#恨

[storymancocoso]

《狗血故事》 第二章：我爱你，妈妈

男孩的小手轻轻按压泥土，他不知道时间过了多久，四周的声音仿佛都消失了。他只看到眼前的小土堆，那是他用一块平扁的小石头挖的，里面躺着他刚认识的新朋友 —– 一只大大的蜗牛。只是，此刻新朋友已经呈糊状了，他感觉有点悲伤，唯一可以为新朋友做的就是默默地在它身旁给它挖一个坑，把新朋友与其身下分不开的泥沙一起移进坑里，再把泥土填上。他都还来不及为新朋友取名字，就永远失去了它。看着小土堆，男孩大大眼睛中的泪水终于决堤，一颗…两颗…三颗…止也止不住，乞求死神怜悯一般，尽管眼泪落得汹涌，男孩依然紧咬下唇，忍着不哭出声音。

这时，他听到了熟悉的引擎声，不妙！妈妈应该到了，停车场就在不远处，他必须赶快把身上和手上的泥沙清洗干净，不然严重洁癖的妈妈肯定��对他破口大骂，甚至揍他一顿。幸好，刚跑到校园走廊上就看到一个水龙头，来不及到洗手间了，就在这里清洗吧！确保手上的指甲看不到泥垢、身上肉眼看得到的泥沙拍打掉后，冲进课室背起书包就面带笑容地往妈妈车子的方向跑去。

果然，一上车，妈妈的眉头就皱了。从妈妈的口中经常会冒出的话，男孩几乎都可以倒背如流了，可惜学校考试用不上，不然成绩肯定顶呱呱。妈妈嘴巴在动着，男孩脸上一副乖巧受教的表情，耳朵却自动灭音，反正用脚指头想也知道，离不开：怎么一天比一天更黑了、头发怎么看起来那么乱、衣服怎么又脏了、怎么又让妈妈等那么久 …..之类的。这时，男孩低头一看，才发现哎呀，原来刚才居然忘了把校鞋上的泥沙也清理掉，不过，看着车里地毯上掉落的泥沙，平时听起来刺耳的责骂，此刻突然变调了，男孩感觉悦耳不已，心里偷偷乐了起来。

瞄了一眼妈妈，他不明白，为何大家会称妈妈为大美女？难道是因为妈妈苗条又高挑的身材？还是她那一头乌黑的长直发？男孩12岁了，早熟的他知道什么叫做好身材，两年前他已悄悄接触网上“大人的秘密”，该懂的不该懂的，他都懂了。无可否认，妈妈是不丑，但他只要一想到妈妈为了维持好身材，正餐几乎都不碰，被众人赞美时却一副“是我吃不胖”的虚伪模样，他想吐；妈妈的直发确实照顾得很好，又直又滑顺，完全看不出妈妈实际上是天生的“狮子头”，发质是高程度的卷曲，然而，只要看到妈妈为了让自己可以无时无刻欣赏到美丽的直发而习惯性往右边歪的颈项，他觉得妈妈很像一个歪颈怪物，只要有人敢质疑她的美就会死无葬身之地的那种恐怖怪物。男孩尤其讨厌听到妈妈在外面与人交谈的声音，特别是遇到男人时，妈妈的声音会不一样，别人可能觉得好听，他却感觉反胃，真想录下平时妈妈咒骂他的声音和表情，然后在众人“不小心”播放 …. 想到这里，男孩笑了。

人脑是个很特别的东西，男孩不知道其他人脑袋什么时候开始记事，但是他的脑袋瓜很早这种功能就启动了，只是大人不知情而已。很多东西，他都清楚地记得，反而大人口中描述的往事会遗漏很多细节，甚至与事情原来的样貌相差甚远，他曾好意纠正和提醒大人，却被大人们无情地打断，并严厉地警告他别乱说话，久而久之，他就不说了。藏在内心深处，才是最安全的。

比如，男孩清楚记得，妈妈第一次动手打他有多痛，这个痛是大于之后无数次的抽打，以至妈妈以为他皮厚不怕痛；还有，妈妈把他关在屋外，不给他进门，只因为他不听她的指令，任由他如何哭求都没有用；还有，妈妈一直给他设定各种条件，做得到的时候，拿到奖励自然让他开心，可是做不到的时候，妈妈有办法让他自然体会到羞辱和痛苦，用的手段还是外人看不出的“杀人于无形“的高明等级，为何她就不能像其他同学的妈妈一样，温暖而慈爱？还有，他长大了，为何还要他在外牵着她的手，像只小奶狗，更不允许他用已开始变声的正常嗓子与她说话，她感觉那种嗓音很粗鄙、很low，害得他每次开口都得用上比较高音的假音装可爱，每次回到自己房间后，都感觉喉咙有点疼痛，胸前也有股说不出的窒息感，连呼吸都辛苦。

所以，当他在学校放学后，趁着等妈妈接他的空档在校园内四处游荡，来到了一处同学们都不喜欢来的地方。那是一栋旧校舍，校园里疯传闹鬼，加上校舍后面还带有一小片树林，大家就更加不敢接近了。男孩就爱这种寂静的感觉，所以无论是上午下课、午休还是放学后，他都会在这里逗留、探险。今天，他就在树林里找到了一个新朋友，又肥又大的一只蜗牛。老师说过，蜗牛身上有很多寄生虫，男孩不介意。他把蜗牛放在手掌中，近距离看它的长相，感受它湿湿黏黏的蠕动，它的硬壳应该很重吧，但，它还是不慌不忙、与世无争样子，男孩觉得它太厉害了！

看着看着，男孩的心里突然涌上一阵怒气，他把蜗牛放在泥地上，蜗牛依然无心无肺地努力移动，它没察觉到男孩脸上流露的杀气。只见男孩抄起一块浑圆的石头，蹲下身，猛力砸向蜗牛，一下、两下、三下…男孩自己也不知道砸了多少下，当他停下动作的时候，蜗牛已经失去了原来的样子。说实在的，他并不想伤害任何小生命，毕竟它们都没有对不起他。他这辈子最讨厌的人就是妈妈，他希望妈妈不要长命百岁，早一点死，他就可以早一日得到她的遗产，不必屈服在她的阴影之下。

目前，他不够强大，妈妈比他高，力气比他大，声音也比他响亮，赚钱也比他厉害，常提醒他用的每一分钱都是她的，威胁他若不顺她的意，连底裤都不给他，让他感觉自己连乞丐都不如。因此，他期待自己快高长大，一定要长得比妈妈高、力气比妈妈大、声音比妈妈洪亮，然后到时妈妈就算还没死也该老了，轮到他来折磨她，必要时，他会让妈妈尝尝被人打的滋味，他很好奇，妈妈被他像蜗牛那样殴打时会怎样反应？还有还有，更精彩的是他还要妈妈好好体验那种被人拿钱来羞辱的感觉，到时自己应该拿钱换成无数个五分钱硬币，逐个逐个丢向她，还是应该也同样设多多规矩，做不到就不给饭吃？还是连底裤都不给她？这的确是个让男孩头痛的问题。

无所谓，来日方长，君子报仇，十年未晚，他非常有耐心。

车子停下了。男孩抬头一看，在斜阳下闪亮夺目的玻璃门，服务员们刚好在门外张罗着，热情地向他们母子打招呼。原来，妈妈带他来到了这家他最爱的韩国餐馆，价格不菲，食材一流。

妈妈跟他说，知道他爱吃这里的饭菜，所以今天特地带他来，问他开心吗？男孩自然兴奋不已，请妈妈在车上等着，自己则下车然后快步跑到车子另一侧，打开车门，恭恭敬敬请妈妈下车，就像对待女王一样。妈妈看似也被感动了，她的脸色柔和不少，男孩这时狠狠地抱住妈妈，用在场每个人都听得到的声音喊道：

妈妈，我最爱你了！

[falseandrealultravival]

National anthem of the Republic of Korea (patriotic song)

It's a nice melodious song. This song talks about the ``persistence of spirit'' of Koreans, and as exemplified by the word ``grudge=恨,'' they have a ``deep-rooted grudge'' quality. It is also true that conflicts often arise in relationships with Japanese people who tend to forget important things.

大韓民国国歌（愛国歌）

メロディアスな良い曲である。この曲では、韓国人の「精神の持続性」が歌われているが、「恨」という言葉で代表されるように、その「根に持つ」性質は、大事なことをなんでも忘れてしまう日本人との関係において、よく軋轢を生じるのも事実である。

[readingfever]

想像力缺失

他不是屬於心靈平安的那種人，他不相信這一套。天堂只是一個名詞，地獄卻是他可以信任的。人只能接受他的腦筋可以想像的事物，而他無法想像沒有經驗過的事：他的腦細胞的構成成分是學校的水泥地遊樂場、沒開火的爐灶，在聖潘克拉候車室死去的人，在法蘭克公寓的床，他爸媽的床。一陣可怕的厭惡在他體內騷動——既然天堂有可能只是布萊登鎮上牆垛的裂縫，為什麼他不像其他人那樣有機會瞥見天堂。

葛林：《布萊登棒棒糖》，頁341-342。

[schoolcaco3]

💜💙

[dicktat]

dude, genuinely I want to know what you're problem with techland is

I don’t know if this is someone who genuinely wants to be educated or someone here to whine but everything I say is my truth. I used to LOVE this company. I defended them numerous times. I was THERE when players turned against them. I need you to know my hatred isn’t stemmed from baseless maliciousness but from GENUINE heartache. I trusted them, I praised them, I loved them. Do you think my anger isn’t justified after doing so much for the game and three years later being treated like this? I felt genuine despair after last August n the feeling has only been growing stronger eversince. I despise them now more than I used to love them. And I hope you can at least understand a little of where I’m coming from, and why so many others are upset as well. Good day.

[zhivchik]

[hunxi-after-hours]

Back when he really had been twenty years old in the body he wore now, he too, had been spirited, earnest, hot-blooded; overflowing with vigor, in the prime of his youth. At that time, he could easily carve out that drumming heart in his chest to hand to another person... But in that past life, he walked the long road to the end in an empty, heartless skin-shell, and for what? His heart— broken, rotted, disappeared; his body crippled, blinded, executed. Now, the heavens had returned a whole, unharmed body to him, but how could it return a whole, unharmed heart? He had once thought that Jiang Zhan was his heart, but he had been wrong. And now he no longer had even that wrong against him, nor had his heart returned — it felt as if, should he raise his hand to his chest, he could knock upon it and hear the echo of the empty cavity. There, it seemed a careless hand had filled in something that had no regard for happiness, satisfaction, or sentimental ties, something that did not know why it ached or what brought it joy, until all that was left was a bored, listless... hate, hate, hate. But was hate nothing more than emptiness? Maybe a life, at its end, was nothing more than emptiness: whether you had a heart or not, whether you loved or hated, you came to the end all the same. Your body would eventually cease to exist, so at the end of it all, what did anyone actually attain, truly achieve in this life? Long before he had died, he had said "never mind, forget it" — even when Cao Luan tried to rescue him, he no longer wanted to live. So why did the heavens want him to walk this path again, to do his failures all over? The human realm was a place of bitter suffering. Returning to it was like walking towards the center, the bitterness and suffering all around — borderless, ceaseless, endless.

— 《裴公罪》 The Crimes of Duke Pei by 书归 Shu Gui

[moononmyfloor]

The Litchi Road ( 长安的荔枝 /Chang An De Li Zhi) : 長恨歌 - 'Song of Everlasting Regret' by Bai Juyi

If you are a fan of classical Chinese poetry, you have probably heard of Chang Hen Ge, a famous long narrative poem from Tang dynasty by the famous poet Bai Juyi. It's about the love story between Emperor Xuanzong and his favorite consort Yang Guifei (for whom he supposedly ordered extremely costly and difficult long-distance transportation of fresh lychees because she liked them, according to the legends as well as the drama's plot). You can read about it here and the English translation of the full poem and analysis in English can be found here.

The show uses the first portion of it as one of its ending theme songs, just like how this team's previous project: The Longest Day in Chang'an used many classical poems as its osts. The details about the ost can be found in its Baidu page. Below is a post that show's Weibo shared that went into detail about the style the poem was sung in.

The singer is Xiong Zhuying, whose name became known internationally too after his performance of same style in Black Myth: Wukong.

(Btw if you want to see another fictional work inspired by this poem and Yang Guifei you should totally see Legend of the Demon Cat it was great.)

.

The Litchi Road (长安的荔枝 / Chang An De Li Zhi) Masterpost

[gabrielokun]

[skylerbluexd]

Hands

Yu Tangchun tightened his grip around the smooth band of prayer beads intertwined with his fingers. He counted every bead, calming himself down – despite the fact that he hadn’t even had a reason to be agitated in the first place. He shut his eyes for a second, breathing evenly.

The sharp clicking of shoes against the polished wooden floors announced that Zhan Junbai had returned. He opened his eyes and looked up. Zhan Junbai sat down on the couch beside him, placing a metallic thing on the low table in front of them. His suit vest smelled of sweet smoke.

“A Browning Hi-power, newest model. Shipped directly from Belgium,” he said. He started disassembling the weapon, putting all bits and pieces in a neat line on the table. For every piece, he explained its name and function. Then, with quick and experienced hands, he assembled it again.

He turned its handle towards Yu Tangchun.

“You try it, see how it feels first,” he said.

Yu Tangchun put his prayer beads to the side. He reached for the gun on the mahogany table. His hands shook a bit – he had never touched a thing so capable of violence. It was just a small device, yet it could kill thousands.

His whole family had died by such a destructive creation – wielded by those who felt the only way to topple a dynasty was to get rid of its whole lineage, even the innocent.

The handle felt warm after having been held by Zhan Junbai. He shifted it around slightly in his hand. The white and gold ring with the face of the goddess of art on his finger became a stark contrast with the weapon in his hand. He almost wanted to let go of it, undo the fact that his hands had forever now become tainted.

“Such pretty hands are not meant for such harsh things as a gun,” Zhan Junbai said. He reached over to lightly stroke Yu Tangchun’s wrist, encouraging him to grip the gun tighter. “Pale and delicate as lotus flowers – no doubt hands of a beloved opera singer.”

Yu Tangchun cast his gaze down to hide a small smile.

“Executive Zhan is being too fine with his words,” he said.

“Not at all, I can imagine many pretty things in your hand, but I’ve never seen such elegance embrace such violence. I have to admit, though, that the sight is no less beautiful.”

Zhan Junbai let his hand linger on him for a while, his hand gliding further up from his wrist. Yu Tangchun closed his eyes again. His whole arm tingled, and he started to feel as if he would lose all strength in his grip anytime soon. He quickly put down the gun on the table again.

“When can I begin to shoot? I’d love to be able to defend myself in the future,” he said.

Zhan Junbai took his palm in his hand. The slight roughness of his skin made his own hand feel as if it was on fire. The steady beat of his heart could be heard in his ears.

“If you’d like to, I can teach you after dinner?” Zhan Junbai said.

Yu Tangchun looked up to meet his gaze. Zhan Junbai was looking at him. Yu Tangchun felt like his whole face suddenly became naked under his observing gaze. He felt a slight heat to the side of his face.

“I’d like it very much,” he said.

Zhan Junbai smiled and turned his eyes back to their intertwined hands.

“Good.”

He stood up from his seat, pulling Yu Tangchun’s hand with him slightly. He bent down to kiss the back of Yu Tangchun’s hand. His lips were soft against the skin. Then he moved down a bit – towards the cold ring. He met Yu Tangchun’s eyes a brief moment before lowering his lashes. He opened his mouth just enough to leave a kiss ever so gently on the pale and bony knuckles.

Yu Tangchun let his eyelids droop, shutting his eyes halfway. His pulse raced, and his whole body seemed to tingle. There was even fluttering in his stomach, and it only got worse – moving through his veins like a current of excitement.

“Executive Zhan,” he said, his voice a bit more breathy than normal. He did not know what to say, nothing came out of his mind. It had gone momentarily blank. He didn’t even know why he had addressed Zhan Junbai.

Zhan Junbai let out a small laugh – a chuckle. It was deep and pleasant, the sound vibrating against the thin skin on Yu Tangchun’s hand. He straightened up and let Yu Tangchun’s hand return to his lap.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, tell the servants to make you whatever you need, you’re my guest after all.”

Then he left.

Yu Tangchun felt his heart jumping inside his chest. He grabbed his prayer beads up from the table and started counting each bead with his eyes closed.

Thanks for reading! (It's also posted on my ao3)

[time-sound]

攒了很久，，，，，很久，，，，，感觉会显得我除了艾萨克和卢修斯谁都没画，，，，前段日子太忙了，，，

[uramii-archive]

Descent

Golden eyes fixated upon the golden insignia that marked the back of his left hand. Usually it did this when in proximity of other users or when he actively draws power from it. Perhaps he truly hasn't learned all it's secrets... which, if he were present during his takeover, he'd have realized. He allowed the pieces representing Wisdom and Courage to slip through his grasp in his swift execution of Link & Zelda. Yet, he got what he was vying for. It took a century of waiting and watching but here he sat in talks with another nation, The Sidhe, discussing trade. He was King of Hyrule after destroying his fated opposition.

Ganondorf shook the thought of why his piece was shining in such a delicate meeting and raised his head. He had been seated across from the Empress herself and those she saw fit to oversee their talks. In this moment he chose to stand alone. It truly wasn't personal... he simply didn't wish for Zant to know these details. He already knew what the Usurper King himself would say: Don't trust them. They are an unknown entity who have perhaps watched Hyrule for even longer than he. This could definitely be true, but Ganondorf wondered why wasn't this arrangement made before his violent coup? He'd definitely put such a question to them later. For now, Ganondorf stood to gain access to technology never before seen in the so-called blessed land. It was his to do with as he pleased.

In return they wanted an assortment of mines. This was a string of islands that formed an Empire which, historically, were power-hungry. Yet, here they are speaking cordially and attempting to forge a deal. This would worry anyone else but not the Dark Lord. For now at least. His eyes bounced between all who appeared across from him as his chest rose to take in air.

"Allow me to reiterate the terms for both sides." The focus, primarily his own, was back to them for the moment. His throat cleared and the gravelly tone rang forth to recite what they've agreed upon thus far to his understanding.

"You wish for not only access, but ownership over specific mines throughout Hyrule. We'll determine a number of them later. In exchange, I would like access to your weaponry. Your steam technology interests me and I'm intrigued by the thought of it being used in offense. The paltry steel the Royal family offered to the soldiers of this land disappoints me." The confession was joined by him adjusting within his seat. Arms were sprawled across the armrests gripping their ends giving his stance more presence. "Am I on the right track, Empress Fariah? I do hope I've got your title right." This was definitely to an end but Ganondorf being cordial? He'd picked up on their behavior already and sought to emulate it. Force has been used to get him this far but how much further could brutish applications of power carry him? Truly he had a lot of time to think on the throne before this interaction. Oddly enough, being caught up on revenge for a century led him to this particular juncture.

Of course, this would be temporary. He'd return to his cruel self outside of their negotiations. Against them if need be. Were they simply waiting to strike out at him? He had to consider that with his new rank. Before his execution he was simply King of the Gerudo. Now he was King of all Hyrule. An even bigger target with much more to lose and yield in death.

@sanguinesorcery

[shihlun]

John Heartfield

- Cover for Den Schi Chua

1932

The cover photograph is from Dr Sun Yat-sen's elegiac couplets, 1925.

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

喜歡就是喜歡，愛就去愛。不要用一種交易的行為，玩一種概率的遊戲。在一段相處的關係裡，願賭服輸，敢於愛，享受付出，當愛逝去時，勇於退出。

If you like it, just do like it, if you love it, go to love it. Don't use trading behavior to play a game of probability. In a relationship, be willing to admit defeat, dare to love, enjoy giving, and have the courage to quit when love dies.

It's my answered also my philosophy of life. 🙏 🪷 (sorry to reply it late.)

06. 15. 2024 Chu Lan~*

[cigarettesuga]

i think it's kinda funny how my most popular post here is a style of writing i think i’m not the best at.

i wrote new territory such a long time ago, like it's been on my archive for years now and i never got the courage to post it since someone i used to be friends with would make fun of me for writing such things lmao.

also i wasn't sure if ppl would like it as now I feel more comfortable writing soft smut / suggestive, but it was fun and I have more filthy drabbles if you'd like to read haha.

[luxhesperus]

FUCK OFF???? JIANG YUELOU NOT ONLY GAVE CHEN YUZHI A CLINIC AND CARVED THE PLAQUE (堂之余) WITH HIS OWN HANDS TOO???

(oh mydramalist was not kidding when they tagged it with 'homoerotic subtext' because i'm definitely starting to see it 🫣🫣)