#I am almost done with a novel in which I follow a similar sort of model—but with a slightly different basis for where the lines are drawn

[helenarlett-rex]

What does Helen Arlet think of all her old books?

Doggy Style & Doggy Style 2: Honestly, I wish these had never been published. At the time I was heavily into the works of Carlton Mellick III and it was kind of influencing a lot of my thoughts. My original intention for Doggy Style was to make it a tragedy. One that had a lot of perverted shit in it, but still something that ends with the reader being like, "Oh... Now I feel bad..." But at the same time I was just learning the ins and outs of Amazon publishing and was following the directions of other authors who were telling me not to publish full length novels. Just do short erotic stories that sell for about 3 or 4 bucks and put one out ever month. So instead of writing Doggy Style as a full novel like it should have been, I was posting it in parts. The problem is I only got as far as part 2 before I kind of fell off and stopped writing it. And the first two parts on their own, do not represent my vision for what it would have been. So that being the case, I think I would almost prefer it didn't exist at all as apposed to existing in the state it is currently in.

Spinosaurus Wet Dreams, Incomprehensible Dinosaur Smut, Scoring With The Jock, Another Spinosaurus Wet Dream, The Velociraptor Rental Mom, Megalodon Trouble: Okay so the Dino Dimension Saga books were kind of fun, but it was ultimately a bit of a mess. I believe people more or less liked them, (with the exception of Incomprehensible Dinosaur Smut,) but they weren't exactly the sort of thing I'd want to be know for... Again, this was when I was still learning the ins and outs of Amazon publishing and was following the directions of other authors. So similar problem to Doggy Style. Although this time instead of the product not matching my vision, it was more like my vision wasn't really compatible with the product... This should have just been simple dinosaur erotica designed to turn a quick buck during a time when dinosaur erotica was still popular. The problem is I can't ever just do something easy and commercialized, and before you know it, it's about psychic dinosaurs from an alternate reality invading people's dreams as a part of an interdimensional dating app and people who were just looking for some quick dino smut were like, what the hell am I reading? There was actually going to be one last book which I still haven't gotten around to writing yet, and I probably should at some point...

Miss Nolly's Class: Oh god... Did I really write this? I mean, I know people generally liked it. And I myself love Miss Nolly, who is based on a close friend of mine... but wow... The amount of perverted fetish stuff I wrote in this one... How did Amazon let me publish this? This book should totally be in violation of the TOS. Every time someone I know reads this book I'm like, Oh god... They're never going to look at me the same way again... What was I thinking?

Rainbow Sharks: This one wasn't really a follow up to Miss Nolly so much as it was just something that took place in the same universe. With Nolly herself actually showing up in one of the chapters... It was my pride month book with each chapter being a different story focusing on a character of a different sexual orientation or gender identity. And while I liked it, it dawns on me now that the audience for this book is going to be very limited. It's like, gay guys might be interested in the gay chapter, but why would they want to read the lesbian chapter? And so on and so on... Essentially there is one chapter for everybody, but very few people are going to be interested in ALL the chapters... So what was I even doing? This book was also meant to be a lead up to a second Miss Nolly book, which as if this moment, is still only half written...

Snow Bunny, Snow Bunny 2, The Dino Sisters: Okay so these I still rather like. They are actually prequel books to my Yiffpunk series, which I am still rather proud of. The only thing I wish I had done differently was making the two Snow Bunny books longer instead of the standard shorts I was producing at the time. I made The Dino Sisters full length, for which I am grateful, but the two Snow Bunny books suffer from being erotic shorts instead of full length books of their own. There was also a 3rd Snow Bunny book taking place after The Dino Sisters, which would have also been full length, but so far that book hasn't been completed either. I really need to stop starting projects and then not finishing them.

Eating the Odds: This was the only book I wrote in the same setting as the Doggy Style books that was actually full length and not just a short. And I don't know... I guess this one wasn't bad. I know this one actually has some rather dedicated fans. To the point where I've thought about doing a sequel. But it was also one of my early works and a lot rougher than what I produce today. Not to mention featuring some of the most laughably unrealistic lesbian sex I've ever written... What the hell was I doing? It's like... I know that's not a thing... Why did I decide to write it? Maybe giving this book an updated re-write is in order...

Extra Service at the Blue Moon: Oh god... This book was an all around failure as far as I am concerned. It was when I was primarily doing shorts, and I wrote this one with the intention of being permanently free. Sort of a free sample for people who were curious about my writing... So it's probably the shortest one I've ever done. Although the problem was, once I tried to publish it I found out Amazon wouldn't allow me to just offer it for free. There was this whole convoluted mess of a process I would have had to go through in order to make it free and it was just too much work for something that might not even work. And looking back at the book now, I'm kind of glad it didn't happen. This is NOT what I want people reading as an introduction to my work. I don't know why I thought I would... or why I even wrote it, for that matter... It's another one that took place in the same setting as Doggy Style and Eating the Odds, but it really needs to be the first chapter of something much longer instead of what it is...

The Dank Wildcats: Okay, this may be a little rough... It is still one of my earlier works... But I still really like this one! Sadly it wouldn't pick up fans until long after I started writing the Miss Smalls series, which takes place in the same setting. And even then, people weren't really interested in this until I brought the characters from this book into the Miss Smalls series as actual members of the cast. I feel like the book was good. Rough, but still good. It just didn't have any sex scenes in it so it was a flop as far as sales go...

Snail Lovin' for Fun and Profit: Yeah... another one of my shorts from the year of "release one short a month every month for a year." I don't think I've even read this thing since it was published. I don't recall it being my best work and I've only ever met a single person who pointed to this and said it was his favorite. This was published in December, so it was the last book in the year of one book a month, and I was already burned out when I was writing it. But maybe I'm just remembering the state of mind I was in when I was writing it, and not the book itself. Maybe it's actually good and I should go back and re-read it... Who knows...?

It's Not Gay If It's A Catboy: Heh... This one gets attention just for the title. Honestly, I don't think it was that good though. I don't think it was BAD... but probably not good either... I do know that people have actually come to me with complaints after reading it. Apparently the book needed a trigger warning...

So Maybe I Swallowed My Coworker... I'm A Snake!: Oh yeah, this one... I think this may have been my first book that was straight up marketed as a vore book. Or no... that was probably Eating the Odds... But this was the first vore short I guess. Or the first short that was sold on vore and didn't just happen to have unadvertised vore in it... I do remember this one being something of a hit. It was kind of silly really, but I don't guess I'm ashamed of it. It's probably kind of rough though compared to what I write now.

Mouse Powered Baby Momma Revolution: Ah, my first attempt at writing straight up Bizarro Fiction. I wrote this book by drawing random words out of a hat to create the title, and then writing a story that would fit the title instead of the other way around. You know... The same way R.L. Stine wrote Goosebumps... It has a 4 1/2 star rating on Amazon so I guess it isn't bad. I know I at least enjoyed it. And I blew my poor editor's mind when she had to read it. I don't think she was ready for what I could do when I actually set out to be weird as fuck instead of just letting it happen naturally.

My Step-Sister Has Shark Tits: The only book I ever published to get banned from Amazon. I'm still not even sure how it got banned. I don't think it was the content. The characters weren't related by blood. If Miss Nolly's Class and Extra Service at the Blue Moon somehow didn't violate the TOS, I can't see how this one did... I think it must have been the cover. But it's not like it had ACTUAL nudity on it... No one told me female presenting shark heads was against TOS! Although it wasn't like it was a huge loss. I only wrote the book because I was told pseudo-incest actually sold really well and I wanted to see for myself. Call it an experiment to see what the numbers would look like... But also I was just coming down off of Mouse Powered Baby Momma Revolution so naturally it was also weird as fuck at the same time...

Yiffpunk, Yiffpunk: Rabbit Hunt: Okay not this one I am actually proud of. It's one of the only things on this list that is still ongoing. It's also probably the filthiest thing I have ever written, and has some of the weirdest fettishs... but that was intentional. This wasn't about writing what I liked or didn't like... or what I thought would sell... It was about creating a certain type of world and writing the stuff that would naturally happen in said world. I've actually written way more of these than have been published, but that's something i'm bout to change.

[awritersrejections]

How would you sort Will Graham?

oh this is a delightful question!! I'm assuming you mean on the primary/secondary model thing @wisteria-lodge has going?

If you mean just bog-standard HP sorting, then I'd say Gryffindor without hesitation. Before all things, he will do what he believes is right, and he will always choose to be brave—and he would want to be in Gryffindor, which is what would matter.

In the more interesting (imo at least) primary/secondary model of sorting, I'd say Will is a Lion Snake with a helpful bird model.

Man, I tried to approach that in a segmented way and explain each part on its own—but lbr that was never gonna work with Mr. "I am a writhing mass of masks with a fire of righteousness at my core and it may seem simple to pull me apart, but try it and burn" Graham.

The thing is, his snake secondary is so damn powerful that he had to build the bird model as a way to keep himself grounded—he loves his pack, but he doesn't just want a community of dogs, he wants dogs that are projects, dogs he can go through the complicated and delicate and very real work of training and rehabilitating. He tinkers and builds specialty lures, letting his secondary bird model carry him through actions that are simple in their finite complexity, enough to occupy him without taking him over.

Because, with his snake secondary, being taken over is how he operates. He either finds a mask (when he becomes someone else) or he builds one (what he did in season 2 with Hannibal), and then he steps into it so completely that his lion primary is almost entirely supplanted by whatever primary the mask has. Which is where the horror comes from, when he snaps back to himself and feels all that revulsion at having abandoned his primary, and—for however brief a time—having believed whatever awful things the mask he'd worn believed.

I nearly put him as a bird primary because of that—so much of who he is seems based around the desperate need to know himself, to have a fixed reality that he can depend on. That search for truth feels very much like a ravenclaw primary. But I'd argue it's just a side-effect of the way his snake secondary and his lion primary interact—he's terrified of losing sight of his actual values, and gravitates towards anything that can make the way he operates in the world feel safe.

Then there is some extra fun horror when the line between himself and the mask starts to blur in season 2, and he's full on in love with the man he was pretending to care about, and not at all sure if he enjoyed the kill or the righteousness of it. Though, by season 3 at least (if not sooner), I'd say he's figured out that he enjoyed the righteousness, and never reveled in the power of the violence for its own sake. With that confirmed, I think he's far more comfortable in his snake secondary—though he still doesn't know how to feel about the blurrier bits, the parts of the mask he wore for Hannibal that weren't a mask at all, but simple a part of him viewed from a new angle.

The final moments of the show are in many ways about self-acceptance, and I'd say a part of that is Will fully occupying that part of himself without making it into a mask. The side of himself that murders the dragon with Hannibal and knows it is beautiful—that is not a side he would bring out around everyone. But he's not lying when that part is set aside, and for once he admits that he's not lying when that part comes forward. He lets himself experience it fully, and (to his relief, I'd say) he finds that in that moment he is still entirely himself, lion primary bright and powerful. So, he pushes them off the cliff, because he feels it is the right thing to do.

Anyway, when I got this ask I wondered if I'd been out of the fandom too long to have much to say about this, and LOLZ.

Curious to hear your thoughts, nonny! Or @wisteria-lodge, not sure if you've sorted Will?

[blindbeta]

I just saw someone asked about making a character blind in their novel and you responded about ways to avoid it being portrayed poorly. I wanted to ask, could it also help if part of the arc is the character accepting becoming blind?

Like, even if it happens in some kind of accident, or like them becoming blinded as a sacrifice for the team, would it be a bad portrayal for part of the character's story to be realizing it's not the end of the world, that being disabled doesn't make them completely useless, etc?

Or is that sort of arc also ableist?

[Note: I used the words non-disabled and abled interchangeably here. Both refer to people with no disabilities. After a conversation with some of my followers, I decided to make an effort to be clearer about who I referred to when I used words like able-bodied, because able-bodied may, for some people, refer to people without physical disabilities or without any disabilities at all. There are times when the distinction matters, even when people said they can usually tell based on context whether or not able-bodied is meant to include them.]

Writing About A Character Accepting Being Blind After Going Blind - When You Aren’t Blind Yourself

An arc about a character accepting becoming blind doesn’t feel good to me and I’ll try to explain why.

I’d rather read a story about a character who happens to be blind, in whatever way that happened, than read a story where a writer who isn’t blind tries to write about a blind character accepting being blind. I just finished a similar book and it did not go well. There are some things that research cannot teach you. There are some stories that aren’t yours to tell.

I don’t want to read about a non-blind author, especially a non-disabled author, writing negative things about my disability.

A character starting out feeling overly negative toward their blindness already feels bad to me. Why? Because the author has to write negative, sometimes completely wrong things about being blind. When I read stories like this, I am bombarded with stereotypes or myths which are rarely corrected by the narrator, who is usually traumatized and somewhat isolated as they heal. Many of the things they think or say are not checked or revisited. Mean things other characters say or think about them are often internalized by the narrator. Things that, in real life, are said to blind and otherwise disabled people as truths. As tough-love. As part of the supposed -Real World-. As bullying. As ignorant, innocent questions. As rude comments.

All of these things are not even coming from a personal place. The author writing these things- while they probably don’t agree with them, of course- is still not blind at the end of the day.

Readers who aren’t blind may not understand the nuance of why some of the things they read were ableist if it isn’t called out in the narrative in some way, which can sometimes happen when the narrator says something negative about their new disability. This isn’t to say readers shouldn’t do their own research or examine the story more closely. This isn’t to say the author is at fault for the interpretations of readers who refuse to think beyond what is laid out for them. When I say this, I am being realistic. Not all readers are going to be proactive. Not all readers are going to approach a book about a person going blind from a good place.

Most of the time, this is just something the author needs to accept. It is impossible to anticipate the strange interpretations of every reader. However, this narrative can be dangerous to a reader who has never met a blind person. Keep in mind, most people aren’t doing what you all are doing. They just read what is given to them. And if what is given to them is a helpless or self-loathing blind person, they might believe in that image. That book may be the only expirience they have with a blind person and they may not read any other books with blind characters.

Another thing I thought of was that non-blind authors sometimes don’t understand how hobbies and skills translate to blind people. For example, in a story I read once, a character who was going blind practiced playing piano and typing on a keyboard blindfolded so they could learn how to do without sight. However, blind people can already play instruments even if they were born blind. Blind people can also easily type on regular keyboards and, technically, correct keyboard technique means typing without needing to look at the keyboard.

Authors who don’t understand what it is like to go blind often don’t get the nuances of what that person is losing and not losing. And it often shows. They also don’t often include the aspects of blindness that are actually challenging. Why focus your worry on typing on a keyboard when you can learn how to use assistive devices in the kitchen or learn to cope with anxiety you anticipate will get worse after losing vision? Why not try to find accessible copies of books you have or scan or Braille sentimental letters? Why not organize your closet so you can find things more easily?

Obviously this is related to characters who know they’re going blind, though.

It favors non-disabled readers, which is ableist.

Another reason this type of story bothers me is because it is so common. Or at least people expect it. This type of story is one abled / non-disabled people can swallow and feel inspired by. Showing the blind person accepting their blindness also favors non-disabled readers in ways I may not be able to articulate well.

Accepting disability is an arc non-disabled people are comfortable with. It is a feel-good type of story that usually doesn’t challenge people too much, other than to remind them not to bully people. Already, this story is not even for disabled people, or in this case, blind people. It exists to introduce people who aren’t blind to the idea of becoming blind, to blind technology, to inspirational ideas about how blind people actually can do things. Stories like this guide abled people along and prioritize their ideas about blindness. Because the narrator is almost always previously abled, the story is about adjusting to blindness in a way that caters to non-disabled people.

How does a story with this angle benefit blind readers? Even if a blind person has also recently gone blind and wants to see a character who on that journey with them, what can a writer who isn’t blind say that blind writer couldn’t say? Or say better? Or say with more power? With more nuancel? With more personal experience?

And it may seem like saying this arc is ableist is too much. Keep in mind, ableism isn’t just about being rude to or excluding disabled people. Ableism favors those who are able-bodied or neurotypical over those who are not. It favors those who are not disabled over those who are. This story is just another way of doing that. Often, people are ableist through what they consider kindnes. Authors are not exempt from that.

Disabled authors should tell their own stories

This is where I will get some pushback. (I already received some here if you think it will be helpful to know what this is like.)

There are a few parts to this.

First, I want everyone to know I am not telling you what not to write or that this type of story, at least with elements of this narrative, can never be done well. However, the more care you take when writing it and the more you know about why it can be ableist, the better you will be able to write it. I’m still not sure I would want to read a book that is dedicated to this topic of accepting blindness, but who knows?

I also might feel more open to this narrative from a writer who experienced becoming disabled in some other way and was open about it. While they would still need to research blindness, some of the issues I named here could be avoided through having prior personal experience that non-disabled people simply don’t have.

If, however, you find yourself upset or feeling excluded by this post, consider what I wrote again. Consider why you think you are the best person to tell such a story with this particular arc.

I am also not saying that non-disabled writers could never write this topic well. I just question, again, what they can add to the topic of accepting blindness that blind people can’t already add. This is also assuming they were able to avoid some of the issues I listed above that might come up. Which would be difficult on top of doing all the other research they need to do in order to write a book. Why make it harder for themselves?

Now that I’m done with the disclaimers, accepting blindness should be something mostly left up to blind writers. This narrative is so closely tied to the trauma-based / incident-based blindness that it can be hard to separate them, but I feel like the readers of the blog have thought hard to suggest ways to improve or subvert that trope and the problems that go with it. Maybe they can do the same here. Maybe not.

Anyway, the reason I think it should be left to blind writers is because of the personal experience I mentioned previously. Acceptance will come from a more authentic place. Anything that comes before the acceptance will also come from an authentic place and blind writers will know how to deal these issues a little better.

Blind writers will know how to write this topic well. They can center blind readers in a way that many arcs like this don’t.

As a side note, blind writers also need more recognition and attention. This arc is specifically about or mostly about accepting blindness, which blind writers are intimately familiar with. Their stories should be prioritized in this area, at the very least.

If a non-disabled writer decided to do this topic, I think it would help to read and public ally promote books and other works by blind people.

Thank you for asking this question.

This was a really great question and I want to thank the anon for asking. I really appreciate the chance to discuss this topic. If anyone wants to expand on this question or figure out ways to subvert this arc, feel free to ask. Also, remember that I am not authority on stories about blind people, but I feel this opinion in shared by many of us and it should be known so writers can be aware.

Suggestions for alternatives.

1. Include only brief instances of acceptance and / or make it only related to blindness instead of accepting blindness as a character arc.

It will depend on how you do it, but brief, less direct instances of acceptance could be done well. One thing I’m thinking of is Toph challenging her father in The Blind Bandit. This could be seen as a form of self-acceptance for Toph, one which is related to her blindness without being the entirety of her need to accept part of herself, which gives her the courage to disrupt the view her parents have of her. Toph doesn’t struggle with being blind. She struggles with something related to being blind, which her parents being over-protective, limiting her freedom and expression, and putting her a gender role box.

The rest of Toph’s story wasn’t completely about being blind either. The writers, who weren’t blind as far as I can gather, handled this part well, and so I wanted to include it as an example.

Obviously, this can also be done badly, but that’s what beta readers are for. I personally would prefer the acceptance arc only be tangentially related to blindness, especially when combined with the trope about going blind through trauma / incidents / accidents.

2. Start in a different place.

You could start the story or character arc in a different place, rather than starting directly after going blind. This could be years later. After they already adjusted to the bigger parts of being blind. This saves you the need to figure out how to get around it.

Some parts of this ask might help.

3. Focus mostly on the practical stuff rather than the emotional side.

Focus on things like cane skills, adjusting to using screen-readers or needing to increase font sizes to read. Focus on learning to cook. Make the arc less about emotional stuff and more achieving goals. While I can understand how this might bother some blind people, I think it can work if blind readers are consulted, especially readers who went blind later in life. I wanted to include this as an option just in case people are determined to include going blind in the story. I think, if the author is careful, it could go well. A few narrative justifications for not writing the typical acceptance arc include:

-the character was already blind in some way first

-the character has a blind sibling, parent, or friend they grew up with

-the character got counseling or the story mentions they are getting counseling

Alternatively, you could also focus emotional difficulties on the traumatic incident, if there is one, and not the resulting blindness.

4. Write different stories - expand what stories about blind characters look like.

Writers have so many opportunities! I don’t see why they would feel the need to write a story primarily about going blind and learning you aren’t useless now after all, when they could be writing about a blind mermaid challenging the Mer Queen and falling in love with her instead. When they could be writing about blind space pirates creating new technology for other blind people. When they could be writing about a blind witch reclaiming their sexuality and also learning to dance to make their coven less worried about their social life after going blind.

See this post for more ideas about expanding the typical stories.

If you are creative enough, none of my claims that certain topics being best left to blind writers should stop you. If you feel limited, you might be trapped in the idea that blind people only have one narrative: trauma, sadness, helplessness, and just maybe, acceptance. If you don’t feel limited, you are in a good place.

Blind readers want other types of stories, too.

I hope this helps some of my followers. Thanks for the interesting question, anon. If anyone has any questions or would like me to clarify something, feel free to ask. I wrote this at night when I was tired. I have missed some things.

-BlindBeta

P.S. The ideas I pitched at the end are free to use if you feel inspired by any of them.

[laximpulsion]

love the new chapter!! Can't wait for the next one, do u have any fave leatin fics i can check out in the meantime?

Why thank youuuu!! So glad you're liking it :) Lol, very good question! To give you a needlessly long answer with a lot of disclaimers...

It all starts with the kind of funny fact that i actually got into the wilds because of Shoni! But by the time i started writing I had done a HARD pivot to leatin. And now that I write, I do a lot less reading than I did before, so I don't actually have as many leatin fic recs as one might hope. (I definitely have more shoni fics bookmarked on my ao3 page than leatin ones lmao it's kind of funny)

ALSO, I tend to actively avoid fics that sound similar to what I'm writing now or what I plan on writing in the near future. So for that reason I have not read many S3 fics or post-island fics. And a side effect of this is that i DO read a lot of AUs, so this might be mostly AUs, sorry if thats not your jam!! maybe someone else can chime in with canon fics?

anyway. i KNOW im gonna be missing lots of good ones so sorry in advance but here's some ideas to get you started:

This feels like low hanging fruit but it's true - anything by lostresidentevilpotter is a good bet, the ex-girlfriends one was an instant classic for me and actually i think it was one of the first leatin fics i ever read! really you could spend a week making your way through the lostresidentevilpotter archives and it would be a week well spent.

I'm also a big JourEtNuit fan - this one where all the girls go into witness protection after the island was another instant classic, and another of the ones that I read really early on in my fandom journey so it has a special place in my heart. more recently i loved the The Last of Us AU !

Perhaps an unconventional pick because it's not my usual thing but this social media AU where the girls start a joint tiktok account after the island has TOTALLY charmed me and I adore it, always makes me smile.

I really enjoyed this series by tardexlanoche - think this is actually the only full-on s3 fic I've read, and I loved the premise set up by the first one in the series where Fatin and Leah were kind of almost friends before the island. Plus i believe there will be a sort of AU of itself that branches off after the first fic in the series about what would happen betw. them if they never went to the island, which I think is a super neat concept.

And one of the few other canon-adjacent fics I read and enjoyed a lot is The Fall by Ecrooked24 , where leah and fatin get stuck in a ravine and have to confront their feelings - with angst aplenty. (I've also been loving Polaroids!!)

And then there's a few others that only started recently but I'm keeping an eye on because they intrigued me -

tip the world on its side - leah sees gretchen in LA, i have no idea what's going on but i'm very into it so far

this compass tattoo soulmate au - i am not usually a soulmate AU kind of gal but this one has got me hooked!

this ghost hunter AU - had me at ghost honestly! and then had me again at ghost *hunter* lol

this one where Fatin leaves Leah annotated books - annotated books are such a cute concept and it was SO ruined by jeff doing it!

whew okay...sorry this was so long but if you follow me you should hopefully know by now that i write fucking NOVELS any chance i get hahaha. if anyone has anything else to add please feel free!! especially s3/canon-adjacent/post-island fics!

EDIT: suggestions from the comments - these are all great too, i've read a lot of them and started others!!

Mad Girl's Love Song by ThornedRose44 come home to my heart by scoutshonour, Sleepless in Sylvester by comicc_bookk_jawnss, pull you from the tide aka the tinder series au by overnights, did you win? aka the celeb au by lunchables, and can't forget the amnesia au i was dangerously tangled (the second time i met you) by rosymidnights.

[bevioletskies]

the first time (ever i saw your face)

summary: On their six-month anniversary, Apollo and Klavier decide to pose a seemingly harmless question: what did they think of each other when they first met? As it turns out, the topic is a little more complicated than they originally thought.

word count: 4.9k | read on ao3

a/n: For @klapollo-week, day one of seven (prompt: "firsts"). All seven of my fics take place in the same continuity! However, each can be read as a stand-alone, with the exception of day seven being a sequel to day five.

This fic takes place at some distant point in time after Spirit of Justice where Apollo and Trucy have learned that they’re siblings. Mild spoiler warning for the end of Apollo Justice; warning for brief mentions of alcohol. Fic title is from the song The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack.

“...why does this look like something out of a direct-to-streaming movie adaptation of a YA novel that has a three-star average rating on Goodreads?”

“If you’re trying to say you don’t like it, baby, you could just say so.”

“No, no, I - I’m actually kinda into it. It’s like we’ve walked onto the set of a staged proposal, though if you ask me to marry you right now, I will start laughing.”

Klavier sighed. “I’m starting to think the phrase ‘romance is dead’ was invented specifically for you.” Nevertheless, he tugged gently on Apollo’s hand. “Come on, liebe, I got our favorite snacks, I queued our favorite movies...and before you ask, nein, there is no engagement ring, so stop looking at me like that.”

“I’m not...totally opposed to getting married, you know,” Apollo added as he followed Klavier. “It’s just...it’s a little early for me. This is only our six-month anniversary, after all.”

“Fair enough,” Klavier hummed, the two of them settling down in their spots. He’d learned long ago that Apollo wasn’t one for flashy, photo op-worthy dates, that he preferred more intimate, low-key settings. And so, for their six-month anniversary, Klavier had taken them to his family estate. He had cleared out the conservatory overlooking the garden of all its furniture, filling it with blankets and pillows, drapes and string lights, and a projector whose screen covered the entire back wall. It reminded Apollo of what he himself had done for their three-month anniversary - because apparently, he was that kind of person now - when he’d planned a weekend’s stay in a cozy lakeside cabin. “A conversation for another time, ja?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Apollo draped one of the blankets over his and Klavier’s laps, then lowered his head to rest on Klavier’s shoulder. Smiling, Klavier turned to briefly kiss Apollo’s temples, then reached for his laptop so he could start the movie. They spent the first fifteen or so minutes in companionable silence, sharing a bag of popcorn and a bottle of wine while they watched, until Apollo eventually spoke again. “...weird, isn’t it?”

“The movie? Not particularly,” Klavier shrugged. “If anything, I’d say the plot twist is a bit predictable.”

“No, not the movie. I mean...this.” Apollo gestured aimlessly. “You and me. Us.”

Klavier’s expression darkened somewhat. “Are you...having doubts about our relationship, Apollo?”

“Wh - no, no, not at all!” Apollo protested, sitting up. “It’s just...I guess it’s mostly weird for me. Like, if someone told me, say, a couple years ago, that I was gonna be in a relationship with you, of all people...hell, can you imagine if someone told me that on the day we met? I-I wouldn’t believe it!”

“You weren’t shy about your distaste for me, true,” Klavier agreed, his slight frown relaxing into an amused smile.

“I don’t think that’s an...entirely accurate assessment of, uh, of how I felt,” Apollo said carefully.

Now it was Klavier’s turn to straighten up, looking at him curiously. “Really?” he asked. “Then what did you think of me when we first met?”

“You first,” Apollo retorted, seemingly on instinct. He then softened. “I mean, only if you want to. I’m kinda curious.”

“I don’t mind,” Klavier reassured him, setting down his wine glass so he could squeeze Apollo’s hand. He hesitated, thinking it over. “...I expected to hate you from the very beginning, to be perfectly honest. And, for a moment there...I did.”

Apollo’s eyes widened. “Wh...what?”

“‘Disgraced Defense Attorney Dismantled By His Disciple’, I believe the headline was,” Klavier continued. He then smiled wryly. “A bit dramatic, if you ask me. But then again, I’m not a big fan of alliteration, so I might just be biased.”

“Did you really hate me?” Apollo’s shout had dropped to a mere whisper. “Because...because you didn’t wanna believe it, did you? About…what had happened. What he’d done.”

“It wasn’t all bad memories, all the time, you know.” Klavier gently released Apollo’s hand so he could brush his hair out of his eyes, though he kept his head ducked low. “We had our moments, him and I. We weren’t close, but...we weren’t estranged, either. In fact, I...I first heard your name from him, not from the papers.”

“He told you about me.” It wasn’t a question. “I guess I should’ve suspected, but I never really knew what your relationship was like...before. I mean, he never once mentioned having a brother, so I kinda assumed…”

“As everyone does,” Klavier shrugged, far too casually for Apollo’s liking. “Anyway, your question was about you and me, not me and him, ja? He told me all the usual things people have to say about you - loud, eager to please, a little bit sensitive. I didn’t think much of it at the time, other than the fact you had a strange name.”

Apollo rolled his eyes, sinking back into the cushions. “Wonderful. Fantastic. Glad to know I made a great first impression.”

“And then when the headlines came along...and Mama and Papa called…” Klavier’s face darkened once more; he cleared his throat. “I looked you up. I hadn’t bothered when I first heard your name, but I had to know. Still, I...I found almost nothing. No photos, no social accounts...nichts. Just a single line on a college graduate roster and the same articles I’d been reading before.”

“...I see.” Apollo fiddled with the ends of his blanket, just so he would have something to do with his hands. “So, when we finally met in person…”

_____

The first thing Klavier noticed was Apollo’s eyes - large, round, expressive to a fault. The color of melted chocolate, though in the sunlight, more akin to the color of honey. Those eyes of Apollo’s, curious and maybe a little bit accusatory, narrowed right at him as he arrived at the entrance of People Park. He internally winced at the sight of Apollo’s companion, who was arguing with the police officer standing guard at the scene. Despite the time that had passed since he last saw her, he could never forget Trucy Enigmar-now-Wright.

Are you working for Phoenix Wright now? Klavier wanted to ask as he approached them. Why? Don’t you know what he’s done? Don’t you see what he’s become?

“I must say I'm used to being inspected by the ladies...but this is the first time I've felt this way with a man,” he said instead, leaning forward to smile somewhat condescendingly at them. Klavier was momentarily struck by how similar they were - how their hair was the exact same shade of brown, how the dusting of freckles across their identically shaped noses matched too perfectly, how their furrowed brows and perplexed frowns were one and the same. The only difference was their eyes, hers more the color of a stormy sea. Perhaps there’s a song lyric there? Klavier mused to himself. Ach, now is not the time.

“Mr...Gavin?” Apollo said disbelievingly, his eyes now widening. His arms, previously crossed tightly against his chest, fell to his sides. The motion caught Klavier’s eye, drawing his attention to the glint of the golden bracelet sitting on Apollo’s left wrist. He wondered if there was some sort of significance to it, what with the way Apollo clutched it tightly with his right hand.

“Ah, fräulein,” Klavier continued, his eyes flickering back upwards. He wondered if she knew him, if she recognized him at all. Clearly, Apollo had no idea who he was; he wasn’t sure how to feel about that just yet. “What is a sweet morsel like you doing in such a dismal place? Can I help?”

“Yes! The police man officer fellow here won't let us in!” Trucy complained, huffing. She brandished an envelope in Klavier’s face, nearly swatting him on the nose as she did. He flinched slightly, surprised by how brazen she was. “We even have a letter of request!”

Klavier’s smile softened into one that was a little more genuine. He couldn’t help but be instantly charmed by her. “You must be exhausted, standing out here. I will take you to the scene of the crime.”

“Ooh! Really?” Trucy exclaimed, brightening. Apollo looked skeptical in comparison, his intense gaze traversing the length of Klavier’s body. Usually, he would have preened at the attention, been flattered by the obvious interest and maybe made a show of looking back, but he knew that wasn’t what Apollo was looking for. I am not him, Klavier thought fiercely. I am not the one you trusted, the one who taught you everything you know. I could never -

“By your leave, officer,” Klavier said with a nod and a wink. He barely heard the officer’s affirmation over his own thoughts. Then, he turned back to Trucy and tilted his head towards the park. “Very well. This way, fräulein.”

Trucy’s giggle was sweet, melodic, as she happily followed him through the entrance. He made a show of lifting the police tape for her to duck under, which she seemed easily amused by. Apollo, meanwhile, was left standing on the street, staring at them incredulously, before he finally seemed to register what was happening. “Hey! What about me?!” he cried. His voice gets raspier the louder he gets, Klavier couldn’t help but observe. Interesting.

Once Apollo had caught up, Klavier turned to grin at them both, teeth clenched beneath his lips. Trucy was rocking back and forth on her heels, beaming back, while Apollo had braced his hands on his hips indignantly, like he had something he wanted to say and was just waiting for the opportune moment to say it. Ach, those eyes, those hands, those freckles, Klavier thought rather stupidly. Wait - you’re not supposed to think he’s cute, Klavier, hör auf!

“On that note, enjoy your investigation,” he remarked. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the flash of a white lab coat further into the park that told him he needed to leave if he didn’t want to be reprimanded - or worse, Snackoo-ed.

“Thank you! Will we see you again?” Trucy asked, hopeful.

Klavier hesitated. Apollo still hadn’t said a thing about the obvious elephant in the room, still staring at Klavier like he was a ghost. He wanted Apollo to say something, anything, to ask questions, to start the conversation that he himself admittedly didn’t want to take responsibility for. But Apollo was clearly stunned into silence, and any courage Klavier had had when he first walked up to them moments ago was long gone.

“Ask the wind, fräulein. I'll be riding on it,” he said, shooting them one last saccharine smile. He could hear the click-click of Ema’s shoes against the cobblestone as she approached. With that, he turned and left, his chest aching in confusion.

_____

The silence was heavy, heavier than Apollo expected. Klavier had turned the movie volume down long ago, leaving them with nothing but the sound of their own quiet breaths. “Makes sense,” Apollo finally said, shooting Klavier a sympathetic smile. “To you, I...I jumped ship from one corrupt defense attorney to another. At least, that’s what it seemed like at the time, right?”

“Part of me wanted to confront you right then and there, but I didn’t want to do it. Not in front of everyone, especially not in front of her. But the other part of me...I just wanted to learn more about you. To get to know you before I decided whether it was a battle worth fighting. Whether he was worth defending.” Klavier then smiled back; now it was his turn to drop his head onto Apollo’s shoulder. “Besides, you were cute, and I’m weak.”

“‘Were’, huh?” Apollo teased, nudging him. “Well, I’m glad Trucy’s presence, your curiosity, and my cuteness apparently deterred you enough to walk away. To think, what would you have done if you didn’t think I was cute - ”

“Achtung, you’re such an arschgeige sometimes,” Klavier groaned, laughing. “Anyway...I got my answer in court soon enough. I could trust you, and he...he wasn’t worth defending. Not one bit.”

“No, not at all,” Apollo agreed. “Still, I’m...I’m sorry, Klav. Not for what I did, I mean, I-I had to, but just...how it all played out. How messy things got. Whenever we, y’know, come here to see your parents, I still see that look in their eyes. It’s that face that you make when you think no one’s looking.” He swallowed. “Mr. Wright says Trucy does that, too. Less now that she’s got me and Mom, but…well.”

“It wasn’t you, Apollo, it was me. It all started with me believing he wouldn’t lie to me.” Klavier’s laughter was bitter now. “Anyway, I’m starting to think we’re all a little too observant for our own good. None of us can ever let things go, nein?”

“We’d be horrible lawyers if we could,” Apollo chuckled, rubbing Klavier’s arm reassuringly. “But fine, fine, I’ll stop psychoanalyzing you now. It’s my turn, anyway.”

“I want to hear this,” Klavier said, snuggling closer. “Lay it on me, baby. Tell me how you fell for me in two seconds flat.”

“I’m gonna lay into you in two seconds flat if you don’t let me talk,” Apollo said dryly, elbowing him again. “I, uh, I don’t think I remember it as clearly as you do, but…”

_____

“Excuse me, coming through.”

It was a voice, a smooth, musical voice, polite but firm, that caught Apollo’s attention first. He turned in its direction, confused by how familiar it felt, how similar it sounded to another voice he knew, but with a light, lilting cadence and a strangely affected accent whose origins he couldn’t quite place.

“Ah! It’s you! Mr. Gavin!”

Apollo’s eyes widened, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, then narrowed at the sight before him. Striding towards them with a swagger in his step was a man who, as far as Apollo could tell, was supposed to be behind bars. Only, his skin was a few shades darker, his hair a shade or two lighter, and he was wearing, for reasons Apollo couldn’t fathom, eyeliner and leather and chains instead of a neatly-pressed suit and wire-rimmed glasses. Who’s THIS guy? Apollo thought, his stomach turning.

“I must say I'm used to being inspected by the ladies...but this is the first time I've felt this way with a man,” the man said, leaning in close; his smile was a little wider than Apollo would have liked. Apollo also didn’t want to think about how pretty he was, how long his eyelashes were or how smooth his skin seemed to be. This can’t be him, Apollo decided, though he was still frozen in place. He could only vaguely feel Trucy’s fingers tugging gently on his shirt sleeve. No, it can’t be - it’s not - but who -

“Mr...Gavin?” Apollo said stupidly. He felt a phantom pinch on his left wrist; he released his arms from where they were crossed so he could rub the spot where it hurt, though the moment he touched it, he realized he hadn’t been in pain at all. The man’s eyes flickered down, following his fingers in curiosity, before moving back up to continue smiling beatifically at Trucy.

“Ah, fräulein,” he said; he was practically simpering now. “What is a sweet morsel like you doing in such a dismal place? Can I help?” Apollo barely managed to refrain from rolling his eyes. Of course, he internally sighed, he’s one of those guys.

“Yes! The police man officer fellow here won't let us in!” Trucy whined, shoving the envelope in the man’s face. Apollo had to bite back a laugh at his startled expression, a contrast to his otherwise indifferent smile. “We even have a letter of request!”

“You must be exhausted, standing out here,” the man murmured sympathetically, eyes sparkling. He seemed intrigued, though Apollo couldn't blame him. He supposed he and Trucy looked like a completely mismatched pair. “I will take you to the scene of the crime.”

“Ooh! Really?” Trucy exclaimed, her entire face lighting up. Apollo tried not to smile himself; her energy was infectious. Then, the man’s words finally clicked in his mind. Wait - really?! But why would he - how can he - who is he?

“By your leave, officer,” the man ordered, winking. A pleasant shiver went down Apollo’s spine, one that he was trying his best to ignore. No good was going to come out of that train of thought, not when this man was clearly someone he needed to worry about - though in what way, he wasn’t sure yet. He seemed too generous, too open. Whether he was a police officer, a detective, or, god forbid, a prosecutor, Apollo didn’t trust him not to lead them astray, not one bit. “Very well. This way, fräulein.”

Before Apollo knew it, the man was walking away with Trucy in tow, leaving him behind. “Hey! What about me?!” he shouted, jogging after them. By the time he caught up, both of them were grinning at him amusedly, as if watching him trip over his own feet was some hysterical inside joke. Huffing, he braced his hands on his hips, ready to open his mouth and protest. The man’s gaze briefly travelled down to his hands once more. What’s that all about? Apollo wondered, confused. What’s he looking at? Is it my bracelet? It’s not that weird, is it? Wait, or can he tell that it’s -

“On that note, enjoy your investigation,” the man said, speaking a little quicker than he did before. He suddenly seemed distracted, like he couldn’t wait to get away from them.

“Thank you!” Trucy chirped, bouncing up and down on her toes. “Will we see you again?”

“Ask the wind, fräulein,” the man said, recovering. He seemed almost too focused on Trucy, like something about Apollo bothered him. Maybe he already knew who Apollo was, what Apollo had done. Was he angry? Resentful? Waiting for the right moment to strike? A shiver of a different kind tingled throughout Apollo’s body at the very thought; the phrase “kill them with kindness” was coming to mind. “I'll be riding on it.” He then left without another word, leaving Apollo to stare stupidly after him, his heartbeat in his throat.

“...who was that?” Apollo exclaimed, stunned, as if he wasn’t confused enough by everything else that was going on. His mind was racing with possibility, with anxiety that he really, really didn’t need. Before he could get into it, however, his jumbled thoughts were quickly cut off by Trucy’s surprised cry.

“Eek! Apollo, look - a c-corpse!”

_____

“...interesting,” Klavier said after a moment’s silence. “Did she really think the mannequin was a dead body?”

“Seriously, Klav?” Apollo groaned. “Surprised you didn’t fixate on the part where I thought you were pretty.”

“‘Were’?” Klavier echoed mockingly, grinning. His expression then sobered. “So...mixed feelings all around, it seems. I suppose it shouldn’t be all that shocking, though. We weren’t...total strangers, after all.”

“You practically were to me,” Apollo murmured, tangling his fingers in Klavier’s hair. Klavier leaned into his touch, his eyes fluttering closed in contentment. “At least you knew I existed, while I...he never…” He then shook his head. “Y’know, I-I’m not sure if I really wanna think about this anymore. Not if it makes us think about him.”

“It’s not one of our happiest memories, nein,” Klavier agreed, humming. “I like where we are now...where we can trust each other. There’s little I hate more than ambiguity. And not knowing how I was supposed to feel about you…”

“Sucks, right?” Apollo let out a hollow laugh. “But at least we were on the same page, in a, uh, weird way. I guess that’s always been our thing. Even when you’re driving me up the wall in court - which is all the time, so don’t even question me, I see that look on your face - we’re, y’know, generally working towards the same goal.”

Klavier’s fingers danced along the length of Apollo’s forearm, tapping out a rhythm that Apollo couldn’t quite pick out. “I’d like to think so. I was never really sure until...ach, well. You remember.”

_____

Apollo was still trembling as he exited the courtroom with Trucy by his side. She was putting on a brave face for them both, but he had a feeling that she was more torn up about what had happened than he was. He wanted to comfort her, to reassure her somehow after they’d learned the truth behind her biological father’s death, but for once, he was completely speechless.

“Polly?” Trucy’s voice was tentative. “I’m...kinda hungry.”

“I...oh.” Apollo looked at her curiously. Out of all the things he’d expected her to say, that hadn’t been one of them. “Do you wanna get something to eat? We could go to Eldoon’s if you want.”

“No, that’s okay,” Trucy reassured him. Her face then lit up. “I was actually thinking about the courthouse café! We can get cake and drinks and stuff. A little sugar goes a long way!”

Apollo smiled softly. “Sure, Trucy. Whatever you’d like.”

And so, they found themselves a small table at the courthouse café - and maybe calling it that was rather generous on Trucy’s part - with two thick slices of Swiss rolls and tall glasses of milk tea. Admittedly, Apollo still felt numb, but Trucy’s running commentary of her thoughts on the trial kept him going. “Now all we need is for Vera to wake up,” Trucy said, gripping her fork with determination. “I’m still so worried about her! What if she doesn’t - ”

“We can’t think like that, okay?” Apollo said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “We gotta have hope. That’s all we can do, you know?”

“I guess,” Trucy murmured, chewing her bottom lip fretfully. She went quiet for a minute or so, poking at the last bits of her drink’s half-melted ice with her straw. “Hey, um...Daddy says he’s meeting up with a friend later today, and he wants to have dinner. And when he says ‘friend’, he usually means Mr. Edgeworth. You know, the prosecutor?”

“Yeah, I’ve definitely heard of him.” Apollo sat up a little straighter at the word ‘prosecutor’. In his stupor over the whole ordeal, he’d barely spared a thought for Klavier; he could only vaguely guess how he was doing. “What about him?”

“I was just wondering if, maybe, you’d wanna...join us?” Trucy suggested. He’d never seen her so hesitant before. “For dinner, I mean.”

“...oh.” Apollo paused. “No, uh - not today, sorry. I should really go home and sleep all of this - ” he gestured aimlessly “ - off. I feel like I need to sleep for, like, three days straight.”

“Sure, of course,” Trucy nodded, smiling faintly. “But….you’re still coming back to the agency, right? Maybe not tomorrow, but like...in a few days?”

“Yeah. Yeah, definitely,” Apollo promised, surprised by how quickly he’d responded. In all his hesitation, his doubts about law and what it was meant to be, what it could be, he was finally starting to feel like the Wright Anything Agency was where he belonged.

After they finished eating, he and Trucy parted ways after a long, much-needed hug on the courthouse steps. Apollo then went to fetch his bike from the rack adjacent to the courthouse parking lot, only to spot a familiar face lingering nearby, seemingly in no rush to leave.

“...Gavin?” Apollo said carefully.

Klavier turned sharply at the sound of Apollo’s voice. His smile was a touch too wide, his eyes suspiciously glossy. “Ah, Herr Forehead,” he greeted, ducking his head; his voice sounded trapped in his own throat. “Good show in there, as always. You never fail to impress.”

“Thanks. Hey, um - I’m surprised to see you’re still here,” Apollo commented, taking a few tentative steps closer. “Don’t you have somewhere...better to be?”

“Not really, nein.” Klavier let out a short, forced laugh. “I have paperwork to do, I’m sure. But it can wait.”

“...right.” Apollo cleared his throat awkwardly. “Thanks, by the way.”

Klavier blinked. “Entschuldigung? What for?”

“For agreeing to summon your brother, and...y’know, everything after that.” Apollo found himself oddly fascinated with a few stray pebbles on the ground, nudging them around with the toes of his loafers so he wouldn’t have to look at Klavier’s face. “Look, I-I’m not gonna pretend like I know what you, or Trucy, or Mr. Wright are going through. I’m mostly on the outside looking in, so. All I really know, if I know anything at all, is that, uh...we did the right thing. Yeah?”

“Ja.” When Apollo looked up, Klavier was also deliberately looking elsewhere, staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. He’d displayed a whirlwind of emotions back in the courtroom, but none of them were quite the same as the bitter expression he was wearing right now. “...Apollo?”

Now it was Apollo’s turn to do double-take. “Huh? Wh-what is it?”

“Danke schön. For...everything. I honestly don’t think I could’ve done...any of that on my own,” Klavier confessed, his voice thick with emotion. “And I think I...I think I’m going to take a little time away from the prosecutor’s office. Not for long, mind you. Just...I need some time off. A week, maybe two. Some distance, some perspective...it would make a world of difference, achtung.” He then turned to face Apollo directly for the first time since they started talking. He looked tired, defeated, even. His posture, his expression - Apollo felt as if he was seeing an entirely different person standing before him.

Without thinking, Apollo took the last few steps forward and closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around Klavier and pulling him close. Klavier let out a startled noise; then, he hugged Apollo back, sinking his weight against Apollo’s, his forehead dropping to Apollo’s shoulder. His exhale was long, unsteady. “Take care of yourself, okay?” Apollo said, fingers digging into Klavier’s back, his face buried against Klavier’s bicep. “And if you ever wanna talk about it...I-I mean, I’m sure I’m not your first choice, but still. I’m, uh, I’m around.”

“Danke,” Klavier murmured, barely above a whisper. They stayed like that for a moment, maybe a moment too long, just holding each other in the middle of the courthouse parking lot for anyone and everyone to see. Klavier’s breath trembled against Apollo’s ear; Apollo half-expected his knees to give out from underneath him. Then, he slowly detached himself from Apollo’s grasp, carefully schooling his expression into something more Klavier-like, something brighter and blander, his teeth blindingly white in the mid-afternoon sun. “Anyway, I should really get going. That paperwork isn’t going to take care of itself, ja?”

“Oh, uh. Yeah, don’t I know it,” Apollo said, letting out another strained chuckle.

“Until next time, then,” Klavier said smoothly, winking. “Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Forehead.” He didn’t wait for Apollo’s send-off, instead turning and heading over to his motorcycle, humming and twirling his keychain expertly between his practiced fingers. Apollo watched him peel out of the parking lot, silently wondering if he’d said all he wanted - no, needed - to say.

_____

“Of course I remember.” Apollo held Klavier just a little bit tighter. “But, y’know, again - not our best moment. Not by a long shot.”

Klavier lifted his head from Apollo’s shoulder so he could kiss him briefly, gently. Apollo smiled against Klavier’s lips, cupping his jaw so he could bring him closer. “But I’d still say our first kiss is more of a memory worth reminiscing over. Wouldn’t you agree, liebe?”

“It was a little dramatic for my taste,” Apollo teased, pulling back so he could affectionately nudge his nose against Klavier’s cheek, his fingers lightly pressed into Klavier’s sides. “But you’re into that sort of thing, so I’ll give it a pass. Still, let’s just agree not to cry all over each other ever again, okay? It was honestly kinda gross. And wet. And not in a fun way.”

“You’re saying you won’t cry when I propose?” Klavier asked, pouting exaggeratedly. “Because ach, I know I will.”

“Who says you’re proposing?” Apollo retorted, grinning as he prodded Klavier in the chest. “What if I get there first? What if, while you’re getting down on one knee, I just whip a ring box out of my pocket - ”

“Then I really will lose my scheisse,” Klavier murmured, his lips ghosting across Apollo’s skin. “I’m going to hold you to it, baby.”

“Can’t guarantee it’ll happen, but I’m definitely gonna try,” Apollo said, turning his head to capture Klavier’s lips once more. The two of them exchanged slow, lazy kisses for a few minutes, fingers loosely tangled in each other’s hair. In the background, the movie continued on, long forgotten; not that it mattered, seeing as they’d watched it together many times before.

Eventually, Klavier carefully detangled himself from Apollo. He passed him his wine glass, still half-full, then reached for his own and lifted it above his head. “To making new memories, ja?”

“Are we really cheers-ing ourselves? That’s pretty self-serving, literally,” Apollo said dubiously, though he still raised his glass all the same, amused by Klavier’s dramatics. “But hell, why not? To new memories that don’t involve us crying, sneezing, yelling - ”

“You make us sound like absolute disasters, achtung,” Klavier protested, chuckling. “We’re not that bad, are we?”

Apollo took a sip of his drink, then leaned in close, so close that his nose brushed against Klavier’s, his wine-stained, kiss-bitten lips stretched into a fond grin. “Nah. I think we’re doing just fine.”

_____

a/n: Welcome to my first entry for Klapollo Week 2021! I've never participated in any fandom challenges/events before, so I'm super excited to see how this goes. My plan is a little overambitious, with all seven fics set in the same continuity, but in a different order. For example, this fic is actually the last, chronologically speaking, while day seven's fic is set in the middle. If you're wondering why they were crying during their first kiss, you'll have to wait until then 😉

Don't worry about any of that, though, you don't need to read the others to follow along! Day seven is technically a sequel to day five, but it can be read as a stand-alone, though I think it packs more punch if you read it after day five. They're also the longest; every other fic averages out to about four to five thousand words, whereas five and seven are over ten thousand words each. Brevity is the soul of wit? Not in my Google Docs, I am wordy as hell.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Likes and reblogs would be much appreciated. Hoping you're all safe and healthy and doing well ❤️

[elpercotreviews]

Reviewing My Anime 10/10's *Relatively* Spoiler-Free

Note: What I rank a 10/10 is very specific and obviously very subjective to my own. Something can only be a 10/10 if I already consider it a 9/10 AND I must have rewatched it. I am someone who typically does not rewatch/reread anything, unless it's something I truly absolutely enjoy. With that being said, because of the requirements, I only have 4 animes that I rank 10/10, and tbh only one of those animes would get that ranking from the general anime audience. The rest are SO SO SO specific to my particular tastes that I would be absolutely stunned if someone also had the same four as me, because the requirement is so specific. Imma make another post eventually for my 9/10's because I think that list makes a lot more sense for a general anime audience lmaooo.

Soooo, in order of least personal to most personal (although obviously they're all personal to me lol) we have:

1. Psycho-Pass

Recommended for people who: are really into that dark dystopian future society vibes, are fans of Ghost in the Shell, like detective/crime stories

Okay, for a few people, this one actually probably makes some sense. At the moment, it has an 8.37 on myanimelist which means this anime is super well liked. I've watched this anime twice, first the original and then the second time I watched the director's cut (yes that exists lol). Overall, I'm a huge fan of the entire Psycho-Pass anime series as a whole. I've watched all three seasons, as well as two of the movies. I didn't watch any of the Sinners of the System ones cuz tbh I literally couldn't find an english sub of that anywhere, it just doesn't exist lol. I think it's okay cuz the ratings for the Sinners of the System trio of movies seems meh. I've actually watched Psycho-Pass the Movie like three/four times LMAO but that's simply cuz a movie is obviously much quicker to watch than an entire anime season. Like just objectively, the Psycho Pass series as a whole is very inconsistent in quality due to the fact that it's all original, so they do technically just make up everything as they go lol. Season two is all right (I think it gets more hate than it should), three is good but season one by far is the absolute best in the entire series. I'd argue the movie is technically my absolute favorite out of the whole IP, but I actually give the movie an 8/10. The movie, because of being obviously way shorter, simply does not have the deep controversial and philosophical lines of thought that season one has. It lacks that extra depth that would make me put it anything higher than an 8. The two main characters have good chemistry as a crime-fighting duo and the main villain's rivalry/relationship with the male lead is super compelling. The female lead is meant to be relatively naive/more on the innocent side which works with the plot as it allows the show to naturally explain and give more exposition as to the actual world and rules of Psycho-Pass without having it seem so ham-fisted or just throwing info to the audience.

2. Violet Evergarden

Recommended for people who: cry to sad movies, like gorgeous animation, are very empathetic, like vignette-esque storytelling

All right if you even remotely consider yourself an avid anime fan, then this anime is probably also somewhere on your 10/10 list or at least an anime you consider to be "very good." That is, unless you are that very vocal minority who simply really just REALLY do not like this anime for some god forsaken reason. However, in my honest opinion, I think an anime like this just really doesn't sit well with ... how do I put this blunty ... people who do not give a fuck about other people or anyone else's feelings but their own. Basically, IF YOU ARE SELFISH, A NARCISSIST, EGOTISTICAL, OR ANY SORT OF COMBO OF THOSE THREE, YOU WILL NOT LIKE THIS ANIME. And if you do, you probably don't think you're any of those things. Because of the anime's very premise, I find it very difficult to see a very self-centered/heartless person particularly enjoying this anime. The whole premise of this anime is that the main character who, because of her upbringing, doesn't understand feelings/emotions, especially the concept of love, grows as a human and slowly begins to learn what love is. The show does this by showing multiple sets of characters meant to represent different types of love (romantic, familial, platonic, etc). The vocal minority of people I've seen give Violet Evergarden bad ratings all typically argue that although beautiful, the anime doesn't have any substance/doesn't really mean anything. If that's honestly all you got after watching the entire show, then you deadass just don't get it, and you probably will never ever get it. If you've seen or heard of Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song, than just know that these two animes are VERY very similar in vibe despite being technically different genres. However, I personally found the themes and concepts in Vivy are done much more masterfully in Violet Evergarden which I think is due to Vivy's heavier focus on a story-driven overarching plot/action as opposed to Violet Evergarden's focus more on emotional impact/an episodic format. I've watched the entire series and I've rewatched the main show twice. TBH you can probably skip the gaiden movie AKA the one set at the girl's academy it was highkey pointless. Compared to the opera episode they added as a "special", the gaiden movie was still good but I wish resources were dedicated to something that actually added to the story. ALSO YES I KNOW ITS A GAIDEN AKA A SIDE STORY AKA FILLER SO YES NO DUH IT DIDNT ADD ANYTHING, BUT STILL. As for the main show, I think I cried for three episodes (the one about the playwright/author I forgot lol, the mother and daughter, and the soldier). On my rewatch, I didn't cry but I still deeply cared for and related to the characters. Violet Evergarden is a beautiful anime with a beautiful story.

3. ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu Ka

Recommended for people who: like bread and bakeries, don't mind a very chill and slow-paced story, like stories about political intrigue and hidden agendas

Based on a relatively short manga, ACCA: 13 follows the main character Jean Otus as he performs his job of auditing the 13 districts of his country Dowa, while rumors and politics brew in the background that threaten to entangle Jean into a complicated plot. To be honest, I think properly reviewing this anime is impossible for me, because I just can't really explain the vibes of this anime besides "chill" and "intriguing." I think trying to explain anything more than the basic premise I just wrote would spoil a lot of what ACCA is, because it's plot is actually relatively quite simple and straightforward. Compared to Psycho-Pass which has a relatively good cult following, and Violet Evergarden which is universally praised, ACCA is an anime that I've yet to personally meet anyone who has ever even heard of it LMAOO. And almost everyone I know watches anime, so that's saying something oof. ACCA is made by Madhouse, which if you don't know, is a super well known anime studio, producing big hits such as Death Note, Hunter x Hunter, One Punch Man, etc. That's why I'm surprised that ACCA has flown just SO under the radar, but that may be due to the overalls nature of the anime itself. ACCA is an anime where all the characters hold their card close and no one seems to really share their real thoughts. One main criticism the anime has is the lack of deeper connections to characters and that for a main character, Jean Otus is very bland. To be honest, I think that's a very fair criticism and I can understand why this would prevent people from rating this anime higher than an 8 or 7. Due to the very nature of the anime and its plot, I do agree that there is a huge cast of colorful characters that we unfortunately don't really get to know more about. To be honest though, I don't mind this because I feel that's honestly quite realistic, especially factoring in Jean's job. All these places he's going and all these people he's meeting, it's literally just his job. He's not on vacation, these people aren't his friends, so the anime has no real reason to dwell much longer on places past its specific episode. Just like in real life, you encounter so many people and go past so many places that you probably won't ever see again. So for me personally, I didn't mind that the anime didn't explicitly show much about the backstories or lives of the cast, save for the very main characters (as their backstories were plot relevant). I think as viewers of not simply an anime, but a whole other world, I think it should be satisfactory to inherently understand that these are whole "people" who have entire lives that we are not exactly privy to. So although admittedly our understanding of many of the characters was all around quite shallow, I think that works for the scope of the anime, which was relatively simple and focused on just Jean living his life and the political plot stirring in the background until it was brought forward in the second half of the anime. Also I love Jean Otus. I actually completely absolutely adore him. He is literally my profile pic for myanimelist LMAO. I think calling him "bland" is fair from other people's perspectives, especially as the supposed main character of an ANIME, but I feel that if ACCA was in a different format like a novel, I think his personality would have been less criticized. Like I said, I love him soo much. I don't find him bland at all, but actually very interesting and highkey attractive LOL (if only he'd quit smoking but it's part of his charm 😞). Yes for an anime "protagonist," he is quite underwhelming especially compared to others, but I think that makes him very charming!!! Like all he wants to do is just chill, vibe, and do his job lmaooo. I think as a person, he’s very charismatic, and in the world of ACCA the rest of the characters see that as well. Because like, if he really were such a bland person, why would so many people like him and actually trust him lol? As for why it’s technically my favorite anime of all time (my ultimate one is a movie), I can’t give super detailed reasons why to be honest. I just really like the overall vibes of the anime itself, and I think the anime is just super unique and original. I’ve watched a ton of anime over the years, but I’ve genuinely seen nothing like ACCA in the slightest. I mean, just look at the recommended animes on the myanimelist. The recommended animes are all stuff I’ve also personally really liked (like fugou keiji unlimited and the great pretender) but yeah there’s just truly nothing that’s close to what ACCA is, and because of that, it reminds my absolute favorite anime show. I’ve seen the dub and the sub, even though I am a vehement dub hater lmaooo (except for very few circumstances, and this also applies to all non-English media, not just anime). There was only one thing in the entire show that slightly confused me/ seemed slightly unbelievable and I won’t spoil but it had something to do with the overall timeline of some events, but it doesn’t detract from the story at all. Oh and the art style! I really love the art style of the anime. It stays pretty true to the manga, but is also just an overall kind of art style I really like. I really enjoy the more like 2d/flat/drawn art style versus really clean and really detailed stuff, and I’m typically not a big fan of very obvious use of CGI (unless done tastefully like in Demon Slayer). All the backgrounds in ACCA have this painted/drawn style and the anime itself has this like muted(?) filter over it that makes the anime seem like someone’s drawings just put up on display in a way that’s really refreshing and nice. I highly recommend this story for anyone who wants a breath of fresh air and to get away from the typical action-packed high energy of big name anime.

4. From Up on Poppy Hill

Imma make a whole separate post JUST for this movie so I can explain why I love this movie so so much. And honestly, Imma need a whole separate post in the first place to address the elephant in the room when it comes to this movie (if you’ve seen it, then you know what I’m talking about). And if you’ve haven’t seen the movie, maybe you’ve heard about one of its controversial themes. I’m not gonna say what it is, cuz I KNOW it’ll be super off-putting for a lot of people, but please omg just hear me out. I just love this movie so so much. I’ve seen it like 7 times and counting. I have it downloaded on my computer and on a flash drive. I’ve watched the sub AND the dub however I’ve stopped watching the dub because it makes me sad every time I hear Shun’s voice actor ;-; This movie is legit an honest-to-god comfort movie for me that I could watch over and over and I’ll fall in love with it again each and every time. And once again IMMA MAKE A WHOLE SEPARATE POST BECAUSE I SWEAR PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE LIKE “Yo ain’t this the movie with the -----” and it’s like PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN. The vibes of this movie, the themes it addresses (yes even THAT theme), the music, the art, the characters, is perfectly presented in a way that I will never stop watching this movie. The only other film that has come close to the amount of times I’ve watched From Up on Poppy Hill would be Legally Blonde lmaooooo. 

[ladyherenya]

This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood. 

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

*

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

 *

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★ 

*

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely --  I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

*

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

*

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

*

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed. 

*

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

*

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage.  Another solid murder mystery.  The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases:  My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

*

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

*

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

*

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells:  Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

*

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends  leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

*

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

*

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

[fipindustries]

critical missive

dedicated to @cryptovexillologist

oh boy arent we in a fine pickle now?

usually i enjoy talking openly and bluntly about my opinions on whatever the last thing i read is, safe and secure in the knowledge that the author will most likely never stumble on my measily 700 followers tumblr blog, so i am free to express my opinion to my heart’s content knowing that no feelings will get hurt. 

mission critical would be no different except i talked with the author and read their acknoledgement and the AMA they did on discord after writing the story and they have endeared themselves thoroughly to me so my language will have to be neutered, at least for the first half of this excercise. afterwards things will get a bit harsher but i’ll try to rest at ease in the knowledge that we seem to be kindred spirits and i would be delighted in hearing any kind of criticism of my work either positive or negative. 

ok, enough coaching done, lets go on to what i thought of this novel.

it is a delightful romp, as i said before, the worldbuilding is understated and realistic with enough glimpses of depth and detail to suggest a much larger picture. this world feels inhabited, lived in, like it was well chewed on for long by the author before putting pen to paper. consequentially the characters that arose from this world feel like they belong, they feel like real people with real lifes. by far the strongest sections of the book were the flashbacks to their lives before the plot started. their voices, regretably, do sound very similar when interacting with each other but in their own sections the characters shine in their charm and cleverness. every time one of their flashbacks ended i was left with the intrigue and the desire to know how their particular story would continue.

the terra ignota influences are very noticeable, the world and its people carry the same kind of almost childlike positivity and innocence, the same kind of cheerful, happy go lucky trust in human progress and the great project of humanity for the future with the same sobering forlorn attitude towards the horrors of the past.

on top of that its silly, gosh in heaven it is silly. it has moments of cringe, in the best of ways. strange slapdash bits of flavor, immature non sequiturs, small indulgences from the author’s own weird interests and dumb meme humor. i do love me my awkward corners in a book, after all it is those that make something unique. there is a clear personality poking through and it is a delightful personality to meet.

i cant help but like this almost more for the context in which it was written than for the content itself, it was done during quarentine as a way to both stave off cavin fever and to process the author’s feelings regarding their gender identity. as someone who also wrote a story where i almost deliberatly tried to trick my self into breaking my own egg and who turned madly towards creative endeavors to survive the pandemic i can sympathize strongly with this. i am really happy that the author got to do this and kickstarted a project towards a big, possibly decades spanning trilogy.

so, yeah, those were the nice things i had to say, if you are content enough with that you can stop here but if you are curious to know more, well... you can

in short: it is a bit of a mess. again, im willing to be lenient, considering the way in which this was worked on, this is very much a really early first draft. the second half of this story was a very slow and very boring trudge towards a sudden end.

first, the fact that the flashbacks and the worldbuilding bits are the strongest part of this story means the actual plot itself suffers from being fairly boring and generic. “astronauts explore alien planet, find spooky stuff there” was already old hat by the 50′s. it is a plot so worn down and archetypical that it really cant survive if that is literally all you are going to do with it, and that is kind of all that this book does. i did mention moments of flavor and strange self indulgence. we needed way more of those. yes thats right, im saying that this story was not self indulgent enough. when you have such a well trodden plot such as this, worn down to the point that it becomes paint by the numbers, we need quirky, we need cringe, we need strange excess and personality. the author mentioned that they would love to see some of the weirder alexandria fan fics, well so do i! be the miracle you want to see in the world! the moments alexandria debated if wether identifying as a trilateral were amazing but they were not enough. we have a great structure here but lets put some proper meat on these bones, some proper fat and skin, some clown make up and a weird novelty hat and outrageous clown shoes. im getting carried away here, lets get back to the point.

the other problem is  there is not a clear trajectory for the story here, no well defined moment of climax and the emotional beats tend to fall a bit flat or to come out of nowhere. there are emotional crisis which i sort of missed or didnt get where they came from. the characters act in ways that are hard to relate to  that come off as stilted. the way they conduct themselves through the mission felt at times weirdly unprofessional and like it didnt follow much of a logical throughline, and when i say logical i dont meant “i wanted the characters to act hyperrational at all times” i mean i want the characters to act in ways that make human sense. ironically the one character that acted a bit too human for my tastes was the AI. alexandria is an interesting character but i feel that the place to explore that idea is not in the middle of an incredibly important mission where having your mainframe experience a crisis might not be the most practical thing in the world.

the ending was jarringly sudden, i didnt feel there was a proper resolution and finishing it off with flashbacks to the time the characters were training was... odd. i reached the last line and it felt like the story had just decided to stop without ever having reached anything that came even close to the third act. all of this can be easily fixed with some concientious editing and a complete rearrangement of the different sections of this story.

all in all a great first step in what i hope will be a long career as a writer.

[deafblindshorty]

Poe and Rey’s Underrated Friendship

I noticed that not a lot has been said about Poe and Rey’s friendship in TROS and related EU materials. That’s probably because it’s not the main focus, which I sort of understand. There are a lot of subtle moments of their friendship (even some hints towards a romantic relationship). Some of these points come from @greysmartwolf’s tumblr, others come from a discord server.

Disclaimer: I am not diminishing or minimalizing Finn’s importance to both Rey and Poe, but if it seems like it, then I’m sorry. That’s not my intent.

Let’s start from the beginning: Rey and Poe have a LOT of parallels throughout the trilogy (some of the same scenes, the same lines, they both face their past in TROS, they both blame themselves for the Resistance dying at Exegol, they almost gave up but two Rebel veterans gave them pep talks, etc). So, they have quite a bit in common including their love for flying and droids.

Also, about the age difference, age really doesn’t matter in Star Wars. Han and Leia are 13 years apart, Wedge is about ten years younger than Norra, and Snap is 16 years older than his wife Kare (He could be her father!). Huge age differences exist in other fictional materials set on our Earth- Brooke Taylor and her late husband from Legally Blonde are 34 years apart, Remus and Tonks from Harry Potter are 13 years apart, an old soap opera supercouple (Doug and Julie Williams from Days of Our Lives) are 20 years apart. As for friends, Will from Glee is in his 30s and is friends with a few 19-20 year olds and Sue who is in her 50s is besties with a 19/20 year old, 30 year old Launchpad from Ducktales is friends with 10 year old Dewey. So, 19/20 year old Rey being friends or dating 32/33 year old Poe isn’t that crazy or farfetched.

According to the TROS Visual Dictionary, Poe left BB-8 with Rey so she won’t feel lonely (and that’s probably also why BB-8 is with Rey on Tatooine). 

Poe was the first man Rey met whom she didn’t physically attack upon meeting him, and also smiled when they introduced each other. I don’t recall her smiling that wide whenever she was with Finn or Kylo.

They get along well in Poe Dameron #26-27. Poe was even a bit flirty with Rey.

It was Poe’s idea to build a Jedi training course for Rey in Star Wars Adventures, so Poe understands the importance of Rey’s Jedi training.

Rey understands what Poe went through with Kylo ( Poe also calls them ”Torture buddies!”).

When Poe, Finn, and Chewie return from the Fortress of Hothitude (I can’t remember what that planet is called. lol), Poe was so happy to see Rey. The way he walked up to Rey, his smile and his hands on hips. He badly wants to impress Rey. Alpha male!

And right after that, they have their only argument throughout the entire film. Poe and Rey quarrel in TROS was because they both didn’t listen to each other. They really only fight over the Falcon and BB-8. They both care about each other a lot, don’t blame each other in anything (except the Falcon being on fire and BB-8 missing a disc) and admit when one of them was right in argue (but prefer not to tell about that). Then Rey ends up smiling at him and Poe ends the argument by complimenting Rey (”You’re the best fighter we have. We need you.”). Also, Poe is the only one whom Rey talks to with sarcastic smile. Also, also, that argument is meant to parallel Han and Leia’s many arguments. Han and Leia argued every five minutes throughout the entire Original Trilogy, and they ended up together!

After sinking in the sand tunnels, Poe catches Rey and holds her bridal-style for a sec to steady her and was worried about her.

“He thought of protesting, of asking how Rey could possibly know which equally unremarkable direction was the right one. But Poe had learned that when Rey said things that way, her face determined, her voice unwavering, a fellow ought to just follow.” -TROS novel Poe knows Rey well. He knows when he must just shut up and do what she says. It kind of reminds me of Anakin telling Padme “Don’t worry. I’ve given up trying to argue with you.”

Poe taking the dagger from Rey in the novel and it felt like a weight has been lifted from Rey’s shoulders. It’s almost like he knew that would help.

The sand snake- I’ve never seen Poe so scared. But he is not afraid of that snake, he’s ready to combat it. I mean, he piloted the Falcon without fear into the mouth of a giant worm! Poe is afraid that snake could hurt or kill Rey. Poe wants to shoot that snake and pull Rey back, and he almost does that. And Rey amazes him again! And Poe sighs in relief when the snake calms down and slithers away.

In the novel, Poe didn’t scream “Nooo!” or “What have you done?!” when Rey “killed” Chewie. Poe knows there is no scenario in which Rey would harm her friends consciously. He most likely knows about her dark visions (Rey tells BB-8 everything, who obviously tells Poe all important stuff). Poe is not mad at Rey and doesn’t make her explain how that happened. And honestly, if he did do that, then he’d be a huge hypocrite, since he accidentally caused the deaths of the bombers in TLJ and the soldiers on Crait, which is why Poe was gentle with her. Rey understands Poe. His usual anger. They both have a huge responsibility. The Resistance on Poe and Jedi legacy on Rey. And she was ready to hear his anger, but he didn’t even plan to lay into her.

Rey likes that Poe can steal speeders and she finds his past interesting. Rey was really interested in Poe and Zorii’s past connection and Poe felt a bit smug when Rey was able to beat Zorii (He said “Don’t Dja’kanka” because he was afraid Rey would slice Zorii in half before she could help them). According to some audio book excerpts, when Rey was thinking about Poe’s past or his criminal skills, her voice was mysterious and nonjudgmental. Finn wasn’t happy to find out Poe was a spice runner, while Rey was completely fine with that, it seems she even liked that

After the Spice Runner reveal, as they traveled a snowy passageway, Poe glanced over at Rey, who was silent and frowning, lost in her own thoughts. Or maybe she was focused. Sensing something. 

When Rey rushed off to look for the dagger on Kylo’s star destroyer, Poe didn’t stop her and trusted her feelings. Poe knows when he must just follow her instincts. He learned to read her.

Look at pain in Poe’s eyes after Finn’s words. Poe wants to be closer to Rey, he wants Rey to trust him more. But Finn and Leia were still closer to Rey than Poe was. “Perhaps, she didn’t want to put the rest of the team in danger, but they had already signed up for that by joining the Resistance.” (TROS junior novel, Poe)

"She’s out there, heading toward the Death Star. Her skimmer keeps tipping over – it’s damaged. What the heck is she thinking?” (TROS junior novel, Poe) Poe is so worried here. And angry. Now he’s mad at Rey, but later he will be angry with himself for losing her.

“Rey’s nobility masked an impulsiveness that might doom them all – and as highest-ranking member of the team, Poe felt responsible for not curbing it. He had flunked the leadership test yet again.” (TROS junior novel) Poe blames himself, not Rey.

“Maybe there was something the general could do. During the battles of D'Qar and Crait she and Rey had shared beacons. Maybe there was a way she could reach out to Rey or Rey could reach out to her.” (TROS junior novel) Poe planned to find Rey!

So, Poe doesn’t think Rey abandoned them and doesn’t resent her for leaving. If he did, he’d be a big hypocrite here, too, since he abandoned his father, who was dying from a poisonous Lurker bite in Free Fall for the Spice Runners.

Poe trusts Rey and knows she can take care of herself. That’s why he didn’t rush after her like Finn did.

“Poe didn’t have his usual pre-battle swagger. He seemed distress. “What’s waiting for her out there?” he asked Finn.” (TROS junior novel) Poe worried about Rey so much! That she’s somewhere alone and they won’t be with her there.

Poe was incredibly relieved when Rey was revealed to be alive (and he was also worried about Rey when he found out the Emperor wanted her alive).

The way Poe takes Rey’s hand is special, it’s pure tenderness, and the way he rubs his thumb over her knuckles tells everything. Poe loves Rey more than friend. Also, Rey pinches Poe’s elbow with a hope, like she tries to reach him. And when Poe does the same, she happily closes her eyes and pinches him again.

Poe and Rey also acted so jealous of Finn and Zorii respectively. Poe kept asking Finn what he was gonna tell Rey when they were sinking in the sand. On Kijimi, Rey couldn’t stop thinking about what Poe’s past with Zorii was.

So, usually, men tend to date women who remind them of their mothers (Take Harry Potter for example! Ginny looks a lot like Lily Potter.). Rey and Shara Bey (Poe’s mom) look similar and they’re both brave, adventurous, and great pilots.

Men also tend to date women who remind them of their exes. Rey also looks similar to Zorii, plus they are both cagey, kept secrets, both love to argue with Poe, but they care about him, and are extremely loyal.

TL:DR. My point is that Poe and Rey are actually good friends and would be a great couple. Disney/LF were just a bit more subtle about their relationship. 

[vindicatedvirgil]

in the library / logicality

for those of you who don’t know, i’m in a master’s degree program studying to become a librarian right now. so, yeah, i spend (or, you know, spent, before coronavirus) a lot of time working in public libraries and learning about libraries and studying.

so, here, a logicality human au. Patton is a Children’s Librarian and Logan brings his two sons, Roman and Remus, into the library. wanna know more about librarianship and how it’s actually a really hard thing to do? i’m always happy to answer questions. i am so Patton here.

includes: dad!Logan, eventual logicality, adopted kid!Remus and kid!Roman trying to get the two together, lots of fluff so please prepare your hearts

wordcount: 5133

(masterlist)

Patton looked down cheerfully at the child he was helping. His biggest joy in life came from helping young kiddos find their perfect book; whether it’s because they’ve read all of the popular stuff and need something new or if they are reluctant readers who need something to pull them in to reading as a hobby, Mister Patton always has something for them. And when he wasn’t doing reader’s advisory, he was trying his darndest to diversify their collection, run storytimes for the littles, and set up a book club for those almost-teens. Sure, most days he went home completely exhausted, feet aching in his sneakers, a dull headache poking at the back of his eyes, but it was all worth it. Even on the days that he had to deal with parents who tried to force their kids to read their childhood favorites or parents who complained about Patton’s Pride Month book display (which he was very proud of) didn’t deter him from doing what he loved.

He never turned away a question or passed it along to a coworker. Sometimes he would ask for recommendations from his fellow librarians but for the most part, Patton stuck to his guns and did his best for every single patron that came in, regardless of what they wanted.

One afternoon, a tall man with glasses and a dark blue tie came in with his twin sons, one dressed in red and the other in green. Patton gave them a warm smile.

“Hello there! Is there anything I can help you find today?” He asked cheerfully, looking between the three. The boy in red spoke up first.

“Do you have any new fantasy books that have dragons and princes?” He asked excitedly. The boy in green rolled his eyes, and the dad set a hand on his shoulder.

“Roman doesn’t judge you for what you like to read, Remus, don’t judge him,” He said. Patton stood up from his seat behind the desk.

“Have you checked out our new books display?” He asked, walking the three over. “These three books right here are some incredible new fantasy books, perfect for kids your age who love knights and dragons. I’d take them all, give them a try. Always read the first few pages and if you can’t get into it, set it down and try something else. It’s never good to force yourself to read something you don’t want to, unless it’s for a school assignment,” Patton explained. Roman smiled brightly, taking the three books in his hands, turning towards his dad.

“Thanks!! Dad, can I go sit on a chair and start reading?” The man nodded and Roman leapt towards some of the reading chairs. Patton turned his gaze to the boy named Remus.

“Alright, and what are you looking for, kiddo?” He asked, smiling. Remus frowned, crossing his arms.

“Got any horror comics?” He asked. His dad sighed, but gave a nod to Patton, who led the two over to the graphic novel collection. He selected a few of the best comics for his age, and suggested some other ones. Remus went over to sit and read, and the dad smiled weakly.

“Thank you, er-”

“Patton,” He smiled, holding out his hand. The man took it and shook it once, the firm grip startling the librarian. “Or Mister Patton, whatever you’d prefer.”

“Logan,” was all that the tall man said, glancing over at his sons. “They’ve needed a distraction lately. I just adopted them. They’ve had a rough time at school, Remus especially. He can be… eccentric.”

“They seem like good kids. Probably a sign of their good father,” Patton said cheerfully. “They might be interested in our Dungeons and Dragons group, our writing club, or our book club. It could be a good way to help them meet kids who have similar interests.” Logan nodded, looking down. Patton started walking back to the desk. “Here, I’ve got a flyer with all of our kid and teen activities coming up for the next month. If you have any questions, my email address is on the bottom of the flyer.” Logan took it, smiling lightly.

“Thank you, I’ll see if they’re interested.”

-

“Alright, let’s pause the campaign there for now, kiddos,” Patton smiled, closing his DM notebook. “We’ll meet again next week to finish it off.” A chorus of thanks Mister Patton rang out throughout the meeting room as most of the kids left to go home. Patton glanced nervously at Remus and Roman, who left together but were chatting with a few other kids. He cleaned up the space and exited the room to see Logan standing there, waiting for his sons to finish chatting with their new friends. He had a faint smile on his face. Patton held the notebook and tote bag with his materials close to him and approached the man.

“They seem to be… doing well, now,” Logan mused, eyes focused on the twins. Both were talking animatedly, smiles on their faces. “Programs like this… it’s amazing.”

“Yeah,” Patton sighed happily. “That’s why I push so hard to have programs for the kiddos. Everyone needs a place to belong, even two kiddos who share the same face and DNA. And who have a pretty neat dad.”

“You put a lot of effort into these things, it’s amazing. So many kids show up and are interested in all of the programs you do, I don’t think it’s just that they need a space to fit into, but I think, in large part, it’s because you provide them with a welcoming space,” Logan watched as Remus walked over to the two. “You have a good time?”

“Yeah,” Was all that the boy said, watching his brother. “Can we go now?”

“Sure thing, go get your brother.”

-

Patton was walking the aisles of the grocery store, handbasket in tow, trying to figure out what he would make himself for dinner. He didn’t always love living on his own, especially when it meant lots of silent nights in front of the television, but at least he didn’t have to argue with anyone about what to eat.

“Mister Patton!” A voice rang out behind him. Patton spun around on his heel to see Roman dashing toward him, Remus pushing a cart and Logan not far behind. The dad waved a hand in greeting. “Mister Patton, are you shopping for your family’s dinner, too?”

“Oh, um,” Patton smiled weakly. “I don’t have a family, Roman. It’s just me. I’m doing my shopping for the week’s dinners.” Remus approached him, peering into the handbasket.

“Lots of microwavable meals in there,” He pointed out. Patton stammered, his face turning red. Logan sighed, adjusting his glasses as he turned to examine the poultry.

“M-Mostly for my lunches,” He explained. “Don’t worry, kiddos, I get my nutrients all good and well.” Remus raised an eyebrow. Roman looked to be deep in thought.

“You should have dinner with us, Mister Patton!” Roman finally exclaimed, then he ran over to Logan. “Dad, can we invite him over for dinner? Please?” Patton was at a loss for words.

“I don’t want to impose, really, I’m okay with making myself dinner,” He tried to make his voice as clear as possible but it wasn’t every day that he got invited to have dinner with someone other than his television. Logan sighed, nodded, and Roman bounded back over to Patton.

“Please, Mister Patton?” His eyes twinkled, and Patton’s heart gave a gentle tug. Kids asking him things with eyes like that was his biggest weakness, he could never turn down a kid with a soft voice and hopeful eyes. “We’re making roast chicken and veggies, and I’m going to try to make some cupcakes!”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton smiled, “I’d love to join you, if it’s not too much of an issue.” He glanced over at Logan, who was setting some chicken in the cart.

“It’s no imposition. You’ve done great things for my sons thus far, and… cooking is sort of our way of thanking you, I suppose,” the tall man responded. Remus took a pen out of his pocket, grabbed Patton’s hand, and scribbled down their address and a phone number onto his palm.

“Here, now you’ll know where to go,” He said, tucking the pen back into his pocket. Patton smiled down at him, then at the writing on his hand. “I wrote my dad’s phone number, too. Just in case.”

-

“I’ll get it!” Roman exclaimed, running to the front door to open it. Patton stood there, changed out of the clothes he was wearing earlier and holding a gift bag. “Hi, Mister Patton!”

“Hi, Roman,” Patton smiled kindly, stepping inside. “Thank you for inviting me for dinner.” Remus came around the corner and hesitated, then waved at Patton. “Hi, Remus.”

“Hi,” He said before he walked into the kitchen. Patton followed Roman into the kitchen as well, and saw Logan chopping up some vegetables. Remus hopped up to sit on one of the empty counters. “Roman, what kind of cupcakes are they?”

“Lemon cupcakes, and I still need to make the raspberry frosting,” Roman responded, opening the fridge to take out some raspberry jam, butter, and milk. Patton set the gift bag on the table, watching the interactions in the kitchen quietly. “Mister Patton, do you like lemon and raspberry?” He went to the pantry to get the powdered sugar sugar and vanilla.

“Oh, yes, I do,” Patton responded. “Do you often bake cupcakes, Roman?”

“Not always cupcakes. I want to bake more. I like making cookies the most, I think, but last weekend I made a coffee cake for breakfast and it was really good,” Roman mused, starting to put the ingredients in a bowl to make the frosting. Logan put the veggies on a pan and put the pan into the oven, then turned around to look at the boys.

“It was a really good coffee cake,” Logan said, leaning against the counter. Patton glanced at the fridge, noticing all of the photos that had been put on it, the magnets around. He noticed a photo of the twins with a mom and a dad, but next to it was a photo of the twins with Logan, all three of them in suits, and a sign that said Adopted Today! held in front of them. Patton tore his eyes away from the photos and turned to Logan.

“I brought a small gift, as a thank-you for letting me join you,” He said, gesturing towards the gift bag. Logan raised an eyebrow and picked up the bag, opening it. He pulled the bottle of wine out. “I don’t know if you’re much of a wine-drinker, but it’s a pretty good bottle.”

“I do, actually. I’ll pour some for us to have with dinner.” Logan asked. He turned around and opened one of the cabinets, pulling two wine glasses out. 

-

“These cupcakes are so delicious, Roman, I could have three more,” Patton said, licking the frosting off of his lips. “You really are an excellent baker.”

“Thanks, Mister Patton,” Roman smiled, a pink blush coating his cheeks. “Dad, we should make sure to send him home with some leftovers!” Logan nodded, taking another bite of his cupcake.

“Alright, it’s getting late, you two should both go finish up any homework and then go to bed,” He said, earning a groan from both of the twins. “No grumbling, boys.”

“But we have a guest,” Remus muttered, wiping the excess frosting off of his chin. “Can’t we stay up a little longer?”

“Now, kiddos, your dad is right. Homework is very important, and you can’t do well in school without a good night’s rest. I’ll be in the library tomorrow if you want to say hello,” Patton smiled. The boys both nodded, and Roman stood up, dashing up the stairs. Remus got up slower, hesitating, then he gave Patton a hug before running up after his twin.

“They seem to have taken quite a liking to you,” Logan mused, standing up and beginning to clear some of the plates. “Remus never hugs anyone, not even his friends.” Patton also stood, grabbing the plate with cupcakes. The two went into the kitchen and quietly put the food away, and Patton watched as Logan loaded the dishwasher.

“Can I ask… what happened to their parents?” Patton’s voice was hesitant, but Logan turned around, a firm look on his face.

“They were my students last year. Smart, good kids… and then their parents died in a car accident on the way to the school play.” Logan sighed, eyes trailing to the photo on the fridge. “They didn’t have any other family, no aunts or uncles, no grandparents, no close friends who could take them. I started fostering them, and after only a few days I put in the request to adopt them. And, a few weeks ago, they legally became my sons.”

“You’re a very kind person for doing that,” Patton said, wiping a tear from his eyes. “And… you don’t have a partner. You’re doing it all on your own.”

“The boys make it easy to love them and care for them,” Logan smiled. “When I found out they were going to be sent away, I just… something in me screamed no, you have to take them in, and so I did.” He crossed his arms, watching Patton carefully. “Remus was hesitant, at first, as expected. He didn’t have many friends before the accident, and after… a lot of the other kids avoided the two of them. They really only had each other.”

“And you,” Patton pointed out. “They’re very lucky to have someone who cares for them so deeply, Logan. My mom raised me on her own, and when I was 18 she passed away. I didn’t have anyone. You gave these boys a second chance, you know.”

“Is that why you went into children’s librarianship?” Logan asked. He sat down at the table and Patton sat next to him.

“I went into it because books were my saving grace as a kid. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but the characters in books… they were there for me,” Patton twisted his fingers together. “The librarians who helped me find those books quite literally saved my life. And I figured that there are kids now who need that same thing, and that I want to be that person for them.”

“That’s why I became a teacher,” Logan was still watching Patton’s face very carefully. Patton reached his hand out and took Logan’s in his. “Despite all of the things about teaching that are hard, helping kids figure out their passions and seeing them grow into awesome humans… it’s all worth it.” He squeezed Patton’s hand. 

Outside the kitchen, Remus and Roman were in their pajamas, peeking in. They shared a glance and went back upstairs quietly and into Roman’s room. Roman sat on the bed and Remus on the floor.

“You think Dad likes Mister Patton?” Remus asked hesitantly. Roman nodded. 

“I like him a lot, Re. Maybe… maybe he could be our other new dad.” Roman pulled a notebook out from under his bed along with a pen, and opened it. “We should figure out ways to get them together.”

“...what if Mister Patton doesn’t like Dad back? Or… what if he doesn’t want us around?” Remus’ voice was wavering. Roman shook his head. 

“I think they like each other. Or… they will, once we push them together.”

-

“Okay, so here’s the plan for today. You’re going to leave your bag behind after the book club meeting, so that Mister Patton has to call Dad,” Roman and Remus were huddled together outside the meeting room. Roman’s notebook was open and in their hands, a complicated timeline plotted out. “When he drops off the backpack, we’ll invite him to join us for dinner. Get them to drink some wine, maybe try to encourage a movie night…”

“This seems kind of obvious and cliche, Ro,” Remus muttered, crossing his arms. “What if we invite Mister Patton to join us for our Sunday morning hike? Or… lock them in a closet together?”

“I like the hike idea, maybe we can suggest that at dinner,” Roman said, scribbling it into his notebook. “We should start slow and simple, and then work our way up to the more intense, more thorough methods.”

“What if the simple methods work really well, though? I want my ideas used, too,” Remus pouted, watching as the other kids filed into the meeting room. Patton approached the room, books and materials in tow. 

“Hey, it’s my two favorite twins!” He said cheerfully. “How are you boys doing today?” He stepped into the meeting room, the twins following close behind. The room slowly filled up, the meeting began, and at the end of the meeting, Remus “forgot” his bag. 

-

Logan was startled to feel his phone buzz in his pocket. He was making dinner, some baked potato soup. He pulled the phone out of his pocket to see an unknown number calling, but he picked up anyway. “This is Logan Crofters, how can I help you?”

“Hey, Logan! It’s Patton Hart from the library. It seems like Remus left his bag at the end of book club today,” The voice rang clearly from the other side. Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Okay, I can come by to pick it up from the library later–”

“Oh, well we’ve already closed for the day, but I have the bag and I can drop it off at your house if it’s not an issue,” Patton responded. “It’s no problem, really, your house is on my route home.”

“If it’s not too much of a problem, then yeah, that would be really great, thank you,” Logan eyed the twins carefully as they stepped into the living room. “Thank you again.”

“See you soon!” Patton hung up the call, and Logan stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. He crossed his arms, giving a firm look to the boys.

“What was that all about, Dad?” Roman asked, an innocent twinkle in his eyes. Remus sat down at the table, head down.

“It was Mister Patton. Apparently, Remus left his bag in the meeting room after book club today,” Logan said. He turned to stir the soup. “You’re not usually one to forget things, Remus. Is everything alright?”

“I must have just been… distracted. By our new friends,” Remus said, voice low. Logan raised an eyebrow at him, and he looked down.

“Right. Well, he’s going to come by and drop off the bag, so when there’s a knock at the door, you need to be sure to apologize to him for going out of his way to bring it,” Logan instructed. Roman hopped up on one of the counters.

“Can we invite him inside for dinner again?” He asked, twirling a strand of his hair between his fingers. “It’s been a few weeks since he joined us that one time.” Logan sighed again, but nodded.

“Only if he agrees, don’t beg him to join us this time, okay? He does have his own life,” Logan reminded him.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door, and the twins went to go and answer it. Roman smiled cheerfully at Patton, who was holding Remus’ bag carefully. “Hey, kiddos. Here you go, Remus.” Remus took the bag gently.

“Thanks, Mister Patton. Sorry that you had to come out of your way to bring it to me,” He said, head down. Patton just smiled.

“It’s no problem at all,” He said. Roman noticed that the librarian peered a little bit around the two, and he wondered if he was looking for Logan. “Well, I should get going. Tell your dad hi for me, okay?”

“You don’t want to come in to say hi? Or you could join us for dinner, we’re making baked potato soup for dinner, and there are some brownies that I made last night,” Roman started, but Patton waved his hands in denial. 

“No, really, it’s okay kiddos, I have to work tomorrow and today was kind of a long day,” He smiled still, glancing down for half a second. Logan stepped out of the kitchen just as he was looking back up, and the librarian gulped. Logan’s tie was loose around his neck and the sleeves of his dress shirt were pushed up. His glasses sat on the top of his head.

“Boys, I told you to not beg him to stay if he didn’t want to,” Logan reprimanded them, then turned to look at Patton. “Sorry, Patton.”

“I-um, well… I suppose I could stay for a bit…” Patton’s face reddened and he looked down. “I was just going to have my lunch leftovers for dinner, anyways.” The twins shared a knowing glance.

“But you just said you had a long day and have to work tomorrow,” Remus muttered, raising an eyebrow. Patton stammered, his words not coming out clearly. 

“Well, come on in, Mister Patton!” Roman said cheerfully, stepping aside to allow the librarian to enter. They all went into the kitchen, and the boys each hopped up on the counter spaces, raising eyebrows. “So, you work on Saturdays, Mister Patton? What about Sundays?”

“The library is closed on Sundays, so that’s the day I usually get things done around my apartment, run errands, and the like. I don’t usually work on Saturdays, but we have an event tomorrow,” Patton explained, taking a seat at the table.

“You should join us on our Sunday morning hike! We hike every week, and it’s really nice,” Roman suggested. Logan turned away, tending to the soup again, making Remus raise an eyebrow. “Do you like hiking?”

“Oh gosh, I haven’t had the time to go on a hike… in a really long time,” Patton mused, resting his chin on his hand, his elbow sturdy on the table. “I used to hike a lot in my college days, but it’s not as fun on your own.”

“Then you should definitely join us,” Remus piped up from his spot on the counter. “It’s such a beautiful hike. We all leave our phones at home and just talk and look at nature. It’s pretty great, right Dad?”

“It is a really great hike,” Logan replied. “Soup’s done. Remus, would you get me some bowls, please?” Remus did so, settling the bowls down next to the stove. Logan began ladling the soup into each bowl, handing them to Remus to set on the table.

“Yeah, I’d love to join you, then.”

-

“Alright, here we are,” Logan said, turning off the car. The twins scrambled out of the backseat and outside, and Patton got out from the passenger’s seat, putting his sun hat on. Logan got out of the driver’s seat and locked the car, watching as the twins ran to start the hike. The two men followed close behind.

“It’s beautiful out here,” Patton said quietly, looking around, a smile on his face. Logan watched him carefully, the smell of sunscreen emanating from the librarian, his polo and shorts flowing gently in the wind. 

“Yeah…” Logan mused, turning his direction back to the twins. “Don’t go too far ahead, boys!” Roman continued walking but turned around, giving two thumbs up. Patton giggled a little bit, startling the teacher.

“They’re quite energetic kiddos,” He said, meeting Logan’s eyes. “But they’re really great.” Logan nodded but said nothing as they continued walking up the hill. Up ahead, the twins were nudging each other, kicking rocks, and laughing, and Logan smiled. 

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m enough for them. Maybe they need more than just me.” Patton wrinkled his nose at this.

“Why wouldn’t you be enough for them? You’re such a great father, and it shows,” Patton said, twisting his hands together. “Sure, they had two parents before, but not every kid needs two parents. I had a single mom, and I turned out okay.”

“More than just okay,” Logan said under his breath, so that Patton couldn’t hear him. “I don’t know, it’s just… they’re very touchy, and I’m… not. They want to hug and snuggle, and I can’t provide that for them, at least not in a way where I’m also comfortable.” Patton looked over at Logan, who was wearing his button-up with the sleeves rolled up and workout pants, his eyes focused, facing forward, and he gulped a little. Logan also had a backpack with snacks, water, and a first aid kit, just in case.

“I think that they can understand that,” Patton responded, finally turning his gaze back to the path in front of them. Remus was giving Roman a piggyback ride up the hill, and the two men could hear the boys pretending to be a knight and a horse in battle. “They have each other to snuggle with, at least.”

“Do you have any siblings, Patton?” Logan asked, also watching the boys. “I’m an only child, but I have a few cousins who I was close to in childhood.”

“I’m also an only child, and I didn’t have any cousins, at least that I’m aware of,” Patton said, eyes drifting down. “My dad left when I was three, and I don’t know much about him. I’ve been trying to find him for years, for medical record purposes, but I can’t seem to track him down. I don’t think he wants to be found.”

“He’s a fool, then,” Logan sputtered out, then he covered his mouth. Patton raised an eyebrow, giggling softly. “Sorry. I know he’s your father. But anyone who doesn’t want anything to do with you is an idiot, and they don’t deserve to be in your life.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, Logan. Thank you.” Patton said, and the two fell into a comfortable silence, climbing the hill steadily, the twins always in view. Logan, deep in thought, glanced back over at the librarian. 

“I mean it, Patton. You’re an incredible person, not just in your career but in how you are around the boys,” He smiled at Patton, who blushed and looked down. The librarian stumbled over a branch, falling forward, but he was caught by two strong hands. His hand still scraped the ground, and he winced. “Whoah! You alright?” Logan sat down on the ground, pulling Patton down too, and inspected his palms. “You’re a little scratched up.”

“I’m alright,” Patton said, looking down, face red. He couldn’t get the feeling of having Logan’s hands on him out of his mind. Logan shook his head, removing the backpack and digging in it for the first aid kit. He got some sanitizing wipes, and took Patton’s hands in his own, wiping off the pebbles and dirt. Logan was focused as he put a bandaid over the scratch on the librarian’s palm. The twins came bounding up to them.

“Mister Patton, are you okay?” Roman’s voice was concerned, and Remus got on the ground next to them watching carefully as Logan made sure everything was okay with Patton’s hands.

“I’m fine, boys, don’t worry, just a little stumble. If your dad hadn’t caught me…” Patton’s words trailed off, and Logan put the first aid kid back into the backpack. The teacher stood up first, and then held his hand out to help Patton up. He took it, and their eyes met, a blush covering both of their faces. Roman coughed a little, pulling Remus away, and the twins walked a ways away, but kept glancing back. Logan still hadn’t let go of Patton’s hand, though. “Um…” Patton looked down, his blush deepening. 

Logan hesitated, then decided that he needed to do or say something, because not saying or doing anything was eating him alive. He couldn’t hide it anymore. He didn’t want to hide it anymore. So he took Patton’s chin in his spare hand, tilted his face up, and kissed him gently. Patton gasped, but didn’t pull away; instead, he wrapped his arm around Logan’s neck, pulling him closer, their kiss deepening.

The twins were losing their minds, cheering and jumping for joy.

-

several months later...

Patton unlocked the door and stepped in. He closed the door quietly behind him, then peeked into the kitchen to see Roman stirring some cake batter and Remus chopping some fruit. He stayed quiet, going into the living room, where Logan was putting up a sign that read “Happy Birthday!”

“Hey,” Patton finally spoke, startling the teacher. Logan set the banner down, then approached the librarian, hugging him close and kissing him.

“Welcome home, babe,” He said, leaning down to kiss Patton again. “Happy birthday.”

“You didn’t need to do all of this, Lo…” Patton’s face was bright red as he glanced at all of the decorations and the pile of gifts on the coffee table. “But… thank you.” He leaned up to kiss Logan again, but was nearly knocked over by the force of two preteens joining the hug. 

“Patton!” The twins cheered in unison. “Happy birthday!” Patton laughed, hoping that Logan would be able to keep all of them from losing their balance.

“Thanks, boys,” Patton said. The hug finally broke, and the twins went back into the kitchen to finish the cake. The librarian took a breath and sat on the couch, watching Logan carefully. “Hey, Lo?”

“Yeah, what is it?” Logan asked, going to finish putting the banner up. He didn’t look back down at Patton until the banner was up, and when he saw his boyfriend next, the man was on one knee, holding a ring out. Logan gasped, then fell into a fit of laughter as he took a ring out of his pocket, getting on his knee in front of Patton.

“I guess that’s a ‘yes’, then?” Patton giggled, tears trickling down his cheeks. 

“I had a huge thing prepared,” Logan sighed. “The twins were going to play a song for you.” He scooted a little closer to Patton, then kissed him. “But yes, of course Patton. Yes.” A flash startled the two of them, and they glanced over to see the twins. Roman had his phone in his hand, taking pictures. Remus was pouting a little.

“Aw, man, he ruined the plan!” He said. Logan and Patton laughed, kissing again, then they stood up, sliding the rings onto each others’ fingers. The twins bounded towards them, and they fell into another group hug. “Does that mean we can call Patton ‘Papa’ now?”

“Of course, kiddo.” Patton smiled. Logan wiped a tear from his fiance’s cheek, and held his family close together.

“I love you,” He whispered into the librarian’s ear. Patton smiled, kissing him again.

“I love you too, Logan.”

[mwolf0epsilon]

First off, before everyone comes after my butt with their "No Fun Allowed" and "Cringe" signs, this is in no way something to be taken as gospel or insightful. It's not a prophetic enforcement of canon. It's literally a theory done for fun, and to try to piece the Bendy Crack up Comics into the general and messy lore of the BatIM franchise. 

Most of you get this and don't need a big wordy warning about fanon interpretation, but a lot of peculiar people tend to show up in my ask box hoping to start a fuss over my headcanons and AU ideas, so I thought to be nice and leave a polite and diplomatic "Kindly Fuck Off" sign at the door for them.

With that said, there will be mild spoilers, carry on of your own volition, down below under the cut that will definitely show up because Tumblr mobile is a functional app that's never given me trouble!!!

---

[[MORE]]

The Bendy Franchise has an established issue with cohesion in its lore. We all know what I'm talking about, we all have reservations about canonical character discrepancies (game vs novel vs guidebook) and we all have been racking our brains with a few holes in the timeline, as well as how BatDR (which is neither prequel nor sequel) will fit into this, since it's connected to BatDS and that's an established prequel to BatIM.

Granted I myself am missing a lot of pieces, having to scrounge around for info since I can't really get any of the reading material myself and rely heavily on @british-hero (who owns the novel plus got her copy of the comics yesterday), a very incomplete wikie, and analysis and theories from SuperHorrorBro's Bendy videos.

Heck, I also rely on a lot of gameplay footage, because BatIM has a bit of subtle storytelling through visual design of its levels, and hints of how certain characters work through a few game mechanics.

Through this mishmash of collecting puzzle pieces for the greater picture I even have a few notes on my phone to piece together certain events in established dates, something which comes very in handy for this theory since it talks about two particular characters, the Projectionist and Brute Boris (and I guess Twisted Alice to some extent but it's more of a note on some interesting thoughts I have of her).

Without further ado, here's what this theory is all about: Why did Norman become the Projectionist, and why did Twisted Alice turn Buddy Boris into Brute Boris?

If you think about it, there's only two creatures in the studio that really seem out of place in the world of BatIM, and that's Prophet Sammy and the Projectionist. Neither are inherently similar to any of the cartoon characters, nor are they considered to be Lost Ones. They're certainly not Searchers, but while we know Sammy is unique because his method of transformation was different, we never got an explanation for Norman's. It could be that it's a process similar to BatDR's new enemy type that's larger and seems to have bits and bobs stuck to it, but then those big guys seem like the equivalent to Swollen Searchers for the Lost Ones. The Projectionist doesn't really fit the puzzle.

Or at least he didn't.

With the introduction of the Crack up Comics collection, we get three new characters that were definitely designed in the same manner that the Butcher Gang was. Beginning with a corrupt monster forms and then giving way to perfect and pristine rubberhose toon forms.

I'm talking about Miss Twisted, the Brute, and Cameraman.

The villainous trio from the Souper Boris comic strip.

To us it's obvious the artists created them in parallel to Twisted Alice, Brute Boris and the Projectionist, but to the actual canon this actually has a bit of an impact on the Projectionist's existence.

Why, you ask? Because those characters were introduced between 1936 and 1940.

Bendy Crack up Comics table of contents, showcasing the publishing dates of the strips.

For anyone who doesn't know (either from not paying attention to the Joey Drew Studios channel audio logs, or from not owning the books) the Ink Machine wasn't conceptualized or installed until 1942/1943. Putting that into perspective, the only other thing that happened in Joey Drew Studios in 1940, was the conceptualization of Bendyland (which is likely the origin of the idea for the Ink Machine itself).

This means that Cameraman existed well before the Projectionist ever came to be, and that made me think about another thing: The Ink's apparent sentience.

I'll be frank, the Ink is very hard nut to crack. I consider it a form of alchemized entity, others consider it pure black magic, and I'm pretty sure Joey Drew himself had no idea what he was dealing with when he began using it. The fact of the matter is that the Ink is alive and that it has its own agenda. One that coincides with Joey's, out of mutual interest.

In the novels it seems to want to be free, but it can't exactly do that as a formless liquid, so it tries to body-snatch people (ex: Sammy and Buddy's grandpa).

When Joey tries to use it to give life to Bendy through nothing more than using the Ink and a template (likely a character model sheet) the Ink tries to follow the model but immediately becomes a distorted humanoid version of it (which honestly rings so many fucking alarm bells on its own). Things… Escalate there on out, with Joey trying to perfect the method and only managing to succeed through Daniel Lewek (and many other nameless Boris Clones), Allison Pendle and Thomas Connor.

An important thing to take from this, however, is that by trying to perfect this method Joey not only taught the Ink to reshape things into viable referenced material, but that he had to have lost control of just how many souls were being pumped through the Ink Machine for him to monitor and keep up.

Sammy started killing people when he completely turned, and it didn't seem to take long for him to cut down people in likely both the music and art departments. At this point he had no self-restraint and was completely wrapped around inky fingers and Joey's lies. 

Norman is one such potential victim, and Dot and Buddy even passed by his ink-wrapped body while fleeing.

Now, the thing about trying to follow a specific guide and not having the actual means to make it exactly the same thing, is an easy enough notion to get (as shows like "Nailed It", and years of trying to perfect visual style mimicry, have taught me).

The Ink likely had the template it needed (maybe a printed copy of Souper Boris that got thrown around in the chaos), the insight of what Norman's role in the studio was, the amount of mass it needed to consume and transform his dead body, but not exactly the right sort of… Centerpiece for it...

Cameraman using his lens to light up his path.

But what's a projector besides a bigger fancier camera? Both blink, both take film, same thing right? The ink doesn't see the difference and just stitches together this humanoid bootleg cameraman with the pieces it finds that are similar enough.

Mechanical blinky head? Check.

Strange round disc near the belly? There's a speaker. That's round! Check.

Film? There we go, a nice big round reel full of film in it, let's put it near the head, that's how it works right? Check.

Lastly, no Joey to actually direct this artistic recreation of a one-off character. The Ink did it all by itself while he was off getting his hand broken by a rightfully upset Buddy Boris.

If you look at it objectively it makes sense that being the projectionist tasked with not only recording and maintaining the projectors themselves, that the entity in the Ink would pick Cameraman as a template for Norman's transformed self.

It also makes sense that the Projectionist is so off-putting in the studio. He's almost perfect, but not quite because there just weren't the right materials. He's stuck in between Twisted Alice and the Butcher Gang clones as another failed recreation.

Moving on to the next question on why Twisted Alice turn Buddy Boris into Brute Boris, when she hadn't done the same to any of the other Boris Clones.

It's hard to say really, but I think it all comes down to who Twisted Alice really is. It's very likely that, as Susie Campbell, she would have knowledge of the comic strips. A few were most likely made into cartoon shorts even (which isn't an unusual assumption to make), and maybe Susie voiced a few background characters for said shorts.

Susie may have lost her role as Alice, but before Joey came to her with his proposition for the "special project" it's very likely that she remained in the studio, forced to do the voices of characters that weren't noteworthy or that she felt completely disconnected from (talking chairs and singing hens really don't become beloved fan-favourites) . Maybe if the Souper Boris story was made into a short, she might have voiced Miss Twisted (which honestly would be personally insulting considering she once had the role of the main heroine).

Point is, Susie knows her lore, and that translates to Twisted Alice's repertoire of insightful knowledge on the abominations lurking around the studio.

She never did turn other Boris clones into brutish lackeys because at the time she didn't need to. But it doesn't mean she hadn't considered it. Henry's disruptive behaviour is just what she needed to put that plan into motion.

There was already a "Cameraman" walking about, one that could easily rip apart anything it came across, so acquiring the means to recreate the "Brute" would have been benefiting from her point of view. The Projectionist doesn't take orders and can't be reasoned with, so if she could make something just as strong that took her orders she could, theoretically, be safe from most terrors in the studio. If that didn't work, she would still likely send others to their death by simply sending them down to Level 14, or maybe lure the Projectionist to them herself (just because he doesn't take orders doesn't mean she can't use him to achieve her end goals).

Miss Twisted, the Brute and Cameraman in their evil swamp lair.

But why Buddy Boris specifically? Why couldn't she have used any of the bodies laying around? Freshness most likely. Rigor mortis is probably still a thing, even for living cartoons. Easier to work a fresh dead body than a bunch of stiff wolves.

That's at least why I think Brute Boris is a thing. Susie's knowledge of most Bendy cartoon/comic strip characters, taking inspiration from the Projectionist's presence, and honestly a very twisted sense of humor and irony. In her quest to become a Perfect Alice, the heroine of the show, she ended up becoming just as antagonistic (although more sadistic) as Miss Twisted, a Bendy comic strip villainess.

[innovativestruggles]

Daisuke & Suzue’s Relationship Is Still Unclear

Okay I just finished watching Episode 4 and ta-da!~ Daisuke discloses that Suzue is a relative.

At first I thought it was the most anti-climatic reveal - ever (actually, it still is!). He said it so monotonously as well. Was pretty funny. 

Anyways, I gotta be really honest here but something really really does not sit well with me. What I mean by that is Suzue’s very over enthusiastic lovey dovey (almost obsessive) behaviour towards Daisuke. 

I am wondering whether this anime is going down the cousin x cousin pathway? Like they do in Black Butler re; Ciel x Elizabeth or something. Because it’s common in anime shows for this whole cousin x cousin thing going on I don’t know. Regardless, i have my theories. So let’s hear it.

The reason why I decided not to drop this whole Daisuke x Suzue relationship kinda thing even after Daisuke disclosed Suzue is a relative are for the following reasons;

1. The OP. OMFG THE OP!

JUST LOOK AT THEM OMG! SERIOUSLY?! It is so fucking romantic and don’t go making weirdass excuses that this is considered normal in an incestuous relationship. Because it is not. Gross.

2. Like i mentioned earlier, Suzue is way too over the top, almost obsessive with Daisuke. In the novel, she is Daisuke’s father’s secretary, so she does tend to the every day needs of the Kambe family as well. To what extent I don’t know but it seems the anime extrapolated this a bit more. Either way, the anime is following the novel quite a bit here.

3. Suzue being the relative completely disregards the sibling theory (which a lot of us non-sibling theory believers have used canonical evidence to dismiss). It also explains why she may look slightly similar to Daisuke. Who knows? But she may also not be blood related as well (see below).

4. Daisuke did not specify what sort of relative she is to him. A cousin? Distant cousin? Cousin’s cousin? How far away? Did one of her parents remarry into the Kambe family and therefore she is considered a Kambe? What about adopted family member? In the novel, Daisuke specifically stated to Suzue that she is “like family” and “consider [you] as family.” Also in the novel, when Suzue plays the decoy role, she would tell people (the men she tries to woo in order to catch them) that she and Daisuke are related/family.

5. I know the anime is loosely based on the novel, but judging from what I have seen so far and comparing novel vs. anime, there are quite a lot of elements they preserved. So I am not surprised that they are following the novel quite closely, with the exception of Haru as an anime only character (and some other bits and bobs).

6. I also noticed something as well in the episode

Daisuke never revealed to the audience why he left the mansion in the first place but it definitely has something to do with Suzue. There is still a lot of mystery that surrounds her and he seems quite rattled when he saw those (creepy) messages from Suzue cropping up on billboard signs and cash registers (lmao!). Even upon his return, he didn’t really acknowledge her, whereas the reverse reaction could be seen with Suzue.

In the novel, Suzue is extremely fond of Daisuke. Conversely, Daisuke is a bit standoffish with Suzue and i am getting very similar vibes regarding their relationship in the anime as well. So again, if they follow the novel, I don’t know whether Daisuke said “Suzue is a relative” because he just considers her as family or whether she is truly blood related. And again, I feel as if the show is still deliberately leaving their true relationship hidden. 

7. They are being vague again. First it’s her as ‘Kambe’ without specifying the relationship, then it’s ‘his grandmother’ without mentioning Suzue, now it’s ‘she’s a relative’ without showcasing what type of relative. I.e. Mikasa from Attack on Titan considers herself “as family” to Eren, so there could be that type of dynamic based relationship between Daisuke and Suzue as well. Who knows?

8. Can I revisit the crazy over the top Suzue again please? THIS WOMAN HAS LOST A LOT OF SLEEP OVER THIS MAN WHO DISAPPEARED FOR LIKE LESS THAN A DAY! And she is overly dramatic, lost her cool and just...i don’t know, but THIS WOMAN BEEN SITTING OUTSIDE JUST WAITING FOR HIM TO COME HOME! AND LOOK AT HER FACE! JUST LOOK AT HER BLUSHING FACE WHEN SHE SEES HIM!

And Daisuke is just as standoffish as ever. I don’t know about you but based on the vast anime I’ve watched, Suzue fits a very certain stereotype - that is, when a character likes someone, they act very overly possessive, protective and just wishy washy ...you know what I mean...so regardless of whether she is a relative or not, I am quite certain that Suzue has feelings for Daisuke.

9. The producers specifically stated in the interview that they added depth to Suzue’s character whilst preserving the original novel Suzue. I can definitely see this being done with her character personality. With regards to her relationship status to Daisuke, I honestly think it would be very poor on their part to turn a non-blood related love interest into a blood-related non-love interest. Just saying. I mean, they might have done it, but again, they did not specify anything. Suzue could still not be blood related (as Daisuke did not make it very clear). But if she is, I am curious to know how distant they are from each other. Would it be like so distant that they can still be considered as potential partners? I.e. Uchiha clan in Naruto or Soma family in Fruits Basket. Members from these families are all considered as relatives to one another (either by blood (distant blood) or marriage) and this could very well be similar in this circumstance re; Daisuke and Suzue.

10. Suzue’s role in the house is interesting. Especially attending to Daisuke’s everyday needs. I am wondering whether it is a hierarchal thing (because this can happen in certain families where there are main families and branch families) or whether again, Suzue was just adopted into the family/seen as a family member, but have taken on the role of attending to Daisuke’s needs. I find it very interesting how Suzue switched from calling Daisuke without honourifics in front of Haru, to calling him Daisuke-sama. That just means there is definitely a hierarchal difference and she is there for serve. Whether as a lower member of the Kambe family or secretary turned adopted family member, I am unsure.

Concluding Thoughts

These are all very speculative of course and I don’t like taking things on face value, especially when they hyped up Suzue’s mysteriousness from the very beginning. Something just does not sit right with me with the reveal and I think what really put me off drawing a solid conclusion was Suzue’s infatuation like behaviour towards Daisuke and how Daisuke was STILL vague about Suzue being ‘a relative.’ 

Of course, all this could be redundant and they may just stop it at Daisuke and Suzue are relatives. But I honestly doubt it. I really think there is more to it than meets the eye. There are 7 episodes left and they still have yet to reveal more family issues on Daisuke’s end. I think we will see a lot of this in the coming eppys.

Anyways, until the anime fully confirms the exact nature of Daisuke and Suzue’s relationship - if they are relative, what kind of relative? - then I will keep speculating.

And please feel free to refute any of the stuff I just said as long as you can back it up with some sort of evidence (either from the novel or anime itself). I know the anime is only based loosely on the novel but because I can see the anime drawing quite a lot of stuff from it, I will accept it as some form of canonical evidence. Please be civil and respectful. That’s all I ask.

Happy Speculating !~

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Nobody asked for a Qi Ye reaction post but here one is nonetheless (at almost 1500 words.... hello.)

[~spoilers~]

One of the first things I can say is that I love love LOVE Priest’s writing style. It’s hard to say how much of this is a translation thing, because I did get the vibe that this translation was a lot smoother and better than the other cnovel translations I happen to have read. But god!! Her style is very densely allusive, and a challenge to follow at times, but so so beautiful. The story’s narration also shifts perspective a lot in the middle of chapters, which gives it this almost cinematic bird’s eye effect for me (except with internal-emotional states more than visuals). I can see it being the kind of thing that might bother people, but I love it – and I think that it ties in with the themes about the ephemerality and impermanence of life, and the way these little moments are all part of a much bigger sphere of existence.

I also like the way she does humour more than MXTX, honestly? I find the slapstick humour in MXTX’s works to be overdone and distracting from the other story and characterization work going on in her works. Whereas here, the humour landed more and also felt like it tied in more with the actual development of character and themes. Like, for instance, Liang Jiuxiao’s battle with the sable wherein he gets scratched every time and exhausts Beiyuan’s entire supply of antidote – it’s over the top, but also genuinely funny to me, AND I feel the comedic setup of Liang Jiuxiao constantly being an unwanted visitor contrasts very well with the entire heartbreaking scenario involving Beiyuan drugging him for Zhou Zishu, as well as his general progression from a Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass archetype to being completely shattered by the evil and corruption in the world.

(The Sex and Kissing stuff is also, imo, more sensual and generally hotter to me than MXTX’s stuff – not trying to pick on her specifically, she’s just my only point of comparison for these novels.)

The main romance is ehhh… Mixed Feelings? I loved Wu Xi in all the parts he wasn’t playing the role of “love interest who expresses their love via violent jealousy”, but the parts where he WAS…. woof. Like, I don’t necessarily mind jealousy when it’s internal sensations, or when it’s a very intentionally fucked up dynamic, but I like it less so when it’s couple who’s riding off into the sunset and are the only foil to the general aura of melancholy and sadness in a story? Really hope that’s a one-off specific piece of characterization and not a general Thing for Priest…

I did actually like the gradual development of Beiyuan’s feelings, and the way there’s no Big Moment of Realization – or rather, there is a moment of realization, but it’s not super dramatic, it’s just sort of settling into something that’s been there awhile.

Another problem with their relationship for me though, I think, is how rushed the denouement of the book is, and how many important things are glossed over. Like, okay, they’re riding off into the sunset, but are they actually going to talk about the fact that Beiyuan seduced Wu Xi for Deception Purposes and then drugged him…? Taking advantage of Wu Xi’s very earnest and intense feelings in the process? Like, they stay in the capital for three months of negotiations before they leave, all while Wu Xi hides Beiyuan in his house – there must have been conversations and Relationship Negotiations? And yet we don’t See any of that, we’re just treated to them riding off in a carriage with some cheeky little line about how Beiyuan has the rest of his life to make things up to Wu Xi (presumably by having rough sex)… like ok.

The racism… there was a lot of it in the presentation of Nanjiang! I think the thing that stood out to me though was the line about Wu Xi’s having a kind of intuitive understanding of how people are (an intuition attributed to children, even!) despite not being cultured – it slots so perfectly into the kind of colonial propaganda that posits colonized people as having this innate, intuitive understanding of the world or connection with nature or what have you – but of course they’re not mature, they’re not cultured, they don’t have the capacity for rationality, that we do. To be fair, the line I’m thinking of is also applied to Liang Jiuxiao, but it is of a piece with how Nanjiang is characterized throughout the novel – like, oh, they’re so simple! When they like someone they just get married! It’s presented as a romantic ideal, but in a way that portrays Nanjiang as being Simple and Rustic and lacking the cultural complexity of the Great Qing. (Especially since we b a r e l y see the country or its people on the page.)

(Not to mention the way Wu Xi’s bodyguards from Nanjiang are portrayed as being confused and grossed out by him being in love with a man – contrasted with the commentary about how commonplace sex between men is in the Great Qing. Feels very like Nanjiang gets cast as less “enlightened”?)

I think those elements are also part of why the romance doesn’t fully stick its landing for me – because Wu Xi does take in and consider Great Qing cultural stuff, and incorporate it into his worldview alongside the influence of his home culture – and we don’t see Beiyuan doing something similar in return. He wants to leave for Nanjiang in part because he’s exhausted with capital politics and wants freedom, but why Nanjiang specifically? What does the country mean to him? How’s he actually going to fit in there? (This is another thing that also could have been filled in more with more actual writing about what goes down after that final battle.)

I honestly was deeply moved by Helian Yi. I shed literal tears for that man on multiple occasions. I do feel like I would have benefitted from more actual exploration of his past life-relationship with Beiyuan? Because as it was, I felt like that aspect of Beiyuan’s characterization was kind of informed rather than fleshed out – what did he see in Helian Yi in the first place? And I think the unrequited love would have been more poignant if we’d had more flashbacks to when it was requited.

Also, the possible-incest reveal?? What even was the point of that…? (I know people have posited that that’s why Helian Yi originally had Beiyuan killed, but with that final deleted-on-JJWXC extra I feel like it’s meant to be that he thought Beiyuan was responsible for Su Qingluan’s death. Another thing that should have been elaborated on, plot-wise���)

In general, the ending was very rushed. It gave me distinct “project due the next day” vibes.

ZHOU ZISHU!!!! – my main emotional engagement with this, tbh. I loved what was done with him, loved getting to see more of the atrocities he was behind (haha), loved the chilling “ends justify the means” ideological track he was on, loved how enmeshed he was in Hierarchy and political intrigue and how Carefully he handled himself around his social superiors… yeah.  

I am also…. Also losing my mind over the entire Vibe between Zhou Zishu and Liang Jiuxiao. Misplaced devotion… broken pedestals… weird subtextual hard-to-define Feelings... selfishly wanting to hide the worst parts of yourself from someone…. Ahhhhh it’s good. Love those intricate complex homoerotic friendships. If there Exists any fic (whether platonic or less so) that anyone wants to rec… pls do 👀

I have to say, another problem I had with the ending was that I don’t think the tonal dissonance was well-balanced. Like, there’s a very melancholy atmosphere for pretty much everyone except the main couple, and I do understand that their getting away from the capital is the only thing that engenders that happiness (as a big theme of the book is that the politicking in the capital is exhausting and demoralizing – and to my understanding that is similar to the themes at work in Faraway Wanderers.) But I don’t feel as though those two streams were working in communication with each other in the final chapters – I would say that the cutesy scenes with the main couple just felt jarring in contrast to the sadness and regret that permeated the rest of the narrative. I think perhaps they were too saccharine, rather than emphasizing escape and looking forward to different possibilities? I’m not sure. (It also seems questionable to present Nanjiang as an Escape, given that Wu Xi is in charge now?? They’re still right in the thick of politics?) Anyway, this all is why I like the placement of that final extra at the end of the narrative, because it Is a turning back to melancholia that I like to see during nominal happy endings.

[mystech-master]

Blazblue rewrites Part 1: The Age of Origin and beginning of the Looping World.

(put this on my Reddit may as well put it here)

As we all know, the Blazblue series is one of the most convoluted and over-complicated pieces of media ever. Mainly due to its quantum physics talk and very chuuni dialogue and a lack of good explanation for a lot of points. Naturally, one good thing about being a fan is that through the power of hindsight we can look at the entire series and basically fix what we think was messed up. Of course, we have this freedom since we are usually individual people, don't have a massive writing staff and marketing we need to appeal to, and pretty much the entire skeleton and pieces are there, they just need to be rearranged and/or be tweaked a bit.

I remember getting into Blazblue around the end of high school/beginning of college, almost 5 years ago. I thought the setting was neat and I am into anime action BS. Of course, the story was bonkers and made no sense until I started looking deeper but the main thing that has bugged me were the characters. There is just so much Bullshit that the characters do and brush off that just irritates me, especially when it comes to Ragna. This series has made me rethink the meaning of life, of showing kindness to people, or if "doing things because it's right" is a good enough excuse, how much should you desire your own happiness? All sorts of existential questions that Blazblue has made me think, not from the plot, but just from the BS character interactions.

If you check out my Ragna the Bloodedge tag, or have just been following me for a while, you will see/know how much I will defend this guy to the fucking grave because of all the bullshit that this guy is expected to take and deal with and it being seen as"inspiring" or "heroic" when it is really just sad to me. It isn't me liking the character, it is just a massive amount of pity and feeling sorry for him, to the point where I kind of have a massive bias towards him and end up making him an all-powerful unstable badass in most of my fic ideas with him. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I wanted to lay out my ideas for how I would make a Blazblue rewrite. If anyone wants to use these in their own fanfic, feel free. I don't give a shit about credit.

Starting with the timeline, we have the XBlaze series, Bloodedge Experience, and the core C-Series (ft.

the Phase Shift Novels, and Remix/Variable Heart Manga). In the actual story these are all separate “Possibilities”, or Timelines/Universes. That is dumb and I think that we can tweak things to make it all one linear timeline.

XBlaze takes place in the year 2050, 50 years before the Dark War is stated to begin, and 149-150 years before the main games start. This is plenty of time to make things different. We know from the backstory that Takamagahara, the god-supercomputer that mankind made, was not completed in this possibility due to Touya’s mother iirc. In my idea, all this does is delay the inevitable, Takamagahara will be made, just at a later date now. (edit) There is also the Mitsurugi agency, which was kind of behind the Wadatsumi incident in XBlaze's backstory. With their connections to the Mage's Guild, the Amanohokosaka Clan, and their desire to get the Azure, we could say that this is the agency that discovered the Susanoo, the Boundary, and did most of these experiments to the Prime Fields.

I do not know the exact year when Bloodedge Experience takes place, but I am going to estimate around 10-15+ years from XBlaze, putting it at 2060-2065+, since they do mention Mei as the head/leader of the Amanohokosaka Clan. I am not too sure what the branching-off point is here, Valkenhayn mentions Clavis having killed Naoto in the core C-Series Possibility so maybe it was during their initial meeting. But is Naoto surviving gonna change that much? The only other detail that would need addressing would be Raquel’s relationship with Rachel. According to the wiki bio “Raquel was created when a user of Soul Eater went havoc and killed hundreds upon thousands of people. Clavis Alucard stopped the user and killed them, but was forced to take the lives of 128,932 people in order to do so. When this happened, he held an Embryo. Three years later, the Embryo became Raquel and she was born. Maybe sometime later Raquel could end up being killed or something and another Embryo results in Rachel. I mean we never see or hear mention of a mother, or maybe it’s some reincarnation thing? IDK. We see how stern Clavis was with Raquel, so maybe seeing his first “daughter” die he ends up spoiling the next one rotten, leading to the kind of haughty holier-than-thou Rabbit we know today.

However, all of this needs to be put in perspective of the Origin and Terumi. I may mess up some of the finer details.

The plot of Blazblue started when Susanoo ditched his body, the Susanoo Unit, and then mankind discovered it underground. They excavated it, dug deeper, and found a Cauldron which led to the Boundary, within which they found the Master Unit, the God Computer that would allow them to control reality, and beyond that, they found the Azure, basically the primordial absolute force of the Blazblue Universe. However, the Master Unit can only respond to something anthropomorphic/humanoid and humans can’t survive the Boundary. So they made the Prime Field Devices, Androids meant to go into the Boundary. Pretty weirdly specific criteria that results in robot girls but I don’t see how I can mess with this.

One of them manages to reach the Master Unit and upon touching it she gains the Eyes of the Azure which gives it the power of the Azure and basically becomes not only sentient, but basically a god. The Humanity, freaked out about her new free will and the power she now has, tosses her back into the Boundary. Within the Boundary, the PFD, the Origin as we know her, sees her “sister” units all being tortured. Most likely to break any souls they have so the scientists don’t have to deal with their “free will” getting in the way of their plans. Maybe to bring in Terumi telling Noel that they became weapons, other groups heard of the guys making the PFDs and them getting god power and obviously would be trying to stop them/take this power for themselves, so they decided to make the PFDs into mindless robo-soldiers to fight them off. Origin gets mad and ends up making all of them sentient. Probably by Observing them as sentient, like she sees all of these things “like her” so obviously they must be sentient or at least have the potential for sentience. Kind of like Jotaro going “It’s a similar type of Stand '' to DIO and then getting Time Stop.

Anyways now mankind is fighting these robot girls who want revenge for being treated like tools, all humanity sees is all these in-human weapons killing them for no reason, just because destroying is what a weapon does, and with the Master Unit’s Phenomenon Intervention, they can just rewrite all of their failures into victories. Mankind sees the Origin and the Master Unit as basically the same thing, an evil machine god. His leads into why the Origin and Amaterasu can’t just be separated so Ragna doesn’t have to sacrifice himself to stop the time loops, the world sees The Origin and Amaterasu as one, there is no distinction. This is also apparently the time period when Clavis Alucard helped mankind make the Izayoi, with its Immortal Breaker and ability to resist Observation to fight against the Origin and the PFDs. Ironic that it eventually became known as the prototype for the Lux Sanctus: Murakumo, but I’ll talk about that later.

So what does mankind do? Make a Black Beast to destroy it. I mean we are told to believe that a Black Beast is the result of Azure Grimoire (or just a piece of the Azure) + Murakumo Unit = either a Black Beast if the fusion is imperfect, and a powerful Kusanagi God Slayer is done right. But tell me, why the hell would they build ANOTHER Prime Field Device to fight the PFDs? I will be getting into the exact nature of Black Beasts later. Mankind is apparently cool with the Black Beast destroying the world because so long as they can get the Azure and plug it into Takamagahara, which is basically a manmade Master Unit supercomputer, they can just reset time. But due to a bug or something, the Master Unit stopped this and when the world was destroyed she just made a new one based on her memories. This is the world the characters live in now. And since the last thing she remembers about the world is the Black Beast and obviously she doesn’t want the world to hate and try to kill her, the Black Beast enters the world with everyone having no context to its existence and no other enemy to fight, leading to the Black Beast going from a weapon of Mutually Assured Destruction, to the new Ultimate Evil Enemy of the World.

A few things we need to take note of here.

XBlaze and Bloodedge Experience would need to take place during the Age of Origin, between mankind discovering the Boundary but before the Prime Field War starts. I mean the two things needed for that part to start would be Prime Fields and Takamagahara, and while there is Es who is sort of a PFD, you could simply say that her model isn’t suited for full Boundary Exploration. I know I am really glossing over the Embryo stuff about her but I haven’t seen XBlaze stuff in a while and I would need to find a way to connect it with the Embryo in Centralfiction.

Apparently, there was some off-screen war in which Hihiirokane (the Soul Cutting Sword protected by Jubei’s clan, used by his brother Tomonori to fight Terumi, then put in Clavis’ grave) was used to fight some enemy, “Outside of logic”. I have no idea what this is and it feels like something that shouldn’t be glossed over.

Mankind made a Black Beast on their side to get the Azure and fight the Master Unit, which A. means that in a weird way the Black Beast was sort of on mankind’s side at first before the Origin retconned it into being the destroyer, and B. mankind would have needed to make a Murakumo Unit to fight the Murakumos, knowing that the Origin is making them sentient and turn on them, which kind of feels like a dumb move. But again, I will get to this later.

This will all lead into the Looping World. Now, this is weird because of the main thing which the loop revolves around, The Black Beast. It is either A. as Terumi says in CS, a Cauldron that went batshit (which is precedent by the short story That Which Is Inherited where Sector Seven tries to smelt a Nox but everything goes tits up and a Black Beast forms from the Cauldron (no souls or prime field required), or B. a Time Displaced Ragna and Nu. The Black Beast is a Self-Observing weapon. Observation in Blazblue basically means “deciding if/how something exists” by Observing itself, the Black Beast declares its existence in this time period, which means that no matter what time paradoxical BS you may try to pull, it will always appear (Kind of reminds me of the Time Medallions Clockwork gives team Phantom in Danny Phantom). But a less mind-mushing way to look at it could simply be that, no matter what, this will always happen. Like, say the Assassination of Kennedy is Observed as an event that must ALWAYS happen, then even if you find and stop the sniper. He is gonna still die. Maybe there is another sniper, maybe the sniper gets a good hit on you and manages to make another shot down the road, but anyway you slice it, Kenedy gets shot. That event is permanently locked in history and no matter what you do, this event is inevitable.

But suggestion A is weird because it could either mean that 1. He is talking about the first Black Beast from the Age of Origin, or 2. Since that part of the story probably wasn’t written yet and they are talking about this specific Beast, he is talking about the Dark War Black Beast, in which case there actually was a bit of time before the time loops started, or at least the very first loop, so then there was a bit of time before shit went sideways.

Maybe the Origin didn’t make a Black Beast war and it was all Terumi’s idea. The world would’ve continued as normal but since Terumi hated the Master Unit and mankind wanted power, they tried to make a Kusanagi but it fucked up and made a Black Beast, but without a publicly known Prime Field War to justify it, mankind doesn't see this as a necessary evil which will get the Azure and then reset the world better for them, it’s just a big evil monster.

Okay, that is my interpretation of the Age of Origin for my Blazblue rewrite idea. Not many changes since this is all pretty self-contained and not much needs expanding on. Just make sure to justify some actions and connect the three timelines. I probably missed out on a lot of finer details but I think I got the broad strokes of it. Feel free to correct me.

Next time I will cover the Dark War and hopefully go into explaining how I would make the Powerset make a bit more sense (Ars Magus, Grimoires, Nox Nyctores, the Azure Grimoire, and the Black Beast).

[betweentheheavesofstorm]

i keep thinking i’m done beating this dead horse but no, because i’ve now read an interview with Kester Grant that explains, Well, a Lot.

 I’m also pissing myself because on her Agent’s site bio, she’s listed as being born on December 5, “alongside notorious British rebel Guy Fawkes” which strongly suggests that SOMEONE involved thought Guy Fawkes was born on November 5.

I then looked at her About page on her own website, where the note is “Death-day of notorious British rebel Guy Fawkes celebrated annually in the UK by giant morbidly ironic bonfire's & firework displays” which is ALSO wrong because he wasn’t even brought to trial till the following January ?? the fireworks commemorate the gunpowder plot aka the actual thing that happened on the 5th of november ohh my god  kester grant use wikipedia challenge 

Anyway, this is gonna be a Long Post, so I’m gonna put the quotes + commentary under the cut:

Firstly, Marius DID appear in an initial draft, only to be deleted later:

He was present in the first draft of the book when I sold it to the publishing house and I just struggled every time I had to write a scene with him. All the scenes with Marius and Enjolras St. Juste (it was Marius originally as well as St. Juste, and St. Juste was just a secondary character) and I was saying to my husband ‘if only I could write this scene with just St. Juste it would be 3 million times better’ [...] So I said to my editor, “listen, could I cut Marius?” and she said “absolutely!” and everything was just three million times better and now we just have St. Juste who became the amazing star that he is and I love him.

so we did get Marjolas, just the other way round than we normally do. 

On her writing process:

I had the idea for The Court Of Miracles and I wrote it in six weeks to apply for a competition called Pitch Wars where you get mentored by two published authors and then at the end of the mentorship of two months they help you edit it.

Really? Written in six weeks? you certainly couldn’t tell...

Then, when asked about research:

I started to do research on a 48 hour flight from the States to where I live now in Mauritius [...] So I had this raging fever and I had a million tabs open on my computer and I was just eating the history of Paris, from this origin all the way through to Napoleon’s fall. And taking notes and getting ideas.

honestly her having a fever while doing the research suddenly means EVERYTHING makes sense 

On how she came up with the Guilds:

Then I went online to see what kinds of crimes there are and I looked up laws. I had a whole list of different crimes and said ‘okay, we can split these into guilds’ and then I thought if you’re two young girls living in a criminal world, who is the most terrifying criminal?’ and obviously it would be the human trafficker. So automatically I was like ‘okay that’s your big bad guy. That’s your Shere Khan’.

what kind of crimes there are

Being in the first person is interesting because I don’t normally write in the first person. Being of a certain age, I’m 35, everything I’ve ever read in England was written in the third person, but I knew I was writing a young adult book, or at least one bordering on young adult, so I had been advised to write in the first person, which I hated. It was completely unnatural to me but I think it’s worked very well for Nina. [bolding mine]

once again, you definitely can’t tell that she hates the first person !! not at all!! also that’s definitely not the sort of thing you should say in an interview?!

I have since been told, from my best friend and all of my siblings, that Nina is actually like me and of course it was easy to write her because she does what I would do.

ohoho it’s self-insert o’clock! and, as Briar pointed out, it’s just a wild coincidence that her self-insert is also universally beloved by the Hot Young Men of the novel. (Not that in fic I’m against self-inserts - but once again, this is published !) 

There’s going to be two sequels [to The Court Of Miracles] so there might *hint hint*, be a bit of jealousy or triangles or things between [Ettie and Nina]

personally i’m delighted by this! we already have a love square, what is it gonna become? a tetrahedron? is the dauphin gonna suddenly fall for Cosette? or Montparnasse, or Enjolras St. Juste????

Nina, if pushed a certain way, if she allowed herself to go a certain way, could easily become very similar to [Kaplan, the villain]. I’m not saying she would become a human trafficker but Nina is basically a walking PTSD case. She’s like Batman! She’s like Samuel Vimes in Ankh-Morpork [in Discworld]!

nina is like batman. right, got it.

Originally the book had the history of Paris by the Dead Lord in between every single chapter and I think it was a bit too weighty and a bit boring in places. So my editor said ‘let’s scrap that’ and I said ‘okay but then I’m going to put the short stories in’. 

you know, her editor dropped the ball in a lot of places, but at least they got rid of that, because I was skim reading the folk story bits as it was

I have another book coming out next year, it’s basically like The Jungle Book but on speed.

this is the bit that made me almost spit peppermint tea everywhere because who the fuck describes their own work like that

and finally, last but not at all least, here’s her overview of the French Revolution:

I mean the nobles [in The Court Of Miracles] were always monstrous in a way but they have become 100 times worse because they saw what the people of France were about to do to them. Which historically, the people of France, the revolutionaries, led the terror – they murdered everyone right left and centre! Then of course the revolutionaries famously turned on their own.

There was terrible suffering that led to the revolution but the revolutionaries were all mental. They literally murdered each other because they were so paranoid! Robespierre got rid of the Roman Catholic Religion entirely and then invented his own religion! Look it up its called the Cult Of The Supreme Being!

Then there were three guys who had joint power who were supposed to form an equal government. One of them rose to power and his name was Napoleon and he became a dictator. Although he was a dictator who took over almost all of the world, the people of France loved him. [Then] the people of France themselves in a strange turn of events turned on him in the end and betrayed him. Otherwise, he might still have been in power for years and years. And Napoleon is a big feature in Books Two and Three… just saying…

napoleon!! we’re getting NAPOLEON in the next two i am so genuinely excited because I have no fucking idea what she’s gonna do 

[fiercestcorpse]

lan zhan transmigrator au part 2

part 1 is here. i will most likely be putting this up on ao3 once i’ve settled on a title.

By the time he and Lan Xichen had made it down from the Cold Pond and into the buildings of Cloud Recesses, Lan Zhan had started to realise it was later in the day than he’d thought. He needed more information, but he wasn’t sure how to ask. Where had he been earlier that day, what had this body been doing? Lan Xichen had mentioned something about a fever. What was the story behind that? Lan Zhan didn’t recall anything about it being mentioned in the original novel, but maybe it had just escaped the protagonist’s notice.

“Brother,” he asked delicately. Addressing Lan Xichen by name seemed a bit too friendly for this reserved character. Lan Zhan certainly couldn’t call him by his personal name, because he didn’t know it. “How did you know to look for me in the Cold Pond?”

“One of the guards at the front gate came to tell me he’d seen you, and you were heading that way,” Lan Xichen replied. “He said you looked unwell. What were you doing leaving the Cloud Recesses, Wangji? You should have been resting.” A soulful expression of brotherly disappointment graced his perfectly proportioned face.

Of course Lan Zhan couldn’t answer his question! He had no memory of what this body had been doing before he’d occupied it. In the original, it had been implied that Lan Wangji had just returned from a night hunt, but Lan Zhan wasn’t sure if that was actually true or not, or how the original’s mysterious illness might have affected things.

However, this did give him one piece of unwelcome information: If Lan Wangji had come through the gate and re-entered the cloud recesses, then he had probably already encountered the Jiang disciples… and stopped them from entering!

There was not a lot Lan Zhan could do about this right now. Lan Xichen seemed to be leading him towards a specific building. From the sign above the door, it seemed to be the healing room, where sick or injured members of the Lan sect would go to be treated.

Lan Zhan had no idea that such a building had existed! It had never come up in the novel, though of course it made sense that it would be there. It would be difficult to go all the way down the mountain to the nearby Caiyi Town for a medical emergency, and the common people there might not know how to treat some of the problems a cultivator might encounter.

The room Lan Zhan was led into was elegant and spacious, with an astringent, herbal scent in the air. It had an overall light colour scheme-- white paper in the windows, white drapes dividing the room into sections-- but was furnished with contrasting dark wood. The source of the smell was a Lan disciple sitting at a low table, grinding some presumably medicinal herbs with a mortar and pestle.

Lan Xichen led Lan Zhan over to sit at a low bench, and hovered anxiously around him as an unfamiliar man came to attend to him. The man must have been some sort of doctor, but Lan Zhan had no way of knowing, as once again he had never been mentioned in the novel. The unknown doctor man pressed two fingers to Lan Zhan’s wrist to take his pulse. Lan Zhan gave what was surely a very OOC flinch at the feeling of foreign spiritual energy coming into contact with his own.

In his previous life, Lan Zhan had of course been aware of the idea that there was a network of qi flowing throughout his body. But having heard about a thing really couldn’t be compared to the experience of actually, viscerally feeling it! The tingling, flowing sensation felt somewhat similar to the time Lan Zhan had been in hospital when he was younger, and had been put on an intravenous drip. But this sensation wasn’t present in his veins, it was happening throughout an entirely new network that this body apparently had.

The doctor shared a brief look of concern with Lan Xichen. Lan Zhan frowned minutely at being glanced around as if he wasn’t there. “Is there a problem?” he asked.

“Lan-er-gongzi has had a minor qi deviation,” the doctor said, addressing Lan Xichen. “But he seems to have somehow brought his own meridians back into the proper alignment.”

A qi deviation! In the setting of Proud Immortal Founder of the Demon Way, that was serious! It wasn’t something that could happen due to just a minor issue, it was a symptom of something being very badly wrong with a person’s cultivation. And qi deviations were often fatal.

Now that he was aware of their presence, Lan Zhan noticed that this body’s meridians felt somewhat fragile, almost bruised. He didn’t really have anything to compare it to, but surely they weren’t supposed to feel like that.

“You will have to take extra time each morning to meditate and circulate your qi until you are fully recovered,” said the doctor. “It would also be beneficial for us to check up on you in the future, and determine if there is some imbalance or blockage that could cause another qi deviation.”

“Of course, we will make sure to do that,” said Lan Xichen. He was now looking extremely pale and worried. “Wangji, it seems like it really was the right thing to do, to go meditate in the Cold Pond,” he added. “You may have averted a catastrophe.”

Although he maintained a stoic expression, internally Lan Zhan shuddered to hear this. Averted a catastrophe? More likely, the feverish Lan Wangji had overtaxed himself, and caused his own qi deviation in the first place! And now… now he was gone, and Lan Zhan was occupying his body. Lan Zhan didn’t know if the qi deviation had been deadly, or if it had simply caused enough of a weakness for something to force Lan Wangji’s soul out of its rightful position, and replaced it with that of a clueless transmigrator. Either way, the original inhabitant was gone.

Still, Lan Zhan refused to feel bad about it. Lan Wangji was a fictional character, why should Lan Zhan be upset if he died? He was going to die anyway, due to his own bad decisions. It had simply happened a little sooner. Now that Lan Zhan was in his place, he’d take care to do a better job of it.

“Thank you,” Lan Zhan said to the doctor. That wasn’t out of character, right? Lan Wangji was always polite to people in positions of power or influence. “I think I will go and meditate now.” And change out of this damp clothing. He rose from the bench, ignoring Lan Xichen’s anxious gaze, and prayed he could find the disciple dormitories without getting too obviously lost.

--

As the head disciple, and son of the clan leader, it made sense that Lan Wangji’s dormitory was one of the biggest, set slightly apart from the rest. Lan Xichen accompanied him there, and Lan Zhan was able to walk behind him without making it look too obviously like he was following him. Lan Xichen kept shooting little glances at him back over his shoulder, like he was afraid Lan Zhan was going to fall over and start gushing blood from his face or something.

“Wangji,” said Lan Xichen. “I know you’ve volunteered to patrol Cloud Recesses tonight, but I think you should reconsider. You should stay behind and rest.”

Lan Zhan was about to agree, when he was interrupted by a ding. [Lan Wangji patrolling Cloud Recesses is an important plot point for establishing his rivalry with the protagonist! If this plot point is missed, 200 B Points will be deducted!]

… Tell me again, how many B Points did I start with? Lan Zhan asked the system.

[You were awarded 100 complimentary B Points at the start of your user experience! As you have done basically nothing so far except follow the character Lan Xichen around, your number remains the same!]

And if I lose more B Points than what I have…

[Your account will be terminated, and you will be deported back to your original world.]

Back to my original world, where I’m dead. Great. So there was no chance of skipping this encounter with the protagonist, then. 

“I will consider it,” Lan Zhan told Lan Xichen, meaning I am absolutely still going on patrol tonight, I haven’t got any choice.

But just because he still had to show up for the encounter, didn’t mean Lan Zhan had to act the same way. In the novel, Lan Wangji had scolded the protagonist for breaking curfew and drinking. He’d drawn his sword on him, broken the protagonist’s bottle of Emperor’s Smile, and reported his rule breaking to Master Lan Qiren. There was definitely some sort of compromise Lan Zhan could make, where he could still be in character but maybe let the protagonist off with a lighter punishment.

This reminded Lan Zhan of something else important. Before entering his dormitory room, Lan Zhan turned back towards Lan Xichen. “If you have the opportunity, you should send somebody to the main gate. The Jiang disciples misplaced their invitation.”

There! That shouldn’t be out of character, right? He’d just ratted the Jiangs out to an authority over their missing invitation. Knowing Lan Xichen, he would ensure the Jiang disciples were brought inside regardless, which was what Lan Zhan wanted, but he hadn’t actually asked Lan Xichen to do that.

[... 5 B Points deducted for clumsy loophole exploitation] said the System. Its mechanical voice sounded somehow exasperated. Well. That wasn’t too harsh a penalty.

“Of course! I’ll have it seen to,” said Lan Xichen. “In the meantime, take care of yourself.” Lan Xichen beamed at Lan Zhan, before leaving him in peace.

As Lan Zhan pushed open the door to the dormitory, the jade token attached to his belt gave a little flare of spiritual energy. Was it like some sort of keycard? Only people with the right level of permission could get into certain buildings in the Cloud Recesses? That was another element of worldbuilding that wasn’t in the novel! He wondered if there were any rooms he couldn’t enter, and what would happen if he tried.

Lan Wangji’s dormitory honestly looked quite acceptable, by Lan Zhan’s standards. It was almost uncomfortably sparse and tidy, much like Lan Zhan’s old bedroom had been. There were many books, carefully lined up on the shelves, and neatly stacked writing materials on a table, beside a cloth-covered guqin. The only hint of individuality was a tiny vase sitting by a window, containing a single purple-blue gentian flower.

Who could have guessed, one-dimensional villain Lan Wangji apparently liked flowers? Or maybe it had been put there by someone else. Soft-hearted Lan Xichen seemed like a likely culprit. Lan Zhan supposed it was up to him now, to decide for himself whether Lan Wangji liked flowers or not.

Ding! [Now you’re getting it! Good luck on your mission of adding sympathetic nuance to this scum villain, and improving this story’s many failings!]

Let’s not go too far. Lan Zhan wasn’t interested in being sympathetic, much less in improving the story now that he was living it rather than reading it. He just wanted to stay out of the protagonist’s way, thereby avoiding his own death. If he could read some interesting books and learn how to cultivate, maybe continue improving his guqin playing, that would be enough for him.

Of more immediate interest was the small mirror attached to one wall. On a shelf underneath it was a hairbrush, and a small jar of some sort. Lan Zhan immediately headed over there, to get a look at his new face.

It was… actually quite handsome! Just as expected in a cultivation setting. Lan Wangji had smooth skin, attractive features, and dark, piercing eyes. But wasn’t he a little bit too good looking? Pathetic minor villains shouldn’t be overly handsome, they would outshine the protagonist.

And anyway, weren’t he and Lan Xichen supposed to look alike? They had a somewhat similar bearing, that of an elegant and refined young master, although Lan Xichen had a friendlier look about him. But where Lan Xichen had broader shoulders and a square jaw, Lan Zhan’s new face was somewhat narrower and pointier. Still, he couldn’t complain. He thought this face rather suited him.

He forced a smile at the mirror, just to see what it would look like, then twisted his face up in a look of sadness and regret.

“Wei-gongzi, I apologise for my earlier actions,” he tried. That neither looked nor sounded appropriate for this character. And wasn’t it too dishonest to apologise for something he hadn’t even done? From the protagonist’s perspective he would still be that person who refused them entry, but to Lan Zhan, it didn’t feel right. Anyway, hadn’t he thought to himself that if he’d been in that position, he’d have done the same? If you carelessly leave behind your possessions, there should be consequences.

With or without the OOC function enabled, I can’t just go around lying about things. I don’t want to give the protagonist cause to kill me, but I don’t want to shamelessly pander to him either.

Having made up his mind on this matter, Lan Zhan got changed into another, nearly identical set of white-and-pale-blue robes. He also found his sword, which was a relief, as he’d been somewhat concerned he might have dropped it in the Cold Pond.

It wasn’t quite dark yet, but Lan Zhan didn’t want to miss the protagonist’s arrival. Not to mention, he thought he might have to search around to find the location where they would meet. So with this in mind, he set off early to find the perfect rooftop.

--

After spending a little while strolling through Cloud Recesses at a measured and dignified pace, Lan Zhan thought of a problem. He knew from the description in Proud Immortal Founder of the Demon Way that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian would confront each other on the roof of an outlying building. But he wasn’t actually sure how to get up on the roof in the first place. In cultivation settings, characters seemed to jump great heights and fly through the air like it was nothing. But Lan Zhan wasn’t actually a cultivator, he was only pretending to be one! He had no idea how to do any of that!

Could he just find a likely looking spot, and clamber up onto the roof the regular way? He might have to. And what would happen when it came time for him to draw his sword on the protagonist? Lan Wangji had been quite athletic in his previous life, but none of the sports he’d ever done involved swordfighting.

Forget deliberately breaking character, he might accidentally reveal himself as a fake whether he wanted to or not!

Lan Zhan frowned, and glanced around. He was in a quiet, secluded courtyard, and there was no one else out here. So no one would see him if he just…

He gave a little jump in place, and immediately felt rather foolish. Nobody is watching! He reminded himself. Your life might depend on this!

He tried again, this time reaching for the places where he’d felt that weird, tingly sensation when the doctor had been probing his spiritual pathways. There were several major channels of them, flowing throughout his limbs, forming little whirlpools of energy at certain points, and all flowing towards-- or possibly out from?-- some sort of central point deep within his body. If he jumped this time, while using this pool of energy to give himself a little push…

Lan Zhan went rocketing up into the cool night air. High above the rooftops, he felt his robes flare out dramatically around him as he hung there for a second, and then began to plummet back to earth. He had just enough time for a brief flare of wordless panic, before he grasped wildly for his qi again and somehow managed to slow his fall.

Hm. Maybe a bit more gently. This time, the qi-assisted boost he gave himself was just enough to get him to roof height, and then hover there momentarily, before he allowed himself to descend back to the ground.

Lan Zhan felt a quiet burst of delight. He was actually doing it, he was cultivating! It had felt quite natural to do it, almost instinctive, like his body had built up quite a respectable level of cultivation, and was used to reaching for it regularly. He was sure if he’d had to start from scratch, it would have been a lot harder, but this body already had a fully formed golden core and everything!

He remembered the assertion in Proud Immortal Founder of the Demon Way, that Lan Wangji had been jealous of the protagonist’s prodigious cultivation, and had wanted to sabotage him. But to Lan Zhan, that seemed ridiculous. As a newcomer to this world, there was no way he could manage to be the strongest or most talented cultivator, not without some practice. But to be able to cultivate at all was incredible.

In his previous life, Lan Zhan couldn’t precisely be called competitive. But rather, he’d known what he was good at, and strived to become even better. He didn’t worry about what other people were doing, the only standards that mattered were his own, and those of his uncle. In this life, he thought it would be much the same. He wanted to be good at cultivation, because it seemed like a worthwhile thing to work towards. But there was no point in trying to impede other people’s progress simply to make himself look better. In the end, he didn’t care how he looked to other people. He’d still know whether he was actually succeeding or not.

With this in mind, Lan Zhan practiced a few more jumps in the privacy of the empty courtyard. He managed to do some flips in mid-air, and didn’t even seem to get dizzy from it. Then he decided it was probably time to be moving on. It was nearly fully dark, and he didn’t want to be late for his meeting with the protagonist.

--

With the System’s help, Lan Zhan soon found the spot he needed to be in. There was a sort of upper balcony on one building, which gave a pretty good view out over the Cloud Recesses. Given that the Lan sect were all very well-behaved and went to bed early, and there were supposed to be wards preventing people from entering the area outside of curfew, Lan Zhan was not entirely sure what kind of wrongdoing he was expected to find on his patrol. If he didn’t already know the protagonist was going to attempt to sneak in after hours, he was sure he’d probably find the whole exercise pretty pointless. As it was, he simply stood on the balcony for a while, and watched clouds pass over the face of the moon. He also took a moment to smooth down his hair after his earlier acrobatics, and make sure his forehead ribbon was on straight.

He was alerted to the protagonist’s presence by the sound of a grunt as someone hoisted their body over the ridge of a roof, then the gentle clinking of ceramic jars, and a muffled giggle.

And there… there was the protagonist, Wei Wuxian. Right there in the flesh. He wasn’t looking in Lan Zhan’s direction, but rather gazing out over the courtyard below. He was maybe a little shorter than Lan Zhan had pictured him, and he looked very young, but his mischievous expression was exactly as expected.

Of course he looks young, he’s still a teenager like me at this point, thought Lan Zhan. Wait, is he even old enough to be buying alcohol? Lan Zhan knew some kids whose parents were fine with them drinking, but his uncle would have grounded him until he was thirty for trying to sneak alcohol into the house. Much less into somebody else’s house! That was just rude.

The protagonist jumped in surprise when he spotted Lan Zhan’s impassive figure on the balcony. “What a coincidence! We meet again!”

Lan Zhan was in no way prepared to actually be spoken to by the protagonist, and simply stared at him.

“Lan-er-gongzi, you’re out at this hour!” Wei Wuxian tried again. “Are you going to admire the moon?”

As a matter of fact, he had been doing exactly that, but he couldn’t just say that. He would be docked some points for breaking character for sure.

“Lan-er-gongzi,” said the protagonist, persistent in the face of adversity, “I came for my shijie. Oh! I found the invitation! It’s right here, I’ll show you.” He began to rummage inside his robes, presumably for said invitation. This confirmed Lan Zhan’s earlier suspicions that he had indeed met with the Jiang disciples earlier.

“Breaking through the wards is a violation of the Lan clan’s principles,” he said. He had to say something, and this was roughly what he remembered the rules-obsessed Lan Wangji having said. Really, that was a pretty mild rebuke, considering that Wei Wuxian had essentially just done the magical equivalent of throwing a rock through the Lan sect’s window. “Those who come at night should not be allowed in until the morning. Two violations of the Lan Clan’s principles. Unauthorised carrying of liquor. Three violations of the Lan Clan’s principles.”

The protagonist did not look thrilled by this stony reception. “Lan-er-gongzi, I am new to the Gusu Lan Clan, and not familiar with the rules. But I swear, these things won’t happen again!” As he said this, he held up three fingers in an earnest salute. Of course, having read the original novel, Lan Zhan knew he absolutely didn’t mean it. “Also, I was just in a hurry to find Jiang Cheng and shijie.” A calculating look stole over his face. “How about this? Just let me in for a glimpse. Just one glimpse!”

Seeming to consider the matter settled, the protagonist got to his feet. Acting purely on instinct, Lan Zhan vaulted over the edge of the balcony, and thrust his sword out to block the protagonist’s path. It slid a short way out of the scabbard, revealing a length of shining blade. The protagonist gave a nervous laugh.

“Well then, the Emperor’s Smile, I will spare you one pot,” he said, holding up one of the ceramic jars that were looped over the end of his sword. “Forget about this, deal?”

[That’s bribery!] the System sang out helpfully. [That is also a violation of the Lan clan’s rules!]

This actually… genuinely annoyed Lan Zhan! He may not have agreed with all of the original Lan Wangji’s actions or motivations, but the rules were the rules, and Wei Wuxian had broken them. But instead of apologising for his ignorance, he’d assumed Lan Zhan was so weak willed and dishonourable that he could be persuaded to reverse his decision with a jar of alcohol! “Attempting to bribe a law enforcer,” Lan Zhan snapped. “Doubly guilty.” Law enforcer, maybe he was taking himself a bit too seriously, but breaking the rules was a pretty serious matter.

“Lan-er-gongzi, are you seriously so inflexible?” the protagonist complained. “When we were at the gate, you put the silence spell on me for no reason! You are somehow responsible for that case, right?” saying this, he pushed Lan Zhan’s sword back into its scabbard, and attempted to leave again.

Lan Zhan didn’t need the System to tell him that he could not let the protagonist just run off like that. He thrust out his sword in much the same way as before-- and then found himself twisting back from Wei Wuxian’s block, and coming around for another strike. Before Lan Zhan could really comprehend what was happening, they were fighting, actually fighting! Wei Wuxian was blocking and ducking under his slashes, then tumbling up and out of the way.

Lan Zhan remembered how to jump, of course. And he remembered how to use his qi to keep that momentum up, as he soared through the air after Wei Wuxian’s graceful, fleeing figure. They faced each other from opposite sides of the roof, as Wei Wuxian eyed him consideringly. Lan Zhan couldn’t help but wonder what he saw.

“I’m occupied today. Excuse me,” the protagonist said. His perfect veneer of audacity hadn’t been so much as chipped by their fight. He turned and fled once more, and once more Lan Zhan gave chase. They clashed again, and this time Lan Zhan actually managed to sever the cord connecting the two jars of Emperor’s Smile. The protagonist dived off the roof to catch them, but he missed one, and it shattered on the white gravel path below.

“Lan Wangji!” the protagonist called out, all pretense at politeness abandoned. “Pay for my Emperor’s Smile!”

Lan Zhan leapt down from the roof after him. He was glad now he’d gotten in a bit of practice earlier, as he now managed to make a perfectly elegant landing. Composing his face into a stern glare, he stared the protagonist down. As he did so, he noticed something he hadn’t seen earlier.

“Turn around,” he ordered.

“Ah? What’s this?” said Wei Wuxian, walking over to study it more closely.

It was a large block of stone, with column upon column of writing carved into it. These were of course the famous rules of the Gusu Lan sect. Lan Zhan realised he’d better take a look over them himself, at some point, if he was going to be trying to enforce them.

“The principles of the Gusu Lan Clan,” Lan Zhan answered.

The protagonist was astonished. “This many?” he said, sounding horrified. He clutched his remaining jar of Emperor’s Smile protectively to his chest.

“Put the alcohol down,” said Lan Zhan. “Since you came for the lecture, let’s count how many principles you have violated tonight.” He paused. He knew there were at least four by now. Wasn’t there some rule about not fighting, too? But that probably didn’t count, since Lan Zhan had actually started the fight! Oh no, had he just added “hypocrite” to the list of scum villain Lan Wangji’s numerous misdeeds?

The protagonist shook his head and scoffed. “Well, I’m so fortunate that I wasn’t born into the stiff and horrible Gusu Lan Clan.” With that, he took the opportunity to run off again, leaping over to a nearby roof. He then sat down in a most inelegant manner. “Liquor is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses. Well, I can stay outside and sit here to drink! This won’t count, right?” Saying this, he unstoppered his jar, and tipped a stream of clear, fragrant liquor into his mouth.

Lan Zhan was infuriated. Now he knew how the System had felt earlier, when he’d tried to argue technicalities with it! The protagonist’s behaviour had seemed amusing as a reader, but from this position, Lan Zhan was beginning to find him impossibly smug and arrogant! Who would make such a big deal about not being permitted to drink alcohol? Just apologise and follow the rules next time!

“So disobedient!” Lan Zhan snapped. He felt his hand, held behind his back, clench into a fist.

“The female cultivators in every clan are all admiring the famous Lan-er-gongzi!” the protagonist called down from the roof. The return to Lan Zhan’s title was clearly not meant to be a gesture of respect. “What a pity!”

“A pity?” Lan Zhan found himself baffled by these words, and also distracted by a single drop of Emperor’s Smile that had beaded on Wei Wuxian’s chin. What on earth did he mean, about the female cultivators admiring Lan Wangji? That hadn’t been in the original novel!

Wei Wuxian grinned. “What a pity that they don’t know the person they are admiring is relentless, unreasonable, and rigid!” 

Lan Zhan glared. Well, he wasn’t wrong, Lan Wangji certainly was all those things. And maybe Lan Zhan was too! But that was better than being a shameless, disrespectful, irresponsible rule breaker, who tipped illicit alcohol all over his chin!

Ding! went the System. [Would you like to spend 50 B Points to unlock the Lan sect special ability, “Silencing Spell”?]

Yes! Anything to shut this smug protagonist up! Lan Zhan was accepting the offer before he’d even thought it through, or considered the fact that the cost was over half his remaining B Points.

“But it doesn’t matter,” Wei Wuxian continued, like he was giving a speech to a greater audience than just one mad and frustrated teenager glaring up at him from the ground. “When I go back to Yunmeng, I’m going to--”

His words were suddenly cut off, and his lips appeared inseparably sealed together! Lan Zhan had cast the silencing spell!

Wei Wuxian leapt back down from the roof, and got up in Lan Zhan’s personal space. He was able to make inarticulate noises of protest, though it appeared somewhat painful to do so, but he could neither continue with his speech nor drink any more of his Emperor’s Smile.

Lan Zhan had won. This fact was suddenly more important to him than the story, or his original plan not to get on the protagonist’s bad side. He’d made his point, and now he was going to take Wei Wuxian to receive the proper punishment.

[Congratulations! Achievement “Youthful Rivalry” unlocked! 200 B Points awarded!]

“Let’s go,” Lan Zhan said, turning on his heel to walk off. The protagonist, inexplicably, followed him.