#Adventures in being a massive fucking nerd

[blackmotionsoup]

Letting this go is going to genuinely be so hard

[jockbroski34]

AlterEgo

The last thing I expected on my 20th birthday was to receive a gift from Cody, my roommate.  We were never close, and there was no way in hell he actually knew much about me to know it was my birthday without me telling him.  Him and I were basically complete opposites.  While I was your typical nerd, smart, introverted, and so on, he was basically your typical jock in all the worst ways.  He was boisterous, arrogant, and a total meathead.  We mostly agreed to stay out of each others’ way, considering our irreconcilable differences, but that didn’t stop him from being a massive pain in the ass.  His room was constantly in a state of disarray, with sweaty clothes scattered all over the place.  As such, I often avoided being anywhere near his room if necessary since it smelled like a locker room.  He often invited over his “bros” who were just as bad.  Whether they were hogging the TV to watch whatever game was on, smuggling alcohol into our dorm to get wasted, or playing catch in the fucking living room, they were always a nuisance.  And whenever I brought any of that up to him, he would always end up saying something like “It’s not that serious, dude.  We were just having a good time.”  Yeah, a good time at my expense.  Whoever assigned the two of us to live together must’ve thought this was some twisted joke.

I woke up at 9 AM, still a little tired from last night.  I hung out at one of my friends’ dorms to celebrate my birthday.  I yawned, and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast.  I saw Cody was up as well, his legs spread across the couch, to the point that he was taking up two seats, watching something on the TV that was several volume levels too loud for me.

“Hey bro, today’s your birthday right?”  Cody asked, as he tilted his head to face me.

“Uhh, yeah.  How did you know?”  I responded.

“Oh don’t worry about it, bro.  Happy birthday!”  I saw him get up and run to his disorganized room, likely to grab something for me.  I could see a pair of worn gym shorts on the floor through the crack in the door.  He pulled out an old Nike shoe box, since he likely had nothing better to put a gift in.  “I’ve been saving this for you.  I hope you like it!”  Is this his way of trying to get on my good side?

I rolled my eyes since I doubt he got me anything I would enjoy.  He probably just got me something that he’d enjoy, like some tight-fitting tank top or protein powder or something.  Not that I work out or anything.  The only gift I’d want from him is for him to stop being a douche.  I opened the box and I was surprised about what I saw.  It was a video game.  Not any that I’d ever heard of.  I looked at the box art and the words AlterEgo were written in a wacky, colorful font.

“Yeah, I knew you like video games, so I found this for you.  I heard on the internet that it’s pretty nitch…nichy…what’s the word…”

“Niche?”  I responded.  I had to admit, him struggling to pronounce the word right was a little amusing.  As amusing as being with a simpleton like him could be.

“That’s the word!  I got it for myself, but I realized like half an hour in that it wasn’t my thing.  I’m happy with what I have right now.  I figured you’d probably get more out of it than me.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“No problem, dude.  Anyways, I gotta hit the gym.  I’m gonna be out all day so you have the PS5 all to yourself.  Hope you enjoy it bro!”

I watch him leave, thankful to have some peace and quiet.  As I ate breakfast, I read the back of the cover in order to figure out what this game was about.

“Become a new you!  In this life simulation adventure, you can become any kind of person you want and live any way you choose.  Control your fictional avatar, your AlterEgo, and level up your stats to become closer to your true self.”

The game seemed something like The Sims or Animal Crossing, but with some stat progression system.  It was a game that I had never heard of, but it could be some hidden gem.  The rest of the back was filled with screenshots from the game with the cartoony characters doing activities such as cooking, jogging, and riding a motorcycle.  I figured I might as well try the game since I did get it for free.  Even if it was from Cody, I wasn’t one to refuse someone’s generosity.

I put the game in the disk slot and booted it up.  The title screen had that same logo and some bubbly background music.  I pressed the start button and I was presented with a save selection screen.  I noticed that Cody’s save was on there, which was odd because I was playing on my account.  I knew I should’ve put a password on it.  I wanted to make my own character, but part of me was curious about the character that he made.  Knowing him, I can only guess.  His game time was less than an hour, as he was only on Day 1, and he likely spent most of that time on the character creation screen.

I started his save and my character was sitting in his room.  At this point, it was very bare, with only a bed and a bunch of cardboard boxes scattered around the room.  I guess the character starts by moving into their new home?  I went into the menu to find more information about the character.  The character was named Cody obviously and his AlterEgo somewhat matched him too.  I went into the stats screen and I was greeted by a tutorial.

“Here you can check your AlterEgo’s stats.  You have already set your initial growth modifiers and assigned your base stats.  If you need a refresher, whatever stats you chose your AlterEgo to excel at are highlighted in red and the ones you chose to trade off are highlighted in blue.  This means that your AlterEgo will grow in the stats in red much faster and prioritize activities that increase those stats and avoid activities associated with increasing your stats in blue.  As you play, your AlterEgo will naturally develop into one of hundreds of potential archetypes based on the activities that they excel at.  Experiment and see who you become!”

I looked at the stat screen and saw a list of stats with a bar indicating percentage level.  The stats included Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, Intelligence, Wisdom, Courage, Charisma, and Luck.  Not too far off from DnD I guess.  It seemed like he chose to have Strength and Constitution as his highest stats as their font was colored red and Intelligence and Wisdom as his weakest stats as they were colored in blue.  Gee, why am I not surprised…  Cody was anything but a genius.  It seemed like he had 20 initial points to allocate wherever he chose with a default limit of 5.  And I was equally not surprised to find that my meathead roommate chose to put 5 in Strength and Constitution again like a barbarian.  It’s like all he cared about was his looks and perceived masculinity, even in game.

Strength (physical strength): 5

Constitution (physical build and stamina): 5

Dexterity (agility and flexibility): 2

Intelligence (knowledge): 0

Wisdom (intuition and discipline): 0

Courage (risk-taking and bravery): 3

Charisma (social skills): 3

Luck (good or bad fortune): 2

After looking through his stats, I decided enough was enough and I didn’t really want to go around pretending I was Cody the whole game.  I quit out of his save and went back to the title screen.  I was back on the save select screen when I became confused.  There was still one save, except the name of the character wasn’t Cody…it was mine?  The play time was set to 0 minutes.  I don’t know how that happened, but if it saves me the trouble of building a character and reading more tutorials, I’m happy.

To my relief, the avatar representing Cody wasn’t there.  Instead, a very generic, average character stood in its place in the same room.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this was some placeholder account with everything set to the default.  Whatever, I can probably change stuff about him later.  I decided to move my AlterEgo outside and I was greeted by a map of a large city.  I chose an area of the map to explore at random and controlled my new avatar.  On the busy city street, there was a cafe, restaurant, and a gym.  It was too early for the cafe and restaurant to open, so I guess my only option here is the gym.  I’ve never stepped foot in a gym before, but this character doesn’t have to represent me as a whole.  Plus, I’d like my character to be well-rounded unlike Cody’s who would probably spend the whole time grinding here.

I went into the gym and had to perform a set of quick-time events.  First, I had to do some bench presses.  Then some squats.  Then finally, run on a treadmill.  At the end of it, my AlterEgo did a cartoony celebration and flexed his arms.  A pop-up showing that my Strength, Constitution, and Dexterity went up by 1, followed up by another one saying that my Strength and Constitution will double every time I do activities like go to the gym.  So it looks like Cody’s modifiers carried over after all despite everything seeming to be the default.  That should’ve been the first thing I checked.  I didn’t want my character to be specced to be some lumbering brute.  I suppose that if I wanted to get my character’s Intelligence and Wisdom, it’d probably be like playing on Hard mode.  Honestly, I was open to the challenge.

I was disappointed to find out that it’d be harder than it seemed.  When my character got home in the evening, I went into one of his boxes and I was presented with an option to read.  I was presented with several options, ranging from comics to full-on novels.  I chose the novel since I figured it would raise my Intelligence the best.  I watched my AlterEgo try to read the book, but I saw a look of confusion on his face.  Eventually, he grew frustrated and threw the book back into the empty box as if he were shooting through a basketball hoop.  I expected my Intelligence to stay the same, but no, it actually dropped!

“Sometimes when your AlterEgo fails to complete an activity, their stats can decrease!  These stats can even go into the negative.  Make sure to keep your stats high because it can become very difficult to increase your stats if they fall below a certain point.”

I couldn’t believe that my character struggled to even read.  This guy was nothing like me at all!  I hoped that it would be easier to raise my AlterEgo’s Intelligence because I didn’t want him to be a moron.  I watched my character fall asleep and I could see into his dream.  Another tutorial popped up.

“Sometimes your character will have dreams!  These dreams are mostly random, but will also depend on your character’s stats.  Just like other activities, you have a chance to increase your stats.”

I watched my character fight in a zombie apocalypse, but the zombies didn’t even look remotely threatening.  I succeeded in the activity and my Courage went up by 2 and my Luck and Strength went up by 1.  My character wiped his head of sweat as the zombies turned to dust.

The next day, I learned that my AlterEgo can go to school.  That was expected, considering my character’s age, only I didn’t realize how hard it would be for him.  He was sitting in a desk trying to write down notes.  Eventually, like an idiot, he slammed his thick head on his desk and started snoring.  This was honestly getting embarrassing.  My Intelligence and Wisdom dropped yet again, not by 1, but by 2.  If I didn’t do something different, my AlterEgo would basically be a clone of Cody instead of myself.  After class, instead of being given an option to go and do something, my AlterEgo is approached by a group of buff men.

Quarterback: Hey new guy, you’re looking pretty strong.  Judging from your Strength and Constitution, I think you’d make a good fit for the football team.  Your Dexterity and Courage also seem pretty good.  Wanna join, bro?

You know who else played football?  Cody.  I had to keep being reminded of him even when he wasn’t even around.  This was my character and I didn’t care about sports, so I clicked the no option.  To my surprise, my AlterEgo nodded instead.  It's like this game is going out of its way to spite me at this point.  Two tutorials popped up.

“If your Wisdom is too low, your AlterEgo might act on their own desires rather than your command.  This means that they can sometimes act on their own or select activities that they are more interested in rather than those they are not.  Raise your Wisdom or else you will have less freedom when developing your AlterEgo.”

“You have decided to join a club or organization.  This will grant you a passive growth to certain stats every week.”

I watched as my AlterEgo walked away with the group of jocks.  A football uniform magically appeared over his normal clothes.  For joining the football team, I was granted a point in Strength, Constitution, Courage, and Charisma every week, with the usual double for Strength and Constitution.

I kept playing the game, getting frustrated at my AlterEgo’s reluctance to even try to act smart or reasonable.  He frequently avoided or skipped intellectual pursuits to focus on those that made him look or feel good.  It honestly just felt random whether he wanted to obey me or not.  By the end of Day 7, the first week my stats were looking like this.

Strength: 30

Constitution: 28

Dexterity: 10

Intelligence: -20

Wisdom: -15

Courage: 21

Charisma: 17

Luck: 16

My Intelligence and Wisdom seemed unfixable.  My AlterEgo wouldn’t even bother to try to read or pay attention at school and he consistently started to make random choices that satisfied his needs as the week progressed.  I grew incredibly frustrated at this, but out of curiosity, I wanted to see if there was an end to this so I could go back and make my own character.  Either way, this game was plagued with questionable design choices.  It’s like the AlterEgo was already locked into a specific path.  I hoped that I had accidentally skipped a tutorial or something and that I hadn’t softlocked myself out of raising certain stats.  Unfortunately, my AlterEgo’s stats continued to grow and drop as I hit Day 30.

Strength: 75

Constitution: 69

Dexterity: 44

Intelligence: -66

Wisdom: -49

Courage: 54

Charisma: 37

Luck: 41

I received another tutorial message on Day 31.

“You look like you are on track to evolve into your archetype very soon!  By this point, your AlterEgo’s stats will be locked in place.  That will be the end of the main story, but there is still so much to enjoy afterwards!”

I figured I might as well see this through to the end.  You know, see how much of an idiot my character can become.  Despite my efforts, all my AlterEgo does now is work out, practice and go to games, and go to parties, outside of necessities.  His Intelligence is so low that he rarely even goes to school anymore and that has caused his intelligence to plummet to the bottom.  I played for even longer, eventually hitting Day 60.  Turns out that this is the day I would discover my AlterEgo’s archetype.

“Congratulations on making it this far.  I hope you are excited to find out your archetype, because I know I am!  Remember that these changes are permanent, so there will no longer be ways to increase or decrease your stats.”

I watched my AlterEgo marched onto the stage and I was able to view my final stats and a rating of each of them.  The descriptions seemed to be heavily based on my other stats, and trust me, they were very satirical, and in my case, very scathing.

Strength: 100

I’d give this an A+.  I’m not even sure if you are human anymore.  I’ve seen you lift things that no normal man could, not because you have to, but because you want to.  You spend more time at the gym than you do at your own house and you might give The Hulk a run for his money.

Constitution: 100

You also get an A+.  Your months of training at the gym have given you a perfect, chiseled body that looks like it could be made out of iron.  You have a seemingly endless supply of testosterone and your stamina (in more ways than one, it seems) cannot be beaten.

Dexterity: 75

This gets a B.  You are very athletic and quick on your feet despite your appearance.  However, your large size means that you can be pretty clumsy and you’ve probably broken more things than you’d like to admit.

Intelligence: -100

I’ll just go along with your teachers and give you a big fat F.  Are you even trying?  I worry that there’s not a single thought going around in your thick skull.  You care very little for anything intellectual or sophisticated, not that you even know what those words mean.

Wisdom: -90

Likewise, you also get another big fat F.  Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby or did you take too many tackles to your cranium?  You have incredibly poor judgment and you only make decisions that satisfy your brutish desires.  In short, you often act before you think.  Your lack of discipline is only matched by your lack of brain cells.  As long as you’re having fun, should I really care what you do with your life?

Courage: 90

I’d give this an A, but not an A+.  Because your brain moves too slow to process any risk, you often think before you act.  You often find yourself in the most dangerous of situations and you often perform incredibly stupid stunts.  When you’re on the field, you’re a risk taker, and at least it usually pays off.  On the bright side, you always come out unscathed, so I can commend that.

Charisma: 70

I’d give this a B-.  Being on the football team and being very attractive is going to place a lot of eyes on you, but they are all focused on your body because everything else you have to offer is very superficial.  I wonder if you surround yourself with people who think and act the same as you do or if people keep you around to laugh at every stupid word that comes out of your mouth.

Luck: 80

Lastly, you get a B.  Your luck genuinely amazes me sometimes.  Despite everything, despite your lack of any intellectual thought or reasoning, you have survived long enough to make it this far in life.  This alone proves that life favors some over others.  If there is room for the concept of a higher power in your shrunken headspace, then they probably feel a sense of amusement at the state of you bumbling around through life with only your good looks and muscles salvaging you.

“What do you think?  Are you happy with your results?  Anyhow, it’s time to reveal your archetype.  It’s who you are and who you will be from now on!  Drumroll please…  (As if it wasn’t obvious enough…)  You, my friend, are…THE JOCK!”

The Jock

You are likely an athlete or bodybuilder and you likely care little for intellectual thought.  You enjoy playing and watching sports and working out above anything else.  You are hyper-masculine, aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical.  However, you are also very muscular, tall, athletic, popular, and handsome.  You feel a deep sense of camaraderie with anyone you consider your bro, which mostly includes other jocks like yourself.  Your wardrobe mostly consists of tank tops, jerseys, varsity jackets, shorts, sweatpants, jockstraps, baseball caps, sneakers, and everything in between.  Because of your high testosterone and your above average genitals, you are viewed as a desirable partner and often partake in sexual activities with members of the opposite sex, and sometimes even other men depending on the person and situation.  Your most likely career path is as an athlete or coach, but as long as it doesn’t require too much deep thinking, you could probably find a job anywhere with your connections and attractiveness.  Enjoy your new self!

I watched my AlterEgo vanish within a cloud of smoke and come out a cartoonish representation of your average stereotypical jock with blonde hair and a very lunkish, yet admittedly impressive build.  He looked around, clearly disoriented, with a dull, confused look on his face before flexing with a cheesy, confident smirk on his face.  The audience cheered and clapped at this ridiculous personification of a walking stereotype as if they were watching a magic show.  Honestly, it was almost amusing how the description it gave for “me” couldn’t possibly be more wrong.  It sounded like everything Cody was, not me.  Although I guess I was playing with his settings, not by choice I will add, but I had little control over how my AlterEgo decided to live its life.  I just wish I could get him off my mind for just one day.  Either way, I found myself incredibly dissatisfied with my new AlterEgo, but I accidentally found out a way to make things even worse for me.  I just wanted to scroll through the remaining text to get to the credits, since I have been playing for 8 hours by now, when I saw a selection that would seal my fate.

“Are you satisfied with your result?  Now that you’ve discovered who you truly are, are you ready to be The Jock in the real world?  WARNING: If you select Yes, your save will be deleted as a result.  These changes are permanent.  If you click No, you can continue playing after the credits.”

I accidentally clicked Yes as I was mashing through the text.  What the hell was I thinking?!  I had no idea that this would change the entire trajectory of my life.  At first I felt nothing, as the screen faded to black.  Then, I saw the credits start to roll, playing a remix of the joyful title screen music, and that’s when I started to feel all warm inside and I felt a painful shock come from my controller.

I felt a sudden wave of pain rush through my body as my bones started to crack and shift in my body and my muscles began to inflate like balloons.  I looked at the credits and noticed that the new jock AlterEgo was doing the things he normally enjoyed doing in the background.  But I couldn’t really concentrate on it as I found myself focusing down below.  My legs stretched and stretched until I was around 6’4.  My feet grew to a size 15 and my thick glutes and ass made me sink deeper into the couch from their weight.  The fat in my stomach felt like it was melting as it left behind nothing more than a layer of sweat and a firm six pack of abs.  My upper chest formed into a round set of bouncy pecs.  Likewise, my biceps and triceps were almost the size of my head now and my soft hands became rough and covered in calluses from intense lifting.  I felt my clothes cling tightly to my body as if they were two sizes too small, and they’d easily rip if my body grew any more.  My shirt fit more like a crop top on me and my clothes were damp from pit and ass sweat.

I felt my long hair recede into my head until it formed into a shorter cut that was much easier to maintain.  As it did that, my chestnut-colored locks lightened into a golden blonde.  My soft, round eyes became more sharp and masculine and I could feel them turn from a chocolate brown into an icy shade of blue.  My youthful face lost most of its baby fat and buried beneath it was nothing more than the chiseled edges of my jawline.  The lower half of my face, which used to be soft and hairless, was now covered in a prickly lawn of stubble.  Even my pasty skin turned a shade tanner from the years I spent in the sun throwing balls around.  I noticed that my entire body started to sweat profusely to the point that I could smell my own musk and I became absorbed by my new-found masculine scent.  I could smell the testosterone that was pumping through my veins like a drug.  I felt powerful, dominant, virile, and dare I say it, good…  Lastly, I found my lips contort into an obnoxious, conceited smirk.  Was I…enjoying this?  Judging from the growing feeling in my groin, I was led to believe that I was.  And it kept growing and growing and growing…

All the while, the credits continued to play and the happy-go-lucky music felt like it was mocking my painful situation.  Despite the strange pleasure I felt, it was only a distraction as my body still writhed in pain through the whole process while I changed entirely into a real life manifestation of my AlterEgo.  What the hell is this game?  I noticed that the jock avatar stared directly towards the screen, as if he was breaking the fourth wall, and started to walk closer and closer before vanishing from his virtual prison for good.  The lively credits started to simmer down, giving the screen a more empty and disquieting feeling.  That was the last thing I noticed before I felt a sharp headache ring through my head.  I am usually fine playing games for a long period of time so why…Why did my roommate buy me this game anyways, bro?  If he was gonna buy me any game, he should’ve gotten me the new CoD or Madden game, not this weird shit.  I had to admit, it was kinda addicting.  I liked being able to work out or play sports even when I’m at home.  Wait, what was that?  I felt like I just heard another voice in my head, both sounding similar yet different to my own.  Eventually he called out directly to me.

“Hey bro, it’s me.  Your AlterEgo.  You know, the real you.  It’s been fun, dude.  Now I get to enter the real world, isn’t that sick?  So here’s what’s gonna happen, dude.  I am currently inside your mind and I’m making the final changes to turn you into the person you were always meant to be.  That’s right dude, we are becoming one singular person in both body and mind.  Don’t try to struggle or fight back.  You know I’m stronger than you.  There’s no going back.  So, are you ready to become one with your true self?

No…I thought to myself.  I wasn’t a jock.  I was never a jock.  I’m nothing like my AlterEgo.  This is a mistake.  This was Cody’s AlterEgo, not mine!

“Chill out, bro.  I know you read the warning and you clicked Yes, so you obviously knew the risk.  Why did you keep playing if you knew you’d become a jock regardless of the decisions you made?  Because you are one deep down.  Or maybe you secretly wanted to be one.  Maybe you wanted to see what life was like on the other side.  Maybe this Cody guy wanted you to try out this save, you know, to see what would happen...  Whatever reasoning, it really doesn’t matter dude.  I know you can feel me taking over your mind.  You’re finding it harder to think.  Soon you’ll be The Jock, me.  I just wish you realized a little sooner who you really were…”

I felt my brain starting to shut off and my vision starting to become blurry as my AlterEgo took it over.  I don’t even know how any of this is possible, even by today’s standards.  An AI buried deep within the game was taking over my body and mind entirely, reshaping me in his image.  But I continued to resist, to cling onto whatever parts of my personality I could.  However, as I felt my mind sink deeper and deeper into this mental void, I felt myself slowly becoming more and more like The Jock.  The archetype that was decided on, not by me, but for me.  Until that’s all I was.

Everything turned black for a few seconds.  I slowly regained consciousness as my brain rebooted itself.  Wait…what’s a reboot?  I sat and watched the credits with a dim look on my face as it finally ended.  I was booted back to the title screen and saw that my save was indeed deleted.  This was proof that my AlterEgo was now a part of me and that he was finally whole.  I pulled out my phone wanting to learn more about this game, because, dude, it was kinda fucking weird. By scrolling, I couldn’t find much, but I did discover a post from not too long ago on some ancient forum site that was probably made in the early 2000s.

“Is The Game AlterEgo Real?”

“I’ve heard rumors about this game called AlterEgo, but I have very little information on it.  It’s said to be incredibly dangerous and could lead to permanent bodily and mental changes.  Throughout all of my research, I could not find any copy of the game for sale, nor any definitive proof that it’s real or any information on the company that developed it.  If you have any information on this game, please let me know.”

I skimmed through the forum page, not that interested in reading what everyone had to say.  Who has time for that anyways?  But I did find one reply that caught my eye.

“I can confirm with certainty that AlterEgo does exist.  My friend received it as a gift for Christmas and he wouldn’t stop talking about it to me.  It’s like he was addicted.  A week later, when I saw him next, I could barely even recognize him.  His body had grown and changed greatly and he didn’t act like his usual self.  I even feel like his memories might be a little distorted.  I tried checking his house to find the game in order to figure out what it was all about, but I don’t think he has it anymore.  He probably sold it or gave it away since he said he finished it.  No matter what, he won’t tell me.  If there are any other copies of the game left, please let me know.”

Woah, so this game is fucking weird, dude.  Wasn’t just me.  I just played it right?  But I don’t feel any different.  You know, I bet these nerds would pay a lot for a chance to find out about this game.  Maybe they might come out as different people.  I’ll put it up on eBay for a high price.  One of those dweebs just has to take the bait.  I wouldn’t mind a little cash though.  I’d feel bad for selling Cody’s gift, but just imagine what I could get with that much money.

“Hey bro, you still in here dude?”  I heard a familiar voice shout as they opened the door.

“Yo Cody, there you are.  What’s up dude?”  I was happy to see him.  Cody was my roommate and my best friend.  We were practically inseparable.  When he made eye contact with me, his eyes widened.  I couldn’t really blame him for being impressed with my awesome body.

“You beat that game I gave you already?”  He seemed surprised, yet almost impressed.

“Yeah, it’s not usually my type, but I enjoyed it dude.”

“Do you…feel any different, bro?”  Cody sounded kinda hesitant there.  Had he read about the rumors too?  I don’t see why he’d have to worry.  None of those rumors are true anyways.

“Nah, same as I’ve always been.”

“Alright, good.  I was just making sure you were down to get some food.  You should be out partying and celebrating your birthday, not playing some nerdy video game.  And trust me, I know all the good spots.”

“You’re right bro.  I haven’t gotten enough exercise in today.  Let’s go.”

“Wait, before you go, your clothes are so sweaty dude.  You should change.”

“Oh shit, good idea.”

“Y-you can just wear one of my clothes.  They’d probably fit you better.”  He was right.  As I soon realized, someone shrunk all my clothes as part of a prank.

Me and Cody went to a sports bar to watch the game.  If I remember correctly, this was our favorite spot to get food, except you know, anywhere that lets me hit my macros.  Since it was my birthday, he even paid for the whole meal.  I don’t remember how long I’ve known him, but couldn’t ask for a better bro.  On the way home, Cody grabbed a six pack of beer from the frat house and brought it to our dorm to drink the night away.  I wasn’t old enough to drink, but it’s not like I never had alcohol before.  And besides, today was basically my cheat day.

We got wasted while we watched TV, and we did some things that I probably wouldn’t admit to anyone but him.  I couldn’t help it though.  I hadn’t gotten laid all weekend and it was my birthday.  Quite frankly, I deserved it.  Thankfully Cody took one for the team.  He said it wasn’t weird because we’ve definitely done it before and that it was our secret.  I had to give him credit.  His tight hole is better than most girls’.  I didn’t know he was a bottom until tonight.  I also didn’t remember having a dick this big, but you don’t see me complaining.  After all was said and done, I passed out drunk next to him in his bed, our bodies drenched in sweat and each other’s fluids, as I enjoyed the bromance I have with my best bro.  This was the best birthday ever.

The next day, I got up extra early to go for a run despite my hangover.  Afterwards I went to school, but like usual, I struggled to pay attention.  It was like my mind was in a constant fog.  My grades are slipping and this football scholarship is the only thing keeping me from dropping out entirely.  After classes, I joined Cody and the others at practice.  Throughout the day, I kept getting this feeling of uh…dayjah voo?  That word that means that you feel like you’ve done something before.  I wasn’t exactly sure where it was coming from.  I shrugged it off.  I was just a jock and I didn’t need to worry about stuff like that.

When I got home, I got an offer for the game Cody gave me.  You know, AlterEgo.  Some nerd seriously offered $1000 for it.  I didn’t actually know it was that rare.  I hope he enjoys it more than I did.  I’ll sure enjoy the 1000 dollars.  I bet he’ll love passing it around to all his other geeky friends.  I wonder what their AlterEgos might look like…

[redflagshipwriter]

Hot Ghouls in your Area 9

masterpost

“Good morning!”

Jason winced and moved the phone a little further from his face. “Is this Doctor Fenton?” 

“It's one of them! What can I do ya for?” Jack Fenton boomed, just as bombastic as his newsletter made him seem. Jason knew, deep in his heart, that Jack Fenton was indeed the one who had selected green neon bold for his headings and borders. 

Angels wept. Jason scrubbed his palm over his eye. This man had no poetry in his soul. “I, uh, had some questions about a ghost. I've read some of your articles and your most recent published paper on the topic.”

“We love ghosts!” Fenton bellowed. “Ask away!”

“Do you know a ghost called Phantom?” Jason tried.

“...Sure do,” Jack Fenton said. “Whatcha need?” 

Jason cleared his throat. “It's somewhat complicated,” he said evasively, because he didn't need these people to know he was the Red Hood. Fuck. He should have either gotten his helmet stored away or not given his real name. Phantom knew his face and that his name was Jason. Any information that got around via Phantom might tie his face to his alter ego. If Phantom said he got married to Jason, the Red Hood, that could lead to the end of the Bat family vigilantism.

“...He cause you trouble, sport?”

Jason let out a slight laugh. “You could say that, though it wasn't really his fault,” he admitted. He cast a paranoid eye out the window to be sure no siblings were creeping on him. “No, it's really more that…” Fuck, he should have planned this better. “Is there any information you can give me about how a human could contact him?” 

Not that Jason didn't have a phone number for the guy. But it made him very uncomfortable to have any basic knowledge or way to track Phantom down if he decided to leave Jason to whatever was going on. 

“I could probably do that,” Jack Fenton said slowly, now sounding like an entirely different human being. “Say, you wouldn't be Jeremy, would you?”

Jason blinked. “...How did you know?” He went with. Phantom had contact with a human guy named Jeremy? That might be his in.

“Oh, well then, you've definitely got to come over,” Dr. Fenton wheedled. It somehow came across as shifty. “You'll be wanting a whole primer on how the Ghost Zone works, won't ya?” 

“That would be immensely helpful,” Jason agreed. “But I'd hate to take up your valuable time.”

“Nonsense!” Fenton bellowed. Jason nearly lost his grip on his phone in surprise. “Come over Jeremy, I'm dying to meetcha!” 

So, there was a plan. Jason packed for a day trip and dialed up his travel agent. 

“Fuck off,” said Tim. “I'm busy. Christ.” 

“I need an airplane ticket and a rental bike to Illinois,” Jason continued. He tossed his mostly full bag on the sofa and went digging for the socks he knew he had washed the other night. “I'm going to go see some nerds about my impromptu adventure the other day.”

Tim groaned. That was the first Jason had given any hint at all about what had happened to him when he'd been ‘sacrificed.’ “What nerds?” He asked wearily. 

Jason grinned into his sock drawer. Gottem. “Why, do you all know each other?” He asked blithely. 

“Do you always antagonize people you want favors from?” Tim whined. A keyboard clacked rapidly in the background. “Jason, I swear to God, you massive bitch. Cut the crap and communicate, or I'm hanging up.” 

Jason frowned at his socks and grabbed a random pair. “You don't gotta be like that,” he said sulkily. He slammed the socks into his bag with a very unsatisfying silence. “So, the ritual doohickey sent me to the infinite underworld, I met a guy there actually and we are magically connected because he's who that dumb ritual matched me up to. He doesn't want to be stuck with a human so we are on the same page about breaking this. We started looking for answers and he took me back to Earth since it's not good for humans to be in the green dimension for too long.” 

There was silence from the other end of the line for a few seconds. “You're fucking lying,” Tim said. 

“Only by leaving things out.” A bit stung, Jason pulled a hand through his hair and accidentally ruined his good hair day. 

“What are you leaving out?” Tim rejoined swiftly.

Jason laughed at him. “You think you're getting that kinda information in exchange for plane tickets?” He asked incredulously. 

“You are the most annoying person who has ever tried to kill me.”

Ouch. That genuinely stung.

“Fuck off.” Jason slammed the drawers shut. 

“I could guess aliens or supernatural off of what you just said.” Tim ignored Jason’s very good point. “Based off of your trip to the Gotham U campus and-”

“Are you still stalking me?” Jason cut him off, incredulous. He scoffed. “Little buddy, you already got my pixie boots, Red Robin costume, and my Dad. What else do you wanna take from me?”

“I think that you were there to assess Daniel Fenton,” Tim ignored him.

Jason was silent for a moment. There was probably no point in pretending that Tim was wrong. “You already knew about the Fenton’s connection to the supernatural.” He was suddenly tired.

“His older sister is an intern at Arkham, she stepped out of line to get a chance to talk to Jeremy Waters.” Tim didn’t seem to notice that the mood had changed. He was caught up on whatever twenty level plan was whirring away internally.

Jason looked at the wall for a moment, not bothering to think about why that name was familiar. “...and that is…?”

“The guy who kidnapped you, keep up,” Tim snarked. “Her supervisor guessed what she was hinting at, shut her down, put a note about it in the private server so there was a paper trail if she turns out to be a collaborator.”

““Private” is a strong word to describe that server.” Jason rubbed at his jawline and hefted his bag out to the bathroom to gather his shaving kit. 

“Mmhm,” Tim said blandly. “I bugged her phone. The signal is absurdly bad, unexplainably bad. She doesn’t send a lot of messages, but she had a very suspicious call with Daniel Fenton where, among other things, she hinted she had inside knowledge regarding some kind of local mystery, possibly criminal activity. Her brother accused her of supporting crime.”

Jason groaned. “I’m going to interview their parents.” He checked that the razor blades were stowed away correctly before snapping shut the travel case. Then he noticed that his bathroom mirror could use a wipedown. He left his bag for a moment to dig for the cleaner.

“Probably for the best,” Tim said, definitely misunderstanding his purpose. “They seem…” He trailed off when he couldn’t find an appropriate adjective.

“You should read a book,” Jason said, because he saw an opportunity to be an asshole. “Anyway, I wanna get out to the area tonight and see them in the morning. What’s my flight?” He spritzed the glass and watched his reflection blur. It was oddly comforting to not have to stare at his green eyes.

‘That ghost zone was the same green as the Lazarus Pits,’ Jason thought dully. He didn’t really want to think about it. But he had a pretty good idea why he hadn’t had the reaction to the place that Danny expected a human to have.

“Kon could take you,” Tim said sweetly, which was basically a death threat. It was enough to jar him back to the real world. Kon was still not feeling chill about the Titans Tower scuffle. It probably wasn’t good for him to be so petty, but Jason was not going to be the one to tell baby Superdork that.

Jason winced. “I was thinking more like United.”

Tim snickered. 

[thesezombiestastelikeashes]

Normally I post about Dimension 20 on my main blog but a thing happened on Adventuring Party and I'm gonna talk about it

So watching through the Episode 2 Adventuring Party, something really amazing happened at 2:15 ish. And now I'm gonna talk about consent and content in Tabletop and how @quiddie and Izzy (and everyone else at the table) absolutely fucking nailed it

Edited because I cannot believe I spelled Aabria wrong so many damn times in a row I'm so sorry

Specifics below the cut for spoilers and content warning: parasites and squick

The notes for DMs (and players) to take away from this:

Look for soft no's, even if you know your players. Make space for a no, even if you are excited. Once the no has been said, move on and no complaining that someone's comfort level isn't the same as yours.

So Brennan asked a question about the parasites, Chipmunks, and bear in Adventuring Party to clarify if Chipmunks and Parasite were one in the same or different entities (it was just the chipmunks being massively fucked up)

Aabria, as DMs who put their entire heart and soul into making a campaign often do, went to start explaining the basis for the parasites (link to ribbon worms, very content warn, dead dove do not eat). The table reacted. Brennan does a very physical ick response, Erika's face was very "I am listening to something gross", while the rest of the table looked interested in that way nerds do when they don't know what they're walking into. And Izzy said "I want you to stop."

Aabria just said ok, told the camera/audience to google it, and they moved on.

And I wanna talk about what a baller move that is on Aabria and Izzy's parts. (And Quiddie if you see this please tell Izzy she's an inspiration and I adore her and all of the compliments)

So first and maybe least controversial: Aabria

-While giving the explanation of the fucked up thing she slows down her talking (I'm not sure if it was intentional but it seemed it so I'm gonna talk about it) Instead of rushing through the explanation the way people excited tend to do she said everything slowly, gave lots of pauses to be interrupted, and really took the time to let the party know what she was describing was icky

-While doing the describing, she looked around the table. Not just at the person with the biggest visual reaction, but you can watch her make the rounds with her eyes to look at everyone and make sure they all know she is still engaging with them and checking in on them

-Her "ok" is so pleasant. It's not just polite, it's not just kind, it's upbeat and pleasant to listen to. There's no judgement in it, there's no "but I wanted to keep talking about this thing" its just "ok"

-And that's the fucking hard part, letting someone know you've heard them without any judgment or disappointment when they want you to stop talking about something

And now Izzy

-Most people aren't going to applaud someone for saying "I want you to stop" to a DM explaining something but I will. A+ Izzy

-She found her boundary and enforced it and felt comfortable with it

-She did it in such a specific way "want" instead of "need"; "I want" instead of "You need", not to mention the full firmness of it where it couldn't be misinterpreted (A+, hardest part)

-The flick of her eyes to the rest of the table, I can't tell if she's checking in with other people's comfort level or just watching Brennan's arm thing, but the way she looks at her fellow players is just such a Thing that I cannot Words about, whether its checking in for their comfort or looking for support for hers its an important look that I might be reading too much into.

Now some other important beats

-No one comments that Izzy made Aabria stop.

-Brennan says he can connect with Aabria later about it, without mentioning any of the content, and Siobhan and Jasper make the note of "maybe don't google it" but no one mentions the content after Izzy says it

-They just move on. Like even if it briefly sounds like they might hit back onto it (we'll never know what Erika was leading to with their "I've always been obsessed with") they just move on immediately

It's a goddamned masterclass of consent at the table. Aabria checking in and looking for soft no's and giving space for hard no's and then once a hard no was thrown immediately shifting the entire direction of the conversation was amazing.

[bloodycyrano]

So.. In most videogames, you have the "journal" where you keep codices, quests, character details.. Etc. So here are some of my personal journal-keeping troupes for various videogame MCs!

Dark urge, BG3-

Memory issues. They want to keep a record of everything while it's still fresh in their head.. As someone who struggles with a lot of short term memory loss, and has blocked out a lot of my childhood due to various traumas, I understand a lot of the fear and panic that comes with not remembering things. Not to mention the severe head trauma Orin caused to Durge, they'd probably continue to have memory problems throughout the rest of their life, even after the whole ordeal with the netherbrain.

The Warden, Dragon age: Origins-

I feel like someone gave the Warden an empty journal before they left with Duncan.. For my personal playthrough, I believe it was Hahren Paivel, elder of clan Sabrae. He was far from a mentor, but he was there when my Warden was born. He watched her learn and grow among her cousins, Merrill and Tamlen. He watched them play, and fight. He watched her rival with her best friend, and he watched her get hurt, and leave. Judged her actions no more than he praised her victories.. She had always been so invested in their stories, and learning about their culture. And while Paivel had never had such a respectful child, willing to listen and learn.. He also had never seen one so stuck in a past that they had barely lived themselves. I feel like Paivel wanted her to focus on making new stories of the dalish, and record her own adventures, rather than simply mourning being away from home.

Rhen, Aveyond 1-

I feel like she always kept a journal, but wanted to record everything even more after she was kidnapped. After all, it all started with her trying to find a way home, rather than anything else. I feel like she wanted to record a diary, in case she died, so that her parents would know what happened. Or perhaps, as an optimist, she wanted to keep it so she could show everyone back at Clearwater when she finally returned home. To tell stories of her adventures.

Hawke, da2-

Firm belief that Hawke didn't keep a journal. Ever. Their bestie Varric wrote his book about the hero of kirkwall, and Hawke wrote sassy commentary in the margins.

The inquisitor, DAI-

I feel like the inquisitor is just a massive fucking nerd at heart, and would definitely go on a lecture style rant every half hour if they weren't so goddamn stressed and tired all the time. I headcannon that my personal inquisitor used to work at the Black emporium, acquiring various old relics and shit for the job because they genuinely just loved learning about things, so they record and catalog everything.

Darc and Kharg, Arc the lad: twilight of the spirits-

Darc doesn't keep a journal, he's too much for that. Always in a rush for the next step, hot blooded and ambitious. Plus, he's traumatized and doesn't want to remember shit.- I feel like if anyone in his group kept a journal, it would probably be Volk- But not just any journal. He would probably use one that his wife or children kept before they had died. One that smells like his family. Maybe he feels like he's carrying on a pass time they enjoyed, and puts aside his desire for revenge for the night just to feel close to his family again before bed.

Kharg on the other hand is such a flamboyant little princess who thinks everything he does is important that I wholeheartedly believe he would keep a journal just because he thinks people are going to care enough to read it in a library one day. Bro is so full of himself that it's actually insane. Fuck you, Kharg.

[extremlynerdyfairy]

Someone call me Dimension 20’s MatPat, cause I have some INSANE theories to share!!

‼️⚠️Spoilers for Fantasy High: Junior Year (Mostly Ep. 13 and back)⚠️‼️

❤️‍🔥🔮🌹Theory #1🌹🔮❤️‍🔥:

Cassandra is in the court of stars?!

When Adaine goes to the court of stars, I found something peculiar in Brennan’s description of the interior of the place. He mentions how in the center of the room, there’s a MASSIVE rose that is surrounded by shimmering, indigo-purple energy. Who in this entire franchise has been associated with those colors and Brennan ALWAYS described their magic/aura having that same vibe?

CASSANDRA!!!

WHAT IF the timeless rose in the court of stars is one of the few remaining items that has some of Cassandra’s essence?

But that’s not the end of it. The rose is described a huge rose, right? You could even say it’s GIANT sized. If my phrasing wasn’t obvious enough, I think the rose might’ve had a deeper meaning/connection for both Ankarna and Cassandra. I googled it, and it’s said that roses usually bloom around early spring and late autumn. This means that PEAK rose blooming season could possibly be summer. Ankarna’s domain.

So there’s a possibility (or better said a hunch) that a possible old gift amongst these two forgotten and corrupted deities is in Fallinel. But considering the fact that a monument about the wedding is in Fallinel, I wouldn’t be surprise if the flower in question is what remains of a bridal bouquet (roses are traditionally associated with love and are a popular bouquet options for weddings…👀). But we’ll see if anything will from this crazy observation of mine.

👹🔥👨‍👩‍👧Theory #2👨‍👩‍👧🔥👹:

Who’s Fig’s REAL daddy, really?

I know this might seem like a bit, but I think it’s one worth thinking about. Usually Tieflings are just descendants of one mortal being and an infernal being. To my knowledge (and I encourage any DND buffs to fact check me on this), Tieflings can pop-up in a family tree as long as ONE of the bio parents has infernal blood or ancestry in them.

Now, why does this have to do with Fig’s bloodline? Gilear even stated in sophomore year that him and Sandra Lynn weren’t having bedroom fun before fig came along. Well I’ll bring you this question as a rebuttal: If Gilear was always aware to some degree about Fig not being his, how did Sandra Lynn get away with that lie for MANY years?

My theory is that Sandra Lynn originally didn’t know WHO fathered Fig since (and I’m just spit balling here) she probably had adult fun with Gilear shortly after Gortholax (probably due to guilt and making sure Gilear didn’t catch on to the cheating) and basically decided to wing it and after Fig started growing her horns didn’t hesitate to consider Gortholax the father. BUT WHAT ABOUT GILEAR’S DEMONIC BLOODLINE?! We recent learned Gilear is a descendant of Backur and we know that the curse attached to the Feith family is past on to the eldest of the family to the oldest of their children.

What if Gilear IS Fig’s bio dad AND that Fig being a Tiefling was because of Gilear being a descendant of Backur?!

Tbh this is a theory I’m only 65% sold on, since I’m not sure my DND knowledge is correct or if Brennan’s world even operates under those same rules. But it’s fun to think about.

🐀🤓😈Theory #3😈🤓🐀:

Kipperlilly, the rat grinders, and Ankarna?!

I know that the season is leading up to a final confrontation between both of these adventuring parties, but here’s the fun question to ask:

WHY? Why the FUCK are these nerds SO determined to have the Bad Kids eat shit?

Very simple answer. Conquests. ✨ACADEMIC✨ Conquest. We know the rat grinders are basically exp farmers and (in many ways) are dark parallels to many of the Bad Kids own party members (Buddy and Kristen, Ruben and Fig, Oshin and Adaine, etc.). And we’ve seen how salty they are (Cunt-head Bitch face, especially) at how the Bad Kids (despite many of them not taking their academics seriously) are able to achieve things the Rat Grinders think THEY deserve. And who was recently revealed as a goddess of Conquest? Ankarna.

But HOW would the Rat Grinder’s know about Ankarna?! Well… remember Lucy?

Lucy’s death is very much hinted to be caused by the other members of her party (tho, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s revealed that it was someone else, most likely Kalina). But WHY did Lucy die?!

What if Lucy was trying to pull a similar stunt that Kristen pulled in sophomore year? After all we know Lucy wanted to switch gods and the name on the paper for that switch within the school was blank. Kinda like the god’s name wasn’t found or couldn’t be said…like Ankarna. I 1,000% believe that Lucy was trying to bring the uncorrupted version of Ankarna back (similar to how Kristen brought Cassandra back from her Nightmare King form). How she found out about Ankarna is a whole entire debate (maybe from her original goddess or through research, we’ll find out what more episodes released) but we are left with one MASSIVE question:

WHY DID THE RAT GRINDERS KILL LUCY?! What could they possibly gain from killing their friend?! Well…what if the rat grinders didn’t want Ankarna uncorrupted?

Afterall, Ankarna’s corrupted domain (that of conquest, rage, and dominating over others) fits better with Kipperlilly’s need to be the best at the school. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rat grinders’ end goal is to use Ankarna’s corrupted domain to help them (mostly Kipperlilly) win the elections.

After all, Cunt-head Bitch-Face did make it VERY clear from the beginning that her goal is to see the Bad Kids get what they deserve (which is expulsion) for their lack of academic integrity; and, for her party (the group that has been doing things by the book this entire time) to get what THEY deserve. Absolute power over the school.

Those are all my theories! PLEASE share your thoughts. And remember, it’s Just a theory… A DIMENSION 20 THEORY!!!

(Note: I went back and fleshed out a bit more theory #3 because I was writing it at 2am and forgot to add a few of the important details of that theory 😅)

[anony-mouse-writer]

I’m thinking about tears of the kingdom again while watching afterthought’s video on how they handled the sequel and I’m sitting here thinking, you know what would have been good?

Like I love ganondoodle’s take with addressing the difference in the gloom and how it related to the shiekah tech, don’t get me wrong.

But if they wanted to give us Wild doing the adventure again, they could have just.

Sent Link back.

Instead of sending back Zelda, send Link. Make Rauru less OP maybe? and have a version of Link that has been massively damaged and is now stranded in the past with no master sword, no shiekah tech, no walking armory of OP weapons or fairy-blessed armor, and a 10 thousand year old version of the guy he just killed, except this one is a strategist with an army instead of a feral dust cloud with a possessed army of half-rotted tech.

Give us Link having to fight his way back up from the top, facing older and more dangerous versions of the monsters he knows and staring up at floating islands that he’s never seen before.

Everyone he meets is new, but most are hauntingly familiar, and maybe a few of the older beings, like the Deku Tree, even recognize that he’s out of place here.

Give us more weird battle strategy stuff like the siege on Gerudo, except this time, it’s helping a group of Gerudo at an oasis protect their fledgling trade camp from Gibidos or even helping the king of Hyruke repel an enemy invasion of a fort.

Give us Link helping a Zora sage protect her temple from a corrupting spirit that threatens her home and hunting down what could be poisoning the Gorons, sneaking through with potions made from half-familiar ingredients.

So much of TOTK is spent telling us that Ancient Things are returning, but they could have given us so much of that by just sending Link to the past. We could have avoided the awkward ‘everyone only kind of knows this kid who saved the kingdom that they definitely met and interacted with significantly’ AND it would have left the perfect opening for Queen “massive fucking history nerd” Zelda to find traces of Link in the little surviving history and going to the dragons or the Deku Tree or the goddesses themselves to try and pull him back to her time, but failing due to her lack of skill with her time powers, only serving to link their souls, but needing to do more before she could pull him back. It would have given her an opportunity to see her interact with her kingdom and see how much she did or did not rely on Link to help her navigate the world. Everyone’s stilted conversations make much more sense if they’re talking to royalty rather than a half-feral knight.

Now she’s the one who has to prove herself to the koroks with all their puzzles and maybe you could even have the shrines be Zonai tests of intellect and Link learns things or gains abilities, some of which he can’t use, but Zelda can through their soul link by connecting at dragon shrines that survived to present day in a system similar to the dragon tears.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

have i asked for stan and kyle's favorite books/movies yet? i assume ur stan can read unlike mine smh

Lmfaooooo what a slay ask as ALWAYS from the wife!!! OJV Stan can, in fact, read, he just gets distracted (adhd boy across the ncu/ojv board!)

I got sooooo many ideas for this one YOUR HONOR THEY ARE MASSIVE DORKS!!!

They like a lotttt of the same stuff, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, oh my god they are HUGE Bill and Ted fans they’re definitely being “excellent to each other” if ya know what I mean ;) another favorite is Percy Jackson and Stan 100% cried during that part in MOA (same) Kyle made the rest of the M5 listen to the audiobooks and Cartman has definitely read every depraved fanfiction ashdhdksl. Stan and Kyle are SUCH fantasy nerds especially Stan out here learning tolkien elvish to rizz the sbf up smh

Style went FERAL over The Last of Us show they loved the games so much and oh my goodness they… may or may not have had a Voltron phase (it was Cartman’s fault) BRUH!!!!! Ok these two LOVE Kevin Smith’s filmography!!!! Kyle’s favorite is Tusk and Stan’s is Clerks 3 he SOBBED HIS EYEBALLS OUT!!!

Kyle’s definitely also into documentaries, particularly historical ones, where Stan kind of spaces out unless it’s animal planet (king shit) also DUDE How To Train Your Dragon is a fave. Kyle LOVES Dead Poets Society.

So Kyle definitely is a little more inclined to reading, though they’re both a sucker for a story, but he’s the one who actually sat down and read GOT, actually enjoyed the assigned reading in high school, like this man was out here enjoying the HELL out of A Separate Peace, Lord of the Flies, Of Mice and Men, and HOLY SHIT he ADORES Ray Bradbury. OrangeJuiceVerse Kyle is such an idealistic guy, he fucks that magical realism UP!!! Def likes poetry, Kipling is a FAVE!!! Also down to read think pieces, absolutely loves when something gets him thinking about human nature. Shakespeare too! His favorite is A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Stan’s favorite is Titus Andronicus.

Stan Marsh, our resident hopeless romantic, ADORES MUSICALS! He has made everyone in the Star Seven watch every single Team Starkid Show (his favorite is probably Twisted) (Kenny likes Starship because he loves him some puppets) (kys fave is The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals bc the title made him laugh) Stan, Cartman, and Marj are THE trio to go see musicals it’s so fun! And Stan’s favorite broadway musical was in fact The Lightning Thief. He’s a big enjoyer of The Music Man too. And LITTLESHOP!!! Oh dude he watched the helll out of Austin & Ally lmfao

I’ve mentioned before Stan watching alllll the sappy ass Dog Movies when he’s depressed, holed up in the Sadsack Hoodie with Old Yeller, 8 Below, Homeward Bound, Where the Red Fern Grows, Far From Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog (that one’s a fave bc happy ending and the kid in it looks like him) and that poor guys just making himself more upset :(

Oh Kyle is SO into The Hunger Games he read the books and analyzed the SHIT out of them!!!

Oh! Stan loves Supernatural lmao and he and Tweek binge watched it while Stan was out of work w the broken ribs and Tweek was detoxing (Operation Beat Tweek’s Withdrawals/Stan’s Boredom as referenced in chap 6 of BBFA2) Stan also made Tweek watch Poultrygeist (Tweek hated it) (I also hated Poultrygeist like my husband is friends with Lloyd Kaufman and I’ll watch that weird old man’s work but all of it grosses me out lmao)

Thank you for the ask Melda Tâe (my beloved queen) I LOVE BEING ANNOYING!!!

[blackmotionsoup]

Oh here would you like to see a silly little guy?

[skyburger]

this is a long ass post because i accidentally started rambling about nonsense (jjba characters playing video games) so im putting it under a cut to spare you all. read at your own risk...

oh i know im a massive fucking nerd when i realize one of the reasons i love jojos so much is because it's got characters from both japan and america (and many others countries which also fucking rules but for the purposes of this post im singling out these two) which means i can imagine them having some stupid lost in translation shit going on. okay. so:

kakyoin talks about the famicom and avdol is like ohhh i know that*!! and they talk about mother** and dragon quest*** and final fantasy****. and they're chatting happily but joseph looks at him he's like man i only know that super mario game. and kakyoin is like ohhhh i played that too!! and so the two of them are yapping away it's absolutely fine until someone mentions koopas (as in, the minor enemy, koopa troopas) and kakyoin's like. Huh? kuppa's the final boss of the game, the one with the big shell that's got spikes on it...? but joseph is like no thats bowser??? koopas are the little ones with the shells you can jump on and send rolling!! (polnareff is a master system diehard fan so he's just watching this with confusion. he barely even knows who pacman is let alone mario.) kakyoin doubles down on this hes like Listen. ive played more video games than all of you combined. the small ones are called nokonokos. the final boss is kuppa. and they start arguing about it (loudly).

avdol is watching this happen and he says to polnareff i didn't even know anyone other than mario had a name. polnareff replies man all i play is monopoly on my sega master system. Whenever i go to an arcade i just play pinball (he forgets there are other games he's just a absolutely entranced by pinball). joseph and kakyoin are arguing for fucking ever and they only stop because they get attacked by a stand user or something.

many years later jotaro will think back on this conversation and realize a few things. 1) he sees modern (by his standards, so, at least 20 years old today) depictions of mario and he thinks ohhhh kakyoin knows that guy. 2) after living around gamers in both japan (kakyoin) and in america (joseph, when he visits, and later his wife and jolyne*****) he does some research (picks up a book about the history of video games on a whim) and discovers that joseph and kakyoin were both, in fact, right-- in japan, the smaller turtle-esque enemies are called "nokonokos" and the final boss is called "kuppa", but due to translation nonsense, in america (and most western countries), the smaller enemies are known as "koopa troopas" and the big bad himself is known as "bowser". he wonders how the hell that even happened. he then goes on to continue his tradition of being an old fucking man in spirit when it comes to video games. he likes games like mahjong... solitaire... minesweeper... the fanciest he's ever gotten is text adventure games. maybe one of the older simcity games, if he's feeling brave.

jolyne lets him play tetris on her gameboy one day and just doesn't get the appeal at all (but holly absolutely does so jolyne will play tetris with her grandma for ages). joseph can kick jotaro's ass at any version of mario kart even in his 80s and 90s because jotaro cant even handle atari games this "gamecube" and "wii" stuff is too much for him.

anyway over in naples polnareff is struggling to discuss pokemon with anyone because he played the french version, which translate all the names to french, but in italy they just use the english names for the pokemon. if anyone asks him about pokemon hes just given up on naming any of them at this point. so at my hypothetical fucked up stardust crusaders reunion that they all bring their buddies to, polnareff is like what the hell is a "butter free". a stick of butter pokemon? what? and jolyne is laughing her ass off while mista tells him no dude it's the butterfly one, the one episode of the show you cried at and he goes OHHHH YOU MEAN PAPILUSION!! jolyne is still giggling but she does actually find it really cool to know butterfree's names in different languages. she tells him it's butterfree in japanese, too (she is not fluent in japanese so she makes jotaro help her. he can name a ton of pokemon but he doesnt even know about types or evolutions.), like how pikachu is the same in english and japanese!!

this is kind of unrelated but if you asked me most jojo characters' favorite pokemon i would not be able to tell you. however i know jolyne likes butterfree (she likes butterflies she likes gen 1 its a no brainer). i think jolyne's mom likes ho-oh i don't have a reason i just think shes into the bird ones and thats a sick as hell bird one. jotaro's favorite is magmar****** because that's the only one he can remember the name of. like he seriously remembers magmar more than pikachu. joseph likes bulbasaur because jolyne showed him the whole pokedex and he said bulbasaur was his favorite because its. the first one you see in the dex. and hes stubborn enough that he just stuck with it. if he wasnt a stubborn bastard i think hed say meowth because i know jolyne makes him watch the show and he gets a kick outta team rocket. holly likes mew again i dont have reasons other than thats her vibe. polnareff likes farfetch'd. the vibes are right.

kakyoin and avdol sadly died several years before the first pokemon games came out but if they had survived: i think kakyoin would like cherubi but considering that one only came out in 2006, i think his initial fav is seel (and dewgong). dont have a reason for this he just seems like a seel and dewgong kind of guy. avdol likes tauros the most but everyone assumes he likes flareon or moltres instead and hes like ehhh. theyre cool but tauros is cooler. gen 1 is his favorite methinks but if someone (jolyne) got him to play gen 2 i think cyndaquil would be a second favorite (and probs his favorite starter. he always picks charmander in gen 1 but aside from charizard hes pretty neutral on that evolution line).

anyway when polnareff finds out about pinball games (like on handheld consoles) he goes nuts. his favorite console game for YEARS is pokemon pinball for the gameboy color (and it's only usurped by pokemon pinball ruby & sapphire for the gameboy advance). his favorite pc game is 3d pinball ‪space cadet (but second place is always whatever the most recent version of monopoly for windows is). (he doesn't bother buying new consoles just for monopoly but if monopoly releases on something he DOES own? oh you bet your ass he owns it. he was an early adopter of iphones so hes also played every shitty version of monopoly for iphone. he spends money on micro transactions and then lies about doing that. he doesn't even collect physical copies of monopoly, like, the actual board game? he owns this one beat-up copy of monopoly las vegas edition and he's like yeah why would i need another one? i already have one...? (he does not understand peoples confusion when he goes on to buy multiple monopoly video games instead.) he ate the monopoly money once because he wanted to know what it tasted like (he wasnt even playing it at the time. he went and got out monopoly and ate a single bill of monopoly money and then put it back).

holly cant play a lot of games because fast-moving camera angles make her motion sick however joseph does not share this problem (or if he does? he hides / ignores it because he wants to play these fuckass games.) so he loves playing first person shooters. he loves half-life and fucking. counter-strike i dont know. i dont actually really play fps. anyway he doesnt own any consoles and he never will (he says hes "too old" for that and "he'll be dead soon" but he's been saying that for 40 years so they all just know hes being a stubborn bastard) so instead he spends that money on making sure hes got the beefiest gaming pc ever. if he can't run a new game due to his hardware (not often) he just replaces it with the newest possible part. i need you to picture his gamer setup i will describe it to you:

imagine your grandparents house. maybe even your great grandparents house. if youve never been to yours or anyones grandparents house then just google it i promise i am talking about a really stereotypical old people house. like this house has had the same cord phone for decades. the furniture has not been updated in just as long. however at like the kitchen table (the dining room table HAS to be empty. "what if we have a bunch of guests over?" suzi q says. they havent had more than three guests since holly moved out.) is home to joseph's gamer setup i can picture it now. he's got a single cheaper monitor that sometimes just flickers off if you hit the table by accident. the case for the computer itself is from like 2007 and joseph refuses to update it because he doesnt want one of those "obnoxious rainbow light-up computers" (fair). he does not know you can still get plain cases these days. if something doesn't fit in this stupid case he takes it to a friend (someone he found on craigslist who is charging him ridiculous prices) to make a custom part for this case so he can plug in xyz and have his floppy / cd / dvd ect. drives. this case has so many wonky custom parts it looks like frankensteins monster and its pretty much the ship of theseus at this point. anyway he's got this boring as fuck computer tower underneath this really basic wooden table in the corner. the monitor sits on the desk with a keyboard and a mouse (both wired. joseph gets really annoyed if he has to change the batteries in a mouse.) and theyre all black with no decorations. the desk is probably too big to just have a single setup on it but probably too small to set up a second one (which wouldnt even get used, anyway). the only other decorations on the desk are framed picture of family and friends, which WOULD be nice, except all the frames are cheap, broken or both because this table is kind of wobbly and he's always getting really mad at his games and knocking them over on accident. he's got a medium bookshelf next to this table which is home to huge but very disorganized collection of pc games that has not been updated much since steam became a thing. he owns the sims 1 & 2 with all their expansions. he owns a lot of bootleg copies and indie games he got from many different people over the years, all with sharpie label on the disc (and in a jewel case if the creator was feeling fancy). he owns every half life game & expansion.

he gets into emulating at some point but he doesnt own any controllers and refuses to buy one so he plays all these games with keyboard controls (he doesnt know you can change the control mapping so he just gets really good at using weird fucking controls).

he loves simpsons hit & run. he's not a huge minecraft guy but he does play if jolyne asks him to (and she does). if this is one of the rare times hes playing mc on his own he only plays on hardcore and sees how far he can get on a quest to kill the ender dragon (he usually doesnt even make it to the nether). he loves playing awful romhacks. please picture joseph joestar in his late 90s playing a fnaf game. okay i think thats it

oops this post has gotten really far off track from my original point of "i think the sdc having video game conversations get confusing cause of localization differences" but thats alright. old man joseph playing ultimate custom night ok?

*it's also called the famicom in egyptian arabic everyone say thank you to the wikipedia editors who translated the NES wikipedia article into so many different languages! even so, avdol does seem like the kind of guy (to me, at least) to know lots about different games in different regions, even if he has not, in fact, played most of them.

** as in the first mother series game. the one before earthbound. it didn't get an english release for at least a couple decades after sdc so.

***dragon quest didn't release in north america until august of 1989, so it wouldn't have been out yet! i don't think it even released in europe on the NES at all lol

****again, final fantasy didn't release in north america until 1990 on the NES, and europe didn't get it until the ps1 era!

*****i know jolyne and her mom are gamers. trust me.

******this is inspired by wayneradiotv saying gordon freeman hlvrai's favorite pokemon is magmar. i just think yeah... they're the only two magmar fans ever

[leam1983]

The answer is nostalgia.

Verbal diarrhea below.

There's a ton of properties I like that wholeheartedly suck. I'm aware that they do. Evil Genius tried to reinvent Dungeon Keeper and brought an unbalanced mess to the table. I still loved it. Rebellion Developments bought the rights to it, called it Evil Genius 2 - and brought an unbalanced mess to the table.

I still love it. I love the Spy-Fi aesthetic, basically Austin Powers if Austin Powers didn't run on Gen X brainrot - and I cannot let myself be objective about it. I love it, even when you reach the Late Game phase and the enemy spawns reach bullshit levels thought hitherto unimaginable. Evil Genius 2 is me at my most uncritical and utterly biased.

And from what I've observed, I think a lot of lasting Potterheads are like that. They don't like the Potterverse per se, they like the idea of it. They've transcended the point where it's about any particular character and use the Potterverse as a defining characteristic as their identity as fans. I'll even be generous and assume that there's a good chunk of lasting Potterheads that know Rowling's penmanship is sloppy - but their attachment to the perceived whimsy of the Wizarding World is basically wood filler precisely colour-coded to match and enhance the grain of Rowling's mediocrity.

Take another example: the Myst series - or the "D'niverse", if you're familiar with the latest Mysterium presentations. Atrus, as played by Rand Miller throughout the series, is burdened, focused, self-aware and does his damndest to be the best possible parent and warden to entire living and breathing worlds he can be - but he fails.

On multiple occasions. Atrus means well, but he has so many spinning plates to keep track of that inevitably, the fallout to his worlds-spanning decisions comes back to haunt him. The problem is that some people in the fandom see Atrus as unimpeachable. I don't - he and Catherine dropped the most epic of balls in failing to spot Sirrus' developing megalomania and Achenar's psychotic tendencies - but I'm also aware that the series more or less relies on us accepting a task from Atrus, realizing the task is of a grander scope than expected, and then spending several hours herp-a-derping through it all until through some combination of deduction and dumb fucking luck, you reach the Epilogue.

It's the expected tone of the franchise. Do I have fond memories of it? Absolutely. Does my heart melt when Rand Miller pulls his Atrus voice and calls the player "my friend"? You're goddamn right it does.

But does that excuse Atrus' misgivings? Nope. Not at all.

Cyan are incredible world-builders and tone-setters, but they're not exactly psychologists, or even dramatic writers. That gets you increasingly threadbare characterizations that are only patched up with the in-universe canon of the Myst games being fandom projects based around the marginalia left behind by a race of magical mole people who you could, at one time, reach through a caldera located somewhere close to Carlsbad, New Mexico. The DRC and Uru effectively serve as massive patch-up jobs for the "D'niverse", in an act that makes Marvel Comics' routine nuking of its entire stable feel fairly mundane.

It's a mess, and I still spat out the tokens to play the Riven remake. I bought Myst four times, Riven three times (thanks, GOG!) and I even gave Myst Online a fair shot, only to feel like this, right there, was made for the kind of lore-fiend turbo-nerd I could simply not bring myself to be. It's a mess I've loved since my early High School years, and will forever cherish.

That's nostalgia, right there. There's smarter and more tightly-designed adventure games out there by now, but they don't hold a candle to Riven's sense of awe. Or at least, not to me.

So, considering, I have zero issues believing that some critics wholeheartedly believe that Rowling coined her own genre. Being a fan means wearing the tee-shirt to the exclusion of all others, so to speak. Potterheads see all the bad, scoop it up with their bare hands, and push it under the rug, hoping to forget its existence.

The only thing I won't do is dunk on them openly. I think we all have a special fondness for one or more series of Unironically Shit Media Properties. The smart ones just don't admit to it publicly.

Remember when Ursula K. Le Guin called JK Rowling a nasty basic bitch back in like, 2004? We should have listened

[isekaiprotagonist]

Last Letter of a Cult Leader

I found the journal in the attic of my grandfather's old cabin when I started cleaning it out last summer. I’ll spare you the boring details: it told me of the world’s prothesized end, not by global warming or divine retribution, but by an ancient force that was as inevitable and eternal as any deity. I believed that humanity wouldn’t be able to stop it, and my afterlife would be better if I helped the Red One usher in the end of days.

I was a fucking moron.

But I had also just lost the only family I ever had, the sole person that raised me. I was totally alone, and realized that I always had been. The book promised to take humanity to “the next level” after our current reality. You’ve lived as a functioning member of this failed society– you’ve seen the hatred permeating humanity’s every pore. The Red One promised safety, reunion, and perfect darkness when it was all over. Retrospectively, I think their false promises were a balm to the bleeding wound in my chest. Perhaps, I can be forgiven for my lapse in judgement.

The journal outlined in detail the steps I needed to take to break the mythic seal placed on the Red One and bring about this apocalypse. The Red One was hidden away in the middle of the New Mexico desert, in an abandoned mine that had originally been a limestone cave. The entrance, the journal detailed, was magically sealed off by three massive boulders. My grandfather’s notes in the margin infromed me that these magical bindings were so ancient that it would take little to break them. I realized the only things I needed were the blood of a virgin and an assistant.

I put an advertisment in the classified section of my local newspaper asking for people who’d be willing to start a Dungeons and Dragons gaming group. I figured that the people responding to my ad were both those who were massive, virginal nerds and those didn’t give a fuck about being called devil-worshipping, baby-eating Satanists. Two birds, one stone.

I weeded out the fake responses and was left with two: Dawn and Jason.

I was prepared to sacrifice either of them. It didn’t have to be Jason. I would have sacrificed either of them. There was a period of time where it was unclear which role either of them would take; it had the three of us travelling to New Mexico from NYC by bus and staying in roadside motels. I learned many things about them, like the fact that Dawn gave really good head.

I did like Jason. He was mild-mannered, classically handsome, and often kept to himself. He had his reservations on the whole “end of the world” thing, which I understood, but I disliked how he constantly tried to undermine my authority.

It took a while to get them to trust me – several months of an epic adventure campaign convinced them we were close friends. It wasn’t hard. They were desperate for an escape; Dawn was a college dropout waitressing at a dead end bar, and Jason was a recovering heroin addict living at his mother’s house.

They were willing to follow me anywhere, willing even to buy anything I said for the sake of the “next level,” where everything wouldn’t be so miserable. We were saving everyone, and to save everyone, we had to do some questionable things. I did tell them a few white lies to get them to go along with our more dubious missions: robbing the Library of Congress, breaking into the local aquariam and killing their dolphin because we needed its teeth for an incantation. But I digress.

Dawn often acted like I hung the moon and stars in the sky. While Jason was reluctant, often constantly asking why this, why that, why does the dolphin have to die, she took the initiative. Dawn was the one holding the dental pliers. It wasn’t hard to convince her of what had to be done – that Jason’s disrespect towards me, the prophet, was disrespect towards the Red One.

I really do appreciate the time that I spent with them. I think those months were the happiest and most fufilled of my entire life… We spent a lot of time playing I-Spy on the road, or getting lost in the wilderness while camping because no one had any directional sense, or laughing together over crappy diner food.

When we killed Jason, I felt nothing. Nothing happened – I felt duped.

Then, a chill went down my spine, a bright flash of light overtook my consciousness, and I woke up in Los Angeles surrounded by carnage.

The Red One killed Dawn, and everyone else, it seems. I regret everything.

I’m the only one left in this new world.

[phoenixkaptain]

I have read the 1976 novel, originally titled: Star Wars: From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker, later retitled Star Wars: A New Hope, and I would like to share my favourite parts.

Note: I read the novel twice. So that I didn’t miss anything. But, also, because this is a library copy and I wanted to jot down my favourite parts so I could reread them after I return it, okay, let’s go-

First things first, Luke is the best.

These are my favourite Luke things, I am begging you to click on them and read them, they are soooo good. Luke in general is a lot more likeable to me in the novel than in the film, if only because his weirdly whiny mood in the beginning makes much more sense because we have a bunch of scenes before Owen buys the droids.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Luke in all his various incarnations because I am, at my center, a massive nerd, but I like his characterization here. I also like that the novel tells us, “Yes, Luke has friends. No, most of them do not like him very much.” It implies (heavily) that the people he hangs out with have more money than he does, and he works a lot, and he has his head in the clouds, so they don’t quite get him. We have a scene of Biggs and Luke, and it is so sweet and cute and I love it so much. Biggs is like “Please stop trying to run into canyon walls.” And Luke just “Wow, you really have changed. You sound just like Uncle Owen.” And it’s affectionate riffing, but Luke, if two people are telling you, maybe you should, I dunno, listen??

I like that Han and Chewie basically took one look at Luke and were like “Yes, perfect, I love him.” Threepio and Artoo also have this. And Leia is immediately protective of him five minutes after his botched rescue. Even Obi-Wan is protective of him. The novel tries to tell us he is an average boy, but their definition of average and mine must be different. Something about Luke just inspires instant loyalty, it’s amazing.

I like Han in this a lot. He is just so… strangely optimistic. Also, he is overconfident and cocky and an asshole and I love him with all my tiny heart. Chewbacca is great too. He is so nervous, let him back on the ship, please.

Leia is great. She is a tiny little lady who is yelling at everyone, including the big scary Wookie (they spell Wookiee with one e in the book) and she kisses Luke twice and gets embarrassed about it both times (and there’s a weird scene where Luke sees a man and woman kissing, in the book’s own words, “passionately” and he basically thinks “they could have any relationship in the galaxy. Lovers, siblings, platonic. Who knows…” and I think about it a lot because do you guys passionately kiss your siblings? I am very concerned and confused and confounded, send help). Leia is very cute and very vicious and she’s basically perfect.

Now I wanna talk about Ben, because I love Ben. Every other person who sees him or senses him or hears thinks he is a hallucination. He goes onto the Death Star without even knowing Darth Vader is there, and his thought process is “Next step of the plan? Let’s see how much Luke and Solo fucked up, then we’ll think about the next step of the plan.” One of my favourite Ben moments is when he sees this big panic on the Death Star (caused by Luke and Han’s rescue of Leia) and he’s like “This couldn’t be for me, no way they would send all these people after me.” As though he has been seen a single time.

(Side note: my favourite thing is how they treat Leia, actually, because they surround her with multiple, armed guards and put her in giant cuffs and lock in a cell that is heavily guarded at all times. When there’s a disturbance in the cell block she’s in (they do NOT know she’s broken out yet, only that there is something happening near where she is being held captive), the whole ship goes on high alert. I know, intellectually, that it’s because they don’t want to risk losing her, but I like to think it’s also because she is very intimidating. She spit on Darth Vader. She straight up spit on him, and hit him! Who does that? I love her)

Ben is very cheerful for a man who has spent twenty years in a desert watching a kid from a distance. I like that he can do a krayt dragon call, which he does twice and tells Luke he’ll teach him how to do later. I like that he cuts two people in half and one guy’s arm off, all in one swing, because they made the fatal mistakes of 1.) looking away from Ben for a second, and 2.) they bullied Luke. Ben is so fond of Luke, it’s very sweet. I also like that he is trying very, very hard not to be so fond of Luke. It’s impossible, honestly, Luke is just too lovable, but Ben put up a good fight.

Ben being a general in a war only twenty years ago is kind of highlighted, if that’s the word I want. Like, he knows how to fix up R2 units so they can at least function, he knows how to work the computers on a war ship/station, he keeps up with Darth Vader when they fight; he just seems much more war general-y. He is also a huge goober and a nerd and I love him dearly.

I like this scene, primarily because of Vader’s “Obi-Wan is here. Well, I only felt it for a second. Maybe he isn’t- the princess? Obi-Wan is here!” Also, “He is here” “Obi-Wan Kenobi???” Vader talks about Obi-Wan so much, methinks, they are just so used to it. Imagine their shock when it turned out Obi-Wan was here.

I am now going to give you a succinct guide on how to use the Force, as explained in the book.

Step 1. Zone out.

Step 2.

And yeah, now you can use the Force, congrats.

No but seriously, Luke using the Force is just Luke zoning out so hard he doesn’t even remember firing the proton torpedoes that blew up the Death Star. He’s over there like “I don’t have anymore proton torpedoes. And I am no longer in the trench. And the Death Star is blowing up. But, did I press the button to fire them? I don’t think I did…” This is so relatable. My guy, I used to go up on stage and perform band concerts in high school, or on the football field to perform in marching band, or I would do a presentation in class, and the second the activity was over and I was walking away, my memory of the activity would be gone. “Did I do that? I have my oboe/clarinet/papers in my hands, and everyone is cheering, and I am out of breath. But, did I do it?” Luke is super relatable, 10/10, they finally made a character for me-

Anyway, there are a lot of minor things that don’t line up with movie canon, but the book is so fun, I highly recommend you read it, if you find it. I love this book, I read it twice because I love it so much. Ask me for my favourite scenes, I have a list of them that is too long to put here if any of us ever want to see the post beneath this one.

[mdhwrites]

I have to said it because is been bothering me for a while, but TOH obsession with "subverting" tropes ("there's no choosen one"/"the Found Family stays together at the end"/"No leaving the new world"), while fine in and on itself, with the way the series presents this subversion it comes across as 'holier than thou' in regards to others stories and it kinds of bothers me.

So what's interesting to me is that as far as subversion goes... It's really dumb, especially the examples you gave. If just straight up not subversive. This is actually an aspect that I'm kind of surprised I haven't discussed yet. Because... TOH isn't subversive mostly. It just acts like it is. Like a big, bold statement like "THERE ARE NO CHOSEN ONES!" has me sitting here, staring at the person before asking, "And?" I mean, especially by the definition that TOH tries to put out there instead of the more general version of chosen ones, how many pieces of media nowadays ACTUALLY have Chosen Ones? I guess one could argue in a way it's a riff on the general isekai genre but Luz is a Chosen One in the same way that most of those protagonists are. They just happened to be the person warped to this world with the ability to save it, or be the person able to gain the ability to save it. Most of them are just a lot more fun with this fact because they don't have a massive stick up their ass about it.

As an example I can think of off the top of my head: Mar. Fucker gains the most powerful item in the realm, has super human capabilities by coming here when he used to be a nerd and, spoilers, his FUCKING FATHER IS THE VILLAIN. And that show still dedicates multiple episodes to him training, him getting his allies, his allies' weaknesses and strengths, the personality he puts into the different forms of the weapon and even the limitations of what he can do with those forms and the fact that he needs to get stronger if he wants a prayer to use it all properly. I mean, how different is stumbling into a cave while running for your life and finding a super weapon in there than being, literally, GIFTED BY GOD your magical powers? Because to me it sounds like the only difference is that one actually has an action and adventure hook to it while the other is basic and comes out of nowhere and is hardly earned. How about the other two? How subversive is the ending to TOH? Not. Just straight up not. The ending of TOH was effectively done by FUCKING INUYASHA. Kagome still has the well between the worlds. Inuyasha is still with her. The others are happy and happy to see her. She can go between as she desires. How different is that from the portal door being permanently accessible for Luz to go between the two realms? Besides going even harder on the wish fulfillment by making Luz's life be in the other world than in the real world? Hell, I don't watch much modern isekai but how many them don't even bring up going home, in part because the character DIED to get there? The only reason people might think of it as a subversion is because of Amphibia and... I don't think it counts as a subversion when the media you're contrasting had a VERY deliberate point with the decision. At that point it's not just a trope, it's the storytelling device that fits with your story. Tropes don't become tropes when they're used for a good purpose. Most people start pointing them as tropes through endless reuse and lazy reuse where the trope is being used but to no real effect other than "This is what a story like this does." And this sort of interrogation is actually required for a lot of TOH's subversions and why I agree that it REEKS of ego. It's also why, even if the creators actually do really like fantasy, it feels like they really don't like fantasy in how they write it. A contrast between my own work and TOH: In the chapter where the human character who knows very little of the world meets Pythia, an angel, she makes a comment about that meaning there being God or Heaven and everyone just kind of stops to look at her until she realizes how stupid that must sound to the demon, dryad and ice demon that are surrounding her, none of whom came from a tree or Hell. But it's grounded in the character's ignorance, the fact that magic is just a fact of the world and they MOVE ON. It's playing into the fantasy of the world for the comedy, not specifically you needing to know the reference. Compare that to the stupidity of the Quidditch reference. Specifically the Golden Snitch. Not only does Boscha say ALL fantasy sports require this sort of BS which is just frankly not true, the fact that Grudgy is already just Quidditch without broomsticks is real bad for making their lack of creativity here more pointed. And Luz doesn't let it go. She loses it for at least thirty seconds, if not even longer, about how stupid that is. That it is trying to lampshade what it just did by over explaining the joke because AREN'T WE CLEVER FOR POINTING OUT HOW STUPID THIS IS!? When it's really just a Harry Potter thing as far as my memory of fantasy works go. Especially within the past twenty years.

And then there's the final version I hate the most: The one that damages its own story. I've talked about this before with how Bill of the Titan Hunters just MURDERS any and all tension in that episode. You cannot take anything happening seriously after that because you can't question if King is going to stay here, because they're obviously fakes or their leader would be taken seriously and you can't be worried about everyone's safety because their leader is a fucking joke about convoluted fantasy names. Which frankly, once you hear like Norwegian names or the like where Magnus is just a regular ass first name, it kind of comes as mean and very American in the worst ways. But it's not the only time. They use this joke a LOT. It sometimes works like the monster hunter who's dreamed of throwing kids off of cliffs but it's EVERY villain besides Belos effectively. Hell, one could claim it's almost any authority figure besides Belos and MAYBE Bump if you're really kind to the writing of Bump. They're all jokes and they're all the same joke of laughing at the audience for expecting them to be serious. Looking Glass Ruins frankly makes no sense once you meet the librarian. Amity and the animation and the like really sell him as this mysterious figure who may hoard knowledge or be too worried about it being misused to even talk to Luz about letting her borrow the journal. It's classic fantasy storytelling and there's nothing wrong with that. Frankly the biggest issue before the reveal is how boring the forbidden section is because... I mean all Amity and Luz do in that episode is either stand and talk or lay and talk and then a cheek kiss. They aren't bad conversations but it de-emphasizes the magic and outside of fueling fanfiction these aren't the most engaging conversations, especially since Amity isn't questioning that the portal could mean anything but good for the two of them and some sort of portal angst between them might have been nice. *sigh* But again, it all works... Until you find out the librarian is a stoner dude. A well voice acted one that actually got a snort out of me when he was first revealed but has always left a lingering question: Why couldn't they have asked him about the journal? He seems entirely reasonable. He didn't take the journal from them despite them trespassing and while Luz had to perform trials to get Amity her badge back, getting the badge back was still an option. It gives the impression that if they had just been actual human beings and talked to him, because it's not like they have a reason to not trust him or authority in general besides the EC, the whole episode would have been avoided. And yes, nitpick theoretically but they make it a big reveal about the fact that he isn't scary.

And as I've talked before, the more emphasis you put on something as clever, the more it needs to hold up to scrutiny. And when the threat of the librarian is the only thing causing tension in that half of that episode, it murders the ability to rewatch it because you can't enjoy that dread again. Not because you know the outcome but because you can never forget that this is all pointless because the animation is effectively lying to you. There's no explanation for why he looks a Ring Wraith of some sort so... Why? Quick admission though: This trick did get a smile out of me with the Titan. I suspect I'd like it even more if it didn't feel like the dozenth time TOH has presented someone who should be taken seriously as a joke but at least with him, it's also characterization. He's a dad. King was actually indicative of who he wanted to be and never got to be so he's more laid back than you'd expect and acting like a dad. It's EXTREMELY charming for the like... thirty seconds I've seen of him. No idea if I'd felt the same way if I were actually watching the episode especially since The Collector right before then drives me up a fucking wall with his "I'm going to pretend I'm five instead five thousand," routine.

It's almost frankly bizarre how much of TOH's issues all revolve this same concept though: A lack of care with what the statement being said is actually doing to their narrative and an overwhelming amount of ego that is hard to shake. And in a genre like subversive comedy, where you are going to sound like an ass regardless to someone (there's a reason it's to hard to write parodies, many of which have literally made every joke TOH has), you have to be ON POINT for it not to bite you in the ass. And man, there's a hole in TOH's trousers. =======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[garrettauthor]

“There are other TTRPGs besides D&D.”

Yeah, this whole take (and everything that usually comes with it) sucks and here’s why.

1. You’re not actually suggesting anything else.

I have never seen “Stop playing D&D” accompanied by so much as the NAME of another RPG. 

When someone is actually, GENUINELY recommending another game, they don’t feel the need to accompany it with “Stop playing D&D.”

In this case, you’re not telling people to play another TTRPG. You’re just telling them to STOP playing the TTRPG they already know, love, and have fun with.

In other words, you’re just telling them to stop playing TTRPGs entirely.

2. Okay ... which ones don’t suck?

This is related to 1. above, but: okay. You want me to try other games than D&D. Which ones don’t suck?

Which ones provide a BETTER experience in what I’M looking for than D&D?

Am I supposed to spend money buying all the rulebooks for every RPG until I find one that does what I like better? Do YOU have that kind of money? Because I sure as fuck don’t.

Surely you don’t want me to PIRATE the rulebooks? 

Even if I did, I’d then have to spend hours and hours and hours learning each one. Then I’d try it, find out I don’t like it, and then start the whole process over again. 

Do YOU have that kind of time? Because I sure as fuck don’t.

3. You assume I haven’t tried other games.

The whole basis of the “other games exist” statement is an assumption that the listener has not tried other games. And you know what they say about assumptions.

I’ve tried other RPGs. I do not like them as much as D&D.

But once again, YOU DON’T ACTUALLY CARE about my experience.

You haven’t taken the time to understand WHY I even like D&D. You don’t know what about it appeals to me. You’re just whining at me from the sidelines because you wish more people liked YOUR favorite TTRPG.

Which you’re not even bothering to promote or name. Probably because deep down you realize that if someone else played it, they wouldn’t like it, and then you’d feel bad.

So it’s easier to make other people feel bad instead.

4. You don’t actually understand what’s great about D&D.

This is the core of the argument, which is why I’ve already mentioned it several times in the above points.

Here’s what many people (including myself) love about D&D (specifically 5e, which is the current version):

a. D&D is a relatively simple system to understand, with a lot of complexity to unlock slowly. 

Anyone can pick it up over the course of one session. Yet you can still learn more about it after twenty years.

I’ve introduced a dozen or more people to D&D 5e. I was never able to do this with earlier editions of D&D, and god forbid I try systems like Pathfinder.

I don’t want to run all my players’ characters for them because they don’t understand the rules. And unless I’m playing with a table of math nerds, that’s what’s going to happen in other systems.

b. D&D has name recognition and that is FUCKING IMPORTANT. 

If YOU know the rules, you’re able to interest new people in D&D because they know, more or less, what they’re in for.

This is important because (surprise! People seem to fucking forget this) TTRPGs ARE SOCIAL ACTIVITIES AND YOU NEED TO HAVE OTHER, OFTEN “UNINDOCTRINATED” INVOLVED.

Even with D&D’s name recognition, this can be a tough sell to the “uninitiated,” even if they go on to find out D&D is one of their favorite activities.

So imagine how much fucking harder it is to approach your coworker and ask them, “Hi, would you be interested in playing a game called Vampire: The Masquerade with me?”

c. D&D has a MASSIVE pre-existing community.

You can find a group online. You can find a group in person. 

As per point b. above, you CAN “recruit” people to D&D easily, but if you’re not good at that or you just don’t want to, odds are great that you can find a group anyway.

Try finding a GOOD group to play Call of Cthullu with in bumfuck rural America. I’ll wait.

d. D&D adapts to almost every subgenre of fantasy adventure.

D&D is one of the most adaptable systems out there. You can do high fantasy, low fantasy, dark fantasy, political intrigue. You can do mostly roleplaying, or you can do mostly combat. 

There are probably “better” systems for high fantasy, low fantasy, all the subgenres. But D&D lets you do it all with ONE SYSTEM.

Most of the other games and/or systems I’ve tried are really good at doing ONE VERY SPECIFIC NICHE THING.

So ... what if you learn that system, but your group doesn’t want to do that niche thing?

What if you do one campaign in that system, but then you want to do your next campaign a different way?

And we’re back to the problem of having to go invest money and time most people DO NOT FUCKING HAVE to learn a whole new system.

So stop it.

Listen, this rant is not to shit on YOUR favorite TTRPG.

I’m sure it’s great. I’m sure you have fun with it. I would love to play it with you some time.

But when you’re on there on this internet saying “There are other systems besides D&D,” 99% of the time, you’re being an asshole.

You know what the best way to introduce people to your pet system is?

Same as it is with D&D. Invite them to your table, sit them down, and play.

When you come on the internet and make people feel bad for a hobby they enjoy, you’re acting like a fucking Gamergater or Comicsgater and it’s gross.

It makes you feel superior because you’re a “higher level” of nerd than all these plebs who are encroaching into “your” hobby.

But most of the time you just look like a whiny asshole.

Stop it.

Rant over. I’m gonna go write now.

[wizard-pilled]

Appreciation for the film production of Lord of the Rings

What these movies do is attract both lotr book nerds and film/production/technical theater majors. Not only is the story portrayed very well for being based off a book, but the way these producers and designers bring it to life on big screen is incredible. I reccoemend that you watch the behind the scenes of these films. It really puts into perspective how much hard work, time and dedication was put into this film series. Yes, you can tell that they had a massive budget, but this movie is very ahead of its time. I specifically want to talk about the costume design as I am majoring in technical theater with a concentration of costume design.

The detail was absolutely incredible, especially considering the amount of costumes they had to create for the whole film, including all of the extras. Listening to the costume designer, Ngila Davidson, explain her ideas and visions being brought to life is the most wonderful and inspiring thing. The seaming/costume production crew ungodly hours, to add all of those embroidered details and tiny tiny beads really makes you appreciate the blood sweat and tears that made this production. Seeing the vibrant colors on what you can tell are very heavy fabrics is mind blowing to me because you know that shit was pricy. The unique use of layering and embellishments really brought a mystical and lively vibe that I think about so much and want to add in every mystical piece I make in the future. I’m just obsessed with the design of this movie series man, the props, the set, the costumes, the design; just everything.

The set is really pretty, especially the fact that the hobbit houses and land of Hobbiton in general was mostly shot in real life, not using cgi (I always have deep appreciation of movies that go beyond CGI and use natural set). I could literally look at that set all fucking day!! It’s especially really cool how they created it, just from a simple concept (you can watch all of the behind the scenes and production notes on YouTube :)) Why cant this place be real! Why cant I live in a little hobbit hole and go on dangerous adventures with cool wizards?!! Why am I stuck in the harsh reality of America!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, below are some of my favorite costumes, props and concept art created by the designers :))

*Note: I’m looking at the pictures now and idk why the quality is so terrible, you can google it if you want a more clear idea of how sick some of these costumes are >:)