#<- not addressed to anyone in particular. probably god

[lemurballing]

weretangle behind-the-scenes design progress

i love <3 rambling about my design choices and i actually have a bunch of weretangle concept sketches to share and go off about

i started pretty early on with the ‘sonic = nightmare wereform, tangle = titan wereform’ idea - picked titan because it was one of the few minions without stretchy abilities, and i thought it fit well for tangle’s design and to contrast how she usually is, and then i did up some initial sketches leading to this one:

i didn’t push her proportions very far with this one, mainly just the exaggerated forearms and a liittle bit of extra fur; not nearly werecreature enough i gave her tusks as an inversion of fangs, considering tangle’s wereform is sort of an inversion of sonic’s and this would be an easy way to contrast them to a viewer; i also added some pinkish markings as a way to introduce a third color, like werehog gets an extra fur color in white, and to echo dark gaia minions having their glowy spots. the shoes are mostly her regular shoes with randomly different lacing pattern, as well as glowy aggressively pink soles with spikes mimicking titan feet, sorta. they’re a different shape.

from here, i tried pushing a little more and got these:

and here i go more for the ‘towering werelemur not used to her size yet’ angle, as well as still using a spiral arm pattern - which i struggle to draw consistently in any of the sketches that use it lol

the bottom right sketch is the first i did on this page; the shoe design is about the same as the first concept with regular laces, but the whole body is pretty different, using a lot more bulk. i use a consistent ‘wavy/fiery’ sort of shape for fur tufts, going off the two tall firelike spike-things titans have, using it for her tail also - i gave this up after this sketch because it would be hard to translate into a shape you’re supposed to see in 3d from multiple angles, such as her tail or hair, while also retaining a consistent ‘fiery’ shape. some of the added fur i liked and kept, others (like the tufts right behind her head up from the body) i toned down, and some (like the shoulder spike tuft) i removed entirely. she also had a marking between her eyes - also meant to echo dark gaia minion glowy markings - which didn’t stick around past this sketch, since it looked too ‘intricate’ - it would stand out against werehog sonic and call into question why he doesn’t have any glowy bits, and my main idea going into this design was ‘a design that can appear besides werehog sonic and seem like it’s from official media’, otherwise i’d just redesign werehog sonic a bit

the little chibi werelemur tangle as size reference to werehog sonic is sort of its own design; a little more ‘boxy’ or less ‘flowy’ than the other, slightly shorter arms that don’t drag on the floor, regular-shaped fur tufts, and a different hairstyle to be extra fluffy-looking. it’s also hard to see with how light the sketch lines are, but she’s still got her chest fur, just larger. this one also goes back to the hands being white instead of greyed.

the third sketch (supposed to be tangle sheepishly trying to tiptoe, but getting caught) blends these two together a bit, using mostly the 2nd sketch’s proportions, but a bit of ‘fiery’ fur like the 1st, and back to 2 tusks like the first concept above. the shoe design is still pretty tame, because shoes are hard !! i also still didnt know how i wanted the laces

and from here i sort of knew the angle i wanted to take with tangle’s wereform, so i did sketches within a similar vein:

(bottom right, realizing she’s scary now; sketch above that, realizing someone saw her and is trying to seem less scary)

here i’ve narrowed down to a few traits that remain, while fine-tuning the rest: a fur ‘crest’ surrounding her head to act like the ‘jaw’ a titan has, and exaggerate her chest fur; her tail being thicker at the tip like a mace, but still having a normal fur tuft shape (& kinda looking like an artichoke lol); one tusk at each corner of her mouth instead of two; tufts of fur at either side of her head to resemble horns; and a settled bodytype/proportions, with little variation

since her tail doesn’t stretch, setting the length is important; it should be long enough to have range to use as a weapon, but not long enough to grapple/wrap also, the precise size of her head in relation to her body does a lot for conveying scale, and this varies between the different sketches here; i think i like where i landed with the final, so doing a bit of variation here was important to see how to get to what worked best. i also start messing with her arm pattern again, because i want it to be easy to recreate while drawing, and a spiral is not unless you can make clear rules and a pattern for it, or the limb is vague enough for it not to matter - for example, garurumon’s tail. you can also see i’ve given her lemurish hand pads, which isn’t a trait we’ve seen with sonic characters iirc but i have always maintained that tangle deserves it because it’s such a cool design choice AND helps give you an idea which way the hand is facing, and where the hand ends since you terminate it before the wrist! i think it wouldn’t be out of place, especially when werehog has more realistic hands and actual fingernails, when we never see sonic’s hands gloveless otherwise.

also, here’s the first sketch where i have clothes on her - because i can’t see a canonical weretangle design not using clothes, even if i consider them unnecessary for animal characters - and i still took it down to some makeshift shorts and extra chest fluff, because i’m not too fond of the ‘wearing ripped, pulled-chicken clothes’ look, or just putting oversized clothes on weretangle. and the first actually cool shoe concept!! which is basically the final shoe design i went with, just cooler-toned metal. i also really like the tall shoes look, because it gives a sense of being unwieldy or restricting movement - the general vibe to tangle being way larger and clunkier, which her shoes fit into, and also are further armored, so the shoes really fit better with the overall design than before

last note here, you can see the sketch with most color is messing around with an added tone between the light and dark, as sort of a ‘sooty’ effect or ‘gradient’ along the arms; i scrapped this shade because i’d already added an extra one with the darker grey for her palms and facial markings. (which is an interesting note, because this isn’t consistent in idw which greys are shared and which aren’t - at some points, her ears are the same darker grey as her eye markings; at others, her eye markings are noticeably darker than either other grey; and sometimes her ears are the same shade as her muzzle, and just the eye markings are darker. in my own art, since i draw her ears with lemur fur instead of bald, i generally color her ears the same as her grey fur markings)

aaand now back to the final design for comparison <3

most traits are inherited from the concepts, such as the horn hair, single tusks, etc. so i’ll talk more about what’s new for this iteration!

there’s a specific layout to her chest fur tufts, and it’s sort of a ‘double v’, but one ‘v’ is inside the other and only has 3 tufts. they also curl around her neck and leave the shoulders exposed, which makes it easier to position them against each other. her arms have an entirely new marking, which is different along the arm, further accentuating the shift in proportions compared to a spiral pattern. it’s also way easier to draw without seeming inaccurate :) the upper arm has , if you look at it creatively, a ‘jaw’ shape - and the darker marking on her chest could be interpreted as a ‘tongue’ sticking up, maybe? it’s also better at clearly conveying which way the arm is rotated

the forearm then has a jagged ring pattern, like tangle’s tail, which also gives it a bit more of a ‘dangerous’ feeling. at first when i was coloring the design, only her palms were darker and the whole hand was white, but then i tried the darker grey on the fingers… and immediately it terminated the hand shape so well, and let her claws stand out without introducing a new color or making them dark plus, if you squint, it makes the fingers look like just another stripe! which is my fav part :] and then last, the face, which was also spur-of-the-moment that turned out well; i’d already been using a darker color around her eyes than her muzzle, and then tried a little curl around her muzzle and her forehead marking and !! it looks like a scar or something?? sweet!!

this has been my design rambling :3 if you’ve gotten down here, thank you for reading <3

[vampiresarchive]

Manifested Dream Vacation in Two Weeks (with zero effort)

I have many success stories, but I wanted to share this one in particular because it addresses the question: How actually easy is it to manifest your desires?

Here's your answer: ridiculously easy.

And the reason I say it's ridiculous in particular is because of what a lot of you 'claim' you need in order to achieve your desire: Perfect self concept, absolute knowing with no doubts, and constant around-the-clock persistence.

Sure, this all can be true. But, if you were in a similar position as me back then: always looking for 3d confirmation, so much doubt etc. You can still manifest.

Here's my personal testimony: Way back when at a time where my self concept was trash and I acted like the 3D was the God of me, I had really wanted to go on vacation. I hadn't been on one in six years (pandemic) and due to some financial and timing issues, there was no way we were going anywhere anytime soon.

However, none of this was true in imagination. In imagination, I was already having the time of my life. I was shopping, flirting with foreign men, looking at gorgeous sites, etc.

So I did what anyone would and I scripted it, i am going to Dubai. Very simple, nothing fancy, but that's all that was needed. A decision.

I would read this script absentmindedly whenever I thought of it (not even daily, probably twice a week) I also barely thought of it in passing, if at all.

Just two weeks later, my mother tells me she's booking a flight to Dubai just because she feels like going. A whole two weeks after that, I was on a plane to my dream trip.

Do you realize the sheer ridiculousness of how little effort I put in? I probably said that affirmation like four times before it came true. Four times!! And some of you insist on setting alarms and doing meditations and whatever it is you do nowadays.

I didn't believe it was going to happen. I had 0 inner knowing. I just said I AM [insert happening, action, or scenario] and...Ta-da! How strenuous, truly.

Think before putting in effort. Does it even affect the end result if you've affirmed 100 times or just once? (No. The answer is no.)

Good luck to everyone who is reading this; though, I doubt you'll need it.

[stantanly]

Hi! Since the other anons were talking about RHATO i had a question, what's really wrong with it? I've heard that the Lobdell run was really bad and that the writing was bad and the characterisation was not good, but I've never really seen anyone actually explain what about it was so bad? If you could help I would really really appreciate it <3

I can't speak for the entire...story?? of rhato, but in Starfire's case the sexualization was BAD man, not a new concept for Starfire but it really does get to a point...now in the story if I remember it right in the beginning she was just sort of there, no memory of the titans or dick, didn't care for earth, just generally not herself

the memory thing was addressed later on but personally it left a bad taste in my mouth. Not to say I read up to issue 2 and then stopped bc I wanted to give it a chance, but I also didn't read it in its entirety bc the writer is like an actual freak.

Not to mention every drawing of her was incredibly over the top like God we get it she's the sex appeal 🙄, again not a new concept for her, but it just personally gets on my nerves especially with the way they made her act in this particular story.

the general consensus from what I've been told is that she has no development throughout the story and is just there to be a supporting character to Jason (not my opinion bc I didn't read it all but from what I've seen it seems like everyone thinks his characterization is often times shit 😭😭)

you'd probably have to ask someone that read it through to understand why it's bashed on so much bc if I don't like something I'll drop it quick, and TRUST that I did lol

[sunlight-shunlight]

starting to think Weekes was never the powerhouse literary kind we’d given them credit for

i think veilguard was such an unhinged development atmosphere that it was probably impossible for anyone to do particularly good work on it (the evil ea elven gods were running loose) but also

oughghhhh.... no one was making them do elf original sin. or the world's only "eternal imprisonment is good, actually, no problems with it 👍" adaptation of the omelas short story. or whatever all that was in the masked empire. or taash picking between two cultures while rejecting the gender binary. and i only read one of their original fiction novels, but it did have the same sort of veilguard problems of being very quippy, and a bit nonsensical if you thought about the plot too long, and also the main character was a black woman and i was Baffled and Uneasy by how weirdly she was described fhdgjfdjgh. i think they're trying to be progressive by acknowledging racism and colourism exist(?) but also not giving a clear rationale for why they work the same way as real life in a fantasy setting. and also it comes off as odd and not very cohesive to the rest of the tone of their writing. similar energy to the random "celene is somewhat actually racist about briala's features! this is mentioned offhand and never addressed" tangents in the masked empire.

anyway i feel bad being too parasocially harsh on people, so i guess i will say that weekes does write fun dialogue usually. and i thought it was well observed how iron bull had a very dark sense of humour, in the way that military/other high stress professions tend to have. and the whole "solas' lines are in a particular syllable cadence" is genuinely a crazy amount of effort and technical skill to pull off. but i wish... they would get an editor... perhaps read a bit more nonfiction... if this level of weird faux-progressive racism becomes common in game writing i will turn into the ben affleck smoking meme

[atamascolily]

So was anyone going to tell me they put the "Prologue in Heaven" sequence at the beginning of Magia Exedra (though after the CGI remake of the Homura vs. Walpurgisnacht battle from episode 1 and the Exedra OP) or did I just have to watch the video myself? Definitely did not have that on my bingo card.

The runes say "Magia Exedra" and the central logo is a star (aka the Memspark macguffins, which I cannot say with a straight face) and the moth/astrolabe wings of Infinite Iroha. So she's definitely involved in this somehow.

The lighthouse and a new mandala, because of all the cosmic worldbuilding symbolism. And then they do the projector thing, just like the beginning of the anime, before the frame narrative kicks in.

I keep seeing lots of speculation about Namae's true identity, but the whole point of the character is that she's literally a blank slate onto which the players can project themselves as well as taking on the forms of established characters to fight the battle sequences. The whole "you can find your true identity" thing is a great premise, but as soon as it's realized, the story ends (or at least has to find something else to do), so I don't expect resolution any time soon since presumably the game is going to go on for as long as possible.

Also, because the character is so nondescript, I have a hard time caring about this particular plot point, so to be honest, I'm fine with leaving it a mystery.

This guy, on the other hand...

Can you tell me what the hell your deal is, then? Who is your god? What master do you serve? ... No? Didn't think so.

Green Kyubey has a great personality, which is important because Namae has very little to work off of, so he's got to do all the heavy lifting in this partnership. He's literally an emotional support Incubator, which I find hilarious. I've seen theorizing that the lack of rings = ability to feel emotions, and while the sample size is limited (Kyubey, Mokyuu/Little Kyubey from Magia Record, and now this one), it certainly sounds plausible.

Green Kyubey's dialogue also implies he was created specifically for his current job as guardian of the lighthouse (by whom? Well, probably Madokami and Infinite Iroha), so I don't think there's going to be a dark plot twist where he turns out to be evil, actually. I mean, that could be a lot of fun, but I don't think that's where the game devs are going with it--the whole point of Magia Record was to make a lighter and softer version of Madoka Magica and go on indefinitely, and I think Exedra is going to continue with that. I also don't think he's secretly a character we already know, but they pulled that twist in Magia Record, so who knows.

Narratively, Green Kyubey's function is to guide and instruct the player, so while I'm very curious what his deal is, I suspect that backstory is also unlikely to be addressed for a while as the game seems hell-bent on recreating every single major Madoka Magica storyline in the franchise in CGI cut scenes/visual novel remakes.

Thus far, all of the stuff I've watched so far outside of the Namae-Green Kyubey interactions has been pretty derivative. Even the "Prologue in Heaven" segment above comes off as copying something that already existed rather than organic or as a homage. I mean, I'd love to be wrong, but given the game's fundamental premise is "revisiting the memories/experiences of every story we've already done", I'm not holding my breath.

I also suspect that while WnK's plot will inevitably get an event/level in Exedra, I don't think the two are connected much in terms of story outside of that. The two works serve two fundamentally different purposes, and Exedra's is to be a perpetual story machine and go on forever. I also don't think the creators would drop any hints/spoilers for WnK's plot by putting them in the backstory/premise of Exedra. But I guess we'll see.

Suffice to say, there's no shortage of material, but my primary interest is in the new stuff, so until we get to some original content, I'll probably tune out. But the image of the lighthouse in the void speaks to me on a deep emotional level and I would love to know more about it.

It's such a great image! Fingers crossed they do something interesting with it!

[snowfieldstories]

Hi! I know Yeona is supposed to be a reader insert, but I'm curious, if you were to describe her appearance/clothes/physical traits, what would those be? I'm just genuinely in love with the best girl of orv (I'm manifesting her into canon timeline now, She's real for ME! Dokja gets his happy ending! *I yell as they drag me into the ambulance*) and I want to know how to imagine her. I've been picturing her as your pfp, but I thought I'd ask for a more canon description, so to speak :] If you don't mind answering, that is! No worries if not. Totally understand if you'd prefer to keep it vauge.

She's just SO good. I want to know more about her. I can't believe I came here for Dokja loving hours and stayed because I'm absolutely enthralled by Yeona. You are so awful (I adore you, you are amazing) for making me fall in love with her, I need more content with such an incredible character. That 14th February special with love meter? Would've blown it up as soon as it landed on her. Step up your game, Dokja, you've got competition. :D

First, I want to say how appreciative and honored I am that you love our Yeona so much!!! She's become such a force the longer I write her, and I'm so thrilled that people enjoy her presence in ORV! Anon, thank you for this lovely ask. You're about to maybe get more than you wanted lol

I have been hesitant to address this one because I don't want to take away from other readers' ILAD experience if they chose "reader" over "OC"...but I will share my OC thoughts and put it below the cut! That way anyone can choose to fully ignore what I say about her visual and keep it non-canon for themselves.

And even if you read this and don't like it, Yeona can still have a blank-slate appearance and that's totally fine :)

Character Description: Choi Yeona

Alright SO.

It's probably very obvious by now that Choi Yeona (yeona being the Korean-stand in name i chose for "y/n") is really just a fun, silly author/self-insert lmao. I picture someone resembling myself for her and dear god I'm embarrassed to type that out. Since i knew this would turn into an extremely long fic, I also knew it would be easier to model Yeona as a character after myself, and hearing that you currently use my pfp for her makes me giggle.

...Anyway. Let's get into it:

Clothes

This is easiest, so I'll start here. Yeona really looks up to Sangah and Dokja in particular, so she searched for an apocalypse outfit similar to theirs. I took inspiration from Yelena Belova's "White Widow" suit from Marvel comics/movies. I picture it as being tight, but not skin tight like Sangah's. Vest, harness + straps, and boots I see as being all black

The right is an awesome cosplay by halcybella on instagram!

In the early scenarios, we have (chronological order):

the basic black and white office suit set

hiking pants (RIP cute style) and a plain tee

obviously the green ring!! and Hathi's tusk necklace

Sangah's find: plain, brown slacks and a v neck shirt

That Damn Backpack™ : Lisa Frank (my reference images below)

I wish I could draw well to sketch out the bag!

Physical appearance

I'll let Dokja describe her for you first. We'll peek into his thoughts:

"...She could slap Yoo Joonghyuk's cheeks several times. Her face had a somewhat foreign look, both uncommon and familiar; and she often wore a resting expression that was sharp, yet kind. Her eyes were a warm hazel, but when the sunlight hit them they turned into pools of clear gold. Sometimes when she laughed hard, her lips pulled back enough to spot a charming gap between her lower teeth. I was curious what my tongue might feel like in that gap..."

Uh, our silly squid seems distracted. Moving along. Some other details:

dark brown hair, thick and wavy, medium-longish

a light tan

various freckles

mixed/multiracial. ambiguous, like her background

skin discoloration starting at her fingertips up to her knuckles from overuse of 'Sacred Light'. a bit like old burn scars

Small, story-specific traits

When she transmigrates/regresses, her accumulated scars are wiped clean, like a "rebirth" of sorts (similar to Kim Dokja's)

Pre-transmigration: [redacted], [redacted], thin scar across the neck like a smile, [redacted]

0th round/first try: forehead scar, long burn stripe across her back, various scars on her hands, arms, and legs

1st round/second try: no major ones, as of Ep. VII

I hope this gives you a sense of what you were looking for!

I'll just restate that you are so free to accept and ignore any part of this!! It won't offend me in the slightest, and it's my way of giving you guys a little stake in the story. Build our Yeona's look how you wish.

Happy reading my loves <3

[lilypotter6457]

The Love of My Life

Multi-Fandom One Shots

•|Master List|•|Part 1|•

🏒Matt Rempe x Reader: Instagram [Part 2]💝

REQUESTED BY: No One

Idea: Your an actress in Suffs on Broadway, and after singing the national anthem at Madison Square Garden it was only a matter of time before you two connected.

Type: Fluff 💝

~•~•~•~•~•~

Let’s Recap:

mattrempe - so you got any plans tonight?

your_username - Depends...

mattrempe - well if your free, some of us are heading out to get a few drinks if you'd like to join

your_username - well send me the address and we'll see 👀

~•~•~

Y/N’s POV

I was t sure if I’d end up going, it sounded fun but it’s also the last day before tech starts for Suffs and tech is hard enough without a hangover.

I texted Shaina, who wrote the show, to see what she thought. Of course the responsible decision would’ve been to tell Matt another time and move on but since when are we responsible?

Shaina said I should live a little, as it’s probably the last time I’ll be able to hangout with people before the stress of the show takes over, and how many chances do you get with a professional sports player?

She was right, heading back to my apartment I quickly change into a simple black dress with some heals, throwing my hair into a half up half down with a bow, I head on out to the address Matt had sent me.

~•~•~

your_username Posted A Story

Caption: Going Out✨

~•~•~

Matt’s POV

your_username - I’ll be there in 10

So she is going? Wow, didn’t expect that.

Joining the group as we walk into the bar, we head over to get drinks.

I glance at the door every so often, trying to see if she arrived yet but not give away I’m looking for anyone in particular.

I get a notification on my phone that she posted a story.

She is stunning.

And I guess she is coming, didn’t take her for much of a party person.

Looking up, I see the door open and she walks in.

Looking around, lost, I leave the group of players, most of which are either with their partners or talking to girls, to go over to her…

~•~•~

Y/N’s POV

I look around the unfamiliar place, wow I should go out more.

I walk further in, hoping to find Matt. But to no avail.

Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turn around.

Being met with a chest, I look up and see him.

Matt.

“Hey” he says, looking down at me.

“Hi” I respond, shocked by the height.

Since when is God releasing models that are like 12 feet (365.76 cm) tall?

“Do you want a drink?” He asks, reaching out his hand.

“Sure” I grab his hand, as we head over to the bar.

Sitting on a chair, we are closer to being face to face now, instead of the 7,058 miles (11,359 km) like China and America.

After ordering drinks, he turns to me, “didn’t take you for a party person.”

“I’m usually not, just decided I needed a change of scenery for tonight” I respond, taking a sip of the drink.

“Well I’m glad you came, otherwise I’d be dealing with some bunnies” he jokes.

•~•~•

Waking up the next day, I’m in an unfamiliar room. A bed that’s not mine, and clothes that are definitely not mine.

Sitting up, I’m met with an instant headache, laying back down.

I must’ve blacked out last night.

“Hey, are you okay?” I hear from next to me.

“No, I think I’m gonna-“ and with that, I sit up, the body behind me leading me to the bathroom.

Throwing up, I feel disgusted and embarrassed, as memories of the night before come back.

Matt. The bar. Leaving. It all made sense now.

“Hey it’s okay” he says from behind me, holding my hair.

“I will never drink again” I say quickly.

“Or just drink less” he jokes.

When I’m done, he hands me water and Advil, I take it before joining him back on the bed.

“I was supposed to have rehearsal today,” I say, realizing today was supposed to start tech.

“Yeah, a woman named Shaina called, I told her what happened,” he starts, “she seemed excited? I don’t know but she told me to tell you not to worry and to ‘enjoy the day’ or whatever.”

“Okay” I laugh a little, Shaina is way to invested in our love lives.

“Well, why don’t you shower then we can go out a little…” he says, standing up and leading me back to the bathroom.

~•~•~

rangers_tea

Liked By: mrsrempe, theatregirl25, and more

2,867♡

Caption: Matt with a girl last night 👀 Who could it be?!

Tagged: mattrempe

View All 1,345 Comments

devilsfan - Maybe this will stop him from fighting!

mrsrempe - it’s obviously me guys 💅

theatregirl25 - wait could it be your_username?!

^rangersfan - I mean based off her story she was wearing the outfit!

♡Liked By rangers_tea

nhlfan_43 - whoever it is let’s leave them alone, they deserve privacy!

~•~•~

your_username Posted A Story

Caption: City Days 💞

~•~•~

mattrempe Posted A Story

Caption: City Nights 💞

~•~•~

rangers_tea

Liked By: rangerfan, y/nxmattfan, and more

3,062♡

Caption: Is that?! Matt Rempe and Y/N L/N SPOTTED at a cafe in NYC?!

Tagged: mattrempe, your_username

View All 2,375 Comments

y/nxmattfan - They are so cute! I hope they are together

theatre_fan - DID YALL SEE HER STORY?!

^mrsrempe - AND HIS STORY OMG

rempirestate - I wonder if she’ll be at the game Sunday?

^bwayfan - ignore the game, will he join her at the Suffs premiere Friday?!

^rempirestate - OMG HE BETTER

nhlfan - yall let’s leave them be, if they want to be public they will share but until then let’s leave them alone

♡ Liked By your_username and mattrempe

~•~•~

Y/N’s POV

Getting my dress on, I ask Matt for help with the zipper.

I went with a nice purple dress, while he’s in a normal suit with a purple tie, as it’s the Suffs premiere.

Some of his fans have been speculating were together and after some discussions he chose to join me at the premiere for the show.

Luckily it’s not like a movie where we have to be in large groups like that, but instead we walk the carpet, he goes to his seat and I get ready for the show, then after the show we all go to a secret party place and party like wild animals.

Once dressed, we take a few mirror pics before heading out…

~•~•~

your_username

Liked By: suffsmusical, nyrangers, and more

10.8k♡

Caption: Suffs Premiere💜

Can’t believe that after months of rehearsals, performing at the Public, and even more rehearsals, we finally get to open on Broadway at the Music Box Theatre! This show means everything to me, to be able to bring Alice Paul to life is such a special thing and I’m so glad I get to do it, and be able to have my amazing best friend and boyfriend there with me tonight made it even more special. Can’t wait to see where this show goes!

Tagged: suffsmusical, mattrempe, shainataub

View All 7,963 Comments

suffsmusical - Happy Opening💜

^your_username - Ily, thank you for everything 💜

nyrangers - Adorable, congrats Y/N!

^your_username - Thank you! Wouldn’t have happened without you guys 😉

mattrempe - My amazing girlfriend 😻

^your_username - My amazing boyfriend 😍

lukehughes - Traitor

^your_username - just cuz I’m with a ranger doesn’t mean I support them

^mattrempe - yes it does, your a rangers fan now

^your_username - nvm you heard it hear first luke

^jackhughes - what a traitor Y/N, we might’ve grown up together but that doesn’t mean I like you

^ellenhughes - shut up you two, and yall are so cute Y/N!

^your_username - Thank you Queen Ellen! Ily

rangersfan - I KNEW IT

bwayfan - SO CUTE, got my tickets for next month!

♡Liked By your_username

~•~•~

mattrempe

Liked By: your_username, nyrangers, and more

44.9k♡

Caption: Yeah she did that, and I did her that night 😉

Tagged: your_username

View All 1,681 Comments

your_username - MATTHEW REMPE WTF IS THAT CAPTION

^mattrempe - It’s the truth 😎

^your_username - omg

nyrangers - NY Power Couple

^mattrempe - 💪💪💪

alleyrempe - treat her well Matt, and I better get to meet her

^your_username - let’s plan a girls day!

^alleyrempe - ABSOLUTELY

^mattrempe - what?

nhlfan - NOT THE CAPTION

devilsfan - devils gonna beat you Sunday

^rangersfan - stfu

~•~•~

A/N: the devils won cuz even tho this is a Matt Rempe fic I’m still a devils fan, also realized this prob could’ve all been 1 part but splitting it into two made it easier to write ngl, anyways plz leave requests or smth below cuz idk what to write, have a great day!

Published: Feb 28, 2025

Word Count: 1493

[haru-kuneko]

Why You Should Never Date Rabbit?

This is just satire, guys! Don't take this too seriously. This isn't made to dunk on anyone in particular. It's all innocent fun, ok?

Image source: Piko (@PokeFox_) / X

Dating The Easter Bunny From Hell

In the human world, Rabbit would be someone akin to an insecure, troubled teenager with poor social skills and has probably never been to prom in his life (like he's a total nerd who'd prefer to read books and invent stuff in their parents' garage).

I can imagine how weird it must be dating him. Imagine pulling up to prom dressed like a 19th-century grandpa.

At first, he acts like a gentleman until he starts ranting about how humanity sucks. You tell him to chill and he may calm down a bit, but you can tell he's still got that pent-up anger brewing in him and would've 'God Bless America' everyone within close proximity.

You would argue like an ol' couple. Whenever you go out, everyone would find you to be an odd couple, given how Rabbit is about as tall as a standard traffic light. He's basically Slenderman's distant cousin!

He can be pretentious, passive-aggressive, and possessive like a child refusing to let anyone touch his favourite toy. He can be a prude at times and would make a fuss over you wearing a very short skirt. "OH GOD PLEASE WEAR A COAT!" he would say.

He has a knack for messing with you, pulling sick pranks like bringing a snake into the living room. Dude! I'd roast the heck out of him and b***h slap him if I have to.

There were moments he'd done some crazy experiments on you such as stealing samples from you like your saliva or tears, locking you up in a room Jigsaw style ("I'll try to see how loyal you are if you're able to do everything I say!") and testing weird substances on you.

Like let's not forget the one that makes you suddenly fall for him but he later stopped doing that 'coz "Oh no! I can't force someone to love me. This is so messed up!". He is able to find your contacts, IP address, and current location.

As much as you wanna dump this Easter bunny freak, he starts to grow on you for some reason. You can't help but feel bad for him. He also starts to warm up to you upon learning how you also love books and can be as weird as him.

You still continue to hang out with him. You have proven yourself to be very loyal to him. You were his Belle. His Manic Pixie Dream Gal.

This guy has never had a positive relationship with people for most of his life. His only family, who turned out to be demons, also got killed by them. He lived a very cruel, lonely life.

For the first time in his life, he finally got to express how he felt about you. It turns out that even though he barely knew you when he catfished you into dating him after fooling you into thinking it's the Jonas Brothers on the phone, he also thought he might understand you humans better. Behind those pranks, experiments and insults he'd made about you, he was madly in love with you.

You were more than just friends now. He loved you so much he would never let you go, and you're all he thinks of. It would break his heart if you were taken away. Just the thought of you dying a mortal was too much for him so he made the grave decision to turn you into a demon in your sleep with a special serum thingy.

Dang! How much overprotective this guy can be once you finally got married and start living together?

"Help! I'm Being Engaged To Slender Rabbit"

Image source: Piko (@PokeFox_) / X

You had a rather unconventional demon wedding which took place at a weird rabbit hole where the entire Makai clan as well as your human friends and family were all invited. You were happily married (sort of!).

Also, did I mention Rabbit is rather cheap? Living with him in the mansion feels like you're stuck in the 1950s. No AC. No Wi-Fi. However, he later starts to build them because summers are becoming unbearable these days and he didn't want you to get bored that you'd rather move out where you can watch Digital Circus.

Wanna go on a road trip? Nah! It's either you ride on his trusty bicycle or a private jet. Sometimes, it's a secret submarine. Golly! How can this cheap-a** bunny afford a private jet and a submarine? He insists that he inherited them from his great-great-great-grandfather but you highly doubt that. Your demon bunny husband is so rich that you don't have to work at all.

At least he has a cool indoor movie theatre, sound system complete with speakers and a widescreen TV, though, along with a whole shelf of DVDs in the living room, ranging from "Final Destination" to "Monsters vs. Aliens" (where his favourite is Ginormica and she reminds him of you). He also owns a huge library, so if you want to read and write, you can go there!

His mansion is like a huge playhouse. His room is modelled after a child's room that's inspired by Alice In Wonderland. Oh, you like music? Well, he'd rather play classical music instead.

You also better know how to make tea; giving him Lipton tea would make him flip. However, he'd make sure to teach you how to make his favourite tea. He can be a sweetheart and makes sure to give you everything you need. He is also kind of immature at times. I mean, this fully-grown adult still has tea parties and collects toys.

He is very strict on diet so no junk foods or soda under his roof. So you're stuck eating bland British food. He doesn't let you go out alone.

He would not allow you to go to the gym (even the ones nearby) in fear that the guys there would hit on you. Instead, he'd insist you go out for a walk together. Don't even bother sneaking out as he can easily track you down.

If you ever fall sick or have an injury, no need to call the doctor 'coz he's already got you covered!

Oh, did I mention that rabbits shed? Good luck waking up covered in fur. You also have to remind him to take a shower and throw in some mouthwash as he would always come home smelling like roadkill.

He is also a very sensitive creature. He can hear even the slightest whispers, heartbeats (curse those bunny ears!) and sense what's wrong. Heck, he can smell you from a mile away. He can feel the slightest footsteps and tell who it is.

Oh, before I forget ... During that certain time of the month, he can be (ehm!) "too close." Imagine him suddenly coming home early, looking a bit drunk and wanting to cuddle with you upstairs. However, we all know what he's referring to.

Nah! He just wants to cuddle with you as you read Alice In Wonderland together before bed.

Next time you ever wanna date Rabbit, get ready to be treated like a guinea pig, assist him on his bombastic adventures and a full-time babysitter to this emo man-child. Nevertheless, you still love each other because you're both weird. Rabbit finally got his true happy ending and that is having a family with you.

[cactusmisslittle]

2024 Writing Round-Up

Tagged by @redroomroaving! And I'll tag uhhh @star-centric @finniestoncrane @tea-and-magic @holding-monsters-hands and anyone else who wants to do this

words posted:

34,986

additional words written:

God only knows. I don't keep all my wips in one place bc I'm awful, so little bits I've written are scattered all over the place. But I'd guess I wrote, in total, about double what I actually posted.

fandoms:

Aside from my weird little monsterfucker drabbles that I terrorized my friends with, it's pretty much just been bg3 this year

highest kudos:

Anatomical Research, though really my top three most kudos'd fics are fairly close and then the fourth most has like half of what the third most does lol

highest hit one-shot:

Absent-Minded. (Unlike the kudos, this is by a huge margin)

new things I tried:

...Beholder porn? Revealing just how unhinged I am about forgotten realms lore? Idk for the most part this has all been pretty par for the course if you know me as a person. Though ig I am trying my hand at longfic with Guide to the Abyss, and that's definitely been a new experience.

fic I spent the most time on:

Guide to the Abyss, by a landslide. That thing is my baby and I have poured (and continued to pour) so much work into these weird little guys literally no one asked for fics of aldjsksk

fic I spent the least time on:

Any of the low-effort snippets I toss into the Tolna's server, ngl. For things I've posted publicly, probably that Gale fucks a dragon thing

favourite thing I wrote:

Probably Catching Up. I mean, I'm more proud of Guide to the Abyss because of how much effort I've put in, but Catching Up is the one I think turned out the best.

favourite thing(s) I read:

For the love of god read research methodologies. Genuinely one of the best fics I've ever read in my life. (It's actually a trilogy of fics and I highly recommend all three)

Also, if you like either reader inserts or OC/canon, def suggest Concord and, honestly, anything @lemonsrosesandlavender has written

writing goals for 2025:

Post more frequently than I did in 2024 (isn't that always the story lol)

new works:

I touched on this in another tag game, but I plan on adding more to my society of brilliance series outside of just guide to the abyss (in particular, a certain squid will be addressing its new-found fear of water)

I also have... loose plans for another multi-chapter fic, this one centred around Popper/Medrash (i would apologize for yet another unhinged ship but. Let's be real, if you decide to keep up with my bullshit for god only knows what reason, you've probably accepted this as an inevitability)

[lady-of-the-puddle]

Good Omens 2 Opening-What are they marching toward?

Hi, there's something about the opening credit sequence that immediately caught my eye upon the first viewing. @metatronhateblog and I have discussed the whole opening credits at length (helps that we're siblings and can sit in the same room to talk about it) and we both will probably make some posts about things we haven't seen addressed yet.

I haven't seen anyone mention this particular thing yet, but forgive me if this has already been pointed out.

This mountain they are marching up? This is Zion.

I'm almost certain. It's a very interesting word that's used several times in the Old and New Testament, most notably for me in the book of Revelation, which I read a lot as a former Christian (I liked it cause it was the least boring thing to read).

It has a few different meanings from what I've gathered (a note: this is not about z*ionism.), which I will try to give brief explanations on.

Originally I believe it was meant to be an actual location in Jerusalem, a hill/mountain that held the City of David. Literally called Mount Zion I think.

In the Old Testament it also is described as being the place where God rests, where they are enthroned.

Now look at this.

Pretty sure that's a throne room? It looks like a Greek temple, so I think that's the vibe it's going for. The place where God is located.

Most interestingly, Zion is symbolic of the city of heaven, which will come to earth and God will dwell with the people upon Jesus' return and judgement (at least that's what I'm getting from the text? It can be difficult for me to decipher sometimes). Revelation 14:1 states

"Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads."

I believe this is the first time Jesus appears during(after maybe?) the great Tribulation (aka, all the torments the earth endures during this time before his return) with those who have been chosen by God. "The Lamb" refers to Jesus, for those who may not know.

I thought it was odd that this possible Zion reference was placed here in season 2 since it's not something that we've seen or heard mentioned thus far, but I think we can safely assume it has to do with season 3 and the Second Coming.

A side note, there's something else I caught while looking at this as well:

I could be wrong, but it looks like these cherubs are tipping bowls. BOWLS!

In John's visions in Revelation 16, we see seven angels with bowls pouring out plagues to the earth. Bowls of God's wrath. I could go into what they are but that's a whole other post. For some reason I always remembered the bowls the most, I have no idea why. There's so much to find in the opening, it's like a scavenger hunt and my little brain loves it! Anyway.

Fascinating that Zion is what the people and our heroes are marching toward. Are they simply moving toward the end times (again)? Are they marching straight to God's house to get some answers (Aziraphale might be)? Are they moving toward that utopian heaven on earth as they begin eternity, forever and ever amen (as Michael mentions in the forbidden heavenly footage)? Maybe all three.

It may not be all that important and just be purely symbolic, but I thought it was neat. There really is so much in the details!

Thanks for coming to my rambling! I'm going to go try finding more references now.

[seldaryne]

tagged by @illithidactivities

Name: Velrith. No surname as of yet (& that's not some hint at any future matrimonial plans--finding a first name she felt comfortable taking on was already a feat in itself) but if it ever becomes an issue, she can address it at that time. She hasn't yet arrived at that bridge, though, and can't really forsee it being a problem any time soon.

Nickname(s): None, really. Technically, you could probably file Astarion's rolodex of endearments under this category, but she always had the impression those were more a result of his pre-existing speech patterns. (They were also very helpful in her nameless interim--Darling and Dearest sound much kinder than Hey, you there or Paladin.) She likes to her the petnames, though. They're mostly sweet, barring the Bhaal-themed variety she's expressed open disdain for ("If this is your attempt at reassurance and comfort, it's failing. Painfully so."). She likes the ones with a slight possessive ring to them--my love, my sweet, etc. It's an active reminder that she's still being chosen, despite her baggage.

As of now, she's never been given a nickname, and it's to her understanding that you aren't supposed to give yourself one--they come from your friends. She doesn't expect this, mostly because her chosen name is already on the short side with two syllables, but if anyone ever did decide to give her one, she would be genuinely touched by the gesture. Seemingly meaningless or "normal" acts of affection are things she can't help but take seriously, after all.

Pronouns: She/Her, but more in the sense that she accepts the designation by strangers & never actually put more thought into it past that. if pressed, she would probably admit to not feeling any particular kinship with masculinity, despite not really meeting the definition for feminine on paper either.

Star Sign: Whatever the in-universe equivalent of Capricorn sun/Virgo moon/Cancer rising is. Pragmatic, methodical outer shell, , perceptive, soft & sensitive inside.

Height: Average-ish at around 5"6. People tend to read her as taller thanks to a combination of horns and the most rigidly perfect posture the Sword Coast as ever seen.

Orientation: Again, not something she's put much thought into. Based on behaviours, she's likely demiromantic with a generally open attitude towards sex.

Race: Levistus Tiefling Bhaalspawn

Romancing: Astarion. You know those couples that have the vibe of "thank god you two found each other because neither of you should break containment into the general public"? Yeah. Turns out, there's a lot of compatibility to be found in someone else who is also deeply, deeply fucking weird. (Note: neither party is actually aware of the extent of this, and that's important to the emotional ecosystem.)

Fave Fruit: Pomegranates. This isn't a hidden symbolism thing, she just... really loves them. They're not too sweet, the seeds are pleasingly compact, and it's a pretty colour on top of everything. The first time she had pomegranate seeds, it was in Baldur's Gate. They were pre-opened and already in a bowl, which is the ideal way to enjoy a pomegranate. The second time was her attempt at opening the fruit itself, which is usually an ordeal at the best of times. She got at the seeds eventually, but not after looking like she'd witnessed a small massacre first.

(The third attempt featured a guest appearance by an agitated Astarion, who, despite scarcely thinking of her as a friend at the time, did not have the patience or self-control to sit quietly and watch someone be that terrible at opening a fruit. Armed with a knife & righteous irritation, the pomegranate was flayed open into a star-shape and dropped back into her hand before she could say anything. This was not an act of kindness; if he had to watch her perform the same hack job on it again, he was going to start throwing things.)

Fave Season: Winter. They're all nice, of course--she enjoys being outside in any seasonally pleasant weather--but the Levistus bloodline tend to fare well in the cooler temperatures. She can happily doze off under a gentle dusting of snow, if so inclined.

Fave Flower: Bleeding heart flowers. They're so wonderfully delicate, and she's fascinated by their intricate shape. She also thinks they smell just as beautiful as they look. She's also fond of fox gloves, heliotropes, & larkspur.

Fave Scent: She loves clean smells, like fresh sheets or soap. Ocean air can have its pleasant notes. The scent of caramel or toffee can often be enticing enough to make her enter a bakery she wasn't planning to stop at.

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Peppermint tea is her favourite. Another recent, delightful discovery. Most teas aren't strong enough unless she over-steeps them, and that can sometimes make them too bitter, but the peppermint can counteract this (in her mind). She doesn't add anything else to the cup. It was the first thing she asked for after rejecting Bhaal, and oftentimes if she's been drinking earlier in the night.

(Now, if someone were to introduce her to peppermint hot chocolate, she might just find herself unable to choose which was the ultimate favourite.)

Average Sleep Hours: Post-worming, pre-heritage revelation, maybe two hours a night if she wasn't worried about the sleep-murdering or that wretched little creature calling himself her Butler haunting her consciousness. She was absolutely not doing well at this time but carried it as best as she could, and would at least allow herself something similar to a trance if real sleep was off the table. After rejecting Bhaal and ridding herself of Sceleritas (she's unsure which was actually the bigger victory here), she averages out to a more normal 6-7 hours.

(That first week after was the outlier, though. Velrith had no idea over-sleeping was a thing, or that her body would feel so bad after finally getting some desperately needed rest. By far, that was the most disorienting week in her recalled memory.)

Dogs or Cats: Scratch and the Owlbear baby have her heart, but she would probably love a cat too. Truthfully, Velrith has the capacity to enjoy all types of animals equally. There's something comforting about the presence of something four-legged and soft bedside her, who seems to understand her emotions without words (or even judgment).

She's not killing the spiders in the bathroom, she's getting a cup & paper and gently releasing them in the yard.

Dream Trip: Possibly cheating, but anywhere is an answer that works here. So far, her working memory is limited to the Sword Coast & Baldur's Gate. Those places are fine, really, but she's keen to see literally anywhere else if for no other reason than to say she's done it. Besides, how else can she verify if the disgust some of the public seems to feel towards Baldur's Gate is justified?

Amount of Blankets: She's either wrapped under enough blankets to match her own body weight, or nothing at all. As she's come to discover, she seems to crave sensations that exist as some sort of extreme. She's happy at either end of the spectrum, but probably won't be particularly comfortable under just one comforter. (Note: it's possible to replicate the effect of a tiefling's weight in blankets using the body of One (1) vampire. Unlike the blankets, however, he tends to move around more than a quilt, so mileage may vary.)

RandomFact(s):

Her hair is insanely long, thick, & very healthy, the soft white tresses hitting somewhere near her waist when loose. She didn't actually realize this could be a point of vanity until Haelryne (yes, yes, dual protagonist AU) teasingly expressed envy after catching her taking her braid out. Consequently, she discovered how pleasant it could be to allow someone else to brush & play with it. She's slightly self-conscious of this at first, but there's something pretty healing about experiencing your first 'girls nights' with people who seem genuinely excited to have you around.

Her threshold for registering pain is pretty high, and even when she's injured, she's typically pretty calm (life-threatening injuries notwithstanding). She's able to make herself sit for things like stitches or the resetting of bones, expressions of discomfort usually coming out in slight grimaces. There have been multiple occasions where she's alerted someone to needing help with a very even-toned "Oh, I'm bleeding," only for them to turn around & see her holding a cloth up to a wound that's absolutely gushing & would be an understandable cause for panic in literally anyone else.

If she's going to take a bath, it's either on the cusp of a boil, or there's a literal sheet of ice on the water surface. As you can imagine, the number of 'romantic couple's baths' she's partaken in is small.

She rarely raises her voice. "Soft-spoken" seems to imply a level of quiet, or a certain pitch that don't really apply to her (the closest comparison I would make is Katheryn Winnick as Lagertha in Vikings), but it's probably the most applicable shorthand term. While she doesn't typically have a lot of tonal expression, she speaks with a certain melodic quality that's actually fairly soothing if you listen. Of course, she's really only known to speak for extended bouts if she's genuinely comfortable, so it might be some time before you pick up on this. She'd make a wonderful singer, if she was ever so inclined (she will not be).

Her body temperature tends to run a bit lower than most people. Touching her doesn't feel uncomfortable, if anything she's pleasantly cool, especially if you're on the warmer side.

tagging: @ineed-to-sleep, @mybookswerealltome, @champagne-pain, @ysali

[sokovianfortune]

hello . i would like to talk about my own sexuality/relationship headcanons for the wbn trio since it’s a topic of conversation today :3

jack and elsa are both bisexual. this is a semi-recent discovery for both of them, given that most of elsa’s sexual partners have been women and most of jack’s sexual and romantic partners have been men. had they been asked about their sexualities pre-special, they’d both probably identify themselves as some flavor of gay (here meaning same-sex attracted, rather than an umbrella term like queer!). there is a reason why i have referred to the two of them running into each other in the maze as The Bisexual Jumpscare.

jack is also asexual! he’s not particularly sex-repulsed, he just largely views sex as a bonding activity and a way to make his partner feel good/express romantic love. this is fine by ted because uhh. i mean. let’s all be honest with ourselves here, it is very doubtful that my man has a libido anymore or the hardware to make it happen.

on the other end of the spectrum, you have elsa who only rarely indulged in sex as a way to scratch the human need itch. most of her past partners were one-night stands and she never stuck around for long, either way. but, once she and jack got together, her libido went fucking haywire and now she’s constantly (willingly!) dragging him into ulysses’s old bed chambers. good for her. good for them.

ted only the other hand is Gay gay. he did have a wife pre-transformation as per comics canon but, at the time they were married, he hadn’t really realized or even explored that particular facet of himself. workaholic scientist, yknow. he was operating under the typical “oh i guess i have to get married now because that’s what people Of My Age do.” there also might have been some period-accurate comphet involved, depending on how old he actually is.

ironically and perhaps to metatextually lean into monsters being queer-coded, becoming what he is now, while obviously a traumatic experience at the time, eventually allowed ted the freedom to explore this facet of himself and become comfortable with it.

jack and ted call each other husbands. they are not legally married. it just kind of started as a bit one day and it stuck. at what point did it stop being a bit? they don’t know and have not addressed it. jack would love to wear a ring regardless but he’s very worried about accidentally severing a finger if he forgets to take it off before the full moon.

on the hand, if anyone refers to jack as anything less neutral than elsa’s partner, she Will start gagging. she is forty one years old, she is nobody’s fucking girlfriend. wife is also off the table. she’d get married for practical tax reasons or something maybe but it would have to just be signing a paper in a courthouse with one (1) witness. an actual wedding ceremony (having to bear her stupid soft feelings in front of everyone she knows!!!) would be akin to a particularly humiliating trip through the nine circles of hell for her.

i call them the people’s polycule but they’re really more like a poly v with jack as the midpoint. ted and elsa are decidedly not romantically interested in each other at all but they Are besties united by their love for their beloved little bow wow. i know we have confirmation of the “she’s not into dogs” line but my headcanon is and always will be that the thing ted says to jack to make him laugh at the end is only kind of a joke about being willing to try opening things up if he wanted to.

(jack immediately dismissed this as A Joke and that was when ted knew he was in for a whole lot of yearning. god help him.)

[v-67]

New lore.

More like rant, but yeah

So, i started working at a new place, and the place is fine, things are okay. Except there are some people who are just really really stupid, and don't have the basic decency to be called anything at all, because calling them names would be disrespectful to the names.

The lore here is, this particular woman in question, is so stupid. Having existed in the legal realm of work, you have the basic knowledge of how to address people and everything else. But no. She doesn't. She addresses people by their skin colour. Then going further, back bitches about anyone who's not in the room. Then, goes on to teach you wrongly, and further tells you it's wrong, when she clearly taught you wrong. Then goes on to blabber shit ALL DAY LONG about God knows what. Then goes on to tell people that she doesn't want to listen to their side when resolving a dispute. Also furthermore, when assigns work to someone who by the way is in their first week, tells right in front of that person that you're slow, within probably 20 minutes, and assigns the same work to someone else, so basically no good mentorship, only knows how to demotivate people and talk shit, adding on to the toxic atmosphere like a goddamn poisonous mushroom. Honestly poisonous mushrooms might still help in research, this woman solely exists to bring nothing to anyone in any way. It's like there are no words i can use to disrespect her, for any words I shall use, is an insult to those very words.

All this was context. This is all I have been observing happen to people around me, and to an extent to me as well.

However, I also have a very expressive face, so my disgust is quite visible. And when she tries to make me participate in her back bitching, i simply refuse and rather defend others.

Now, what i really want to say is

At first, I used to get so pissed off, so irritated, and my friends would tell me to not bring work home, to not bring that energy home and i realised, yeah. That's right. No point in bringing that irritation home.

Today, something more happened, where she addresses one of the interns directly, and told her that she has a problem with her. And for some reason, i somehow without saying a word had gotten swept in their crossfire and she told me as well, that she has a problem with me too.

I said okay, and shrugged. What else am I to do?

The whole thing went on, honestly I zoned out, i didn't take that personally because i don't value her, her words don't sting.

But sometimes, there's this calm detached energy building up within me from having witnessed her idiocy from day one, that calm detached energy is very much like Gojo's when he fought Toji. Like, i would say things which are so haunting and daunting to even myself.

This other day i said something like : I would make her cry with my words if I ever so find her speak anything that belittles me in the most wrong way. If i ever find myself to be the topic of her gossip, I will make her cry in front of the whole of the office, and even when she cries, I'll coldly ask her if she's done crying? Since I have a lot more to speak of. So shut up and sit and weep and listen. I will ensure that you have trauma that outmatches number of therapists. (I said that and I was like WOAH, WHAT THE FUCK)

And the problem is, that If push comes to shove, I do believe i have the capability to do that. And I'm afraid of doing that. Because she might be the most stupid person, but i don't want to become a story of pain for someone else. Even when they deserve nothing but a slap across, no wait, 20-30 slaps across their face. Honestly violence doesn't appease me, I'd rather scar you mentally and watch it sting. (This stupid job is turning me into a goddamn sadist, I'm not😭😭😭)

Anyways, today this thing that had happened, I'm simply sitting in my room, chilling, and before this I was speaking to a colleague and we were talking about what had happened. And i thought of a few things, like how when I leave this place i'd write her a letter and it would be constructive criticism wrapped up in a bundle of amazingly constructed words that lists every stupid thing she has spoken. My gift to her would be awareness that she doesn't have. Maybe I'll read that letter to her.

Anyways, my energy these days really has been like this :

It varies from here to that Toji fight scene haha.

But today it was this. No kidding.

But all this to really say

I am kinda worried about these thoughts, its not nice you know? Yes they deserve that, but i don't want to turn into a pile of shit of a person. I don't approve of their toxicity, i don't approve of them even existing tbh, but, i don't want to become a toxic sadistic wishing hate on people type of person.

Even this person, i dislike them, i don't hate them. Like Vinland saga has taught us, You have no enemies, no one has any enemies. There is no one that you should hurt. I wish to enforce it properly on my mind, but my survival mechanism can't help but think of every possibility that may arise which might need a defense that makes you feel safe and enlightened in the sense that no hurt can be caused to you that may outreach the defense. I don't know if you get it, I tend to do ramble a bit someyimes.

But I need to slowly detach a lot, it's not my responsibility that they're literate illiterate assholes, I need to understand that and let go. Not everyone is morally good. Doesn't mean I have to become immoral.

It's a dilemma.

[ask-nurse-curly]

Hey Curly!

I would appreciate if you did tell her. I was going to but then I thought… it sounds better coming from you, I think..? It's selfish of me but, well, I'm no good at this sort of stuff. I either say nothing, or blurt it out and stumble over my thoughts until my words are little but tears and nonsense. It does feel better that you know… I've never been one for secrets, and I trust you with mine as you've trusted me with yours. :)

I don't fault you for keeping your phone. For all the stress it's probably brought you, it's also a connection to many worlds. There's hardly anything that doesn't need you to be connected to every other person, ever, to work, and if you're not online for a day then people think you've been kidnapped. And who knows, the leak could've happened on any phone or computer-! You've done your duty in warning people - you're not trying to hurt anyone! Have you had flack from your other contacts..?

Also, do you know where the messages are being leaked? I'm not gonna look!! But I am curious… we have to hope the readers aren't malicious, nor that they're our employers (current and former). I don't think I mind my past being public… almost makes it easier this way. Not having to dredge it up on the rare occasion it comes up. I mean, I knew when I told you that other people could see it so don't beat yourself up, OK? I took the risk in telling you and, though we've been speaking for a while, you still could be anyone - not that I think that, but there's no evidence to say you're you other than your word (and visa versa). Even if there weren't a strange data leak, you could have shared the message intentionally and it would still be me to blame!

I do wonder who knows what though. Someone sent a clock last week. An analog with a bell - one of those traditional ones - but the time was wrong, and it was stopped. It wasn't addressed to anyone in particular, and when security opened the box it started ticking. Next thing we knew, it had been remotely detonated before it had a chance to do anything, so we don't know if it was ever dangerous to begin with. I may be paranoid but I wondered if the display was a date: 16 minutes past 5. 5/16? 14 days from now. Or a coincidence - yet I can't rule it out. I'm going to apply for a temporary leave permit… and hope they understand that I'm… concerned.

-xoxo, Pheobe

p.s. I didn't peg you for a hiker! Where did you go? Who did you go with?

Hello Pheobe,

That's okay, no worries, I can tell her on your behalf. I'm not the smoothest of talkers either but Anya is patient. I'll see when a good moment would be, we've both been a little busy.

Hah, that's true, the leak could've happened on any phone. It's strange to me that it happened on mine, but that's because it's the only point of view I have. And no, no flack, just. People were upset -- probably still are -- and I can't fault them. And no, I don't know where it's all being published. From what I gathered it might be some kind of forum? Though it's also been called a blog... I don't know.

Thank you, Pheobe. It helps to hear.

That's...very concerning. I don't want to cause you unnecessary stress by fretting about it, but I hope that leave pans out. You didn't sign up for this, you shouldn't be there if you aren't 100% certain of your safety.

The hike we did was up north, in the Canadian Rockies. It was...god, well over a decade ago now. How time flies. I think it was, what, the summer after the first year at uni, before our hospital rounds began, so a few of my group mates and I took off while we could. It was a good time, I don't think I'd swing something like this now.

Stay safe,

--Curly

[frecklenog]

after spending an evening listening to jessie gender tell me about starfield, capitalism, gender, selfhood, and ursula k leguin, i had. some Thoughts about another science fiction series; one you're probably at least somewhat familiar with if you follow this blog or watch ms gender's videos.

to start off; hey. this is partially based on my own experiences, my understanding of them, and how that lens can be applied to star trek. it's also very much inspired by the work of jessie earl, whose channel i can't recommend enough. she's funny, intelligent, kind, and an incredibly gifted writer, and she's a gift to both the star trek, trans, and "video essay youtuber" communities. show her some love!

that said, i want to start by looking at star trek. we all know the vulcans, don't we? pointy ears, green blood — spock's dad's side of the family. gifted with telepathic abilities, vulcans are practitioners of the mind meld, also called things like a mind link, probe, touch, or fusion, which is exactly what it sounds like. it allows two (or more, on occasion) sentient life forms to exchange thoughts as though they were one being.

of course, this kind of thing is common in media. steven universe has gem fusions, which should be examined from a plural viewpoint in their own right. x-man charles xavier almost routinely delves into the minds of others. but rarely does it have any lasting impact on the characters. even star trek itself falls into this, with doctor leonard mccoy not getting nearly enough screentime in the voyage home to show off what must have been the intensely strange experience of carrying spock's katra within him. (maybe that's addressed in a novelization or comic that i'm just unaware of, but regardless, i haven't seen it, and i think that's a travesty. (and if you know of a book where that gets touched on oh my god give me the fucking link now-))

there are instances of star trek mind melds having lasting effects, as discovery shows part of sarek's katra being permanently linked to michael burnham, though that could be considered an extenuating circumstance, what with her being on death's doorstep at the time of the meld. which most trek fans probably already know, and is honestly more fantastical than i care to bother reading with a plural lens. however, star trek is a fandom with nearly sixty years of history, including hundreds of books and comics from various authors and publishers. these stories are plentiful, bizzare, and sometimes outright terribly written. i don't blame anyone for not having read them all — to do so seems like a terrifying task.

but the one i want to look at right now is a particular run of the star trek: the next generation comic, published in 2000 by wildstorm comics.

the run is called perchance to dream — a lovely, flourishing name for a comic where half of the plot could be it's very own jessie gender video for how much sexual weirdness goes on (but i'll leave that to the professionals). the part we're going to focus on is that the b-plot of the run surrounds captain jean luc picard, captain of the uss enterprise-d. the comic is set after the events of the star trek: the next generation season 3 premiere, best of both worlds: part 2. in that episode, the captain had been disconnected from the borg hivemind (after being assimilated in part 1), and he returned to duty as usual at the end of the episode (though he does choose to go on leave in the following episode). it's also set after another episode from later on in season 3, — episode 23, sarek, wherein picard preformed a mind meld with sarek in order to allow the aging ambassador better emotional control, as it was being ravaged by his bendii syndrome — essentially, vulcan dementia.

the a-plot of the run isn't really important to us, i'm afraid — although it reveals to us in the second issue that worf accidentally killed a kid on another soccer team as a child. suffice to say, one of the abilities of the aliens the crew has to play diplomacy with is that they can prod into people's traumas through their nightmares. they have a lot going on. it's a comic book from 2000, what did you expect?

and, speaking of things that are easily dated, the third issue of the run brings us to the second part of today's topic.

image id: a comic book page. beginning at the top, a narration box reads: "chief medical officer's log, stardate 48503.8. lieutenant commander data, doctor selar, and i have gone through the damiano [alien] records regarding the chova. while no direct way to combat the weapon was ever developed we have discovered that certain people were immune to the chova's effects and could destroy the weapon." doctor beverly crusher is beside the narration box, depicted from the shoulders up, facing slightly to the right and saying "there has to be another way." a vulcan -- doctor selar -- is viewed from the waist up, holding a padd in her right hand and facing to the right of the page. she is saying "we have been over the records six times a piece, doctor. if there is anything to find, it is likely that we would have found it by now." data, an android designed to appear as a human with pale yellow plastic skin, is holding a book slightly behind doctor selar. his mouth is slightly open as he speaks. "i believe doctor selar is correct. this is the only course of action open to us under the circumstances." to the right of this panel is another shot of beverly from the shoulders up, this time facing to the left. her expression is stern as she says "i know, i know, it's just-- it could kill him." in the next panel. beverly is shown from the back, and captain jean-luc picard enters, saying "you sent for me, doctor?" beverly responds, "yes, jean-luc. please sit down." below this, the left panel takes most of the remaining page. this time we see captain picard from the back, while beverly faces the reader head-on, speaking first. "we've gone through the records chief du're [irrelevant one-off character from the a-plot] provided. it turns out that there was one group of people who were immune to the chova when it was first used. mpd's." jean-luc repeats "mpd's?" curiously. to the right, data is shown from the shoulders up, saying; "mpd stands for multiple personality disorder. mpd can come about through psycholo--" but beverly interrupts him; "not now, data." end id.

ah, multiple personality disorder. a term that hasn't been clinically used since 1994. these days, we call this dissociative identity disorder (did), but it's one dissociative disorder of many, which is what beverly is talking about. for whatever reason, people with this sort of dissociative plurality seem to be immune to the specific trauma nightmares induced by these aliens. (finally, some good news.)

okay, neat! so, dissociative disorders and plurality have been canonically addressed in star trek. let's see how it goes!

image id also available unbroken in alt text. image id pt 1: beginning in the top left corner, beverly is shown from the shoulders up, facing the right side of the page as she speaks. "the point is the people who are afflicted with more than one personality would destroy the chova before it could affect them. the chova was only built for one personality. mpds would literally overwhelm it." in the next panel, to the right, picard is shown from the chest up, partially obstructed by speech bubbles. facing right, he asks; "how does this help us?" beverly is also in this right panel, although from behind, and nearly completely obfuscated by speech bubbles. she answers; "well, mpd was never a common occurance, and it's almost unheard of these days.there've only been two cases reported in the federation in the last two hundred years -- and damiano [the alien planet] hasn't seen a case in the last fifty."beverly continues. "however, we do have someone on the enterprise who has the makings of a classic mpd. i'd like your permission to ask this person to volunteer to undergo a mind-meld with doctor selar in order to bring the submerged personalities to the fore."

this particular line, i take umbrage with, as dissociative disorders are a lot more common than people might think, and star trek has shown us a future as tumultuous as our own present for decades. there would absolutely be people experiencing some level of multiplicity in everyday life both within the federation and without. but, again, this was written in the 90s, i think? i don't know how long it takes a team of professionals to make a comic book. but, i digress.

image id pt 2: picard responds; "permission granted, as long as it remains on a volunteer basis. who is the officer in question?" below, the leftmost panel is larger than the right. beverly crusher is shown in profile, facing right, with doctor selar and data behind her from the chest and shoulders up. picard is on the right of the page, slightly smaller, but also in profile, facing right to contrast beverly as he listens to her speak. "it's someone who's been exposed to an especially intense vulcan mind-meld, who lived another life for thirty-five subjective years— and who had a second personality grafted onto his own for a brief period by the borg. the next panel takes the entire width of the page, and much of the height. picard is shown in the middle, standing in a purple void. around him are three other male characters shown in bust. from left to right, they are; kamin, a humanoid man bearing great resemblance to an older imagining of jean-luc picard, wearing a plain blue shirt. sarek, a vulcan with grey hair, a turquoise shirt, and a green stone amulet on a large gold chain around his neck. he is cast in shadow and his eyes are not visible. locutus, an ashen version of jean-luc picard, with about a third of his face obscured by black metal exoplating and implants that surround his right eye. tubes come off of his face and neck, trailing behind him, and a red light made to shine at his point of focus shines from the side of his head. there are several yellow narration boxes, which read as follows. "sarek of vulcan. picard mind-melded with the legendary ambassador in order to lend him strength for an important negotiation — an act that almost cost picard his sanity." "kamin of kataan. a probe sent out by kataan before their sun went nova allowed picard to live most of kamin's adult life as a way to remember his people."

oh, yeah. did... did i not mention that that happened?

basically, he was targeted by a device that beamed him into the world's most immersive vr game — kind of like the one from rick and morty? if you watched that? if you didn't, sorry for bringing it up, and if you did, ditto. but it forced picard to live out an entire life as though he'd been abducted by aliens and placed in a sims game. though, ultimately, the plot intricacies of the inner light are beside my point.

image id pt 3: "locutus of borg. quite simply, the greatest nightmare of picard's entire life. the subversion of his intellect, his will, his very self to the collective of the borg." "all three are part of him, but they do not dominate. if picard does as doctor crusher suggests, he will subsume himself in order to let the others come to the fore. for sarek, for kamin, he would be willing." "but locutus--?" the next panel takes a little more than half of the remainder of the page. a narration box in the upper left reads; "then he thinks of his first officer, counselor, chief of security, chief engineer, and all the others who have fallen victim to this vicious weapon." the rest of the panel shows two sleeping figures, both humanoid, in what is presumably sickbay. the last panel takes the remainder. a narration box in the upper left reads; "and jean-luc picard makes the only decision he is capable of making." captain picard is shown from the shoulders up, facing slightly to the left and saying; "what do i need to do?" below his speech bubble is another yellow text box, which reads "to be concluded..."

...which is how issue 3 leaves us.

fortunately, we can pick up in issue 4 with ease, since these comics are over twenty years old. i'm going to do my best to limit my use of comic pages, juuuuust in case, but once we reach the sixth page, with the credits...

image id: a two-page spread. beginning in the uppermost left corner, narration boxes read; "welcome to the mind of jean-luc picard." "'locutus' was a personality superimposed upon picard when he was taken by the borg, meant to serve as the spokesperson for that cybernetic race's ruthless assimilation of what they described as the 'authority-driven culture' of the federation." "ambassador sarek of vulcan suffered from bendii syndrome. in order to keep the effects of this devastating illness from endangering his final mission, sarek entered into a deep mind-meld with picard in order to give the ambassador emotional control and stability." "kamin was a prominent member of the community of ressik on the long-dead world of kataan. a probe sent by the kataan people allowed picard to live kamin's life for several subjective decades, although less than half an hour passed in reality." "all of these personalities have made up a part of jean-luc picard, but he remained dominant." "until now." "this is the mind of jean-luc picard." the left page is mostly taken up by a large illustration of locutus, drawn in far more detail than before. trailing off to the right are two tubes or wires, as well as a speech bubble that reads "resistance is futile." also on this page are the details of the comic title, run, issue number, writers/artists, and copyright. taking up most of the right half of the right page is sarek of vulcan, drawn in less detail than locutus, but easily recognizable. his hair is a lighter grey, he is wearing white and cream robes and an amber amulet on a thick gold ring around his neck, and he is holding up his right hand in a vulcan salute/ta'al. depicted below sarek is kamin, drawn from the shoulders up, wearing a plain white shirt with a collar. below kamin is captain picard, also shown from the shoulders up, in his starfleet uniform, and surrounded by four lights, with two on either side of him. (there is also further copyright information beside him in fine print.)

...i'm pretty sure that this analysis falls under the "commentary" part of fair use. right?

but, regardless, this is kind of a huge thing to drop in a comic that virtually no one has bothered to read. i mean, especially when, amidst the clashing of picard's plurality with the a-plot, we get this panel;

image id: a single comic panel. kamin is shown from behind, speaking to locutus and sarek within a noneuclidean space with four circular white lights shining in the distance. "what is going on?" kamin asks. "we have been subdued for too long. but now we shall dominate, as we were meant to." locutus replies. sarek interrupts. "your logic is flawed, locutus. we are all merely aspects of jean-luc picard's mind." "you may be sarek of vulcan, but we are of the borg."

sarek is able to acknowledge himself, kamin, and locutus as "aspects" of captain picard, despite picard rarely if ever sensing them or their influence. picard is being, not just implied, but explicitly stated to have a latent form of plurality, and perchance to dream depicts it in a way that strikes true to members of my own system, at times, with certain alters first making themselves known in the front already well aware of who they are, and having existed without the my knowledge due to dissociative barriers that only came down later in life.

unfortunately, because this is a star trek media, locutus ends up assimilating kamin in the headspace and forcing himself into the front. however, as he does it, he says something that does, to an extent, resonate with the experience of being one among many, for better or worse.

image id: a single comic panel. locutus is shown facing the viewer, and his chin and the top of his head are cut off by the borders of the panel. his light breaks the plane of the panel to simulate the effect that it is shining into the "camera." locutus's mouth is open as he speaks; "for too long you have suppressed us, picard. but you are of the borg."

plurality is a defense mechanism by the brain to protect against trauma. it is, from what i have seen, more common among those who are already neurodivergent, which already presents in a myriad of ways. mixing the ugly truth of trauma with the raw reality of mental illness caused by it can result in certain alters feeling as though they are being suppressed by not being allowed to front and live their own life, depending on how the system functions. admittedly it is more common in fictional depictions of dissociative disorders for these alters to simply live their own lives in secret anyway, as is the case in the marvel tv series moon knight with marc spector, steven grant, and jake lockley (along with the other possible members of their system who may or may not be present depending on the canon, but those are the main three). but, in reality — or at least my experience — this more often translates to alters making themselves social media accounts, or using services like tupperbox or pluralkit on discord, or finding other ways to more discretely express themselves, such as icon changes or status updates.

but, getting back to star trek, this is ultimately a one-off comic. so captain picard saves the day with his secret alters, ends the mind meld with doctor selar, and goes back to living his life as a singlet, ready for the people of the future to be able to easily comprehend without having to read a very specific comic run from 2000.

...right?

image id: part of a comic page. each panel takes up roughly one quarter of the page each. in the first panel, counselor deanna troi is seen standing, having just entered captain picard's ready room. picard is shown from the back, sitting at his desk. "counselor! good to see you up and about." he greets her. "it's good to be up and about." she responds. "playing some old tunes?" [picard had been playing the ressikan flute prior to her entry.] picard responds. "mmm. i wanted to make sure that i still remembered how." in the next panel, we look over counselor troi's shoulder and across the desk at captain picard. "were you worried that you wouldn't?" she wonders. "actually, yes," picard answers. "after what happened..." the third panel shows picard facing the viewer head-on from the shoulders up. he continues, "i suppose i knew intellectually how close to the surface locutus, sarek, and kamin were. but i never really thought about it. they were — memories, experiences. no different from any other. but they're much more than that." the fourth panel shows counselor troi, facing slightly to the right as she speaks. "not much more. all three of them are part of you. but the important word is you. the fragmentation was artificially induced." picard asks; "was it?"

ultimately, yes, this is a one-off comic run that isn't very well known, and i only read because i took a personal interest in the subject matter. i knew going in that it wasn't going to fundamentally change the entire fandom's understanding of captain picard, or make the star trek fandom an instant haven for systems everywhere. but, still, captain picard has his doubts, and that truly touched me when i first read it as someone who was actively reckoning with the fact that past traumas that had impacted me more than i realized.

the comic goes on for a while longer, but the last thing it has to say on the subject of plurality is this.

image id: a single comic panel. counselor troi is seated in one of the chairs in captain picard's ready room, facing him from across his desk. she is on the left, facing partially right, and he is on the right, in profile facing left. the dialogue reads as follows. picard wonders, "was it [the dissociative fragmentation of his identity] truly a creation of the mind-meld, or was it simply breaking a dam that was already cracked?" riker interrupts over the comm. "riker to picard." "go ahead, number one," picard tells him. "it's time to beam down to damiano for the ceremony, sir." "thank you, commander."

and that's it. picard asks a question, then gets called away and never tells us his answer.

i think, at least subconsciously, that might be part of why i held star trek: picard to such a high standard.

to be clear, i hadn't read this comic when the first season of picard was coming out. but i was starting to grapple with my plurality, and i used fictional media as a means to do that (as is still evidenced by things like my system simon tag). the first season of the show was centered around both picard's relationship with both his legacy and his history with the borg collective. as mentioned in perchance to dream, captain picard had previously been assimilated by the borg collective — a cybernetic hivemind from the delta quadrant that absorbed cultures and species into itself, effectively wiping out the cultural histories of entire planets, at times, in their quest to become the "perfect" life form through a combination of genetic engineering and mechanical augmentation. and, as this happened, i came to know a young man named hugh who took form within my mind. a fictional introject, or fictive, of the character of the same name from season 5, episode 23, i, borg. with his help, i grew to further understand my own plurality, and saw the potential for our stories to be told in the wake of reclamations from the borg collective. the reclamation project became a hyperfixation, and—

and then came the jurati collective.

my own system bears no connection to the jurati collective, but it is a wonder, and can be examined through a plural lens as an allegory for our own experiences as dissociatives. many consciousnesses, all working together as one towards a common goal, and willingly. after all, what is a system if not a hive within one body?

and then came picard's third season, completely ignoring her, along with all the unique perspectives that stories surrounding her might have offered in favor of what felt like a final next generation movie.

ignoring me, it felt like.

is that silly? probably. but, try as i might, i am human, and so i have a propensity for illogic — no matter how much my autistic brain craves structure and definitive explanations in order to understand the world.

i'll be honest, i'm not sure how to end this. but, sometimes i remember the time in season 6, episode 20, the chase, when picard became incredibly excited about an ancient alien society that believed people were, indeed, collectives within themselves.

"...the kurlan civilisation believed that an individual was a community of individuals. inside us are many voices, each with its own desires, its own style, its own view of the world." -captain jean-luc picard

and i realize that, with the core tenant of this series lying in the infinite diversity of both the known and the unknowable — the building blocks are already in place. star trek is a media that has grown over the decades, and hopefully will continue to do so, because there are still so many ways for new and interesting and meaningful stories to be told within this franchise.

but, if you can't summon your representation from a nostalgiabait sequel/reboot within a preexisting intellectual property... there's nothing to stop you from crafting your own story and letting loose as many systems as you like.

[jackinalex]

Would love to hear your thoughts on Glitter & Crimson. It’s about Jalex isn’t it

I really gotta stop mentioning things I'm afraid people will latch onto. Sigh. But tbh, I've been wanting an excuse to use my English teacher knowledge to analyze the shit out of that song in particular. If you took an AP English class, you know that it's 90% bullshitting you're way through claims and that is absolutely why I am who I am. This is so fucking long, dude.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time on this. Like I literally printed out the lyrics and annotated it like I was in college. But this is my shit, y’all. I love to analyze things. So, there’s a few different ways that I went about this: what the literary devices mean vs. what Alex (the liar) says the song means vs. the Jalex conspiracy theories that keep me in Delululand. Please scroll on if you don’t want to read about me being delusional about Jalex. Also, the very, very last of this is where we get into the absolute most delusional theory I have, so scroll to the bottom if that’s all you want. 

Let’s start off with what Alex has said about the song so that it can provide us at least a little context. Alex told Apple Music: “To me, this song is about two characters who are deeply in love, whose love is not allowed to be that by [a certain] society. They’re gay, and they don’t feel like they’re accepted in their own skin for who they are, or for who they want to love. It’s a cry out to seize that power back and saying, ‘No. You don’t get to dictate how we live our lives.’ Obviously, I can’t speak to that, being a straight guy, but I know a lot of people who live that experience every day. And it was something that felt very meaningful that I wanted to address for them because they can’t [in this way]. They aren’t songwriters.” This is less helpful context-wise, but he also told Kerrang: “This was dramatic to record (laughs). It was one of the last songs we wrote – in fact, it might have been the very last one. The record was almost done, but I felt like there were a couple of missing pieces. We actually went out to Big Bear [Lake, in California] – me, Jack, Zakk and Andrew. We rented a cabin and locked ourselves away for a minute. As we recorded Glitter & Crimson, it was one of those moments where we went, ‘Oh, thank god! We’ve got the thing that we were missing!’ I think the performance in the bridge is me almost knowing that it was the last take. It’s like when the director is about to call, ‘That’s a wrap!’ and everybody is like, ‘Holy shit!’ You feel that swell of relief and appreciation for getting through it.”

Most importantly, during the Wake Up, Sunshine Twitch Listening Party, Alex literally says he wrote G & C about Jack (starts at 1:36:26). Idc if he's joking, bro. It's good enough for me.

I guess the best way to go about the analysis is just to go lyric-by-lyric. Then, I’ll go a bit deeper into more of the bigger symbols. I want to preface this by saying that Alex probably did not mean for a lot of these things to mean what I’ve interpreted them to mean. And when I say I interpreted them, I mainly mean that I took what was given to me and recalled the connotations that these words carry (that was so wordy; idek if that made sense). 

It’s a typical story, three in the morning

You’re holding my head. 

To me, this seems fairly literal. Sitting with another person at 3 in the morning with them holding your head is really intimate. It could be after sex or just an intense conversation. I think that this is one of the lines that points toward this song being about a gay couple the most. I know he doesn’t specify what gender the couple is, but since Alex simply cannot write a song without inserting himself, I’m guessing they’re dudes. The holding my head kind of gives off that vibe to me, too. Anyone can hold anyone’s head, of course, but something about it just gives me the image of a guy holding a guy’s head. No matter how you spin it (head on the shoulder, head on the lap, etc.) it is super intimate, which means that this is a situation between two people who are very close. It’s vulnerable, too. There’s also the idiom “to hold something over someone’s head,” but I do think that the meaning here is literal. The idiom doesn’t make sense here. We gotta remember that Jack and Alex (and Zakk and Andrew) wrote this song together at a lake house. Every time I hear the opening lines, I think about Jack and Alex being together at 3 am in the lake house in one of those bedrooms, Jack holding Alex’s head. 🥺 

Caught in the tension, silent confessions

At the foot of your bed

The tension line could be in reference to the relationship, which we know is not accepted by those around them. It could also just be another reference to sex lol. I’m leaning more toward the former, though. I think the silent confessions depend on where the couple is at in their relationship. If they’re established, I think it’s probably a confession of love (like, we’ve been seeing each other, but I’m actually in love with you). But if it’s in the very early stages, the confession could be the confession of feelings. These two people are really close, so if they’re not yet a couple, then they’re definitely best friends. “At the foot of your bed” makes me think about sex again lol (specifically head because…Yeah). 

Glitter and crimson, fighting the friction

What a perfect mess

Glitter and crimson are massive metaphors/symbols in this song, so I’m going to hold off on going too far into that just yet. For now, we can discuss how the two are contrasting. Glitter is pretty and can symbolize the beautiful things in life (it can symbolize a lot of other things, too, which we will get to, promise). Crimson, on the other hand, often represents blood and violence (and a lot of other things, too), so this is one of the first instances of conflicting ideas and feelings. The two ideas come together despite being opposites. “Fighting the friction” could be another reference to tension, whether it’s conflict brought about because of societal pressure, or sexual tension. It could even be both. 

While I know that Alex definitely wasn’t trying to reference pride or the history of it, the mention of glitter was an excellent way of doing so. Glitter has a rich history with the LGBT community. It is tied with queer nightlife and the performance arts of drag, burlesque, and cabaret. In the past, it was a way to signal queer identity to other queer people, a practice that some people use to this day. It was also used as a kind of beauty and/or gender defiance when men were ostracized for presenting femininely and women were ostracized for presenting masculinely (Dorwart). Overall, glitter can also symbolize fakeness, materialism, greed, treasure, and excitement. In the instance of the lyric, I tend to think that the glitter is representative of the beauty of the situation, but also having to hide the relationship (the “characters” are being fake by hiding their relationship. 

While crimson can symbolize blood, violence, anger, warning or revenge (which is what I believe its main purpose is with the lyric), it can also represent vigor, passion, love, and courage. I definitely think that love and passion are an important part of this, too. Every facet of this relationship is intense, whether it be a negative or positive thing. This is also hedging into Delululand, but crimson (it’s called red in the flag, but the shade is definitely crimson) was one of the colors of the original pride flag, representing life. I’m certain that Alex was not thinking of the pride flag when he wrote this song, but there are so many references that he did accidentally that this song could be a gay anthem tbh. 

With the “perfect mess” line, Alex has given us an oxymoron and another example of contrast. The two words are technically opposites, but when they come together, they create a new meaning. In the narrative, this refers to the relationship feeling so good and right to the guys, but not allowed by society, those around them, and even maybe themselves. If we look at it through a Jalex lens, the “mess” could easily be the conflict between them having feelings for one another and the pressures of the band and their friendship (a very classic fanfic trope for a good reason). There’s a lot to lose if things don’t work out, so there’s a very real question of whether pursuing a relationship is worth it. As we’ll get to later, it definitely seems like it is to them. 

I wonder if you feel kinda like I feel

Temporary

These lines feel fairly literal to me. To feel temporary means to feel impermanent or uncertain. I think that both could be prevalent here. I also think that those feelings pertain to both the relationship and just their lives in general. It feels like the relationship can’t last because that’s what society tells them, and the uncertainty comes from not knowing if they even want it to (because they too are influenced by society). Alex has always written a lot about existentialism and these two lines strongly evoke that concept (which, to me, is more proof of the song being written from his perspective vs some “character” but we’ll get into more instances of that later). 

Fixed on a moment just out of focus

And we can’t quite see 

Being us ain’t good for us

I put these three lines together because they finish out the first verse and because there is significant enjambment, too. The first line is literal in the sense that the two characters (air quotes) in the song are trying to imagine what a good life together could be like, but they’re struggling too because that future seems so impossible (as we see with the second line). However, “and we can’t quite see” also brings into the second idea here. They can’t see the future and it also seems like being themselves and together isn’t good for them (probably because it’s dangerous for a lot of queer people in the world, even still). That leads us into the chorus, which is where we get to the cry out of the chorus. 

And I don’t wanna wait till the sunshine fades

And bury our love in a shallow grave 

Sunshinesymbolized happiness and life, so by the sunshine fading, that has to do with the beauty and goodness of the relationship wearing off (whether that be due to societal pushback or just conflict between the two guys). Sunshine is also what the yellow represented on the original pride flag. Again, I do not think that Alex ever intentionally referenced the flag, but…Anyway, it could also just be a little wink to the album itself “Wake Up Sunshine” or the song on the album. That song is also about existentialism to a certain extent, though it’s directed toward someone else and not about the narrator’s issues with it. Meanwhile, typically, shallow graves are done hastily by criminals (not always, but that’s what it is most associated with) because they don’t take much time or effort to dig. Alex (and Jack; Jesus, I keep forgetting he helped write this song) probably chose to pair these two lines because they almost have the same amount of syllables (11 vs. 10), but it’s also possible that he chose this specific phrase because being gay was a criminal offense for years. A shallow grave also indicates urgency and haphazardness, which would mean that the burial would probably be unplanned and quick. The narrator (Alex) is clear about not wanting that. 

Cause the world could be cruel to us or

We could live for the dangerous so

Let’s start, let’s start a riot

Just like a few lines ago, I included these three together for the enjambment. The first line is straightforward, supporting the idea of society being unaccepting to the couple. When we put it with the second line, it’s reiterating that though the world is cruel, they could live for it instead of being afraid of it. When we pair the second line with the third, the narrator is saying that he wants to stop being afraid and instead embrace and fight for what he and his lover have. It is impossible for me to ignore the term “riot” being used here in a queer context because the first pride was a riot! I’m sure most of you know about the Stonewall riots, but if not, here’s a bit of background: there was a small dive bar in NYC called the Stonewall Inn, which LGBT+ frequented. In an article entitled "The First Pride Was a Riot: The Origins of Pride Month” for American University Washington DC, Patty Housman writes: 

 At the time there existed outdated “masquerade” or “cross-dressing” laws that suggested a “man” or a “woman” must be wearing a certain number of clothing items that matched the gender on their state-issued ID. The police took advantage of these laws to raid drinking establishments and arrest transgender and gender non-conforming individuals. Just after midnight on June 28, 1969, the police raided the Stonewall Inn like they had many times before. Only, this time, something unusual happened: Stonewall patrons fought back.

There are conflicting stories about what actually happened, but essentially queer people fought back against the police brutality that had been plaguing them for quite some time. They were targeted, attacked, humiliated, arrested, and even worse, and they were fed up. Since this event took place in June, we now celebrate in America every June. And again, I’m sure that Alex and Jack didn’t intend to reference Stonewall, but I’m deep into queer theory now, so there’s no going back. Sometimes meanings can appear in works without the original composer even realizing it. Long story short, the riot is a way to take power back, whether it be the metaphorical riot in this song or the proverbial riots at Stonewall. And since this is supposed to be a queer song that references a riot, Stonewall must be discussed. 

Hard to sit still when your head’s on fire 

Oh, oh yeah

The saying “my head’s on fire” means that one is stressed or overwhelmed. However, “your head’s on fire” indicates that someone is lying. Therefore, I think this line has a dual meaning. I think that it references both here because a) the narrator is frustrated with having to hide his love from society, but it can also indicate that they’ve been lying (i.e, hiding their relationship). “Hard to sit still” calls back to the riot idea. It can be difficult to sit idly by when you know for sure that something is wrong. The narrator is tired of sitting around and hiding their relationship. 

‘Cause I’m a supernova 

And you’re my four leaf clover

These two symbols are the most important (besides glitter and crimson) in the entire song. This is entirely metaphor; there’s nothing literal in these two lines. The narrator compares himself to a supernova, which is the greatest explosion humans have ever seen. They are the “extremely bright and super powerful explosion of a star.” Supernovas signify destruction and renewal, so the narrator is seeking a new beginning of some sort. On the other hand, four-leaf clover have always symbolized luck, but they can also represent protection and the uncommon. Traditionally, each leaf of a four leaf clover signified something different: hope, faith, luck, and charity. Therefore, the narrator sees his lover as somewhat of a good luck charm. He’s different from others, but he’s everything to the narrator. 

This is where I get the most Delulu, so just keep that in mind as you’re reading. I’m now going to argue that the supernova represents Alex and the four-leaf clover represents Jack. I’m not pulling this completely out of my ass, I promise. Alex is obsessed with space. He brings it up every chance he gets and if you listened to Full Frontal, you know how annoying it could get lmao. Point is, the man loves some fucking space, okay? To Alex, Jack has always represented goodness. Nothing sums it up better than his birthday post for him here. He literally sees him as a “bright light in this weird world” and loves him “times a million.” But there’s been countless instances of Alex singing Jack’s praises (and even more of Jack singing Alex’s). This last tour, Jack’s been spending every moment trying to make Alex happy and keep him laughing, and ya know, Alex can lie all he wants and say that “Kill Ur Vibe” isn’t about Jack, but it absolutely fucking is, even if he doesn’t know that. Alex sees himself as a supernova and Jack as a four-leaf clover. Jack is not only a rarity, but also just a constant sign of goodness in Alex’s life and that, my dudes, is fucking beautiful. 

There is also a specific species of clover called crimson clover. I doubt that Alex thought about this while they were writing this song, but when I started working on this analysis, it occurred to me that I’d heard the two phrases before in a Lana del Rey song. And if you guys know Jack, he loves Lana. In “Venice Bitch,” she has a line that says, “Me myself, I like diamonds//My baby crimson and clover.” This line is a reference to the song “Crimson & Clover” by Tommy James and the Shondells. It’s a song about the potential for loving someone and what a relationship could be. I don’t know if there was any thinking about this song during the writing of G & C, but it’s interesting how the two songs are essentially about the same thing (just in different contexts). G & C is about the potential for loving someone and what a relationship could be, but through a more cynical lens (at first). The use of the ampersand in both songs is curious, too. I don’t doubt that Alex is aware of this song, but I don’t know that it had much of an influence on it. I do love the idea that Alex wrote about crimson and clover in the same song for Jack (who loves Lana) or even that it was Jack’s idea in the first place. It’s just cute. 

Crimson clover doesn’t have a ton of ideas associated it with it, but some people tend to see it as a sign of growth, resilience, love, and affection. The latter two are probably related to it being red and I would assume that the Tommy James and the Shondells song helped with that connotation, too. It’s the growth and resilience that really intrigues me, though. They grow throughout the winter, which is fascinating and definitely lets that resilience ring true. If we’re to link those concepts to the song, the narrator believes that their relationship is resilient and growing, maturing in a way that it necessary for them to thrive. Winter can symbolize hard, rough times, and so the narrator views their relationship as troubled (whether it be because of the way they’re viewed or because of their own issues), but resilient and able to survive the difficult times. 

Time to stop being insane about the last two lines and get into the second verse and bridge. 

Heavy as ever, light as a feather 

I’m caught in between

“Light as a feather” is a common idiom (and synonym) for having very light weight and/or being light and free. Here, the narrator is contrasting the feeling of being free and light because they’re so happy with their lover with the fact that he also feels “heavy,” which means hard to endure or emotionally taxing. When used literally, heavy refers to something being hard to carry because of its weight. So while the narrator is happy, he is also sad and probably anxious and unsure because of the oppression he and his lover are facing. The second line is telling us that verbatim; he is torn between focusing on being happy with his lover and the negative feelings associated with their sexualities and relationship. 

Hard to stay focused, process the progress

How long can we be

Happy if happy ain’t meant for us 

This calls back to the lines before it. Again, it’s hard for the narrator to focus on how happy the relationship makes him because of how bad society and oppression makes him feel. “Process the progress” probably means that it’s difficult for him to focus on how much their relationship has grown because of how anxious he also is. Progress is also a term used frequently with LGBTQ+ issues. We use “progress” to describe how things have improved for queer folks in the last few decades. I think the narrator could be referring to that, as well, that it’s hard to look at how much progress has been made as a society when things are still bad (especially for trans folks). The second and third lines see the narrator expressing his anxiety again. Yes, he’s very happy with his lover, but society is constantly telling him that they won’t work out, and he’s worried that some part of that is right.

Cause being less ain’t good enough

But being us feels good to us

To be less means not as good or esteemed as someone else. In this sense, I take it as the narrator saying that he has been suppressing part of himself (his sexuality and relationship), since to suppress part of yourself makes you “less,” in a way (I hope that makes sense). Essentially, if you’re not presenting all of yourself, part of you is missing, hence “less.” The narrator says that being less isn’t good enough, which I take as meaning that not being their full, authentic selves is not enough, and by enough, he means he doesn’t want to settle for hiding their relationship in the way that they have been. And besides, with the line, “being us feels good to us,” the narrator is expressing that being with his lover feels right despite all of the anxiety he feels. 

I’m skipping the chorus, obviously, so let’s get into the bridge. 

No compromise, no second best

There’s no stopping now, this weight on my chest

This is the beginning of the cry out in which the couple takes their power back. No compromise means no more suppressing themselves, which reminds me a lot of the old idea of gay people being allowed to exist and be with their partners at home and in LGBT+ spaces, but nowhere else. The narrator is saying that he’s not doing this anymore. This could be what “second best” is, whereas the best situation would be where they are accepted and allowed to be themselves everywhere, though I do wonder if second best could also refer to the concept of “playing straight,” which is where queer people date only people of the opposite sex in order to fit societal norms. People have historically done this to stay alive. It’s not as common anymore, but it’s definitely something that still happens. This could be a reference to the men dating (or even marrying) women in order to hide their sexuality and not ruffle society’s feathers. 

The narrator is putting an end to whatever the compromise and second best are, though. He’s going to be open and honest with himself, his lover, and the world, and that’s what the “no stopping now” refers to. He’s done pretending and making himself lesser to make other people comfortable. “The weight on my chest” is the huge uncertainty and anxiety of his relationship. He’s getting rid of it. It could also be anticipation, though, which would be the anticipation of taking his power back. It’s an important, hard thing that is going to change the course of his life forever. 

I won’t settle down, won’t settle for less

I won’t settle for less, I won’t settle for less

I think this is pretty literal. The narrator is not going to sit down and be quiet (and thus, hide his authentic self), and he’s not going to settle for anything but being his authentic self. I do think that the “won’t settle down” could be read as an allusion to Stonewall, since the queer folks that protested those three days were constantly told to just calm down for many years before they finally fought back. “Settle down” could also be a reference to playing straight since settling down often entails getting married to someone of the opposite sex and having children (*I look into the camera like I’m on a mockumentary*). This could also mean that the narrator is not going to be with a woman to appease society. They utilize parallelism (and thusly, repetition) here. Repetition is almost always utilized to emphasize a feeling or idea, create rhythm, and/or develop a sense of urgency. I definitely believe that the use of repetition here is used for emphasis. Not settling is an important theme of the song. Parallelism is also used to create emphasis, but also to create flow between lines, which is always necessary for songs. I’m sure there’s probably more literary devices in the song, but I doubt you guys want me to go too much farther into that lol. 

To sum up, the song is rich with metaphors and allusions (even if Alex wasn’t aware of the latter when they were writing it). I think it has the potential of being a great queer anthem. I don’t know that it will ever become that, but all of these possible references to pride and Stonewall are so fucking good (even if it’s just from happenstance). This may make me totally fucking insane, but I can’t ignore the fact that Alex wrote this song with Jack at a cabin in Big Bear, the album was released, and then like eight months later, Alex and Lisa were split up. Then, like another month passed, and Alex was living with Jack. I’m aware that I’m delusional, but this isn’t even me speculating; I’m just reporting events in the order they happened. Take that as you will. 

Works Cited 

Dorwart, Laura. “Inside the Fascinating History of Glitter and Gay Culture.” Byrdie, 15 February 2022. https://www.byrdie.com/history-of-glitter.

Patty Housman. “The First Pride Was a Riot: The Origins of Pride Month.” American University Washington D.C.,10 June 2022. 

“What Is a Supernova?” NASA, NASA, 23 July 2021, spaceplace.nasa.gov/supernova/en/.