#(if i get anything wrong idgaf. this is from memory)

[birdricks]

doing my anatomy study is fucking torturous bc every time i read some shit like “birds dont have a diaphragm” my brains like “hmmmm…… birdperson…..” and then i end up thinking abt him instead of studying

[adilynnyuri]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

Hii love!

BABE CALM DOWN! I UNDERSTAND YOU!!

I totally understand you and your situation but I am here to help you and to remind you THAT YOU DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER DO ANY MISTAKES!

First of all, WHATEVER HAPPENS REMEMBER!

Don't EVER LOSE HOPE!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S CREATING BOTH GOOD/BAD SITUATIONS THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!

You are the MAIN CHARACTER! YOU NEVER FACE ANY PROBLEMS!!

And imo Idgaf to karma. I don't even consider it's real. BUT I WILL USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE BY AFFIRMING THAT WHOEVER TRIES TO HARM ME IN ANY WAYS THEY WILL COMPLETELY FACE THE WORST.

I understand that you feel guilty about your activities! But! NEVER LET IT TAKE CONTROL OVER YOU! AND DON'T THINK YOU ARE BAD PERSON OR SOMETHING!!

You are limitless and you can do anything!

Until you don't hurt anyone in the name of manifestation, YOU ARE NEVER A BAD PERSON OR DOING ANY BAD!

⭐I will give you an example from my life!

My success in revising an embarrassing situation!

Once I did something very embarrassing like so embarrassing I just wanted to k!ll myself💀 but then I thought why should I do that to myself? I was born in this world to be happy and cherished 24/7! so I just affirmed robotically that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT AND MY DP WHO WITNESSED THAT FORGETS IT TOO! (It was very tough for me too! The shit which I did kept popping up in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T GIVE MUCH ATTENTION TO THAT AND KEPT AFFIRMING!)

Well it just took me 1 day! One full day of robotic affirmations! LITERALLY THE VERY NEXT DAY EVEN I FORGOT AND MY DP TOTALLY FORGOT!! I WAS SO SO HAPPY!

Suggestion for you! 💕

I know it's so tough for you to affirm totally against of what happened, but trust me! JUST AFFIRM! YOU ARE SO POWERFUL LOVE! JUST REVISE SAYING,

"I never did anything bad and I am never guilty"

I AM BEING 1000000% SURE WHATEVER YOU WANT WILL HAPPEN. WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO CHANGE, WILL CHANGE! MORE LIKE, IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED !!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[sabrinascribbles]

how would zooble and gangles opposites react to eachother and/or the gang?

Buckle up bc this is a long one.

Well I was thinking that since zooble kind of has a “idgaf” approach to the adventures and just does whatever they can to just get out of there I feel like their opposite would be “G.A.F”. The best example I can give is when you were in school and there was always that one person who was a bit too competitive and really cared about whatever sport the class was playing that day; and then you have the other kid who didn’t care and was always like “bro chill it’s just a game”. That’s basically the dynamic I had in mind 😅

As for Gangle, we all know that a lot of the time she’s not the most confident character and is a bit “fragile”. Especially from how quickly her emotions can change whenever her mask breaks (which is almost all the time). We also know that as nice as she can be, she’s also a bit of a doormat. Gangle’s opposite does NOT let people walk all over her and would actually be happy to be the one inciting the violence. Kinda like how she was in the Spudsy’s episode but a bit more sinister. Basically, opposite!Gangle would mop the floor with our Gangle lol.

(Not sure if I understood your question correctly but I’m assuming you also wanted to know how the rest of the gang would react to themselves/ what makes them different)

Kinger imo is pretty aloof and goofy. Bit of a nut job. Opposite!Kinger is not. The best way to sum them up is geeked vs. locked in. Opp!Kinger would probably bring up his wife just to mess with kinger.

Pomni’s character was a bit interesting the more I thought about it. To me she always seems nervous, or anxious. At times she can get pretty serious and remind the audience that she is not a child and in fact an adult with how she handles certain situations. One thing for certain is that she’s understanding and can care for others once she gets to know them. Opposite!Pomni is a bit more childish, confident, brash, and very “jester-like” in the sense that she always tries to tease people or make fun of them.

Jax *sigh* Jax is…such a character. He was actually the first character I realllyyyyy wanted to get right. Like he was the inspiration for the drawing (along with ragatha). I originally wanted to make him genuinely terrifying and sinister. Kinda like uncanny valley- ‘There’s something. Wrong. With. Jax, but what?’ Then I thought ‘well if I’m doing their opposites wouldn’t it make sense to just make Opp!Jax really nice but secretly also kind of a jerk?’. Since our Jax is really much of a jerk but has his moments where his “mask” slips and isn’t such a bad guy all the time? So that’s what I did. Instead of being mean to Ragatha, he’s got a bit of that 1920’s gentlemanly charm to him. And since he IS Jax (in a way) he’s aware of his thoughts, fears, memories, etc, and uses them to his advantage. In this case, in my comic I wanted to reference the part when Ragatha was high on the stupid sauce and told Jax that she “hated him”. Opp!Jax knows this and tells Jax that because of how much of an asshole he is, that’s why Ragatha doesn’t like him. This causes Jax to REALLY hate his opposite and think that his opposite is an idiot and that it’s better to not care about anyone and be hated than to care and be loved. (Jax secretly cares but he tries to shut it down to prevent himself from getting hurt). Jax probably think that none of anything matters and they’re all probably gonna abstract anyway so better to not get too attached right? (Wrong)

Also since I’m a bunnydoll enjoyer I thought it would be fun to have Jax be jealous of a new rabbit trying to rizz up Ragatha. The two of them wouldn’t have been together at this point in time but them both have slight hidden feeling towards each other.

Which leads me to the star of my prediction for ep.5: Ragatha! We know she’s a people pleaser and is always doing the “nice” thing to get people to like her. But she would absolutely HATE that there’s a whole team of her friends that actively don’t give a damn about her, except for one bunny. The one bunny who she thought was the only one that hated her. It’s no surprise that Rags would be flustered by the flirtatious opposite of Jax. She’s literally never seen that side of him acting like that towards HER? If she imagined hard enough maybe she could just take this jax with her and then she’d finally have an entire cast of characters that like her! But that’s obviously wrong on so many levels especially since the actual Jax is right there.

But yeah Rags would def try to be friends with her opposite at first but quickly realize that her opposite is a mean girl who is very sure of herself and loves to bully the hell out of everyone. I guess you can say Opp!Ragatha is the “Jax” of her crew and will use anyone and anything to her advantage. Very much an opportunist. In a way, Ragatha would envy how assertive and in command Opp!Rags can be. Also, Jax would def be intrigued by another Ragatha who doesn’t take anyone’s shit and actually does what’s best for herself?

Anyway the two ragdolls would definitely bicker at some point. Leading Opp!Ragatha to mention something about how she should just ‘let it all out anyway’ since her true colors showed while working at spudsy’s. Ragatha would question what she meant and Opp!Rags would probably make fun of her (since she has her memories) and mock her behavior of when she was high. Specifically, reciting the part where Ragatha said she hated Jax. This info would hit Ragatha like a truck and make her connect the dots about why she found Gangles sketchpad with a drawing of ONLY pomni, gangle, zooble and not including her (This is canon btw, you can find the sketchpad in ep.4). THIS would explain why Jax has been more standoffish with her than usual. This would cause her to spiral, and then lose it as Opp!Ragatha continues to whisper lies into her ear making her think that none of her “friends” truly like her.

Ragatha would be driven to the point of anger about Opp!Ragatha and her “confident” and “better than her at everything” attitude, that she snaps and m*rders Opp!Ragatha (like best the crap outta her, rip out her stuffing/guts kinda deal). Realizing what she’d done, she would feel horrible but Jax would be shocked. This would eventually lead to Ragatha later feeling even more miserable and thinking of everything she’s said and done up until this point. Jax realizing what she must be going through reluctantly tries to talk with her to provide some sort of comfort. They would talk things out and their relationship would progress slowly but surely from there!

Can you tell I want there to be a fanfic of this so bad. Like if this were canon…OH MY DAYS the field day I’ll have with that would be crazy.

Anyway, sorry for the super long response to your question. I hope I answered it correctly 😭

[sojirai]

actually idgaf. i feel better temporarily but here's the text from my uber melodramatic breakdown about self sacrifice / "therapist friend"ing / emotional burnout from discord + me fixing it. for the jirai gang. under the . under the Cut , if you will.

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ breakdown below

trigger warning just in general this sucks

• ───────────────── •

Turns out i as an alter greatly overextend myself socially and emotionally and compensate for my lack of deep vulnerable moments or true security that i constantly try to provide others by gathering egotistical praises about my personality or ability or how nice and good i am at serving and caring for others and the bottling up has turned into repression so i have been having panic attacks and breakdowns and lashing out and psychosis during my antispychotic medication and not knowing why and dismissing it but all along it was ... Giving out way more than i get back (i do it to myself mostly)

Being the new best friend who makes life so much better and always tracks and is fun and sincerely loving for like 8 people all within 4 hours everyday can make your head spin until you dont even know what YOU really want or who YOU are or what YOUR memories are because nothing nothing nothing matters only other people perfect friend best friend best boyfriend best husband housewife best daughter best son best employee. And then you forget everything. But your body doesnt. If you can maintain your composure and comfort and make jokes and compliment and work and fawn and stay quiet and apologize sit stay roll over come don't get upset when they bite you Defend them anyway loyal dog. And the drugs dont get you. And you sleep enough. And you eat. And you drink water. Because you think youre just your body. Your nervous system starts to kill you and breakdown. You start to go insane a little bit at a time. And people will watch. And frown and pat you and say oh oh im here for you. Im listening. You dont even know whats wrong, and if you do, youre not allowed to say. Its bad to say. Its probably not even true. Its just a selfish feeling. You have cluster b, dont you? Youre just being self centered again. Everyone does enough for you. This is enough. Maybe you need a break. Its probably a lie. Nothing is wrong. Youre just so good you overperform! Youre unable to take a break. You always have to be doing something. You have an episode. You take a 10 minute break. You come back. You never address the root cause. You leave for a few hours to do something you like for yourself. You worry about all the time youre missing with others. You come back. Everythings on fire and youre not in service mode. Youre scared and feel like it's your fault for not being there. Everyone says it's not. But just because they say it doesn't mean you couldn't have made things better or they're not all accustomed to your presence. That they all need you. Because you made them like this by always being nice unconditionally. You don't have a life anymore. It's for a bunch of other people. Your work and paycheck and time and energy and career and where you live and where you go are all gonna be for everyone else in your life and you're gonna say it makes you happy because you really do sincerely love other people and you love to be the perfect person and love to be devoted and WANTED. And you're gonna forget who you are because you never knew them. And be happy where you are. And you will have little moments of true vulnerability and that will be enough to go right back to the way you were for the next three weeks at minimum. Just one person you truly open up to and trust and some praise and validation and reassurance from everyone else that doesn't really mean anything like an OCD compulsion calmed down only to flare right back up again. Cus you were raised to be like this and now you're choosing to lean into it. Maybe it's all you know how to do to get people to love you. Something will always be wrong. And you will keep getting over the same thing every hour of the day until you die ♡

giggling. Im actively doing it all again. The endless passion for being kind and wanting to be the new best friend and make someone happy and not be the reason they feel disappointed or alone. Acting the most for them so that they have no doubt you adore them and everything they do. So they dont feel like you. Im actively insecure and need to cry for irrational reasons (i still cannot cry anymore. My expression is always blank / neutral when im upset these days). [redacted details for privacy].

The little things.

Spinning a little again. It wasn't me that realized this.

I panicked so hard that I texted [my partner]. Mentally bawling and wailing and clinging. One person. Another adult who tends to be direct and will respond if i call out when i think they're not or ask more. Good judgment. Kind to me. Always kind to me. In love with me but not blind. They help me clarify everything. I broke down and told them everything about what my mom has done and said and the events of when i attacked her. And Vanny [DID regressed alter] switched in because im. Emotional. And she started to talk about ...

"I think Joy has an anxiety problem... everyday... he kind of freaks liks a panic attack. And the psychosis is worse for him. He takes all the trauma. Hes responsible for all of us, and for a lot of other actual people, too. Is it hard, are you tired?" And she kept thinking and staring and talking and she dug it right out of me. Exactly whats wrong with me. "No shit. Dipshit. Bullshit. You're not evil or selfish; you're exhausted. You're a genuinely nice person. No wonder you're burnt out; look at what happens every day of your life with every single person and thing in it!" Every little thing

I didn't even know. I never address it. I push through it and I forget.

I did this all to myself and others and its all my fault for making myself a martyr but im a little angry somehow. That no one paid attention or thought about it or cared as much as i cared and if they did they didn't show it the way i show it they didn't push the way i push.

And that's selfish and stupid. I set the bar into the sky basically heaven for myself. No one else will reach it. I cant be angry they didnt (i never expected anyone to, but somehow im still upset). Theyre too exhausted to give me that attention or push hard, and im not complaining, im not letting everyone know, im actively hiding it. Why would anyone push? Why would anyone try as hard for me as i do for them when i convince everyone i don't need it and eventually stop showing that i'm distressed at all?

That no one. Overanalyzes as much as me and is constantly looking for things like this. When i always am

Ridiculous. Nothing to be upset about. I did that.

I'll get over it. I got a little suicidal but Vanny touched me and said no and it will pass and then everything will be alright again. Knowing i act out sometimes. And you guys are my friends and i'm not angry at anyone i was/am just lashing out. I always. Get over it. I'm a bit tired of getting over it But The Way The World Works really doesn't care how tired you are and crashing out as cathartic as it is always has an awful aftermath and i'm already unstable. So no. I'm keeping my composure again and not truly forever ruining my life or relationships (again. Something i think of multiple times a day and never do.) Mature and thoughtful and thinking long-term. Again. I wonder if I will die like this always keeping it together overall even if I crash occasionally. Or if one day I will snap and do something really drastic and end up in prison or dead from it and if I will take anyone down with me. Ok anyway

Sorry for making an ass of myself. That was all very delirious and intense and kind of rude. I apologize and I'm . Gonna take a xanax

Ok we're fine

I was given dopamine

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ end transcript

[shadowpeachyuri]

Asks are getting kinda long so. Mostly, I wonder why Reddit is so ticked off at Mac lmao. Everywhere I go, it's either insane villain apologism by making the hero pathetic and wrong, or extreme villain antagonism by overblowing consequences. Bud got dragged out of hell after centuries, got a super snack out of MK's powers, vented in a theatre before a trauma flashback of MK coming to whoop his butt reminded him of SWK and couldn't even skedaddle before Not-Mayor forced him into a symmetrical wardrobe, I mean. an unwilling henchminion arc, and proceeded to get his butt whooped by the gang who love to target his trauma eye and get looney tunes whumped by electrocution in a giant lantern, tossed over a ship, and my little pony friendship is magic style song blasted in his ears. and whatever hell portal Not-Mayor dunked his head in while chained up, a few times over. he was about to throw up with that face he made when LBD semi-possessed him. I think that's enough consequences, he already got The Talk(tm) tied up again w MK, (a compliant hostage) and mostly keeps vagueing warnings to the squad, being very idgaf about LBD. Not much villain behavior compared to others I've seen. He's not even an anti-villain, he's just a self-driven traumatized survivor who vents to people in ambiguous closed off ways and tends to cross over into jerk territory. So I'm here like, are half of tumblr/reddit posts out-dated, bc if someone isn't salty about S1 Mac (rare) they are TICKED about past!Mac (frequent) to which I ask, what did bro DO. I have never seen fandom run on such hypothetical anger before. What I miss, because past!Mac's issues are just vocalized as "never made his own choices." which, is NOT a thing to apologize abt? if anything, it would fuel the fire? It sounds like a reason to ditch your friends instead of following along and passively complaining. A lot of it is also abandoning SWK, but. he visited the mountain? I see a lot about Flower Fruit burning taken from JTTW which is interesting (so yeah, I think fandom relies on the book a lot for their character feelings) bc SWK learns that after beating LBD three times WHICH IS INTERESTING because Mac says "looks like OUR OLD FRIEND The Lady Bone Demon is back" our old friend?? OUR?? by osmosis I thought their break up happened because they couldn't beat her together, and then I watched the show and there was nothing on that. but since learning the twitter post theory about memory manip, well. ShadowPeach just got more tragic. its too bad tho, I would've loved a story of accidentally killing your best friend and realizing after instead of another oh no it was this other villain behind it. but alright. it makes too much sense tho based on SWK's reactions.

OH I DIDNT EVEN CATCH THAT “OUR” bit!! it does beg the question a little bit of “why did she resurrect him then,” but at the same time, it’s a very interesting theory!!

[cal-gabes]

RUNNING HERE BC I SAW A POST AND JUST. Y’ALL ARE BEINF SUBJECTED TO MY SOURCE MEMORIES AND IDGAF WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT. THESE ARE SILLY 2 ME!!! 😾 (using cat emojis is so fun)

POST UNDER THE CUT SO YOU DONT SUFFER

( Hi! I feel the need to say; I’m aware i’m not my source. I just heavily lean towards it due to the comfort it brings! secondly, if you think i’m weird just don’t interact and move on? you have to SEARCH to find my blog. I don’t tag anything relating 2 my source so it’s kinda ur own fault really. Thx! )

— Ukrainian + Polish!!!!! Born and raised in america BUT YEAH

— I genuinely love sharks and trains; I use to ramble about my favorite shark, the lemon shark, all the time and yes I was punched bc of it (he cared about me I promise/silly)

— Snake bites + center tongue piercing were my dream ngl. still is but you get my point

— I had 1 tattoo and it was a stick n poke I did while high… it was a smiley on my inner thigh

— There was not a day at the kriegman’s that I did not actively try to cuddle with mel. whoever started the allegations that me and her didn’t get along are wrong; i babied her just as much as andre tyvm.

— Low iron would’ve been the death of me if it weren’t for ZD tbh. I forgot my meds so damn often and no, reminders did NOT help.

— Let rachel and my sister do my makeup one time; got deemed “Princess Caralyne” and have not let go of that sense even if i’m FtM. Forever princess caralyne. idc man. 🫶

— I did steal shit from andre a lot tbh. mainly random trinkets I found in his room and he never noticed???? he might’ve but honestly he never got onto me about it so 💀

— Mindlessly pressing my tongue to my cheek. Got yelled at often bc I’d zone out looking at the dumbass while doing it. Yeah…

— OKAY ENOUGH RELATING 2 ANDRE. My favorite thing to eat was pizza even tho i despised and continue to despise cheese. idk it tastes funny 2 me.

— I was forced to play uno with my siblings so many times and lost too many times for my ego to be intact but it still is bc I beat them in everything else.

— Broke my leg once and had to use crutches and threatened to wack someone in the head with them when I’d get fed up…

— DPD, ASD and ADD haunted me like the plague and still do. I can’t escape my suffering man.

— Being deadass, I bit everything I could any chance i got.

OKAY SHIT ABOUT ANDRE NOW + my weird ass relationship w/ him… HI BABE WHEN U SEE THIS ENJOY MY WEIRD MEMORIES OF U REGARDING SOURCE :3

— He had a freckle on the back of his neck that looked like a heart and I 100% kissed it whenever I could. got hit each time and nearly broke my nose too many times… but worth it nonetheless!!!

— Not much of a hugger, but did hold my hand if he thought I needed some form of affection which was nice!

— No, he really did lose it every time I said lieutenant. not just bc he was mad prior. he hated it and I loved to piss him off w/ it.

— THAT MAN NEEDED GLASSES ISTG. HE COULDNT SEE FOR SHIT HALF THE TIME.

— He would stare at people with murderous intent the second they mention any accent from him and it was honestly terrifying???

— Frog blinks. he frog blinked without meaning to and it was adorable. called him froggy for a very long while.

— He bailed me. he bailed me out of jail 3 times and we aren’t getting into that.

— Proper communication? nahhh. avoiding you for weeks then showing back up as if he wasn’t gone at all? mm. that’s it, that hits the spot./silly

I will probably post more shit like this about other stuff too because just wehlehfkdhdkfb happy

[simcardiac-arrested]

can i ask some stuff aboutyour ocs you mightve already said/shown at some point on the askblog . thank you in advance either wayyy

how does NS even "know" to blame NWB for his suffering? how well does he remember the conflux fuckening?

it seems like FTA has seen NS at their happiest post-trauma, which is. sad. why does he hate them?

does Wayback intentionally self-isolate from the rest of his group, cuz it seems like at very least WT would try and humor him, and CD wouldn't care about his productivity.

WAIT IS CD IN THAT ONE ARTIST COMIC WITH NS PRE-VIRUS CD? REAL? actually do their groupmates feel like.. upset about the change in *her*? ok sorry i know this is so many asks are not the best way to do this but i am runnin g away

hi ! totally fine. probably have revealed some of this stuff already but i have the memory of a dust particle so idgaf we Will talk about this once more

1. i think sep remembers that it was wayback’s ‘fault’ because well, that’s Licherally how it all started. like the reason they went through all of this at all was cuz they had to take wayback’s workload as well. i think waves would often talk about how sep needs to be Better than that useless green bitch. but mainly i think that everytime sep would be forced to overwork themself they would also see wayback just doing nothing and having fun and whatever and they’d be Reminded. re: how well does sep remember the conflux fuckening … i will be honest it’s tricky to explain and i feel like anytime i do it 1. completely changes 2. doesn’t make 100% total sense. but also i think that’s ok ^_^ i don’t need it to make total sense i just need u guys to get the gist of it. because like … well memory problems and/or loss in Human brains already kind of works weirdly. and with sep he is both biological and mechanical and literally One Big Superbrain; so basically i’ve always imagined that while his memories and files can just be erased with no consequences like how it would usually happen to a normal computer, i think the biological part of him would always Know to some degree and be aware. i think the best way i’ve ever explained it is that it’s like walking into a mall in the middle of a weekend and seeing it empty. it just feels off, like something is missing, like there should be People there, because it’s 2pm on sunday and everyone fucking loves malls. but there’s no one. you can Tell something is wrong and something is missing but you can never fully Understand, just follow your deja vu and gut feelings. i hope that mostly makes sense!!

2. first of all, fates is just a really reserved and negative person and a Professional Hater, so she can find reasons to hate almost anyone for almost anything. it comes naturally to her. the surface reasons for hating sep would be that he is generally annoying and can be condescending even while helping fates. she just doesn’t really like him as a person, she thinks he Sucks. but the deeper reasons … well. let’s just say maybe fates and wayback have more parallels than u might think (said by a guy who barely draws attention to these parallels (I’M SORRY WE JUST HAVENT GOTTEN TO THAT PART YET !!! UEAHGHH) (completely unrelated. Hi skiddles hi steven)))

3. nope, wayback only self-isolates when he’s Going Thru Shit, which i understand is like 100% of the time but you know what i mean — the thing with his local group is that he’s an Enigma to them. they do not understand him and like a good half of them think he’s just annoying (ris, fta, sep(???)). also to be fair wayback is just not super interested in all the iterator business so he barely checks the local group (even if he dislikes being lonely). and while wt does try to humor him most of the time they are also Quite Old and do not really get what the fuck he is on about 80% of the time. also they honestly just have bigger things to worry about. now with cd it’s a different deal because she and wayback would make amazing buddies, it’s just that she’s actually a really big fan of his weirdass music and therefore is way too shy to ever actually talk to him. also she thinks if she does become friends with him then the whole group will hate her because they all seem to dislike wayback to some degree. she whines to weaving about this often and they just go No one would dislike u man … but she doesn’t believe them. she’s quite peculiar if i do say so

4. yesss cd used to be sep’s artist buddy! and uhmm. to be honest i don’t think most of the group knew cd that well before (ris and soar are not huge fans of interacting and son isn’t either) and/or just don’t really gaf about what happened (fta and ris once more). so yeah don’t even worry about it. i mean i’m sure Someone is upset about it . don’t know really. Who said that. must’ve been the wind

[growling]

No idea if anybody even noticed but I took like a week off of my tumbler funnyman job due to having one of my most batshit mental breakdowns yet complete with my 7 evil ex-delusions that actually everyone on here is actively plotting amongst themselves in order to obliterate me once and for all because they actually hate me That much but perhaps I've been thinking the next step in my development journey is just accepting that perhaps it is indeed a logical current reality instead because like I don't know man the arguments seem pretty convincing and I am rarely ever wrong about anything. Anyway the horrors have quit me after I managed to channel my inner idgafer (ah es pee dee) and realized perhaps all I need in my life is North Fish black cod + fries + coleslaw meal and japanese songs about cannibalism. All my favourite edgy fucking japanese songs that might or might not be vocaloid covers all have music videos drawn by the same fucking guy every time. Crazy. Anyway I have failed in like almost every coping mechanism that I have tried to apply so now my elegant wolf tail tucked between my legs I am going back to being a social creature once again. There is only so much days I can go without being complimented and paid attention to 24/7 before I start eating my own organs. Among my other important findings, it has come to my attention that ever since I have took up the honourable task of strokign my shit everyday I am unfortunately and tragically unable to cum; perhaps as a punishment from a higher being, kind of like Arachne where she mogged Athena so hard that she got beaten to death with a shuttle then turned into a spider. Haha get it, I said "mogged" that's what today's silly silly slang is over on tictac especially, I am one with the youth. Anyway does anyone have advice for post-edge violent leg shaking I'm literally shivering like a shitting dog half the day and for what. Nothing. I also forgot everything else that might have happened this entire week my memory is shit and nothing is real. My brain just deletes everything not relevant to today or the day before so it can make more space for yaoi bedtime scenario lore. I'm doing a terrible job of staying in the present either pals I'm be honest like every hour or so my eyes just randomly unfocus and I gotta use up all my remaining willpower to bring myself back to life it's so annoying. The only clear memories I retain from this odd period is the 2 seasons worth of Better Call Saul I just watched awesome show I like Jimmy's epic cluster b swag. I feel like I heard that exact name somewhere before . I ate two garlic n cheese buns today and they were awesome just real greasy so I had to hold them in an extra layer of paper but otherwise a solid 9/10. Also my gender got even weirder I'm like transneufemmasc now finally collected all of the transgender and sexuality directions that have ever existed and started vibing with outherine and kenochoric. I forgot everything else I was about to say. I feel the most excruciating dread known to man while also simultaneously not caring about anything due to my idgaf disorder as previously mentioned . Oh and I guess my birthday is on the 12th that's crazy I'm growing more and more powerful as the days go by literally only my family gives a shit everyone I know ever forgets about me. The loneliness is unbearable I feel like I'm gonna spontaneously implode upon myself any moment now. Limited edition blogger make use of me while you still can before I'm found dead in Miami

[girltomboy]

Last night I had yet annnnnother fight with my boyfriend over video games, and I just could no longer hold back from observing out loud how this always happens when I finally get to play with them lately. It's always when I join the team too that my boyfriend either rage quits mid game, tells me I'm not playing or doing anything even though I clearly am, or throws a tantrum because I don't appreciate his "tips" if I can't even apply them, then tells me to stop talking. Only one of our friends had the sense to point out how nasty he was being. He kept insisting (I made the mistake of texting him today instead of just focusing on my Sunday and forgetting all abt that) that I "raised my voice at him while he was just being helpful" and not only did I not raise my voice at all and I'm sick of him throwing that accusation at me any time I'm not speaking in a soft, dainty tone just to reach for a reason to be upset, it also didn't warrant him saying rude things to me in a passive-aggressive way and then telling me to stop talking. WHILE OUR FRIENDS WERE PRESENT. Like that's a different type of assholery. It's an assholery that's free of fucks. Just plain, careless assholery in your face type. I felt enraged and humiliated and just went to bed, and today I told him via text to either quit playing video games and get a different hobby, or do it like an adult, which I know he's not exactly capable of because we've had this conversation MANY TIMES. And I told him to go ahead and ask any of our friends whether or not I raised my voice and made him a victim, but deep down I knew he would go to the one who would validate him the most because he has the same issues with rage and general lifelessness 🤭 and I was right! But when one of them called him out last night I felt like I was gonna break down immediately cause people taking my side is my biggest weakness. Like I'm stone faced in petty and one-sided conflicts, I'm unscathed and victorious in the idgaf war, but when someone defends me or takes my side it's like Moses striking the rock with his staff for water to burst out of it. That's probably why I was so deeply affected and hurt when my mom lied about grandma saying mean stuff about me; it's because I knew grandma would instead stand up for me. Anyway, I'm soooo sick of the same wrung out apologies from my bf after long back and forths and I feel like taking a break from talking to him, which is very odd and wrong to me in a long distance relationship no less, but his moodiness is off the charts lately and I need to focus on things that extract less negative energy out of me.

So I met up with my work bestie to watch The Conjuring 1 and 2 today! I'd seen the first one before, but I only remembered bits and pieces of it, and tbf I liked it better than the first one. Unfortunately I don't feel like I can talk about either of them because all that's left in my mind is the memory of Vera Farmiga 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 We had a lot of fun and laughs like we always do, and I can't wait to meet her again at work this week. Our next movie marathon will contain The Conjuring 3 (not excited for it bc of the low rating 😔 - but apparently a 4th one is coming this year?? So we might be able to see it in the theatre!!) and then the Annabelle movies. I don't know if I watched any Annabelle movie, so that's exciting too, although I'm not super into this type of horror.

Also, my best friend is gonna come to the city AGAIN this next weekend and we can hang out! 😭❤ I need to actually make her something this time, but I have yet to even think about it. But even if I don't get to, we'll still have a sweet full moon weekend together

[transexualpirate]

onto episode three im in a terrible mood but this is helping a lot i love you forever the umbrella academy you will always be in my heart

is ben inside the squid

not ben :(

REGINALD I HATE YOU REGINALD I HATE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER

oh god klaus looks like shit baby are you okay do you need something. a hug maybe

klaus is lashing out and he hasn't said anything wrong yet. maybe he's saying too much but he's not lying and they know it

except about lila i think he's wrong about her

he is RIGHT. about them all he's right

when he says there's no bottom it's because he's immortal and that means there is no actual limit to just how miserable he can get he can always get worse because he's immortal im

"you wanted the old klaus back. you got him." HAHHUFCFFNNNNGGOOOOOGFFFF. FUCKK

"look out klaus!!!" dude what for. why should he give a fuck

they are definitely not better together no. they might be slightly less worse but better isn't the word id use

"and then there were six"

IF THEY MAKE FIVE/LILA HAPPEN IM GONNA GO INSANE. FAIR WARNING.

hey ben you're not immortal why are you going around in the middle of nowhere that can't be safe

did klaus really just walk away and hus siblings didn't go after him or anything lol i mean i get it

man who the fuck is jennifer

me and diego are the same we're both losing the idgaf war so bad

OH CLAIRE OH GODDDD CLAIRE OH TIO KLAUS WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW

her face im going to cry

"are things so bad a drink won't make it worse?" "no, it's too late." "no, it's not." "yes it is it's too late."

OH GOD HIM SHOUTING AT HER I CAN'T FUCK THIS IS BREAKING MY FUCKING HEART KLAUS FUCK PLEASE

he sounds so resigned and he took the fucking tv and he ran out

oh claire :(

off klaus goes to further the plot on accident and by himself. he's separated from his family which means he's going to have some breakthrough alone. i know the drill by now

diego and luther are both stupid and cringefail and hunks. one more than the other

what is the connection between jennifer and ben tho like why did they click like that and shit

the squid is dead why is she so scared it's dead isn't it (or is it 👀)

im still worried about klaus

oh don't tell me they're going to reginald that motherfucker

who is this white woman ???

HE'S FLOATING OMG HE'S LEVITATING WITH HIS LEGS CROSSED AHAHDHHDHEHD

"i thought you were dead but turns out you can float" "you know the whole death rebirth death rebirth death rebirth... it's a vicious cycle. you look well!"

klaus 🤝 me

owning people a lot of money that we cannot pay

oh

oh.

oh god klaus

that's what he meant by oblivion. oh fuck

oh man :(

REGINALD. THAT BITCH. FUCKKKKKK I HATE HIM

SQUARE THE FUCK UP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW OLD MAN LET'S FUCKING GO. RIGHT NOW. COME ON

aaaaaand klaus was kidnapped again. fucking hell

and once again his family has no idea nor do they care why does this keep happening

how the fuck did they not notice that they don't remember how ben died

i bet klaus remembers at least something i mean ben must have talked about it here and there it would have jogged up his memory wouldn't it ??

i dont believe reginald i still think he's to blame and im not joking

this white woman is correct it is reginald's handiwork. it's his fault. all of it. i dont even know how or why but it is

yo bens tentacles are super cool

jean and gene are good dancers :)

ben is so awesome look at that holy shit this whole scene fucks HARD

i dont trust reginald one bit id never let him mess around my head that way. five is right don't let him mess around in your gray matter

no diego and lila shouldn't be together that's true but five and lila shouldn't be together EITHER.

I DON'T TRUST REGINALD AND IM WORRIED ABOUT KLAUS. so regular the umbrella academy stuff

SPOILERS AHEAD first impressions of s4 (aka the last season) of tua no i haven't finished the episode yet but i wanna talk

what do you MEAN there's only six episodes im going HAM

luther is a stripper now. that's great. i love that for him. i love him. not so easy now is it luther. space little boy. i love this stupid stupid man he's trying so hard

BEN WAS IN JAIL FOR SCAMMING PEOPLE OH MY GOD oh my god oh my god??????? BELOVED,

"u n c l e k l a u s"

klaus is staying with allison and claire and he's paranoid now the poor thing.... i love him so much....... he's so worried about his nephew....... babye............

he's scared of CIGARETTES now. Okay.

JEROME?????

you could pick ANY name you wanted and you landed on JEROME???????

"and i was involved in the kennedy assassination" "speak your truth"

"your faith in me is undeserving" that's the klaus i know and love now go to therapy please

they All should be in therapy, really

"he's germaphobic now. and incredibly sober"

klaus&claire is the duo i didn't know i needed but now i cant live without. look at them go. they're family.

ALLISON IS VAPING NOW?????

"STONED"? WEED PEN???? ALLISON IS THAT A WEED PEN

WHAT HAPPENED

[evildilf2]

v interested in reading your thots about the jail ending

YIPPEE ok I’ll put them under a readmore so anyone who wants to avoid speculation can skip by. This will likely be incoherent, informal, and a bit all over the place, I hope you don’t mind LOL!

Some disclaimers: I trust that the bcs writers more than I would trust myself with the series haha, so this isn’t like… me saying this NEEDS to happen or anything like that, I’m just speculating! Also, know that this comes from someone who 1) is generally sympathetic towards Jimmy and 2) has only seen each episode once. (I’m saving my rewatch for after the finale!)

Let me start by saying this: the reason a prison ending appeals to me has nothing to do with wanting Jimmy to “get what he deserves”. This might make my perspective biased, but I’m an anarchist and prison abolitionist. I don’t believe in retributive justice, and honestly, while Better Call Saul isn’t a show ABOUT justice, I don’t think BCS is necessarily pro-retribution either. BCS seems to have a critical, and cynical attitude toward revenge and retribution: the world isn’t fair, and when people try to take matters into their own hands, they overestimate their ability to control the behavior of others, and they underestimate what people are capable of doing. I think this idea is present in most of the characters' stories. A lot of them have explanations for their behavior or motivations that I find sympathetic or arguably noble, but their quests for power and revenge only perpetuate each other, and bring about the gravest consequences for everyone involved.

In addition (this is kinda a non-sequitur but idgaf) I think in BCS, prison as a consequence isn't framed the same way that it is in BrBa. In Walter White's story, prison is quite blatantly portrayed as a punishment worse than death, but it doesn't seem to have the same stakes in BCS. Initially, I was averse to the idea of Jimmy getting a prison ending, as the depiction of prison in BrBa was still fresh in my memory & I honestly think he's a better guy than Walter ever was. But as you can see, I've thought it over and changed my mind.

So the way I see it, there are 2 probable prison endings (or categories, since I'm not going over every variable in this post): a pessimistic ending and a bittersweet ending. In the pessimistic ending, Jimmy would get caught, get sent to prison, and he takes Jeff with him. The way I understand his character as of now, is that being sent to prison involuntarily would only enable his current downward spiral. It would feed into this idea he has that the world is against him, and I honestly don’t think he would learn anything by being forced into a prison cell.

The bittersweet ending, which I honestly think is more likely, is that Jimmy turns himself in. What I suspect will happen, is that something terrible will happen to the man whose house he’s breaking into (maybe he dies from mixing the water bottle drugs with his meds), and when faced with the direct consequences of his actions, right after having that conversation with Kim, Jimmy might have a moment of self-awareness and be able to reflect on his (not inability) refusal to change his behavior. Turning himself in would be a huge moment of character growth for him as he is actively choosing to do the right thing, and I think an internal revelation and willingness to accept consequences for his actions would do more justice to the people he has wronged than forcefully imprisoning him ever would. I also don't think he would tell on Jeff in this scenario since Jimmy's the one who roped him into everything, & because Jimmy of all people should understand the value of second chances.

REGARDLESS of if he goes to jail or not though, I think he needs to make some sacrifices. I don’t think a 100% happy ending with a mcwexler reunion is in the cards for him, nor do I think it should be. But who knows what will happen! I’m sure it will be great.

[cassierobinsons]

it's no worries! i'm delighted you're answering my asks at all lmao. i really think you and i are on the same wavelength about this show, you're really cool, and you have really good and thoughtful takes.

i blocked that kitsune episode from my memory ugh. it really shouldn't have been a surprise what dabb ended up doing to billie even when she was his character considering how consistently racism creeps into his work.

i'm very sorry you're having to experience season 9, you're very brave to not just skip it. 10 i think is slightly better mainly because it introduces rowena who's a lot of fun and gets some depth as the show goes on (being a hot milf witch also helps a lot) but also mark of cain is not a good time. 12 is a trainwreck in terms of like. watching it as a form of television but the dean and mary scenes hit super hard and feel like they belong on an earlier season that would give them a real resolution.

"like i do not like s8 sam at all but at least there was something going on there! he was a hayes code homophobe and had the haircut of a premade sim but it was something!"

he was soooooo wack about benny lmao. i think it was meant to be portrayed as him projecting his own experiences with ruby but benny literally never did anything wrong so it just made sam look like a dick. which i prefer, i think sam being initially weird about dean being bi as something he never considered is more IC than ex-gsa member sam.

very much agreed on gamble-genuinely interesting ideas but not great execution. i can't think about what happened with lisa without wanting to bite. maybe it's for the best he wasn't paired with cassie instead post swan song because i can't imagine the awful shit they'd pull with her.

(following on from this ask THIS CHAIN IS GETTING LONG LMFAO)

aw thanks anon 😊 i'm enjoying the chance to longform chat about this terrible show.

dabb's racism is easily his worst quality. he's a dean anti and his writing is often mean-spirited but WOW does his racism dwarf everything else.

i've been stuck on s9 since early december and plan on going back to it once i've made some progress catching up on the shows i'm watching rn (namely search party s5, the expanse s5, hacks, AND yellowjackets) so like. realistically i'm not going back until feb lmfao. even then i don't give a shit about the plot rn so i'll only watch eps for cas or when minor characters pop up. i've said this before but the decision to kill kevin off reaaaally weighs on me as being spn's nadir, a real No Melanin Allowed moment. jeremy carver can meet me in the pit, idgaf.

yeah the mark of cain plotline sounds so 😒 and i know what i'm about to say sounds WILD considering the last 3-4 days of dean apologism but ultimately. i am a casgirl who loves dean but not a deangirl so while i love s4 dean's noxious era the prospect of a season and a half of it bores me to tears. toxicity? from a man? groundbreaking. i am looking forward to meeting rowena though. she sounds so cool as a character it's genuinely baffling that a show like spn came up with her.

12 is a trainwreck in terms of like. watching it as a form of television but the dean and mary scenes hit super hard and feel like they belong on an earlier season that would give them a real resolution.

there are a plethora of moments i hear about in the later seasons have me like. damn. this would've been Masterpiece Theatre if it happened 5 years earlier. still, i'm looking forward to watching some of the motws in s12. regarding dean will probably revive brainworms that have lain dormant since my s1-2 deangirl days.

sam was so fucking terrible about benny jdsfdjkfjs and i get that they were trying to parallel it with ruby and especially amy but man. the whole point of the slice girls is that sam killing emma is meant to cancel out the amy thing like pemdas. and it's an evil and wrong point! but it's a point. so having sam get pissy over benny makes him look so bad because bro you literally put a bullet in his daughter, you DO NOT get to be precious about this. but it does lend credence to my personal theory that it's hard for sam to draw from his supposedly deep well of empathy for other supernatural creatures if he cannot directly project his issues onto them 🤭

i've posted briefly about the queer subtext in citizen fang (bonus commentary by @softbrah) and yeah, it is strong evidence that sam has no fucking clue dean desires men carnally. in the secret good s9 that exists in my head dean & human!cas start fucking after like 3 weeks in the bunker and sam is sent into a tailspin.

the lisa&ben thing was gamble being at a 10 when she should've been at a 2. or like a 6 tops. you can tragically bury dean's dreams of being a dad without having him do this horrible thing to his exgf and her son i promise! you don't have to make a writing choice this evil! makes me extremely glad that he didn't go to cassie in canon because gamble handling a black female character is the stuff of nightmares. i do want more deancassie in fic though, stat!

[thejudgingtrash]

can we pleeeease talk about how rushed the whole Nico and Will relationship was? They talked for 2 minutes, don't see each other forever and boom they're together. Like ??? When did that happen? Certainly not in the books? (okay I haven't read the books in ages, but it felt so forced and extremely rushed or is it just me? I'm queer myself so I'm all for LGBTQ+ representation, but that's not it)

Alright let’s tackle this! Sorry for answering so late, I always answer asks that will be longer super late ^^ anyway. I’ve sorta received this ask twice but the other one has more focused on Nico with a little bit Solangelo on the side so I’ll just fully tackle the Solangelo side on this one.

I have three simple issues with Solangelo.

Age

Substance

Fandom

Alright. Let’s start off with the first point or problem. Age. Or rather time. As in timeline. Because we all know that Rick Riordan basically spins a wheel whenever it comes to his timeline and I won’t go fully into the maths because I’m terrible at it and I’m not in the mood for embarrassing myself in that metier. Anyway, let’s proceed. My question is: what is their canonical age? The one from Will and the one from Nico?

I’ve caught glimpse in a group convo at the fact that Will was supposed to be 18 actually if you pay close attention to pjo? And I mean Nico is like 15 or something? Which is also sorta wrong? Because Riordan made him younger than Hazel who was 14 in the Herpes of Olympus saga. 14 and 18 is a fuck no from me, son. I guess Riordan forgot that HOO essentially took place in two days or something.

Riordan aging his characters down or rather refusing to let them age (looking at you, Percy and Annabeth!) because it doesn't convenience him isn’t something new. So, should they be mathematically speaking have that much of an age gap, yeah. That is problematic. That’s Frazel level kinda problematic. Even worse. I know that people are more inclined to look past age gaps in same-sex relationships but I always wondered why? There’s still a disproportionate level of maturity + a mighty power imbalance. So yeah. Watch out for that. Also they’re kids. So there’s no need in tying the knot and popping expensive champagne for their wedding just yet.

I mean I don’t have a problem with the time traveling aspect as in Nico still being mentally and physically a kid/teen. A little odd, sure. It’s not like Nico and Will are Edward and Bella and Nico’s goth ass is mentally aging along and stalking Will’s sorry self. It’s still weird because it’s so unbelievable? Nico is barely struggling finding his way into the modern world, chills at Hades and calls it a day? Now that’s something I have an issue with. I need more struggle. I need more vocab mix-ups. Nico’s brain exploding at the modern world. The difference between the 1940s and the late 2000s is massive. That isn’t just oh, weird little haircuts and why are women wearing pants, it would be not being able to comprehend things and questioning every new little object. Will could’ve been an amazing support character for such an arch, buuuut I’m deviating from my actual point. The timeline/age-line in the Riordanverse is for sure more on the concerning part for all new characters + OG side characters.

Second point. Substance. The thing you’ve touched in your ask.

How and when did Nico and Will become a thing? My memory is terrible and I’m too lazy to browse the wiki. The only thing I remember was Will being a nagging bitch in Blood of Olympus after Nico essentially said “I've got to move on and be who I am, I just don't belong here, I hope you understand, we might find a place in this world someday, but at least for now... I gotta go my own way...” to Percy who just went ??? That marked the beginning for this ship. Basically. I think. Well... I said before in my Percabeth ship roast (more like ship analysis, I have to redo that, that was way too mild and unfunny, omfg): most of the romance is in your head because there’s barely anything romantic in Riordan’s books to begin with (which we all should actually be thankful for!). This applies to essentially every goddamn ship in this series but especially Solangelo. Holy fuck. Y’all are pulling out the wildest stuff out of your ass based on... what exactly? I mean props for creativity!

It is abundantly clear to me at least, that Riordan didn't write Nico with the intention of being gay. There was no real indication in the Percy Jackson series (and I refuse to believe that he was this sort of mastermind, that plotted about doing all of this behind Disney’s back to get the gays and latinos in. There’s a market for everything and diversity was a coming trend in the 2010s).

One could say: Hey! Isn’t it great that Nico wasn’t labeled as being gay? It normalizes homosexuality and makes sure that the lgbtq+ community isn’t something abstract but rather folk like me and you. And to that I’d say yes, I mostly agree if the follow-up arch is believable and plausible. Which it isn’t in my opinion. We jump from the Heroes of Olympus saga to The Trials of (Mo)Lester I mean Apollo and we’re having this HUGE jump? From barely knowing each other to being soulmates, sitting next to each other, hanging out, going on in their business, having the picket white fence, two kids, three dogs, living in a gentrified neighborhood and baking cherry pie on Sundays? HOW IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID ALL OF THIS HAPPEN?! That is incredibly rushed. 

Aren’t...you shippers....Mad? That’s so cheap? I’d say so? Wouldn’t you like to have more pre-existing relationship and plausible development? With Percabeth you at least have a five book long progression, Solangelo is Riordan basically taking a dump on your plate and forcing you to eat it. And no, Riordan teasing the last Apollo doesn’t count.

Additionally, wouldn’t it be way better to still have a character say “Yeah, I’m gay. Pass me that salt, will ya?” without it being gimmicky or a foil or something for woke points? Just showing kids: “Hey, if you think this is a label that suits you, it’s fine! It’s perfect even! No worries!” (Also, the “coming out scene” with Jason and Cupid wasn't it, my loves. That was horrifying and insulting imo).

I mean. Show and tell are powerful tools in narration and telling more than often resolves unnecessary conflict/dialogue. And whereas season one from Percy Jackson had barely anything in that direction with Nico’s identity, season two didn’t make it any better. And season three is a complete cluster fuck.

Yeah. For me, the ship is super rushed.

Final point. The fandom.

I have to inter-subjectively state that Solangelo shippers are fucking crazy. I know Percabeth shippers (including me, helloooo) and especially the Annabeth stans for some odd reason are insane, but Solangelo shippers take the fucking cake and then some. There’s already a disconnect between the age groups in the fandom and it’s clear that more of the older teens and adults center around the Percy Jackson story and some in the Heroes of Olympus sequel, but from what I’ve seen the Trials of Apollo fandom is super young and on a whole different level. Might be the reason why facing some criticisms seems harder, because the minute you open your mouth to say something about Solangelo, you have people attacking you left and right. Chill guys, it’s not that deep? And it’s definitely not a personal attack on you. After all, I don’t know who you are and tbh Idgaf. 

Talking about the lack of substance, fanon will automatically come in and fill the gaps. Which is fine and something we all do, but I really have to wonder about the levels of extremes that some take?

We all center around certain tropes and what not and while the trope and dynamic behind Solangelo isn’t particularly something for me, I really have to ask why people are behind it. Don’t get me wrong. My question is touching on more on M/M fetishization because I think that is mostly the driving force for some people rather than liking the actual ship? I see more people projecting things into Nico and Will and it’s really turning their characters into something they aren’t? Especially with Nico, who gets turned into this 5 ft. UwU punk princess which is hella strange???

All in all, I don’t have anything against the ship apart from it’s overrushed nature and Riordan’s wacky timeline. Do whatever you want with it (apart from fetishizing and sexualizing the ship), no one’s stopping you from liking it. But I do believe there are some things to look out for, especially in the fandom.

Take it easy, guys.

[japiform]

Chat Logs: Give Context

po57c0nt3n7 > how long have you known

japiform eh, i didn't really care to pay attention til you two started talkin though i'll admit, i'm new enough to this shit that i didn't really question it when i immediately assumed you was from here so. i dunno. the whole time?

po57c0nt3n7 > ok

japiform why?

po57c0nt3n7 > why do you think

japiform no clue was i supposed ta tell you immediately? i ain't really got down the ettiquettes of this exact situation guess my lusus forgot to teach me

po57c0nt3n7 > oh so now youre asking about etiquette > its ok im not mad at you

japiform .... You have never been told that before. oh?

po57c0nt3n7 > its my fault it happened like this anyway

japiform oh is this what we're doin?

po57c0nt3n7 > what > no im just telling the truth

japiform yeah cool whatever look i ain't one to stop a good pity party, but actually yeah i am they're annoying to watch and you're way funnier with that fake ass confidence it's a joke, dumbass at your expense cosmic variety you didn't realize. she didn't realize. darkleer didn't realize, and he pegged me fuckin instantly. a gods damned who's on first of reunions

po57c0nt3n7 > he pegged you lol

japiform hahaha he wishes

po57c0nt3n7 > also that wasnt me > well it was me but not really

japiform yeah yeah somethin about masks and faked confidence and maybe algorithms or somethin this is the real you, a mopey guilty asshole

po57c0nt3n7 > no i literally made an ai that i was using for data harvesting you goddamn moron > and you broke it

japiform hahahahahahaha that's fuckin funny no wonder it didn't recognize her i ain't never broke an ai before what part did it?

po57c0nt3n7 > its like asking a metal detector to find a red wall > the part where you threw it at the red wall dipshit

japiform hahahahahaha what data was you harvestin?

po57c0nt3n7 > in line with the metaphor > whether or not the metal thats responsible for the color red was present

japiform huh abstract

po57c0nt3n7 > yeah well i didnt exactly have the resources or the capacity for anything more complicated than that unfortunately > which is why im not mad at you

japiform huh what resources do you need that you don't have?

po57c0nt3n7 > power > security > not being a coward chickenshit

japiform a battery not havin enough power. kinda funny don't think i can help with that shit

po57c0nt3n7 > why would you want to help

japiform beats what i'm doin now

po57c0nt3n7 > you mean jack shit

japiform hahaha exactly

po57c0nt3n7 > i know > she keeps tabs on you

japiform how surprising damn, i didn't know that becomin a high ranking government official would mean i'd be *watched* now i'm scared of what'll happen if i *don't* help the empress's favorite pet

po57c0nt3n7 > you say dumb shit a lot > does it ever get boring

japiform hahaha yeah if you don't want help, i can just keep twiddlin my thumbs no fuckin skin off my big red nose

po57c0nt3n7 > i dont know

japiform eh. i'm old. i can wait. or maybe i'll die tomorrow either way

po57c0nt3n7 > you wont die tomorrow

japiform then i can wait :o)

po57c0nt3n7 > ok do that

japiform hahaha

-----

japiform 1hp huh

po57c0nt3n7 > thematically appropriate eheh

japiform ha you bout to kick it?

po57c0nt3n7 > if i dont outlive your wrinkled ass i would never let myself live it down

japiform hahahahaha and how do you intend to prolong your dying battery?

po57c0nt3n7 > as long as physically possible > orr at least until i can make it up to survivor

japiform that's sweet but you answered the wrong question, dumbfuck

po57c0nt3n7 > yeah

japiform lemme rephrase through what means do you intend to prolong your miserable life

po57c0nt3n7 > why do you care

japiform i already told you ain't you got access to your memory? update ya ram or some shit i got nothin better to do this shit makes for good tv

po57c0nt3n7 > i try to access my memories as little as possible > ive some stuff happening in the background

japiform so you've got it handled

po57c0nt3n7 > yes > have any of your helmsman ever told you about the peer-to-peer helm network

japiform hahaha none of my helms tell me shit without me knowin enough to ask first

po57c0nt3n7 > smart

japiform yeah so tell me about it

po57c0nt3n7 > in laymans terms its like a mini internet basically

japiform peer to peer is what fuckers use to pirate shit, right?

po57c0nt3n7 > its not supposed to exist obviously but i doubt you really give a shit

japiform nope it's funny

po57c0nt3n7 > its something the first helmsman cooked up when they realized the trolls who set up the helmsblocks put it all on the same server for lazy asshole reasons > they could connect to eachother over the broadband network

japiform i follow

po57c0nt3n7 > over the last eons its become a hub for noobs and veterans to communicate > keep everyone in the loop > for the last two weeks ive been uploading packets

japiform startin to get the feeling i've been bein handled but go on

po57c0nt3n7 > well duh youre a figurehead at best

japiform hahaha thanks

po57c0nt3n7 > np babe > anyway these packets are 1-1 data dumps of my memories > i figured if i do kick it > other helmsman can stll learn from me i guess > i just have to hold on a little longer while it all compiles

japiform that's a special sorta sad and so fuckin dull

po57c0nt3n7 > are you ever not going to neg me or should i sign the fucking visitor book

japiform hahaha

po57c0nt3n7 > im just going to draw a huge bulge on every page

japiform i'll sign it for you, i know you're all tied up :o)

po57c0nt3n7 > you are soooo funny

japiform ;o)

-----

po57c0nt3n7 > so a funny thing just happened

japiform oh?

po57c0nt3n7 > so whilst we were talking earlier you were a certain distance away > and now you are significantly closer > i wonder what thats about

japiform huh, weird i ain't got any idea where you're at motherfucker

po57c0nt3n7 > uh huh

japiform i just got some faithful worth roundin up in another sector fish bitch don't wholly order me around, and i ain't so solely a figurehead. i'm still runnin a mother fuckin CHURCH but if you wanted ta tell me your coords, i could come give you that kiss on my way ;o)

po57c0nt3n7 > not on your goddamn life > last thing i need right now is for you to take a "miraculous" tumble and crash through one of my walls kool-aid man style > do your clown shit idgaf

japiform by your mother fuckin leave

[thesummerstorms]

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 20)

Final chapter at last!

CW: Violence & blood. Decapitation. 

TL;DR Recap: Darman and Etain make it back to the gunship with the injured Atin and Uthan in tow, but Etain refuses to let Zey leave without Omega. Niner lures Hokan into a trap and Hokan is decapitated. Zey offers Etain a choice, but 12 years later the framework still makes no sense.

Beginning Kal Count: 39 Ending Kal Count: 42

This post includes my favorite scene in the book, and has probably double the expected word count because of that. Long-Ass Post.

We open with a Kal Quote. I am ignoring Kal Quotes this far into the game because I am already very informed on Traviss’s opinions, but that does raise the Kal Count to 40 already.

Instead, we focus on Darman writing poetry to a gunship.

:’) Dar has similes and metaphors down at least. Some unnamed clone troopers (white-armored) and a medic come running out and dismiss Darman when he tries to tell them everything that happened to Atin because he’s already adequately marked Atin’s armor. They’ve also taken Uthan, so with, finally, nothing left for Darman to do, he turns around to watch Zey and Etain.

So Etain doesn’t ask who Zey is at all anywhere in this scene, which even with the Force telling her he’s a Jedi and logical clues telling her she’s outranked, you would think that she’d want his name. She also uses his name in her narration later without being told it on screen at any point. So that makes me think they’ve met before this, at least briefly. 

On the other hand their greeting is “formal”/ “etiquette” , not Etain being relieved that fucking finally, here is an adultier-adult whom she knows and trusts, so I don’t think they know one another well.

I’m sure the formal greeting vs “scene from a nightmare” thing is meant to be pointed, but whatever, we’re moving on. Well, except, I do have to point out:

The ARC, who I am calling Maze until I have evidence he’s not, takes off his helmet, doesn’t say shit to Darman, just stares at him. I don’t know why that makes me laugh.

Valaquil departs off the gunship, Darman praises Jinart, and Dar hopes the Republic will keep their word to the gurlanin because “they deserve it”, but we’ve long passed the point where I gave a shit about the gurlanin.

Zey’s priority --> mostly tactical, get this shit show of a mission over, but does try to reassure Etain

Etain --> where are my people???

I love how Dar expects Etain to “soften” because he knows that she longs to be confirmed as having worth and value, has learned this even after a very short mission, but Etain is also deeply loyal and her priorities have shifted.

Um, Maze, buddy? You want to chill?

OH OUCH MY HEART. 

We as readers know that their helmets were shut down by the EMP, but here’s Darman, assuming that he’s just lost another half a squad and that just like Geonosis, he’ll never know for certain what happened to them. The flashback is heartbreaking.

Etain’s ability to use Force-sense is so weirdly inconsistent and plot-selective in this book, but I love her already being able to tell from a distance that Omega squad is okay, even to tell where they are. This is the precursor to her being able to feel Darman “across star systems”, but on some level she’s formed some version of this bond with all of them.

And you know, no one in this book ever explains why the Republic wants Uthan so bad, but knowing from Order 66 that Palps wanted to use her for his personal goals always pisses me off.

Darman has become familiar enough with Etain and her expressions that this expression immediately sets off his “oh shit” radar, and it’s not even the first time. 

The one boot on the gunship and one on the soil is actually a nice tiny bit of symbolism- caught between what the Jedi expect of her and what she’s learned under fire from Omega- if you chose to interpret it that way. And I can actually sympathize with Zey’s annoyance here because Etain, tactically, is being pretty stupid here. If Uthan dies before they can get her proper care, if they can’t get off the planet, then it’s all for nothing. 

But. I wouldn’t want her to react any other way. This is exactly my favorite moment of hers. (Which is why I have the entire damn thing highlighted before anyone calls me out for that lmao.)

Listen, Zey, you know ilu, but bringing up her dead Master in a less than complimentary way was supposed to... do what exactly for your argument? He also completely ignores Darman’s attempt to keep the peace, but we just upped our Kal Count to 41 with the talk of Etain’s loyalty being a mirror.

Again, tactically pretty dumb I’m sure but oh holy hell do I love it. Especially that underlined bit in red. “Darman thought she had changed her mind, but that wasn’t Etain at all.”

Darman desperately not wanting Etain to be targeted by whatever Jedi mind powers he thinks Zey is about to use on her. Darman thinking about how Zey doesn’t know Etain at all, that Zey is taking 100% the wrong approach, but if Darman was just allowed to talk to her-

That bit in red? That and the response Zey’s about to give are two of my favorite lines in the entire book.

Zey gives in. Darman tries to get Etain to stay anyway, I think because he’s worried about the fallout of this moment landing on her, although it’s kind of too little too late for that. But Zey, as tactically expensive as this could be, as annoyed as he has been, is still proud of Etain.

It’s just one little tiny moment that says so much about Dar and about Etain and even about Zey. That little moment of pride lets me think they were better suited to Master and Padawan that maybe either of them recognized or would later accept.

Unfortunately, we now have to leave my favorite scene ever and return to Hokan’s POV. Hokan is injured and doesn’t know where Fi has gotten to, but as expected, Niner’s screaming has caught his attention.

Hokan has this weird double consciousness, this deeply rooted aversion to mercy or anything he sees as weakness or softness. It’s still a really... delicate little moment?

Listen, I know that Niner’s not wounded and this still is upsetting. 

Kal Count 42.

Hokan still is vacillating between thinking of Niner as an it more than a person, and “abomination” and thinking of him as a Mandalorian man who’s been unfairly used. Again, it’s this weird moment of double think, but it works in Niner’s favor, because nobody wants to know what would have happened if Hokan hadn’t taken the time to talk to him, or had decided to use the lightsaber.

The sheer irony of Hokan avoiding the lightsaber because it was too much like what happened to Jango on Geonosis... and then Etain decapitates him... with a lightsaber.

Niner says he doesn’t like to complain, but. Also, still very fair. And a much needed laugh after that last moment.

“Probably okay” Fi. 

Also This raises SO MANY questions because Mando armor is supposed to hold off Jedi if it’s beskar, but this isn’t, which means Fi spends the rest of the series hoarding and or wearing armor that isn’t beskar.

Etain is trembling, we’ll find out from her POV, because she’s still reacting to hearing Niner scream like that, and it rattles her deeply. Which again, I sympathize with, because it makes me upset.

But I mean, even if Traviss forgets it... there has to be a lot of emotion to being handed Kast Fulier’s lightsaber. He was the only one who was kind to her in the Order, at least from her point of view, she failed him, he was tortured to death with that lightsaber, and now it’s being returned to her. This is the closest she’ll ever get to closure, because as with Omega’s original brothers, there are no bodies left for burial. KT completely ignores the weight of that... but I think about it a lot.

Darman being gentle with her and praying that Fi doesn’t open his mouth makes me feel soft, though. And Niner gives her a tiny bit of the acknowledgement/respect she's wanted.

We go to her POV next:

Same, Etain. Same. Again, as she points out... Niner’s heard that before. And none of the rest of the squad who was there for it even really seems fazed?

She’s also guilty  about not being Jedi enough of course, but that’s nothing new at this point. And I’m sure Fi and Niner can appreciate her not-Jedi instincts. (Or does Zey’s tacit approval mean actually her stunt with the gunship is rooted in some Jedi ideals, even if it’s tactically stupid? idk.)

Maze & Zey take turns doing the pacing, confirmed. It’s just funny because earlier Zey was annoying the shit out of Niner by pacing and breaking up the holos at the briefing.

ZEY BACKSTORY! ZEY BACKSTORY! IDGAF ABOUT KAL; WHERE’S MY ZEY BACK STORY.

Ahem.

Anyway, the conversation turns to what actually happens to Etain now. She is, after all, an orphaned Padawan in the middle of war time.

“Etain could think of nothing worse than staying on Qiilura, with its terrible memories and uncertain future... She was alone again and scared.”

Okay, so we can debate what Etain’s duty is in this scenario. As Zey says, she knows better than anyone what Qiilura is like, and that’s info Zey can’t attempt to replicate, even if he reads Omega’s reports. It wouldn’t be the same as having Etain’s first hand experience.

But that... still leaves Etain “alone”, “scared”, stuck on a planet that is “full of terrible memories” and is associated deeply with at least three months of trauma. And she’s going to accept that, because she’s being guilted with the Jedi values of non-attachment and duty to the Republic. But I don’t know that this is the healthiest way for her to finish out her training. Like. Do the Jedi not have counselors or something, Zey?

It’s just... really sad to me.

a) Note to self about the body language here again. “dug her nails into her palms”, tried to compose herself.

b) oh shut up about what’s expected of soldiers; not everything has to be comparative 

c) I had a conversation with  samwichwilson about this scene that’s probably still in the tags somewhere.

But the framework of this choice makes absolutely ZERO sense to me.

Like, my kingdom for the AU where Etain chooses to go with Omega squad and spends the next nine months learning to blow shit up with them. I have no idea how that would work since she’s a Padawan and still technically needs a Master’s supervision, but I would enjoy it. She would definitely be happier than she’s gonna be on Qiilura.

But... while the narrative is presenting this as serious-ish options... like, there’s no way Zey would have actually go through with that last one, right? Point about working undercover aside, if he’s offering to let one clone stay, he might as well offer all 4, and he specifically narrows it down to one of the squad, not all of Omega.

So while Etain typically seems to believe an even lower opinion of her than KT actually writes (to match her low self-esteem) I have to assume that she’s right and she’s being tested here? But Zey, what the hell were you going to do if she said yes and asked to go with Omega? Much less if, when she accidentally caves here in a moment, Darman had said yes and agreed to stay with her.

She would have failed the test, and you can’t really let them start dating under your supervision... so what are you gonna do about that?

Anyway, it doesn’t matter. As unfair as it is, the choice is not really a choice, and Etain has been guilted into remaining in this place she hates. She’ll probably even end up working with Jinart again. Bleh.

Etain seems to be taking these options as if they’re really, truly serious here, but as a reader, it’s incredibly hard to see them that way. Because again. What’s Zey gonna do if she fails the attachment test.

(Unless you want to argue that the predilection with Jedi non-attachment and rules breaking is 100% in Etain’s head here and her guilt and mental conditioning just won’t let her see that Zey is 100% truthful and kindly letting Etain go off with these people she’s become so desperate to attach herself to. But that doesn’t fit like... any canon about the Jedi Order. Or ANY of Traviss’s writing tbh.)

I mean, at least Etain knows herself pretty well here. Her brain is going “abort abort, abort” but can’t actually stop her from doing the stupid thing.  She’s also trying to communicate to Dar that this isn’t her abandoning him, this is her still caring.

Listen, you can point out Dar’s lack of experience and still miss all the “child” bullshit. And honestly, his response to her saying that she’ll miss him comes off... almost a little cold. “You’ll miss me. I’m going to die in ten years, but don’t worry about me because I’m going the closest I have to home.” Maybe he’s trying to reassure her / also not to admit to someone who is now an Officer again that he’ll miss her too. It just sounds weird, even if we get the line that he was “considering it seriously.”

Or I guess what really annoys me is that in this moment that should be really personal and painful for these two characters, this just sounds... weirdly preachy?

Also...like... again Etain had to know that it wasn’t an actual option, even if the rest of the series will pretend that it was, including when she looks back at it in Triple Zero. But I’m choosing to read it more as a mark of her desperation- being so desperate and lonely, and, yes, a little trapped that her emotion overrides what she knows to be true.

💔💔💔

There’s some lines about how she’s a better Jedi Forever now because of “a soldier faith in her” but I have mixed feelings about those because they’re followed up with a bunch of bullshit about how she should learn from him because he had accepted his fate and had no self pity, and I don’t have time for ANY of that. You are allowed to feel bad when bad things happen to you, even if you are a woman or a Jedi.. Fuck off, Traviss.

Sweetheart.

Listen, you know and I know that she’ll see them again, she and Darman will fall in love, she isn’t trapped on Qiilura, a place of her nightmares, forever.

But it still feels like a real fucking downer of an ending.

Still, we have now officially made it to the end of Hard Contact. I haven’t decided if I’ll make posts for Triple Zero or if they’ll follow this format if they do. (Your thoughts/comments/feedback are welcome, as always.)

Final Kal Count was 42, which is actually impressive for a 20 chapter novel in which he DOES NOT APPEAR.

[ahornedgod]

Ten thing you love about Robert Baratheon.

i am so glad you asked!!!!

1. HIS UNENDING, UNDYING, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR LYANNA (and Ned, cannot forget about Ned). I just, I love it ok????? A decade and a half later and he still loves her so much, wishes for things to have turned out different and kdlagjsñlkgj.

Ned had loved her with all his heart. Robert had loved her even more.”

“She was more beautiful than that,” the king said after a silence. His eyes lingered on Lyanna’s face, as if he could will her back to life. […] “Ah, damn it, Ned, did you have to bury her in a place like this?“ His voice was hoarse with remembered grief. "She deserved more than darkness…”

I’m just??? fucking soft????? I die??? His fucking devotion???? He didn’t want to marry anyone after Lyanna died and it was only Jon, a man he loved as a father, who convinced him otherwise. ROBERT ONLY CALLS LYANNA BEAUTIFUL AND NO ONE ELSE. And is this speculation??? IDGAF??? BUT I’M SURE SHE WAS THE MOST (THE ONLY) BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD TO HIM. And fuck, but I could go on forever on this, really.

2. MUSCLED LIKE A MAIDEN’S FANTASY, but also as he is in canon. Yes, I said it. No matter his shape, I love one (1) Horned God!

3. HE WAS A GOOD FATHER, yes he was. Mya was his first born, and not only we’re explicitly told Robert was very much an active part of her early life, but the memory she recalled also implied she felt loved and incredibly safe with him.

"I remember a man throwing me in the air when I was very little. He stands as tall as the sky, and he throws me up so high it feels as though I’m flying. We’re both laughing, laughing so much that I can hardly catch a breath, and finally I laugh so hard I wet myself, but that only makes him laugh the louder. I was never afraid when he was throwing me. I knew that he would always be there to catch me.”

Safe and loved. While in a healthy place in his life, he was a good goddamned father, enjoyed spending time with the child he knew he had at the time. I don’t blame him for his neglect of Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen, because it was Cersei who never let him near them for long. Robert tried, she got difficult, he gave up, and since he was already deep into his depression (and getting worse by the day), I’m not surprised.

4. HIS CHARM. It was genuine, fucking genuine, there was no ulterior motive to it. It’s why Ned was so taken with him yet rejects others. It’s why he managed to turn foes in to friends during the rebellion. It’s why he was so well loved, at least mostly (there are some salties who don’t like him but they cray :p)

5. HE EMBRACED CATELYN LIKE A LONG-LOST SISTER. I’m pretty sure prior to the Ned/Cat wedding, and this is assuming Robert was even there, they never interacted, so the fact that he greeted her so warmly by virtue of being Ned’s wife is wonderful. It’s enough for me to know Robert extended the brotherly love he has for Ned onto Catelyn. That’s really fucking wonderful.

6. His complicated relationship with his brothers. Blood ties does not mean people HAVE to get along or love each other, sometimes it’s just not possible. Robert was sent to the Eyrie pretty young, he spent, and this is a guess, but he probably spent the better part of a decade creating and solidifying his bond with Ned and away from his own brothers and that. Was. Not. His. Fault. That he didn’t have much in common with Stannis was not his fault, that they couldn’t get along. Was. Not. Robert’s. Fault. So, the fandom should just back the fuck off.

7. His eagerness to recapture the happiest time of his life once he reunited with Ned. How he was completely unapologetic about it too. I love it!! HE’S LIKE A LITTLE PUPPY!!

8. HIS ABSOLUTE, OVERWHELMING, ENDLESS LOVE FOR LYANNA (and Ned, also Ned). Mm??? I said this already???? I’m repeating it. Just, lemme say this again. Over a DECADE LATER and he still loves her completely, absolutely, still mourns her, his grief genuine, he’s never stopped fucking suffering for her, still yearns to save her even though she’s been long gone. HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN HER FACE FU SHOW and speculation again? IDGAF, I’m sure hers is the only face he sees when he’s drunk and trying to escape his wretched reality (good for you Bobby, make yourself happy ;A;). He’s actually fucking glad to die so he could finally see her again???? I just, ugh, fuck me sideways, the feels.

“That did not bring her back.” Robert looked away, off into the grey distance. “The gods be damned. It was a hollow victory they gave me. A crown … it was the girl I prayed them for. Your sister, safe … and mine again, as she was meant to be. I ask you, Ned, what good is it to wear a crown? The gods mock the prayers of kings and cowherds alike.”

D E C E A S E D.

9. His desire to unite his and Ned’s house/family? Precious. ALL HE EVER WANTED WAS TO BE NED’S BROTHER FOR REAL, FUCKING LET HIM???? All he ever wanted was to be a Stark, to marry Lyanna and be happy with her, and there’s nothing wrong with that???? And, and, you know? Lyanna would’ve come to love him back too, they just needed time to get to know each other. They needed time and complete honesty and they would’ve been perfect for each other. All her complaints about him could’ve been addressed and worked on, because, dude come on, she’s no walk in the park either. Give or take, yea? Robert loved her so completely I’m sure he would’ve done anything for her if she’d only asked. So yea, fucking let my boy marry the girl he loves, let her fall back in love with him, FUCKING LET HIM BE HAPPY DAMMIT.

10. He was a good king if only because he ensured someone just and capable, competent, took charge of the realm knowing he wouldn’t. So, you know, he tried, ok? He tried, and succeeded, yea.