#I also. Need to decide which week of June I’m going to do this. LOL

[shima-draws]

I decided on prompts for the OP rarepair week I’m hosting 👀 I’ll probably put the blog together sometime this week while the polls are still running here

[seraphinitegames]

The Wayhaven Chronicles— Update 14/June/2024

Exciting week!

Chapter Two edits are done on my side, so I sent that off to the editor yesterday and am on to starting on Chapter Three!

Chapter Two will be added to the demo quite quickly after it's all completely done and polished, but after that I’m going to wait until I have Chapter Three and Four totally completed before updating the demo with those. But there is A LOT going on in Chapter Two that will get the excitement going, as well as setting up the story so much!

There was parts of it while I was reading through that I was literally on the edge of my seat even though I’m the one who wrote it, lol! :D

Chapter Three is going to be pretty intense to write as well. There’s a lot going on in this chapter too, though in a different way. We get the first villain POV, introduction of some new characters (depending on whether I decide to do it as a random selection of what Unit you get, or if I make it a choice, otherwise it’ll be a reunion with a previous unit!), though I do also need to decide where it’s actually going to end and Chapter Four begins, hehe!

So yeah, I think it will be an even busier week next week, but it’s back to writing which is always my favourite!

Hope you all have the most amazing weekend! We’ll be offline as usual (more offline than usual-usual as we’re getting the internet looked at), so I’ll update you all again next week <3

[pomegranate-fawn]

Weekly Update: Tiredddddd

I spent so much of this week not feeling good, I’m just in a funk still. But I still managed to do a lot of things in my personal life and I think that has to count for something so let’s get into it!

Firstly, I’ve had to change my plans heavily for the future which I think has helped to contribute to this feeling of depression. I missed the application deadline for my Master’s program which is completely my fault and no one else’s, I applied for summer semester but I worry they won’t let me in cause on my unofficial transcripts (which are the only ones I have access to until the 12th of June) I am literally a single A behind a 3.0 gpa. With my last semester’s grade I’m at a 3.2 gpa but of course it doesn’t show that. I can apply in August for my spring semester but I have to obviously wait till then. There are no entry level jobs at any library outside of one all the way at the top of Northern California and I can’t go for that for many reasons. I don’t want to uproot my entire life for a job I may not even get…plus I truly believe Southern California is the only place I belong, I don’t think I could find a part of the world I feel as accepted in as SoCal, which makes me sad cause more and more influencers keep moving here and forcing locals out and taking up once local spaces and turning them into tourist destinations. But I obviously need a job in the meantime, so what do I do? Well, I have decided to go into teaching until I have my masters. I’m studying for my cbest test and I’ll be taking it in the middle of the month. The school districts by me are very desperate for teachers and substitute teachers. I want to get in as a teacher for elementary school children, specifically kindergarten since I used to volunteer with kindergartners every day except weekends for years since I was part of a program to lessen stress for teachers at my elementary school. So I have a lot of experience, plus I do want to help children with reading since I think it’s important for children to learn to read. This won’t be permanent, but it’s my best option until a library job opens back up.

I also want to write a book series, I’m working on the outline and finishing up a few plot points + characters then I should be able to start writing. I know I’ll have to really struggle to get it published but who knows, maybe I can show them my “popular” tumblr fanfics and that will help with publishing lol. You never know! I’ll be sharing a rough draft of the first three chapters in the future for feedback on here as well!

Now let’s move onto more light hearted stuff. So, the day I’m writing this is my mother’s birthday but we celebrated it earlier this week. Still, I plan to make her dinner tonight and clean the house a bit so she can enjoy her birthday today. Earlier this week, we went to Bob’s Big Boy, possibly one of her favorite restaurants. When I think of an American diner, I think of this place or Denny’s…I know, not really small town cozy places but in a state like California, these places are sometimes all you can afford and they become community hubs in their own right. My god mother also came with us to the celebration and we all had a really good time, she ordered this brownie sundae that we all shared, it’s so rich and delicious and warm I miss it lol

During a week where I feel lost, my cats and my partner are my anchor. I feel bad that I barely talked to any of my friends this week but that just means I have to do better this week. But I’m so grateful for both my lovely girl and my cats. My cat Willow was particularly helpful this week, I kept smothering her and cuddling her and crying into her fur (which in turn would make my throat itchy for the rest of the day since I’m mildly allergic to cats…but that won’t stop me from owning them I love cats so so so much) and all she did in response was either huff or let out the cutest little meows and whines in an attempt to get away. But Willow is so sweet she never claws nor bites, she rarely even squirms, she just wants her frustration to be heard lol. My gf took a photo of her this week and she fucking looks like a little bug I actually felt ill looking at this photo like how can one little cat be so cute and bug like?!

Like I said, I think having to change my plans helped to cause these odd feelings in my heart these past two weeks. I’ve wanted a lot of comfort which made me even more emotional and longing for my gf, while we live super close to each other we usually only have the time to see each other once a week but we’re hoping we can see each other more with the summer. I think we will be able to but we still have to wait and see! But regardless, every second I spend with her makes me remember why I’m still here. Maybe that’s a bit corny or sad, but I don’t really care. It’s how I feel. I’m glad I held on this long because I got to meet my darling girl, my only regret in this life is that we didn’t meet sooner. I wish we had, but I have her now, and that’s what matters. Occasionally we will get boba when we hang out, I’m the type of person that tries a singular flavor at a boba shop and decides that’s the only flavor I’ll ever order. I really worry about wasting food so it’s like, what if I order something new and then I don’t like it?! But my darling has come up with a solution, we both order flavors that sound good to the both of us and that way we can trade drinks if we don’t like the flavors we ordered! Yesterday I ordered a blueberry milk tea and she ordered an Ube yam blended smoothie. Oh my god…I really liked my tea but her drink was literally incredible. We both agreed we plan to order the ube drink again next time we go lol.

While I am currently at a weird point in my life since I’m technically “employed” but not at the same time, I have to watch my money. However…long before I knew I’d be in this situation, I preordered some of the nitro chiral 20th anniversary merch…well it came yesterday! I do not regret this, especially since I got it right before the tariffs went into effect so they weren’t horribly priced. Before this purchase we already had Towa, Rei, and Fujieda (both his lawyer look and his casual one) in acrylic stand form. But now we have Taku, Ikuina, and Eiji. I ordered Ikuina and Eiji for my gf but Taku…grandpa is allllll mine. I need to start taking aesthetic photos with these acrylic stands for joyous purposes but I guess I feel a tiny bit embarrassed taking them out in public but also like, I shouldn’t hold that shame, it’s literally not hurting anyone to be a little bit silly.

We started Sweet Pool yesterday and we plan to play more tonight! I played a bit of it in my youth (by played I mean the evil woman who showed me Wolf’s Rain would stream it to me) and I barely remember any of it from back then but the bit me and my gf played yesterday was really fun! I really love the vibes and I love my autistic boy Tetsuo. Oh yeah, another thing that makes Sweet Pool exciting for me is the religious aspect. So I don’t talk about religion on here for many reasons but for a long time I was Christian and I went to only Christian schools until the fourth grade. It was really traumatizing and I think that a lot of churches are genuinely horrible…but I still find the Bible and organized religion interesting. I like talking about religion but most of my friends don’t want to hear about that which is fair, plus I’m not going to talk religion with a practicing Christian since every time I have they try to convert me back to the religion like I left for a reason buddy! But my gf wasn’t raised religious at all, she’s never been to church service once, so she’ll sometimes ask me questions about Christianity and I get to infodump and it’s great!!!

I paint my nails every week! I really love the look of painted nails and it gives me a moment of alone time where I can only focus on myself and nothing nor no one else. It’s really nice…but I also enjoy painting nails with others! I mainly paint my nails and my gfs but I have painted my friends in the past! This week the nail polishes my girlfriend ordered for our anniversary came in! So we decided to paint our nails the same shade! The shade is Jewel Beetle by Mooncat, which is my favorite brand of nail polish. It’s rare she wants her nails painted so it made me super excited and both of our nails came out so cute!!! I keep my nails super short in comparison to her cause I hate the sensation of my nails pressing against the keyboard when I’m typing, it’s very distracting so I keep them short to make typing as comfortable as possible. She keeps her nails longer just cause she likes them like that. The color shift on this polish is actually insane I am obsessed with it…

Last week I highlighted a Sheena Ringo song and I regret that I posted it last week…because I didn’t give you guys the music video! This was the first music video I saw by Sheena Ringo, I was fourteen when I saw it. I still view her as a gay icon cause of it though her sexuality isn’t labeled. But as a young lesbian seeing something like this on my IPhone 5c was incredible, so I wanted you guys to see the music video! Honestly I feel like it makes the song even better.

Earlier this week my friend Joey sent a video to the group chat we’re in and captioned it “how Lynn feels”. Now…most of my old friends would bully me, I feel lame using that word but they wouldn’t compliment me unless it was backhanded. One of them once said I was Cellophane by FKA twigs cause I’d never be enough for anyone I dated…like wow! That’s a crazy thing to say to someone who you call a friend! So the cynical side of me assumed the video would be teasing or cringe, but that’s not what it was at all. It was a video with the global village coffee house aesthetic with Norah Jones song “Don’t know why” playing in the background…it was so sweet I genuinely teared up. I guess that the people I’m friends with now actually like me as a person sometimes…idk I have bad imposter syndrome and I worry that I’m not someone people think about…so even just a little gesture like that reaffirms that not only am I someone people consider a friend but someone they think of fondly…I have been listening to the song a lot, it’s super calm and sweet, I really like it.

I haven’t watched The Last of Us season 2 due to the boycott of it, I thought the first season was fine but after it was put on the boycott list I decided I wouldn’t watch season 2. I’d occasionally get videos talking about the new season in my YouTube feed but I ignored all of them…until this one. I mean the title seemed interesting and I actually think the video is really good! The commodification of art even when it originally came from a real place of creativity is sad to see but something that needs to be discussed. I mean…look at the live action Lilo and Stitch…yikes!

[taintedsoul-if]

Progress Report — June 26, 2026

Between yesterday and today, I feel like I’ve been too active, lol. The weekend is rolling in—got anything planned? The heat is unreal lately. You’d think being born in summer would make me less miserable when it rolls around... anyway, it’s another day, another progress report, so let’s get into it!

After wrapping up a chapter, I usually give my brain some time to rest. That said, I’ve already written the opening for Chapter 4 in my notebook. Aside from writing, I’ve got a few other things on my plate. I think I received three questions for the Truth and Truth session, so I’ll have that published across all platforms by July 1st or 2nd. Chapter 3 Part 2 has already been fully edited—yay 🕴. All that’s left is the playtesting and a few random checks, which I’ll be tackling this weekend.

Today I’ve been browsing the COG Forum, trying to get a proper way on how to construct my choicescript_stats page. I'm currently learning how to hide the percentage bars for each RO until players officially meet them.

Next on the list is finalizing the questions for the Vathilia Lore Challenge. (Okay, confession—I may or may not have already drafted ten questions and four bonus ones just minutes ago.) It shouldn’t be too hard. 🤷‍♀️

I also need to pick the two characters I’ll be covering for this fortnight’s lore feature. I’m leaning toward doing a combo scene for A and C. Their parents might be mentioned too... I haven’t fully decided yet.

And while I say today is a break day, I think I’ll be sneaking in some writing because tomorrow I’m going full lock-in mode with my video player.

I do plan to answer a few more asks over the coming week. I’m sorry the scenario asks are taking longer than expected—usually, to really show what I’m capable of, I let them simmer for a bit. When I’m struggling with a scene, these asks eventually starts threading itself together in my mind. It takes time, but I truly believe it’s worth the wait. Nobody wants to be brushed off with a line or two, right?

As for the breeding kink asks for other ROs... those need time to simmer too. S and N are complicated characters, and their scenes deserve the depth to match.

My week ahead will be just as straightforward as the last, but I know some of you are already wondering: “Can she really do the entire Gledir Academy opening in under three weeks?” Have you met me? I’m a monster when it comes to writing. Overthinker? Yes. Writer? Absolutely. Certified disorganized potato who waits until the deadline is breathing down her neck? Guilty. (Also, I’ve got bags under my eyes to prove it. 🙂��↔️)

Anyway, I hope your week is exceptionally kind to you. See you in the next ask. 🥴

[spacesummerchronicles]

Space’s Summer Chronicles #18: June 21st and June 22nd: The JOYRIDE

HEYOOOOOO, so let’s get into it! June 21st is the start of the astronomical summer and the day with the most hours of daylight! I woke up at 11am, had breakfast, then caught the train to the city to see my friends! I couldn’t use my car cause I’d need it the following day to get to the city and I had drinking plans for the evening hehe

I hung out with two of my best friends at one of them’s apartment - I’m lowkey worried about the friend whose apartment we were at. She was very obviously out of it and disinterested, kinda depressed, she’s having job troubles and it might be worse than she’s letting on. I talked with her but then again, I can’t save her, she has to save herself.

Anyways, at around 4 pm Grape Girl picked me up in her man’s car and we went to have pizza at my favorite pizza place (i’m gonna miss that pizza once we get to the coast). We caught up, I told her all the best spots in Budapest cause she’ll be going in September, and she caught me up with her other friends’ drama. Afterwards we went to a rooftop party which was weirdly enough only til like 10pm. I had a bottle of passionfruit gin mixed with mango juice ready for pregaming but despite drinking a considerable amount, I only got tipsy. Whatever.

Anyways, the party was fun, it was mostly full of millennials who were too cool to dance but we danced a lot and it was great. Grape Girl’s nemesis showed up and her and her friends watched us the whole night so that was funny as fuck.

I also saw one of the depressed girl i talked about earlier’s ex friends, we talked a lot, exchanged a lot of gossip, learned why they stopped talking (depressed girl kept asking her for money and ignored her whenever she wasn’t asking her for money), and she gave me a whiskey shot yayyy

She invited us to her table but cause Grape Girl doesn’t like talking to new people, we only went at like 9.40pm, 20 minutes before closing. Funnily enough they hit it off very well, discussing weddings (Grape Girl got married in May, ex-friend of my friend is engaged and planning a wedding).

#keshasummer: you know how in sleazy by kesha she says we take the drinks from the table when you get up and leave ‘em? WELLLLLLLLL the girls from ex friend’s neighboring table appeared to have left permanently and left an unopened bottle of vodka and an unopened bottle of white wine so I swiped the white wine in my backpack and ex-friend swiped the vodka LMFAOOOOO

but plot twist THEY CAME BACK TWO MINUTES LATER and like the music was already dead cause of curfew and me and Grape Girl decided to leave before the girls learned who stole their wine LMFAOOOO

SOOO AFTERWARDS ME AND GRAPE GIRL WENT FOR A NIGHT JOYRIDE, DRIVING AROUND AND SCREAMING ALONG TO OUR FAVORITE SONGS FOR HOURSSS

lowkey my favorite summer day so far but then again June 21st is iconic by definition

Today’s June 22nd and I woke up to a semi popular actor from my country posting me and Grape Girl dancing at the party to his story lol (video attached below)

I feel amazing, younger me would be so proud I’m cool and funny and I’m the star of every party I go to (I also got two compliments on the color of my hair yesterday hehe)

~~~~~~~

So it’s June 22nd and I’m currently on the bus travelling to the coast! My car needs some repairs so I’ll be convertible-less until like early July when I come back to the city to pick up my cousin coming to visit from Germany for adventures. I spent 4 hours from the trip doing some work on my phone on behalf of my parents so they can get some extra money which was okay honestly, I love keeping busy. Sadly when I reach the coast I’ll have to do some of my OWN work cause I promised my boss something for tomorrow (originally promised for Friday) so i have to fix the situation I’ve created ugh

Also I gotta start the Artist’s Way this evening cause I wanna live out the six/eight weeks of the “course” on the coast. I wonder what I’ll create. A part of the Artist’s Way is morning notes to get all your thoughts out of the way so I might include mine in the next entries if they’re interesting, we’ll see.

Honestly, I love riding the bus through the countryside, I love the endless blindingly golden fields. Such a beautiful color.

I have a feeling the sea will whittle me away to the version of me I was always meant to be.

Also!!! For those who remember I’m preparing to go to Kesha’s TITS OUT TOUR in March…..SHE INCLUDED MY FAVORITE SONG OF HERS IN THE SETLIST AND IT HAS NEVER BEEN SUNG LIVE BEFOREEEE (THINKING OF YOU) I’M SO EXCITEEDDD

Okay I’ve arrived and GOD the town is gorgeous and the apartment has this amazing terrace, I can’t wait to continue this amazing summer tomorrow!

Songs of the days:

Summer progress bar: 20.5%/100

[suffering-asthmatic-tifosi]

Vic update 6/5-6/8/25

Thursday: Thursday is small group and I haven’t been in 3 weeks bc vacation, so I haven’t seen him also in 3 weeks which was though. AND HE GOT GROUNDED 😭 by boy is a legal adult and gets grounded why. He did nothing too 😭😭 anyway I saw him, opened the door for him acc, and faked a hand gun to his head and he like grabbed my hand immediately before I even said anything and was like “I’m so sorry I was grounded I don’t know why I would’ve told you if I could I’m sorry.” So that happened. Then we obviously sit together on the section on the couch we decided was ours cus I save him a seat every week. And when he sits down next to me she tells me, “all month I had to sit on the floor (there r so many people in my small group and not enough space on couch or chairs) because you weren’t here to save my seat” 🥹 GUYS anyways it was my day to give the lesson, and I did and he helped me out and got my jokes when NO KNE ELSE DID. ( extra cute thing here: my lesson was on love and when I started I asked the opening question ‘what is love’ and said there was a right answer and everyone was giving like deep Christian answers and vic turned to me and went “baby don’t hurt me” and no one got it except us [ASKDJFHFKSLLAKSDJHDKALA 🙈] ) we talked after the whole time and watched reels on his phone like we always do.

Saturday:

Saturday is my main church service at my church and since it’s June it’s the church’s anniversary so every week the service is lead by one of four groups: kids, youth, women, men. So like the worship for the women is only the girls in the ministry. So this Saturday was the first and lead by the kids, so my brothers were playing and there were kids singing + my dad leading worship bc they’re kids they need help duh. I was music directing, so like telling everyone what to do to keep the worship go smoothly. And vic was helping the singers (he plays guitar and sings) (I play piano and sing) so it was just us + my dad (leader of worship ministry) helping the kids. Eventually after the kids got situated he came to the back of the stage with me and he just like stood behind me keeping me company while I did my thing and it was like so sweet bc he was like asking questions about my job doing md, what I do when I’m doing that while playing keys on normal services, that kinda thing and it was cute yk. After the service, we talked more and helped take down the sound system and he helped me put stuff in my car and I asked if he would wanna go to a Laufey concert with me and he said he would be down 🤭 (possible update on fluid that happens will be given) then I went home

Sunday: Sunday I had a 6p y/o birthday party in the morning and a church kid’s 1st birthday in the afternoon which vic was at. We talked loads and he just like stuck next to me at the park the whole time, we played volleyball and like covered me bc I was in a dress and jumping around. Which was thoughtful. He kept trying to make me laugh, like when they were singing happy birthday and he turned on his “opera” voice cus he knows I think it’s hilarious (it’s terrible that’s why lol) then he had to leave bc he had a third party 😔

And I think he’s still grounded idk he doesn’t even know until when.

If u wanna be part of the taglist comment or just lmk

taglist:

@frankie-norris @supreme-mango

Also if it’s too long lmk

[plutoswrath]

𝕆𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 12𝕥𝕙 𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕗𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣…

I find reflection to be a good way to not only understand, heal and grow, but personal experience of those who understand how the planets and stars work is a very valuable tool of learning and research for anyone who wants to study and grow in any practice. And what time would be best to fully immerse in the act of retrospection than the 12th house profection year?

All things 12th house have been happening to me so far, and will continue to do so till June next year.

: ̗̀➛ Isolation:

passive isolation (aka outer circumstances):

Isolation is one of the main themes of the 12th house. This year all the last of my former roommates moved out which left me with two total strangers alone in a big city. Alone, writing my bachelor thesis, alone starting a new job, alone going through first steps of therapy/counseling. I don’t mind being alone, I actually like and need it just as much as I need to see and be with my friends to feel alive and get back in touch with myself, but this year was different. This year was kinda the pinnacle of realizing the severity of my mental health issues and noticing how drastically they impacted me. It’s not just that I was separated by my loved ones by distance but this year it was almost impossible to make time for others, or make time for me when I needed to. I remember how I was forced to write my bachelor thesis in a month basically due to administration problems that were caused by my professors and being totally secluded from everyone for over a whole month. I remember this period like the fever dream it felt like and was; starting to work at morning and falling into bed tired at 2 am just to repeat that shit for the next 30 days, only allowing myself two meals a day, not being bale to answer people for days or weeks, and basically missing the whole summer too. A tragedy, really :(.

Active isolation (aka retreat and boundaries)

This year I willingly cut ties with some people if it didn’t feel right anymore. This year was so far - and still is - incredibly exhausting, I couldn’t afford to pour life into people and situations that didn’t give me anything back or were inherently toxic. Also, this might not be healthy on my end but due to self esteem issues I decided to wear my mask even more than usual, adding to the feeling of isolation by a feeling of invisibility. I felt and still feel extremely faceless/without identity this year, but this feeling somehow grew into the comfort of being somehow a bit more free of judgment and the perception of others.

: ̗̀➛ Love, making time and hidden enemies:

This section will also talk about the connection this 12th house year has to my Venus and North Node in the 12th! Using whole signs, I have my Venus-NN conjunction in the 12th and even tho I’m not that much into dating, I found myself actively pursuing potential relationships and dabbing into the dating pool since I left my ex almost 2 years ago. It’s strange, because I made a beautiful friendship through this, but I also felt strangely ostracized trying to date, mainly because there's a lot of people with evil intentions out there (there's more to critique about dating/hook up culture, but that's not for an astrology post lol). But it’s not inherently bad, as I’ve mentioned before it only made me realize more what I want in others and also what I want from me. I also learned setting boundaries through this. Also; having my NN in the 12th, the topic of making time and spending it on myself in order to heal (no matter if it’s by actively working through therapeutic material or just simply by indulging in hobbies, studying or self reflecting) I figured this is a huge issue in my life; everything and everyone tears at me and it’s hard to make time. Prioritizing myself in order to get back in touch with myself, to tap into my inherent wisdom by channeling my 12th house and working with it is what I should do and this year really helped me realize this so far. Even my close ones talked with me about it and told me that it would be crucial to make time for me and get back in touch with my creative side. I believe a lot of the mysteries and fears of my own natal 12th house placements were exposed during this year so far. A lot of it also boils down to my own mental health, and the idea of what can be if I were to have the time and resources in order to indulge in my own passions and heal myself through them, as well as go after what I want fearlessly and without shame.

: ̗̀➛ Drugs and mental health:

The 12th house represents our mental health and subconscious. It’s often known as the house for drugs since drugs either get us in a state in which we find it easier to access that subconsciousness (e.g using drugs as medicine, or for rituals/spiritual practices) OR use it as a coping mechanism. I quit smoking two years ago, and haven’t thought about picking up the habit since then, but as the administration problem of my professors happened, which basically could've caused me to fail it and made all the hard work I put into my studies be for nothing (leading to me wiring my bachelor thesis in only a month R I P) I picked up smoking for two weeks and dropped it after I felt I got my nerves under control again. I do not feel bad at all, because I knew even back the that it was a last resort solution and that it's only temporary.

Funny thing is, as I suffer immensely from ctpsd and ocd and my body is constantly tense, under high stress, etc. I will try out cbd oil in order to ease my mind and body. I think it's also a good way to help me additionally with managing my daily life and making it bearable, as long a s I don't have a therapy place.

: ̗̀➛ Therapy:

This ties together with the subconscious. (funnily enough the 12th house also represents medical institutions), this is the year I finally was able to have my first contacts with therapy and am now actively searching for a therapist. Since I'm only at the beginning of the mental health journey there's not a lot to say, but eventually next year when I'm nearing my 1st house profection year I can reflect more on it.

: ̗̀➛ Opportunities that lead to self realization:

The 12th house is often known as an 'evil' house since it’s shows us the end of a cycle. I realized that many things I wanted actually came true in some sort of offer when I went after it(this is me channeling my Aries Jupiter too lol) but instead of finally getting what I want by acting out on desire, I realized that many things I wanted were still unattainable. Part of it was, that I still needed to fix myself, part of it was acknowledging that evil in the world is just there; it's created and caused by others and it's not your fault, nor do you have to understand why. I was forced to be very conscious over my intentions and own actions. This year I was on autopilot and yet I wasn't; better said, the minute I caught myself on autopilot something inside of me snapped and brought me back into reflection mode. I was challenging myself, trying to wrap my head around my subconscious behavior and trying to change it by being ore active and intentional with my desires and actions.

: ̗̀➛ Endings:

I indeed finished a few things this year. University, a few friendships, some ideas and believes about myself, some negative patterns, lifted the veil of unspoken feelings and truths of friendships, you name it. There is a strange feeling of hope and hopelessness - it feels like walking through thick mud. It’s so tiring but you know it just takes effort to get through, so you grit your teeth and do it because there’s no other option instead of giving up and getting stuck, eventually being swallowed by this mud.

In some moments I realized things ended and it was for the better: I could breath again. But it also reminded me of the next task ahead; now, that one truth has been uncovered it opens the path for new movement, a new opportunity. And the question is, do I act on it? If so, when? If not, will it forever be closed, wasted time and space? It's definitely a question for the 1st house profection year that is slowly but surely approaching, but it's also my Virgo Ascendant and SN in the 6th house conjunct my Uranus reminding me that I'm never safe, movement and changes are all around us and chaos keeps me on my toes and ready to act, and potentially prevent the next crisis that is about to succumb me and others. Life is strange, but I'm growing and as much as I feel helpless and small, I also feel proud and grown. I am excited to see how this year of the 12th house (the house of endings) will end, and what mysteries it will reveal. I'm excited about what I am yet to discover.

I know the profection year looks different depending on the individual birth chart, life themes and patterns in there but I’d be really happy to read the experience of others who went through their 12th house profection year!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ .　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

[theteasetwrites]

The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning

Chapter 62: Suffer Little Children

❧ Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader ❧ Era: Season 9 ❧ Pronouns: she/her ❧ Warnings: violence, mild swearing, scary situation ❧ Word Count: 7.6k

❧ In This Chapter: Trouble strikes in Alexandria when a former friend of Michonne's takes refuge. When your baby is taken from you, you're forced to come face to face with yet another evil in the world.

❧ A/N: Bad things seem to happen when Daryl leaves, huh? I think he should just be a stay-at-home daddy lol. Anyway, here we have an event that is actually told in a flashback in Season 9, but I decided to just put it in chronological order for the sake of continuity. Next chapter will take place after the dreaded time jump (though with noticeable changes from the series, since Daryl is not going to be going out to live in the woods. He's got a family!).

You sat in the armchair by the fireplace, cradling Robin in your arms as you breastfed her early in the morning, just before the sun was coming up.

She was three weeks old now, but she was already turning out to be quite the easy baby. Aside from the occasional outbursts of tears when she was hungry, which always seemed to be at the most inopportune times, she didn’t drive you crazy like the other mothers warned you.

In fact, you had no problems with her at all. She began breastfeeding quite easily, and was very active in cooing and flailing her limbs around. She also had great reflexes, according to Siddiq, which meant she had a healthy neurological system. That all sounded good to you.

Everything about Robin Elizabeth Dixon was healthy, including her appetite.

“She’s really going to town,” you said with an amused grin, watching her cheeks hollow in and out as she sucked, with her little hand resting on the slope of your breast, and her tiny feet tucked away in her onesie kicking vigorously in excitement.

Daryl stopped what he was doing in the kitchen to come and see, and looked over your shoulder to watch her. “Someone’s hungry,” he said with a laugh.

You looked up at him. “She gets her appetite from you.”

He rustled up your hair and scoffed. “Shut up.”

He made his way over to the fire to poke it a bit, and you wrapped Robin up tighter in her blanket. It was mid June but the mornings still could be so cold in Virginia, especially before the sun came up. “Do you have to go?” you asked.

Daryl sighed, resting the poker by the fireplace. “You know I have to.”

“Maybe somebody else could go? Like Syd or maybe even Aaron. He’s getting pretty good at hunting, even with the metal arm.”

“Yeah, rabbits,” he said, heading over to the front door to grab his crossbow and bring it over to the couch where he sat himself down. “Need somethin’ big, like a deer.” Daryl positioned his bolts one by one.

“I’m pretty sure they’re going extinct at this point,” you said. “There isn’t a deer for miles that hasn’t been some walker’s lunch.”

“Nah,” he said. “Gonna get somethin’ big, bring it back and have a nice dinner. You’ll see.”

“How long are you going to be gone?” you asked, watching him meticulously perform maintenance on that clunky crossbow.

He shrugged. “Just two days. Be back tomorrow. Promise.” He looked up at you to see the frown on your face as you pulled Robin from your breast and buttoned up your nightgown. “You gonna be okay on your own?”

He felt horrible leaving you with a three week old baby, but then again, he had a responsibility to the community—to keep them fed. True, there were established gardens and grains in Alexandria now, but many people still relied on hunting and gathering, and Daryl was the best hunter, without a doubt.

You gave him a small half-smile. “We’ll be fine,” you said, then looked back down at Robin, who was already dozing off in your warm arms, her eyes blinking sleepily. “Isn’t that right, sweet pea?” You bounced her up and down a little until she cooed. “I’m just going to miss you.”

Daryl hadn’t left Alexandria, or your house, essentially, since before Robin’s birth, and you’d gotten so used to having him all to yourself, and the feeling of him holding you at night. It was your favorite way to sleep.

“I’ll miss ya, too,” he said, and stood up to kiss your forehead, and then Robin’s, to which she squirmed a little. “Don’t wanna leave. Not one bit.”

You pulled his shirt collar down until his face was an inch apart from yours. “Then don’t,” you said before pulling his collar close enough for his lips to touch yours, and kissed him sweetly.

He smiled against your lips. “I’ll be back ‘fore ya know it, woman. Just wanna know you’ll be all right.”

You nodded. “I will,” you said. “As long as you come back to me.”

After putting the sleepy baby back in her crib, you sent Daryl off with a kiss and a packed lunch, just as the sun was starting to rise. You watched him walk off towards the gates as you stood on the porch, and already wished he was back home, where he belonged.

At least you had plenty of things to do to keep your mind off how worried you were, including taking care of the baby.

Once she had her bath and a clean diaper, you settled down in the rocking chair in the nursery with her to begin reading her The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood, of course, but you were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Hoisting her up off of your lap, you stood up and walked downstairs with Robin in tow, and laid her down on her knitted baby blanket, spread out on the plush rug in the living room, before answering the door.

“Morning,” said Bev, standing on your porch with a basket of muffins. “These are for you.”

Your eyes widened as she handed you the bountiful basket. “Wow, thank you, Bevvy! Come on in.”

She immediately gravitated towards Robin, who was looking up in fascination at the ceiling fan, and making adorable little gasps and coos.

“How’s my little birdie doing?” you heard Bev ask in her baby voice as you set the muffins on the kitchen counter, followed by the sound of a raspberry being blown on the infant’s tummy. “Oh, you’re just the cutest little thing! I want a baby, (Y/N)!” she yelled to you from the living room.

You came back in from the kitchen with a muffin in your hand and sat yourself down on the floor next to Robin and Bev. “Well, does Eugene want a baby?” you asked.

Bev scoffed. “He’s too focused on that stupid power grid. He’s making it more ‘sustainable in the long-term’ or something like that, I don’t know. He never has time for me. I don’t think he even really loves me.”

You frowned as you played with Robin’s fingers, who grasped them and looked at them curiously. “I’m sorry… I'm sure he loves you, he’s just… distracted. You know how he gets.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I swear, I wish I had a guy more like Daryl. At least he pays attention to you.”

You scoffed. That was an understatement. Daryl paid far too much attention to you, though you couldn’t say you didn’t love it. “There aren’t many men like Daryl,” you said. “I think Eugene is perfect for you, and he’s proven himself to be a good guy, despite everything.”

Bev raised an eyebrow as she looked at you. “Aaron’s a good guy, too,” she said. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, do you know if he’s… bisexual?”

Your eyes widened and you let out a loud snort, which startled Robin and made her cry a little. You quickly picked her up in your arms and started bobbing her up and down. “Tell me you’re not interested in my brother now.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not, I was just wondering. Does he like women, too?”

“No,” you said. “He’s just into men, and between you and me, I think there’s something going on between him and Jesus.”

Bev gasped. “What? Aaron and Jesus?”

“Mhm,” you said, rubbing Robin’s back as you held her upright against your chest. “They’ve been spending a lot of time together recently, but I don’t think Aaron wants anyone to know for whatever reason, so keep it a secret.”

For all her gossiping, Bev was surprisingly good at keeping a secret, as long as she was asked to do so.

“Well, forget I asked, then.”

“So you’re interested in Aaron?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “No, no. I think he’s cute, but Eugene still has my heart, unfortunately. I mean, and he’s your brother… Speaking of men, where’s your hubby?”

You scoffed at the insufferable term, but much like how Daryl had to deal with you calling him absurd pet names all the time, you had to deal with Bev’s.

“He’s out hunting, left this morning. Said something about wanting to get a ‘big thing’ for everyone. Don’t remind me, I’m already worried sick. The world seems to be getting scarier and scarier.”

“Tell me about it,” replied Bev. “Oh, that reminds me, have you heard about the lady and the kids who showed up at the gate a few hours ago?”

“No, a lady and some kids?”

“Yeah, Michonne’s friend. I didn’t get the whole story but she knows her, and she came in with a bunch of these kids. Kind of interesting.”

It was very interesting. There hadn’t been newcomers in a long time, and it wasn’t everyday someone came out of the wilderness with children, since the world outside Alexandria was so hostile for them.

Later that day, you were visited by Michonne and that woman, as Michonne seemed intent on introducing her to everyone, and since she loved children so much, it seemed only appropriate to show her Robin.

You answered the door with the baby bouncing in your arms, and flashed a wide smile for Michonne and the unfamiliar woman. It’d been some time since you had seen anyone you didn’t recognize. You were so used to seeing the same faces now.

“Hi,” you said to them.

“Hey,” replied Michonne. She seemed so happy to have her friend by her side again. “This is my friend, Jocelyn. We were old college buddies. This is (Y/N).”

You unwrapped an arm from Robin briefly to shake the woman’s hand. She seemed quite demure, but friendly enough. “And who’s this?” she asked, taking her eyes away from you and gravitating towards the one month old baby in your arms.

“Oh, this is Robin,” you said.

Jocelyn bent down a little to poke Robin’s sloped button nose, to which she blinked curiously at the woman. “Is she yours?” she asked.

You swallowed hard at the odd question. Of course she was yours. She looked much more like Daryl, but she was quite obviously yours. Then again, you supposed it was quite common for people to raise children who weren’t biologically theirs these days. Aaron was doing it with Gracie, after all.

“Yes,” you said. “She’s mine. Had her a month ago.”

“Wow,” Jocelyn said in awe. “You look great. Where’s her daddy?”

This woman is just asking all the wrong questions.

What if her father was dead? Or missing? Or what if she had two mothers?

You were glad Daryl wasn’t dead, otherwise you’d be much more offended.

“He’s outside the walls,” you said simply. “On a hunting trip.”

“Daryl’s our best hunter,” Michonne explained. “He keeps us all fed well. He’s nowhere near as good as your kids, though,” she joked.

You gave Jocelyn a confused look. “Oh, my kids all hunt. They learned when they just started to walk.”

You nodded at the strange woman. Michonne didn’t seem to notice how off she was, or that you thought she was odd, so you quickly changed the subject. “Why don’t you both come on in? I’ll make some tea.”

You led them in and let Michonne hold Robin while you heated up some water on the stove, and returned minutes later to serve their lavender and rose flavored tea in your antique teacups.

You were surprised to see Jocelyn bouncing Robin up and down on her lap. “She is just so precious, (Y/N). She has beautiful eyes.”

You smiled. “She has her daddy’s blue eyes,” you said as you sat across from her on one of the lounge chairs. “She’s a very cute baby, I must admit.”

Jocelyn cooed at the little girl, who let out little sweet chuckles as she bounced her. “Yes, you are,” said Jocelyn. “God, I haven’t seen a baby in a long time. My kids are all much older.”

“How many do you have?” you asked.

“Ten,” she said.

“And they’re all yours?”

She frowned a little at that, though she had asked you that very same question.

“No,” she said. “None of them are mine, but I care for them like they were my own. Their parents, they all died. Didn’t make it. I made sure they survived.”

You nodded, then looked over to Michonne. “Well,” you sighed, trying to change the subject a little bit, “there are lots of kids here in Alexandria. It’d be nice for them to meet some new faces. I teach at our school, and they all wonder what’s outside those walls. Maybe your kids could teach them a thing or two.”

“You teach?” she asked.

“Mhm. Well, I didn’t teach before this, but I teach now. I think… going on two years now, since we came to Alexandria.” You shared a smile with Michonne.

“What do you teach?” asked Jocelyn.

“Oh, everything. Math, science, English, history… I’m not so good at math but I’ve been getting better. I just hope I’m giving them the best possible education.”

“You are,” assured Michonne. It meant a lot coming from her, since she was the de facto leader of Alexandria after Rick. “You’re the best teacher here.”

You blushed a little. “Thanks, but that’s not true. Beverly’s the best.”

Jocelyn threw you for a loop with her next question. “Do you teach any practical things?”

You cleared your throat. “Well, yes. To an extent. We teach them about walkers at a certain age, about eight years old, and later we train them how to defend themselves. Survival techniques are ingrained throughout the curriculum. Why?”

She shook her head as she looked down at Robin, who was sucking her thumb on the carpet now, and playing with her stuffed white rabbit in the other hand. “Children should be raised to be strong,” she said. “The way the world is, they need to know how to survive, not be passive and frightened.”

You felt a little offended by her tone of voice, which to you implied that the children of Alexandria weren’t being taught how to survive. Of course they were, but it wasn’t the top priority. Yourself and the other teachers had discussed that when creating the curriculum—survival would be an important subject, but learning was put first, since that was the point of education.

“Our children know how to survive,” you said. “We just want them to have a real childhood, too. They shouldn’t be expected to grow up so fast, even in this world.”

Michonne felt the tension growing between you two, and she stepped in before Jocelyn could say anything. “Why don’t we go back to my house and make dinner for the kids, Joss? It’s starting to get dark.”

The two women left soon after that, and you were left with a strange feeling about Jocelyn, who to you seemed infatuated with children, and against the way they were being raised in Alexandria. You couldn’t entirely blame her, since she had just come from outside the walls where she was raising children based on instinct, but still, it offended you.

That evening, you spent all your time with the baby, playing with her and talking to her every chance you could get (you had read that talking to babies helps to stimulate their minds). When little Robin was fed, in a clean diaper, and dressed in her periwinkle colored onesie, decorated with tiny cows jumping over crescent moons, you put her to bed, latching the handmade crib and switching on her nightlight, which reflected beams of starlight upon the wall beside her crib.

Night closed in rather peacefully in Alexandria, despite the slight disturbance of the newcomers. Though Jocelyn seemed a little strange to you, you noticed how happy Michonne was to have her around, so you couldn’t complain. Not only that, but you could hear the children laughing and playing from outside your bedroom window that night, a sound you hadn’t heard in some time since Rick died. Most of all, it reminded you of the wonderful life you had here in Alexandria, the perfect place to raise your baby.

All you needed now, as you snuggled up beneath your blankets on your soft bed, sighing a little at the feeling of the plush fabric against your bare skin where your nightgown didn’t cover, was your husband.

You were getting better at sleeping without Daryl home, though you still worried about him. You figured at least you knew where he was, and that he wasn’t missing, presumed dead, like Rick, or being held prisoner somewhere like he had been just a few years ago. No, he was simply out hunting, and maybe looking for Rick as he did so, but he would be back tomorrow. He always came back, alive and well.

Still, you were a little ashamed that you often had to resort to wrapping yourself in one of Daryl’s shirts to lull yourself to sleep. It always helped, just being reminded of his scent, and feeling the familiar fabric. Tonight was like any other night without Daryl—you eventually fell asleep, and lately you’d been sleeping even more deeply than usual, so you fell quickly into a deep, deep sleep.

When the makeshift alarm that Daryl installed for the front door went off, you bolted up in bed and looked around your dark bedroom in a panic. Coming to your hazy senses, you reached for the flashlight and knife you kept in the drawer of your bedside table, and immediately went for Robin’s bedroom as the obnoxious sound of the modified alarm clock sounded off in the living room.

It had gone off a few times by accident, but Daryl was there on those occasions, and he was the one to check the front door, and didn’t find anyone there. Now, you knew there was someone down there, because their footsteps were gradually getting closer and closer as they approached the staircase.

As the intruder alert of the alarm clock rang mercilessly through your home, you quickly picked up the now crying Robin, attempting to soothe her a bit as you hid her in the hidden compartment in her closet (another one of Daryl’s security measures, which you never thought you’d use). It was a tiny cupboard disguised to mesh with the wall of the closet, big enough to fit a small child, with slats to act as air holes. Daryl had reasoned that upon an event such as this, Robin would be safely hidden there. After all, the world was a dangerous place, and stranger things had befallen your group before. He had a right to be paranoid.

And now, so did you.

“Shhh,” you said to the wailing baby, trying to get her to calm down as you tucked her in the little cupboard, along with her favorite blanket and her stuffed rabbit. “I’ll be right back,” you whispered. She seemed to calm down for a moment, her crying abating as she heard your soothing voice. “Everything’s going to be okay. Mommy’s here.”

Really, you didn’t know what was happening, only that someone was in your house, and it wasn’t Daryl, who would’ve surely turned off the alarm and called out to you. No, they were unfamiliar footsteps, and whoever was there simply had no right to be there.

Turning around, standing up and about to close the closet door, you were immediately knocked to the ground by a shadowy figure, donning a black ski mask and brandishing a large hunting knife.

The figure had knocked the wind out of you, delivering a severe hit to your abdomen and sending you down upon the wood floor of the nursery with an echoing thud, loud enough to start up Robin’s crying again.

Ignoring the pain, you quickly grabbed your knife and slashed the intruder’s ankle as they tried to reach into the closet, where Robin was. Though it was dark, you could see the dark glob of blood beginning to form on their ankle, and you could hear the cry of pain from the figure as they bent over and attempted to stab you back, this time aiming for the chest.

Reflexively, you kicked their shin and hoisted yourself up until you had the upper hand, and kicked the knife from their grasp to lodge your slippered foot between their chin and their chest, causing an uncomfortable strain on their breathing.

You leaned down to pull the mask from the intruder’s face, and you were shocked to see it was none other than Jocelyn, who had a much more sinister look upon her face than she had earlier.

“Why?” you breathed, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The woman seemed odd, but you didn’t peg her for a home invader.

She glared up at you, and looked to the side for a brief moment. “The baby,” she said simply.

Shocked, but not without mercy, you set down your knife and started to help Jocelyn up, with plans to take her to Michonne and have her locked up until everyone decided what was to be done with her, but the harsh blow to the top of your head sent you to the ground faster than you could turn around to see the other intruder behind you.

Several hazy, blurry moments passed with you writhing in pain on the ground, half-conscious and straining desperately to move towards the closet, where Robin’s cries were getting louder and more heartbreakingly terrified. Surely the loud bang of the frying pan hitting your head must’ve pierced her poor little ears beyond your comprehension, and all you wanted to do was get to her before Jocelyn could. So you crawled, still in too much pain to lift yourself up, while Jocelyn and the intruder looked down at you with tilted heads, looking at you like some kind of curious circus freak.

“Should we kill her?” the other figure asked. From what you could tell in your delirium, he was male, and a bit shorter than Jocelyn, with a more pubescent sounding voice. He seemed to be a teenager, maybe one of Jocelyn’s children.

“No,” she said. “She’ll wish she was dead when she wakes up. Let her suffer.” You kept your eyes on the cupboard where Robin was hidden, though she wasn’t hidden for long, as between tired blinks, you saw the male figure pull her from the closet, her tiny body wriggling and her limbs flailing all over the place as she cried.

“R-Robin!” you managed to exclaim, trying to get your brain back in its senses to stand up and take the baby away from the stranger. “My baby… Please don’t.”

The male let out a laugh. “I hit her pretty bad,” he said, trying to figure out how to hold the very upset infant.

“Not bad enough,” Jocelyn replied, then the next thing you heard, as you watched your baby crying in the arms of a hostile intruder, was the beginning of that bang, the sound of the pan hitting your head again.

This hit knocked you out completely, so much so you couldn’t even register the pain, until you awoke.

“(Y/N)!” you heard Aaron’s voice call out to you as he ascended the stairs. “(Y/N)!” he called out again. “Where are you?”

You groaned in pain as you awoke with your face pressed against the cold wood floor, the redwood grain of which was now illuminated by the early morning sunlight. You palmed your face and pushed back your messy hair to see where you were, and suddenly you remembered.

Aaron found you launching yourself up and over towards the closet, and watched you frantically searching the hiding spot for your baby, and then turning around to begin tearing apart the entire nursery, not even noticing his presence until he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around to face him.

He studied you with a worried look, rubbing his thumb over the large bruise extending from your hairline over your forehead. “What happened?” he asked. “Are you okay? Where’s Robin?”

Your eyes darted around the room as your terrified brain put together the scene from last night, in which you were sure Jocelyn had taken your child.

Michonne stumbled in a few moments later, looking at you with that same horrified look. “(Y/N)?” she asked, her voice trembling and terrified. “Did… did Jocelyn come here last night?”

You broke down sobbing, and Aaron cupped your crying face, knowing what must’ve happened. “She took some of the kids last night,” he said. “We’re going to get them back.”

You shook your head, with utter devastation and disbelief that this could ever happen, yet the strange feeling that you should have known better, that there was something you could have and should have done, even though you had done everything to try to keep your child safe, but now you had no idea if she was alive or dead, or where she was.

“Not… not my baby!” you sobbed into Aaron’s shoulder as he held you. You clung tightly to his jacket, and pulled away after a few moments of trying to compose yourself as much as you could. “Not her,” you said. “Not my baby.”

Aaron urged you not to leave, and Michonne, too. He tried to organize a search team without either of you, since Michonne was so close to term, and your head needed rest. Aside from that, you had only given birth a little less than a month ago, and your body was still recovering from it. He even insisted upon going out to find Daryl so he could help, but you pleaded with him not to do that.

Michonne had an idea of where Jocelyn might’ve taken the children. Before introducing you to her, Michonne had led a rescue team to find the rest of her missing children, who had returned to an abandoned school for the gifted where she had lived with the children before.

So, it only made sense that they might be there.

You walked together in silence for a while, through plains of yellow grass and abandoned parking structures, trying to retrace the steps towards the school. It was only you and Michonne, who had broken off from the others at Alexandria as they deliberated their next course of action. For both of you, there wasn’t any time to think things through—you both needed to find your daughters, and the rest of the children who had been taken.

After a while, Michonne broke the silence. “I should’ve known,” she said simply.

You looked at her as you continued walking alongside her. “No,” you said. “Don’t blame this on yourself. It’s her… Jocelyn, she did it, it’s her fault.” You weren’t entirely articulate, on behalf of your head injury, but you’d be damned if Michonne took the blame for what happened.

“Should’ve never let her in,” she said, then stopped to grab her belly and hiss a little in pain.

You reached over and pulled her aside until you both sat atop the hood of a car. “Sit,” you said.

She shook her head. “I thought I could trust her,” she said. “I thought… I thought she was my friend, you know? I mean, we went through so much, and now… It just seems like I never knew her.”

“People change. This world, it changes people. You’ve seen that. You weren’t wrong to trust her. She… she abused your trust.”

“And now our kids are paying the price,” she said quietly. “What do you think she wants with them?”

You sighed, trying not to tear up at the thought of whatever was happening to your baby, probably so afraid and alone. She only really knew you and Daryl, and if she wasn’t in the presence of either of you for a certain amount of time, she seemed much too scared for such an innocent child. No child should ever be scared like that, as far as you were concerned, and to think your baby was in such a situation, and maybe worse, it chilled you to the bone.

“I don’t know,” you said. “I don’t want to think about it. I just want to find them.” You looked down at the axe laid across your lap. “All I know is, I’ll kill her if I have to.”

Not twenty minutes later, you stood in front of the brick building, and split up from each other so you could come in through the back, with Michonne approaching the entrance.

With the ice axe you’d had for longer than you cared to remember, you trudged through the mud leading up to the backdoor of one of the classrooms, and held your axe high to fend off any walkers or living threats.

The feeling of a lingering presence nearby led you into the hallway, where it was dim, but light enough to see Michonne surrounded by all of Jocelyn’s children, who held their weapons, some of which were projectile, pointed directly at her, and now, you.

“Michonne,” you said, lowering your ask as you realized you couldn’t defend yourself before someone shot an arrow into you. It was an odd tableau—a handful of children, many of which were under the age of ten, holding knives and axes and bows and arrows. Of course, children did have to be much braver in these times than they did when you were a child, but the fact that they seemed so hostile towards even the living… It disturbed you greatly.

“Where are our kids?” she asked, breathing heavily.

The young man, who you quickly realized was the one who took your baby, looked between you and Michonne, and nodded his head as he spoke: “Drop ‘em.”

“No say,” you said.

Apparently Michonne had the same idea, as she didn’t drop her katana, just like you didn’t drop your axe.

“Just tell me that they’re safe,” she said, and in an instant, one of the children let loose her arrow, and it went flying into your arm, in the same place you’d been shot by another unscrupulous child a few years ago.

“Ugh!” you groaned, falling to the ground and grabbing your shoulder firmly in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

“I said drop it,” the young man said again, though you couldn’t hear much of what was happening, other than the sound of Michonne being knocked out, and you felt the grips of several smaller sized hands picking you up and dragging you down the hallway, into a boiler room where you immediately laid eyes on a metal trash can lined with the glow of a small fire, and a few metal prongs sticking out from it, with cloth wrapped around the base to be used as a handle, you could only assume.

It terrified you, the idea of what might’ve been in store. Not just that, it confused you. Why would someone feel the need to do this, to tie you and an unconscious Michonne by your hands and feet and hang you up from the ceiling pipes like pieces of meat? Perhaps they’d eat you, you’d run into that before… Or maybe use you as slaves, like the people at Grady Memorial Hospital and the Saviors essentially did. It didn’t really matter, though, because you knew they were going to brand you, and even that reality paled in comparison to the question of just where your child was.

You looked forward for a while, your mouth gagged with a dirty rag and the pain of your wound still festering. You hadn’t noticed Michonne had opened her eyes until one of the female children spoke.

“She’s awake,” she said, and without another word, a young boy came towards you with the metal brand, a glowing orange X shape on its end.

You closed your eyes tightly and took a deep breath, already feeling the tears trickling down your cheek. You felt the cold air penetrating your bare skin of your back as the teenager lifted your shirt, combined with the blistering heat of the bright orange metal inching dangerously close to your lower back.

“Go on, Linus,” Jocelyn said as she sat and watched, with a stiff, stoic posture, unmoved by the grisly act about to be committed. “Be strong,” she said.

What the hell is strong about this? you wanted to say. It all drove you mad, the fact that this was what Jocelyn meant by raising strong children. If your child, or any child you had taught in Alexandria, ever grew up to be like this, you’d never forgive yourself. It wasn’t strength, it was cruelty, for no discernible reason.

These frustrated thoughts kept you preoccupied for a few moments, until the metal of the brand, both somehow excruciatingly hot and agonizingly cold, sizzled against your skin, and you writhed and screamed and cried as the child pushed the branding iron even further, trying to make the deepest indent he possibly could.

Upon removal of the brand, your vision became blurred, and for a moment you swore you passed out from the pain, but came to as soon as you felt Jocelyn’s presence before you, staring you down with that cold gaze.

You glowered at her, wanting to tell her that it didn’t hurt, that you’d felt much worse, that it couldn’t even compare to being shot, or hit by a car, or beaten half to death, but it was worse. Much worse. The only thing you could think of that could have rivaled that brand was childbirth. At least it didn’t last nearly as long, but that pain was sharp and not completely dissimilar. Still, you wouldn’t let her have that satisfaction.

“Well done, Linus,” she said to the boy.

“The strong survive,” he replied.

“And thrive,” Jocelyn added. She gave you a long, lingering look of disappointment, and crossed over to Michonne. “I told you children are capable of anything,” she said. “I taught them, helped them become what we are.”

Monsters, you thought.

“Because they can’t be soft,” she said, and looked pointedly at you. “Not now. Not like I was.”

You bit the cloth between your teeth so hard that you could feel the fabric beginning to rip. If you got out of this, you were going to kill her.

“Where is she?!” Michonne yelled into her gag, with a noticeable quiver in her angered voice.

Jocelyn didn’t answer, but looked over to the little girl holding the other branding iron. “Control it, Winnie,” she said. “Don’t let it control you.”

There wasn’t anything to do, and that’s what infuriated, and devastated, you. The sizzling echoed through the small, almost empty room, and Michonne’s cries of pain were like something out of a nightmare, one that you’d had before, in which everyone you loved was being tortured. How strange it is, when scenes from nightmares come true.

Most of them left after that, leaving you and Michonne to hang in that room, with only another teenage boy watching over you, holding your axe across his lap.

For thirty minutes, you used your fingernail to saw through the rope, and thanked your past self for forgetting to trim them. When you released yourself from the knot, you quickly overtook the weaker boy, kicking him in the groin and yanking your axe from his grasp before knocking him out with the blunt end. You could’ve killed him, but there was some amount of pity there, and understanding that they had been brainwashed to become these merciless killing machines. It wasn’t entirely their fault, but as much as you felt for them, you needed to get your children back, so you swiftly crossed over to Michonne and cut her from her rope.

“We should split up,” she said, pulling her shirt down over her wound with a hiss.

“Right,” you huffed. “I’ll tie him up. You go out towards the front, I’ll look around here.” She nodded to you, and began to leave before you grabbed her shoulder. “Michonne,” you said, “be careful.”

When you came out of the front entrance several minutes later, after searching the whole building top to bottom, you found Michonne, standing amidst the bodies of Jocelyn and her children.

Before her was a beaten-up old trailer, where one child, Winnie, was standing in the doorframe, holding a knife.

She scurried away soon after you came out, and you rushed up behind Michonne to see what was happening.

“Judith,” she called out towards the trailer tearfully.

Just as little four-year-old Judith came forward, you heard the sounds of a baby crying from inside the trailer, and your heart sank in relief.

Judith ran out to hug Michonne, and you stepped forward to greet the other Alexandrian children, one of which was holding the newborn Robin.

You sighed, taking the crying Robin in your arms and holding her tight before hugging the other children, all of whom you taught or had known for years. “You’re safe,” you said. “We’re going home now.”

It had always been a tricky subject, ever since the beginning, when Carl was a boy. How can children be children in a world like this? How can they have a real childhood, and not have to be ruthless, like Jocelyn trained her children to be?

You recalled how grown-up Carl had to be, back at the prison, when Rick and the others had gone to Woodbury. He was so willing to put down that woman who had been bit, and seemed to have already been much too mature for his age.

It was about finding a balance, you supposed—trying to raise the children to be good, and to be innocent, but strong when necessary. All in all, they needed to be fair, merciful, and kind. That’s what you believed, and it wouldn’t change, even after seeing everything you had seen. You wouldn’t let this world win. It had had its hold over you before, made you more callous than you wanted to be, but that was never who you were.

You held the now sleeping Robin in a makeshift sling as you trudged towards the gates of Alexandria with the other children, hand in hand.

The gates opened, and a flood of parents, both biological and adopted, ran out to greet their children, along with Aaron, who solemnly moved towards you.

He eyed you closely, frustrated with worry from you leaving so spontaneously, and without any other help, but he was happy to see you and his niece in one piece.

“You all right?” he asked.

You brushed your fingers through the sparse light brown hairs atop Robin’s head as you gently rocked her in her sling. “Fine,” you said. “Just… need to lie down.”

You took Robin to the infirmary for Siddiq to check on her once he was done patching up Michonne, whose abdomen had been shallowly cut by one of Jocelyn’s children. Luckily, her baby didn’t suffer any trauma, and she would be all right.

Robin was fine, too, only a little dehydrated and hungry, and her diaper certainly needed changed, but fine. As for your brand, Siddiq cleaned it with soap and water, and said there wasn’t much to do besides bandage it and let it heal. It would scar over, of course, and that nearly brought you to tears in itself, just to have to remember the ordeal every time you felt that scar.

Daryl returned that evening, just as the sun was beginning to go down. As he promised, he brought back a large buck, and dropped it off at the pantry before coming home, greeted by Aaron as he sat on the couch playing with Robin and two-year-old Gracie.

“Hey,” said Aaron, with much more solemnity than usual. It always threw off Daryl how serious Aaron was becoming, since he’d always been so happy-go-lucky. This time, though, he immediately knew something was wrong.

“Hi, uncle Daryl,” said Gracie, playing with her nesting blocks on the carpet.

He nodded to the little girl with a smile, and came forward to pick up Robin from her bouncing baby seat, all the while studying Aaron’s face closely. “Where’s (Y/N)?” he asked, getting straight to the point. He knew Robin was all right, so the only other thing was you.

“Upstairs,” he replied. Daryl tilted his head in confusion, since it was much too early for you to be in bed, and you were always with Robin. “She’s in bed.”

“She okay?”

Aaron swallowed hard. He was dreading telling Daryl about what had happened that day. “She’s fine. There was an… incident.”

He practically bolted up the stairs, his heavy footfalls alerting you to his presence.

“(Y/N),” he said quietly as he came in through the bedroom door.

His worried face was illuminated faintly by the dim lighting of the lantern on the dresser, and his shadow danced across the wall as he crossed over to you, sitting himself beside you on the bed and wiping the wispy hairs from your face.

Upon opening your blinking eyes, you saw small tears welling up in his eyes, though he tried wiping them away with his other hand.

“Aaron told me,” he croaked. He could have asked you why you didn’t wait for him to come home, but he knew he would’ve done the same thing, leaving as soon as possible to find your baby.

Your lips began to quiver and you squeezed out a few tears between your trembling eyelids. “I’m sorry,” you cried.

He shook his head and leaned down to hold you in his arms, the strength and warmth of which so familiar and comforting to you. If you could die in those arms, you’d be happy.

You nearly clawed onto the back of his shirt as you held him against you and cried softly into his shoulder. “I tried to stop them,” you said. “I… I tried.”

“I know,” he said, and kissed your cheek. “I know you. Shoulda been here, kept ya both safe.” He eyed the bruise on your forehead, practically glaring it down as if it was the very representation of what had threatened to take away his two most precious gems.

“We can never keep her safe,” you said sadly. “There will always be bad people, or some other threat.”

“Don’… don’ say that. You know it ain’t true.”

You sniffled and rubbed your nose, then sat up to reposition yourself and hug Daryl even tighter. “I could’ve lost her, Daryl. She could’ve…”

He rubbed your back up and down. “I know,” he said. “Didn’t happen, though. She’s fine. She’s gonna be fine, sweetheart.”

He held you for a while, until Aaron called out to Daryl softly from the hallway, telling him he was going to return home now that Daryl was here.

He left your room to send Aaron and Gracie on their way, and to put Robin to bed, reading her Bambi until she fell asleep, and turning on her nightlight (despite the generator power it used—she needed her nightlight, according to Daryl).

The baby seemed fine, already forgetful of the day’s traumatic events. He was thankful for that, since she was so young she wouldn’t remember anything.

“Let me see,” he said as he came back into your bedroom. You looked at him curiously, sitting up in bed to look at him.

“See what?”

He stripped himself of his shirt and sat down on the bed to begin taking off his pants. “Aaron told me.”

Once he was done, he slipped himself under the covers and sat beside you, waiting for you to pull off your nightgown so he could look at your injury.

With a huff, you lifted the back of your slip to reveal the bandage covering the brand on your lower left back.

He gently peeled it back on one corner to see it, and flinched in his own pain when the raw pinkish-red burnt flesh was revealed. It reminded him too much of his own scars, and the very fact that your skin had been marred in such a way, and that you had felt such pain… It brought on so many emotions he couldn’t bear to look anymore.

Replacing your nightgown, he pulled you by the waist against his chest and held you from behind, nuzzling his head into your shoulder and radiating warm breath against your skin.

You bowed your head as if in shame. “It’s going to scar,” you said. “Michonne got it, too.”

“Wish I was there,” he said. “Wish it was me ‘stead of you.”

You turned to look at him, and brought your hand up to caress his cheek. “Don’t say that. It happened the way it happened, and that’s that.”

He let you rest your head on his chest as you were so accustomed to doing, and just before dozing off, you raised your head to speak.

“Hey,” you said, “I finally have a real scar, not just that little one on my arm.”

He looked at you with raised eyebrows and patted your shoulder. “Go to sleep, crazy woman. You need it.”

So you did, and it was a restless sleep, riddled with anxious dreams and disturbing nightmares, which resulted in you flinching and mumbling in Daryl’s arms all night, but it was sleep nonetheless.

Perhaps you’d never be able to keep Robin safe. Maybe the world wasn’t a safe place for children anymore, unless they were ruthless murderers like what Jocelyn had raised.

Still, you believed in the hope that someday things would change—that Robin’s generation would carry the torch in creating a new civilization, one based on the principles of humanity and love that you tried to impart onto them.

So yes, by Jocelyn’s standards, the children were weak, vulnerable, whatever you wanted to call it, but to you, it was a strength, to be able to discern between friend and foe, and to show mercy in a world where such a thing was in short supply.

As long as you had your child, you promised from then on to raise her with that strength.

~

Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are always appreciated!

Series Masterlist Next Chapter ➳

~

✏ Taglist

@bitchynicole | @browneyes528 | @btsiguess-kpop | @byashj | @carnationworld | @citylights31 | @darylgf | @depressedsleepysloth | @dumdumsun | @im-just-star-dust | @jodiereedus22 | @kissmeunicornbaobei | @lacilou | @lady-discord | @littlegodzilla | @lmiautynal | @lovinnholland | @lyndzjones | @moonlightreader649 | @murd3rsc3n | @quietly-scrolling-through | @riverscyberwife | @roxaneisbored | @ruinedbythehobbit | @smoochesfroggos | @spenciepoo338 | @spidergirla5 | @sseleniaa | @sweetsunflowerkisses | @triscuitcracker | @twdddgirl | @wickedscorpio22 | @witheringblooddemon | @wolfiepirate

[skepticalarrie]

Hi. Why do people say that two ghosts was written in 2013 when Harry himself said in the Rolling stone interview that he wrote this song for Made In The AM but the story was just a bit too personal so he decided that he wants to sing the whole thing himself. So that means he wrote it in 2015. So why everyone keep saying that he wrote it in 2013 because MITAM was fully written in 2015. And he wrote it for MITAM. so????

Hi anon! First of all, calm down you sound overwhelmed hahajahhaha we’re going to solve the mystery! Don’t worry because there really is some conflicting information that I personally never gave much of a thought about, to be honest.

When Two Ghosts was actually written: the mystery

People say late 2013 because in May 2017 (when the song was released) he said on Elle magazine that the song had been written “three and a half years ago”. Which it would probably be for the album Four, definitely not MITAM.

https://www.elle.com/culture/music/news/a45168/harry-styles-iheartradio-concert-q-and-a-experience/?visibilityoverride

That’s the information I always had imprinted in my brain. But you’re right, he mentioned the song again (years later, when Fine Line was released) in that Rolling Stones interview with a completely different date/context. Which is very weird because they only wrote MITAM between April and June 2015.

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/harry-styles-secrets-of-fine-line-926657/amp/

So I think we have a few possibilities here. 1) he really just got the dates mixed up and wrote the song later than he thought, around 2014, not really fitting either Four or MITAM timelines. An honest mistake

Or 2) and this is the option I’m particularly more inclined to believe, when we look into both contexts like that - he actually wrote that for MITAM and he was lying the first time he was asked, when the song was being promoted. And that’s a huge fuck you to Haylor lol Because, see, if we think about it, they didn’t really have a storyline for HS1, but Two Ghosts became very famous for being the “Taylor Swift song” because of the line “Same lips red, same eyes blue” . So when he was asked in the Elle article, it was immediately made a parallel with the time the stunt happened. Which is absurd lol because, of course, it was a fake relationship so he obviously didn’t fucking write a song about her, but also the context of the song doesn’t even make sense, they dated for only a few weeks, the song is clearly about a long term relationship. Plus, considering her song “about Harry” also have conflicting dates…. Well. Again, massive fuck you to Haylor. Also while promoting the song/album, Grimmy even asked him directly about Two Ghosts being about Taylor Swift, and of course that was planned and created a huge fuss around it even though Harry’s reaction wasn’t really playing along with it. That was promo.

They never really used any songs back from the band to promote Harry’s stunts and it would make sense to start doing that on his solo career with his most famous stunt. Which totally turned out to be what Fine Line was about years later, a breakup album… so the formula to keep people interested definitely works. Albums need a narrative. And that was how Two Ghosts was pushed. So yeah… honestly I think it was written much later than 2013, probably early 2015, as he said in the Rolling Stones interview. Or he was lying in both situations LOL and only wrote that for HS1 (but I don’t think so because the people he used to write in 1D are credited in the song). But, again, it doesn’t really matter because it’s about a long term relationship, so 2013, 2015, 2017….. it was always about Louis and the struggles of a closeted relationship.

[jotatetsuken]

sunkissed

features: shoyo hinata x gn!reader | trope: friends to lovers, domestic au | type of writing: oneshot | final dish for: @rexy26

warnings: hq timeskip spoilers, hurt/comfort (reader goes through a break up not with hinata), majorly fluff (lmk if i've missed any tags)

song: sunkissed - khai dreams | wc: 2440

beta reading: @krystalgaia @portfolio-of-dreams @tsukisdarling (thank you so so much darlings <33)

networks: @tokyometronetwork @hanayanetwork

prompt: “You said you needed me - the feeling’s mutual. You make me believe in the beautiful. You said I held your heart together, made you better. You made me fall, every day, and I’d do it all the same.” “I don't know how to fix a broken heart, but we could learn together.” - @sleepyprompts

a/n: a week ago, it was my anime character bestie's birthday, and i figured that the best way to celebrate his birthday was to write a birthday special fic on him <3 so happy birthday shoyo bestie!! keep flying high!! also i have more than 100 followers lol, but i thought it best to write these requests whenever possible <3 as always, likes, reblogs and comments, especially reblogs are appreciated. ^_^

Made with Love: 100 Followers Event (closed) | MWL Masterlist

As both of you stepped into the most popular cafe in all of downtown, which was organizing a salsa dance night, you turned to your right and looked at Shōyō Hinata, who you’d been friends with since you first transferred to Karasuno. Your mind was then transported to the time he decided to leave Japan and go to Rio de Janeiro to work on beach volleyball so that he’d get better at it.

Whenever he felt like a fish out of water and lonely, you always assured him that this feeling of loneliness that he was going through wouldn’t be forever and that eventually, he’d have to learn to be okay with himself whenever possible. When he came back to Japan and started playing for MSBY Black Jackals, you were so excited to see him play and eventually bring home the victory for his team in his finals against the Schweiden Adlers. 

You ran to him and hugged him, congratulating him on his success and his growth in volleyball, and after throwing a beaming smile your way, he held your hand, dragged you to meet his team captain,  Shugo Meian, and introduced you to him, saying, “Meian-san, this is (Y/N) (L/N), my best friend. They’ve been there for me since school and I was wondering if the team had a manager position available.” 

Your eyes widened as Meian chuckled and replied, while looking at you, “Sure, Hinata-kun, anything for our star. I’ll ask the coach and let them know.” 

When you realized that you were still holding on to Shōyō’s hand, he turned to you, his brown irises gleaming with excitement, as you felt butterflies fluttering in your stomach. 

“(Y/N),” he smiled, “I’m so excited. I can’t wait for us to work together.”

As you started your new job as the manager of the MSBY Black Jackals, you were clearly in awe of how everyone was playing, how everyone was working hard to be better. 

Kōtarō Bokuto and Atsumu Miya were fun company to hang around with, and you were able to communicate with Kiyoomi Sakusa despite him being distant from everyone. The practices were so full of vigor and energy that it felt somehow different from the matches with Karasuno, and yet, still the same. 

You were especially in awe of Shōyō, as you clearly started noticing how Shōyō grew taller and how he maintained a lean, muscular physique. Your breathing would hitch every time you’d see Shōyō and the perspiration sticking on his skin. It was then that you realized that all these years, you clearly had feelings for him, but would wait for the right moment to tell him.

“(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N)!” Shōyō called out to you as your train of thought was broken, and you chuckled, realizing that you had brought him to this cafe, out of your comfort zone, for a reason. 

It was the 20th of June, the day before his birthday, and while he was in town, you wanted to make it special for him. You’d gotten in touch with his team, who thankfully still remembered you, especially your first-year peers, Tobio Kageyama, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Kei Tsukishima, and Hitoka Yachi. 

Hitoka especially created the group chat for the birthday of the sunshine of the team, with Daichi, the former Karasuno team captain, taking the initiative to organize the party at the Tanaka household, with Kiyoko and Ryuunosuke being very excited to host everyone. Even Nishinoya, who was busy travelling, was ready to video call. 

So, it was planned that you’d take him for a salsa dance night, especially because he had picked up a little bit of steps, having been acquainted with beats of the fast paced music in Brazil, while everyone would be preparing for the surprise birthday party. 

In the meantime, you texted the MSBY team, Tooru Oikawa, now the setter for the Argentinian Volleyball Team, and even the popular Kenma Kozume, a popular youTuber and one of Shōyō’s friends, and his best friend, Tetsuro Kuroo, of the Japanese Volleyball Association.

As the both of you entered the cafe, your feet were graced by the wooden tiles, and your eyes were met with the sheen of the rice lights hanging from the ceiling. The cafe had a space large enough for couples to learn to dance, with the tables pushed to the walls, and you were captivated by the gallery of paintings displayed throughout the cafe. 

A tall man clad in all-black welcomed the both of you, and the moment he instantly recognized Shōyō, he then paved the way for everyone to move so that the both of you could sit in one corner in peace. 

Shōyō then asked you, “Are you excited? I know I am, because I get to dance with you!” 

You felt your cheeks flush as you replied, putting one of your hands on his, “Yes, of course. However, just know that I’m a slow dancer. I can’t pick it up easily.” 

He then dragged you to one of the less crowded spaces in the room, intertwined his fingers with yours, his gaze fixated on yours, and spoke softly enough for you to hear, “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you,” and then winked at you, causing you to fluster. 

As Shōyō led you through his footwork and turned you, being swift on his feet and having been acquainted with the beats of the music in Brazil gave him an advantage as he picked up the moves quite quickly. However, you struggled to pick it up, and so he taught you. As you both learned the moves, your gazes were locked on each other, and you both laughed, being lost in each other. In the swaying to the music, at a certain moment, his gaze on you turned nostalgic, as he remembered the time he started having feelings for you. 

Years ago, when Kiyoko brought Hitoka and you along to the team as new managers, Shōyō was especially eager to have new members on the team, but he was lost in your gaze, as the rays of the sun passed through the window and kissed your face, elevating your beauty. 

During that day, he couldn’t stop looking at you. This caused him to lose focus on his games. As he started interacting with you more and took note of the way you genuinely laughed, it gave him a boost of confidence he didn’t realize he needed. So, he started channeling that into his practices, eventually becoming better. One day, he wanted to go to you and ask you to hang out with him alone. 

However, that’s when he saw you in another man’s arms. He stopped in his tracks as he watched the both of you. His heart was breaking a little, and in addition to the fight he had with Tobio Kageyama during the Tokyo Practice Camp after losing to Aoba Johsai, this broke his heart all the more, and he felt very burdened and lost his focus entirely. 

At one point, when Shōyō’s moves became sloppy and (Y/N) rushed to his aid, he curtly responded, “Please, leave me alone. I can take care of myself.” He then took the towel and the water bottle and left the hall, causing you to be confused, until Yachi whispered in your ears, “It’s probably because Hinata-kun had a fight with Kageyama-kun and that’s been hurting him. Also, he saw you with another man, and that caused him to be upset.” Hearing that caused you to be profoundly shocked, as you took time to process this. 

The following week, as Shōyō walked to the club room to get ready for practice, he saw you being admonished by your boyfriend, and he announced that he was breaking up with you. While the whole world around you stood still, as you heard this news, this caused Shōyō to be irate at you being mistreated. 

So, he paced urgently towards the both of you, and threw the volleyball at his face, smacking him and causing him to fall down. He then held one of your hands, and dragged you to the club room, causing you to stop breathing raggedly and start to sob incessantly. 

You closed your eyes as fear and immense grief struck them all at once, causing Shōyō to ask them, “Is it okay if I hug you?” 

You nodded, and closed your eyes while Shōyō enveloped them in a tight embrace as your tears soaked into his gakuran, but that didn’t matter, as long as you were able to feel better again. 

As his teammates started entering the club room, he opened his eyes and mouthed out the following words: “Their boyfriend broke up with them. Can someone please help me calm them down?” to which Kiyoko and Hitoka came to your aid, and helped you calm down by helping you ground yourself with deep breaths. They gave you water to drink, and as you opened your eyes, you only saw Kiyoko, Hitoka, and Shōyō, while everyone else had gone for practice.

With your mouth agape, you ended up profusely apologizing., “I’m so sorry, all of you, for keeping you waiting.” 

Everyone present shook their heads in denial, with Kiyoko replying, “It’s totally alright, you don’t have to worry. If you want to be left alone, we wouldn’t mind. We’ll look out for you.”

You shook your head and continued, “No, no. I’d like to distract my mind and come for the practices,” causing both Kiyoko and Hitoka to nod.

Hitoka then turned to Shōyō, replying, “Hinata-kun, would you mind walking with them?”

Shōyō then replied, “Of course not. I wouldn’t mind at all. I’d love to walk with them back to the court.”

The other girls then left the club room, leaving the two of you alone. You sheepishly looked into Shōyō’s eyes and replied, “Thank you so much, Hinata-kun,” to which he then held your hands in his, and replied, “Call me Shōyō, it’s okay.”

He then smiled at you and continued, “Look, (y/n), I know that this is not the right time to say anything to you. However, I want to assure you that sometimes, things happen for the best. We’re all here for you, and I’m especially here for you. Please don’t hesitate to call me, and I’ll find a way to distract you and help you get over this. I need you to be okay, (Y/N). I need you.” As he touched his forehead on yours, he continued, “(Y/N), I can say this one thing with certainty. I don't know how to fix a broken heart, but we could learn together,” causing the both of you to smile and hug each other. Over the years, when he helped you get through one of the lowest phases of your life, you were clearly in awe of his nature, and it caused you to live every moment to the fullest. 

“Shōyō!” you called out to him as he broke out of his daze. As you chuckled, you told him, “Shōyō, Tanaka-san wants us to come over to his house. Shall we leave?” 

His eyes widened as he stopped dancing and inquired, “Yes, but what about the food-”

You interrupted him as you dragged him out of the cafe and into the car as you drove him back home. As you started driving, you felt something in you that you needed to get off your chest. 

“Shōyō, there’s something I need to tell you before we reach Tanaka-san’s place.”

Furrowing his eyebrows at you, he asked you, “Tell me, (Y/N). What’s up?”

Taking a deep breath, you continued, while looking at Shōyō from one corner of the eye, “I want to thank you.”

As he said, “For what?” 

“I want to thank you for helping me get over my ex and be confident in myself and in the world. Thank you for keeping in touch with me and never giving up on me. Thank you for taking me with you to be your manager wherever you are. All those years ago, when you said you needed me – the feeling’s mutual.”

“Shōyō, I,” you took a deep breath again as you noticed his gaze fixated on yours, “I love you, more than a friend. You make me believe in beauty. You said I held your heart together, made you better. You made me fall, every day, and I’d do it all the same. You’re the sun in my life that I’d like to treasure forever. I’d like to be yours, if that’s okay.” 

As you pumped the brakes and stopped in front of the Tanaka residence, you turned to Shōyō, who seemed really dumbfounded by your confession. He then cupped your cheeks with his calloused hands, brought your face forward to his, and gave you a peck on your lips, but as you opened your mouth, you gave him permission to lock his lips with yours, and as your fingers raked through his orange hair, both of you felt the burden of pining for each other for years be lifted off your shoulders. 

As you released yourself from the kiss, he finally spoke, “You have no idea how difficult it was for me to keep my feelings from you.” As you two smiled at each other, he then said, “Come on. Let’s go to Tanaka-san right now.”

Both of you got out of the car, and as you knocked on the door, you realized the door was unlocked, so both of you entered the house, only to find the living room empty but a pleasant aroma coming from the kitchen. 

“Do I smell tamako kake gohan?” 

His eyes widened and he grinned at his favorite dish being made while a large group of people jumped from the back of the couches and yelled “Surprise! Happy birthday, Shōyō!” 

His mouth gaped wide open as he noticed everyone that’s been a part of his life, from his closest friends in middle school, to the Karasuno Volleyball Team, to the Tokyo friends: Kenma, Kuroo, Lev, Inuoka, Bokuto, and Akaashi, to Atsumu and Sakusa from the MSBY team, to even Tooru Oikawa and Yuu Nishinoya wishing him via a video call. 

As his eyes were welling up with happy tears, he turned to you, and asked you, “Did you plan all this?” 

You nodded in return, and he hugged you. After releasing himself from the hug, he kissed you on the lips, earning a lot of “oohs,” “aahs,” and “finally” from everyone. 

Shōyō was so grateful that he had a lot of people who loved him, and he was especially grateful to you. 

© Shyna 2022 - reposting on any other platform or even tumblr is not allowed. likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated.

tagging: @21-06-1996 (especially for you <3) @akaashi-todorki @trueformsukuna @jordyn-degas @arminsomnia @wakatshi @aizumie @indaybella99 @coffeeauthorvibing @ffsg0jo @hyeque @ohtobiors @cirigiri @beware-of-the-rogue @kiiraes @miikoos @satosugulovechild @mrskenmakozume  @kagejima (taglist form / @shynahasabookshelf , turn on notifications for the latter)

[seraphinitegames]

The Wayhaven Chronicles—Update 11/June/2021

Another really great week this week!

So as I said last week, I'm tackling the research version of Chapter 8 first, and seeing as my usual order of writing was put out by not planning A's scene, I dove straight into N's.

Except...well, that went all off a completely different tangent than expected, lol!

The start was going exactly as I planned and then this HUGE opportunity presented itself to put in a scene that I thought was going to be in Book Four but it fit here SO perfectly!!

So then it was all a bit of a flummox 'cause it's so perfect but I wasn't expecting it quite yet, but guuuyyyyssss...I LOVE IT!!! In fact, I love what I'm writing so much that when I went to get a cup of tea I couldn't stay still while the kettle was boiling 'cause I was so hyped. I was practically bouncing round the kitchen, lol! :D

It's a massive moment, but it feels so incredibly natural. Well, if you decide to take that moment. Obviously there's different choices here depending on your MC, but even the other options lead to places I am seriously happy with and also feels right whatever you choose!

I wasn't 100% sure how I was going to approach this moment when it came up in Book Four, but because it's fit so well here it's just flowed, and I didn't even need to think about planning!

But even better, I will be able to match all the choices in this moment back up really nicely to work back into the original stuff I already planned for N's research scene, so I don't have to lose that content either!!

And I managed to think of how to adapt it for the Combat version of Chapter 8 so the moment can still happen but in a completely different way to suit that version of the scene!

It's a lot of variation, much more than I had planned, but I really hope the nuances will really allow you guys to play the story that feels right for your character.

I'm also super happy because I managed to fit in a choice set to improve the MC's skill choices too. I haven't managed to add that in in a while as it's never felt appropriate, and I thought this would just be for upping the combat or research stats, but I came up with a really nice moment to make a choice that didn't feel mechanical or gamey-like, if that makes sense!

So yeah, it's been a hectic week creatively but a great one! :D

With the demo fully out now, it will pretty much just be months of knuckling down to the same routine and just hammering out the writing...as well as editing, which I really am going to do! SpunkyCatNinja is currently working on getting proper subtitles up together for the YouTube Q&A vids, but I will send her Chapter 7 as soon as I can get in the right editing headspace.

But I'm way too pumped on Chapter 8 for that at the moment!

Hope you all have the most amazing weekend, and I’ll talk to you soon! <3

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Five)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 12.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?) sad oc, mentions of sex, kind of over the clothes action, drama, heated dance session lol, slight memory of sex, hair pulling, back scratching, mention of boner, second chances (?)

Notes: Okay, first of all THAT 1st TEASER PIC!!! DID WE SEE THAT? *chefs kiss*. Anyway thanks for comments you guys leave I really love reading them!!! Remember to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) have a great week everyone!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May

Gloomy: The dictionary may describe it as hopeless and despairing but really it should just be a picture of your sad, sad face.

1 month…yes, one whole month has passed since you last spoke to Jungkook. No text, no calls, no random show ups, nothing. Gloom. Gloom. Gloom. Graduation came and gone so quickly…you walked the stage with your friends minus two but honestly you can hardly remember the event. You tried your hardest to be as excited as everyone else but the feeling of gloom stayed with you.

By the end of the month you finally started accepting he isn’t coming back and right around that time you actually heard from him—Jungkook that is. He sent you a pathetic text that he’s moving out and will be by to retrieve his things. More gloom.

The next couple weeks after that are a blur, you recall the sound of movers throughout your apartment. You didn’t have the courage to speak to him…you didn’t have the courage to even leave your room if you didn’t have to. You were so wrapped up in everything you didn’t even consider that fact that you will have to find a new roommate to cover the other half of the rent.

Every day just dragged on, every day a repeat of the last. Wake up, drown in black coffee, scroll mindlessly through your phone and work your full time job. You called in sick too many days already so you have to go or you’re at risk at getting fired. The same day, every day. The same gloomy fucking day.

Jimin tried to call or text every day to make sure you were like, alive. He apologized over and over for not telling you as soon as he found out about the Taehyung situation but he felt that if Taehyung was going to tell you then it is best it comes from him and not Jimin. You can understand that. He also frequently would show up at your apartment to surprise you but you rarely let him in. You did feel bad though, he’s just trying to be there for you.

Jimin 6:04pm

Please let me in?

Jimin 6:05pm

Well…I have some take out for you babe, ill leave it on the doorstep.

Jimin 6:05pm

Call me sometime ok? Love you

Guilt would consume your body but you just couldn’t deal with human contact right now.

June

Around month 2 you finally felt okay to see people again—your close people that is—aka Jimin was finally allowed in, he made you take a hot bath while he cleaned up for you and made you a proper meal. The amount of instant ramen containers lying around the place was by far one of the grossest things he’s seen. The shit that was growing…he shudders just thinking about it.

He would come over every day after work in the evenings. He left day time babysitting to Trina.

“Girl…all this over a boy?” she would constantly say.

You also tried applying for job after job, but the postgraduation life is harder than you thought…at least for you. Jimin landed a job as a kids choreographer, Trina starts up at one of the local elementary schools as a kindergartner teacher and you? You’re still working at the bakery down the street. You applied for many entry level positions in the marketing field but failed miserably in interviews…which only further discouraged you and worsened your mood.

It was also around this time you decided to finally delete Jungkook off all social media and block his number. You refuse to hear from him at this point…not that he was reaching out or anything. You wonder what he’s up to postgraduation? No, you don’t want to know or care. You considered hanging up a picture of his face on your wall so you could throw darts at it but you decided that was maybe on the crazy side. Taehyung sends you weekly texts, asking about how your day/week is going. He updates you on his life as well, apparently he got the curator assistant position at the museum that he wanted. You still feel hurt over everything but you are happy for him. It’s funny, you feel so betrayed over that but Jungkook is the cause of your gloom.

Every day just drags on, you feel heavy everywhere you go. Even when you’re just at home in bed.

By the end of the month your friends somehow convinced you to go on a date—a horrible date at that.

He was awkward as hell, a bad kisser and would lightly…tap your ass in attempt to be sexy. It was a disaster, you don’t even remember what the two of you even talked about at dinner. You just remember his tongue being horribly shoved down your throat and his weird ass tapping habit.

July

Then month 3 finally came around. A month where the weeks went by breathing became just a bit easier. Yes, any and everything still reminded you of Jungkook but it didn’t hurt as terribly as the previous months. By the end of the month you even agreed to your first real social outing. You are hesitant, but you agreed…

“I don’t know guys…a birthday party? We like, don’t even know the girl?” you frown, nibbling on the flesh of your bottom lip.

You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, clothes piling all around you as you try to decide on what to wear.

“You need to get out babe…plus it’s a friend of a friend, so it’s cool.” Jimin says holding up a rose colored crop top, motioning for you to nod yes or no to his suggestion. You cock your head to the side, deciding what pants to go with it.

“I have to say I agree with Jimin, y/n.” your new roommate Holly chips in, “Since I’ve moved in I don’t think I’ve seen you go out even once.”

“Also a party is the best place to find some easy dick.” Of course that’s what Trina has to offer.

“Yes to the crop top Jimin.” You point your head towards the shirt, “Okay don’t have to call me out like that Holly.” You glare at your roomie, “And Trina, we both know I ain’t ready for no type of dick.”

“So we’re looking for some pussy tonight?” Trina smirks, “Nice.”

You rolls your eyes, a chuckle escaping your lips, “Shut up.” you throw a pair of shorts at her face.

“But seriously y/n…Maybe Trina is on to something…” Jimin sits down next to you, crossing his legs in front of him, “Maybe this is a good chance to like—”

“If you say move on I will literally kill you.” You cut in, “There’s nothing to move on from!” you throw your hands up dramatically. “Taehyung used me, Jungkook wants nothing to do with me. And—”

“Then why aren’t you ready for any type of dick?” Holly puts in her 2 fucking cents.

“Because I don’t want to be associated with any boys! Jimin is the exception.”

“Somehow I don’t feel flattered by that…” Jimin puts a hand on your shoulder.

“When’s the last time you got off?” Trina abruptly asks. You turn your head in shock at her shamelessness.

“Trina!”

“Answer her, I’m curious too.” Jimin squints at you trying not to laugh.

“It’s…” your eyes slide to the side, “It’s been a while.”

Trina shakes her in disapproval, “Damn girl, really? My fingers constantly playing DJ, you know what I’m sayin?” Trina goes in for a fist bump but you just push her hand away.

“You’re gross.” You laugh out loud, and it sounds like music to everyone’s ears.

“I’m just real babey.” She flicks her hair back with a proud smile on her face.

Having these 3 around has no doubt helped you deal with the loss you feel. You feel like you are still mourning the dead. How’s Jungkook even doing? You’re too afraid to ask Jimin. Too afraid that he’s doing amazing without you. He must of realized how much better off he is without you around and that makes you feel small.

“Fine…” you mutter under your breath…Jimin snaps his head to look at you, his sly smile growing as he watches you fiddle with a short mini skirt.

“Fine what?” Trina asks with a smirk.

“Let’s find me some dick tonight.”

“Hell fucking yeah.” Jimin claps his hands together, “Tonight is about you!”

“y/n makes her debut tonight! She’s hot, she’s single and she is ready to mingle!”

You can’t help but giggle, your hands bunching up the material of the mini skirt as you look down at it, making your decision.

“Let me get ready and we can get this night started!” you rush to your feet, all the sudden feeling excited for tonight. You are going to actually do your hair and your makeup—you even shaved. You are definitely breathing easier tonight and you have to take advantage of that!

“Let’s do shots as we wait girlies,” Holly shows a bottle of rum she had hiding behind her back, shaking it in excitement.

“Naughty girl.” Jimin winks, standing to his feet, heading towards the kitchen to grab some shot glasses.

You get ready quickly, but taking your time where it counts. You give yourself a once over in the mirror and you have to say you are impressed. Your black jean mini skirt sits right below your ass, while your tits pop in this rose crop top. You wear short heels, and simple jewelry with just the right amount of makeup that makes your features stand out, and you have to say you would kiss yourself if you could—you look fucking good.

“woooooo” Jimin and Trina whistle out at the same time as they walk back in your bedroom.

“I’d fuck.” Jimin says plainly.

“Same as fuck.” Trina says bluntly as she swallows down a shot.

“Yeah you look pretty y/n!” Holly smiles, not really on the same level of honestly as your other two friends.

You burst into giggles, throwing your head back in approval. “Thanks guys…..Lets fucking do this.” You walk towards Trina and grab her shot glass, and you take the bottle from Holly, pouring yourself a shot.

“Ready to fucking mingle.” You gulp down the rum, the burn only encouraging you, the warmth stinging your entire chest and you couldn’t feel more content.

This house was one of the bigger ones, it was full of people and more people and like, more people. You managed to swallow down 3 or 4 shots back at your apartment and the alcohol is definitely working its magic on you, the world just a little nicer.

The amount of people doesn’t even bother you like it usually would, instead you find yourself barging through the front door and making your way to the dance floor with your 3 friends trialing behind you.

The heat of the living room is already intoxicating you, the amount of bodies rolling and grinding makes you feel loose and free. Before you know it Jimin is pushing a drink into your hands and you hug him gratefully as you begin chugging it back.

“Woah slow down, we have all night—actually fuck it, I like your spirit tonight!” he chuckles lightly, his hands going to your waist, rocking you to the beat of the blaring music. Trina and Holly disappear into the kitchen to grab more drinks while you and Jimin dance to whatever b…t…ah, forget it, you forgot the band’s name.

“Are you having fun?” Jimin slurs out, his eyes barely visible as he laughs at nothing.

“So much fun!” you yell out over the music then you lean down into his ear and whisper, “Thanks so much Jiminie…I know I was a little difficult…”

“A little?” he teases.

Jimin’s eyes travel behind you before they are widening. You notice, of course. You are about to turn your head to take a look at whatever he is seeing when his snaps back to you in panic, his troubled smile growing.

“Let’s go find Trina and Holly, yeah?” he tries to usher you toward the kitchen and you oblige. Too drunk and feeling too good that his odd behavior goes ignored by you.

“Kay!” you smile, hooking your arm with his. “Letsa go!” you say like you’re fucking Mario.

The two of you walk to the kitchen, finding Trina and Holly playing a game of beer pong with two random guys.

“Hello my bitches!” Trina hollers over the thumping bass, as she scores a cup of pong, her other hand on Hollys lower back.

“Wait, gotta use the bathroom, be right back!” you slur into Jimin’s ear, he just nods distractedly as he watches the game, laughter erupting his body for probably no drunken reason.

You walk back into the living room and start heading towards the other side where the bathroom is. The journey to the bathroom is fun, you accidently bump into a lot of people but they don’t seem to mind as they will just drunkenly smile at you and you would smile back in your own drunken daze. You skim the room with a dopey smile on your face, just admiring the crowd. You are shocked with yourself…you missed people and you cannot believe it. You continue to observe when your eyes land on tattooed hands. The hands are grabbing a handful of ass on the dance floor. You know these hands. Your eyes travel from his hands to his strong arms to his face��it is hiding in the nook of some girls neck and you feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Jungkook.

He is kissing on some girl, no doubt leaving bruises behind from his attack on her neck. His hands cupping this girls ass so tightly, he guides her hips into his. You watch as she throws her head back in pleasure and you see him smirk. All his signature moves. You are left speechless. What could you even say? Why does this hurt? Why does this make you feel fucking sick? Why does it feel like you aren’t supposed to be witnessing this? Well, you know why but god, why?!

“y/n!!” It’s Jimin, jogging up behind you, “Fuck, I was trying to avoid you seeing this…” he admit softly, “I swear I didn’t think he was going to be here tonight…he didn’t seem that interested when I asked him about it…”

“It’s fine Jimin…” you mumble.

“Does it feel weird? Seeing him with this girl…?” Jimin is obviously trying to get you to admit something right now but you are not in the right head space to even give it a second thought.

“Why should it? Plus I’m used to this…she’s just some random girl for one night.” You twirl the ends of your hair between your fingers.

“Oh babe…” Jimin glances down at the ground, “This girl…she…he’s brought her to every party for the last month…” Jimin sounds as sorry as you feel.

The same girl? That’s impossible, you scoff. There’s no way Jungkook is actually seeing someone. But that doesn’t stop your stomach from twisting and turning and making you feel fucking sick.

“What do you mean?” you finally slur out, leaning your frame on Jimin.

“He brings her and they leave together too…” Jimin holds on to you, “I haven’t really asked him about her though.”

“Whatever. Fuck him, right? I won’t let this ruin my night.” You smile coyly, draping your arms around your friend. “Bathroom please.” You pout theatrically, pointing your head towards the bathroom.

“Okay let’s get you peeing in peace.” Jimin laughs, guiding you towards the door.

Once at the door, you knock a couple times to find that it is empty, “I’ll wait for you out here.” Jimin assures you.

Once inside the small room, you bunch up your skirt and pull down your panties, squatting on the toilet. You sigh in relief as you pee, but the relief you feel in your body stops when you recall the way Jungkook held and kissed this random but not so random girl.

Why should it bother you? It’s about time Jungkook got serious! But why did he have to dump you to achieve that? And why did It have to be with someone el…

You reach for the toilet paper, ripping it after a few sheets and wipe yourself as you drunkenly sing a tune. So what? You can easily replace Jungkook too!

You stand up, pulling your panties up and your skirt down and take a long good look in the mirror. Your hair is still intact, your makeup is only a little smeared—quick fix, and your tits are still poppin’. This night is just beginning, you decide. A whole new wave of confidence begins washing over you.

“Ready!” You pounce on Jimin’s back, he stumbles forward while laughing wholeheartedly.

“Should we look for Trina and Holly again? They’re probably still playing beer pong!”

“Sure.” You smile, walking hand in hand with Jimin as you make your way back to the kitchen.

Hours pass and you are now outside on the back porch piss drunk with your 3 friends and a couple new friends. Nick and his pal that you can’t remember the name of—but you remember Nick. He’s really tall and has nice muscles covering his body, his light hair is messy and looks like you would have fun pulling it.

“And that’s why I think aliens are already here bro, like they are probably here at this fucking party bro.” No name friend finishes his point. Nick holds in his chuckle as his drunk friend rambles.

“Totally bro.” Then his eyes land on you. Fuck, were you staring? Oh well, it’s best to get to the point. You two have been making eyes at each other all night and it’s time to make the next move.

“Hey Nick, wanna grab a drink with me in the kitchen?” you inquire with a sly smile.

Jimin’s eyes widen before he’s smirking “Don’t be silly, wrap that willy.”

Trina and Holly laugh at Jimin’s words while you turn fucking red with embarrassment.

“Sorry about him…” You excuse Jimin, but you continue to smile slyly.

Nick grins with all his teeth as he takes your hand and leads you back inside the house. His hand is much larger than yours and you are already imagining what his beefy fingers will do to your vagina. God, what’s his dick like???

You enter the kitchen and you and him walk towards the cooler full of beers, he lets you stand to the side as he goes to grab them.

“Nick!!!!” you hear a familiar voice and you wince. Jungkook stands next to the cooler, his hand wrapped around the girls hand, but he briefly lets go of it to dap up your fuck for the night.

“What’s up bro!” Nick returns the handshake, a wide smile on his face.

They know each other?

“I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?” Jungkook’s hand goes back to holding on to the girl.

“I wasn’t going to but,” he nods towards you, “Glad I did.” He winks. Jungkook’s eyes follow Nicks nod and when he sees you stand there awkwardly he goes completely pale. Your eyes meet uncomfortably, Jungkook let’s go of the girls hand without a second thought.

“y/n?” he questions with a pained expression.

“You know her?” Nick asks, totally out of the loop.

You shift from one foot to the other, not really sure what to do or say. So you settle for his name. “Jungkook.” It feels foreign on your tongue. Like if you said it 3 times in a mirror a sinister ghost would come to murder you.

Jungkook opens his mouth then closes it then opens it then closes it again.

“Baaaaabe,” the girl next to him whines, “let’s get out of here already.” She says, not even acknowledging your existence.

Jungkook shamelessly eyes you up and down, his shock is very evident as he looks at you.

You can’t help but smile a little, knowing you look damn good.

“Let’s go too, Nick.” You saunter to his side, grabbing a hold of his bicep.

That’s when Jungkook knocks out of daze, his brows crease as he looks between the two of you.

“Wait—you and Nick?” he asks, completely amused.

“Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Jungkook looks fucking smug as he smiles, his hand going to grab the girls hand again. “See you later?” he asks you. You of all people! “Uh? Probably not?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Jungkook winks, turning around to leave as he leads his girl out.

Nick just continues to smile, completely oblivious, “So cool that we all know each other!” he grips on to your waist.

“Wait, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We—”

“Wait, it honestly doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.”

“My place?” Nick breathes into your ear, he pushes your hips into his crotch so you can feel his half hard cock.

“Why are you already getting hard?” you tease, leaning up to kiss his neck.

“Honestly, I can’t stop staring at your tits. And I am imagining all the things I want to do to them.” He confesses hotly.

The uber ride to his place is short, only 10 minutes and it goes by quickly as you two have one another’s tongues down each others throats. His hands traveling all around your body, he even manages to slip his fingers past your panties to feel how wet you are.

“Fuck I can’t wait to get you inside…” his rapid breaths fan across your face as you nibble on his neck.

“Gonna fuck me?” you whisper quietly, not trying to get heard by the Uber driver, but you could also hardly care if he hears you or not, he gets 5 stars.

“Want you to ride me.” He palms his cock through his pants as he imagines you bouncing on his cock for him.

“If you deserve it like a good boy.” You replace his hand with your own, rubbing him ferociously over his jeans. You haven’t felt dick in months and the feeling is driving you absolutely wild, you haven’t felt this needy in a long time.

The Uber comes to a stop, parking in front of an apartment building. He lets the two of you know you reached your destination. You and Nick giggle as you thank him and stumble out of the car as you follow him to his apartment. He would stop every few seconds to plant kisses on your lips and grab your ass with a tight squeeze. He groans and rolls his eyes back as he explores your body.

“Wait til we’re inside,” you breathe out, your voice silky as hell.

Finally, after a short, kiss filled elevator ride later you arrive at his front door. His lips never leaving yours as he pulls out his keys, fumbling with them until he finds the right one.

He pulls away for a second to unlock the door and desperately pushes it open to let the two of you inside. Your lips are already back on his as you two trip into the entry way of the apartment, you walk him backwards, until his back is against a wall.

The apartment is dark besides the living room TV, you take a second to pull back and admire Nick’s fucked out expression, the blue glow of the TV making everything feel surreal.

You dive back in to kiss him, he prods his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around with yours making you moan into his mouth.

“Hi guys!”

Your eyes shoot open, mouth still attached to Nicks. You push your head back, disconnecting from Nick and yank your head to the left where you see a wild Jungkook sitting on the living room sofa, his mouth full of the cereal he is eating. He is wearing the most shit eating grin you have ever seen on him.

“Jungkook?! What the fuck?” You spit out, totally fucking shocked. Like, obviously.

“Hey man…” Nick breathes out heavily, trying to speak properly, “I thought you would be at Vanessa’s tonight?”

“Nah,” Jungkook smiles, “Dropped her off and came home.”

HOME?

“H-Home?” You look between the two guys, what the fuck does he mean by that. This is Nicks place, right?

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jungkook nods his head toward Nick, “Nick here is my beloved roommate.”

“What the fuck…” you mutter under your breath, trying to understand the mother fucking situation. Were you about to fuck Jungkook’s roommate? Are you still going to is the real question?

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Nick starts to look antsy, “Don’t tell me she’s one of the girls you’ve fucked…come on bro, leave some for the rest of us.” He chuckles somewhat bitterly.

“No!” you’re quick to say. You begin smoothing out your skirt, then your hair. “We just…”

“y/n is my bestie!” Jungkook grins, putting the cereal down and standing up. He walks forward until he is making a triangle with you and Nick.

“Was.” You spit out harshly, crossing your arms across your chest. Nick just stands there confused as hell, looking between the two of you.

“Anyway, I should get going.” You turn your body to Nick, a look of apology on your face.

“What? We can just go to my room?” he slurs, tugging on his pants uncomfortably, his boner still apparent.

“Sorry, no longer in the mood.”

You pull out your phone to order an Uber when Jungkook takes your phone from you.

“I’m not drunk, I can drive you.” He offers. You push your head back in disbelief, how does Jungkook have the AUDACITY to offer that to you?

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“So we can…” His eyes slide over to the ever growing confused Nick, “Talk.”

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 3 months and today is finally the day you are able to breathe a little easier and he just has to barge back in.

“Like I said,” You snatch your phone back from him, “Why the fuck would I want that?”

Nick shifts around uncomfortably, his eyes darting from you to Jungkook.

“Well, I am gonna head to my room…uh, bye y/n…it was nice meeting you…I guess…”

You and Jungkook both turn your heads toward Nick at the same time, eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Yeah, bye.” Jungkook dismisses his roommate, his jaw clenching.

“Nice to meet you too…”

Nick walks backward until his back meets his bedroom room, he looks at the two of you one last time before turning around to disappear into his room.

“I said, let me drive you home.”

“And I said, why the fuck would I want that?”

“y/n don’t choose now to be difficult.” Jungkook takes a step closer to you, his hands running through his dark, messy hair. His eyes shut in frustration, “I just want to talk to you.”

“And I don’t want to talk to you.” You take a step back, “Plus, how would your girlfriend feel if you took me home?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his mouth setting in a firm line.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.” You scoff.

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. While she’s not his girlfriend she’s also not not his girlfriend. It’s complicated.

“Can I please, just please, can I take you home?”

“No, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,” you scoff again, “You haven’t spoken to me in 3 months,” your voice fucking cracks and you feel like dying. “Don’t start now.”

“y/n…” he runs another frustrated hand down his tired face, “I didn’t mean for it to go this long…” “I don’t fucking care, Jungkook.”

You feel your chest begin to burn, and your eyes begin to gloss over but you won’t cry. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

You stare at the phone in your hands as you begin ordering your Uber when he yanks it from your hands once again, he hides the phone in his back pocket and you snarl.

“What the hell Jeon?”

“I said I am driving you home so we can talk so that’s what we are gonna fucking do, okay?” he grabs your hand and begins walking you towards the front door. There’s something about Jungkook...you decide to listen. You watch silently as he puts on his shoes and grabs his wallet and keys.

“Okay…” you finally answer, your voice timid.

He said you guys are going to talk but the car ride has been mostly silent save the low radio playing in the background. Maybe it’s better this way, you think. You aren’t sober, that’s for sure but you also don’t think you are drunk enough to handle this properly. You decide maybe that’s also for the best.

“You sir, are a fucking asshole.” You speak up, your fingers playing with the zipper of your purse. The car smells like it always does, his fresh laundry car freshener and you get sucked into a million memories linked with this scent.

“I know.” Jungkook eyes you from the driver seat, you shiver from the running AC and so he turns it down, “There’s a blanket in the back if you want to grab it.”

“No thanks, don’t know where that’s been.”

“It’s clean, I promise.”

Your eyes go wide as you recall his last promise to you…”Just a few days. I promise.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually believe in your promises anymore.” You continue to pick at the zipper of your purse, your eyes never leaving the zig and zag of the material.

“I needed space y/n, fucking sue me.” He groans out, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh I wish I could.” You snap back.

You feel your chest burn and tighten again, your eyes slightly watering. You have to force them shut to keep from any tears growing.

“I called and texted you every day.” You whisper, his grip getting tighter on the steering wheel.

“I gave you a few days Jungkook. But I never heard from you until 11 at night one night telling me you are fucking moving out.”

“I know, that was…fucked up, I admit. But I had to do what I had to do and I just wish you would let me explain that—”

“No.” you cut him off, “You don’t deserve to explain anything.”

“You mean so much to me y/n…”

“Don’t.”

Jungkook pulls over on the side of the road, turning off the ignition.

“What are you doing?” you sputter out.

He clicks his seatbelt off his body and turns to face you, “Getting comfortable.”

“Why?”

“Will you look at me?” Jungkook tilts his head towards you, “Will you please look at me?”

“No.” you stay facing forward, your hands folded in your lap.

“y/n…please.” His voice sounds strained and you almost feel bad. Almost, but not quite.

You don’t need this…you don’t need him. Ouch, you feel pain in your chest as you think that…oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Say what you need to say Jungkook, so you can take me home.” Your face stays neutral.

Jungkook sighs out, feeling almost defeated, but not quite.

“I…I am so sorry.” He finally says.

“About what?”

“Everything y/n.” his voice cracks and somehow you feel satisfied.

“You’ll have to be more specific if you ever want my acceptance”

“I know…the first thing I am sorry for is not telling you about Taehyung. That was…that was wrong of me—”

“No shit, but go on.” Your voice stays steady as you speak.

“I was worried about other shit, I was selfish and it’s taking me a long time to forgive myself…but I’ve thought a lot about it these last few months and—and…”

“Oh? You’re worried about you forgiving yourself? Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about I don’t know, me?”

Jungkook frowns at your words, because well, you’re right. And he’s getting to that part but you keep interrupting him. But he lets you.

“Yes. I am most worried about you, of course.” He breathes out. “You have no idea what these 3 months without you have felt like…”

“Really Jungkook? If anyone knows its fucking me. I went 3 months without you too. You left me!” you start to lose your composure as you speak, your hands gripping on to your poor purse. “When I was going through a really hard time you straight up left me.” You whisper.

“Please believe me…I had my reasons. It was truly for the best y/n.”

“For the best?” you scoff. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jungkook winces at your words, he knows you mean them and that hurts him even more.

“Can you just trust me?” Jungkook blurts out.

Huh? You shake your head, disappointed he would say something so …well, ridiculous.

“Just stop, Jungkook.” You hesitantly roll your eyes, still shaking your head.

Jungkook licks his lips over and over, trying to figure out his next words.

“I really really,” he begins to lose it, his eyes darting all around the car. “just need you to trust me.” He blinks repeatedly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

You, of course, do not believe your ears. Trust him? How could you possibly trust him?

“I just really…I really had my reasons y/n. And I’m sorry, but I just need you to just trust me, that I had my reasons and that I do care about you.” His voice is shaky and you’re uncertain how to take this information.

“I’m confused…” you begin, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You want me to trust you? Even after you left me? Even after I ‘threw myself’ at you?!”

“You weren’t in the right head space y/n…you were vulnerable and…and you didn’t actually want me. You just were feeling used and rejected and needed something to make you feel wanted. To feel better. You wanted to use me for that and I couldn’t let you. But how much could I handle? You liked one of my friends, dated him…sort of, even slept with him and I had to be your shoulder to cry on when,” his breathing picks up heavily as he tries to speak, “it doesn’t matter.” He grits out.

You sit there…speechless. He wasn’t wrong, was he? You were feeling lost and rejected and used and you just wanted something or someone to feel better and who better than your best friend? But it’s also his fault you needed things to work out with Taehyung in the first place!

“Jungkook—”

“I’m not done.” He breathes out, his hot breath reaching your skin.

“I needed some space to think. But I realized I couldn’t properly think things through if I saw you every day, so yeah, I moved out. I’m sorry…” He runs a hand through his hair, a light chuckle makes it way past his lips “Then I met Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to talk about your little girlfriend.” You turn to face forward in your seat, your eyes glancing at the stop sign ahead.

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend. But it is complicated.”

You continue to look straight ahead, your heart racing in your chest. The subject of “Vanessa” making you feel anxious.

“Complicated how?” you gulp.

“Don’t worry about it.” He laughs to himself, you turn your head to look at him.

“Are you serious, Jungkook?”

“We fuck y/n.”

“But it’s more than that right?”

“Yeah…” Jungkook bites down on his lip.

You look at him bewildered.

“Do you like her? Love her?”

You grip your purse in your lap, waiting for his answer. How would you feel if he answers yes? Are you brave enough to endure that answer? And if he says no? should you be happy? Should you feel relieved?

“No.” he closes his eyes, he folds his hands in front of him. “It’s complicated.”

You sign in relief—oh. Relief is the emotion you are feeling. Why? Why should it matter?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” you whisper.

“I want to be friends again, y/n.” he says softly, his eyes searching yours.

This is madness, how the hell could you save this friendship? Your face scrunches up and the first couple of tears slide down your cheeks, you shake your head as they continue to fall.

“You don’t know how this makes me feel…” you cry out. “I don’t even know how it makes me feel.”

You miss him, so fucking much and he’s right here offering himself to you. But you ‘re so hurt.

“y/n…I know I hurt you. But you gotta believe me when I say it is the hardest thing I have had to do…you understand that right? I had to do it…you understand right?” he begs.

“You were so quick to abandon me, Jungkook.” You drop your head into your hands, the tears uncontrollable now.

“I…” Jungkook begins to panic, his own eyes glossing over. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please y/n…I can make it up to you.”

“Things would never be the same, you get that right?” you bawl into your lap, your words coming out broken.

“Please baby, I just need you in my life again…” Jungkook admits, his own words choppy. He reaches his hand to touch you, to his surprise you don’t flinch. His hand cups the back of your head and he begins to massage it softly.

“I have missed you so much and nothing I mean nothing can replace you.” He hesitates to continue, “trust me…I have tried.”

You sob into your hands harder, the weight of his words crushing you.

“I’m sorry Jungkook but I…I don’t believe you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he absorbs your words, his mouth falls open in shock. Don’t believe him?

“What—what do you mean? What are you saying?” his panic filled voice makes your stomach churn.

“I reject your offer. Now please take me home.” You lift your head and stare straight ahead. “I’m serious.”

Jungkook face twists into a bewildered expression, he doesn’t believe his ears. You…reject him?

“Wait—”

“I said take me home now.” This time you snap your face in his direction, the cold look in your eyes piercing his very soul.

“Okay.”

Hopeless: the dictionary describes it as without hope ; despairing. But in reality, it’s just a picture of Jungkook’s poor, poor face.

Jungkook parks in his designated spot in the lot of his apartment complex, he reverses in because why the hell not. So extra. His drive home was silent… not even the radio on a low volume keeping him company, just complete silence. He turns the car off but doesn’t make a move to get out, he just continues to sit here in his car and sigh out dramatically every 5 seconds.

He’s so confused and lost on what to do. He bangs his head against the steering wheel a few times just for the hell of it, he just…he didn’t think you would reject him. But honestly? Can he blame you? All he’s done lately is be selfish and mess up over and over again. But he wishes you could just trust him but he also wishes he could just tell you the truth. Maybe then you could understand his position and you wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. But he has to wait.

Jungkook’s head is still banging against the steering wheel when more thoughts of you bombard his mind. His breathing picks up and he starts to sniffle, he doesn’t want to cry but you just…you don’t want anything to do with him. He balls his hands into fists and hit the steering wheel over and over causing the horn to go off a few times but he doesn’t care he’s so upset, he just….

When Jungkook saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months he swears his heart actually stopped. He swears it raced so quickly that it just stopped. He let go of Vanessa’s hand so quickly because he wanted to rush to you and hug you close, he wanted to just feel you. Not having touched your skin for the last 3 months…he doesn’t want to imagine even another day.

A few tears slip past his closed lids, he chuckles darkly as he recalls you and Nick. He thought, wow, the universe is cruel and also hilarious. His fucking roommate? He shakes his head, laughing again but his lips remain downward. He feels so fucking helpless right now. But he deserves this, he deserves to feel this pain. He did this to himself and he’s fully aware of that.

Jungkook thinks of your face, he thinks of your smile, he thinks of your eyes and he cries harder, his tears landing on the steering wheel and sliding down landing on to his lap. Yes, he feels like all hope is lost but he knows he cannot give up. He will win you over again one day. He lifts his head and wipes his tear streaked cheeks with the back of his hand and breathes out steadily.

“y/n…” he whispers to himself. Your name leaves his mouth in frustration. He won’t give up. He can’t.

~~~~

“And they were roommates?!” Jimin shouts, a banana half sticking out of his mouth, Trina gasps and whispers “Oh my god they were roommates.”

“Yeah, it was a total shit show.” You bang your head against your breakfast table. Holly rubs your back as she sits next to you.

“Then what happened?” she pries further.

“Yeah what the hell happened y/n!” Jimin yells out.

“He asked to be friends again…and I totally rejected him. Maybe I was too harsh? He was so sad guys…it makes me think…I might agree to kind of being…friends?”

Jimin shuts his eyes as a frown decorates his face, he places a hand on his hip and he inhales a sharp breath, “Listen…you’re both my friends and of course I want you to be good again…but he hurt you …bad.”

“I know Jiminie, but his reasons…” you bite your lip, “Never mind.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Trina butts in. “He fucking left you, remember?”

“Yes Trina, I fucking remember—”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“Trina relax,” Holly intervenes. “They have a long history, right? It’s hard to just forget about everything…”

Jimin stands from his chair, hands on both hips. “Fine, if we are doing this…then you better actually try. Don’t half ass shit, if you’re going to be friends then don’t be an asshole to him, don’t make snarky remarks…I know your ass.”

Jimin has a good point, you haven’t actually thought about how you will act.

“I’ll be a good girl.” You raise your right arm to salute him.

“Fucking smart ass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are we serious right now?” Trina shakes her head, “You moped around for 3 fucking months y/n. You cried every time you even thought of Jungkook…which was a fucking lot.” She points out, “Listen, you stayed strong when you talked to him in the car. Don’t break just because you feel bad for the dude because he’s fucking pitiful. He doesn’t deserve your pity girl. He’s an asshole!”

“Trina, be nice.” Holly says sternly, reaching forward to grab on to Trina’s hand. Trina visibly relaxes and nods her head towards Holly and smiles softly.

You and Jimin share a look. Are they….?

“You…” You slam your eyes shut, Trina’s words ringing loudly in your ears. You know she’s right. “I’ll think about it some more. For now, I gotta get ready for work.”

~~~~

“Doesn’t Hazel look so pretty here?” Adam shoves his phone in your face as he gushes about his girlfriend.

“Yes dude, she’s so pretty.” You deadpan. “Now can you please put the brownies in the oven? We’re low.”

“Wait wait…here’s one of us together at the park.” He nudges his phone in your hands, you roll your eyes but you take it.

The two of them are sitting on a park bench, she’s leaning into his frame and they both have wide smiles on their faces. They seem so in love. And you know they are because fucking Adam reminds you every 20 seconds.

“Their love makes me sick.” Jade walks over, her hands patting down on her work apron, her tone is bland but she still tries to smile. “Like, we get it.”

“Who loves who more?” you begin with a toothy grin, “Adam to Hazel or Lenny to the sugar cookies?” you laugh while pointing at said Lenny stuffing his face with the reject cookies. Jade and Adam chuckle while they stare at him.

“Hey guys, really?” Lenny says with his mouth full. “You know I feel bad when we throw them away.” He pouts, crumbs decorating his lips.

“Lenny I catch you eating fresh ones all the time!” Adam points out.

“Sometimes they’re a little ugly…” Lenny reasons, “So I…”

“You don’t have to explain my guy, you just really love your cookies.” You hand Adam back his phone as you head towards the walk in freezer to take out the brownies yourself. You load up a tray and stick those suckers in the oven.

“You’re useless Adam.” Jade sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and chews obnoxiously “U-s-e-l-e-s-s. Useless.”

“You’re always so mean to me Jade what did I ever do to you?”

All 4 of you shoot your heads up when you hear the bell go off on the door of the bakery, its loud chime signaling the arrival of a customer.

“Oh.” Jade says while popping a bubble. “It’s your usual customer y/n.”

You tilt your head towards the front of the store to get a look at who she is talking about, and yup its him. Your most consistent customer who orders the same damn thing every single day. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and that’s it.

“Can someone else just take care of him today?” you whine, “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

“You know he’s just going to ask for you…” Lenny says stuffing his face with another cookie.

“God damn it.” You huff out, you grab two gloves from the box on the counter and begin walking towards the front of the store.

You reach the front counter and take in your enemy—you mean, your customer.

“And what do I owe the pleasure Mister Oatmeal Raisin?” you raise a brow towards the man. He’s only a few inches taller than you, his hair is a sandy color today and you hate to admit it looks good on him.

“You know you could just call me by name.” the man sways side to side with a smirk on his face.

“I like Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He has been coming to this store for the last couple of months and you two…don’t necessarily get along swimmingly. He complains a lot and is a total smart ass. And you? Well, you’re not much better.

“Well, I’ll have my usual.” He smiles, “And you know the drill, please make sure there is a normal amount of raisins and not a million, I don’t want 8 raisins a bite. But one every now and then.”

You roll your eyes extremely dramatically, pressing the buttons on the screen for his order.

“Sir yes sir.” You salute towards him, “How could I not know the drill?”

“That’s the spirit.”

You spin on your heels and head towards the back to heat up his two cookies. You carefully select one cookie with barely any raisins and one cookie with a million, just like he didn’t want. You cackle to yourself as you place them in the baggy, feeling beyond satisfied.

“How haven’t you gotten fired?” Adam crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you, “And how hasn’t he complained about you? You do this every time I don’t get it.”

“He likes her.” Jade says plainly while scrolling through her phone.

“As fucking if!” you scoff, “He wants nothing but to annoy me!” But you can’t help but smile.

“He literally only asks for you every time you’re in.” Lenny reasons, “but you shouldn’t like him back…he likes the worst cookie on the menu. Sugar is where it’s at.”

You laugh at your coworker while walking back up towards the front of the store, reaching the counter.

“Your cookies!” you hand him the baggy with an evil smirk, “I hope you enjoy them.” You wink.

The man opens the baggy and inspects each cookie and with his own evil smirk he winks back at you, “Are we serious right now?” his sly smile doesn’t leave his face as he begins to complain, “You are such a brat.”

“$4 Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He hands you the cash, you put it away quickly and with a wide smile you gesture towards the door for him to leave.

“Min Yoongi.” He shakes the bag of cookies in front of him, “Not Mister Oatmeal Raisin.” He turns around and starts walking towards the door but before he exits he tilts his head to look at you one last time, “See you tomorrow…y/n.”

You feel a harsh blush creep up on your cheeks, or your whole face actually. Maybe your whole body. You feel taken aback he knows your name but then you remember you have a god damn name tag.

“Uh…yeah.”

“See you tomorrow…y/n.” all 3 of your coworkers mock in a deep voice.

“Shut up guys!” you whine into your hands, “Can we please just get back to work!”

~~~~~

A few weeks later

The drive to Jimin’s is a quick 7 minutes but you did take a little detour. You decided to stop at the pizzeria that’s on the way and grab a hot pizza for the two of you.

“Hehe.” You look over to the steamy food sitting in the passenger seat.

Jimin has been such a great friend to you all this time and you feel like you’ve never really thanked him…so, tonight you two are going to have a fun night in—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Who doesn’t love being surprised with food?

You pull up to Jimin’s apartment complex and after driving in circles you finally find a parking spot. You grab your purse, your backpack, and the pizza and make your way up to his apartment.

You knock on his front door a few times but get no answer. Maybe he’s not home? No, you definitely hear music coming from the other side…so, you decide to call him.

“Hello?”

“Jimin~ let me in!” you sing into the phone.

“You’re—you’re here?”

“Let me in already!” and with that you hang up and wait patiently outside the door.

A few moments pass before the door is opening up, when Jimin really registers that it’s you he’s kind of closing the door until only his face is shown through the crack.

“Ummm…yes?”

You quirk a brow at the boy, “What do you mean ‘yes?’ let me in!” you begin walking forward when a panicked Jimin opens the door wider to let himself outside and shut the door behind him.

“y/n…why are you here? Did we have plans tonight?” he looks down at the pizza in your hands.

“Not exactly…” you admit, “But I figured we could have a night in.”

Jimin frowns. Fucking frowns!

“Or not?” you say awkwardly.

You hear some sort of banging on the other side of the door and then it clicks.

“Oh? You have someone over?” you smirk.

“Uhhh…no. Nothing like that.” Jimin’s eyes slide to the side as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Babe—”

“Jimin!”

The door is being swung wide open and your eyes travel from some horrendous toes socks to some tight jeans to a striped t shirt to yes, Jungkook’s surprised face.

“Oh.” You both say at the same time.

You and Jungkook stare at one another for a few moments, neither of your eyes leaving the other when Jimin clears his throat.

“Sorry y/n. Jungkook is already over…” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“Is it just you two?” you ask quietly.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

You glance down at the pizza and think to yourself. You and Jungkook may not be friends but you can be civil? Yeah, totally! You can definitely be civil! You already bought this fucking pizza so you and Jimin are going to eat it! And you guess, Jungkook too.

“Okay, let me in.” you start shoving your way past Jimin, you watch as his and Jungkook’s eyes go wide.

“Maybe you didn’t hear him, but I am already hanging out with him?” Jungkook sputters out. He awkwardly moves to the side anyway to let you through.

“I can be civil with you Jungkook. Plus, I don’t want this pizza to go to waste. So let’s eat.” You walk through, nudging the pizza box into Jungkook’s hands, he takes it while looking at Jimin with shocked eyes.

Jimin just shrugs and follows you inside.

“Yeah, let’s eat.” He says nonchalantly.

Jungkook is left at the door with the pizza in his hands as he is left completely dumbfounded. He is malfunctioning.

“Jungkook?” you call out over your shoulder, “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Jungkook hurry up!” Jimin smirks, he isn’t totally sure what’s going on but he kind of likes it.

“So what were you guys doing before I got here?” you shove an entire slice of pizza down your throat, the sauce getting left behind on your lips.

“I was teaching Jungkook some of my dance moves…we made a bet that he couldn’t learn the entire routine in 3 times…and—”

“Let me guess, he fucking learned it.” You laugh.

Jimin groans, his head thrown back as he begins nodding his head ‘yes.’

“So annoying! What can’t he do!” Jimin throws the pizza crust in the box and Jungkook immediately picks it up and eats it.

“Pshh, I could name a few things.” You point out bitterly. “But we won’t get into that.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Jimin pleads.

“I’m curious…what is it you think I cant do?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you and your eyes darken in his direction.

“You really want me to?” you take a napkin and wipe your lips, “It’s nothing nice.” You admit.

“Oh then yes, please don’t.” Jungkook is quick to say.

“Yes, please don’t.” Jimin begs again.

The 3 of you are sitting on the living room floor, maybe only 30 minutes or so has passed by and it’s not too awkward. But it’s not necessarily comfortable either. Jimin looks between you and Jungkook constantly, waiting for someone to crack but neither of you really speak to each other. Both of you really only communicating with Jimin.

“So Jimin, are you going to show me another routine?”

“Why? So you can prove you’re the master of everything again? No thanks.”

“Jimin, maybe you can show me a few steps?”

Jimin smiles awkwardly while Jungkook is quick to burst out laughing. You snap your head towards Jungkook and raise your brows at him.

“Why is Jungkook laughing, Jimin?”

“Umm…” Jimin smiles softly, “You aren’t the most…”

Jungkook laughs harder as he watches Jimin trying to explain.

“Aren’t the most…?” You tilt your head towards the boy.

“C’mon y/n don’t make me say it…” Jimin drags out his words in a whine, he plays with his fingers, looking around the room awkwardly.

“Just say it Jimin.” Jungkook chuckles out.

“If you’re trying to say I’m a bad dancer, we all know that’s not true!” you defend once you catch on, you pout at the boys.

“Well…”

“You have both told me I am a good dancer!”

“Well, you know how to move. But steps…following a routine…that’s different. You aren’t very coordinated.” Jimin finally admits, a sheepish grin on his face.

“He means you can roll your hips but your feet are clumsy as fuck.” Jungkook says, still laughing at the situation.

“Shut up.” You glare at Jungkook.

“No, he’s right.” Jimin begins laughing as well, he looks at you and smiles. Well, if Jimin is saying it…maybe it might be true. It’s not like you didn’t kind of know. But still!

“Fine, whatever. Don’t teach me then.”

Suddenly, Jimin’s phone is going off and he rushes to the kitchen to answer it. You and Jungkook eat your pizza in silence, awkwardly catching one another’s gaze.

“So—”

“Don’t talk to me.” You cut in. Jimin isn’t here so it’s not like you have to be totally social with Jungkook.

“Oh.” Jungkook dramatically slumps his shoulders and pouts. You watch him as he throws a silent fit like the baby he is. “Okay.”

Jimin walks back into the living room looking annoyed, he stands between you two and throws a hand on his hip.

“I have to go down to the front office, there was a mix up in packages…I shouldn’t take too long…” he bites down on his plump bottom lip, “Please be civil while I’m gone. Jungkook…” he looks at the boy then at you, “y/n…” he warns.

“Sir yes sir!” you salute towards your friend with a straight face.

Jimin only narrows his eyes as he looks between you two.

“I’m serious…” he says.

Then he is putting on some shoes and heading out the front door, the soft click making you shudder. You’re alone with Jungkook.

A few minutes pass and you both awkwardly just sit there, sometimes catching the other looking. You finally huff out and accidentally giggle.

“What’s funny?” Jungkook’s curiosity getting the best of him.

“It’s just…I feel like we’re Jimin’s divorced parents and we’re trying to be civil for our child.”

Jungkook stares at you with scrunched brows, then looks away while a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You only nod your head in response. You two go back to the awkward silence.

You aren’t used to this…this awkward and odd silence that lingers between you two. It feels so fucking suffocating you almost wish you were on total talking terms so you didn’t have to endure this shit show.

“You know I could…no, forget it.” Jungkook bites his nails as he speaks, “I…”

“What?” you don’t mean to snap at him, but somehow even talking with an attitude feels better than not talking at all.

“I was going to say…I could teach you some steps…then you could surprise Jimin. He’s been working on a salsa piece…I can teach you some? Then maybe he will stop talking shit on your dancing.” Jungkook laughs awkwardly.

“Wait—he talks shit?!” somehow this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“Only a little.” Jungkook shows you how little with his pointer finger and thumb. “But uh, want me to show you?”

“I don’t even want to talk to you, you think I want to dance with you?” you raise a brow in amusement. You forget this boy has all the audacity.

“Dancing doesn’t have to have any talking.” Jungkook states with a sly smile.

“So you’re just going to show me the steps?”

“Precisely.”

You don’t know why, but this sounds better than actually speaking and/or just sitting in miserable silence. And maybe, just maybe you have a desire to be close to him.

“You think I could learn in time before Jimin gets back?”

“With me as your teacher? Definitely.” He fucking smirks at you and you can’t help but feel that feeling in your stomach. Not necessarily a bad feeling but a fucking feeling.

Jungkook stands to his feet and extends his hand out to you for you to take.

“Here, stand up.”

Your eyes travel from his hands to his eyes and you blink lazily at him…wait, you’re really doing this? He stares down at you and he smiles softly and it creates a warmth in your chest that you’re trying so hard to ignore. You can’t.

Even so, you hesitantly begin to reach up to grab on to his hand, once your skin touches his you feel it. The burning. You should be used to it but right now, the fire is raging and the heat is almost too much. But you let him close his hand over yours as he helps you up.

You’re now standing in front of one another, in complete silence again. But this time it’s not awkward—no, it’s a different type of tension. Your hand lingers in his, neither of you brave enough to let go of the other. Jungkook looks down at you and you up at him, and you feel a million things. But the number one thing you feel is pain. You slowly pull your hand back and break eye contact with him, your head dropping low.

“Show me already.” You whisper.

“Shh, no talking.” Jungkook quietly demands. “Only speak with your body.” He puts some music on the speakers and smirks at you.

Jungkook steps closer to you and you stay grounded in your spot, you can feel the heat of his body begin to radiate and warm you. One of his hands find yours, he weaves his fingers through your own and puts one hand on your hip, he looks down at you to warn you this is how he will guide you.

“Just follow me.”

“You said no talking Mr.Jeon.” you say almost under your breath as you stare into his eyes. Jungkook rolls his head back with a smirk on his face, he looks at you and nods.

He puts his left foot forward and steps with his right foot in the same place at center, then puts his left foot back again. You try to copy his moves but even with such simple steps you step on his feet. He looks up at you disapprovingly. You only smile at him.

You two continue to try these steps until you finally manage to understand them even just a little bit. Jungkook brings your body closer to his as you two move your hips to the music while following the simple steps. His chest flush against your own, his heart beating so loudly you can feel it. Your heart isn’t any better. You start to finally get the hang of it, the music slowly taking you to another place. Jungkook moves his hips to the beat so flawlessly and honestly? You’re doing pretty fucking good if you do say so yourself.

Jungkook’s grip on your hip tightens as he grinds himself closer to you, you feel lightheaded as you two dance to the song. Your breathing getting just a little heavier and you feel lost and pathetic but you’re too immersed in the dance to care. Jungkook finds his head falling into the crook of your neck, his hot breaths fanning against your sensitive skin and you find your hand skimming up his back until you have a handful of his hair. You lightly tug on his locks and Jungkook quietly groans. You don’t know if you’re even doing the right steps anymore, your feet moving all around the place, but somehow it’s working. You’re still following his lead and you’re sure the dance looks somewhat okay. All you care about is how both of your hips move to the beat of the music and into each other. You two are so in sync its driving you nuts.

Jungkook lifts his head and watches as you close your eyes and he closes his own eyes, his head falling forward, your foreheads close to touching. You feel so dizzy, so light and airy, so fucking great like you’re floating. You can’t help but feel the heat creep up your entire body, you feel sweat start to build as you two move. You tighten your hands around Jungkook’s neck and pull him down impossibly close, until his forehead is touching yours. Your harsh breaths mingling with his. You get dragged into the memory of when he had you pinned to his dorms mattress, you recall how his lips left kisses all along your throat, his hot breath reminding you of the past. You think of how he rolled his hips into you effortlessly then as well, you think of how you scraped your nails down his back as he thrusted into you. God, you need to think of something else but Jungkook is filling your mind.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up again, as does yours. Your memories making this dance that much more sensual. You remember the way Jungkook nibbled on your ear as he let filthy words spill from his mouth when he fucked you. God, you should not be thinking this but his body feels so good. God, you should think of anything…literally anything else. You remember how he held you close much like how he is right now. You two continue dancing to the song that is soon coming to an end. You know exactly how it feels to have Jungkook inside you, moving and stilling. You know exactly what it feels like to come all around his cock. God, you need to stop. You need to slow your breathing. God, you…you…you...he continues to guide you along to the music when you feel something hard poke against you. Oh. Oh. OH. Hard. He’s hard.

Immediately, you pull back and take several clumsy steps backward. You blink at him with wide eyes when you realize that maybe he was recalling the same memories as you. Your wide eyes concerning Jungkook.

“Okay, that’s enough lessons for today.” Your harsh breaths don’t go unnoticed by Jungkook, his own breathing quite unsteady.

“Right.” Jungkook mumbles.

You two stand around for a few moments, just taking in the experience you just shared.

You still feel…how do you feel? You just shared a hot dance with your best friend? Wait—ex best friend? You don’t know. The memory of his body moving with yours, his skin touching your skin, his breaths on your neck, his hair balled up in your hands. God, it felt so good.

But so wrong.

“Umm…thanks.” You finally say.

Jungkook perks up at the gratitude, even if it’s somewhat forced. His frown turns into a small smile and you can’t help but smile back.

“I miss you y/n.” Jungkook instantly regrets it by the look on your face. Your expression turning hard. “Sorry I—”

“No, I miss you too.” You answer honestly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“But why not? Do you really not want me in your life for like, ever?”

Jungkook’s questions settle deep within you. The depth they hold…it’s too much. You wonder? Is this anti-Jungkook thing permanent? Or are you just trying to teach him a lesson?

Jungkook rubs his temples as he thinks, he sighs out instead of talking more.

“Not forever.” You finally say. Jungkook looks at you, a sliver of hope flashes across his face.

“But when?” he asks softly.

Yeah y/n. When? You know you both can’t go back to how things use to be but maybe starting over? God, you don’t know what to do! You know someone like Trina will be disappointed you became friends with Jungkook again so quickly, but you know someone like Jimin would be happy his two friends are back to being on okay terms. Why are you trying to please everybody? What do you want?

“Will you ever give up?” you say a little more lightly.

“No…” he says under his breath, his eyes focusing on the TV. “Not until you agree to be my friend again.”

You look at Jungkook with disbelief written all over your face, this boy has the fucking audacity once again. You’re amused though.

“Excuse me?” you say, cleaning your ear out with your point finger. “I didn’t catch that.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, his eyes are large and doe like and it brings you back to every moment ever that he has given you this look.

“You’re stuck with me until you love me again.” He says more firmly.

“Who said,” you look at him with soft eyes, “That I ever stopped loving you?”

Jungkook smiles, he fucking smiles. His adorable bunny smile that makes your heart race.

“You still love me?”

“Only a little.” You jut your lip out, “I mostly hate you.”

Jungkook only frowns for a second before he is smiling again, “That’s fair.”

The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes, you sway back and forth wondering what you want to say to him—you miss him, of course but…

“Let’s take it slow.” You finally break the silence. You miss him more than anything and it might be worth it to have him in your life again, “You aren’t going to be a priority in my life anymore.” You crack you knuckles, the sound filling up the room.

“I know,” Jungkook feels his heart twist at your words but at least it’s something. “We can go however slow you want y/n.”

“You are on—”

“Thin fucking ice, buddy. I know.”

You exhale a shaky breath, thinking about how to go about this, “We can text every now and then, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you quite yet.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe a group hang out first…”

“I’d like that.”

Jungkook reaches over to grab your hand but you pull back, “That’s a no from me for the affection.”

Hurt flashes across Jungkook’s features but he softens up as he nods his head. “Noted.”

You wonder if you’re making the right decision. This wasn’t easy, you know? This actually felt quite hard. But somehow you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like things maybe just maybe will be okay.

“I won’t push myself on you, I promise.” Jungkook sits back down on the floor, crossing his legs.

“Just be yourself, Jungkook.”

“If I wanted to be myself I would be hugging you right now but that’s apparently off limits.” He jokes.

“One hug.” You open your arms timidly. You feel one hug can’t be too bad?

Jungkook widens his eyes in pleasant surprise. He stands to his feet again and opens his own arms.

“C’mere.”

You watch in disbelief as he grins with his arms wide open, expecting you to go to him! And you do. You fucking do.

His arms wrap around you, he pushes you into his chest and you feel so fucking good. So warm, so cozy. His scent making you feel dizzy again, his warmth causing you to heat up. You lean back and look at his content face, he honestly looks so fucking content. Like, this hug is everything to him. And maybe it is, but you don’t know that.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” you both snap your heads toward the front door to see Jimin standing there with a package in his hands.

“I can come back later?” he smirks at you two.

“No no no no!” you drop your arms from hugging Jungkook and take a few steps back, “We were just—”

“We made up, Jimin.” Jungkook says calmly with the softest smile you’ve ever seen on him.

“We’re taking it slow!” you rush to say.

“Oh?” Jimin winks, he walks forward until he’s in the living room joining you two. “Does this mean you will be joining us this Thursday at Jungkook and Nick’s place?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook shifts on his feet, “Yeah, uh, me and Nick are having a small get together on Thursday…you can bring whoever you want…but you’re definitely invited.”

“Before I answer that…Jimin how did you not know about Nick and him being Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Listen! Jungkook is always HERE! I never go over there! The few times I was there Nick was never home okay?!” Jimin whines obnoxiously.

“Okay, whatever. And Jungkook, I said—”

“You said group hang outs.” Jungkook pouts.

Oh. You did say that. But this soon? And is she going to be there?

You chew on your lips before answering, “Okay. But I’m bringing Trina and Holly.”

“Oh bro, Trina is not your biggest fan.” Jimin cuts in.

“Yeah, I know how she is I already anticipated that.” Jungkook shrugs, he looks at you with a small smile.

Okay, starting over? Taking it slow? Can you and Jungkook do this? You look between the boys and smile,

“Okay. See you boys on Thursday.”

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 74 - Baking something with apples in the kitchen (I think it was just a pie?)

Original statement given 8th June, 2015. So this cooould potentially be another statement that was given when our Archive crew was already in charge. If Gertrude's death was in May and not March, if could be a close one though. HR works slowly I heard…

"Even as a child, my mother would always check my room to find me reading well into the night. If I heard her coming up the stairs, I would turn off my light and dive beneath the covers to try and convince her I was sound asleep." - I did that with my old Game Boy. The big grey one. I had this magnifying glass with a small lamp to attach to the Game Boy so I could play in the dark (The first Game Boys didn't have a backlit screen. You needed proper light to see anything).

"I work as a freelance writer. It’s not a good job." - Lol, ok considering that Jonny wrote this statement sleep-deprived and based a lot of it of what he was feeling in that state, is there something he wants to tell us with this statement? xD

"There is a man in my living room. He is tall, with sandy blond hair that twists into unruly curls." - Michael's not even subtle with this one.

"Your vision goes strange when you don’t sleep for a long time. I think it’s something to do with changing pressure on your eyeballs. You start to detect faint movements on the edges, on the periphery," - this is what I meant in my ask to MAG 65 when I said I see things in the corner of my eye when I'm sleep-deprived (or filled to the brim with anxiety). I also thought this to be a great plot device for a potential story.

"Your body will go through phases where it seems to be trying to completely shut itself down, and keeping your eyes open is quite literally a physical struggle. Then all at once you’ll enter a period of manic energy, a second, third or fourth wind that leaves you giddy and nauseous, struggling to find an outlet for your sudden rush." - Yep, can relate very much.

The ambient track in this episode is btw one that will get used a lot in the following seasons, I think? It's more subtle then the one I love so much and I'm sad that it got ditched somewhen in S2 and we only once hear it again in MAG 121.

"Michael, did you drive her to this? Another victim of your warped games? Or were you simply drawn like a vulture? Or maybe a shark sensing blood." - Yeah actually, do we know how it works? Sometimes you can see there was a tendency to things that could attract certain Fears, other times it seems completely random. Or maybe it's just that. Some are just unlucky, others attract it.

"I’m rather glad I don’t really drink coffee." - This answers the question if Jon meant it in MAG 163, when he said to Martin "I hate your tea and wish you made coffee instead". It was just to tease Martin in case he could still hear him.

"I decided to get somewhat more proactive and purchased a small motion-sensor camera, which I hid in view of the trapdoor. After a week, I reviewed the footage." - That was actually very clever, good job Jon!

"They appear to be a man, or at least male-presenting. Middle-aged or older judging from the frame, but hard to be sure. They emerge around three in the morning, holding what appears to be an attaché case. Then, they spend about half an hour rifling through archives, and retreat back down after stuffing a handful of files into the case." - Leitner living in the tunnels and sneaking around will never not be funny to me xD

"but what worries me is the manner they leave the trapdoor. Rather than picking the lock or forcing their way through, they seem to move the floor itself out of their way somehow, and replace it when they return." - That book is handy!

Reading this statement got me thinking that maybe Michael was also initially created as a result of sleep deprivation

Jonny started seeing blond curls and long fingers in his peripheral vision and decided to give them a personality

[udon-udon]

2022 recap

Let’s see... 2022 was a pretty wild ride, not gonna lie

Shall we start from the beginning? Hmmmm the beginning of 2022..... SheEEEESH. It was my last semester of my final year for my bachelor’s degree in graphic design for marketing (wait, I have a bachelors? LMAOOOO I forget that I have one now holy cow wait a sec). I also remember being very very stressed out about my 3 week practicum I had to do in Feb. Alongside that were a ton of projects like portfolio making, final projects for said portfolio, the grad show etc etc. It was VERY busy and stressful. Luckily, the practicum went on without a hitch, and school projects were done with, and one of the bigger projects was well received so YAY!! And then of course, graduation rolled around in April, and I finally made it!! And then I got hired right after graduation which im still super thankful for cause I got hella lucky, really. 

So work started in around late May/early June and it took a while to get used to things. I’ve never worked full time at an office before so there were many things I had to learn and stuff, but other than that I’m just glad I’m able to deliver the things I’m tasked to do, and they seem like they like me, so :’) Of course I still have my moments where I feel like I’m not cut out for the job or I think I’m doing horribly and for some reason think they’re going to fire me any time soon LOOL...  but anywho... I started a deskmat project (which is still delayed unfortunately, i don’t want to talk about it...) but hoping that can get picked back up sometime soon... I was also rushing on new prints as well for con season so that was pretty wild. 

Summer then came and WHEW. I got covid. Luckily it just felt like a regular cold, so I might have gotten a weaker strain of it. It was quite scary though since I live with family and I was afraid of spreading it to them (of course I ended up doing so cause we share the same bathroom, but they survived) Aside from that, I tabled for the first time in 3 years! AND I DID GREAT! I really missed tabling and honestly it might have been because of the turnout at the events but damn I did better than I’ve ever did, which is crazy. It really makes me want to get better and table more, but it do be pretty exhausting. Anyway, the summer was great imo, but jesus the fall took a nosedive.

September was alright, and for the second time, I didn’t have to worry about going back to school anymore which was kind of surreal again. I was finishing up the art commissions that I paused to work on the anime convention prints. I finished those up so I can focus on the Yuri Game Jam 2022 in Oct-Nov but little did I know.............. I would not be able to make it v n v. I underestimated the time management needed while working a 9-5 job and my lack of discipline... Also cause I didn’t have a clear vision of this year’s game which made me literally go in circles until I had no time left by the time I actually kind of had something down.... I became so stressed over the story that it branched out to other bad thoughts and I just spiraled really hard. Things that I said I would not let bother me had bothered me again and god I hated it so much. Why can’t I just... not think about those things. Hoping to stop those thoughts in 2023 though. So yeah I got really stressed so sadly I had to shelve the project and not release anything for this year’s game jam. I was very disappointed in myself, and it was a very tough decision to break my visual novel streak but I had to do what I had to do. After dropping the project I felt much much much much much better. Hoping to revisit the project again sometime though, now that I decided to release it whenever it’s ready (but will i have the proactiveness to go back to it? that is another story LOL)

So November was over with and December rolled around. December itself was stressful yet okay at the same time? Stressful in terms of spiraling at work again, but I also managed to just chill out and do whatever. And of course, the week-long break from work helped a ton (as I’m writing this thinking back I did absolutely nothing that week but that’s what I wanted most) Hopefully I’ll go back to work rejuvenated again cause I was clearly burnt out from work lmao. I should make use of my vacation days more man. Anyway since it was recent, I vividly remembering spiraling again over subject that shall not be mentioned, and I had no one to ground myself with so I had to try to ground myself somehow which I do try to do more so than rely on others. Luckily I recovered from the spiraling relatively quickly, so maybe it’s an improvement and if I ever encounter that subject again it’ll be an even faster recovery and soon it will be over? That’s what I’m hoping for 2023. Definitely a goal. Please let my 2023 self not let it bother me anymore please please please please (though i think i said that in 2022 no? hahaha) i jsut want to be loved v n v and not feel like my friends are leaving me one by one :’)))))))))))))))))))))))) 

ANYWAY Thank you for reading until the end. Ultimately, I want to worry less about subjects that make me go insane and just be happier. I’m a Bocchi that needs to find a close knit of supportive friends that can make me take another step in life :’)))))) LOOOOL And of course, I would like to draw more. Planning on opening art commissions in the new year some time soon so stay tuned. Hoping to table some more too! Though I don’t have much to sell hahahaha;;; Well then, until next year! 

[torabisurandom]

IRL Action Focus + Schedule Update

Hi, hello. I’m taking a few weeks break to restore my Energy; I’ve been feeling burnout which has snuck up on me without me realizing it until today. Part of it from working on restoring my sleep routine (after completely throwing if off), part of it more recently using caffeinated tea (French Vanilla Chai) to synch up my sleep towards a better time (by staying up later and later - for the past few weeks) and now experiencing caffeine withdrawal, part spending too much time with screens though with that I’ve been trying to get more fresh air and exercise, and stress with relationships (both positive stress and some negative stress) and managing responsibilities, and also exercising more responsibility taking care of my home as well; and, taking care of my body which recently got these left shoulder pain and neck pain, and sometimes from sitting too long I have what I think is a sciatic. Anyways,

Part of this upload hiatus is allowing myself the time to create and to grow a queue of future uploads so that I can catch up, and with that managing my burnout as well. So I plan on continuing to create through the hiatus but 1. to take care of myself, and 2. to create and provide something of value that isn’t too underbaked at a pace that I can provide for my needs.

But hey! With this post is a new focus and example character, like last monthly’s upload I haven’t really got into making the art for the example character yet with just making a sketch, but again I do think, depending, showing and communicating something can be better than nothing or saying nothing, and I decided to go on hiatus considering now I’m behind with two posts (plus there was Sally the Scarecrow too, lol), but anyways while I’m on hiatus here’s an opportunity to read through these past total 13 posts for SvS or reread them during this upload-downtime.

With the calendar uploads on June 17th and July 01st I’ll share an update on how I”m doing and feeling, but otherwise you should see me share another update for SvS on July 08th in four weeks.

[trinitylhearts]

IRL Action Focus + Schedule Update

Hi, hello. I’m taking a few weeks break to restore my Energy; I’ve been feeling burnout which has snuck up on me without me realizing it until today. Part of it from working on restoring my sleep routine (after completely throwing if off), part of it more recently using caffeinated tea (French Vanilla Chai) to synch up my sleep towards a better time (by staying up later and later - for the past few weeks) and now experiencing caffeine withdrawal, part spending too much time with screens though with that I’ve been trying to get more fresh air and exercise, and stress with relationships (both positive stress and some negative stress) and managing responsibilities, and also exercising more responsibility taking care of my home as well; and, taking care of my body which recently got these left shoulder pain and neck pain, and sometimes from sitting too long I have what I think is a sciatic. Anyways,

Part of this upload hiatus is allowing myself the time to create and to grow a queue of future uploads so that I can catch up, and with that managing my burnout as well. So I plan on continuing to create through the hiatus but 1. to take care of myself, and 2. to create and provide something of value that isn’t too underbaked at a pace that I can provide for my needs.

But hey! With this post is a new focus and example character, like last monthly’s upload I haven’t really got into making the art for the example character yet with just making a sketch, but again I do think, depending, showing and communicating something can be better than nothing or saying nothing, and I decided to go on hiatus considering now I’m behind with two posts (plus there was Sally the Scarecrow too, lol), but anyways while I’m on hiatus here’s an opportunity to read through these past total 13 posts for SvS or reread them during this upload-downtime.

With the calendar uploads on June 17th and July 01st I’ll share an update on how I”m doing and feeling, but otherwise you should see me share another update for SvS on July 08th in four weeks.