#CW: Trauma Mention

[that-ineffable-devil]

Long post incoming, but I've been on and off it for days so you're gonna see it.

On Charles and Love

I think there's a lot more to Charles' reaction to Edwin's confession than what we may first assume.

Charles loves harder than anyone, but I don't think he even knows what it means or feels like to be IN love--or to be loved back. This isn't a dig at Edwin, so don't @ me. This has to do with Charles' past.

When Edwin first confesses on the steps of Hell, Charles doesn't even hesitate with his response: "Great, love you too, can we go now?" He does love Edwin, one way or another. He hasn't needed to examine that love any further. He doesn't think Edwin could mean it that way, because Edwin probably has never given any indication of feeling that for anyone. Perhaps he didn't think Edwin capable of love in that way. Perhaps it's his own repressed sexuality. Perhaps it's the feeling that he is inherently unlovable. Perhaps it's a combination of things.

On Edwin's and Charles' Repression

Look, Edwin is clearly autistic and heavily emotionally repressed--he's British, from 1916, and male. That's the perfect storm of emotional repression. But he clearly feels and feels deeply--he just doesn't always let on about it. (Which is such a nice thing to see for autistic representation, the "unfeeling alien" trope ain't it.)

And even though they've been together for 30 years, they clearly do not talk about deep emotions much, because it makes Edwin uncomfortable and Charles probably wouldn't manage to get much out before cracking a joke instead--it's his defense mechanism.

As for his own repression, Charles grew up in the 80s as a biracial kid with an abusive father. He was also at least questionably queer while alive: he was part of an alt crowd, wore eyeliner, and wore a single dangly earring. Now that doesn't mean for certain he's queer or questioning, but it IS a pretty common code in media and storytelling. And I imagine no small part of his father's excuses for abusing Charles had to do with "beating the queer out of him." Of COURSE that led to repression--how could it not?

On Feeling Unlovable

And the feeling that he's inherently unlovable? Does he really feel that way? I think so.

He wants it. He wants to be loved so badly. And because of that, he tries so hard. He tries to stay light and happy and kind, even when he's suffering underneath--he has his own flavor of emotional repression. Because if he can't be loved, he can at least be liked.

And he doesn't just want people to like him, he needs them to like him, because he needs to know he's likable. Because there's safety in being likable. There's safety in being funny and friendly and "a good sort of chap." It's proof he's not the monster his father was--the monsters his friends were. It's his shield. The shield he uses to protect himself from the world, yes, but also to protect the world from him. Or at least, who he thinks he is, deep down.

It's also, in his mind, his only chance at being loved. His only chance at staying loved. Because love is earned. Because love is the reward for good behavior. At least, that's how it was as a kid, right? And that's all he knows. He died before he could experience any other kind of love--besides the love between himself and Edwin, which is its own complicated matter.

The other difficult aspect of growing up in a household where love and affection were weaponized and where violence is an acceptable reaction to anger, is how it radically alters your perception of love and family.

You crave the love and validation you never received, but you also fear it and don't believe it's real when it comes without strings.

You struggle to identify love in healthy relationships because if it doesn't hurt, then is it really love?

And even though you crave it more than anything, you're afraid of it. You're afraid for things to get real, because real love--or your understanding of it--is dangerous.

Because love is a weapon and you can't bear for anyone to use it against you again.

Hurt People Hurt People...Sometimes

Trauma manifests differently in each person. There are some commonalities, but it's never exactly the same. I know the saying is "hurt people hurt people" and that's not entirely wrong. But sometimes, hurt people heal people--or at least try to. Charles is in the second group.

Charles never, ever wants anyone to feel the kind of love he knew while he was alive. So he paradoxically loves openly while remaining guarded. His loyalty and devotion are unmatched. He went to Hell for Edwin. But he also never told Edwin the truth about his father until essentially forced to. Because that involves vulnerability. It involves, in his eyes, weakness. And what did vulnerability and "weakness" get him in life? Well...dead.

But he craves reciprocation. He needs to feel like he can be vulnerable, safely. I don't think that Edwin has done anything to make him feel unsafe, but being that they're both emotionally surpressed boys killed by other boys for perceived weaknesses at 16 and the lack of a ghost therapist...it's not all that surprising they haven't dealt with their issues in 30 years.

I think this is why he latches onto Crystal so quickly and easily. Firstly, she's alive: he can at least pretend to ignore his own death for a bit. Secondly, she's his age (sort of) and can see him, which is an uncommon experience at best. Thirdly, again--she's alive, so it can never last--never be real. Either she'll age beyond him, or she'll die and likely be taken to her afterlife. Which he'll happily ignore for the first two reasons.

On Types of Love

I won't get too into this, because I'm in no way an expert in the wide variety of emotions attributed to love. But I will say this: Charles died at 16.

If we set aside the possibility of him being aromantic for now (which he absolutely could be), he may never have had the chance to fall in love while he was alive. If he could even recognize it for what it was. I mean, I'm in my 30s, been married and divorced twice, and I'm still not sure I've ever been in love. At 16, you're drowning in hormones and it can be hard to decipher feelings.

On Arrested Development

If you think about it, his death and subsequent ghostly afterlife are a supernatural version of the arrested development a lot of child abuse survivors experience. But his development arrested literally--he literally CAN'T grow up. At least, not physically.

He may have had 30 years to address his issues, but why would he have thought to? He doesn't have the same responsibilities or needs as a living adult. He's constantly on the job or on the run from Death, he's living with Emotional Repression the Person (my beloved), and frankly...it hurts to examine those problems. How many adults are actively avoiding their own issues?

On the Confession

Edwin, with the most heartwrenching tone of voice since David "I would like to spend" Tennant, makes clear that he's IN love with Charles. And for a moment Charles looks like he's been walloped in the gut with an iron bar, trying to process. But then the trauma-brain kicks in.

He finds the first "logical" explanation to someone (Edwin) telling him they love him: it's a literary reference, and Edwin is...maybe not "messing" with him, but maybe being extra dramatic about this? It can't be real.

But then Edwin gets upset--he's serious about this. And Charles sort of...short-circuits. He can't process this right now, not when they're running for their afterlives. Not when the Night Mother is waiting to split them up. Not when he's barely even begun to process his trauma. So he does everything he can to make sure Edwin knows that, no matter what, he loves him. Maybe not in the same way, but with the same depth.

Because they'll have time. They'll have all the time in the world to figure out what this means. Because they certainly don't right now, and everything Edwin is saying flies directly in the face of every opinion Charles has ever held about himself.

And what the hell is he supposed to do with that?

[arsynnotarson]

why do antis say we're "triggering ourselves" or "reliving our trauma" because we ship the way we do..... we're not..???? its fiction. not the actual figures.

and even if we were, thats none of your business, and death threats aren't gonna help us either

literally goes to show that antis dont care about victims that cope in a way thats not aesthetic to them.

fiction isnt real. harassment is.

[lesbianologist]

lil bit of a vent post (cw: trauma mention, vague)

tmro i have therapy and ngl i’m dreading it a little bit. i feel so melodramatic at times when i’m waxing on and on about my issues. it’s so weird to be in a place where my audhd is now back in the background again as my trauma takes up the foreground and i don’t want to have to be all “this is what’s actually been hard to deal with”. i just want to avoid it and i know that’s the trauma there but why does it have to be so difficult? it’s been nearly 20 years now since it all started. in 2026/2027 it’ll be exactly 20 years. and yet i still have issues i can’t get over. jfc.

[wishmaker-astra]

Man, wish people would tag their roleplaying their traumas as way to work through them with stuff making it clear it's just that. Keep seeing it in various tags I follow when just looking for normal stuff. Like, stuff that's literally impossible to be spontaneously hit by text alone due to the nature of the trauma being acted out. And yes, the actions played out make it clear it's not a flashback either as far as I can tell.

To be clear, it's good that you're trying to work through that. Just... dunno, we've got people who'll mistake it for real on here. Or even if don't have that risk will cause anxiety to rise a bit. Please be mindful that this is a public forum, not a therapy session where there's different and clearly communicated expectations. You need to make it clear what you're doing. There are 3rd party tools for auto tagging so you can set and forget it for the duration.

[askundeadbluelesbians]

Waking up for the first time… seeing what you’ve become… Remembering what lead to this moment…

And then you regress so far back and your entire previous life becomes locked behind a trauma wall for the next twenty-five years.

Young and unafraid…

[systemadministratorclu]

29 from the darker muse questions meme, for any of your muses who feel like answering

@the-haunted-office

Would they curse god, kill god or try to become god?

//using lowercase 'god' to include any and all gods/godlike entities(gender neutral)//

Clu and Tesler definitely curse Kevin Flynn, the human Creator of the Grid and thus its equivalent of god (though Clu won't say his name, for trauma/abuse related reasons) for both pretty much abandoning the Grid and for the way he treated Clu. Tesler would probably kill him for Clu, as Clu is still terrified of him and traumatized by him*. Neither of them would try to become a User (basically a god in the Tron world) because that's physically impossible in their world.

*in some threads, Clu has killed him, but he had help to do it.

For Hal, the closest thing to god would be the Monolith Builders, and he probably wouldn't curse or kill them unless it was the only way to save those he loves. It is not known if it's even possible for him to become one of them, though he has no interest in doing so if he must do it alone

For Sonic and Soneca, this doesn't really apply, as there aren't really any true gods or godlike entities for them (unless their Super forms count as becoming god)

Milo MIGHT curse god, and probably in some forgotten dead language. But he's not a violent person (though he does know how to defend himself and he will protect those he cares about) so he wouldn't kill god. And he wouldn't try to become god, as he doesn't want that kind of power (he may take it on temporarily if he needs to, but he will gladly step down from godhood as soon as he can.)

Rourke likely HAS cursed god multiple times, though with him not being religious, it's debatable whether his remarks/thoughts actually count (can you still curse something you don't believe in?). He would kill god, especially if god hurt or killed Milo. There was a time he would've tried to become god, but it was during a low point in his life, and he did not like the person he was at that time. So he has worked on becoming someone he likes, and would no longer try to become god unless he had to temporarily (like Milo)

[alpkt00]

The magnitude 8,5 father issues quake pokespe instilled in me through everything that happened to N needs to be studied..

[owlygem]

Im trying to figure out some emotional scenes later in Escart, body language and expressions and so on surrounding Ben's trauma.

[teenageangstleaf]

Actually, headcanon that WCKD tortured Minho with images of Thomas and Newt hurting him to induce fear into him and make him less likely to go back to them whilst they still came after Minho.

And when he gets them back, despite every urge in him telling him to be afraid of them and that they hate him, he forces himself to be near them and believe they wouldn’t hurt him and learns to love them again just to spite WCKD.

Because how dare they try and tear his desire and peace when he’s with Thomas and Newt away from him?! How dare they think for one second that they could ever make Minho afraid of the boys he loves?

[gezesnailbell]

"you call that trauma? people go through way worse!" yknow....... some people can be traumatized by literally anything, I'm tired of the mentality of trying to belittle peoples trauma by saying other people go through much worse. can we just like accept trauma as a part of our being and move on? I don't get why people have to be like this, its sad smh

[luvlyycy]

he gulps, hands clutching your sundress tightly as it attempts to hug on his lanky body —

"you look pretty, shiggy."

his normally pale face is bright pink as he stands in front of you, hands lifting up the dress to reveal the hyperfeminine panties you had made him wear.

"real‐really?" he questions, watching as you nod, your pointer-finger tapping the tip of his hard cock that's peaking through the panties.

"mhm, very cute." you giggle, wrapping an arm around his hips to pull him closer— dipping your hand underneath the panties to squeeze his ass as you rub the tip of his cock. his cock barely fits in the thin fabric, the sides of his balls slipping out.

he whines as he bites his lips, looking down at you. he's never felt so embarrassed and so turned on at the same time.

"do i- look— as, as, pretty as you thought i would?" he whines out, bucking his hips into your hand.

"of course, shiggy. you look prettier." you remove your hands from his lower half to rub up his stomach— to his bra covered chest.

"lean down and kiss me."

"oh-okay." he whispers as he leans down, placing his lipgloss covered lips on yours. you rub your thumbs over his perky nipples causing him to whine in your mouth— you pull away to look at his disheveled face.

"you are the most adorable boy ever."

[flowersbark]

having a complicated relationship with sex/sexual things after sa is so weird because like . it'll be 1 am and ill be switching through apps and ill be thirsting over a character and then ill open tumblr and i remember everything bad shes ever done to me

[vic-does-battlecats]

Tigerstar takes in the RiverClan Rejects (again)

! click the gif for quality that doesn’t suck

[ldma-boodyshaker900]

Krangrified Leo Au Remastered

Tw Blood Warning, Trauma, Dead, Tentacles

Comic: in process and planed to be finished.

Chapter 1 "Odd?":

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (TW blood), Part 4(TW slightly Blood), Part 5 (Tw Blood and Injuries) , Part 6 (TW blood), Part 7 (Tw Slightly blood and Bringht colors)

Chapter 2:

Tw Blood Warning, Trauma, Dead, Tentacles

Chapter 2 "Everyone But You":

New Pages Sizes Explained

Part 1 (Tw Blood, Gore?), Part 2 , Sneak peak

Advancements: First, Second, Number 3, Four

Doodles: request From @scribble-me-to-my-core, Cannon and Sillys, Multiverse Identification Card!, Lil Animatic!

Characters: Black void Mikey , K! Donnie , Post movie Raph, Feral Leo

Characters Info: Mikey , Post movie Raph, Feral Leo

Asks and Requests (You can ask in any moment!): First, Other song for Leo, Little Animatic , Song For Leo, Emotion Challange

Mini comics: Tmnt Au Comp Interactions!

Inspiration

Before being remastered:

Part 1 , Part 2 ,Poster , Short Animation (Also My first one), old desing and poster, Old idea

[aphidclan-clangen]

part 2 out of 3

[teaboot]

Every so often someone IRL gets on my ass about a dumb shit thing I'm doing and it's fine usually except sometimes it's really condescending and holier-than-though and after I've tried a few times to say "yes I know this" and they haven't shut up I kinda wanna just

yanno