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thechaotictheoryy · 5 months ago

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Unravel | 11. Unfit To Be Your Lover

summary: What if you had chains around your heart but you were the one who put them there? If you took a look at Parker’s heart, you would see a nice beating heart but Parker felt there were heavy metal chains wrapped it. After years of a disconnected relationship with her parents and a hard break up with her boyfriend of four years, Parker Williams made her heart mentally chained. Declaring to never fall in love again but what happens when she meets a witty musician who is all about seeking love?

pairing: main character x Hongjoong ft. ex! Yeosang

genre: (18+ minors dni), romance, fluff, lots of angst, coming to age, college au, smut, strangers to lovers, self discovery

word count: 4,439

chapter warnings: Parker in her feelings, cussing, Soojin being a weird bitch (you can tell I clearly don't like her), overthinking

song rec for this chapter: Pluto by Xdinary Heroes

Two months later.

Wednesday March 2nd, 2022.

“Parker, throw me a roller,” my classmate Ethan said.

“Your legs don’t work,” I teased.

“You’re right next to the cabinets,” he said, pretending to chuck a palette at me.

I stuck out my tongue and walked to the cabinet. I grabbed a roller and threw it to him, luckily he caught it even though my pass was terrible. The class was currently working on our competition pieces for the second round. Mr. Cook had gone to a department meeting and would be back before time for class was over. Every spring, the art department has a contest for the top three painters and sculptors. Making in the top three was important because if you won second and third, your work would be placed in the school gallery for six months in the school gallery but first place, your work would be placed in the LAMC for six months then moved to The Metropolitan Museum Art in NYC for another six months. I won second place last year but only made it in the top six my freshmen year.. I wanted to be number one this year.

This year I was heading a different route, this would be my first year doing sculpting. Of course, I have taken two courses on it so far and did a little amateur piece but this would be my first big sculpture that I make myself. I was a bit nervous but the nervousness made my drive to do amazing better. Sarah offered to partner up for it because sculpting was her strength but I wanted to do this on my own. The first round, I made a small sculpture of a bird holding a hand in his mouth with a crushed heart. I made it into the top fifteen. This round they were cutting it down to six people. I had to make this sculpture for round two much bigger and better. I also have a midterm painting that was due at the end of the semester which I was in class for now. I wasn’t bothered by having a lot on my plate because it was like this the past two springs that I've been here.

“Knock knock,” we heard someone say.

I saw Joong and smiled a little. He smiled back and held up a bag, while walking my way.

“Chicken burrito with extra salsa in the bag”

“I hope you aren’t late to class,” I took the bag and raised my eyebrow at him.

“Later,” he laughed and walked out the room, closing the door.

“Ohh, Parker got a boyfriend,” Mark teased.

“Just a friend,” I took the burrito out the bag and took a bite out of it.

“Yeah yeah,” Sarah stuck her tongue out.

I rolled my eyes playfully and continued to paint with my free hand.

I took a vow to distance myself from Hongjoong and I have been failing miserably. Honestly, we got closer when he landed back in Cali. The kissing and holding hands has stopped mostly due to me. That’s a promise I did keep to myself, I didn’t want to keep making our feelings go into this any deeper than they have. I don’t know if it’s working but I've been trying my best not to think about him everyday like I was doing.

I feel like that’s why I entered this competition again.

I had thoughts of not doing it and sitting back to watch my classmates succeed but my mind was just suffocating with thoughts of her and wanting to be with her that I needed to make myself busy. I have been a little distant while trying to do these projects but Hongjoong is such an understanding person, it really is a new feeling to me. I’m so used to someone wanting my attention all the time and just wanting me to focus on them. The fact he allows me to have space and doesn’t mind if I don’t talk to him every second of the day, it makes me feel very relaxed.

I bit into my burrito again and looked out the window. It was a pretty day in LA as usual though, the birds somewhat felt louder in a way. I would think about Seattle a lot. I know the city is probably covered in snow right now and the scenery is probably unimaginable. It snows in Philly, but something about the way it looks in Washington State just makes it comforting. Maybe because it was in a place I wasn’t familiar with and I wanted to visit the place again. Words from Hongjoong’s father still haunt me a little bit. I did need to tell him about the move to Seoul and how I’ll probably never live in America ever again if my career really blossomed over there. Even though he was very understanding, having someone move across the country that you possibly wanted to pursue can be a little different.

I felt a pencil hit the side of my head and I turned to see Sarah looking at me.

“Get back to work lover girl”

“Here you go,” I laughed, picking up the pencil and throwing it back at her.

“Seeing him has thrown you off from your work” She walked over.

“Not even, I’m just eating and enjoying the vibes”

“Parker when I bring food or anyone else, you always eat while finishing up”

“Breaks are a thing Sarah”

“You’re so in denial, it’s honestly insane.” She laughed and walked back to her seat. In denial? I don’t think I was in denial about anything. I simply was taking a break while I finished my food.

I took the last bite of my food and stretched. I walked back over to my canvas and started to work on the background of it. I was kind of free painting, I had no idea what my midterm was going to be. I honestly was painting different pieces, just in case I just had to end up submitting something random. That isn’t like me at all and Mr. Cook can tell there is no feeling in what you make. I love that about him but when it comes to grading, I absolutely despise that side of him. He hated lazy work and it’s understandable, Mr. Cook had been an artist for over thirty years and teaching for about ten. I knew if he saw some of my canvas right now, he would laugh in my face while also scolding me right after. He’s such a weird emotional human being but I envy him for that. I envy anyone who had somewhat of a control of their emotions or how they felt.Speaking of the devil, he just walked back in and what’s the first thing he decides to..

Observe and walk around. Curse you.

He finally gets to me and pauses. I mentally sigh and put down my paintbrush. I look at him and he’s already looking at me.

“Look–”

“Parker, this is like bottom tier of what you normally do”

“Kind of having a burnout”

“Or a love distraction,” I heard Mark whisper. I turned and glared at him then gave my attention back to Mr. Cook.

“Who is she or he?”

“No one,” I rubbed my neck and picked back up my paintbrush.

“I won’t push but don’t let this person distract you from your purpose. You’re making a big move next year and you already know I have high expectations of you but someone else will have higher when you go out there”

“I know,” I groaned a little. This was kind of embarrassing, I know everyone was tuning us due to the amount of pencil erasing and paintbrushes moving on the canvas. It still made me feel a little uncomfortable because he was in father creative mode.

“Now, don’t rush. You have time to create but doing these multiple canvases with meaningless details will not help you come up with something better. Go off campus sometimes and explore.” He said before walking back to his desk.

I rubbed my eyes and threw my paintbrush in the bucket. I stormed out of the room, not even taking off my apron. I heard some of my classmates calling me but I just needed some fresh air. I walked up the four flights of stairs that were in our department till I got to the roof. I opened the door and quietly closed it behind me, it was some other students up here. I found an open space and sat down against the wall. I was so frustrated, I was more upset at the fact that Mr. Cook was right. I know he wants me to do my best but it can be a bit overwhelming when he applies all that pressure on me at one time. I took a few deep breaths and admired the view of the campus.

“Parker?”

I looked up and saw��ah I can’t remember her name.

“Soojin, I came and got some paint from the classroom last semester”

Ah, I remember her now and her sinister type of energy. I didn’t feel it together though, maybe she was going through something when I felt it the first time. It made me feel super uneasy about her but now she has a regular aura. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing but just a plain aura.

“Oh hey”

“What brings you up here?” She sat down beside me, leaving space.

Yeah, you’re more than welcome to sit down.

“I needed to clear my head, it was getting a little–”

“Suffocating”

I stared at her for a second before blinking twice and looking away.

“Yeah”

“I understand that feeling”

“Mm, every artist does once and a while” I feel it all the time though.

“Just depends on the artist. Suffocation can be good sometimes”

“So you like being suffocated by your feelings and just the overpowering of your emotions trying to trap you”

“It makes me know I can feel something once and a while”

Who was this girl? Those greenish gray eyes frighten me but kind of made me want to talk to her more. Was she attractive? Yes but was I attracted to her in that way? Mm maybe sexually because she is pretty as hell but not romantically. I wanted her in a friendly way like she just seemed like someone who didn’t mind digging and I don’t like people that dig but that’s what made me interested in her. How far would she dig?

“Do I scare you Parker?” She smiled.

“Not necessarily, you just make me a little anxious”

“Anxious?”

“As in, I don’t know what’s going to come out your mouth”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Not bad but not exactly good either”

“You scare me Parker” She looked out into the campus and moved, her now honey blonde straight hair, out her face. How did I scare her? This was the second conversation we ever had, the first time we spoke was barely a conversation honestly.

“Why?”

“You’re a bomb, I can tell”

“A bomb?”

“Nuclear, to be exact”

“I’m not understanding”

She looked at me and moved closer, her mouth near my ear. I kind of flinched just because I didn’t know her really and she was making me nervous.

“One day, you’re going to explode and wipe out everything in your path,” She whispered, dragging her finger up my arm painfully slow.

I looked at her and she smirked, standing up in front of me. I looked at her with my eyebrow raised. Is it me or is she a little insane? I don’t know what her words meant but I feel like she’s been watching me and that makes me a little scared. Did she know something I didn’t? What kind of sci-fi bullshit was she on?

“Yeah, you scare me now” I stood up.

“I was just messing around with you, Parker. Remember you don’t know what is going to come out my mouth” she laughed.

I awkwardly laughed and checked my watch. Shit, I didn’t know I had been out here for twenty minutes. Mr. Cook is definitely going to get on my ass.

“This was… something but I have to go”

I caught myself from bowing, which was a habit I picked up from Korea. So I have been catching myself ever since I got back last year. I settled for a slight wave and made my way downstairs. I don’t know if I will ever go up there to get fresh again. Soojin was a little…not right in the head, that’s probably the nicest way I could put it. I wanted to try to be friends but after that, I don’t think so really. Her sinister energy started to push through after she whispered in my ear. It made me want to sink into her but also run away from her.

Parker, are you really thinking about her in that way right now? I haven’t had sex in a few months, I think my mind is going crazy.

I walked into the classroom as I tried to calm down my dirty thoughts about pushing Soojin into my bedroom and doing terrible things to her. I saw that only two of my classmates were still here, trying to finish up some details. Mr. Cook was sitting at his desk on his computer, typing away. I walked over slowly and sat in the chair next to him.

“Are you cooled down now?” He said, still typing.

“Yeah” I folded my arms.

“Parker, you know I don’t say things to upset you”

“I know, you just want the best for me and I appreciate it”

I saw him smile and put up his fist. I rolled my eyes playfully and bumped it with my mind. I loved our relationship and I’ll never take it for granted. Never.

“Some guy came looking for you”

“What does he look like?”

“He has split dye hair”

“Mm Hongjoong, where did he go?”

“He said if you come by to tell you, he’ll be in the library if you want to him there”

I nodded and walked to my station. I took off my apron and started to pack up. I put my canvas in the back and put my palettes inside my desk.

“Is that the person your classmates were talking about?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about” I put on my jacket and grabbed my bag, heading for the door.

“Make sure you’re on time tomorrow Parker”

I threw up the deuces and started to make my way to the library. Maybe I should stop by starbucks to get him some tea and cream cheese danish. I personally think they are disgusting but he will destroy one in about ten seconds. I smiled thinking about the look on his face when I walked in with his favorite snack food.

Ah.. Kim Hongjoong, you got me hooked on you.

I made a stop at Starbucks then proceeded to the library. I spoke to a few people on the way, most of them being art students. Everyone was so stressed about the competition that they were telling me they were pulling all nighters to brainstorm for the second round. I don’t know if it was a confidence thing but I definitely haven’t pulled an all nighter yet due to this. If I make it to the last round that is probably when it will break me and evil Parker will start to terrorize herself.

I walked into the library and started to search for Joong. I found him in the back with his nose in a book. I smiled and walked over, sitting beside him. He made eye contact with me and he provided me with the biggest smile. I handed him the tea and the brown bag.

“I know this isn’t” He looked at me with wide eyes.

“The last one they had for tonight” I took off my jacket.

“Bless your soul,” He bit into the danish.

I smiled and pulled out my drawing pad along with my pencil box. I needed to think about what I was going to do for my midterm while needing to sketch out what I wanted my next sculpture to look like. Being a creative was nerve wracking sometimes, just always thinking about what you could do differently is frustrating. I don’t want to be a repetitive artist or just keep repeating the same concepts. I needed something fresh and something that no one would think of.

“You’re overthinking love,” I heard him say.

“It’s so hard to think when you’re under pressure”

“I understand that, my music production class has been a pain in my ass”

“There’s a course of that”

“Yeah, it’s a two part course. I take class course two in the fall”

“Are you having trouble now?”

“No, not really. Our final is a song, I already planned it out. Just got to find the right words to put it together now”

I wasn’t even surprised at him, Joong was quick on his feet. He always had a plan for her pieces, he let me listen to some of his past assignments and I was just amazed at him. I wish I could think fast and know what I wanted to do next but every artist doesn’t have power sadly. I was unfortunately in the percentage who took a long time or had to have something traumatic happen for me to know what to do next. I looked at her as he typed away on her laptop. He looks so in the zone, I know whatever he’s writing about is going to be amazing just the others.

“Joong”

“Mm?”

“Can we go to the beach this weekend?”

“In March?” He looked over at me.

“I know it’s a little chilly but I need to go somewhere I don’t go to often”

He started to tap his head. She does that whenever she’s thinking.

“Oo, how about the aquarium?”

“I never been”

His mouth dropped.

“Parker, are you fucking serious?”

“No cap detected over here”

“Oh yeah, we’re going”

I saw him open a different browser and type in California aquariums. I laughed a little at his face, he had a look of playful disgust. I didn’t know it was offensive to never go see the imprisonment of sea animals.

“Here we go. Since you said new scenery” He turned the laptop towards me.

My eyes widened as I saw Monterey Bay Aquarium, that’s about five hours from here. Does that mean she wants to do something like an overnight trip?

An overnight trip with Hongjoong. God, please pray for my hormones.

“Joong”

“Before you say anything, I’m aware it’s five hours away and if you’re uncomfortable with being with me alone you can ask your roommates if they want to come”

I’m afraid you’ll be uncomfortable with me Hongjoong, not the other way around.

“It’s not that, I just didn’t expect you to go so far with just me”

“Parker, you hopped on a plane to come spend the holidays with me and my family. I think I owe you one”

“Not really”

“Do you not want to go?”

“I do”

“Then stop with the excuses” He smiled and started to buy the tickets.

I blushed and started to do some random drawings. He was going to be the death of me and the cause was going to be heart expulsion through mental chains. I got out of my thoughts when I felt the cream from the danish on my cheek.

“I know you just didn’t”

“You start drowning in your own head when you aren’t talking sometimes,” He took a napkin from the bag and wiped my cheek.

“Do you want my attention Mr. Kim?” I rested my chin in my propped up hand.

His cheeks suddenly started to turn a light pink. He looked away, rubbing his neck. It was nice to know I could make him blush so easily. It was easy for him to make my heart race against these chains. The feeling irritated me to the fullest but I tried to let it go because it was him.

“I’m going to check out a book, b-be right back”

He got up and started to walk to the isle of sci-fi romance books. I smiled a little at him and continued to draw. That was the first time I ever heard him stutter, I wanted to make him stutter more. I looked at what I was drawing and it looked like Hongjoong’s eyes. I let out a heavy sigh and rubbed my eyes. This is what I meant, when I was around him I started to be fixated on hi,. I don’t have a feeling of regret but how was I supposed to keep my distance on the trip? It wouldn’t be the first time we slept in the same bed because we shared his bed when I was in Seattle but his parents were there so I knew nothing would happen. This would be different though. It would just be us two…alone in a hotel room. The things that ran through my head were very unholy and his parents were to crack it up, they would scold for the bad things I want to do to their son.

I looked up and saw him talking in depth and laughing with the student who was working at the desk. I could tell by her face that it was captivating with how handsome Joong was and I know that she is spitting every corny pick up line to keep him there. I smiled a little, sketching some more on my pad. It didn’t matter how I felt about other people talking to him. I knew me and him would probably never succeed in being together. I was very unfit.

Unfit to be his lover.

The way I wanted my life to be, being in love was the last thing on my list and my list was pretty big of things I wanted to achieve. I know some would say “you can accomplish it with your partner” but I personally couldn’t do that. Just looking back on my relationship with Yeosang, I was consumed by him. He was all I wanted and more, I was very much willing to push everything back for him. I didn’t want to do that to myself again. I didn’t want to see myself go down that road again. Hongjoong deserves someone who would give their all without thinking twice, I wasn’t that person. I would self sabotage myself to make him not want me or question why he wanted to be with me in the first place. He didn’t deserve the mind games because his mind was beautiful and strong but his feelings were sensitive.

I felt something poke in my ear and I jumped. I looked and Hongjoong was laughing at me.

“You were so deep in thought, you didn’t notice me come back”

“I was thinking about something”

“You’re always thinking about something Parker,” he smiled, opening the book.

“Is it a bad thing?”

“I didn’t say that”

I stared at him a little and he looked at me. He raised his hand, bringing it close to my face. I flinched a little as it landed on my cheek. He rubbed it a little then pulled it.

“You have such a staring problem Ms. Williams”

“You don’t seem to mind it Mr. Kim” Parker you’re such a flirt, it’s honestly insane at this point. He blushed a little, pulling his hand back.

“You probably had no problem getting numbers growing up”

“What makes you say that?”

“Your face when you flirt is very…I don’t know it’s like you can put people in a trace”

“I’ve heard that before but I didn’t understand it”

“Well whoever your ex is, they are dumb for leaving you”

I looked down and frowned a little. I wish I was ready to tell him about Yeosang but I haven’t been able to explain to anyone that situation without crying my eyes out.

“I’m sorry Parker, I didn’t–”

“It’s fine, I just wish I could talk about it without getting upset”

“No rush, you can talk to me about it when you’re ready”

I…I just never met someone who tries to understand me like you do. Why are you patient with me? Why don’t you push me to open up to you? Why aren’t you trying to rip my heart out so it exposes all of what makes me into the person I am?

“Thank you for understanding”

“Trauma is a real thing and hard to open back up, of course I understand”

I nodded and continued to draw random things as he went back to studying. We spent another two hours in the library and even ate there. I ran to get us food from the subway that was in the cafe. I have never spent this long in the library since I've been on this campus. I didn’t realize how comforting it was but considering I’m in my major, there was no need to come here when I had the studio. If Joong ever wanted me to come back with him… I wouldn’t mind it.

After packing up our stuff, we headed out the front doors and we walked to the middle of campus. Our dorms were in the opposite directions from each other so this was the closest we could walk to each other.

“Please get some sleep Parker, don’t be up all night trying to create”

“I can’t make any promises but I will try”

“That’s all I want you to do is try,” he smiled.

He stretched out his arms and I walked forward to hug him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist. His head rested on top of mine and I tightened the hug a little. Friends don’t hug this long, do they? We pulled away slightly and I pressed my forehead on his, sighing.

“Hongjoong”

“I know”

He pulled away and smiled at me. His smiles are always so warm and I could never get tired taking them in. He waved and started to walk away, I waved back heading the other direction.

I should have kissed him, even though it would be wrong and I would probably send myself into an emotional spiral thinking about his lips on mine the whole night..

I really should’ve kissed him and dealt with the consequences to suffocate me later.

taglist: @hwaslayer

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#ateez fanfic #ateez smut #hongjoong #hongjoong fanfic #yeosang fanfic #ateez #ateez hongjoong #ateez yeosang #yeosang #kpop smut

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unlimitedtrees · 2 years ago

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youtube

thinkin about 'Evil Mode' from 'Among the Others' , my last rom hack

so, after beating sylvie lime yesterday ,it got me thinkin about silly precision platformers and kaizo stuff ... U see , despite me being a Sonic CD-loving freak , i do like to play trial and error crazy platformers , such as N++ and celeste some other games im too lazy to think about right now . i just. like a fun and silly challenge sometimes. However , as i established in me last post , i am a Picky Bitch when it comes to platformers and i tend to prefer the controls and movement of the classic sonic games compared to every other platformer out there . i just Love the unique movement and interactions u have with environment in stuff like Sonic CD ... its something that no other game feels like and is something ive always wanted to see be experimented with in something like a kaizo sort of game .. but it hasnt really been done much before aside from a kaizo sonic rom hack that i thought handled the level design Very Poorly ..

there is also a rom hack named Sonic VR which i Really Really like ... but im probably gonna save that for its own post , teehee !!

Anyways. along with Sonic VR being a Huge Inspiration for me , and also seeing all those crazy kaizo mario hacks over the years , its something i wanted to try making myself for a Long, Long time . and well ... i finally got the chance in 2018, with my rom hack named 'Among the Others'.

so. Among the Others was a rom hack of Sonic 1 that i made. there is a Lot of history behind it that i wont get into for this post , but basically it was supposed to be my final, ambitious rom hack that eventually got cancelled and then i put a wall of text at the very end complaining about the rom hacking community. i then released it to the sonic hacking contest and then left the community .. but a few months before the contest begun, i still had a bunch of free time and the main game was already complete, so i decided to just add a bunch of random extra stuff just because .. and in the end there ended up being a Lot More content for a game that Was Technically unfinished...

one of the thing i added into the game was the secret 'Evil Mode' , something which not many people have played and is what im gonna get into in this post ... click da Read More thingy if u Dare !!!

So , in the level select (which u can just access by using the normal Sonic 1 level select code) , there are 3 evil mode levels in the game. these are basically extra levels based off the normal levels in the game, except these are completely redesigned to be Very Difficult and Evil. i wanted to make a sort of kaizo like thing ,where u have to get past all sorts of Deranged challenges that take advantage of the unique controls and movement of this game (which, btw, in case u dont know, this game has special abilities unique to it that make the movement Very Crazy , Lol !!).

There Is One Big Problem However... and it has to deal with the limitations of Making A Sonic ROM Hack When You Are Just A Dumb Little Creature Who Does Not Understand Assembly Programming.

You See, designing kaizo levels for a sonic rom hack is way more difficult than you may think. there comes a lot of Limitations to making sonic rom hacks that, combined with my limited skill, made making these levels very Annoying and Difficult to Create.

First Off, the game can only handle so many objects on screen. Which, well, i Suppose is fine. after all, im sure that's the case with mario world rom hacks. But In The Case Of A Sonic ROM Hack ... Well . Not only are you limited by having few sprites on screen, but you Also are limited by how many Types of objects can be in a level. You See.. all of the artwork for the objects are loaded in by 'pattern load cues'. each zone in the game has their own table which lists all the artwork thats loaded in ,including the level art and all the art for all the objects . not only was i limited by how Much art could be loaded in a single zone .. but Also i was limited by My Ability To Program. i could Not understand how the pattern load cues worked At All. getting objects from One Zone to work in Another Zone was Nearly Impossible for me ... idont know how to describe this fully. Basically , Most of the time , i could Not bring over another object from another zone Unless it used the same amount of tiles as an object from the current zone .. if that makes sense. idont know. All I Know Is ... I Was Greatly Limited by What objects i could use , and that's on Top of worrying about having too many objects on screen .

But That's Not The End Of It. you also have to worry about objects just. Disappearing in the game. sometimes , an object will just Not Load In and i have No Idea Why. i dont understand how any of it works .. all i know is that i was Unable to fully rely on building the level out of objects ,as id constantly have to worry if an important object would Unload , making progressing in the levels difficult.

because of all this , i was Severely Limited by how i could design the levels and what hazards i could even make . i couldnt even have too many spikes anywhere like a kaizo mario level ... it was very Limiting . and thats not even getting into the Level Chunks . you see, the levels themselves are also built out of Chunks of 128x128 pixels ,which have all the level art and collision. but i was also limited by How Many Chunks a zone could have , and these zones already were using the chunks from the normal levels which already used most of the chunks .... so i couldnt design much unique areas for these levels ...

despite it all , i tried my best to make levels that would be an interesting challenge ... and u know what. i am Kind Of proud of what i managed to accomplish , especially considering all the limitations i had to deal with. there's Definitely a ton of stuff i wish i couldve done with these levels, and theres stuff i probably couldve done better ,but Damn. playing through these dickish levels is kind of fun sometimes. Lol. i tried my best to make these levels use the physics and unique abilities to their fullest potential ... i just wish i coulda done More with em.

something i am pretty proud of that i think No One has done is playing the evil levels in Encore Mode. you see, in the game there is a secret encore mode that can be accessed by entering '81, 82, 80, 80' in the sound test ... and aside from letting you play as Pepsiman it also gives every level entirely different object layouts, along with new palettes and music. The Evil Mode levels in particular were fun to make Even More Evil , with The Core Zone specifically being made to be Actually Deranged , with its palette being Pitch Black and the evil mode level being Longer than the original one . and ,while i was also a bit limited with making these encore versions as i could only edit the object layouts , they were still fun to make and i am pretty proud of Encore Mode as a whole .

anyways. if you want something insane to go through, try the Evil Mode in Among the Others if you wish. you can download the game and its source code on github, if you wish.

anywayz thats all. there is so much about Among the Others ive ought to talk about .,,,, so much about this game that people dont even know about . maybe someday i can share more about it with you all ....

#TreesThinks #Among the Others #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sonic rom hack #rom hack #rom hacking #game dev #game development #gamedev #indiedev #indie dev #Youtube

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sound-of-glass · 4 years ago

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To myself

Hey, this is my past self. Obviously.

I'm writing this mainly to see if it works, but I'm also bored and don't want to do homework. Suffering from severe depression too and that's not good.

I hope you are good, because right now I'm not. I want to just disappear. Friendships never last long with me, everybody I meet either seems to end up hating me, treat me like I don't exist or worse. I feel like I'm just a useless piece of shit, something that shouldn't have been made. I can't even begin to fathom everything else I'm feeling.

I'm not a good person.

Or at least, what is implied.

It's hard to prove that statement, really hard, but I see everyday what I do too people, how they treat me. All I see in me is a selfish self-pitying bitch who needs to get over herself. Especially to the fact that I'm writing this garbage right now.

I like to draw~ it's always been fun. But I'm surrounded by people who are better then me. I'm a competitive person, (even though I hate entering in contests) and when I see someone better then me it's makes me feel depressed. Because I watch from the sidelines as they get all the attention, all the glory and everything for their art. Here's the self-ish part of me, it's their art, their time, they shouldn't have to share it, shouldn't have to direct people away from themselves, it's their fame.

But could you please spare some for me? I don't get anything. Nobody cares to see a half developed piece of shit style. People want something they can connect with and recognize. I don't have that. Never did. I wanted to been seen, people so like my art. To come up behind me and say, "Oh that's a really nice picture!" I only got that if I practically shoved the picture in someone face forcing them to compliment on it.

Going back on what I said before about not being very good, I would ask constantly ask for help on a picture, constantly asking if the proportion was good, constantly berating them with questions to the point that it most likely irritated them. I don't like to look up ref's online because I never get what I want and the results are sometimes a little gruesome. So ask away I do. I find it much faster if I just ask for help on this, or if this looks good, then spend hours trying to find a ref for a picture. I'm not good enough with the body to just be able to find something close enough to my pose and then make the necessary changes. Please stop glaring at me, I was just telling the truth.

Ignored a lot, blown off, my past just repeats itself everyday. Back then I was (metaphorically {most of the time}) walked on and trampled. I was left behind in the dust when everybody else would go have fun. The last kid picked to play ball? I wasn't even chosen. The teacher had to assign me to a team. I remember playing Marco polo as a kid with some of the other children. Whenever I would be it, the rest of the group would ditch me, leaving me to play by myself. It never occurred to me that this stuff is mean. I was a ignorant child back then. Even if I got bullied everyday, humiliated and betrayed by my own friends. Tricked and left to rot, this loyal pup would always come crawling back, only to get beaten into the ground again. Things got worse after the divorce.

I developed a mental disorder, that's even more hard to explain. Think of being held prisoner by your own mind. Influences run your life. If you have a bad influence when you walk into a room, step up onto a curb, get dressed, take a shower, speak, pretty much anything... the bad influence will crawl into your skin, get in the air, surround you and mutate you, soon you will be acting like the bad influence, becoming it, morphing into this horror that will ruin you forever.

Because of this, I pause in my speech, step back off the curb, walk back out of the door. If I don't do this "ritual" which consisted of me speaking a bunch of stuff that is supposed to "rid" myself of the bad influences on me, then walk through the door, barrel my way to the bathroom because of the mirror and stare at it for eternal minutes fighting for positive influences. Maybe it developed because if I surround myself in my dreams of fantasy, I can become it.

Influences range from anything to a memory, a word, an action someone did and more. It triggers something in my empty head and causes a panic, if it a bad influence that is. If it's positive, then I just feel relief for now. It's running my life and I can't break from it.

Negative influences are like what you call people who do terrible things to people or names of bad people, images of people I hate or anything. Positive influences are people who do good things, friends sometimes, a good words.

That's just the basic part.

I should write more but really need to get to my assignments.

Maybe I should do this everyday. Dialog my happenings, vent out my past, since no one else gives a flying ass about it. (Family doesn't count. Hate to burst your precious bubble)

I had a dream once. Still do right now, but i wonder how long that was going to last. I wanted to be wealthy (duh) and own my company. For games of course. But most of all, I want to be admired. Looked up too by other people, like so people come to me for advise and more. I want to be recognized, for people to see my work and go; "Yup that's her!"

I want for people to see I existed, for my fear is to be forgotten.

"It is said that people die twice, once physically, and a second for when someone speaks your name for the last time."

That's a quote from somewhere, can't remember who said it, or if it's even worded correctly, but it's one of my favorites. That's what I want to be, someone who is forever remembered, because if people don't stop saying my name, I am immortal.

I know when this gets posted, something will happen, maybe if I forget all this, this post will bring it all back ans ruin me, or if I get really popular someone, and get what I selfishly want, this post will ruin me, or people will hate me, for being selfish and uncaring and an idiot for thinking this will change anything. It does feel better to write it all down. I'm waiting for it to get posted, because I want to see if anything changes with my life. Will my future self I have dreamed of be the hate filled monster I mutate it into? Or something more? I want to be so many things.... It's almost fantasy.

I hope people will read this and not spam me wit hate, call me an attention whore, or something even worse, or fill my mind with all this terrible shit, or even use this against me. but that last part will be a bit hard, because the whole world will know about this.

The writings of a sad pathetic 17 year old dreamer.

~Glass

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lesbianlovelanguage · 5 years ago

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YOUTUBER AU I’m such a fucking sucker for those. It can be anything you want really. Maybe they are friends doing a challenge or something and they end up kissing (or more ;)) or they could meet each other at like a creator even and take a pic together and everyone starts to ship them... :)

HI! Anon I am so sorry, life has been *general handwaving* a MESS. But, I’ve finally gotten most of my shit together and look! A fic! Finally!!! I hope you enjoy two ridiculous boys being ridiculous.

---

“You guys asked for it, and here it is. The explanation to Bendy and the Ink Machine! Now, I’ve watched a ton of playthroughs of this, especially The RatKing’s, as well as played through it myself, and I think I’ve got it.”

Such a simple statement, it made it through both of the editors as well as Steve and Dustin themselves without raising any red flags. But as with everything, once it had been released on the internet it became fuel for fans to break apart and over analyze.

The comments started pouring in, the standard mix of support and people trying to break apart his theory. But one comment in particular would stand out and begin something so much bigger than itself.

Twenty minutes after Steve had pressed upload, someone with the username Random Hoe posted a comment saying Awe! A collab between you and Billy would be totes amazing!! While an innocent comment in itself, it began to pick up steam as people ranted and demanded for the two popular youtubers to interact more. It turned from video ideas to outright shipping within two hours, and only five hours after the video had been up, people began tagging Steve on Twitter with everything from edited screen grabs to fanart and video edits, all about Steve and Billy’s secret yet undying love for each other.

Steve had almost quit Youtube as the fanbase for what had been dubbed “Stilly” steadily grew and became all the more ravenous. There were less and less comments and reactions to his theories, whether movie, video game, or even book related, and more and more comments about how he needed to do a collab with Billy ASAP, and how he’s queerbaiting, and how it’s okay to come out, it was 20Gayteen after all. He had tried to do damage control, but it only made things worse.

And then someone showed Billy, and Steve not only wanted to quit Youtube, but also crawl under a rock.

Billy’s only reaction to someone sending him a picture of Steve and Billy during a live stream was “Nice art, like the hair,” but Steve could have sworn his mouth twitched down in a grimace before Billy recovered his composure.

But Dustin had convinced Steve to keep going, and with two months of no recognition or new content, the frenzy of Stilly shipping died down. It never disappeared, but no one sent anymore art to Billy and stopped tagging Steve in all of their posts. That had been in February.

Vidcon was in June, and Stilly was the least of Steve’s worries. He’d been asked to host a panel on the new game show he and Dustin had begun hosting on Youtube TV about pop culture trivia, and then host a live episode with various Youtube guests as competitors. It promised to be relatively simple, a simple explanation of the origin and behind-the-scenes and a simple Q&A session followed by what he spent every Thursday doing for the past two months. And it was, him and Dustin breezing through the panel bouncing off of each other and the first round of Did You Know? You Don’t Say? flying by as the famed beauty guru aced almost every question. But once the second guest stepped on stage, Steve knew it was all going to go to shit.

Because Billy Hargrove, The Rat King himself, swaggered out on the stage in flip flops and an Everlast crop top and flopped into the contestant’s chair with a smirk. Steve froze, mouth suddenly drier than a desert.

Luckily, Dustin didn’t even stutter. “Ah! The next victim. Should we go easy on him?” He waggled his eyebrows as he asked the audience. The audience shouting brought Steve out of his daze, and with a shake of his head, he turned and spread his arms out wide.

“Well then, let’s begin. So, Billy, Do you know what the rarest MnM color is?”

The cocky smirk melted off of Billy’s face, replaced by one of thoughtful determination. He’s silent for only a moment before he looks up and says, “Brown, like your eyes, Pretty Boy.” Steve feels his pale skin flush with heat, but he coughs and tries to play it off.

“Quite the charmer there, Rat King. Luckily, your lines are actually true. One point! Let’s see it!” He calls out and then looks behind him to the television screen currently displaying the scoreboard. A large blocky 1 appears and the audience cheers.

“Alrighty then,” Dustin says after the crowd dies down. “Next question. Billy, Do you know the original name of Istanbul?” Billy chuckles, and shakes his head.

“Easy. Constantinople.”

Dustin fake pouts and looks over to Billy. “None of that Rat King charm for me?” The audience laughs, and Billy chuckles before throwing a wink at Dustin.

“Not quite old enough to ride this ride, bud.”

Dustin scoffs and shakes his head, making the curls bounce around wildly. “Whatever you say, old man. You did get it right by the way. Let me see another point!” Dustin mimics Steve and gestures towards the scoreboard which now shows a big, white 2.

“Your turn, Pretty Boy. Give me something hard.”

“Alright. Let’s see.” Steve pretends to look over his notes before seeing the perfect question. “So, Billy, Do you know which two American states don’t observe daylight savings time?” Billy stares blankly at Steve. This was the final question in their lineup, but he had asked for a hard question.

Luckily, Billy recovers quickly and clears his throat before giving another chuckle. “Damn, I know I said give me a hard one, but I wasn’t expecting that. I’m gonna go with Hawaii and Alaska?” Steve shakes his head and gives a small sigh.

Dustin gives a little cheer, and then runs over to a table off to the side of the stage where they have a cue card that the contestant has to read off of if they lose. It was Dustin’s idea, the You don’t say? part of the title. It’s his favorite part of the show, because they get to see their contestants say some ridiculous things.

“Well, unfortunately, that was incorrect,” Steve announces over the booing audience. “And, following the rules, you now have to read whatever is on this card.” Dustin hands Billy the cue card with a wicked grin.

Billy sighs and flips over the card. There’s a moment of silence as he reads over what the card says, and then he looks up at Steve and clears his throat.

“Would a Pretty Boy want to go out with me?” He says in a clear voice, gaze never leaving Steve’s.

Suddenly too many things for Steve to process happen at once. He feels the heat return to his cheeks and his mouth dry out again, the audience goes wild, and a buzzer sounds, signaling that they were out of time for Did You Know? You Don’t Say? Dustin comes through and pushes a frozen Steve off-stage, where Billy is waiting in the wings. With the audience’s weighty gaze gone, the feeling returns to Steve all at once.

“What the hell man? What was that out there?” He hissed at Billy. The man simply shrugs and gives another one of his trademark smirks.

“Just giving the people what they want, Princess. Try to keep up.” And then he turns around, and walks away. Simple as that. Nothing to it.

Steve wants to scream. Fortunately, he and Dustin have been friends for years, and he knows all of Steve’s tics by now. The stagehands shoo them from the wings, and he pulls Steve through one of the backdoors to outside the convention center. Somehow, he also procures a water bottle in the hustle, and hands it to Steve once they’re both sitting on the steps outside. Steve takes the water bottle gratefully and chugs half of it in one long gulp. He pulls it away and wipes at his face before sighing. He seems to deflate, like a balloon losing all of its helium at once, and Dustin puts an arm around him. It’s awkward because he’s shorter than Steve, but it’s still comforting nonetheless.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Dustin asks quietly.

“I- I’m so stupid. For just a second I thought it was real, but why would it be? What would someone like him see in someone like me?” Dustin lets out a huff before pulling away and turning towards Steve.

“Steve, buddy, pal o’ mine. You’re an idiot. If anything, he doesn’t deserve you. He’s a pompous ass for pulling a stunt like that. It’s bullshit.”

“He could have anyone. Between his paycheck and his pecs, he’s one of Youtube’s hottest content creators.”

“Yeah, sure. But for the sake of alliteration, he also lacks personality. The guy’s a huge dick! And he proved it today. He knew that you wouldn’t shut him down and bitch him out on stage, so he thought it would be funny to pull that shit.”

“Yeah, he is kind of just a publicity-seeking asshole, you’re right,” Steve admits, feeling a little better, and a lot angrier. “You know what, Dusty-Poo? I’m gonna find him, and give him a piece of my mind.” He stands up, itching for a fight and knowing who to go find for one.

“Tha-that’s not exactly what I meant but sure! Go knock him down a peg.” Dustin stands up as well and follows Steve back onto the main showfloor.

It takes about twenty minutes to find Billy amongst the crowd but Steve sees him, and locks in like a tiger stalking his prey. Or something cool like that. Thankfully, Steve doesn’t have to make a huge scene as he walks up to Billy and gets in his face.

“You. Me. Conference Room 3. Now,” Steve says, poking a finger in the middle of Billy’s chest to emphasize his point. Billy chuckles, but still follows along as they walk into the empty conference room. Once they clear the doors and Steve hears them swing shut behind them, he turns to Billy.

“Explain. What the fuck was the point of that little,” he wavs his hand around, “stunt you pulled during the game show?”

Billy raises an eyebrow. “Told you Pretty Boy. I gave the people what they wanted.

“So that’s it? It was a publicity stunt?”

“You tell me. You’re the one who started the whole thing,” Billy shoots back, still holding on to an air of nonchalance, but Steve can his patience waning.

“You- you mean the stuff from February? When I happened to mention you in one video? You think I meant for that shitstorm to start, for fun and publicity?”

Billy only shrugs again.

“Okay. Nope. Again, I mentioned your channel one time, as a source. Gave credit where credit was due. I do it for all the channels I watch! I’ve mentioned Nancy’s channel like 8 times, and Jonathan’s too. Never had this shit started with them.”

“They’re married, Steve. Like super married. Of course it wouldn’t. We’re both single, queer youtubers. Of course shit’s gonna stop. Didn’t your agent or whoever look over your video?”

Steve huffs. “Oh yeah, let me just go hire an agent, cause I have such a need for someone to monitor my every move,” Steve snarked. Billy just looked at him like he had failed to add 2 and 3.

“You’re telling me you, part of one of the biggest channels on Youtube, don’t have an agent?”

“We’re not one of the biggest channels, and we’ve never needed one! We’ve got our team of editors and assistants, no need for some agent.”

“Steve,” Billy says patiently, like he was explaining something to a child, “You have over 4 million subscribers. That’s a big channel.”

“We’re still not one of the biggest channels, dipshit.”

“Oh, I'm the dipshit? I didn’t start a fucking fandom frenzy apparently by accident. Because I was smart and got a fucking agent.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Whatever you say Princess.”

“Stop fucking calling me a princess!” Steve screams, voice booming in the silent conference room. “Why do you do that? Pretty Boy, Princess, Stevie? Just- just stop with the fucking nicknames. It’s not fair.” The second part of his outburst comes out as a whisper, sounding almost desperate.

Billy was at a loss for words, but then again, he had always been more of a man of action.

So he says nothing, only gives a seconds’ thought of what he was going to do, before lunging forward and doing it.

Steve’s next words are muffled as Billy crashes their lips together with absolutely no finesse, teeth clacking. It probably constituted as the worst kiss Billy has ever had, but as he moves back, Steve grabs a fist full of blond locks and pulls him forward. Their

second kiss is far better. By no means is it soft, but that was just par for the course with them wasn’t it?

The kiss comes to a natural ending as they both pull back to breath, before Steve starts to giggle.

“You really need to work on your pick-up lines, Rat King.”

A soft gasp from the doorway cuts off Billy’s retort, and they both turn to see a girl decked out in Youtube merch, including a jacket with the Upside Down Theories logo on it. She had dropped her backpack, and was open-mouthed gaping at the two. Her eyes are as wide as dinner plates as she frantically gathers up her backpack and shoots out of the conference room.

“Chances that this blows up online by tomorrow?” Steve asks, turning to the blond next to him.

“I’m betting in the next two hours, Pretty Boy,” Billy replies.

A wicked smirk creeps onto Steve’s lips as he shrugs and says, “Oops. What was that about getting an agent to help with this stuff?”

---

Aside from this taking FOREVER, I hope you guys enjoy this! It was tons of fun to write.

tag team: @lostnoise @gideongrace @stevefuckingharrington @a-magey @catharrington @trashycatarcade @myboyfriendsteve @thesummerof84 @lightsupinthenorth @smashmouth-hargrove (lmk if you would like to be added/removed from the list!)

#tay writes #AGAIN FINALLY #harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #youtuber au #anon asks #tons of fun to write!!!

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #462

i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.

#survey #surveys #random questions

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arrivalation · 4 years ago

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2020: An Account

This year has been a nonstop, off-the-rails bullet train ride into what looked at first like chaos, but ultimately was a tearing down and reconstruction of my entire being. Because I know myself and I know I won’t remember much of this later, I’m recording it here. It’s hard to put some of this information out, but the universe regularly urges me to be more open. So here I go.

January

I got married.

It was, without contest, the absolute best day of my life. I’ve known since I was real little that I wanted to be married, that I wanted to be loved the way M loves me and to love someone just as much. I don’t know how to explain the feeling of having achieved that, and being able to share that with my entire circle. @abyssalsun made it down!! (my only regret is that @ladyoriza couldn’t make it, but I’m still so glad we got to make it to theirs). As often as I can, I revisit the memory of going to @chromecutie’s house afterward, thinking it’d just be the four of us there, and opening the door to find a whole impromptu surprise party happening. Everyone cheered for us when we came in. I played CAH with Mordred, my brother and his wife, and several friends from out of town. By all accounts, these people would never have been in the same room together, but they were, and it was transcendent. It’s been almost a year, and I still haven’t recovered from all the planning and stress; but now that I’m past it, I can say with relief that it was 100% worth it.

February

We bought a house.

Up until this point, I’d been planning a wedding, participating in house-buying stuff as best I could, interviewing for a job I ended up not taking, and dealing with life-long mental illness that was festering and reaching critical mass. But then stuff started wrapping up. The wedding happened. The house was ours. We moved in. I could finally fucking breathe. LMAO bitch you thought.

March

The pandemic reached us.

I guess by this point it had probably already been in the US for a couple months, idr. But it wasn’t until March that things really started happening. People started dying in droves. New cases spread like wildfire. I remember thinking that this would be the zombie apocalypse, because at this point, I don’t think the CDC knew much about the virus. In my anxious mind, that was a completely reasonable assumption. My boss had us all start working from home. We all thought it’d be just a couple weeks.

April

I settled into working from home.

It didn’t take me long to get used to it, maybe a week. I hadn’t yet gotten used to my new hour-long commute from the new house to work, and so working from home quickly became my new normal. But I didn’t know yet why working from home was so good for me. All I knew was that I now had the brain-space to process things. I had the energy to do yoga and cook and do hobbies, and the time to appreciate and care for the home I lived in. I could think more clearly because there was no one else around to distract me. There was sunlight I could bask in. I felt human for once, and that became vitally important and infinitely valuable to me. Despite that, I still struggled with extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and some of the worst depression I’ve suffered through since I was a teenager. Outside my house, everything was a fucking mess and no one had their shit together.

May

I went back to the office for a few weeks.

There was a lull in pandemic activity. My boss had us all start coming back to the office again. At this point, I couldn’t make heads or tails of reality anymore. Everything was changing, nothing was stable. I desperately needed to stay working from home, because that was the one thing that felt Good and Right, but I had no real argument other than, 'I just need to.' So imagine me, at this point a soggy, run-over sloppy joe, attempting to return to normal. As you might think, it was... bad. I cried and hurt all the time. I think I really freaked out my boss with the way I reacted to coming back to the office. But then the second wave hit, and we all went back to working from home again.

June

Uncle Mike died on the first day of the month.

My uncle had been sick for a while, but no one was expecting him to die so suddenly. None of us were ready for it.

I also died that day.

It might sound dramatic, but I mean it quite literally and honestly. Over the years, I had gained suspicion that I was on the autism spectrum. M graciously found me a psychiatrist that took my insurance (and happened to be right next door). I wasn’t even going in for that - I was seeking treatment for my anxiety and depression. But I had amassed a (very long) list of my symptoms, and I brought it with me and read it to my doctor. I wasn’t even a quarter of the way through the list when he stopped me. I’m paraphrasing here, but in effect, he said, “No, yeah, you’re definitely autistic.”

I remember the way my body felt. Like someone had detonated a bundle of TNT in my chest, and I was burning from the inside out. At the time, I didn’t realize this emotional immolation was purposeful and executed by the universe to get rid of this old structure and build a newer, better, stronger one. For about fifteen seconds after he said that, I was relieved that it had been that easy, that there was an explanation for everything that my ADHD didn’t explain. It made a ton of sense why my environment was so important to me. And then I felt something unnameable. It was obvious to my doctor that I was autistic. Had it been obvious to everyone else? Why hadn’t it been obvious to me? I read the rest of my symptoms to him in a daze. I don’t remember how the rest of the appointment went.

And then I burned quietly and ungracefully until I was a pile of ashes. I didn’t know this at the time, but apparently it’s common for newly-diagnosed autistic people to have such dramatic and painful reactions, especially if they weren’t well-informed on the condition. Which I wasn’t.

I started therapy.

I also started learning about my “flavor” of autism. It was arduous, embarrassing, isolating, and ugly. I became aware that I had been masking my whole life, and I was astounded by just how often I did so. What really crushed me was knowing that I’d always have to mask to protect myself. I also became hyper-aware of the things that made me Feel Bad. Inexplicably, I stopped being able to react to those things the way I used to. Previously, if something made a loud and unexpected sound, I would suppress my reaction, because it’s not cool to get mad about it. But I found I couldn’t do that anymore. I had no choice but to react the way I needed to react. I realize now that this was to make me aware of what things make me feel a certain way so I can either avoid them or learn better tools to deal with them.

The therapist I saw wasn’t specialized in autism, and she wasn’t any help in that area, but she did teach me some important things. Like, “Is it reasonable for me to feel ____?”

July

Black hole.

I don’t remember a whole lot from this month, except sifting my own ashes through my fingers and crying. Every day brought a new revelation, a new thing that clicked. All of it was helpful and very painful. My psychiatrist recommended medication, but I’d had a bad and long-lasting experience with medication as a teenager, so I suffered through the pain on my own.

I shouldn’t have. I got so low I didn’t want to be alive anymore. But I think it took reaching the bottom and feeling that much pain for me to get over my fear of pharmaceuticals.

I got into astrology.

I had been interested in it for most of my life, but it wasn’t until this point that I started studying it in depth. I discovered it was a language that I could use to translate so many things about my own life that I didn’t understand. It was a rulebook in a time when I desperately needed rules - but one just flexible enough that it taught me how to stop thinking in binary.

August

I got medicated.

There was a big adjustment period, of course. It didn’t cure me. But it did start to make things easier. And it helped to know that, even if I didn’t believe it at the time, I deserved to rest. I deserved not to feel so much emotional pain all the time.

I turned 30.

It was easily the second best day of my life. I learned a lot of important things, like that it’s important to be present, that I’m seen and loved (just the way I am!!), and that I deserve good things. M planned a whole day of surprises:

I woke up at my leisure and we had coffee on the couch. He got me a cute card with one of our inside jokes inside - I still have it.

We went to our favorite combination lunch place and bakery, which I believe was our first real outing since the pandemic started.

We stopped by a tattoo place. I almost got a tattoo.

He set me loose in Texas Art Supply.

We got dim sum for dinner.

We had a lovely virtual cocktail hour with @chromecutie.

He bought me an ipad!!

I became Spiritual™.

I had been agnostic for the past decade or so, slowly and subtly slipping into nihilism, without realizing how detrimental those ideas were to me. I’m not sure what I thought spirituality was before, but I wasn’t into it. I had always rolled my eyes at people who talked about “a higher power”, auras, and spirit guides, until I became that person.

My psychiatrist introduced some powerful ideas to me, ones that meshed well with my previously-existing idea of how the universe worked. I won’t get into details here. That’s a whole other post. Ask me though - I’d love to talk about it.

Anyway, I started (intermittently) meditating. I learned some exceptionally powerful stuff. I felt my scaffolding being erected.

September

I started learning who I am and why I am this way.

I started seeing a new therapist. She thinks like me. She follows my erratic, forking trains of thought. She sees me and offers real, actionable feedback and solutions. Working with her, I’ve gained the ability to see my life from a 30,000-foot view. I can see now why I’ve felt so lonely my whole life. I understand how my family’s dysfunction has shaped me. I know now that I have the opposite of a victim complex - by default, I believe I am so awful that I feel sorry for everyone who has to deal with me. Because that’s what I was taught to believe. Learning that I deserve to take up space, set boundaries, say no, and be wrong sometimes is still a hard lesson for me. But most days, I believe it now. It takes other people believing it and convincing me. I still need that reassurance often.

My parents sold my childhood home.

Mentally, emotionally, I still lived there. I was still the inverted victim, still beholden to my stepdad’s whims and my mom’s complete cognitive dissonance. This was a blinking neon sign from the universe that it was time to move out. My mom told me when the closing date was so I’d have time to drive down and look at the house one last time. I didn’t go, and I still don’t regret it.

I started learning my boundaries.

After my spiritual move-out, I learned I don’t have to jump when my stepdad holds out the little circus hoop. When he otherwise shows zero interest in my life but still baits me with passive-aggressive texts, I don’t have to answer!! What a concept! I don’t have to feel guilty for not talking to my mom more than I do. We have very little in common, and I still have a lot of things to work through regarding her.

I learned how not to be so reactive.

Or rather, I’m still learning. Something else I learned in therapy is that over the course of my life, I’ve developed a desperate need to defend myself and to justify every action or thought I have, even to myself. It’d been especially troubling at work. My RSD led me to felt stupid, incompetent, and unseen daily; if my boss complimented someone, I believed it also meant he thought I was stupid and bad and wrong, otherwise he would have complimented me too. If my boss said something that even remotely sounded like I’d done something wrong, I’d race to build an impenetrable defense: “This is the reason I did that. Here’s my line of thinking. Do you understand? Can you please understand?”

Now I know that so little of what everything everyone says or does at work is about me. I can appreciate a coworker’s accomplishment and also realize it doesn’t take away anything from me. I’m not stupid or incompetent, and I’m a valuable part of the team. A lot of times, my boss and I are on two different wavelengths - that’s because I think a lot faster, which can be frustrating for him sometimes. He doesn’t fully understand me, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong.

October

I let go of an old friend.

This was especially hard, because I had known this person for years. We’d gone through a lot together, and we’d shared some really important and emotional story plots and characters. I had agonized over whether I was truly important to her or not. It didn’t matter how much I loved her as a friend, or how badly I wanted us to be close again and remain close. I had learned to read the universe’s signs, and it was clear it was time to move on.

November

The election happened.

I was expecting things to turn out badly, but I still hoped for something good. And then something good did happen. I cried watching Harris’ speech. I felt a tenuous hope that things might finally start looking up, societally. I still haven’t really let myself fully embrace that hope, but every time I see a court shoot down another lawsuit, or hear about trump’s own conservative republican supporters tell him, “Okay, buddy, it’s time to step down,” I feel a little better.

M and I went non-monogamous.

There’s so much I want to say about this, but it’s for another post. Suffice it to say that like every other experience this year, it has been unexpectedly challenging and ultimately a catalyst for priceless growth. I’m unfathomably grateful that we’re doing this together, for the things we’ve learned so far, and for how much closer this experience has made us, even when I didn’t think we could get any closer.

Turns out I’m not gray-ace.

I had identified as such for a couple years, which was why we wanted to try non-monogamy in the first place. On the surface, it perfectly explained my sexual personality. But every time I told someone my identity, I felt inexplicably sad. When I read about others having “normal” sex drives and “normal” relations with their spouses, I felt jealous.

Turns out I’m just traumatized, lol. Walking along this non-mono path has unearthed a lot of things, including this gem.

December

This was our first married christmas in our new house.

One of the handful of good things the pandemic has done for me was allowing me to back up my boundaries with hard evidence. It’s been difficult dealing with my stepdad bullying me about not coming over for thanksgiving, and having my mom subtly guilt me into making plans for next year already. But what I needed this year was a quiet holiday, instead of the usual weeks-long chaos, and I got it. And it was fucking delightful. I’ve dreamed of days exactly like that one - spending a tranquil morning with my spouse, sipping coffee and listening to music and eating treats. Deciding exactly how we want our holidays to be, because we deserve to.

I’m scared of what’s to come in the new year. I’m still an anxious mess, and some days I’m not strong enough to pull myself out of the spirals I throw myself into. I’ve gotten used to the pandemic holding my hand, allowing me to shelter in my home, helping me enforce my boundaries, teaching me who I am. When it’s over, I don’t know what will happen or how I’ll react or what I’ll learn next. I’m not finished rebuilding, but I don’t think that’s the point. I’ll never be fully rebuilt. But at least I’m figuring out the new layout.

#personal #void-Avatar

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misssunflowersandsangria · 5 years ago

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Please Have Snow and Mistletoe- Chapter 3

My deers! Merry Christmas Eve, eve from my little corner of the world. Thanks again for going on this journey with me. I hope you’re enjoying it so far. Just two more chapters! Enjoy babes!

Summary: Sweet treats lead to honest hearts.

Chapter 3: Sweeter than a Sugar Plum

The next morning Shikamaru tried to make up for his behavior. It wasn’t fair to keep Temari at a distance just because he might have some confusing feelings for her. So instead of having breakfast altogether, he had it made so they wouldn’t have to leave the warm bed. Now though they were just lying there together enjoying the peaceful morning.

Temari thoroughly enjoyed being spoiled by him and having more time to talk. She learned more about his past and just what he’d managed to accomplish in just a few years. She was completely impressed by him but he was pretty dazzled by her as well. It was very affirming to have him be in just a bit of awe of her.

“I just don’t understand how you can stay away from all of this?” She gestured around the room. Thinking of his parents and his friends who were over the moon to have him home. “Work is important but there’s just so much more.”

Shikamaru looked up at Temari from where his head was resting on her lap. “I wanted to prove myself. I’ve lived with the pressure of being the Nara family heir. I wanted to show the world that I was worthy of carrying that name. But also that I could accomplish things without my last name. If that makes sense. I’ve silenced a lot of those naysayers and critics. There’s little else that I need to accomplish. I’ve done what I set out to do.”

Her hand was gently carding through his hair. “Are you happy?”

He considered his response carefully. “I think so, but something still feels like it’s missing.”

“Think you’ll ever figure out what that is?”

“I might be getting closer to knowing.” She settled back against the headboard analyzing everything she’d learn about him.

For Temari, Family had always come first. Moving away had been the first selfish thing that she’d done but it was what was for the best. What she needed to grow. But she always came back to them.

Shikamaru was just a little lost. It wouldn’t be hard to find his way back.

“So what’s on the schedule for today?” She was able to go through the number of clothes he’d ordered for her. It was far too many things for just two more days but he was insistent that she take it home with her. The uneasiness of the previous evening was long gone and they were back on familiar and comfortable ground.

“Christmas cookies with the Akimichis”

An amused grin crossed her face. “Really?”

“Yup, ever since we were kids we’d have a gingerbread house decorating contests and decorate cookies for Santa.”

She couldn’t help but think about how sweet of a tradition that was.

Choji and Karui’s home was incredible. Welcoming and inviting a delicious smell filled the air. The decorations reminded her of a winter wonderland.

“Temari!” Ino eagerly gathered her into a hug and Temari easily reciprocated the affection. It was easy to love the blonde.

“Welcome to our place. I’m so happy that you could come. Shikamaru hasn’t been around to do this with us. I doubt that he’s going to be very good at it.” Karui teased giving Temari another welcoming hug.

“Ya, ya, don’t listen to them Tem. They’re all mean to me.” Temari just grinned and followed Karui into the kitchen. It was huge, state of the art, and outfitted with the newest technology. On the counter and the island were icing, sprinkles with trays of cookies ready to be decorated. Along with supplies ready for them to make their own batches.

“Okay team Nara, here’s your aprons. Feel free to use anything in the kitchen.” Temari couldn’t help but laugh at the matching cheesy reindeer themed aprons they’d been given. She still hadn’t quite learned what the obsession was with deer.

“Let me help you with that.” Temari felt her skin warm at the casual way he brushed away her hair to tie the apron around her neck. His fingertips lightly touched the skin there. His hands grazed along her sides to pull the ties around her waist.

“Than-thank you.” She stammered flushed and felt a little too warm. He nodded before securing his own apron.

“You look ridiculous.”

He chuckled and while that might be true she looked absolutely adorable.

“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure I’ve never looked better.” Temari laughed before taking his hand to drag him towards their supplies.

“Okay Nara, let me see what you can do.”

—

“Those look terrible.” Ino criticized Shikamaru while holding up a goblin looking elf creature.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry that we can’t all be as artistic as Sai.”

The named man just grinned showing off another perfectly decorated snowflake-shaped cookie with elaborate icing.

“I’m sure they taste better than they look!” Temari interjected trying to be supportive.

Temari bravely took a bite before her expression changed into one of horror. She swallowed it down before taking a large drink of cocoa.

“Yup, delicious.”

The group all began to laugh out loud offering her pats of comfort and refilled her drink.

“She must really love you if she’s willing to eat a cookie you made Shikamaru.” Chouji grinned, throwing an affectionate arm around her.

“Come on they can’t be that bad.” After taking a bite his expression matched hers as she sent him an amused look.

“Why would you people let me make these things every year?” That cookie was absolutely disgusting.

“It’s a tradition. Besides you just usually ended up eating everyone’s cookies while we kindly fed yours to the trash can.” Chouji explained

“Ugh fine, Tem let me try one of yours then.” She gladly handed one over, and the delicious flavors floored him.

“Is there anything you’re not good at?” She grinned, flicking her hair over her shoulders.

“Probably not.”

The other two couples watched them with delighted eyes. Their teasing jabs, casual touches, and heated looks were signatures of a couple that was in love.

“How have we never met her before?” Sai whispered to Ino. His Love was the mother hen of their group. If Shikamaru had been seeing someone she’d have been the first to know.

“I don’t know. He clearly knew how to keep her a secret and I’ve been busy with work. Oh well. She’s here now and he’s happy.” Was there much else she could ask for her friend?

“These are delicious!” Temari groaned happily taking a bite of a snowman shaped cookie. Shikamaru just smiled at the bright and content look across her face.

“Let me get that.” Shikamaru’s thumb moved towards her mouth to rub away some red icing.

His thumb lightly traced along the soft skin of her bottom lip while Temari held her breath. His hand curved around her chin slowly moving her face towards his.

Temari’s eyes looked up, meeting his gaze before he dropped his hand in surprise.

“I got it.”

“Thanks.”

“Ahem, well all this sexual tension is really hot so why don’t we finish up here so I can go fuck my husband,” Ino announced shamelessly. Shikamaru rolled his eyes but appreciated that the attention was no longer on him.

They cleaned up and packed up all the treats they made except Shikamaru’s. Karui gave Temari a full batch of her famous cookies to take home with her.

After their moment in the kitchen, Temari intentionally tried to keep some distance between herself and Shikamaru. Her feelings toward him were already confusing. Each moment they shared together was only making it worse. She didn’t know how many more almost-kisses she could take.

“Drinks tonight!” Ino announced her great idea before everyone left.

“Ino-“

Ino leveled Shikamaru with a look. “No, you’re not invited. Just me Karui and Temari. You and the boys can stay home.”

“I don’t-“

Temari placed a hand on his arm. “Shikamaru, it’s okay. Ino I’d love to.”

“You’re so much more fun than him. Okay, I'll pick you up tonight.”

—

“You know you didn’t have to agree right.” Drinking with Ino could be classified as an extreme sport.

Temari rolled her eyes “Come on. I’ve only known her for a few days, it’s obvious that you can’t say no to that girl. Besides, it would look really weird if I didn’t want to hang out with your friends. I promise I won’t say anything that will reveal our secret. I’ll be fine.”

Turns out that high altitude and strong drinks were a lethal combination.

“I really like him!” Temari complained out loud. She wasn’t sure how many drinks in she was but she was feeling giggly and happy.

Karui laughed while taking another drink. “Of course you do, he’s your boyfriend!”

“He’s so annoyingly handsome and he’s smart, that's so hot,” Temari complained with a frown.

“We need to make this a new tradition! Drinks with the girls on Christmas Eve, eve!” Ino declared and they raised their glasses in agreement.

Ino threw her arms around Temari. “I’m glad he met you! There were some real bitches that were trying.”

Temari’s eyes sharpened “Where are they? Shikamaru is mine! I’ll kill them.”

Karui’s fist tightened. “Ya let’s go get them!”

Ino stood up before sitting right back down. “Wait, I can’t drive. Let me call Sai and then we will go get those bitches! “

“Hello?” Shikamaru groaned answering his phone. He’d text Temari a few hours ago and she assured him that she was fine. With nothing else to do, he’d gone to bed.

“Hey, Choji and I are coming to get you. My girl got your girlfriend and Karui drunk. This isn’t a job for one person.” Sai explained on the other line.

Shikamaru sighed, how did he know this would happen. “Of course she fucking did. Okay, I'll be ready.”

—

The girls were the loudest in there and would have probably been kicked out if everyone didn’t know who they were.

Temari stumbled into Shikamaru’s arms with a grin.

“You okay Tem?”

“Yes! Ino gave me a drink that tasted like a cookie. Now we are going to go after all those bitches that tried to hook up with Shikamaru.”

He rubbed at his tired face. In her drunken haze, she didn’t seem to recognize him. Chouji and Sai both had their hands full too. “We don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, we do! He’s mine, they need to know.”

“It’s okay Tem. He knows that you are his too.”

An adorable but unsure look crossed her face. “Shh, that’s a secret. Don’t tell Shikamaru that I think he’s cute.”

He grinned amusedly. “Okay I won’t, ready to go home? I’m sure Shikamaru misses you.”

“Yes!”

“Sai! I want to keep drinking.”

“Beautiful I think it’s time to go.” Sai tried to reason with her.

Ino stomped her foot. “You never let me do anything I want.” She pouted. They all knew that was a lie.

Temari intervened and wrapped her arms around Ino. “Ino, stop I want to go home. I miss Shikamaru.”

The other blonde perked up and nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”

Chouji already had Karui asleep on his back.

Shikamaru drove Ino’s car back while Sai and Chouji took the other. Temari was sitting content in the passenger side with a grin on her face.

“Do you think that Shikamaru likes me?” She wondered out loud. He was still amused that she didn’t realize who he was.

“You don’t think he does?”

Temari shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s so fast but he makes me feel special. I feel all floaty when I’m around him. He could have anyone though. Why me?”

His hand reached out to hold hers comfortingly. “Because you’re you. That’s enough for him.”

Her loopy grin was far too cute. “Thank you, stranger. I think I really like him too.” She leaned her head against the window and with that he heard her breathing even out.

Temari had unknowingly pushed him to face his feelings about her. She was someone different that was for sure. Beautiful, kind, smart, and wonderful.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Their arrangement was only meant to last for a few days, easy and simple. Sing some carols, eat a few meals together. That was it. Now though, his heart felt tied up in knots.

This wasn’t realistic. You didn’t just fall for someone after knowing them for a few days. He’d gone his entire life never feeling this way about anyone. And yet Temari had so easily brought these emotions to the surface in such a short amount of time.

This couldn’t be real? He was just getting caught up in Christmas and being home. In a few days, everything would be back to normal and life could continue on.

—

“Why are you up?”

Shikamaru looked up seeing his father standing there. “I just got back. Ino got Temari drunk so she's sleeping it off right now.” Shikaku just chuckled and took his spot across the Shogi board from his son.

“It’s been nice having you home Shikamaru.”

“I, I’m sorry I know I haven’t been home much.”

“I understand, I don’t particularly like it but I get it. Your mother though.”

“I know.”

Shikaku moved his piece before looking out towards the forest. “I haven’t seen her smile as much as she has the last few days. Having the house filled with people and laughter. You and Temari helped me give her back her smile.”

“Dad…” Shikamaru struggled with not revealing the truth and just admitting everything.

“I’m not trying to pressure you. That’s your mother’s domain. I’ll just say that if you can find someone that can make you smile, who pushes you to be better, that inspires and supports you. Well, don’t let them go. You’re my son, that’s enough. I’m proud of you regardless of what you’ve accomplished not because of them. The Nara name is safe with you.”

They played well into the night. As busy as his father was when he was younger he was always up for a game of Shogi. For Shikamaru, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d let himself play. It was a sobering realization.

Shikamaru made his way back to the room thinking about what his next moves would be. He couldn’t imagine on the 26th returning back to his busy lonely life. The world wouldn’t end if he stepped away from the fast-paced existence he’d built for himself. The new year would bring with it a new and better way of living. What remained to be seen was who would be standing next to him.

“Temari?” He was surprised to see her sitting up holding onto his stuffed deer.

“I woke up and didn’t find you here. I got worried.” She admitted.

He nodded and settled under the covers before pulling her in close. His hand rubbed up and down along her back. Temari sank into his warmth.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, I took the medicine and water you left out. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t say anything embarrassing did I?” When she drank she knew that she became loud and talkative.

“Nothing too bad, just that you think I’m cute.” He replied with a cheeky grin.

Even in the dark, he could make out the blush across her cheeks “Oh my God.” She ducked her warm face against his chest.

“You, Ino, and Karui were also planning on going after anyone that tried to date me in the past.”

“Ahh! Say no more.” He chuckled pulling her in close.

There was a little more but he’d keep that information to himself for now. “Christmas Cookie cocktails will make anyone a little loopy. Thanks for going out with them.” He never thought about how important it would be for his significant other to get along with his friends.

“They’re both great, in another lifetime I’m sure that we would be great friends.” It could be this lifetime but that wasn’t the case.

“Get some sleep Tem, it’s Christmas Eve, we'll have a busy day.”

Christmas Eve, their last day together. Their inevitable end.

Temari reached up to place a soft kiss against his cheek. Her lips lingered against his skin for just a little longer.

“Good night Shikamaru.”

Please Have Snow and Mistletoe

Chapter 1: Flight 4XMAS

Chapter 2: A Scene from a Snowglobe

Chapter 3: Sweeter than a Sugar Plum

I want to believe that in the Naruto-verse the InoShikaCho moms all hang out. I’m working on the last two chapters right now because I want them to be out by Christmas. Alas, I’m a procrastinator and have gifts to wrap too so :fingers crossed: it all comes out on time. Again, my sincere thanks for your support my sweet loves.

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weuschoiceheart · 5 years ago

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Stan OnlyOneOf ya cowards (Long Post - Dance & Song Analysis)

Woah....wow....just WOW

I just watched the 1theK dance mirrored video for OnlyOneOf’s “Savanna” (the one for the dance cover contest, and can I just say, W O W.

I remembered watching this last year (It was the very first video of OnlyOneOf I watched) and I was like, yeah, this song sounds pretty good. But now, after rewatching it, I’m amazed at the amount of imagery they put into the dance. By no means am I a pro dancer or something, but I’ve been dancing to Kpop for a few years now, so I got used to pretty much how the dances are like. Nowadays, most boy group dances are pretty hip-hop / popping / maybe some contemporary dance mixed in for some of the slower parts in songs, so I pretty much know what to expect. There would be some crazy choreo, fast paced tempo you need to follow, etc., etc. Yeah, 4th gen is starting to become some sort of dance competition.

But...THIS. THIS GODDAMN CHOREO SHOOKED ME. I already love how different OnlyOneOf’s songs are from the generic mainstream songs, instead of going for some hardcore rap or edm songs, they always go for mellow tunes and beautiful melodies mixed with entrancing vocals (YES YES YES VOCALS, THERE ARE ACTUALLY V O C A L S IN THEIR SONGS, NOT SOME SORT OF WEIRD NOISE INSTRUMENTAL. I CAN GO ON A WHOLE RANT ABOUT THEIR VOCALS). Anyways, I might make a whole other post for their songs, but right now, let’s focus on their choreography, specifically this one.

It’s strange, in a way. I got into OnlyOneOf because of the dance for “_Sage.” I saw it in a random play dance video, and it was my first time seeing OnlyOneOf in one of these videos, actually. I remembered seeing the dance and got shocked when they yeeted to the ground during Mill’s part in the chorus. Idk the name for the move, but it caught me offguard on how smoothly they did it. After the random play dance ended, I immediately went to watch their dance practice for “_Sage” and decided to learn the move, bc, you know, it looks cool (and I want my awkward self to show a different, cooler side of me on stage). I only wanted to just learn the chorus, but I ended up learning the whole choreo. And it literally started with “i just wanna learn their names so I can tell them apart during the dance” to finally “Ok, I’m gonna stan.”

“_Sage” has a pretty intense choreo, compared to their other songs, but I feel like, with OnlyOneOf’s choreos, you need to properly EXPRESS the song’s meaning. Ofc, it’s always important to convey the meaning of a song, since dance IS a form of art and expression (as a very smart Hwanwoong said, it’s not just about the performance, it’s whether you can convey the emotions well or not).

With OnlyOneOf though, each of their song has a special meaning, all linked to a storyline (I’m probably gonna go on a whole other rant when I piece together the theories), and their songs are so different as well, they don’t talk about the topics that most groups today usually explore with their discography, instead going to a different route and just listening to their songs and watching them dance makes me feel like I’m in a different dimension.They’re just...UNIQUE. I don’t know any other way to say it. Y’all are probably like “how about Group X, they always talk about blah, blah, blah” and I am NOT dragging down other groups, but smth abt OnlyOneOf really stands out to me. I listened to their song “dOra Maar” this morning and got emotional after finding out the meaning behind the song. Even though I finished learning “_Sage” yesterday, I still feel like I need to practice more to make sure the emotions and meaning of the song is properly conveyed through the dance, bc the meaning behind “_Sage” is just so complex. And now, let’s actually go into the semi-analysis I did for “Savanna” so you guys will understand what I’m talking about.

THE ACTUAL ANALYSIS

youtube

Imagery is used by many groups today to give choreography a deeper meaning, or in some cases, like a signature move (SKZ “God’s Menu” uses many cooking references, for example). With “Savanna,” I was amazed by the amount of imagery they use. As I mentioned before, groups these days are more into difficult hiphop dances, so I feel like imagery is being used less and less and choreos are just a bunch of difficult moves strung together to look powerful and difficult and...yeah, 4th gen is really turning into a dance competition. Anyways, i DIGRESS ONCE AGAIN (I can complain for hours about 4th gen music and dancing but let’s save that for some other time).

I will say this again: I am NOT a professional dancer, I only had a few years of ballet + Kpop, and is self-learning popping and hiphop right now. This is only based on what I observe and how I interpret the dance.

Ok, let’s start at the beginning of the choreo. All the members form a ring around one member (KB) and waved their arms to enclose a circle, trapping him, before moving apart. Next, the members seemed to form a path for KB to walk on, with Yoojung and Junji at the end, arms forming a line that KB ducked under and passed through. Right off the bat, we have a beautiful imagery. I think it portrays time travel (since the song seems to hint towards that subject). The four members forming the path that KB walks on, are frozen like statues, like time just froze. KB is the person that wants to break out (he was trapped within a circle in the beginning) and seems to find a loophole through time that he manages to walk through.

Now, onto my favorite imagery for the choreo that really surprised me. At 0:33 in the video, When they formed lines by Nine’s side and opened their arms in sync, creating almost like an illusion. It might be to match the lyrics about “dry, chapped lips,” but that part mesmerized me, and drew me in to continue watching.

The next key point of imagery, is at 0:47, when they formed a line and stood in alternating positions, moving their arms in an alternating pattern as well. It really matches with the lyrics “among the intertwined people, I hide myself again” and creates another illusion that’s JUST. SO. CAPTIVATING. I might be a tad bit overdramatic abt this, but really, I LOVE LOVE LOVE how they put so much imagery and meaning into the choreo.

Another piece of imagery is Love’s and Nine’s solo portion after the chorus, when they mirrored each other with their bodies and made a drinking motion with their hands. Might seem small, but it emphasizes the lyrics “Watchin’ all your silhouette / Drink one more time, Sweepin’ huh.” The lyrics might not make sense, but this part is just so mysterious and mesmerizing.

They did another beautiful imagery for the start of the second prechorus for the same lyrics (”Among the intertwined people, I hide myself again”), but this time, forming a V formation around Nine. They also formed the same ring around Junji when he sang, “I feel like I’m locked in” but with some floorwork this time. I love how they tried variations of the moves, so the image is still there but switched up to keep it engaging.

These are the key details of the dance I’m going to write about here, there are many other parts and some imagery I probably missed, but if I’m going to actually analyze every single move along with the song lyrics, you guys are probably gonna get bored XD. So to wrap this up, I think the important factor about the dance that really draws me in is that, unlike choreos nowadays, the dance is composed of smooth movements and transitions, like contemporary but keeping that Kpop feel, ya know? The song itself is already mellow and vocal-centered, so ofc the dance has to match it, but I wasn’t ready for the imagery (i dare you to count the amount of times I used this word lol) they used. Watching this is like a breath of fresh air, listening to this song is so refreshing. I strongly recommend you guys check it out!

This is the longest post I ever wrote lmao, and if you read all the way to the end, congrats! Anyways, I might learn this after I polish up “_Sage.” Hmm....should I also do vocal covers for the songs too? I was actually thinking of remixing “Savanna” into a diss track because of the misheard lyrics (”i don’t give a shit what they think abt us / you’re like a bitch from Savanna”). Who knows?

Thank you for taking your time to read this!

#long post #onlyoneof #kpop #dance analysis #kpop choreo #kpop dance analysis #onlyoneof dance analysis #dance #choreography #onlyoneof kpop #junjun stuff #savanna #onlyoneof savanna #onlyoneof savanna choreo #onlyoneof savanna dance

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ladyreapermc · 6 years ago

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Fic: This isn’t a rom-com 7/?

Author’s notes: So this one is a little longer than usual, but not by much. Lot’s of stuff happening and I’d love feedback about the direction I’m taking this. I’m always open to suggestions!

Wordcount: 3524

Warnings: one F. bomb, but other than that, lots and lots of fluff.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Lilah was supposed finishing her breakfast and getting ready to go to work, but instead, she was browsing the New York Film Academy page, especially the Master of Arts in screenwriting and its admission application.

She didn’t even know why she was doing it. It wasn’t like Lilah was actually considering applying for it. She already had a master’s degree. Not only that, she already had a career that she spent the last ten years of her life investing in. This was just a stupid pipe dream and nothing more.

“Morning”, Isaac’s voice started Lilah out of her thoughts, and she hurried to close her laptop lid and turn to watch as he padded into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, still on his PJs.

“Morning. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?” Usually, Isaac worked from 8 to five or later whenever needed.

“We had some night shooting yesterday and it wrapped up around six,” he replied yawning and dropping on the chair in front of her, cradling his mug. “I’ve just gotten back and I’m planning on sleeping all morning.”

“Jesus! That’s some horrible hours,” Lilah commented with a wince and Isaac just nodded.

“And I’m one of the lucky ones because all the runners take turns helping out while the others take a nap. I don’t know how Keanu does it. The guy is a machine. But this was my last day anyway.”

“Wait, what?” Lilah asked surprised. “You quitted?”

“Yeah. It was good money, but it was getting in the way of rehearsals, both theater, and band.”

“Band? What band?” Lilah looked at him confused. Why didn’t she know about this?

“Oh right! You didn’t come to my last gig,” Isaac said and there wasn’t any accusation on his tone, but Lilah still felt bad. She had been with Keanu last weekend and missed his performance. “These guys liked my vocals and asked me if I was interested in joining their band. I said yes.”

“But what about musical theater and the Hollywood dream?” she asked, her eyes wide. How come she missed such a change in her friend’s life? Isaac just shrugged.

“I’m still doing theater, but you know I love to be on the stage too and these guys have a great sound,” he said draining his mug and picking up Lilah’s breakfast dishes to bring to the kitchen. “And I can still take on Hollywood in a different way. But to do that, I need time to rehearsal. So as of Monday, you’re looking at the newest barista for Novelsy.”

Lilah was at a loss of words faced with so many changes in Isaac’s life in such a short period of time. She was being a lousy friend, focusing too much on her own issues and missing Isaac’s and Jean’s lives.

“Oh. I know that look,” he said with a frown. “It’s the ‘I’m having a freak out’ look. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Isaac asked, tapping her temple gently.

“I just…” Lilah sighed. “I can’t believe I ended up missing so much in these last few weeks. I’m sorry.”

“Well, you have been a little self-absorbed lately,” Isaac pointed out with a small grimace. “But I get it. It’s the thrill of new love and all that.”

It was weird how Isaac’s words managed to be exactly right, but the truth behind them still took her by surprise. Because no matter how hard Lilah tried to fight it or pretend otherwise, she was in love with Keanu. Had been for a while now and it was both exhilarating and terrifying.

“Oh honey,” Isaac sighed, catching her wide-eyed gaze. “You’re one of the smartest people I know, but when it comes to your own feelings…”

And could she really argue with that? It was staring her in the face this whole time and Lilah didn’t see it. Well, no, that wasn’t quite right, was it? She refused to see it because she was afraid. Afraid of what it could be and where it would lead and how it would end.

And this was so no what Lilah signed up for when started this thing with Keanu. Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself. She kept repeating that he was her friend and that was all but none of her friendships ever felt like this. And to be fair, considering how sweet, humble, caring, intelligent and amazing Keanu was, did she even stand a chance of not falling in love?

“Are we having a meltdown at this time in the morning?” Jean asked in a yawn and filling a cup of coffee for herself.

“The penny finally dropped on the Keanu thing,” Isaac informed.

“Thank fuck! The oblivious thing was cute at the beginning, but it was starting to get annoying,” Jean said, her harsh words shaking Lilah from her daze. “Also, not fun to get kicked off my own place so you could have your little ‘not a date’ with Keanu.”

“I never kicked you out of the apartment!” Lilah complained, glaring at her friend and Jean rolled her eyes.

“Right. Because I wanna be here when you two are making heart eyes at each other. No, thank you.”

“Jean!” Isaac chided cutting her off. “There were a dozen ways you could’ve said that without coming off like a bitch.”

From the corner of her eye, Lilah saw Jean cross her arms over her chest, her lips pulling in a thin line of displeasure. She hated to be called out over her bluntness.

“But even though she could have phrased better,” Isaac continued, looking over at Lilah. “Keanu has been coming over a lot. Not that I mind, but it does take away some of our privacy, you know?”

Lilah sighed and nodded. He had a point. They both did. Lilah never thought she would be one of those people that ditched her friends the second they started dating. Not that she was dating Keanu but…

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a shitty friend.”

“A little bit,” Jean agreed, but Lilah could see she was fighting a smile. “But we still love you.”

“We do,” Isaac agreed with a grin. “And you can start making up for the lost time by coming to my band’s gig this Friday night.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Lilah assured, kissing his cheek. “Now get your ass in bed! You look exhausted.”

Isaac nodded and waved at them both, before disappearing into his bedroom. Lilah hesitated for a moment, before glancing at Jean, who was inconspicuously avoiding looking her way.

“Are we ok?” Lilah asked and Jean nodded with a sigh.

“I missed my friend, you know? I missed talking to you, knowing what was going on in your life and sharing mine.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she said, dragging Jean for a hug. “How about tomorrow, after my class, you and I get some retail therapy? Novelsy’s costume contest is next week after all.”

“A girl after my own heart,” Jean joked with a grin. “It’s a date.”

“Alright,” Lilah replied with a chuckle as she got up and head to her own bedroom.

She went to turn off her laptop, Lilah was confronted once more with the New York Film Academy page, which made her pause. When she told Keanu how she considered going to film school as a teenager, Lilah didn’t give him the full picture.

The idea of being a writer, creating stories and universes, especially movies, had always been a dream. She remembered reading The Lord of the Rings for the first time and having that mix of fascination and jealousy of Tolkien for being able to create such a fantastic, magical universe that entertained so many people. Lilah wanted to do that too. Leave a mark in the world, tell a story, make people laugh and cry and love that thing she created.

But Lilah also remembered how her father reacted when she said she wanted to apply for film school. He had actually laughed because he thought she was joking. She knew he didn’t do it to hurt her. He was looking out for her, wanting her to be practical about her future.

What were the odds of Lilah making it in that industry? One in a million considering that she was a woman of color? Considering that it wasn’t all depending on hard work? Was she even good enough to begin with? Well, there was one quick way to find out.

Her eyes shifted back to the computer and Lilah took a seat, browsing her archives. Writing samples were required for submission, a fictional piece and a non-fictional.

She could use one of the reviews she wrote for Novelsy’s blog as a non-fiction sample. Lilah had gotten positive feedback from those. The fiction piece would give her a bit more trouble and after some more searching, Lilah decided on a fantasy story she wrote during college.

Lilah would need to work out a few kinks, but she really liked that one, so she put on her headphones blasting some of her favorite music as the story poured out of her, her fingers flying over the keyboard in a way she never managed to do whenever she was writing her dissertation.

By the end of the morning, Lilah had close to five thousand words written and any thought prepping her class for tomorrow slip her mind, but Lilah didn’t feel guilty at all. There was only excitement as she proofread her material.

After she annexed the documents, Lilah rechecked the application form, hesitating over the campus options. For a second, the cursor hovered over the LA option, before she selected the NY campus and submitted everything.

Lilah must be crazy for even considering LA. Even if for brief seconds. Her life was in New York. LA had nothing to offer her. Which was a lie, she knew, but fortunately, it was one easy to ignore.

Once that was taken care of, Lilah started to get ready to go to NYU. She had some data she needed to run through the analysis software and Lilah could only do it on campus. She was halfway through getting dressed when her phone rang, the screen showing Keanu’s name and selfie with the puppy beagle.

“Hey,” she greeted as how could Lilah have missed being in love with him for this long when just a phone call from him could brighten up her whole day? “How was filming last night?”

“It was good. Tiring, but good. Basil gave us the night off since we’re managing to keep up with the schedule,” Keanu replied, and Lilah could actually picture his proud smile. “I was thinking we could do something. Since I cut off our movie night short yesterday.”

“We don’t have to,” she said, reminded of Isaac’s comment earlier. “You must be exhausted.”

“A little bit, but…” he paused for a moment. “I want to see you.”

His voice was soft barely a whisper and it almost felt a little like a confession and it set the butterflies loose in her belly and she smiled.

“Well, we could watch something, get some pizza…”

“That sounds great. I’ll drop by later?”

“Sure, but promise to get some rest first?”

“I’m in bed right now. Don’t worry.”

And Lilah couldn’t help but conjure a picture of Keanu shirtless in bed, dark hair splayed over the pillow and hooded eyes. Her breath caught in her throat.

“Good,” she croaked as she tried recomposing herself. “Sleep well.”

It wasn’t until she hung up that Lilah realized what she had just done and winced. She was such a terrible friend, but now it was too late. She knew Isaac wouldn’t mind. He would be out rehearsing anyway, but Jean…

Lilah stepped out of the room, finding Jean cleaning the breakfast dishes. She hesitated by the counter, drumming her fingers on the top and Jean heaved a sigh.

“What did you do?” she asked, turning around, hands on her hips.

“I might have invited Keanu over,” Lilah replied with a grimace and Jean rolled her eyes. “Sorry!”

“Fine! But only because I have to do inventory anyway.” Lilah let out a happy squeal and squeezed Jean in a hug. “And you’re helping me with the Halloween contest! It was your idea after all.”

“I promise! Thank you!”

Lilah said her goodbyes to Jean and headed out, doing her best to push thoughts on Keanu and her brand-new revelation aside while she worked, managing to be somewhat successful until she got back home to find Keanu, browsing through her bookcase, dressing in a fitted jeans and a t-shirt so tight it seemed to be struggling to contain his biceps.

“Hi,” she greeted, and Keanu flashing her a warm smile.

“Hi. Isaac let me in. That’s ok, right?”

“Of course. I’ll be right with you. I’m just gonna take just a quick shower.”

“Sure.”

Lilah dropped her things in her bedroom and hurried to the bathroom that she shared with Isaac. There was only one suite in the apartment and Jean claimed it since the place was hers after all.

She went through her usual shower routine, but it wasn’t until Lilah was drying herself that she realized she didn’t bring any clothes with her. Lilah was just so used to shower and then go back to her room to change it kind of became a habit.

If it was Isaac or Jean outside, Lilah wouldn’t even hesitate to step out, but it wasn’t them. It was Keanu and she would have to walk past him to go back to her room.

There was nothing else she could do at this point, so with a deep breath, Lilah pulled the towel tighter against her body, making sure that there wasn’t anything showing before she walked out, refusing to look his way. She did, however, hear his sharp intake of breath disguised as a cough.

Once she was safe inside her room Lilah leaned against the door and let out a sigh. She just paraded in a towel in front of Keanu! Shit! Did he look? She wondered for a second but shook herself out of it. That would lead her nowhere. Instead, she focused on getting dressed, coming back to the living room to find Keanu on the phone. He gave her an apologetic smile as his attention returned to the call.

“My publicist. Sorry about that,” Keanu said, hanging up. “But I’m all yours now.” Lilah couldn’t help her wide grin at the way Keanu took a second to realize what he said and cursed under his breath. “I didn’t mean…”

“I know,” she chuckled. “It’s nice to be on the other side of those for a change.”

Keanu chuckled too, rubbing his nape in embarrassment and part of Lilah want to reach for him, pull him in a hug and a kiss, but that was a very dangerous line of thought so instead, she picked up the pizza menu.

“So, I have a very important thing to ask you,” she started with a somber voice. “It might define if this,” she gestured between them. “Will continue any further.”

“I’m already nervous,” he quipped, turning to look at her better.

“How do you feel about pineapple on pizza?” She inquired and Keanu shook his head in disbelief as he chuckled. “Oh, I’m serious. There is a right answer to this.”

“I don’t like it?” he replied with a hesitant smile and Lilah gaped at him in exaggerated horror

“And you call yourself Hawaiian!” she teased, clicking her tongue in disappointment and making Keanu laugh.

“You do know that Hawaiian pizza isn’t really Hawaiian, right?” He commented and she rolled her eyes.

“Fake Canadian then,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out at him and Keanu snorted in amusement. “Pepperoni?”

“Sure,” he agreed. Lilah called in their order before joining Keanu on the couch.

“So you’re going to Japan?” she asked curiously.

“Yeah. 47 Ronin’s premiere,” Keanu explained, and Lilah just hummed, avoiding his eyes. “What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You have a very expressive face, Bennett,” he said, and Lilah laughed.

“I don’t want to judge a movie based only on a trailer,” she started hesitantly.

“But you didn’t like it,” he completed with a chuckle.

“It’s not that I didn’t like it, I just… Let’s just say Hollywood doesn’t exactly have a great track record on portraying other cultures.”

“You have a point,” Keanu relented, and Lilah was glad to see he didn’t seem upset with her comment. “We did our best to show respect for Japanese culture and the legend, though.”

“I’m sure you did. This is ok, right? Talking about your movies?”

“It’s fine. I like talking about what I do,” he assured, and she grinned.

“So, I can ask about John Wick? Because I still don’t know what’s about even though I’m technically in it?”

Keanu chuckled and quickly explained the general plot for the movie, hands waving around excitedly as he described the entire process behind getting the movie greenlighted and getting his friends Chad and David involved.

Lilah could tell not only how much Keanu loved what he did by the way he was smiling, by the eagerness in his voice, but she could also see that this wasn’t any movie for him. She hung onto every word of his, chin on her head and her chest felt about to burst at the overwhelming affection Lilah felt for him.

After a moment, Keanu fell silent and he once again did that ducked head, hand covering the mouth chuckle that Lilah learned to associate to him being shy or embarrassed about something.

And maybe he saw it in her eyes, so she quickly looked away. The last thing Lilah needed was Keanu catching on to her feelings and making everything awkward between them. She had come to enjoy their time together too much.

It was a bit of a relief when the pizza finally arrived because it gave them something else to focus on, beside themselves.

“You can try the Hawaiian if you want,” she offered after they moved to the couch to eat, a random movie playing on the TV just for noise. “I’m the only one who likes it in this house.”

“I’m good.”

“Are you sure? It’s really good,” she said in a sing-song voice and Keanu snorted.

“You’re gonna annoy me into trying, aren’t you?” He asked with a sigh that really wasn’t annoyed at all. Lilah just nodded with a grin. “Fine. Give it here.”

Lilah didn’t know why she didn’t just hand him the slice. Instead, she moved closer and lifted it in front of him. Keanu hesitated briefly before he took a bite, lips brushing against her fingers as he did it. It sent shivers down her spine because Lilah hadn’t expected it to feel this intimate.

“And?” she asked, clearing her throat.

“It was better than I was expecting,” Keanu admitted sipping his beer and Lilah grinned. Small victories.

She brought the slice back to herself, but before she could take a bite, Keanu leaned forward and stole the last bit. The movement brought him so close his beard actually brushed again her cheek.

“Hey!” Lilah protested as he grinned smugly.

“You’re the one that wanted me to try it,” he pointed out, bumping his shoulder against hers. Lilah shook her head and picked up another slice, trying to hide her pleased grin.

They talked for a while longer, completely ignoring the TV. It was fun and comfortable, and Lilah knew she could probably spend the entire night like that, but it was getting late and she knew Keanu had to work tomorrow and so did she.

“I think we should call it a night,” she said, turning off the TV.

“We didn’t watch anything,” he pointed out and Lilah shrugged.

“It was still fun. I like just talking to you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Keanu replied, his lips tugging on a smile as he helped her clean up.

“So, Novelsy’s hosting its first costume contest next week. Afterward, Isaac’s theater group is reenacting Rocky Horror Picture Show in this bar. It’s basically a bunch of drunk people singing along to the songs, trying to remember their lines and failing miserably. It’s really fun, do you wanna come?”

“Sure,” Keanu agreed, and Lilah could see the doubt in his eyes, that was quickly replaced with a curious smile. “Are you gonna be in costume?”

“Definitely,” she replied, as she looked at him under her lashes. “Gotta be there to know what it is though.”

“Then I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

There was something in the way that Keanu said it, the way he was looking at her that just stole her breath, making her heart thunder in her chest and there was no way to see this as anything other than flirting.

“See you on Thursday, then,” she said, standing up to press a kiss on his cheek. She barely missed his lips and she really hoped Keanu noticed it was on purpose.

(tbc)

Go to part 8

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andy-loves-corgis · 6 years ago

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All of The Lights - Ch 6 (TRR AU)

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: I’ts really messy this one

Rating: M (I can’t make them not curse I guess…)

Word count: ~ 6,700 (I did it because I love you!)

Notes: This bitch is back after her big event, and I brought you a lot of words to make up from my absence, thanks for waiting for me ♥️

WARNING: Read the Prologue! Every chapter has TWO timelines, Before (about a year before the Prologue) and After (two years after the prologue), if you don’t pay attention to that you might get confused!

Between broken glass

Thank you for the grave, I needed me a place to sleep...

BEFORE

He was careful not to be late, after Riley’s little stunt the week before Drake wasn’t remotely interested in facing her rage once again, so he knocked on her door 15 minutes earlier, though he wouldn’t admit it, he wanted to check on her, this wouldn’t be a great day, he knew by heart.

Riley didn’t answer his knock, so he opened a peek on the door just to see if she was there, the image greeting him being priceless.

“Why man great til they gotta be grey? Woo!” Riley had her back to the door, headphones on, and was swinging her behind, her injured foot supported by a fluffy pillow on the ground, a canvas half painted in front of her. “I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m a 100% that bitch. Diva when I’m crying craz... Drake!”

He was leaning on her doorframe with his arms crossed on his chest, an amused smirk on his lips.

“I don’t think those are the actual lyrics” he watched her roll her eyes taking off her headphones and moving to kiss his cheek.

“I’m not a woman to comply with such things as actual lyrics, Drake” it was his turn to roll his eyes.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He asked carefully even though he knew she wouldn’t change her mind.

“There’s no Royal Ballet casting without Riley York, even if she isn’t dancing. Shall we?”

Drake sighed and gave his arm to support her, a quick and dead silent ride to the national theater was enough for Drake realize Riley’s mood shifting, sulking, her jaw clenching. He shouldn’t have let her come.

The press swarmed the place, Drake forgot the women in the social season were trying for a part too.

“Lady Riley, here! David Combs from Cordonia Weekly.” Someone shouted behind Drake and Hans. “How do you feel watching the cast from the audience for the first time in four years?”

A surging will of punching him washed over Drake, he hated press and their way to make everything worse for the nobles.

“I’m happy for the other contestants” Riley faked a smile and kept walking, putting more force than needed on her injured foot.

As they got inside the contestants were greeted by the Royal Family, no one looking in their direction, he couldn’t spot Savannah among them, secondary parts weren’t that important for the Rhys.

Riley dragged him to a row farther from the rest, pulling her leg to the middle of the seats in front of her and taking from her purse a bag of Doritos and her bottle of pills.

One by one the contestants went to the dressing room and the royals filled the front seats. Sherman Dowley, a bald lean man who had led the Royal Ballet for the past 10 years took the stage.

“Thank you all for your presence today, as you know the Royal Ballet of Cordonia is a centennial institution and housed incredible talent over the years. Cordonia is a magnificent kingdom and I’m humble to start our casting with the presence of our monarchs. God save King Constantine!”

Everyone stood and Riley cursed beside him to get her foot from between the seats, giving up and standing on one foot.

“God save King Constantine!”

“For this year presentation, we are doing our version of Swan Lake, our dancers have been training for the past weeks for their tests. As I told them last week, our version looks for passion, a meeting between Tchaikovsky piece and the raw emotion from the beautiful tragedy. First, come our little swans”

They clapped and Drake spotted Savannah among the other dancers in their pristine white collants. He could hear Riley counting the steps beside him, and smiling as he thought Savannah land gracefully all the steps, he knew she had been helping his sister improve since the year before.

After the girls, it was time for the boys to try for the main role, surprisingly Drake found Maxwell Beaumont among them.

“Now” Dowley started again “it’s time for our graceful Odette with their deceiving Odile living inside them.”

“What’s this story about?” Drake whispered to Riley, who by now was in the middle of her Doritos.

“Love, revenge... Odette was cursed by Rothbart, becoming a swan for the day and a woman through the night. She met Siegfried, a Prince that never loved no one, they obviously fall in love, but Rothbart tries to deceive him with his daughter Odile... really? Adele? I adore her but she couldn’t play Odile... or Odette...”

Drake watched as the girl on the stage slowly lost confidence on her movements.

“Anyway” Riley turned back to him. “Siegfried is deceived by Rothbart and chooses to marry Odile”

“And...?”

“Well, it depends on the end they choose. Siegfried can battle Rothbart, kill him and live happily ever after with Odette by his side... or she can decide to die.”

A shiver ran through Drake, he didn’t know why.

Next on the stage was Olivia, her first routine as Odette was too sharp according to Riley, being more suited to Odile.

“She always loses because of that, ballet is art, not battle.”

Next was Madeleine, her movements graceful and surgical, but her face, as always, was stoic. He wondered if Madeleine had emotions at all.

Drake grabbed the bag of Doritos from Riley’s hand and tipped the crumbles in his mouth, bored to death, some random girl was messaging him, and he decided he wasn’t answering.

Finally, after what felt like a week to Drake, Dowley was back to the stage with all the contestants.

“First, I would like to congratulate all of you, you were amazing. Let’s start with our swans, so graceful, the main dancers for that part are Rachael Kaine, Tzofiya Scudder, Abella Alladon, Penelope Cranddler and Savannah Walker!”

The crowd cheered and Savannah looked delighted while Drake and Riley were raising their thumbs to her.

“For our Siegfried, it was a close tie, but mister Maxwell Beaumont showed all the grace for the main part”

Another round of applause and a curt nod from Bertrand followed. Dowley called other names Drake never heard of, then he felt Riley tensing by his side.

“Now, our Odette and Odile, the star of our night, all of you young ladies brought your personal touches to the part, while one of you brought the grace we all needed...”

“I could’ve beaten all of them with my eyes closed” Riley muttered; Drake could almost taste the bitterness in her words.

“Congratulations, Lady Madeleine!”

Her ever present mask didn’t fall even while being selected, she opened a sweet smile and bowed with her hands on her heart, and an unmistakable glint in her eyes, she knew she was going to win.

“Bullshit” Riley crunched the Doritos bag into a ball and chewed on her lower lip, she was hurt. “I wanna leave.”

“You know you can’t without congratulating them, the press will make their day for a picture of you losing control” Drake held her shoulders. “Don’t give them this.”

“Then I wanna get wasted tonight” she pouted.

“As long as you’re buying” Drake smirked as she punched his arm.

They waited on the line to congratulate the dancers, Madeleine wearing a victorious smile beside Leo, who was on his fourth glass of champagne in five minutes.

“Oh Riley, I wished you could’ve been here”

Of course you did, beating Riley would be even better than the rest, you snake.

“I wish too but you were so marvelous that I felt like I was dancing with you” Riley’s words slipped as lines on a long-forgotten play, her smile just a shadow of what it was in reality. “You’ve earned every bit of it”

It reminded Drake why he hated court and how he felt seeing Riley so deep in the venom and lies.

“You made it!” Her attitude shifted instantly once she saw Savannah, giggling delighted by the compliments, he noticed her throwing furtive glances towards where the Beaumonts were gathered with Penelope’s parents. “We need to celebrate, let’s go to Maveen, I can set some private couches for us there!”

Even though he saw his sister glow with the possibility of go out clubbing with Riley, Drake was fast in reminding Riley she was underage.

“Oh right” Riley chewed on the inside of her cheek, “but... you know... isn’t it better if you can keep an eye on her, to teach her when she goes alone?”

He knew the innocence of her words were feigned, but he couldn’t deal with those chestnut and sea-blue eyes pleading to him at the same time.

“Okay, but you’re leaving at one, and Hans is to take her to the palace!”

“YES!” Savannah exclaimed jumping on her brother. “Ohmygod I need to go back and choose a dress! Thank you, Riley!”

“Have you heard? Madeleine is taking the whole VIP lounge of Maveen to celebrate the ballet; everyone is invited of course” Kiara and Madeleine approached them.

“Even you Savannah, you earned it!” Madeleine added in her diplomatic tone.

“Yeah sure, we were headed there anyway” Riley answered in a tired tone. “We better head back to the palace to get ready, see you there!”

As she turned to leave, Riley ran on the Royal Family.

“Oh, I’m sorry Your Highness, blessed to see you all here.” She added as the three of them bowed.

“It was a pity not seeing you up there, Lady Riley” Regina started, and Liam excused himself to go talk to Bastien.

“But also, a breath of fresh air for someone else leading the show, Countess Madeleine is so precise and clean in her movements” Constantine continued as if Riley wasn’t there.

“Madeleine is immensely talented” Riley lowered her head.

“I hope we can see your passion on stage soon! And congratulations on your casting, Lady Savannah.”

“Thank you, Your Highness” Savannah and Riley answered in unison, the first one with a gushy smile, the second barely showing her teeth.

“Let’s get out of here” he whispered to Riley, who just nodded, inhaling deeply before putting on a smile for the press.

Drake couldn’t process the questions, it went from her feelings towards Madeleine’s victory, to her lack of appearances with Liam.

A loud sigh was heard as soon as Drake stepped on the limo.

“Is everything okay with you and Liam?” Savannah couldn’t hold herself and avoided Drake’s glare.

“I don’t know, the ‘Liam and I’ thing is something I have to keep up with daily, like those Kardashian’s show” she tried to crack up a laugh but sounded mechanical.

“Drake should help you, I mean, take you out to relax...”

“Savannah, if you don’t stop, I’ll make you go to the palace by foot...” Drake clenched his jaw. “I don’t get involved in my friend’s relationships; you should start doing it too.”

An awkward silence filled the limo after Savannah opted to stay silent, for the next minutes of the ride, each one was buried in their cellphones.

“Well, we can leave by 9, ok?” Riley asked when Hans parked outside the palace entrance and the Walker siblings just nodded. “See you there!”

“Savannah, stop with your fantasy of Riley and I together, she’s my best friend, we grew up together, there’s nothing here...”

“Sorry” she muttered “I just think you would be better for her than Liam”

“If Liam isn’t good for her, it’s only up to her to decide.”

Drake decided to nap the rest of the time he had before being dragged out to meet their group of nobles in a stuffy club.

Riley was wearing a colorful Versace dress that looked like it cost hundreds of euros, and it probably did. Savanna was behind her with a dark green knee-length dress, she borrowed it from Riley for sure, he remembered that dress.

The club was everything Drake hated, crowded, expensive and full of nobles and other rich kids.

“You’re allowed three glasses of champagne, sister” Drake said as soon as they entered the VIP area, music blasting through the speakers, he was looking for a corner where he could drink a good whiskey in peace.

As he found it, he proceeded to watch his sister from afar, giggling with the girls, dancing with Riley and darting looks somewhere to the other side of the room, she was pure and innocent, but he knew eventually he wouldn’t be able to control her anymore.

“Hey” Drake heard someone say beside him, Kiara was wearing a short black dress with some strategic transparencies on the chest, her long hair was down, and her dark eyes glinted. He understood the appeal. “Aren’t you lonely in here?”

Lonely. Drake didn’t see himself as a lonely person, his best friend understood he wasn’t the type of guy to talk about Polo with Neville and Rashad, like Liam was.

“No, I’m good. Not very into this club thing.”

“Me neither.” She chuckled; he didn’t know if it was a lie. “But it’s kind of an obligation to stay here to congratulate Madeleine.”

Poor Leo had a Gin bottle to himself on the other corner.

“Well, to less days kissing ass…” he raised his glass and she laughed openly before clinking her glass on his.

It was when he noticed her standing in the middle of the room, he could always tell when Riley was bothered with something and as she moved closer and closer to him with her encased leg making her limp, he just knew she was.

“Hey guys” she smiled to him and Kiara “Drake, you promised to get wasted with me. Come on!”

Riley grabbed his wrist and pulled him behind her without sparing a second glance to Kiara as she moved to the bar.

“You can thank me later, chances were that she was going to roofie you...”

Not paying attention to her path and looking back to talk to him, Riley ended up stumbling on Rashad and spilling the remainder of his drink on the floor.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry Rashad!” She put a hand in Rashad’s shoulder as he looked to see if it has spilled on him. “I really didn’t see you. I’m really sorry, I can send it to dry cleaning if you want.”

“It’s all good, no damage made!” He shrugged giving her a smile.

But there was damage made, Liam looked furious.

“Try not to make a scene when you’re drunk” he mumbled to his whiskey.

“What was that, Liam?” She got closer to him; it was a bad idea.

“Just try to stay composed when out drinking, nobody needs a scandal” he didn’t look at her.

“I stumbled, Liam! You have no idea how hard it is to walk on this shit!” She pointed to her leg.

“Language, Riley. My father is right you need to be tamed.”

Riley stood there blinking at him.

“Tamed?! I’m not an animal!” she winced.

“Well, you’ve been very irrational not to think someone would take pictures of you drunk at a party and send them to my father.”

Drake saw sheer shock wash over Riley’s features, she shut eyes angrily and sighed deeply.

“Liam.” Her voice was tired. “I couldn’t care less about that.”

Liam was completely taken aback by her words and advanced a step towards her, she intended to turn around and leave but in the process, she hit an empty flute of champagne that laid on the table next to her.

It shattered instantly opening a large gash on the side of her hand.

“Fuck!” She held her hand close to her chest.

“It’s better if you leave, Lady Riley” Neville intervened, and Liam gave her his back.

“Fuck you” Drake heard her whisper, as the blood started to run through her fingers.

“Hey, let’s put a bandage on this ok?” He tried to sooth her as they walked far from Liam and his group, Drake took some napkins from a nearby table and gave to her to stop the bleeding.

“I wanna leave, call Hans, please” she was breathless.

“No, I’m going with you, I just need to text Savannah” he took his cellphone from his pocket and typed a series of rules for his sister, who was now laughing beside Maxwell and Bertrand.

Drake was careful to see if Riley was crying, but she just looked like if she wasn’t there at all, instead of calling Hans, he got an Uber to his favorite place out of town.

“Where are we going?” Riley asked.

“You said we were going to get drunk and you were buying” he bumped his shoulder on her.

Her chuckle put him at ease for once in the past hour.

“Show me the way then.”

It was a rustic bar, all made from applewood, vintage barstool, some tables and booth seats, a small stage for bands and “talent night”.

“Hey Al” he waved to a bearded middle age man, the owner of Wood Wheel. “Can you get me a table and a first aid kit?”

Al looked puzzled realizing Riley’s presence behind Drake for the first time, there was some smeared makeup, a bloodstained Versace dress and an orthopedic booth, it wasn’t a very usual image for that bar.

“Sure thing, Walker. Go hide in your table with your lady.”

Drake rolled his eye and followed to the furthest booth of the place; Riley was wincing pulling the napkin from her cut.

“Will you want anything to drink?” Al asked passing the first aid kit to Drake. “One whiskey for Drake and... Sex on the Beach for the lady?”

Suddenly forgetting her pain, Riley shot a brow up, challenged.

“Excuse me?! The lady likes her drinks like she likes women... strong.” She smiled to Al. “What’s your strongest drink?”

It was time for Al shot a brow up.

“There’s a shot of Traban, a pirate liquor, are you up to it?”

“Bring two cups” when he left, she added in a lower voice. “I’m gonna fucking need it, shit this hurt”

Drake chuckled pulling a piece of glass from her wound, as Al handed him his whiskey and the two cups Riley asked for and kept standing there.

“I need to see you drinking, if you do both, I’ll put you on my Hall of Fame!”

Riley inhaled deeply, her nose crinkling, she took one after the other without breathing, biting her lower lip after swallowing.

“You brought a thought one, I liked her!” And he vanished looking for his polaroid.

“You ok?” Drake asked studying her face.

“That shit is insane, I feel numb.”

“Good, ‘cause that’s gonna hurt” he poured anti-septic on the wound and Riley grunted to the point where she punched the wooden table, clenching her teeth as her eyes watered. “There, see you won’t even need stitches!”

Riley laughed as he carefully bandaged her hand, he realized the alcohol was starting to take over her, afraid to fall behind, he gave his whiskey a big gulp.

“Ok, how did you find this place?” She asked

“After Jessica and I broke up, I couldn’t sleep so I drove aimlessly through the night and ended up here... Bastien had to pick me up, I left my car here.” Drake gave another gulp in his whiskey.

“Was she your first love?” Riley rested her face in her hand, blinking her glassy eyes slowly.

“I guess so...”

“Oh, they have talent night here!” She suddenly changed the subject spotting a flyer on the wall. “Why don’t you come?”

“Because I have some dignity left!”

“No, let’s play a game, we need to guess right three things about each other, if I lose, I have to... offer a toast to Olivia at Cordonia’s Anniversary Ball” she was putting on high stakes. “But if you lose, you have to come on the next talent night.”

“I know everything about you, York!” He shot the remainder of his whiskey down his throat. “This is going to be easy”

“Let’s see, you start.”

“Which horse, from all of the ones I take care of, including yours, is my favorite?” She would never guess.

“You make everyone think it’s Zeus, because he’s strong and you absolutely love to train him, but your favorite horse is Avalon, the renegade horse who couldn’t compete because of the malformation on his hooves, I remember how you were when they put him down... he will always be your favorite, you’ve tried until the end”

Shit

“Whatever, your turn”

“What was my favorite song when I was 6?”

“Come on! You’re being too specific!”

“You said you knew everything about me, let’s test that” she smirked drunkenly.

Drake forced his memory, when she was 6 he was 9, so they were at a stage where she was still too fragile for his pranks, but not a baby he had to watch over, it was back in time they were very into fantasy...

“I know! It was from that really old movie from the 80’s with Bowie! Shit...” he started to hum the melody that Riley made slam through the speakers so many times. “... As the world falls down.”

Riley slammed her fists on the table, defeated.

“How can you remember that?”

“I’m a winner, my turn” Drake started to feel the alcohol start to act on his system. “What’s my mother’s middle name?”

“Melrose... and she hates it!” Riley sipped from a drink Drake haven’t seen arriving. “Ok, what I wanted to be when I grew up?”

“Come on Riley, you’re making it too easy. The first astronaut to make a triple spin on Mars.”

“That was a good one! I think I’ll pursue it”

“Who was my first crush?”

“Oh, that one is VERY easy” Drake didn’t know how, he had only talked about her to his father. “Lady Sophia, daughter of the Swedish diplomat, you sang to her on the talent show at the Apple Day that year. You were like... 11”

“How can you know that? I’ve never told this to anyone!” Maybe his brain wasn’t in full function anymore because of all the alcohol.

“Who was my first crush, Drake?”

“Liam, obviously, you two were basically promised to each other at birth”

She started drunkenly laughing.

“Well, I hope you remember the lyrics of that song you sang to Sophia, because you’re coming to the talent show. You’re wrong.”

“No, I can’t be wrong, the only guy - who wasn’t a fictional character from a book or a cartoon - you ever talked to me about, was Liam”

“Drake, you’re so silly” she was blinking very slowly, he could see her cheeks turning red, it was very unusual for Riley to blush.” I remember vividly of you singing to Sophia, because my first crush was... you.”

What?

AFTER

Drake woke up with a headache and cursed himself for drinking too much, he wasn’t even supposed to be at that party last night, Madeleine’s birthday was the last thing that he wanted to celebrate, but being part of the court it would be a crime not to be there, and drink some fancy whiskey, or a lot of fancy whiskey.

Cassidy called him 3 times and he didn’t answer, he sighed shutting his eyes close, head hung low as he supported his weigh on his bathroom sink. He refused to fall back on this behavior, blame it on this fucked up reality he was living in.

He made his way to the kitchen certain that by this time he could get the leftovers of the breakfast, and maybe some Advil.

“Someone had a very good night” Eleanor teased him from the sink as he got some eggs and croissants in his plate. “Was their whiskey better than our beer?”

“Whiskey is always whis…” he stopped talking once a very familiar picture appeared at the TV. “Turn it up!”

ALCOHOL, PILLS AND SUICIDE Inside Lady Riley York stay outside Cordonia

They showed a series of pictures of Riley from two years prior, her partying, on her riding lessons, smiling with Madeleine and wearing ballgowns, then came the footage that made him lose his appetite.

It showed a skin and bones Riley sitting on her bed at was looked like a hospital, probably the facility she stayed in Switzerland, her eyes had deep dark circles behind her eyes, she looked like a corpse, her hand was bandaged and it looked like she was being scolded.

“We had access to her medical reports also.” Started the reported pointing to the side of the screen, which highlighted a lot of information from a document. “She entered the facility after a suicide attempt by drug overdose, several opioids were found in her system. The medical reports issued by Kusnacht Practice, a luxury rehab center in Switzerland, said she was resistant of the treatment in the beginning, but after 8 months, Lady Riley was completely clean and focused on her treatment.”

“Well Taylor…” started the other journalist beside the woman, with an amused look. “… It is a facility that costs almost 80,000 euros PER WEEK, we’re talking about a 2.5 million stay in a 5-star hotel, it must have been horrible for poor Lady York. A rich girl, with a past of party animal, It’s a lesson for a lot of girls…”

They moved back to the footage and Drake realized all the hair Riley was losing under the brush, how lost and dead were her eyes…

“Enough!” Eleanor barked. “They have no respect!”

Even though Eleanor saw how devastated Drake was after Riley left, she always had a soft spot for Riley, Drake knew that. He then heard a motion coming from the garage and marched there.

“The press issued a request for a press conference directly from Lady York, as you know, if Lady York is here, the palace is forced to arrange it under five hours” Bastien started; he was with Mara, Hans and two other guards, Drake noticed Riley on the corner pulling dried skin from her lip, it was already bleeding, she looked lost. “I have orders to move lady Riley back to Valtoria, but I’m afraid they already issued the same request to your state…”

“If she isn’t in any of the places, how long does she have to issue a statement on her on?” Drake barged in, “if she isn’t in an official estate, she can only release a statement, right?”

“Right she could write, but if any limo leaves the palace she will be followed.” said Hans.

“I’ll take her to my property; from there she can decide how she will proceed on the next hours, I’ll keep you updated.”

“Are you sure?” Bastien added in a small voice to him, as Mara gave instructions to Riley to hide while passing through the staff gate.

“She… didn’t deserve that” Drake said as Bastien pat his shoulder.

By this time Mara was already moving Riley to his truck and Drake hadn’t had any time to register what he had done, he just got inside his truck as Riley lowered herself, hugging her knees. He looked outside but it didn’t look like anyone was outside the staff’s gate, he waited just a few more minutes, until the hit the highway to tell her the coast was clear.

Riley got up and pulled the seatbelt; as she moved to cross her legs Drake was taken by a déja vu; orange sky, music blasting through his speakers, Riley putting her foot on his dash and him pretending he was angry about that.

But in a blink of an eye he was back to the silence, her legs were crossed along with her arms, as if she was protecting herself from impact.

“Thank you” she muttered glancing at him then back to the empty road ahead of them. “I’m sorry, I don’t wanna be a burden, I… I can think of somewhere else to go.”

“You’re not going anywhere, York. I offered you my house, you can stay there thinking about your next step, call Hana and Maxwell if you think they can help you.” He noticed the scar o the side of her right hand from the shattered flute at Maveen’s, and a few other gashes on her knuckles and the back of hand.

She noticed his looks and fidgeted with the fabric of her sweater.

“It was on the day of that leaked video. I had been allowed to have a mirror on my bathroom after two weeks.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I punched it really hard, I was son angry.”

“Why?”

“Because I couldn’t remember, I woke up on the other side of the Adriatic Sea without knowing why I was there, it took me weeks to remember most of it, but not everything.” She stopped for a second to breathe, her hand grabbing her own arm.

“Go on…” Drake almost whispered.

“I was frightened, they took everything, my cellphone, all the mirrors and sharp objects from the room… they… they took the bobby pins from my head, anything was harmful to me.” She stopped to breathe again.

“It’s okay to cry, Riley”

She turned her head fully to look at him, her blue eyes as deep as the Adriatic Sea.

“I’ve shed all my tears on that, on everything, I think…” she looked away, and he was glad she did. “I’ve spent the first week curled on the floor crying, I wanted to just vanish, disappear, it was all too much, I’ve stopped eating… And then I felt numb, I would eat if they told me to, smile if they told me to… until I saw myself in that mirror, I couldn’t handle that, I didn’t know who that person was.”

Drake realized he wasn’t breathing and inhaled deeply looking as the trees passed by.

“They stripped me of everything, I was alone, so I attempted to get better and start fresh, when I was discharged I flew to Thailand, lived among the people there, teaching English, thinking that it would be those trips to find myself. Then I moved to the US, started taking courses at NYU…until my mom decided six months ago that she wanted me back here, and now I think that it was because of Liam’s social season.”

“The dates match. Why didn’t you come back?”

“I was frightened that… that I would come back being old Riley, that this place would crush me. So, when my mother cut off my money, as bizarre as it looked to everyone, I started working as a waitress at a bar near my new and very small apartment in Brooklyn, which I shared with other two people.” She chuckled, easing the mood.

“Why did you decide to come back?”

Riley stayed silent for long seconds, fidgeting with the bunch of rings on her fingers.

“I had a bizarre dream. When I was checked in at Kusnacht, I had a wound on my head, I’ve dreamt about someone shoving my head on the hood of that Lamborghini I used to have, I remember vividly of the blood contrasting with the yellow. Something shifted inside of me, I don’t know why, I was obsessed with finding out what happened, but I knew that here was the only place that held the answers.”

Silence filled the inside of his truck like thick smoke as anxiety start taking over Drake.

“I need to ask you a question, and you need to make an effort to be honest with me” there they were again, the piercing eyes, full of doubt and curiosity. “When did you start to take those things again?”

Riley moved her eyes to her hands, that was a bad sign.

“Those were very disturbing times, with everything, with… us, and the attack.”

“You were clean even after the attack, you know what I’m asking Riley.” He grunted and sighed as he got silence as an answer.”

“There were a lot of people who nailed my coffin, but at the end of the day, I’ve crawled inside it alone. You’re not responsible for what I did in any way, you weren’t even here, Drake” she pleaded.

“I’ll rephrase my question” by this time they were almost at his house, and he felt like he was going to puke. “When did you start taking pills again? What day?”

Her head turned to the passenger window and he could see a tattoo peaking on her neck.

“It was the day you left” she murmured but he heard it clearly. “I… I wasn’t on a very good place at that time.”

“I’m sorry.” He said the words he never thought he would say to her.

“You shouldn’t be, you were the one who got me out of it, I… I just wasn’t strong enough.” She moved her hand as if to touch his arm, but held it back pulling it to her chest. “I’m the one who’s sorry. Now is time to clean the mess I’ve made.”

He pulled his truck on the pavement leading to his house and was greeted by his dogs, Bradley, his Staffordshire Bull, and Chance.

“What are you gonna do now?” he asked as he squatted to pet Brad and she lowered herself to pick up Chance who wiggled his tail dramatically to her.

“First, I’ll avoid my mom’s calls, then I’ll ask for a cup of coffee as I wait for Hana and Max.” she started kissing Chance’s derpy face. “Oh, I’ll obviously sue Kusnacht and try to find out how Madeleine got access to my records.”

“How do you know it was Madeleine?” he marched alongside her to the inside of his house.

“It’s her typical power move, she locked Olivia and I on that prisoner’s room below the wine cellar yesterday just because she knew Liam came to see me before her party… and probably because he isn’t done sleeping with Olivia.”

As the door creaked open he made his way, right to the kitchen to put some space between them; the more he suppressed the memories, the more they flew vividly in his mind, there wasn’t a single room in that house that he hadn’t taken her, not a single surface that wasn’t hit by their clothes being thrown in the heat of their affair. Even while making coffee he remembered how she would barge in wearing nothing underneath his shirt and kissing his naked back.

I was a dead life now, and these memories belonged in the past.

“I’ve been thinking these past few days” he started as he met her in the living room, her eyes were focused on an empty point in his shelf, where it used to have a picture of them with the dogs, ‘family picture’ she used to call it. “I will help you to find out what happened”

She turned to him grabbing the cup of coffee he offered her, her eyes glinting.

“But there are rules.” he added as she shot a brow up. “First, I won’t do nothing that can affect my job. Second, no touching, at all.”

“Ok, we will seal this deal with a nod” she laughed. “Is there a third? You know that you made me want really bad to poke you right now, right?”

“I’m being serious, York. Nothing remotely physical will happen”

“Even if I’m… I don’t know, hanging halfway outside a moving train and you need to pull me inside?”

“Riley…”

“Sorry” she bit her lip.

“Third, in exchange you gotta help me find Savannah.”

“What? Wasn’t she in an Exchange program in Italy?” Riley looked puzzled

“We thought so, until she changed her number and sent me a letter asking to let her live her life.”

Before Riley could answer, the bell ringed and they welcomed Hana and Maxwell inside.

“It was insane in the palace; Liam just can’t stop asking about you!” Max exclaimed and Hana cleared her throat.

“Well, thank you Drake for rescuing her and for having us here to help” she smiled politely at him. “Ri, I’ve been searching all the social platforms where the video was published, and even though people are loving the gossip, there are very few detractors, I believe you should release a statement on social media, that could be as easily shared as the video, and you would also stop any journalist from distorting your words, what do you think?”

“I need a cigarette before that” she muttered and moved outside.

“You can use the backyard if you want” Drake suggested and saw as Maxwell and Hana follow Riley outside, he would stay in, the least involved he got the better.

From the kitchen window he saw as she sat on the grass with Chance on her lap and Brad by her side, the whole ordeal took an hour, by the middle of the afternoon Maxwell got a call from the palace saying that after the publishing of the video, the journalists and paparazzi waiting outside the palace left and it was safe to get back.

“Thank you again for having us, Drake” Hana gave him a quick hug, as Maxwell shook his hand.

Riley just waved to him, muttering another thank you.

He cooked dinner with the dogs playing by his feet and decided to scroll through twitter on the couch after eating, when he stumbled on her video, curiosity took the best of him and he pressed play.

The wind was blowing strands of her on her face and she looked peaceful, more than he thought she would.

“Hey everyone, as you know I’m Riley York, you’ve probably saw a lot of me today and heard a lot of things, and you know that’s why I’m here. First of all, I’m recording that to remind everyone, on the media and out, that I am a human being and even though I was born in extreme privilege, I have flaws, I fell in love, I’ve gotten sick, I’ve drank too much, I’ve had my fair share of mistakes.”

She looked somewhere beside her, as to find forces to continue.

“I’ve had my privacy invaded today, where you saw a version of me that even I can’t handle looking, what you saw is above my titles, my money, my lands, you saw a face that wouldn’t be on a television screen if I wasn’t the heir to a duchy. You saw a person deep in depression, someone suffering from addiction, someone who tried to take their own life. There are people living this every day, but again. It only matters to many of you because I’m noble, but I care beyond that, as many outlets liked to point out, I’ve had access to a very expensive treatment due to my social status, so I’ve decided to donate the same amount that my treatment cost so we can improve the treatment of my people in Valtoria and all across Cordonia, depression and addiction are serious issues and I’ll help people in need in any way I can. Thank you.”

If it was any other noble, Drake would think it was just a publicity stunt, but after his conversation with Riley he couldn’t help but think she was genuine, although he would prefer not to think about her in any way.

He was surprised when his doorbell ringed.

“I can’t stop thinking about you!” he heard her say and couldn’t help but smile when she hugged him, and their lips found each other.

“I’ve missed you too, Cas.”

Don’t kill me...

Tagging the amazing: @drakewalkerrosenberg; @sleepwalkingelite; @agent-bossypants; @pug-bitch; @rtinaz; @saivilo; @iplaydrake; @likethetailofacomet; @notoriouscs; @mind-reader1; @annekebbphotography; @walkerismychoice; @tmarie82; @blackwidow2721; @thequeenchoices; @missameliep; @jovialyouthmusic; @perksof-everything; @choicesmacmakes; @carabeth @drakenazario; @drakesensworld; @moneyfordiamonds; @ao719; @lynne1993; @ilovedrakewalker23; @msjpuddleduck; @drakewalkerisreal; @violinist3121; @wannabemc2; @gibbles82; @furiousherringoperatortoad; @jens-diamondchoices; @rainbowsinthestorm; @bee1arw; @world-of-dreams-and-muse; @pintobomb @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore; @emceesynonymroll; @andy-loves-corgis; @addictedtodrakefanfic; @texaskitten30; @dcbbw; @i-bloody-love-drake-walker; @kimmiedoo5;

#drake x mc #liam x mc #trr fanfic #the royal romance fanfic #choices trr #trr au #Riley York #drake walker

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heavenly-dio · 5 years ago

Text

A Slightly Bitter Love Story 1

Within UA's office building, through the twisting corridors and dozens of offices, you would find the head office of one Nedzu, the genius animal whose eye for talent and strategy remained unmatched. Within this office, a particularly curious group had assembled. Nedzu himself- it was his office after all- One of Nedzu's trusted teachers, the ever logical Aizawa Shouta, and, oddly enough, the Rank 5 Pro Hero Miruko, arms crossed and foot tapping in annoyance.

The two humans stood behind Nedzu's desk, flanking the small rodent as they stared at the student sitting in the center of the room. They were tall for a 17 year old, and they had longer black hair that fell down their face in long wavy strands, although it was still much shorter than Aizawa's own unkempt hairstyle. The boy, whose face was twisted into a sour expression of frustration, sat with his arms crossed, glaring at the Rabbit Hero with as much heat and anger as she had been sending his way for the last 15 quiet minutes.

Nedzu figured it was about time they broke that silence. “Shogeki-kun, you could just say no, you’ve been glaring at that file fo-”

“Alright sick, later-”

“Sit your ass down, boy!” Shogeki Akira groaned in frustration while Nedzu just sighed, asking Miruko to keep her voice down. She harumphed loudly, crossing her arms and continuing to bare her teeth at her student intern. He gave her back just as much as she gave him, really really not in the mood for her shit today.

“Shogeki-kun," Nedzu decided to try again, "While I can’t force you to accept this offer, I’m sure it will be of great benefit to the both of us.”

“Look Nedzu-sensei, I get it, I really do, but how the hell would I benefit from this? I already have to deal with my classes and training, not to mention my internship with this bitch!” He gestured to Miruko, who just rolled her eyes at him. “I don’t have time for any of this, not that I would want to do it anyway.”

“Hey brat," Shogeki looked back over at Miruko, who had lost her scowl, "Quit being a jackass and actually think this through. The League has had a leg up on the heroes for too long, and we finally managed to catch one. This is a victory these whelps," She gestured to Nedzu and Aizawa with her head, "Desperately need. Now quit causing problems and put what I've taught you into action."

The student pinched his nose, trying to ignore the small bit of shame he was feeling that was quickly replaced with more annoyance. He turned to Nedzu, "Alright, alright. Let's say I agree to this crazy ass plan you've got. What then? I still have my classwork, plus my extra coursework for advanced classes, and hero training, and my internship. I'm running on fumes at the end of my days as is, I don't have the time to play babysitter to some blonde bimbo in a sailor outfit."

"We've thought it over," Aizawa spoke up, bringing the students attention to him, "And we're prepared to transfer some of your classes into a workload only structure. You'll be given all of your work for that class at the beginning of the month, and you'll be able to complete them on your own time- Lectures no longer required."

Shogeki hummed, "Alright, but what classes? Hero training is obviously not an option, I'm acing the entirety of mathematics, so I guess that? And Modern Hero Art History, not that I give a damn about that class anyway."

“Is that so?” Nedzu glanced over at Aizawa in the corner of the room, who returned the look with a dead stare. Looking back, the ferret-like creature shuffled around a few papers on his desk and said, “I think we can drop Modern Hero Art and Mathematics.”

The student blew air out of his nose in thought, before he sighed, nodded his head, and leaned forward to sign the paperwork. He shook Nedzu's paw and asked, “When am I getting her?”

“We’ll have the police bring her to your dorm in about a week. We’ll make your classmates aware of the basics of the situation and we’ll help you rearrange your room to accommodate.”

“Yeah, that makes sense" I'm gonna nee- Wait, wait wait wait, she’s gonna be shacking up with me?! I agreed to babysit her, not marry the psycho.”

Aizawa jumped in with, “There needs to be a constant watch over her, so measures will be taken to ensure she’s never more than 20 meters away from you. Any chance she has to escape or cause harm to another student, she’ll no doubt take, so you can’t let her out of your sight. Hygiene and other more private concerns will be deliberated to a female classmate of your choosing, however the large majority of her captivity is your responsibility.”

“The hell is gonna stop her from slitting my neck in my sleep?”

“We’ll be changing the lock on your door from the standard deadbolt to a special electromagnetic lock that Power Loader is designing. It’ll only open when a current of 2 Million Volts run through it, a dangerous level of electricity that very few people in this school have the ability to interact with.”

“Alright, I see how she’ll be unable to escape, but you glossed over the bit about her maybe killing me.”

“All staff and students will be made aware that opening that door themselves will result in severe consequences, meaning that if she kills you, she’ll be left to starve to death.”

“Glad to see my safety is of such a high conce-” Miruko clocked him on the head, a sign that he should probably quit running his mouth. Growling and feeling a bit of blood in his mouth, he swallowed and gave up trying to figure out the situation and just stood up to leave. “I’ll assume you assholes won’t just leave me to die and take my leave then. Need to make sure I hide most of my important shit at my dad’s place, but I’ll wait on you guys to help with the furniture stuff. Anything else I should know?”

“Yeah, actually.” Miruko spoke up, “Stop giving the cops such a hard time, you’re not a pro hero yet, so the cops are gonna have to go through the standard procedures whenever you actually bag a criminal. It’s not their fault, so stop acting like a jackass.”

“I’m not giving them a hard time, I’m just showing them a video on my phone that I’ve found to validate my actions.”

“Oh god, it’s not Stain’s video is it?” Aizawa asks from the corner.

“No, it’s a video of me saying ‘Shogeki Akira is my intern and he’ll do what he wants’.” Miruko gave the second-year student a look like she was just asking him to argue with her. Well, if she was asking…

“Well, you did let me record that video.”

“Because that was the only way I could get you to quit calling me at 3 am from the police station every time your sorry ass got arrested for beating up thugs when you couldn’t sleep!”

“And I haven’t woken you up since, now have I?”

“Shogeki-kun, you can return to class now.” Nedzu interrupted what was quickly becoming a pissing contest before either of them could come to blows, or more realistically, before Miruko could beat him into the ground for disrespecting her authority.

The younger hero in training was only too happy to leave, saying over his shoulder, “I don’t have to go to Mathematics anymore, so I’m heading back to my room. Later boys.” A snarky handwave followed and it was only Aizawa’s capture gear that stopped the rabbit hero from chasing him down.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“Damnit man, I thought we told you not to get yourself expelled.” The voice that came from behind him was playful, if not still somehow mature at the same time.

With a heavy sigh, Shogeki looked up from packing a box with now-unneeded textbooks and over to his door, mildly upset to see Totsu standing there with his arms crossed. “Will you fuck off and leave me alone for once in your life, I’ve got enough shit to do without having to play 20 questions with you.”

“Oh please, we both know I’d kick your ass at-”

“Coffee table.”

“What are you, a wizard?! How do you do that?”

“You always guess coffee table first, even Hamada knows that, and she’s as scatterbrained as they come.” Totsu pouted, ignoring Shogeki’s very obvious annoyance and sitting on his bed. “What do you want, Totsu, I’m busy. I have to make room for a roommate, because being forced to live with all of you apparently wasn’t punishment enough.”

“Would you lighten up, it’s probably not that ba-”

“She’s a serial killer who’s killed over 90 people.”

“You’re complaining about sharing a room with a chick? Don’t you know that half of the guys in our class would kill to be in your shoes right now?”

“Did you literally not hear a single word I just said?”

“Wait, you’re tossing your neons?!” Totsu pointed to a box of neon wall signs wrapped in an excessive number of towels. “Dude, those are sick, I’ll give you 10,000 yen for them.”

“First of all, those are worth at least 500,000 total, so fuck off my dick with this 10,000 shit. Second, fuck you, third, I’m not tossing them, I’m taking them back to my dad’s place for safekeeping. Supposedly this bitch can kill with her teeth, so I’m not gonna give her chemical weapons in the shape of a glass pineapple.”

“Ooh, are we making fruit salads in here? I heard pineapple!” This time the voice was high pitched and feminine, and the face in the doorway was one made completely of water.

“Hamada, get out of here, we’re not making fruit salads, I’m movi- Why won’t you people leave me alone! Go away, Kikai!” Shogeki screamed at the large robotic student that had appeared behind Hamada, spooking them a bit. The robot charged down the hall, seemingly upset, leading Hamada to voice her thoughts on Shogeki’s rudeness. “Goddamnit, Totsu, go get Kikai and calm them down, I need to talk to Hamada about some shit.”

“Don’t go sleeping around, now, your new girlfriend will get all upset.” The shorter boy left with a cheeky laugh, ducking under a textbook thrown his way.

“Stupid bastard. You can’t even have sex, Hamada, your body doesn’t allow it… Right?” Shogeki shot the water girl a look, gesturing to her body.

“Well, not with you Sparky, you’d drive me a different type of crazy.”

“Can you not do this?”

“Like, I get what you mean, bu-” He shoved his arm into her shoulder and released a small shock, causing her body to lose its shape and collapse into a puddle, her clothes falling with wet smack.

“I get that you love talking, but seriously shut up for a minute.” She reformed just her upper body, sticking out of the floor and causing water damage that he’d probably have to fix later but whatever. “The principal is giving me one of those League bastards to keep an eye on, and there’s certain shit I can’t really do. You’re gonna be in charge of that shit.”

“Like what?”

“Like making sure she’s not turning a wall tile into a shank when she’s in the shower or something. Despite Totsu’s efforts, we don’t have co-ed bathrooms, so I’m not really allowed to be around when she’s showering, so you’ll have to tag in for that.”

“How’s it pay?”

“…Fuckin what?”

“How much are you paying me? This is a job right?”

“No, I’m not getting paid, so neither are you bitch. Got a problem, talk to Nedzu, now get out.”

“Fine, I will talk to Nedzu.” Hamada pouted, reforming the rest of her body and walking out of his room with her arms crossed.

With a deep sigh, Shogeki put the last few textbooks into the box and taped it up, carrying it down to the common room. He sent a message to his father to figure out a time to pick them up and went back up to his room. Taking a quick look around, he decided he’d done enough with his day and retreated back to his room, planning to lie down on his bed to wait until dinner. He used his phone to look up some extra info on this Toga chick he was gonna have to be putting up with. He was aware of the basics, just about anyone knew who the League of Villains were, and the names of the members had become common knowledge to most.

After 20 minutes of searching the internet, he still hasn't found any news of her capture. He had to give it to Miruko, when she decided she wanted to keep quiet she actually pulled off the impossible and didn't make a scene. Since he figured he wasn't gonna find anything he didn't already know, he put his phone to the side and crossed his arms behind his head. Once Toga was passed off to him, he fully expected his precious peace and quiet would disappear in its entirety. It would be wise to savor it while he still could.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

2-A Student Spotlight

Shogeki Akira- Male

Birthday- 8-10

Quirk- Electricity

Hero Name- The Gigawatt Hero: Shock Jockey

Heroic Rank 1

Academic Rank 3

6 foot tall, angry, tired, and rarely irrational. Extremely overworked and irritable. Top of the class, with a strong belief in the law. From a long family of servicemen. Black hair past his shoulders, often tied back. Piercings in his eyebrow, nose, ear and lips.

Artwork by Brabbit

https://brabbitwdl16.tumblr.com/

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heuristicallyinclined · 5 years ago

Text

Nobody Knows

Chapter 2: Ah, here we go again

Part 2/? (Word count: 1,841 | Rated T | Past MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov, MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov, Past MSPA Reader x Polypa Goezee, Background DaveKat)

AO3 Links: Part One | Part Two (This) | Part Three

Chapter Summary: MSPA Reader wakes up in an unfamiliar, terrifying place with unfamiliar, terrifying people. But what else is new?

Notes: Thanks for all of the support from the first chapter! I was really blown away by all of it. Enjoy some set-up before the inevitable angst.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

The first thing you notice when you come to is the chittering of machinery. Earth tech hums when it runs, maybe you hear a fan or two. Alternian tech chitters. Sometimes it even makes a soft screeching sound. You prefer not to think too hard about it. The next thing you notice is the headache you have. Your forehead is throbbing and when you open your eyes the room is moving. Damn, you have had your fair share of concussions, but this is new. In your infinite intelligence, you finally realize that this is because you are getting carried like a sack of potatoes over the shoulder of a stranger. Well, fuck.

Slowly and carefully, you crane your head back to get a glimpse of whoever is holding you. You see large horns extending horizontally and curving towards their face. Their uniform having some intricate repeating bronze pattern. Realizing this is an adult, you become very conscious of your breathing. Just extremely slow and even. Oh God. You have never seen this troll before in your life. You continue to glance around and notice you are on some sort of vessel. A door opens and your captor joins another bronze troll. A new stranger, maybe a friend? You stop yourself from introducing yourself so you can hear what they say. Now is not the time to be horny for platonic connections.

“So ! nearly tr!pped over th!s sh!t on my back from do!ng !nventory !n the cargo bay. Do you have any !dea what the fuck th!s !s?” Your captor asks with an excited lit, swinging you off of his shoulder and holding you by the back of the hood. You remain still, motionless, having perfected the art of playing dead to fool drones into not culling you. Not your most dignified skill, but definitely one of your more useful ones. Something thuds as it is set down to your right.

“()h gr()ss, d()n’t t()uch it with y()ur fr()nds.” Your captor chuckles while their colleague sighs in exasperated disgust. Ah yes, you didn’t miss this. Alternia has made you super self-conscious about your body in the weirdest ways just about as much as it has made you fear for your life. But one of those things is temporary. You know you’re cute, friendly, are incredibly resourceful and optimistic. You have nice legs! The clown pope said so! But you can still hear the sneer in her voice, “It pr()bably just wandered ()n b()ard during the last rest()ck and the change in gravity culled it ()r s()mething, I d()n’t kn()w.” She sounds a little pissed now, “Etiv()r just st()p playing with it and dr()p it in with the rest ()f the trash s() y()u can help me get the rest ()f the requisiti()ns delivered.”

Etivor shakes you a bit in front of her. She doesn’t react. “F!ne Yleeda,” he draws her name out and huffs, clearly disappointed, “!’ll be back.” You get thrown back over his shoulder and you can hear a light growl come from him. She apparently does too, and mockingly chitters at him, dropping another box onto her pile. “Wait, what if that thing i-,” she starts, but Etivor isn’t having it and picked up to pace and is already gone. Bold move.

He slows down after a while and walks and as he does you pass by a window. You look for telltale moon colors, but you seem to be in the middle of nowhere with nothing particularly familiar in sight. On a spaceship. Full of adults. Neat. Well, mortal peril is always a solid way of getting out of your head.

He continues onward and you hear other trolls pass by you, all of them caught up in their own work or conversations, none of the spare you two too much of a glace. A door slides open and he sets you on the ground. You hear him step away from you and fiddle with the settings on what you think is the trash, and you'd rather not get immolated today, no thank you. It begins to clunkily whir to life before settling on a scratchy, chittery sound. Luckily, you notice you didn’t hear the door close. You get up slowly, quietly, and slink over to the door, the machine helping to obscure any sounds you were making. You don’t need to be stealthy for too long, just enough to get the door and you can just abs- and he is looking right at you.

You try to match the familiar look of wide-eyed "what in the actual fuck is that" that trolls have often graced you with when meeting you for the first time. His pupil skits widen slightly and his mouth is set in a hard, straight line. You both remain frozen and are locked in a staring contest. You stay like that together for a good ten seconds and you become intimately aware of how long ten seconds in total silence is. He blinks and as he starts to reach for you, you do the only thing you think to do. Blurt out some dumb shit and stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.

Were you also getting a pitch vibe off of that or was that just me, because I know you need to be professional, working here and all but I feel like if I wasn’t there you two would definitely have gotten into an argument? Are you two like a thing or have something going on there or…? You wiggle your hands noncommittally.

If you weren't terrified, you would be laughing at the look he is giving you. He immediately pulls his hand back and holds it to himself, aghast. His mouth opens and shuts as he struggles to figure out what to say before settling into a concerned frown. He steps back in confusion with an expression betraying he was clearly not prepared for you to be alive, or sentient, or fluent in Alternian, or immediately asking him about his love life. He is very clearly trying to unpack a lot and you are just trying to put some space between you and someone who easily has two feet on you and a lot of muscle, hopefully gained from things other than hauling aliens into fiery dumpsters.

“Uh. What. ! mean maybe? But ! don't, wa!t th-“

Because I feel like you were definitely trying to piss her off a little bit, like not enough to ruin her night or anything and fuck up her work, but like she'll be thinking about it, so I think that's smart, kinda leaving the ball in her court as you left.

He gives you the smallest, tightest smile as he uncomfortably, slightly nods, locked in place. He looks like he is trying to smile after biting a lemon. This man is deeply fucking uncomfortable which you can deal with much better rather than hostile. You need to keep this shit up. Fuck, WWGD?

What would Gorgor do? You think back to his tricks and techniques that you learned from being his partner. How to maintain control over a situation without dominating it completely or else a highblood could easily feel like you were overstepping and at best, get defensive and shut you down and choose another teal. You don't want to think about the worst case scenario. But you are not Tagora Gorjek and have not been playing four dimensional mental chess with people since hatching. Also death is more of a temporary roadblock at this point, so really, there is no sweep like the sweep you’re fucking in since you couldn’t escape it even if you wanted to.

You already overstepped by making this about quads so you just need to keep talking confidently long enough to fluster him into answering so that you can try to run off. An alien coming back from the dead out of concern for his personal life is probably doing it well enough.

Do you two have like a history from before this or did it start when you got your assignments here?

You are trying to convey an authority you don't fucking have. But as someone once taught you, image is everything and to fake it until you make it. You don't need to have your shit together, god no, but if religiously following a nineteen step east Alternian skin care regimen or parroting back bullshit you've heard like you're a goddamn relationship wizard makes people think you do, then bitch you better roll with it.

"We started working together l!ke a few wipes ago, but k!nda just started talk!ng," he says slowly and unsure, staring at you. You hum knowingly at him and he squints at you, perturbed. You place a hand on your chin and shift your stance to that of one in thoughtful consideration, the fact that you are closer to door thanks to it is not relevant. You look like you do this all the time, which you do. He glances around the room and pales.

God, he must be panicking worse than you are. He is answering. This is probably ideal. Okay plan time, so he and the other lady, Yleeda, are the only ones who saw you here. Wherever here is, and she thinks you’re dead so really you just need to have him be incredibly cool and then run into literally no other person on board the ship while exploring it, figure out where you are, and how you got here. Easy if you don’t think about it.

You were trying to get to Mallek and he is neither of these people so maybe he is on board somewhere on whatever place they restocked at. Maybe he does get to work with tech and he got to hole up somewhere with access to energy drinks that would kill anyone gold and below. This could mean you will never find him. Okay, you need to deal with one thing at a time.

Oh, so when you got started working on this ship? Is Yleeda doing anything to irk you back?

You ask this while stepping to look cool and relaxed against a wall, like all normal, cool guys do. Guys who are calm and not worried at all about incineration. Guys just trying to get a feel for where others are at so that they can give appropriate advice in appropriate situations that they are in. Those guys. You are them.

Your back finally makes contact with a wall. Or at least you thought it was a wall based off of how solid it was. You look up when you feel something grab your shoulder. The sound of the machinery that you thought would mask your footsteps definitely masked Yleeda’s entering the room. She stares down at you and then back up at Etivor, her gloved hand holding you firm.

Oh.

So that plan didn't work.

Notes: How quickly can one person get attached to fantrolls made up on the spot to act as plot devices? One author finds out.

#homestuck #hiveswap #friendsim #mspa reader #mallek adalov #hs mallek #mallek x reader #my writing

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ijenblue · 6 years ago

Text

The Jojo’s with a reader who likes to hula/ belly dance/ strip!

(I hope you don’t mind me adding Hula into the mix! I have Polynesian blood in my veins so I found it hard not to include it! Plus it gave me an excuse to include the He Mele no Lilo scene lol)

Jotaro Kujo

You and Jotaro had been on an academic trip together to Hawaiʻi when you first found out about your knack for hula. You spent most of the trip studying the hunting relationship between the locals and the dolphins that gather near the coast. Since you two were lovers shooting for the same degree, you had decided to help each other with developing a final thesis. But all that school stuff was getting to your head so you begged Jotaro for a day off. He couldn’t resist those eyes...

The two of you decided to go to dinner that night so you ate as close to the sea as you could. Lucky you two, tonight was hula night at this particular restaurant! A line of beautiful ladies got on stage and taught the audience simple steps from a short routine and then invited four members of the audience up. You had quickly jumped out of your seat at the opportunity so you ended up being one of the contestants. They placed a purple Lei over your head and then quickly explained the competition. You just needed the loudest cheers!

The skirt and top choice you had gone with came in clutch once the music started and you were able to sway your hips in time with the beat. Your hand movements had been light and ephemeral as you repeated the steps they had taught you. Around two minutes in, the judge went and placed a hand over each of the dancers, listening for who got the loudest cheers.

The other three girls were pretty good at it and each of them received plenty of cheers. You had been kinda nervous about your cheers since Jotaro wasn’t exactly the ‘cheering’ type but you really wanted to win! So you poured your heart into moving your body in a flow like water. Every snap of your hips had the ground beneath you quaking from the exerted power. You were pretty determined, and so was he. Well...at least Star Platinum was.

Once the judge came to you, the loudest pair of clapping hands had begun making noise. You looked over at Jotaro to see him looking away, embarrassed by his stands actions. Star Platinum lets out a loud series of whistles with the rest of the crowd as you make quick steps that compliment the lines of your body. Once it became clear that you were the winner, you waved to the crowd and made your way to the blushing Jotaro, who you promptly thanked for cheering you on with a passionate kiss!

“Yare yare, you’re such a pain. When do I get my private show huh?”

Josuke Higashkata

It had only come up once or twice in conversation, but you had been pretty acquainted with belly dancing from the time you had spent in Egypt. Josuke finds it fascinating that you even went to Egypt to begin with so he pushes for you to give him a demonstration, but alas you force him to wait till his birthday. And he waits patiently for the day.

Now that Josuke had gone on to become a police officer, he often forgets dates and overworks himself much to your displeasure. You had been counting down till his birthday, but now you were sure he had forgotten with all the cases being handed to him recently. You decided to call him out for his birthday and went digging through your garage for your old black-silk outfit with a surprise in mind.

His birthday was a success so far all that was left was your performance. You sat him down in the living room and prepared enough room for you to perform. Once you started moving to the music, placing your legs on display and rolling your stomach with the tone, Josuke’s jaw dropped. He knew he was in for a treat, but this was nothing like he had imagined.

Your movements were entirely sexual, there was no doubt about it. Paired off with the dainty silk that wrapped around your bust and draped down your waist exposing most of your smooth legs, it was irresistible. Josuke couldn’t help but drool at the sight and shift so that the problem between his legs was less uncomfortable.

Soon you step closer to him, waving your body left and right in a trance with each step. You encourage him to touch you with a wink so he brings up shaky hands around your midsection just to feel the burning of your skin. Once he gets a feel of you and the slowed movements of your body, he pulls you down into his lap unable to resist any further. His hands travel up to your chest and give your breasts a nice squeeze before whispering sweetly in your ear:

“You kept this from me for so long (y/n)-chan... I think I might have to punish you~”

Giorno Giovanna

If there was one thing Giorno Giovanna believed in, it was if you couldn’t handle a bad bitch then don’t marry one. Many of his clients that met him at the club he groomed asked the same question: “Who’s that girl? The one in Gold? Where did you find a beauty like her?” And every time he told them that she was his wife, they all gave him confused looks.

“Wouldn’t you wanna keep a beauty like her all to yourself?” They’ll ask, and Giorno can’t help but chuckle at their ignorance. “It’s what my Queen wishes. She likes having all eyes on her.” And it was true. There was no separating you from your true love of dancing on the pole. It was easy for you to convince Giorno to let you perform at one of his clubs, and now your movements are praised like no other. Like a goddess of dance.

You had locked eyes with Giorno from across the room and quickly decided to put a pep in your already flawless steps. You loved having all eyes on you, but you craved having Giorno look at you. Watch me you wanted to say, but you quickly noticed his client sitting across from him and shot him a smirk. He must be asking the same question as always.

You commanded the pole like no other. Your body wrapped around the cool metal almost like a snake, and every twist and turn of your legs was more sensual than the last. Your curves were decorated with a specially short dress that seemed to drip gold down my body. The music filled me like no other and complimented the sensual look in my eyes meant for nobody but the Don who stole glances as he closed a deal.

Finally, my routine finished and I was able to leave the stage and run into my husband's arms. He places a deep, possessive kiss on my lips and wraps an arm around my waist to pull me into his lap. “That was an amazing show amore mio” He’d whisper into your ear, leaving a light kiss on the curve of your neck. You respond by lightly grinding into his crotch and forcing a groan from his lips. You wanted him then and now. His eyes were too much for you.

“We can continue this at home. shall we?” He says, quickly getting you up.

Jolyne Kujo

You weren’t new to Green Dolphin Street, but Jolyne certainly was by the way she challenged Gwess on her first night! You see everything transpire and you were thankful that Jolyne had finally gotten rid of the girl that liked to be overly possessive of you for no reason. Gwess somehow got it into her mind that you were only hers so she threatened you every time you danced for the other girls that wanted to learn your art.

Now that she was gone, you had started bringing color back to the cell block with your dances that seemed to put everyone in a good mood. All the girls would ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the way your movements flowed into each other. Soon Jolyne became one of the girls in the crowd.

Jolyne didn’t think it was weird or anything for her to enjoy watching your body. She loved how you weren’t a stick like she was. There was something she could hold onto if she wanted to run her hands down your hips. Your tummy had some chubb to it and she thought that was what made you stood out from the other girls who liked to dance with you. Jolyne only realized she had fallen in love with you when she started masturbating to the thought of your tongue all over her.

Finally, she decided to approach you. Sure you were the first human being to ever cause Jolyne to sweat because she was so nervous but she didn’t mind. She wanted to make you hers by the end of the night. Jolyne decided to play the dumb girl act and asked you if you could teach her some moves. She smiled when you agreed and showed her some simple ways to control the movements of your hips without moving your feet too much. You were like water when you went through the steps but Jolyne found herself making a lot of mistakes that brought out your vibrant laughter. Then you finally laid your hands on her and she felt your warmth crawl up her body.

Truth be told, you wanted Jolyne just as much as she wanted you. But since she was taking too long, you decided to make some moves too. You placed your hands on her hips under the guise that you were just showing her how to move, but soon you pulled her closer to your body and chuckled at her surprised gasp. You give her and experimental kiss on her shoulder and when she doesn’t struggle or move, you promptly decide that you wanted her now

“How about we dance somewhere more private?”

Johnny Joestar

The man could have anyone he wanted, you knew that very well because you were one of the girls pining after him. You knew you weren’t the only one who noticed how Johnny Joestar’s eyes lingered on your chest and ass. Or how he seemed to spend more time with you over any of his other groupies. But he wasn’t taking the steps to make you his, maybe he needed a little push.

So one day you sit Johnny down in his home alone with no explanation. You didn’t even have so much of a plan. All you could do was show him how he made you feel every day. All those times you stole glances at each other, or even went a little farther than kissing with ghosting touches, they all lead up to right now.

Johnny is surprised to see you take charge of the situation. You are the one to declare that you wanted to go home with him tonight and you were the one to push him down into the lone chair. He watched as you shed some layers and got down into nothing but your overly fancy bra and a pair of really short shorts that already had Johnny salivating all day. He could tell you wanted to get down to business just as quickly as he wanted to.

You were tantalizing slow with your movements making sure to drag them out as long as you could. You didn’t want to indulge him just yet. You let him watch as your hands ran down your body in the same way you always envisioned he would. The music you had put on complimented you very well by spilling words you wouldn’t dare utter about your lust for him. He definitely got the message.

Soon you indulged him by taking a seat on him and grinding down into his lap. He brought his hands to hold your hips while you used them to arouse the desire in his eyes. Soon your sultry movements became too much for him as he gripped you now and guided you closer and closer to him. You let out a gasp as his fingers began to work themselves under your shorts to the prize below. He growls once he realizes you came here with no underwear.

“You naughty girl, don’t you know not to tempt dangerous men like me. I’ll ruin you beautifully.”

Gappy Higashikata

When Tsuguri-chan came back from Hawai’i on a family trip with his father, he seemed to bring an intense interest of Hula dancing with him. Lucky him, Josuke just happened to know the exact person to take him to. His girlfriend had been into the traditional dance since she was his age so maybe she could help the little boy get into the hobby. And would you look at that, he fit right into the lessons with the other kids!

You were a long time student of a Hula dance school so it was easy for you to get Tsuguri into the classes for younger kids. Every Tuesday and Friday Josuke would drop off Tsuguri-chan at his lessons and sprint three studios over to watch his girlfriend practice. He had fallen in love with your gentle movements and the smile that graced your face whenever you were in the middle of a routine. He’d never admit it, but he wanted you to dance for only him deep down in his heart. That’s why he always chases away the schoolboys who try to come and watch you practice after school

He had heard from you that the studio was planning a joint recital for the older and younger students so you got to spend a lot of time with Tsuguri-chan lately. It made him a little jealous of the little boy since he purposefully wanted to be your partner. All the talk of how cute Tsuguri looked in the grass skirts and green lei started to make his aloof mind think that the little boy was challenging him.

So when the day came, he made sure to attend the recital with Jobin and his wife so he could keep an eye on the little boy who had the mind of a pervert already. The performance started with your class so he was immediately enchanted by you and forgetting all about his little rival. Your hand movements were fluid and the way you angeled your feet as you struck small ever-moving poses. But what really captured him was your hips decorated with the grass skirt that was always moving.

Soon the younger kids twirled across the stage and stood in front of their partner. His heart warmed unexpectedly as he watched Tsuguri mirror your dance with a smile on his face. You closed the dance with a spin, clap of your hands, and an echoed “He inoa no, kalani kalakaua, kulele” just as you practiced. After everyone started cheering, Tsuguri gave you a hug and then dragged you to the rest of the family. Josuke enveloped you in a hug as soon as he saw you and gave you pecks across your face while telling you how beautiful you looked and how amazing the performance was.

“You were so beautiful! I wanna keep you all to myself, is that selfish of me?”

#jotaro kujo #josuke higashikata #giorno giovanna #jolyne kujo #johnny joestar #gappy higashikata #jojo part 3 #jojo part 4 #jojo part 5 #jojo part 6 #jojo part 7 #jojo part 8 #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #sfw #headcanon

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