#(love is never wrong and never needs a reason) steve trevor

[hardcore-direwolf]

🌊LOST AT SEA🌊

WARNING: SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST! Takes place between ! They dated at S1 of late 2010, they got married and have their son on S2 during the five-year gap before Lian was born, and they're in S3 in early 2018!

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Kaldur'ahm or Jackson Hyde aka Leviathan was resting besides his wife Drew Trevor aka Olympia, who was the daughter of Diana Prince aka Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor, and the birth mother of his son...named Calvin after his stepfather. Kaldur almost lost his son and his lover by his biological father David Hyde, but she manages to bend the water in order for herself along with their kid to survive. Drew heard her husband getting up and opens her blue eyes to see him gone.

"Kaldur," she mumbled sleepily, yawning as she got up and wraps herself in her night robe. "That grown ass man better not be drinking like last time, we got only one kid to worry about now."

Drew found Kaldur outside with his head in his hands and sighs. She knows he's guilty for what almost happened to her, their son, their loved ones, and their best friend Wally by his undercover mission as the new Black Manta...Devil Ray. Drew went to their son's bedroom to change them, her eyes drifted to Calvin's gills he had inherited from his father and smiled down at them as she left his room.

"You're such a great mother to Calvin," she replied with an appreciative hum and kisses his cheek.

"Kaldur'ahm, you need to tell me what's wrong okay? We married each other for personal reasons, a few of them will be love, care, and support. Your son loves you, but you need to realize that sooner before you lose yourself in your thoughts. Your stepfather raised you to be your true self, if your mother was here watching you look and act like this, she won't be the only damn woman gonna be popping some sense right into you. It's either you tell me the truth and get some help from your nightmares like you promised me, or I'm moving back in with my damn parents and taking our child with me if you don't do what I'm pleading you to do for our families...especially our son." Drew told him with a stern look and a firm tone, turning away to go back inside their shared bedroom. "Goodnight Kaldur'ahm, make sure the laundry is done by this evening after I take Calvin to Atlantis to see his grandparents, and get groceries."

Kaldur suddenly stood up and stops Drew for a moment. He was glaring down at her with a darkened look and slams his lips onto hers instantly. The demigoddess was very shocked by his roughness and closed her eyes as she kisses him back.

The half-Atlantean lifts her up and carries his wife to their bedroom. Drew was still mad and tries to get out of his tight hold. Kaldur drops her on the middle of their bed and took off the raven-haired woman's black robe before stripping her from her black negligee.

"What are you doing Kaldur'ahm?! I'm not having sex with you if you don't tell me the truth. I'm really worried about you and you're keeping things from me like years ago." Kaldur stayed silent and took off everything he has, going between her legs with a purpose.

"Xena, I'm scared okay?!! I had almost lost you, our son, our family we made cause of what my real father tried to do to both of you and I knew it was all my fault. I should've never done that deadly mission, we would've been raising our son and being a happy family if I haven't chose to do it. That dreadful day gave me nightmares every time I fell asleep and stare down at our son...our first-born child. Xena, I want to rekindle our bond...our marriage again, I want to feel complete with you on my side, and fix all of my mistakes I made with you. I love you so much angel, I never wanted to hurt you nor our family, I swore to protect both of you for the rest of my life...and I want to show you how much I miss you being close to me. Let me show you angel, please forgive me for this." Drew was about to say something, but Kaldur put his lips back on hers and pulls the covers over their naked bodies.

Kaldur begun rubbing her clit and trailing love bites on her neck as his wife moans softly in pleasure. He latched onto her full breast and begun kissing them while resting his free hand on her stomach. Drew was feeling her husband please her and never thought she'll miss this interaction that much.

Kaldur felt her slick and smelt her arousal, his pupils dilated in lust while licking his fingers in front of his wife. Drew gently shoves him and begins blowing him off. She hums as she sucks Kaldur's cock and doing a lot of deep throat work on his large member.

The blond-haired Atlantean soldier rubs her hair back and saw his spouse hollow out her cheeks to take more of his member down her throat. Kaldur grunts as Drew continues blowing him off and giving him a deep job. He squeezed his eyes shut when he came hard in her mouth after several long minutes later, she gulped his large load down and pops him out of her mouth.

"Are you still mad at me angel?" Kaldur asked his wife with a deepened tone from experiencing his climax.

"Come pound me then and find out my king." Drew replied in a low tone, laying on her back and spreading her legs open for him. "Your queen needs you."

Kaldur's desires were now fulfilled as he strokes his hardened cock and begun thrusting inside Drew, groaning at how much tighter she became since they separated from each other due to some complicated issues between them. The raven-haired demigoddess moans and bites her bottom lip at her husband's size...it seems that he's gotten a lot larger than usual like last time. The Atlantean hero notices how much weight and height she got after having their heir...their son, but she's still a bit smaller than him due to their genetics as different races.

"Get ready angel," Drew was moaning and mewling quietly as Kaldur begun showing her how much he missed her.

Kaldur yanks her wrists back and pins them down in his hands beside her head. Drew then arches her back at the strength and pleasure her husband was giving her. The demigoddess felt her wrists were free, so she pulls the Atlantean down for a kiss and rolls him onto his back.

"So good," she said softly as she rode Kaldur's cock and pinning him down this time.

"I feel the same," he groaned out. "Wait till I can get out of your hold Xena, I'll show you what you make me want to do to you whenever you get mad at me."

Drew licks his gills and dodges her spouse's lips with an innocent look. The pupils of Kaldur's pale green eyes went dilated into pitch black darkness and narrowed at her sweet refusal for a kiss. He thrusted his hips up hard when he got hers in his hands and she gasps in pleasure.

"Never try teasing me like that with me every again angel," he growled his painless threat at his wife. "Do you understand me?"

Kaldur pulls out and turns Drew right on her knees with her back to his front. He slams his cock back inside her and she begun babbling as he kept the same rough pace with her. Drew threw her head back while Kaldur sucks more dark hickeys onto her flawless porcelain skin.

"Get down angel," Drew bends her body down and lays on the mattress before she screams into the pillows.

Kaldur was laying on top of her and splitting her in half with hardened monster cock. He growls and yanks her hair hard, earning a yelp from his wife. Drew was a whimpering mess underneath him and it fueled him to keep going till he breeds his spouse...his lover...his wife.

"You like when I lose my patience with you huh? You love being my stress relief angel, I wonder if you can take my seed inside you again like last time when we consumed our marriage." Kaldur growled deeply into her ears as he slaps her ass and kneels her breast hard.

"Yes Kaldur, yes...give it to me. I want it, I need it, now!" Bella pleaded desperately before she came hard and screeches his name.

Kaldur shoves his entire cock inside her to the base, feeling him poke her cervix and unleash what he pent up for months after his undercover mission. Drew felt his hot seed went deep in her womb and smiled blissfully as his large load was pumped inside her in deep strokes. The half-Atlantean kisses her forehead and turns them to their sides while keeping his cock inside is wife's creamy stuffed cunt.

"I love you my queen okay? I never want to lose you Xena, you're my wife, and I truly apologize for what happened those years back when I joined David. What do I need to do to earn your trust and love?" Drew nodded and sighs for a moment before blushing.

Last week with the ladies, Drew told them that she wanted a daughter and they understood why. The demigoddess got a deep connection with innocent babies and children. That's why she loved kids and they love her for being a nurturing caretaker that she was now.

"I want another child Kaldur, a daughter...our son's growing up and I think it's time for our family to grow. Calvin's been asking me for a sibling, he wanted us to give him a sister on his next birthday, and I needed to talk to you about that when he's with his grandparents." Kaldur nodded and kisses her passionately, he can do that for her heart and soul.

Kaldur watched how his wife will let their son Calvin play with Lian and her father Will whenever she's free with their son. Jade was there to record this with him and they watched their kids play together. Calvin and Lian were best friends to each other since the former Shadow was around the demigoddess during their pregnancies together.

"Alright angel," he whispered. "I can do that, I believe that our bond will be fixed when I get help from our loved ones...but for now, I'll get some rest for your sake."

Drew held his hand in hers and kisses it where his wedding ring was. Kaldur hugged her close while closing his eyes and let the weight of his fears get carried off of his shoulders. The married couple fell asleep, knowing that they got their loved ones and family to worry about in the future.

[zorilleerrant]

BANG BANG BANG

10 13 & 16

You said specifics last time so DC pwease

10. worst part of fanon

Don't get me wrong, I like a butch lady, but I don't know why everyone wants to make Cass so gender non-conforming. (I mean. I do know why.) In canon she leans heavily into high fashion aesthetic. Some of that reads a little more masculine these days than when they were drawn, but, like, not that much more masculine? And even when they are, they're paired with things that, if anything, read even more feminine now than at the time.

She loves her girly clothes! She loves cutesy fun soft things! She loves bright colors! Her casual clothes are the opposite of her costume, and that's by design! Her attraction to ballet as an artform is a visual struggle between her desire to look feminine and the fact that she never got a chance to do that in her childhood, while she was forcibly degendered by a white man, and then infantilized by everyone else around her. People cite that one picture of her in a tux, and it's like, that's because she's imagining herself as James Bond, and also, femme tuxes are a recent fashion trend.

If you want butch/femme StephCass, which, like, you also don't actually need one of each, why don't you butch up Steph? She wears a lot of androgynous or masculine clothing, and not that much super feminine clothing, and she doesn't like dressing up which you can easily read as a gender presentation thing. Steph can be butch and Cass can be femme and I never see it.

Cass isn't gender non-conforming! She's definitely not gender non-conforming enough to call herself a man! She'd be Batwoman if she took on the role, not Batman!

13. worst blorboficiation

Damian. I get projecting on him and using him to deal with all your personal issues, and that's fine, since he's basically a self-insert in the first place (with all love to Grant; they did a wonderful job). I expect a fair amount of variability in characterization and even think it's kind of fun, because as a kid/teen, he should be trying out lots of different looks and attitudes and interests. So, you know, the people who lean hard into Stabby Baby Loves Stabbing or Tortured Assassin Renounces Assassinry don't bother me.

...but you don't have to make it so flat. I swear, so many of them just avoid ever having any conflict in his personality. And he's a conflicted character! That's the joy of him! Whatever his conflicts are about can change, but he's the kind of character who thinks a lot about things and then can't decide exactly how he feels. He's done things he's not proud of, he wants to do things but he's not sure how, he does things the best way he can but he makes mistakes. People make him 100% right or 100% wrong and that's not how people are, not even when they're kids. Or they make all the conflicts romantic.

I feel this is especially true of him as a background character where people feel like they need to include him just because he's a Robin or whatever. So they go, oh, hey, his fans used this keyword, and then put him in doing that thing in the background. And people who like him eat it up! And I just feel like, if you don't like a character, don't include them, that's fine. But I also feel like, if you do like a character... have some standards, idk.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Character bashing. People just caricature that character's traits to make them more evil and hateful and like, why? I either already hated them, so you don't need to do that, or I didn't hate them, and now I'm wondering if you're alright there, buddy. And then they go and torture the character a whole bunch.

And it's just... if bad things happen to a character, maybe I do want to see that. I'm not immune to hating characters! I want Steve Trevor dumped in a ditch! But the joy of it would be that they're characterized well, but all the other characters hate them for the same reason I hate them. And then bad things happen, but they make sense in the context of the plot and the world.

Also when you have other characters be like 'haha let's torture this person' I'm sort of like. Okay but that's not very nice and now you're making the characters I like seem like, at best, assholes, and at worst... sometimes adult characters will torture a kid character that the author doesn't like, and, I mean, I get it, catharsis, but I'm still going to be like 'Batman why are you a bad person now' if I see that happening. I make actual faces at the words.

[marybeatriceofmodena]

What was that crazy music video type thing you included on that post about ALW being an ass to Patti Lupone? I have never seen that before and I am both intrigued and horrified. I only recently got into Phantom, and all this craziness is just delighting me. 😂

For context, this is the video referred to in this ask:

This was a promo video done in 1985 (I think), to promote Phantom. Those are the original lyrics by Richard Stilgoe, which he wrote before Charles Hart was involved. You'll recognize a few here and there, but a lot of them are... weird, to say the least (weird enough for Cameron "Satan" Mackintosh to tell ALW to either find someone to help out Stilgoe, either outright fire him, or else he wouldn't produce Phantom anymore. And given it was proving to be a VERY costly show to make, even ALW knew losing CamMack was a no-no).

The staging is also different, because Trevor Nunn was the director at this point. And that's another funny (HA) story: ALW and Cameron Mackintosh had initially got Hal Prince to direct. And for those of you who don't know, Hal Prince is basically to musicals what Steven Spielberg is to cinema. He directed some of the most successful musicals of the latter half of the 20th century: Evita, Sweeney Todd, Fiddler on the Roof, West Side Story, Cabaret, Company... and that's the list of musicals I know even the uninitiated will recognize. So one day, on a whim, ALW decided to fire Hal Prince, which went about as well as you might expect: ALW chickened out of the dinner where he and CamMack were supposed to break the news to him, which led to CamMack having to sheepishly break the news to Hal Prince, who stormed out furious (AS HE SHOULD). Again, imagine yourself firing Steven Spielberg from making Saving Private Ryan and replacing him with, I dunno, the Russo brothers because The Avengers made a shit ton of money.

Why? My guess is that Hal Prince had the balls to tell ALW to stick it whenever he'd bring bad ideas on the table, so ALW basically decided to replace Hal Prince with the director for one of his previous musicals, Trevor Nunn (who is a decent director, mind you, making the comparison to the Russo brothers a little harsh).

Which musical was it, mind you? CATS.

IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO CATS.

And Steve Harley? He was a rock singer who got picked up along the way because they urgently needed someone to play the Phantom in the music video, and full offense but he's a worse singer than Gerald Butler in my opinion, and at least the latter could actually act. ALW realized that they needed someone else, and he basically smuggled the score to a comedic actor called Michael Crawford, who had some prior experience singing in musicals (he's in the film adaptations of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and Hello Dolly, if you're interested), but he wasn't exactly the guy you'd think of for the Phantom? Thankfully, he proved everyone who might have doubted him wrong, and amazingly at that, but he was a gamble at the time nonetheless.

And as you may guess, the music video was kind of poorly received, and Trevor Nunn worked on a little musical called Les Misérables, which got piss poor reviews and ALW was at the head of them (CLASS ACT, THAT FELLOW). But the uneducated, unwashed plebs loved it so I guess that's the reason why it's still playing today, and not because it's one of the most beautiful scores ever written for musical theatre, summing up a 1,000 book perfectly and conveying emotions that could make angels cry, nah. /s Anyway, that led to ALW firing Trevor Nunn, and begging Hal Prince to come back, and he agreed - which really goes to show how gracious he is because I would have laughed in ALW's face.

And what happened to Steve Harley, you may ask? He found out with a call from CamMack that he was fired, with no explanation whatsoever, and it was only later that he found out Michael Crawford had replaced him. I mean, was it for the best? Yeah. Do I still feel kind of bad for Steve Harley? Yeah.

So yeah, thank your lucky stars Hal Prince, Charles Hart and Michael Crawford agreed to be in this. I'd also add Maria Bjornson, but I really wonder now how she got involved in the first place because if that came from ALW, that might be the single best decision he ever made in his entire life. But I don't have any trust in him whatsoever to pull that off lmao

[frostyyyroyalmilktea]

Morpheus x Reader High School AU

Summary:

A little High School AU where the reader gets stood at prom, but once her charmingly awkward classmate gets the wind of this, he decides that he just has to be the one to save her evening.

No warnings apply

author's notes: in this au Morpheus and his siblings moved to the US with their dad after their parents got a divorce. I headcanon them to be around 17-18 for Morpheus and Death, and around 15-16 for Desire. I had to adapt their names for the modern world so Death is Desna in this AU and Desire is Desirée.

For now, it's just a little oneshot, but if I have any good ideas for this AU I might write another part in the future.

When I was writing this I headcanoned that reader has pink hair, but you can imagine any other eye-catching haircolor you prefer ;)

Title inspired by Steve Lacy's Bad Habit but the song is not particularly relevant to the story, I just liked the vibes

Hope you enjoy!

***

“Morpheus!!” Desna—once again—barges into his room without knocking. She is the only one of his siblings to be granted such a privilege. Desirée on the other hand has learned the hard way to always knock and to never enter Morpheus’ quarters without an explicitly extended invitation.

“Sister dearest,” Morpheus acknowledges flatly, without looking up from his book.

“Do you have a suit?” Desna asks with a somewhat manic edge to her voice.

“Indeed I do,” Morpheus replies absentmindedly, engrossed in his reading. “For funerals and such.”

“Great!” Desna claps her hands. “You always look nice at funerals.”

Morpheus sighs, places a bookmark on the page he was reading, and carefully closes the book. Once he looks up, he can immediately tell from the look on her face that Desna has her mind set on some sort of questionable scheme and that Morpheus will be dragged into it regardless of his opinion on the matter.

“You’ll need to buy a corsage too, and fast,” Desna mumbles to herself, pacing the room back and forth.

“Not this again,” Morpheus rolls his eyes with a sigh. “Desna, I have repeatedly informed you that I am not going to prom. I have been asked out on multiple occasions and I refused as I do not wish to attend.”

“That’s because you were asked by the wrong people,” Desna scoffs dismissively.

“The only person I would like to take already has a date,” Morpheus grunts.

His sister clicks her tongue, exuding some type of emotion Morpheus struggles to interpret. “Not anymore,” she says.

“I beg your pardon?” Morpheus asks, raising his brow skeptically. “There is,” he checks his watch, “less than three hours left till the start of the main event, so unless Trevor Birghin’s lifeless body is lying somewhere in a ditch, I can’t imagine a good enough reason for him to not show up.”

“Well,” Desna starts hesitantly, as if she's approaching a wild animal. “It’s not that he won’t show up exactly…”

“Desna,” Morpheus presses with a chilling edge to his tone.

“It’s just that I overheard Trevor and Danny yesterday, and they were talking about who’s taking who to prom and all that…” 

Desna takes a deep breath and proceeds to explain—in the most convoluted way imaginable no less—the trite and simple fact Morpheus was always all too well aware of: Trevor Birghin is a fucking asswipe.

“...and that’s when I remembered that at the start of the term,” Desna continues with her tortuous explanation, “Trevor said that he would love to take Christina to prom because, like, the whole quarterback/cheerleader thing, but she told him no because she wanted to ask someone else,” Desna gives Morpheus a pointed look, “but then she got rejected by that someone.”

“Are you implying any of this is my fault?” Morpheus asks, offended. “I have met oatmeal more capable of a riveting conversation than that girl. Can you blame me for not wanting to spend an entire evening in the company of her and her degenerate friends?”

“It’s not what I'm—” Desna starts. “I’m getting to the important bit, Morpheus, I promise. So Christina said no to Trevor, so he was forced—his words, not mine—to ask y/n because they kind of have a thing or whatever, I’m not entirely sure. But now that you rejected Christina, she decided to go with Trevor after all and so that leaves y/n dateless.”

Morpheus’ blood is boiling with righteous anger. He is not usually a violent person, but for someone like Birghin, he will be more than happy to make an exception.

“And I’m afraid that’s not the worst of it, love,” Desna adds quietly, almost apologetically.

“I’m struggling to come up with something that could possibly make this situation worse,” Morpheus grits.

“I’m like 99.9% confident that Trevor didn’t have the guts to actually tell y/n.”

Morpheus inhales sharply. “So, just to be clear, you’re saying that she is about to show up there without knowing that her date stood her up for another girl?”

“Mhm,” Desna hums, not meeting his eyes.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell her?!”

“And how exactly would that look, Morpheus?” Desna bites out. “I’m not even supposed to know about any of this. I don’t want to look like some nosy busybody.”

“While being one beyond any reasonable doubt,” Morpheus grumbles under his breath.

“Plus,” Desna adds, “I honestly think that y/n needs to clearly see the piece of trash that he is once and for all. She’s always trying to see the best in people, even when there isn’t anything decent there in the first place!”

Desna sounds genuinely distraught so just this once Morpheus decides against reminding her about maintaining personal boundaries of the people she barely knows. It’s not because he has a personal stake in all of this or anything like that, no.

“Why are you telling me this?” Morpheus asks, surrendering to the idea that there is no way he’s not going to involve himself now that he has all the facts.

Desna tsks, like she’s disappointed he even has to ask. “Morpheus, you know perfectly well why I'm telling you all this. You’ve been mooning over y/n since our first day at this school.”

“And she was evidently not interested,” Morpheus points out bitterly, “seeing how she went and got herself a thing, as you so eloquently put it.”

Desna flops down on the bed next to him, throwing her hand around his shoulders in a half-hug. “Morphey, darling,” she says softly, “that’s a load of absolute fucking bullshit. Anyone who had the misfortune to witness the two of you debate against each other in AP Lit felt like the biggest third wheel on this side of the Atlantic. This unresolved romantic tension makes people around you viscerally uncomfortable. Though I can’t exactly blame y/n for not asking you out. You did quite rudely reject—how many was it again, four or five—girls our first semester alone. I think you even made Mary Waylan cry.”

“Wonderful insight,” Morpheus deadpans. “Still doesn’t mean y/n likes me back.”

“Morpheus,” Desna sighs. “She always sits next to you in classes you share. Even the ones Trevor is in too.”

“Well, he’s an idiot and we get a lot of group projects as homework,” Morpheus argues weakly.

Desna rolls her eyes more dramatically than usual. “She remembered your birthday after I mentioned it once in passing, she got you an old-ass Lovecraft anthology for the said birthday, which made you possibly the happiest I have ever seen you in my entire life. She brings you coffee every Monday when you have calc together first thing in the morning because she knows you never go to bed before two am. She remembers all your odd opinions on Shakespeare and can refer to them months later, just to make a point to you about some poncy literary concept. She always says hi to you in the hallway even though you never reply and most people just think you’re just a pretentious brat, but I’m pretty sure she cracked you like a week after she met you and she’s in on the secret that you’re just painfully awkward when it comes to human interaction—”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Morpheus stands up, throwing Desna’s hand off himself. 

“I’ll need to borrow your garment steamer later,” he grumbles, grabbing his wallet and car keys.

“I’ll see you at the venue, sweetie!” Morpheus hears his sister yell after him as he leaves the house and heads for the flower shop.

***

You stand in front of the entrance to a fancy-ass hotel, staring at your phone with a mix of incredulity and rage. This piece of human garbage only deigned to inform you that he can’t be your prom date mere fucking minutes before you arrived at the venue.

from: Trev🏈

hey quick change of plans

decided to go with the boys as a group

hope there’s no hard feelings, see ya at school😜

What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? All his friends from the team had dates last time you checked. 

You open Instagram and swipe through the stories of a few girls you know from his friend group. Just as you expected, they all are still very much going with Trevor’s teammates.

If you’re being completely honest with yourself, it’s not like you’re even all that heartbroken over Trevor’s general shittiness right now. He hurt your pride, obviously, but not really your feelings. Right from the start of your situationship with him, he was barely more than a poor substitute for the person you actually wanted. Going with Trevor felt like a safe bet at the time because the idea that the person you actually wanted to go with would say yes seemed like an absolute pipe dream.

But you didn’t even ask Morpheus, the treacherous voice inside your head reminds unhelpfully. You convinced yourself you were doing the smart thing here, avoiding guaranteed heartache and embarrassment of being one of the girls he rejected. Right now, though, it becomes harder and harder to ignore the fact that you might've just been a coward.

Morpheus is probably sitting in some high-end coffee shop right now, reading Kaffka, or something equally pretentious, being all dark and handsome and utterly unapproachable. Definitely not caring about your inner turmoil about a stupid high school prom.

Someone goes in at that moment and through the open door you hear a faint reverberation of the song playing in the main hall.

“Yeah, I am an idiot with a painted face indeed,” you say to no one in particular.

“Waiting for someone?” A calm deep voice behind you asks.

For a second you genuinely believe that thinking about Morpheus so much gave you some sort of hearing hallucination. You whip your head so fast, you hear a crack in your neck. 

It’s not a hallucination.

“What are you…? How…? You… I…” You ask very eloquently.

The corners of his lips crawl upward as he rather unsuccessfully tries to hold back a smile.

“My sister has informed me of the unpleasant predicament you have found yourself in this evening and I simply couldn’t stand to see a lady wronged in a manner so galling and distasteful.”

“Really?” You ask skeptically, raising an eyebrow at him. “Since when do you care about chivalry of random people's prom dates?”

“I care only about one,” Morpheus says quietly, looking down at his beat-up doc martens. Under the harsh neon lights of the hotel’s facade, you notice the faintest trace of blush on his sharp cheekbones. “About a girl with a hair color so aggravating, my eyes can’t help but be drawn to it the second she enters the room, the girl who can’t help but argue with me over every single stupid little thing, like a font for our biology presentation—”

“Hey! Comic Sans is dyslexia friendly!”

“The girl who completely overestimates the influence of Tolkien on English classical literature.”

“It’s impossible to overestimate!!” You shriek, mentally returning to the argument from two weeks ago that landed the both of you in detention, when Mr. Stevens accused you of purposefully disrupting his class and told the two of you to “get out of his classroom and go flirt in the principal's office”.

Morpheus looks up, meeting your eyes. You can tell he’s thinking about the same thing.

God, why does he need to be so beautiful?

“What I’m getting at here,” he continues, unperturbed, “is that you're not some random person in my life, and I would like nothing more than to be your date tonight. Would you be agreeable to that?”

He holds out his hand and you look down to see a beautiful black rose corsage. Very on-brand for him, you can’t help but smile.

“You’re so stupid, Morpheus,” you sniff, willing your eyes to dry before the tears ruin your makeup. “Of course I fucking want you to be my date, I've never even wanted anyone else to be my date except you in the first place.”

He seems taken aback by that but recovers quickly and starts carefully fastening the corsage onto your outstretched hand.

While he’s busy with it, you try to take a closer look at him. To be fair, even if he showed up in a Hello Kitty onesie, you would still think he is the most gorgeous bastard you’ve ever laid your eyes on, but he’s wearing a tailored black suit with a black turtleneck underneath and—oh god, his little pocket square is baby pink to match your dress!! This is literally the first time you see him wear something not black and he wore it for you. You just might explode from feelings™ right now.

When he’s done with the corsage, he doesn’t let go of your hand, but intertwines his fingers with yours and pulls the door open for you with his other hand. “After you, m’lady.”

This doesn’t fucking feel real. Maybe, you think frantically, you just inhaled too much hairspray while you were getting ready and this is all a delirious dream. Except the warmth of his hand in yours is very real and so are the double takes from your classmates milling around in the hotel lobby.

“Do you want to take a photo before we go in?” Morpheus asks, nodding at the huge full-length mirrors along the wall.

You blink at him dazedly before the question registers. “Yeah! Sure, yeah, let me just—”

You start rummaging around your purse in search of a phone when you realize it’s literally in your hand.

Morpheus smiles, amused.

“You enjoying this then?” You want to sound irritated but it comes out more…petulant. “Me making an idiot out of myself entertains you?”

“I just like looking at you,” Morpheus says simply. “Is that such a crime? Your emotions are always so…scintillating. I find it impossible to look away.”

How can he just say shit like that and be 100% serious while doing it, you think, while desperately trying to will your face into not going red as a fucking firetruck.

What a beautiful, brilliant weirdo.

“Yeah, okay, Mr. Thesaurus, we get it, you like me,” you croak awkwardly, opening the camera app. “Let’s take some pictures, I’ll need them for the PowerPoint presentation my mom will expect on how I ended up going to prom with a completely different guy than I initially told her.”

“I hope there’s a word amelioration somewhere in the title of that presentation,” Morpheus teases as he stands behind, wrapping his arms around you to pose for the picture.

You snort at the implication, relaxing into his embrace.

***

The photos come out very nice. Though with a face like his, there’s hardly a chance Morpheus could look bad in them. You don’t always like taking photos of yourself, but surprisingly you like most of the ones you took together Morpheus. Some of them are silly, with the two of you making faces, some are very prom-ish looking, perfect for showing your parents, and then there’s…

“This one,” Morpheus catches your wrist before you can swipe to the next photo. “I like this one. Can you send it to me?”

In the photo, you’re looking past the camera, at Morpheus’ reflection as he holds you gently in his arms.

“I look silly in this one,” you pout. 

Bessoted would be a better word to describe your expression in the photo, but you’d rather lick chalk than admit it to him.

He doesn’t need you to, though. Morpheus looks at you knowingly, “No you don’t.”

You look down at your phone, feeling your cheeks going hot again. “How would I even send it to you?” You grumble just to be contrary. “With pigeon post? Gosh, who even has a phone with buttons anymore, aside from, like, grandpas? No, you know, scratch that. My grandpa actually has an iPhone 7.”

Morpheus just smiles at you indulgently. “Send it to my sister, she’ll print it out for me.”

Ridiculous. He’s absolutely ridiculous, you think as you type out the message to Desna.

to: Desna 🌸🔪

Local elderly citizen requires your assistance in procuring a photograph

attached file: ridiculousman.png

from: Desna 🌸🔪

you guys are so cuuuuuteeee!!!! 

٩(❀ •̀ᴗ•́ )۶~♡

Desna has a tendency to text as if it’s 2010 and her enthusiasm can be terrifying and a bit overwhelming sometimes but she’s one of the sweetest people you’ve ever met. You’re tempted to ask how the hell did she know Trevor was gonna bail on you tonight, but in the end, you decide that you don’t really give a shit. The only thing that matters is the outcome and looking at Morpheus fumbling with the tickets—he printed out the QR codes on an actual piece of paper because he’s a literal grandpa—you think that the outcome has literally exceeded all your expectations. Come to think of it, you should probably send Desna a fruit basket or something. 

***

author's note: I'm still not over the fact that Tom Sturridge has a phone with buttons and without access to the internet😂 Good for him though, I hope he's thriving

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[locke-writes]

Shattered

Author: locke-writes

Title: Shattered

Prompt: Do you love me? I have to know. x Arthur Curry For: @moonlit-imagines​ writing challenge

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,966

Tag List: @lotsoffandomrecs​ / ask to be added

There was a rift between you and Arthur. There was no telling how long it had been there or when it started to grow but it was there and you refused to acknowledge it which hurt Arthur nearly as much as the idea that he was the cause of it did. He wondered if you refused to acknowledge the fact that the two of you were drifting apart because you didn't want to admit it or perhaps because you didn't see it. Although he wondered how you couldn't see it.

It was meant to be simple, all of it was meant to be simple. At the beginning it was just you and Arthur, no one else, nothing else. He knew that he was Atlantean and this was something he shared with you although he'd thought he'd never go there, never live to see the home that belonged to half of him. And then suddenly he was needed, suddenly he had to leave for a place he knew little of.

When he returned, he was king. Then it was no longer just you and Arthur, it became you, Arthur, and an entire kingdom that you may never get to see.

He worried that you'd leave after his coronation. He worried because he was unable to fathom any way that you could stay when there was knowledge that he'd be back and forth across land and sea. But you loved him. That's what you had told him, that you loved him and you would willingly lend him to the sea, to Atlantis, as long as you had a promise of his return.

The promise was easily given but not easily kept and Arthur supposed that this was the beginning of the drift. Or maybe was it the beginning of an end he couldn't see coming, he didn't know.

For a time it was you, Arthur, and Atlantis. And then Bruce Wayne arrived, and then he was called for another greater purpose.

You were his excuse to Bruce for not joining at first, you were the reason he wasn't going to join. Because he had to talk to you, because he didn't want to just leave you high and dry. Bruce claimed to understand then watched Arthur as he questioned you, revealed all that was occurring and what he was being asked to do. He played it up, he knew it was exaggerated but he wanted you to see what he was trying to convey.

Arthur wondered if you could see it in his eyes, see that he was pleading with you to ask him to stay, If you did see this, you chose to ignore it and instead urge him to join. The world needed him and you would not keep him from the world. Arthur wondered if he would be seen as a coward if he retreated to Atlantis instead of leaving with Bruce but he knew that if he was being asked to go then he must.

He would be split into pieces, he would leave just a part of himself with you. Some of his thoughts would be with you, some with Atlantis, some with the Justice League, and only a small bit would be for him and him alone. He hated it, he longed for the days that seemed decades ago when it was you and he against the world.

He didn't dare speak with his mother on the subject although he knew that she had gone through worse than he had. She had been reunited with his father but he didn't know how she hadn't lost hope in the years of separation.

He didn't dare speak with Diana on the subject although he knew that she had gone through something similar. She had Steve Trevor, lost him, and then regained him but he didn't know how she had dealt with those years of separation.

He didn't dare speak with you on the subject. He was strength, he was never weak, and what would you think if he shown some brokenness to you. What would you think if you chipped away the facade of Aquaman to show the vulnerable Arthur Curry underneath?

Perhaps this was the start of the rift.

Perhaps this was the start of what Arthur considered the end, whether you noticed it or not.

When he returned from the first Justice League mission he knew that you were relieved. You had been watching the news and engulfed him into a hug as soon as he stepped through the door. He returned it yet in the back of his mind he felt as though it was a caveat, a way of forgiveness for him leaving. It wasn't, he knew it was you being grateful for his being alive yet he still couldn't shake this lingering guilt.

He couldn't shake the fact that he felt that he had abandoned you.

He knew that you deserved better than him. You deserved someone that wasn't split into pieces and scattered any way the wind blew. He wanted to be whole for you, he wanted to be one person, he wanted to be human not Atlantean, he wanted to be Arthur Curry, not king of Atlantis, not Aquaman, he wanted just to be Arthur Curry.

He wanted to be with you, he wanted to not feel the pressures of everything weighing down upon him.

So yes, perhaps this was the start of the rift because this was when Arthur began to retreat away from you.

Slipping from bed before you awoke he retreated to Atlantis to bury himself in work returning long after you had gone to bed. Often he would come in to find food on the table for him and you on the couch asleep, both signs that you had been waiting for him. On these nights he pushed the guilt away from him. It sat in his stomach like a rock, filled with his refusal to see what he was doing to you. If he didn't see the pain in your eyes when you looked at him then that pain didn't exist.

But that pain did exist and it grew within you as it grew within Arthur.

A coward, that's what he was now, that's what he considered himself. Only a coward would keep this hidden in his own mind and body. Only a coward would allow his soul to be torn from his body as if it had never been there at all.

Only a coward would keep running.

But run and run and run he did.

Because running was easier, running was the way out.

Confrontation would lead to unhappiness and he couldn't bare to hear that he had made you unhappy.

Except he was sure that it wasn't the distance between you know that had made you unhappy, it was him. It had been and would always be him that caused you pain rather than comfort, sorrow rather than joy.

Everything he touched he was sure to destroy, so why did he think it would be any different with you?

Arthur wanted to speak to you, wanted to reach out, and yet stopped himself every time. It seemed impossible to repair what had been destroyed even if you never recognized its destruction. Even if you never placed any blame on him.

He deserved the blame.

He deserved the anger.

He deserved yelling, he deserved horror, he deserved terror and pain and sadness and destruction and he deserved all of it from you.

Because what he had and was still putting you through was unforgivable and yet it seemed as though he couldn't bring himself to stop.

He hated what he was doing to you. He hated it but trying to stop it came to no avail. It would continue as though someone else was inhabiting his body. His mind now was not his own, it belonged to the self hatred that festered within him, it belonged to the feeling of worthlessness that came upon him and lived forever within him. This was something he never was going to get rid of. He was sure of it.

And as he slipped in bed beside you all he planned to do was slip away again the next morning.

But you were there and you were not asleep and you had not acknowledged the rift but you had noticed it. You were never ignoring it, could never ignore it for the pain that built inside you was not anger, it was not due to Arthur tearing himself from your side as if you were one becoming two.

No, you had seen what was occurring and you were striving to fix it. You had hoped that maybe he would reach out to you, maybe one morning he would be there when you awoke instead of miles in the depth of the sea.

You could feel him drifting and you wanted to pull him back in. You had hoped he would return to you on his own accord, you had hoped that the spiral had an end and that he wasn't slipping further and further away. There was no predicting what went on in his mind there was only knowing that you had gone through it at one point on your own.

You had gone through it alone. You had been going through it alone.

It was a monster there in the back of your mind and Arthur was feeding the monster with every single act. He seemed to be getting devoured by the monster rather than pushing it back to the far recesses of his mind in defeat where it should always live.

Arthur lie awake staring at the ceiling and you had a thought in the back of your mind that refused to leave you. Whether the answer to the question would heal or harm you it didn't matter — you only wanted an answer.

Arthur felt you turn, he felt an arm come to rest itself across his waist, he felt you turn your head but he didn't dare face you.

"Do you love me? I have to know. Is there still one ounce of love for me in you?"

If his heart already hadn't been shattered, hearing your question would have shattered it to pieces.

If you were being honest you hadn't expected an answer and Arthur wasn't sure that he was even ready to give one but he was tired. Tired not just physically but emotionally, he didn't want to run anymore, he didn't want to be honest either. He wanted to hide.

Yet here you were asking and here he was speaking and he didn't know what would become of him if he kept everything from you any longer.

"I love you. I will love you for the rest of my days. I just don't love me and I don't think you deserve someone who doesn't love himself."

He didn't know what he was thinking when he spoke, when he admitted some of what had been going on in his head. He had not expected though, for you to take your hand in his.

And he did not expect for you to speak, thinking that the words would sit in silence.

"Then let me love you for the both of us. Let me love you enough for you until you can love yourself again because Arthur, you deserve love. I need you to tell me when something is wrong. I need you to trust me. And we don't have to start now, we don't have to start tonight but we will work to heal you Arthur. We will work on getting you to love yourself again but next time please, trust me enough to know that I won't run from you and that you don't need to run from me"

[melodious-madrigals]

we should just kiss (like real people do)

hi @misha-winchester, i am your wondertrev secret santa! i hope you had a lovely christmas season/whatever holidays you may celebrate, and i hope you have a very happy new year.

Pairing: Diana Prince/Steve Trevor Words: 8��609 Rating: T (swearing) AO3 tags: Modern Setting/No Powers, co-workers, Fake Dating, ‘and there was only one bed’, Hallmark-movie-esque midsunderstandings, Happy Ending Summary: Etta just invited Steve’s significant other along on their group holiday vacation. The only problem? He made said significant other up to get out of a series of set-ups six months ago, and forgot to set the record straight. Enter Diana, his newest co-worker and real-life crush, who doesn’t have any holiday plans and is somehow offering to help him out.

i have been derelict for too long, but no more! i’m so sorry that it took me so long, and i hope you enjoy this trope-packed fic, because i couldn’t decide on just one, and then it sort of ballooned!

Read it on [AO3] or below the cut.

***

“Shit.” Steve’s head thunks against his desk.

“Problem?”

He looks up to find Diana Prince, the newest legal consultant at their NGO standing in his office door. She’s intimidating and smart and beautiful and possibly also the kindest person he’s ever met, and even though they’re friendly, she’s the last person to whom he wants to admit what’s wrong. But she’s also looking at him with such genuine concern that he spills his guts anyways.

“The last time my friend Etta tried to set me up with someone, I told her I was already dating someone, and now she wants me to bring them on our annual holiday trip to one of our friend’s cabin.” Steve kneads the space between his eyebrows, trying to get rid of the tension headache that’s starting to form.

Diana tilts her head, confused. “That’s kind of her.”

“I’m not actually dating anyone,” Steve clarifies. “I just said it to get her off my back. And now I have to either say I lied—which will not go over well for obvious reasons—or say that I broke up with the person and get all sorts of ‘holiday pity’.”

Diana leans elegantly against his doorframe. “People go their separate ways all the time, no? Besides, maybe it’s a bit soon for a weekend away with friends.”

Steve winces. “It’s possible that I told her this almost six months ago and never corrected the record.”

“Ah,” says Diana, taking the liberty of moving into his office and sitting down across from him. “So it’s rather a large deception then.”

“I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand? It was just so nice to not have my friends nagging me about my dating life. They’re well intentioned but a little too insistent sometimes.”

“Okay, so telling them is out of the question,” Diana says, very seriously. And—uh-oh, she’s going into problem-solving mode. He’s absolutely mortified that his very capable and very attractive co-worker is taking time to talk with him about this when she’s a literal international human rights lawyer and university lecturer with plenty of other things to be doing. “Hmm. Isn’t that what Craigslist is for?”

“Ha,” says Steve. “I’m never going to be able to get someone to come with me over Christmas on such short notice.”

“Not everyone has plans on Christmas,” Diana argues.

“Yeah, I get that; I’m not even Christian,” says Steve. “But a lot of people still go home because it’s a long holiday.”

“I’m not Christian either and I don’t have any family here in the States. We exist,” Diana jokes.

“Want to be my fake date, then?” The words leave Steve’s mouth before his brain can catch up and tell him what a massively stupid idea that would be, to fake date his real crush, for lack of a better word.

“Yes, alright: if you can’t find someone on Craigslist, I’ll do it,” says Diana, and then before Steve can process: “Anyways, I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time. I just dropped by to give you a hard copy of my revisions. She hands him the legal brief, shoots him a quick smile, and saunters out of his office, apparently unaware of the dazed state she’s left him in.

I’ll do it? Is she serious? For a second, Steve’s mind runs away from him before he shuts it down. She was just being polite; he’s certain of it. There’s no way she wants to give up her days off to go to a cabin in the middle of nowhere with people she doesn’t even know.

Steve reluctantly writes up a quick wanted ad on Craigslist and hits post before he can overthink it. He can definitely do a fake date for the holidays, right? That’s something normal people do.

**

Three days later, he’s gotten a dozen responses to the Craigslist ad, but most of them are variants of either “is this some weird sex thing?” or “can you please post this story on reddit’s r/relationships with an update on how it went because i’m 2000 miles away but very invested in this”. None of them are a real live person that he can take on the trip to meet his friends.

His brain has also been playing Diana’s I’ll do it on repeat pretty much constantly, so on Tuesday evening, after most people have already gone home for the night, he steals himself and wanders down to Diana’s office. If she’s in, he’ll ask. If she’s gone, it’s a sign, and he won’t bring it up.

She’s still there, illuminated only by the glow of her computer and a small desk lamp—the overhead light is turned off and her coat is on, like maybe she was in the process of leaving and then went back to her desk to dash off one email that turned into several.

He taps on the doorframe.

“Steve!” she says, smiling when she sees him. “What a pleasant surprise! Have a seat, I’m just finishing something up. It’ll only be a moment.”  

He smiles nervously and takes one of the chairs opposite her desk, patiently silent as she taps away at her computer.

Three minutes later, she folds her laptop closed and turns the weight of her attention to him.

“Thank you for being patient. What can I do for you?”

“I just—were you serious?”

“Hmm?”

“The other day—were you serious about being my fake date if I couldn’t find someone on Craigslist?”

“I—yes, I was.”

“Wait, really?”  

She shrugs elegantly. “I have no holiday plans.”

“You’re sure.”

She tosses him an amused expression. “I am. It’ll be nice to meet some new people.”

“Right. Well. Can I, uh, buy you dinner or something while we go over the details?”

Diana considers him for a moment. “How does Thai takeout at my place sound?”

“Like a fantastic idea.”

**

On Friday, Steve is extremely antsy. He’s taken a half day, and he and Diana are driving up to Charlie’s cabin after her lecture lets out.

She’s in a good mood when he picks her up, and the ensuing discussion crosses a half a dozen different topics. He doesn’t think they’ve ever had a boring conversation, and they’re more than halfway there before Steve remembers that he wanted to run through the basics of their fake-dating mandate again.

“I’ve never really been much for PDA,” he says, “so they won’t be surprised if we’re not particularly demonstrative. A little hand-holding and casual touching here and there and we’ll be fine.”

“Yes,” replies Diana, amused rather than annoyed. “You mentioned this the other day.”

“Did I? I guess I’m just nervous.” He’s already feeling a little guilty about lying to his friends (again), and he’s suddenly wondering if he’s capable of pulling it off.

“They asked me to invite you—er, my significant other—to a dinner in October. I don’t think it’ll come up, but—”

“I spent a week of October in Europe, and have plenty of university functions to attend,” Diana reassures him. “Saying I was busy that night probably isn’t even a lie, and besides, that was months ago. Take a breath; this will be okay.”

“I’m just rethinking this,” huffs Steve.

“You’re welcome to tell them I’m just a friend that needed a place to stay for the holidays,” Diana offers calmly.

“No. No, I’m committed to the lie now.”

“Okay. Then let’s do this. I’m here for you, you know.”

“Yeah,” says Steve, glancing over at her in the passenger seat before turning his attention back to the road. “Thanks.”

**

They’re the last ones to arrive to the cabin, because everyone else was able to take the full day off, so they walk into a full house.

“Oh, it’s so lovely to finally meet you!” exclaims Etta, pulling Diana into a hug before they’ve barely gotten in the door.

“You must be Etta,” Diana says, once she’s been let go. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Hey, Etta,” Steve says, pulling her in for his own hug.

“Everyone else is in the living room.”

They make their way down the hall, towards the sound of all the voices.

“Steve!” yells Sameer from across the room when they round the corner. A cheer goes up—it’s possible that some of them have already had a glass or two of wine—and Steve pulls Diana forward to introduce her.

“Everyone, this is Diana. Diana, this is Napi, Charlie, Etta’s wife Adrienne, Sameer, and Sameer’s fiancée Noor.”

“It’s so lovely to meet all of you,” says Diana, moving forward to shake hands and give hugs, along with Steve.

“You’ll want to drop off your luggage in your room, I’m sure,” Etta declares forcefully, shooing them back out of the room once they’re done with the greetings.

“Alright, alright, we’re going,” acquiesces Steve.

“Well, dinner will be done shortly, and I’m sure you’re hungry. Best get settled in before you go into a food coma.”

“Stop making sense,” he snarks, but they all know he’s joking.

“Second door on the left!” calls Etta after him, as they traipse up the stairs. There’s a niggling in his brain about this room, because he’s been in it once and it’s—

“Shit,” says Steve under his breath upon entering the room, because it’s one of the rooms with a single queen bed instead of two twins.

“Is there something wrong with the room?” asks Diana, a step behind him. “I’m sure we can fix it, whatever it is.”

“No, it’s just—I didn’t even think about this,” says Steve, gesturing at the bed. “Usually when I come, I’m in a different room with Charlie or Napi.”

Diana surveys the space in front of them. “You mean the bed?” Her nose wrinkles. “Are you really that uncomfortable sharing?”

“I—no, of course I’m not. I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Well then, that’s settled. I am not uncomfortable. Which side do you prefer?”

Of course it’s not a big deal. Right. He’s making too much out of this because he might—possibly—have feelings. But for Diana, it’s just two adults sharing a bed, which is perfectly natural. But now she’s looking at him expectantly, which makes him realize—“Uh, left, I guess.”

The way she smiles, he gets the distinct impression that his answer has pleased her, that he’s chosen correctly, if such a thing is possible. (He thinks, stupidly, that he would do quite a lot to chase that smile.)

Meanwhile, Diana drops her duffel on the right side of the bed.

“Do you mind if I change quickly before dinner?”

“Yeah, no, of course. I’ll just be downstairs.”

Steve heads back downstairs and pauses in the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face.

He can definitely share a bed with Diana. They’re adults. It’s not strange, and it’s not romantic. It’s just two people sharing a sleeping space because there are not enough beds.

He reenters the living room to find Charlie and Sameer in the middle of an argument about who’s the better cross-country skier while Noor, Adrienne, and Etta chat over a cup of tea and Napi watches over several pots in the kitchen.

“The answer, of course, is neither of you. Noor is the best skier here.”

Charlie squawks indignantly, and Sameer laughs. “That she is.”

“Can someone set the table?” asks Napi. “Dinner is about to be ready.”

Steve, as the closest one to the kitchen, pulls out the plates and silverware and starts setting up the table, while the others slowly drift towards the dining area.

And then there’s a gentle pressure on his elbow. “Can I help with anything?” asks Diana, softly, and when he turns, he feels the air knocked out of him.

Diana is all comfort, in simple black leggings and a chunky winter sweater instead of her usual pristine business wear, but she’s all the more beautiful for the casualness. Her face, too, is wiped clean of standard makeup and her hair is down, and he realizes that she has freckles. They’re faint, just the slightest smattering over her nose and cheeks, but Steve is close enough to see them, and for a second he wants to touch them, trace them into constellations.

Then he realizes he’s staring and jumps a little, moving to rearrange the plate in front of him.  

“You could, uh, fold the napkins, I guess? There isn’t really a whole lot to do.”

They work in tandem as the rest of the crew files in, loud and boisterous as they dish out their meals.

“So, Diana,” says Etta, once everyone is settled in their seats, “tell us all about yourself! Steve’s been so tight-lipped about you that I was starting to think you didn’t exist.”

Steve almost chokes on his wine, but Diana doesn’t so much as flinch, simply smiling at Etta and saying, “Well, I’m not sure what you’d like to know, but I’m originally from one of the Grecian islands and I completed my studies in the UK. Right now, I’m splitting my time between the US and the Netherlands.”

“Oh, what part of the Netherlands?” asks Noor. “Sameer and I both lived there, at different points!”

“Just the Hague, I’m afraid,” says Diana ruefully, because it’s not known for its charms.

“Diana’s on a prosecutorial team at the International Criminal Court,” Steve clarifies, which prompts a number of impressed looks all around the table.

“We’re in between cases right now,” Diana says, “and we’re only just starting to file some pre-trial motions for the next thing on our docket, so I took a position as a guest lecturer here in the States. A friend of mine convinced me to take the consulting position at the ARGUS Foundation since it’s not full-time.” When Diana pauses, she notices a number of raised eyebrows around the table. “I think the expression in English is ‘I wear a lot of hats’,” she jokes.

“She’s a wonder,” interjects Steve easily, and he doesn’t even have to work at the soft look that he gives her. (He’ll interrogate the fact that it’s just how he looks at her later, when he’s alone and can have a nice little panic about it.)

“I just like to have purpose,” says Diana, and then Noor asks her about her last case, and the conversation takes on a life of its own.

Diana, as he suspected, gets on well with his friends, fitting in as though she’s known them years instead of hours, and they migrate into the living room after dinner, talking and laughing into the late hours of the evening.

“They are all lovely,” Diana tells him the moment the door to their room has closed behind them.

“They’re okay,” says Steve, but his face is pulled up in a smile, and Diana just laughs. He’s spent all evening getting to look at her whenever he wants, and even though they’re alone, even though there’s no need for his eyes to keep finding her, he doesn’t want to pull them away.

“They’re all so interesting!” Diana exclaims. “Sameer and I talked about linguistics for a full half an hour, and Etta and Adrienne’s stories are incredible!”

That makes him laugh. “Yeah, Etta’s something else.”

They talk a little more as they get ready for bed, and finally there’s nothing more to do but turn out the light and get under the covers. Steve’s tired enough that he thinks he has a decent shot at falling asleep, but he feels a little awkward as they both shift carefully on their respective sides.

“Hey,” he whispers into the deepness of the silky black night. “Thank you again for being here.”

“It is my pleasure.”

He listens to Diana’s breathing quickly even out, and though it takes him a little longer, he too falls asleep without too much trouble, despite her nearness.

**

To his great relief, or maybe to his great disappointment, they wake up in almost the exact same positions that they fell asleep in, on completely opposite sides of the bed.

“Good morning,” says Diana softly, hair slightly mussed and eyes still a little heavy with sleep, and frankly Steve’s not sure how he’s going to make it through the rest of the trip, because he likes her so much and also doesn’t want to impose his feelings.

“Good morning. I hope you’re ready for another insane day.”

“Once I’ve had some coffee, absolutely.”

“Well then,” says Steve, “let’s get you some coffee.”

Coffee is followed by breakfast, which is chaotic because everyone is up at slightly different times and traditionally, they fend for themselves for breakfast which means in practice that half a dozen people end up doing things in the kitchen at the same time.

The rest of the day is no calmer, as they all pack themselves up and spill outside for a snowy hike that lasts most of the afternoon. Diana, Etta, and Napi establish themselves as the fastest hikers early on, and they sort of naturally split into two groups. The whole group meets back up at one of the lookout points, where the faster group has lingered to let the rest catch up.

Steve uses the viewpoint to check in with Diana. “You doing okay?”

When she turns to him, her cheeks are rosy with exertion, her breath is coming out in silvery puffs in the cold air, and her eyes are dancing. “Excellent, you?”

“Really good.” They take in the snowy view in front of them. “Hey, I didn’t mean to leave you on your own,” Steve says, suddenly feeling a little awkward.

Diana snorts. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I was the one that walked ahead of you. If I’d been bothered, I wouldn’t have split off with Napi and Etta.”

“Right, of course.” He feels a bit stupid; she’s never struck him as the type to do something she really didn’t want to.

“We should probably walk back together though. For appearances.” She winks at him, and before he can respond, Noor is at his elbow.

“Can I take a picture for you two?”

“That would be great,” says Diana, handing Noor her phone as she slips her arm around his waist.

Pictures are snapped, and then they’re headed back down the trail. Steve ends up so engrossed in his conversation with Diana that the rest of the group fades away, and on the last straightway after they’ve descended, Diana reaches out and casually links their hands. Even through their gloves, it’s a giddy feeling.

**

That night after dinner, Steve steps outside for a moment of respite from the noisiness of the cabin. He breathes deeply, and stares at the patch of sky not covered in clouds, picking out a familiar constellation.

“Diana’s wonderful.”

Steve looks up from where he was leaning against the balcony railing to find that Etta has joined him outside.

“Yeah, she’s pretty great,” Steve agrees.

“I’m sorry you didn’t feel comfortable introducing us earlier,” says Etta so sincerely that Steve feels a squirming guilt welling up. “But if this was the pace you needed to go to be sure of your relationship, to make it solid and lasting, I’m glad you took the space to do so.”

“Right,” Steve echoes.

“Seriously, Steve,” says Etta, touching his arm, so that he’s almost forced to look at her. “You and Diana are so well-suited, and she’s good for you—I’ve never seen you like this.”

“What’s this?”

Etta contemplates him a moment. “You’re happy,” she says simply, and Steve rolls his eyes, because if Etta thinks just being in a relationship equates to—“but it’s not just that. You’re…still. Calm. You’ve usually got this frenetic, discontented energy, and with Diana it’s quieted.”  

It makes Steve pause, but before he can say anything—refute her or maybe, heaven forbid, agree with her—Diana herself is bursting onto the balcony.

“There you are!” she exclaims, wrapping her arms around him from the back, and fuck, maybe it is his instinct to relax in the split second before he remembers that this is all an act. “Charlie says we’re roasting marshmallows over the fire, and I’m told that you have the technique perfected,” she says, with all the exuberant glee of a child.

Steve pointedly ignores the knowing, indulgent look on Etta’s face as he turns in Diana’s arms to face her, a small but unquashable smile on his face. “That’s a classic holiday tradition for us—I was wondering when Charlie was going to break them out. Have you ever had a s’more?”

“No, but I’m looking forward to it!”

“Well, then we can’t let Sameer or Etta roast yours; they always burn them.”

“It’s meant to be eaten with a little char,” says Etta.

“Absolutely not!” Steve doesn’t have time to say any more, because Diana has laced her hand in his and his gently tugging him toward the interior.

“Right. This is an American classic and you’re gonna love it.”

After making her the perfect marshmallow—gold and toasty, and soft all the way through without being burned—the rest of the night is spent roasting increasingly silly things over the coals and drinking copious amounts of hot chocolate and eggnog that are optionally spiked, utterly warm and cozy.

“Tell me something about yourself,” requests Diana, when they’re tucked into bed later, still on their own sides but far closer together than they were the night before.

“Like what?”

“Something—well, not something secret, if you don’t want to. But something that most people probably don’t know.”

Steve considers her for a moment, shifting so that he’s facing her, the moon providing just enough light that he can see the contours of her face. “I wanted to be a pilot.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I wanted to be a fighter pilot.”

Diana grins. “I can see that. What stopped you?”

“I decided I wouldn’t really be helping people, and helping people is what I wanted to do. What about you?”  

“What did I want to be?”

“No, just—anything.”

“Hmm,” says Diana. “My favorite childhood memories are those of my aunt, Antiope.”

“Was she the cool aunt who spoiled you rotten?”

“She was the aunt that got me up at six in the morning every day to train.”

“Wow, that’s neat, I guess,” Steve deadpans, and Diana laughs in the darkness, rolling onto her side so that she’s facing him, so that they’re almost nose to nose.

“She was also more indulgent than my mother, yes.”

“I think we have very different definitions of indulgent,” says Steve.

“Perhaps,” says Diana, and despite how late it is, they spend another hour or two trading secrets in the darkness before falling asleep. Steve learns, among other things, that she loves cherries more than any other fruit, that she’d rather take the metro than a cab any day of the week, that she played the harp for a while and misses playing music but not playing the instrument itself. When they finally drift off to sleep, it’s still facing each other, fingers inches apart.

**

Steve wakes up feeling incredibly comfortable and very cozy. It’s only when he stretches a little that he realizes that the warm weight against his chest is not his blanket, but Diana. During the night, they must have migrated into each other, because now that his brain is coming back online, Steve realizes that not only is Diana tucked into his chest, but their legs are twined together. His shifting causes her to stir a little, but only to nuzzle against him a little before settling.

This is fine; he’s not freaking out. Not about how they’re accidentally pressed together, or about how much he likes her, or about what any of this means. Not about lines blurring and becoming harder to make out, not about lying to his friends. He’s fine.

Taking a breath, he weighs his options. He can wait for Diana to wake up and pretend he’s still asleep, and let her figure out how to react, or he can try to extricate himself now. Although it might wake her up, and then it would be doubly awkward, and—

And he’s waited too long in deciding, because Diana stretches a little sleepily and then blinks her eyes open, looking up at him.

“Good morning,” she says, apparently unbothered by their position. It’s making him spiral in confusion, and want, because it would be so easy to lean forward and kiss her, but neither has she directly expressed interest in him romantically, so he’s not about to actually do it.

“Did you sleep well?” asks Diana, gently untangling herself and sitting up.

Now that Steve thinks about it, he realizes that he’s slept better than he has in ages.

“Yeah,” he affirms a little hoarsely. “You?”

“Very well.” He’s considering saying something else—anything else, maybe apologizing for how closely they slept or, alternatively, telling her he adores her—when she continues, “How do you think everyone would feel about quiche?”

“Quiche?”

“One of the few reliable things I can cook,” says Diana, “but I have a good recipe, and I’m quite certain we have everything I’d need.”

Steve blinks. “I think it’d go over well.”

“Perfect!” Diana slips out of bed, sliding across the room with more of her infectious energy as she gathers her clothing for the day.

By the time Steve gets downstairs post-shower, Diana’s got the crust rolled out and blind-baking and has a number of veggies sautéing.

“Oh, good, you’re here! Can you pass me the mushrooms?” she asks, and he obliges, then takes it upon himself to crumble the cheese for her.

“Do you cook a lot?” he asks, and then curses himself, glancing around to make sure they’re alone and that nobody heard what was clearly a question that he, by all rights, should know the answer to. Blessedly, the only other person up is Napi, and he’s out on the porch.

“Not if I can help it,” says Diana. “You?”

“I enjoy it,” says Steve.

“Enjoy what?” asks Sameer, who’s just come down the stairs.

“Passing me ingredients when I tell him to,” teases Diana, successfully covering up what may have been a slip-up, because Sameer just rolls his eyes.

“You two are ridiculous.”

“More like adorable,” says Etta, who has apparently also been summoned by the smell of brewing coffee. “By the way—how did you two start dating? I’ve been meaning to ask since I never heard the story from this one”—she gestures at Steve—“and I’m sure it’s equally adorable.”

Steve can’t believe they’ve come this far without being asked, and that they didn’t do a better job of anticipating this question. He’s about to bumble his way through a response, but Diana, who is now pouring the egg mixture into the pan, has it covered.

“It’s sweet to me because it is ours, but I think you’ll otherwise find it quite boring. My third day of work, I came to his office by accident, looking for another colleague, and we traded a couple of jokes. Two days later, a bunch of people from the office went out for drinks after work, and I ran into Steve again. We spent a lot of the evening chatting, and when we left for the evening, he walked me to my train, and as we were waiting on the platform, he asked me out. He was kind and funny and handsome; there was no reason not to say yes.”

For a moment, Steve feels like he’s been hit by a train, because that’s actually how they met. They did spend an evening chatting, and he did wait on the platform with her. The only bit that didn’t happen was the asking out, and now he wonders what might have happened if he had. Then he reminds himself that it’s all an act, and she’s supposed to be acting like she likes him. He’s getting reality confused with the little mirage they’ve created.

“—it is sweet though,” Etta is saying when he snaps back to attention, unsure of just how much he’s missed.

“Yes, Steve is very thoughtful,” says Diana fondly.

He doesn’t really get a chance to ask her about it, because soon everyone is crowded around the table for breakfast, and that quickly turns into a card game, where they get separated by a few seats. It all somehow blends into lunch, as people swap in and out, Sameer and Noor doing the cooking, this meal, with Adrienne flitting in and out to help as she puts up a few extra lights for tonight’s Christmas eve celebration. He tries not to think about it too much, because Diana looks like she’s having a good time, and he is too, and eventually he gets swept up in the game, focusing on counting trump and keeping track of tricks and arguing genially with Charlie about who may or may not be cheating.

**

“Steve.” Diana pulls him aside after lunch, tugging him into their room.

“What’s up?” She looks entirely too serious, and it worries him. Is this about their story? Is something wrong?

“First kisses are always a bit awkward,” she says bluntly.

It’s so out of the blue that Steve’s brain doesn’t even short-circuit. He just blinks. “Yeah, usually.”

“Well, I just saw Adrienne putting mistletoe up. Your friends are wonderful people, but if we don’t get caught under it naturally, they’ll make sure we do.”

She’s got his friends pegged; that’s absolutely how they operate.

“They’ll recognize something is off if we’ve never kissed. I think we need to practice.”

Now Steve’s brain short-circuits.

“Practice.”

“It’s the only way to make sure it’s not during an ambush.” Her eyes are wide and she’s very close, so close that one of them could erase the distance without even taking a step, but she’s paused, waiting.

Waiting to see if it’s okay, if she has his consent.

His thoughts flick back, inexplicably, to this morning. (Was it really just this morning that they woke up tangled together? It seems a week ago already.) Knowing what it’s like to kiss her will probably explode his brain, but not knowing is worse. He nods, just a fraction, words caught in his throat, and then she’s closed the distance and pressed her lips to his.

Fireworks are for dramatic novels, but the world still shifts on its axis. It’s soft and slow, exploratory, but the pressure is somehow just right, and it consumes him. It’s everything he never let himself imagine it would be, and more. When she eventually pulls away—seconds, minutes, hours later, he’s not sure—he chases her lips for a moment before remembering himself, marshalling his reaction and pulling away in equal measure.

“Right, so. No mistletoe first kiss,” he manages, because seriously, what the fuck, he’s never had a first kiss feel that natural, that right.

“Mission accomplished,” says Diana faintly. “I think we’ll be fine.”

“Fine,” Steve echoes, and he thinks he sees Diana’s gaze flick back to his lips, dark and heavy, but then there’s the pounding of feet on the stairs and shouts outside their room.

“Steve! Diana! Are you in for another round of cards before we start the movie marathon?”

Diana startles, and takes three steps back, smoothing down her hair, her shirt, before opening the door to find Adrienne there, looking at them expectantly.

“Yes, of course,” says Diana.

“Oh,” smirks Adrienne, giving them a once over. “I can come back.”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll come down now; I want to get a cup of tea before we start up again. Steve?”

“I—yeah, a cup of tea would be great. Black tea—”

“—with a dash of honey, I know,” she says fondly, as if this is old news and not something she’s clearly picked up in the last day and a half.

“Thanks.”

When he collects himself and comes downstairs a few minutes later, he spots Diana across the room, head thrown back in laughter as she chats with Napi over the kettle.

She fits, he thinks. He’s seen her in professional settings, being diplomatic even when she doesn’t want to be, but here, she’s relaxed, and from everything she’s said, she likes his friends as much as they like her. Isn’t it sort of everyone’s dream that the person they like gets along with their friends?      

He takes another second to try to untangle his thoughts before he gets ushered back into the fold and has to pretend that everything is uncomplicated.

**

Christmas day dawns bright and cold, and sees, for the second day in a row, Diana snuggled into Steve. Despite another meandering conversation in the dark—in which he absolutely chickened out of asking her about the backstory she created for them, or the kiss—and starting the night on different sides of the bed, they seem to have rolled together in their sleep, and if he didn’t wake up with an absolutely parched throat, Steve would’ve probably gone right back to sleep, enjoying the warmth. Instead, he extricates himself gently, and by the time he gets back to the room a few minutes later, Diana is up and dressed, dashing any plans he might’ve been entertaining for a bit of a lie-in.

As with most things on their holiday trips, the day is centered around food. There’s a huge brunch, and then a little foray outside—nothing like the hike the day before yesterday, just a little walk that turns into a snow angel contest—and then it’s back inside to start cooking Christmas dinner. It’s Etta and Charlie taking point, because, as Steve explains to Diana, the group rule for any and all holidays is that those who observe do the traditional cooking, and everybody else takes care of the clean-up.

At one point in the afternoon, a trivia game gets pulled out, and in a classic showdown of boys (Steve, Sameer, Napi) vs. girls (Diana, Noor, Adrienne), the ladies trounce them thoroughly. There’re plenty of mimosas and someone starts a Christmas playlist, and honestly, Steve can’t think of a better Christmas in a long, long time.

They don’t really exchange ‘real’ gifts, but they do have a long-standing tradition of an intense game of White Elephant, which happens after dinner.

No less than 4 items (a succulent in a corgi-shaped pot, a coffee mug with some gratuitously dirty language on it, a pair of wool socks with Munch’s The Scream emblazoned on them, and an umbrella patterned with cartoon gentleman amongst the raindrops so that it’s always raining men) get stolen so many times that they hit the limit. (Diana walks away the proud owner of the socks, thanks to a strategic steal by Steve, which sets her up to steal them for the last time.)

The mood is so light that Steve has almost forgotten that this isn’t quite real, that he’s lying to his friends and sort of lying to Diana, too. That comes crashing down when they bump into each other coming back into the living room.

See, Steve and Diana had managed to casually avoid the newly strung up mistletoe all of Christmas Eve and most of Christmas day—at least together, that is; at one point Steve finds himself under the mistletoe with Sameer, and they both dramatically grip each other for a theatre kiss—by sheer luck, but their luck runs out after White Elephant. Steve has gone into the kitchen to deposit an empty tray of food, and Diana is on her way back from the bathroom, and they collide in the doorframe.

Instinctively, Steve puts a hand out, touching the small of her back lightly to anchor himself and steady her. It’s just a casual touch, but he lingers a second too long.

“Oooh, look! Steve and Diana are under the mistletoe!” sings Adrienne, pointing from across the room.

Steve glances up automatically, as though maybe Adrienne might be wrong, even though he knows damn well that there’s mistletoe hanging there.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” chants Etta, clearly a little tipsy, and the rest of his asshole friends join in the chant.

Steve’s eyes flick to Diana’s, and she raises an eyebrow, inclines her head almost imperceptibly. It’s permission, so he leans in and gives her a quick kiss, their lips barely touching. He’s not sure he can handle more in front of his friends right now, not with all of the emotions pooling in his stomach.

“Boo!” yells Charlie. “You and Sameer had a better kiss than that!”

There’s general clamoring of assent, and Diana reaches out and cups a hand to his cheek, to a great whoop from someone in their little peanut gallery. “If you are uncomfortable, we do not have to do this,” Diana murmurs, low and close enough that only he can hear it.

The real problem is that Steve wants little more than to kiss her again, but he feels guilty about it.

“It’s okay.”

She searches his eyes for a moment, and then closes the rest of the distance, kissing him properly. He sinks into it, and relishes in the little gasp he elicits when he deepens the kiss just a little. It’s the catcalling that splits them apart, and he’s sure he looks a little shell-shocked.

“That’s a kiss!” hollers Adrienne.

To his surprise, Diana doesn’t immediately move away from him, but stays tucked into his side, blushing a little.

“You’re all just a little too invested in our love life,” she admonishes lightly, but the point is missed as Etta launches into a bit of a ramble about how Steve introduced her to Adrienne by accident and how she’s been looking to return the favor, but that she’s glad Diana is here.

Steve watches Diana go a bit pink again, and wants to pull her aside, try to clear some things up, but then there’s another round of mulled wine, and they settle in for one last Christmas movie before the day ends.

Diana goes to bed before Steve does, while he stays back to have another round with Charlie, and by the time he realizes that he wanted to talk to her alone, she’s fast asleep.

**

The morning of the twenty-sixth is chaotic from the start; Diana’s up and out of bed before Steve wakes up, and then everyone is scrambling to pack up before they all drive back to the city. This time, Diana and Steve have got Sameer and Noor with them, because they came with Napi, who’s leaving directly to visit some extended family, and Etta and Adrienne don’t have enough room because they’re Charlie’s ride. It’s a pleasant ride, and Noor, Sameer, and Diana spend a solid half hour swapping in and out of Arabic to tease Steve, who does speak three languages himself, but doesn’t count darija as one of them.

They drop Noor and Sameer off with promises of seeing them at Etta’s party on New Year’s Eve, at the very latest, and suddenly they’re alone again.

“Thank you again for doing this,” says Steve. “You were the best fake date I could’ve asked for.”

“It was my pleasure,” says Diana. “I had a really good time, and a fun holiday.”

“And you really don’t mind putting in an appearance at the New Year’s Eve party?”

“Not at all. I’m actually looking forward to it.”

“Good; I think everyone is looking forward to having you there.”

They’re quiet as they pull up to Diana’s building.

Before Diana can move to get out of the car, Steve takes a deep breath. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything.” Her wide eyes are trained on him, and he almost loses his nerve.

But it’s now or never; he has to know if this is just him or if she feels something too. “If I had asked you out, that night on the platform, would you have said yes?” It feels like the safest version of the question he wants to ask.

Diana doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

It knocks the wind out of him and is simultaneously one of the best things he’s ever heard, because maybe that means there’s still time to make a proper go of it.

“Do you—”

He’s cut off by Diana leaning forward and kissing him sweetly, and he instinctively pulls her a little closer, deepens the kiss without consciously thinking about it.

“Sorry, I interrupted you,” says Diana, biting back a smile when they eventually pull apart, breathless. It makes Steve laugh, and he can’t fight the grin that’s also building. There’s no one around to fool, no one around even to prepare for; this is just them.

“Do you want to come to mine for dinner tonight?” Steve asks, bubbling with a profound sort of happiness. “For a real date this time?”

“I would love that,” says Diana, grinning. “No tricks, no fake backstories. Just us.”

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Just give me a couple of hours to shower and change and answer a couple of emails?” Diana says.

“How does seven sound? I’ll cook.”

“I can’t wait.”

He watches her go, almost floating from how giddy he feels. As he drives home, he mentally goes over what he’ll need to get for the meal he wants to make. Truly, it was the best fake date ever; he might, he thinks, even consider posting the story of it to the r/relationships thread like one of the Craigslist messages asked, because it’s so wonderfully peculiar.

**

“Right on time!” says Steve with a grin when Diana knocks on his door that evening for their date.

His smile falls when he notices her face, tired and serious, despite how light it had been only hours ago.

“Steve, I have to go,” she says without preamble.

“What?”

“I’m flying back to the Netherlands tonight.” What? That can’t be right; she’s not due back for several months, and even that’s only a trip. Steve’s brain lags a second and then realizes she’s still talking, dark eyes all apologies. “—straight to the airport from here, actually. I just came by to say goodbye. It seemed like the sort of thing that should be done in person.”

“But what—”

“You know who Patrick Morgan is, yes?”

Of course he knows who Patrick Morgan is; he’s a war criminal who was only caught and extradited recently. It made waves when jurisdiction was given over to the ICC, at least among the relevant international communities.

“The war criminal?” he asks, just to confirm.

Diana nods. “That’s the one. Look, I’m not really meant to be talking about my cases, but I’m on the prosecutorial team and his lawyers are good. They’re trying to file a pre-trial motion that would—well, let’s just say it would be bad if the judge ruled in their favor. We’re scrambling and I’m needed back at the office, in person.”

“Shit.” There’s nothing else to say, really. She’s the one who can make sure Patrick Morgan doesn’t hurt anyone else, and that’s that.

“It’s awful timing,” whispers Diana, and there’s true regret in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. You’re doing what has to be done.”

“I wish it didn’t,” says Diana. “I wanted to—I don’t know, go on a proper date and go to your friends’ New Year’s party with you, and this has just—it’s mucked it all up, hasn’t it?”

“An understatement,” says Steve, laughing wetly. Maybe—

“I have to call the ARGUS Foundation from the car, get everything squared away in regards to my commitments there. Gods, this is such a nightmare.” Diana’s pacing now, and Steve can see all their possibilities slipping away, now that she’s returning to the Netherlands. It’s not the most important thing, this casualty of what could have been, but it still breaks a little piece of Steve’s heart all the same.

“I wish we had more time,” says Steve, a little bittersweet, because there’s not much else to say. Diana sends him a sad smile and nods.

“I really have to go. I might even miss my flight as it is.”

“Right, of course.”

She looks at him hesitantly for a moment, like she’s going to say something more, and then pulls him into a hug. As she pulls back, she kisses him softly. It feels like goodbye more than any words could.

Then her phone rings, and she looks at him apologetically one more time, a quick, “I’m sorry,” before taking her leave and answering it. He hears her frustrated Dutch echoing down the hall as she walks away.

After she leaves, he feels a little aimless, and a little numb. It doesn’t quite sink in that Diana is gone, but he does think, absently, that something bad was bound to happen, because nothing catastrophic happened over the holidays—no real fights, no disastrous weather; it all went too smoothly.

**

The next few days are a slog: he’s back in the office, technically, but everything has slowed down substantially in between the holidays, just enough to not really keep him occupied.

It scares him a little how much he misses Diana. They were sort-of friends before the fake-dating charade, more friendly-coworkers than anything, but he got used to her being a part of his daily life absurdly quickly and is having a hard time adjusting back. They could have been something spectacular, he knows, if circumstances hadn’t made it impossible.

She texts him when she lands, and he’s glad to know she’s made it safely, but it ignites a fresh wave of ache such that he’s almost glad she doesn’t answer his text back, or text again. He ends up ignoring his phone, mostly, trying to distract himself from thinking about what wasn’t meant to be. (It’s bad luck with fate: if they’d had more time, if they were something real, he might consider moving, but it’s too soon, too early, even if he thinks he might already love her.)

On New Year’s Eve, he spends most of the day cooking, Netflix on in the background, whiling away time before the party Etta and Adrienne are throwing.

“Where’s Diana?” asks Etta, when she opens the door and finds Steve there, alone, carrying three tiers of Tupperware and a bottle of champagne, because of course she does. All his friends adore Diana too.

“She had to fly back to the Netherlands for a case,” says Steve morosely, unable to say anymore because he might choke up, and crying is fine but not during a New Year’s Eve party.

“Oh, what a shame she’ll miss New Year’s! When is she coming back?”

The fresh, stricken look on Steve’s face tells Etta everything she needs to know. “Oh, luv, I’m so sorry. I know long distance isn’t easy.”

It’s the perfect excuse presenting itself, really. In a month, Steve can say that the distance was too much, and Etta will understand, and that will be that. He’ll be out of this lie, too, with no one the wiser that it started as a fake thing. But right now, Steve is still mourning the fact that it never got to be anything real in the first place.

“It is what it is,” says Steve, trying for a smile.

“Well,” says Etta, also going for something resembling cheery. “We’ve got plenty of alcohol and a place for you to crash tonight, if you want it.”

“Thanks, Etta.”

He whiles away the night nursing a glass of wine and floating amongst friends and acquaintances, trying to enjoy the merriment. Etta, bless her, must spread the word that Diana had to leave for work, because only Noor asks after her, right after he gets inside. After that, he doesn’t have to answer any further questions, and instead focuses on the laughter and brightness radiating from his friends.

At a few minutes to midnight, he slips off to a quiet corner, not quite ready to face the rowdy, kissing couples.

Somewhere behind him, the apartment door slams, and there’s something of a commotion, but he doesn’t bother to investigate until—

“Did I make it in time?” asks a breathless voice.

Steve turns, and there, standing in front of him, a vision in a bright red coat, is Diana.

“But how—?” She’s meant to be in Europe, but she’s very much not. She’s here.

She’s here.

“We finished a little early and I got the first flight out. I took a cab from the airport to get here as fast as I could.”

“You hate cabs,” says Steve helplessly, fixating on something that’s very much not the point because it’s one of the many strange things they talked about, and because it’s somehow easier to focus on than any other part of it.  

“I wanted to be here.” Her eyes are twinkling, and Steve can’t quite believe she’s here, on New Year’s Eve, and—shit.

“But what about the case?”

“We got the motion thrown out,” she exclaims, delight lacing her words. “We’re proceeding as scheduled. I’ll have to go back for a bit starting in May, but—”

That phrasing catches Steve’s attention. “Wait, you’re not moving back to the Netherlands permanently?”

“What?” asks Diana, looking genuinely perplexed. “No! It was just a business trip, inconveniently timed. I was never moving back. Did you think—”  

“I thought—” says Steve, at the exact same time.  

There’s a look of recognition on Diana’s face, as if she’s doing the maths, going back over the conversations they had once more in her head. She bites her lip, shakes her head. Laughs.

“We are both a bit stupid, I think,” she says. “I was never going to be gone more than a week or two, but I suppose I didn’t make that clear enough. I thought it was just bad timing, since we were starting something, but you—”

Steve shakes his head, incredulous. “I thought I might never see you again, but you’re really here.”

Diana reaches out and ever so softly touches his cheek. “Yes. So, did I miss the countdown?”

Steve stops fighting the smile that’s building. “Nope. And you know, they say whatever you’re doing at midnight you’ll be doing for the rest of the year.”

“Do they? You’d best choose wisely, then.”

“I’ve got an idea.” The countdown hasn’t started yet, but he leans in slowly anyways, because he figures they’ve wasted enough time. She meets his lips eagerly, and in the background, Steve can hear Etta’s whoop of excitement, but really, the only thing that matters is Diana, and the feel of her lips underneath his.

It’s just as earth-shaking as it was the first few times, but they break apart momentarily as the countdown actually begins from the other room. When midnight hits, they kiss again, a little shorter this time, their smiles too wide to make it a proper kiss.

“Happy New Year, Steve,” whispers Diana, forehead pressed to his.

“Happy New Year,” he echoes. An endless plurality of shifting possibilities stretch before them, elastic and hopeful, and very real once more. From the other room, the chords of a piano start, a telltale sign that Charlie has started his traditional rendition of Auld Lang Syne.

“You know, eventually people are going to realize our anniversary isn’t in July.”

That elicits another giddy laugh, because somehow, he’s gotten lucky enough that this is his reality. “Yeah, but that’s a pretty good problem to have, all things considered. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“No,” says Diana thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t either.”

***

[alarawriting]

52 Project #27: The Pale Bro

Five friends drove up the mountain into the forest, where the vacation cabin waited for them. It was their senior year of college, so it wouldn’t be long before they’d be graduating and going their separate ways, and who knew when they’d all be able to hang out together again? So they’d decided that this year, instead of going on spring break someplace where there were a ton of other people, they’d spend break together in a cabin in the woods, because there was no possible way that that could go wrong.

They were just five totally ordinary college guys. Steve, a white dude with brown hair who loved video games and playing guitar; Trevor, a black dude with short hair who was on track to graduate magna cum laude and had already been accepted at a top medical school; Harrison, an outgoing, short, red-haired white dude who played soccer, but not, like, at career athlete level or anything; Evan, an Asian dude who kept his hair in a long ponytail, and whose family owned the cabin, who was planning on taking a year off after graduation to backpack around Asia and had sold it to his parents as an exploration of his heritage; and the Pale Bro, a twelve-foot tall dude with paper-white skin whose fingernails were like long razor blades and who was completely covered with eyes and mouths, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, cut-off shorts that would have been nearly pants on any other guy, and a pair of Vans on his feet. Just five ordinary young fellows, like anyone you might know.

Steve was driving the minivan, kinda wishing it was his dad’s SUV because of the effort of getting a minivan up the slope, but his dad’s SUV was in a different state and besides, it wouldn’t have had room for the Pale Bro. The minivan was the kind where you could put down the back row of seats to expand the cargo capacity, and the Pale Bro had laid out a thick sleeping-bag style blanket on top of their suitcases and was laying on them now, curled sideways because there was no dimension where he could stretch out in the van. Must be rough for him, Steve imagined, always having to bend down or curl up to fit into buildings and vehicles with his bros. He never complained about it, though. He was a great friend.

“How much farther is this place?” Harrison asked. “I gotta piss like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I’ve been unfortunately next to you at the urinals,” Trevor said. “I’d believe it.”

Steve checked the GPS. “Shit. The GPS has just decided to get the vapors because it’s up too high. It’s telling me I’m literally in the middle of nowhere. Like, look at this.” He showed the screen to Evan. “We’re in the middle of nowhere. It isn’t even drawing the road.”

“Don’t worry about it, I can guide you in from here,” Evan said. “Just stay on the road another 20 minutes or so.”

With a voice that rumbled like the sound of tectonic plates grinding together and the hiss of static from the birth of the universe behind it, the Pale Bro conveyed that there had better be some fucking food at the cabin, because he was starving.

“You and me both, buddy,” Trevor said.

“We all just got Burger King like, two hours ago,” Steve complained.

“Yeah, well, me and Pale are tall dudes. We need more food than you.” Trevor smirked.

“There should be food, I had a grocery delivery scheduled for earlier today and one of my parents’ employees was supposed to swing by the place, pick it up and put it in the fridge.”

“There’s a fridge at this cabin?” Harrison asked.

Evan looked at him. “Yeah, dumbass, you think I’d have suggested coming here if there was no fridge? There’s running water, too. It even gets hot if you run it long enough.”

“Well, excuse me for not being so rich I can afford to go to a cabin in the woods, ever, before now.”

“What else has it got?” Trevor asked.

“Well, there’s three bedrooms, one of which has a king-sized bed and the other two have bunk beds. I figure, Pale Bro gets the big bed and we break up into two’s and do the roommate thing. There’s a sofa bed too, in case someone really can’t stand having a roommate. We don’t have a washer or dryer, but if you only brought one pair of underpants and it’s getting really rank, we’ve got detergent and a clothesline so you can wash them in the sink. There’s a dishwasher.”

“I would have put in a washer and dryer before I put in a dishwasher, personally,” Steve said.

“Yeah, well, my mom had a different opinion. Anyway, it’s camping in the woods. It’s not supposed to be just like if we were at home.”

“I call top bunk!” Harrison said.

“There’s two top bunks. Both rooms have bunk beds.”

The Pale Bro expressed in a voice like a Gregorian chant of nightmares that he wanted to know if there was a bathroom in the master bedroom, because that shit would be sweet.

“Naah, man, sorry,” Evan said. “But there is one of those really deep claw-foot bathtubs that you like.”

Like the rumbling of an oncoming avalanche, the Pale Bro opined that that was excellent.

***

“I don’t believe this shit.”

They had just disembarked, the Pale Bro in the rear bringing his own suitcase and the beer cooler, which was the size of a mini-fridge, and everyone else dragging their suitcases in… except for Evan, who had gone directly to the kitchen without bringing in his own stuff yet. He came stomping out. “Joe never showed up, the bastard! I’m totally having my dad fire his ass.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“I mean that food order never showed up. So we have canned food, and boxed food, but we don’t have anything perishable. No bread, no lunchmeat, no eggs, no bacon, no orange juice, none of that shit.” He sighed. “I’m gonna have to drive down into town myself to get food, and we just got here.”

“Hey, man, I can still drive the car,” Steve said. “You just need to tell me where to go.”

“Steve, you’ve been driving for 6 hours, you’re probably wiped. I can drive,” Trevor said. “It’s the least I could do with Evan buying our food.”

“Yeah, but you bought the beer, man,” Evan said. “So maybe Harrison needs to drive.”

“Uh, hey, before anyone drives anywhere, maybe you should call and find out if your parents even know where that Joe guy who never showed up is, and if he’s all right?” Harrison called from outside.

“Why?”

“Just… everyone come take a look at this!”

Everyone went outside and congregated around Harrison’s find, which was a roughly humanoid, but clawed, tread that was at least three times the size of a normal footprint. Experimentally the Pale Bro put his own massive foot into the tread. Harrison whistled. The footprint was about 25% bigger than the Pale Bro’s.

“Dude. What is that? Is that a bear?” Harrison asked.

Trevor shook his head. “Those are sneaker treads, Har. Bears don’t wear sneakers.”

In a voice that was the perfect auditory personification of the Zalgo font, the Pale Bro suggested that it looked like one of his cousins was back on its bullshit again.

“Goddamn,” Evan said. “That’s a big fellow.”

“I think maybe if we go into town we should all go,” Steve said.

“We’ve just been driving all this time, though,” Evan said. “I wanted to relax, crack a cold one, put on some MP3s. We don’t get Internet worth shit out here but I’ve got a huge music library on the stereo’s hard drive.��

The Pale Bro opined that before anyone drove anywhere, maybe he had better find his cousin and make it clear that if his cousin touched any of his friends he would shove its head so far up its ass it would be blinking shit out of its 27 eyes for a month.

“That… sounds reasonable,” Trevor said. “Since we don’t know what happened to Joe. We can hunker down here and wait for you to get back.”

“I’m pretty sure I got instant just add water pancake mix,” Evan said. “And my mom stocked this place with crappy dehydrated chicken pieces like the kind doomsday preppers buy. I could make a shitty chicken soup, we’ve got bouillon and noodles. Oh, and there’s a few cans of chili. Canned stuff is shit but I could maybe perk it up with some spices, some extra beans… put some rice in the cooker, I bet my mom left rice here, she buys like 100 pound bags of rice.”

Like the sound of Jupiter hovering in orbit above, rotating ponderously, the Pale Bro agreed that some canned chili with extra spices sounded pretty good considering how fucking hungry he was, and as soon as he found his asshole cousin he’d be back to eat with the rest of his bros. He also reminded them to save him some beer.

“Dude!” Steve laughed. “We’ve got three keggers’ worth in that cooler! There will be plenty of beer for you.”

Evan called his parents as the Pale Bro left the house, and reported back, somewhat gray-faced. “They said Joe never called in to say he got to the house. He reported picking up the groceries, he was headed up here, and then nada.”

“Oh, well, then, you work on the chili,” Trevor said, “and me and the rest of the guys are gonna lock up all the windows and doors and put someone on watch for when the Pale Bro gets back. You don’t have any guns up here, by any chance, do you?”

“Nope, my parents aren’t really hunters,” Evan said.

“Well, I’ve seen your kitchen at home, I know what kind of equipment your mom likes to stock. We’ll have plenty of sharp knives, I’m betting.”

“Yeah.”

And so as Evan attempted to turn six cans of canned chili into something his bros would find edible, and the Pale Bro stalked through the forest on the mountaintop looking for his asshole cousin, the other three made sure everything was locked up, that the car keys were secure, and that there were wicked cooking knives within easy reach, but not line of sight from the outside, of every door. Just like ordinary bros do, every day.

***

The Pale Bro stalked through the woods. Now, you’d think that being twelve feet tall and having a foot easily the size of a car tire’s diameter would make it hard to walk through a thickly wooded forest with plenty of underbrush, but the Bro’s long, skinny arms and legs could easily step over bushes and shrubs, and could pivot in directions that didn’t seem to quite exist within three-dimensional space. So he had very little difficulty making his way through the dense forest.

In the beginning, he was tracking the large treads that may or may not have been left by his asshole cousin, but the trail disappeared as it crossed a small creek. In a tone that sounded like the anthropomorphic personification of the trumpets of Jericho, the Pale Bro groaned, recognizing that he’d lost the trail and would have to search for it.

And so he went up the creek, and down the creek, and out from the creek, and up the trees around the creek, looking for any sign of his cousin… until he heard, in the distance, human voices.

Human female voices.

He stumbled through the woods, suddenly much clumsier than he’d been, following the sound of girls, until he half-fell out of the treeline and ended up in a clearing around another cabin, like Evan’s but bigger. The sounds were coming from around the corner of the cabin. The Pale Bro slid forward, long long legs making long long strides through the yard around the cabin, until a hot tub with a wooden deck came into view. The hot tub was on, and populated by five smokin’ hot girls.

There was a fair-skinned blonde girl, in a skimpy blue bikini that showed off all her curves, whose wavy hair floated angel-like around her head, improbably given that she was in a hot tub. There was a short, delicate black girl with hair in very wet braids and a soft, beautiful face, wearing a candy pink bikini. There was an Indian girl with long hair and an athletic build, with a red bindi mark on her forehead and a pale turquoise one-piece bathing suit with a little skirt, sitting on the deck and kicking her feet slowly in the water. A red-haired white girl with tan Mediterranean skin, tight curls, and a bright white bikini that stood out against her tan, had turned away from the tub and was looking directly at the Pale Bro, a slight smile on her face. The fifth girl was green and scaly, with webbed hands and golden eyes with nictating membranes; she didn’t have hair, but she had betta-like, beautifully colored fins on her head that looked hair-like.

All of them were absolutely gorgeous.

The blonde girl shrieked and ducked into the tub; the black girl bounced and climbed out of the tub, a big grin on her face. “Hi there, stranger!” she yelled from the rail around the deck. “Why don’t you come over and have a beer with us?”

The Pale Bro admitted in a tone like the creaking of an ancient rusted machine at the base of an abandoned windmill that that sounded awesome.

The green girl rolled her eyes. The Indian girl gave the black girl a questioning look. “Are you sure, Kayla?”

“Come on, Nandi,” the red-haired girl said. “I think he’s cute.”

The blonde girl came back up. “Are you inviting him over?” she asked, sounding horrified. “What if he’s a psycho killer?”

“Oh, right,” the green girl said. “He’s pale and tall and has eyes all over his body so he must be a psycho killer. Racist much?”

“No! He’s just a strange dude, that’s all! You have to watch out for strange dudes!”

The Pale Bro explained in the voice of a broken subwoofer booming at outdoor concert sound levels underwater that he didn’t really want to scare any of the girls and he’d go if they didn’t want him here.

The green girl leaned her elbows on the edge of the hot tub. “Forget Ashlee, she’s just paranoid.”

“You didn’t want him coming over either, Y’lehna,” Nandi said quietly.

“I just knew that if Kayla invited him over, we’re gonna lose Rhiannon for the rest of the night,” Y’lehna muttered.

The red-haired girl, presumably Rhiannon, was smiling broadly at the Pale Bro now. “Hey there,” she said. “We’ve got hard cider and hard lemonade, Bud, Corona and a couple of local microbrews. What’s your pleasure?”

In a voice that was actually surprisingly normal-sounding for once, the Pale Bro said he’d have whatever Rhiannon was having, which turned out to be hard cider.

He clambered up onto the hot tub deck, pulled off his sneakers, and soaked his feet in the hot tub, which barely came up to his knees.

“So what are you doing around here? You don’t live near here, do you?” Kayla asked.

And so the Pale Bro explained that he and his bros had decided to spend their last spring break of college together, in a cabin in the woods, because once graduation came they might never see each other again, and certainly even if they made excuses to get together on occasion, they’d see each other a lot less.

“That’s so sweet!” Kayla said.

“We’re juniors,” Rhiannon said. “Except Ashlee, she’s a sophomore, and Y’lehna’s technically a senior but she’s planning on doing a fifth year. But we decided to hang out here because Ashlee’s parents just put in a hot tub.”

“Hot tub!” Kayla sang out, and slid back into the tub. She was maybe just a little bit drunk.

As it turned out, they all went to the same university, and Y’lehna and the Pale Bro chatted for a bit about sports. “I tried out for the swim team,” Y’lehna said, “but when they found out I had gills, they disqualified me because apparently part of the point of the sport is that you are only allowed to breathe gaseous oxygen?”

The Pale Bro commiserated, as he hadn’t even tried trying out for the basketball team like he had once dreamed of, realizing that they would never allow someone who was taller than the hoop to play.

***

“I don’t know, though,” Ashlee, who had warmed up to the Pale Bro once another hard lemonade was in her hand, said. She was lying in a deck chair rather than in the tub. “Normally I love this place, and the tub’s great, but something just feels really creepy today.”

“You’ve been on edge since we got here,” Nandi – whose full name turned out to be Nandini, but she insisted that the Pale Bro should use her nickname – agreed.

The Pale Bro was thus reminded that his bros were expecting him to track down what might be a killer who may or may not have murdered Joe, the guy who was supposed to bring in the groceries, and also that he was very hungry and the hard cider wasn’t doing him any favors on an empty stomach. He pulled his feet out of the tub and confessed, in a voice like the grinding of the gears of the machinery that runs the universe, that his bros had sent him out to find a monster – he didn’t mention that the monster was probably his cousin – who might have killed someone, and also that dinner was waiting for him back at the cabin.

“Oh, you should bring them over!” Kayla said cheerfully.

“Are they all like you?” Rhiannon asked in a tone that might be considered “sultry” by anyone not as oblivious as the Pale Bro.

The Pale Bro shook his head and admitted that his bros were all much shorter than he was.

Rhiannon put a hand on his arm. “Well, that’s too bad, but I guess one handsome, tall fellow in a group is all I can expect, right?”

The Pale Bro looked at Rhiannon’s hand like it was an inexplicable glob that might be ice cream and possibly should be washed off, but equally possibly should be licked up.

Y’lehna said, “Why don’t you bring them over? They might be cute.”

“Yeah,” Nandi said, “we can’t all fit in the hot tub at once, but didn’t you say you had four friends back at your cabin?”

“That makes five,” Ashlee said, “and there’s five of us!”

“Also,” Nandi said, “we’ve still got, like, five pizzas in the house.”

This made the decision for the Pale Bro. He took the girls up on their offer of a couple of slices of pizza – they were cold, but he didn’t mind – and then headed back to the cabin to let his bros know about the girls’ offer.

***

The Pale Bro knocked on the window of the cabin, which apparently gave everyone inside heart attacks, even though he’d just meant to warn them to open the door for him. “Jesus, Pale,” Evan complained. “There’s a door.”

Within a few minutes – and after dropping his hard cider bottle in the recycling bin, because Evan’s family were big on recycling and the Pale Bro wanted to be polite – he had explained the situation to his bros.

“Let me get this straight,” Evan said. “You didn’t find any sign of Joe, you didn’t find your cousin or any other kind of monster or killer, and you want us to leave and go hiking through the woods to go hang out at a cabin full of strangers?”

When Evan phrased it that way, the Pale Bro admitted that it didn’t sound like a great idea, but on the other hand, there were five incredibly hot girls, plus a hot tub, plus pizza.

“Now let’s talk about this,” Trevor said. “Has anyone considered that if there’s really a psycho killer or a monster loose in the woods, those five girls might be in a lot more danger than we are? Maybe we should go over there to help protect them.”

“Yeah! And we could bring some of our beers, and Evan’s chili and rice—” Harrison suggested.

“Fuck no, I’m not making anybody else have to eat this chili,” Evan said. “It’s shit. It’s just the best I could do with the supplies I’ve got.” He sighed. “Too bad I can’t bring my tunes.”

“We need to be careful about locking everything up,” Steve said. “We really don’t want to come home tomorrow morning and find the psycho killer waiting for us here.”

“Or a gaggle of rabid raccoons,” Evan said. “That’s a thing around here.”

“Did any of you guys bring condoms?” Harrison asked. “Because I didn’t think we’d be seeing any action this weekend, so I didn’t bring any…”

Trevor chuckled. “We haven’t even met these girls, Har. Aren’t you jumping the gun a little?”

“Hey, I like to be prepared.”

“I’ve got a handful in my wallet, but I don’t think I’ve got five of them,” Steve said.

The Pale Bro pointed out with laughter like the rolling of thunder in a distant cavern that probably none of Steve’s condoms would fit him anyhow, so it would be fine.

“You don’t have to eat that chili, man,” Evan said, observing that the Pale Bro had dumped half a rice cooker’s worth of rice onto a plate and then all the rest of the chili that the other bros hadn’t eaten on top of that, and was currently chowing down. “It’s shit. I admit it. And you said you had some pizza.”

The Pale Bro declared that he was too hungry to care what it tasted like, that two slices of pizza weren’t nearly enough, and besides, it tasted fine to him.

So the five bros armed themselves with the sharp knives from Evan’s mom’s kitchen just in case they ran into a psycho killer along the way, locked all the doors and windows to the cabin and the doors to the car, and the Pale Bro carried the beer cooler as he led the way back to the house with the five hot girls.

***

It wasn’t particularly easy for the Pale Bro to retrace his steps through the woods; it’d been just short of sunset when he’d found the girls, and now it was full dark. His myriad eyes could see well in the dark, of course, but his bros couldn’t, so he had to watch out for them, and they were also a lot less flexible, and tall, than he was. Also, he hadn’t been toting a beer cooler the last time he came through here.

It didn’t help that his bros were very jumpy, freaking every time a night bird called or a twig broke loudly. The Pale Bro got it, he did – there might be a psycho killer in the woods, or a monster, or his cousin who was also a monster, and they couldn’t see as well as he could, or defend themselves. But this was just ridiculous. In a voice that was an auditory personification of the concept of dread, he suggested that they stop being such big pussies and concentrate on not tripping before they accidentally stabbed each other trying to brandish knives at random bushes.

“Yo, man, we can’t all be twelve feet tall,” Harrison said, sounding pissed but also still really anxious.

In a voice that was best described by some kind of metaphor implying a deep and scary sound that hopefully hasn’t been used already in this story, the Pale Bro offered to give Harrison a piggyback ride.

Trevor said, “Not in the middle of trees, man, you’d brain him. Walk right into a tree branch and knock him off.”

“Yeah, I gotta turn that down,” Harrison said.

“You smell that?” Steve said. “Smells like someone’s firing up a grill somewhere. I can smell the charcoal.”

“Did the girls have a grill?” Trevor asked.

The Pale Bro admitted that to the best of his knowledge, they did not, but on the other hand they had Hawaiian pizza. This, of course, triggered the old argument, where Steve and Harrison insisted that pineapple did not belong on pizza, and Evan and the Pale Bro insisted that pineapple on pizza was quite valid. The argument continued, with Trevor’s exhortations to show some common sense and save the argument until they were not walking through a dark forest that might contain a psycho killer going unheeded, until Steve accidentally fell in the creek because he couldn’t see it, and in the process lost one of Evan’s mom’s good cooking knives.

However, the Pale Bro mused, this was a potentially good sign because he’d found the girls while walking alongside the creek. So the bros walked alongside the creek, Steve muttering that these girls had better be hot after all this, until they heard the sound of female human voices, exactly like the Pale Bro had had before.

They entered the clearing, observed the very large cabin, Evan making comments like “I bet it’s a bitch to keep clean, ten to one that thing’s not sanitary” because he was jealous that the cabin was bigger than his family’s, and then around the corner to observe the very hot girls, who were all still very hot even though some of them had pizza sauce smeared around their lips.

“Well, hell-o, ladies!” Harrison said, trying to be suave and cool, and failing miserably.

The Pale Bro wondered, in the voice like the echoes of a rockslide in a canyon, if there was any of the pineapple pizza left, because unfortunately he was still hungry. He gestured at his very large body somewhat self-deprecatingly.

“Hi, guys!” Kayla, who was obviously the group’s ambassador to guests, said, with possibly more bubbliness in her voice than was currently in the hot tub. “I’m Kayla, and this is Nandini, and over there in the blue bikini is Ashlee, whose cabin this is – I mean, really it’s her family’s cabin—”

“I get it,” Evan said. “My family’s got a cabin too, that’s where we’ve been hanging. We just got in today. My name’s Evan.”

“Cool!” Kayla said. “That’s Y’lehna in the lawn chair with the wine cooler, and Rhiannon went to the bathroom but I’m sure—”

“I’m back!” Rhiannon announced. Trevor’s eyes widened and then turned heart-shaped. Metaphorically.

“And I’m Trevor. Hello, ladies,” he said, sounding much cooler when he said it than Harrison had.

“I’m Harrison, and this is Steve, and he’s kinda shy!” Harrison punctuated this by shoving his kinda shy friend forward.

“Uh, hi,” Steve said. “I kind of fell in the creek on my way here?”

Kayla’s eyes went wide. “Oh, wow! Hey, Ashlee, do you mind if I bring him inside and show him the shower?”

“Long as he takes his shoes off,” Ashlee said, coming to the deck railing. Steve saw her angelic hair, beautiful skin, and ample charms shown off by the rather small bikini, and fell in love.

“Oh, definitely. I’ll definitely do that. I – yeah. Thanks a lot for letting me use the shower, I’m all covered in mud. Which you can see. Because you’re standing there, looking at me covered in mud.”

Kayla laughed. “Oh, yeah, let’s get you cleaned up!” She took Steve’s hand with surprising alacrity and lack of reluctance, given that he was covered in mud.

Evan said, “The guy who was supposed to bring over the groceries never showed, and I made some chili and rice out of canned stuff for my friends, but it was kinda shitty. Pale asked if there was any more of the pineapple pizza? I could definitely go for a slice if you’re offering.”

Ashlee lit up. “Oh! Sure! I can take you in to get some pizza!”

Rhiannon had by then walked over to the Pale Bro, and put her hand on his arm again. “You know, I could definitely go for some more pizza myself,” she purred.

Meanwhile, Harrison was trying to chat up Y’lehna, and also strip to his boxers so he could get in the hot tub, without looking like he was doing it in a creepy way. “So, where’re you from?”

“Massachusetts,” Y’lehna said, lying back in the lawn chair and wistfully gazing at Trevor, who had followed Rhiannon, the Pale Bro, and Ashlee in for pizza. “A little town called Innsmouth, on the coast. Little more than half an hour north of Boston.” Y’lehna had legs, but they were covered with scales and her feet were large and webbed.

“Cool. I’m from New Jersey, but, you know, like the south end. Not the part that’s all gritty like Newark and Jersey City.” Harrison slid into the hot tub. “Oh, man, this is nice. You wanna get back in?”

“After I finish my wine cooler, maybe. Ashlee doesn’t like it when we eat or drink in the tub.”

Evan was the first to come back from the pizza hunt, carrying a beer and two slices and had actually had swimming trunks at the cabin – they hadn’t planned on going swimming on this trip, but Evan kept some clothes here all the time, and he’d already changed into them and then put his clothes on over. He stripped to his bathing suit and then went and got into the hot tub near Nandini. “Hey.”

Nandini barely noticed; she was too busy looking at Harrison. Evan had to say it again to get her attention. She turned and looked at him. “Oh, you can’t eat those in the tub. Or drink the beer.”

“What if I sit back from the tub and just soak my feet, until I’m done with the food?”

Nandini shrugged. “I guess that’d be okay, but you’d have to ask Ashlee. Can I ask you something?”

Evan beamed. “Sure! Whatever you want!”

She nodded her head toward Harrison. “Does your friend have a girlfriend?”

Evan’s first reaction was dismay – Nandini seemed to not even notice him as a man, and was just making eyes at Harrison, who was obviously captivated by Y’lehna. Then he narrowed his eyes and decided to make problems on purpose. “Oh, sorry, Harrison is gay.” Actually, Steve was bi and the rest of them were straight – Evan thought, anyway, unsure about the Pale Bro and if he even had a sexuality, but he did seem to like to look at girls.

Nandini sighed. “Aren’t they always.”

Ashlee was the next to come back. She sat next to Evan. “You know, if you want to get into the hot tub and still eat your food, I normally have a rule about that but I could let it go this time. Just as long as you keep the actual food and drink out of the hot tub so it doesn’t make everything gross.” She smiled at Evan.

Evan smiled at her, because it was always good to smile at your host, and it was also always good to smile at a pretty girl, and Ashlee was both. “Thanks,” he said, not planning to take her up on it because what if he dropped the pizza?, and then turned back to Nandini. “What’re you majoring in?”

“Ugh, I hate having to explain it to people,” Nandini said. “It’s… complicated. It’s a discipline that’s part economic theory, part psychology, part sociology and part anthropology. Basically, I’m majoring in the question of why do people do dumb things when they’d be better off doing smart ones, and how that impacts our understanding of economics.”

“That sounds really interesting,” said Evan, who had quit his business major because he was bored out of his mind by economics. “I’m doing Asia studies. Yeah, it’s a cliché.” He’d gone into Asia studies after he quit his business major because it was the only thing he thought his parents would let him get by with if he refused to study business. Some kind of “Mom, Dad, I really want to get in touch with our heritage and understand the culture of my grandparents” bullshit. Also, statistically you were more likely to find a girl who considers Asian guys hot in Asia studies than any other major, he suspected.

“That’s pretty cool!” Ashlee said. “Which part of Asia is your family from? China, Korea…?”

“China, originally,” Evan, whose real name was Haoran, but who’d been going by Evan since second grade, said. His pizza finished, he slid down into the tub and turned back to Nandini.  “So, we came over here to warn you – and maybe help you fight if it comes to it – but we’re worried there might be a killer or something in the woods?”

“Omigod, really?” Ashlee asked, eyes wide with terror.

“Why do you think that?” Nandini asked, seeming completely calm.

“Well, my parents had an employee, Joe, buy food for my cabin. He was supposed to drop it off… but he never showed up, and he never called my parents, and he’s not answering his cell. Meanwhile, we saw this absolutely huge tread in the dirt, and the Pale Bro thinks it might be his cousin.”

“Yeah, he told us all that,” Nandini said. “Except for the part about it maybe being his cousin.”

“So, a monster?” Y’lehna asks. “Because there’s a difference between a psycho killer, who’s human, and a monster, who isn’t. You don’t know what the monster’s capable of, but when you see them, you know they’re a monster.”

“Yeah, but just because they look like a monster doesn’t mean anything about what they’re like!” Harrison said. “The Pale Bro looks like a monster, but he’s a really great guy!”

“I’m guessing his cousin sucks, though,” Y’lehna said.

“Well, we don’t know his cousin,” Harrison said, somewhat diplomatically.

“Do you really think there’s a killer?” Ashlee asked, getting into the hot tub right next to Evan – and inconveniently, between him and Nandini. “But you’ll protect us, right?”

“Uh, some of us can protect ourselves…” Nandini said.

Evan got back out of the tub so he could see Nandini more clearly without Ashlee in the way. “Absolutely. I’m not trying to say that we’re offering our protection because, you know, we’re guys and you’re girls and we think we’re tougher than you. That’s not it at all; I bet most of you could kick my ass.” He did not actually think this; Evan was in pretty good shape, since he was preparing to backpack all over Asia next year if he got the chance, and also, he bicycled a lot. It was pretty clear to him, though, that Nandini was invested in thinking of herself as someone who could protect herself, and who knew? Maybe she was a martial arts master or a crack shot. “But we figure, there’s safety in numbers. Plus, if it is the Pale Bro’s cousin, he can get it to back the hell off.”

“Good point,” Nandini said.

At this point there was a glass-shattering, horrible screech, and then something, some unknown creature moving so fast it was a blur, leapt out of the hot tub and charged directly at Evan, Nandini and Ashlee. All three of them screamed, as it slashed bright pain across Evan’s legs, right above his knees.

And then Ashlee started cracking up, as the horrible assailant stopped at the edge of the deck and began washing itself vigorously. “Phenyl, you dumbass. I know you like to sleep on the tub when we have it covered, but couldn’t you see we have it open and it’s full of water?”

Evan’s heart was still pounding, but now that he could see the creature that had slashed gashes into his thighs, he took deep breaths to calm himself down. “That’s your cat?”

“Yeah, her name is Phenylephrine and she’s a dumbass. She catches rats, though. One time she chased off a raccoon who’d gotten into the trash.” Ashlee attempted to pick her cat up, but the almost-entirely-black-except-for-white-bib cat jumped down off the deck, apparently not sufficiently recovered from her ordeal to tolerate interacting with humans. Evan decided not to ask why the cat was named after a decongestant.

“So what are you majoring in?” Harrison asked Y’lehna, trying to come across as casual. “I’m doing liberal arts, you know? Just a little of everything.”

“Shakespearean literature,” Y’lehna said.

“Oh, wow! You know about the theory that he didn’t write his own plays, right?”

Y’lehna rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. It’s bullshit.”

And as she explained all the reasons why she thought the theory was bullshit, Harrison listened to her raptly with imaginary hearts in his eyes.

***

Steve was deeply grateful to Kayla for taking him in to find Ashlee’s shower. The cabin had wooden floors, thankfully, so the gunk still dripping off his body could be easily cleaned. It made sense – it was a cabin in the woods, after all – but Steve had some vague idea of what rich people houses were like from visiting Evan, and carpet played a big role in his mental image of a rich person abode.

He was less impressed with the towel Kayla found him, after he came out of the shower. It was very… brief. Bigger than a hand towel, but not by much, it covered the territory it was required to cover and not very much else.

“I hate to ask, but does Ashlee have any brothers or other family members who might be around my size? This towel is kinda…”

Kayla laughed. “I think you look cute in it, but yeah, I can see why you’d want something bigger!” She stuck her head in the kitchen, where Ashlee was serving pizza to Evan, Rhiannon, Trevor, and the Pale Bro. “Hey, Ashlee! Does Hunter have any swimming trunks or t-shirts here?”

“You can check. He usually uses the middle bedroom.”

Steve called out, “I can have them cleaned and returned tomorrow, I just… my clothes are all muddy… I don’t want to impose, but this towel’s kind of tiny…”

“No problem, I don’t even care if you keep Hunter’s stuff. It would serve him right for being a douche,” Ashlee said.

Kayla checked, and came back with a NASCAR t-shirt and a pair of swimming trunks with grotesquely grinning emojis all over it. “Sorry, I hope it fits! It’s all he had!”

“No problem, NASCAR’s cool,” Steve said. The sum total of his knowledge about NASCAR was that it had something to do with cars, probably, and that guys who drank warm crappy beer and drove pickup trucks liked it, and that was all. But if Ashlee’s family was into it, maybe it was worth checking out.

He and Kayla walked into the kitchen, now that he was vaguely decent. “OMG I am so sorry,” Ashlee said. “That shirt is awful. Is that really the only one Hunter had?”

Steve shrugged, understanding more about Ashlee’s relationship to her brother’s interests. “It’s not like I’m into NASCAR or anything, but beggars can’t be choosers, right?”

The Pale Bro chose this moment to inform everyone in a voice that echoed like a portent of doom that there was no more beer in Ashlee’s fridge, and this was a problem, because he and his bros had brought beer for 5 people for three days, but now they had ten people, so what if they ran out?

Steve privately thought it was good that the Pale Bro wasn’t majoring in anything that needed math. Ten people would burn through the beer for five people at twice the rate, but twice the rate of three days would be a day and a half, more than enough time to go get more beer, unless the psycho killer or monster slashed their tires or something.

Kayla spoke up. “I’ve got more in the trunk of my car, but I parked kind of crappy.”

“Well, no matter how crappy the parking job was, more beer’s always a good thing,” Trevor said.

The Pale Bro expressed in a voice that was like the crackling of atoms fusing together in the unfathomable heat of the sun that he’d be happy to go get them out of Kayla’s car.

“Uh… no, I think Steve should do it,” Kayla said. “Because he’s shorter, and it’s a really crappy parking job. Trust me, you will bonk your head on trees about six times just trying to reach my car.”

“Did you park it in the woods?” Trevor asked.

“Um, sorta… I was kinda excited about getting here and waving to my friends and I accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake and I ended up in the woods… yeah.” She looked up at Steve forlornly. “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot,” Steve said, because it was always a good idea to tell a pretty girl who said she was an idiot that in fact she was not.

In a voice like the echoes of a NASCAR race going on over one’s head because one was in a sewer system under the track, the Pale Bro offered to help Kayla get her car out of the woods, if it was stuck there.

“That’s really sweet of you,” Rhiannon purred. “Probably better to do it in daylight, though. There’s a cliff drop near there, and you don’t want to accidentally slip over the edge.”

“Or worse, drop the car,” Steve said, and laughed. Kayla laughed with him.

The Pale Bro expressed to Kayla that if there was a cliff face near there, then he was very glad that she hadn’t accidentally driven off the edge, because that would have been bad.

“Yeah,” Kayla said, “but it all worked out so no harm done, right? Unless, like, I punctured the gas tank with a tree branch or something. That would definitely be bad.”

Steve, Trevor, Rhiannon and the Pale Bro all agreed that that would definitely be the case.

***

After Steve and Kayla had left to go to Kayla’s car to get more beer, Rhiannon asked the Pale Bro what his major was.

“I’m pre-med,” Trevor inserted, not actually having been asked.

“Mm, nice. I’m trying to become a physicist, myself. What about you?” She repeated the question in the Pale Bro’s direction.

In a voice that was muffled and full of pizza, the Pale Bro conveyed that he hadn’t heard the question, sorry.

“I just wanted to know what your major was,” she said.

The Pale Bro confessed that he was majoring in gender studies, having decided that hotel management was not really a good career path for him.

“Oh, really!” Rhiannon brightened. “You don’t see a lot of guys majoring in gender studies! You must be very secure in your masculinity.” She said this as someone who seemed very secure in the Pale Bro’s masculinity, herself, as she pressed against him.

The Pale Bro mumbled in a voice that really didn’t sound all that different from anyone else’s mumbling that he just didn’t like how society treated women, and added that his mother raised him to respect and look up to women. He confided that she had torn apart giant megafauna with her bare claws and fed them to her brood of spawn while insisting on table manners, and that he couldn’t imagine any job more difficult than being the primary caretaker of children. Children, he admitted, scared him.

“Oh, yes, the little rugrats can totally bring the chaos,” Rhiannon laughed.

The Pale Bro clarified that actually chaos was perfectly fine by him and the natural state of all things that the universe must someday return to; it was their high-pitched screechy voices that really bothered him.

“I never knew that,” Trevor said. “Weird, what you learn about people. Rhiannon,which kind of physics are you concentrating on? Like, space, or quantum, or what?”

“Haven’t really narrowed it down like that, it’s going to depend on what grad school accepts me and which programs I can get into,” Rhiannon said. To the Pale Bro she said, “Hey, do you want to go for a walk? It’s really nice out.”

“It is, but there might be some kind of killer or monster in the woods,” Trevor reminded her. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to go wandering off by yourself?”

She rolled her eyes and gestured at the Pale Bro. “I’m pretty sure that Pale here would be able to protect me if anything came up,” she said.

The Pale Bro confessed in a voice that echoed like the infrasound rumble of the collapse of a concrete building, but an embarrassed and regretful tone, that actually he wanted to wait right here, because he wanted more beer and also his feet hurt.

“Well, why don’t we go back to the hot tub and let you soak your feet for a bit?” Rhiannon asked.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Trevor said. “We’ve got our own beer cooler out there, remember? You brought it over.”

This was true, the Pale Bro admitted, but he couldn’t eat or drink in the hot tub, and he wanted another slice of Hawaiian pizza if there was any.

“Oh, but you’re a big fellow,” Rhiannon said. “You could totally sit back from the hot tub and dangle your feet in it while you’re eating, and you wouldn’t be close enough to the tub to bother Ashlee.”

In that case, the Pale Bro conveyed in a voice like the rumbling of a train full of dead bodies, he was all for the hot tub, because that shit sounded great.

***

The group joined back up around the hot tub, all except for Kayla and Steve, who were still in the woods, ostensibly getting beer out of Kayla’s car. Ashlee had brought out chips and pretzels, which, she said, were not to be eaten within five feet of the hot tub. This meant that the Pale Bro could soak his feet while he snacked, as promised, but no one else could actually eat near the tub.

“Come on, that’s not fair,” Y’lehna, who was considerably more drunk than she had been earlier in the evening and probably really needed to fill her stomach with chips and pretzels, complained. “I’ve been good all night but now I’m starving, and you know my skin needs to be moisturized.”

“I keep offering to let you try some of my Oil of Olay,” Ashlee mumbled.

“If I wanted to cover myself in something oily, I’d use fish oil, it’s traditional around my hometown,” Y’lehna said sharply. “I wanna be in water. Like, H20.” She looked up at Trevor, pleadingly. “Do you think I’m asking too much? I don’t think I’m asking too much.”

“I think you should definitely eat something,” Trevor said.

“I don’t think it’s too much to ask,” offered Harrison eagerly.

“But I don’t want to get any food in the hot tub,” Ashlee whined. “It’d be gross, and we’d have to drain it and clean it…”

“Well, I want to be in the water and I want goddamn pretzels, is that too much? Is that really too much?” Y’lehna yelled, making Ashlee quail.

At that point they all heard the sound of clanging and shattering, and Kayla and Steve screaming like they were being murdered.

Ashlee shrieked in terrified response. The Pale Bro, Trevor and Nandini were all off the deck and running toward the sound in a second, followed by Rhiannon, Evan and Harrison. Y’lehna took the opportunity to grab an entire dish of pretzels, drop herself into the tub, and stand at the edge of the tub, facing the concrete around the tub and stuffing her face. “I can be responsible,” she muttered. “I can not get pretzels in the tub. I don’t have to eat underwater. I don’t even want to. Pretzels aren’t like fish. They get soggy.”

No one was there to hear her, though, because they had all gone into the woods.

The Pale Bro had only gotten in a few feet when Steve yelled, “Don’t come any closer, guys!”

“Are you being murdered?” Trevor asked, loudly.

“We will totally fuck them up if someone is trying to kill you!” Harrison said, clenching his fists.

“No, guys, it’s good… it’s all good.”

“It’s not good at all!” Kayla wailed. “I spent so much money on that beer!”

The Pale Bro heard the word ‘beer’ and conveyed that if something was going on with the beer he absolutely needed to know, right now.

“We dropped it!”

“We dropped it off a goddamn cliff,” Steve moaned. “Kayla had this whole big cooler—”

“It was so expensive! So much beer!”

“And we were carrying it together, and then I tripped on a tree root, and slipped, and Kayla tried to grab me… and we dropped the beer.”

“Off the cliff!” Kayla couldn’t have sounded more heartbroken if she were a young lady during the Vietnam War being told that her betrothed, who had been her childhood sweetheart since she was three years old, had had a completely sober four-way with two Vietnamese twins and their pet goat, and then had been killed by the Viet Cong while he was still cavorting with the goat.

In a voice that sounded like the auditory representation of hair raising combined with the scream of nails on a chalkboard, the Pale Bro expressed that he couldn’t believe this and Steve had been such a fuckup.

Steve, actually kind of intimidated, raised his hands. “I know, man, I’m sorry! We didn’t mean to!”

The Pale Bro then lectured the two of them about how if he’d been allowed to help in the first place, he wouldn’t have accidentally dropped the beer off the cliff and right now they would all be knocking back some sweet brews, but instead they insisted they could handle it and now all that beer had been tragically lost, cut down in the prime of its life, its yeasty lifeblood spilling out across the rocks and stones below where none could drink it except maybe some squirrels who would get themselves totally fucked up.

“Come on, man, it’s just beer,” Evan said. “We can get more.”

“Not if there’s a killer out there!” Kayla wailed. “We won’t be able to leave to go get beer until morning! What if the killer slashes our tires?”

The Pale Bro conveyed that if that happened, it was fucking on because no psycho killer, monster, or cousin was going to get between him and more beer.

Trevor, trying to be the voice of reason, said, “Folks, we’ve got a lot of beer in our cooler and we’ve barely touched it. There’s no use crying over spilled… beer.”

“Yes, there is! It’s very cryable!” Kayla declared, starting to cry.

“God, you’re drunk,” Nandini muttered. “Maybe you shouldn’t be hitting any more of the beer anyway.”

“Come on,” Steve said, putting his arm around Kayla. “It’s gonna be all right. Don’t cry. Trevor’s right, we’ve got a lot in our cooler.”

Kayla turned toward him and cried against his chest, as he hugged her with one arm and awkwardly patted her head with the other.

“Wow,” Nandini said. “You’re really into this guy, aren’t you?”

Steve turned red, which they could all see by now because they’d made their way out of the woods and back into the outside lights of the cabin. “Uh, I don’t think so, I’m just trying to comfort her…”

“You’re a white guy touching her hair and she’s putting up with it,” Nandini said. “Kayla’s been known to punch white people who touch her hair.”

“That was that bitch Madison and it was one time!” Kayla cried.

Steve removed his hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just…”

“No! I like it when you touch my hair! I don’t like it when bitches like Madison touch my hair after they’ve just said some racist bullshit, but you’re being so sweet! You can officially touch my hair,” Kayla said, and then started sobbing again, hugging Steve tightly.

The Pale Bro audibly sighed, in a voice like a dude who’s just seen one of his best friends score a date with a chick he was really into and he can’t even be mad because it wasn’t like he got anywhere with her himself or even admitted to anyone how cute he thought she was.

***

The group returned to find that Harrison had wandered back to the hot tub as soon as it was clear that no one was being killed except maybe a large number of innocent bottles of beer, and was sitting outside the hot tub but right by Y’lehna, who was in the hot tub eating chips.

Nandini said, severely, “Y’lehna! Ashlee told you not to do that!”

“Ashlee can tell me herself,” Y’lehna said with chips in her mouth.

“I’ve been watching,” Harrison said brightly. “None of the crumbs have fallen in the water! It’s all good!”

Trevor snorted. “Well, of course you think so, Har,” he said. “You’ve got it bad, haven’t you?”

Nandini frowned, and then scowled, and glared at Evan. “Wait, you told me he was gay!”

“You said what?” Harrison was shocked.

Evan held up his hands. “Sorry, Har. But…” He looked over at Nandini. “I thought that if I told you that he only likes really unusual girls, you’d feel hurt because it would sound like I was telling you you were basic or something, and that’s totally wrong. You’re gorgeous and you could probably get any guy you wanted, except Harrison, because you don’t have scales or feathers or six eyes or something.”

“Well, you could have said that,” Nandini said.

Kayla said, “I get it. Rhiannon’s like that, too.”

“To be fair,” Harrison said, “I am bi.” This was information Evan had not known. “I just haven’t yet met any weird dudes who aren’t related to Pale here, and it’s just way too weird to date one of your bro’s actual brothers or something.”

“Does anyone know where Ashlee went?” Steve asked.

Everyone looked around. There was no Ashlee.

“Could she be in the bathroom, maybe?” Nandini asked.

“Don’t think so,” Y’lehna said. “She ran off while you guys were running to the woods. I wasn’t gonna get in the hot tub and eat pretzels if she was still here!”

“Uh, yeah,” Rhiannon said. “That’s a little long to be in the bathroom.”

The Pale Bro expressed in a voice that was exhaustedly done with this bullshit that he could look for her.

“Nah, man, I’ll do it,” Trevor said. “I know your feet are hurting, and I’m the next biggest guy after you.”

“I could go with you,” Steve said.

Trevor shook his head. “Steve… that is a cute girl who is very, very drunk,” he said, pointing at Kayla. “I don’t know her tolerance, but I’m pretty sure that if she isn’t at puke bucket level now, she will be soon. You need to stay with her and make sure she’s okay.”

“Yeah, good point,” Steve said.

Nandini turned back to Evan as Trevor walked away. “I can’t believe you lied to me, though. I mean, I know Rhiannon. I could have accepted ‘he’s only into weird-looking chicks’—”

“Thanks, Nandi, that’s sweet,” Y’lehna said.

“You know what I mean,” Nandini said, waving her hand dismissively.

“Look, I’m gonna come clean with you,” Evan said. “I really thought you were great. You’re hot, you’re smart – I’m not dumb, but when you talked about your major, I realized you could run rings around me – and you stay calm in a crisis, and I really respect that. But you asked me if Har had a girlfriend, and I just – I’m sorry. It was like you didn’t even notice I’m a dude, and that made me feel bad. So I did something shitty, and I gotta apologize to both you and Harrison.”

“I mean, no problem on my end,” Harrison said. “It’s all good, bro.”

“Damn,” Nandini said, running her hand through her hair. “I didn’t even think about what that sounded like when I asked you. I’m sorry, Evan, what I said to you was a shitty thing too. I mean, I still think what you did was worse because you were lying, but I understand why you did it.”

“Hey, I know you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.”

“Evan’s right, though,” Harrison said. “I mean, not about me being gay, I like girls just fine, but…” He shrugged. “Girls that look like normal human beings, even beautiful human beings, it just doesn’t click. Y’lehna here’s really different-looking, and that is so hot.” He turned to Y’lehna. “You know you’re super-hot, right?”

“Yes,” Y’lehna said, “but boys like you don’t usually agree. So that’s nice.”

“I guess I can forgive you,” Nandi said to Evan. “But you’d better not lie to me again.”

“I am pretty sure you could kick my ass if I did, so I won’t. I like my ass un-kicked.”

“Your ass is okay,” Nandini said. “I’ve seen better asses, but yours is all right.”

Rhiannon had offered to give the Pale Bro a foot rub, since his feet hurt. A guy as big as he was suffered from foot pain frequently, so he’d agreed, while apologizing in a voice like a church organ in a cave for his toenails. Some might say his toenails were worth apologizing for, as they were about four inches long and razor sharp.

But Rhiannon disagreed. “Your toenails are great. Look how white they are! I never see guys without all kinds of grody fungus turning their toenails yellow. And I bet you’re amazing at climbing trees with them.”

The Pale Bro allowed that this was true, and that climbing in general was one of his talents.

Steve, meanwhile, wasn’t exactly sure what he ought to be doing with Kayla, who was now lying on her back, her head in his lap, rambling about stars and how far away they were. When she’d asked for another beer, he’d gotten her cold water instead and reminded her that water was important to avoid hangovers. She’d finished most of the water – the rest had spilled – and now she seemed to be close to falling asleep in his lap.

“You’re really into stars, huh?” he asked. “You an astronomy major?”

“Oh no!” Kayla laughed. “Math! I’d tell you all about it but I’m waaaaaay too drunk. I just reeeeally like stars!”

“That’s cool,” Steve said. “I’m a comp sci major myself.”

“Are you gonna build an AI that wants to take over the world and enslave humanity?” Kayla asked.

“Hey, I’d be happy if I could build an AI that can identify rocks as not sheep,” Steve laughed.

***

Trevor had very quickly guessed where Ashlee might be.

Ashlee was nervous and reacted badly to things that startled or scared her. Ashlee was also at her own house – well, cabin. So odds were, Ashlee had gone into the cabin to calm down.

The cabin wasn’t very big, and Ashlee wasn’t in any of the rooms in an obvious place. So Trevor started checking the not-obvious places, like a closet in a room that looked girly enough that it might be her room. He knocked on the door.

She shrieked, inside the closet, but he said, “Ashlee, calm down! It’s me, Trevor. Can I check on you to make sure you’re okay?”

“Uh… okay,” she said, and Trevor opened the door. Ashlee was sitting in a lighted closet, on the floor, completely covered to her shoulders with stuffed animals.

“Wow. Are you okay?” He squatted down. Being a big black man, Trevor had learned many strategies for making himself look less threatening. Not towering over somebody was one of them.

“Not… really?” Ashlee said.

“I know you were scared with all that noise. Hell, I was too. But it turned out to be nothing. Steve and Kayla accidentally dropped some beer over the cliff.”

“It’s not that,” she whispered. “It’s just… it’s too much. Too many people.”

“Yeah?” He sat on the floor crisscross applesauce, making himself even lower and more relaxed-looking. “You want us to go?”

“No! I mean, this was supposed to be a weekend with just my friends, and then you guys show up, but you’re nice guys! I like you guys! But it’s just so many people, I started to wig out.” She lifts an arm out of the sea of stuffed animals. “So I do this thing when there’s too many people and I start to freak… I find a tiny place and I fill it with soft things and I lay in them until my tachycardia goes away.”

“Tachycardia?”

“Oh, um, that means fast heart beat. Sorry. I just always call it that because it sounds scarier than fast heartbeat and it really is scarier so I want people to know it’s a problem.”

“I know what it means, I’m a pre-med. I just wondered—”

“Oh wow! I’m in pre-med, too!” Ashlee sat up , some of the stuffed animals falling off her. “I guess we’re not in any classes together because you’re a senior and I’m a sophomore, but did you have Lessing for Organic Chemistry?”

“You’re doing orgo in sophomore year?” Trevor whistled. “That’s fast.”

“Yeah, I, um, my high school had like this program where good students could do science classes at a nearby college, for college credit, in senior year, so I took chemistry then, and bio last year and also the math I needed, so I get to do orgo this year.”

“I hated orgo. It’s just memorize a bunch of prefixes and suffixes and string them together. Couldn’t we find a better way to describe methylethylpropylene than that?”

She laughed. “Is that even a real thing?”

“I don’t know, but it’s pretty ridiculous that I can put together a string of prefixes and make something that sounds like a chemical even if it doesn’t exist.” He shook his head sadly. “And yeah, I had Lessing. She’s tough. She giving your brain a real workout?”

“Yeah. It’s a challenge. Everyone always told me, ‘Ashlee, you can’t just coast along getting straight As without ever studying. Ashlee, when you go to college it’ll be a lot harder. Ashlee, you need to learn how to study or you’ll fail in college.’ Well… I haven’t failed yet, but… it might be close.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I must sound so stuck up with my humblebrag. ‘Oh, it’s so hard to be a gifted student who gets straight As!’ But it really is hard. Because if it was too easy for you in school you don’t learn how to handle it when it gets too hard, and I’m just, like, totally stressed.”

“I feel you. My mom made me study, and I was like, ‘momma, I do not need to read the book and highlight all the important parts and then write them in an outline and then read over the outline! I got it the first time I read the book!’ And that was what she said. ‘You take shortcuts now because everything’s easy, you’ll be in a world of hurt when things get hard.’ And hell, I ended up in a world of hurt in orgo anyway.” They both laughed.

“Anyway, your friends are worried about you and I don’t want people to think we both got bumped off by a psycho killer, so I figure, there’s three options here. I leave and tell everyone you’re okay, and I leave you the hell alone; I leave and tell everyone you’re okay, and then I come back and we keep talking; or you and I both leave together and we both tell everyone you’re okay, and then we get to eat some chips, if Y’lehna and Harrison didn’t get them all already.”

“She’s in the hot tub eating chips, isn’t she.” It was not a question.

“Yeah, sad but true. At least she’s leaning over the side so the crumbs get on the concrete and they don’t fall in the tub.”

Ashlee sighed. “I guess I better get back out there. But I do still want to talk and stuff. And I wanna check up on Phenylephrine so maybe you can help me find her.”

“Phenylephrine?”

“My cat. The cat before her was Sudafed so when she died and I got a new kitten I named her Phenylephrine.”

“I get the joke there, but why was the first cat named Sudafed?”

“My mom was allergic to cats and she said if we get a cat we might as well name it Sudafed because she’d be taking so much of it, and then we did get a cat, so she did name her Sudafed.”

“Maybe she shouldn’t have gotten a cat if she was that allergic?”

“Oh, no, my mom loves cats. She just says wiseass things sometimes. Anyway, Phenyl lives here at the cabin and the cleaning service makes sure she gets fed. They call her the head of Mousekeeping Services.”

Trevor laughed.

***

Outside, it turned out there was no need to turn out a search party for Phenylephrine, as for some entirely inexplicable reason it turned out she liked chips, and also Harrison’s lap, where he was feeding her chips. She didn’t actually eat the chips, she just licked them.

The party was starting to flag just a bit; Evan suggested putting on some music, but the internet wasn’t good enough here for Ashlee’s Spotify playlist and she didn’t have MP3s on a hard drive like Evan did. Evan was regretting not putting a bunch of MP3s on a flash drive and bringing them with him. Nandini had a CD in her car – the girls had all come up here in their own cars, except for Y’lehna who couldn’t drive – but it was hit songs from Bollywood musicals and no one here knew any of them, and she was self-conscious about whether anyone would even like them.

And then, as they discussed what to do about tunes, a shadow fell across them, blocking the moon for a moment.

They all looked up, even the Pale Bro. A shambling monstrosity, 20 feet tall and brick red, with sprouting tentacles where its face should be and eyes on the tentacles, and Edward-Scissorhands-length blades for fingernails, loomed over them.

Several of the group screamed. The Pale Bro got to his feet.

“D̶̫̊̚Ũ̸̟̝͍̘̮͒Ḍ̸͋̽̀E̷̛̝̹̗͈̊͌̍,̷̨̖̲̺̤̝͂̈́̎͘ ̴̛̱͚͗Y̶̧͔͉̙͋͊̊͋͘Ô̸̢̥̙͙U̴͖͍̳̭͗̊̌͘͘͜R̷̫̜̘̀ ̶̼̘̠̾̐̈́̒̚Ṃ̴̡̡̦̮̖̿͗̊͋͝Ȯ̴͛ͅM̴̺̱͕̳̀ ̷̱͔̄̃̎́I̸̙͐̍͑͐S̶͉͉̲͋̊͒̽̄͜ ̵̤̙̬̫̒͋́͛P̷̧̧̧̰͔̦͠Î̴̢̜͒̅͘S̷̛̝̤͂́̍̐S̴̭͉͆̋̿É̴̢̺̲̫̝͋́̋̚̚D̴̥͈̠̋̅̅̀͝͝ ̴̡̡̖̬̓A̵͈͚̣͂̆̔̍̂̕T̷̡͙̠̙̫̎̈̄͝ͅ ̴͔͗̀̋͗̏Y̴̤͇̪͕͇͎͆̌̀̊̈́Ơ̸̡̢̙̭͇͕̒̐̕̕U̸̡̩̠̚.̸̣̖̼̫́͛̄,” the entity boomed.

In a sound like the rushing of lava through underground caverns just before a volcano was about to blow, the Pale Bro demanded to know if the entity had eaten any people lately.

“S̴̙̱͕̀H̴̭͐̈́͠I̷̘̟͉̝͊͐̄̋̀̑Ṱ̷̢̫̮͓̲̐̑͗̈́̀,̵͓̥͖͈̾́̏̇͘ ̵̣̳͍̿Ń̵̟̦̰͖̺͜O̸͉̓̈̊͛̔̕.̷̣̜̗̩̈́ ̸͖̋̓̀̀͝͝Í̶̘̗͓̱̗̬̀̈́'̴̗̯͈͈̥͎̎̇M̷̹̻͉̼͑̎̓̐̏̀ ̴͚̻͚̱̇̿͛̏͒͠O̴̩̪̣̯̤͙̐̐̚̚Ņ̶͇̘̤̗͗͗̑͛̏̇͜ ̸̡͎̔̽͛A̷̢̘̪͎̗͊͐̌͝͠ ̸̤̺͉̫̖̫̀̓̑̕̕D̴̡̜̤̻̉Ĩ̸̡̯͉͔́̓̂͘͝Ę̶̨̫͇̬̳̉̽͑̈̊͐T̸̥̝̹̑̾.̷̢̟̻̭̲̿ ̴̧̣͌̆̃̕ͅÏ̷̟̰̫̰̹̽̐̐F̶͖̂̉̌ ̵͔͚̊̐Y̸͔̆Ö̴̞̦͕̘̀̒̀͘Ṳ̶̪̝͙̎̿͘ ̵̥̀̏͗E̵̦̣̲͍͉̥̊V̶̑͒̏ͅȨ̷͚̪̲̎͜ͅR̵͎͖̀̓̈́͑͠ ̷̣̀̀̓͋C̸̲̗͎̞͔̭͌̈́̕͘Ã̶̝͉̮͉͉̓̄͒̈́͜͝M̵̙̮͎̹̌E̷̥̪̎̓͗́͝ ̷͎͓̙̺͔̗͂̑̕H̶̢̍͗́͋͊O̴̗̎̽̆M̴̮̭̮͐̑́̚Ë̶̩̦̹̞́͂̈́̆ ̴̩̻̈́͘Y̴̨͍̣̩͈̎̅͘͘O̵̠͉͒̐̈̕͝U̶̪̝̳̺͑͆̇'̸̖̋D̶̗̉̓̿͐̓ ̸͉̍̀͠K̷̥̞̼̍͛́̇͗͝N̵̡̹̠͚̥̰̋̈́̌̈́͘O̸̻̠͍̲͋̉Ẁ̸̞͎̺̀͆̌̀ ̴̛͔̙͗͗̉͠T̸̨̓̀̎H̶̡̱̘͈̹͐̔͗͂͘A̷̠̠͉͎̫̰̿̄T̴̡̰͍̦͕̉̌,” it said, rolling tentacles clockwise around its face in an approximation of an eye roll.

If that was the case, the Pale Bro shot back, explain why this entity’s footprint was found right outside his bro’s cabin, and a man was missing.

“Į̴̙͈̻̓͗͜ͅ ̷̙̑̔͛͝W̷̺̯̲͗͝Ã̸̹͕̊S̷̹̲͆̏ͅ ̵̝̈́̒͗̓̍L̸͖̺̊͛Ǫ̶̗̥̼͍̥̒̒̌̊O̸͙̊̎̋̏̕Ķ̴͚̫̤̈̔́̅͑͝Į̵͑̍Ṉ̸̨͌͂́Ǵ̵̭̥̹̮̞̏͂ͅ ̷͚͙̹̋F̸̧͕͉͓̊̾͊O̵̲̙͓͛̌̄̏̕̚R̴̬͚̠͉̬̘̽̀̌́͊ ̴͎̀̏̐͋Y̴͈̘̮͌͋̍̃̍̈́Ơ̷̞͉̝͙̻̒U̵̦̭͈̻̪̽͂͗̚,̴̳̐ ̸̢̠̙͕̰̐̅D̸̟̫̋͑̅̈́̄͜͝ͅŰ̵̡̜̤̺̿̍̃̈́M̵̼̜̳̊͊̋̈ͅB̷̧͖̲̮̤̜͋̐͑̔Ȁ̶̼̪̟̼̱̐̔̋̀͘S̷̨̳͂S̶̨̡͈̈́̐͂̿͜͠,” the entity said. “A̷͕̎͆Ṷ̴̢̣͙͐Ņ̷͓͔͕̙̟͛̿́̐͝T̶̠̹̜͇͐̾̊̂̚  ̸͔̐͋̓̓͐͝€̶͉̦̍̊̅₯̷̟̙̗̱̤̈́̋̌͂͌̚ῥ̷̠̩̇ῗ̶̦͎͚̃͊̾ᾗ̴̤̞̰͕͓̈́͜Ỷ̸͔̫͙̦͐ẞ̶̦͕̱́͂͑́͊̈́ ̵͉͍͉̼̐͑̈́͋͝S̷̢͇̽͗͛͊̏E̸͉̲̓̉̎̈N̸̤̾Ț̷̻̍́̍ ̴͓̱͉͍̝̄̐̀͜ M̷̹͖͝E̸̘̖͓̍͋͜ ̶̢̲̘͋ T̴̠̘̲̼̍̈́̄̏̃͝ͅǪ̷̨̡̤͕͎͠ ̴̬͑͊ T̵͚̫̆̏͘E̴͚̗̯̠̊͗͌̕̚ͅL̴̫̺̫̀̄̽̃̕L̶̡͚̫̬̈́͑̇ ̴̲͙̼̖̘̺̈͊̓̂͠ Y̸̰̳̰̑Ơ̵̢̼̯͕̌Ų̶̜̜͚͇̕ͅ ̶̟͎̫͌ Y̴͔̱̼̅̋̄̀͜O̴͕̰̰̎̄U̶͓̜̼̝͑̃͂͘͝ ̸̨͎̀͊Ṅ̵̢͙̙̹̀Ë̸̖E̵̢̪̪͛̒̈D̷͍͖̀̈̏͊͋̚ ̶̦̙̫̺͓̉͂͠T̸̙̮̬͚̚Ó̷̖̘̩̘̝̌̄ ̸͇͍͋͒̃̑Ṽ̸͉̞͔̘̱̃͑̌I̷͙͛͑͝S̸̢̗̬̞͂̽I̵̺̿̾͗̀̓̅T̷̢͈̺̹̀̇͊͐̊̍ͅ,̵̭̔ ̷̹̥̺̟̣͋̄͜Ş̵̺̱̃Ḩ̴̙͙̼͙͉̔̎̍̐́̃I̷͔͚͂̇̑͂͜T̷̲̱͔̬̓͠H̶̝̝͌̏͐Ę̴̨̰̙̤͖̎A̸͔͠ͅḐ̴̻͚͔̯̏́͐͘.̵͚͎̪͖̼̻̇̉.”

The Pale Bro replied, in a voice like the whining of an engine underneath the whapping sound of helicopter rotors, that he was on vacation with his bros and he was not here to visit his mom and she could just deal.

“A̶̱̘̬̪̝̓͌͊͐̚R̸͙͌̉̆̆̇̔ͅE̵̡̱̙̯̮̅͗ ̴͈͒̐Y̶̮̤̽̄O̴̢͓̙̝̮͉̾̆̈́̔̚͝Ų̸͚̗͓̞͎̀͝ ̶̡̬͚̄̆͌͋̉̆F̷̙͊͋U̷̿͊̊̽͌̚ͅC̴͙̦̼͕̈́̊̒K̴̬̘͆̀̑͒̐I̸̅́̈͒̅͠ͅŅ̴̪͍̭͂̈G̴̗̥͎͌̔̽̑̈́ ̸̻̰͆̈̕Ȟ̶̱̜̎̕Ī̴͎̝̖̼̤̱̏̐G̵͚͙̊͆̃̍̅ͅͅḦ̸̡̾̄̕?̵͉̫̠̉̈́̓ ̸̡͕̔͐Y̵̨͒͊̈̕O̴̮͓̼̽̓͝Ú̶̝̺͜ ̴̛̪̚ͅͅC̸̣̆͛̿̓̂Á̸͇͈̦͐͗̇͝N̸̞̭̲̻͖̦̽̈́̈'̶̪̪̐͐̈́T̸͔̘͌̄ ̴̨̪͙̫̩̐́S̶̩̋̃A̷̡̨͙͉͕͑́̔̓̌͜͠Y̸̯̝͕̋͗̄̾ ̵̲̜̥̥͆͊̾̑̊͜͝ͅT̴̟̭̼̲̐̄H̶͚̦̯̱̐̔͝Ą̴̥̤̅̃̄̂̾T̵̞̜̱̍̈́̔̕͜ͅ ̶̤͇͐Ṱ̷̃̾̚Ȏ̷͇͈͓̰͇͓ ̶͓̘̟̉̄̀͌̽ͅẎ̸̢̠̿Ỏ̸̧̢̹̹̀̓U̶̢̬͚̞̘͂́̃̆̽̔Ṛ̵̬̱̯̟̀͐̓̎̃͠ ̵̨̮̏̑̐̐M̷̽͜͝O̴̪̙͙͕̥̕͘M̵̨͉̫̭̩̔͑̈́̈̈͝!” the entity exclaimed.

“This is your cousin, bro?” Evan asked diplomatically.

In a voice like the moaning of the wind through a forest of dead things and disappointments, the Pale Bro admitted that this asshole was indeed his cousin, and was carrying a message from the Bro’s mom that he needed to come visit her, because somehow she’d found out that he was vacationing in the area.

“Well, why don’t you just tell him that you will go to visit your mom, in a few days, right before we head out? It is rude to be right near her house and not go visit her, but on the other hand you’re on vacation to spend time with us, so just do it at the end,” Evan suggested.

The Pale Bro expressed that if he absolutely had to visit his mom, that was probably the best way to handle it, and could his cousin kindly fuck off now.

“Ö̵̡̩͙̠̮͌̓̍K̶͈̬̳̰̺͂̋̂́̕Ạ̸̢̬̪̠̠̽͝Ÿ̴͓̰̰̻͔́̏͒̌͆,̶̮̉͒͒̿̏ ̵̦̺̠͓̩̲̍͆̉B̸͕̽͆Ư̵̟̔̈́̌̏͒Ţ̵̳̞̙̣̪̏̂ ̶͈̲̃͐̈́͋͛Y̴̝͍͌̈̍Ơ̶̙̝̱̘̈́̉́̊͒Ū̷͎̦ ̸͚̓B̷͕̥͊͗̿̒͝Ë̴͕͖̪͇̃́T̶͉̓̾̌̃̀͘T̵̨̟̠̩͚̜͂̎̚̕͝Ḙ̴͈̳̮͗̆͋̐́̈́R̶̡̛̪̮͖͓͙̍̈́͌́ ̸̧̘̻̞̣̈́͆͑̄͜N̷͎̦̬͊͌̆̌̕O̵̧̫̾́̾͜T̵͔̉́ ̸͔̒̀̐͆̌F̵̣͉̖̺̱̚ͅÒ̸̯̜̼̖̋̑͘͜R̶̲̦̱̭̱̙̆̈G̵͓̘̞͎̑̅E̴̲̓̿T̴̝̝̑͌̏̊̄̕ ̴̧̡̮̮͓͓̐͒T̸̡̛̖͈͒̕Ḥ̸̬̭͙̪̲̈́͌̈́̚͠͝Ì̸̡͎̝̎̈́̾͂̕S̷̠̻̣̈́̓͘̚ ̶̧̤̀̈́Ţ̴̧̛̫̫̑͗̓͌̉ͅÏ̵̧̘̰̆ͅM̶̮̤̎̉͜E̶̘̬̟͓̜͔̓̕̕̕,̶̗̈ ̶̖͇̞̀̾͑̓͜͠D̷̡̢̧̹̖͙͛̂̒̏̏I̵̛͍̘̜̲̥̓̏̅͐͂̋͝P̴̧̢̡̱͖̣͔̰̦̊̀Ṡ̸̳̺̓̓̕H̷̰̭̣͂͗Ị̶̢̧̜͇̅̎̓̈̉̂̃̐̕͜͜ͅT̶̰̰̋͐.̵͍̜̠̰͊͝ ̷̝͔̼̞͘ͅI̶̩͍̘͎̺̓'̷͕̟̗̣̳̻̀͂͠L̵̹̣̃͗̇͆L̴̢̛̩̤͖̬̆̚ ̸̲̬̲̈́͛͑̌B̴̘̹́́̈͝E̵͓͐̋͒͐̏̎ ̵͇̹̂͒Ẇ̵̨͎̣̝͔͘ͅA̷̻̗̫̍͑̈́̇̐T̸̥̱̘̲̳̋C̶̪̀H̵̢̏͜Ì̸̡̨͙̜̠̲͘N̸͖̹̦̿͊́͛̈́͝G̵̡̨̘̼̀̑̅̎.̷̍̑̆.” The giant creature lumbered off, back into the woods.

“Your family sounds like mine,” Evan said, commiserating.

“Mine, too,” Nandini said. “If I was within 50 miles of my mom while I was on vacation and I didn’t stop by to see her, I’d never hear the end of it.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met your mom,” Steve said.

The Pale Bro suggested that that was just as well.

***

Kayla was napping on Steve, whose legs were starting to go numb but he didn’t want to risk waking her up. Trevor and Ashlee were talking animatedly about terrible professors and classes that were absolute bullshit but required for the pre-med track. Nandini, having forgiven Evan for lying to her about Harrison, had agreed to go on a date or two with him once they all got back to school, and see where things went. Also, she’d helped him recover his mom’s good knives, which they’d all dropped in the dirt when they got here so the girls wouldn’t be scared of them. Rhiannon continued to hit on the Pale Bro, who either didn’t notice, or was so flustered by a girl paying attention to him that he pretended not to notice. Y’lehna, somewhat overheated by spending too long in the tub and not drinking enough water, had a headache, and Harrison was tending her by getting her glasses of water with ice from Ashlee’s freezer.

Everything was going pretty well, and a lot of fun, except for Steve and his numb legs, when a man wearing a ski mask and carrying a bloody knife came out of the woods.

Everyone except Trevor and the Pale Bro screamed. The Pale Bro growled, less like a dog and more like the sound of the devil’s car engine, down in Hell, when the devil is revving it because he’s just challenged the Archangel Michael to a race in a demonic replica of NASCAR. Trevor took note of where Evan and Nandini had put all of Evan’s mom’s kitchen knives, and yelled, “Can we help you?”, preparing to grab a knife from the pile and go knife-fight the dude, just in case the Pale Bro was too drunk to simply lift the fellow up and toss him off the cliff that had already claimed Kayla’s case of beer.

“I hope so!” the man yelled back. “I’m in the middle of cutting up steaks for the grill, and I realize, I don’t have any potatoes! I was gonna do the potatoes on low and slow so they’d be nice and soft inside, but turns out, all my potatoes rotted and I haven’t got any, and it’d take like forty-five minutes to drive into town. And now it’s too late for baked potatoes, but I haven’t got any kind of starch, so I was wondering if you guys have any French fries?”

Trevor blinked.

“Uh, why are you wearing a ski mask?” Nandini asked.

“Oh, this!” The man pulled off the mask. “Haha, almost forgot I had this on! I’m anemic, so my face gets cold. I wear ski masks around to keep warm, but I forgot how that would look to somebody else. Wow, that was dumb of me.”

The man was a good bit older than any of them, maybe late 20’s or early 30’s. He was a white dude with a tan complexion, like Rhiannon’s, but it was a little grayish and unhealthy looking in the bright lights around the hot tub, which could be due to the anemia. His black hair was wavy and longish, parted on the side and going down to his shoulders, framing his face, and he had a mustache and beard. “My name’s Jason,” he said. “My girlfriend and I just moved back in to the cabin – we live here in the spring and summer months because my girl can’t handle the summer sun, she needs some shade – and I brought the steaks with me to celebrate, but I thought I had potatoes. I forgot, potatoes don’t survive being stored for four months.”

“Whew.” Evan shook his head. “That’s nasty, man. I hope you were able to get the smell out of wherever you were storing them.”

“It might take a few more good scrubs,” Jason acknowledged, grinning. “Hey, do you guys mind if I put the ski mask back on? I know what it looks like, but my face is really cold.”

“Go ahead,” Trevor said.

“Yeah, we don’t mind,” Nandini said. “If you turn out to be a serial killer, it’s not like you’re not a serial killer when the mask is off.”

Jason laughed again. “Well, I can eat a whole box of cereal in one sitting, so I guess you could call me a cereal killer.” Many of the college students groaned at the pun.

“You and your girlfriend, do you have kids?” Harrison asked. “Because that was dad-joke worthy.”

“Haha! Nah, no kids yet, dunno if that’s in the cards ever to be frank. Angella’s not much of a kid person.” He pronounced the name On-zhellah rather than An-jellah, like it was French or something.

“I don’t think I have any fries,” Ashlee said. “Or anything, really. When I’m here at the cabin I mostly drive down into town and get takeout. I mean, I’ve got bacon and eggs and bread for toast, and I could make you a PB&J or a lunch meat sandwich, but no real food.”

“That’s better than what I’ve got,” Evan muttered, and then, more loudly, “You got any tomatoes or peppers? I could chop them up and fry you some Spanish rice; I’d just have to go back to my cabin to get rice and spices.”

“Hey, man, that’d be awesome,” Jason said. “Yeah, I’ve got tomatoes and peppers. We’ve got a lot of steak and I don’t think even Angella’s appetite for bloody meat will put a dent in it, so if you guys wanted to come over and get some steak…”

The Pale Bro said in a voice like the moon had crashed but was still orbiting, scraping itself along the Earth’s crust as it went, that steak sounded sweet and he wouldn’t mind having some steak.

“Bro, you are just, like, an eating machine,” Harrison said. “But yeah, wouldn’t mind a steak.”

“I prefer seafood,” Y’lehna said, “but I don’t dislike steak.”

“Guys, Kayla’s asleep and I can’t leave her alone here,” Steve pointed out.

“I’ll stay here with Kayla,” Ashlee suggested. “You can go get steak.”

“I don’t feel great leaving you guys by yourselves, though, you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

At this point, Kayla lifted her head and asked blearily, “What’s happening?”, which solved the issue of who would stay with her; when steak was explained to her she cheerfully agreed that steak would be nice, and everyone else agreed that Kayla had had enough to drink that, assuming she didn’t puke it up, putting more food in her stomach might be a good idea.

Trevor and a couple of knives went with Evan back to Evan’s cabin to get the rice; the Pale Bro went with the rest of them to Jason’s cabin, both to make sure nothing happened to any of his friends, and because steak sounded awesome. Since Evan’s family had been coming here for vacations since he was a kid, he knew the area well enough to know how to get to Jason’s house once Jason gave him the address.

***

Jason’s cabin was about the same size as Evan’s, and it did not have a hot tub, but it did have a barbeque grill. Not one of those tiny little portable things that run on charcoal, either. This was a large fancy propane-powered grill of the kind that could practically be used in an industrial kitchen.

“Honey! I brought guests! And they brought beer! And their friend is gonna make us some Spanish rice!” he called.

A woman came out of the cabin, looking so goth she might as well have invented it. She had incredibly pale white skin, without even the undertone of red most healthy human beings have; she wasn’t quite as pale as the Pale Bro, but it was close. Long black hair slunk down her back like she was cosplaying Morticia Adams. She was wearing hip-hugging black jeans and a long-sleeved black blouse, and a chain around her neck with an Egyptian ankh on it, and her lips were blood-red.

Then she opened her mouth, and it became immediately apparent that she had fangs.

“How do you do,” she said in a vaguely quasi-European accent. “I’m called Angella Darque, with a q. And you are?”

The college students introduced themselves, Nandini wearing a very skeptical pair of eyebrows the entire time. After introductions were done, she asked, “Is your last name really Darque?”

Angella looked taken aback. Jason said, “It’s really Duncan, actually, but she’s getting together the legal paperwork to get it changed because she hates her dad. Deadbeat, never paid child support, you know the type.”

“Oh, Jason, I had no idea today was ‘let’s tell total strangers all about my girlfriend’s private history’ day. Is that what we’re celebrating?”

“Sorry.”

“His lips are so loose,” she confessed to the students. “Sometimes I just want to… sew them shut.”

“Isn’t she hilarious?” Jason laughed. “We met at a support group for people with anemia, five years ago, and we’ve been together since.”

“Um,” Ashlee, obviously very nervous, said. “Uh, we brought some beer if you want. And also wine coolers. Would you like a wine cooler?”

“No, I never drink… wine,” Angella said. And then, “Do you have anything like a Jaeger?”

“Evan’s got vodka back at the cabin,” Steve volunteered.

“Does your cell phone work up here? Maybe you could call him,” Jason said. “Or I could, if he’s got a landline.”

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to put anyone out,” Angella said. “I have 151 here, and that’s quite fine. Would any of you like some?”

“Yeah, slip it on me!” Kayla cheered, somewhat mangling her idiom.

Nandini and Y’lehna said at the same time, “No.” And then Y’lehna clarified. “I’m a little drunk, but she’s, like, totally plastered. We can’t even let her have a beer at this point. Soda’s cool, though.”

The Pale Bro conveyed in a voice like a million marbles suddenly gaining sentience and stampeding for a cliff to fling themselves over like lemmings, except that lemmings don’t really do that, that he would appreciate a rum and Coke.

Angella went back in the house to make the Pale Bro a rum and Coke with dangerously-high-proof rum. Harrison, Steve, and the girls looked at each other. Finally Rhiannon said, “I thought maybe I saw… your girlfriend has fangs? What’s up with that?”

“Pretty cool, huh?” Jason said cheerfully. “Now you guys need to let me know, should I use the rosemary garlic marinade, the pineapple ginger, or the Brazilian steakhouse?”

“Why not mix it up?” Harrison asked. “You got a lot of steak there, you could do ‘em all!”

“I don’t think pineapple ginger would go well with steak,” Ashlee said uncertainly. “Doesn’t that sound like more of a pork thing?”

“Or fish,” Y’lehna said. “Oh, but wait! Nandini, can you even eat pork?”

“I can eat anything,” Nandini said irritably, “but my family’s Hindi, not Muslim. I’m supposed to stay away from beef, not pork. But some traditions I don’t even believe in is not going to stop me from eating a nice steak.”

“I could add pork medallions, if you thought it was a good idea,” Jason said.

“Nah, man, you’ve got a lot of meat here,” Harrison said. “It looks great! Maybe if you had like a swordfish or tuna steak for Y’lehna, but if you don’t, no worries.”

“I got a salmon.”

“Pineapple ginger might go really well with salmon,” Y’lehna suggested.

Meanwhile Angella had brought the Pale Bro his rum and Coke, and they were currently discussing literary trends in fiction aimed at college-educated women.

***

Evan and Trevor returned with rice, spices, dried vegetables, and coincidentally, a can of pineapple chunks. Jason ended up preparing the salmon with the pineapple chunks after defrosting it in his microwave, and Evan made the Spanish rice he’d promised, and no one actually questioned why someone had started grilling steaks at midnight.

The salmon was done first, and Y’lehna and Nandini, who was feeling just a little bit guilty over her earlier decision to eat beef, got most of it. Angella got the first steak that came up, when it was barely warmed, still dripping blood. Then the rest of them, as the rest of the steaks were all done around the same time, along with the rice.

At some point, Evan suggested that everyone return to his cabin, because he had video games and music and nice speakers; Jason and Angella turned the offer down, Angella saying, “The night is young, and has yet to yield all its delights”, which was really corny and pretentious, but given the look she gave Jason when she said it, none of the guys questioned why he was staying at his own cabin tonight instead of going with them. Ashlee also insisted on staying at her own cabin; after a whole night of having ten people at her house, she was kind of burned out on people, and needed to get some sleep. And everyone agreed that Kayla should stay at Ashlee’s cabin; she was still cheerful and fun, but she was still pretty plastered. Because of the potential threat of a killer, Steve volunteered to stay with the girls; he knew Evan’s landline number, so he could call in reinforcements if necessary. Everyone else trooped back along the road, many carrying tinfoil-covered plates of steak and spicy rice, back to Evan’s cabin.

There was blood dripped onto the driveway.

The Pale Bro noticed it before anyone else, with his multiple sensitive eyes. His arm went out to block Evan from going any further, and in a voice like the rumble of an entire river’s worth of water pouring from a broken dam, he warned everyone of the blood and suggested he should go first.

Evan put up his hands. “No problem, man,” he said. “You take point.”

“I’m right behind you,” Trevor, holding one of the knives in front of him, said.

“Okay, I’ll bring up the rear,” Nandini said. “Harrison, Y’Lehna, Rhiannon, Evan, you go between us.”

Harrison looked at Nandini, who was taller than him, and then at the others. Evan was maybe the same height as Nandini, maybe very slightly taller… or very slightly shorter. It was too dark for Harrison to accurately judge.

He, too, put up his hands. “Works for me,” he said.

Evan looked back at Nandini. “I feel like I should be back with you,” he said. “If Pale’s got Trevor as backup…”

The Pale Bro pointed out, in a tone that conveyed deep irritation, that he didn’t need backup because if it was a human killer he’d make short work of them and if it was a monster, only he had a chance, and anyway it was probably not a monster because his cousin had claimed to be on a diet and the only reason they’d thought it was a monster in the first place was his cousin’s footprint. He then walked forward resolutely.

The door to the cabin was hanging open. The Pale Bro ducked his head way down, which he was pretty much used to doing any time he was going through a door, and pushed through, followed by Trevor. They’d left all the lights on, with the shutters closed, so that the light leaking around the edges of the shutters would make someone think they were home, and also because the lights were LED bulbs so seriously, that was probably like only thirty cents worth of electricity wasted. In that light, they saw blood all over the floor.

All of the group looked at each other uneasily. Ever since the Pale Bro had found the girls and the hot tub, no one had really been acting as if there genuinely was a potential killer out there; they’d given lip service to the idea, they’d certainly gotten scared enough every time something bizarre happened – and a lot of bizarre things had happened – but they hadn’t really treated it as a serious risk. Now it seemed possible that someone had been murdered in Evan’s cabin, or had been stabbed somewhere else and staggered into Evan’s cabin, despite the fact that all the locks had been locked.

The Pale Bro went forward into the kitchen, following the blood trail – and stopped in confusion. This caused everyone else to stop short, without being able to see into the kitchen because the Bro was blocking the doorway.

“Come on, bro, what’s going on?” Evan asked.

The Pale Bro slid sideways out of the way in a fashion that didn’t quite look like a real way anything could possibly move, and Evan pushed forward to be right behind Trevor, both of them crammed into the doorway.

A middle-aged white dude wearing a baseball cap advertising Evan’s parents’ company was at the sink, his front covered in blood. He had turned to face all of them, his hands clean but his sleeves completely saturated with something’s death juices.

“Joe?” Evan said disbelievingly.

“Evan!” Joe said. “I’m so sorry about the mess, man, and the hour, I know you’re pissed and I don’t blame you, I’d be pissed too, I know I’m really late—”

“Joe. Why are you covered in blood? What happened?”

“The meat defrosted,” Joe said. “I was driving around this mountain trying to find the cabin for so long, the meat defrosted, and when I pulled it out of my trunk, the bag caught on something and ripped and all the blood from the meat defrosting was all over me. I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you—” Evan glanced at a fancy cuckoo clock on the wall that actually ran on batteries, not solely on clockwork. “—getting in at two fucking am when you were supposed to be here before six?”

“I have been driving around this mountain since four in the afternoon,” Joe said. “My GPS stopped working halfway up the mountain, and I swear I tried to follow your mom’s directions, I swear, but I couldn’t find Long Leaf Lane no matter how hard I looked, and I went back down and asked at the gas station but none of them lived on the mountain, so I bought a paper map but it didn’t help at all because Long Leaf Lane wasn’t even on it—”

“It’s a private drive, I don’t even know if they put those on maps,” Evan said.

“Evan, if this is your guy with the food and he’s not dying of stab wounds, I’m going to use your bathroom,” Nandini said. “Where is it?”

“There’s two, one upstairs with a claw-foot tub and one down on this floor, go back out of the kitchen and it’s the door on the east side of the living room,” Evan said.

“Great, using the downstairs one,” Nandini said, and ducked back out of the doorway.

“Are you okay?” Rhiannon asked Joe.

“I’ve been driving for ten hours. Last six of which I couldn’t find my way back down the mountain either, and I didn’t have any food and the only water was the ice that used to be in my Sprite that melted—”

“Come on, man,” Evan said, sighing. “Yeah, the GPS situation really sucks around here. I wouldn’t wanna try to find Long Leaf Lane if I hadn’t been coming here every summer for, like, ten years. Let’s get you upstairs and get you cleaned up.” He looked over at Harrison and the Pale Bro. “Guys, you know more or less where the stuff in the kitchen goes, right? Can you put the food away?”

“The ice cream melted,” Joe moaned. “I’m so sorry…”

“No, come on. Let’s get you a shower and a change of clothes. I’ll borrow something of Steve’s while you’re in the shower, he’s about your size.”

“I think I know,” Harrison said. “We put the meat in the freezer?”

Rhiannon and Evan said, “No!” at the same time, and Rhiannon added, “You’ve got to put it in the fridge. You can’t freeze most things twice, they get freezer burned.”

“Huh,” Harrison said, looking over the sheer quantity of meat that Joe had been trying to carry in a paper shopping bag with handles. “I guess we’re gonna go back to Jason and Angella’s at least one night this week, ‘cause this is way more meat than we can eat before it goes bad.”

The Pale Bro, who had just picked up the bag of melted ice cream and slurped the whole thing down like it was a milkshake, said, in the voice of a creature whose mouth was entirely full of melted ice cream, something very much like “Watch me.”

“Lemme go throw this shit out,” Harrison said of the paper shopping bag, whose bottom had almost disintegrated from holding way too much au jus for even a strong, well-made paper shopping bag to handle, and which smelled like a murder had been done, or at least that someone had lost an arm and was bleeding out.

Evan took Joe upstairs to the bathroom to wash himself, broke into Steve’s suitcase and took a random t-shirt and pair of shorts, and advised him that he could stay overnight, sleep on the couch, and have some eggs and bacon in the morning, now that he had brought the eggs and bacon.

And then they all heard Harrison screaming.

Evan got down the stairs approximately as fast as Nandini came racing from the bathroom, but Rhiannon, Y’lehna and the Pale Bro were out the door faster, having been closer.

Harrison was on the ground. The trash can had been dumped over. It was mostly cleaning products used by the team that cleaned the cabin between uses, but there were some banana peels and candy wrappers – and now, a bloody shopping bag – in the pile of trash.

Standing over the pile of trash, looking kind of pissed, was a black bear.

In the voice of a guy who has finally, finally gotten the chance to use his strength and size to protect his friends after like what seemed like twenty-seven false scares tonight, the Pale Bro said something that could possibly be understood to be “Fucking finally,” and charged at the bear.

The bear had a lot of mass, even more than the Pale Bro, who was a very, very skinny dude, but the Pale Bro was around twice as tall as the bear, had much longer claws, and was doing something weird to the space around the bear, making lensing effects that distorted all the angles of the trees and branches behind the trash can. The bear flailed a bit, and then the Pale Bro lifted it and held it straight out from his body, where its much smaller paws couldn’t hope to reach. It snarled and kicked and scratched, but the Pale Bro relentlessly carried it into the woods, where they both disappeared.

“Well.” Evan said. “Who wants to help me clean up this trash?”

“’Want’ is a strong word,” Harrison said, but he helped, and Nandini and Rhiannon pitched in. Y’lehna would have helped, but she had to run back into the cabin to run cold water over her arms and legs.

The Pale Bro returned minutes later, without a scratch on him. “Where’d you put the bear, dude?” Harrison asked.

The Bro conveyed that he could possibly have gone out to the cliff that ran alongside the road – the same cliff that, in a different location, had claimed the life of an entire case of beer – and by the way, did any of them know that bears bounce? Because he hadn’t.

“Dude, you didn’t have to kill it,” Evan complained.

“Yes, he did! It was gonna kill me! I don’t want it coming back for revenge!” Harrison gabbled out.

The Pale Bro declared that he hadn’t killed it. Before anyone could feel either relief or fear over that, he added that his mom lived down that way someplace and she would probably kill it, because eldritch spawn eat a lot and he had a lot of brothers and sisters.

***

And so the first night of their vacation ended, with the Pale Bro staying up all night playing video games with Trevor, who’d returned to the cabin with Steve once they’d both been informed that there was no psycho killer and Joe was actually fine, he’d just gotten really lost. Evan, Harrison and Steve went to bed like normal people, or rather, like normal people who are young men in college, around four am, after walking Rhiannon, Nandini and Y’lehna back to their cabin like gentlemen, because psycho killer or no, the woods were dark and any number of things could happen. In other words, it was a perfectly normal night on vacation, just like any group of friends in college might have.

As for anything that might have happened the next day, or any of the other days of their vacation… that’s a story for another time.

[calliecat93]

Star Trek 2009... so... very mixed.

Let’s do the good first. The cinematography is really good. It FEELS like a futuristic time period moreso than TOS, but tbf the films have the advantage of being closer to modern day and being able to match the evolved times. Still, it’s very much a movie that wanted to look good and did. The acting for most pf the cast was good and I don’t have an issue with any of the reboot cast. No Chris Pine isn’t Shatner (and that’s a good thing) nor is Zachary Quinto Leonard Nimoy. But they and the others did their jobs well and I’m glad they all did their own thing and not just copy their predecessors. Simon Pegg as Scotty I really enjoyed amd I like his new friend XD And while I’m... mixed about the direction taken if only because it makes me sad, Leonard Nimoy returning as the Spock we’ve known or so long was lovely, especially when he and Quinto!Spock meet.

Some moments were good. I actually almost teared up when Kirk’s dad died because the actors just put so much emotion into it. I can’t say that there was no effort put into this. They tried to add emotion and meaning and depth. They tried to give Kirk and Spock (and yes, Bones being even MORE of a third wheel than normal REALLY pisses me off) depth and connect the audiences to them and form that connection with each other that we’re so familiar with. I respect that. I respect the effort. I’ve seen reboots that don’t give a damn, but it didn’t feel that way to me here especially with Nimoy!Spock showing that this may be different, but the original very much still exists.

That being said... I have some big issues, especially with Kirk. This is NOT James Tibirius Kirk. This is the pop culture depiction of Kirk that the filmmakers decided was better to go with than the actual character. And no, this being an alternate timeline and him being younger than in canon is NOT a valid excuse. I got told that the death of Kirk’s dad changed the course of history... but I fail to understand how THAT caused Kirk to be an arrogant, cocky, reckless idiot. Might be because his parents NEVER came up in the show so how can any TOS fans get that point if the show never went into it? I know I joke about Kirk doing something dumb, but TOS!Kirk was a perfectly smart, optimistic, level-headed individual who yeah WOULD go against Starfleet at times, but usually did so with good reason. Hell didn’t TOS say that he was overly serious int he academy amd lightened up as he got older? How did the timeline changes change that? Anyways! It felt like they wanted this Kirk to just be a standard action hero and didn’t bother to check if it fit the characterization, or do anything to justify the change aside from ‘different reality’. Like woth the Kobayashi Maru, it’s to emphasize Kirk’s cockiness here...when in WoK it emphasized Kirk’s optimism and hope. How he NEVER believed that there was a true no-win scenario. There was LWAYS a way. Don’t get me wrong, Kirk isn’t horrible and has the ability to become more like his TOS self, but first impressions are everything, and they failed here. Chris Pine was good though, I could actually picture how he played Steve Trevor in Wonder Woman fitting a Reboot Kirk pretty well but alas. Also his captaincy wasn’t earned nor is he mature enough to hold the position. It got handed to him because canon says so, and that is bullshit.

Spock was... fine. Far as characterization goes I don’t really have any issues. He’s not TOS Spock but again he shouldn’t be. It’s hard for me to find the words on how he’s different aside from being younger and seeming a little more resentful about the half-human, half-Vulcan thing, but it still works well enough. He and Sarek also seem on better terms in this continuity, and that I do like since it’s different, but consideirng the circumstances he needs that kind of solace and it allows exploration of their relationship in a more supportive light. Didn’t like Spock marooning Kirk like he did, but it does connect to his arc showing how emotional repression is affecting him, so ah well. I DO have issues with some of the directions taken though. His relationship with Uhura has no establishment nor development and comes across as being there for the sake of having a romance in there without the work. And no I’m not just saying that as a Spones/Spirk/McSpirk shipper. It WOULD have been fine if they actually WORKED ON DEVELOPING IT ON-SCREEN. And how did the timeline changes cause that when Uhura and him flirted like... once in TOS and it was one-sided on Uhura’s part anyways?! It sucks especially since I really like Reboot Uhura. I also don’t like them destroying Vulcan cause that feels like overkill on the angst, but at least they have an explanation for it. I DO however despise them killing Amanda and ESPECIALLY how they did it. Amanda is relegated tot he standard ‘pure hearted mom who we have to kill to hurt this character’ and considering how she died via a crumbling cliff just as transport started, the ‘changed timeline’ explanation is bull. Again I appreciate them trying to add more character stuff, but I very much disagree with the choices. But as far as the character himself is concerned, I was good with Spock andI did genuinely care for and feel bad for him.

Bones... oh baby you deserved so, SO much better. Characterization wise,he was the most like his TOS self. He comes across as more gruff than cranky,but that’s mainly due to Karl Urban being younger than DeForest Kelley. Otherwise he was funny, endearing, loyal to Jim, and Urban did a lovely job making the character his own but honoring his predecessor. Will also give them credit as Bones has a damn good reason to dislike Spock after he marooned Jim like he did. The film didnt give a damn about McCoy tbh, but we’ll get to that in a bit. But to put it short, I really liked Bones, but he REALLY needed more screentime which from what I can tell, isn’t gonna happen until Beyond. But as far as the character goes, I felt like they got his best though the lack of focus reason may very well be why that is. Very least I got fanon to satisfy my needs.

Now we get to my biggest criticism: The Triumvirate is non-existent here, nor does it form within the film. Again, I blame pop culture depiction as I imagine they went ‘we need Kirk and Spock to be close together and Bones is that guy who is Jim’s other best friend who has witty lines but ain’t Kirk and Spock so who cares?’. Which especially baffles me sonce the arguments Kirk and Spock have regaridng emotion? That’s MCCOY’S role. They got the Kirk and Spock relationship completely and utterly wrong. Nor do I feel like the film dod enough to form the relationship between the two. It just feels like they became friends because the plot said so, not out of genuine understanding and care. Kirk was one of, if not the first to accept Spock for who he was and respect him. That’s what made the relationship special. But their edforts to establish it here just fall flat because they made Kirk Spock’s opposite, aka McCoy’s role. McCoy is the one who challenges Spock. The one who pushes him to consider the emotional. He can be harsh, but it is a dynamic that worked. Kirk os their balance. The one who keeps the two in check and they in turn represented the two sides (mind and heart) that he (the body/soul) needed to make the proper decisions. But because of the choices made with Kirk and Bones, the balance is theown off. Spock is more or less fine but Bones loses his importance while Kirk has his character skewed to make it work. General audiences may not be able to tell, but as someone who just watched all of TOS and those films two weeks ago? I could, and it hurt the film significantly imo. Also kind of wish they emphasized that Spock ALSO needs Bones and the rest of the crew, not just Jim because emphasis on just one relationship ALWAYS annoys me, especially since again, they didn’t do well to form it here to begin with. So yeah they missed the aspect that made me love TOS, so needless to say I am displeased. I plan to do a full film review in the future so I won’t say how I’d improve it, especially since hindsight is 20/20, but yeah not happy.

Otherwise, the film is fine. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu,and Chekov are fine, the former two I especially enjoyed. The plot is fone. Nero is a boring villain but for a start, it’s okay. I didn’t like Vulcan’s destruction at alla nd what that means for Spock, but we’ll see how the other two films continue this. I don’t know how I feel about Prime Spock because it just makes me... depressed that he has to accept never going home (even if Bones and the others are dead it just feels... wrong) but I DO appreciate that they included Nimoy and he was just as fantastic as he had been all those years ago. I have so many problems with characterization and plot points, but tbf that’s from someone who just went through TOS. As far as a general audience goes, they likely won’t have that filter and some may be more of the ‘timeline changed so this stuff changed’ explanation than I, a media consumer who has seen this happen over and over again to varying degrees of success’, may be. Otherwise the film was fine. If you like action and want a blockbuster, this one is for you. But I’m in it for characterization and story and while the latter worked well enough in the general sense,t he former was severely lacking. So while it was okay and it got me excited/to laugh a few tomes, overall I didn’t care for the film. Will Into Darkness be any better? Well... from what I can tell no. But I also need to make my own judgements, so onward we go.

[writingtoforgetreality]

Just this one time (Steve Rogers x Reader - College!AU)

Request: Hey love I see that you are taking requests and I’m just in desperate need of a college au Steve Rogers moment lmaoo💀 maybe they’re best friends and there’s like this party that’s coming up and she dresses to the nines and was planning to confess her feelings there but sees him with another girl but happy ending and lots of fluff please | Or maybe a steve Rogers fic based on the song are you bored yet by wallows (by @jazzzhargrove), [Marvel-Masterlist]

Summary: Steve & you have been roommates for two years now. You were best friends even though you have started to develop a crush on him. One day, Steve asks you to accompany him to a party of one of your friends. You agree, planning on confessing your feelings for him. At the party, a bad surprise awaits you…

Words: 4,310

Warnings: slow burn? (idk man, I didn’t mean for it to be this long), lack of experience when it comes to college (pls don’t blame me), Steve going from angel to devil to angel, a bit of angst, happy ending (I swear)

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

College. You imagine something when you hear this, am I right? Like, the cliché teenage movies with not enough budget that make you think you know what college is like. You were thinking the exact same not too long ago. Now you were here & nope, it was nothing like you ever imagined.

A bit over 2 years ago, you graduated from high school. Finally. You hated that place. The only reason you continued going there was because you wanted to get a well paid job in the future. Yeah, it was a hell ride but you made it out alive. Time to focus on college.

The first real problem had begun before your actual classes had started. Living far away from college meant that you had to live somewhere on the campus. You looked at the rent & almost shitted yourself. There was no way you could pay for this on your own. Your parents already made sure to pay your college tuitions so you could not ask them for more. So you decided to use your twitter account for something important for once. You sent out a tweet, asking if anyone would be interested in sharing an apartment near your college, preferably someone who studied there as well. Not too long after that you got a private message from the account @steve_rogers. He said that he was interested in moving in with you since he could not afford an apartment himself. Before you wrote him back, though, you checked out his account, making sure it was not a kidnapper or someone like that. His tweets seemed truthfully & he was of equal age. Perfect, right? You replied with an address of a coffeeshop near the campus & told him to meet you there. Two days later, you guys were sitting there, drinking a coffee & planning everything out. You were happy that he really was a Steve Rogers who would be studying at a college & not a…50-year old creep. What was even better was that this Steve was handsome as hell & had the personality of an angel. You also found out that he would be studying the same thing as you, Fine Art. He would be a good roommate. The two of you exchanged numbers before saying goodbye so you could stay in contact & ask if more questions appeared. You were happy. You found someone trustworthy who would share an apartment with you. That meant that both, Steve & you, had enough money to pay for the rent & to have leisure, too. You could not wait to move in & start your college-journey.

A month later, your parents rented you a truck to move all of your stuff into your new apartment. You were so excited. Not only for your new home but also because you would be meeting Steve again. Ever since the coffeeshop, the two of you had been texting & calling each other all the time. At first, it was simply because of your apartment but after some time, you just started talking casually & became fast friends. Steve told you he was already at your new home & told you you would love it. The drive seemed to last forever but eventually, you arrived. Steve was already waiting for you outside, wanting to help you with all of your boxes. You got out of your car, sprinted towards him & hugged him like you had known him forever. Weird…you had never had such a connection with someone. This was the start of a great friendship, you were sure.

*Present Day*

What's wrong? You've been asking but I don't have an answer How come? I'm still thinking, let's pretend to fall asleep now When we get old, will we regret this? Too young to think about all that shit And stallin' only goes so far when you've got a head start

“(Y/N)?“ Steve screamed from the bathroom. He always did that. “You know you can still ask me when you finish showering, yeah?“ you screamed back. “That’s not as much fun, though.“ he answered. You shook your head & let out a low chuckle.

A few minutes later, Steve exited the bathroom, wearing just a white towel which hung low on his hips. He did that so casually, like it was the most normal thing on earth. You wished he would not have this effect on you. When did you catch feelings for him? You were not sure. All you knew was that he acted like the best friend you had always craved. Why did you have a crush on him? You would never make a move though, not wanting to ruin your friendship. He did not like you that way, you were certain. He was just nice, that was his personality. He treated everyone like that.

“(Y/N)?“ Steve asked again. “Yeah, Steve, I heard you the first time.“ you said, trying to look at his face ,& not to his white towel, which was incredibly hard at that moment. Staring would make everything even weirder. “Trevor is having this big party tonight & he asked me to come.“ Steve looked into your (Y/E) eyes. Why did he tell you? It was not like you attended parties that often. He was someone who enjoyed these “college activities“ but you always got overwhelmed with big crowds. Steve knew this though. Usually, whenever someone had asked him to come to a party & you had told him you did not want to go, then he had always stayed with you at your room.

'Cause we could stay at home and watch the sunset But I can't help from asking, "Are you bored yet?" And if you're feeling lonely you should tell me Before this ends up as another memory Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie? Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie?

“Um…okay? And?“ confusion was written all over your face. What was his intention? The two of you made plans earlier, wanting to stay in to study together. “Well, I wanted to ask you if you wanna accompany me. Trevor would be fine with it, I’m sure.“ he scratched his neck, knowing damn well that you never were in a party mood. “Are you serious? I thought we’d study tonight? We have very important exams coming up, y’know.“ you tried reasoning. “I know, I know & I’m sorry but I canceled Trever so many times & he insists on me coming.“ Steve came a little closer, your eyes still focused on his. “Okay, then go? I’m not gonna force you to stay with me. Go & have some fun, we’ll study on another day.“ you tried to keep up your strong voice but deep down you were kind of disappointed. You were looking forward to tonight. Your late night study sessions always ended with extremely serious conversations & then with popcorn & a movie. “Nah…um, I actually want you to go with me. I really don’t wanna show up alone. Come on, please? Just this one time, I swear!“ he pleaded. Steve said he did not want to show up alone but in reality he just wanted to spend time with you & wanted to show you off. You guys were not a thing yet but every person saw that you were pretty close & assumed that you soon would be dating. Maybe you were just too oblivious to see it. “I haven’t been to a party in forever. I don’t even know if I have the right clothes. I don’t wanna look like an outsider.“ “You always look perfect, though.“ the second he said this, he started blushing. You did not realize & he continued. “I’m sure you’ll do just fine. Besides, I’m not gonna leave you there alone. We’re gonna stay together & if you wanna go back to our apartment, then I’m gonna go with you.“ you smiled at his words. Did he even know that his words affected you that way? Maybe he was being sincere & you were the only person who heard him say such cute words. On the other hand…was this not just his personality?

You agreed on accompanying Steve but only because of one reason. Tonight was finally the time you would confess your feelings for him. The party was in a few hours & Steve decided he would go back to the library for a while to start studying. He needed a bit more time to get everything into his head than you. “See ya!“ you screamed at Steve while he left your apartment. Enough time to make yourself look presentable for tonight. You wanted to impress him, to let him know you were this dressed up only because of him. Still, you could not exaggerate. Staying true to yourself was one of your priorities but you got this.

At first, you took a long shower, washing your hair. Stepping out, you dried yourself off with a towel.  For now, you stripped over one of Steve’s shirts. Sometimes, when he was not looking, you would go to his dresser & grab some shirts. He never cared too much, saying they looked better on you anyway. After the bathroom, you went over to your bedroom. Back then, Steve let you grab the bigger room because he knew how much you loved a lot of space. You sat down at your white dressing table. It was a mess, as always. You put makeup on every single day, there was no need for you to move the stuff back to its place. This way, you could find the needed products faster. You wanted to impress Steve, yeah, but you never went crazy with your makeup so you would do a tiny bit more than your daily look. It took you longer than usual, wanting to make everything as perfect as possible. In your eyes you succeeded. For your hair, you decided on (fav/hairstyle). The mirror showed your reflection & for once you were content with what you saw. Steve had come back by now but he did not want to bother you in your room. He simply went back to his own bedroom, deciding it would be time to get ready for the party himself. Now, you were standing in front of your closet, unsure of what you wanted to pick. You searched through everything but nothing seemed to fit. Great, what would you do now? Shortly before you wanted to give up & tell Steve you could not go, your eyes skimmed over a black dress at the back of your closet. You almost forgot about this one. Your hand grabbed the hanger & examined the dress. It was short but not too short. You had worn it once, when your mom went shopping with you & kind of forced you to try it on. She bought it for you, saying it would come in handy one day. Bless her, she was right. You stripped the black fabric on & went over to your floor-length mirror. The dress hugged your figure perfectly. You almost could not believe that the person in the mirror was you. A smile spread across your face. Tonight was your night.

“Sweetheart? It’s time. Trevor called me. He said there are already a bunch of people. Are you ready?“ Steve knocked at your door. He was not sure if he could come in or not so he stayed outside. He did not want to walk in on you changing or something. “A second!“ Steve heard your hurried steps. You grabbed your black shoes, put them on & walked over. Then you opened the door & he was shocked. He had seen you in dresses & all but this time? This felt different. You saw his stare & smiled at the floor, suddenly not sure if you looked good anymore. Steve answered your question before you could say anything. “Wow…You look…You look gorgeous. I mean, you always do but this, um, you know I-“ he stuttered. Did you just make him embarrassed? To stop him, you simply answered. “Thanks. You don’t look too bad yourself.“ you smirked & looked him up & down. He was wearing a dark blue sweatshirt, a pair of jeans & his go-to black vans. How did he look this good while literally wearing the most basic clothes on earth? “Ma’am?“ he faked an accent, holding out a hand for you to grab. You laughed at him, took his hand & let him lead you to his car. Trevor’s party was at his house, his parents were away on a business trip. Arriving at Steve’s car, he opened your door because, duh, he is a gentleman. All you could do was smile at him. The butterflies got more & more present. Stupid, stupid crush. You did not even noticed that Steve got in the car too, starting it & driving away. He was never the biggest fan alcohol & neither were you so you trusted him with driving. Shortly after, you came to a stop in front of a big house. Even though Trevor & you had been friends for some time now, you had never been to his home. You were impressed. Steve helped you out of the car but he did not stop holding your hand. He was the cutest. This had to mean something, right? As the two of you walked in, hand in hand, you could already smell the alcohol from everywhere. Looking around, you saw many people already being too drunk to realize a thing. It was barely 10 pm. That was one reason why you did not like parties. There were so many people, you were glad Steve was still holding your hand, otherwise you would have lost him. Where he was going? You did not know. Though he turned around, screaming something at you, you could not hear anything. The music was blasting way too loud. People really liked that? Suddenly you came to a stop. The music was a bit quieter, thank god, & Steve talked to someone. You looked over to find Trevor. As soon as he saw you, he took you in for a hug. Yeah, he had been drinking. He was not someone who would hug you. Nevermind, you still hugged him back. Trevor said how happy he was that you both could make it & that you should feel like home. Feeling like home? That was a bit hard with this crowd around but you tried. You looked over your shoulder for a second, thinking you heard someone say your name. Apparently you misheard someone because nobody was behind you. Turning back, Trevor was gone. Where did he go? It did not matter. At least you had Steve next to you still. You would literally die without him here.

“Hey, let’s head outside, yeah? Trevor said it’s more fun out there.“ Steve looked at you, letting go of your hand. Suddenly you felt cold. Why did he let go? “Um…sure.“ you followed him outside, making sure not to lose him. You were not sure anymore. Did he like you more than a friend? Maybe you were too embarrassing to show around at a party. He said he wanted you to come, right? You should not stress about it too much. Arriving outside, you could feel a cold breeze hitting your skin. It was quite nice though, fresh air. You could not help but feel a bit lost, even next to Steve. You went to grab his hand again, wanting to feel his comfort but as soon as your fingertips touched him he moved his hand into his pocket, avoiding your gaze. Was that a coincidence? Or did he not want to hold your hand anymore? You were confused & you frowned. Maybe tonight was not your night after all. You were lost in thought until someone bumped into you. “Ssssorry.“ a drunk male said, well…tried to, at least. You were glad he did not have a drink he spilled over you. Your dress, your look in general, was still intact. “No problem.“ you hoped he would just leave again. You definitely were not in the mood for this. As soon as you turned around to tell Steve you would like to leave you were shocked to not find him next to you anymore. Where was he? He promised you to stay with you the entire time. Great. Just great. Looking around, you tried finding him which was a bit hard because of the large crowd. He was not outside. Walking back inside, you tried finding someone you knew from your classes but without success. Trevor was not in sight either. You started panicking. Steve knew how much you despised this.

Feels like I've known you my whole life I can see right through your lies I don't know where we're going But I'd like to be by your side If you could tell me how you're feeling Maybe we'd get through this undefeated Holding on for so long

You had been looking for him for 30 minutes now. He did not pick up his phone & neither did he answer your texts. Deciding you would give it one more try, you started wandering around inside the house yet again. At the corner of your eye you saw a broad figure, a dark blue sweatshirt. Finally, you thought. You took a closer look. No, this could not be. This was Steve, locking lips with some bitch. Was he serious? Tears started welling up in your eyes. He wandered off to kiss a random girl? You thought you knew him well but apparently you were wrong. Steve tried fighting off the girl who just came at him & started kissing him. What the fuck? She obviously never heard of consent. He opened his eyes to push her away only to find you a few feet away from him, obviously upset. He could see your tears. No, no, no. By the time he managed to push the girl off & told her it was completely dumb what she just did because she was obviously drunk, you were already out of sight. Fuck, he lost you. Of course it looked like he was kissing her. He needed to explain himself but he could not find you anywhere. Your phone was not on, making it impossible for him to reach you. After seeing Steve kissing this girl, you started running. You did not want to cry but you were so angry at him & yourself. He saw you as a friend, that was it. Why could you not see this before? Before you even knew where your feet dragged you, you were stood in front of your apartment door. Did you just run the entire way back home? You were tired, you wanted nothing more than to take off your makeup & that stupid dress. Your bed was waiting for you. After ridding yourself from your shoes, makeup & dress, you threw on your pajama. You usually wore Steve’s shirt but tonight, you did not want to smell his cologne. All you wanted to do is put your blanket over your head & try to forget all that had happened. No matter how hard you tried, the tears kept streaming down your cheeks.

Steve searched the entire house & the garden for you but you where nowhere to be found. He knew how you acted at parties, especially when you where alone so he started to panic slightly. Trevor was in the entrance hall & Steve walked over to him. “Dude, hey! Why did (Y/N) leave earlier? I thought you drove her here?“ Trevor managed to speak out. He was done for tonight, that was sure. “Fuck.“ Steve whispered. “She ran outta the door? Did she say where she was heading?“ Steve’s heartbeat got faster & faster. He fucked up big time. “Yeah, sure, because she had the energy to talk to me while she was literally bawling her eyes out.“ Gosh, Trevor’s sarcasm when he was drunk was the worst. Steve wished he could slap him but there were more important things to do. You. The only thing that made sense to him was you running back to your shared apartment. Even though the both of you had been living there for two years, you still were not that familiar with the neighborhood. You would never run into the dark without knowing where to go. Steve was still sober, he got into his car & drove back home, hoping he would find you there. There was light radiating from your windows which meant that you where inside. Steve let out a sigh, his heartbeat slowly going back to normal. Now the only thing he had to do was explaining himself to you. He had to confess, otherwise you would think the absolute worst of him, if you did not already.

You did not hear the main door opening, too lost in your thoughts. Your tears had dried by now but you were exhausted. Falling asleep was not an option though, you were overthinking. A knock on your door startled you. “(Y/N).“ Steve whispered, leaning his forehead on your door. He closed his eyes, hoping you would answer. Hell, he would wake you if you were asleep already. His instinct told him that you were not but he did not get an answer either. Nevertheless, he slowly opened your door. You thought that if you kept silent he would go away again. There was no way you could face him right now. Steve knew you better than anyone. You were not sleeping so he walked over to your bed, sitting down at the edge of it. It was now or never. Steve’s hand moved to your blanket, pulling it off of you. His heart broke at your sight. You had been crying because of him. You were feeling like this because of him. Your eyes were open, looking up at him through your lashes.

'Cause we could stay at home and watch the sunset But I can't help from asking, "Are you bored yet?" And if you're feeling lonely you should tell me Before this ends up as another memory Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie? (Yeah, oh) Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie?

„Sweetheart?“ one of his hands started caressing your cheek & you were too tired to tell him to stop. “Please don’t sweetheart me. Not after what happened.“ your voice broke while trying to talk to him. You hated being so weak in front of him but you could not hide anymore. He had hurt you, a lot. “If you could just let me explain…“ “Go ahead then, it’ not like I should care, right?“ you slightly chuckled but Steve could hear the pain behind it. “I know you wanted to hold my hand back then. I only put it in my pocket because I didn’t want it to happen at a crappy party with drunk crackheads everywhere.“ that made you smile a bit so Steve continued. “I looked around for a nice, quiet place & then suddenly Dylan dragged me back inside even though I told him you were still outside. He told me it wouldn’t take long but I shouldn’t have trusted him.“ you rose up to sit in front of him, feeling a bit better. “It’s Dylan, what did you expect?“ you told Steve with a chuckle, an honest one this time. “You’re right…“ Steve chuckled. “Anyway, he simply wanted me to meet his new boyfriend aka a complete stranger he had met 2 hours prior. When I told him I need to head back to you I couldn’t find you anymore. So I assumed you went looking for me so I went looking for you. Now, sweetheart, I need you to look at me when I say this.“ he lifted your chin so your (Y/E) were locked on his blue ones. You nodded for him to continue. “Suddenly, this drunk girl came running at me, saying how much she missed me. She called me her boyfriend, Max, so I knew she was completely wasted. Before I could tell her that I am not her lost boyfriend, she started kissing me. She caught me off guard but as soon as I realized what was going on, I tried pushing her away. You had already seen me, though. (Y/N), I didn’t kiss her. Why would I ever kiss someone like her? I only wanna kiss one person & this someone is sitting right in front of me.“ he finished. Did he just? “W-What? Did yo-“ but before you could finish, Steve pulled you closer to him, putting his lips onto yours. You had dreamed for so long & it was finally happening. Steve & you were kissing each other & it felt like everything the two of you had ever imagined. As you broke apart to breath again, he kept staring into your eyes & rested his forehead against yours. “(Y/N), sweetheart, I love you, only you.“ his voice was barely above a whisper, making sure you were the only one who heard him even though it was just you two. Your eyes filled with tears again but this time because of pure happiness. It was your plan to confess to him tonight but who thought this night would end this way? “I love you too, Steve.“ you kissed him again, this time with more passion to let him know how long you had waited to do this. He stripped off his sweatshirt & jeans, leaving him in only his boxers. At first you were confused. What did he have in mind? But the second he laid down next to you, spooning you, you new what his intention was. He wanted to stay with you for the night & you were not complaining. Steve & you fell asleep, cuddling, relieved that this night, in the end, would be life-changing for the both of you.

Published 04/15/2020 by Cathy

[daniellesimagines]

❀❀ a list of lines from every single work-in-progress to be linked later when i actually post them just bc i’m bored ❀❀

ashton irwin

And I get that it may seem obviously to other people, but... I’m not watching this on TV and you’re not here and I don’t know what people are saying about me being my back

If she’s not back by sunset, I’m leaving camp to look for her. And if something happened to her, you’re dead

I don’t care about what everyone else will say -- I care about you and your safety, so you can either stay with me at my place until everything with him is sorted out or I can sleep on your couch, but I am not leaving you alone

She deserves better than that, Ashton! She deserves better than you!

I’m a burden on everybody! That’s why I’m here -- that’s why they threw me in a mental hospital and left!

Nothing ever means anything to you anyway

She’s still my ex! Just because she ‘needed help’ doesn’t make it less weird!

Remember how you said if I needed anything, you’d do it...? C-Can I just have a hug?

You fucking heard me. Stop the fucking car

I’m not dating your ex. I asked her out if that’s what you mean

Maybe you could argue that ‘just friends’ do that too, but it’s not ‘just friends’ when Ashton does it for you

I just... I can’t...handle losing someone right after I almost lost you

Are you tall enough to ride the merry-go-round at the fair by yourself?

I’m all for taking credit for my work, but I’m not taking credit for this because 1) I didn’t do it, and 2) it’s sloppy as hell

She clearly needs someone right now and unfortunately for me, she chose you

I’ve heard your friends talking... I know no one thinks he’s still alive

I may be desperate for money, but I’m not selling my body for some rich, entitled frat guys to jack off to!

If you want to be embarrassed, that’s fine, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you berate yourself like this

Those spirits at the prison we investigated a couple weeks ago really liked you

awsten knight

What could possibly be so hard for her?! She’s a Princess, for Christ’s sake!

Can’t imagine keeping everything bottled up is any easier than letting someone in

calum hood

I know you don’t like her, but telling her she’s not allowed to hug me around you is fucking ridiculous

Do you make it a habit to spy on people or am I just today’s lucky winner?

You can’t lie just to get me there -- I would have gone anyway

I’m not lying to Calum; I’m just not telling him how I feel

You know how you said I should be falling in love instead of living in that house...? I’m glad it’s gonna be with you

How am I meant to have fun with him around?

You wouldn’t do the things you do if you really loved me

When you’re not here, it’s easier to pretend you still love me

I have a question -- why is that guy looking at his corn dog like that?

Please don’t make me say it again -- the first time was embarrassing enough

If he knew he was going to meet you, he never would have told her those things

I can guarantee you that baby’s not his

I never stopped wanting you either

He wouldn’t have dumped me if he was still in love with me

If you were getting tired of me, you could have just said so

Always knew I’d cry if I met you guys -- just didn’t think this would be the reason

I can’t just not pay you for watching my dog for 5 months

Will you at least let me know what it’s like to kiss you?

Do you know how weird it is to have feelings for your boss?

If they want nothing to do with you, then I want nothing to do with them

Secrets don’t stay that way forever; They all have to come out eventually

He keeps asking if he can call you Mummy

It’s heartbreaking in all the right places

I told you getting the blonde put into your hair was a bad idea

cody carson

The day you get something different from Starbucks is the day I let Pistol sleep in your bedroom

At least I’ve never lied when I told you I love you

Wait, someone tried to kidnap that little girl on your lap?

dacre montgomery

My worst nightmare is disappointing Steve Irwin

damien haas

Am I even on this show right now? Is this all just some freakishly realistic dream?

harry styles

Would you have apologized if your daughter hadn’t made you?

Daddy doesn’t love me anymore

Since when are you afraid of getting rejected? 

jamie follese

I can’t help when I disappear! The cake batter calls to me and I must answer her!

He asks if I love you all the time even though I always say yes

I think I could talk my way out of jail

louis tomlinson

Nothing’s ever scared me more than the thought of losing you

luke hemmings

If I’m feeling this bad about meeting his friends, I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he wants to tell the fans

We’re only here for a few days; You’re just going to have to deal with sharing a bed until we leave

We made a bet on which one of you would confess your feelings first

Even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he still needed to

She closes the store alone tonight -- you didn’t hear it from me

How many strings did my husband have to pull for this?

She doesn’t even want him! She’s only with him because she knows I do!

You know I don’t like when you do this to yourself

I got my ass handed to me by an 11-year-old and her Pokemon master of an aunt

I have nightmares almost every night, but I only come in here when they’re about you

She’s a hostage in a bank robbery! Of course I care about her being in there!

You’re by yourself in the stables at 11pm with tears on your face. Don’t tell me nothing’s wrong

Don’t be mad just because your siblings love me more than they love you

You know that means nothing to me! Stop bragging about having colors!

Even I’m not heartless enough to leave you without a dance partner

marshall traver

Nobody is alone -- not even in this world

You’re only apologizing because I’m the Princess; You wouldn’t be if I were a nobody

maxx danziger

I told him you hate water; I told him and he decided to try and throw you in anyway

Too used to blowing me off on the phone, you forgot how to talk to me in person?

I think they deserve a teacher who wants to see them succeed

If she’s still wearing her ring, she’s clearly not ready to date other people

You’re staying even though my dad’s an idiot, right?

We’re gonna circle back to the fetish thing later because I don’t believe you don’t have one for a second

michael clifford

Wouldn’t want you to stay longer than you have to just because of me

If you never say ‘I love you’ back to me, that’s completely okay

You’ve been crying, kitten; I can tell

Is there any point when you’re not going to be useless to us?

You fired her because you’re in love with her?!

What can I say? His parents are raising him right

Don’t even think about touching my brother again

Hit me like you mean it

Last day of camp -- won’t be able to do this until next summer

I know you paid my rent

Nothing would piss off that asshole more than getting the girl he wants

Since when would he jump at the chance to defend me?

I know you’ve seen how different he is with me now

The first thing I heard when I woke up was ‘I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things’ and I did 

Unlike the girls you sleep with, I actually like being with a guy who can make me cum

It can’t possibly get worse than the hell you’re living right now

I love Michael... Oh my God... Ashton, I’m in love with Michael

Please bless us with this work of art

The only good thing about this tie is that it’s blocking some of the brightness from how pale you are

Why do you even have this song on cassette in the first place?!

She’s safe -- that’s all I’m allowed to say

How did two 11-year-olds manage to pull off the biggest switch ever?

You know they’re not going to let you marry me

I’m not a stranger to staying with people who treat me poorly

If I can handle you, I think I’m prepared for pretty much anything

You make Mumma forget about him and be happy and I like when Mumma’s happy

You said you weren’t going to let go of me

Can you write a song telling your soulmate to be less depressing? It’s really starting to worry me

I’m not stupid; I’ve seen your face -- I know I’m not getting out of this alive

I can either push past you or you can let me go, but I am going to go kiss my wife whether I have your permission or not

Not the worst injury I’ve ever had and definitely won’t be the last

This is not who I expected to be kissing when I put this dress on

ryan follese

Best of luck with your engagement to the Princess

I can’t put myself in a relationship I know won’t last

spencer reid

I didn’t marry a profiler, Spencer! I married you!

Any of us would have gone in to save your daughter -- it just happened to be me this time

tom holland

I know you love me, Tom -- I know you do... But it hurts that you don’t want other people to know it too...

trevor collins

I kinda wanted to wait and see if you were actually real before I said anything...

You may not be irreplaceable to the company, but you’re irreplaceable to me

I know you’re not sick; I know you just said it because you wanted to leave work early

zach dewall

I told you they were gonna be angry when they said it...

[missgalaxtea]

Pride month has come and gone, but we are still here

Gif credit: @bisexualdonatello

I don’t talk about it very often (mostly because I am not officially out) but I’m bisexual. I am attracted to those who identify as my own gender (female) and those who identify as an opposing gender. It has taken a few years of rationalizing and actually sitting with myself to come to accept this. In fact, very recently I had contemplated the legitimacy of my sexuality again. This is due to a few things: I have never had a relationship of any kind, I live in a conservative community, and I am still learning about the terminology and culture that comes from the LGBTQA+ community as a whole. Popular media—visual media specifically—has been a great influence in this regard. The older I got, the more access I had. The more access I had, the more I was able to learn. I grew to have a better understanding of the world around me and could explain how and why the media I consumed resonated with me personally. It took a while, but this is how I got here:

Bi Awakening (Film)

It was the late 00′s when I saw Van Helsing for the first time. I was immediately hooked. It has all the things I loved and still love to this day: monsters, a gothic aesthetic, an anti-hero with a heart of gold, bad-ass women who are immaculately dressed and fight hard, and a tragic ending. I had always been interested in Hugh Jackman ever since I watched him play Wolverine in the X-Men films. This character was what did it for me. Van Helsing was brave yet troubled. He had a knack for fighting evil and finding good where others couldn’t see it. This is a character I would daydream about going on long adventures around the world with. After watching the movie several times, my eyes also followed Anna Valerious, played by Kate Beckinsale. She was determined and a fighter through and through. Her skills and her dedication to her family drew me in. I wanted to hug her and fight monsters by her side. Oh, and did I mention they were both highly attractive? Because they are, just look at them, oh my gosh!! I took a while, but I finally admitted to myself that I like both men and women. Despite never acting on these feelings, I felt content with the conclusion I’d come to. This went on for a few years. It wasn’t until this year that I started questioning it all again.

Bi Confusion (YouTube)

I’ve watched my fair share of ContraPoints videos. In her video Shame, Natalie explains how she came to the conclusion that she is a lesbian. Throughout the video she explains how she was in a heterosexual relationship that, while loving and nice, was not fulfilling. She brings up the topic of compulsory heterosexuality, the feelings some women experience due to the norms of our society. I went in search of the “Am I a Lesbian” article mentioned in the video and read through the whole thing in one sitting. I came away from it feeling like I had unlocked some secret. Maybe I had been confused and conditioned all this time. Often my fantasies with women are more detailed and complex than my fantasies with men. That must mean I'd been avoiding one and embracing the other, right? And since I’ve never been in any kind of relationship, maybe I’d just been conditioned to include men in the equation from the start and couldn’t let it go? I had been entertaining a man I’d met online and had felt the relationship was forced on my end. Maybe I’m just not into men? After much consideration, I decided to give the lesbian label a try. That sounds horrible in retrospect, but I did it. I said the word to myself in private. I thought about spending my life pursuing only women. I excluding men from my fantasies. That didn’t last long. It just didn’t fit me. I learned through that exercise that my feelings for one gender don’t outweigh my feelings for another gender. The reason my fantasies vary is because of limited experience, not lack of interest. The reason I cut things off with the guy I’d been speaking with wasn’t because I was a lesbian, but because we just worked better as friends. I wasn’t a lesbian. I had just overthought my feelings. I’m attracted to people, not just their genders.

Bi Confirmation (Video Games)

My first exposure to Resident Evil was through several LP’s on YouTube. I have managed to play through a few games myself, though. The past few years have been really good for the Resident Evil franchise, the most noteworthy additions being the remake editions of Resident Evil 2 & 3. Leon’s a bad-ass super cop who just wants to do the right thing. Claire is an amazing person who cares so much about the people closest to her. Jill’s the most OP character in Resident Evil and just wants to save the world. Carlos is a genuinely good guy who wants to help. These people are heroic, bad-ass, and hot? Excuse me, I need a minute...Basically, I want to be these characters and be with them. I can confidently say that I am bisexual. There are other fictional characters I can point to that I would say affirm my sexuality—Casey Jones and April O’Neil from TMNT, Diana Prince and Steve Trevor from Wonder Woman, Markus from Detroit: Become Human, Harley Quinn from Birds of Prey—but Resident Evil has the most characters I love in a single franchise. When I was questioning my sexuality, I looked at these video game characters I had come to like and realized there was no denying myself. It’s okay to like both. Both is good.

Bi Acceptance (TikTok)

In conclusion, sexuality is weird. You might think you’re a young straight when all of a sudden you realize you find both a dashing monster hunter and a beautiful cursed princess attractive. Then, years later, you might watch a YouTube video that has you questioning yourself all over again, only to realize you are who you though you were after playing a game about fighting zombies. Basically, visual media helped me discover myself. But that’s not the end of it. I’ve found myself on TikTok a lot since the pandemic started. It’s nice seeing people in the LGBTQA+ community having fun and making the most of a shitty situation. I rediscovered Sarah Schauer, which was a nice surprise. Come to find out, she’s bisexual too. Seeing this community band together in times like these has been a heartening experience. So many positive vibes. There may be people out there who say you should only like one or another, or that being in a heterosexual relationship diminishes your sexuality, but those people are wrong. The bottom line is that you cannot tailor how you feel to fit the expectations of others. This post is kind of weird and out of nowhere, and a little very self centered, but I had to get this off my chest. This will likely never be read by anyone. However, if you are reading this and you have had a similarly weird experience, know that you are not alone. You may have just realized your feelings, you may have known for a long time, or you may still be trying to figure things out. That’s okay. Your feelings are valid. Your experience is valid. You are valid.

TL;DR Whenever I am questioning my sexuality I remember Resident Evil and I am at peace. Also through all this I’ve learned I have a type: bad-ass hero with a kind heart.

[truthismyweapon]

Diana + Steve Moodboard

“Ever since you crashed on Themyscira, you have become a light in my heart, in a place I thought to be guarded against all intruders. And it is there I will always be with you.”

[thecomicsnexus]

Introducing Wonder Woman...

ALL-STAR COMICS #8 JANUARY 1942 BY WILLIAM MOULTON MARSTON AND HARRY G. PETER

When U.S. Army intelligence pilot, Steve Trevor, falls into Paradise Island, after being chased by German spies. A race of amazonian women need to get rid of him as fast as possible to keep their promise to Aphrodite. But a princess will fall in love with the pilot and will want to go on to fight for justice and women’s rights in America.

SCORE: 8

Of all the golden age origins I have read so far, this seems to be the most elaborate of all. It’s not just the origin tale itself, it’s all the world-building that was involved in it. And while I feel it has some problems in terms of the amount of time dedicated to Steve, I cannot deny it was an important part of the story.

Most comic-books of the time were written by Sci-Fi aficionados. This is a comic written by a psychologist with a p.h.d. It’s not your average story.

In fact, it may not be obvious for people in our present, but the way Wonder Woman is depicted in this story has a very specific purpose: equality of the genders. She can do whatever a man can (and she can do it better than most of them).

Now, William Moulton Marston was a very complicated figure, sure. He had a very particular family situation going on (he had more than one “wife” and had kids with both). But he was a feminist. Perhaps not for the right reasons, but the outcome was the same. His line of thought has been explained before as to why Wonder Woman would end up chained in every episode (as she represents women who have to break the chains of oppression), but that didn’t stop detractors to almost destroy the comic-book industry. Ironically, Wonder Woman was the result of that same criticism about the quality of comic-books. William Moulton Marston was brought into “DC” comics to form a board that could put a sense of quality into the stories (and not do cruelty, violence and sadism as other publishers of the time). Wonder Woman was the most interesting outcome of that decision. Considering Wonder Woman survived the seduction of the innocent” times, is a great achievement for the character. She survived that, she can survive anything.

But going back to this particular story, the amazons represent the “modern woman” that can vote and have a right to decide on her body. It’s not very obvious in the story, but this is what it means. It’s about gender equality above all (it isn’t about one sex being better though, and you should notice that too). This small story takes its time to give us the backstory of how the Amazons ended up being alone in an island, away from “man’s world”. Then decides to take a turn to tell Steve’s story... who is unconscious the whole time, by the way. I have the feeling Steve’s story was put there to appeal to little boys looking for adventure. By having Steve and Diana, you appeal to both sexes... and perhaps, you can achieve a crossover, you can make the kids interested in Wonder Woman and the girls interested in the pilot, with the right motives.

It is explained in the story that the Amazons are always up to date with man’s world and that explains the gun in the island. But I have to say it doesn’t make much sense to have a gun there. I like how Pérez put a spin on that. Pérez... another sexually interesting wonder woman writer.

For the most part, we feel an emotional attachment to Diana because we know the character now. I am not sure what people felt at the time about her character (as her backstory is not really explained, she is just a princess). To be fair, there is not much development of Steve Trevor either. But the world is set and these characters are ready for their adventures (that will happen in a different book).

The weakest thing about this story is the art. Sometimes it’s fine, and right for the type of story being told. But other times, it looks weird. Call it perspective or human anatomy... something is wrong with it, but I cannot put my finger on what.

About the character design. It’s just strange. I understand the colors were taken from America’s flag, and we can see the Amazons wearing skirts. But that seems to be the only thing that makes sense. I am not sure what her top means compared to the Amazons (and it has been discussed to death that it isn’t practical to run with those). The costume never made sense and fans are usually very averse to changes. It looks awesome... and I am sure at the time this was published it also looked very sexy.

[skaikruswan]

Fandom: Wonder Woman (2017)

Relationship: Diana (Wonder Woman)/Steve Trevor

Characters:

Diana (Wonder Woman)

Steve Trevor

Maxwell Lord

Additional Tags:

Post-Wonder Woman (2017)

Wonder Woman 1984 Speculation

wonder woman 2 speculation

Angst

Heartbreak

Wonder Woman 1984

Language: English

Summary: 

What are you doing to him?” Diana asks, gritting her teeth. How ironic this is. She is bound by her own weapon, held by the man she loves and who seems to hate her right now. “How fickle minds can be. One nudge is all it took for your beloved spy to come to my side.” Lord explains to her casually, a satisfied grin on his lips.

Diana never expected Steve to be her enemy. She never expected Lord to be so powerful.

The sound of Steve’s panting mixes with the clicking of her boots and the buzzing of the lights as they creep through the empty base. There’s only one level and it has a long, corridor-like shape, meaning that there is only one way: forward.

It is quiet, too quiet. After they met and dealt with the army on their way through the desert, Diana assumed that they were just their welcome party. Apparently, she was wrong.

It doesn’t surprise her that Maxwell Lord turned out to be their adversary and not their ally. People in power always crave more. Nothing good had come out of his expedition with Barbara. Choices were made, lives were ruined, and now it was up to them to right this wrong.

Diana and Steve come across shelves weighed down by books and files. From the corner of her eye, she sees Steve eyeing a large tome, bound in leather, the inscription barely visible. She smiles at his curiosity, but she doubts that they would find any valuable information. Lord is too clever for this. This base was a red herring, if she ever saw one. Who knows what he’s doing right now… Diana curses herself for following this dead end.

The static noise coming from nowhere startles them both. Steve, standing next to her, is tilting his head, as if he’s trying to find the source that broke the silence. A lone TV is standing on a table, the source of the noise. Diana turns it on.

“Congratulations, Miss. Prince. You did just what I wanted you to do.” Maxwell Lord’s sleek salesman voice fills the room and Diana glares at the screen. He’s sitting in an armchair, his hands folded, looking as if they’d just started an interview for a job. This must have been recorded in advance, so she bites her tongue; there is no use answering him. Sparing a quick glance from the TV to Steve, she sees him focused on the screen.

“You seem to have everything you’ve always wanted.” Lord purrs and Diana can’t help but look at Steve. Her first love. Her miracle. “Now let me tell you what I want.”

The lights go out and for a small moment, she flinches, confused and alarmed. This is all it takes to turn this into a nightmare.

Her breath hitches as she feels an unfamiliar warmth around her arms and torso. She can’t move. Dread coils in her stomach as she thinks: this is wrong. No, no, stop!

The lights return, but Diana wishes they hadn’t. She wants to banish the image of Steve standing in front of her, trapping her with her lasso. She wants to erase the hatred and disdain that burn in his blue eyes. She wants to ignore the fact that he’s currently on an opposite side. Her enemy.

“Not so wondrous after all,” Steve sneers, “my love.” These two words, uttered with sarcasm and disgust, burn more than the lasso.

“I want you under control.” Not only Steve, but two voices spoke. At first Diana stares at the TV, but it is off. Maxwell Lord, in the flesh, stands next to Steve, keeping a hand on his shoulder.

“What are you doing to him?” Diana asks, gritting her teeth. How ironic this is. She is bound by her own weapon, held by the man she loves and who seems to hate her right now.

“How fickle minds can be. One nudge is all it took for your beloved spy to come to my side.” Lord explains to her casually, a satisfied grin on his lips. “I’ve always known how to play people, how to read their wishes and desires. The game has just become so much easier.” The artifact he has found, it must have changed him. Humans can’t control each other.

“Please Steve, this isn’t you.” Diana pleads, hoping that somehow the control can be broken. Mocking laughter fills the room. Maxwell Lord is eyeing her like a child would eye a new toy it hadn’t figured out yet, like something he hasn’t found the best use for. It makes her skin crawl.

She tries to move, even just a little step. Steve yanks, hard and ruthless, and she stumbles a few steps forward.

“Nice try.” Steve says, giving her a cruel smile. How she wishes to see conflict in his eyes, to notice any struggle in him. To have a sign that the man she loves is still there.

Diana tries to push down the despair she feels. She can overcome this situation. In her head, she hears the warning her mother once gave her about the world of men. She also hears her beloved aunt, urging her to go on, as the fierce amazon she is.

“Steve, fight. Fight as I would. You’re so much better than him.” Diana tries again, putting all the conviction and hope in her speech. Steve’s face shows no reaction and Lord only tsk-tsks and turns around. It’s hard to recognize exactly, but she thinks that he makes a small hand motion.

When he turns around, Diana sees a faint smudge of red around his nose and she fights back the smirk on her lips. So controlling someone does take a toll on him. It can be broken.

“I’m sorry.” Diana hopes that her Steve hears her apology. She clinks her gauntlets together and a small explosion engulfs all three of them in light. It is enough for Steve to lose his guard and loosen his grip around the lasso.

Diana yanks her arms apart in one swift move and the force of it makes Steve release her lasso. Her weapon is in her hands again and she hears him curse under his breath. He draws his gun and shoots at her.

Clink. Clink. Clink. Muscle memory saves her as her body protects her from the bullets, while her heart and mind must process it.

Snap out of it, Diana! she chides herself. If her theory is right, then she must fight not only for herself, but also for Steve. After there are no more bullets to shoot, Steve drops his gun with a low snarl, moving closer, surely to opt for physical combat.

“Stop.” Lord’s command cuts through the silence and like a puppet whose strings are cut, Steve stops in his movement.

Lord looks displeased at this situation and draws a gun. He doesn’t point it at her, but at Steve. Diana's heart feels as if it has tripped and is now slowly falling.

“Surrender or he dies. I doubt that he will come back a second time.” Lord commands. His voice has lost the suave charm and has a frantic edge to it. This means that he feels backed into a corner, but desperate people do desperate things.

“There is no way you’re going to win.” Diana tries to reason with him. “Please surrender.” She makes one step towards Lord, towards Steve, the latter showing no sign of life. If he didn’t breathe, one might think him a mannequin.

A bullet flies through the air, barely missing Steve’s right temple. Diana freezes.

“The next one hits.” His lips are stained red with the blood dripping down from his nose. Bloody lips, bloodier words.

“No.” Diana almost doesn’t hear Steve, only notices him turning around. Another gunshot.

Lord’s words come true. Steve falls on his knees. Diana’s scream shatters the screen of the TV, the windows, and Lord’s plans. She twists her lasso to trap him and then knots it around a shelf, to make sure he stays where she wants him to be.

She rushes to Steve’s side, who’s half-kneeling, half-lying on the ground, his hands crimson from the blood that flees his body.

“No, no, no!” Diana repeats helplessly as she applies more pressure to Steve’s wound. She would give anything to make the blood flow back into Steve’s body, to seal the skin that has been torn.

“Diana, stop.” Steve pants as he lets go off his wound to put his bloody hands on hers, squeezing it. “We know how this will end.”

“Don’t give up now.” Diana’s words sound hollow, even to herself. She has come to know human anatomy well, a consequence of fighting in many wars. She knows that such a wound needs immediate medical attention, and even then, chances are slim.

“I’m sorry he got me.” Steve’s apology twists her heart. He’s the wounded one. She should have been more on her guard, she should have found a way to subdue Lord faster… This is her fault.

“I’m sorry I let him.” It felt good to let the dark thoughts into the world. Is she seeking his absolution? She doesn’t know. She aches to do something, but there is nothing here, in the middle of nowhere, that could save Steve.

“I’m sorry I have to leave so soon.” Steve’s words have become slightly slurred, quiet against his ragged breaths. His eyes, ever the clear sky, are a sharp contrast to his ashen skin. “I wish we could have seen more art.”

The memory of the trash can makes her chuckle. Steve cups her face with one hand and she feels the blood on her cheek. She gives in, tilting her head towards his hand, giving him and herself the solace they need.

“I wish we had more time.” A cruel echo. A fitting phrase. A last declaration.

Steve’s hand leaves her cheek and drops down. Diana’s heart shatters and she allows the tears to fall. She permits herself to grieve for the man who has come back to her, only to be ripped away from her again.

[thesoftdumbass]

Yallneedtrek’s Writing Anniversary Challenge

Hi you guys! So, I’ve been wanting to host a writing challenge for a while, and now seems like a good time to do so. November 30th marks the 2 year anniversary of when I started posting my fanfiction, starting out with a whopping 649 words on this Charles Xavier fic. Things have changed since then, I’ve written a lot more and joined a few fandoms since then, made some friends, and all in all enjoyed my time here on tumblr.

So if anybody would like to join my writing challenge, here are some things to remember while entering/posting:

~To enter the writing challenge, you must send me an ASK with a character or ship, and AU, AND a prompt from the lists below. (If you send anonymously or have multiple blogs, make sure that I know which blog you will be posting on)

~All entries are due by November 30th, 2018. There is no cut-off date to enter the challenge, as long as you think you can finish, you can enter whenever. (I will post occasional reminders and tag everybody who signed up!)

~Characters/ships can be used multiple times, as can AUs, but prompts can only be used once.

~If there’s a character/ship not on the list but that belongs in my fandoms, you can message me if you’d like to write for them and get my okay!

~You can use any writing genre: fluff, smut, angst, whatever. I would prefer angst-y fics to end happily, though!

~Important! When posting, please include Warnings, Word Count, and a Summary. Also, add a “Read More” if your fic is over 400 words so we don’t clog up everybody’s dash!

~When posting your fic, tag my blog and use the tag #yallneedtrekwritingchallenge, and send the post to me directly to make sure that I’ve seen it. I will reblog all of the fics and add them all to a masterlist to be shared when all entries are posted!

Have fun writing, lovelies!

Characters and Ships - Choose one:

Star Trek-

Jim Kirk

McKirk

Montgomery “Scotty” Scott

Spock

Pavel Chekov

Wonder Woman-

Steve Trevor

WonderTrev

Avengers-

Steve Rogers

Stucky

Bucky Barnes

Sam Wilson

Loki Odinson

Thor Odinson

Urban boys-

Leonard “Bones” McCoy

Gavin Magary

Siberius Vaako

Black Hat

Eomer

John Kennex

Any Karl Urban character, really

Other-

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Lance Tucker

Carter Baizen

Wynonna Earp

Doc Holliday

AU’s - Choose one:

Soulmate

Firefighter

Royal

Fake dating / fake married

Supernatural (any supernatural creature/phenomenon)

Neighbors

University / Fellow Professors

Artist

Flower Shop

Vikings

Called / texted the wrong number

Body Swap

Bartender

Motorcycle Club

Roadtrip

Book Shop / Library

Office

Coffee Shop

Arranged Marriage

Roommate

Writing Prompts - Choose one:

1. “But I’m not wearing pants”

2. “Why were you in a dumpster?”

3. “Just give me the ____ and nobody gets hurt”

4. “Lick me all you want, I’m not moving my hand”

5. “I did not kidnap you! I anything, I adult-snatched you.”

6. “Didn’t you ever stop and think that there’s a reason I’m here?”

7. “Next time you come in my room to scare me, try picking a better hiding spot than behind the curtains.”

8. “What do you suggest we do?”

9. “Are you okay? I’ve never seen you turn down food.”

10. “Are those my underwear?”

11. “Will you just stop talking?” “Make me.”

12. “Did you just make a joke?”

13. “And you say I’m the dramatic one”

14. “Don’t get your hopes up”

15. “Subtlety is not your strong suit”

16. “My mind does not immediately jump to murder. Oh who am I kidding, of course it does!”

17. “Do you smell something burning?”

18. “No you are not Batman, stop saying that!”

19. “If you don’t stop talking in song quotes, I swear I will end you”

20. “Who ever said that I hate you?”

21. “Who thought it was a good idea to give (him/her/them) coffee?”

22. “What is that incessant beeping?”

23. “Here, take my jacket”

24. “Say hello to your cat for me”

25. “Who are you talking to?”

26. “Stay, please”

27. “Are you dead?” “Yes.”

28. “Next time you need help, don’t come to me”

29. “Can anybody tell me why my house is on fire?!”

30. “Are you crying?” “No! Shut up.”

31. “Stop screaming, it’s just me.”

32. “Jealous is not a good look on you”

33. “Is my leg supposed to bend that way?”

34. “I would rather be stuck on a deserted island with literally anybody but you”

35. “If you get ‘Let it Go’ stuck in my head one more time, I will never speak to you again.”

36. “I am too tired to deal with your happy disposition today”

37. “That line was so cheesy, it hurts.”

38. “Can you not be sarcastic just for once?”

39. “I told you this was a bad idea”

40. “Do not throw up on me”

41. “I’m just gonna keep talking until you smile”

42. “If you’re trying to seduce me, I would reconsider.”

43. “Can I kiss you?”

44. “I must be going crazy”

45. “Do I spy a tattoo?”

46. “Am I turning into a vampire?”

47. “No, you cannot borrow my laptop! You remember what happened the last time.”

48. “Just hug me before I put someone’s head through a wall.”

49. “If you can’t tell, I am very angry.”

50. “Are those little unicorns on your boxers?”

51. “You dropped something”

52. “You must be new here”

53. “Can we watch movies and cuddle?”

54. “I love you, I hope you know that.”

55. “I need you to stop laughing and come help me”

56. “Next time, I pick the music.”

57. “Can I kill (them)?”

58. “If you can go one hour without talking, I will kiss you”

59. “Stop saying that”

60. “You’re ridiculous”

61. “I’d hate to ruin such a sweet moment, but we have to go.”

62. “Oh, I almost forgot you were here”

63. “Is it true what they say?”

64. “Is that what I think it is?”

65. “You’ve got no sense of self-preservation”

66. “You’re worrying me”

67. “Get away from me”

68. “Don’t say that”

69. “Sometimes I wish I never met you”

70. “Can you stop poking me?”

71. “Don’t tell me to calm down, you’re covered in blood!”

72. “Will you tell me a story?”

73. “There might be a small…large…dent in your car, but please don’t kill me, I can explain!”

74. “I just want to drink chocolate milk and take a nap.” “You are a grown adult.”

75. “Are you drunk?”

76. “It looks like there was a train wreck in here”

77. “You lost the bet, you know what that means”

78. “I shouldn’t be here.” “Then why are you?”

79. “I’m not going with you dressed like that”

80. “Who else is going to save you from yourself?”

81. “What kind of name is that?”

82. “That is a lot of- what even is that?”

83. “That doesn’t look like fun, it looks like a death trap”

84. “So this is what betrayal looks like”

85. “Who started the food fight?”

86. “What, my poetry isn’t good enough for you?” “You just recited Dr. Seuss.”

87. “I’ve been shot!” “Relax, it’s just a nerf bullet.”

88. “You’re trying too hard, you need to just relax.”

89. “You look like the poster-child for bad decisions”

90. “Could you be any more oblivious?”

91. “Shut your whore mouth”

92. “Say that to my face, you soggy piece of pizza”

93. “You are such a moldy shower curtain”

I really hope you guys have fun writing, and I’m looking forward to reading all of your amazing fics! If you have any questions, feel free to message me or send an ask. Love you all!

I’m adding everyone on my tag list and Urban Shitposting group just in case you want to join or signal boost!

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