#Confronting Trauma

[gampix]

Guilt.

[mydayswithtarotbystella]

Breaking Free: Letting Go and Moving Forward

Today, I felt completely fed up. Fed up with being caught in a negative spiral, a spiritual downwards spiral. I’ve experienced ego death in its entirety, reaching the brink of my existence. It felt like someone else had taken over my body, my eyes, my functions, leaving me to barely exist. I feel as if I have no control over anything spiritual. It doesn’t respect me or listen to me, and when I…

[onnahu]

Shen Qingqiu is so funny bc what do you mean all the other mxtx protagonist confront their trauma, beat the big bad and find their peace with the loved ones knowing the dead are at peace, while sqq just refuses to think about anything that makes him slightly emotionally vunereable, instead coping with a terrible humor?

Like, literally the first book, he kills the skinner demon. There is like, one sentence that goes 'oh shit i killed someone, but that's just a book character, but also i killed someone, actually whatever i'll just not think about it' and proceeds to shove the whole ordeal into a neat small box at the back of his mind to be never opened again.

The family he left behind? What family. What life? I don't know what you're on, so imma just make a dick joke and not think about it ever again.

[theshortjew2]

one thing i’m not seeing much of in the “jeremy uses sex as self-harm” conversation is that, i think, there’s some strategy on his part as to when and with whom he has sex. he has sex to distract himself from his inner turmoil, to chase the high that hooking up brings him. and i was thinking, okay, that tracks, but why not hook up with someone nicer? and i’ve thought of two core reasons:

1. he goes to people he knows will say yes

2. he goes to people he knows will say yes regardless of his well-being and who will not ask him what’s wrong/try to check in on him

jeremy does not want to confront his mental health struggles in general, but especially not in the moment of a crisis. while not the same, we know neil dissociated so hard at evermore that he didn’t even know how he got back home. jeremy, however, continuously forcefully rips his thoughts away from unpacking his relationship with his family. sex is one of the main ways he does this! so for there to be a possibility of a hook up saying “i won’t do this with you while you’re so worked up” or “what’s going on? talk to me” is far too scary a risk for him to even consider taking in his moments of weakness. he just wants to hook up with someone who will use his body like a means to an end. he wants to feel pleasure, numb the pain, and leave. he has a list of people who will say yes to him 10/10 times, regardless of how he’s doing. why find anyone new to screw around with? jeremy’s probably thinking, “does it even matter how he treats me if i just want to feel good physically? it’s not like he’s my boyfriend?”

do i think some of the sex stuff is self-harm because he actively seeks out people who mistreat him? for sure. but i think a lot of this is part of an elaborate strategy to avoid confronting his feelings.

personally very interested to see where jean might fit into this dynamic.

[wizardofwizz]

*gently side-eyeing gale, lae'zel, shadowheart, and durge*

[disgracefulthings]

At a Peak Lord Meeting

Yue Qingyuan: Shidi, why do you have a child with you?

Shang Qinghua: This is Wei Ying, he is my new son. Also if the Jiang clan asks about me, pretend you don't know me

Shen Qingqiu: Should I even ask?

Shang Qinghua: They were abusing him! If they are going to mistreat him then they don't deserve him!

Yue Qingyuan, sighing: Fine then

Shang Qinghua: When we get home I will introduce you to A-Yao, your new big brother

Wei Ying, tearing up: What about shijie and chengcheng?

Shang Qinghua: Fine, I'll kidnap them too

Yue Qingyuan: Shidi, please!

[anticidic]

Fascinated by this 👀 specifically, 'As early as today' and what its implications could be when Amenogozen is defeated. It's likely a continuation of the metaphor for Atsushi healing and moving on from his past, that he won't "need" the headmaster's visions to guide him anymore when the world is saved because Atsushi's found and gained his strength from within himself instead of externally. He's slowly overcoming the biggest obstacles that plagued him his entire life (trauma, abuse, abandonment) and learning that he is good enough after having a chance to process it and let it out by confronting the vision. Through feeling strongly, he's "traveled" to the past that's followed him up until now, and it's through feeling strongly that he'll look toward the future.

[anthurak]

Okay but the WAY Blitzo just stumbles into EXACTLY THE THING he needs to admit to Stolas, and even more-so HIMSELF...

...only to immediately deny it/play it off is just the PERFECT summation of his baggage, trauma and just how DEEPLY ingrained his self-loathing is.

[mawguai]

If I can dream a little

[barkingandrotting]

seeing new fans of the passenger following me is intimidating because… if i went off about the subtleties of this goddamn movie that i’ve been coming up with a thesis on i would look INSANE.

like the yellow, green, blue, and purple symbolism. the name marsha being used. the way everyone at bbb wears their work uniforms in a way that represents their character without saying anything. the colour of randy’s car. the cardigan being darker and greener than other yellows. the fact that the movie definitely takes place in 2007 or 2009 post-katrina. the way sheppard is wearing all three of the main colours. the way ms beard wearing pastel purple means something. the fact that she’s painting her house means something. even down to benson having an orange rag in his back pocket at bbb.

it’s all so intentional and even on my 200th rewatch, i’m still noticing things.

carter smith, the director you are.

[aventurineswife]

Hi, hello, salutations. This is my first time making a request so I’m kind of nervous don’t really do such things on the internet so this is new to me. Anyway, I have a request I know it says that your requests are closed I apologize for requesting right now but I couldn’t really help myself (O_O) If you can, or if you want too, can you make a teen!reader who is like Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Is that how you spell his name? I forgot) from Bungo Stray Dogs with Jing Yuan, Feixao and of course, Aventurine? I adore your works and have actually been reading most of them (mostly the teen!reader ones because I like platonic stuff) for a few months now and absolutely love them

I’d like to think that after Akutagawa!teen!reader’s mentor left some orginazation that’s like the Port Magia left without a word that Jing Yuan/Feixiao/Aventurine stumble upon them and take them in as a mentee. One they while going through a midnight stroll they stumbled upon their old mentor who basically told them that their new student is superior to them. After that encounter reader tries to prove that they are enough to their new mentor, which resulted in them pushing themselves past their limits. Also they have a lung condition just like Akutagawa. As said before you don’t have to write this idea if you don’t want too! (⌒▽⌒)

“Tell me I’m enough, even if it’s a lie”

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Jing Yuan x Reader, Feixiao x Reader, Teen!Reader, Ryūnosuke Akutagawa (BSD) based Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Mentor/Mentee Dynamic, Emotional Suppression, Angst with a Happy Ending (eventually), Lung Condition, Unresolved Trauma, Confrontations, Subtle Care, Slow-Burn Healing, Past Abandonment, Reader has self-worth issues, Reader pushes themselves to breaking point, Protective Mentor, Platonic Relationships, Power Struggles, Underlying Affection, Jealousy & Rivalry.

Warnings: Chronic illness (lung condition, similar to Akutagawa's), Violence (brief), Emotional abuse (implied) from Reader’s former mentor, Mentions of childhood trauma/abandonment, Self-harm through overexertion (Reader pushing beyond physical limits), Mentor comparisons/inferiority complex, Heavy angst, Psychological distress, Verbal degradation (from ex-mentor character).

A/N: I'm surprised people actually read the teen!reader fics 😭🙏

You weren't supposed to be here. Not under this endless sky. Not beside this man who commands armies with a yawn.

Jing Yuan found you on the edge of the Luofu, drenched in the blood of interstellar scum, cloak torn, lungs heaving. The wheeze in your breath reminded him of a storm he once weathered—violent, cold, and unrelenting. Still, there was something about your stance, about the sharp glare you threw his way despite your knees buckling, that made him pause.

"What are you doing alone out here, little blade?" he asked, voice light, hands behind his back.

You said nothing. You spat blood and glared.

And he smiled.

Jing Yuan never asked why you accepted his offer to join the Cloud Knights. Perhaps he knew asking would only push you away. So instead, he let you linger like a shadow beside him—training, learning, burning.

You hated the way his calm irritated you. You wanted urgency. You wanted the heat of battle, not the quiet silence of strategy.

But he was patient. Too patient. And that patience felt like a mirror you couldn’t bear to look into.

Then, one night, under a moon veiled in red mist, you saw him—your old mentor. The one who vanished.

"Still alive?" he sneered, looking past you. "Didn’t expect you to last this long. Your new General must be very generous. Or very blind."

"Shut up," you whispered.

He chuckled, turning away. "Your replacement's far superior. Doesn’t cough blood after five swings."

Something snapped.

The next morning, Jing Yuan found you collapsed in the training yard, blood on your lips, a shattered blade beside you.

He didn't scold. He knelt.

"You’re not a sword to be sharpened until it breaks. You’re a person, little blade. And your edge—your pain—is already more than enough."

You looked away, but when his hand rested on your shoulder, you didn’t flinch.

You met Feixiao in a crater filled with the remains of what used to be monsters.

You were one of them, weren’t you?

Or so you believed.

Feixiao didn't try to be gentle. She wasn't made for that. Her sword, her fists, her grin—they were all raw, honest.

"You're strong. But strength without purpose? That’s just noise."

You spat blood and turned away. She laughed.

She didn’t treat you like a child. You liked that. She yelled when you were reckless. Hit you when you pushed too far. But in the silence after, she’d cook you stew. Sit beside you. Sometimes say nothing at all.

It was the closest you’d ever felt to peace.

Until they came back.

Your mentor.

"Still hiding behind stronger backs? Still sickly and desperate for approval?"

You didn’t say a word. You attacked. And lost.

Feixiao found you broken, trembling, fury in your eyes. You begged her to train you harder.

"I want to be worth something," you said.

She crouched, eyes wild with a pain you hadn’t seen before.

"You are. Not because of what you can kill. But because you're still here. Still fighting. Even when it hurts."

That night, when Moon Rage clawed at her, you sat beside her in the dark. Both of you breathing heavy. Broken weapons. Broken bones. But not broken wills.

You were a terrible investment.

Aventurine saw it immediately. The blood-stained coat. The dull eyes. The cough. And yet...

"You remind me of a bad bet I once made," he said with a grin. "Cost me my entire board. Worth every chip."

You didn’t laugh.

He still took you in.

With him, nothing was simple. He gambled with lessons. Taught you through failures. Made you fight your way to knowledge.

You hated how clever he was.

You hated that you wanted his approval.

But you stayed.

Then, during a midnight stroll through a Penacony alley, you froze.

Your past stood before you.

The mentor who vanished, smirk sharp as ever.

"Still clinging to someone else’s coattails, Aventurine's little project?"

Aventurine didn't speak. He only adjusted his glasses.

"Your new prodigy’s nothing but a cough away from death."

You didn’t sleep that night. You trained. You bled. You gambled with your lungs until they gave out.

Aventurine found you hours later, collapsed beside a shattered mirror.

"You idiot," he muttered. "You don’t have to prove anything to me."

You couldn’t speak. But you tried.

He crouched beside you, voice lower, almost trembling.

"I took you in because you remind me of myself. Not the masks. The broken part underneath. So don’t break more trying to win a game that’s already over."

He let you rest, just that once. No games. No masks.

Only understanding.

[dangerousconnoisseurdonut]

I had a thought today and I've been wondering about something; does everyone remember the original series episode The Enemy Within? Where a transporter accident causes Kirk to divide into two personalities - one good but weak-willed, the other brash and assertive.

What if the same thing happens to Julian? Some kind of anomaly hits Julian and divides him into Jules as he would have been without his augmentations, and Julian, the augment. Everyone is naturally nervous, thinking the augment is evil and has a superiority complex worse than their doctor (whom everyone still thinks is a little full of himself). If this happens on the promenade, maybe Sisko suggests taking them to the infirmary to scan them both, but Jules freaks and possibly scratches Sisko if he tries to guide him to said infirmary, because Jules only remembers doctors hurting him. He runs to Julian, who explains to the crew that Jules won't let a doctor near him, believing they all will hurt him like the ones on Adigeon. Julian suggests asking Garak to perform the scan since, if Jules is like him, he retains the impressions of people, even if the memories are fuzzy (possibly, Jules sees it as a story he was told, but cannot connect the characters and setting of the story with the people and place he is at now - Garak is different because Julian suggested him, letting him connect the two).

I'm having trouble articulating the rest, but how does the DS9 crew handle the two sides of Julian? Jules is non-verbal, prone to fits, and needs a solid routine, and Julian the augment is full of self-loathing and hatred, not wanting to let others get close to him for fear of being discovered so he acts obnoxious to keep people at arms length. Possibly, to add to the heartbreak (as well as the crews problems because I'm still a little salty about their disregard of Julian's feelings after the Changeling incident), what if instead of there being two middle-aged Julian's, Jules is five or six, just before he's augmented, and Julian is sixteen, just after he's found about his augmentations. Julian doesn't understand what's going on but is protective of Jules since he sees this as a chance to make things right (we all know Julian sees his existence as possible because Jules was murdered).

Jules wanders off and finds Garak who recognizes his friend instantly and is charmed by the quiet boy, whilst he and Julian bond over their desire to protect Jules' innocence. That's all I've thought up, but let me know your thoughts on this tricky problem; who's better with Jules and who's better with Julian while managing to get through to him that no one is going to hurt him or Jules?

[g1rlr0b1n]

More commissioned work from the absurdly talented @ookamihanta!!! Love this so much!!! You can feel the moment, all the hurt and comfort. 💔🩹💖

Go check out their page to see more art!!! Also, their commissions are still open so go check that out as well!!! I definitely recommend them!!! 😘💋

[ollyollyaxe]

more doujin-inspired ranson doodles (the spicy half this is up on my sideblog btw and also here 👀)

[sweetestflow3rs]

READING UR OLD INTRO POSTS it mentions that the LIs each see vanis demon form as something different...!! what does harper see ??? :0

HERE'S A COMPREHENSIVE CHART ANON

this is how ( most ) of the LIs see when they encounter demon!vanida, which like... you can tell the type of love the LI has for vanida based on they see her LMAO

which to explain harper's whole thing, harper SEES vanida, but also like, also a slight mix of her old version. because harper DOES like vanida as she is now, but they also like vanida "natural" a lot too, because it's a much more vulnerable aspect of vanida, her original eyes and hair. cause she changed it due to how much her old traits appealed to people in the town because of how 'innocent' she looked, but harper met her before she changed! and they like vanida's features, both old and new! so it creates this almost like 'combat skin' variant of vanida LMAO

which, for how vanida feels about it

she almost her composure. short-circuited a bit, even. made her feel too vulnerable too fast, which is why she HAS to keep harper at an arms length, they make her feel too many confusing feelings

[chamerionwrites]

Love when I encounter a character, immediately sense that Oh No I’m going to become obsessed with This Guy (gender neutral), and experience the mortifying ordeal of self-knowledge.

(by this I mean thanks, I hate it)