#Eclipse's trauma is starting to come to the surface

[llamaisllama777]

Eclipse, your trauma is showing...

Someone, please, help Eclipse.

[deripmaver]

What’s The Point Of Elaine?

There are three eras of Casca in Berserk so far: Golden Age, Elaine, and Revived Casca. I find that within the fandom, Elaine is written off as not particularly worth analysis, that she just represents a transition state between the real Cascas, pre-eclipse and now revived. 

I do in some ways understand this feeling - Miura has said that in developing the story of Berserk, he ultimately decided in keeping Casca alive only because he needed a way to keep Guts’ rage intact, and not let the sands of time dull his need for revenge. This comes from an interview with Miura from 2017, that he spared Casca because she makes sure Guts never forgets the Eclipse. If I may editorialize, though, I think there are narrative reasons to keep a character alive, but that doesn’t mean said character isn’t being independently developed and doesn’t have their own inner world, especially when Miura has said repeatedly he’s trying to write real people and not archetypes. If I may also be snarky for a moment, considering one of my first interactions on Berserk tumblr had someone arguing that Casca stans read too much into Miura’s quote on her recovery to the point where you can’t even really assume he intended to have her recover - perhaps it’s reading too much into this quote to extrapolate that “Casca remained alive to fuel Guts’ anger = Casca as a character is only a plot device for Guts and Miura had no intention of developing her outside of that.”

Another reason to overlook her as a character that I do understand: Elaine is completely voiceless. She literally does not speak except for baby-ish noises from the time after eclipse until chapter 355, practically 275 chapters. For all of that time, we are given no indicating of how Casca is processing the eclipse (or not processing) - and so in some ways Elaine is just a narrative place holder as Kentaro Miura found his footing with her recovery. 

My intention with this post is to show that it is possible to gain a bit of insight into Casca’s feelings and emotions as Elaine from some key moments, even though she is never given a voice. Much like (in my opinion lol but also I’m right) Beast of Darkness is just a facet of Guts’ mind and not a separate being, ditto Femto for Griffith, Elaine is Casca, and she’s being written as Casca, just a shallow and surface level version of her. 

Elaine has these few shining moments where Casca comes through, showing that deep inside her mind, Casca is there, a terrified little sprite shielded by this childish outer shell, hiding from the world. First, when she jumps down the cliff during Conviction Arc:

Next, when she kills the men who attempt to rape her during the Winter’s Journey. 

I won’t post any more panels from that chapter lol. It would be better if there was just... A look into her mind during those moments, just for an instant. What made the actual Casca come through in those moments? How did she feel, suddenly being back in her body, in a world infinitely more terrifying than the one before she regressed? What happened to make her go back in, in her safe little cocoon of Elaine? 

Another moment where Casca comes through just for a moment is, in my opinion, one of the most powerful in the series: 

Casca has run to Griffith on the Hill of Swords. It’s not clear why - perhaps she remembers their closeness before the eclipse, or perhaps she’s being drawn to the moonlight boy, her son, in his body. All of a sudden, the unstable rock wall cracks, sending boulders tumbling towards her, and Guts isn’t close enough to get to her in time...

But Griffith is.

He protects her from the falling rocks, and we get the page posted above. This is the first time Casca has seen Griffith since he raped her during the eclipse. She starts to shake and sweat with him holding her still, her noises becoming terrified. She reaches out to him with a trembling hand, her eyes filling with tears. Her brand lets out a burst of blood, and her trauma and terror overwhelms her, while Griffith stares down at her impassively. Casca is still in there, and being confronted by her rapist again, she is absolutely terrified. This, to me, says so much about Casca in this state. Again, if we only could have gotten a glimpse into her mind at the moment, even if it was through the jumbled confusion of Elaine. I think it would have added so much.

I kept waiting for this scene to happen again with Casca revived, but at this point it hasn’t happened. Even with Casca in Falconia it hasn’t happened. MAYBE ONE DAYYYYYY.

There’s a particular look Casca gets when she’s terrified and dissociated, and that remains constant from the Golden Age, to Elaine, to post-revival. 

I also especially like that second panel, when she first wakes up as Elaine because her first instinct when terrified is to attack and bite Guts. It feels like a very Casca thing to do, and in fact that’s more or less what happens on their first meeting in the Golden Age, just a tragic perversion of it. Also, her expression is so similar to the one she made when she was begging Judeau not to die.

I think it’s worth noting that the impacts of Elaine on Casca are ongoing, and unlike some of the discussion I’ve seen, I don’t think anything that’s happened to her as Elaine will be brushed aside. As Elaine, we’re first introduced to her because she is absolutely terrified of all men, even her companions. 

This is reflected in the corridor of dreams, in my view, with the very unsubtle penis monsters (which I won’t post an image of LOL) - the association of men with sexual violence and sexual assault. Her close companions as Elaine were majority women, and this remained true after her revival. By the time Guts and Casca were reunited in Conviction arc, she seemed to have lost some of her mistrust of men, and him in particular - but of course that didn’t last long.

There’s also this imagery of her in a coffin, which is again reflected in the corridor of dreams.

Finally, and most interestingly, in chapter 372 it was pointed out to me that it seems Casca remembers her ordeal at the Tower of Conviction, and being surrounded by Falconia’s soldiers reminds her of the mob trying to burn her at the stake. 

There’s a lot to say also about Casca and Guts’ relationship and how his assault of her as Elaine impacted it, but I think that’s been discussed elsewhere and better than what I could. My point in writing this is to show that Miura was writing Elaine as Casca, and that there are moments where Casca seems to come to the surface and break through the protective façade. I think it could have only helped to give us just a brief glimpse into her mind in those moments, and it’s a detriment that there was nothing. In looking at the panels of Elaine, I think we can get a sense of where Casca’s recovery might go.

Interestingly, most of the moments I’ve shown here happen from before Farnese and co. join the group, and as the later arcs drag on I feel like Elaine gets goofier and less serious of a character, kind of like chestnut puck. Still, I still hold out hope that with Casca revived, even if she is in Falconia, we’ll start to see her process what happened to her as Elaine - especially if she comes across Luca and the girls, as I’m sure she will. 

Must protecc

[catiecat1320]

"Please, may I have some more?"

Also, funny joke ideas. Rouge became the head of GUN because she was the most fabulous employee.

The most ✨fabulous✨ employee LOL

This is now canon (she probably did it by accident askjsdjf)

I shall fulfill your request!

Since I'm trying to keep some of their personalities intact, there's some changes to what would be the game(s) just because of characterization and motives.

For the two main hedgehogs:

On the surface, SC!Sonic's trying to destroy the world. Following SA2's plotline, he's working alongside Robotnik to activate te Eclipse Cannon. But his motives are different from Game!Shadow. Game!Shadow is trying to destroy the world because he believes he was told to by Maria. Everything he does is for her: he manipulates Eggman to fulfill his tasks under the guise of obeying Eggman, he switches sides after remembering her wish, he sacrifices himself for the planet she loved. Shadow's completely lost without Maria.

And I explore with SC!Sonic what it would be like if Maria didn't exist. SC!Sonic doesn't have a Maria-adjacent. He's just lost, and hurt. Deeply hurt. So when Robotnik frees him from stasis, SC!Sonic just obeys him. He grew up in an environment where he was given little autonomy, so he needs someone to tell him what to do. He doesn't know how to act on his own beliefs and emotions, because he wasn't really allowed to have any. By the time he realizes he has the power to do whatever he wants, Robotnik's already cemented himself as a higher figure, and SC!Sonic's being manipulated into thinking destroying the world will make things right somehow, that he'll finally have the freedom he's longed for if he just restarts everything.

And Shadow in Sonic's role is also really interesting. I feel like Game!Sonic doesn't necessarily think himself a hero. He does what he thinks is right, and it just so happens to align with what's good for the world. He comes to understand and accept that others see him as a hero, and will step up to the role, but to himself, at his core, he's just a guy (who loves adventure).

SC!Shadow, however, goes straight through the hero route. At Maria's encouragement and spurred by Robotnik's wrongdoing, he takes up the mantle of protector and holds himself strongly to it. He starts off wanting to do the (subjectively) right thing, he thinks himself a hero, knows that others need him, and feels all the pressure Game!Sonic manages to shrug off. He's got a strong sense of duty, and it strains his mental health after the end of SC's SA2-adjacent, when SC!Sonic becomes the first person he fails to save.

And yeah! Basically, they both go through the wringer, Sonic more so than Shadow. Trauma and stuff. They get better though don't worry

Thank you for the ask (again)!! I'm glad you like my brain dumps :D

[mama-qwerty]

I saw you said the song Surface Pressure would fit Callie, what are some examples of the pressure she's got on her?

The main message of Surface Pressure is that Luisa feels like she's "pretty sure [she's] worthless if [she] can't be of service." She carries all the pressure of taking care of things, carrying burdens she doesn't want her family to shoulder. She wants to take care of her family, keep them safe. But in doing so she puts enormous pressure on herself, which is pulling her down.

Callie's abusive past put her in that same people pleasing mindset, even if she was only trying to please one person. She took on every chore and responsibility she could, to minimize the things that could possibly set her ex off, thus putting her in his crosshairs to vent that anger. Usually with his fists.

She also dealt with low self-esteem, as after her mother died, her father really didn't have much to do with her, and when her ex started paying attention to her, she ate it up. Which put her in a perfect position to be groomed to accept his abuse, and live with it for the better part of seven years.

She did everything she could for her ex, to try and make him love her. To make him care about her so he wouldn't hurt her anymore. "If I did/didn't do this, then he wouldn't get angry and hit me."

Even after she got out of that relationship, that people pleasing habit stuck, and she would try to become as helpful as she could to everyone around her. She may not have let people in as friends in all those years, but she still felt the most worthwhile when she was helping others.

She has to be useful.

In Green Hills, she organizes various fundraisers and classes for those who are struggling or need help with school or simply learning to use the computer. She's constantly fighting any pearl clutchers who insist that various books need away from their precious children's eyes, and after the alien kids come into it, she's front and center taking on any naysayers against them. (She's a regular on the town's editorial page in the newspaper, taking on any other letters that complain about the kids.)

In my 'canon' universe, she has her own two alien children to worry about, and dealing with their superpowers (Silver) or their destructive tendencies (Eclipse) is a full time job in and of itself.

In the Knuckles MacPherson au, she's trying to keep Knux's culture close, so he doesn't feel like it's been lost. Juggling that, and the various traumas he still deals with, as well as finding the right balance in their relationship is tough.

And all this isn't even touching on the fact that she often neglects herself to focus on others. She ignores her own emotional state to the point it's ready to blow at the slightest trigger. She tends to keep her emotions locked away as best she can anyway, making it hard for others to reach out to her. When things get to be too much, she simply withdraws and shuts others out.

In her experience, her thoughts and feelings always went ignored, so she never bothered to really voice them. Other people have their own problems, they didn't need to hear her whining about hers. No one cared anyway, so why waste the breath.

She tries to let go of that once she has friends, people who care about her. But it's hard to give up something that you've developed as a coping mechanism for so long.

[primordialsoundmeditation]

This week’s astrology forecast: October 23rd to 29th

Message for the week: Full Moon Lunar Eclipse, will you evolve or devolve?

The week starts off deceptively smooth and even rather quiet astrologically, with the Sun moving into introspective Scorpio on Monday, and Tuesday being a particularly favorable day for making progress and staying focused on most any type of task at hand. It is deceptively calm because this weekend brings a powerful Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Taurus, that is certain to stir the emotional pot by bringing buried issues to light—providing an opportunity to evolve beyond old patterns, or to stay stuck in repetition.

As the Sun moves into Scorpio, it joins Mercury (the mind) and Mars (power, passion, anger) in this deepest of all signs, while being opposite expansive Jupiter and unpredictable Uranus in Taurus. This Scorpio/Taurus axis gets a supercharge this weekend with the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Taurus, activating this polarity. Taurus and Scorpio are both fixed, strong-willed, and often stubborn signs. Both signs deal with ownership and power—Taurus is personal resources and possessions, while Scorpio deals with shared resources and possessions—what’s mine, what’s yours, what’s ours?

For those interested in consciousness growth, Scorpio also deals with the shadow aspects of the residue of wounds and traumas we still hold, that need to be cleared in order to come into full illumination. What are you holding onto that is holding you back? This typically involves forgiveness work with self and others—not easy when we are at that stage of not believing the other person deserves to be let off the hook. It is not until you see that it is for your own benefit to let go of past hurts in order to be fully present in the moment, that the true work begins of facing the less than honorable parts of your own character.

The Sabian symbol for this Full Moon is “A bridge across a gorge”—a time to build a bridge across the gorge of separation between you and others to come back into connection and peace. Most of us would love to live in a world free of war and one way to help is to bring an end to any hostile feelings you may harbor in your own heart.

Monday: The Sun moves into Scorpio today, fueling a desire to know what is going on beneath the surface. Scorpio would rather deal with an uncomfortable truth, than a comfortable lie. The Moon is in highly independent Aquarius square individualistic Uranus—it is probably better to plan a day for being self-directed as much as possible, rather than to try to work with others—this energy makes it hard to find common ground.

Tuesday: This can be one of the best days of the month to make steady progress towards long term goals, with the Sun in harmony with responsible Saturn. The Moon is in compassionate Pisces, bolstered in confidence with supportive aspects to the Scorpio group of planets as well as to uplifting Jupiter, creating an openness to working with others.

Wednesday: An easy flowing day is in store, which is better for creativity than productivity, with the Moon in dreamy Pisces pulled towards delightful distractions being opposite Venus. A sextile to innovative Uranus encourages acting on your intuition and flashes of sudden knowing, while a conjunct with transcendent Neptune this evening is excellent for spiritual and creative activities, or just checking out and escaping it all.

Thursday: The Moon is in action-oriented Aries, encouraging jumping into the day and allowing for spontaneity to guide you. With no major aspects, you should be free to follow your own whims, however, a questioning quincunx to the Scorpio planets can have you inappropriately worrying about other people’s responses—fuhgeddaboudit it and keep going!

Friday: The Moon is in normally courageous Aries, ready to take on anything that comes its way, but a conjunction to the wounded healer Chiron, calls for remembering times in your life that it was courage that brought you through. Draw on that strength today—lower your head down and go for it!

Saturday: The Full Moon Solar Eclipse in Taurus occurs at 1:24 PM PDT, conjunct expansive Jupiter, amplifying its effects in a positive way, by providing an opportunity to evolve beyond old limiting patters. The Full Moon is also opposite the Mercury/Mars conjunction, revealing the specific buried issues you need to face and release to evolve on your path of awakening.

Sunday: Yesterday’s intense Lunar Eclipse energies continue today with Mercury (the mind) being heated up with a conjunction to Mars and amplified by an opposition to Jupiter in the morning. The Moon in comfort seeking Taurus will be benefited midday as the energy eases with an easy flowing trine to enjoyable Venus. An exciting evening could be in store with the Moon conjunct electrifying Uranus, encouraging doing something out of the box for entertainment.

May the stars be with you!

Donations: Although these weekly updates are free, if you would like to support the newsletter with a donation, go to my website and click the “Donate” button on the menu. You can donate in increments of $5. You can also donate through Venmo: David-Pond-17 If you would like to send a check, contact us for our mailing address. Thanks for your support!

Consultations: I am available for consultations if you would like to see how your astrology chart can help you connect with your true self, explore your life’s purpose, better understand relationships, find your right vocation, or to align with current astrological influences. Contact us by email, phone, or through the “Services” tab on our website, to set up a session.

Email: Dpond11@gmail.com

Website: Davidpond.com

Phone: 360-918-8411

[bengiyo]

Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse Ep 1 Stray Thoughts

I am unreasonably excited to see Akk, Ayan, and company again. I loved The Eclipse, and continually lament the shortened episode order on the back half. I wanted Golf to complete all of their ideas, so I’m hoping that this gets them a chance to finish. Still, First and Khaotung like working together and care a lot about each other, so I’m excited to see them get to play at boyfriends together for a fun outing.

This is week five and the intro song is not growing on me.

I know we’re all going to make a lot of Brokeback Mountain references, but the first meeting is giving Big Enough.

Of course it was another Akk dream sequence. They’re never letting us live that down.

Love that we are calling out the film directly. Akk is correct. The ending is too sad. If you think Brokeback Mountain is too sad, I urge you to see the director’s (Ang Lee) earlier work: The Wedding Banquet (1995).

Ayan is so cheesy in a way that really works for me. He’s one of my favorite BL boys because he’s grounded in the unfortunate real trauma of losing gay elders that were important to you. He responded to that by loving Akk loudly and directly. Even as he delineates what a place and a space are, he takes the chance to flirt with his boyfriend.

Okay, I don’t normally want to question production decisions, but camping equipment can be so heavy in bulk. Why are they eating on heavy ceramic plates and drinking out of glasses, but they’re sitting on camping chairs and using a foldable table? Also, why is this grill so close to their tent? It’s dangerous to leave food preparation so close to your sleeping area.

Ayan definitely knows about Akk’s birthday, and likely already has something planned. I think he’s teasing him to see if Akk will bring it up on his own because Akk consistently struggles with expressing what he actually wants.

Golf has so much to say in their work. This quick debate about how much, how often, and how hard to care about others feels like a deep meditation upon which we’ve not even scratched the surface.

Nobody told me we was frolicking!

It’s 2023 and we all verse now! I see what they did with that rider conversation.

Oh, I just got sad that this might be the last time we see Neo and Louis paired.

Pawin stays busy, let me tell you. He’s 3/3 right now with Our Skyy 2.

I love seeing work from filmmakers who love film. Golf going out of their way to highlight and bring attention to the Thai Film Archive warms my heart.

Fun fact: Khom Khongkiat, who we are familiar with for his work on KinnPorsche and The Promise and the role of Uncle Tong in Bad Buddy, was a screenwriter on Ong Bak.

Ong-Bak, but make it gay, was not on my bingo board for Our Skyy 2, but it probably should have been.

I see we’re still doing the Wat and Teacher Sani plot.

Everyone clearly had such a fun time making this fantasy sequences calling back to classic Thai film.

I know we’ve seen Mork’s actor before, and it’s bothering me that I can’t remember where.

Look at Wat starting shit. First, encouraging this split, and then making them sleep apart. I’m here for this drama.

Genuinely loved the cross-cutting between the pairs talking about their relationship problems. Not sure if the translation of Akk feeling like Ayan only focusing on himself is coming across clearly to me, but I am reading it such that Akk feels that Ayan is not sensitive to the way his actions and words impact others.

I’m okay with how often they’ve been taking off Neo’s shirt.

I like how unsubtle the political themes are, and how they’re being expressed textually through the couples’ current tension. It works for me because these issues do cause problems in people’s real relationships.

So glad this show got to do product placement this time.

I need Akk and Ayan to talk to each other properly. They’re both so stubborn and tend to dig in their heels.

I really like the way Neo and Louis kiss. Excited to see Neo in Only Friends.

The fake moons in BL always bother me.

First and Khaotung are so good at yearning at each other, but I am worried about Akk and Ayan long term. I don’t think Akk was wrong to talk about how he feels like he gets pushed around by Ayan.

I am so glad to be back with these boys. The Eclipse had some really clear ideas in it that are still present here, and I’m always happy to see Golf continue to work out their ideas in their fiction. Can’t believe I get to see them again tomorrow!

[aprilblossomgirl]

I wasn’t planning on writing anything about this show before I get a couple more episodes, but I’ve just watched the special episode released tonight (looks like GMMTV decided to air the show on GMM25 channel on Wednesday-Thursday night starting next week, following the Prime’s and GMMTV YouTube channel’s Thursday -- or should I say midnight Friday -- two episodes releases) and I guess some structures would help me.

So, as many people had guessed, it was confirmed that almost all these kids were sent to Home School with their individual trauma. Most of them being neglected by their parents or family, seen as problems and thus unwanted. Each of these kids has their own complexity that needs to be understood beyond their surface appearance. A little note: any of these complexities can very well be a trigger to some audiences so self-care while following this show might be needed. I won’t say anything about each back story (please please just watch this show), but let’s say every one of them is heartbreaking on its own. That said, this special episode somewhat cemented the intriguing part of the show. Dew (who plays Nai’s character) mentioned that while reading the script, he couldn’t even guess how the stories would end. And the most interesting point (to me, because I could also see why this might be seen just as another high school drama) was made by Nani (who plays Tibet’s character), Home School is a replica of a small part of our society. So much a reminder of what Neo said that The Eclipse talked about a whole country minimized in a form of a school. (I will not compare both shows, I swear these are two very distinct things -- but it should speak something that both ideas were told using a high-school perspective.) However, the episode didn’t touch on the possibility of having ‘cult’ aspect existed as shown in the trailer (or will it not be a thing at all). At this point though, I am just already way too invested to see through this show until the end.

On a more personal notes, I always thought that whenever I watched a high school drama, I was somehow trying to project my view as a teacher (not a high school teacher, but still) both towards the kids and the education system being shown on screen. But I’ve just come to realize, it might be not me projecting but me reminiscing. Once, I wrote that I wished to have watched a drama like The Warp Effect during my 20s and My School President during my teens to save me some healing. Actually, having these high school shows now might be better as it allows me to have high school experiences, with way better experiences, all over again. And I love that for me. So, if anyone wonder, why would I, in my age that’s nowhere near these kids anymore, love these high school dramas (especially ones with strong themes and pretty well-written script also good cinematography), so much -- it’s because it allows me to be 16 again. And with the end of each episode, I was transported back here to put everything in place with a new kind of understanding that I borrowed from the show. Just like how the casts empathized with the character they played, their portrayal of them also affected the way I try to see something through someone’s back story.

I’m just loving this show more and more.

[hopeymchope]

Really weird how Mikan killing Saionji is never brought up. There are no signs of saionji being scared of or even hating her for what happened. It's like it was just brushed off. I dislike saionji but still, pretty weird.

This did come up once before around here, but I think the important thing to remember is that we're never given any idea how long they were all awake on the island before those Future Foundation ships arrived there and they subsequently took one of them back to Future Foundation HQ. Based on the "2.5" OVA, we just know Komaeda was the last to wake up, and all available members of Class 77-B boarded the ship shortly thereafter. We also don't see whatever happens on the (seemingly quite a few hours long) journey in-between.

My point is that there's a lot of time when such things could've been dealt with, addressed in some way, etc. And then, when we DO finally see the two of them interact, we only get two short glimpses of them together in the aftermath of DR2:

1) Tsumiki saving her life in the HQ, which Hiyoko gets irritated about - which does track pretty well either way you interpret it: Either as "how dare you save me after you previously killed me" or just "fuck you in general bc I'm a sour bitch."

2) The scene of "Girls A -D" from the Twilight Syndrome case all together during the credits where Mahiru is standing between Hiyoko and Mikan. So... whether those two are directly interacting is somewhat unclear, though it does appear that Mikan might be look at Hiyoko's skewer of meat, if nothing else.

So again, I think there's still room for a lot sour grapes in there, given how little time we spend with them and how little we see of them after DR2's Chapter 3.

I missed this one once before, and I guess my takeaway from Mahiru chiding them about telling her "you reek" (Kazuichi) and describing how smells so bad that it stings your eyes like a demonic eclipse (Gundham) was that, well, Mahiru's not wrong. "You guys are really insensitive!" is a pretty fair statement. Like, it's possible to approach someone's hygiene failings with a little bit of tact, right?

I do love how Ibuki seems legit surprised and fascinated when Hiyoko starts crying about it. She's leaning forward (as if for a closer look) and is just like "Oh, she's crying!" like this is just an alien reaction to her. And Mahiru does at least tell Hiyoko that she really doesn't need to overreact to such a degree.

But yeah. No one in the group really ever defends Mikan. It's something we've talked about around here before. They just blow her off anxieties off like "Mikan's just like that," which might be kind of understandable .... until you factor Hiyoko's abuse into the equation. Here is someone actively exacerbating Mikan's trauma responses, and you're just sort of... sitting there through it.

Speaking of that, here's an Ask I missed a while back:

Obviously this brings up a lot of the same stuff as the ask directly above, but I did want to again point to the time someone Japanese said that looking the other way when it comes to bullying is sort of a cultural issue for Japan. I'm not sure how accurate that is, to be fair. But if that's true, then it seems like there's a lot going on under the surface of Mahiru and/or Ibuki's behavior. (Though Ibuki is sometimes deep in her own head, so maybe she just was easily distracted.)

I guess we don't see too much of the direct bullying by Saionji in the "Despair Arc" part of DR3? But there is SOME, and I do wish someone would say/do something about it when it's there.

But Akane standing up for Mikan in her trial despite not defending her from Hiyoko at any time prior makes enough sense to me, even if I wish she'd been there to step up earlier. Because maybe she doesn't care about getting picked on and insulted — and based on Akane's past history of being insulted or used by people and just never really caring or noticing, I guess that's consistent. But she DOES care about someone being accused of murder and/or executed for a crime, because that's a whole separate level.

I would've liked to have seen more guilt from the entire class when Mikan starts calling everyone out during the trial. She busts their chops for how she's been treated and how no one's ever defended her, and I wish we got more of a stunned silence and remorseful looks from the group when that was going on.

...I'm probably blathering on at too much length again. But for your reading pleasure: There's a whole world of asks and personal ruminations in my anti-hiyoko saionji tag that might be of interest.

[elektrantchios]

i'd wait a million more | c.b

summary: Your husband has been away for weeks and today is the day he comes back. but you can't help but worry.

pairing: Mr Bingley x Reader

warnings: angst, fluff, maybe some swearing and maybe some classic oldie standers

word count: 1k

a/n: short and sweet. was so happy to get this request because Bingley doesn't get enough love. edited but might be a mistake or two still there.

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN

The west wing was the best place to sit and watch the road just past the front gate. It had been three weeks since Charles left, three long weeks for wandering the halls of Netherfield with little to nothing to do. Not only were you alone all of the time you had been sleeping terribly.

You were heartbroken when shortly after the wedding Bingley told you he had to leave on business and did not know when he would return. He made too sure to send you letters whenever he could to lessen the distance but you wished he was with you rather than the letters.

In his recent letter he promised he would be home in the coming week, which meant you spent your days looking out the widow trying to spot his carriage. So far, no sign of him and to make thing worst the letters had also stopped.

Your mother’s voice rose in the back of your mind, saying this is what she warned you about, this is how all marriages ended up and that you were foolish to think yours would be any different. It was how your mother’s and father’s marriage was, why should it be any different.

You hated you were doubting Charles, he had been nothing but kind and loving.

On the sixth day of nothing you gave up with waiting by the window and went to the gardens instead. Huffing annoyed with yourself you kicked the gavel as you walked. You felt like an impatient child, stomping around unhappy with things when you were better off than most people.

The anxiety over your marriage and Charles had growth. In the hours where you couldn’t sleep but laid awake thinking about where things went wrong. You tried to think rational that he was most likely busy or something came up but missing Bringley eclipse everything you came up with.

The clouds above turned grey, you sighed getting annoyed again now you had no other choice but to sit inside and wait, for what you didn’t know. Risking a cold you walked slowly back to the house. You stopped by the lake at sat in the centre of the garden, you stood staring at the surfaces watching as your reflection was disturbed by the rain.

Without thinking you started to strip down to your under things, stepping into the lake. You kept walking until the water was at your chest. Taking a deep breath you lowered yourself down until you were completely covered in water. It had a strange charming effective.

You gasped rising from the water letting the rain fall down on you. Lying back in the water you felt like Ophelia but without all the trauma she went through. When you finally started to feel better you walked back to your pile of clothes.

After you had struggled to get redressed you headed back to headed to the house again. You were expecting strange looks from the staff but instead you found Mr Darcy standing by the fire with Bringley.

“My dear” he smiled stepping forward kissing you on each cheek then pulling away seeing you fully. “Oh my what happened?”.

You were dumbstruck, “I- mmm. I fell into the lake?” you said more as a question.

“You fell into the Lake” Darcy asked from the fireplace looking confused.

“Well not exactly” you admitted.

“Then how did-“ Bringley voice wandered indicating to your state.

“I went for a swim” you explained, “I did not think anyone would be back yet”.

Neither men said anything too confused to form a sentence. Poor Bingley must be thinking you had lost your wits.

“Well if you will excuse me” you nodded to them both before hurrying off to your room.

-x-

At night after bathing and getting warm you waited for Bringley to come to bed. You were far too embarrassed to go back down and face anyone. You told the maid to past a message along that you were tired and had taken to bed early.

Lay across the bed you waited.

“Did you enjoy your swim?”.

You looked over to the door as Bingley entered.

You put your hands over your hands, “I do not know what came over me” you murmured.

“If it wasn’t for the rain I wouldn’t of gave it a second thought” he laughed settling down beside you.

You made a strange crying sound. “And Darcy saw me too. God knows what he thinks of me”.

“I wouldn’t worry, from a story his sister told me he did something simple when Elizbeth first turned him down” he laughed trying to reassure you.

You sat up uncovering your face, “He did what?” you giggled.

Seeing you look happy again he grinned pulling you into his arms. “There’s that laugh I love”.

“Oh I have missed you” You sighed pressing yourself into him, breathing him in. “Please tell me you won’t have to go away anytime soon”.

He ran his hand down your back going up and down. “Not that I know”.

“Good” you said moving to face him, “These last few weeks have been hell without you. I did not think I could miss someone as much as I missed you”.

“I missed you too my love. Like you said it was something I did not know I could feel so strongly���. He kissed you softly once on the lips then on the check. “I will not be leaving anytime soon”.

You smiled kissing him again, humming against his lips. Wrapping your arms around his neck.

“If you promised to always come back, I would wait a million days for you” you said with your face a breath away from his.

“Of course I would” he looked at you in disbelief, “Look who I have to come back too”.

You lent against him, “Now tell me the story of how Fitzwilliam Darcy went for a swim in a lake” you giggled.

He moved so you were both said in bed wrapping his arms around you. “Well… you met Elizbeth of course so you know what a pair they make” as he spoke, he ran his finger down your arm. After a while he voice bended away and you slowly drifted to sleep, sleeping better than you had in weeks.

[bthump]

That last ask and your response about how Griffith could've been someone else and still had a very similar effect on Guts makes me a little sad—especially because it seems well-thought out and relatively likely. That + the way Guts seems to not be able to receive and understand Griffith's actions for what they are (things like him not grasping that Griffith specifically requesting instead of ordering him to kill means something) just is :( Not that it doesn't make sense given the way Guts life has been and his trauma, but it just makes it more painful Griffith came to the conclusion Guts really does despise him. I don't know :'( Griffith chose Guts and all...

Linking the original post for context.

Yeah it's a pretty depressing idea tbh. Though to be fair I don't think that like, Guts initially responding to Griffith's interest in him and general sense of commanding power and charisma, rather than something inherent to Griffith as a person, means that their relationship is one-sided or anything.

Guts definitely comes to love Griffith for Griffith as he gets to know him properly. Like the waterfight scene - it's basically the first time Guts played with someone his own age and got to act like a kid, and I have no doubt that had a huge effect on his feelings towards Griffith.

And it's pretty fitting thematically that Guts starts out like, drawn to Griffith's surface image, what he represents to him as an authority figure, then begins to connect with him in a real genuine way over their three years together, but then loses that and is pulled back to seeing only the surface image after the Promrose Hall speech. It's basically Guts' fatal flaw that causes the whole Golden Age tragedy - the way he's too prone to pedestalize Griffith and see him more as a symbolic figure to live up to than as a flawed human, thanks to his abusive childhood.

And it makes the three years where they just hung out and enjoyed each others' company as people more significant too. It makes Guts dumping a bucket of water on his head, or saying fuck propriety and trying to body his way past guards to visit Griffith on his sickbed, or just riding side by side away from a battle together, all that more impactful, because it shows Guts' potential to heal from his childhood and grow into an emotionally healthier person, as well as Griffith's potential and desire to connect with someone as an equal, someone who sees him as a real person rather than a knight in shining armour.

But yeah ultimately that big flaw of Guts failing to engage with Griffith as a fellow human in favour of seeing him as a god does keep rearing its head, and it's especially sad for Griffith considering that's like, the major issue he contends with when it comes to his every other relationship, friend and enemy. It's sad as hell to see Guts falling into the same niche Gennon fell into, for example.

Guts is different to him, Guts gained a strong hold on him, but ultimately his devotion to his dream and the way he clings to his own false image of himself (ie everything Guts saw during the Promrose speech) ensured that Guts would once agan view him the same way everyone else views him, which is why Guts leaves and he destroys everything, which is so satisfyingly ironic and tragic.

At the very end right before the Eclipse, Griffith actually overhears Casca bringing up Promrose Hall and Guts wanting to be his friend and equal when she tells him to leave again. And I think that like... it's really interesting that despite now knowing Guts admires him and doesn't hate him, the Eclipse still happens.

And imo it's because it makes no difference whether Guts loves him or hates him when he doesn't really see him as a person but only a symbol, just like everyone else.

(Of course by that point Guts did see him as a person again, but that's the part Griffith doesn't know.)

Thanks for the ask! You got me thinking about this more in-depth and I'm glad I got a chance to expand on this idea.

[ofcloudsandstars]

June Magical Forecast

This Month has a lot of change up ahead. Usually mutable zodiac seasons bring energetic and physical change (as they are the ends of the seasonal seasons itself), yet with some stressful squares, a few more retrogrades and the Solar Eclipse coming up we are seeing some big changes coming into our lives whether we are ready or not. It’s a good time to really reflect on your inner world as the outer world changes around you and adapt by expanding your perspective and or changing your mindset. 

Week 1

1 - ☾♓ Sun conjunct North Node in Gemini Moon enters Pisces

June begins with a powerful transit to help you get on track. The Sun will conjunct the North Node in Gemini today revolving the themes of the day around aligning ourselves with our collective karmic path. This energy will help us to develop in the right direction and boost our charisma. We may feel a heightened sense of purpose today or additionally some real issues may come to the surface and we will be tasked to address them once and for all. This is a great time for working on our goals and reviewing our dreams and spiritual path, especially with the moon in Pisces. The moon will make the mood pretty spiritual and creative which may influence us to want to approach this transit from a more spiritual perspective.

Today would be a great day for some meditation, reflection, tarot and journaling. We are near the Last Quarter Moon so it would be a good time for us to review if we feel we are on the right path in our lives and how we can plan to re-align ourselves to reach our dreams! We are as well half way between the point of the Lunar Eclipse and Solar Eclipse. This day may help us to break through any barriers and obstacles that were holding us back from our path and help us enter a new chapter in our lives.

2 - ☾♓ Last Quarter Moon Venus enters Cancer Sun in Gemini sextiles Chiron in Aries

As the moon makes it's final quarter mark, we enter a brief period of reflection regarding our inner progress so far. This energy may feel aligned with the Sun's previous conjunction with the North Node in Gemini and the themes of the lunar eclipse. What do we need to shed or break through in order to move on? Do we feel like we are making progress? Are we aligned on the right path? Additionally the Sun will make a positive sextile with Chiron in Aries which will create beneficial energy that will help us to focus on addressing past pains, healing and finding solutions. We will be in a position to want to make progress and heal.

Lastly this day will mark a new Venusian cycle full of tenderness and sensuality as Venus moves into sensitive Cancer. When it comes to our bonds and what we value we will feel more drawn by our emotions and how we feel held by others. Venus in cancer loves tenderness, warmth and emotional dedication. We may feel more emotional in our relationships during this time.

3 - ☾♈ Sun in Gemini trines Saturn rx in Aquarius Moon enters Aries

Today we will feel a positive aspect of this Saturn retrograde as the sun will make a lucky trine with the planet of hard work. This will be a beneficial day to work on anything you have put aside. With the moon in Aries we will feel a burst of energy that will help us to tackle down any challenges, obstacles and tasks still in our way. It's a great day to focus on your responsibilities and work but definitely in the areas of pending tasks that you still have yet to address.

4 - ☾♈ Balsamic Moon | Moon Trine Sun Venus in Cancer trines Jupiter in Pisces

When the moon trines the sun it is a good time to focus on any unfinished business and wrap it up. You will get a boost of energy today with this lucky transit. Additionally with mercury in retrograde it may bring up any unfinished business or projects we let fall off the wayside. The Balsamic Moon phase is a great time for cleansing and shedding especially before the solar eclipse coming up. Usually this is a good time to tidy your space a little and get rid of things you no longer need, however the solar eclipse is a period of shedding, death, transformation and rebirth and along with mercury retrograde in Gemini and Saturn retrograde in Aquarius really think about what is no longer working out for you or social contacts that are not for your best interests to start waning from. This is also a good time to reflect on your inner world and any mentalities that are no longer serving you.

Another positive transit in Venus in Cancer trining Jupiter in Pisces. There is a lot of luck today with positivity, love, relationships and finances. This is an excellent day for socialization or abundance spells.

5 - ☾♈ Mercury rx in Gemini squares Neptune in Pisces Mars in Cancer opposite Pluto rx in Capricorn

Today's transits may create some challenges. With Mercury rx in a square with Neptune this could cause confusion and deception with people in our social circles. Beware of scammers and beware of manipulative people sneaking back into your life. There could also be potential conflicts arising with Mars opposite Pluto rx. This opposition can create power struggles that  can illuminate inner insecurities.

It's a good day to be self aware of your feelings but have good boundaries and shielding from others. With Mercury in retrograde and the moon in fiery Aries, be very careful on how you communicate and try to be gentle with others.

---------------

Week 2

6 - ☾♉ Moon enters Taurus

Today the moon is in Taurus! It's a great day for rest, earth magic, gardening, kitchen magic and tending to yourself.

7 - ☾♉

There are no other notable transits other than the moon in Taurus today. It's a good time for rest.

8 - ☾♊ Moon enters Gemini

The moon is not quiet yet in it's New Moon transit. However we will feel the energy heighten around today. It's a good day to start any New Moon rituals you enjoy doing from cleansing your space, resetting wards, cleansing yourself and thinking of new personal intentions to set for the lunar cycle. In general when the moon is in Gemini, it's a great day for learning, reading, socializing and air and music based magic.

9 - ☾♊

There are no other notable transits today other than the moon in Gemini. This is a good day to read, socialize, learn and reflect on your inner mental landscape and social circles.

10 - ☾♊ New Moon Solar Eclipse in Gemini

Today will be a whole new chapter! This New Moon will feel like a super new moon as we will experience a Solar Eclipse. Eclipses are karmic events which helps to align us to our best paths and Solar Eclipses takes this energy within. This event is all about death, transformation and rebirth on an internal scale and with the energy in Gemini we will see our mindsets and mental landscapes shift as old beliefs give away into new ones. This is a new chapter for the collective mental landscape. We may get rid of old beliefs on a societal level and give room for new ideas to take place. With Mercury rx in Gemini we will have had a lot of thought focused on mentalities or social interactions that are not working and how to potentially change. This may be realized on a larger scale due to this astronomical event.

On a personal level this Eclipse is best for meditation, setting intentions for applying personal change and reflecting on your mentality and new ways of self expression.

11 - ☾♋ Sun conjunct Mercury rx in Gemini Mars enters Leo Moon enters Cancer

Though the energies will still feel intense and we may want to bolt off in a certain direction with the new lunar cycle, this day is a good day for more rest and reflection. The Sun will conjunct Mercury rx today amplifying the lessons and themes of this transit. We will definitely pay attention to our mental landscape, our social circles, our mentalities and ideas at this time. With the moon entering Cancer the energy will feel more reclusive and internalized as we add our emotions and personal realms into the mix.

However one ingression that will add a fiery nature to the day and the next 6 weeks is Mars entering Leo. Our drive and passions will be amplified and this may affect our goals as they become more grandiose and our endeavors more dramatic. When Mars is in Leo we feel more proud, egotistical, self-confident and spirited. This energy will definitely bring about Hot Girl Summer as this amplifies the collective sex drive and the passion for life is high!

12 - ☾♋ Venus in Cancer squares Chiron in Aries

If anything this Gemini season forces us to look at our social circle and close relationships, it will be Venus in the roughest square with Chiron in Aries. Everything about this seems so unpleasant. Sensitive Venus in Cancer that just wants to be loved and acknowledged will be in the most tense aspect with the planet of pain, trauma and healing in aggressive Aries making some of us with unhealed wounds feel left out, uncared for and in worst case scenarios abandoned. FOMO can feel like betrayal. If we feel unfulfilled in any relationship it can feel like a stab to the heart. Squares do want us to self reflect so if you are feeling unloved it may be time for some shadow work. See if it is truly the people you are around that aren't good for you or if you are projecting some unhealed trauma. Be gentle with yourself and others today. Do NOT do anything rash or communicate raw feelings without self reflection. As Mercury is still in retrograde it can cause unnecessary conflict and with Mars now in dramatic Leo it can lead to a battle of egos. Shadow work can really help today and remember- this transit only lasts 1 day.

---------------

Week 3

13 - ☾♌ Venus in Cancer sextiles Uranus in Taurus Moon enters Leo

Venus here is helping us to get over our broken hearts by bringing in new inspiring energy with it's sextile in Uranus! Venus Sextile Uranus is an aspect when the planet of love, pleasure and relationships wants to work with the planet of progression, evolution, surprises and excitement. It's time to make new acquaintances! It's time to try out new pleasureful experiences! It could even be time to make new friends and lovers! This energy is a bit like speed dating where you can meet a lot of incredible, eccentric and interesting people, but it's up to you to hang on that connection and really make it work for the long term as Uranus is very flighty and noncommittal. However this transit is ideal for experimentation and hook ups. It is also great for new friendly acquaintances that can become long term friends, but in the vibe that you would meet someone compelling at an event; they will completely fade from existence in your reality, and by chance after mercury rx you will find them again completely by surprise to forge a friendship.

With the moon entering Leo we will feel more daring as the moon aligns with Mars. It's a good time for risk taking, tapping into your courage and going out in the world to try something new. Venus Sextile Uranus is great with new experiences that you always wanted to try but put off.

14 - ☾♌ Saturn rx in Aquarius squares Uranus in Taurus Sun in Gemini squares Neptune in Pisces

This day brings squares to mark an era of our history. With Saturn in a square with Uranus we are going to undergo changes in society that can feel restrictive or hard for us to find any form of freedom or progression. It will feel like a tense battle between the old world and repressive mindsets that seek to control us and the new world and the progression we wish to undergo. This pressure cooker of a square will last for a while as both planets are slow moving. Since they are outer planets we will see this affect on a macrocosmic scale. This may cause uprisings and protests to be met with more aggression from the state. It can cause unwanted change on a personal level that can be difficult to get out of and can cause a lot of restriction and pain. The best way to deal with this is just to surrender for the moment. Right now shit is hitting the fan and there is little that we can do but with all squares they just want us to self reflect instead of acting on impulse. This will make us collectively seek freedom from a repressive system and find ways to undo it.

With the Sun in a square with Neptune we may feel easily deceived, paranoid and disillusioned with the state of things. This square can bring deceptive people your way so be careful. The best way to ride out this day is to find healthy escapism through art or spirituality. Aiming to reconnect with your spiritual roots and magical path can give you hope for the future.

15 - ☾♌ Waxing Crescent | Sun Sextile Moon

When the Sun sextiles the moon it's a good time for reflecting on your new moon intentions and applying them in your life. Take this as a first step/attempt or experimentation towards the direction you want. What did you visualize during the New moon in Gemini? How can you work on expressing that in your day to day life? It's a great time for learning and figuring out what you like and what you would like to explore in this field before the lunar phase enters it's first quarter moon.

In general this energy is great for getting any sort of work done. With the Sun in a sextile with the moon we will feel a burst of energy as the inner and outer worlds want to work together. This is an opportunity to just get anything you like done as you will feel a more ease of flow on this day.

16 - ☾♍ Moon enters Virgo

Today the moon enters Virgo. When the moon is in Virgo it's a good day to review any ongoing issues in your life and aim to address and solve them. It's a good day to get organized and prioritize any pending tasks. It's also a good day for healing magic, road opening or barrier breaking, taking care of your health and self care. The moon is not at it's First Quarter transit yet, however we may start to notice the energy shift. The First Quarter moon is all about reflection, strategizing and taking on challenges, and with this energy in Virgo it's time for us to strategize through getting organized.

17 - ☾♍

There are no other notable transits today other than the moon in Virgo. It's a good day to rest and get organized.

18 - ☾♎ First Quarter Moon in Virgo Moon enters Libra

Today the Moon reaches it's First Quarter transit in Virgo before it transits into Libra. When it's the first quarter moon it's a good time to reflect on the New Moon, especially the Solar Eclipse, our internal changes, our current path and how we are taking on any challenges in our way. If we are finding any challenges it's good to use the Moon's analytical nature in Virgo to observe and understand them, then strategize on how to take them on. Today is a great day for magic to break through barriers, eliminate obstacles and or attract new opportunities. It's also a good lunar phase for divination to reflect on our next steps and figure out what we must do in order to make progress.

19 - ☾♎

There are no other notable transits today other than the moon in Libra. When the moon is in Libra it's a good day for attraction magic, peace spells, glamour magic and sending blessings to loved ones.

--------------- 20 - ☾♏ Jupiter enters Retrograde -until October 18th

Jupiter is checking out today on it's Summer Vacation as it enters retrograde. When Jupiter goes into retrograde it asks us to expand within and reconnect with the truth, our truth and our authenticity. It may be rough on our finances and social lives but great for our personal development, spiritual and philosophical beliefs and our independence. With Jupiter retrograding in Pisces our sense of spirituality and the truth around it is being questioned. In only 5 days time, Neptune will join the planets in retrograde so we will have to reflect on our true connection to our spiritual and magical nature. What does spirituality and magic mean for us? What ideologies and spiritual beliefs could potentially be deluding us from the truth? The time to reflect is now!

21 - ☾♏ Summer Solstice (Litha) ☀️ Sun enters Cancer Venus in Cancer trines Neptune in Pisces Waxing Gibbous | Sun trine Moon

One of the dreamiest times of the year begins with The Summer Solstice marking the start of Cancer season! This Summer Solstice celebration will feel extra dreamy with Venus in a beautiful trine with Neptune bringing about more creativity, spirituality, magic, pleasure, whimsy and enchantment to this fiery, bright and energetic day. Additionally the Sun and Moon in mysterious Scorpio will form another lucky beneficial trine which will add a boost of luck and great spirits to the day. Summer Solstice is a great time to cast spells, make wishes, do magic (esp if you are in a safe space for it- then Fire Magic!) for self empowerment and the planets are aligned for a great and incredibly magical time. Whether you have a group of magical friends or not it's a great day for an excursion outdoors whether that be by your local park, a nature reserve or the beach and just cast spells during the high sun. It's a good day to charge any magical items that could benefit from the solar energy and use the solar fiery creativity to channel into art and pleasure.

22 - ☾♐ Mercury stations Direct Moon enters Sagittarius

Mercury is out of retrograde! It may still be in it's shadow period so it's a good time to reflect on the lessons learned and see how to integrate them into your life as we move forward. Do you feel like you have better clarity on some old beliefs? Do you feel you are surrounded by the right people that want to support and uplift you? Especially after the eclipse and squares we might have experienced some major changes by now, but when planets exit retrograde it's a time for clarity and heightened perspectives as we get to integrate the lessons.

23 - ☾♐ Sun in Cancer trines Jupiter rx in Pisces

MARK THIS DAY ON YOUR CALENDARS!! Even with Jupiter in retrograde it will be a very lucky day. With the Sun in a beneficial trine with Jupiter rx we may feel a boost in optimism, luck and abundance coming our way. With the retrograde in affect this can cause us to come across events that can help us to expand within, create life changing epiphanies or bring in opportunities and abundances from old connections that could spring back into our lives at the knick of time.

It's a great day for abundance and wealth magic, meditation to reflect on yourself, magic to break through obstacles or attraction magic of any kind. The Jovial nature of the day will feel amplified by the moon in Sagittarius making us feel generous and positive.

24 - ☾♑ Full Moon in Capricorn  Venus in Cancer opposite Pluto rx in Capricorn Saturn rx in Aquarius trines Chiron in Aries

The energy surrounding this full moon may feel confrontational yet cathartic. The Full Moon in Capricorn within the context of Cancer season is all about addressing our comfort zones vs ambitions, our career vs home life and how we take responsibilities for our emotions. Within the context of the current cycles we are at and being the height of the New Moon Solar Eclipse in Gemini's cycle, it's about the intentions we've set, if we have met them yet and how we can work on transforming ourselves to meet those standards. With Saturn in retrograde trining Chiron we may find ways to reflect upon our sense of self discipline and how we can find solutions to committing to our responsibilities or set tasks. This energy can help us find solutions and come to peace with certain restrictive elements in lives and find balance. With Venus opposite Pluto rx things may get more intense. We may be more aware of the distance from the things we desire and our lack of power over it. In relationships there could be elements of power struggles that come up and in general, obsessions and compulsive attractions can bring out the worst from our subconscious. The Full Moon in Capricorn is going to illuminate these themes and ask that you confront them responsibly. We cannot move forward in the watery emotional cancer season without filtering addressing deeper issues at our core. Other than reflecting on the new moon eclipses energy and releasing spells, today is a great day for shadow work and sorting out your inner world.

25 - ☾♑ Neptune enters Retrograde -Until December 1st

Neptune joins the retrograding planets today until nearly the end of this year. With Neptune in Retrograde we are asked to self reflect on our spirituality, source of creativity, empathy (or lack thereof for some people) and magical practice. If you feel like you've strayed away from your magical path, this is a time to reflect on why. Magic may feel less flourished at this time and more practical and day to day. Those that may only see magic as something ritualistic or performative may become disillusioned with their path. This is also a great time to reflect on your spiritual life and any delusional ideas or beliefs that are not healthy.

When Neptune goes into retrograde the rosy tinted glasses get ripped off and we can realize how some ideas have left us duped the whole time. It's time to face reality. What idealistic ideas have you held on to that you are realizing are simply untrue? How can you process your beliefs in a more practical way without the flourish or any negative ideas attached to it?

After the full moon in Capricorn we may feel like our responsibilities towards managing our emotions and personal worlds carry on with the way we address our own and others feelings and how we hold on to certain beliefs out of idealism and not reality. If you are on the right path you may feel that your spiritual life in this time becomes more practical and Zen. If you do have beliefs that are not serving you, you may come across an awakening or change or path.

26 - ☾♒ Moon enters Aquarius

The moon enters Aquarius today! When the moon is in Aquarius it's a good time for trying new things, expanding your perspective, tech magic, weather magic, community service and honoring your uniqueness. --------------- 27 - ☾♒ Venus enters Leo

Venus joins Mars in passionate Leo today! When Venus is in Leo, love and relationships feels magnificent and grand!! We take pride in love, our friendships and loving connections and we are generous with our money as well. Romance feels alive and well and with both Mars and Venus in the same sign we will feel passions rise. Venus in leo loves to be adored and this cycle may bring about extravagance, dramatic social events and more parties. However beware of FOMO and overspending during this time especially with Jupiter in retrograde.

28 - ☾♓ Moon enters Pisces

The Moon enters Pisces today! When the moon is in Pisces it's a good time for magic, spiritual reflection, practicing art, art based magic, water based magic, divination and dream oracling.

29 - ☾♓ Disseminating Moon | Moon Trine Sun

When the moon trines the sun it's a beneficial transit that gives us another chance to go after what we want. Usually if we were working hard before, this is the transit that brings us rewards for what we have reaped. Otherwise it's a great time to work some more towards wrapping up that task. In general this transit makes us feel more generous, social and harmonious. If you feel that you are on a good path, it's a good time to be grateful and celebrate in little ways.

30 - ☾♓

There are no other notable transits today other than the moon in Pisces. It's a good day for rest.

[deripmaver]

Casca in Ch 372 - Fridged again? Or the beginning of a healing arc?

I’ve seen mixed responses to Casca’s current status as a caged little dove in Falconia, with good reason. It took, no exaggeration, two hundred and fifty chapters, and twenty years of real-world time, for her to be revived after the eclipse - and now after barely beginning to scratch the surface of her trauma, she’s seemingly back at square one. 

Despite her current upsetting circumstances, though, I can’t help but feel cautiously optimistic, which seems like a weird thing to say after chapter 372. To me, Casca’s circumstances seemed to mark a fundamental shift in how she interacted with the Berserk world as compared to Elaine. I wanted to present a possibly more optimistic, Casca-centric look at chapter 372 and why I think we don’t need to start despairing just yet (that can come later).

To start off, I do think I need to clarify that I don’t actually have any fundamental issues with the outline of Casca’s arc up to this point, even post-eclipse, so if you do that’s kind of a non-starter for this whole post. I don’t think, without taking into account the details, an arc where a female warrior is raped by one of her closest companions, becomes completely catatonic due to the trauma, and needs to be taken on an odyssey to have her mind restored is an arc that’s fundamentally bad or misogynistic. Do I think Miura always wrote this arc sensitively or well? No, of course not lol, see the beginning of this post for an example of that. 

As a bit of an aside, though, I actually really think Berserk did something unique by having Casca’s rapist be someone she knew and trusted. In reality, the vast majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knew, but that’s not something you see often reflected in fiction.

With Casca in Falconia, kidnapped by Griffith, I go back to the quote Miura made about her recovery. 

I don’t think it would do justice to the extent of her trauma if, after being revived, she went back to kicking ass and being the same girl she was pre-eclipse, and I appreciate that Miura seemed to understand that. I really think that it’s necessary to take time to have Casca process her trauma before having her jump right back into the action, so the question, to me, is if what’s happening right now is in service of that processing. 

To cut right to the chase lol, I actually do think it is.

In contrast to her time as Elaine, the magical hold placed on her is much more tenuous, and it battles with her will and her memory. More filters through from the outside world, the bath reminding her of Farnese and Schierke, and the band of the Falcon reminding her of the Hawks.

(There’s also a gratuitous bath scene because it’s still Berserk lol)

This is not a trauma response as Elaine was, it’s a position she’s being forced into, and the person forcing her into that is the one who broke her mind in the first place, adding to the aspect of her needing to face up to what Griffith did and what he’s still doing. 

Being kept prisoner as she is, her memories of the Hawks, and of her friends, are necessary to keep her grounded - she can’t let time do its work to heal her wounds. 

This chapter also is the first time that Casca is able to think of Guts without going catatonic, which to me shows significant progress. 

I’m also just realizing that this set of panels has Guts walking away from Casca, and honestly I think that deserves its whole section of analysis. I wonder if it’s making her think of Guts walking away after the eclipse, leaving her with Godot, or how even right before her kidnapping Guts heard her scream and attacked Griffith instead of going to her, hm... That’s for another time though. 

Guts and Casca have a huge amount to reconcile of course, considering how Guts assaulted her as well, but I think being able to think of him is a positive step forward with that.

Then, of course, there’s the big moment in chapter 372 where Casca tries to escape. 

You’re seeing her think like a warrior again, she’s outnumbered and completely unarmed, but she uses her long-honed battle intuition to gain advantage and steal a sword. She is ultimately overcome by fear and trauma and is unable to escape, but this is not at all something she could do as Elaine. This chapter represents, to me, incremental progress in her gaining control of her own mind when she’s not being actively hindered by Griffith. Even comparing her here to her last moments in Elfheim, you see her still struggling with the trauma, but also focused on returning to her companions, and using her smarts to try to escape despite significant disadvantages.

While it’s frightening to know that she’s without friends and near Griffith, I’ve said before I think this is necessary for her to confront what Griffith did to her. She kind of doesn’t have any other choice at this point LOL.

That brings me to one of the questions that I had after the chapter, which is why won’t Griffith interact with her? I remember just absolutely SEETHING after the chapter ended because Griffith broke her mind, ignored her afterwards entirely, kidnapped her away from her support system, and now won’t even acknowledge her. It’s like, I wanted to shake the screen and shout you cared about her once, and now you treat her like this? It’s infuriating!!!! Honestly I think a part of me that’s huffing EXTREME copium wants him to be ignoring her because HE can’t face up to what he did, and that Casca reminds him of that in an inescapable way. The alternative is that he really, genuinely doesn’t care about her anymore, which kind of makes me want to scream. 

I have a couple other miscellaneous thoughts after this chapter. The first, it’s interesting how Griffith has kind of forced Casca into his heterosexual nightmare scenario from immediately pre-eclipse (the one that made him want to kill himself LOL). 

It just goes to show that, while I do think Griffith had affection for Casca in the Golden Age, he always saw her as a doll he could place where he wanted, regardless of her feelings. Of course, in the Golden Age, she would have wanted to be with him always regardless of what happened - but now she very much does not, and he’s overriding her autonomy to enforce his will upon her. 

The second thought I had is that I think Casca’s separation from Guts, though the circumstances are very different, somewhat mirrors Guts’ separation from Casca after the eclipse. Guts had his whole edgelord Black Swordsman arc, and at the end of it he realized that returning to Casca and protecting her was actually important to him. Now, Casca has her own version of this separation arc, which I believe will be an arc where she can process her trauma, and at the end of it she’ll get to a point where she can decide if she wants to return to Guts. I’m not entirely convinced that this arc is just another excuse for Guts to rescue Casca - more will be clear in the next few chapters, I think, but right now he’s having his mental breakdown while again Farnese and Schierke are taking control of figuring out where Casca is. Also, it looks like physically they’re going to be heading east, so they’ll be prevented from reaching Casca for a while. My hope is that we’ll get Casca rescuing herself, but of course I don’t know.

It’s weird to say that I want to see Casca having PTSD flashbacks  and trauma responses every chapter but considering everything she’s been through, I kinda think she has to or it’s just not going to feel appropriate 😭 Honestly, while I’m cautiously optimistic about where she’ll go from here, it’s hard to say how well her story is going to be told until it’s over, and that’s not going to happen for a while. It’s definitely frustrating wanting to see Casca heal and having that dragged out longer and longer, after already waiting so long for her mind to be restored. There’s always a delicate balance of wanting to see things done right by your favorite character and not wanting to be disappointed if they aren’t. 

Still, though, I don’t think my optimism is completely unfounded, hence me making this post. Maybe I’ll be shown to be wrong, but if that’s the case, I certainly don’t regret wanting better for Casca, and hoping that we will get the chance to see her process her trauma. My (cautious lol) optimism won’t be the problem, the writing will. 

[catboylupin]

you have rly interesting takes abt wolfstar!! I was wondering if you had any head canons about the Prank like why Sirius did it and what Remus' reaction was?

hello and thank you and i’m So sorry that this has been sitting in my drafts for like Weeks at this point.... i’m physically incapable of doing anything intellectually demanding in a timely matter and this is such a hard topic because, like, i don’t know!! i’m not very well acquainted with the Fandom Mythology surrounding the Prank or the mainstream interpretation of events so i really don’t know what to make of it, especially in terms of sirius’s motivation. here are a few things that i referenced when typing this all out: meta meta/fic fic beautiful art 

the first thing that is interesting to me, and something to keep in the back of our minds when thinking about this, is that when discussing the prank in the shack during PoA, sirius says that “it served [snape] right.” 

also i think that the song hospital by the modern lovers possesses some outstanding post Prank vibes...

ok so re: sirius’s motivation. i don’t know. i think it was a combination of things. i don’t even think that sirius entirely knew why he did it, or what there was to gain. 

i guess the thing to sort out is to what extent sirius factored remus into the equation. was he not thinking about remus at all and how it would affect him and just wanted to hurt snape because he hated him, or was he like “this is for remus and remus will think it’s funny too”?

i think that he felt slightly goaded by snape because snape was being a massive asshole trying to get them expelled, and he also just did not like him at all. like, the most obvious motivation or end goal in sirius telling him is that he just wanted to scare snape so he would leave them alone and also it would be a little funny because hahaha he is a slimey wizard nazi (at age 15/16 do you think sirius would be politically advanced enough to have a ‘punching nazis’ outlook on snape? i don’t know)

and i don’t think that he ever seriously thought that remus would react well (like, how could he? sirius had to have known that remus’s worst fear ever was hurting someone). and he was literally risking the entire school finding out he was a werewolf. but maybe a small part of sirius was like “take that snape!! that’s what you get for bullying my beautiful mysterious friend!! remus will love this lol”

but i think the thing that makes the most sense is that he wasn’t thinking about remus that much and didn’t think he would react well.

and here i where you can start thinking about sirius’s upbringing and how that affected how he viewed werewolves/remus. 

i think that sirius was probably raised surrounded by some pretty intense anti-werewolf beliefs and he dealt with remus being a werewolf by 1. separating remus from the wolf and 2. kind of like romanticizing it. so much of sirius’s attraction to remus stemmed from this sort of fascination.. james was so similar to sirius and generally uncomplicated, but remus, even though he was kind of weird looking, always sort of elicited this morbid curiosity from him. and he saw remus’s lycanthropy as something he could fix, or at least help (see: the animagus thing, my personal headcanon that he was very into taking care of remus during their relationship). remus was his tragic werewolf friend. but remus never thought that sirius understood his lycanthropy the way remus wanted him to, that there was always this sort of tension, a lingering sense of “you think you’re so different from your family, but you’re not really.”  

sirius could have thought that snape actually knew about remus and wanted to make him prove that he knew, like: “sirius, i know what remus’s secret is, hint hint wink wink” “okay, if you really know then go to the shrieking shack,” like snape kind of goaded sirius into telling him, and sirius thought that he would know better. but that is just such a profoundly stupid thing for sirius to do, and i feel like putting too much blame on snape is being too generous to sirius.

leescoresbies has an interesting headcanon that the prank happened around the time sirius ran away from home and he was thus was very emotionally volatile. and so it was in part a result of sirius’s trauma/anger/joy, and i like that idea, those emotions had to have been a factor. and if you are someone that has a really hard time reconciling with sirius’s shitty behavior as a teen, that’s kind of an easy/ canon compliant way of saying “yeah, he was an asshole, but there was also this other thing going on...etc.” however, i don’t think that was the only reason, or even the main reason. i think that sirius is a deeply flawed person and thinking about the prank from the perspective of said flawed-ness makes his and remus’s relationship all the more complicated/interesting. 

and unfortunately a lot of this sort of boils down to whether or not sirius wanted to kill or seriously injure snape. those were the stakes he was dealing with in this situation. i don’t think that sirius wanted to kill him, just because that’s not really the sort of thing teenagers do, you know. and, as further evidenced by how he treated kreacher, sirius doesn’t always treat those he considers lesser than him with any sort of respect. maybe sirius just didn’t care that much about whether or not he died. he knew on an intellectual level that he was sending snape to his likely death, but maybe he just didn’t make that calculation in the moment? like sirius was so used to not facing consequences that maybe he thought things wouldn’t turn out that badly. 

i can understand, maybe, in sirius’s version of events, in his own reckless, teenage narrative, that he thought it would be okay to hurt snape. but remus? did he seriously fail to make the calculation that he would be turning him into a murderer? what sirius did was such a major, major trespass of trust/friendship in a way that is actually sort of unforgivable.

doesn’t sirius say in PoA “i’d rather die than betray my friends!” ? well, he did : / he betrayed remus..

and i think that remus would be massively upset and i don’t think he ever really completely forgave him.

when did this happen? 5th or 6th year? i think that by this time remus would kind of be relegated to a state of melodramatic, shame-ridden misery that came along with being sort of in love with sirius. and so the prank really tore him apart, because of course it would. remus was so used to being defined by his lycanthropy, used to facing discrimination, and his friends were his one refuge from that. but then sirius who he loved used him basically as a means to an end. what sirius did was incredibly exploitative— he exploited remus’s marginalized identity for personal gain without thinking about how it would affect him. and i think that remus really did care about him enough to want to forgive him. he probably felt like he had to forgive him (his friends were too important for him to lose, and, importantly, there was probably this feeling of “i am a werewolf and therefore i need to be extraordinarily forgiving in order to be perceived as non threatening, and this is just how the world treats people like me and i can’t and shouldn’t fight back”). and those are just such deeply fucked up feelings to feel towards a friend, especially one you admire and have a major soul crushing crush on.

i think that there was a period of time after the fact when they weren’t really talking, remus was very rightfully upset, everyone was angry at sirius... i think that sirius apologized, but sort of begrudgingly. because twenty years later he still thought that snape got what he deserved. 

at times i think that remus was someone who saw his relationships as very transactional. and initially he felt in debt to the other marauders because of the animagus thing and just because they were his friends. and, as dear @direwolf-summer said in this post, the prank changed the dynamic between remus and sirius: remus was no longer the one in debt, sirius was. and that is such an interesting point. remus starts demanding more from him and he finally feels that, even though sirius was really popular and closer to james or whatever, they were on even standing. this is how he was able to be more forward about his feelings— sirius stopped being this precious object who demanded endless patience in order to retain as a friend (or so he thought, this is remus’s insecurity showing). he stopped feeling so bad about having a crush on sirius. he’d be like “fuck you sirius. i’m in love with you. deal with it and you have to be nice about it in order to repay your debts.” like  he wouldn’t say that out loud but it would be in his internal monologue and he would kinda hint at it. 

there’s that line in eclipse and transit where remus says: “You say one thing and do another and half the time you don’t even try to say it, it’s like, I don’t know, like you’re daring me to leave. And everything—every single thing Sirius, it all comes back to January of sixth year, whether you’ll ever admit it or not. Or whether you even realize it” and i think it’s fitting. during fights remus probably would bring it up, and sirius would fail to understand why remus never got over it. like, sirius: “i apologized i was 15!!” and remus: “this is bigger than just that, what you did was emblematic of your flaws as a person and how even though you understand me more than almost anyone else you still don’t understand me completely and it frustrates me!!! and also i feel like you never fully understood that what you did was extraordinary fucked up.”

and i think that remus was so in love with sirius that he did forgive him, or otherwise allowed his love and affection to forget about it. but it was always bubbling under the surface...and that’s why their relationship was sort of volatile, that’s why he was so willing to believe that sirius was the spy (as in, “he betrayed me, why wouldn’t he have betrayed james and lily?”)

now i’m remembering when, in one of the snape’s memory /pensieve / flashback scenes in OotP, sirius says “i wish it was the full moon” and remus says, darkly, “you might.” now, we don’t know if that scene takes place before or after the Prank (before probably? idk), but i feel like it further compounds the extent to which sirius seems woefully unaware that remus is a werewolf and it’s not something he can separate from himself and that lycanthropy impacts every facet of his life. sirius came to understand it as just some fun thing to do every month. his sort of ignorance towards other people’s needs and experiences is also further evidenced by how he treated harry like he was james. sirius has a pretty good track record of taking other people’s pain and making into something for him to enjoy. and he doesn’t do so in a way that is entirely selfish either, i think he really thought he was helping harry and remus. maybe it all goes back to his family and childhood trauma or something (doesn’t everything? “it all started one afternoon in the 1960s..”)

[elminx]

Energy Update: Pluto Retrograde, April 2021

My favorite astrologer Stephen Arroyo has a term that he liked to call "double whammy" for when you see a repeating pattern in astrology that further accentuates certain energy. That is what is going on this week - we are getting a pretty intense double whammy as we are coming off of our full moon in Scorpio (ruled, of course, by Pluto) that peaked late Monday night and then Pluto stationed retrograde yesterday evening.

There is a mystery to Plutonian energy - is it a planet? is it something else? it certainly doesn't share an orbit with any other planets in our solar system and has a "moon" that it moves with which is almost as large as it is itself. The conflict over Pluto and its status in our solar system is a great analogy for its energy signature. Pluto is still a little bit beyond categorization - it is somehow, beyond us. And yet, we are touched by it.

The outer three planets are a little beyond human comprehension - they act upon us and we just need to "deal with it". They remind us that despite our free will there is "something" beyond us - whether you want to call it God, or fate, or science.

It is worth noting that Pluto was part of the major stellium of planets in Capricorn that plagued the world (too soon?) through most of last year. Though all of the other planets have moved on, Pluto remains in Capricorn and will for the next couple of years. Because Pluto at most affects our subconscious, it is deeply rooted within our shadows - after the Traumatic Event has passed, you still need to work your way through the trauma. Pluto is the voice in the back of your head that tells you that you cannot go back - that back doesn't exist anymore.

Most times, Plutonian energy is so "behind the scenes" that you don't even feel it unless it is making a strong aspect to something in your personal charts - this is not one of those times.

It makes sense - there is a lot of work that needs doing. Many things have fallen apart - as Pluto retrogrades, we will be called to re-examine the pieces. Do they fit back together to make something new? What needs to be discarded? What should be kept? Pluto calls for doing this work for a deep soul-place: there are no easy answers.

The energy is going to be felt all through the week (at the least - longer for some if your chart is activated or you have big stuff to move in your personal life) and it is supported by the Sun-Uranus conjunction that is already present going exact on Friday. Things fall apart when they don't work anymore. How do you handle it when things fall apart? Is it your instinct to tear it all down and start anew, or to fix things? Somewhere in between? You may be asked to reexamine those instincts during this time, maybe even pivot to a new way of being/experiencing change. If this happens, know that you are right on time.

After the year that we've had, nobody wants to have to do any more hard work or heavy lifting - I get it (so, so much). Both Pluto and Uranus are reminders that we don't get to choose the "best time" to do the work - perhaps even because often we are unwilling to go into the shadow-cave on our own.

There is no anecdote to this energy but you can make it easier on yourself. Really embrace going with the flow this week will help - recognize that when things come up during these intense moments, it is a sign that something needs clearance. This is a week to do what needs doing when it comes up - veer away from strict timelines and rigid to-do lists. It is a week to pause and reflect rather than react. To lay witness to what comes out without going into judgment.

Stay away from your soapbox - let's all admit that everybody knows what they should be doing by now and no amount of grandstanding is going to change anybody's minds. Stay in your lane and out of the shark's house because the masses will be biting this week. Expect to find people stuck in a state of reaction - it's a good week for daily reminders that how other people react to you is as much about how they feel about themselves as it will ever be about you.

Mostly, it's just a week to be the observer of your own shit. What rises to the surface this week is in need to further exploration - if you're too "in it" right now, write it down to return to it later. Look for the own "double whammies" in your life - repeated patterns are a sign of something important that needs addressing. Pluto comes to us through a haze of intuition - if something stinks, there's a reason (unless you think everything stinks, and then it may be you - no judgment here, we all stink sometimes...).

Like all retrograde cycles, Pluto retrograde is a reminder that sometimes we have to move back over past territory before we can blaze forward on a new path. Pluto will be joined soon by Jupiter, Saturn, and Mercury - remember not to lie to yourself as you reevaluate. If something needs to go, it needs to go. Do yourself the kindness of getting over your own shit.

We are less than a month out now from our Suns approach to the N. Node aka our eclipse point so things are going to increasingly feel a bit "fated" from now through the entirety of June. I hate using the term "fate" because it is so maligned culturally and misunderstood. People equate it to nonsense like "soul mates" - whereas it's a concept better suited to the idea that you are forced to face the things that you need to personally overcome over and over throughout your life until you learn and integrate those lessons.

If those lessons come back around again, know that you always have the power to transmute the experience by truly looking at it and growing from it rather than passively experiencing it. It doesn't matter how many times you've fallen in that hole if this time you see the hole coming and avoid it.

Do you like my work? Please consider supporting me by Buying Me A Ko-Fi.

[feather-dancer]

For the jlaire fics question, I'm focusing more on the fics that have lots of jlaire in it and that includes the relationship itself and those that have lots of jlaire and go with the plot at the same time.

Hope you don't mind me straight up c/p my recommend summaries I'm exhausted and can't brain too well. I'm INCREDIBLY picky which probably doesn't help but hey least I'm honest. Currently reading through a whole bunch of fics to root out any gems for someone else, the below is simply a list of things to this point that should hopefully fit the bill. I split the categories a bit as I've got a god awful AU habit and I know that's not for everyone.

I'm slowly working on a oneshot myself (Lavender Blue/Everblue) though writing in general has hit a wall because of aforementioned exhaustion. Eventually they will gain another lol

General Tales of Arcadia

Adjustments - Jim may be a half Troll now and all the way out in New Jersey and as ever the Trollhunter but he would quite like to outrun his backlog of trauma, PTSD and general mess that is now his body if he can please

Love, we hold on together - Jilaire post Season 3 and very cute and fluffy.

In Our Times To Come - Jilaire, trauma comes in many shapes and forms but as long as you have the right people around you perhaps you can work your way through them together.

and in the dark i can hear your heartbeat - It’s a long trip to New Jersey and for the only human not the easiest on her feet, still she has Jim with her. Jilaire fluff.

Alternate Universes

Eclipsing Daylight - Jim has spent 6 months in the Darklands instead of two weeks before his rescue and brings a whole lot of trauma, emotional baggage and nightmares home with him. This is the fic that made me feel less bad about Ghost!AU as he’s severely put through the wringer here. Heeding the content warnings is a must.

Lasting Repercussions - His fellow Trollhunters were a bit too late rescuing Jim in the Darklands and the Decimaar blade did… something to him before Gunmar was punched away. With visions and thoughts distinctly not his own Jim has an extra thing on his plate he didn’t ask for but perhaps it could also be turned into an advantage.

My Only Sunshine  - What if Jim was trolled as a five year old thanks to a (Presumed) magical bath bomb? By luck he turns back into a human but only while the sun is up which leads to both mother and son scrabbling to deal with this awful situation while also trying desperately to keep anybody uncovering their secret lest the worst happens to Jim. Expect to feel emotions, a lot of them, and just wanting things to start going their way. “Jim loses track of time” has never been so ominous.

Both Sides of the Sky - Jilaire with a historical regency twist and an arranged marriage that forces Jim into Claire’s path. On the surface he appears extremely nervous of something (Or more specifically someone) and she’s had quite enough of suitors making for a poor match. However, a simple act of kindness can bring with it an awful lot of shadows you might well have better off staying oblivious to.

What the Night Brings - There are trolls in Arcadia, hidden underground and planning payback for having the surface lands stolen from them centuries ago. While there is contention in the ranks nobody dares say no to Gunmar the Skullcrusher and there is no Trollhunter to protect the dissents. Jim unwittingly witnesses what he should not and now carries the scars and no longer does he remain a human when the dusk comes, instead he is now some form of were-troll. What’s worse, he’s having to face this whole confusing mess alone.

Claire The Courageous - In a different universe Claire became the Trollhunter instead of Jim and Steve of all people ends up being the one dragged into the world of trolls with her. That however does not mean that Jim isn’t still involved in her journey in some way…

Atlas, Fallen - When a star falls from the sky it is a punishment so when Atlas suddenly finds himself amongst the humans he had observed from above for countless ages in a flesh body like theirs he fears his Mother is punishing him and unable understand what he did wrong. While trying to find his way back home he gets a crash course in what it’s like to be human making friends along the way. Slow burn Jilaire.

A Brief Reliving of Troll Lore - Camelot has gained unexpected time travelers darkening their doors except this is set in the 7th century and the journey home is going to be a whole lot rougher with survival just as important as preventing history being screwed up. This is a Jim centric fic.

[realbeeing]

what this eclipse window was bringing up from my perspective was the massive amounts of trauma held by the collective (which implicates all of us) that is expressed in all sorts of strangely dysfunctional, gross, & tragic ways. sexual trauma being probably the deepest. and how the younger generations, millenials etc are the ones transmuting so much of this generational pain which is why they appear on the surface to be so fucked up/suffering. which they are, but they are also serving the role of processing pain that the earlier generations did not/could not. and clearing the pathways for the new children to come in without having to trudge through all that gunk, so they can build the new earth. 

i felt a lot about poison being transmuted into medicine by the power of grace. this means turning to a power greater than ourselves to show us how what has most damaged us also contains the secret code for how to heal. through this we remember the innate & eternal connection with the Spirit of life that can never be destroyed, no matter what pain we have experienced or witnessed. in the new paradigm the idea of pain/suffering as a natural part of life is exposed for the lie that it is. but in order to enter that new paradigm we have to listen to pain as a messenger who shows us how we have abandoned and negated our inner children. and how we must purge out all that was abusive to this child, saying no to cycles of trauma, and starting a new cycle where pain is not the driving force.