#Emotional intelligence in arguments

[wonder-worker]

"[Alice Perrers] requested that she be buried in the parish church of Upminster, St Laurence, before the altar of the Virgin Mary. Alice seems to have had an affinity with Mary through her life; a seal of hers from c. 1374 shows an image of the Virgin Mary and child, her tabernacle seized in 1377 had an image of the Virgin Mary on it, and now she wished to be buried before Mary’s altar."

— Gemma Hollman, The Queen and the Mistress: The Women of Edward III

[boysborntodie]

Wondering what Johnny’s MBTI is….

[the-dragon-club]

...are people still hating on Toothless being an animal that wants to mate and make babies, and the Light Fury for being a WILD animal that doesn't want to be tamed or owned but also wants to mate and make babies????

[llycaons]

any time a fandom type post starts with "I firmly believe" or "you can't tell me that-" it's almost 100% guaranteed to be the most random and unsupported obnoxious fanon. I've noticed it a lot in the mdzs/cql fandom specifically

[greenycrimson]

People lie. (Whatever your opinions on the TV show House, they got that very right - people lie.) People lie because - they forget. They weren't listening. They can't quite remember, but it's something like this. They're recounting what they felt rather than what was said. They lie because the lie is easier to explain that the truth and it's nearly the same. They're tired. They're busy. They're not good at explaining things, or putting events in the relevant sequence. They're worried about your repsonse. They're worried about looking bad. They have a self image and the truth doesn't match it. They think they're telling the truth, but they aren't. Emotions are a bit like truth, but even worse, because we're emotional creatures, and we will have emotions about our emotions.

Like. Maybe a character is angry. Maybe they don't know why they're angry, but they are angry. They don't assess where the anger came from, or even if the target is remotely the same as the cause, but they're vibrating with it, angry angry angry, trembling and snarling at everyone - now too angry to listen to what's being said. If asked later they say they think they're angry because someone cut them up on the way home. If they reflected, which they never do, maybe they'd know they're angry because they've been feeling bad all afternoon, and maybe trace it to the person they're intimidated by at work saying something snippy this morning, and then work out the bad feeling is insecurity - but now they're home and shouting, and their SO's shouting back, and they haven't had any practice unpicking emotions - and not a single clue about deescalation of conflict - and their pride is already stinging from this morning so no, they are not going to apologise or be able to articulate any of this.

That post that's like "stop writing characters who talk like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy" really blew the door wide open for me about how common it's become for a character's emotional intelligence to not be taken into consideration when writing conflict. I remember the first time I went to therapy I had such a hard time even identifying what I was feeling, let alone had the language to explain it to someone else. Of course there are plenty of people who've never been to therapy a day in their life who are in tune to their emotions. But even they would have some trouble expressing themselves sometimes. You have to take into account there are plenty of people who are uncomfortable expressing themselves and people who think they're not allowed to feel certain ways. It also makes for more interesting conflict to have characters with different levels of understanding.

[antimony-ore]

where's that I'm gay because I hate women post? I want to share it ironically

[trading-attitude]

🧠The best way to win any argument

Ever found yourself stuck in a never-ending argument? The best way to win... is to let them think they did. In this short, discover the power of strategic silence, ego management, and psychological dominance. Sometimes, walking away as the "loser" makes you the real winner. Watch now and rethink everything you know about winning debates. 📌 The solution: ✅ The psychology behind "losing" to win ✅ How to defuse any argument without escalating ✅ Giving them the last word gives you the power 💬 Agree or disagree? Drop your thoughts in the comments!

[misterparadigm]

When To Shut Up: Emotional Incompetence and Social Outrage

I get outraged and depressed just like anyone else, but when this happens I shut the hell up, because I'm not pathological enough to imagine that the intensity of those feelings is somehow a righteous virtue. No, I'm emotionally compromised and irrational.

We live in a society whose intellectual maturity is so deleteriously advanced of its emotional maturity, and because we're fortunate enough to live in the most educated society in human history, we have no idea how to responsibly wield the knowledge we've attained--and that's giving the benefit of the doubt that the knowledge wasn't horseshit to begin with.

We're an emotionally incompetent society, which makes us journalistically incompetent, and the consequences of this in a world of globalized public opinion have us on the verge of self-fulfilling social collapse. It's nothing but warring tribalists, the same as each other in all but ideology, trying to impose their moral structure on the world in a desperate attempt to validate the model of reality they've built in their heads so they don't feel crazy.

The solution? Keep quiet until you've done your tedious research. Otherwise you're no different than the people you're calling rage-baiting liars.

[emotionalintelligencedeveloper]

Breaking Free from Strife: Recognize, Resolve, and Heal

Life isn’t always sweet or simple. Have you ever felt like you’re caught in an endless battle—with yourself, your loved ones, or even the world? That bubbling tension, heated arguments, and lingering resentment? That’s strife. It often sneaks in unnoticed, but with awareness and effort, you can break free and reclaim peace in your life. What Is Strife? Strife is that angry or bitter…

[skatiet]

i get the sense that this is just a bad-faith comment, but one thing about me is i love to answer questions that have extremely straightforward answers :)

first of all, crying is a mostly involuntary response. oftentimes, a person cannot control whether or not they cry in a specific situation. the answer to the question could end right there, but for the sake of deeper analysis, i will continue.

simply put, kate was not present for boone's or shannon's death. she did not have the an opportunity to experience the emotional response that comes with witnessing a person during or immediately following their death.

as for arzt: 1. kate had basically no relationship with him, and the brief encounters they did have were somewhat antagonistic. 2. arzt died in a specific dangerous situation that kate was also currently in; allowing herself to get worked up emotionally in that situation would have put her and her companions' lives in danger as well. and 3. she did take a moment to sit with hurley and process arzt's death. she may not have shed tears, but there was an emotional response of sorts.

furthermore, kate is seen to be upset and teary-eyed at boone's funeral. she is not present at shannon's funeral, but she later sits by shannon's grave with a similarly grief-stricken appearance. (this may be mostly attributed to other things she is dealing with at that moment, but surely the fact that she is at shannon's grave holds some significance.)

another factor at play here is the fact that kate is aware in each of these circumstances that she is not the most deeply affected by the person's death. with arzt, hurley appears to be the most deeply affected in the moment, so kate provides comfort to him. with boone, shannon is the most deeply affected, so it could presumed that kate keeps some level of composure to allow shannon the space to grieve in the way she needs to. when she is at shannon's grave, she is joined by sayid, who is the most deeply affected by shannon's death. sayid is kate's friend, and she feels comfortable displaying emotion around him, but she attempts to make room for his feelings, too.

which brings us to ana lucia and libby. first of all, kate has the primary emotional response to seeing ana lucia dead and libby dying. second of all, hurley, who is kate's friend, is deeply affected by libby's death, and therefore, while kate holds it together in front of him, she is presumably saddened to witness his grief. add to that the fact that libby is clearly in pain, which would be hard for anyone to witness, and the fact that kate's friend, jack, has to be the one to end her life, which she knows can't be easy for him to do. the amount of emotional turmoil she is experiencing in this moment simply cannot be compared to anything she went through with boone's or shannon's death. and on top of that, emotions can compound, and it's reasonable to deduce that this emotional release is also inclusive of every other death that has happened on the island.

almost all of what i've said is purely fact based on what we see on the screen, with some very basic conclusions drawn. i think to misunderstand this scene requires a major lack of emotional intelligence, or as i presumed at the beginning, a desire to be a contrarian, or as kate might put it, "belligerent just for belligerence's sake". on the other hand, perhaps the case is that all of the evidence i've provided had been forgotten by the commenter, in which case, i recommend rechecking the source material before posing easily-answerable questions on the internet in the future.

Lost 2.21 | ?

[raffaellopalandri]

Book of the Day - I'm just saying

Today’s Book of the Day is I’m just saying, written by Milan Kordestani in 2023 and published by Health Communications Inc EB. Milan Kordestani is a social entrepreneur and author whose work aims to find common-ground solutions to systemic social and economic problems using civil discourse, education, and culture. He encourages his readers (in publications like HuffPost, Entrepreneur, and…

[venusveil]

Random astrology observations.

(My personal observations what I think)

✎ Taurus Moons be like Comfort > everything else.

✎ A Gemini Has 25 group chats but can’t reply to a single text you sent two weeks ago.

✎ Venus in Sagittarius Can love you from afar but don’t suffocate them or they’re gone.

✎ one think I noticed that Scorpio Sun with Sagittarius Venus is like they'll cling to you when they're feeling spicy but when that's over "who are you?"

✎ Never met a Pisces who doesn't have a issue with sleep. Either sleeps all day and night or no sleep at night. wakes up at 2 or 3 pm.

✎ Moon in Scorpio craves deep emotional (and physical) intimacy. Casual flings leave them feeling empty but they’ll never admit it.

✎You think you had the worse break up. Until your ex and you have 8th house synastry. And if you survived that? My strong babe you can do anything in life.

✎ by the way 8th house synastry reminds me of bad romance - lady gaga.

✎ My 8th house is in Taurus and I realized I can't be friends with a Taurus male. It's either we're a love/hate couple or nothing. No in between.

✎ Leo Needs constant admiration but pretens they hate being the center of attention (yeah right).

✎ I never wanna pick a fight with a Gemini Mars. I'll end up crying screaming vomiting. They'll hit you with words. will make you lose your sleep doubting your own intelligence.

✎ Sagittarius Mercury be like "let me teach you something" while offending you. "Why are you so stupid?" Probably gives (unwanted, nobody asked for) advice like It's a love language.

✎ 12th house Venus / Mars may attract people by accident then blame them for falling for them.

✎ One time I tried telling a Pisces Mars they're wrong. And he straight up was like "yeah I know I'm a bad person" ok? Thanks for knowing that.

✎ Aries Venus wants the hottest person in the room, the one looks hard to attract but when they do, They'll get bored before the 2nd date.

✎ Does Capricorn moon even cry? Once a year?

✎ Arguing with a Taurus Mercury in the 3rd house is like screaming at a brick wall. You'll be tired by the time they change their mind.

✎ Sun in Pisces/6th house is like you think working 9-10 is death. Also cries if there's no routine.

✎ I love people with Jupiter in Gemini or 9th house Jupiter. They knows a little about everything won't shut up.

✎ Sagittarius Mercury as a child I was a chatterbox talking non stop. And I've my big cousin sister (she's a Capricorn) telling me to stfu.

✎ Pluto in the 1st house : you walk into a room triggering at least 5 people's childhood trauma.

✎ Neptune in the 7th house attracts emotionally unavailable people.

✎ Jupiter in Scorpio people talks like a sexy cult leader. Can convince you to ruin your life in seconds.

✎ Neptune in the 4th house thinks their childhood was either a fairy tail or a horror movie - no in between.

✎ Mars in Scorpio knows exactly how to ruin you emotionally also sexually. And they will.

✎ Mars in the 4th house fights in the kitchen brings up childhood trauma mid-argument.

✎ You're not dating a Scorpio Venus you made a deal with the devil. Good luck moving on. Probably casting a spell to make you obsessed.

✎ Chiron in Scorpio heals people but breaks them first.

✎ Pluto in the 12th house knows the vibe is off 3 weeks ago

✎ Pluto in the 3rd house can destroy someone’s sense of self in a paragraph… and then say “I was just being honest.”

[crookedfandomquill]

This is very situational, and sadly may not be realistic for everyone, but I need y’all to understand that a very important part of political activism is fucking talking to your conservative or moderate friends and family.

My dad voted for Trump in 2016. He’s a middle class white evangelical from Arkansas. He raised me with conservative Christian values, just like his parents raised him. When he voted Trump, he was holding his nose, but he didn’t feel too bad about it, and went on to vote red down the ticket in the 2018 midterms, as well.

But I started college in 2017. Higher education and independence changed everything for me, and I went home over holidays and summers with fire in my belly and a thousand arguments ready at the drop of a hat, to my father’s dismay.

I remember crying in my room after emotional, intense arguments with him. I told him over and over that I felt betrayed by his choice to vote for a man who admitted to sexually assaulting women, who built his platform on dehumanizing immigrants and the disabled, who spread overtly-racist rhetoric, who flouted the values of kindness and self-discipline that I’d been raised on. And my dad always had some justification about the “greater good”: fighting against abortion, bolstering the economy, getting other Christian politicians into office.

But over time, as we grew further apart and I lost my will to discuss anything with him at all, he softened. He started asking me why I thought the way I did about the things we disagreed about. He would listen to my answers without interruption, and mull them over afterward instead of expressing his own opinion. And all the while, he watched the Trump presidency become cruel and absurd and devastating.

The first time he openly expressed regret to me, I had come home for a weekend after Kavanaugh was confirmed to SCOTUS. My dad realized he had helped elect a man who preyed on women… and that man had opened the door to more predators. I can’t tell you what it felt like for him to admit that he’d made a mistake, not just in voting for Trump but in defending him for so long. We kept arguing, but it was more debating than fighting. I knew he was capable of seeing my side of things, even if it took a while, and he knew I wasn’t just a sensitive college student with shallow new ideas about the world.

And then 2020 hit. Specifically, George Floyd was murdered, and the events that followed played out on the national stage. My dad was incredibly shaken by it. He asked me if I had any books from college about racial issues. I loaned him The New Jim Crow, one of the required readings for my Race and the Law class. Then I gave him Just Mercy. Then he watched the documentary 13th. Then he joined a racial harmony group he learned about through one of the few Black families at our church and insisted our whole family come. He held up signs at a protest against Confederate monuments in our conservative southern town. In three years, he went from defending Trump’s comments about “Black-on-Black crime” to publicly advocating for racial justice and opposing the death penalty.

We went together to vote in the 2020 primaries. I couldn’t help asking who he’d voted for; I didn’t even know if he’d asked for the Republican or Democratic ticket. He admitted he’d voted for Bernie. fucking. Sanders, then made me promise not to tell my grandma he’d voted liberal. When the election rolled around in November, he voted Biden. I’m sure he held his nose to do it, just like he held his nose voting in 2016. But I know he doesn’t regret it.

I am, of course, unbelievably lucky to have a parent who loved me enough, and was empathetic enough, to choose his relationship with me over his strongly-held opinions. He kept searching for truth because, as much as he’ll deny it, he’s a very smart and curious person. No degree of intelligence or curiosity makes you immune to propaganda, especially if you were raised not to question the party line. It’s easy to dismiss our conservative, conspiracy-pilled loved ones as stupid, hypocritical, and cruel. Sometimes they are. But sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes they will bend to keep their relationships from breaking. Sometimes, if they can be made to understand that their beliefs and actions are harming someone they love, they will make concessions. And sometimes they just need one person in their life to put a foot down, to be vulnerable and assertive and argumentative, to bring the impact of their politics close to home.

As the most important election of our lifetimes approaches, do not put peace over progress. If you have someone like my dad, someone who is good-willed and smart and loves you more than their own opinions, tell them how you feel. Tell them what their choices will mean for you, for your friends, for your community. Tell them what they could lose: your trust, your affection, your respect. Don’t avoid conflict if it could be productive. Because my conflict with my dad didn’t just win him over–it won over my moderate mom and one of my conservative brothers. And it put us in community with other like-minded people and led my parents to a healthier and kinder faith.

All of this to say, there is hope in conflict. There is hope in our relationships with people who think differently from us. There is hope in exposing your fear and anger and pain to people you love. And hope is a form of activism.

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i saw a post the other day abt the “coming back different” trope but spun to be about trauma and. yeah

[insectfem]

transgenderism is truly the achilles heel for a lot of leftists. in those "liberals vs charlie kirk" videos, the leftists/liberals are always super calm and composed, and they have statistics and facts, and they typically don't base things off of feelings. like with abortion, they talk about biology and the definitions of baby or fetus. and then when someone brings up trans people, all that composure, all those facts, get completely thrown out the window. then it is about feelings, and biology is irrelevant. they start screaming and crying and they can't make coherent arguments.

like it's genuinely embarrassing how many on the left just completely melt when faced with the prompt of "define a woman." circular arguments, feelings over facts, absolutely baseless claims. even on tumble you see it, you'll see someone make really good points, and then woth transpeople they just go "transwomen are women" and stick their fingers in their ears.

and it makes the left look so weak. it males us look so emotional and stupid, when most leftists i know are articulate and intelligent. right up until you bring up trans people. then it's just the worst arguments ever

[imagineastrology]

moon sign observations

Aries Moon: 

Argumentative 

Becomes recalcitrant under stress (beware)

Has no problem asserting themselves

Resourceful af and knows how to use adverse situations to their advantage

Supportive and hearty 

Taurus Moon:

Becomes hedonistic under stress (no rules)

Desires and hopes to embody loyalty

Seems cool, but keeps grudges

Unyielding and independent 

Cautious of new situations/experiences

Gemini Moon:

Struggles to stay in a ‘deep’ state of mind for too long (needs change, don’t worry they’ll get back to it later)

Approaches everything with intellectualism 

Feelings are confusing if they can’t be rationally understood

Grows when in a learning environment

Reacts to most things in a jokey way to cope and can be forgetful 

Cancer Moon: 

Can turn cold when you don’t react the way they want 

Enterprising 

Will humiliate you if upset or angry

Insightful and internally aware

When put to productive use, has an intense inner focus 

Leo Moon: 

Actually suffers from many episodes of burn out

Guarded and self-protective

One of the most sensitive moon signs imo

They let nothing (I mean NOTHING) stop them from shining their light

Bossy and feels like they need to be in control all the time

Virgo Moon: 

CEO of worriers inc.

Rumination leads them to depression and anxiety

Helpful and enjoys communicating their worries (moreso in a notepad than speaking)

Conscientious and wants to do meaningful things with their life

Never takes things at face value; will 100% analyse everything said and shown to them

Libra Moon: 

Manifests love because it’s a major topic in their lives that they focus on

They are your go-to when it comes to aesthetics 

Approaches most things with grace and fairness

Intelligent, can handle debates and many sides to a conversation

Heavily influenced and motivated by femininity and women

Scorpio Moon: 

Major psychologist/counsellor vibes from this placement, can handle any topic thrown at them

Can guess how you’re feeling without you having to say anything

More sensitive than they let on

Very caring and affectionate 

Seeks out truth and intimacy in their relationships

Sagittarius Moon: 

Can be oblivious to people’s emotions

Restless emotionally, runner up to gemini moon (not quite 1st place)

Adventurous 

Can easily manifest in the physical due to Jupiter’s influence

Actually very intuitive 

Capricorn Moon: 

Either in control of their emotions or let their emotions run wild 

Artistic 

Seems to be a sadness to them 

Responsible

Uses humour as a defense mechanism

Aquarius Moon: 

Will rationalize their emotions to the point of no return

Friendly!!

Sharp and intelligent 

Loners at heart

They learn and grow a lot from their friends

Pisces Moon:

Can actually be cold and turn nasty if they feel like it

Lets their emotions rule their behaviour 

Sensitive 

Boundaries are blurred when they need something

Philosophical