#I cannot think of anything right now nor in the force able future

[mochaandfries]

@wormheamer I'm sorry but your following a sinking ship. For the tutorial blog I've ran out of ideas, and don't know how to ask for any more lmao

(Btw I consider you the third category in the og post, only you don't get enough attention and I think that's wrong)

This idea came to me at 3am so don’t ask.

[whiteingale]

today is worst day, i am off killing myself.

+

our existence and future is predetermined by variables around us.

some things that make you better, and some things that don't.

when I consider that I imagine I should just off myself today.

I got shock figuring out I am 22, not 21 years old. I lost track of time so badly I forgot that. I thought I was 21 and convinced myself. But I actually am 22 now. Wow, last 5 years of my life were hell. In fact, I'd say everything after 12 was already hell. It was empty void. That's why I really hate videogames, why did I spend so much time playing garbage like Dark Souls? Jesus. Uh... Fuck, I am 22 years old, holy shit I am fucked. It's time to think about my future priorities. a month in mental asylum then few years of absolute suffering and misery, anything after 2015 is blurry to me, I feel like I stopped existing as entity. I wasted a lot of time on social media, a lot of time chasing nothingness, things that possess no power in the world.

And now it's actually 2025?! My brain feels like nothing has been happening and I was genuinely rotting away. I am glad I managed to release some of these touhou videos, I am glad I managed to bring churro back. But everything in my spirit feels miserable, it's pretty obvious I am not cutout for humanity's methodology. I haven't made any friends nor any partner, I do not have any form of support at all. Not even one of family. And with my personality, with my way of being, I doubt I'll ever be able to get any. My ego is in shambles and anger as of right now. It's funny right? It's a small detail but if I said 21 it would have made me FEEL as if I accomplished a little of something. By taking a date one year further now it makes me feel like I am REALLY LATE. After all, I took a while to condition myself to the premise of "atmosphere", this is how "things are supposed to be or play out". I feel insignificant today and like the world is jusjt gonna step on me to death and there's nothing I can do. I am people pleaser, because i felt socially forced to act like one. Like that was a means of survival that I half-hazardly accepted while not feeling it in my heart. Now even complaining makes me feel like age is crawling as penalty for speaking words here. Indeed, nobody really cares. It's all fake, people only care about things that cost zero risk. Associating yourself with something weak makes you weak, isn't that right?

So, what will be my priorities for the rest of my life?

I am definitely alone and I am also not strong to defeat the world on my own, I am tired of ironyposting. I am fucking tired of watching shit youtube content. I am tired of social media hijacking my mind (when really i would've preferred living in a tribe than this fucking -technocratic place) well.. 1. I will try to work on churro as much as I can so this site works and I will use my finance to support it. Since I won't ever have a child, I can share it with the site. It can be costly for future servers and for advertising on whenever I can, but it is my genuine goal to both spend my time and money on the site. That said, I cannot do it while also working, because a few hours aren't enough to code any substantial changes or fix bugs. I will work on trying to take a gambit of perfecting the site while NEET at the moment. My second goal is touhouposting, I thought that I will have periods where I upload videos on youtube and continue doing it. Playing videogames might not be good way to spend free time, but nobody really liked me and I don't communicate so I feel this is better efficient way than all these times I tried making friends. I will probably upload touhou videos every 4 days if my time allows it, but I will eventually run out of time to edit.

So, the touhou thing isn't eternal, give it like 5 years maybe max, I hope to end it at 3. They will be published even if I die but they ought to be entertaining videos.

With that said, gym and training play huge role of my daily life. So that also takes a lot of time.

And procrastinating, I gotta talk about the worst. I am bad at dealing with abstract things, they waste my time more than anything. I am already a loser incel the way I am but when I deal with something that doesn't have a clear goal it will be bothering me. I need to manage my time so I spend the LEAST time on things that requrie entertainment over work. This stuff is something that is hard to fight when you got addicted to brainrot.

As for drawing, drawing is genuine effort workoholic example, so I priotize drawing in free time over meaningless conversations with people who only care about themselves anyway + doom feedscrolling (awful i hate it i am not gonna do it anymroe notgonnadoit My life looks pretty shady according to human standard, but I never went to bars or anything like that, in fact maybe its peopel who are shady and they have the majority. So, what do I do after I get churro perfect and upload all vids I wanted? hm....

yep, I'm probably gonna die. I wouldn't know anything anymore, it'd be nice to have son who would manage churro, maybe I can adopt somebody at very late age as ultra-cuck or something, I am getting tired of typing....

[your-universe-bellablog]

chapter 1: persona

Discovering who you are and choosing your experience.

“Tell me about yourself.” Anyone that has ever had a job in their lifetime has been asked this question at least once during a job interview. Confidently we can say our name. And then, we open Google and type “How do I answer the question Tell me about yourself during a job interview?” Because Google and people on the internet will surely know who we are. Who am I? I should know this. I am- What are they asking? Are they asking my name, my age, my hobbies, my profession, the area of studies I chose at the premature age of 18, my future goals? Are they asking my nationality, my race, my family background, my health history? That must be it that must be who I am. What else is there?

The asker if this question also does not even know what to expect. The world is full of askers who do not remember who we are and who the other is. We all came from the same source, love. But do not hate the askers, the askers are there to test you and help you, force you to look within to complete what you came here for. The reality is that you know who you are, but you simply do not remember. It’s ok to not remember who you are, no one does. That is part of the process. You can only know who you are in the absence of who you are not. But since we cannot not be who we already are, we did the next best thing, and that is forgetting.  You are a powerful and creative spirit that is on this world to define, create, and experience who you truly are and who you seek to be. To be able to experience the ecstasy and power of you are, we must start at point zero: by not remembering. You are a creator that came from one source.

Our source: love

Who we are: creators

Why do we came here on Earth: To experience our power of being a creator

Why did we “forget” who we are: We had to. It’s part of the process. Our journey is to remember who we are, our source, and experience our soul’s desire.

Our spirits, the creators, are in a journey together. Before we incarnated here on Earth, our creative spirits made a decision on what we wanted to experience here on Earth. As creators, our spirits know that we can create any experience we want. But the process must always start at point zero: by not remembering. We are all desperately trying to remember who we are and who we seek to be. We think that we do not know, but we do know, we just need to remember.

How do we help each other? BTS addresses the pressure of defining the self through the 2019 song ‘Intro: Persona’. Rapper and songwriter RM starts the song desperately questioning his identity, and ends with a hopeful and reassuring message to himself about who we are.

Who am I? The question I had my whole life

The question which I probably won’t find an answer to my whole life.

Dear myself, You must never lose your temperature, Cuz you don't need to be neither warm nor cold, Though I might sometimes be hypocritical or pretend to be evil, This is the barometer of my direction I want to keep. The 'me' that I want myself to be. The 'me' that people want me to be. The 'me' that you love. And the 'me' that I create. The 'me' that's smiling. The Me that's sometimes in tears. Vividly breathing each second and every moment even now.

Intro: Persona by BTS

Creative spirits, creative souls, do not get the pressure get to you. Your other fellow spirit friends do not remember what we came here for either. Each one of us is going through a journey. There is no need to be this or that; left or right; warm or cold; this team or that team; this political party or that political party. We are creators in an evolutionary journey. Do not cut yourself short. You can be everything you want to be. You can decide at any given moment. And the Universe will respond to give you anything the things that will collaborate with the experience you choose.

You are not your job. You are not your ego. You are not your shadow. You are not your past.

You are not a doctor. You are a creator. Your spirit/being chose to create an experience. And you chose to experience the doctor. You are not a cashier. You are a creator. Your spirit/being chose to create an experience. And you chose to experience the cashier. You are not a baker. You are a creator. Your spirit/being chose to create an experience. And you chose to experience the baker. You are not the best player on your team. You are not the worst player of your team. You are the creator. Choose who you want to be. You have the opportunity to choose your next experience at any given moment. That is who you are. A creator of experiences. All events are neutral, you decide what you want to experience at any given moment or event.

It is difficult to remember who we are. Everyone has an opinion of who you should be to benefit the pleasures of the physical body. You should be this to have this. If you don’t do this, you will never have this. The ego is the owner of the “must do’s” and “must have’s”. The ego says ”The more I do, the more I am” and “The more I have, the more I am.”

J-hope, rapper and lead dancer of BTS, composed a song called “Outro: Ego” inspired by the teachings of Carl Jung.

I go back every day to myself of back then, to the life where I chose to give up, I place myself.

But, in the world, there are some unchanging truths —that time flows forward, that there are no ifs.

When they feel distant, the memories of those days come flooding back. Touch of the devil, and fateful recall.

I still wonder why it called me again. Every day, ask me, guess it, whip it, repeat, oh. Telling myself that nothing will change, I, eventually, again, lock my worries up, close. How much love, how much joy

I comfort myself and stay calm, alone. Yeah, I don’t care, everything is my fate’s choice, so we’re here

I look ahead, the way is shining.

Keep going now. Ready, set, and begin. That way, way, way.

Wherever my way. Only ego, ego, ego. Just trust myself.

The life of Jung Hoseok who is not J-Hope flashes across my mind

It must have been full of regret with no hope till I die, with my dance only chasing ghosts.

With my dance only catching drifting clouds, with me blaming my dream and casting doubt on why I live and breathe. Time goes by, the worries of 7 years finally come out of my mouth

All the oppressions get resolved. Into my heart are the answers from those I trusted the most

One and only hope, one and only soul. One and only smile, one and only you

“The more I am” is a toxic thought enforced by society. There is no way to be less or more than what you are. You just are. You already are. You don’t remember! Why must you do, and why must you have? You are a soul having a human experience with endless opportunities to create who you want to be. You, a creator of experiences, came here to experience what your soul desires.

RM, leader of BTS, wrote a lyrical poem for his 2022 song “Yun” as a tribute to one of his favorite painters Yun Hyong-keun, a South Korean artist known for combining the colors of earth and water.

F*** the trendsetter, Imma turn back the time, far to when I was nine. The time when there were only the good and the bad. I feel like the Me of then was more like a human.

The fingers pointed at me from left and right now points at that mountain, telling me, “that’s where you have to go now” “That’s where you belong” “Oh you gon’ be alone if you insist on those ‘true intentions’ or whatever” “Without your team, you’re actually nothing” “Why would you veer onto a trail from the highway” “Just listen to me or you’ll lose everything” “As always, you go with the flow, you get better”

F*** that s***, the lifestyle of a stranger. The place for me is always the pipeline along the border.

Still, I still dream of things that are not allowed, I dance with no one watching me. You keep the silence, ‘Fore you do something. You be a human, till the death of you.

I wanna be a human, ‘Fore I do some art. It’s a cruel world, but there’s gon’ be my part, Cuz true beauty is a true sadness. Now you could feel my madness

He always said, “be a human first,”

 “don’t try to do art, just play and feel the human feelings of joy, anger, love, sorrow, and pleasure”

What is it with the techniques? What is it with the skills? What is it with all the words in your lyrics that you can’t feel?

What do we want to define ourselves as something for the rest of our lives? The answer is because we do not remember who we are, and we do not remember our basic instinct and our source. Our basic instinct is Love. We do not remember this. It’s part of the plan. We are lost and confused and we think that we will receive love by identifying ourselves more clearly to others. We adopt any identity desperately looking for love (our source). However, all we must do is remember we are love. Love is within us.

You know, deep inside you, what you came here to experience. Ask yourself, what did you think about as a child before receiving instructions? What did you dream to become? At what point did your dream change? Why did it change? Did someone influence to change your dreams? Challenge yourself. Your soul needs you to remember. Your soul is awaiting your next move. Your universe is excited to give you what you desire. There is no reason to fear.

BTS’ 2013 debut song “No more dream” depicts the sad reality of our childhood dreams being taken away from us by souls who do not remember who we are.

What is your dream? I want a big house, big cars, and big rings…But actually I don't have any big dreams. I’m really living an easy life. Even if I don’t have a thing like a dream, no one says anything to me. Every single one thinks the same way as I do. The completely forgotten childhood that was filled with dreams.

Don't worry about university, I'll go somewhere even if it’s far away. Okay, mom, I'm going to the study room right now. What is the You that you’ve dreamed of? Who do you see now in your mirror? I got to say: Go your own way, even if you live only one day, do something, Put your weakness away.

It’s a lie, you such a liar. See me see me ya, you’re a hypocrite. Why do you keep telling me to go on a different path, hey, take care of your own business. Please don’t force me. What is your dream, what is your dream, what is it? It is only this, is it only this, is it?

On a same boring day, on every repetitive day, adults and parents forcefully instill dreams that are molded. No. 1 dream job… a government employee? It’s not a forced dream, a relief pitcher in the bottom of the ninth. Throw a fast ball to the self-study time that is a waste of time

Rebel against this hell-like society, give your dream a special pardon.

Ask yourself what the profile of your dream is

Be the subject of your own life that has been only suppressed

No More Dream by BTS

You only go as far as you dream, so dream big, and remember to always LOVE.

BTS songs to listen to remember who you are:

Intro: Persona

No More Dream

Interlude: Shadow

Outro: Ego

Yun (by RM)

Inner Child

---------------

LYRIC TRANSLATION CREDITS:

DOOLSET https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/

GENIUS LYRICS genius.com

[megan-is-mia]

Could I ask for Peacock Vil with #209? Like he's in his mating season and she is rejecting all his advances.

(This one is kind of long sorry) 209. “The way you say my name feel so fucking good…keep saying it.” (Yandere! Peacock Vil Schoenheit x Fem! S/o) (WARNING NSFW AND NON-CON AHEAD!)

Ever since she was a young girl (Y/n) had known what her future would be. Born to a concubine in the Peacock King’s harem there was only one fate open to her: to become a harem-girl like her mother before her and serve her master obediently. This fact had been drilled into her since toddlerhood. Yet there was something that gave her hope and kept her from fully accepting her destiny. She had a special friend, a secret friend who lived in the castle as well. They’d never seen each other’s faces but spoke to one another every day through a hole in the wall between the two grand gardens of the palace. Her friend called themself Scélérat, and they loved two things: knowledge and beauty. Each day they would teach (Y/n) new things they’d learned from the books in the library.

With every scrap of knowledge (Y/n) gained she found new strength in herself. When she was with Scélérat she wasn’t just a lowly harem girl, she was a person who mattered in this world. Yet as the years went by things began to change, she began to be plagued with more and more duties to make her into the ideal concubine. Even worse the Peacock King’s son Vil demanded that she become his personal servant and tend to him daily.

“(Y/n) why do you stand so far from my side? Come closer darling I won’t bite” Vil cooed as he lounged back on the chaise longue and gestured for the servant to come closer. (Y/n) grit her teeth but obeyed, she despised the peacock-man and his father and everything they stood for. If it wasn’t for the king and the prince, she and her mother would not be bound to a life of sexual servitude.

Vil pulled (Y/n) down into his lap as she came closer, she had grown more beautiful than he could ever have hoped for. He still remembered with total clarity when he’d first met her, back when they were children still innocent of heart. She’d been crying in the garden and he’d spoken to her through the wall. (Y/n) had spilled out her sorrows to him and he felt his heartache for the first time in his life.

He hadn’t told her his name then, for that would have ruined everything. To her, he would be Scélérat, someone she could always depend on to be there for her and lift her up. But as time has gone by their meetings had grown shorter and less frequent, it was not her fault that she wasn’t able to meet him. (Y/n) was blooming into a beautiful young woman and therefore she had to know her duties as a concubine.

That didn’t mean he would let her slip away from him. Sure for now she may not love him as Prince Vil, but he would win her yet. He was sure of it, she had no choice in the matter. When he became king he would dismiss most of the harem that his father had amassed. Of course, he would make sure the concubines went to good homes but he would not need so many women to keep him happy. The only woman he needed to be happy was (Y/n), she would be his queen in all but name. He wished he could make her queen proper but he knew patience would be key to being successful in his endeavors. If he gave her that power before he knew for certain that she was loyal to him everything could go down in flames. Vil could not let the love in his heart cloud his judgment on the matter.

(Y/n) hated how intimately the prince touched her. His hands made her skin crawl and she felt like she needed to scrub her skin clean after every encounter with him. The other harem girls gossiped that she must be his favorite since she was the only girl he’d ever called to his chambers. However, she did not care whether or not she was the prince’s favorite for she would never care for him.

For her heart already belonged to another, her beloved Scélérat, yes they were her beloved. Though she had never had the courage to tell them of her feelings for them and now she was unlikely to ever have the chance to tell them with the prince hoarding her time and body. The only relief she had was the fact the prince and king’s mating season would soon start and none would be allowed near their rooms nor them. Perhaps in this downtime (Y/n) would gain from the prince’s season she’d be able to speak to Scélérat again and set things straight. However, until the season started she would be quite busy with Prince Vil. In the week leading up to his mating season, the prince began acting strangely towards her. One could almost call it affectionate, the way he spoke to her and tried to shower her in gifts of clothes and jewelry. “He must be trying to court you” another harem girl suggested when (Y/n) spoke of her concerns one evening. “The gift-giving, the affectionate words, the only sensible explanation is that his more bestial brain is piloting and he wants you to be his mate” she added making (Y/n) cringe with disgust. Her? The prince’s mate? No way! There was no way she would ever become the prince’s mate!

Yet despite her unwillingness, she found herself being locked in with the prince on the day his rut started. At first, he seemed totally unaware of her presence in the room, jerking furiously on his bed and grunting in a low voice. This was a side of Vil she’d never seen before, who was this unrefined creature unable to think of anything but sex? She could almost feel pity for him, almost.

(Y/n) was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t even notice when the prince had given up trying to pleasure himself and was creeping towards her. Suddenly she found herself being pulled and forced down on the bed as Vil climbed atop of her with a lecherous grin. (Y/n) grimaced and tried to kick him off even as he leaned down to capture her lips in a hungry kiss and ran his hands down her sides.

“Finally, I have you where I want you… I’ve been waiting for this day for years” Vil said in a coo as he pulled away from the kiss. “Ever since we were young I knew you were the one for me my darling” he added leaning in for another kiss. (Y/n) turned her head away confused by the prince’s words. “What… What are you talking about! You aren’t making any sense!” she said, trying to kick him again. “Even when we’re this close to one another you still don’t recognize me? You cannot recognize your oldest friend?” the prince said, leaning down to speak in (Y/n)’s ear. “Your dear Scélérat sits before you and yet you do not see?” he whispered before pressing a kiss to her ear. This revelation froze (Y/n) to her core, the prince… he was the one she’d loved for so long? Impossible! She could not accept, she would not accept this to be true!

“I don’t believe you! You must be lying! Scélérat is a good person, unlike you! He would never let me remain a harem girl if he had the power to free me like you do!” (Y/n) said in a hiss. “Oh I have every intention of freeing you, just not yet… first I must become king so I can make you my wife” Vil said nuzzling the young woman playfully. “But such serious matters can wait until another day, let us enjoy each other’s company” he concluded.

(Y/n) knew exactly what he meant by “enjoy each other’s company” and she wanted none of it. She tried to push him away again even as he kissed down her front, yanking her top down to lavish her breasts with attention. (Y/n) had never had the curiosity to try touching herself in such a matter and as such her body jolted with the new sensations Vil forced upon her with his mouth and hands.

“You saved yourself for me didn’t you darling?” the peacock-man said with a croon, his hands darting further down (Y/n)’s body to run down her thighs. “I wish I had the patience to wait until our wedding night to do this… but I suppose there really is nothing wrong with getting started on making an heir right?” he mused to himself as the young woman below him felt her blood run cold. Her? Carry the prince’s heir? She couldn’t think of many things worse than bearing a child for this man! Perhaps she could stop him from doing this tonight? Maybe she could spare herself such a fate by taking command now? (Y/n) reached down clumsily searching for the prince’s cock and taking it firmly in her grip. Without hesitation, she began jerking him off quickly as he began to buck into her hold. “Mmmph fuck that feels so good” Vil said, his tail feathers spreading behind him as he fucked himself into the girl’s fist and let his head lol back in pleasure. It didn’t take long for him to cum messily onto (Y/n)’s body with a weak grin. “That was delightful darling, now allow me to return the favor” the prince said situating himself between the girl’s thighs. He pulled her undergarments aside before pressing his mouth to her cunt. This was not what she had wanted to have happen! She’d touched him hoping that it would be enough to please him so he wouldn’t impregnate her. He wasn’t supposed to try and return the favor of pleasuring! (Y/n) weakly kicked at the prince as he sucked on her clit and drove his tongue deep into her cunt. It felt like he was trying to clean her insides out with his mouth and she could feel her eyes rolling back in her skull. “P-puh-prince Vil!” (Y/n) squealed desperately and to her surprise, the peacock-man stopped. “The way you say my name feel so fucking good…keep saying it” the prince groaned out before he began tongue-fucking her again. It didn’t take long until the harem girl was seeing white and cumming all over Vil’s face. He licked up her release greedily before spreading her legs and scooting so his cock brushed against her pussy.

“I’ll try to be gentle, considering this is your first time… but I can't promise I won’t lose control” Vil cooed before starting to sink into (Y/n)’s depths. It didn’t take much before the young woman was squirming with discomfort. The prince was so big compared to her and his cock was just as proportionally big. The kisses that he pressed to her face did nothing to ease the pain he was causing her at this moment. “Hold on for me darling… I just need to get all the way in and then I'll make you feel really good” the prince promised. He continued to sink into her, stretching her like she’d never been stretched before. His fingers teased her clit made it almost bearable but still it wasnt enough to take the pain away. Finally, Vil was all the way in and let out a long gasp. He nuzzled (Y/n)’s shoulder before kissing it.

“You feel so tight around me… it feels amazing… I'm going to make you feel amazing too” the peacock-man said, his tail feathers shaking with delight. He pulled back a little bit before slamming back into (Y/n) with a grunt. He repeated this action over and over again each time striking a spot deep inside the harem girl’s cunt that made her see stars and moan for him like he wanted. Gradually Vil’s movements got faster and faster, gripping the bedframe as he fucked (Y/n) with all his might. The young woman came so many times yet the prince showed no signs of wearing out despite the many times he had also cum as he pounded her into the bed. “I’m gonna plant an entire nest in your womb darling… you’ll like that won’t you? Soon you’ll be a wife, a mother, and a queen just like you deserve…” THE END

[sereisstuff]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 // Shuntaro chishiya

Hey guys, I haven’t written in a while and got inspired by @hvrriicane​​ who’s Chishiya imagine is absolutely amazing. I wanted to write for Chishiya too so started off with him, next will be Niragi or Kuina. I still don’t know yet what I’m going to do but enjoy..

There’s literally no point to continue living, nothing but our own lives we cradle like a new bought gift.

“What’s the point of this reality anymore”

I questioned absentmindedly, gazing out into the open window while releasing the tension in my shoulders as I sighed in thought. My mind was running in circles ever since I arrived at the beach, defying all my morality to feel normal again. Selfish wasn’t it, to disregard human law to feel like my body was mine once more. Not some fetish in a game overruled by a faceless master.

The wind was calm, carrying the melodies of serenity with it. It was almost like I was myself again but I knew better than to question that, the pumping outrage of music often reminded me where I was and the stumbling people knocking loudly against the walls kept my mind at bay.

“There is no reason” was spoken in a sultry voice behind you, you could tell who’s voice that was by a mere grunt. Your heart raced and you cursed yourself for ever falling for someone in a world such as this “Living is just a game, you survive based on how well you play” chishiya spoke once more, followed by a light grunt of amusement.

His steps echoed through the room as he slowly approached my place, I didn’t waver nor acknowledge his presence. Concealing what I felt was always my specialty and I’ve yet to met anyone succeeded at deciphering them. He stopped just beside me, hands in his pockets, staring at the sky just as I did. 

“Is there a reason why you’re not speaking to me?” he laughed with a smirk smearing across his features making me furrow my brows in fury, he leaned slightly against the door frame. Hooded eyes meeting my own with the tilt of his head “I don’t want to die, in your attempt to steal” you explained with a fault, a lie no match for Chishiyas intelligence. You hadn’t met his fierce eyes yet, staring aimlessly into the sky, painfully watching the velvet lasers drip from the roof of reality sharply. As if one minute they were there and the next, their existence ceased to exist just like the souls they took with it.

It was an excuse, another reason to lie to his face. You couldn’t bear the thought of having to constantly be around him while concealing your feelings, his mere presence was something hard to resist and you hated yourself every day for it “I’m speaking to you right now” Chishiya raised his sharp brows with the pucker of his chapped lips, he spoke “for the first time in a week” 

“Is there any reason for your visit? Or was it merely to annoy me?” You managed to huff, concealing your heartache with pure annoyance.

Chishiya shrugged, his voice high as his dreamy eyes followed the lining of your body from your toes to your covered figure and then once more meeting your eyes “are you looking down on me?” he said with amusement, the words slipped from his mouth like a devilish command. 

"I would never, your too clever for me to care" 

"I get told that more than you know” Chishiya spoke, slithering his lips into a charming smile.

I cradled my knees closer to my chest as I relentlessly thought about the wonders it would be if we never met “Of course you do” you mumbled under your breath, Chishiya’s laughable gaze slowly rolled down, he looked from the corners of his eyes while swiping his tongue against the floor of his lips.

“Anything I said or did before, it was a lie. I don’t want to be apart of your plan anymore, I just want to go back to normal” There it came, your truth. Merely a disguise for your hearts motives but it bit you back venomously. Normal? Normal was adaptive, Normal used to be walking home at dawn after running to the store for a midnight snack, normal was falling sick and having your mother come and cradle you. You even missed her sharp tongue, preferring that more than the ache of love and the wrath of this immoral reality.

“Normal is adaptive, wicked or not. Nothing ever stays the same as much as you wished, Life is sickening like that” Chishiya spoke leaning against the frame, his feline eyes begging to be sunken into. Similar to you, Chishiya had a knack for emotion, easily able to ignore and manipulate his own but he could tell what you were thinking as if it was a superpower.

“I’ve found you amusing ever since the hide and seek game” Chishiya laughed, his words were sharp but something in you told you he was telling you the truth, you didn’t notice how the sharp tune of your neck snapping towards his direction whilst your fiery eyes met his but just like fire, his eyes calmed something in you. Chishiya raised his hands with a casual raise of his eyebrows and a low giggle. 

“If your here to laugh at me, leave the way you came or I’ll make you” your forced threat didn’t waver him, Chishiya was never one to back down even if he seems so. 

His hands slowly retracted back to his pockets, as he sat casually beside you. You could feel his warmth and enjoyed the mere second until you remembered his reasoning, you hated having to continue as if you felt nothing, wanting more of his comfort “Can I continue?” He asks politely, his eyes never leaving yours so you felt his truth seeping from his callous tongue, he knew you more than anyone else, not even poor Arisu knew just how deeply you thought and how hard you fought.

You sent him a quick nod, finally holding eye contact. Chishiya took this as a sign to somewhat move closer to you, his jersey knitting your sweater as his head stood just a few inches away from your shoulders.

“The world has a wicked way going about telling us about our feelings, showing us what we can and cannot have. Sometimes, we have what we want but we cannot grasp them fully because the world doesn’t want us to have them, selfish at most” 

“What are you trying to say chishiya? I’m not in the mood to play in your game of minds”

“The hide and seek game showed me what I could have, what that meant for me. I’m grateful that you saved me as stupid and selfless that was.” He continued and it was odd seeing this, you could see his own defenses melting but your anger got the best of you and you made an abrupt stand, clenching your fist as you fought the tears brimming your eyes. You felt tortured and played by him as one of his stupid jokes.

“Leave” you spoke sternly.

“Leave Chishiya, I already told you I don’t want anything to do with your riddles right now. I- I can’t handle it”

Chishiya although didn’t falter, you followed his body as he stood. His chest puffed high. Standing just before you “I know you don’t want me to leave” he knew, he knew all along and sat here toying with you like you were nothing to him.

Chishiya’s long lashes fluttered as his cold eyes stared deeply into yours, so deep your anger slowly subsided and you gave him the time to speak “I don’t want you to leave me, you’re an idiot, yes but I know if I let you go now. I’ll feel torn in the future, living at the beach taught me one thing. You can’t trust anyone but somehow I can trust you” he inched closer to you, so you felt his breath tickle your lips and for a moment Chishiya let his comfort seep over you, enjoying your company that he missed.

“Do what you wish with that” and just like that, he was gone again. Leaving you with frustrated thoughts. To untangle his way of words but what you most definitely knew was that your feelings weren’t alone anymore.

[bored-storyteller]

34 for Kaeya please? 🥺

Hi Anon!

Ahem, when it comes to Kaeya, I always get a little excited. And I am also afraid because I am always in doubt if all this in the future will prove to be extremely OOC, but I cannot know this yet.

(Anyway, it's angst/comfort, but if you just want angst and just angst then you can stop before "...")

Hope you like it anyway!

66- Genshin Impact, Kaeya Alberich x Reader

From the prompt list

34- “Will you miss me at all?”

"I give you my heart completely, it is yours, I give it to you." The Captain of the Knights of Favonius had whimpered as he comically clung to the half-empty mug.

You smiled with a slight sigh: "Your heart is mine as it is owned by all of Mondstadt."

His pleading face had turned into an offended pout as he threw the remaining alcohol down his throat.

"Hey, my heart isn't that cheap!" He had almost scolded you as he slammed his empty glass on the wooden table.

You don't know what you'd give to hear those stupid flirtations of him right now. Those sweet and mean jokes that sometimes flattered you, sometimes made you laugh, and still others hurt you.

You don't know what you'd give to run to the tavern to share a drink with him, to hear him laugh, to get mad at him or to be able to feel the warmth of his hand on your shoulder.

But all you feel is the wet cold that threatens rain, a bitter and hateful cold, a miserable and dead cold that you would have gladly exchanged to curl up in the dry and majestic chill of ice.

"Kaeya ..." His name escapes your lips like a faint prayer as you look at his one visible closed eye "Kaeya, don't sleep ... who's the lazy one, huh?"

You swallow as your fingers brush his blood-soaked hair. You caress his cold cheeks, you cuddle his head as it rests in your lap. "Everything will be fine ..." you whisper to him "everything will be fine ..." you try to convince yourself.

A rumble too close makes you scream. Your arms instinctively pick up the knight's helpless body and your body bends over him to protect him.

What is happening? You don't even remember, you don't even know, probably.

"Kaeya don't sleep ..." You repeat again, holding on to every faint breath of him.

"Hey…"

For a moment you don't even distinguish that that's his voice, for a moment you think you've just imagined it, that you've mistaken a breath of wind for the sound of him.

But weak and frail, Kaeya calls you back to him.

You call him too, a new hope is born in your gaze, now that you can admire his iris periwinkle of him.

Your voice trembles, like your hands, and your lungs. It hurts you to breathe as long as you need to cry, but you resist and instead you go back to caressing him slowly, trying to give him relief, affection, whatever you can give him in that moment - all your heart.

"Kaeya, hold on, you'll be fine." Try to put all the conviction you can into it "You were great."

On his tired and dirty face you can still see the ghost of that smile so familiar to you, yet in him there is a sadness that you do not know how to erase.

Your fingers intertwine with his blue locks, which loose and wild now rest on him, and on you.

"Always so kind ..." His murmur is sweet, yet it burns like a hot iron. What is his personality is drowned in melancholy and fear.

You would like to tell him that you are not kind, you have never been, but his face leaning towards you in search of your warmth silences you. Why does everything, from his smile, to his breath, to his blinking, smell of latest deeds?

"I think ... it's selfish to ask you ..." he gently calls all your attention "but ... will you miss me at all?"

You had prayed until then that he would not speak, not hint at that dark prospect. Because you know that at this point you can no longer breathe, the tears that blurred your vision can no longer be held back, and your throat hurts so much as you try not to sob.

How could you ever imagine getting up tomorrow knowing that Kaeya is gone? How could you tackle the streets of Mondstadt remembering his footsteps, his voice behind the walls, and his smiles peeking out from around the corner? How could you have tolerated the scent of Death after Noon anymore? How could you ever face Teyvat, the whole world, who would have moved on without him?

"Yes ... it's selfish ..." your murmur is so broken that you hardly understand it yourself, and you clear your throat, forcing yourself to be firm in your words "You said it's mine ... isn't it?"

Your hand slides across his chest, still warm under your cold numb fingers.

Under his skin you can feel the faint pulsing movement, like a little bird moving under your palm. And you pray with all of yourself, so that this little bird doesn't stop flying.

“You gave it to me… right? Here inside of you ... here is my heart. You can't be so selfish as to take it away from me, right? Sure ... sure I will miss my heart ... "Your every word turns into prayer, supplication, to the Archons, to heaven, to whatever can save him.

Your eyes can't see his expression, not now that your face is hidden in his hair and tears run down your cheeks without giving you peace.

Your fingers grip his clothes as if they could hold him there one last time, before he is pushed away from you and arms of fire envelop you.

"I'll miss you…"

. . .

Kaeya listened to every beat of his heart. Even in the dark, all he cared about was feeling that constant movement inside his body.

"So good." he thought every time the muscle twitched "keep it up, like a good guy."

Even when his pupils began to perceive reddish hues behind his eyelids and distant voices began to reach his ears, Kaeya never stopped worrying about that heartbeat that had suddenly become like this. precious.

The object that is pushed into his throat is so bitter that he would like to spit it out without restraint, but with a big sip of water he forces it to fall into his stomach. Anything to help that heart to beat stronger and more vigorous again.

"Kaeya ..." Your weak voice reaches him, and his only eye that can see crosses you.

"Hey ..." He greets you with a smile, one of his.

He doesn't think you've ever seen him in bed, covered in bandages as he is now. It is already a lot if he can sit in that semi-sitting position, leaning against the pillow on the headboard of the bed.

"You have finally arrived." He barely laughs as you shyly approach his bedside. You still look shaken, you look tired, you look like a frightened fawn.

"They wouldn't let me come ..." guilty whispers "they thought ... they thought it was better that I didn't see ..."

You don't continue the sentence, but he knows it. He had foreseen that ending, not that he was happy about it, but he had thought that dying in your arms wasn't such a bad ending, at least until he met your pain.

"Ah ... I had a bad time huh?" He laughs, but you don't. He's back to himself, or he never stopped being, but the sight of him so miserable can't hearten you, it's as if you still fear for him.

"... You really would have missed me." The realization he exhibits is not playful. It is quiet, but serious and light, as if he hadn't really believed it up until that moment.

Your shoulders shake again, under the weight of the anguish you have endured, under the pressure you never gave in. Because while you waited you never cried, nor bowed your head, it was not your right to do so.

But now that he's okay, you can cry over his wounds and you can throw all the fear out of yourself.

"Oh ... what a bad knight I am, I made you cry again ..." he murmurs, but there is no real guilt in his voice, but a tender affection for you "come here, let me make me forgive."

His arm gently pulls you towards him, letting you rest against his chest.

"Listen" he murmurs as he rests his cheek on your head "I protected your heart like you asked me, I was good, right?"

He wouldn't need to take on other responsibilities, he already has a lot of them, more than you think, yet he can't help but take care of you. He loves you so much that he is even willing to live if that makes you happy.

"You've been good."

[ruby-whistler]

I feel like if we really want to take a closer look at the topic of c!Dream’s obsession with c!Tommy, we have to look into both his reasons for it, and the tactics he employs to achieve his goals concerning it.

[ /dsmp /roleplay I did not tag this that way but this entire analysis is hugely c!Dream critical and focuses on the various facets of his manipulation, so if you’re not in the mood to read that, you have been warned not to. ]

Interestingly enough, before the SMP was actual heavy roleplay, back during the original disc war, the reason c!Dream listed for keeping the discs was to use them as bargaining chips, because he knew c!Tommy wanted them back, as they were hard items to get at the time, and knew he could use them for that purpose.

He had just gotten mugged and repeatedly killed by c!Tommy, who had also participated in a conflict beforehand, and only gave a half-hearted apology in the end. He had also seen him cause problems on the server before that. The discs were meant to be something he would threaten to destroy if c!Tommy started acting out of line, because he didn’t trust him to keep his word and wanted a guarantee. That was the reason he insisted on keeping the discs after getting his armor back, which is why he originally stole them.

And I feel like c!Dream’s train of thought, while skewed and twisted with irrational mindsets, is rather straightforward in essence. Conflict is what he actively stands against and what stops him from having a united server, hence in his mind, he needs to destroy things that bring conflict, and control what he can’t or doesn’t want to destroy. He thinks c!Tommy brings conflict, so he feels like he needs to find ways to control him.

Sure, we all know about the systematic abuse and isolation he employed to make c!Tommy believe he was his friend, but one of his major tactics since the beginning has also been intimidation, or a particular type of manipulation that leads to people fearing him or thinking that he has more power than he actually does. In his mind, if people are scared of him, they’re much more likely to listen to him. And the most fascinating thing is that it works.

During the initial exile conflict, despite him being just a single person with no official political power, he assures victory by aggressively, and very intelligently, threatening his way through the negotiations. c!Tubbo is scared of him, and that is not a coincidence. It’s purposeful.

Seeing as he planned to give L’Manberg technical independence either way - he said that there was no real way for him to stop them from pursuing that anyways, so that wasn’t the intention - even the war seems like a very likely ploy to make the revolutionaries fear him enough so that they wouldn’t start conflict after seceding. c!Wilbur is careful not to start anything with the Greater Dream SMP after this, because c!Dream has shown that he can and will ruin them if they do. c!Tubbo also knows exactly the lengths c!Dream will go to if he promises war thanks to this, and that if he says he’ll build a wall and keep them from leaving it with force, he’s going to do it. When c!Tubbo is faced with an ultimatum, seeing as his goal is to keep New L’Manberg safe and peaceful, he knows he has no option but to give in.

Another variation of this tactic is making himself seem more dangerous and unpredictable than he actually is and obscuring his motivation. If people don’t know what he wants, they are less able to devise effective tactics to stop him from getting it. The element of surprise is something that he utilizes constantly throughout warfare, and psychological battling is no different. For instance, during Doomsday he begins talking about how the server will “be at peace now” thanks to L’Manberg being gone, before c!Tommy barges in, and begins implying he did this all because he hates him.

DREAM Tommy… Look. In all destruction *looks at the falling TNT* there is a new beginning.

TOMMY You- you did this…! To all of us! Not just to me, but to everyone here…!

DREAM Beautiful. You know… the unfinished symphony, right?

…

TOMMY Why…?

DREAM The server will be at peace now.

TOMMY Why, Dream…?

DREAM Because I didn’t-

TOMMY Couldn’t you just- couldn’t you just burn the discs…? Couldn’t you just do it to me? Why did you have to…?

DREAM This is much more fun.

[ credits to @dsmptranscripts on twitter ]

Although c!Dream’s motivation for destroying L’Manberg was actually that, much like with c!Tommy, he thought that it bred conflict and division, he picks up on this and switches to saying how he did indeed do this all to hurt c!Tommy because he finds it fun.

He talks very inconsistently plenty of times, but it’s rather easy to spot a pattern of him being honest about his motives with his allies but straight up lying to his enemies. This makes sense, and it is usually employed as a deliberate tactic.

Intimidation is something he also uses to manipulate people during his time in prison. Ever since he got locked up, it became a mental fight. If people fully realized that he was powerless to stop them from hurting or killing him, his life only hanging by a thin strand on the concept of the revive book, he would’ve lost the control he needed to assure his survival.

The difference is that before then, c!Dream had actual physical power, however the manipulation gets harder to pull off when he has none, even with people he finds naive enough to fall for it. He still risks it because he’s desperate, and has nothing but his own life to lose, which is something he believes to be protected by his possession of the revival book. He had never been big on self-preservation besides staying alive to reach his goals.

He first tries this on c!Sam, who, rather unpredictably, begins to get morally corrupted by the power he has over c!Dream, on top of other factors. c!Dream talks to c!Sam about exile and about c!Tommy because logically, if he’s afraid of him, he’s less likely to try to hurt or kill him. This backfires because this new, unexpected version of c!Sam begins to fiercely hate c!Dream instead, hurting him further.

The same thing happens with c!Tommy - when he realizes that he can’t influence him through repeated visits anymore, he attempts to scare him into obedience again. He establishes himself as someone dangerous who has the power to escape and hurt c!Tommy as well as his friends, which he hopes will subconsciously sway him to not do things that he would disagree with. We can see him pretending to be the one in control throughout the stream after c!Tommy first got revived.

He also tells him that he can bring back the person who he’s afraid of the most and get him on his side, which is precisely the bit that ends up backfiring, but it doesn’t really matter, and trying was still the best thing he could’ve logically done.

If he hadn’t, at some point people would realize he actually has no power at all, and pay back the fear he’d instilled in them previously. This happens with c!Quackity, who began to take advantage of c!Dream’s lack of control as soon as he realized how easy it was to strip away the last bit of power he has, which is also keeping him alive.

Getting back on track, c!Dream essentially tries to control c!Tommy first by manipulating him into believing he is his friend, then believing he is a threat to him when that fails. We can see this from the way the Finale is prepared to be somewhat of a final showdown between the two, and also by him actually revealing the tactics he used to employ during exile, for example talking about taking away the invites to the party and not actually being his friend. This also proves he knew exactly what he was doing during that time, and he could easily switch between tactics because the end goal of controlling c!Tommy was more important to him than what c!Tommy thought of him.

And that’s it.

It’s all just a ploy to control him because he finds him one of the hardest people to stop from causing conflict.

Controlling him is as important to c!Dream as destroying L’Manberg and dethroning c!George and collecting people’s attachments, because what is important to him is achieving his goals through whatever means necessary, not the means themselves.

As for people, while he has no desire to actually kill them - or feels he cannot, because they could still be useful to his plans in the future - he treats them as either tools or obstacles he needs to deal with, especially if they ever get in the way of his plans, and he isn’t particularly attached to them. He does this to himself as well, and doesn’t seem to care about his own well-being or reputation as long as he achieves what he wants. While he’s focused on the ends to his means, that is the only thing that is important to him.

You could argue this does stem from thinking of the people he wants the server to be united for as important, since cc!Dream said his goals are for “everyone to get along”, but that doesn’t change the fact that the ways in which he works towards that goal doesn’t treat others’ or his own feelings as consequential at all. In the case of people who stand against him, their entire well-being is put to the side until what needs to be done in his mind gets done.

c!Dream isn’t “scared” of c!Tommy per se, nor does he seem to be obsessed with the guy himself, but he finds him something necessary to get out of the way to accomplish his goals, and he does so, ruthlessly as ever.

And even though the goal of eradicating conflict and uniting the server is something that he is so focused on that it could definitely be called an obsession, c!Tommy really isn’t that important within the equation at all.

This wasn’t a post to excuse or downplay any of his actions, nor do I agree with the “logical” thoughts I mentioned. There is a reason why I used phrases like “he finds” “in his eyes” “he thinks” “in his mind” “he feels like” a whole lot throughout this essay.

The character has an extremely flawed worldview that I in no way agree with (and although that should probably be pretty obvious, you really don’t know with this fandom). All this post is for is to analyse certain traits that are assigned to him, and figure out through logical reasoning whether they’re a mischaracterization or not.

And as far as the evidence goes; c!Dream isn't obsessed with c!Tommy, he is obsessed with his goal, and he sees Tommy as a big obstacle to achieving it, which makes him focus on him. These feelings he puts on display are an illusion to distract people from his real goal so they don't know how to get in his way - because, just like cc!Dream said, he “likes to withhold information; withhold plans; and withhold feelings” from everyone else.

[kurowrites]

Since you like cute fluffy prompts, how about everyone assumes LWJ and WWX will end up together for political reasons (which is fine, it's a smart match) but then slowly come to the realization that they actually really like each other?

Celebratory arranged marriage fic! This is probably not what you expected, but oh well! :D

---

"Wangji, are you sure this is what you want?" Lan Xichen asked.

Lan Xichen had invited Lan Wangji to the Hanshi to have tea with him, and although Lan Wangji had expected his brother to have something on his mind that he did not want to discuss in front of their uncle, he would have preferred if his brother had not voiced his concerns. It would have made things... easier.

Lan Wangji studied the bottom of his teacup for a long time before he was able to raise his gaze to meet the concerned eyes of his brother and speak.

"Xiongzhang," he finally said. "I have agreed to the proposal. I am not... unwilling. I never expected to fall in love."

Lan Xichen looked like he wanted to say something, but one glance from Lan Wangji had him maintain his silence.

"I do not place value on such impermanent emotions. To have a steady companion will be enough."

"Oh, Wangji," Lan Xichen sighed. "Sometimes I fear Uncle has had too much success with your education. You deserve to be loved, you know?"

Lan Wangji did not know how to reply to that.

He was not unhappy, that was the truth.

He had long known that a political marriage would be an inevitability, eventually. The steadily aggravating situation with the Qishan Wen sect, Jin Guangshan's own questionable ambitions; it had only been a matter of time until the other sects saw their hand forced. It was only natural that they would want to strengthen their own alliances and raise their defences. Arranged marriages were only too common in situations as these.

He should be glad, he thought, that his chosen partner would be Wei Wuxian. His uncle might not be as happy with the choice, might have preferred someone else, perhaps a woman. But to Lan Wangji, it had been the best choice out of the few that he had had. The Gusu Lan and Yunmeng Jiang sects needed a stronger alliance, and barring marrying Jiang Wanyin himself, Wei Wuxian had been the best choice. Naturally, Madam Yu would insist that Jiang Wanyin's wife would be a woman, someone that could bear the future sect heir.

Thinking rationally, choosing Wei Wuxian had been less of a choice and more of a given. The marriage needed to be both strong in terms of the ties that it created, but also unoffensive enough so that no other sects would object.

The only other possible choice would have been Nie Huaisang. But considering that Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen were already sworn brothers, the alliance to the Jiang sect took precedence.

Lan Xichen sighed again.

"I just want you to be happy, Wangji."

"I am content, Xiongzhang. There is no cause for unhappiness."

His brother said nothing, but Lan Wangji could read his thoughts on his face.

After all, he had deliberately evaded referring to himself as 'happy.'

---

When he had agreed to the marriage, he had thought about Wei Wuxian, and felt a sliver of worry. Lan Wangji might be content to marry for politics, and settle for nothing more than a companion, but he had always felt that Wei Wuxian would want more than that.

Wei Wuxian had always been a passionate person; it followed that he would be a passionate man when it came to love, as well.

Instead, he was going to marry Lan Wangji.

Would he be content with simple companionship? Lan Wangji had considered it once, offering Wei Wuxian the opportunity to practice... certain activities outside the marriage, to keep a lover on the side. But something deep inside him rebelled against the idea. He didn't know if he would be able to live with the knowledge that his husband would seek the embrace of another.

And Wei Wuxian had agreed to the marriage, after all. He had known who Lan Wangji was when he agreed, and he had known the conditions attached to the marriage.

Still, there was the smallest nagging voice in the back of his head that told him that someone like Wei Wuxian was made for love. Not for marrying men like Lan Wangji for the sake of politics. He still remembered when Wei Wuxian had visited Cloud Recesses for the first time. He had heard that Wei Wuxian had calmed down a little since he had become an adult, but Lan Wangji remembered all too well how much of a flirt he had been, how openly he had carried all his emotions on his sleeve. Wei Wuxian had not been made for politics.

Still, the marriage would happen. They had both agreed to the proposal, their families had agreed to the proposal. Soon, they would be here, and Lan Wangji would be a married man.

---

"So," Wei Wuxian smiled once they were finally alone, back in the familiar quiet of the Jingshi. "Looks like we're married, huh? I feel a little bad for you - you must have wanted a nice, quiet wife, and yet here you are, with someone who's neither nice, quiet, nor a wife."

He let his eye wander over the room in front of him, and Lan Wangji wondered what it looked like to Wei Wuxian's eyes. As the rest of Cloud Recesses, it must seem like a horribly boring place to him.

Lan Wangji himself had no eyes for the room in front of him, however. He looked at Wei Ying, resplendent in his red wedding robes, and tried to remember if Wei Wuxian had already been this handsome before, or if the maids had simply done an excellent job in anticipation of the wedding ceremony. He truly looked like a heavenly prince, in his red robes, his hair half done up with an elaborate braid, decorated with a hair piece that had been part of Lan Wangji's betrothal gifts.

"What about the living arrangements?" Wei Wuxian asked, rousing Lan Wangji from his thoughts.

Lan Wangji frowned. "It is customary that we share the Jingshi with each other."

Wei Wuxian sent him a look he found difficult to decipher.

"Is that what you want?" he asked. "Forgive me my bluntness, Lan Zhan, but I cannot help but think that my presence here will be a disturbance for you. I don't want to force you into bearing my presence and suffer my noise. I know you don't like to be touched; you can hardly be wanting to share a bed with me."

Lan Zhan felt his heart thump loudly. He had considered before that it was possible that Wei Wuxian might insist on a token marriage. That was essentially what it was, after all. But now that he was faced with Wei Wuxian's evident dislike of the idea to cohabit, he found himself... disappointed.

"I had hoped for companionship," he found himself saying, hardly even knowing what he was doing. "I- No. It does not matter. If you are unwilling to share quarters, I will look for another room. The Jingshi is yours."

His answer was met with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed. "Why would you think I'd be unwilling to share? Or throw you out of your own home? I was trying to be respectful of your wishes! I-"

He suddenly fell silent.

"Wei Ying."

Wei Wuxian sent him another unreadable look.

But Lan Wangji was good at waiting people out. He stood there, silent, as he studied the beautiful embroidery on Wei Wuxian's robes, and watched his husband consider his answer.

"I had hoped for a hug," Wei Wuxian suddenly burst out. "That's it. I know I can't expect much from this marriage, Lan Zhan, and I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to, but I had hoped for at least a hug, now and then.  If I can't-"

He bit his lips and fidgeted with the seams of his robes.

"Look at me, doing my best to fuck this marriage up on the wedding night," he said, laughing quietly, even though there was nothing funny about it.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said again. Wei Ying looked at him, and Lan Wangji was almost sure there was something akin to fear in his eyes.

That was… distasteful. He did not want his own husband to be afraid of him. And he would never want-

He himself remembered a time when a hug had been all he had wanted, but he had never had the courage to ask for it. And now, all he had left was the bitter taste of regret.

He tried to find the right words that would adequately express that he was willing to work for the success of this marriage, token or not. That he was willing to accommodate Wei Wuxian, within the realms of possibility. They had both agreed to this marriage. They had to pay the price.  

But the words would not come, not as he wanted them to.

In the end, he could do nothing but uselessly lift his arms.

"I will hug Wei Ying," he said.

It was terribly nonsensical and did not help in illustrating the point he was trying to make. But Wei Wuxian smiled a sudden, brilliant smile, and stepped right into his arms as if it were nothing.

"Mh," Wei Wuxian said, his face pressed into Lan Zhan's shoulder.

And Lan Wangji closed his arms, giving the promised hug.

Maybe that was enough, for now.

---

The next morning, Lan Wangji woke before dawn, as he always did.

For once, however, things were a little different.

On this morning, he woke with Wei Wuxian still in his embrace, his face buried in Lan Wangji’s shoulder, occasionally huffing out a deep breath that warmed Lan Wangji’s skin through his wrinkled robe.

Lan Wangji considered his new reality for a moment. He decided that the assessment he had given his brother had been accurate:

He might just be able to be contented, indeed.

[justauthoring]

My Sincerest Condolences

Prompt: Heya I got an idea for a haikyuu request! So I have knees problem and I can't play any sports cause they dislocate (i know ew) and because of that I can't play volleyball (or i have to be extra careful) and I know Oikawa injured his knee (i dont remember if they said how) so my idea was, what if reader really loves volleyball and wanna play but she can't cause of knees or legs issues so she just watches and then ont time after a practice, when the gym is empty, she sneak in and starts playing with a ball and Oikawa forgot something so he comes back and sees her, and then they talk and she says she can't play and well i guess he can relate since he did injured his knee and couldn't play for a while, so he gets all soft (love me some soft Oikawa) and plays with her? I don't know something like that, I just want soft Oikawa 🥺🥺🥺 plz and thank you if you write it!

A/N: I relate to this so much given that i’ve literally dislocated my knee twice and I used to love to dance but because of it, can’t do it much anymore :( Also i’m fully aware that I keep writing about Oikawa but I literally cannot stop myself. I love him so much. Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x F!Reader

The ball feels good in your hands, you note. Better then it’s probably ever felt.

It’s been far too long.

And that it certainly has.

You push the pads of your fingers into the ball, feeling the coolness of it to the touch, before spinning it. It’s so quiet in the gym, just you, that you can hear every breath you take, every squeak of your feet if you shuffle, and most importantly, you hear the anticipation in your body, running through your veins, at finally seeing a net so up close.

There’s no one around, it’s just you, and realistically, you know you can’t do much with just yourself. But that doesn’t stop the excitement coursing through your veins.

Besides, you used to be praised on your serves, and that wasn’t an impossible task alone.

Don’t push your knee too hard. 

You won’t be able to play anymore.

We recommend you give up volleyball.

It’ll only cause more issues in your future.

Any wrong move.

You need to be careful.

Eyes clenching shut, your grip on the ball tightens. “Damn,” you whisper, despite being alone, trying to suck in the flood of emotions that hit you like a slap to the face. 

It was entirely too unfair. And it was your reality.

Staring down at your right knee, at scar that stares mockingly back at you, it occurs to you you probably shouldn’t. That you could really hurt yourself. But... it’s been so long, and it had already taken everything away from you -- was simply practicing something unachievable too?

“Screw it,” you hiss. You’ve already made it this far, sneaking into the gym far after school and practice was over, solely because you knew the net would still be up for a practice game early the next more.

The ball feels amazing, fits perfectly against your hand, and the sight of it soaring through the air is a sight you’ve missed. Your line of shot unachievable from the crowd, something only attainable by where you’re stood -- your serves, one that used to have the crowd cheering and the opponents anticipating in fear, that had been so cruelly torn from you.

You finally hit it again.

You’re so enthralled, so focused, that you don’t hear the gym doors open, don’t hear the footsteps that follow, nor do you notice the figure just stood off to the side watching you for the past ten minutes. You’re all too oblivious, and the figure doesn’t announce his presence until he notices the familiar look of pain on your face, one that he knows all too well, and the way you halt in a second, repositioning yourself.

“You could really hurt yourself.”

You jump at the voice, ball falling from your hands and bouncing away as you spin, turning to face the newcomer with wide eyes. Your shock, however, doubles when you see exactly whose there -- because instead of a teacher or staff member that had caught you red-handed like you expected, you see the all too popular captain of the boys volleyball team.

“O-Oikawa-san! Sorry,” you bow quickly, cheeks flushing. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

He juts his hip out, a pleasant smile on his lips that you often see him using on the flock of girls that follow him, holding up the pads in his hands for you to see. “I forgot something,” he explains, “didn’t expect to see anyone here.”

You tense. “I’m-I’m sorry if I was intruding!” You explain, holding your hands out before yourself, words stumbling past your lips. “I just... saw the net and couldn’t help myself.”

Oikawa waves you off. “Your serves were impressive,” he compliments, stepping towards you and picking up the ball that had slipped from your hands moments early. “You play, then?”

You’re not oblivious to the slight edge to his voice. It’s not threatening in any sort of way, but there’s something there, in the way he looks at you, that tells you he knows something. What, however, you have no idea.

“Used to,” you explain, rubbing the back of your neck before setting a hand on your knee. “Torn ACL. Can’t play anymore.”

His gaze softens, puzzling you even further.

“What’s your name?”

“Y/L/N Y/N, third year. Why?”

“That’s why I thought I recognized you,” his eyes flash, “you used to play on the girls team. You guys made it to nationals last year, you won six points on serves alone.”

Swallowing thickly, you force back the memory that desperately tries to crawl itself back to light, shrugging your shoulders. “Yup,” you nod, cheeks still warm. “Of course, that was a while back now. Surely my names not still mentioned.”

“Maybe,” Oikawa shrugs. “I still think you left a lasting impression. An impressive one at that.”

“Give her space! Don’t crowd her!”

“What’s happened, Y/N? Where does it hurt?”

“We need to get her to the hospital, it’s... it’s bad!”

“You’ll need surgery, Y/N.”

“You’ll never play--”

“--Ah, well, sorry for the intrusion once again,” you quickly make your way towards your bag and blazer, gathering them in your hands with a certain fluster. “I’ll be taking my leave now. Have a nice--”

“You came to play, didn’t you?”

You pause at his words, turning to look at him with a frown. “It’s hard to play by yourself.”

Smiling gently, he holds the ball in his hands towards you, eyes bright.

“Two is still kind of hard,” you quirk a brow.

“But not impossible,” he raises a finger at you. “Come on,” he sighs when you don’t move. “You went through all this effort to sneak in, might as well take advantage of it.”

You flush at his words, slowly setting your stuff down.

“You’re oddly generous.” You comment, coming to a stop in front of him as you let your eyes drift across his figure curiously.

He shrugs, “I might just know how you feel more then anything.”

Quirking a brow, you cross your arms over your chest. “Oh?” You drawl, “and how’s that?”

“I hurt my knee too,” he explains, glancing down at his legs before shuffling on his feet. “Was out of games for a long time to rest up, it was excruciating. I couldn’t wait to get back out there.”

“You can play, I can’t stop you. But, it would be best if you didn’t.”

“But mom--!”

“But mom, nothing, Y/N. You’re not playing anymore. Not when you could seriously hurt yourself.”

“I’ll be careful! Extra careful! Just please, I love volleyball, don’t... don’t take this away from me.”

“...I’m sorry, sweetie. But it’s for the best.”

“Yeah, well,” you glance down at your feet, “I’m not just out for a while. I’m off the team. I’ll never play again.”

Oikawa blinks, lips parting.

You seem to realize what you said, shaking your head. “Sorry! Sorry! I don’t mean to complain,” you rush out, “I appreciate the offer, Oikawa-san, but it’s best--”

“I’ll play with you.”

“Oikawa--”

“I’ll make sure you play again.”

Blinking, your lips part. Silence echoes for a moment, then, you laugh lightly. “And I told you, it’ll be pretty hard with just the two of us.”

“I’ll get the rest of the team to play,” he says eagerly, without a second of hesitation, causing you to blink up at him in surprise. “At least, the third years. They’ll do it, anything for practice. Then again, we’ll need another to be able to play three against three, but I’m sure I can rope one of the first--”

Setting your hand on his arm, you squeeze, his words falling silent as you shake your head. Oikawa stares down at you, baffled, before you look up at him and his eyes widen at the way your eyes have watered.

“Why are--”

“I don’t know why you’d go so far for me,” you whisper, “but... thank you.”

And your words hang in the air for a moment, silence echoing, before Oikawa eases and he’s suddenly smiling down at you.

“Your serves are amazing,” he whispers, a certain new air to him, “I’d love to see how they compare to my own!”

At that, you let out a small laugh. Oikawa was certainly different then you’d ever expected him to be.

“I’ll wipe the floor with you.”

[alwaysdaenerys]

The consequences of King Bran

I had this sudden thought about the end of Game of Thrones, in comparison to the theorized end to ASOIAF, in regards to King Bran. I’m not a huge fan of this ending, and yes this is obvious because of my username, I’m aware! But at least in the show, it was lackluster and not foreshadowed in the slightest. Things may be different in the books in any case, though this is not truly what I want to put on the table for others to discuss and analyze. 

I’ve read and talked about with other fans about how making Bran king at the end of the book series may be advantageous, because the realm is healing from the significant massacre of its citizens during the Long Night. And if this is the case, the showrunners and writers missed a huge opportunity to kill more people. I’m not necessarily saying more main characters—though this is another problem I have with the show—but actually more smallfolk, more un-named or lesser lords, etc. The fact that D&D decided that the War for the Dawn was only going to last one fucking night is preposterous for many reasons, but the main one is: the Others and their wights would have never tired because they don’t need food for water or rest, and could have totally swept through the weak and depleted Riverlands, Reach, Stormlands, Crownlands even, with ease.

And because the writers did not extend the Long Night, because they didn’t kill half the humans in Westeros like the Others had the means to do, there are so many contenders left for seats of power. There is a logical argument in saying that Bran may be a good leader because there is literally no one else to take on the mantel; I will concede to that. But there are SO MANY CHARACTERS LEFT AT THE END OF THE SHOW. Bran has no army to defend him from all these people who command thousands of noticeably-alive soldiers. Who, if they were in character in the last season, would have had more to say about this tiny kid who they just met today being king of the fucking world. 

And because he just hands the North its independence without asking anyone else if they’d like to petition the same thing, it will snowball out of control quite quickly.

Yara remains: the Iron Islands have a long history of coveting independence and now that their last liege, Daenerys, is no longer living, it won’t take them long to realize that they have no opposition on the high seas, or the battlefield. Who cares if land is not their strong suit? It will be against, you guessed it, an army of Tyrion and a wheelchair-bound Bran. Yara will raise her men, who, once again, are not walking dead, and they secede from the mainland for good. And Bran cannot do a thing because his faction has neither strength at sea nor land.

Dorne and its unnamed prince: another example of a region in Westeros that was continuously on the outs with the rest of the Seven Kingdoms. They were not truly “conquered” until the Daeron II married a Martell princess. The dragons were never able to hold Dorne on the battlefield so what makes anyone think that Bran Stark and his lack of dragons will? They’ll be the first to go, in my opinion, because at least Yara had a previous somewhat-working relationship with the Crown, whereas the unnamed Prince of Dorne has no obligations to a single person at that Great Council. 

Edmure and the Riverlands: this region, in the show and in the books, is always the most affected my war. If the Others would have made it past Winterfell, the Riverlands would be next. The smallfolk suffered during the War of the Five Kings and Edmure knew it and wanted to help. I always thought it was clever of GRRM that he chose Edmure Tully to be one of the only lords that actually cared about his people, because of his region’s proximity to the conflict. Yes, Ned Stark may have cared for his people as a whole, but we never see him do anything as protective as Edmure is by letting the smallfolk into his keep, for the poor of the North. And in the show, since the Others did not even glimpse Riverrun and its vassals, the Tullys have the army they do at the end of season 6. Edmure won’t like that he was insulted by the Queen in the North, and will take his next move from Yara.

The Stormlands are a toss-up for me: Gendry owes his legitimization to Queen Daenerys, not Bran. So either he will be overthrown and/or killed by the other Stormlords immediately upon entering his keep, or they will persuade him to secede as well. Arya jilted Gendry and if we are to believe she plans to never see him again, there’s a pretty good chance Gendry won’t care about the consequences of his actions because he has nothing to lose. It seemed pretty obvious that he didn’t want to do all this lord stuff without the love of his life, so it’s not much of a leap to assume he wouldn’t care about the trappings of royalty anymore. Storm’s End is nearly impregnable and Bran has no army to besiege the castle like Mace Tyrell did during Robert’s Rebellion. I have no doubt that with or without Gendry, the nobles or the Stormlands will not be appreciative of Bran or Tyrion. Maybe they haven’t flirted with independence quite as much as others have since Aegon the Conqueror, but it will feel monumentally better than watching all the other kingdoms secede and stay silent.

The Eyrie seems to the most realistic example here, as far as what the regions will be like after the defeat of the Others: the Knights of the Vale participated in the War for the Dawn, therefore the fighting force has been depleted. And I would argue that they have a very similar situation to the Stormlands; Rhaenys was only able to bring the Arryns into the fold by flying her dragon to the castle. Once again, without dragons, I don’t see how Bran is going to be as successful. Robin Arryn doesn’t know Bran; he was all in for Sansa. But since Sansa decided to leave him in the lurch to declare independence, I don’t think he and his advisors are going to stay besties with her. Sitting out the War of the Five Kings makes it even easier for me to theorize that they would be just fine on their own.

The state of the Reach is the most embarrassing thing that happened on Game of Thrones: the fact that we have to watch Bronn of the fucking Blackwater sit in the Queen of Thorns’ seat of power is a travesty. I always liked him on the show and in the books, but this, I cannot forgive. He is woefully ill-equipped to be lord of a keep, let alone Highgarden, and putting him on the small council as MASTER OF COIN when he can’t read or understand loans was beyond lazy. As far as the state of the Reach, they are pretty depleted from the sack of Highgarden, but even so, it seems painfully obvious that his lack of support from the other lords in the region will be his downfall. Maybe they weren’t 100% supportive of the Tyrells either, but there’s no way any of them will allow some up-jumped sellsword who’s best friends with Tyrion Lannister to lead them. Since Bronn has no army of his own, he’ll be dead soon enough and someone who was decidedly not killed during the Long Night, will take his place and give a middle finger to the Iron Throne, just like Olenna.

The Westerlands are the weakest of the remaining Six Kingdoms, I think: they don’t have much of an army after the Battle of King’s Landing. I think they’d be the only support of Bran after he is crowned, and that’s because Tyrion is the Hand. After Daenerys took Casterly Rock, most everyone bent the knee or died, so Tyrion doesn’t even have a suitable army to defend him, let alone the castle. I can’t imagine the soldiers remaining after all this would be enough to take on all the rebellions that are destined to occur after the secession of the North.

Lastly, the North: how will Bran react when his home region is starving and begging for aid? They have nothing to feed their people in the cold, white North. Yes, a lot of people died in the war, but there are plenty who didn’t participate and since it didn’t get past Winterfell, only those involved in the Battle—and the Umbers—were affected. Will the new king give it, even though they have no right to ask for it? Will he defy the laws of the realm for his sister? Because as far as I’m concerned, the North cannot sustain itself without the help of the other kingdoms. It’s not warm enough for farming, while the livestock trade was probably diminished when the Boltons were Wardens. Sansa would rather be in the Queen in the North than actually take care of her subjects; because by choosing independence, she has doomed everyone. Nothing changes for the smallfolk; it’s just another feudal overlord.  

In conclusion: if Bran becomes King, there would have to be an apocalypse for it to be successful. There definitely wasn’t on the show, therefore several events will cause his coronation to be all for naught before Tyrion’s ten years are up. As GRRM has stated, the Others are the focus of the story and who sits on the Iron Throne is a secondary plot to distract from the actual horror. I’m not usually someone to ask for more horror, but when it comes to the future of Westeros under King Bran, things are looking terribly bleak without more of it.

[visit-ba-sing-se]

hey it is me again rewriting a scene from the comics with no compliance to canon nor context just because it was on my dash and bothered me 

“You know it wasn’t, Zuzu.” The words came out before Azula had thought them through, and she directly scolded herself for that. Sure, the current situation was bad, but she liked to believe that she had been in way greater danger before. And in those moments, her brain had usually worked pretty well. Which was the reason why she was even still alive now to be stuck in this mess. Of course, she had to admit, a few times it hadn’t. Which was again the reason behind the mess. “What?”  At least she had managed to catch her brother surprise. His grip loosened a bit, and the anger in his eyes faded a little to make room for confusion, which turned into disbelief and then again quickly into scepticism. After everything, his face was still like an open book, and she could see him shifting through the different pages as he tried figure out her intentions.

“Like this. Between us.” Azula shrugged, as much as that was possible in her current position. “You know. me trying to kill you…you locking me up..me trying to kill you again…you holding me over a cliff…” 

Azula did her best to sound casual as she spoke. As if she was telling a funny remark, not recounting the shambles the relationship between her an Zuko had fallen into, each one a sharp dagger of its own. But she herself could hear how much her voice sounded like it was about to crack. And a part of her did not even mind. That part that was just so tired of keeping her act up, again and again, everyday and at all times. She had played it so well. Had done so much to keep to keep everything, but first and foremost herself in control. And where had that even gotten her? On the edge of a cliff, from which her brother would may or may not throw her to death. So, if there had ever been a moment to put her cards on the table, wasn’t it now? 

“Azula, I have no idea what you are getting at.” 

The anger had returned onto her bothers face, and Azula did not know what was worse: the fact that she actually wondered if he would have it in himself to kill her, or how little she cared about the answer.

“And to be honest am really not in the mood for one of your mind games right now.”

She could not help but laugh. It wasn’t real laughter. Too bitter and too dry.  Not like she really remembered what her real laughter even sounded like.  Of course, that was what he thought. That she was still scheming, with her feet in the air and the abyss below. And had that not been the picture she had always tried so hard to convey? Why was she mad at him for buying exactly the show she was selling? Because he does not even try to look behind the curtains, a voice in her head whispered the answer. Zuko opened his mouth to say something else, but she interrupted him before that.

“I am not playing anything. I am just answering your question. Truthfully.” She emphasised the last word. Not for him, but more for herself. It was about time she did that. “You know we were different when we were kids. How we used to play together. How we snuck in the kitchen to steal food.How you taught me the first bending moves. How we warned each other when dad was in a bad mood. That was not us against each other. That was us against the rest.” She paused, to give her words the room and weight they deserved to have. “You cannot tell me you do not remember what tricks we used to play on the staff. Or what stories you used to tell me about the dragons when I had snuck into your room at night. Or what you swore me when Lu Ten went to war.” 

Her brothers reaction reaction told Azula that he did, just as well as her. Even though that night had been so long ago, and at least to her felt like it had happened in another universe. 

The day that their older cousins, who had kind of been like a second bigger brother to her, had announced that he would leave to conquer Ba Sing Se. Of course the adults had tried to play it down, but Azula had not fallen for their tales. She knew what war was. Or least, she had thought so. At. least she had already understood that sometimes people went there and did not return. And that now one of those people would be Lu Ten. 

She had refused to join the family during meals and even missed her lessons, for the only time in her life. All she had done was sit at a turtle duck pond and stare into the water, which no amount of yelling nor nice words from either parent had been able to change. Azula did not remember what excactly she had been thinking back then, except for the she sworn herself to never talk to any of them ever again. Which had worked quite well. Until Zuko had shown up to sit next to her and put a hand around her shoulder.

“Hey, don’t be so sad, Azula,” he had said, obviously trying to sound more cheerful than her really felt. “Lu Ten surely will come back soon and well.”

Azula did not know why, but after that her tears has just started to flow.

“Zuzu, he is abandoning me. Abandoning us.” She had sniffed, hiding her face between her hands. “How can he just do that? I thought he was our friend.”

“Because he had to fight in the war. Like our uncle. It’s important for our nation. And his duty.”

“Stupid duty!” Today, her own reaction seemed hilarious to Azula. But she knew that she had meant each word she had said, the way only a child can mean them. “I think if you really care for someone, you do not just leave them behind. Not for any duty.”

“Well, I know that I would never abandon you.” Her brother had responded, he too as convinced of his words as only a child could be . “Not for anything in the world.”

“Promise?” she had asked.

“Promise” he had said, and they had shaken hands dramatically, while looking each other deep in eyes. As if they had just sealed a very important and serious deal.

Now, Azula was staring at those exact same and yet so different eyes again. Still the same shade of gold, but one of them now scared.

In them, she saw understanding. And then a very, very deep regret. A regret not limited to the events of today, but that seemed to span over all of their lost days. She recognized it not only because it was so obviously written on his face, but because she felt it too. When her brother carefully put her down on her feet again, its weight on her shoulder nearly made her legs give in. 

“How only did we end up here?” Zuko asked finally, shaking his head. There was no more accusation in his voice. Just sadness and disbelieve. Azula wanted to reach out to him. As close as they were standing, it would have been easy to put her arm on his. But at the same time, he seemed to be so far away, and the divide that had built between them over years just felt uncrossable. 

When had it started? She wondered. When had she started seeing Zuko as friend and brother and more like an opponent? Like a rival for her parents approval? Had it been when her training had gotten more serious? Or when her father mood swings had gotten worse? Azula could not remember. What she remembered was how there suddenly had been this fear. This fear to fail and disappoint, that had come and chased every other motion away. That had numbed her feelings for anyone and anything else, except for this one need. This one need to be perfect. To be the best. 

“You know”, her brother continued after a moment, while Azula was still deep in her thoughts,  “I usually tell myself that this is what we were destined for. That we just were made to stand on opposing sides and fight. But-“ his voice cracked, and took a while until he continued talking. “But that’s not true. That’s just what they taught us. What he taught us. He just was so good at it.” 

She truly wanted to believe that he was right. But she had just reached another conclusion before. One that she hated to have had, and one that she even more hated to share. But she had wanted the truth in first place. So now there was no turning back.

“No. It was me. I ruined it. I was so obsessed with making father proud and…..I”,

 Azula forced herself to continue speaking even though she felt like she was choking on her words, “I sacrificed you for that. I…I sacrificed us.” She felt hot, burning tears on her cheeks, but she did not care enough to even swipe them away. What were a few tears for so much that was lost? 

“And now it’s all ruined. I….I`m sorry.”

“Azula…no”, she saw her brother reaching our his hand. Slowly and hesitant, as if he was afraid she would back away. But she did not, and so he put it down on her shoulder. “Azula, you were child. We both were. And I am sure there were times I could have been a better brother, but I was not. Like back then. But also today. And for those I am sorry, too.” 

There were tears in his eyes as well, Azula noticed, just like the slight crack in his voice. And she knew that he meant everything he said.

“And of course I am sorry for the years we lost, and I wish we could turn back time and make things different. But-,” Zuko paused, and Azula could tell that he was carefully considering each word, “we still can have so many years ahead. Maybe we can try to make this right. Maybe we can at least take our future back from them”

He brother looked at her, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but also nervously twitching his free hand. 

Azula knew that he was excepting an answer to his proposal. She also it would be difficult, and that it might not even work. She also knew that there had been a time where her answer would have been a clear no. No risk. No trust. No dependency. That had been her default, and part of her strategy to success. And also how she had lost everyone that had ever mattered to her. But now, more than anything, she just wanted her brother back.

“You really think we could?”, she said therefore, “because I really do want these years.

“Yes I do”, Zuko smiled through his tears. “After all, I have a promise to keep.”

And then, after what had felt like an eternity, Azula hugged her bother again. (submit another scene if you enjoyed this?)

[mrs-tsunderemeitantei]

Recently, the author Gosho Aoyama has claimed that the ending of Haibara will be " Surprising" for everyone ?? What does that mean ?? It is not clear if it is a bad or good ending !!! Do you think that Haibara will never come back to her adult form as Miyano Shiho and stay as a kid.. and make a relationship with Mitsu ?? And if Haibara take the permanent antidote.. do you think that she will be punished and jailed since she was a member of BO?? or she dies in the end ??

Oh good God there is a lot to unpack here but thank you for your questions and I'm soo glad you brought them up! I’ll try to answer them as best as I can 😄

So yes, Gosho did say Haibara’s ending will surprise everyone but I also remember him saying Detective Conan’s ending will be happy. Not to mention Haibara is a veryyy popular character (if not the most popular female character on the show), so I find it hard to believe that she’ll just end up being killed off. I don’t think Gosho would do that to us.

Now when it comes to her remaining as a kid, I kind of talked about how I feel about it here . In short I believe she deserves to regain control of her life as Shiho and not remain as Haibara. Also this fan comic about Shiho explaining to Shinichi why she didn’t want to remain as Haibara is beautiful in every way and I think you should take a look at it. 

But to add to that, I refuse to believe she’s willing to remain as Haibara. Whenever people say she’ll get a chance to relive a proper childhood it irritates me 😂 I mean she’s still mentally an adult. I cannot imagine having to always act like a child, go to school and relive high school (diabolical if you ask me) when I’m mentally grown up. 

Personal opinions aside, there is one moment where it was hinted she’d be willing to stay as Haibara.  In the movie Captured in her Eyes she basically said she'd love to stay as Haibara IF she lost her memory. This is not canon and she did say after that she was joking but she tends to "joke" when she actually means what she says.

But since then, Haibara’s character has grown significantly. And these developments ⬇️ have me believing she's most likely going to take the antidote.

Jodie interpreted why Haibara refused the witness protection program was because she found a family in her friends. So with that logic, shouldn't that make sense for her to stay as Haibara? Ummm not really. She didn't just stay for the friendships, in fact she was so moved by Ayumi's words that she realised she has to face her fate and keep fighting. If she doesn't take the antidote, she's basically accepting what she was forced to become because of the organisation without facing her struggles and embracing her past. She'll technically be running away from her true self and erasing any link she has to her family whom she loves so much.

And tbh if Gosho decided she should lose her memory and remain a kid, I’ll be extremely disappointed. That would be a very poor and rushed ending and all her character developments would have been for nothing. Also I don't understand why some people equate her returning as Miyano Shiho to her cutting off the detective boys from her life. If anything, she'll probably continue living with the professor who she now looks up to as a father figure, while still remaining close and looking after the detective boys.

Now for the relationship with Mitsuhiko, I just can’t see how that can happen. He is a child for God’s sake! No matter how smart or responsible he is, he is still a CHILD. And whenever people say she should be with Mitsuhiko it makes me wonder, do they expect it to happen right now when she is still Haibara or are they saying when they eventually grow up? The first one is no way because she’s mentally an adult and he is a child and that is a crime waiting to happen. The second option means she’ll stay a child and I already expressed how I feel about that. Also I hate to break it to the AixMitsuhiko fans but Haibara loves all the detective boys like her younger siblings. She is the older sister / senpai of the group and she’s never displayed any romantic feelings for Mitsuhiko, nor do I think she’d develop them in the future simply because she views him as nothing but a baby brother.

Now on to the juiciest question that you asked, “Will she be jailed because she was an ex BO member?” I have a lot to say on this so please bear with me😁 

We now know that Rei was planning on handing her back to the BO in the Bell Tree Train arc (see here). Thankfully, that didn’t happen thanks to Conan’s big brain thinking making Rei believe that Shiho died. Now, he is yet to meet Haibara and discover the truth about her (I cannot wait for this to happen!) but when he does, this is how I imagine things will go down: 

He’ll despise her because he’ll think of her as a criminal who worked for the BO and developed a deadly drug. However, he won’t be able to hand her back to the BO since he was the one who confirmed her death. Handing her back would only have the BO question his credibility / loyalty and possibly jeopardise his future there. Therefore, he’s left with one option; take her into PSB custody and interrogate her. But, there’s no way Conan, the Kudo family and even quite possibly Akai would just stand aside and not intervene. At the same time, I doubt Rei will simply believe her if she said “she was forced to make a poison” (even Conan didn’t believe her when they first met). So how will he back off? These are my theories: 

I feel the tapes Elena recorded packed way more than just the drug’s true purpose. She may have also recorded what the organisation forced her and Atsushi to go through. And with the fact that Vermouth seemed to blame her animosity for Shiho on her parents, it is quite possibly Elena mentioned Vermouth on the tapes. If Haibara brings up those tapes and Rei heard them, first of all he’ll get closure (because he loved Elena as his own mother) and finding out about Vermouth’s link to the Miyanos, he can investigate them more. I don’t think it’ll be difficult for him to uncover the truth about her family especially since he knows Vermouth’s secret and that couldn’t have been easy.

If Haibara doesn’t bring up the tapes, I think Akai will step in by asking Rei to hand over Vermouth (since she’s an American citizen) if he wants to take Haibara. Rei would never agree to that because Vermouth provides him with invaluable help and support in the organisation, so he’ll be forced to let Haibara go.

And for my final theory, just like how the Kudo family struck a deal with Rei to work with Akai (I reeaallly want Gosho to reveal what their talk was about), they’ll probably do the same thing to protect Haibara and in time, Rei will learn the truth about her past. 

So basically in the end, I don’t think she’ll be arrested. I’d like to think once Rei learns the truth about her and her family’s past, he’ll be relieved to have received closure (because he loved Elena so much) and subsequently decide to protect Haibara. Also Gosho hinted Rei and Haibara will eventually get along so the probability of her being arrested is low.

Haibara’s ending is something I’m really looking forward to and I’ll be crushed if she isn’t given the ending she deserved (there is plenty of room for her ending to be ruined so fingers crossed that doesn’t happen). I picture her returning as Shiho, staying with the Professor, slowly warming up to Mary and Sera (I can’t begin to imagine how she’ll feel when she finds out they’re related) and maybe even go on to be a narcotics agent. Why narcotics agent? (All explained here ). When it comes to her love life, God knows what will happen, but the Mitsuhiko pair is highly unlikely to happen. Also, I don’t see why she has to end up with someone. Her happy ending doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll be with someone. In fact...

Having a family and friends she cares about. 

Being free to live her life without constantly looking over her shoulder

Confronting Gin for killing her sister and whatever history they shared (I’m so mad GinxSherry has fizzled out without being answered. I need to know the truth about their past!!)

Finding peace and accepting her past

....are all enough reasons to give her the happy ending she deserves to have.

I hope this long speech helped answer your questions 😂. I honestly enjoyed writing it so, thank you so much for letting me do this 🖤😁

[ibijau]

Futures Past pt16  /  on AO3

 Nie Huaisang learns more about his future self, and gets burdened with yet another annoying mission

Winter was never Nie Huaisang’s favourite season to begin with. It was cold, and wet, and grey, and generally unpleasant in every possible way. To make it worse, that year he wasn’t even allowed to head out of the Unclean Realm for a bit of bird watching, nor indeed to go alone in Qinghe to check the food, or just wander around and have fun. Nie Mingjue might not have been too upset about his brother failing his classes but he was still generally angry. He had apparently been worried sick about him disappearing, fearing the Wens had decided to take his brother from him, after having murdered his father.

After Nie Mingjue had confessed that fear to him one evening, Nie Huaisang stopped complaining against being grounded. Once, merely a year earlier, he would have called his brother paranoiac for jumping to that conclusion, and continued whining until he got his punishment lifted. Now though, with his older self’s promise of a war to come… It made him wish he could have found another way to rescue Xue Yang from his fate without worrying his brother. It also pushed him to make more of an effort to be a nice and obedient brother, though all that got him was Nie Mingjue thinking he’d gotten sick and asking the sect's doctor to check on him several times.

So Nie Huaisang was stuck in the Unclean Realm, bored beyond belief, constantly aching from all the training his monster of a brother forced him to do, wishing he could just go for a walk and do a bit of bird watching or find a nice landscape to paint. It was truly hell. Though at least, being constantly home gave him a chance to practice the guqin (he’d bought one of his own on the one and only outing to Qinghe he’d been allowed, after which Nie Mingjue complained at length about him spending too much money as always) and to keep a close eye on Xue Yang. That was nearly a full time job.

It was almost a relief when one night, his future self appeared in his room as he was preparing for bed. Unpleasant as their encounters tended to be, at least Nie Huaisang would know if his great plan had worked. So he sat cross-legged on his bed, and waited for the scolding that was sure to come.

“I should have come earlier,” his future self said with some annoyance, looking no angrier than he always did. “But my last visit drained me more than planned. When are you returning to the Cloud Recesses?”

“In a week,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, pointing at a pile of trinkets he’d just gotten around to unpacking from his previous stay. “Da-ge said to wait until after the new years celebration to start preparing, because I always bother the servants otherwise, and they’re busy enough already, and…”

“How is da-ge?” his future self interrupted. “Didn’t he hurt himself during a Night Hunt around this time?”

Nie Huaisang nodded. It had worried everyone when Nie Mingjue had returned from a Night Hunt with long gashes on his chest due to a particularly nasty fierce corpse, and they’d all made a big fuss of it. But in the end it hadn’t been anything threatening, and Nie Mingjue had healed quickly. In fact, he was currently absent on another Night Hunt, this time with Lan Xichen. That didn’t seem like a detail worth mentioning.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Nie Huaisang said, increasingly puzzled that his older self wasn’t scolding him yet. “It’s just, I’ve been wondering, you know and… well, is he alive now?”

His future self glared at him.

“What?”

“Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang clarified. “I’ve changed things, right? He’s got to be alive in the future now, right? You’re not on your own anymore, are you?”

His older self went still and stared at him with wide, shining eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. After a moment the older man regained control of himself and turned away, opening his fan with a sharp gesture.

“That’s not how it works,” he hissed. “I thought it would be, but… but it’s not. I cannot change what has happened for me. My da-ge is dead, and nothing can change what happened to him. It’s… I don’t care. I’ve made my peace with that. He wouldn’t like what I’ve become anyway, and I couldn’t bear to lose him again, not like that. But I need to know…” 

He paused, and Nie Huaisang thought he heard a soft sob. 

“I have to know there’s a place out there where da-ge is alive. Not just alive, but he’s safe, he’s happy. No matter the cost to others and to myself, as long as da-ge is well… that’s what matters to me.”

For all the dislike Nie Huaisang had accumulated toward his older self, his heart ached to know that the man would never even get a chance to see Nie Mingjue again. It made him want to take his older self to have a chat with their brother, to see Nie Mingjue smile at him. Maybe he’d be a little less of a prick like that.

But since his older self was a prick, and unlikely to accept such an offer, Nie Huaisang instead jumped off his bed and went to take his hand to comfort him.

“I’m really sorry,” he said. “Thanks for… thanks for saving my da-ge. I’m so sorry for yours, it must be…”

His older self turned around, tearing his hand free with such rage that Nie Huaisang stumbled a few steps backwards.

“I won’t be pitied by anyone!” the man hissed. “I’m not sorry for myself, and I forbid you to pity me, you stupid little brat! If I’d been smarter at your age I wouldn’t have let him die, so how dare you pity me?”

Nie Huaisang lowered his head and hunched his shoulders. His older self should have been happy: any pity he’d felt vanished instantly.

“Now tell me what I came here for,” his older self ordered. “Is Xue Yang dead?”

“He is,” Nie Huaisang lied, and he found it easier than he’d have expected, now that he knew the truth couldn't be discovered.

A certain tension left his older self’s shoulders at that answer. In fact, he seemed relieved enough that it worried Nie Huaisang a little, and almost made him confess the truth. If Xue Yang was really fated to become such a horrible person…

But he wasn’t horrible. Not yet, anyway. No more than a lot of other people were.

Xue Yang was a brat, sure. And he struggled with a lot of common decency, doing things like stealing from other kids, or stashing food away, or trying to fight teachers that disciplined him. But in those few weeks, Xue Yang had also made a lot of progress already. He’d started understanding that nobody would let him starve, so he didn’t need to hide food that would rot somewhere, and should instead eat everything that was presented to him right away if he was hungry. He was also slowly learning to accept that, a lot of the time, if he needed something he could ask for it instead of stealing it from someone. He still had a problem with authority, and that might never change, but he sometimes seemed to understand that the teachers were not his enemies, that they only wanted to help him learn.

But the turning point had happened just three days earlier. Xue Yang, with great reluctance, had finally explained how he’d lost his finger. From the defensive manner he told that story to Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue, it was likely that those he’d shared it with before might have mocked him for being naive enough to think he'd ever have gotten the sweet he'd been pormised. But Nie Mingjue, instead, asked if he remembered any names or precise locations, if he could recall when it had all happened, any details at all that might help if they decided to confront Chang Ci’an for what he’d done. In the end, Xue Yang’s memory had been too fuzzy to think of building up a case, something for which Nie Mingjue had expressed great regret, before saying he'd still keep an eye open in case he might discover who was the man whom Chang Ci'an had insulted.

The expression on Xue Yang’s face was one that Nie Huaisang wouldn’t ever forget. He’d looked… young. Like he really was an ordinary ten years old kid, instead of the tough criminal he tried to be. Like he might cry, just because someone was showing just and deserved horror over what had been done to him.

There was no saying whether Xue Yang would turn out good or not, whether the efforts of Qinghe Nie would be enough to bring him onto a more righteous path than would have been his, but they were going to try.

“This is wonderful,” Nie Huaisang’s older self said, fanning himself a little too fast, as if unable to contain his excitement. “I’ve always hated that little creep, even before he started slaughtering entire sects. Now the world is safe from that at least, and that’s one worry less for da-ge. Now, on to your next mission…”

“Are you ever going to stop giving me orders?” Nie Huaisang complained. “Every time I do something you say, you tell me there’s more to do!”

“Welcome to adulthood. Now shut up.”

But I’m not an adult, Nie Huaisang thought. He was just going to turn sixteen, there was an entire four years before he’d be considered fully grown. Even Nie Mingjue, who always complained about him being an immature brat, never actually demanded from him the things he’d have expected from an adult. After all, Nie Mingjue knew too well what it was to be forced to leave one’s youth behind too early, and he’d said multiple times he didn’t want that for his brother.

Too bad Nie Huaisang couldn’t extend the same courtesy to himself.

“I’ve had to give a lot of thought to the problem that is Wei Wuxian,” his older self said, starting to pace the room. “I still haven’t come up with a satisfying answer. On the one hand, it was so convenient to all of us when he left the established path during the Sunshot Campaign and became a horrifying master of death. But I can’t decide if it’s worth all the trouble it created after the war, when his new skills were no longer required. And it’s not like I could ask you to simply kill him after he’s stopped being useful because…”

“I appreciate that, actually.”

“I can’t ask you to kill him because you’d never be able to,” his older self dryly finished, pausing his pacing just long enough for a glare before he resumed walking. “Wei Wuxian is only the most brilliant cultivator of our generation, skilled in every martial art, a genius who has invented talismans and tools beyond your imagination. He’s already so talented you could never harm him now. By the time the war ends, the only way he could die is through self-destruction, as we’ve all come to learn.”

That sounded scary and, quite frankly, Nie Huaisang wasn’t sure he wanted to get anywhere near such a person. Geniuses tended to be difficult to deal with. Like his own brother, who was always so intense about everything, and didn’t have any hobbies except cultivation and leading their sect. Or Lan Wangji who was very intense as well, and had even less conversation than Nie Mingjue. Or Lan Xichen who…

Well. Actually, Lan Xichen wasn’t so bad these days. In fact, Nie Huaisang missed their music lessons, and he missed chatting together immensely, because Lan Xichen was one of the most interesting people he knew, along with Su She. Nie Huaisang couldn't wait to see him again. But it had taken a while to get there, and before they’d found common ground, Lan Xichen too had been boring and difficult to get along with.

The problem with geniuses, Nie Huaisang figured, was that they didn’t know how to have fun.

“Here is what we are going to do,” his older self announced, stopping his pacing and closing his fan to point it at Nie Huaisang. “You are going to befriend Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, as you were always meant to do. But you must also get closer to Lan Wangi…”

“What? But he’s awful!”

“...and make sure he befriends Wei Wuxian as well. None of that pining for a lifetime nonsense! If they become close earlier and realise their love as youths, then Wei Wuxian will probably not go dark quite as easily as he’s done from where I stand. And Jin Guangshan will hesitate a little more to antagonise Wei Wuxian if he thinks Gusu Lan too has close ties to him. Yunmeng Jiang was easy to pick on, but Gusu Lan is of a different class. Its sect leader might have been spineless, but anybody would think twice before crossing Lan Wangji. I think that’s our best course of action.”

Even more than before, Nie Huaisang became convinced that this Wei Wuxian had to be the least fun person in the world. After all, if someone like Lan Wangji could fall in love with a person, then that person had to be absolutely awful and boring. Wei Wuxian was probably a stickler for rules too. 

“Can’t I just help them without being their friend?” Nie Huaisang begged.

“Why wouldn’t you want to be Wei Wuxian’s friend?” his future self retorted, sounding puzzled by the request. “Whatever else he becomes later, I remember he was one of my favourite people when we studied together. I’ve always felt it was a shame he got kicked out so early. If he had stayed longer…”

The older man trailed off, his hand clenching on his fan, then promptly shook his head

“Nevermind,” he muttered. “Jiang Cheng was there the whole year, and that didn’t change anything to how shallow our friendship turned out to be. Just… just make sure to get them to like you, and help Wei Wuxian befriend Lan Wangji. But don’t get attached. No matter what promises you exchange with others, remember you don’t actually matter to anyone, so don’t let them matter to you either.”

“I won’t,” Nie Huaisang easily promised.

He didn’t think he was at any risk of ever liking someone who had Lan Wangji’s approval. And as for Jiang Cheng, Nie Huaisang had thought him to be a pretty interesting person when they’d met in Yunping City, but he was fairly sure the feeling was not mutual in the least.

“Excellent. I’ll cut this visit short then,” his older self announced. “Hopefully I will have recuperated enough for a brief visit in a month to hear about your progress. At worst, I’ll check on you for Qingming. Do not disappoint me.”

“I’ll try,” Nie Huaisang promised, but the older man had already disappeared.

It sounded like he had a very boring year ahead of himself.

And to make it worse, Su She was going to be so annoyed if he started hanging out with Lan Wangji.

[cosmiclatte28]

00′s Love (Sungchan x you)

a/n : I DID IT!! @starsfly01091711 this one’s for you! A second part to 90′S LOVE

SECOND PART OF 90′S LOVE (Thank you for the much love this story received)

warning : some mentions of forced dietary (not allowed to eat), slight angst, HAPPY ENDING!! I kinda liked the ending, so please if you’re okay with the theme go on read this and tell me what do you think about the ending!

here we goo

Moving on was hard, even when you have been hurt by the past and the present is waiting for you to reach for their hand and walk forward to the future with them.

Mark Lee was your first crush, and everything about a first crush makes it harder for you to realize he was not the one and that you should stop gawking over him and his boyfriend. They look cute, as much as you hate to admit it, Haechan brings a big smile to Mark. A smile you could never see when he is with you.

“(Y/n)!” your instructor yells one more time at you. You shake your head from the daydream and stutter “Yes?”

“Dozing off again? Are you sure you can follow today, you seem a little bit under the weather.” Your instructor skates to you and plants his palm over your temple.

You laugh dryly, “No, I’m okay. I am not sick,” you drop your tone, but deep inside your heart you want to add up “I am not okay, imagine learning your crush has a boyfriend, you have to prepare for the state championship, and you’re just not feeling well inside your heart.”

“Okay, we can take a break if you really need it, but buying more time is what we need. The championship is in three months and its been your dream to participate in one.” He tries to cheer you up.

You nod, “I got this, shall we repeat from the top?”

He nods and turns the music on. You begin dancing on ice, over the soft song of A Silent Voice (Koe no Katachi) and with the sad violin music you close your eyes as you feel the sad song and let your body do its magic on ice.

Your routine ends, all the jumps are perfect and all the spins are gracious. You have to thank yourself for pushing your younger self to the limit in order to reach this point. But something is hollow in your heart, something is missing.

You end the routine and open your eyes, only to let a teardrop fall.

“That was good, your techniques are wonderful but where is the emotion?” your instructor asks as he skates next to you. You wipe the tear and look to your feet.

“I am sorry,” you mutter

“You do know just a great technique won’t help you right?” Taeyong Lee, your best choreographer and instructor sighs.

“Clear your head, you really look … I don’t know… you’re not like you. I will say you take a break today and tomorrow come back only if your heart is okay.” He dismisses you like that and you have your head down while entering the locker room.

“Hey (y/n)~ why the long face?” Sungchan taps your shoulder and goes shocked when he sees your hollow eyes.

“Oh Sungchan-ie,” you force a smile to your face.

“I miss Ten hyung,” Sungchan calmly says while taking out his practice gears from the locker.

You froze in track, oh so someone did miss Ten too. Ten hyung left you to pursue a dream he was chasing. He was offered a scholarship to train and be one of the professional hockey athlete in NEO University. Your parents of course sent him away, with all the proud and happy faces sending their first son to a prestigious school while you, you’re staying here with them alone living through cold nights.

“Can you stop hogging the dinner table, you won’t be going to the championship with that eating behaviour.” Your mother looks at you with disgust as she takes away your plate.

You wanted to complain, how could one let her own child starve, but here you are. Forced to count your calories intake for your upcoming championship. Well, you had to thank her she just wanted the best for you, but what she was doing was a bit over the line.

“Oh my, I was a figure skater myself, and let me tell you we skip dinner.” Your mother said as she cuts you an apple.

Your father always come home late, he has to work extra hours to pay for Ten’s extra living costs, while also supporting your school and athletic life. Mom was a figure skater back then, a great one, until she reached the age of stopping skating. She opened courses for beginner skaters, but she doesn’t want to teach you herself. Mainly because she said a younger trainer will know more than her. Weird? No its also because you don’t want to be tortured by her.

“Now, finish up the fruit and go study or do some more stretches.” She stood away from the table and preoccupied herself into other things.

You missed your old family, where four of you would sit around the table, eating joyfully over luscious or even simple dish. But now, you rarely have anyone to sit with even worse forced to eat just fruits.

“Yeah I also miss Ten.” You finally speak about the truth today to Sungchan.

“When is he coming back?” Sungchan asks you and he has already put on his hockey costume, you didn’t notice that! Taeyong was right why are you so out of your head today.

“He is trying to come home on my competition day.” You fiddle with your hand, suddenly feeling how cold your hands are. You shrug it off as the skating rink’s fault

“Cool, by the way the boys and I are going to grab some tteokbokki after practice, want to join?” he nicely invites you.

You want to go so bad, but imagine the calories and no even worse what will mother say if she saw you eat? But Sungchan has been trying his best to always look after you, especially after he said Ten personally pleaded for Sungchan to look after you.

“I’ll see, if mom is not able to pick me up yet, I can wait and probably join.” You try to make the tall guy smile, he is the sweetest person you have right now. Might as well hold on to him and not let him go, right? Luck was in his side, your mom cannot pick you up that early so you waited for the boys. Your eyes most of the time are focused to Sungchan’s tall figure, but still a glance or two on seeing Mark won’t hurt right? Apparently it hurts. A lot, even more as you think of how silly you looked like to Mark.

“Thank you for waiting,” Sungchan pinches your cheek first thing first after the team laughs along their way to the locker.

You shrug your shoulder “What else can I do?”

Sungchan notices the way your cheek feels different, “Yak why are your cheeks gone?” he quirks an eyebrow

You raise your brow, bewildered that you actually loss weight to that point, “Uh is it? No. you’re just imagining things.” You push him to change with the others and he joins them, but when you take a glance to your reflection you cannot disagree him.

“(y/n) you should eat!” Mark notices how you were quiet when they were shouting of what to order.

You jolt in surprise, “Ah yeah, don’t mind me, I will just order later, not that hungry now.” You smile to him.

“No way a person can stay sane after a skating class. You eat, don’t refuse.” Haechan suddenly speaks ending all of your thoughts. He ordered one for each and you just lose it, “I am in a diet!”

“Just one portion won’t hurt!” Haechan desperately puts his puppy eyes on for you.

“She can share with me, if that makes her more comfortable.” Sungchan calmly glances at you and raises his brow.

“She will share with me,” Sungchan speaks for you when you do not let out any rebuttal.

He understands, Sungchan is magical, in a way that you don’t have to speak your mind out loud, but he can grasp what you want to say. Words you speak in silence, within one look of an eye he understands. Does he secretly have the ability to read mind?

When the hot meal was served, the boys all quickly savour the hot food in front of them. They look super happy and you gasp when Sungchan hands you a fork with tteok in front of your lips.

“Eat up!” he smiles and that makes you finally open your mouth and eat the first yummy food in two months.

“I can eat by myself” you blush when the other members throw both of you a cheesy smile.

“Mark me too! Feed me too” Haechan attempted aegyo and that only earned him a smack from Jeno.

“It’s cute when (y/n) and Sungchan did it, but not you.” Jeno teases the couple and that make the team laughs, you cannot hold your laughter too and somehow laughing makes your shoulder feels lighter.

“You just finish two bars, please at least eat four for me…” Sungchan pleads when he finishes his half or more like three of a quarter. Yang yang is already eyeing your side of the plate, still full of fishcakes and tteoks.

“I am full,” you put your fork down but before you can say anything Mark already poke a fork on one of the red bars and offer it to your mouth “If you do not want to eat for you nor Sungchan, eat for me.” His hand is still hovering, and you glance to Haechan, who just sends you a nod of approval, “You don’t have to do this,” you sigh but take the fork instead.

“You eat, or we will do that one by one.” Said WInwin.

Your eyes pop open “It’s embarrassing! Okay I’ve had three! It’s enough… really… I beg you all, thanks.” You smile when they give up

The team separate way and Sungchan walks with you back home.

“Have you always been like this?” Sungchan asks as two of you walk under the moonlight.

You smile and he answers himself “No, you like tteokbokki. Is it because you still cannot move on?”

You smack your lips “I’ve moved on. Just can’t eat much because of the upcoming competition.”

Sungchan stops in track and looks at you deep into your soul “Mother?”

You force a smile “Aiya no way, how could a mother starve their children?! What will the world say?” you laugh out loud but Sungchan stays serious. He shakes his head and holds your hand tightly “Don’t laugh. It’s not funny.” He glances to your shaky hand in his bigger palm, “You were starved!”

You roll your eyes “Not starve. You exaggerated that one.” Though you secretly want to yell and ask him to just bring you foods everyday… but you know you’ll get embarrassed if people find out your mom did this to you.

“I just have to hold on for some months Sungchan, don’t worry.”

He gives up convincing you to eat more when you’re out with him, but he failed. And for once he wanted to turn back time and blamed himself for not forcing you to eat whenever he has the chance.

--

“You were too sick for practice” Sungchan worriedly sits on your side when you’re tying up your skates. His practice is always after yours, but for the last two months he had been coming to cheer you up on your practice and bring you small foods.

“I am not sick,” you chuckle and wipe a sweat that falls over your head.

“You’re having a cold sweat (y/n), this is not right.” He rummages his bag and takes out one piece of apple “Please,”  he pushes his hand out to you and you shake your head “I can’t. I have to warm up, see you prince.” You lean in to kiss his cheek and his eyes twinkle for a moment but its soon gone when he sees your fragile poorly fed body slides on the ice rink.

Yes he has brought the relationship up by a notch with you 2 months ago. he’s been a wonderful supportive boyfriend and you would not change him for anyone, not even mark!

Sungchan knows you like his own little sister, he knows your behaviour and he knows how you hide your emotions well. What he doesn’t like is how you can perfectly lie into his face and sometimes he bought it. Like now, you lied about being okay but he can clearly see you looking super tired in the rink.

Sungchan leaves the benchmark and runs when he sees you stopping in the middle of your routine.

“You should eat.” He forces you a bar of chocolate when you reach the chair and finishes a glass of water. “Please eat for me.” He unwraps the bar and pushes it into your lips.

He did not let you eat half, he didn’t want to regret more. He’s been frustrated about your health and he wants to change it. Now it looks like you’re already affected by your mom’s unhealthy diet and he doesn’t want his girl to fall sick or even ruin her body with this kind of lifestyle.

When the bar is done, he offers you a sweet tea and you shake your head refusing his drink. He sighs “Come on, do I have to force this into your mouth?” he twists the bottle open and almost gulps down the drink and you quickly shake your head “I DON’T WANT.”

He quirks his brow “What? You think I’ll force this mouth to mouth? Sexy but nahh I’m not doing it here, there’s minors.” He wiggles his brow and you punch his shoulder.

“Is that all you got? Gosh (y/n) that punch is so weak. Eat more.” He teases you when you angrily grab the drink and gulps half of it.

You feel better, your sugar level is back to normal and you no longer feel cranky. Well, earlier you were cranky to your trainer and that must be because of this.

“Better now?” he asks when you lean into his shoulder. You nod “I was mad earlier, coach kept on telling me I made mistakes.”

Sungchan rubs your hair “Did you though?” You blush and fiddle with your skirt “Well I did. I am just too tired to repeat everything.” You lean your whole body into him and straighten your legs.

Sungchan grabs your hand and kisses the palm “Come on, your sugar level should be better now. Go nail the practice and I’ll bring you for a good dinner. We can have one cheat day right?” he winks and you laugh. Tempted so much by the dinner and feel fluttery because Sungchan can never stop surprising you with small cute romantic actions.

“I know your mom won’t be mad for one meal. I’ll be the one responsible if she is mad!” he sounds so sincere and you can’t hold back your laughter.

“I found myself a great man, didn’t I?” you pinch his cheek and he only kiss your hand “And I found myself a cute princess to take care of.”

Your mood is boosted and you get up from the chair “Watch me prepare for top three! Or Gold as mom said” you roll your eyes and ump down into the rink.

Sungchan stands on the side of the rink and gives you a thumbs up “I am aiming to see you enjoy ad express yourself on ice!”

Your heart softens at that, that was new! Everyone always encourage you for Gold or silver, or perfect performance.. but Jung Sungchan, the star who waits for you when you’re too engaged with the moon. The star in your dark night, the star of your heart, love of your life? He comes up with a new motivation. Not gold, not silver, not even bronze. He did not ask for a perfect performance, but for you, the love of his life, to enjoy and express yourself on ice.  

You can’t wait to nail the rest of your practice and wait for his hockey lesson to finish. Well, you will have to kiss him for his encouraging words, thank him for a great dinner (though you did not know yet what you’ll be eating, but you know it’s gonna be great with him) and of course for reminding you the purpose of life. To enjoy and express yourself.

Your coach heard that too and he comes to whisper “So, I guess you did find the right one. Ready to start over and enjoy yourself?”

You nod and stare into Sungchan with stars in your eyes, “Ready.”

Epilogue

“WHEN I SAY ONE CHEAT DAY, I DON’T MEAN THIS.” You stare in horror at your boyfriend who brings you to an all you can eat restaurant.

He shrugs his shoulder “I am hungry, and you said I can choose.”

You shake your head “Not like this…”

He hugs your shoulder and drags you away from the restaurant “Even when I say dinner’s on me?” he brings you to watch the marbling meat a person is grilling next to the window.

You gulp “It’d be a waste.”

He giggles and ruffles your hair “Fine. We’ll keep this for your after performance. Now what do you want?”

You tighten your hug on his arm and smile “Tteokbokki sounds nice.”

Sungchan smirks “I knew it, you are weak for tteokbokki, that’s why I was super confused when you refuse to eat back then.”

You blush “Stop bringing that up.”

He giggles and bops your nose “Okay darling I’ll stop, anything to make you smile and be happy.”

“I love you Sungchan!”

“I love you most, (y/n)!”

 fin.

tell me what do you think?? it’s happy ending right ;D

[gffa]

Honestly, I don’t know.  Both of these characters did love each other very much, but they’re coming at this with a whole lot of baggage. For Anakin:  Despite that Padme never gave him any reason to doubt her, he still couldn’t stop fearing that she was going to betray him.  She made it very plain that she wasn’t interested in Clovis as anything other than a friend, that she had important reasons for working with him, but Anakin time and again kept boiling it down to her having romantic feelings for someone else.

Padme did everything “right” with Anakin, she always treated him with sympathy and softness, no matter what.  She poured all of her love into him, she got swept up in the romance with him just as much as he did many a time, yet he still cannot trust her. It’s the same on Mustafar--she has given every indication that she wants to be with him, wants to have a family with him, wants to leave with him, but he still turns on her and thinks she’s plotting behind his back when Obi-Wan reveals himself.

He’s willing to turn on her with the slightest indication without giving her a chance to explain. She says, “No!  I love you!” and he screams back that she’s a liar and starts to Force-choke her.

This is what Anakin is bringing to this relationship--yes, he’s high on the dark side and this is a really bad critical moment, but that’s what the dark side does.  And further canon (especially Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith and Vader Immortal) really hammer home that he’s unwilling to face his own mistakes about this, that he was responsible, that the dark side twisted him into this. Would he be willing to come back if Padme were still alive, would he be willing to leave the dark side behind for a second chance at a relationship with her? I honestly can’t say.  I suspect not, because as much as he loved her, he didn’t really want to live a simple, quiet life.  He desperately wanted something bigger and grander, he wanted to rule an Empire with her, he wanted to remake the galaxy into what he wanted.  He wanted a shadow of her, this idea of her, not the woman who actually said no to him.

Then there’s the other side of this relationship. For Padme:  She is someone who does try to put her foot down, to set boundaries.  We see that she does this really well in Attack of the Clones, where she tells him, “Stop looking at me like that, it makes me uncomfortable.” But then in that same movie, when he confesses that he’s killed the Tusken women and children, she doesn’t express any horror at this, only comforting him, telling him that being angry is being human.

She sees someone who is in incredible pain, it’s completely understandable, but it also shows that she’s willing to overlook his actions for how sad he was about his mother’s death. By the end of the movie, despite knowing him for about a week, she’s marrying him.  Yes, the circumstances on Geonosis are intense, which will put intense feelings into a boiler pot and make them even more intense, but she’s still known him like a week.  Padme is very much someone who gets swept up in romance and how she feels empathy for Anakin, she aches on his behalf. It’s the same with the Rush Clovis arc in season 6, where he beats the shit out of Clovis because he thought Padme was kissing him and she says they need to take a break.  By the end of the arc, intense circumstances (Clovis’ death, her own almost death) have her setting all that aside again to be with him, to exchange romantic holo-messages with him, to daydream about having their baby together on Naboo. She has seen what Anakin does when he has dreams of someone dying, like with his mother.  He directly says that these dreams are like those and he won’t let Padme die, but she says they’re just dreams. And when Anakin murders the Jedi younglings after having turned to the dark side, Padme’s first response is angry disbelief.

She goes to Mustafar to try to talk him back, but he’s off the deep end, so she backs away, saying, “You’re not the person I married, you’ve become this person I can’t follow any longer.” She absolutely does mean this--but she’s meant it before, too.  And she’s come back before, too.  Even her final words about Anakin are, “There’s still good in him.” because Padme cannot maintain those boundaries. So, I’m not sure how this set-up would necessarily even work, if Padme even could set down the boundary of “turn back to the light or we’re done” and keep it in a way that would actually force Anakin to change.  Because the dark side isn’t just anger, it’s also pain and suffering--which Padme is incredibly vulnerable to in Anakin. If she somehow could maintain that boundary, it’s possible that Anakin would come back, but I wouldn’t be willing to bet money on it.  Anakin has always loved the idea of her just as much as he loves her for herself, so much of their relationship was about his feelings for her, that nothing was more important that the way he felt about her.  And when she goes against what he thinks she should be doing, goes against his feelings that he’s giving her, he gets furious and lashes out.  He’s absolutely willing to physically assault her if he gets angry enough and that trigger is a hair trigger at times. And here’s the other thing:  I think Anakin loved Obi-Wan just as much as he loved Padme, though, in different ways (even if they’re both romantic or if one’s romantic and one’s platonic, they’re still different), he knew Obi-Wan loved him and he knew Obi-Wan would accept him back if he turned away from the dark side.  He knew if he went to Obi-Wan, even after everything, and asked for his help, Obi-Wan would listen to him, would still love him.

In the vision he has in Dark Lord of the Sith, the Force/the kyber crystal shows him this and Anakin’s eyes are blue again, he’s able to make his choice freely, and he rejects it. He rejects coming back from the dark side.  Now, his relationship with Obi-Wan and Padme are different, he can’t break down Obi-Wan’s boundaries the way he can Padme’s, nor does he have the same physical power over him that he does over Padme, the fight on Mustafar illustrates that.  Obi-Wan gives Anakin every chance, the entire battle is written to be like a married couple having a fight where Obi-Wan is trying to give him time to calm down, as well as Obi-Wan will not let this happen, even though he desperately didn’t want it to come down to this. Anakin refused to come back, though.  Once the dark side got its hooks in, once he was willing to murder the Jedi and the Jedi children, once he was willing to help burn the Republic to the ground, he couldn’t go back.  He knew what he’d done was wrong, he was never going to be able to accept someone who knew what he’d done, knew him and what that really meant. That’s why Ahsoka could never have brought him back, either.  Because Anakin hated himself for what he’d done so deeply that he couldn’t accept anyone who knew him, that’s why it could only have been Luke or Leia who made him have his final selfless moment, someone that represented the future, rather than his past.

"Just imagine this person that’s so wrapped up in their hatred for themself as much as external hate, that he just can’t deal with it.  He needs to destroy [Ahsoka].  So there isn’t empathy for her.  I’ve never thought that she could be something that would turn him back from the dark side, because that would completely rob Luke.  That would make it seem like that story was just one possiblity of many, when I think that Luke or Leia are the only possibility of their father’s redemption.”  --Dave Filoni Anakin knew these people that he loved would accept him back, knew they loved him, but he couldn’t face it.  He tries to bring Padme back in Dark Lord of the Sith, when he’s fresh off his turn, but even then it’s just a reflection of himself that he’s chasing after, not really her.  In Vader Immortal he’s also trying to bring her back, but he’s chasing a shadow of her, not really her.  It’s not about her, it’s not about what she would want, it’s not about the horror she would experience at what he’d done in her name (murdering children, murdering entire planets), it’s not about how she would react.  It’s about his feelings for her.  And that’s not something that would bring him back from the dark side. Padme is different in that he’s used to eventually breaking down her boundaries, so he feels a possessiveness towards her that he can’t have for Obi-Wan or Ahsoka (who assert their boundaries and keep them), but ultimately if Padme asserted those same boundaries, if she refused to take him back unless he turned away from the dark side, he would do the same thing he did to her on Mustafar, the same thing he did to Obi-Wan, the same thing he did to Ahsoka--try to kill them, because he cannot stand to look at what he’s done and work through it, he has to keep justifying it or he’ll fall apart and he refuses to do so.

[mythicamagic]

“Would you just shut up and listen to me for two goddamn seconds?!”

AN: ...yeah so I'll post part five in a few hours and THAT will be the ending to this Ex Sesshoumaru saga. Smh. I wrote too much of this. Read the other chapters - here.

----

She can't recall how it started.

It wasn't as though either of them had woken up one day and decided to pursue something. They'd become 'companions' of sorts- not quite friends, not casual acquaintances either. Kagome spoke with him while sitting on the grassy hillside, wearing full miko garb and explaining about future technologies.

Talking turned into meeting up regularly. Meetups turned into secret rendezvous.

Kagome wagered she'd been a source of intrigue for the demon lord. A window into the future. He listened with rapt attention and intelligent, sharp eyes. His questions were short and to the point- humour dark and smirking. Kagome found him endearing, in an irritatingly proud kind of way.

She learned about demon culture and his shining, unblemished heritage. How his ancestors had created magnificent weapons that could cut through stormy skies and block out the sun.

Kagome really couldn't say how it started.

He still hadn't been keen on humans, deeming them weak. A few were the exception to the rule. Kagome had figured that was enough. To be counted amongst those few meant she was 'special.'

She felt special, kissing him. Being loved by him made Kagome glow golden, radiating power and contentment. He encouraged her to train, to build up her reiki to new heights so that she might shock and amaze like no other miko before her. To go beyond the title of 'Shikon Miko.'

But centuries of bigotry didn't just 'go away' overnight, nor was it cured by love. He still thought of humans as beneath him. He loved her despite her humanity, not because of it.

In hindsight, Kagome shouldn't have been surprised by his reaction to her hypothetical question.

"If we ever have kids, do you think they'll be recognised as heirs?"

"What?"

Kagome shifted atop a pillow within his room at the Western Stronghold, setting down her book. "I'm just saying, I know your court is still pretty old school with how they feel about Hanyous. Think it'll impact our kids being able to take over the Western Lands?"

What a naive question. She'd been so wrapped up in how he made her feel- Kagome hadn't stopped to consider the possibility that he hadn't changed enough. Not enough for such a question. She'd asked hoping to be assured. That he'd comfort her with the knowledge that any children they had would be respected.

They wouldn't end up like Inuyasha. Ignored. Cast out.

Sesshoumaru had looked at her with such a perplexed, complicated expression. He spoke slowly, as though breaking the news to a child.

"A Hanyou will never rule the Western lands."

The surprise had set in- like she recognised the handle of the knife buried into her gut, but the pain hadn't registered yet. She'd questioned him, of course. His explanation wasn't any more encouraging.

"Hanyous only live a few centuries. I cannot entrust something as important as the longevity of these lands to one, nor can I guarantee they would mate a demon to extend their lifespan."

"Why don't you just say what you mean?" she uttered coldly, betrayal simmering in her blood as she stood. "You don't want one. You don't want an imperfect kid with me."

"That is not what I-"

"You don't have to say it," Kagome glared. "It's there, behind every word you just said. When were you gonna clue me in on this, huh? And what the hell is your plan?- because if you intended to keep me as a fucking mistress all this time while you play happy families with a pure-blooded bitch then-"

"No-" he snarled, terrible and thundering. Sesshoumaru got in her face, large hands curling in her hair, thumbs stroking the shells of her ears, trying to soothe. "I would not have you be Izayoi. You would be my mate. I would make you my Lady. We may have pups."

"That's very considerate of you," she sneered, flashing blunt teeth. "And where's this pure-blooded youkai kid coming from, hm? Because I sure as hell can't give you one."

Golden eyes slid away. It was as though a part of him knew, recognised that his duty would put him at odds with what they'd created together. He looked young, suddenly.

"I will create an heir with an inconsequential demoness."

"Inconsequential?" Kagome stared, hysteria bubbling up inside her. She broke away from him, his touch feeling unwanted, cold. "You'd use some poor woman just for that?"

"You are attributing human emotion to this," Sesshoumaru uttered, gaze flicking back to her. "She would be honoured by it. Her family would want for nothing-"

"Would you just shut up and listen to me for two goddamn seconds?!" Kagome burst, tears blurring her vision. "Can't you hear yourself? You'd still have to sleep with her, with a stranger. She'd carry your child for months, only to be torn away from them? Or would she live here? Would I have to see her every damn day and know- be reminded that I and my child weren't enough for you?!" her voice broke, a wave of emotion slamming her in the gut, only just registering and truly feeling the implications of her words.

His expression cracked, eyes widening, recognising he'd hurt her. Long claws unfurled.

"Kagome-"

"No! No, I'm done," Kagome backed away.

Years of sadness and mistrust loomed over their relationship suddenly, where before there had only been lazy mornings or evenings spent resting her head on his thigh, listening to long claws plucking the strings of a koto and inhaling rich, spicy scents of smoke from an ornate pipe.

"Don't talk to me. Don't even look at me," blue eyes swimming with tears glared. "Thank you for clarifying everything, Lord Sesshoumaru. I just wish you'd told me this two years ago."

He tried to touch her again- only for the miko to slap his attempt away with a crackling hiss of holy energy. Sesshoumaru was forced back, his hand steaming, narrowly avoiding being burned as Kagome backed away.

She'd never seen the look of pure, unadulterated surprise and distress contort his regal features before. But Sesshoumaru was proud. Sesshoumaru was a being carved from stone, who could not be moved by the words of a mere mortal.

He let her go.

Kagome didn't so much as grab her bag. She hitched a ride on Ah Un and made for Kaede's village. It wasn't long before she'd said her goodbyes, propelled by distress and anger into a hasty decision.

She jumped through the well, never to return.

It was a terrible, disappointing end to her feudal fairytale.

---

Rising slowly, Kagome blinked tired lids open, coming to a silent conclusion in the cold light of day. Picking up the phone, she called Natsuki and scheduled a meetup.

Promptly breaking up with him.

He didn't seem terribly shocked by the news.

"So… are you going to him after this?" He asked point-blank.

"What?"

"That silver inuyoukai I sensed on you last week. Figured you had something else going on."

Stiffness rendered her shoulders tense. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, "for making you feel that way. I'm not going to him, but I have been thinking about him."

"Heh, you've been thinking about him but not going? Sounds difficult."

"It is," she smiled, reaching over the table and squeezing his fingers. "Goodbye, Natsuki."

The way he'd eyed her hand, just for a moment- warily- as though wondering for half a second if she'd taken her pills, only strengthened Kagome's resolve.

She knew what she wanted now.

---

Dressing up that night, she wore her best things. The nicest pair of earrings, shoes, right down to her dress and underwear. She did everything to allow herself to relax, soaking in a tub with candles littered around the edge beforehand.

Glancing at her pills on the nightstand, Kagome grabbed her purse before leaving, having not taken them all day. The effects should've worn off by now. Walking down the stairs, she experimented with a light flex- pink static racing over her skin in a faint crackle.

Dark hair fanned out, soon settling about her shoulders. Kagome took a long, indrawn breath. Life flowed through her veins. Her heart pumped, alive, healthy. Too long had she soaked herself in misery and settled for any half-decent demon cock willing to tolerate her power. Her species.

No more.

Kagome headed straight for the youkai bar.

She slipped in, a known regular by now. Unlike usual though, after grabbing a drink she didn't content herself by sitting at the bar until a tall dark and handsome stranger approached her. Kagome downed it to ignite a fire in her throat, hissing quietly and setting down her glass before easing around grinding bodies on the dance floor.

Standing in the centre, with speakers booming, vibrations thrumming through her- multicoloured lights flashing overhead in the much too dark room, with sweat and youki plastering to the air like heady vapour, Kagome took a breath. Beefy hands met her waist, intending to 'dance' with her - before she let reiki flow.

Younger demons immediately backed off, spooked by the mere suggestion of power. The hands left her body as she met their gazes. If they wanted to touch her, they'd have to reach her.

Dark eyes turned to the miko, intrigued. Some started to approach, but she gradually turned the facet of her holy powers higher. Bigger, more arrogant males kept moving closer. They could match her, tame her. She was just a priestess, after all. They hadn't been anything substantial in centuries.

Kagome held her head high on the half-empty dance floor, pink energy now static and visible, racing over her body like a live wire. And still more poured into her aura, seeping out like a huge barrier. She wasn't done. Not by a long shot.

Even the bravest stopped, all demons now pressed back against far walls, snarling at her, some evacuating the bar.

Kagome's heart shuddered. Her shoulders fell. All that, and she still hadn't let everything out. Maybe she was supposed to make herself smaller. Maintain the air of an unassuming priestess by a big strong demon's side. Settle. Accept it. What had she been expecting?

Feeling foolish and a little selfish for spoiling everyone's night, Kagome stepped back with the intent of recalling her energy.

A palm met the pink barrier, a sharp sound ringing out like the crack of lightning. Youki -familiar, dominating, unique- crashed against her aura, creating a plume of sweeping mists. Through the pink haze, Sesshoumaru stepped forward.

Unlike his usual modern look, the glamour was absent this time.

Kagome's eyes widened, oxygen briefly freezing inside her lungs. His markings were on full display. Seeing him again, really seeing him, awakened a strange feeling inside her.

Kagome grit blunt teeth, refusing to soften. She allowed another wave of her reiki out, creating a blazing inferno that licked along the wooden floors and sent every other demon fleeing.

Golden eyes narrowed slightly, but Sesshoumaru kept his palm raised, long hair whipping around him.

As reiki slid through the gaps of his fingers, he took a step closer. Followed by another. Red youki buffered its natural opposite, creating sparks and wafts of charged steam. He walked around the room, slowly tightening the circle around her like a predator closing in, though not without effort.

Kagome had never felt anything like it. She'd never let so much loose before. She could even keep going, she could-

Sesshoumaru's hand closed over her wrist, eyes hazed red. He panted, face lingering close. "Enough. I can withstand you, dear one," he said in a rush, light burns dotting his cheek and forehead. "But those outside cannot. You could obliterate every demon within a 5-mile radius if you wished, but I know you do not want that."

Kagome blinked, shaken. Catching her breath suddenly, she trembled, holding onto him.

His presence stabilised something, allowing Kagome to slowly begin reeling blistering power back. Her body weakened, forehead finding his shoulder as pink power receded back inside. Wild youki died down not long after.

And that was how Kagome Higurashi was barred from the only youkai establishment in the city.