#Clara does things that are venting

[aqueousablution]

I'm like if a pile of me fell over

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

please tell me all about in the blood (no pressure, i am genuinely interested though!!!!!!)

AHHAHHAHHHHHAAAA YES OKAY THANK YOU ELI

OKAYYYY SO in the blood, doctor who extended universe book, i think it takes place pretty soon after the Silence in the Library arc cos that's mentioned quite a bit, and Donna's husband Lee (who was, i may add, i think going to be canonically trans but they weren't sure how to show that in a split second without it being confusing but he's trans in my heart) from the simulation is on Donna's mind a fair bit so my guess is it's pretty soon after that ANYWAYS, fairly standard doctor who plot, big problem with technology and people on earth and of course it's because Aliens. specifically its that internet trolls are dying and ofc The Internet gets worked up about that, but as more and more people start venting their anger online everyone gets more and more angry and they become hysterical and sometimes die. which obviously is a big problem they have to solve, i won't give away the plot but its fairly average dr who stuff.

BUT. OHH BOY THE CHARACTERSSSSSSSASASSaSSASaSAS i mean i love ten & donna anyways but they are written SO WELL like SOOOO WELL it's SPOT ON and it's so perfect because they do the same things they always do - the doctor is fully prepared to die (well. very painfully regenerate) just as he always does and uhhh actually maybe it's better if i take pictures there was a lot of frantic margin scribbling & underlining hehee

uhm. spoilers below. and very long post

my handwriting is nigh-on-illegible here i know but it says 'she remembers the Arachna-things [one google search later - Racnoss] from the Runaway Bride she knows he has killed people & that people get killed around him but... [long pause here as i thought of what to write. how do you justify that? greater good?] yeah i can imagine it really is easier to not think about it'.

this is just such an interetsing thing that they couldn't have shown in the show right, you can't show 'she didn't even really like to think about it' visually with the same impact. but like.... yeah. she saw him kill all the racnoss & still travels with him. moral grey areas flawed characters but.... the companions must do some serious mental gymnastics NOT TO MENTIOn the Doctor coping mechanisms or lack thereof.

^^but then there's this!! the hope!! he really can't stand people dying even when he is surrounded by it!! he has to hope!!!

^^ platonic doctordonna moment!!!!! i love them so much heheeee but also Lee.... oughhhhh

^^ SUCH A DOCTOR MOMENT he HAS to carry on for the sake of THE WORLD even when it means Donna is at risk

^^handwriting id - 'see THAT is such a Doctor moment - just like ' 'yeah i knew for ages', lied the Doctor' - he doesn't tell people things b/c he doesn't want to upset them & he hopes that if he doesn't mention it it wont happen. if you see your own grave you have to be buried there etc. & it's maddening for everyone but also kinda tragic'

the doctor was hiding that what Donna thought was going to fix the problem wasnt going to work b/c then she's get upset & angry, which spacey stuff blah blah is whats currently killing people - but Ten (teh Doctor in general) does this A Lot, not saying everything he knows because he thinks it's going to upset/panic/hurt people/

^^ THIS!! he needs his best friend!!! without saying anything & over the phone, Donna can tell!! ajsnjansh i just love them so muchhhh

^^ (they were back in london in present day) the Doctor feels guilty about pulling Donna from her normal, safe life, even though like she wanted to he probably couldn't have said no to that if he tried - and putting her in mortal space danger - but also completely removed from her normal life. she doesn't live like Clara, who fits weeks of time travel in time to show up to work, she's missing out on Normal Life. she's not at home. Sylvia knows she wont be staying for dinner.

sorry a lot of this is kinda depressing BUT i promise you there are joyous bits too! the Doctor is canonically a Kate Bush fangirl!!! and donna has to stop him drinking coffee cos he'e hyperactive enough as it is lol. and -

hehe

[the-immortal-redshirt]

The Graveyard Shift: Chapter 30: The Traitor

After a failed execution for a murder he did not commit, Clara Oswald and Missy must team up to prove the Doctor's innocence before the authorities discover their mistake. (Mostly Whouffaldi, some Twissy. Takes place between Last Christmas and Magician's Apprentice)(Rated T for Graphic Violence, Suggestive Scenes)

Read it on AO3

Read it on ff.net

Chapter 30: The Traitor

The Tardis warbled lowly, obviously not happy. The lights were dim and the roundels dotting the walls glowed an angry red instead of their usual blue and orange. Steam hissed up from the floor vents, almost like the ship was seething. The Cloister Bells tolled from deep within, causing the steel grates to vibrate beneath their feet. At the edge of her mind, Missy could feel the telepathic rage of the Old Girl spilling into her thoughts.

The mayor took a moment to admire his new possession with smug satisfaction. “Despite installing the new crystal, we cannot get the ship to fly. We fear the installation was unsuccessful.”

“That's okay, darling, let me check the repair,” Missy suggested, pointing downstairs.

Lord Trion nodded to his officers. “Follow her. Make sure she does not touch anything else,” he warned with an upturned finger.

Feeling the poke of a muzzle into her back again, Missy scowled. She and the cadre of guards made their way down into the steaming underbelly of the ship. She coughed, waving the hot vapors away from her face. Clearing her throat, she lifted up the hood to inspect the repair job.

Clearly, whoever had attempted to install the crystal had not done their homework on Type-40 Tardises. It was a wonder the whole ship had not blown up with the messy tangle of wires criss-crossing around the crystal.

“Well, there's your problem,” she murmured, holding up a loose ball of wires. “Whoever you picked to install this thing was an idiot.”

The gun to her back dug harder into her skin. “Just fix it, Time Lady,” the officer grunted.

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time,” she griped, waving him off.

Sticking her hands into the fray, she carefully sorted out the lines feeding to the shining blue mineral. First, she had to undo the mess that the technician had created. Unplugging, straightening, and replugging various cables, the unruly mass finally began to look organized.

Knowing that the officers surrounding her didn't know jack about Tardises, all she had to do was act like she was only installing the crystal. Spotting a colorful bundle of wires, a ghost of a smile crossed her lips. Letting her into the Tardis was a big mistake, and Lord Trion and his men were about to pay for it.

[normiedoctorwho]

Venting about the 12th Doctor and nuwho experience so far

So I’ve been working my way through nuwho for about a year and a half now, and since it hit 12 it’s been extremely slowly. The reason it’s been so slow is while there are episodes I like, I cannot for the life of me get invested in these characters, the major exception after the s9 premiere being Missy.

I love her.

Dearly.

I’m just gonna pull off the bandaid now, I liked Clara more with 11. I know heaven sent is gonna be amazing and gives a great tragic goodbye for her, the fact is as of now, I wish she would’ve left either after kill the moon, or after the s8 finale.

And I’ll stress that I am extremely biased towards more classic who feels for episodes. That’s where I got into the series and if you know me, you’ll know I DESPISE new who’s constant raising of the stakes. As in then Modern day earth/the whole universe has to be on the line.

I’ve reached a boiling point with the 12th doctor because Moffatt’s inability to commit to his dramatic plot points.

I’m not expecting Missy to actually be dead. It was obvious she survived. And she was the best part of the s9 premiere, but like… more of a buffer guys.

Speaking of a buffer, once again we have a perfectly fine companion break up that’s undone by the Christmas special because god forbid new who has a good companion exit/commits to it outside of Martha’s.

(Opinion context: Rose’s first exit worked, then Journey’s end happened. Jack’s was straight up bad, just forgot about him for two seasons, Martha is good as stated, Donna’s was horribly contrived and fucking stupid actually happy that’s getting a do over, Amy and Rory had their good exit at the end of s6, which got ruined by the Christmas special, and now Clara with the same shit.)

Magician’s apprentice in particular annoyed me because it felt like it was spinning it’s wheels while also yet again making the stakes impossibly big when they did not need to be. At least at the start. “The Doctor is dying. Airplanes are frozen in mid air! The master is back! What do we doooo?” When the initial conceit of the Doctor being torn between helping a kiddo Davros or letting him die was way more interesting. And I won’t lie, not all of this criticism is fair. I’d heard this was the premise of the episode for months if not years in advance, and got excited and built my own picture of what it could’ve been. And when the episodes themselves seemed to be actively avoiding the interesting thing in favor of Davros and 12 sitting in a room reading their character analysis’ of each other while Missy and Clara run around a radiation filled planet with no side effects, I got bored fast.

Like Moffatt, I know you got the idea for this episode from 4’s speech in genesis. You don’t have to literally play the clip from the speech. It’s not necessary and just eats up time. Just role with the dramatic irony and have fans notice the reference.

I will say I liked that 12 didn’t fall for Davros’ obvious lies and that 12 had a real plan to kill all of the daleks on the rebuilt skaro. 10 seemingly backtracking to pre remembrance character development never sat right with me. And 11 never truly contemplating the gravity of the consequences of choosing to save the earth over destroying the daleks in victory of the daleks was also annoying. So to give 12 this chance to get rid of it all and have him actually go through with it was nice.

I fully expect Davros to return at some point, but at the very least, it won’t be because the Doctor showed him pity. They are well and truly past that now.

But then he almost falls for Missy’s bit to trick him into killing Clara? Ugh. More importantly though, this episode relies wayyyyy too much on the audience’s classic who knowledge of thecharacter dynamic and what happened to Skaro. As far as I can remember, nuwho does not ever explain the Doctor destroyed it.

Listen I like it when classic who comes up in nuwho, but nuwho needs to stand on its own. And if it’s gonna take cues from classic who, then for the love of god stop having 3 save modern day earth plots per season and let the timelords be actual forces in the narrative. Vs some tragic backstory you lean on b/c you’re convinced the doctor’s mysticism is why we like him so much.

I swear nuwho downplaying that the doctor is a renegade timelord b/c Galifrey is no longer a factor in the plot outside of “waaa I destroyed my home planet in the time war,” is just so annoying. The writers focus on the stole the tardis aspect and not “my people had time and space travel but they sat on their asses vs using it to explore and help people.

I’ll clarify that I do not hate all of new who. I like it overall. And I like older doctors too. Plz I don’t hate capaldi as an actor I think he does a good job with what he’s given. But god does where I’m at feel like the show is just running on fumes while also having it’s head up it’s own ass.

I bet Clara’s clear trauma at 12 nearly killing her and being unable to explain who she is will totally get addressed in the next story.

/s

[simplylove101]

My Mini Christmas Horror Watch Challenge (2023)

Labeling this as a challenge is a reach because me watching Christmas horror movies recently was just something that happened organically. And me making this post is really just because this is that awkward time in between before I start my watch challenge for the year 2024 & I had watches where I needed to vent somewhere about them. Naturally, I picked here to do it. Not going to be as thorough as I normally with my movie info or any kinda ranking cuz this is just an impulsive idea I had.

The Sacrifice Game (2023): Mostly watched this because I saw Olivia Scott Welch was in the cast & playing one of the killers, which seemed like a fun change for her. It also included Mena Massoud (from the live-action Aladdin), playing a baddie as well. So, that was interesting. I didn't enjoy it as much as I hoped to necessarily but it did have some twists and I appreciated it for what it was. It had its moments and the cast was good.

Summary: Samantha and Clara are stuck alone at their boarding school for the holidays, but things take a deadly turn when a murderous gang arrives on their doorstep - just in time for Christmas.

2. A Creature Was Stirring (2023): This mostly got me because I thought that title was too perfect to pass up. lol And the premise sounded cool. Had no idea I was gonna know every single person in the cast beforehand - Chrissy Metz (This Is Us), Annalise Basso (Oculus), Scout Taylor-Compton (Sleepover for me lol, Halloween reboot & other horror stuff for others) & Connor Paolo (Gossip Girl/Revenge), so that ended up being a happy coincidence. I think that's what helped pull me in enough to keep watching it the whole way through, even when it eventually began going off the rails. Especially towards the ends cuz goodness, the plotholes. Without fully spoiling it, the ending is one of those where you're either game for it or not, and I was in the 'not really' category. Mostly because it made everything that came before it feel pointless. Up until that point though, I was enjoying it enough. Chrissy Metz did a great job though. But yeah, that rather low rating does feel justified tbh.

Summary: A nurse taking care of her daughter's mysterious affliction struggles to hide her secrets when uninvited strangers take shelter in her house during a lethal blizzard.

3. It's a Wonderful Knife (2023): Another one I wanted to like more than I did but I do think it was fun enough. And man, they went there with the title. lol Familiar faces in there like Joel McHale and Justin Long. I think it took me a bit to be sold on the lead girl Jane Widdop for a bit but I warmed up to her by the end. It's not an instant new classic for me but it's certainly watchable imo.

Summary: After saving her town from a psychotic killer, Winnie Carruthers' life is less than wonderful. When she wishes she'd never been born, she finds herself in a nightmare parallel universe where without her, things could be much, much worse.

4. Krampus (2015): I actually really enjoyed this one if I'm being honest. A very game cast with familiar faces in the parents including Adam Scott & scream queen Toni Collette. It's a horror comedy, which is my genre, that is both fun and deliciously evil in its execution. And man, that ending had me gasping. Pretty brilliant imo.

Summary: A boy who has a bad Christmas accidentally summons a festive demon to his family home.

5. Silent Night (2021): Interesting that it's labeled as just a comedy/drama on IMDB when it's clearly a horror (or at least thriller) as well, but hey, whatever you gotta do to sell your movie I guess. Or mislead people, to be honest. But then I get it, the twist is meant to be this thing that gradually gets told to the audience so they want people to go in blind I think. lol Anyway, mostly just watched this because Matthew & Keira but there's other familiar faces too. It was entertaining enough with tone shifts throughout and an ending that's rather bleak to be honest but there's also a dash of hope. This was an interesting group of characters to be stuck together. The movie might be a lot for some people though because it can be but I didn't think it was that bad actually. But then I get where it's not for everyone either with its story choices. Regardless, it makes you think about stuff if anything.

Summary: Nell, Simon, and their 3 sons are ready to welcome friends and family for what promises to be a perfect Christmas gathering. Perfect except for one thing: everyone is going to die.

6. Thanksgiving (2023): Okay, so it's not a Christmas movie but I did watch it recently and well, like I said, this is that weird limbo time before 2024 so wasn't gonna count it towards that either. So, basically, it had it had to be grouped here because I had thoughts to share!! lol I actually went into this one with an open mind. That opening is so memorable and as a retail worker who had to work Black Friday, I felt that. lmao Eli Roth is very much a hit or miss for me usually. This is probably one of his most restraint entries I can think of, in terms of this one being a traditional slasher. As always he made sure those kills were creative, I'll give him that. I thought the cast was good. But that ending... Either he thinks his audience is really stupid or Eli doesn't care cuz ummm, that person being the killer doesn't make sense. I stand by this! lol But also, it was a little predictable too. I wasn't really all in with the mystery aspect of it but I didn't hate it either. It was okay. I guess I'll watch the sequel, we'll see.

Summary: After a Black Friday riot ends in tragedy, a mysterious Thanksgiving-inspired killer terrorizes Plymouth, Massachusetts - the birthplace of the infamous holiday.

And well, I tried to watch both Yule Log (2023) & Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) but ended up turning them off at some point. I didn't make it very far with Yule Log because it's not what I thought it was going to be at all. The opening felt obnoxious and then it just seemed weird/cheap as it started going. Maybe I missed the point of it but it definitely didn't seem like for me. And well, I knew what I was getting with Silent Night, Deadly Night so it shouldn't have surprised me and yet, I still couldn't finish. It's true 80's horror with the gore and exploitative nature to it all while capitalizing on the Slasher Santa trope. I actually think it had potential to be better than it was but I wasn't really down with the execution.

And well, I don't see me doing this kinda thing next year cuz this is meant to be a one-off deal but we'll see.

[taki118]

IruClarAzz Master Post Part 7

Just collecting all of the cuteness of the Love Trio and adding my commentary.This is all takes place during the current arc so spoilers abound here. Its not everything everything but close there’s a lot of just little things and trying to focus on the three. (Also warning I may make jabs at the IruAmeri ship here and there just small comparisons showing why I don’t like it as much, no hate but if you don’t like your ship being talked about even slightly negatively probably look away.)

If you didn’t see it Part 1 is here, Part 2 is here, Part 3 here Part 4 here  Part 5 here Part 6 here.

Ok been a while thats what happens when you catch up. I have a problem so far nothing big but a lot of cute little things.

So Azz gets promoted after the Heartbreaker.

Look how happy they are!!!

Like Look at them Azz is so happy and and they are just so happy for him.

So the class runs off to check in on classmates who were injured. All in line how cute.

So they all vent their frustrations at the exam but Azz is the cutest. Like Clara is kinda teasing him and he is defending having to praise Zeze.

I just like the shots of the pair being close together.

So Clara gets wrapped into the first years gossiping and they ask about what she can make and we get this cute little rules thing you see at the beginning of the chapter her following them buying various snacks. Also the fact Clara and Azz are dubbed Iruma’s Army is just the best.

She gets brought in to be a tie breaker in a discussion. 

I think there is something interesting here, in that Clara does not immediately say Iruma is better. Earlier in the story I think she would have said it no question but now she thinks on it as she has gotten closer to Azz and sees his good points. (I do wonder what she thinks Azz is better at than Iruma)

And this is just so cute. (her boyfriends came to pick her up)

Shes so happy!!!

Just I love everything about this.

She’s “Their idiot” I love it.

So This chapter was so cute look at them they are trying to keep it cool and act like they are being respectable seniors. 

But Clara knows what’s up

Like Its very obvious they were waiting for her to hang out, but got scared when she took too long and they tried to pulled her away cause they just wanted to spend time together. Like I wish we got to see them having fun together but Clara is more insightful than she seems she knows how important she is to the two.

They almost make a heart.

Their outfits are so cute. 

Even Goemon mindset keeps the tree together.

Again I wish we could’ve gotten these scenes but it’s nice knowing they interact a lot off screen.

When thinking of what he could loose as always Azz and Clara are front and center. 

This is what we are shown when Opera is grilling Kalego, its an interesting choice to show cause it could have easily been a classroom with more students but we get the trio. 

Shiida is introduced as a teacher we get the trio plus Liid as a reaction. 

Really just a lot of the three being close.

Ok so we got something now, they are planing how to climb with Opera’s test.

I love how they all look at Iruma even Clara and Azz.

I also love how upset Azz is even though he agreed to the plan.

The plan works Clara is so huggy.

I think its cute that Clara wants to do it but she wants specifically Azz to throw her.

This is so cute the chaos they could unleash.

Look at the cuties catching Opera in their hug. (also whats up with that face azz? jealous haha)

They just look cute here.

Anyway I do have more but tumblr ate the draft so there will be another sooner. 

[walkwithursus]

The Parentification of Marty McFly

Okay, I’m ready to examine it on a closer level now: does Marty McFly assume a parentified role in his relationship with Doc in Back to the Future?

For the purposes of this analysis, we’ll assume that their relationship is that of mentor/mentee. Doc is not Marty’s parent, but I believe that due to years of child abuse at home, Marty naturally takes on certain parentified traits when interacting with Doc and exhibits trauma responses typical of an abused child.

First off, we need to define parentification. There are two main types: emotional and instrumental parentification.

Emotional parentificiation happens when the child becomes the parents’ counselor, confidant, or emotional caretaker. Whatever it is that the parent shares with the child, it is too much for their young psyche to handle. (Source).

Instrumental parentification is when the child engages in ‘functional responsibilities’, physical labour and support in the household, such as housework, cooking, cleaning, and other ‘adult’ responsibilities. (Source).

I would argue that Marty exhibits both forms of parentification in his relationship with Doc, though the way in which this presents is a bit unorthodox because again, Doc is not his parent and I’m extrapolating wildly.

The obvious example of emotional parentification that comes to mind for me is the fact that Marty is forced to bear the emotional load of time travel and all it encompasses, which is way beyond his years. The knowledge of such a thing was unwillingly thrust upon Marty and then followed up with his repeated participation.

Marty is also treated as counselor and confidant frequently by Doc throughout the films. Examples of this are in Doc’s efforts to seek Marty’s approval on his various inventions, the venting of his grief with time travel on the whole, and at times grandiose statements of depression/dread wrt their safety and the future. Marty also plays counselor to Doc as he navigates his relationship with Clara and is consulted as an equal. 

Instrumental parentification is a bit harder to pinpoint in the films, but I think one prime example is the fact that Marty is the one who goes back in time in the third film to rescue Doc in 1885. Instead of 55 Doc going back himself or discouraging Marty from further endangering himself or putting the timeline at risk, he accepts and assists Marty in what could be considered an adult responsibility far beyond the scope of a seventeen-year-old. I’ll also point a finger at the credits scene in the beginning of the third film, where Marty is shown to drive an unconscious Doc home, carry him inside, and undress and prepare him for bed in a fashion that looks as though it’s been done many times before.

Now, for the fawn response. You may have heard of the three other trauma responses fight, flight, or freeze, but there is a fourth response exhibited by abuse victims known as fawn. People who exhibit the fawn response are often people-pleasers with little to no boundaries.

Marty shows signs of this at many points throughout the films. A prime example is at the end of the first movie when Marty tries to politely but firmly tell Doc that he doesn’t want to accompany him to the year 2015. Doc bowls right over that boundary and Marty caves and allows himself to be dragged along on another dangerous journey.

Marty also frequently blames himself for mistakes and accidents that happen in the films and is shown many times to apologize in a way that comes close to beating himself up about it. One example of this happens after old Biff gets the Almanac in 2015 and alters the timeline to make himself rich. Although Marty is the one who purchased the Almanac, he did not force Biff to steal the DeLorean and change the timeline. When he apologizes to Doc and blames himself, Doc does not attempt to reassure Marty that he is not to blame. In fact, he seems to passively agree that Marty is at fault, despite the fact that Marty has been an unwilling participant thus far in time traveling and has little to no knowledge of the ethics and risks therein.

Marty: “It’s my fault. The whole thing is my fault. If I hadn’t bought that damn book, none of this would’ve happened.”

Doc: “Well, that’s all in the past.”

Another sign of the fawn response is the tendency to want to fix or rescue people from their problems. I genuinely think a big part of why Marty connects with Doc so much throughout the franchise is this inherent need he feels to ‘fix’ him or provide the emotional support that Doc was lacking before he met Marty (emotional support Marty was likely providing to his parents from a young age). Doc is a social outcast desperate for someone to believe in him, and Marty is more than willing to reflect the praise and admiration back at him that Doc needs to keep going.

I don’t think I need to explain how denying your own pain, discomfort, needs and wants is related to Marty “Head Injury” McFly, but that too is a fawn response.

Anyway, this sort of ends my analysis. I’m sure if I did a detailed rewatch of the films I could come up with more examples, but these are all the ones off the top of my head. What are your thoughts? Am I totally off the mark? Let me know what you think.

[bonesandthebees]

And then thirdly and finally, there’s Wilbur getting the chance to run and staying. There are a few important things to note 1. Wilbur's first instinct is to go find Tommy and his second one is going to the temple. We’re adding new irony to the opening sentence of the chapter : [ ].

Then Wilbur realises he could escape. Operation 2. Wilbur from a few weeks ago would have ran the second he realised. Current Wilbur, who, in his defense, is very drunk, needs a little longer to process. Bless his soul he does lay put an entire plan, but he doesn’t leave. Which again shows a lot of progress because that’s what he’s wanted for ages. He wants to have a purpose and be where he belongs. He wants Clara to like him.

But he’s also finally gotten the opportunity to speak his mind and in doing so, has finally admitted to himself how shit his life was. Just a little but, cuz there’s so much he’s still in denial about. And he did literally vent about how frustrating it is that Schlatt doesn’t listen. He knows that won’t change. So what’s the difference between being there or staying at the temple? At the temple he has Tommy. At the temple he can laugh and joke with Niki and Jack. At the temple he’s allowed to be a person, even if he still won’t let himself accept that he is one.

So Wilbur stays. Even if he can’t wrap his head around why he stays. Or around the fact that he wants to stay. His body makes him stay, but his mind wants to leave. Again not because he wants to, but because he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do. That’s what Clara would want him to do. But it’s not what he wants. So even if he still wanted to force himself to follow Clara’s will, he ended up doing what he wanted. And that’s a victory. But I except it’s going to sit in his mind a bit because he doesn’t know why he couldn’t leave.

And then Tommy comes back and rightfully has a freakout. Because if Wilbur had run, Tommy would be in a lot of trouble. But Wilbur didn’t run and I think Tommy has a better idea of why. Or maybe he thinks he does. I don’t know how obvious it is to Tommy that Wilbur doesn’t want to go back because he’s (subconsciously) starting to realise that he’s better of here. Tommy does want to know why Wilbur didn’t leave, and he knows to push past the bullshit, but takes the [“I don’t know,”].

(3/3)

-🌲

lmao fun fact that irony of the first sentence was completely unintentional

he's so in denial about so many things still, but he's started to admit to himself how much he hated being in the palace. he's been shown a different kind of life he didn't know was possible, and even if he's not thinking of it consciously, subconsciously he wants that. badly. nothing's going to change if he goes back because schlatt won't listen, so even though it's the selfish choice in his mind, why shouldn't he stay with his friends?

he wants to leave but he doesn't. he tells himself he wants to leave because he knows that's what he should be thinking, but it's not the truth. he made a choice for himself even if he wasn't fully admitting it. he didn't want to leave, so he didn't.

oh tommy definitely knows. something I feel is often overlooked with tommy as a character is how emotionally intelligent he is. he's really good at reading wilbur's emotions so tommy can fully tell that wilbur didn't want to leave. of course he doesn't know that for sure and is aware it could be wishful thinking on his end, but he knows that wilbur's excuse about clara was bullshit so what other reason is there? that's why he takes the 'I don't know' because even if wilbur doesn't know, tommy knows. and he's so, so relieved.

tysm for all your thoughts spruce!! as always i love hearing your analysis :D sorry if some of these answers felt rushed my smoke alarm is beeping bc of low battery so im trying to answer these before i go out to buy a new one so my dog stops panicking lol

[imthepunchlord]

Oooof, Dodged a Beetle would be a great place to fix a BUNCH of things wrong with Kung Food, to be completely honest.

Like the last DaB anon said, there’s no Alya to call Adrien to help Marinette, so there’s no white boy teaching Marinette about her language and culture, especially since Sabine—Marinette’s mother and Cheng Sifu’s niece—is RIGHT. THERE. In Marinette's Instagram post, Sabine knows how to speak Chinese, and it would make sense for her to come to the contest anyway given that her husband is a baker and she lives in the food industry world, not to mention just spending time with her uncle and daughter together should interest her. With Sabine being another adult who actually knows how Chloe is from her daughter, she would probably stay behind to watch her uncle’s soup “just in case” when Chloe tries to get him away from it, foiling her plans and preventing Kung Food from ever occurring. And in terms of the judge panel, Clara Nightingale, Alim Kubdel, or even Tomoe Tsurugi could easily take Marlena’s place (and eventually Chloe’s empty spot) due to each being a notable person in Paris in one form or another. Hell, Chloe could even get herself in trouble due to being aggravated from not being able to sabotage the soup and refusing to try it for no good reason, saying something like “I don’t get why he couldn’t just make sushi”, which would get her kicked off for being ignorant on live television in an attempt to save face by the producers (bonus points if Tomoe is the one replacing Marlena and demands that the ignorant brat next to her is replaced with someone else). And Lila could bring up the cooking contest to Marinette the next school day to tie it back into the overall story, taking from canon that she does surface level research at least on what’s currently happening with famous people and adding to the plot that she’s starting to take note of Marinette’s talents and connections.

I just… still have so many gripes with how Kung Food was handled, and seeing how the PoC treatment in the show has plummeted since then only makes those feelings worse, even after all these years. And I apologize for venting about it since I know it was so long ago but, Chloe’s racism? Was completely swept under the rug?? By both the show and the writers??? As if her bigotry apparently being born more from pure ignorance than DIRECT malice according to an Astruc tweet is supposed to make any of the viewers—especially the viewers of color—feel any better about it???? Chloe NEEDS to get reprimanded for that SOMEHOW?????

Understandably so as Kung Food is just problematic.

There was no reason given why Sabine wasn't there to see her uncle, which the Shanghai special either confirmed or implied that he raised her. This seems to be an anticipated visit as Marinette was awaiting him, that means Sabine should know he's coming to. Yet there's nothing given on her absence.

Also Tikki has been around the world. She's been used by at least one other Chinese holder, surely she could've been a translator for Marinette or help her in some way. Just be like, "Hello! I'm Tikki! A translation toy!"

Between Sabine and Tikki, there's no reason for Adrien to be there to be translator. He could come in wanting to practice Chinese on his own.

And on Marinette not knowing much, Sabine could see it as a chance to expand her knowledge and connect her with her culture. Could also accept Tikki offering this knowledge as she has been all over and is an ancient mythical being who has worked closely with a wide variety of cultures.

And Chloe's racist comments, that either should've been cut out if they're not going to be addressed, I'm quite certain they were put in to just elaborate on how bad she is; or if there to elaborate on this, really address them. Instead of Adrien coming in as white savior, Wang could've come forth to correct Chloe on this as he knows some French.

And then there's the akuma itself. Yeah there's being based on Sun Wukong, but what does he have to do with food? And that design is more directly tied to Dragon Ball, which is a Japanese creation. And by the name, this implies an assumption that Cheng Wang knows kung fu as is a mixture of that and food, cause obviously every Chinese person knows martial arts.

Only thing about it that I like is the reveal that Marinette's not so connected with her heritage. And that's a very understandable set up. Most 13 yos aren't interested in learning their heritage when they live elsewhere. They may know a few words or traditions, but that's not a norm as that's not where they live. Marinette's going to be more in tune with her French heritage than Chinese as that's where she lives.

I can get that set up as when I was 13, my mom revealed to me that my biological father is French. I didn't have an interest then to learn French culture and connect to it.

And there are others I've talked to that felt how Marinette felt struggling to connect with her great uncle in the beginning, being very limited in terms of communication which had an effect on any sort of connection to make. Not that it needed to be like that as there's no given reason for Sabine to not be there or why couldn't Tikki help Marinette out when its canon confirmed that she originates from China and should know the language.

[underthebluerain]

ok I finally watched sanditon and while I liked s1, s2 was SO BAD I just gotta vent my ramblings somewhere so. there I go

I mean first of all the obvious one, sidney is dead and so charlotte’s romance with him is over. this one is kind of understandable since the actor left, but they could’ve recast or written him out (maybe even temporarily in the hopes of getting him again) and I’m still disappointed their story didn’t continue (he was a grade a+ asshole at first, but I gotta admit the couple won me over). I think a lot of people were unhappy with the s1 ending, but I liked it, it was very dramatic but the kind of drama that you’re like ‘yes’ (of course I only liked it thinking their story would continue and therefore wasn’t really the end...). ditto for stringer and diana, missed them.

somehow, this season managed to be both incredibly BORING and extremely ANNOYING all at the same time!! I have no idea how they managed that. at every single scene either I was pissed off or bored as hell. and it was just 6 eps and it felt like 30. no idea how they managed that.

this may have been the copy that the channel I watched it in had, but it seemed like this season had like a lighter, more pastel filter over it. which would’ve been cool, except it made georgiana’s skin look so much lighter?? um... that’s not good.

speaking of, can we get some more fuckin diversity in here. I know, regency england but like, poc exist. and no I don’t just mean as servants who are just there to comfort and defend white men like colbourne’s housekeeper. and this may be me and my queer glasses, but like, clara and esther had Vibes. I like babington but damn, give my scheming girlies a chance. also also completely in the dark about what they intend to do with arthur -his dialogue about marriage and his behaviour have me thinking he’s queer (ace/aro/gay or a combination thereof, I’m leaning towards ace and I would say aro too but he seems very intrigued by lockhart? idk)- but I live in concern that they’ll just pull a ‘he just needed to meet the right one’ and shove him and a random woman together, maybe even georgiana (they’re cute but as friends). so zero canon queerness again.

the love triangle was so bad!!!! I am NOT a fan of love triangles in general, but it’s not impossible for me to like one. the one in s1 was very different, ‘2 people have feelings for the same person’ type thing, which made it better imo. the one in s2 was ‘these two dudes suck for different reasons and also they hate each other and are in direct competition’ which I dislike a lot more.

also they both were terrible love interests on their own!! on the one hand, entitled lizard man (I know the point is discovering he’s terrible, but yeah, I did not like him from minute one, literally the first time we see his face I went out loud, ‘he looks evil’); on the other, a loaf of badly baked bread with the personality to match. literally this dude is so fucking boring like go boy give us nothing. also he left his wife alone for a year bc he hates going to parties or something. dude you are pathetic. stringer where are you, you were so cute!!!

where was the chemistry?!? any of it?! anytime charlotte gave doe eyes to any of these men or viceversa or they kissed I was like 😐😐😐

all the pauses and close ups I feel mostly worked in s1 bc there was actual Tension, but here it was. just. so. AWKWARD.

literally the best part of the season were georgiana and lockhart and THEN that reveal ruined everything! and the thing is, it didn’t have to! (even if I do wish their connection had been totally genuine). ‘in love with the mark’ can be an extremely interesting and nuanced and above all ANGUISHED trope. they should’ve gone deeper into how he’s trying to steal her fortune BUT OH-OH he finds himself falling for her for real and is he pretending anymore? should he tell her the truth? how does he tell her? how will she react? does he choose the money and thus break both their hearts? does he renounce his evil plan because he loves her? does she take him back? instead we only get a last-minute reveal and the briefest, shallowest ‘was any of it real’ ‘yeah sure’ exchange which matters NOTHING. they could’ve had their cake and ate it too with some fucking delicious drama and they chose to do absolutely nothing. we lost the adorable otis for this?? can someone go get him back please??

on the topic of otis, I guess lennox’s and colbourne’s willingly shitty treatment of lucy can be forgiven or at least they are meant to be somewhat sympathetic, but poor otis who lives in a uberracist society and was just trying to avoid some terrible debt collectors is banished forever I guess.

also??? why didn’t lockhart just use a fake name in sanditon if he was trying to grift someone there who had connections with the guy who knew he wanted the fortune?? hello?? just make up a fucking name, it’s 1812????

allison and fraser were cute but they barely interacted. not a very believable romance development imo, too fast.

they pulled the ol’ ‘omg my corset is too tight!! *faint*’ bs like... I’ve only watched youtube vids and I know that in the regency they wore stays which were not boned and were not very constricting and also bc of the regency silhouette there would’ve been very little point in tightlacing since you can’t see the waist. at least there were no corsets on bare skin thank god (I don’t really care about historical accuracy, but this bothers me).

speaking of costumes, while they were mostly ok, charlotte’s shirts (and 99% of her governess outfits) were so ugly. and in some scenes I was just so ‘um what is georgiana wearing’. idk if they’re trying to make her stand out bc she’s kind of a rebel or bc she’s so rich that they consider her ‘fashion-forward’ but either way, what.

*deep breath* ok so this season really fucking annoyed my anti kids agenda lmao. let me explain. first of all who looks at a sequel and thinks ‘the first one was good, but you know what this needs? an annoying kid!!’ well some people do, as we can see in the mummy returns and legend of zorro, and so I guess the sanditon writers looked at those pests and were like ‘oh shit how about two??’ ok leonora isn’t that bad after the first ep, but WOW augusta is the fucking worst. I don’t care your parents died you just tried to trick a woman into getting fired just after she confided in you that her fiancé died. you’re a fucking asshole I don’t care that you’re 18. like for real they were so fucking annoying.

so like...... why were so many female plotlines about children this season. like yeah it’s the regency, I get that motherhood was an expected wish for women and what was meant to happen after marriage. but you use other anachronisms without a care and also you’re suppossed to tell an interesting story, so you can fucking pump the brakes on the child-rearing focus. no less than 3 female characters’ main arcs were about that.

first, where does esther’s incredibly strong desire to have kids come from. it’s literally all she wants suddenly but she can’t and every scene is about that. this to me is the most forgivable one bc her husband’s actor did not come back and it’s not bad that she wanted kids, but like. give her something else, god.

second, charlotte got shoved into the terrible and tired ‘spirited nanny/tutor helps a single dad love his kids bc he can’t muster up the fucking decency to do it on his own’ plot. uggh. also yeah, no shit the ‘good option’ in the love triangle is gonna be the guy who has kids. portray a nuclear family option as the ‘bad option’? goodness no. what are we to do, show that charlotte becoming inserted in this family is anything less than her pefect life? of course not. you’re supposed to want kids and to want to take care of kids even if they’re terrible and you have no real obligation to and their father is a piece of peeled-off wallpaper.

ironically enough though, charlotte got one (1) scene with mary and tom’s children, whereas in s1 she was spending a lot of time with them. honestly it feels to me like they are downplaying charlotte’s connection with all the parkers in general (she was barely involved with any of their plotlines, ditto for georgiana, they’re supposed to be friends...) bc she now has to fit into the colbourne family. if you have to downplay or erase a character’s meaningful connections to put a love interest (+kids) in their life, maybe that’s not great.

third, they ruined clara with this pregnancy storyline. first of all, she is a ruthless yet sympathetic and complex villain, use her for something more interesting than an incubator and baby delivery service to esther. they went back and forth on ‘she doesn’t want to be a mother-no wait she suddenly loves the baby now actually-oh wait she’s leaving him with esther’ like, why. I also really hate the trope that babies somehow make you a better person or that an unwanted pregnancy becomes wanted the second you hold that baby or breastfeed or some bullshit. that’s not true, and I think it’s a very harmful idea bc it implies that all women secretly want to have kids and even if they don’t realize it they will once they give birth. not to mention that clara seemed to be suffering from post-partum depression and they fixed it magically with one (1) session or breastfeeding I guess. at least she survived, I was worried they’d kill her so esther could have the baby.

on the last ep I kept joking to myself ‘what if every season there’s a new love triangle for charlotte and the previous two guys are nowhere to be seen’ and I think that would be hilarious. I also said ‘lmao what if it ended right there’ after colbourne left and charlotte said ‘oh I’m gonna marry this random farmer you’ve never seen’ and THEN IT DID. I laughed, I can’t lie. like yay at least I don’t have to watch their shoehorned “happy ending” for now lol.

so basically the only things I enjoyed were most of the costumes, the scenery, georgiana&arthur, and a few things here and there like the balloon, the archery or georgiana’s portrait.

anyway this show was renewed for s3 (it was before this mess which is the only reason I can comprehend it) and I just don’t wanna watch it but I’ll end up doing it bc it’s regency. I mean it’ll probably be better if only bc s2 was the pits. I guess I’ll see if it fills me with rage too <3

[aqueousablution]

I bring a very "rules for me and not for thee" energy to the table that everybody doesn't like

[twdmusicboxmystery]

TWD 11x06: On the Inside - Details

Okay, let's talk details.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 11x06. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

Connie and Virgil:

The first thing it shows is a spider. I seem to remember seeing one of these around Alpha, and we've seen them other times, too. I wasn't sure what they meant, but remember how I talked yesterday about how Virgil and Connie were led into a trap here, and that points to the same thing being true of the Daryl and Beth in Alone? I think the spider represents someone being caught in a web or trap. And that actually creates really interesting implications for episodes in 4B, such as Inmates.

Speaking of Inmates, we see Connie and Virgil running through tall grass, very similar to how Beth and Daryl did in Inmates. Yet another example of why they (Connie and Virgil) will probably end up being romantic. 

Inside this house there are quite a few stuffed animals. Not the toys, but the taxidermy type. See a fish on the wall, a bear, and plenty of deer. All of those are important Beth symbols.

When Connie goes to search the house, she sees a whole bunch of paintings with the eyes scratched out. If that's not a “see no evil” reference, I don't know what is. A.K/ had a convenient explanation for it, but if this is the Beth template, then in the template, it represents something else entirely than in the reality of the episode.

So, what does it represent? Well, obviously we don't know for sure. But I had the thought that they certainly did focus a lot on Connie's deafness here. We’ve never had much indication that Beth will have hearing problems. That’s something unique Connie's character. But maybe the equivalent of that in Beth’s arc is that she’ll have vision problems. So, paintings with no eyes here are meant to represent that Beth will be similar to Connie, except in her case will be vision problems rather than hearing problems. Just a theory, though.

So, they did this thing where when it was shown from Connie's point of view, we couldn't hear any sound. I thought that was really great. It definitely put us into Connie's experience and makes it creepier. Angela Kang talked about how they did that purposefully to show when it was from Connie's point of view. So, one to recognize is that this is proof that what we’ve said about different episodes being from different characters’ points of view is a thing. We don’t have obvious indications of it like this all the time because no other characters are deaf or blind. But this means the writers consider this and do tell various stories or parts of the stories from specific character perspectives. I’m just saying.

In the bathroom, Connie seems sees mushrooms growing beside the bathtub. That's more of the mushroom/hallucination theme.

When she sees the eye on the other side of the wall, she runs down to Virgil and tries to tell him what's going on. She gets so flustered that she can't write it and ends up carving “not alone" into a painting. Obviously, this is another way we can relate this to Alone and suspect it is a Beth and Daryl template.

But also pay attention to this painting. It is a real painting that @galadrieljones was able to find. It’s called “Wolf and Fox Hunt” by Peter Paul Reubens. I’m going to talk about this in a theory later in the week. It’s SUPER important. For now, notice that there are foxes, wolves, and dogs in it. Someone sent me an Ask about something Norman posted and I believe it's related to this. Norman's dropping hints about the duality theme. So, like I said, it's too much for this post but I will be talking about it very soon. Also notice that the painting is framed with deer antlers, which means the deer symbol is thrown into the mix as well.

Also note that the lighting inside this house in general is a lot like Grady, with it being darker inside and having brighter, white light streaming in through the the windows.

We see a door slide across the hallway and separates Connie and Virgil. This is what I mean when I say there are representations of Beth and Daryl being split up and needing to find each other again.

I wasn't entirely sure what was going on with Connie putting her hands on the walls at first. But if you listen to the sound, she can basically hear or feel the vibration of the guy running toward her. It's a little like putting your ear on the ground to hear horse hooves. She can hear his footfalls getting closer and closer. Super creepy.

We do have this one interesting sequence where Kelly is trying to pull her horse forward but the horse doesn't like the mud and is pulling back. Kelly ends up falling in the mud just before Carol's group finds her. It was kind of random sequence and didn't seem to go anywhere in the episode. But if Kelly is a foreshadow of Maggie searching for Beth, it's probably a foreshadow of something else we don't understand yet.

@wdway​ pointed out that in 10x19, we saw Father Gabriel fall into the mud when he was with Aaron. So, chances are, these are both foreshadows of the same thing, but we don’t know what yet. 

We see Connie finding bones in the basement. The walls shake and she climbs into the vent, moving into the passages between walls. This is where she sees Virgil in the outer room, running from the same people she is. This part really creeped me out because my first thought was that he wouldn't know that this was her rather than one of the creatures. I totally didn't see it coming that one of the creatures would walk up behind him. Seriously creepy.

This is another representation of no exit, as I said yesterday, and of Beth trying to warn Daryl of something but not being able to.

I also noticed at this part, the guy Virgil was fighting with said, "hungry." That's in keeping with the idea that these people were cannibals, but it also occurred to me that in the broader, CRM situation, this might indicate something to do with famine and resources.

But here's the other thing. Maybe this goes to the heart of it. I said in the Matrix theory that we don't really know what the CRM is doing, resource-wise, and that’s true. Isobel told Al it had something to do with purifying water, but I’m sure it’s more complicated than that.

The thing is, we've seen several indications of cannibalism now, which all seem to point forward, toward some bigger arc we haven’t seen yet. I mean, it's sort of started in 4x01 with Clara trying to feed Rick to her walker husband. Of course there was Terminus, which was a thing (sort of) in the comic books, but everything about Terminus foreshadowed things we haven't seen yet. This season we have that story Maggie told, and now this Virgil/Connie arc. I just can't help but think maybe one of the things the CRM is doing is using people as a resource in a literal way by eating them. Conjecture on my part, but it does make sense given the symbolism we've seen.

After Connie manages to let Virgil know it's her and not one of the monsters, he pulls her out of the wall, and they hug. This is one of the reasons people are feeling like this might be a romance. It is kind of reminiscent of the Bethyl hug and had a certain intimacy to it.

Later that night, we see Kelly arrive at the same place that Connie and Virgil were at the very beginning. In this case, she goes the wrong way. The opposite direction to the one Connie and Virgil took. The interesting thing is, we see the mailbox has fallen over.

I will post about all the mailboxes later in the week. I do think it attests to the Matrix theory and points to the CRM. I'll explain how I think it was used in this episode when I get to that post. But even showing Kelly go the wrong way is kind of interesting. In the episode, it just means that at some point her group must have doubled back to the house. We’re never told why. Maybe they went that way and didn't find anything, and so decided to come back. Or maybe they heard screaming coming from the house and that brought them back. Either way, I'm sure it's foreshadowing something in the future.

I’m also thinking that the storm we see here is probably important. It doesn’t play a very big part in this episode, but I don’t think it can be unimportant that there’s a storm going on (think Them) while Kelly is searching so close to Connie.

We also see Virgil and Connie talking inside. He says he's never seen people this far gone. "To herd us like prey." That's a “too far gone” reference, which we've seen since S4 and Rick's speech at the prison. And I talked about the fact that this they were herded into this trap yesterday. This is where we get a lot of Beth and Daryl dialogue.

Virgil talks about how he wants to get her HOME, how he wants to get her back to her family. This is also where he talks about losing himself for a long time and Michonne giving him a second chance. Basically, he's willing to die, willing to sacrifice himself to get her back to her sister. But Connie says no, we do this together. *coughs* Bethyl *coughs*

Right after that, they hear the monsters in the house start grunting and Virgil says, “time’s up” and they jump up and run. I just couldn’t help but think of the “time escapes” reference from the clock in Still.

I talked about how I think Virgil being hurt represents Daryl getting hurt and Beth saving him, but also want to point out that we've got a getting-stabbed-in-the-back theme going on this season. We also saw it with Bossi, who Pope threw into the fire. Maggie nailed him in the back with one of her knives and Pope made a big deal about how his wounds were on his back. At it’s core, it’s probably a betrayal theme (another connotation for stabbing someone in the back) and given that Daryl is already planning to betray Leah, that makes sense, and may be the reason for it. We’ll have to see where it goes.

Connie covers herself and guts and lets walkers in. That's how she saves herself and Virgil. I'm assuming that will correlate to something with Beth and Daryl that’s similar.

Daryl and Leah:

In the torture scene with Frost, I just wanted to point out that they're torturing him using fingernail methods, and then Daryl cut off one of his fingers. They specifically did not waterboard him. Waterboarding wouldn’t be the only form of torture the Reapers are familiar with, but the point is, it's a purposeful choice on the part of the writers. Daryl was tortured by water, but Frost wasn't.

(Love how the light is shining down on Daryl’s wings in this picture.)

At one point, Frost says something to Daryl about how are they going to just keep staring dreamily at one another. Kind of an odd reference, no? On the one hand, I think it's a reference to Bethyl, because while the two of them stared dreamily at each other over dinner, there was Frosty Cola on the table. But on the other hand, it could also be a reference to the hallucination theme.

When Daryl and Leah and the rest of them go to check out the town, Daryl stops next to a van that has its hatchback open. It just another way of showing a trunk being open. He uses power lines to alert Maggie to their presence. Could be part of the power/battery/lamp theory.

At this point, Daryl also puts his hand on a mailbox. Once again, I’ll go over the mailboxes later in the week, but this seemed very purposeful to me.

Incidentally, we learn more of the Reapers’ names. Powell, Washington, Fish, and of course Carver. Washington could be a reference to the revolution theme (George Washington). I also thought of George Washington Carver. He was a famous scientist who worked on agricultural methods for eradicating famine.  👀

And of course there's Fish. It sounds like their names that are purposely chosen for their symbolism.

I’ve already said I get heavy Claimer vibes from the Reapers. That was definitely reinforced here. When Carver and Daryl were arguing, Carver kept saying that he was chirping. He said, “Chirp, chirp” to Daryl several times. Which is clearly a bird reference.

But then he also says, “if this dirt bag wants to play, I’ll teach him the rules.” Which is almost a direct call back to Lenny saying that they had to, "teach Daryl." And this extends even to what happens in this episode. Maggie and her group getting out of the house while the Reapers are still inside was very reminiscent of Rick getting out of the Claimer house without them realizing it. I’ve pointed out before how much the situation is like that one. The Claimers were hunting Rick, and Daryl ends up joining them. Here, the Reapers are hunting Maggie for some as yet unknown reason, and Daryl has joined them.

I want to point out a cryptic conversation that Carver, Leah, and Daryl have here.

Carver, talking about Daryl: We both know who he is, deep down.

Leah: What?

Carver: I was there, remember? After? Do you really think this is going to end any different?

Leah: So this is what? You looking out for me?

Carver: Always.

Then she basically calls bullsh*t on that because he allowed Pope to lock her in a room that was set on fire.

But what are they talking about here? In a generic way, it sounds like Leah tends to trust people that she shouldn't, and it always ends badly. Carver is telling her that she shouldn't trust Daryl or it's gonna happen again.

But we’re also kind of thinking that he's actually talking about Daryl here. When he says “after,” maybe he means after Daryl left Leah the first time, in Find Me. So what does he mean about what happened after? It sounds like Leah didn't handle it so well. Did she try to commit suicide? Did she do something else? We don't know. It was just a really cryptic conversation and it's hinting at something we haven't seen yet.

But after that conversation, Carver also says, "You’re not seriously gonna —" but he gets cut off. Sirius reference.

Finally, let’s talk about the title. On the Inside. One thing we’ve learned is that when there are multiple story lines going on in an episode, the title must refer to all of them in one way or another. And often, it will be literal for one story but symbolic for another.

The most obvious meaning of the title is from Daryl’s story line. He’s the “inside man” in the Reapers organization, and is spying on behalf of Maggie and the rest of his people.

But what about Connie and Virgil? Inside of what? The house? Maybe, but that’s pretty cheesy. This is another reason I think this foreshadows Beth and Daryl being inside the CRM. On the “inside” of that organization and trying to get out.

TTD:

A quick note on The Talking Dead for this episode. There weren’t any massive TD smoking guns or anything, but I wanted to point out how they react to the idea of romance between Connie and Virgil.

I’ve said this about a million times, but they only let the actors tease romance partners for Daryl when they AREN’T going to happen. So, I often point to when Lauren Ridloff was first on TTD in S9. People asked about a Connie/Daryl relationship and she made a Daryl/Connie shower joke. Most of the fandom took that to mean they would go canon, but the opposite is actually true. Every time they’ve made that joke, it hasn’t happened. 

Meanwhile, with Beth, who was the only one he had really obvious romantic chemistry with, and for whom Daryl’s feelings have now been confirmed, they’re constantly directing us away from it. Saying things like, they were brother and sister, or we didn’t miss out on any great romance, Daryl felt about her like he felt about Sophia, etc. And that, to me, says that Bethyl is the one that will happen. The other things are just teases, but they’re directing us away from the truth so that it’s more of a surprise when it happens. (Not that it will be for TD, but for most of the fandom it will be.) 

Anyway, they kind of did the same thing with Connie and Virgil. Again, remember that when they asked LR about Daryl, she teasingly suggested it would happen and made a sex joke. But here, when asked about Connie and Virgil, she acted like it was absurd and she never would have thought of that. And if you ask me, there was WAY more going on in this episode between Connie and Virgil than there ever was between Connie and Daryl.

That, coupled with all the Alone references, and I’m relatively sure Connie and Virgil will be a thing. Because they aren’t canon yet, I can’t prove it. But if/when they do, we can point at this as more evidence of what won’t go canon, and what will. I’m just mentioning.  😉

I think that's all the details I have for now. This is definitely a super interesting episode and I'll be talking more about it over the next few days. Thoughts?

[theinsanecrayonbox]

heh, ok a little Timeloop AU musings

so already established that for some reason, Arkady was physically sent back in time. was aiming to get to Edmonton before Zeb locked Victor in the basement, but missed the mark. so Arkady helps teenage Victor escape early, and the two go raising Saul on the railroad for a few years.

this changes things cause Vic doesn’t get with Nightwolf, and Jacob isn’t born...and somehow that ripple changes things enough to ruin Logan’s life, so he gets a temporary time jump back.

the ripple really is that Misha gets born waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too early. so Logan’s sent back to stop that from happening.

and he does, he hunts them down, kills Arkady. in the process, the rail camp gets slaughtered similarly like the original timeline, so things go back to normalish. because Vic escaped the slaughter with young Saul, goes home, yadda yadda.

now the new info; Arkady really did his best to avoid the future spoilers. heck, he had to fight off Vic’s advances for the longest time because he was technically underaged here you know...ANYWAYS, that aside, he didn’t give future spoilers. EXCEPT when Logan showed up, it wasn’t an immediate slaughter fest, they had running away time, and when it became clear to Arkady that the only way to protect Victor and Saul was to sacrifice himself, he did give Victor a few spoilers before telling him to run

probably mentions of Weapon X, to ensure that they woudl meet again

but...he also mentioned Leni and Graydon. because he came back in time to try to make Vic’s life better, and loosing out on the relationship with Graydon is something he’s regretted. so in the new timeline, Victor vaguely knows that when he meets Leni, he’s gonna get knocked up; still doesn’t know when, but maybe he can actually pick up on eth subtle symptoms he missed the first time around? so that ;eaves two options that both end the same way;

1) once he realizes he’s pregnant with Graydon, he just ghosts on the mission, and goes back to Clara (and his mom should still be alive then right? maybe??) and he has Graydon off the grid, leaving him with Clara so he can go back to missions as usual 2) never realizes he’s pregnant, but knows that the seemingly stillborn Graydon isn’t, so he runs off with the baby before Leni/Mystique can, and again goes and gives him to Clara to raise safely off the grid

because due to things this time around, Clara and Victor have a better relationship, so sure she’d take her nephew for safety. this also lets Graydon not grow up into a mutant hating scumbag. he...still has some self hating issues and parental abandonment issues sure, since he inherited no mutant traits and you know his parent did dump him on his aunt for the majority of his life, but he isn’t a terrorist now (hopefully)

i also don’t recall if i mentioned this in a past incarnation of this plot, but the Weapon X baby might survive here too? but that’s also the trigger that lets Vic and Arkady (who has joined up with the team/program by that point) know that the program is screwing with their heads too, because at this point Arkady is still sterilized and Victor had not slept with anyone else, so there’s no way he should be pregnant on his own accord. so that lets the two of them defect from the program, and maybe end up back with Clara...which lets Graydon have his venting session with his dad. but then again, Weapon X baby might be stillborn still too...

idk, i’m just slowly piecing ideas for this au together cause it’s self indulgent lol. maybe Kylie belongs here then? hm.....

[ichika27]

Mairimashita! Iruma-kun s2 ep18

Was gonna post this days ago but I decided to do twewy-related stuff first lol.

Anyways, lots of pictures below again. At least 20, I think. Talks of ships below as well.

The last time we saw them, Iruma had jumped in front of the beast preparing to shoot a blast of magic in front of Ronove. Everyone else is worried but don’t know what to do cause if they tried to help, they’d get blasted, too. It seems though that Iruma himself has a plan.

Iruma plans to use Ali-san’s ability to swallow the huge amount of magic to eat the blast of it the beast is going to release saying he thought it was possible since Ali-san is the Ring of Gluttony. Arikured is surprised by this and complains at first but agrees he could do such a thing but Iruma's strength will be needed to succeed.

Remember that spell Iruma learned before about changing the appearance of something? Iruma uses that magic spell to turn Ali-san into this... cat thing. Giant cat thing idk so it could swallow the magic. Ali-san swallows the entire beast and let it explode inside him. Once it was over, the sky clears up, too. The plan totally worked and Ali-san is full!

Does this mean Iruma could use the power that got eaten from the beasts?

Trouble is over and Iruma gets together with his friends again. His friends were all worried about him though and Kalego-sensei came up to tell him he'd been reckless again. Iruma says he hasn't forgotten about what Kalego-sensei had said before at the home visit and that he had now finally understood what sensei meant. He was so used to danger due to almost always being in one himself that he never realized how bad such situations were until everyone else he cared about got affected. He adds that he gave it everything he's got even though he wasn't sure he'd even win because he wants to protect everyone and holding onto that ideal is part of his "desire".

I’m happy this arc helped some of them grow and show the growth of those who already have. Pretty cool.

Random screenshot but I just wanna direct your attention to fluffy Kalego-sensei who is being adorable right now. I cannot take him seriously when he’s like this and even when he’s angry, this form makes it look adorable.

Back to the story.

While all the mess is happening on the surface, Kiriwo-senpai has finally been found by the Six Fingers who are there to help him escape under the orders of Baal. The other escaping inmates are also in the area but still behind bars and Kiriwo-senpai tells them that he never planned to help them escape alongside him and never said he'd do such thing in the first place.

I kinda feel bad for them but they are also bad people so, eh.

Upon donning the same coat the Six Fingers' wear, one of the prisoners had the realization that unlike all of them there who are merely "bad", Kiriwo is actually "evil".

One of the Six Fingers asked why they couldn't just let the prisoners escape, too as it'll help in causing chaos and Kiriwo-senpai answers that seeing the despair the prisoners are gonna be in when they realize they'd never be let out despite going this far will be fun to see. Plus, they're not strong enough and will be caught again anyways.

I missed seeing Kiriwo-senpai’s evil hairstyle. It’s been a while. I guess this answers the question I had back in season 1: Kiriwo-senpai chose to be evil. Sad but I should’ve seen it coming.

Back on the surface, a parade starts and on the float are the heroes who saved Walter Park. While Iruma is properly mentioned, the owner, Rossevelt also shows off his son (Ronove does call him Legend-daddy as in the English word lol). The owner thanks Iruma for saving the park and calls him a hero.

They look alike except for the mustache and hair length. Anime genetics never fail. Does Legend-daddy also sing his own bgm?

Unbeknownst to our heroes, Kiriwo-senpai is around the corner watching the parade. He's surprised to find out that not only was Iruma also at Walter Park at this time but Iruma is also the one to defeat the beast. Instead of being angry at another evil plan foiled, Kiriwo-senpai says that this must be destiny and was happy to see Iruma. He was gonna walk out into the crowd but snaps out of this happy state by a call from Baal.

Senpai really blurs the line between love and hate cause he acts similarly when it comes to Iruma. Congrats to the fans of this ship for getting this scene and also, I still don’t know the ship name for them. How do I tag this?

Back to the phone call, Baal isn't happy that the park still stands. Walter Park is created to vent out demons' evil cycle after all and he has no need for that in his goals as he prefers that the demons go way beyond the evil cycle and just become ultimately evil. Unfortunately for him, the authorities are coming and they can't really do much else so he tells Kiriwo-senpai and the rest to escape already.

After being told to escape, Kiriwo-senpai says that this isn’t the end and declares that he and Iruma will meet again as they are destined enemies.

I guess in Iruma’s harem, he’s the “enemies to lovers” love interest lol.

Iruma looks at the direction where Kiriwo-senpai was but of course, he doesn’t see anything and he’s none the wiser.

Opera gives Iruma back his backpack at the float. As Iruma looks inside for his stuff, he finds the note his grandfather gave him of things he must do on his trip with the final one on the list being "Have fun with everyone!". Iruma looks at his smiling friends and thinks that even though a lot of scary things happened today, he still did have fun with them. Aww so cute!

Iruma gets reunited with his worried grandpa who goes to the hotel to check on him. Iruma says he couldn't go home early as Ronove's dad let them stay at the hotel as thanks for saving the park. Ronove’s dad adds that they are also Sullivan's students so he's happy to give them such things. Iruma tells his grandpa that he's happy and okay and that the teachers and Opera protected them. Grandpa Sullivan decided that the three adults would be given the job of protecting Iruma from now on (and Kalego-sensei felt a chill down his spine elsewhere in the hotel lol).

These two adults are the same. They probably won’t stop talking about their kids if you’re around them. Reminds me of FMA’s Maes Hughes (thought still makes me sad).

While the teachers are discussing information about the attacks, Kalego-sensei goes to his room to find his team on the bed making fun of the stuff he said earlier much to his annoyance. The boys said wanted to stay in the teachers' room as it's better than the room they got but Kalego-sensei quickly kicks them out.

The girls also get rewards and are allowed to get any clothes they wanted which made them happy. Ronove’s dad is pretty generous, huh? Like, I know these guys deserve it for all their hard work but the guy looks so happy that he’d probably still be nice to them even without all the trouble happening.

They are all also given an all-you-can-eat buffet. Iruma eats a ton of food obviously. Clara is having fun at the chocolate fountain thing and Ronove is trying to make Agares eat. Those two got close, huh? lol I wonder if Ronove’s doing this to try and make Agares unattractive or something. It’ll be cool if they became friends though with their very contrasting personalities and all.

While everyone is having fun inside, Iruma leaves without anyone else realizing except for Ameri who decides to follow. They end up at the rooftop by themselves with Ameri trying to calm herself down as she's thinking of romantic stuff as it’s just the two of them. Iruma then reminds Ameri of the question she asked him before about his goal and tells her he finally found one: he wants have fun with everyone. He's willing to change in order to be able to protect that ideal of his. Ameri is happy to see Iruma has grown.

Ameri decided that she also wants to give it her all for her own desires and ambitions. She then tries to tell Iruma something but sadly she gets cockblocked by Clara and Azz both appearing. Ameri gives up for now and tells Iruma to just go with his friends.

Before leaving, Iruma asks Ameri a question - the same thing she was going to ask him earlier! He asks if they could hang out sometimes but just the two of them and she passes out from this lol.

Congratulations to Iruma x Ameri fans for getting a scene like this, too. I also don’t know the ship name for them. Anyways, why is it just the senpais getting a moment with Iruma? Ameri has been getting a lot of moments, too and it’s making me wonder if she’s endgame.

lol also, Ameri is worried about the other female rivals not realizing there’s another threat somewhere else.

While all that teen drama is happening, both Romiere's dad and Iruma's grandpa are being interviewed on tv. The two men then tell everyone how their kids and those kids' friends are the heroes of Walter Park. Since Iruma's name had been specifically mentioned (with everyone knowing the heroes are "Iruma and friends"), there ends up being reporters outside the hotel wanting to see Iruma the next day. Iruma, of course, doesn't like this popularity. With the thought that there may also be reporters waiting at his home, Clara offers to let Iruma stay at her house.

Oooh... will we finally get Iruma x Clara and Iruma x Azz moments as well? Hehehe

There's something new in the ED video by the way! This used to be for Kuromu but now it’s for these boys! Cute!

---

I’m guessing this is the end of this arc? I wonder what the last one will be since we only have like, what, 6 episodes more? What kind of arc will it be, I wonder cause this one had battles.

Okay, the end where the heroes are mentioned to be “Iruma and friends”, I’m happy and surprised that none of the others were bothered by this at all. No one complained about why Iruma is the only one specifically named. It didn’t cause a fight between the entire group unlike what would’ve happened if this was any other story. I get why Iruma got proper credit as he is the one to end the incident and saved everyone around from being fried but his friends did a lot of work, too and it’d have been better if they were all credited properly in the news. None of them were mad though and are happy that they won because they did their best.

Ronove calling his dad “Legend-daddy” will never not be cute and funny to me. His dad, despite being rich enough to own this entire park, isn’t an annoying, arrogant asshole and I like that. I’m happy that most characters in this show subvert my expectations and they make me like them more.

I’m sorry if I don’t tag ships in my mairuma posts but I don’t know any of the series’ ship names lol. Speaking of ships, as I mentioned before, Ameri’s been getting a lot of moments with Iruma or focus on her growing feelings for Iruma. Kiriwo-senpai only showed up a bit in this arc and got a bit for himself, too. Kuromu and Clara only had a bit when Iruma went evil cycle and I wonder if they’d get more, too. I personally ship him with Azz so I wish they’d gets some moments as well. Eiko gets hers mostly on the “Interval” segments.

So... is it possible to have a mairuma dating sim or not? Look at how many routes are available! XD

Anyways, focus next time is on Clara’s family probably with Iruma spending time there. I expect another Valac Family musical! XD

Thanks for reading!

[deadlymodern]

I totally understand your worries about a sim story being a limiting format compared to the story you want to tell - for what it's worth, I think you're doing an *amazing* job at telling this story, truly, despite its limitations. The way you bypass the games' limits with your editing and staging is seriously mind-blowing. Maybe you could try exporting your characters to other formats and see how you like it? You said you wish you could write a novel, why not try that? (Or I guess I know why not - novels are awfully time and energy consuming it's literally not funny.) A storytelling format I like as well is a script/play. It's obviously very dialogue-heavy with less importance given to descriptions and inner turmoil (unless it's like, exteriorized in a v angsty monologue), but it does wonders for writing dialogue and exploring your characters' personalities. and you don't even need to write a full-blown novel with structure if you don't feel like it! Sometimes I'll just take my characters and write a 5k word snippet of them just,, being soft and domestic or something. Or I'll throw them into an AU and see how they fare. and it's so rewarding and satisfying without giving you the utter ache of figuring every little detail out if you wrote an actual novel.

Anyway, I don't even know if this is relevant to what you're feeling oof, but i'm just throwing ideas left and right in hopes it'll help. Just know we appreciate you & your story so much and you're an extremely gifted storyteller 💜

Clara 🥺🥺 You are such a darling person. I appreciate you - and everyone else who left a supportive comment on my little vent, I’ll answer everyone in a bit! - so very much, honestly!

I knew you’d all understand the feeling. Everyone here has such wonderful stories, and I’m sure we all struggle with our own OCs and wanting to put them out there as faithfully as they exist in our minds!

Everything you said is very relevant and reassuring, don’t you worry! It makes me so happy because I feel validated and, obviously, not lonely with this feeling.

I personally think novels are the perfect format for storytelling. I can see the story unfold in my mind as though I’m watching a film and, at the same time, have the privilege to know the characters’s thoughts and such. The thing, for me personally, with novels is that... I don’t think I have a good enough story, one ‘worth being told’. 

I know that every story is worth being told, but... You know what I mean? I feel like my story is just an over-glorified slice of life that doesn’t have enough strength to stand on it’s on, in a novel format... And perhaps that’s not true at all! But even if it isn’t true, and the story is alright, I feel like I am not a person who could pull it off. Not even in sims, most times 😅 I’m just a very insecure person, I know have to work that part of myself, so don’t worry! I guess everyone is overly critical of their own work... 

I do love writing pieces of my story, as you said you do, with your own characters! And that’s what I did, and what made me urge to post a bit of writing along with my latest post. I’m still extremely shy with my English, and my sentence structures, and just my abilities to connect the dots of a bigger picture. But I might do more of these, maybe just for myself even. It’s a good idea!

Thank you for being so extremely kind and supportive. You are really inspiring, I love seeing your posts, and you just make me want to write more and even have a writeblr of my own haha 🥰

I’ll keep your words near & dear, thank you again 😌❤️ x

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Ninety Six

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

April 2nd, 1999

Emile shifted in his seat, looking apprehensively at the therapist across the room. Just because he wanted to be a therapist when he grew up didn’t mean he knew how he was going to be one, or what they were like. “Promise me this won’t stop me from getting whatever job I want in the future?” Emile asked hesitantly.

The therapist laughed. “I promise,” he said. “Even if you want to be a doctor, there’s no psychological evaluation you have to pass in order to get the job. You’re safe to speak freely here. What’s been going on, Emile?”

Emile took a breath, tried to sort through the mental breakdowns he had witnessed and experienced, the crushing pressure, and the blinding fear. “It’s kind of a lot...”

“Well, let’s start with what comes to mind first,” the therapist encouraged. “There’s no wrong answers here.”

  February 16th, 2004

Emile braced himself as he heard Remy come down the stairs. He had gotten Remy to agree to see a therapist after his latest nightmare, but he was expecting some sort of fight this morning over it, now that Remy was more clear-headed. Emile wasn’t looking forward to it.

Remy came down the steps, peered into the kitchen. “I have a condition about therapy,” he said.

...Well. That wasn’t quite what Emile was expecting, but still wasn’t a great sign. “What?” he asked.

“You find a therapist too,” Remy said. “I need one, and I’m finally man enough to admit it. But you need one too, mio amore, I can see the stress in you constantly building and you need a healthy release for it that isn’t venting to me.”

Emile felt his grip on his coffee cup tighten, and he was almost willing to call off Remy getting therapy despite the near-constant nightmares making both of them unable to sleep through the night. Almost. “Why do you think that I need therapy?” he asked.

Remy sniffed a little laugh. “Have you seen yourself lately, mio amore?”

Emile was, admittedly, a little hurt at that. He thought he had been doing good. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

Remy sobered. “It means I’m not the only one jumping at shadows or drowning myself in distractions in order to cope with the day-to-day, Emile. You do that too, in a different way. I may need therapy for my parents, but you need therapy for your grandfather, and probably some other things that I don’t have the words to explain. You put the weight of the world on your shoulders, Emile. Let others help you with that.”

“But I...” Emile paused. He couldn’t find the words to explain the emotions he was feeling. “I thought I was doing good, this time.”

“You’re surviving, sure,” Remy said. “But wouldn’t you prefer to thrive?”

“I mean, sure. But—”

“—No but’s,” Remy said. “If you want to do better, you need to see a therapist too.”

Emile felt his heart sink. “Okay, I guess,” he said, nodding.

Remy tilted his head to the side. “What’s bugging you, Emile?”

“It’s just...I really thought I was doing good,” Emile said. “I didn’t think I was...I was failing.”

Remy tutted. “Mio amore... you didn’t fail. This isn’t a personal failing. It’s asking for help when something gets too much, right?”

“Right, but this isn’t too much!” Emile insisted.

Remy walked over to the coffee pot and poured his own cup. He took a nice, long drink from it, before staring down Emile. “I would argue that any amount of stress that prevents you from thriving is too much,” he said evenly.

Emile blinked. Remy had a point. He knew that. What was keeping him from seeking out therapy? Was it personal pride? A stigma against it?

“You don’t have to be perfect, remember, Emile?” Remy said. “You don’t need to be perfect. And you have my permission to fail. If you see yourself going to therapy as a failure, so be it. I gave you that permission months ago.”

“You know, if I didn’t know it would kill you, I would insist that you go to school and become a therapist,” Emile joked. “Because you’re getting scary good at this logic.”

Remy smirked, just a bit. “Thank you, Emile. That means a lot. To know I can get through that head of yours is...reassuring.”

“Yeah, I can be an idiot when it comes to my own mental health,” Emile laughed.

Remy didn’t. “That’s not very nice of you to say.”

Emile shrugged. “Am I wrong?”

“Yes,” Remy said. “You’re being wrong and mean. Stop it.”

Emile shook his head, holding his hands out. “It’s just a joke, Rem.”

“It’s a self-deprecating joke that you use for self-defense, and I won’t have it!” Remy said. “Stop it. Be nice to yourself.”

Emile was sulking a little bit in response. “What if I don’t wanna be nice to myself?” he muttered.

“Then your mental state is clearly one which needs a therapist,” Remy replied simply. “Which, speaking of. We should find one.”

Emile felt his skin crawl. Why was he more uppity about finding a therapist than Remy? “It doesn’t have to be right away,” Emile sighed. “It can wait.”

“Do you really want me dealing with more nightmares?” Remy asked.

“Well, no...”

“Then it can’t wait,” Remy said. “What you’re trying to say is, ‘But I’m not the crazy one.’”

“You’re not crazy!” Emile snapped. “Don’t say that you are!”

“I’m looking for a therapist, Emile. Doesn’t that qualify as crazy?” Remy goaded.

Emile was shaking, finishing the last of his coffee and nearly smashing the mug into the counter. “I know what you’re trying to do, Remy, and I don’t appreciate it.”

“Emi. Look at me,” Remy instructed.

Out of shock at the rarely-used nickname, Emile did so.

Remy had a mix of anger and pain and sorrow in his eyes, all burning with a fire of determination. “I know you’ve spoken to therapists to get a sense of the job before. But I’ve spoken to them too, and actually asked after some people at the shop, seeing what the shrinks and their partners say the best form of support I can give you is. And you know what they said? ‘You help as much as you can, but if you can’t handle everything, direct him to another therapist.’ Therapists see other therapists, Emile. Even, no, especially ones who are as empathic as you. You care so much about everyone, it wouldn’t shock me if you had to talk to someone to make sure that you didn’t burn yourself out with worry. Finding a therapist a little early is better; that preventative measure is already in place!”

“But I shouldn’t have to!” Emile protested. His eyes were growing hot with tears, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I should be able to handle it! I’ve been able to handle it until now! I should be fine!”

Remy placed his hands on Emile’s shoulders. “Okay, I think we’re on different pages here, Emile. What should you be fine about?”

Emile hiccupped, looked away. “My grandfather,” he choked out, voice thick with tears. “He shouldn’t bother me as much as he does. Especially considering I’m talking to him over Spring Break.”

Remy blinked. “Hold up. You agreed to see him and didn’t tell me?”

“It didn’t seem like it would be a problem, and then you had all that stuff with your parents and I sorta...forgot for a while,” Emile said, flushing. “But that’s not the point!”

“Sure it is. It explains why you were so stressed for the past couple days. I know you took a call from your mom. She was probably relaying a message for you, right?” Remy asked.

Emile nodded, blushing. “I didn’t realize he got under my skin so much. I really am—” at Remy’s warning glance, he paused. “—Not monitoring my mental health well enough to recognize that.”

“I’ll allow that—for now,” Remy said. “Mio amore, come on. Even you acknowledged this is bothering you. It won’t stop you from becoming a therapist, if anything, it’ll give you resources for when the going gets tough. Just...help me find one for you, and you can help find one for me. Okay?”

Emile sighed. “All right.”

The two of them went to the office computer and searched for therapists in the area, each of them writing down a couple numbers to call when they got the time. Emile drove Remy to the shop, and then drove himself to school. He was fidgety. He couldn’t deny that the talk with his grandfather was coming up faster than he would have liked. He knew it was promising that his grandfather wanted to talk to him at all, but he couldn’t help but think of all the times he had butted heads with Remy’s mother. He kept replacing her with his grandfather and thinking how that would have felt.

His grandfather sneering and saying, “My grandson doesn’t associate with queers,” to Remy.

His grandfather lecturing him about how marriage was supposed to be, and not being with a woman went against God’s plan for him.

His grandfather showing up at their house, guilt-tripping him into trying to call off his marriage with Remy. Fuck. Emile wouldn’t do it, but if that didn’t hurt like all hell!

He was starting to understand why Remy was so traumatized through the years, and why he thought Emile needed therapy. Emile was shaking and breathing funny and...and he wasn’t calming down. Those thoughts just kept repeating over and over and before he knew it, his thoughts were drowning out the real world again. He mechanically walked to class, tears fogging up his glasses. When he sat down, one of his classmates gently shook him. He blinked, only being able to see Clara clearly for a second before the tears came back. “Christ, Emile, did Remy do this to you?” she hissed. “Do I need to give him a what-for?”

“N-n-n-no,” Emile stammered out. “Gr-Gr-Gr-Gra-andp-p-p—”

He couldn’t finish the title before Clara shushed him. “It’s okay, Emile. What about your grandfather?”

“He and I...talk...March...” Emile managed.

“What?! Why?!”

Emile shrugged, his breathing picking up.

“Oh, okay. Is that why you’re panicking?” Clara asked.

Emile nodded, beet red in embarrassment but thankful that Clara understood.

“It’ll be okay,” she said. “I won’t try and predict what he’ll want to talk about, but he won’t be trying to hurt you, no matter what he says. He loves you too much for that.”

Which meant, at the very least, he wouldn’t get physical. And that was nice. But it still left too many variables.

Clara glanced around, and said, “Class is about to start. Do you need to ditch today? Or can we talk after class?”

“Af-after,” he stammered.

Clara nodded.

Class went on, and Emile took the best notes he could in his current state. He knew others were giving him weird looks at him not taking the chance to pounce on all the questions, but Clara sitting right next to him, and asking plenty of questions herself buffered the effect a little bit.

After class, Clara and Emile hung back in the hallway, Emile no longer on the brink of a panic attack, but completely worn out and only semi-verbal. “Let’s make this easy,” Clara said. “Yes and no questions, okay?”

Emile nodded.

“Would your Grandfather knowingly hit you?”

Emile shook his head.

“Would he start yelling at you and calling you names for marrying Remy?”

That wasn’t his grandfather’s style. Emile shook his head.

“Would he try and force your hand to get you to call off the marriage?” Clara asked.

Emile hesitated. He didn’t know. And that was where his anxiety was stemming from. He might have to say “no” to his grandfather, for the first time in a very long time. His breathing was starting to pick up again, and the only word he could choke out, over and over again, was, “Panic! Panic panic panic panic—”

Clara put a finger to her lips and Emile pressed a fist against his mouth. “Well, I see where the anxiety stems from, as, clearly, do you,” she said. “Tell me this, Emile: has your grandfather ever tried to take something away from another person if he knew it made them happy?”

Emile shook his head. He genuinely couldn’t think of a time where that applied.

“Then he won’t take Remy away from you. Because Remy makes you happy. And yeah, I don’t know him. I know you think I can’t make that guarantee. But think about it. Would he really try something like that?”

Emile was pretty sure he knew the answer. His grandfather wouldn’t try that. He might make it clear that he never wanted to speak to Emile again, but he wouldn’t force Emile to call off the marriage. Sure, that option hurt, but at least it was realistic. “Thanks, Clara,” he breathed.

Clara nodded and smiled. “Of course, Emile.”