#Compete for Men
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flowersforthemachines · 1 month ago
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Another area Clair Obscur scored gold in is pathetic men.
Gustave is only one moment away from ending it all 90% of the time, and in the remaining 10% he's actively trying to do it. He would say "If anything happens to Malle, I'm going to kill everyone in this room, and then myself" completely unironically and mean every word of it. He isn't only the oldest man in Luimere, but also absolutely the poor little meow meow-est.
Verso's aloof lone wolf TM persona does not survive five minutes of being in the team's general proximity. He folds like a particularly pliable piece of paper with the attempted nonchalance that's also paper-thin. I'd also bet a lot of money that if he was allowed to cry every time he wanted to (and needed to), the game's runtime would jump by at least five more hours.
And I think it's beautiful <3
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i vote that next year instead of reading Dracula we do a Jeeves & Wooster Book Club. those two never got the rabid tumblr shipping fandom they deserved (disqualified for the sheer technicality of being published a century too soon). we must correct this injustice
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wishchip106 · 7 months ago
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they’re playing mermaids
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in the public fountain 😁
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clingonlikeclingwrap · 9 months ago
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AU where the Justice League haven’t revealed their secret IDs to each other yet (or at least Batman hasn’t) and the League, after several coincidental run-ins with him, know that Bruce Wayne is much more intelligent and calculating than he acts in the media. Except they don’t know why—they just think he acts that way because he hates working and wants to get out of dealing with responsibilities or smth
Clark Kent the reporter happens to be attending a gala Bruce is holding when it gets attacked by some rogue or other, and all the guests are being held hostage in the room, and there’s a bomb and everything, it’s all very dramatic and Gotham-typical. Clark and Bruce are hiding behind a table, coincidentally where the bomb is, timer slowly counting down. Clark can’t become Superman without blatantly blowing his secret ID, and Batman’s not showing up for some reason, so he (preparing to just fuckin jump on the bomb and tank that shit, consequences be damned) kinda frantically as a last resort asks if Bruce knows how to disarm a bomb and Bruce (who knows that Clark is Superman and is kinda messing with him) just pulls out a whole belt of tools like “As a matter of fact, Mr Kent, I took a course on bomb disposal back on my self-discovery journey!”
“A what now.”
“A self-discovery journey, Mr Kent, I’d be happy to tell you all about it after this.”
“No, I meant—you took a course on what.”
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sthilarions · 3 months ago
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Charles tilts back against the wall, panting breaths his ghostly body doesn’t need, a hand pressed against Edwin’s chest holding Edwin against the brick next to him. He leans to the side, darting a look around the corner, then jerks back hard enough to knock him into Edwin’s side.
“How does it look?”
“Not great, I’m gonna be honest.”
“Hmm.”
Edwin’s brows are furrowed, he’s glaring at the ground, and Charles recognizes the signs of his brain over-heating, and then he remembers something from about a decade ago.
“What if - what about the Silver and Steel Technique, from the Case of the Bumbling Brownie?”
Edwin’s head whips up. “No.”
“You said yourself, it’s easily confused. We just need to dazzle it a little, long enough to get across to the summoning circle. It’s our best play, mate.”
“Absolutely not.”
Charles grins at Edwin, whose eyes widen, and he dodges back right as Edwin grabs for him, right into full sight of the monster.
Charles looks twenty feet up at the monster, then back at Edwin, then back at the monster, and raises his hands high.
“Let’s do the fork in the garbage disposal!”
Edwin lets out what Charles is fairly certain is a string of very foul curses in Aramaic but before the monster can lunge, Edwin’s at Charles’s side, matching Charles’s pose, arms in the air, hands waving, hips swaying back and forth, feet hopping, body spinning.
“Ding ding ding da-ding ding da-ding ding!”
“Ding ding ding da-ding ding da-ding ding!”
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nyx-nevermore · 1 year ago
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Can we talk about how great it is that Cardan, despite being the male love interest of a fantasy series, absolutely sucks at physical combat? I love that. He has other qualities which are appreciated !!!! And that’s okay!!!
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loop-doom · 5 months ago
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THEYRE
THEYRE HOLDING HANDS
OFMFMDMA
ITS THE BEACH DIVORCE ANNULMENT
THE BEACH NUPTIALS
THE SUNSET RECONCILIATION
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cloudslou · 2 months ago
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chloe grant posted this reel on on insta that i just saw and i know it’s pretty par for the course for girls and women in motorsports but it just reminded me how many talented and driven women r in motorsports who simply do not have the funding or sponsors to compete at the same level as men.
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snowdrop-yoongi · 1 year ago
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my favorite thing about baek hyun-woo's portrayal is that he isn't even a loser. he's an incredibly cool and competent lawyer who also happens to act like a loser
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toyboy-molloy · 1 month ago
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The Devil's Den wasn't an ideal place to spend time with your beloved. A filthy meeting place for cutthroats, criminals and low lives to get a quiet drink and partake in shady business. But Samuel had found a pseudo family in the Devil's pack whom now resided there so John of Liechtenstein visited as often as he could. Perhaps too often.
Lord Capon was always there, too, since his rescue from Maleshov. John still couldn't believe Henry had managed to pull it off, single-handedly and ever so bravely. Just one of his many talents, as he was constantly reminded.
"Henry is a fantastic bodyguard," Capon gushed to no one in particular but since Liechtenstein was seated next to him on the bench, he was forced to listen, "I owe him everything."
"I don't doubt it," John replied cheerfully, thinking of his own personal 'bodyguard', "I, myself, am lucky to have Samuel as my protector."
"Indeed," Sir Hans agreed, raising his tankard to the brothers. After a moment of drinking, he added, "of course, we both know he is nowhere near as experienced as Henry."
"No one has managed to get to me yet," John pointed out smugly until Hans shrugged.
"Except Henry."
John frowned, "only because Samuel allowed it."
"Henry nearly killed Samuel's men," Hans insisted, growing more irritated by teh minute, "just to get answers as to my whereabouts. He would've found you with or without Samuel."
A few benches across, Samuel and Henry watched the unfolding disaster with amusement. As the nobles' bickering grew louder, Samuel leaned over to his younger brother.
"Your lordship needs a leash."
"Don't give him any ideas," Henry chuckled despite the inviting image his mind provided him with. He shook his head as Hans called to him.
"Henry, come here," he beckoned, still very much scowling at Liechtenstein, "break a log in half with your bare hands!"
Henry sighed, approaching like the obedient page he was, "yes, sir."
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devildomwriter · 11 months ago
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THE King
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Man built a freaking rocket faster than Mc and Beelzebub could stop a train and did it all just in time to catch MC from falling off the train top. Then he grants Beel’s wish anyway
Super rare to have a chapter without Lucifer
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twistyoliver · 3 months ago
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bitches will have ONE life experience and think “i should write a fic based on this scenario”
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pinkprincessert · 4 months ago
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Need I say more
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hoardcloneheadcanons · 19 days ago
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I'll Eat You Up I Love You So
A Magnus Archives based Stobotnik AU. Because I crave the horrors.
Trigger Warning: Spiders, Manipulation, Uncanny Valley, Unsettling Creatures following people in the night, Stalking, Gore, Cannibalism, Stobotnik, Isolation, Possessive behavior.
An Ivo Robotnik of the Stranger and a Stone of the Spider
Ivo Robotnik always felt off from people. Like he was missing a script that everyone else received. He had the wrong feelings, the wrong expressions. Like he was always saying the wrong things no matter what he did.
The other kids in the orphanage tended to avoid him. And he busied himself with altering things around the house to play tricks on them, switching the TV to horror movies at random intervals when he wasn’t in the room. Or making the toaster burn in their hands when they tried to use it.
If you can’t join them, you can at least laugh at them.
When he was about 14 a weird mist started following him around. It would be in the corners of his vision constantly. Sunny days would suddenly get foggy on his way home from school. Rooms where he was alone would suddenly get smokey
He was a boy who considered himself very rational, but he swore those clouds had an intelligence and that they were trying to eat him.
He got caught in the mist a few times. Every time he did, faces would get blurry and speech incomprehensible, and everything, Everything in him felt cold. Then he’d run until he could see the sun again and try to stay around people.
The mist only came when he was alone.
He didn’t dare tell the head of the orphanage about it. Or the other children.  He knew they didn’t like him, he knew they wouldn’t believe him. They’d probably say he deserved the mist. They just watched the child get suddenly gaunter and more haunted with no reason as to why.
And then one day, Ivo found a book.
A book titled “A Beginners Guide to Animatronics. Stimulating for Young Minds Ages 13-17.”
And the book showed him how to make life-like, fake people. He realized as he was reading it, that the book must’ve been lying about the age ranges. It would’ve been too hard for anyone of his age. But he could follow it easily. He’d always been advanced. 
Nobody liked what he made from the book. The cold doll-like faces blinked too rapidly, the necks hung to the side awkwardly, and nobody knew how to shut them off. Ivo refused to tell them. When he went to school they just hung out in his room, waiting for him.
And no matter what you did to break them, they never stopped moving.
Ivo discovered that if he kept his machines with him, the mist left him alone. The something person-like he had with him counted. And the longer that Ivo built, the more odd he got. Until his blinking became off rhythm and his walking became weird, and the color of his skin was just slightly off.
People avoided him. That used to bother him. Now it seemed to fuel him. To get into their space and unsettle them, to make himself uncomfortable to be around. And his mentality morphed to suit it. He didn’t need people when he had his machines, when he could make better versions of them that could climb on walls and twist their head 180 degrees.
Ivo kept his machines around him as he aged.
He took odd-jobs as an IT consultant, a programmer and a machinist. They lasted longer if he worked remotely. It usually wasn’t steady work, his personality often ended his employment. But that was fine. Ivo found more and more often that he didn’t need to eat, not as long as he had someone’s fear, not as long as someone was looking aside at him, wondering if the mechanical eyes they saw outside their window was his, or his machines.
This is when he starts taking on assistants. It’s easy to terrify someone who's forced to be in your space for money. It’s easy to terrify someone who gets bit by shiny, chromium-covered things as they’re trying to clean them.
So on one of his steadier periods, when he has a work-from home programming job. He put out a Craigslist ad for an assistant. Someone to help clean his machines and his house when he was working.
And he gets one Aban Stone. A soldier who ended his tour of duty and was looking for a job.
And he’s horrified to discover that Mr. Stone seems to be quite immune to most of his tricks. Ivo can’t tell if he’s the stupidest, most oblivious man on the face of the earth or simply the most fearless.
Stone would clean the robots, and they’d turn their heads round 180 degrees to stare at him and grin. And Stone would simply turn their heads back around, and then continue his task, humming all the way.
The animatronics followed Stone home, and watched him while he slept, staring through his bedroom window, and Ivo got a knocking on his door in the middle of the night.
He opened the door to find Stone, in his bathrobe and sneakers leading the robots back to Ivo’s door by the wrist saying that “they must’ve gotten lost, I’m surprised none of them got hit by a truck on the way over.”
Robotnik found a little bit of webbing on each of their backs the next morning. He thought nothing of it, except that he should probably yell at Stone for not dusting for cobwebs more often.
(He forgot to mention it, by the time Stone got there he was already dug into some network error, and half-paying attention to the world around him).
Stone got bit by one of the machines as he was making lunch for the two of them and his main response was to say “Fascinating! They’re so detailed, I didn’t know they had teeth.” Before turning around and chiding Ivo that he should probably adjust their programing. “I can handle it, I’ve been shot before. But what if they bit you? Ivo, that isn’t safe.”
It drove Ivo insane.
And he was so relentlessly helpful. His job was to clean the machines, and the house. And he did all of that, and then also insisted on doing the laundry, and cooking for Ivo. He consistently worked past his shift and even when he wasn’t bustling around the house, he was asking Ivo questions about himself, bringing him coffee, and humming.
Always humming. In a sound that Ivo found himself mimicking. He had to shut down conversation and insist Stone go home a million and a half times. He didn’t need people, he had his machines.
He knew he was sunk when he started building machines that looked like Stone.
He’d always tear them apart, rip them to shreds before Stone could see. All Stone understood was that Ivo was going through some creative slump where none of his creations were good enough.
And Ivo was eating food. He didn’t need to eat, not when he had people’s fear. He’d almost forgotten how. A fork felt weird in his hand. Most food tasted like dust to him. 
But he did whenever Stone cooked for him. It tasted like care and attention, and he devoured it whole.
At first Ivo refused everything he made, but Stone was stubborn and fretted over him, and kept buying groceries and making him things until he found the exact things Ivo could eat. The first time he did it’s because Stone had put a sandwich by his hand while he was working, only half paying attention and he ate it without thinking. It had some spicy aioli, that burned past his dulled senses.
And a second fear started to build within him that Stone might leave. That the humming and bustling around the house might end, and the one person he could stand to be in his space and could stand to be in his could go away.
A billion times he’d thought to fire Stone to end the fear and this madness and change. And a billion times the thought would slip from his mind as he got distracted, or he thought “one more day, just one, then he can leave.”
And Ivo was getting hungry. It must've confused Stone so much how his charge seemed to be getting listless and tired even as he was feeding him more. He felt Ivo’s head to check if he was sick and insisted he drink electrolytes before Ivo could shoo him away.
Always so relentlessly helpful, always so caring and doting.
That night, while Stone wasn’t there, he repurposed his basement and filled it with machines of horror. He filled it with spinning blades that wailed like people in pain and left his most uncanny and troublesome creations down there, filled them with sharp teeth and fire jets, and eyes too big for their heads.
And then he called a plumber for a burst pipe in his basement. Emergency situation.
He ate well that day. Stone was glad to see whatever fever he had, had cleared up. He was curious about the lock on the basement, but Ivo explained it away with “Water damage in the basement, and the stair is broken.”
And then he had to insist several times that Stone let him handle it. He’d already called a plumber and they’d be there next week.
And for a little while longer, they got to pretend to be normal.
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Meanwhile,
Stone was finding Ivo a hard meal to digest.
Aban Stone likes getting what he wants. And will be quiet and friendly to do so. He has worked hard to be the best all his life. The best in athletics, the most attractive, the one with the most gung-ho, can-do attitude.
It’s only natural that he gets rewarded, that he gets everything he asks for in return for his efforts. It’s only natural that he got everything he wanted from the people he loved.
He liked taking care of people. He had a little habit, a hobby one could say, of finding a single person to take care of, coming into their life, and making them utterly dependent on him controlling their lives completely. Making sure they wanted and needed to do everything he asked of them.
Then he would then ask them to rip out their hearts so that he could eat them.
He wasn’t quite sure when he started to see the little threads on them, that he could pull to subtly change their thoughts, or when he started to look in the mirror and see three extra pair of eyes.
It all seemed a natural extension of it all.
So when he saw an ad for an assistant and house cleaner for one Ivo Robotnik, he thought he’d hit a jackpot.
Ivo was an isolated man who spent all day in his workshop or on his computer. He lived in an abandoned part of town and people avoided him. Stone could take over his life and feed off the fear of his dependence, and his loss of control for a long time without anyone noticing or telling him what was normal. Stone could eat him slowly.
But Robotnik had such a stubborn resistance to human connection that made him so hard to devour.
He pushed Stone out and away thousands of times, he insisted he didn’t want help beyond his basic chores. Stone had offered to move in a couple of times and Ivo had shoved him out, and told him he couldn’t stand to have him around more often than he was.
If Stone was human, he would’ve thought Robotnik didn’t like him.
But he can taste his fear. It’s subtle, in the background, slowly growing, but it’s there. Fear of dependence, of loss, of change. It’s there. And Stone is a patient spider, he can wait for it to grow.
And in the meantime, he makes himself comfortable.
He fills the refrigerator with things he likes, since Ivo barely eats. And he got busy investigating this strange man who resisted human contact like the plague, learning his favorite color, his tastes, his hopes and dreams, growing ever more possessive all the way.
He was so interesting. He built things no one else could! He treated his job as a hobby and filled his life with passions. He moved and talked in ways none of the other humans did. He talked to his creations often, and Stone learned the most about him when he did, finding out all the people he judged in the neighborhood, and all the little ways he had messed with their lives.
He’d sent his androids to listen to the Diazes’ house to find out their gossip, He’d made the Jones lawnmower turn on and off randomly and made it into a lethal hazard.
Stone found himself wrapping web around the house where Ivo wouldn’t see, over and over, around and around, so thin as to be a layer of paint, marking what was his. “Mine mine mine mine mine” whispered over and over in tiny threads.
It would make him sorry to eat him, he liked his fascinating human and all the delightful toys he surrounded himself with.
 Stone found the constructs were just similar enough to humans that he could puppet them himself with his webs. They followed him around docilly. At a certain point he stopped leading them back to Ivo’s in the middle of the night and just let them settle down on his living room floor until he could lead them back the next morning when his shift started.
He didn’t need to interrupt Ivo’s sleep.
But the entire time his hunger grew. Ivo’s fear was to him like potato chips would be to a normal human. It was delightful, tasty, but it was hardly filling.
So he went out to eat. Just to tide himself over, nothing major.
A simple meal, a quick one. A gentleman at the bar who chatted him up, someone he could lure into his house with the promise of conversation and wine, and heat and close flesh.
Someone who he could tie to his bed and crack open his ribs, and eat with the heart still beating, screaming as he saw Stone’s mandibles and 8 reflective eyes.
He didn’t notice the animatronic that had followed him home, yellow-camera eyes staring through his bedroom window.
Then Stone felt fear.
He hadn’t checked. He’d been so hungry. He didn’t usually go to the bar. it must’ve been waiting for him to come home.
He lunged at the creature, determined to control it, to stop it and it skittered away. He didn’t know Ivo could make them go that fast, and he felt impressed even as the horror dawned on him.
He was going to lose everything.
There would be no final meal, no constant snacking, no Ivo, no home, no fascinating conversations over lunch of circuitry and mayhem. Ivo was going to see him, and be afraid of him, and it was all going to end. He’d see the webs outside of his house and move and it was all going to end.
No no no. He can fix this. He’s eaten, he's stronger. It’ll be fine. He can fix this.
Suppressing his panic, he cleans himself up, washes his hair and gets prepared to go over to Ivo’s house and to pretend, to make him believe that everything is normal. To yank the faint threads he had from Ivo and whisper in his ear that everything was safe. He’d go to his job, at the same time he always does, because nothing happened and everything was fine.
He walks around his living room in the dark, reciting it to himself in his head.
Ivo? is everything alright? You look pale. I saw one of your robots last night at my house and it was acting strange, walking into walls. I think it might be glitching. You should check it. See if there’s any bugs in its code. You look like you need something to do with your hands. You do that and I’ll make us some tea and we can forget about this.
Ivo, people don’t turn into spiders. You’re being silly, you’ve been working too hard. You know people hallucinate when they don’t sleep enough.
Ivo, you don’t want to get rid of me.
It’s in a loop in his brain as he walks up Robotnik’s front steps the next morning, all nice and shiny and clean with the most harmless body language he can muster and prepares to knock on Robotnik’s door, certain that the locks have been changed.
He is rather surprised when Ivo yanks him inside and pins him to a wall before his fist can hit the door.
Was Ivo always that strong?
Ivo is in his space not leaving him two inches of breathing room, grinning like a madman.
“Let me see them! I saw them last night, I want to see them!’
“ See what?”
Robotnik made a clenching gesture around his own face where his mustache was.
“The mandibles! I saw them last night when you ripped that poor sucker’s heart out. Let me see them! I want to study them.”
In that moment, Stone wondered if his webs could be tugged in both directions, because his mandibles sort of popped-out out of sheer surprise.
Robotnik had the measuring tape out, to review them and was delicately feeling the texture, and Stone realized it was the first time Ivo had touched him with his bare hand, he usually had gloves on.
Stone’s fingers happened to glance upon his wrist and he noticed that where his blue veins should be there was instead complex circuitry.
“Ivo, are you a robot?”
“No Idea!” His scientist was the most expressive that Stone had ever seen. “It started happening to me in my late 20s, I’m not sure which parts of me are man and machine anymore.”
He pulled up his sleeves to show circuity going up his wrists, through his forearms, and then stopping at his shoulders, shifting back to veins and muscle tissue.
Stone felt dizzy from the paradigm shift, like a puppet with his strings cut.
He sat down while Ivo pelted him with a thousand questions about his reflective eyes, their color spectrum, his depth perception, where they went when he wasn’t using them.
Ivo wasn’t afraid of him. If anything…
Stone tasted the air.
“Ivo are you less afraid of me now then you were before?”
“Of course I am, you’re not human, I never have to worry about you leaving because I've scared you away or broken some inane social custom. You eat people. What could I do to ever terrify you?”
He grabbed Stone’s face, suddenly tactile where he’d been so resistant before.
“You do realize you’re never leaving me right? I have a thousand eyes everywhere and an infinite mechanical soldiers. You can’t leave now that I’ve gotten used to you. I’ll hunt you down. I’ll drag you back.”
And suddenly Stone saw all his webs in Ivo, taking root and finding their place now that his final barrier of resistance was gone, increasing the madness in his eyes.
Stone smiled, harder that the structure of his face had changed to it’s more arachnid form.
“Ivo, do you need your heart inside your chest to survive?”
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He didn’t.
Stone gnawed on the mechanical heart as Ivo excitedly showed him his basement of horrors. He sat with his bathrobe on, low enough to show the cavity in his chest that he’d wrenched open himself, rewiring his arteries, and quickly fitting it with a temporary device so he could hand his own heart to Stone.
Such a romantic. Stone wanted to fill the empty cavity with spider eggs and watch spiders crawl out of Ivo’s mouth as they hatched. That was a new urge he didn’t know he could have. Could he put them in his lungs or his stomach? He could ask him once he finished talking.
Ivo’s heart had pretty little blinking lights in it. It was shiny and steel and Stone was pretty sure he couldn’t digest it, but he was happy to have it anyway. He was going to wrap it up in spider-silk before putting it back in Ivo's chest. It was his. His forever.
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Notes:
Stone and Ivo do move in together.
The murder-basement of horrors continues to exist, and it is Stone’s job to lure people into it. Manipulation is still the main way he feeds, and he delights in it. Ivo will watch the horrors through the cameras and feed that way, while creating a series of obstacles for the victims to run through as Stone and his animatronics hunt them. They have a little game of “who can get to them first.”
Stone does have a full giant-spider form.
They have to move whenever the disappearances get too suspicious. They got married when they found they could get into more docile, unsuspecting suburban neighborhoods as a couple.
Ivo tries creating robotic bugs for Stone to chase for enrichment. Stone finds it a little insulting, especially since his main prey is people.
Stone does, however, find the robotic spiders that Ivo created to join Stone in the murder basement when he hunts very romantic.
Once Ivo finds the Stone can hold him with 3 pairs of limbs, (4 if they’re lying down) He feels neglected if Stone only holds him with two. He has not slept outside of a cocoon since they started sleeping together.
Stone has adjusted to the fact that most of the appliances in their home have some extra sentience due to Ivo. The toaster will try to escape if he uses it. He’s tried to web it to the wall, and it gnawed through it. It is one of the few things in the house he cannot control.
Most people think that Stone is out of Robotnik’s league and don’t understand why they’re together. That is a trap. Their basement is littered with the bodies of people who thought they could seduce Stone away from Ivo. It’s his favorite method of hunting because he gets to eat someone who ever doubted their romance.
Robotnik does not let Stone fill his stomach or lungs with spiders. Instead, he makes an entirely separate organ for himself called his "egg-sac" that Stone can fill as much as he wants, to the same effect.
Freaks. Run.
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tevos · 8 days ago
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absolutely full of a cold and self-pity but it’s been such a funny-weird week at work. i have scattered my flower bombs along the outdoor space that i decided was going to be my garden (my boss has just left me to it). we’ve filled the garden box that one of the guys built me with compost, and one of the engineers ran me to a couple different supermarkets on lunch to buy plants for it. i’ve now got the workshop manager telling me that we should use some old machine parts to make funky fresh flower pots. the warehouse controller wants to get little nametags for the plants that we can name after all of us. i cannot quite believe how indulged i have been, but i love it so much. and how involved everybody suddenly wants to be in my silly little project lmao
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misterbitches · 2 months ago
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💗 💕 💗
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