto

They say counting stars

You play the part of a soul missing home

Time's not a problem, do you think we were moving too fast?

Guess we weren't meant to last

My love, where'd you go?

Where'd you go?

/ / /

The boat rocked gently as the waves lapped at its sides. Seagulls cawed outside, soaring next to the vessel. An uneven desk kept wobbling with the boat’s movements. A few crates slid side to side slightly, scratching at the floor… and it took everything in Saoirse not to throw up.

She hated boats. Sure, the idea of sailing sounded nice, and with all the different kinds of boats, it seemed fun and romantic, but the seasickness – coupled with her morning sickness – made Saoirse want to die. As much as she wanted to accompany Mikasa above deck, she knew very well she’d just end up spilling her guts over the railing.

She couldn’t wait for this part of their journey to end.

She stayed below deck in the small cabin the two were sharing, sitting on one of the cots with a black blanket lazily wrapped around her. Calling it a cabin was a bit of an overstatement – it was more like a storage room with some of its belongings taken out so that the two had a place to sleep. It wasn’t much, and the cots weren’t the comfiest, but it was enough for now.

She was protectively cradling a small cardboard box in her arms – the box that held Eren’s decapitated head. It was the only thing Saoirse could find to contain his head. She hated it. She hated that she even had to put his head in something, much less a cardboard box that she happened to find at the harbor, or what remained of it. It was so… plain, and she felt like she was being disrespectful for putting his head in it – despite the fact she had done so to prevent anyone from trying to take him away.

The box made it all too real, too. Once they returned to Paradis, his head would be placed in another box, and buried under the tree that held such significance to Eren. She wasn’t ready for it. How could she be? She hadn’t even digested the recent events, memories, and thoughts racing like a tumultuous storm.

Their final moments together kept replaying in her mind. How he expressed his displeasure at the idea of her finding another man, of another man raising his baby. How his biggest regret was not being able to be by her side. How he swore they’d be together again. How he swore he’d love her forever, and even after that.

He smelt like seaspray and sunshine.

Saoirse looked back at the porthole near her cot and caught a seagull passing by. The sun was still out. It looked like a lovely day. Maybe if she went outside, she could smell that seaspray, and for a moment imagine that he was by her side again… no, she’d throw up. She shook her head and looked away from the light, sighing softly.

She felt she had no more tears to shed, no more words to scream, no more demands to beg. She felt numb and hollow. She must have looked like a living corpse: alive but unmoving, pale and stiff. She felt like it, too, like there was an empty spot in her chest where her heart once was.

She held the box close to her, her eyes fixed on nothing as she maintained her stupefied vigil. The only thing keeping her tied to this world, to this moment, was the box in her arms and the baby in her womb.

“What am I supposed to do now?” she asked no one, her question fading as quickly as she asked it. There wasn’t an answer, at least not one that was immediately obvious. She and Eren had planned to settle down, rebuild his childhood home in Shiganshina, and raise a family – your standard “white picket fence and two and a half kids and a dog” plan.

This wasn’t her plan all along. Saoirse never saw herself as a mother, or capable of falling in love. Her early years gave her the notion that she was not fit for an “ordinary” life. She wasn’t human; she should be shunned. Originally, she planned on serving her time as a soldier, joining the Garrison Regiment so she could help her adopted family. When she finished her duty, she’d return to the family’s farm and keep working for them until she died, unwed and childless.

Yet loving Eren profoundly changed her. She wanted a family. She wanted love. She wanted to share a bed with someone and to wake up beside them. She wanted to cook and share meals at the table with a family she helped build. She wanted to have a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on. She wanted to grow old side by side with someone. She wanted a wedding with a white dress and a cake… she hated dresses.

But she would have worn one for Eren.

Saoirse would have done all of that for Eren… and all she had to show for it was his head in a cardboard box, an illegitimate child, and a broken heart.

How did life end up this way? Why did it end up this way? Saoirse felt like the laughingstock of the universe. The butt of every joke life could have thrown at her. Born premature, sold off like livestock at a kill auction, experimented and tortured and abused… and just when her life seemed to turn around when she was adopted, the Walls were breached and she became a soldier.

And before Eren died, she learned how he had altered her thoughts to preserve her. He even admitted that he did it in the beginning because her abilities helped serve his goals, and he hadn’t even expected to fall in love with her.

How was she supposed to go home now? How was she going to explain to her adopted parents that not only was she pregnant, but that the father was the Devil of Paradis? The man who brought the world to its knees? How was she supposed to tell them about the years in the military? She knew she would have no choice but to bring up the experimentation she was forced to endure as a child, and the Titan she bore because of it. How would they possibly handle the idea that the little girl they adopted had not only been a monster but now grew the child of a monster in her womb?

She couldn’t blame them if they rejected her. Who would want to keep her around? A part of her didn’t want to try and go home. Her adopted mother was so sweet and so kind, the idea of seeing her with a broken heart and crying made Saoirse wince. And her adopted father, a gentle giant… the more she thought about them and what her story would do to them only made her less and less confident about going home.

She wasn’t even angry anymore. She was just so tired. Maybe it would be best if they thought she was dead.

The door creaked open and Saoirse snapped back to reality. Her arms wrapped the box tightly, pressing it closer to her body. She glared at the entryway, trying to make herself look threatening in an attempt to ward off whoever entered the room.

Mikasa looked on, unfazed by Saoirse’s aggressive display. Upon seeing that it was Mikasa, Saoirse slowly relaxed and inspected the box gently to make sure she hadn’t damaged it in her fierce grasp.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed as she looked back at her friend, satisfied with the state of the box. “I… didn’t think you’d be coming back so soon.”

“It’s alright,” Mikasa replied as she closed the door behind her.

Saoirse’s fingers gently ran over the top of the box, her thumb tracing along the edge of one of the flaps. She resisted the urge to open it, knowing she’d break down upon seeing Eren’s head again, but she just wanted to see him one more time.

Mikasa approached and gently touched her wrist. In a fit of desperation, Saoirse smacked her hand away and held the box closer. She stared up at Mikasa with a wide eye, her breathing quickening.

“No! No, you can’t have him!”

“Saoirse… Saoirse, it’s me,” Mikasa said quietly, her voice tinged with sorrow. “It’s alright. No one will take him.”

Saoirse hesitated and her face flushed with embarrassment. She stuttered an apology, and she leaned down, her forehead pressed against the box. She felt like a caged beast, a cornered animal. She felt wounded and weak, and everything was a threat. Everyone was her enemy and wanted to hurt her.

“I must be going mad,” she whispered before looking up again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Despite her grief, Saoirse knew the consequences of Eren’s actions. He would be both glorified and vilified by the people of Paradis. He’d be the hero who tore down the Walls and eliminated their enemies (or at least eighty percent of them) to many, and the villain who only made things worse for others. She lived in constant fear that someone would come into the room and take the box, and either keep it to be venerated or throw it into the ocean.

Was it a good idea to bring him home? Of course, Marley wouldn’t give him a proper burial. She didn’t want to imagine the things they would have done with his head. Yet with the prospect of how people would view Eren on Paradis, she was frightened of people robbing or desecrating his grave.

It killed her more to know that she didn’t have his full body to bury. Just his head.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” Saoirse whispered.

Mikasa remained silent before moving to sit on a nearby crate, listening to Saoirse… or maybe she was contemplating. After all, she had been the one to stop the Rumbling with Levi.

Saoirse could only imagine how Mikasa had felt about the situation. The two had a strong bond and were always side by side. Alongside Armin, the three were a tight-knit group.

Admittedly, Saoirse was a bit jealous of that. She always wondered what it was like to have a close group of friends, people you trusted and grew up with and loved. She couldn’t necessarily say that about their comrades: she trusted and cared for them, but she wasn’t particularly close to anyone.

“I can’t imagine what it was like,” Saoirse spoke up. “What it was like to… to kill Eren. To end the Rumbling.”

There was a heavy silence between them. She knew she had made the mood worse, but it was the only thing she could think of to talk about. There were no pleasantries to give.

“I’m glad it was you,” Saoirse continued. “I couldn’t have done what you did… but if anyone was to do it, I’m glad it was you.”

Mikasa inhaled deeply and looked up at her, her dark eyes trained on Saoirse. She gave a soft nod and crossed her arms, placing her arms on her legs.

“I didn’t want anybody else to do it,” Mikasa replied. “Eren was… is very precious to me. I wanted to protect him, and I had for so long… it only felt right that it was me.”

“I know,” Saoirse said. “You loved him, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Mikasa was silent for a moment and then her eyes widened. She looked at Saoirse and gasped softly as she understood what the other woman meant. Not platonic love. Not even just familial love. No, something much more – a deep, profound love that blossomed from romantic feelings.

Saoirse gave her a weak smile. It wasn’t hard to see. It wasn’t something that she was blind to. A woman in love could spot another a mile away. She looked down at the box for a moment before looking up at Mikasa.

“I’m sorry – ”

“Why are you apologizing?” Saoirse interrupted quietly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Mikasa stared at her, perplexed. She must have been expecting Saoirse to be angry, to berate her. How dare she love a taken man, someone who had chosen another person. Someone who he had fathered a child with and planned a life together. How dare she long for another.

“... because I do,” Mikasa managed. “I do love him.”

“I know.”

“... how are you not angry? Don’t you hate me?”

“How could I ever hate you? You… are probably the only friend I have in this world.”

Mikasa blinked in surprise at Saoirse’s gentle response. Of course, Saoirse didn’t hate her. She wasn’t upset that Mikasa loved Eren, too. For one, Mikasa and Eren had more history together and had a story that she didn’t have. She didn’t have that with Eren. She didn’t have that history or rapport with him.

“Do you hate me?”

“For what?”

“For loving him. For him loving me. For him choosing me,” Saoirse said. “Do you hate me because we were partners?”

“No,” Mikasa replied immediately. “I… I wasn’t happy when you two began dating. I wasn’t happy with the idea of him being with you because I… I didn’t like you. I didn’t think you were good enough for him. I thought you were trouble… I thought that ever since we met as cadets.”

Saoirse laughed dryly, looking down at the floor. It was true. When she was younger, she was rude, blunt, and aggressive. She cared about herself and only herself, and often got into arguments and physical altercations with Eren. The two were certainly an unlikely pair, and no one would have thought they would have grown close… especially close enough to form such a bond. A bond that resulted in a new life.

She didn’t blame her for that impression. She would be the first to admit she was an absolute shithead.

Mikasa stood and moved to sit next to Saoirse, wrapping the blanket around her too. They sat in silence for a moment, basking in the other’s presence. Saoirse adjusted the box in her arms and she inhaled shakily as she ran one hand over her belly, feeling the subtle bloat.

“In the end, I’m happy he loved you,” Mikasa added.

“What? Why?” Saoirse asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Because you made him happy,” Mikasa explained. “You had matured from when we met, and he loved spending time with you. Even before you two began dating, I could see it in his eyes, hear it in the way he spoke about you. He cared about you. Above all else, all I ever wanted was for Eren to be safe and happy… if he had found it with someone who wasn’t me, I had to learn to accept it.”

Saoirse wasn’t expecting such a response, but it gave her peace of mind. It gave her peace of mind to know that Eren was happy with her, that he cared for her to an extent that others noticed before they became a pair. It gave her peace of mind to know that Mikasa was happy for them, that she was happy with her being Eren’s chosen partner.

“And I’m happy you’re my friend, too.”

Mikasa looked at Saoirse and then reached for the scarf that lay folded nearby. She gently touched its fabric and a light smile curved onto Mikasa’s lips.

“... Eren wrapped this scarf around me when we were kids,” she said. “It’s an invaluable gift. It’s a part of him that no one can take away from me.”

Mikasa turned to Saoirse and wrapped the scarf around the both of them, ensuring it was secure. Saoirse blinked in surprise and she looked down at the scarf, feeling the fabric against her skin. Her nose wrinkled a little as a wave of emotions washed over her.

“No… no, I don’t deserve this,” Saoirse spoke shakily. “I don’t deserve to be wrapped in this scarf.”

“Yes, you do,” Mikasa countered. “Let me share this with you. Let me wrap you like he did with me… let me be there for you and the little one. Please.”

Saoirse felt hot tears fill her one eye, her thick eyelashes immediately becoming soaked and glossy. Looking into Mikasa’s eyes, she saw sincerity. She saw kindness and warmth. Love and care.

“I don’t deserve it,” she croaked. “I don’t even deserve your friendship or your kindness… or even the kid… I don’t deserve anything.”

“You do,” Mikasa whispered. “You do… please, Saoirse. I love you.”

Those three words made Saoirse burst into tears. Mikasa lay one hand on Saoirse’s back, and the other on her arm. She leaned close and rested her forehead against Saoirse’s head, closing her eyes as she offered her silent comfort.

“I love you, too,” Saoirse hiccuped, sniffling. “Thank you… thank you… ”

Saoirse closed her eye and held the scarf to her face, burying her nose into the fabric. Tears steadily streamed from her one eye as she wept, grief and gratitude washing over her like waves on the beach. With her eyes closed, she pictured the day they all first saw the ocean, dancing in the waves and feeling the sand between their toes. How Eren looked when she smiled at him that genuine smile for the first time.

“You won’t ever be alone,” Mikasa whispered. “I promise.”

“And neither will you,” Saoirse rasped, sniffling.

Mikasa remained by her side, continuing her silent comfort as she began to softly weep, tears trailing down her cheeks. The two remained in their warm embrace, weeping and mourning the man they both loved and lost. They both knew when they returned to Paradis, they would have to face the new world Eren had ushered in.

There was much to do, but for now, they had each other. The world wasn’t perfect, it was cruel… yet it wasn’t that bad, and it was beautiful. Saoirse knew Mikasa would be there for her, and she would be there for Mikasa… and at this moment, there was no other way Saoirse would have wanted it.

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sweetsummercourier · 1 year ago

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Waiting on The Sun

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are gray.

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away...

Synopsis: Ghislaine remembers her talk with Eren, and reunites with Reiner after the Rumbling.

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Ghislaine Lazarus (oc)

Content: angst, mentions of pregnancy / child, mentions of torture / broken bones, season 4 characters are 18+

Word count: 3.6k

A/N: Pose for the artwork is inspired by the WWII picture of the sailor and nurse, albeit from a different angle. Proofread via me and Grammarly, please forgive any mistakes. First part in italics is the memory of the conversation between Ghislaine and Eren.

Borders by @saradika

Shine your love, show your light,

Pull me out from the endless night.

Take my hate, take my fight

Take away all the pain I hide...

/ / /

Ghislaine found herself in an empty room. Well, mostly empty. There was a circular table with two chairs facing each other on opposite ends. The room was dark, illuminated by a few candles off to the side. A chessboard was in the center of the table.

Eren sat in one of the chairs. He had his hands on the table, fidgeting with one of the chess pieces. He looked up at Ghislaine and gestured for her to take a seat.

Nervously, she obliged. She tucked her skirt under her legs and rested her elbows on the table, knitting her fingers together. She eyed the board, and then at Eren.

“I don’t know the rules. Armin tried to teach me, but I never could get it,” Eren said. “I do know the white pieces go first… after you.”

“Is this some kind of trick?”

“You’re the expert at psychological manipulation,” Eren replied shortly. “You tell me.”

Ghislaine saw that as a challenge. She picked up one of her pawns and shifted it forward two squares. She then began to pick up a piece one at a time and explained the rules to Eren.

“Care to make a wager?” Ghislaine asked, resting her cheek against the knuckles of her left hand. “This might be my last game. Best keep it interesting.”

Eren paused and then nodded. He picked up one of his pawns and studied it momentarily, rubbing its smooth surface with his thumb. He set his piece down and they began to play.

“So, why do you want to play?” Ghislaine asked as she moved another piece. “It’s not like we were ever close, and after both the betrayal and Saoirse’s brief time as my prisoner, I feel like I’m the last person you’d seek an audience with.”

Eren tensed slightly at the latter and his eye twitched. She maintained eye contact with him and ran a finger over the corner of the board.

“To talk,” he replied flatly. “I figured I’d at least try to make it pleasant. As for that wager… if you win, you live. And if you lose, you die.”

Ghislaine arched her brow. She observed him and saw no bluff. His eyes were calm and clear, albeit unfeeling and dark. Where one might cower, she felt invigorated. A smile crept onto her lips as she pushed up her glasses.

“Alright,” Ghislaine said. “I accept.”

“Oh?” Eren questioned.

“Yes, why not?” She replied as she watched him move another piece. “After all, I’m interested to see the outcome now that I am not the executioner.”

Eren quirked a brow as he watched her consider her next move. Her green eyes were sharp and focused like a predator stalking prey. He watched as she captured one of his pawns.

Ghislaine began to play with the pawn in the palm of one hand. Her fingers rubbed its surface and twisted it around, weaving it between her fingers. Her gaze was intense as she watched him and the board, her gaze seemingly boring a hole into it.

“I want you to tell me something,” Eren said, moving an ebon knight.

“And what would you ask of me?”

“I’m not asking,” Eren replied, his words sharp and biting. “I want you to — no. You are going to tell me what you did to Saoirse. How you found her. How you tortured her. All of it… and why.”

Ghislaine blinked in surprise and tilted her head. Saoirse hadn’t told him? She had imagined his partner would have told him about every waking moment strapped to the saltire. Maybe Saoirse was too prideful. Maybe she was just too ashamed. Maybe she was just too frightened to relive those memories.

“Saoirse has always been a stealthy one,” Ghislaine began. “She’s quiet and knows how to stay hidden, where to stay hidden, when to move, and when to stay… but Liberio is an unfamiliar place to her. She wasn’t hard to find; I saw her wandering and I had her arrested. Simple as that.”

Eren’s emotionless gaze hardened, his dull eyes staring into hers. Without looking at the board, he moved a bishop. His fingers gripped the ebon piece with such silent intensity that Ghislaine was sure that any more pressure would cause it to shatter.

“Having been the sole survivor of the experimentation in Paradis, the higher-ups wanted to have her killed. “She’s a threat,” they said. I agreed… but I asked they give her to me as a prisoner. I could use her for information. They were reluctant, but they eventually agreed. She fought the entire time as I knew she would… but it was like watching a shark on a mountaintop – a Kraken on dry land. Deadly in her element, but strapped to that saltire, she had no bones. Powerless. It was… oddly satisfying.

“I prefer to use psychological warfare on my prisoners. They break slowly, but it’s more effective. Using blades and tools only makes them break quickly. They can’t handle the pain and fear swallows them whole. They’ll say whatever you want them to say to get you to stop. It’s useless; you’re getting lies and half-truths. I want the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

“Saoirse took longer to break. Her mental fortitude is much stronger than what I had anticipated. I thought she would break under the metaphorical wheel, but she didn’t. I thought a hundred different times that she would break. She didn’t. Not even as I began to cut into her pretty pale skin, break her delicate bones – ”

Eren suddenly sat up, his chair skittering back and tipping over with a loud thud. He swiped the board away in a single stroke, the platform and the pieces clattering onto the floor. The table rocked then stilled as he slammed one hand onto it, the other reaching forward and gripping Ghislaine by the collar, yanking her close.

The sudden rage in his once blank eyes would be enough to scare anyone. But not Ghislaine. She met him with a calm expression, unafraid of his aggressive advances. She could feel the heat radiating off of him. It felt like like an overheated oven. His hand shook with the intensity of the hold on her collar. His jaw was set, teeth clenched. It looked like it took everything in his power not to slam her against the wall or the table.

“And you prevented her from healing herself,” he growled. “She told me that part.”

“Mmm… half true. I injected her routinely with a suppressant. It suppressed her ability to regenerate and prohibited her from transforming. I couldn’t have my most valuable prisoner die on me or escape now, could I?”

Eren stiffened and he shook her a little but the collar, her hair swaying as she maintained her posture. He looked at her in disbelief. How could she be so calm, talking about a former comrade with such blatant disregard for their shared history?

“And you did all this knowing she was pregnant?”

“You see me as a monster,” Ghislaine replied, “and perhaps I am. But I do not blame a child for the sins of their parents. I took special care to ensure that the child would be just fine.”

“You say that like you care. You say that like I’m supposed to feel better knowing you didn’t hurt the baby despite admitting to harming Saoirse – something you seem to take pride in.”

“While I do take pride in my abilities in obtaining information, I don’t take pride in the things I sometimes have to do to do it. Now sit down.”

Her tone compelled Eren to sit, shoving her back as he released her collar. He grabbed his chair and sat heavily back down, picking up a single pawn off the floor and worrying it between his fingers. He then set it down in front of them, in the middle of the table.

“Do you mean to tell me I’m just a pawn?” Ghislaine asked, tilting her head, unfazed by the brief display of aggression. “Don’t you know that the pawn can be promoted to a queen, bishop, rook, or knight once it’s made its way to the other end of the board?”

“And what, you believe you’ve made it to the other end?”

“I have. I did when I returned to Marley with all the information about Project Lazarus. Despite my tainted mixed blood, I was among the mighty. I was a Marleyan by declaration, and I had a former sister-in-arms, my kinswoman from the island, caged at my command. All she had to do was tell me why she was in Marley, and I would have set her free. Her loyalty to you knows no bounds. Don’t you see, Eren? She had been looking for you. She didn’t want us to know you were hiding somewhere in Marley.”

From the look in his eyes, Eren knew that. He knew that Saoirse’s fatal flaw was personal loyalty. She would rather risk her own life and limbs for those she cared about than watch them suffer some ill-begotten fate she could have prevented.

“I should have killed you,” he whispered. “I should have killed you when she told me where her injuries had come from. I should have killed you personally for hurting the woman I love.”

“And I should have killed you for taking away the man I loved,” Ghislaine countered. “I loved Bertholdt, once. You fed him to Armin. You gave him about as much dignity as a dog that was meant to be put down.”

A silence fell over them like a blanket. They watched each other, neither breaking eye contact. Eren sat tensely as if waiting for her to jump at him or contemplating whether or not he should jump at her. Ghislaine, on the other hand, was calm and relaxed, seemingly unaffected.

“I would say what we both did was an eye for an eye.”

“Very funny,” he said sharply.

“Bad joke, I know, considering Saoirse only has one.”

Eren inhaled slowly and sighed, leaning forward and placing his hands on the table. He slowly eased his shoulders and relaxed, albeit hesitantly. He closed his eyes for a moment, contemplating his next words before addressing her again.

“We both know how this is going to end,” he started. “I want nothing more than to live out the rest of my life with Saoirse and raise our kid, maybe even give him or her a sibling or two, and grow old. I want to live a boring life with her… but that is not going to happen. You, on the other hand, are going to live the life I want. You, with the man that you love.”

“... I’m sorry. I’m sorry it had to end this way.”

“I am, too. If there had been another way, I would have jumped at it. I love Paradis. I love my friends. I love Saoirse and the kid. This is the path that I was always destined to take. I’ve made my peace with that.”

“So where do we go from here?”

“Where do you go from here,” Eren corrected. “When I return this memory to you when you wake up, and the Rumbling will be over. You were once my friend who gave solid counsel and encouragement, yet even now I cannot look at you with contempt. Not anymore, at least.”

Eren stood from his chair and made his way towards the door, leaving the pawn sitting on the table. He placed his hand on the doorknob and paused, hesitating to open it. Ghislaine moved to stand but he turned his head a little, causing her to freeze before slowly sinking back into her chair.

“Before I go, tell me one more thing.”

“Of course.”

“What did you mean when you said you were an executioner.”

Ghislaine paused, furrowing her brow. She hesitated to tell him, wanting to keep that a secret close to her chest… but he was going to die, the war was ending, and there was nothing left to say.

“All my prisoners had a chance to escape death,” she began. “Some evidence and secrets I'd gather were damning, and in the end, we would have to perform silent executions to keep the public from hearing about what we were doing. I would offer something called the Queen’s Gambit, or as some prisoners called it, Queensguard. If they could beat me in a game of chess, they could walk away. Walk out without facing a single consequence. Many agreed to play as a last-ditch effort.”

“How many walked away?”

“... I think you know the answer to that, Eren.”

None. The answer was none, and Eren knew that Saoirse was too smart to play such a game. She wouldn’t put her life and the child’s on the line for a game she didn’t know how to play, against a woman she knew she couldn’t beat.

Yet the idea of their kinsmen desperately gambling for their freedom twisted Eren’s stomach. He couldn’t help but wonder how much of this was purely sadistic enjoyment and how much was her simply doing her job as a Marleyan militant.

“Goodbye, Ghislaine Léandre,” he finally said. “May you find your worth in the waking world.”

“Goodbye, Eren Jaeger,” Ghislaine echoed. “Dawn will soon break, this night and this dream will end.”

Without another word, Eren opened the door and vanished. For a beat, she stared at the door, half expecting him to walk back in. She turned to look at the table to find the pawn still in the middle of the table – no, it wasn’t a pawn anymore. It was a queen. She reached and gingerly picked it up, and the room went black.

/ / /

Ghislaine lay on the ground, her back against the dirt and her hips twisted. She could feel the strands of her unbraided hair around her fingers. Sweat beaded her forehead. Her ears rang. Her eyes were bleary. She felt sick like she wanted to vomit. Her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. Her mouth felt dry and when she tried to swallow, her saliva felt thick like glue.

When she attempted to inhale, her lungs rejected her. She moved onto her side and began to hack and cough, ash and dirt clogging her airways. Thick saliva ran down her chin and dripped onto the ground. She gasped for air, her lungs wheezing and rattling like a dying man.

Her nails scratched at the ground. Her lungs burned and her throat ached. Her whole body felt sore like one big bruise. She shakily combed her fingers through her hair, pushing back her silken strands as she blinked rapidly. She wanted to pass out, but she willed herself to stay awake. She needed to assess the situation; she couldn’t just lay here like an injured rabbit for wolves.

As her vision cleared, she realized those within Fort Salta were no longer living a nightmare. Did it all happen? For what felt like an eternity, had she been a Titan? A cold, horrified chill ripped through her, scratching at her spine.

A thought struck her like an ice pick. If amongst the ash and dust, all had returned to normal, did that mean the power of the Titans had been erased? Had Eren achieved his youthful dream of wiping out all the Titans? Was the Rumbling truly over? Then that meant…

Reiner… Reiner!

Her muscles screamed as she hauled herself to her feet, swaying and stumbling as she found her footing. She felt like a reanimated corpse, unsure of what her limbs were meant to do in this unique state. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Saoirse felt after she broke free from the saltire, weak and wobbly.

Despite the bleariness in her eyes, the kind of bleariness one has after waking up from a deep sleep, Ghislaine willed herself forward. She took a few tentative steps forward before finding her footing.

“Reiner?” she croaked, rubbing her throat and clearing it. “Reiner?”

In the dust that lingered, she could barely make out any of the figures before her, but something told her he was there. Alive or dead, he was here and she had to find him. She forced herself to keep moving, calling out his name louder and louder as her throat began to loosen up and her voice became stronger.

“Reiner?”

She stumbled and someone caught her. She looked up at the person who helped her and realized quickly it was not who she was looking for. She hastily thanked them and straightened up, ignoring their questions as to whether she was alright or not. She continued to search blindly.

“Reiner?”

The longer she went without a response, the more frightened she became. He had to be here. She needed him to be here. She needed him to be alive and safe, with all his limbs intact and his head on his shoulders.

At the sound of distant voices, Ghislaine willed herself into a run, her legs burning and her lungs screaming. She didn’t care. She needed to find the source of these voices. She didn’t care that she tripped and skinned her knees. She didn’t care that her bones ached and her muscles were strained. None of this mattered to her. She had one purpose and one purpose only.

“Reiner? Reiner!” She screamed as she neared the blurred crowd of people, stopping only to catch her breath. “Reiner!”

“Ghilly!”

The realization that Reiner had answered her hit her like a ton of bricks. She rushed forward and collided with him as he met her halfway. His arms tightened as he caught her, swinging her around twice before setting her down.

Ghislaine’s hands held his biceps as she steadied herself before slipping onto his chest, his neck, and his face. She simply felt him to ensure he was real, and this wasn’t just some absurd dream or warped reality.

“Are you alright?”

“Forget about me, are you alright?”

Ghislaine began to frantically pull at his shirt and gear, trying to take them off. She needed to see if he had injuries. She needed to tend to him. She needed, needed, needed… She needed to ensure he was alright. That he wasn’t bleeding from an unseen gash that needed suturing or had broken bones that needed splinting.

Reiner exhaled softly, chuckling through his nose. He took her hands into his own and gently squeezed them to reassure her.

“I’m fine, I promise,” he soothed. “I… could be much worse.”

“Are you sure? You’re not lying to me? I’ll know if you lie – ”

“Ghislaine. Relax. Please.”

Ghislaine inhaled deeply and swallowed thickly, looking up at him. She freed one of her hands and gently touched his cheek, tracing his cheekbone with her thumb. A slight smile crossed Reiner’s lips before his brow furrowed.

“Ghilly, your glasses are broken.”

With her one hand, she slipped off her glasses to inspect them. It now made sense as to why the world around her was so blurred: one lens had been cracked and shattered, and the other one had just completely fallen out. Not to mention the frame itself was completely warped. She chuckled softly and tossed them to the side.

“I’ll get new ones,” she replied. “I can replace my glasses. I can’t replace you. And even though my vision is impaired and the world looks like shit, all I want right now is to be with you. Just you.”

The two stared at each other for a moment, holding hands. Even though, yes, her impaired vision made it difficult to discern his features, she could still make out his cheekbones and beautiful golden hazel eyes. She could hear him breathing, she could feel the warmth radiating off his body.

Ghislaine took his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm, her nose brushing against the calluses. She nestled her cheek into his palm, relishing in the warmth his broad hand brought to her. She closed her eyes briefly to bask in the feeling of his hand before looking up at him and seeing tears fill his eyes.

“Reiner – ”

“Come here.”

He pulled her into his arms and dipped her a little, eliciting a yelp of surprise from her. One hand held her shoulder while the other rested on her hip, gripping her belt and bunching up the fabric of her shirt and skirt. Ghislaine wrapped her arms around him, one hand resting on his shoulder and the other gripping his upper arm.

As tears overflowed their banks, Reiner pressed a kiss to her lips. At first, it was desperate, but then it melted into something slower and more sincere. Their lips moved together, fitting together like missing puzzle pieces. Her hold on him tightened, her eyelashes wetting from unshed tears.

When he finally broke away and straightened them both up, Reiner refused to let her go. Their noses brushed together as he raised his head to kiss her forehead, breathing her.

“I love you,” he whispered, holding her to his chest. He began to stroke her golden hair. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more,” she countered, listening to his soothing heartbeat. “I will always love you more.”

“Promise?

“I promise.”

Reiner chuckled, a deep rumbling in his chest. The dust would not settle for a while, and Ghislaine was okay with that. Marleyan soldiers emerged from it and threatened to kill them if they failed to prove they weren’t Titans, and Ghislaine was okay with that. As long as she had Reiner, she would accept anything.

After all, all she ever needed, all she ever wanted, was him.

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