#I had fun at college meeting people and doing new things but my mental and physical health kinda suffered so

[jomo-is-here]

I graduated last week!

I would’ve made this sooner but I crashed hard after everything was done lol

College was certainly an experience. Still not too sure how I feel about it.

[martian-astro10]

Solar return observations- Part 5

If you have Saturn in 12th then sleep well, that is....if you manage to fall asleep in the first place. (I have it this year and IT SUCKS, I have literally not been able to sleep, I've tried every single tea, every meditation, white noises, NOTHING WORKS, I also have mars in 12th, so I'm just fucking tired the whole time)

North node in 2nd is an indication that you'll start earning money for the very first time in your life, it doesn't have to be a full time job (I have seen this a lot of times when a person starts working for the first time, like a part time job or something. You get to experience what it's like to have "your" money)

I'm pretty sure that an astrologer has already said this, but I don't remember who, so I'll say it again, Uranus in 3rd means getting a new cycle, bike or car, basically anything that helps you with short distance travelling. (One of my friends have it this year and he already had a cycle but it got stolen and he just decided to buy a car, since he has money saved up for one)

This is very specific, but if you have Jupiter in 9th/ 11th then GO GET THAT RECOMMENDATION LETTER. (If you are graduating or planning to get a new job, this year is good for that. The years in which my sister, my friends or I have had this, our teachers, bosses or colleagues were SO impressed with us and we got really good reference letters, we slayed so hard in those years)

Vertex in 6th can be a VERY busy and exhausting year. Too many responsibilities and not enough knowledge of how to deal with them. (I had this the year in which I started living alone, It was also squaring my moon and dude, TW the suicidal ideation was STRONG. I wish I could give some sort of an advice but I don't know what to say, you just need to learn how to deal with the problems as they come)

Mercury square Neptune....the level of miscommunication is insane. (One of my closest friends has this and she...I love her but she's being very annoying. We were on a trip and she was talking to some people, so me and my other friend, we started clicking pictures, cuz we didn't want to disturb her and she comes up and says "why are you guys doing this without me, why are you not including me, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore just say it" like GIRL) if you have this, don't start unnecessary drama, communication will be difficult so just stay quiet

Chiron in 12th is one of the shittiest years in regards to mental health, I hate this. (My friends have had this before and it's there in my 2025 solar return chart and I'm already dreading it. Everything bad that can happen...happens. I don't care what anyone says, this placement is just pure EWWWW and NOTHING can convince me otherwise)

Aries in 8th can be the year in which you lose your virginity (If you WANT to) I know quite a few people who had this the year they lost their V-card. (It's completely okay if you don't though, take your time and do it with a person who you trust and love, no pressure)

Mars in 9th is such a good placement for travelling and studies. (I had this in my 1st year of college, I remember I was so excited, studying was very easy, I loved learning new things and stuff, it was very nice. I was also travelling a lot, discovering new places. I had a lot of energy, really fun year)

Sun in 7th is a great placement if you want to work with others. (My mom has it this year and her business is ON FIRE, every time she has a meeting, it goes so well and she always gets a better deal than what she expected) this is a really good time for working with others, in partnerships. If you are a student, then you're going to do especially well in group projects.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[sugurusdiscordmoderator]

Sukuna one shot

inspired by @rinhaler’s plug sukuna that has been living in my brain rent free

mdni 18+

cw: age gap, oral (f and m), face fucking, hickeys, daddy kink, praise kink (way too many ‘princess’s) , hint of possessiveness at the end

Everyone when they’re first on their new college campus feels like hot shit. And you’re no exception. You graduated high school with a 4.0 moved away from your home town and broke up with your boyfriend so you could have fun.

You show up to your first day of astronomy class, a stupid course you have to take as a liberal arts college even though you’re a business major. You thought it would just be freshmen in your introductory core classes, but oh you couldn’t have been more wrong.

You sit towards the back of the class, not too far back that you won’t seem like you’re not paying attention, but not close enough for you to seem like you’re trying too hard. You got there about 5 minutes before class started to be punctual but a lot of the seats were taken. You took out your notebook, pen, and the syllabus the professor emailed you ahead of time to have printed out.

Within the last 60 seconds before class started one particular student walked in. He had to have been a senior, or even a fifth year, with tattoos, pink hair, and a not-too-excited to be there expression. Just your luck, the last seat available was to your left which was like awkwardly close between the wall and your seat. He looks at you and raises his eyebrows as if saying “hey” in a fuck boy way. You can’t help but look at the way his red tshirt hugs his biceps as he pulls out the chair and sits down. He doesn’t attempt to take anything out of his book bag, and you think to yourself ‘there’s no way this man is a freshman’.

The attendance sheet gets passed around and you sign your name and pass the paper over to him. Of course he doesn’t have a pen or pencil so you clear your throat to offer yours to him. He says “thanks,” under his breath not making eye contact but taking special consideration to look at your name written above his.

This professor is pretty annoying and asking people questions off the syllabus so you decide to be nice and place yours between the two of you. He finally makes eye contact with you and you smile, like a little naive freshman that you are. God, dressed all nice for your first day of class wearing that cute little dress he would love to just ruin you. You watch his eyes go up and down your body and you just sit there and take it. Watching his Adams apple bob as he swallows. The sexual tension is thick, and you don’t even know his name. But you know that you want him, regardless of his age or grade or how little he cares about school.

Class was soon over and you found yourself looking forward to the next time you had class with him, as it was a Monday Wednesday Friday class.

Wednesday you get there just a little bit earlier and grab the same seat but you don’t get your hopes up that pink hair-big bicep-mystery man will sit next to you again. As you’re unloading your things out of your book bag you hear someone sit down next to you. You look up to see the same guy from the first day of class with a book bag this time, sitting down in the same spot.

“Hey!” You decide to speak up with a blush on your cheeks.

“Hi,” he says quietly wondering why you are talking to him.

“I’m y/n, I just wanted to introduce myself if were going to sit next to each other!” You say a little to enthusiastically.

“Are you a freshman? Most people don’t do this kinda shit.” He says smirking at you and you can’t tell if he’s being a dick or flirting.

“Uhh yeah. I just wanted to make a friend in this class, sorry for bothering.”

“Not bothering me Princess, just giving you a hard time. I’m Sukuna.” You blush at the pet name he calls you and he makes a mental note to call you that when he fucks you over the desk eventually.

“Nice to meet you, maybe we can study together some time once we actually learn new materials?”

He raises his eyebrows at you smirking, “Sure. How about I get your number then?” You write your phone number on a corner of your notebook paper and rip it off and hand it to him.

“Cute handwriting.” He says as he slips it into his pocket. And that was all for your interaction the second day.

On Friday you both happen to walk into class together and smile at each other.

“You didn’t text me.”

“So needy,” he smirks at you as you settle into your regular seats. “My frat is having a party tonight, do you and your friends want to come?”

Oh god your first college party and you’re getting invited by this guy?

“Yeah that sounds great, will you actually text me the details though?” Pulling out your best flirty-ness.

“Sure princess.” He says pulling out his phone. You see your name saved as “ y/n - astronomy 🥵” and pretend you didn’t. He sends a text with the address of the party and class gets started for the day. You decide to walk out of class together and small talk about how boring the professor is. He suddenly interrupts you -

“Hey would you be interested in showing up early to my house to pregame for the party? Ya know just cause you probably don’t have a fake ID yet and don’t have any alcohol.. and stuff.” He scratches the back of his neck.. is he.. nervous?!

“That sounds fun yeah sure.”

“My little brother will be there. He’s also a freshman so maybe you guys can be friends.”

“Yeah I haven’t really made a ton of friends yet so that would be sick.”

—

Later that evening you head out of your dorm around 8 o’clock. You’re wearing a frilly crop top and a tight light denim skirt with cute platform white sneakers. You shaved your whole body in anticipation and decided you’re going to walk the few blocks to Sukunas house. You show up around 8:30 and sweetly knock on the door. A smaller more kind looking version of Sukuna opens the door. The same pink hair but no tattoos, less muscle, and a friendlier smile. Almost the exact opposite.

“Hi! Are you Sukuna’s friend?”

“Yeah I guess that’s one way to put it, yeah,” you laugh nervously, “I’m y/n”

“Welcome in I’m Yuji. He’s in his room if you want to go up. It’s the first door on the right.”

You thank Yuji and start going up the stair. You feel so nervous like a little high schooler as you get closer to the door. Like there are a thousand butterflies between your stomach and your pussy that can’t wait to see him. You knock gently on the door and hear a muffled “come in” and turn the door knob.

You see Sukuna sitting on his futon shirtless rolling up a joint on his little coffee table. “Hey princess,” he mumbles not looking up from his work in progress as you walk in and sit on his bed adjacent to his futon. As he finishes rolling he smiles up at you. You feel a little awkward sitting here as you’ve only seen him a few times and know nothing about him.

“Do you smoke?” He asks knocking you out of your thoughts.

“I haven’t ever tried but I’m willing to” you say all too innocently back.

“Hmm okay we’ll I guess you came to the right guy.” He motions for you to come sit next to him on the little futon couch he has and lights up. He hits the joint a few times and passes it to you once you look confident enough. You hold it in between your pointer finger and thumb and inhale and exhale just like sukuna did. “That’a girl” he says as his hand finds a home resting on your exposed thigh. You squint your eyes and smile at him.

Sukuna calls for Yuji to come upstairs and a few seconds later the cute brother opens the door to the bedroom. “You wan some of this?” He asks the younger brother and sticks out his hand with the joint in it. “I don’t want to finish it all and sweetheart here has never smoked so I don’t want her to do too much.” Yuji sits where you were on the bed taking a huge rip of the joint and your eyes widen at his lung capacity.

“I’ve done it too much. Maybe some day you’ll have a tolerance like us.” Yugi says with kind eyes. You notice him look down to where his brothers hand rests on your thigh.

“So how’d you guys meet?” Yuji asks smiling only looking at you.

“We have astronomy together,” you smile back before Sukuna could retort some smart ass answer.

“Hey Yuji, can you go get stuff ready downstairs for the party? Mhm thanks” Sukuna says and shoos his younger brother out of the room before he can get another word in.

He smoothly walks back over to the couch you’re sitting on, putting a piece of hair behind your ear. “Princess will you let me try something with you?”

“Mmhmm sure what is it?” you bat your eyelashes at him.

There’s only a little bit of the joint left and Sukuna takes a large rip of it, as he sits back down next to you. His left hand moves to your jaw, his thumb i opening your mouth as he leans in to kiss you. Oh god you’ve seen this at parties before but never done it. As he opens his mouth against yours you inhale, trying your best to impress him. He backs his lips off yours just enough for you to exhale the remaining smoke.

“Gooood girl,” he mutters looking into your red eyes. His lips collide with yours again, passionately. You can hardly even think straight he is dominating you even just kissing. His tongue slips past your lips and makes it way through your mouth. You hear people talking downstairs now as it’s about 9 pm but neither of you could care. His lips continue their assault on your jaw to your ear, down your neck. Pecking, licking, assaulting your tanned skin that smells like innocent girl perfume and a cute little necklace that you probably got from a high school boyfriend, sukuna thinks.

Without warning he pulls down your top, exposing your bare chest without a bra. “Hm a little risqué? Maybe not quite the good girl that you act like?” He smirks up at you before taking one of your hardened nipples in his mouth. He uses his other hand to run the other, twisting and twirling it in between his thumb and pointer finger, the same ones he was just holding the joint with. You can’t help but let out a little moan and roll your eyes back at the feeling. You run a hand through his hair, spreading your legs with your skirt on so we can see your panties. There’s a little wet patch that’s growing on the white lace that he so desperately wants to tear to shreds. He starts trailing down kisses from your cute nipples down your still covered stomach.

You try to reach down to rub the growing bulge in his pants, being so greedy and horny. “No,” he responds grabbing your wrist and moving your arm back up by your head. You’re confused but don’t care as long as you get touched soon. Just then sukuna tugs your soft lace panties down your legs, admiring them before stuffing them in his pocket. You produce a slight gasp at his actions but try to be patient for what he’ll do next. You feel the cold air of Sukunas bedroom against your newly exposed delicate cunt. He bends down to start leaving messy kisses around your inner thighs and pubic area. He teases you getting close to licking up your folds but ultimately enjoys watching you writhe in how turned on you are.

“Please” you whimper looking down at him, trying to give your best puppy eyes

“Please what?” He asks before placing a gentle kiss on your clit.

“Please S’kuna” your voice cracks you are begging and whining for him so much, looking like you are about to cry.

He latches his mouth around your clit, sticking his thumb inside your warm hole. “fine” he mumbles as if he isn’t about to give you the most life changing head you’ve ever had. Sukuna thinks you look like a portrait of a goddess, your cute skirt bunched up at your hips, pussy out, and shirt pulled down exposing your tits, the way your mouth makes a perfect “O” while your eyes scrunch shut.

You let out something between a deep breath and a moan a few times before Sukuna stops licking your cute button. He waits for you to open your eyes to look at him “louder f’r me”. He takes his thumb out of you, holding it up to your face for you to lick clean. You use your tongue to swirl around his thumb, sucking on it like your life depends on it. He pulls away once he is satisfied and hears you whimper “thank you” quietly.

“Pretty girl, did you just thank me for tasting your juices on my finger?” Your face heats up getting redder each word he says. “I didn’t know you were so obedient…good to know” he says almost to himself instead of you. He switches to use his ring and middle finger inside you, lapping around your hole and clit fucking his hand into so quickly you can’t help but let out a loud moan. At your reaction he moves his free hand down to palm his erection through his pants.

By this time the music is bumping pretty loud downstairs and you assume no one can hear you. Sukuna seems to enjoy eating your pussy just as much as you’re liking it, muttering to himself while licking at you things like “pretty little freshman pussy” and “begging for me since the first day of class”. Your legs start to close as you feel yourself getting closer to your high, but his pumping into you doesn’t slow. He now uses one hand to finger you and the thumb of the other hand to rub your clit, spitting on it. He wants to watch you cum for him. He wants to see every second and can’t risk getting carried away tasting your cunt.

You reach to grab some of his pink hair, begging for release. “C’mon princess you can do it”, “cum for me”, and “goood girl” he groans as you begin arching your back off the sofa. His fingers are reaching a place yours never could and you begin seeing spots and close your eyes again. Your ab muscles flex and you start pulsing on his fingers. He slows down his pace once you start your orgasm, rolling his eyes back and groaning when he hears you moan “Sukunaaaaa” loud enough that anyone on the upstairs floor could hear it.

He stands up and cleans his fingers off in his mouth and wipes them off on a tshirt that was on his bed which he proceeds to now put on (yeah he was shirtless that whole time). He walks back over to help you up, pulling your top up to cover your tits, just barely, and pulling your skirt down to where it belongs but he still kept your panties.

As you regain your senses you ask “Is that it? What about you ‘kuna?”

He chuckles a bit mocking you “‘is that it?!’ Was that not enough? Sorry but you have to earn more.”

“No” you groan walking up to him, “I meant ‘is that it’ as in ‘are you going to let me take care of your massive bulge?’”

He kisses your forehead then responds, “hmm sure princess were already late for the party night as well.

You willingly get down on your knees right in front of him like he is your king. Maybe that’s why he calls you princess so much. He uses his clean thumb to wipe off a little bit of smudged makeup under your eye “so pretty on your knees…” he starts unbuttoning and zippering his pants, “might actually have to keep you around.”

You don’t even react to what he’s saying as he pulls his pants and underwear down revealing a massive cock. Larger than the average man for sure, but also a pretty color and the perfect number of veins. You can’t believe he wasn’t in pain keeping an erection that big in his pants. It was going to stretch you out for sureee. Your pupils grow at the sight of him gripping the base of his manhood and and putting one hand behind your head.

You know what this means, you’ve deep throated before but god you’ve never gotten facefucked. Let alone a dick this huge?

He lets you make the first move, opening your mouth and letting his tip fall on your tongue. You taste a tiny bead of his precum and become insatiable for more. Sukuna watches the lust in your eyes grow as you begin licking up and down his shaft.

You then begin to bob up and down, hoping that your head is good enough for him. You can only reach about half of his dick before it starts to go down your throat, but you’re desperately trying to take as much as you can. His hand still gently resting on the back of your head, not testing you yet.

You remove your mouth and look up to the handsome man asking, “daddy, can you help me?”

Sukuna can hardly believe his ears and is taking everything in him not to cum on the spot from hearing your sweet voice call him that. As soon as he realizes what you were asking he responds “sure, princess.” His grip tightening on the back of your neck, using the free hand to slap his cock on your tongue and face. He still doesn’t want to be too rough with you, delicate little freshman. But you did just call him daddy … so …

He begins to use your mouth to fuck his cock, slowly at first making sure you adjust, pushing himself down your throat until you tap his leg for air “mmm good girl you’re mouth is great” he says as you replied your air. As he sticks himself back in again he goes faster this time. Hitting the back of your throat with each stroke but not forcing himself down like the last time. He moves his free hand to grab the front of your throat squeezing so even less air can come through.

Fuck this is turning you on so much you can feel your slick dripping down your leg. Your vision goes a little blurry from lack of oxygen before he releases his hand, still continuing his praise and moans. He lets you breath again for a minute, making you jerk him off while you catch your breath as his head is thrown back “fuck y/n, pretty face, pretty pussy, and a pretty mouth” followed by a grunt/moan. You are determined to make this man cum on your tongue and begin sucking at a faster pace. You feel the tip going down your throat and just let it keep going until you find your nose touching his well trimmed hairs against his pubic bone. You stay there and wiggle your tongue around the part you couldn’t reach before as he looks down at your pretty eyes tearing up. You come back for breath and decide to suck the top and jerk the bottom because you were pretty sure guys liked that too? Sukuna looks down at you moaning “fuck, fuck, fuck” and you watch his hips twitch knowing he is getting close. He pulls your hair a little harder than he means to while you’re finishing him off, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he lets out a last “shit y/n” and releases on your tongue.

He recovers rather quickly compared to you, putting his now soft penis back in his boxers and jeans. He looks up to see you sticking out your tongue with his cum on it. Without warning he pulls his phone out of his back pocket and takes a picture of you with the flash on. “Swallow princess” he tells you after he groans at how sexy the picture turned out.

You both get ready to finally attend the party now around 9:30 with what sounds like lots of people downstairs. Sukunas tries to get you from looking in the mirror so you don’t see the 4 not-so-subtle hickies he gave you. He runs his hands through your hair because it looks like… well it looks like you just had sex. Grabbing your ass under your skirt, still panty-less he opens his bedroom door.

“Be a good girl and I’ll let you come back up here after the party is over” he whispers seductively in your ear.

He lets you go down the stairs first, keeping his hand on your shoulder as you go.

He’s not letting you leave his sight tonight.

—

A/N it took everything in me not to have someone barge in on them like yuji or someone looking for the bathroom. Happy to write a part two or series of these if anyone likes them. Also feel free to leave requests in my inbox. Thank you sweet cheeks 🫶

[xechu]

a/n: A bit of a long post, but I thought I'd share some character notes I have of Sukuna from my au 'Cross My Heart'. I don't foresee myself writing anything that is related to Sukuna's past before him meeting reader, which is why I thought it would be nice to release some notes just to give him some more depth. This will have some little fun facts about Jin as well since they're twins. As you might be able to tell, I'm a bit invested in this au right now. But I am trying to work on my other fics, so you might not see anything else come out for CMH this upcoming week. x

tw: 18+ mdni, suggestive themes, mature themes, complicated family dynamics, death

cmh!sukuna - growing up & teen years

Their mother has always been out of the picture so it was just Wasuke, Jin, and Sukuna. Wasuke never mentioned much about their mother, it always seemed to be a sore topic. All they know is she's no longer alive.

Sukuna had always been kind of troubled as a kid and well into his teens. Finance has been tight growing up, so Jin and Sukuna had to work odd jobs since they were 13 until they were of legal working age, which then they would be on an actual payroll working minimum wage jobs.

Uraume knew both Jin and Sukuna since elementary school, but they have always been a little closer with Sukuna. They didn't attend the same high school as they attended another school in a different district, but they were still in contact with Sukuna.

In high school, Jin was the nerd, and Sukuna was just an edgelord that all the girls found very mysterious and alluring. Sukuna's height skyrocketed during this time as well, so he just naturally stood out. He was popular not because he aspired or tried to be - it just happened.

Given his physique, some teachers would also try to recruit him into sport teams, but Sukuna said no, because he had to work part-time after school.

Jin and Sukuna never talked to each other much. Even though they were in the same high school. People didn't even realize they were related because of how different they looked, until graduation when some students saw them taking pictures together with Wasuke.

Sukuna looks a lot like Wasuke, and Jin looks a lot like their mother.

There was a bit of resentment between the two brothers growing up, because Sukuna thought Jin was spineless, whereas Jin thought Sukuna was selfish.

To be honest, both Sukuna and Jin had a difficult time expressing their thoughts and feelings because Wasuke was pretty harsh on the boys growing up, but he also had a lot on his plate as a single father. Given Wasuke's curt nature, he didn't really know how to nurture children and did only what he thought was right.

Sukuna was easily agitated and explosive, versus Jin who bottled everything up and could be a bit reclused when things got too overwhelming.

Kaori and Jin were high school sweethearts. They met in the debate club during Jin's sophomore year. Kaori is one year older than Jin. Jin was not the argumentative type, but he decided to step out of his comfort zone, and try something new. Seeing how Jin is now, it's hard to believe he was incredibly shy in high school. Kaori had a lot to do with him being more expressive with his feelings and really getting him out of his shell.

cmh!sukuna - college days

Left home shortly after high school graduation. He got into a huge fight with Wasuke, because Sukuna wanted to go into trades instead of university. Jin was accepted into a prestigious ivy league university on full scholarship.

Wasuke had found Sukuna's acceptance letter to the same university in the bin, after Sukuna lied and said he didn't get accepted. Wasuke went into an explosive fit - he couldn't understand why his son was settling for 'less' and told him with that mentality he will amount to nothing.

Though Sukuna left home at 18 and seemingly hated his brother, he never changed his telephone number just in case one day Jin needed him.

College was when Sukuna really began to let loose and felt the full experience of freedom.

Lost his virginity to some random TA in his college, he couldn't even remember her name or face, until she approached him one day out of the blue and thought she was pregnant. They went to a health clinic and it turned out to be a false alarm. The TA wanted to continue the relationship on the down-low, but Sukuna dropped it.

Sukuna met Yorozu during his first year of college. Her band was prepping for a college event - they did a cover of ‘Smile Like You Mean It’ by The Killers, which initially piqued Sukuna’s interest

Yorozu and Sukuna hit it off quite well, it had a lot to do with their approach to life, and to be honest they were both kind of troubled at the time.

Toji and Shiu came into the picture shortly after, they met Yorozu during an elective course they all shared, and somehow the four of them all came together as a group even though they were from vastly different fields of studies. Toji and Shiu have known each other for a long time.

Yorozu's area of study - music (4 year), Shiu's area of study - international business (4 year), Toji's area of study - exercise science (3 year), Sukuna's area of study - automotive technician (apprenticeship program, 2 years)

cmh!sukuna - 20's, up to when he went to jail

When Sukuna was 21, he received a phone call from Jin. Wasuke passed away very abruptly. He came home from work one night and said that he had a headache, went to bed early and never woke up.

After going through Wasuke's stuff, they accidentally broke one of Wasuke's picture frames. The framed photo was from their high school graduation. Sukuna never saw the photo before, but Wasuke wore a big smile, one that Sukuna had never seen growing up. And when he looked closely, he could see that his father's gaze was actually on him in that photo.

On the back of the photo, Wasuke wrote a note to his late wife. "They grew up well. I tried my best though it would have been better if you were around, but they still managed to pave a path for themselves despite my shortcomings as their father. Jin is very much like you, while Ryomen reminds me much of myself. They are truly both our children. I am proud of them. I miss you, but the three of us are doing fine."

That revelation with the photo really fucked Sukuna up. That's when he also patched things up with Jin.

Jin graduated at 22 from an ivy league business school, and had this ambition of becoming an entrepreneur. At this point, Sukuna had already been working as a full-time mechanic for two years. Jin approached Sukuna with the idea and that's when they kickstarted their garage business.

The first year was quite difficult, but then afterwards it started picking up, eventually by their fifth year, business was booming. Jin was able to get married to Kaori, and bought a house to start their family. Sukuna bought two condos, and continued living his life of work hard, play hard, and just enjoying a commitment-free life.

Patching up his relationship with Jin and starting a business really saved Sukuna's life - and that's why he has so much respect for Jin and the business. It definitely curbed down his edginess and he felt less troubled, but he's far from a saint and knows there's still a lot he needs to work on.

A few months later, the altercation with the bad business deal happened and Sukuna went to jail for two and a half years.

Toji, Shiu, and Yorozu would occasionally visit him in jail

Jin and Kaori would visit Sukuna too, but Sukuna was the one to tell Jin and Kaori not to visit when they found out she was pregnant. "Don't worry about me, take care of the kid. I don't want a pregnant woman coming in and out of jail like that. I'll see you both and the kid when I'm out."

Writing © xechu - please do not redistribute, translate, or repost any of my works.

[sadistic-kiss]

Nanami Knows Best

What's Best

Nanami is tired of your poor choice of men so he takes matters into his own hands. 

TAGS: Dubious Consent, Knife Play, Degrading, Dacryphilia, Bondage, Praise

Genre: Some Angst, Dark Romance, Possessive, Obssessive 

Yandere/Slasher Nanami x Reader

****************************************************

Your giggles tickle Nanami’s ears like little bell chimes. He always enjoyed it when you laughed or smiled. It made him feel warm. However, he wasn't feeling that sweet delight that squeezed his heart… not right now. Right now he was feeling irritated. Pissed. All because he wasn't the cause of such a beautiful laugh, no it was the mouth breather who had his arm slung around your shoulder. 

“Guys this is Mahito.” You introduced the bluette to the group with an excited chirp.

"Sup!"

Jerk number five. 

“Nice to meet you Mahito~.” Gojo shook the man’s hand as he greeted each person.

“So you're the guy I've been hearing so much about?” Shoko winked.

“I hope all good things.” Mahito looked toward you with a smirk. 

“Of course!” You shimmy into him playfully. “You're my perfect man~.”

Your newest boyfriend. 

After rounding the table the man reached his weird stitched hand toward him. Where did you find this one out of the mental hospital? He disregarded his hand giving him a nod instead. “Nanami.” 

“Oo~ Nanami is a bit weird with germs.” you whispered quickly trying to ease the tension between them. He wasn't weird with germs but he allowed you to think that so he didn't have to physically interact with waste. 

“No worries! Germaphobe Kento huh?” 

“Nanami.”he corrected.

“I heard so much about you!” the drunk disrespectful bastard continued, “Heard you were real smart and all, a true brainy guy. Like the big-headed kid from the cartoons uuuuh...” he began to snap his fingers, “John- Josh-”

”Jimmy Neutron!” you laughed as the two of you busted up in a cackle. 

“Yeaaah! Jimmy Neutron!”

Nanami let out a short snort as he sipped his drink. The table giggled in drunken fun. After that little joke, he allowed everyone else to talk. Mahito would pick on him but he never bit back. Never took the obvious bait. Nanami was quiet, always had been. You learn more about someone by watching them closely. People were like open books, you just needed to know how to read them. 

Nanami likes to observe, and as he scrutinized your new boy toy he wanted to roll his eyes. He truly wasn't impressed with this one. The rest of the table seemed fine with him but that's because they were too oblivious to see how textbook this whole thing was. It always started like… this. The cute little honeymoon phase where you introduce the new guy to your friends and they gush and get excited for you. Where you ignore all the obvious red flags and let them slap you in the face. 

It was pitiful honestly. 

The guy could say anything and you'd give him whatever. Money, time, ass, your damn dignity. Just like the rest of them. You let these deadbeats in and they take and take from you until you have nothing more to give and when they leave you broken and crying you run to Shoko. Last time, Shoko was away so you had called him. 

You cried and cried and vowed to never do this to yourself again- he truly believed you yet look at you now. You silly... silly girl. You always do this don't you? It's like you can't help it. You were a smart woman. No debt, great credit score, graduated college early, paid for all your things, and shine in your career. You worked really hard to get to where you were. Summer classes, extra credit, internships, volunteering, you name it. You built yourself up and now you were letting homeless idiots break you down. You were booksmart but you were not street smart. 

Unfortunately, you followed the very trope of- good girl dates bad guy. You think you can change them huh? Give them a place to crash when the go on a drug binge and as they steal your money and lie to you you just nod and smile thinking you see the good in them. When were you going to grow out of it? Aren't you too old for this? Whatever happened to 'fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me? What the hell is fool me five times? 

Clearly, you were sick in the head to be going down this same path again for the fifth time. 

More sick than he was, and that was really saying something. He wiped the earth with scum bags like your shitty boyfriends. He even enjoyed doing it. However, he was an honest man to himself and his disturbing hobbies.

He enjoyed killing but it was best when done to someone that he felt was a waste of oxygen. 

He wasn't a sociopath- he was a psychopath. There was a difference. He had his little morals. He didn't like killing those who didn't deserve it. Only people who thought they could shit on the world with no consequences. Cocky bastards… much like all the men you seem to be a magnet for.

So, as he watches you with yet another dirtbag, he begins to wonder how delightful it would be to cut this one's life short. Just like he did with all your other poor choices. You just didn't get it. Couldn't see what they truly were. You always joked about your third eye but you were blind to these things that were lesser than men. They didn't deserve you, but you keep picking them up.

Was it your daddy issues? Mommy issues? Both?

Nanami truly thought the time he spent with you crying after your last breakup would have sparked something within you. He was a model man. Everything opposite of the strays you take in off the street. If anything you should have seen how perfect he was for you. How much better he could treat you. Jealous? He wouldn't quite say that. He was more...how should he say...disappointed. He would have felt much better if you came into this bar with a man who was more his status or at least someone who had a higher IQ than a fifth grader.

"ALRIGHT! LET'S GET THIS TRIVIA GAME STARTED!" 

Speaking of iQ, he can't wait to see how many questions this one gets wrong. The last one was 8/10 for questions wrong- not right. He got only two answers. Will this one be a knockout? 

The announcer yelled into the mic making the crowd cheer and holler as they raised their glass into the air excited to start the game. 

Mahito elbowed him in the side, "Win this one for us aye Jimmy Neutron."

Nanami's lip twitched as he gave him a half smile. At that moment your boyfriend sealed his fate. Hammering the last nail into his coffin. Who was he kidding, he nailed it in when he decided to date you.

~

You swayed and giggled as Mahito helped you into your house. 

"Careful babe." He caught you before you could slip and eat your stone steps.

"Sorry sorry~ I had one too many margaritas!" You hold on to him as you kick your stilettos off your feet. You were already home so you didn't mind going barefoot the rest of the way. 

Climbing up your stairs you dug into your purse to grab your keys with jingly accessories upon them. You open the door and lean against it letting your guest in. You smiled at him while he turned the lamp on. You had such a fun night and you felt something was so different about this one. Your friends even liked him. Though they were pissed he got some questions wrong- easy ones-matter of fact you don't think he answered anything correctly- despite that! You still felt it was a good night. Closing the door behind you, you stalk over to him and throw your arms around his neck.

"Ooo~I know that look, did I do good tonight?"

You smiled with a flirtatious flutter of your lashes, "Yes~ Yes you did." You reach on your tiptoes as you kiss him, nearly making him tip over the couch.

Mahito hummed wrapping his arms around your hips, about to take this to the next level but his phone began to ring. He pulled back from you with a peck, "Ah~" He hissed looking at his phone, "Give me a minute work is calling." 

You pout giving him puppy eyes, "This late at night? Can't you let it ring?" You reach for him again but he untangles your arms from around him with a light chuckle. 

"I'm always on call, you know how business is. Go wait for me." He smacked your ass while walking toward the door.

"Don't take long!" You giggle running to your room to put something sexy on.

Mahito stepped out onto your porch, answering the phone. "Hey baby?"

"When are you coming over~"

"I can't tonight, I gotta..." He looked around while licking his lip, "Do a late-night delivery."

Nanami was listening as he hid in the dark, your new boyfriend spoke to what he had deduced was another girl... or boy. Whatever the case it was clear he was cheating on you and then lying to both of you. Well, the guy just made this a whole lot easier. Guess that was the one perk of you dating trash, it was easy to get rid of.

Once the call came to an end Nanami made his move. Mahito opened the door when he caught the man around his neck with his knife and then dragged him in with a hand clasped over his lips. Nanami shut the door with his back, leaning against it while he held the dying gurgling man. His eyes were wide as they looked upon him in shock. 

"She deserves better than you." Nanami made sure to send the man to the afterlife with his stone-cold eyes as the last thing he saw. He watched an arrangement of emotions flicker across before Mahito went still. He wished he could have basked in his taunting screams like the others but this was new. He has never done… this. In your house. About to confront you. He thought it was about time you truly opened your third eye and saw reality. 

Nanami dragged the man with him as he walked toward your room, pausing in the hallway mirror. He adjusted his bloody jacket and combed his blonde hair back with his fingers, flashing his teeth to make sure nothing was in them. When he was satisfied he knocked on your door with two sharp taps.

"Come in~" You called from inside.

He twisted the knob and pushed it, allowing the door to swing open the rest of the way.

You had a smile on your face, sitting in bed wearing a see-through baby doll gown. When you realized it was him and not the garbage man, your expression morphed into horror.

"N-Nanami!" You scurried up on your knees with your mouth wide open. Eyes darting to the body that he was pulling into your room. He plopped down on your bed with a tired sigh, flicking out his handkerchief as if he had just gotten off of work. 

You open your lips wide about to scream but he grabs your calf while holding the knife to his lips, "Don't. I've already had a long night with your one-brain cell boyfriend." He let go of you before he snorted to himself, "Sorry, your ex." Using his white handkerchief he began to wipe his bloody knife with smooth delicacy.

"Why-why Nanami?!"

"He was trash sweetheart. All of them were."

"A-all? Wh-what are you talking about?"

"Every single one you pick." He looked at you like a disappointed father. "I'm about sick of it. It’s obvious you're too stupid to realize it. Letting these leeches into your life. At some point, you'd think you were enjoying it! How about that? Do you enjoy being treated like crap? Enjoy letting pigs treat your home like a sty they can smoke their crack pipe at?"

Your lip trembled as you watched him clean his knife, "A-are you going to k-kill me?"

Nanami shook his head in disbelief as he scratched some blood off the steel, did you not listen to a word he just said? Honestly, sometimes you can be so dense. You’re lucky you’re cute. "No, I'm not going to kill you sweetheart." He looked up at you just in time to see your eyes land on your phone that was plugged into the charger. He saw the way you nervously gulped before looking at him. 

He raised a blonde brow at you. Were you really about to-

You dashed for your phone but he was quicker. He lunged forward and slapped the device across the room but you took that moment to pick up your lamp and toss it at him. He growled, blocking it with his arm, the glass cutting him. You released a scream while running. You barely jumped over the lump of flesh on the ground before he caught you by your hair and yanked you back into the room. 

“Ah! HELP HELP ME!”

"Enough!" He yelled at you as he wrestled you onto your bed.

You kicked and screamed as he quickly got you under control. He shoved his handkerchief into your mouth and grabbed your hands together with one hand. Swiftly he unbuckled his pants with one hand and yanked it out of the loop to tie around your wrist and the bedpost. He yanked on it making sure it was tight, and to be double sure you weren't getting out he jiggled your arm, searching for any open space. He then sat on the side of your bed with a release of air. Glancing at his forearm he picked out pieces of your lamp from his skin and tossed it to the floor. 

“Tch- ". He pulled out the last piece looking at you. 

Your sniffling and choked sobs are what caught his attention. He couldn't help how absolutely beautiful you looked even with precious tears streaming down your cheeks. He cooed as he took out the bloody handkerchief, from your mouth. "What's wrong sweetheart? Why are you crying?"

"Are you..." You gawked at him before giving him an angry stern look. "Y-You killed Mahito!"

Nanami scoffed leaning over the bed so he could pick up Mahito's phone. "Ah, your boyfriend?" He typed in the easy password that he had seen the leech put in. 6969. Fucking childish. He then went to his text message to girlfriend number two and flipped it over to show you. "What do you see?"

You gasped at the text messages, and nude pictures being sent between the two. Mahito said dirty things about the girl as she reciprocated the flirting. You snapped your head away too distraught to see such a thing. 

The blonde grabbed your cheeks, turning your head so you could look at the evidence. "What do you see?" He asked again more sternly. 

You sniffed, "I see I see!"

"What! Do you see?"

"I SEE THE NUDE PICTURES!" You cried with more hot tears bubbling in your orbs.

"What's the date?"

"T-Today! It's- it's today...." You began to cry as Nanami moved the phone from your face. Your boyfriend is dead, the guy you saw as a friend killed him, and now you found out you were being cheated on- was there anything else to bury you in? This was all too much! You were sobbing now, choking on your saliva and trying to sniffle so you could breathe, but it was so hard to breathe. 

Nanami pet your cheek with the back of his knuckles. "There you go... good girl let it all out...it's okay." 

"I-I'm sorry N-Nanami you are r-right- why does this happen to me..." You cried through your words hoping to pull on sympathy strings.

Nanami kissed you on your forehead as he spoke more to himself than anything. "You just can't help yourself sweetheart it's not your fault..." He moved to kiss your wet cheek. "I'll make sure it never happens again."

His words made your eyes widen along with his lips connecting with your own. 

"HM!" You tensed up shutting your eyes tight, your hands jerked to push him away but his belt didn't let up. What the hell does he think he's doing!? His lips slotted into yours as he shifted on top of you. You felt his tongue touch you and, you let it slip in your mouth. He moaned as he licked your tongue but then you clamped your teeth making him rear back in shock.

"Mm..."He touched his bloodied tongue. Surprised to see the red liquid on his fingers. "You bit me." He stated matter of factly. 

"Don't touch me!" You spat his blood at him. "You're a murderer! 

He was calm and then he wasn't. He grabbed your face pressing his fingers into your cheeks as he shook your head back and forth. "I know what I am darling but do you know what you are?"

You did your best to glare at him as you mewled in discomfort, your cheeks being pressed into your eyes. You weren't even able to answer his question, but he did.

"You're a dirty little whore that can't go one single day without being fucked."

You gasp in shock.

"Oh don't do that. You get dumped by one man you're looking for the next to warm your bed. How long did you know this one? Less than a month? How long did it take you before you were throwing on this slutty outfit that you wear for every man?" He flicked the fabric for emphasis.

You felt your chest squeeze in pain as your resolve began to decay, you didn't expect him to be so mean- hell you didn't expect any of this from kind sweet Nanami Kento! It was like a whole new person was above you. Nanami rolled his eyes at you, "Nothing hm...figures." He dragged his other hand over your body until he reached in between your legs. You gasp feeling him slide two digits against your slit. "You only think with this don't you?"

"What-what are you-ah!" You flinch feeling him slip into you. You were so ashamed by how your body fluttered around the intrusion.

"This is all you can think about hm?" Nanami leaned his head so he could watch the pleasure flicker across your confused eyes.

"Y-You're wrong!"

"Give it a break. You don't want them because they treat you like a princess, you certainly don't want them for money." His fingers curled inside you, rubbing on something delightful. "You just use them for the sex and allow them to do the same to you. Why else do you think all your choices are terrible?"

"S-Stop!" You snatched your face from his fingers, your legs quivering as you let out a tight groan. The way he thrust and curled inside of you was causing your body to betray you. It shouldn't feel this good. "Ah~!" You try to jerk your hands from its binds but you only end up with shaft wrists.

"I can take care of you and more..." He pressed his thumb to your clit, your hips flinched. "Ah~" Nanami grinned, "Did you like that?"

"N-No!" You shout at him but he began to circle your clit expertly. "-Ah~" You bit your lip turning away from him.

He chuckled, "Now now, there's no need to lie...I can feel you clenching around me, go ahead and cum, it's what you want to do."

You squeezed your eyes tight denying this reality, doing your best to escape mentally. You didn't want to feel all this pleasure, but it was too difficult to ignore. From the blonde's taunting words in your ear and the squelch of your wet cunt you knew you were done for. 

You felt something cold touch your neck, it was the knife he used on Mahito, "Look at me. I want to see you when you squirt on me like the slut you are."

You kept your face away but you opened your eyes to glare at him from the side. The knife bites into your flesh like a mere paper cut.

He gave you a sort of soft smile, "You can enjoy it as much as you like, don't be ashamed sweetheart." 

It pissed you off how sweet he sounded. How those simple words sent shivers and butterflies. This man you thought was a friend was a damn killer! Yet you could feel the growing build-up of your orgasm. You began to shake your head trying to pull yourself away from those dangerous hands. 

"N-no no! Stop!"

"Stop? Why would I stop when you are so close my dear? Don't tell me you don't want to cum?"

"Ah-N-no no! I don't want to-mm-" You grit your teeth trying to hold yourself back.

Nanami chuckled low at you, "Sweetheart don't be so stubborn. Come on and be a good girl. Cum for me." His movements didn't let up and even though you did your best to fight, it was inevitable.

You came with a scream, hips lifting as you squirt upon this killer's hand. You felt good and then immediately regret. How could you cum...so much?

"Good girl..." Nanami used the knife to cut off your thin lingerie. "We are going to need to throw this one out my dear, I'll get you a new one. Just for me."

What? He was insane- You had no time to stew in that statement because he pulled his pants low enough to release his large leaking cock.

"N-Nanami!" You were shocked to see how blessed he was. "W-Wait! I-I can't!"

"Yes, I'm aware none of your boyfriends were as big as I am." The blonde pushed your legs up and pressed his tip to your cunt. "Gojo said that they oozed little dick energy and I am quite displeased with you darling, you couldn't even be a slut properly."

You let out a cry as he pushed into you, stretching you around his cock. Tears streaming down your cheeks, making the man moan. He loved seeing you cry. You found that out when you cried to him about your last boyfriend. You didn't want to believe he was hard because of your tears but now you could see- it turned him own.

 Nanami moaned deeply as he kissed the corner of both of your eyes, rolling his hips until he was fully inside you. More tears seemed to pour free, like a never-ending stream. You cried out of frustration- you cried for your dead exes and you cried because the bloody monster above you was making you feel unbelievably good. You hated how he slid in and out of you with no pain- you wish it hurt- you wished you weren't enjoying it.

"It's okay darling. "Nanami cooed sweetly. Let it all out. Cry as much as you want," He snapped his hips faster as you bit back your pleasurable moans. Your bed rocked as he fucked you into it. The psycho blonde talking to you. "They didn't deserve you-mm. None of them..." He panted. 

"N-Nanami~" You began to play into the pleasure, letting it take your moans. Maybe you could speed up this process. You circled your legs around him allowing him to get deeper. Soon your moans weren't 'fake' they were quite real. "Oh~ You feel so good! Ah~Please cum in me!" You cried.

Nanami saw right through your charade, if you thought he was cumming alone you were wrong. He pulled out of you so he could flip you onto your stomach, your arms awkwardly crossed in their binds.

He reentered you making your back arach, "AH!"

"Mm~ I know how much you love being treated like a slut. Beg for it." He slapped your ass as he fucked you from behind.

 Holy shit- 

Your eyes rolled while you moaned deeply. "Oh~P-Please Nanam!"

"Who do you belong to?"

"AH~" 

He slapped your ass again getting much more aggressive as he pulled on your hips and bounced you on his cock. 

"YOUR'S I'M YOUR SLUT PLEASE!" You'd like to say you were still playing along but as he grabbed your breast and smacked your ass like an alleyway whore you may have had a very real very intense orgasm. "Oh fuck-!" You hiss as you came, throwing your hips back so you could feel every part of him. He was long and thick and hit all the right places. Places you never even knew needed to be touched. 

Nanami quickly slipped out of you before you could milk him for all he's worth but once you settled he thrust right back inside, making you scream again. 

"I know my little whore needs more orgasms than two...don't worry... I'll make sure you are more than satisfied."

Trued to his damn word he made sure you were a panting mess by the end of the night. You could barely open your eyes as he finished, shooting his cum all over your face. Marking you with his seed. Despite the messy goop on you he grabbed your chin and kissed you deeply, slipping his tongue inside your mouth. Demanding you to submit to him. You didn't bite him this time, much too physically and mentally exhausted to do so.

Separating from your lips with a light smack he rubbed your chin sweetly, "Good girl, you took me so well."  

You weakly look at him with a pitiful, "Please release my hands..."

He reached up for his belt and loosened it for your arms to go free. You let out a breath of relief. Before you could rub your wrist Nanami grabbed them and massaged them for you. It was silent in your bedroom...until Mahito's phone dinged. Picking up the device, the blonde snorted and showed you the screen. It was yet another girl your dead ex was fooling around with. Girlfriend number three. You rolled your eyes looking away making Nanami laugh.

"It's not funny..." You muttered.

He pinched your cheek playfully, "Don't pout so much my sweet girl, I'll take care of you. I promise I won't let anyone else hurt you ever again. You are mine and I am yours."

"What if it's you... hurting me..." You blinked looking at his deep brown eyes.

He gave you a charming smile, "I said...anyone else...I do what's best for you." He cupped your cheek, "Because you don't know any better. I do. I know what's best."

You swallowed a harsh lump as reality became all too real. He was a lunatic and wasn't going to let you go. You didn't realize you were crying until he had moved for you.

"Shh...I'm here..." He scooped you up so he could hold you. Just over the mattress, you could see Mahito, lifeless and on the floor, but the whispering from the man behind you was both eerie and soothing at the same time. "I'm here now my sweet girl, let me worry about everything."

~Commission from anonymous ~

https://ko-fi.com/c/a12d45af4a

[cricky-butspicy]

Still on my Soleil and Atlas AU thoughts but this time it's reversed canon.

Reader is the slasher trying to protect these poor lil (jk they're still crazy tall) theater kids who keep being bullied 😔

Maybe they didn’t have the mental break before despite their youth of bullying. And the two are still used to it being them against the world, but now they're slowly making a new friend and despite the dangers on campus their lives are getting a lil better each day

How would you imagine a slasher reader? Would Soleil and Atlas still be their over protective selves?

(I know a lot of the real canon probably wouldn't work but I think it could be fun to imagine)

YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WITH THIS ONE BECAUSE MY SWEETIE SOLEIL BEFORE HE SNAPS IS MY FAVORITE 😭😭

Soleil is literally so innocent before snapping AND IF HE DOESN’T SNAP HE STAYS SWEETIE. He just wants things to stop. He doesn’t want Atlas hurting people and he doesn’t want others hurting them. He just wants to go back to him and Atlas being happy together like during the time they had between their break between high school and college. He misses being sweet and cozy with Atlas and being back out in the cruel world scares him. He still sits and takes being bullied if it’s just him, but like this it’s just pathetic because it isn’t as if he wants to hurt people back in this AU. He simply wants it to stop. He’ll just sit and get hurt and cry and wish for an easier life out in the eyes of the public.

And Atlas is still mad that the world is still cruel enough to put him and Soleil through this. He is still a beast and still beats the shit out of people, don’t get me wrong, but he knows when to stop and give in unlike his current slasher self who would keep going until they are unmoving in his hands. He never would have accepted Soleil’s dad’s offer for free college if he knew it’d be like this again, and he certainly wouldn’t have let Soleil accept it either. But now he has to try to protect them both again like a hurt dog protecting a weaker one. He knows Soleil won’t fight back. The most the blonde will do is maybe dodge or help Atlas dodge while begging to just run because he’s tired of it all. Atlas is still a fighter. He still doesn’t want people messing with Soleil, but if it’s just him alone? He’ll take getting harassed for a good while before doing it. He has to agree. He’s tired of this.

They meet you, and you feel kind and warm to them. Atlas doesn’t trust it. You must want something from them. He doesn’t know what, but he doesn’t really want you around at first. But Soleil finds a place of comfort in your presence. You treat him and Atlas so nicely. Surely an angel among simple men. He starts to seek you out more, if only to see how you further his feelings. He didn’t know safety could feel so comfortable and completely calm. You start to grow on Atlas. He can’t deny how good it feels to have kindness showered upon him and he loves seeing Soleil glow under your grace for them. He loves nothing more than seeing Soleil comfortable and free, and maybe a little wanting in a strange place in his brain. You start to pique their interest immensely. They start to want to call you home.

I think reader as a slasher would be different in a lot of way. First off, not as many killings at once. I don't think reader could take out one by one like Atlas and Soleil can do together with Sun's high energy, bouncy excitement, and Moon's cocky and unforgiving rage disguised as mischief. I think reader would be able to get one or two people at a time. A slow and steady killing from them, killing people off in pair slowly to dwindle the bully population. Reader wouldn't kill at parties. They would kill people coming home from parties. Easily grabbing a drunk student or two and taking care of business before leaving them for some poor soul to find.

I also think Atlas and Soleil wouldn't figure out anytime soon and in no such way as original reader does. They aren't partiers, and they aren't drinkers. They are home bodies. They stay in their apartment together where it's familiar. They may get weird because there are certain times you don't answer their texts or calls, and Atlas may at one point realize it eerily lines up for when the killings happen, but he has no solid ground to stand on. Those are times late in the night or early in the morning, so you very well could be asleep. Plus, you really do seem too sweet. How could he ever think someone so kind to him and Sol would be any sort of killer.

Reader probably isn't as good at the straight up manipulation and bold faced lies the boys could tell. They are both very good actors, and they learned that through experience in their lives. I think reader would be an avoider of the subject or dance around anything similar. a "let's change subjects. This one gives me the creeps." kind of response to talking about it. And they do look uncomfortable talking about it, but it's mostly that they don't want to get caught. Atlas might catch them if they talk about it too much.

Soleil and Atlas would still get over protective, but I think it's be to a lesser degree. Or, it wouldn't be as lethal and devastating. Atlas knows not to beat people to death or to near death, and Soleil knows not to get involved physically and to either keep people away from you or use his reflexes for dodging or protecting. They'll still fight for you (Well, Atlas will, Soleil just makes sure you are safe,) and they still are really good at it. They are also still very protective about friends with you. They can't help that they don't want their only outsider friend being close with other people. It feels like you are being taken away, but they accept it a lot easier. They accept you having outside relationships with people and won't remove you from the support system you have gathered (though, they may judge it.)

Maybe a killing happens. They don’t exactly put two and two together, but they realize suddenly, walking campus is a touch easier. And this happens every time a killing happens. They notice it's easier to be and breathe. It takes Atlas a while until he looks at the victims and brings it up to Soleil.

"Hey. The latest person that was killed was the guy that kneed you down in the east music hall. Sol, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think something's up with these killings. I think we might be related."

"What do you mean Attie? We've never killed anyone!"

"No, I mean I think the people being chosen aren't at random. I think they are on a list, and I think that list has to do with us."

They'll wonder for a while. They'll investigate on their own. They simply want answers, not that they are complaining for people stopping breathing down their necks, but it's too strange for them to leave alone.

I do think one they figure out it's you, they almost sort of threaten you? Threaten is not the right word. More like stop you very sternly. Like Atlas holding you from behind very tightly and rocking you back and forth after noticing a cruelty while telling you

"It's not worth it. It was never worth it. Leave them be, Starlight. Sol and I can handle it. Don't do this to yourself."

Or if someone starts picking on Soleil with you around he just sort of pulls you away and hides your face to stop you from getting too good of a look at this person while calming you

"Sunshine, they mean nothing. Their words are hollow just like them. Leave them be. If we ignore them enough, they'll do the same to us."

[askbensolo]

Chapter 1: Hi, I’m Ben

Hi, I’m Ben, Nice to Meet You Masterlist

My name is Ben Organa Solo.

Yep. That Organa, and that Solo.

I was born famous. Son of Leia Organa: the last princess of Alderaan, the Rebellion general, the New Republic senator. Son of Han Solo: the notorious smuggler, now reformed; also a Rebellion general, but by accident. Nephew to Luke Skywalker: the Jedi Knight who blew up the Death Star, saved the galaxy, and began the new generation of Jedi.

Grandson to the dark lord Vader.

…But most people don’t know that part.

And we do our best to keep it that way.

I was born on Chandrila in 5 ABY, one year after the birth of the New Republic. I am twenty-three years old, one year younger than the New Republic. And I am doing fantastic, just like the New Republic.

I leave the intent of that last statement up to personal interpretation.

My first name, “Ben,” isn’t short for anything. People have nicknamed me “Benjamin,” or “Benji,” or other variations on my name, but “Ben” is what’s entered on my birth records. I’m named after some late family friend I never got to meet—and even then it was a pseudonym, I think, and not his real name.

My middle name is not Chewbacca—though Chewbacca and his wife Malla did christen me with two Shyriiwook names when I was born (one that means “little Han,” and one that means “hope child.”) My middle name is Organa, after my maternal grandparents, whom I also never met.

Believe it or not, I am only the third Solo in the Solo family line. My dad named himself Solo. My mom married a Solo (though she still goes by “Leia Organa” in professional settings). I am the first and only Solo to be born under the name.

But there’s also my little sister Rey, who we adopted when she was twelve. My mom found Rey on Jakku during a relief mission some years ago: just a scrawny, sandy seven-year-old who scavenged ships for parts and was known by the locals as “Anklebiter.” We fostered Rey for several years…but it took some time before she agreed to be adopted. She was still holding out for her birth family, who had left her on Jakku when she was five.

Mom and Dad tried to find Rey’s parents. They hired a private investigator to look for any record of them. They issued public statements saying they were looking for them. They even offered a significant reward.

But her birth family never showed up. And now, we’re her family.

The Solo family.

My family.

And so, being Ben Organa Solo, I was born famous—but I have also earned some of my own fame.

If you look me up on the HoloNet, you’ll learn a few things:

That when I was six, I lisped my way through an interview for a news segment on “victory kids” (they call us “Gen V” now—the children born out of the Empire’s fall).

That when I was seventeen, I had a severe mental health crisis and ran away from home, triggering a galaxy-wide search effort to find me.

That following the incident, my mom and I founded an awareness campaign to encourage kids to express their emotions and experiences through the arts.

You’ll find my professional holosite, where I tell you how I graduated from the University of Naboo in 28 ABY with a Journalism major and a Galactic Policy/Nonhuman Studies double minor and how I interned at a news publication after junior year (this is true) and how I work well in teams (this is false).

You’ll find paparazzi candids where my ears look bigger than normal, and tabloid headlines that claim I’m doing spice, and my Encyclopedia Galactica page that I edit every now and then to lie about myself for fun. (I’ve got an ongoing war with the actual editors, who keep changing my height to six-foot-two instead of six-foot-three. I’m six-two and three-quarters—can’t they give me a lousy quarter-inch?)

And…oh yeah. You’ll also find my personal blog: Ask Ben Solo. An embarrassing record of my teenage years, memorialized for the ages.

…But of course, no one reads that stupid thing.

I live in Theed, Naboo’s capital. I moved here for college, and stuck around after graduation. It’s a beautiful city. Summers are warm and long. Spring and fall are more like summer’s bookends than seasons themselves. The winters are crisp, but moderate. The atmosphere is clean: there are no skylanes like there are on Coruscant or Taris, and it’s against the law for civilians to fly speeders above a certain height. There is an abundance of museums, architecture, nature, and history, which is perfect for a sensitive soul like me. The only downside is the cost of living—but ain’t that the same almost anywhere?

I am a writer (if you can’t already tell). I work for The Chommell Sector Daily, which is the biggest news publication in the Chommell Minor and Naboo systems. I was working in the local news division for a while, but after a year I transferred departments. Now I work for what’s essentially the gossip section, except it sounds a lot nicer on my resume—I’m an Advice Column Assistant Contributor. And I thought it would be more fun than being a Junior Community Correspondent, and reporting on the Theed Farmer’s Market and Craft Fair over and over and over…but now I’m essentially a content creation slave, with my own text-generation droid and the oh-so-inspiring mission of cranking out as many clickbait-y, buzzword-y articles as humanly and robotically possible.

And now, here you find me, writing a novel during my free time to scratch the itch, because what I do at my job can hardly be described as “writing.” And these evenings alone, with a hot cup of tea and my personal computer (okay, fine, I’ve been writing some of it at work too but don’t tell my supervisor), are far more fulfilling than anything I do between the hours of nine and five.

If you are reading this, by the way, that means I have finished writing said novel.

My first-ever attempt at a novel, I might add.

So…hey! Now you can say you knew me before I got famous. (Although, like I said, I was born famous.)

But—since I’m famous—perhaps you’re wondering why the heck Ben Organa Solo is a working young professional in starchy white shirts and business slacks, and not a Jedi like his uncle.

Well…I was supposed to be.

When I was five years old, my parents took me to my uncle’s school on Ossus so I could begin my Jedi training. They dropped me off with Luke, kissed me goodbye, and were about to head home.

Unfortunately, I was extremely anxious as a child. (And a teen. And an adult. I’m working on it.) When I realized they were going to leave me on Ossus, I freaked out, started wailing, and refused to let my parents go without me.

“Okay, then,” my mom said to my dad, as I cried and cried and cried. “We’ll wait another year.”

And then we waited-another-year and we waited-another-year and we waited-another-year, all the way till I was seventeen. I finally visited Luke’s school for one week as a trial run. And I guess it was an okay experience—but then, well, that was when I had the mental health crisis, and my parents decided it was better that I stay at home.

…You know, I keep calling it a “mental health crisis.” And it was. But…that’s actually not the most accurate way to describe it.

You see, I, um…

…I used to hear these…

…voices.

…I still kind of do.

I don’t know when it all started. They’ve always been there.

Sometimes they’re more there. Sometimes they’re less.

And you may ask—well, are they voices that you hear? Literally? With your ears? And the answer to that is no—at least, I think it is. I hear them in my head. And you may ask—is it your voice? Or someone else’s? And the answer to that is…it’s hard to tell sometimes. I definitely have an inner voice, an inner Ben, who has a tendency to maybe say things that he shouldn’t—things that sometimes scare me.

But…there is someone else in there. Someone who’s not me. Someone who didn’t have a name, for a long time. And in the latter half of my teen years, this…person…began to flesh himself out—become more defined—become more distinctly not Ben at all.

The event I keep on calling my “mental health crisis” was the final culmination of a saga that, really, I hate remembering. I don’t remember most of it. I don’t know if I’ve just repressed it, or what. But basically, this person, this monster—this voice inside my mind—took advantage of me while I was in a vulnerable seventeen-year-old state. Over the course of several months, he slowly began to brainwash me, until I really, truly believed that he was the only one I could trust…and ultimately, he convinced me to run away from home and join him.

Join him where, you may ask? And in doing what?

And the answer to that is…

…I don’t know.

To this day, I still don’t know.

Though…I certainly doubt it was anything good.

I almost ran away with him. I really almost did.

Except…I didn’t.

And I lived, I’m here, I’m okay now. So…

…Enough of that.

Let’s move on.

So—I didn’t become a Jedi, as you know. But I did end up getting something pretty valuable out of my time at Luke’s school: a couple of really good friends.

One of them’s Amalia: this giant, hulking Togruta girl who looks like she could snap you in half. She and I used to hate each other’s guts…but somehow we ended up as unlikely friends. Amalia’s a lot like me—rough around the edges, has a dry sense of humor, is easy to get mad at, and even easier to make mad at you. But maybe that’s why she and I ended up getting along so well. She was a Jedi—Luke’s first student, actually—but she isn’t anymore. She follows a different Force religion now.

And the other friend I made—her name is Fannie. And I could describe her now…but you’re about to meet her pretty soon, so I’ll hold off on that till later.

Though, uh—I should probably mention that she’s…actually a bit more than a friend.

She’s, um…my girlfriend.

…Yeah.

I have a girlfriend now.

My first one ever, in fact.

This recent development has been the source of much interest for many of my HoloNet friends, who would often pester me about such things when I was younger: “Do you like any girls? Do you have any crushes? Will you go out with me?” (Geez, what is this? Coruscant Cosmopolitan?)

Anyway—I’ve got a girlfriend now, despite the fact that I never thought I would.

See, I didn’t grow up experiencing crushes like other people. People were just people to me—girls were just people; women were just people. And Fannie’s just a person, too…but she’s a person that I like, and I like her enough to want to spend the rest of my life with her, maybe.

…Heh.

So…hey! I’m Ben!

Nice to meet ya.

And now, you can meet my girlfriend, too.

I think you’ll like her.

I definitely do.

[moonlight-coffeebean-147]

An Update to Usagi’s Overblot Design + Doodles

I made a recent addition to Usagi’s Overblot design.

Usagi now has wings! Also a paintbrush weapon.

With a new design also means new ideas for how their Overblot goes. I like thinking that in this universe, the Moon version of Twst, along with the sort of Overblot stones that Grim eats throughout the game, they also leave behind little shards, or maybe they’re shards left behind from when Grim ate them. Usagi collected them in order to study them, not necessarily for power but so they could understand them. Though as shown through the weapon they have a hand in their Overblot. Thus the heart gem, breaking it is what ultimately turns Usagi back to normal.

I have a couple of reasons why Usagi has wings now. One, it’s their way of sort of testing out the paint abilities, particularly its ability to create physical things.mNext has to do with themes. For context, since Usagi’s main downfall for his Overblot is their grief and her tendency to think about other’s problems over their own, what their plan is is to… create a paradise, using the paint ability, out of Night Raven College where no one can suffer anymore , and everything is all happy and peaceful,,, then use the thinner ability to trap everyone and NRC into stone so nothing can ruin or cause others suffering ever again…. Yeah. Usagi kind of gets god complexy during this so the wings gives them a bit of an angel motif. Thirdly, I like to think they represent Crowley in a way because he was actually the first person Usagi turns to stone 😭. According to them, “He would always worry about the silliest things. Leaving others in their suffering rather than performing doing his role as headmaster. He has no place in my paradise, he’s better off in the sidelines like he usually is.”

Now… as for this particular form.

I call this their disguise form because it’s what they take in order to give off a friendlier vibe to male it easier to convert others and convince them that their methods are ultimately for the better. They essentially used the paint ability on themselves. I also think that this represents how even though Usagi’s main downfall is at their lowest mentality… like in a deep collapse, they’re still trying to make it look like they’re okay. Now… for one of my favorite things I’ve ever made with Usagi.

This piece was a redraw from Eternal Sugar Cookie’s first meeting with Hollyberry Cookie. Eternally Sugar Cookie from Cookie Run Kingdom was a big influence on Usagi’s Overblot. The story behind this is that basically, the guys realize both Usagi and Grim have not been seen in a good bit. They also realize that Crowley has also gone missing. They send Ace and Deuce over to check on Usagi to see if they’re okay. It is when they don’t come back that the guys (I imagine primarily the lads who have previously Overblotted) go to Ramshackle as they think something has gone wrong, not knowing Usagi was responsible. They find Ramshackle has been turned into this heavenly paradise. They all then split up to try and find Usagi. When thinking about the main story and taking into account @twistedtummies2 ‘s stories Malleus, Billy, and Elias are (other than Ace and Deuce) the closest to Usagi (since they are this universe’s MC/Prefect). They’re the first to find Usagi and to realize that Usagi is the one who create the “paradise”. They also realize that she’s basically converted Ace and Deuce into accepting it using the paint, which is a play and sort of “evil” version of the paint mechanic where you can turn the enemies good. The corrupted Overblot version gives the paint the ability to mind control people and to put them in a state of “happiness”. I hope you guys enjoy the inclusion of the red spider lily’s knowing what they represent ; ). I had a lot of fun working on this.

Notes for this is that, I totally think that Elias had some grand speech in mind to say to what he thinks is holding Usagi hostage only for his brain to utterly short circuit when he sees Usagi in the state their in. Speaking of Eli, he’s the focus at least for this since the other reason Usagi wants to trap NRC in stone is to keep its memory and to have others remember it as this happy place… not taking in account that people would pay more attention to how it all of a sudden turned to stone and all the folks within it that are now eternally stone💀 Usagi knows that Elias wants to be remembered… this is their extreme fucked up Overblot way of making that come true. Lastly,… I love the cherub animals they are so cute 🥰

This is a redraw of a scene from Eternal Sugar Cookie’s gacha animation. Very heavy into the angel theme. I have my reasonings for why each wing highlight is colored the way they are ; )

You guys should know by now that I love my Madoka references 😜. I realized that if Usagi had dream visions of all the other Overblot’s… this would be no different . Though in this case it would be a collection of vague dreams that would all lead up to the reveal that Usagi was dreaming about themselves. This utterly destroys them mentally as to them it goes against everything they stood for in the past. I’ve mentioned in the past how Usagi sees themselves as selfish for displaying negative emotions so… this utterly fucks them up in the worst way possible. Take into account the idea that they would start isolating from the others because they believe that the guys would not believe or take seriously the fact that she dreamt about herself Overblotting… it’s the start of a mental spiral.

Another Madoka redraw. This would take place after the guys break the gem on Usagi’s brush… unfortunately the release from the Magic’s hold completely knocks Usagi out. The idea of this happening on a high place causing to him to fall while drifting in and out of consciousness has potential for lots of angst material. I’ll let the folks decide who saves her for now til I make up my own mind 😭

Usagi Overblot quote another thing they would say that their plan is essentially “keeping what they have left”. Turning everything to stone means everything stays the same. No more suffering and everything can stay happy and fun at least in memory… because Usagi knows first hand how easily that can be taken away. How that “perfect fairy tale life” can instantly be ripped away at the drop of a hat. Grief is a core aspect of her Overblot.

I imagine the Eli goes to check on Usagi in the aftermath. Usagi trying their best to at least brighten up the mood… because they’re well aware of how utterly depressing their backstory and human world memories are… they immediately break down in tears after saying this : (

And finally… stone Crowley… he had it coming, he had it coming. He only had himself to blame. If you’d have seen it, if you’d have been there. I betcha you would have done the same ; 3

Reference Pictures:

Usagi- Myself

Elias and Billy- twistedtummies2

[florenceafternoon]

━。゜✿ jily fic recommendations ✿ ゜。━

Really, we shouldn’t be surprised by now but I have more amazing jily AU fics to share because the writers of this fandom are incredibly talented and I have my screen report to prove it.

For reference, anything in italics is taken from the summaries on ao3.

serendipity by desperateforsanity (on ao3)

Modern college/uni AU. Dearest Students and Staff, I am pleased to announce Hogwarts University’s fourth annual Pen Pal Program. Upperclassmen and sophomores likely remember and cherish the memories of their previous penpals and are excited to make another friend this year.

TW: for the later chapters for discussions of grief and its effects on one's mental well-being. For the most part, though this is a fun fic full of great banter!

The Frenzied Misadventures of Balcony Man and Window Woman by @clare-with-no-i

prompt: "It's 3am why are you outside my window- are you trying to rob me?"

It feels necessary to preface this entire thing with the fact that, yes, James had good reason to be dangling precariously from a third-floor balcony, and anyone who says differently is simply attempting to smear his good name.

At least, that’s the story he’s sticking to.

Hijinks & Shenanigans

mellow is the man (who knows what he's been missing) also by @/ clare-with-no-i

Earl's Court. 24th May, 1975. Led Zeppelin live in concert like you've never seen them before.

FEATURING: prolonged eye contact, deeply metaphoric descriptions of cigarette smoke, painful levels of detail about makeup, and a special one-time performance by Two Teens In Love! OR: the "we made eye contact at a Led Zeppelin concert but my friends pulled me away to mosh before I could come say hello" AU

So when I say that I saw this unfold frame by frame in my head, I mean the writing is on another level. The way that I could almost smell Earl Court ... I regret waiting so long to read it. Also, found out this is written by the same author as one of my favourite jily fics foreigner’s god so that explains it “I'm not a religious person but I do sometimes think God made you for me.” ― Sally Rooney, Normal People

but he’s a little bit too far away by @firefeufuego

Historical AU. A decade after they met as cadets for The Times, the toll of James chasing stories in war zones is starting to hit home for Lily.

Taking A Shot At You by @annabtg

Modern AU. Lily Evans, pharmacist, has to work all day and night on New Year's Eve - and ends up ringing in the new year with a bloke who just got himself a dog bite.

The Right Track by BeeDaily (on ao3)

Co-workers modern AU. When James is first handed the train ticket, his immediate reaction is to laugh openly in his father's face.

the horoscope by lirians

Modern AU. James stops momentarily to give way to a bunch of rambunctious teenagers on the pavement before he regains his step. Lily has come to a halt a bit further, waiting on him.

“Horoscopes?” he asks as they move onwards. He’s relieved that any awkwardness between them is apparently gone. “How so?”

“Marly sent me mine this week because it said I would meet someone from the past again,” she explains. “I’m still not sold on the idea of it, but isn’t this weird?”

I was inspired to read this by this art

The Falcon and The Squid by @jfleamont

There's a Lego Millennium Falcon that needs to be built. There's also a bet, a ring and a bike.

Put it all together and what do you get?

Leda's jily will always be a favourite of mine. They're idiots in love your honour

Glastonbury by elanev91 (on ao3)

Prompt: we're at a music festival and you crawled into my tent when drunk and fell asleep, now you've woken up bewildered and to be honest I should be more annoyed but you're just so good looking

One Day at Time by @sweeethinny

Single-mum-lily AU. One day at a time is the mantra Lily uses to keep peace inside her mind, but there are days when it's simply impossible and in the end all she needs is a glass of wine, a cozy hug with her boyfriend, and a serious talk with her son.

Note that you can read this as a stand-alone one shot but it's part of a series that takes place in this AU

For All My Life by aheartcalledhome & SecondJadeofLan (on ao3)

When saving the bees ends in a happy family.

pumpkins and blueberries by evotter (on ao3)

Modern soulmate AU. In which Lily Evans hates puzzles, Marlene McKinnon is a coffee-making goddess, and the stuffy manager with the unkempt hair just so happens to be Lily's soulmate. In the wise words of Mary Macdonald, nothing is scarier than a relationship. Especially if it's with your soulmate.

After Moon by lovesickjily (on ao3)

When the universe sent Lily back in time for some inexplicable reason, she didn’t realise that she’d fall for the charming, messy-haired Prince along the way, nor did she realise that she’d see him once again.

here's to never growing up by elixirsoflife (on ao3)

Chat fic where a group chat documents the lives of four highly dramatic teenage boys as they navigate their A Levels.

Or, like, die trying.

Okay, I rarely ever read chat fics, they're just not my thing. BUT this one had me wheezing on my way to school. It's crack. Just treat it like crack

Ice Baby also by elixirsoflife

Modern college/uni AU. In his defence, James never expected to meet his soulmate at thirteen minutes past eleven on a Sunday morning when he’s aiming a puck at Sirius’ balls.

Or: call me sweetheart again and I'll punch you in the throat.

Not a Clue by PotterandEvans (on ao3)

Modern college/uni Quarantine AU. Lily stood in the doorway of the flat, looking at the boy in front of her. She had spent most of the last two years keeping her distance from the annoying piece of work, staying away from his ego mostly. “Come in.” She said, stepping away from the doorway to let him into the flat that she usually shared with Remus.

"Ah, so kind." James muttered as he walked inside, his heavy bag weighing him down. This really was not the ideal situation, for either of them. But he had nowhere else to go, so staying with Lily Evans it was going to have to be.

they were zoommates (requires an ao3 account) by elanev91 (on ao3)

Modern college/uni Quarantine AU. Lily's on lockdown and, because she can't help herself, signs herself up for a whole bunch of extra (and free) work with her ad agency. Minerva, her boss, assigns a cheeky social media manager to her team to help her. Also, Marlene discovers TikTok (this is nowhere near as important to the narrative as its inclusion here suggests).

And You Heard About Me (Ooh, We’ve Got Some Big Enemies!) by @wearingaberetinparis

Fame AU. Lily Evans is a Grammy-winning singer-songwriter and global superstar, who recently broke up from her latest and long-term actor boyfriend Amos Diggory. James Potter is a professional football player who plays as a forward for Manchester United and has never been quiet about his celebrity crush: Lily Evans. When Lily Evans thus plays at Wembley Stadium - a place he is more than familiar with due to his being part of the England team - he just has to go and see her perform, embracing his inner, besotted fan boy, while the woman on stage is completely oblivious to his presence. Or is she?

The most unrealistic part was man u winning (but it's James so that explains it). Regardless, I started this fic while waiting for my final grades from last year to come through, and while they were disappointing, this sure wasn't. I was crying so hard that I fell asleep. Then I woke up and continued the fic and suddenly I was giggling along with Lilly. Anything and everything Mary writes is a masterpiece. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.

it continues (the beginning doesn't matter) by whitesunlars (on ao3)

She is the last person he expected at his door at that exact moment, despite feeling unsure about the fact that she managed to track down his address, he agrees to go out to coffee with her. A lot could be said about James Potter, but nobody could claim that he had good self-preservation skills.

They meet in a bar. Mistakes happen. They learn to keep going.

[shradsmanifestt]

hope youre doing well and happy. idk if youll read this long ask and if youre gonna reply but reading this that alone matters a lot to me.

I wrote my board exam knowing I’d do well. I genuinely believed I could do it. I walked in with confidence even when i was nervous for this huge exam like, “This is the new me, I’ve got this.”I really thought I’d finally see a good result. I’ve been manifesting for almost 6–7 years now. Affirming, visualizing, scripting, deciding even trying the void state. Persisting for days then week then months to more than half a decade. And still… nothing worked. Not once. I’ve never had a single manifestation come true. I feel so defeated that I started thinking maybe I should give up.

I don’t even know what to believe anymore.

People around me, those who used to get lower marks than me,are doing way better. And I’m stuck here, disappointing my mom, my family, my friends, my relatives, my siblings, and myself. I feel like I’ve destroyed everything. My mom doesn’t even go out anymore because people keep asking her about my results. She’s clearly embarrassed, but she doesn’t say much because she knows how sensitive I am and how much pressure I already feel.

She’s gone through hell for us. Married young. No higher education. She gave up everything just for us, especially me. She’s stayed in an abusive marriage with a man who’s mentally, emotionally, and physically destroyed her. And me too. She used to live in with my dad’s family who even spat at my mom’s face, didn’t let her rest when she was sick, made her work like a servant and my dad said to her “you are the waste remnants in my plate”. My dad and my grandmother used to team up and hurt her so bad its inhumane, now recently, yesterday, 3 days back, a week back and im completely helpless. Seeing her bruised body, bloodshot eyes from the hit, tears and shivering hands is something normal for me in a daily basis at this point. We’re financially struggling, emotionally drained, and it feels like there’s no way out.

I used to be her pride scoring good. Her hope. And now I feel like I’ve become just another reason for her pain.

Even worse, I look like my dad. I inherited his features, especially my lips. When my mom is hurt or angry, and she sees him in my face, it triggers her. She’s said hurtful things, but I know it’s coming from pain, not hate. Still, it breaks me. She deserves peace. She deserves love. She deserves a second chance at life, and I want to give it to her.

People have always bullied me for the way I look. I’ve been called names for being petite and fat. I have bad skin, dark lips, uneven facial symmetry, and people used to say my lips looked like chicken liver. Even my friends have made fun of me. I’ve never really had solid friendships, either. I was cheated on by a guy I trusted who then flirted with my own close friend. That betrayal hurt so badly, and I never really recovered from it.

Then my dad forced us to move from the only place we were finally happy in, our old city, back to this toxic environment. And now, my grades are low, I can’t even get into the college I wanted, and everything feels like it’s falling apart at once.

But I’ve made a decision. I’m done suffering.

I have to change my life. I have to change myself.

I want to completely transform. I want to study like a topper and get that 100%, not just for me, but as an apology and a gift to my mom. I want to rebuild my body, my skin, my mind, my presence. I want to become someone who no one recognizes. A version of me that is powerful, beautiful, smart, and unstoppable.

I want to create a future where my mom finally escapes this nightmare, where my abusive father is out of the picture, she can’t divorce due to personal reasons so i want him gone from the world and she meets someone kind, loving, understanding, gentle and wealthy who actually treats her like gold. I want us to move to Dubai, start over, and finally have peace. I want a new life.

But I don’t know how to start. I’ve tried for so long and failed so many times that I don’t know what works anymore. please don’t tell me to ignore my 3D that 4D is the real reality, to just “decide and persist” etc, etc. i cry myself to sleep every single day recently. I got distracted today and almost set our kitchen on fire. Everytime i clear my mind my moms face comes into my mind and the guilt, regret, pain engulfs me. I need to get us out of this as soon as possible. Please be gentle, I’m tired.

Thank you so much for reading this till now and even if you dont reply, It means a lot to me because someone listened to me. Hoping nothing but the absolute best for you. ❤️

Hello love,

I have read everything and seriously my heart goes out to you. I don't want to behave in my usual tough love approach because like it or not I don't want to.

I understand how hard it must be to you but there's really nothing more I can tell you.

I need you to understand that 3d is extremely malleable. And it will forever reflect your 4D imagination. No matter what. I know it's not something you want to hear but the reason why your life is still like this is because you have accepted this as true. If you truly want to change, I want you to stop accepting these circumstances. Because circumstances don't matter. No matter what. That's it

I also want you to read this. It will help you.

Also please do not tolerate this abuse and all and if you can move legally, please do, do that.

I have nothing more to say because I know you can manifest everything you want if you just accept that it's already done. And accept that you're living your dream life. You have everything you want and that's it. No excuses. No matter what. Don't let your circumstances define you. Don't let it consume you. And don't give up. What you're not changing - you are choosing. So choose to have what YOU want.

It's already done.

Love Shrads♥️

[27dragons]

Countdown to 2025: Dec 30

College AU / DeadBoys / Snowman

“This is bollocks,” Charles complained. He was standing at their dorm window, staring out on the uni grounds, as slumped and morose as Edwin had ever seen him.

“What is it?” Edwin asked. What he wanted to do was wrap his arms around his roommate and comfort him, but Charles was his best friend, and Edwin wasn’t about to ruin that over his pathetic crush. Instead, he shoved another book into his bag to take home for the winter break. 

“It’s only rainin’ again, innit?” Charles groaned and flung himself onto his bed. “It’s almost Christmas, I wanted snow.”

“There’s a few days left,” Edwin tried. “It could happen.”

Charles grunted. “But we’re going home tonight. Even if it snows overnight, we won’t be able to enjoy it together.”

Edwin hesitated. “Together?”

“Sure. You’re my best mate; it’s no fun playing in the snow alone.”

“I don’t know that I’ve ever played in the snow,” Edwin admitted. His parents were strict, stern people who didn’t see much purpose in fun.

“I know, mate,” Charles said, flopping over to grin up at him. “I was looking forward to teaching you how to build a snowman.” He sighed. “Maybe it’ll snow next term.”

“Perhaps,” Edwin said. He glanced at the clock -- he had almost two hours before he had to catch his train. “Come on, let’s have a cup of tea before it’s time to go.”

***

Charles leaned against the wall in his bedroom and closed his eyes. Christmas Eve dinner had gone... okay, but he wanted more than anything to be back at uni. To be somewhere he had friends. Somewhere he was wanted, instead of just expected.

Just a little over a week, he told himself. Dorms opened back up right after the New Year.

Something clattered against his window, and he heaved himself upright with a sigh, ready to tell off the kids in the alley or shoo away a confused chipmunk, but what he saw, standing in the grungy street below his window, was Edwin, already winding up to throw another pebble or bit of junk.

Charles blinked in surprise. Edwin didn’t even live in the city; his folks had some place up in the country. What was he doing here? On Christmas Eve? He shoved open the window and leaned out. “Oy!” he called, and Edwin grinned up at him.

“Come down!” Edwin called back.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

Edwin shook his head. “Just come down so we can play in the snow!”

Charles looked pointedly at the puddles of definitely-not-snow collecting in the street. “Are you mental, mate? What snow?”

“Come on! I’ll meet you by the door!”

Charles shook his head, but couldn’t quite suppress the smile that was tugging at his lips. Edwin was a looney, no question about it, but Charles would walk into Hell itself for that magnificent bastard. He shut the window and pulled on a sweater.

Da was watching the telly, and Mum was nowhere to be seen, so it was easy enough to duck out with a mumble about needing to run to the shops for something. He didn’t want to wait for the ancient and creaking elevator, so he took the stairs, sliding on the banisters a bit like he’d done when he was a scapegrace of 12.

He shoved out of the building, then stumbled and staggered to a halt, because there was Edwin... wearing an inflatable snowman suit.

He was laughing, probably at Charles’ gobsmacked expression, and Charles couldn’t even be mad about it, because it was the best sound he’d heard in just ages.

Edwin tossed something at him and he caught it automatically before realizing that it was a package containing another snowman suit. “Put it on,” Edwin said, “and let’s go play!”

“You really are mental,” Charles said, but he was grinning and ripping open the plastic on the package and shaking out the costume. “Certifiable.” He clambered into the awkward thing and found the switch to inflate it.

Then they were two snowmen, chasing each other through the streets and laughing like children, and Charles knew, just as he’d walk into Hell for Edwin, then just as surely Edwin would face down Death Herself for him.

[steelbluehome]

Sebastian Stan from Gossip Girl tells us what it’s like to work with real-life girlfriend, Leighton Meester.

Will your character Carter be back for more seasons?

I leave my options open. I like that. We’ll just have to see exactly what happens with Carter. I’d always like to come back for more, absolutely. I had no expectations or ideas when I went into audition for this role that it was going to be kept around or expand into something like this. I like the show and I’m grateful for it.

What would be your dream role?

I’m really lucky that I’ve got to do theatre in the past, I’m always looking to come back and doing some monster role on the stage at some point, that would be really cool. I can’t wait to see Jude Law in Hamlet, those things seem like such epic ideas, but they’re not. They’re not impossible. I realise a lot of people that do those – and I read up and they’re equally as scared. They’re just driven to do it. Ideally I’d love to do something of that calibre, that size. For theatre you have to be mentally and physically up to the part.

Would you ever consider a music career like girlfriend Leighton?

I’m just gonna keep that for karaoke, I think. I love karaoke. I’m some sort of closet wannabe Guns ’n’ Roses member that wasn’t born in the right time. I don’t know about music, its fun but maybe I’d like to try songwriting or producing or directing. It’d be fun to be able to call the shots on the projects you want to work on.

Did you get to meet Lady Gaga and Hilary Duff when they did cameos on Gossip Girl?

No I was never really around because my scenes never paralleled with theirs.

Which celeb would make a great cameo in the show?

Someone controversial, someone like Molly Ringwald.

Are you jealous your character wasn’t involved in the much hyped threesome this series?

No I didn’t care.

Which character would you like to see Carter hook up with?

I think ideally I would definitely want to act opposite Blair. She’s a really great character.

Do you enjoy fame?

Like Al Pacino would say: I didn’t ask to pull the trigger, but this is the business I chose. It’s in your brain for about five seconds but energy is required in much more important ways.

Have you ever been mistaken for another celeb?

I used to be picked on high school. People were like ‘you look Jason Priestly!’

And I think I was like really overweight when I was in ninth grade high school. People were telling me if Leonardo DiCaprio was to ever get fat I was probably what he would look like.

Do you feel pressure to stay in shape for Gossip Girl?

I think it’s good for an actor to keep in shape for any project. Often it’s required. Actors are athletes in a way, I learnt that in college. It’s fun and it helps you feel good.

What do you do when you’re not working?

New York is a very rich environment. Acting is a pretty unconventional life, you’re always working, in a way. You can relax and go and see a movie, but I always see a performance that inspires me. Or sitting eating and you observe people and characters. Work creeps i0n. I listen to music, I like trying new restaurants things like that.

If you weren’t an actor what would you be doing?

I think I’d make toys. Yeah, I always loved that movie Big where he works for the toy company!

Source: Sebastian Stan

(This link goes to Now To Love magazine, but to the latest issue. Not the 2009 issue)

Posted by zeinitzza in Fan Forum

Anyone who was contemporary with 90210, or who just knows, why is it an insult to say "You look like Jason Priestly"?

I want to kill every person in his high school who made fun of him for being overweight!

[quinnyundertow]

Can I ask what got you into writing? I love your writing style and I'm so curious about your process as well.

This is such a sweet ask. I love it. This may be way more than what you were expecting haha. But I’m alone in the hospital and this feels cathartic.

I’ve always loved to write since I can remember. When I was in elementary school I remember getting yelled at and crying because I had to write a story about a thanksgiving turkeys adventure and mine was like twenty pages. They said it was too long and hurry up and I was frustrated because I wasn’t done!

I think what really solidified my love for writing is I needed fantasy to escape. In middle and early high school my parents divorced and I was bullied relentlessly. Gum put in my hair, things thrown at me, called fat at every opportunity. I had teachers that bullied me too for being fat. I was SA’d multiple times, depressed and started cutting. I’ve honestly tried to block most of it out.

The point is I had found anime and a few friends who loved it too. So any opportunity I had I begged friends to do writing journals with me. We’d make up a crack fic plots then write self insert and pass a notebook back and forth between classes every chapter for the next person to write. We wrote for Yugioh, Naruto, Dragonball Z, Fruits Basket popular ones at the time. I also wrote poetry, fanfics and original stories to try and escape anyway I could. Writing was the highlight of my teenage years. But other than that it was hell and you could never pay me enough money to repeat them.

I dropped out of Highschool from the bullying and my depression. But I studied and took a test for Highschool equivalency and then went to college and got straight As. College is nothing like Highschool. No one cares what you do. At least in my experience. I wanted to be a writer or manga artist but my father told me I wasn’t good enough and I wish I wouldn’t have taken it to heart and listened. I stopped writing for like ten years except for periodic ideas in notebooks until this last November.

Jujutsu Kaisen had become my comfort anime and then chapter 236 happened. I was so depressed I decided to try and read fanfics again. I’ve always read a lot of published books and was staggered to see a ton of fanfic writers were just as good if not better than published writers. After reading a ton of amazing works I decided I needed a fix it story that was ultimately happy for JJK and here we are.

Sorry if this was boring or too much. But if you take away something from this take this. Life is always changing. Tomorrow will not be the same as today. That much is guaranteed. If you have nothing left to live for then you have nothing to lose by trying something crazy or new. I was broken down to nothing by bullies, family issues, mental and physical health and I was incredibly suicidal. Somehow I found the will to try again. I got on depression and anxiety medication (still on to this day), worked for a higher education and took a shitty paying job to claw my way back up. My life is far from perfect but despite everything I worked hard to now have a boss babe high paying career and after restarting writing and meeting you all I’ve never been happier.

As far as a writing process I pretend I’m not going to post what I write and write it just for me. I ask myself what do I think would be the coolest thing to happen? What would I want to see next? Then I write it. Most of the time it sucks, or I don’t feel like writing it but I force it out. I make myself sit for 15 minutes and just write something. Then I rewrite it. Keep what parts I liked toss what feels off. Repeat. Eventually I’m having fun and loving the process.

When rewriting I’ll name them things like WICYG Chapter 12.2 for the second rewrite etc. I’ll screen shot my google doc so you can see the insanity haha. Sometimes I’ll rewrite four plus times. At the end of the day I want to love what I write and do it for me. Then when I find people that like it too it makes me over the moon happy. I hope one day to have the confidence to write my original stories in my head out. Writing fics for yall has definitely helped build my confidence as a writer.Thanks again for the ask anon sorry for the life story but I’ve never told people all that and it was healing to get out.

My messy google docs 🥹 Madhouse is Sanity Last Stop lol.

[rageprufrock]

Hi Pru, this is a career question... I am in my mid-twenties, female, not quite the most junior employee at my organization but treated often as one. The workplace is highly male-dominated, competitive, the older supervisors sometimes hilariously old-boys'-club, and the younger men (my age) mean well (feminist, etc.) but have their own territories to defend. For complicated reasons I cannot leave. I knew some of this coming in but am ashamed to say that

You’ll love this: my response is so late because I too girlbossed too close to the sun and have accidentally reached mid-senior leadership status at my organization and the past month has been the most hilarious cluster of fucks. Insert clown emoji herey.

ANYWAY.

I have a few thoughts on this one, and hopefully one, or some, of these are helpful as you're navigating your early career.

To address your most immediate question: is it meant to be this hard? I think "is it meant" or "is it always" are two different questions, and each with branching answers completely dependent on your field and profession. Some are notorious for early career hazing--banking, medicine, etc--and then the answers are that the suffering is a feature, not a bug, for these industries (this can be debated ad nauseum but you know what I mean), and then for many, many other professions, the answer is that while it's not meant to be this difficult, it still is, and that it's all we can do to survive it.

But setting aside the macro issues, of whether the role itself is objectively hard or if the environment you're in is objectively sub-optimal, the more nebulous and inescapable thing is that each one of us, individually, in our early career are undergoing one of many puberties and all its attendant implied indignities. I find it weird that culturally we don't talk about this much--at least not in Western or the Eastern cultures with which I'm most conversational--but think about it: in the first five to ten years of your working life, you're often simultaneously navigating a staggering number of life-changing systemic shifts that have a tectonic impact on your lived experience. I

For a lot of us, beginning your life as a working adult means you're likely moving out of your parents' home, which adds a huge amount to your mental load and financial burden.

For a lot of us, these early professional jobs are also the first time we're operating in a performance-reward system for which there is no clear rubric or understandable progression monitoring--there aren't any grades, and I can't tell you the number of people who I've spoken to in my career who have been shocked when they're told they're being put on performance improvement plans even though they thought they were doing fine.

It's like being sent to college with no class list, textbooks hidden in eight different departments run by varyingly helpful people, while trapped in an inescapable group project run by someone who seems just as frazzled as you are, and told "okay well you should need to bring me your completed degree by EOD Thursday." This doesn't even take into account your genetic assignment to play this entire game on hard mode by failing to be a cisgendered man in the dominant cultural demographic.

People who've had multiple jobs and career changes can attest, every new job, no matter how seasoned you are, is fucking exhausting. It's almost a joke among my friends at this point how often I change jobs, and every single time I do, there's at least a six month run where at the end of every day, I'm fucking spent. I couldn't calculate 1+3 if my life depended on it, because I've spent my working day so furiously trying to read the professional tea leaves and figuring out what the actual fuck I'm supposed to be doing--which, funnily enough, is never as clear as you would think! Even if you are at increasingly senior levels of responsibility! It's really fun and good! Your boss's boss's leadership team meetings? Surprisingly similar to when I used go get coffee during my break working at an ice cream shop to complain about our customers and equipment and boss! It's amazing how no matter how much changes, everything stays the same!

So I think in the end, my answer to your question is this:

Is it meant to be this hard? Depending on what you do, maybe.

But should it be this hard? Of course not. Life is short and lush and wonderful, but already so filled with challenges, and it's a shame that being rooted in capitalism, we're all forced to participate in a system that's so unbending and unforgiving.

But does that mean it's going to be forever? Or that you can't survive and thrive and have fun in the process? Absolutely not.

However awful you feel, however bad the job is, it doesn't have to be forever. This role you're in now may be just what you need to find your next, better, better paid opportunity. And maybe that one won't be the ideal for more than a year, maybe two, but that's why you keep an eye out and a keen focus on what you want, and what's most important, and like a shark, you continue to move and grow as you get clearer on where you want to move and how you want to grow. The person I was at 24 could not have imagined the person I am at 38, and I'm guessing that the woman I am today can't fathom who I'll be in another 10 years. Whoever she is, I hope she's still choosing to do hard things and--to the very best of her ability--having a good time in the process.

It's okay to cry about work. It's okay to cry at work, even though I strongly recommend that you do this huddled in a restroom in privacy because otherwise it gets messy--fairly or otherwise. It's okay and normal to do these things. It's okay and normal to feel like a fucking disaster, to feel--or to in actuality!--be categorically failing. It is okay and normal to hate and love your job, and to love money and hate the work. There is no right way to do this, and the only wrong way is to give up on yourself, or to create a situation where you cannot have the freedom of your choices or your future.

It's also going to get easier with time. Even if you don't feel it, every day you're getting more experienced, more confident, more discerning. Those microscopic, atomic changes in you accrue, and I'm sure if you're honest with yourself you can already identify how even today, you are a stronger, more capable person in your professional context than you may have been just a year or two ago. Even if you don't mean to do it, just the experience, the bruises, the callouses from throwing yourself at the brick wall over time will rewrite the person you are--if you do this with your eyes open and intentionally, all the better.

Five years from now, ten years from now, you might still find yourself crying about work. But hopefully you'll share the good fortune I have been privileged enough to have, and find yourself the type of good friends who say, "don't care during work hours, it's beneath you to give them the satisfaction--cry later," and actually have the wherewithal to follow that extremely correct guidance.

So anyway, it shouldn't be this hard, but it is. The good thing is, you're better and stronger than it is, and you can look forward to the day you get to look over the shoulder at all the worlds you've conquered as you get ready to do it all over again.

💖

[miraculous-huadajie]

Miraculous Huādàjiě: Identity v.s. Role Confusion

(context: this is a MLB rewrite blog)

In MLB canon, the kiddos always seemed older to me than they were supposed to be. Sure, our main characters have a lot going on, but the side characters don't for a while, and they all are still middle schoolers.

And, it was odd to me, because by all accounts, they are Such Middle Schoolers. They're a bit cringe, usually in a fun way. They're all, on average, for the most part, developmentally-appropriate amounts of selfish. They dress like older middle schoolers, and talk like older middle schoolers.

Why do they seem older a lot of the time. Why. I couldn't put my finger on it for years.

Thankfully, I'm a psych major now.

I think it's their conflicts.

There's this thing called Erikson's stages of development. For each section of your life, there's a "conflict," and certain things about your environment (and, as you get older, how you respond to them) have a huge effect on your personality and your struggles throughout the rest of the stages.

An example will probably be better than me trying to continue that explanation.

When you're an infant, the conflict is trust v.s. mistrust. Babies that have people come and take care of them when they cry out for help will have a much easier time trusting people in the future. Babies that don't get help will stop asking for it. This happened with a lot of orphanages in Russia, where there were a lot of babies and not enough caretakers.

Marinette and all her friends should, age-wise, be at the very beginning of identity v.s. role confusion. It's the age where kids start wondering who they are. They push boundaries and try out new roles.

In canon, not too many of the conflicts are about these things. Sure, there's the job fair episode, and sometimes the show will remind you that Adrien's not fully allowed to be himself, but I wouldn't say the theme of Who Am I Anyway is too central to the show as a whole, despite all the secret identity stuff.

You know what they do face a lot, though? Intimacy v.s. isolation!

The conflict of young adulthood. The age where a lot of people are moving out, going new places, meeting new people, getting married, having kids, etc.

And honestly, more of the shows conflicts to me are much more in this vein. It's not asking, Who Am I Anyway? It's asking, Am I Alone? Will I Have To Be Alone Later? Will Someone Love Me?

One of the biggest conflicts in the show is that Marinette struggles a lot with being Ladybug because she has to be flaky all the time and lie a lot and she's just /so/ busy. And yeah. That makes sense. It's a super common superhero/magical girl show trope that you can't tell people you're a superhero.

On top of that, there's the romance aspect.

Marinette's canon main thought process seems to be (way oversimplified and leaving some stuff out for time) this:

I have to be flaky and lie -> I can't have a boyfriend because it'd be unfair to him -> I have to isolate myself

Basically, she's so stressed that the Hawkmoth situation is taking over her life that she kinda panics and pushes everyone away. Even her friends. Even though she's been flaky the whole time and they didn't care. My girl was having an intimacy v.s. isolation themed mental breakdown for most of season 4.

And you know what? It could've worked, and she still could've seemed her age.

/If/ the past few seasons' conflicts had been much more suited to the kids' ages, and /if/ it had been treated as a situation that was not developmentally appropriate for Marinette but instead something that she has to face several years too early, and /if/ most or all the romantic situations had seemed like those of middle schoolers and not like older high schoolers or college students.

Like, even if you find the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life while you're in middle school, you are still not going to act like these kids do, in my opinion.

I don't think these things necessarily make the show less good or anything (seasons 4 and 5 were some of my favorites). This is just my explanation as to what changes I'm planning on making in my rewrite, because I really want to lean into the fact that they're in middle school.

Someone please tell me if all this makes sense or not?? I am unsure

[thechaotictheoryy]

Unravel | 24. Unravel

summary: What if you had chains around your heart but you were the one who put them there? If you took a look at Parker’s heart, you would see a nice beating heart but Parker felt there were heavy metal chains wrapped it. After years of a disconnected relationship with her parents and a hard break up with her boyfriend of four years, Parker Williams made her heart mentally chained. Declaring to never fall in love again but what happens when she meets a witty musician who is all about seeking love?

pairing: main character x hongjoong ft. ex! Yeosang

genre: (18+ minors dni), romance, fluff, lots of angst, coming to age, college au, smut, strangers to lovers, self discovery

word count: 5,684

chapter warnings: big realizations, happy ending?, crying, some anger, a confession that was long overdue lol.

song rec for chapter: Feelin' Good by Fujii Kaze

a/n: This is the end of Unravel! Thank you to all who have been reading and this story is apart of me and reflect on some real things I went through (especially heartbreak). I hope you guys will miss Parker as much as I will.

or is this the end?

Enjoy.

A little over a month later. 

Friday December 2nd, 2022. 

2:34pm

Los Angeles, California. 

I was cleaning up my station in the studio. People were starting to leave campus for winter break and I looked out the window, smiling at the amount of students I saw with suitcases. They would come back, only spending a month and half from friends while I leave on a plane Monday morning to start my new life in Seoul, South Korea. I've been sad, counting down the days where I wouldn’t see my friends’ faces in person for a while but this past week, I was extremely excited for the change in scenery and environment I was going to be in.

“You are the slowest person I have ever seen clean up”, I heard someone say.

I turned and saw Mr. Cook walking towards me. I laughed a little. 

“Just trying to take everything in that’s all” 

“You been a little zoned out this past month and you didn’t talk to me about your trip to Japan” 

“A lot happened, I couldn’t talk about it without bursting into tears” 

“You know I don’t judge you Parker” 

“I know” 

“Want to talk now? I probably won’t see you before you get on the plane”

I hesitated but I nodded, putting down all the supplies I was about to put back. We sat down on the stools and I don’t know why I felt so tense. It wasn’t like I was talking to someone new, I was talking to someone I looked up to and already told my whole life too. I wondered why I felt so different this time. 

“What happened?” 

I took a breath and let everything out to him. I hesitated with some details but ended up telling him the full extent of everything that happened while I was in Japan. I told him about the fun times first before I explained the final night. He just listened to me and I could see his eyes widened a little at some parts. I even told him about the conversation I had with Emmett when we got back to his house. 

“You been holding this in for almost two months Parker” 

“I wasn’t keeping it a secret, I just don’t like thinking about it” 

“When’s the last time you spoke to him?” 

“A real conversation? Since Japan we speak from time to time but it’s mostly hey and bye because we’re in the same friend group. I don’t like making things awkward but it’s kind of hard” 

“Wow” 

“It also doesn’t help since I met Cameron” 

“What?”

“She came here about two weeks ago and I had to watch her and Joong interact. It wasn’t the best sight but I was happy that he’s happy” 

“Parker”, he frowned a little. 

“I’m fine, I promise. You know when we came back, I was crying myself to sleep for two weeks? I couldn’t believe I was like that, I stopped doing that every night. Emmett tried to tell me that this was different from my previous relationship but I didn’t want to believe him” 

“I just wish you would have let me in a little bit” 

“I apologize for that” 

“I’m glad you didn’t leave early. It would have made me a bit sad since I wouldn’t have known the real reason for you leaving so suddenly like that” 

“I would told you before I left” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah it would have been messed up on my part if I didn’t honestly” 

“Do you plan on talking to Lyric before you leave for a while” 

“I have nothing to say”, I shook my head. “I think I let it be known how I felt back in Tokyo and trying to be friends right now wouldn’t be the best for me. Maybe somewhere down the line, I’ll be open to the idea but this was different than my situation was Yeosang. It cut me a lot deeper this time. I forgave her because I don’t want to keep up all this pent up anger while I’m transitioning over to Korea” 

“You sound so different from the little freshman I met”, he smiled a little. 

“I think I’m still the same, just a little tougher skin” 

“That’s for sure” 

We kept talking for a little and helped me pack some things up but also put some things away since someone would probably be taking my seat next semester. I wish I got to say bye to everyone before they left for break but exams were taking over our lives so it was hard to keep up with them. 

“What’s the first thing you're going to do when you touch down?” 

“Probably fix my apartment up a little then get in contact with my friends there, I haven’t seen them for almost two years and haven’t been on a facetime call with them in about six months. They were super busy while I was busy here also. We text in our group chat from time to time but it’s hard for me sometimes because of time zones” 

“Understandable, do you think you’ll be able to keep up with everyone here?”

“I’m going to try. Mr. Se-jung said my department is one of the busiest and has a lot of students so I'll be running around more over there than I was here. Plus, I’ll have a lot more competitors”  

“Don’t lose yourself over there” 

“I won’t, my friends won’t either” 

“Call me when things get hard, okay? I’ll wake up even it’s three in the morning here” 

“I appreciate it”, I smiled. 

He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back, not letting my tears free. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I wanted to show him how strong he made me. How without him, I wouldn’t be where I am or where I’m going to be. Mr. Cook will always be the father I wished I had. I want to make him proud and I know I’ll fail a few times. I might trip on my feet but I know he’ll be there every step of the way. 

Even if I am thousands of miles aways. 

After we parted, he said his goodbyes to me once more before leaving the room. I sighed and closed the windows in the room before heading out myself. I walked out the building and started walking towards the cafeteria since I was supposed to meet everyone there anyway for dinner. I pulled out my phone and answered some texts I might have missed. 

I felt a force bump into my shoulder, causing my bag to fall. I groaned a little, picking it up. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry”, they said. 

“It’s alright, I was on my phone anyway”

I looked up and I froze. My mouth dropped and the person in front of me did the same thing. I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it. 

“P-Parker?” 

“Chase”

“Fuck, come here baby girl”

He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back slowly. “Baby girl” was something he would always call me when it was just us two. He would turn red as a tomato when I would ask why he never said it to any of our friends. He told me it was just something special for me to hear. 

That’s when I found out he had a crush on me. 

I haven’t seen him in years and my mind wondered what he was doing here. Has he started school here? Had he been here the whole time and I never noticed? Chase was the strongest advocate I knew for college being the biggest scam. 

“How have you been?”, he asked, pulling away. 

“F-Fine, what are you doing here?” 

“Um..” he rubbed his neck. “I may or may not be starting here next spring” 

“What in the fuck” 

“I know I know but I did community college for two years and said why not join the art program here”, he looked at the canvas, sticking out my bag. “I’m guessing you still paint?”, he smiled. 

I blushed out of embarrassment. 

“Um, yeah” 

“Sweet! We might be in some courses together next year!” 

“Um, Chase I’m leaving” 

“What?”, he frowned. “You were the most excited to come to college out of all of us. Wait till I tell the gang about you! You got to come hang with us next week, I’m sure everyone misses you”

“Chase I leave for South Korea Monday” 

“HUH?!”, I jumped at his yell. “As on the other side of the world, Korea?!” 

I nodded, laughing. 

“Well shit, you want to come meet them now? I was making my way over there”

“I don’t want to just pop up, what if they still don’t want to talk to me” 

“Nonsense, they always wonder how you’re doing”

I stayed quiet and looked in the direction of the cafe then looked back at him, nodding. I can just tell the others I’ll meet up with them later. I started to follow Chase to where I assumed his car was parked. We caught up a little bit on our way to the parking lot. Chase had changed a lot. He was always smart and mature in my eyes which is why we clicked when we first met but he just had this look in his eyes when he spoke this time that I never saw before. He was confident, calm, and relaxed. 

We reached his car and hopped in. The ride to wherever we were going felt so nostalgic, it felt like me and him were back to our sixteen year old selves. The time where you used to ride around late at night after hanging out with the others, just having our own conversations and sharing what we wanted from the world. I still felt comfortable with him and it was weird considering I haven’t seen him since we graduated high school. 

“What are you thinking about over there?”, he asked. 

“Nothing really”, I smiled a little. “Just old times.” 

“We made a lot of memories”, he smiled. 

“I wish I just stayed in touch”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, really Parker. College can consume you and we know you were probably busy anyway. We were a little mad at first but we know going to college was something you really wanted and we couldn’t be mad at you wanting to be successful.” 

I nodded. 

“How’s Yeosang?”

“We been broken up for over two years now” 

“Damn, kind of knew it wouldn’t last honestly, sorry to say” 

“Really?”

“He was too much and I felt like he didn’t care about your feelings all the time. I think you were more in love with him than he was with you”

He wasn’t wrong. 

In the end, I was left heartbroken.

“Anyone new in your life?”

I hesitated then shook my head. 

“I was dealing with someone but it didn’t work out”, I looked out the window. 

I think Chase could tell my tone changed and decided to not press me about it because he didn’t ask me anymore questions. After about ten minutes, we pulled up to a house. After he parked, I got out and observed it. I saw a few cars in the driveway and looked at him. 

“You guys really got a house together?”

He smiled and nodded. 

“We have been living here for about two years.”

I never thought they were lying about this plan but the fact they actually made it happen warmed my heart to the fullest. They were people of their words, I didn’t expect anything less from them. 

I followed him up and he unlocked the door, opening the door. I heard the yelling and laughter. My nerves started to get the best of me as I took off my shoes at the front door, putting them to the side. I felt Chase grab my hand and rub it. I looked up at him and he raised his eyebrow indicating me to breathe. I took a deep breath and released it. We walked to the living room area and all eyes were on us. 

“Who’s this Chase?,” I heard one of them say. 

“Look closer losers”, he teased. 

All of them stared at me a little harder and I slowly how all eyes widened from sudden realization of who I was. 

“P-Parker”, Miguel said.

“Hey guys”, I waved, shyly. 

Next thing I heard were pairs of feet and felt multiple arms wrapping around me in a tight hug. I was a bit overwhelmed but let myself enjoy their warmth. I looked at them one by one.

Miguel.

Tonya. 

Anthony.

My people. 

“We missed you brat”, I heard Ant joke after everyone pulled away from me. 

“You’re still the same, it seems”, I crossed my arms. 

“Did you get taller?” Tonya asked. 

“Last time I checked my height was like a year ago and I was still 5'9 so I don’t think so. Might be my shoes”, I shrugged. 

They dragged me to the couch and started asking me a lot of questions. Questions about school, my art classes, and eventually how my love life was going. I did tell them about me leaving for South Korea Monday and they were sad because they just reconnected with me but they understood the situation and were happy for me. I tried to avoid it as much as possible but I did tell them about how my relationship ended with Falynn. I don’t know if I should bring up Hongjoong. 

“I knew something was off about him”, Miguel said. 

“Did everyone see it but me?”, I asked. 

They all nodded and I laughed. 

“You were in love dummy”, Chase said, playing with my fingers. 

I guess some habits never break. 

“I’m glad Chase found you, he would not shut up about if he saw you one day”, Ant said. 

I looked at Chase and he was glaring at Ant, while I could see the tips of his ears turning red. Another look in Chase's eyes I noticed since I first ran into him was fondness. I didn’t know if it was natural but it hasn’t left since. 

What was he so fond of? 

“Any new people in your life Parker?”, Tonya asked. 

“Guys”, Chase said. 

“Um, no. I was but it just didn’t work out”, I looked down. 

I have been okay for the past month, I don’t know why bringing it up now has been making me sad again. I know it was still a little fresh but Lyric had moved on from what it seems and I should be moving on to. I just feel like in both, the relationship with Yeosang and my situation with Hongjoong, I've been getting the short end of the stick. 

Why was I the one always left heartbroken? 

“Was it bad?”, Ant said. 

I knew they knew no harm in asking me questions they wanted to ask. They just haven’t seen me in a long time and were just being curious people. 

“It was really bad”, I nodded. 

Chase squeezed my hand a little tighter than rubbing his thumb over it. 

“You mind filling us in? Only if you want to”, he said. 

What would be the harm if I did? 

I took in some air then let it out like running water. I saw a lot of expressions run through their faces. It felt like they were going through the rollercoaster of emotions I was going through when I was with Joong. After I finished explaining, the air was thick but not suffocating. 

Chase got up and walked out to what I assumed was the backyard of the house, slamming the slide door behind him. Did I say too much? Did I say something wrong? 

“Don’t worry about him too hard, he just always hated when your feelings were hurt”, Miguel said. 

“Really?” 

“Parker you are so clueless darling”, Tonya laughed a little. 

“I’m not understanding” 

“You noticed that Chase would be angry when you were angry? Did he not tell you what happened with him and Yeosang back in high school?”

I shook my head. 

“When you came to us crying one night about Yeosang cheating the first time, you remember when Chase left my parents’ house and we couldn’t reach him?”, Ant asked. 

I nodded. 

“He went to Yeosang’s house because remember we had been there before and cussed him out. I’m surprised Yeosang never told you about it”

I looked at the slide door and got up. I opened it and walked out, seeing Chase sitting on one of the chairs near their pool. I walked slowly over to him and sat in the chair next to him. The smell of weed hit me a little as I saw that he was trying to light his blunt. I touched his hand and he looked at me. 

“Chase”

“It’s not okay Parker” 

“What’s not okay?” 

“People hurting you, I’m tired of people hurting you” 

“Chase”, I frowned a little. 

“I wasn’t there Parker!”, He got up and looked down at me. “I’m upset that I wasn’t there for you. I wasn’t there to hold you and tell you everything will be okay, these people don’t deserve you and it fucking sucks that you always have to be the one left for fucking dirt while they do what they want!” 

He started to pace and I sighed. 

“I wasn’t always the good one, I had my faults too” 

“But you owned up to it and they didn’t”, he frowned and sat back down. 

“Hongjoong wasn’t and isn’t a terrible person, I pushed him away and that was on me. I know other people would say I’m dumb for thinking that but if I would have just done everything right, maybe I would be with him but I didn’t and it’s okay”, I smiled a little at him. 

There was a silence, I searched through his eyes and he was thinking about something and it made me a little nervous because it was like he was having an internal battle with himself. 

“I love you”, he said. 

“H-huh?”, I felt my face heat up. 

“I’m in love with you Parker”, he sighed. “I have been since we were fifteen” 

“Chase” 

“I know it’s been years and you don’t feel the same plus you’re leaving, it’s very inconvenient. The timing of course is very inconvenient” 

I didn’t know what to say. 

“I’m not asking for you to love me that way back, I just wanted to get it off my chest”, he laughed. 

He grabbed my hands and intertwined our fingers. He looked into my eyes and his blue eyes were always so piercing.  

“I want you to do great in South Korea, okay? I know you’re going to make a lot of people happy with the eye you have for art. If we need to come out there and beat some people let us know. Fourteen hours definitely can’t hold us back now that we found you again.” 

My eyes started to burn and I looked down. I couldn’t hold the tears and I sobbed a little. Chase pulled me into a hug, squeezing me. I’ll never understand why people care so much about me. I’ll never understand why they poured their love onto me. I wasn’t worthy, I wasn’t worthy of receiving such emotion and everyone around me just thought I deserved it despite my faults. Despite my fuck ups and my messy ass mind, they loved me and they meant it. 

I waved at Chase as he drove off from dropping me off at Emmett’s house. I smiled as I heard music and people talking as I entered the house. I took off my shoes and walked to the living room area where I heard everyone. I saw that they were playing a game of uno and I dropped my bag near one of the chairs, sitting in between Nicole and Kayla. Jessica had texted me wondering where I was at about an hour ago so everyone was expecting me to show sooner or later. I didn’t tell her where I was but I just let her know I was going to be here soon. I watched them play about two more rounds because I was in my head, I didn’t even have the mental capacity to comprehend what was happening in the game at the moment. 

“I met up with my old group from  high school”, I said as everyone was having their own side conversations. Everyone stopped and looked at me. 

“What?!”, Jess said. 

“How did it go?”, Kayla said. 

“Better than I thought honestly”, I looked at Jess. “Chase told me he was in love with me” 

“Oh you’re clueless, I knew that”, she said. 

“It seemed like everyone did but me” 

“Who is Chase?” I heard Hongjoong say, lowly. 

I was shocked he even said anything. 

“He’s one of my old best friends but we used to have a friends with benefits situation for a year before we stopped. I was thinking we stopped because it was mutual but in all reality because Chase’s feelings were growing for me and I was blind to see” 

That also explains back when we first met Yeosang, he was so touchy that day. He was jealous and afraid of Yeosang having my attention. 

“How were the others?”, Kayla asked. 

“It honestly felt like we picked up where we left off. It was like I never left their side. I hate that I only had tonight to spend with them but I don’t regret it. I’m sorry for coming to the cafe earlier that’s when I ran into Chase” 

“You’re fine”, Emmett said.

“Once Jess said you ran into an old friend and left campus, we knew they had to be pretty important to you for you to dip like that”, Nicole said. 

“You guys are important to me too”, I frowned a little. 

“We know dork”, Kayla hugged me. 

They all started to tease me about me saying I was important to them and I was trying to tune them out as best I could but how annoying they were, nothing was really working. 

“Parker, can we talk?”, we all heard Hongjoong  say. 

It got dangerously quiet and everyone looked at me. 

“Um, sure”

I got out of Kayla’s house and we walked to the guest room I was staying in. I walked in first and he walked in after, closing the door. He sat on the bed while I sat in the chair that was at the desk I had in there. It felt a little awkward being alone with him, considering we haven’t been alone like this since we came back from Japan. 

“New painting?”, he pointed. 

I turned and saw the canvas that was half way covered with the piece I was creating. I didn’t know what the same thing was going to be but I’ll figure it out soon. I nodded and crossed my arms. 

“What did you want to talk about?”, I asked. 

“I just feel like we haven’t had a real conversation.. since everything” 

“I haven’t had anything to say” 

“I know” 

“Yeah” 

It got silent again. I didn’t want to get annoyed but my attitude was heading in that direction. I felt like he should have a lot to say to me and she didn’t, I could tell. Why was he trying to take my mind into this place I didn’t want to be anymore? 

“Joong what are we doing?”

“I just wan–”

“Then talk” 

“I just want us to be the way we used to be. I feel like we fake like we stand be near each other because of our friends but we barely speak to each other”

“We can’t be how we were and you know that” 

“I thought we said we would be friends no matter what”

“That was a promise we kept until you lied to me and broke my heart Hongjoong, you know that”

“You broke my heart too”, he looked down. 

I took in some air. 

“How?” 

“You don’t even look at me the same, you don’t talk to me and I thought you would always be there for me like I want to be there for you. You know my parents have been asking about you, I've been lying like I know what’s going on with you and I don’t. It just hurts me so fucking much that look at me like I’m some evil person” 

“I don’t think you’re an evil person Joong”

“Then why aren’t you talking to me?” 

“How do I talk to someone who I love deeply be in a whole relationship with someone else? I’m still hurting and you don’t understand that at all. I thought we were closer to being something real. I was willing to try the long distance thing and just come visit when I came but I felt like you gave up on us. You gave up on me. I don’t hate you, I don’t wish anything bad to happen to you but I have feelings and I have a heart. Both of them are functioning correctly because I have to figure out how to not try to depend on you anymore” 

“Depend on me?” 

“I depended on you to be my source of happiness and that’s why everything is taking such a huge toll on me. I depended on you to take care of me when I’m hurting, to be there when I’m sad all the time. I can’t do that anymore and I have to find my independence as someone who wants to love someone else in the future that isn’t you. I don’t want to depend on them for everything because I’ll need to figure things out myself most of the time” 

“Parker, I’m sorry if I made you feel like you had to look at me as an emotional support person” 

“No, that’s my fault not yours. Don’t apologize”

“How can we become close friends even though you’re leaving?” 

“Just saying in touch is all I can, nice things take time” 

He smiled a little and I did too. 

“Joong”

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you” 

“For what? I haven’t done anything except hurt you” 

“You know those chains I told you about?” 

He nodded. 

“I don’t feel them anymore” 

“What?” his eyes widened. 

“I think I needed my heart built up and broken again for it to know that it’s okay to feel pain like this without closing myself off again” 

“Parker” 

“When things ended with Yeosang, I closed myself up and started sleeping around with different people. I wanted to hurt them how I was hurt and I wanted them to feel what I was feeling. It was bad and I was horrible person whether people like to admit it or not”

I saw tears well up in his eyes. 

“When I met you, I knew you were different. You weren’t like other people I encountered, you have your flaws but who doesn’t. You lied but you only lied because you were afraid of breaking me. I admit it was a terrible lie and I hope you never do it again but you were not trying to ruin me. I appreciate you for always comforting me and telling me I was trying my best to feel things I never felt before. I think I would be a soulless body if you wasn’t for us meeting and I’m grateful” 

I walked over and sat down next to him, pulling himinto a hug. 

“I love you so much Kim Hongjoong and I’ll never regret any of the time I spent with you. I’ll never tore down your character because to me, you were everything and so much more” 

I felt him sob into my chest. 

“You’re the most selfless I ever met Parker, I love you so much and I’m sorry that I took you for granted. I’m sorry I was so impatient. I’m sorry if I made it difficult for you to see love in someone else in the future”, he sobbed. I rubbed his back and kissed his forehead. I heard the door open and I saw everyone’s eyes get wide at the sight they saw. I smiled at them. 

“Everything okay?”, Emmett asked. 

“It will be”, I reassured them. 

After Joong stopped crying, Emmett took him out, I guess to talk to him a little bit to calm him down while everyone else stayed in the room. I looked over at the painting and tilted my head at it.

“Unravel”, I whispered. 

“What did you say?”, Nicole asked. 

“I need everyone out”, I got up and started pushing them out of the room. I heard their protests and kept pushing till I got all of them out. I locked the door after I closed it. I walked over to the canvas, grabbing my paintbrush and smiled. 

I hope they love this one as much as I'm going to. 

Monday, December 5th, 2022. 

LAX Airport. 

“Fuck tell that damn director you need more time damn it!”, Jess hugged me tighter, crying. 

“I’ll be back for two weeks in the summer Jess”, I laughed a little. 

“Stop laughing at me  little shit!” she cried into my chest. 

I rubbed her back and she finally let go of me. I started hugging everyone else and all of them felt so long and heartfelt. I was trying my best not to cry today because I knew I’ll keep talking to everyone and see them here in the summer. 

“You can’t leave without saying bye to us now”, I heard a loud voice say. 

I looked and saw my high school friends walking towards us. The first one to pull me into a bear hug was Anthony. He wasn’t really the affectionate type but when he was, his hugs were the best in my opinion. 

“Do big things homie”, he said, pulling away. 

Miguel and Tonya gave me hugs and forehead kisses. I could tell they were trying their best to not cry. They wanted to be strong and send me off strong and I appreciate them so much. I looked over at Chase and his eyes had so much sadness in them. I frowned and walked to him, I tried to pull him in for a hug and he wouldn’t come close. 

“P-Parker”, his voice cracked, tears welling up in his eyes. 

“Chase”, I frowned. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in close to me. He hesitated, wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me tight. I felt his body shake and he started to cry. I rubbed the back of his head and kissed his cheek. I didn’t realize how desperately Chase was in love with me till I really talked to Tonya about it at the dinner all of them threw for me. Apparently Chase had been trying for years to find me and couldn’t get any luck, considering I don’t have any social media and my number had changed. 

“Stop being sad, I’ll be back in the summer and you have my number now you big baby” 

“Shut up”, he squeezed me. 

I laughed a little, rubbing his back. After I let him calm down in my arms a bit, we pulled away and he pushed my head in a playful way so I could stop wiping his tears. 

“I have a gift for everyone before I leave” 

I grabbed the canvas that has a white blanket on it and put it in front of me. 

“So you are not taking that to Korea?”, Joong said. 

“Had to lie a little bit” 

I took it off  and all of them gasped a little at it. I painted a human heart with pairs of hands circling around it with light coming from their hands. There were chains at the bottom that were rusty and cracked. 

“Explain please”, Jess said. 

“This piece is called Unravel. The heart is mine with all of your hands surrounding it letting out a healing light with the chains that were on my heart at the bottom that have been broken off. You guys have helped me in different ways to heal my heart. I even added Miguel, Tonya, Chase, and Ant’s hands at the last minute because you guys were my protectors when I was in high school going through a hard time with self discovery and my parents. I love all of you so much and thank you for being by my side”, I smiled at them. 

They all attacked me into a group hug and I couldn’t help but let some tears fall. I love them so much and I always will. 

“Flight to Seoul, South Korea now boarding!”, I heard the person say into the mic. I handed the painting to Miguel and his eyes widened.

“I thought you would give it to them. We know they have been there for you since we haven’t these past few years”, he said. 

“I want you guys to have a piece by me so you can have something to cherish from me. You guys took me back in even after all these years. Plus, they’ll get more paintings from me. They will be okay”

He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug once more. Once he pulled away, I grabbed my suitcase and my headphones. I waved at everyone one last time before going to board the plane. 

I took one last look back and saw all of them walking away. Tears burned my eyes and I kept walking to get one. I walked through the aisle, looking for my seat. I saw that it was still empty and sat down, sighing. 

Seoul, here I come. 

I walked out of the airport and looked around. I checked my phone and raised an eyebrow. He should have been here by now. 

“Looking for me”, I heard someone say in Korean. 

I turned and smiled. 

“Haruto”, I walked towards him. 

“Welcome back to Seoul Parker”

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