#I hate when I have the old map and get excited

[thinkerer24]

Mary on a Cross

Young, sweet, inexperienced Johnny x Big, Bad divorced!Simon

Or, They both realise some things about themselves.

@gerdddds !!! This was SO much fun to write (I think you can guess because it started as a blurb but became so long 😭😭)

Also I suck at writing the accents like some people do, so just- imagine them speaking in their respective accents lmao

SMUT 18+

Simon was tired. His eyes felt heavy in his skull and a certain gritty sensation burnt behind his eyelid that no amount of squinting was getting rid of. Normally, Price's commanding voice kept him and his team in order, oriented them in the right direction, but tonight it just felt like grating in his ear. His foot tapped impatiently on the floor of the conference room, the post mission briefing seeming to last longer than the actual mission itself. He checked the clock above Price's head.

9.34 pm.

He couldn't wait to hit the bar just outside the base and drown himself in vodka (yes, he was a vodka guy secretly at heart; don't tell Price).

John signalled the end of the meeting and Simon almost leapt out of his seat to flee the room, attendance signatures be damned. He's a lieutenant for god's sake, not a child, he could-

"Boss! Wait for me!"

Simon is a very patient man, too. At least, he'd like to think so. But he doesn't know why every deity and every spirit was making it very very difficult for him to maintain his cool today. Did he piss someone off? Is this all that karma hitting back at him?

"Yes, McTavish, what do you want?"

The spritely young man jogged to keep up with Simon, who hadn't stopped walking, by the way, and looked a bit too excited for someone who'd just come back from a grueling ten-day mission in the middle of bumfuck Siberia.

"Are you going to Joe's? I can come with, if that's okay? I really really really need to get pissed, I don't think I've ever craved alcohol in my cells before but fucks sake I-"

"Fuck me, Soap, do ye ever stop yapping?"

Johnny just grinned wider, unfazed by his senior's gruff behaviour. "Sorry, LT. Lead the way."

Simon decided he couldn't really shake him off that easy and was too tired to argue otherwise, so he just wordlessly got in his truck. He turned to see Johnny right at his heel, climbing beside him with a jump. Eager pup, Simon mused.

He knows if he were a few years, hell even a decade younger, he'd have shown the youngin a night he wouldn't have forgotten. His sexual prowess was a bit overbearing to old lovers, men and women alike, a fact his ex husband both loved and hated. He was known to last hours in bed; in a relentless pursuit of pleasure and pain, until his partners were breathless and sore. One of his exes was once rushed to the hospital, too, on account of certain, let's say, sex injuries, that had the entire ER blushing under their masks. It was safe to say he wasn't allowed to touch her for an entire month.

Now, sitting in the dim lighting of the bar in a greasy countertop right next to the ancient stereo, he stares at Johnny and maps his features in his brain. He'd never noticed the scar on his top lip that almost disappeared when he smiled, or that he had flecks of green dusted in those blue irises. He's rambling about some video game he's eager to try out, Simon couldn't be arsed really, but he realises that Johnny's brows tick upwards whenever he gets too excited and he makes the funniest face when he's being sarcastic about something the game developers have said.

"You got a bird waitin on you, boy?" Simon interrupts him, taking a long swig of his beer.

He'd never seen a grown man blush such a deep shade of red so quick.

Cute.

"Uh, no LT. Don't reckon I got the time, you know? The missions are just too stressful, and training usually takes up most of my day, ya know? I mean, some of these girls, LT, I wouldn't even know what to say, like, hey, I'm super tired most days because I'm in a super secret special ops force and My team gets sent to highly confidential locations regularly and oh, I could die too but no big deal, see ya soon, keep dinner ready for me? My hand does fine, thank you very much."

He's rambling now, clearly tipsy, and Simon quirks an eyebrow. "Who's talking about a relationship, Johnny? You could pick up literally anyone you want at this joint- shag 'em and leave 'em? Ever heard of no strings attached?"

Johnny ducks his head and Simon realises he's hit a nerve. Unlucky for Soap, Simon relishes in making boys like him squirm.

"I- I don't know how to say this but, eh fuck it, LT-- I haven't really fucked anyone, Like, ever? I know- I know what you're gonna say, boss, but I don't wanna hear it, okay; it just- never happened, yaknow? Fuck, I really do sound like a bumbling virgin but, fuck, LT, I-"

Simon decided to put the kid out of his misery and leaned forward to put his hands between Johnny's legs and grip at the stool he was sitting on. He effortlessly slid him closer and Johnny squeaked in surprise but instantly shut up as Simon bracketed his thighs with his own and placed one large palm on his jeans, frighteningly close to his bulge.

"It's okay, kid. Stop overthinking."

The heat from Simon's palm burnt a hole through his jeans and Johnny felt a bit lightheaded. He raised his hand and slowly traced the gold wedding band on Simon's ring finger. It felt like both a reminder of his experience and a taunt- he belongs to someone else.

"He left me a year ago," Simon says softly, making Johnny shift in his seat. "Wasn't exactly- husband material, you could say."

This was the first time Johnny had ever heard about his lieutenant's private life, and also, maybe, the first time Johnny was silent for so long. He stared into Simon's eyes, eagerly swallowing every word that left his scarred lips.

"I couldn't sleep for months. The Paris job almost killed me, and Parker couldn't take it anymore. He'd begged me to retire, take a desk job, anything. I refused. Said we needed the money. I woke up the next morning with his side of the bed empty and a note that said his lawyers would contact me soon. No goodbye."

Johnny raised his palm and cupped the side of Simon's cheek. He just stared back with an intensity that made something stir low in his belly.

"I want to take you back to my house. Strip you of all your clothes, and lay you in my bed. Dismantle your thoughts until all your pretty brain can think about is me. I want you to go limp in my arms and beg me to stop. Do you want that, kid?"

Johnny could feel himself nodding desperately, mouth agape, before his mind could even catch up to his actions. He swallowed roughly, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Is this really happening?

"W-wait. Simon, Simon."

Simon was half dragging him out of the bar already but he slowed down to look at him. "What, pup? Something wrong?"

Pup. The word made his dick twitch in his pants but Johnny braved through, " Simon, are you sure? Like, absolutely sure?"

Simon scoffed. Poor boy doesn't know what he's getting into.

He tugs him further and leads him into the truck, wordlessly getting into the drivers seat. "I meant what I said. I'll make it good for you, kid, I promise. Is this what you want? Think about it, we've got the whole ride back."

Johnny nods and looks at his side profile as he drives them to his house. He wants this. He's tired of avoiding all physical contact because of the stupid voice in his brain- "you're not smart enough, you're not wanted, no one wants you, no one could want you". He knows Simon can make that go away, he can feel it in his bones. He knows his LT will take care of him. He feels braver than before and inches his fingers slowly over Simon's regulation khakis, almost palming his bulge.

"Behave."

One word, and Johnny freezes. He'd always been the perfect soldier, hanging onto his LTs voice. Not surprising that it would be the same outside the battlefield, too.

They reached the barracks in record time, Johnny almost breaking the seatbelt buckle in his eagerness. They reach Simon's door and Simon leads Johnny into the room. He's been here several times before but now? It feels like he's a newborn fawn stumbling into the world for the first time. He tries to be sexy and turns to look at Simon but he bumps his toe into the center table and curses, before deciding to just, sit his ass on the sofa and let Simon take the lead.

Simon observes the entire thing with a glint in his eyes, desire stirring low in his belly. He closes the gap between them and sits on the floor in between Johnny's open legs. He places both hands on his thighs, leans up close to his face, and he can almost see Soap's neurons short circuit at his proximity.

"You don't have to do this, lad. No hard feelings".

Johnny whines low in his throat and grabs Simon by the nape of his neck. He jerks forward and clumsily presses his lips onto Simon's, and they both groan at how right it feels. Simon lets him lead the pace, explore what feels good and what doesn't. His tongue wearily circles his own and Simon sucks on it gently, making Johnny gasp. His hands run themselves into that goddamn mohawk, scraping at the buzz cut and massaging the scalp there. Johnny all but melts under the watchful care of Simon, and almost forgets what he was actually here for. Well, until Simon used one hand to press into the bulge that's straining against his pants and Johnny gasps.

"Go to the bedroom, kid. Take off your clothes and wait for me, yeah? Can you do that?"

Johnny nods eagerly and all but sprints to the single bedroom, making Simon scoff out a laugh. He enters the bare room and frantically takes off his clothes, but something in the bedside table catches his eye.

A framed photo of Simon and another man, in front of the Sydney Opera House. Both had matching grins, and Simon looked a good ten years younger. They were wrapped in a tight embrace and looking at the camera like nothing else mattered, because it didn't. They had each other and everything would be okay.

"It's been quite some time, John." Simon's quiet voice seemed to echo in the tiny space and Johnny almost jumps. His broad biceps encircle around his waist completely and Simon rests his chin on Johnny's shoulder, inhaling at his neck. "Don't dwell on the past. I know I don't."

John turns around in his grasp and looks at him longingly. "I don't want to make this sappy, Lt, but I think I'm a bit scared".

Simon nods, as if he had already anticipated it. He knows, he always knows. He's his lieutenant, his leader, his friend. He'd know what he's thinking, what he's feeling before he even frames it in his head. Soap knows that, and he would leap from a cliff if it was what Simon wanted, only because he knows Simon would be on the other side to catch him.

"I want you to touch yourself for me. Can you do that? Can you show me how you make yourself feel good?"

Simon lays him down on the bed and kisses him so deeply it makes his breath stop in his chest. His tongue delves into Johnny's mouth as his hands grip his waist, his hips, palming everything he could get his hands on. He pulls away and a string of spit connects their lips. Johnny looks fucked out already and Simon feels his heart thud louder.

Johnny nods along with him, humming low in the back of his throat as he slips a hand over his dick- fuck, it was as hard as a rock already. He rubs the head with his palm as Simon drops his head low to watch his motions. Johnny continues pumping his hips into his closed fist, increasing the pace frantically and panics when he realises he's so, so close already. His precum was making the entire ordeal so sticky, and Simon's intense stare wasn't helping his case.

"Kid, slow down, come on, easy, baby. Yeah, that's it." Simon places his hand over Soap's and guides him into a slower, more languid pace. His head felt syrupy, his stomach cramping already with how hard he's clenched it. He doesn't think he'll last any longer when Simon bends down and licks his tip gingerly.

"Fuck, FUCK Si, I-" he grabs onto Simon's head with both hands and almost smothers him by shoving his entire length into his mouth. Simon doesn't even gag, that fucker, and starts sucking his cock, making it so sloppy, so loud, Johnny doesn't think he'll survive this. The sight is downright obscene- Drool drops down the side of his mouth and his lips form a tight suction as he bobs his head up and down and up and down and up -

"I think I'm comin- fuckfuckfuckfuck,"

Simon pushes him further into his throat just as he climaxes, and Johnny gets tears in his eyes at how well Simon's throat clenches his cockhead. He doesn't know how long he's coming for, but knows that Simon doesn't let up for one second, constantly licking and laving at his dick and working him through the orgasm right into the territory of sweet oversensitivity. He's about to push his head away when one of Simon's thick fingers circle his asshole, and Soap feels like he's ascended.

"Is this where you want me, little pup? Do you want me to stretch you open, fill you till you're leaking with my cum? You wanna cry tonight?"

Soap sobs in agreement, fisting the bedsheet and twisting his torso to escape the pleasure as Simon pops the lid of the lube and generously pours over his taint and shaft. He pumps a finger in cautiously, making Johnny's breath catch lightly, huffing out tiny breaths to regulate himself.

"Breathe, kid. That's it, you're doing so good for me. I'm gonna bend my fingers just so, yeah? Oh- oh, is that the spot? Yeah, baby? Is that your happy spot?"

Simon's fingers hook inside in a way that makes them hit his prostate so deliciously- Johnny screams and bows his entire body up off the bed. Simon has to use his other hand to keep him pinned down and chuckles, starting to pump even harder. His fingers stretch and fill him, making him pant like a dog in heat now. He thinks he's going to come again, but he's not sure that's anatomically possible.

"Si, please, I need you, oh, I need you inside me, I need your cock, pleasepleaseplease Simon, I can't come like this, I-"

"Okay, okay, baby, breathe, breathe, yeah, my good boy wants my cock? Huh? I'll give it to you, I'll give you anything, fuck."

He pours some extra lube over his dick while his other hand continues to fuck into Johnny's tight hole. He caresses his dick slowly, thoroughly coating every inch in the sticky lube and slowly notches himself right up against Soap's asshole.

Feeling the blunt head against himself makes Johnny zero in on the moment; as if everything's faded away and it's just him, and just Simon, and there's nothing in between. They don't need to say anything, don't need more reasons to delay, and Johnny nods once, his eyes tearing up slightly. Simon understands- he bends forward to interlace his hands with Soap's and kisses him so so sweetly as he pushes inside.

The moan that leaves Soap could only be described as pornographic, as he feels every inch, every ridge and every vein breach his virgin hole. He stutters into the kiss, almost babbling as Simon grits his teeth together and powers through the tight embrace.

"Holy shit, kid, you're so tight."

"You're so big, sir".

Simon grips the back of his neck tighter and slightly massages the skin there, making Soap melt and relax a bit further. The last inch was the most difficult, Simon's girth found it almost impossible to make his rim stretch further, the sight of it so perverse it made Simon's mouth water.

"Let me on top, sir. I can take it."

Simon didn't really have the energy or the will to argue and effortlessly switched positions such that Johnny was on top and his dick never even slipped out.

"Go easy, yeah? I don't want you to hurt yourself"

Johnny nods with newfound vigor and plants both his feet on the bed, giving Simon a show for the ages. He takes a deep breath and lets gravity do most of the work as he slams himself down the last inch, right upto the thick base of Simon's god like member.

"Holy fuck, kid. I told you to go easy." He admonishes, but there's no real bite in it.

Soap grins, and oh, there's my boy, Simon thinks, "Sorry Lt. I'll be, fuck, more careful".

He starts a decadent rhythm, making both of them roll their eyes and moan loudly, neighbours be damned. It feels like heaven, like coming home after a long day at work, like the first sip of water after a hangover.

He realises soon enough that bouncing on his cock feels better than the grinding, and this knowledge makes Simon grip onto his hips tighter to help him along. Soap has his head thrown back, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth and onto his chest, eyes rolled into his skull. Look so perfect, Simon thinks. My boy.

His pace gets harder and faster and Simon realises he's not going to last longer. "Come for me, Johnny. Paint me with your cum, baby."

His hips stutter as he releases a whorish moan, probably waking up the entire base as he climaxes all over Simon's chest, his belly, heck some even went up to his face. He holds onto Simon's arms that were around his hips and crashes his lips onto his. This sets Simon off as he pumps once, twice, and buries himself deep in his ass and comes hard. They're both shaking and groaning, the kiss sloppy with sweat and spit, and their orgasms melting into each other's.

After a long time, Johnny pulls apart and stares into Simon's eyes. Those big, beautiful eyes that made him feel like home. They were slightly dazed and not all coherent and Johnny just grins.

"Let's do that again, sir."

[itsjustmebluesilly]

NOOO I WAS PLAYING TOTK AND UNDERESTIMATED HOW FAR I NEEDED TO GO I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH STAMNIA AND HAD TO RELOAD 😦😦😔😔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭

treasure hunting, ammirite?

[imsosleepyofyourbull]

I firmly believe that Kabru is autistic but masks so hard that he’s convinced himself and (almost) everyone around him that he’s neurotypical.

That man’s special interest is people and how they work, but he just thinks it’s him Being So Good At Socializing — like he doesn’t spend 95% of his time people watching and adjusting his personality in response to the traits he witnesses and obsessing over the intricacies of human interaction while mapping an ever growing relationship chart in his head. For fun. He even admits it in the manga!

Like, look at him!!!

It’s such a shame that — because he’s the narrative foil to Laios and his interest is generally considered more “socially acceptable” in both their world and our own — more people don’t realize this about him. He’s constantly misinterpreted as a horribly manipulative person who only acts the way he does to use the people around him, when that’s explicitly shown to not be the case at all. Kabru is naturally empathetic and is almost always thinking about other people, regardless of whether or not they’re right there with him or a thousand miles away.

I mean, his most defining motivation is his desire to do everything he can to avoid another tragedy like the one at Utaya. Someone who doesn’t care wouldn’t have a goal like that, and they most certainly wouldn’t go about it the way he does. He’s constantly working to help people who can help everyone else and tries so hard to make sure that anyone who seems like a threat is actually someone he needs to worry about before doing anything about it. His supposed aversion to Laios is only because of the ridiculous trolley problem he’s set up in his own head.

Outside of that, he (rather justifiably) hates monsters but is desperate to understand Laios’ love for them and his apparently most selfish goal in getting close to the guy was literally just to become friends with him.

When he’s interacting with the canaries and they imply that they’re going to take him and all of his friends to the West, his first thought is of Rin and how much she’d hate to be stuck in the place that gave her so many bad memories.

He helps Kuro learn Common when Mickbell is asleep and firmly looks forward to the day that the half-foot and Kuro can communicate properly so that their relationship can get properly started without any miscommunication.

And he understands Mithrun with only a handful of weeks AT BEST interacting with him, getting enraged when the elf seems to give up and immediately trying to help him find a new motivation for life.

I’m excited just thinking about the day that Kabru starts unmasking more and more around his friends — both new and old — because if being with my current friend group has taught me anything, it’s that hanging out with anyone so unabashedly themselves is bound to make you more comfortable with yourself too. It’s part of the reason why I like Labru so much! There’s something nice about imagining them hanging out in the throne room or laying in the grass outside and talking for hours on end about their special interests. They might not strictly understand what the other finds so fascinating about monsters or people, but they can grasp that shared feeling of love.

They probably influence each other in really good ways too, with Kabru helping Laios figure out what people are thinking even when it doesn’t make sense or Laios helping Kabru understand that not everyone and everything needs to be analyzed a thousand times over. They both get to learn that there are people like them and people who will love them without them ever having to change a thing about themselves. They deserve to know that they’re fine the way they are.

[wintertime-in-june]

Build-a-Colonel

Surveying the area. A common pastime of many KorTac employees. Checking out an environment before a big raid.

The EuroCity Mall, Austria, a favourite rendezvous for kids and adults alike.

You walked next to the Colonel, not in your military gear but in your civilian clothes, scouting out the vicinity. He was going to be the battering ram, the first through the main doors, and you, you were going to be crawling through the vents, making your way to the hidden mass weapon store, the only one on the team small enough to do it.

Other KorTac soldiers were swarming the place as you two walked, mapping out their own routs whilst inconspicuously perusing the shelves.

The illegal weapons trade that had been going on for months was soon to come to an end.

"Ooo, I didn't know they had a Build-a-Bear here!" You say to König with a smile, holding onto his large arm, looking like the lovely married couple you were... pretending to be.

You can't say you didn't like it. To be quite honest you were loving pretending to date the Colonel... even if it was only going to be for a few hours and König, he didn't hate it.

He looking down at his adorable not wife as she pulled him towards the store, looking at the latest collaboration they had on display in the windows.

He sighed, smiling lightly, he could get used to this, having a pretty woman on his arm, laughing at his jokes, looking at him as though he mattered... just looking at him to be honest.

"I always wanted to go to here as a kid." He said with a chuckle.

You look up at him, big doe eyes gleaming. It was getting more and more difficult for him to tell if this was an act or not... curse his inexperience with women.

"Did you ever get to go?" You ask, tilting your head to the side.

He shook his head.

"My mother sent out invitations for my birthday party, but no-one wanted to come. I didn't have many friends growing up, I've always been this... big. Too scary for ze other kids."

He tilted his head attempting to look indifferent and brush it off.

You literally thought you were about to cry.

"When's your birthday?"

He thought for a moment.

"...7 months away."

"Well..." you think for a moment, searching for an excuse, "well, it's going to be today, okay?"

He looks at you with slight confusion but doesn't fight back as you pull him into the store.

A few heads turn at the sheer size of him, but you pay it no mind, you are on a mission... and not the one you came in for.

"Choose your bear!" You say with a smile looking up at your not Husband.

"Schatz... it's okay really, I am too old for bears, I-"

"I said, choose your bear!" You repeated like a television announcer, showcasing the bears.

"Ooo, this one's so soft and he looks just like you." You say picking up a fluffy blonde one.

He rolled his eyes playfully at your determination, picking up a bear.

"And zis one looks like you." He said with a slight smile holding another fluffy bundle of fabric.

"We can make each other!" You said, beginning to smile broadly.

He didn't fight you, enjoying your excitement as you got one of the employees to help with hearts and stuffing.

He was a bit reluctant to do the dance and kiss the heart but he didn't mind so much after you gave the little stuffed heart a kiss first. Talking about how the bears need both parent's love.

His favourite part was picking out the clothes, chuckling as you tried to recreate his military look. He was actually very good at picking out your style, it seemed he had paid attention to your weekend attire around base.

When it came time to pay you put your card on the scanner and he was not pleased.

"You can't pay for your own birthday!" You say in protest.

"But it's not even my birthday!"

"It is today!" You say in rebuttal.

He couldn't stay mad at you, that sweet little smile. No-one had ever done something this spontaneous, this thoughtful, this selfless for him before... he wished you really were his wife.

A soft smile remained on your face throughout the rest of your walk around the mall. A smile that he couldn't help but steal glances at periodically, thank goodness for his height or he might have been caught.

Upon getting back to the base you each went to your own rooms to get changed.

Later in the evening you wanted to have a bear reveal.

König had just gotten back from dinner in the canteen, he was walking about his room, going about his evening tasks when he heard a soft knock on the door.

There stood you, box in hand, wanting to come in. You looked so precious in your little pyjamas, he feared he was becoming obsessed.

"I present to you, drum roll please, Colonel Junior!" You announce holding the bear up to him.

You were both sat in front of each other, cross legged on his bed. You were cross legged, he was trying to the best of his abilities.

A beat of silence passed, you thought he was just in awe of the bear... potentially.

"That is not me." He says, completely stone cold, deadpan.

Your face falls for a second. Did he not like going to Build-a-Bear with you? You felt your bottom lip tremble a little. Was it all just an act for the undercover surveying? How could you have been so stupid... You really thought the Colonel wanted to become your friend?

"He does not have a mask!" König finishes.

"Come on, I have some supplies in my office."

As he began to get up off the bed, the mattress squeaking under his weight you just remained seated. Then you snapped back to reality, quickly manoeuvring to follow him as a wave of relief washed over you, so he really did love Colonel bear.

The two of you spend the evening bleaching a mini mask made of an old t-shirt for the bear, getting the tear stain design just perfect.

You laugh about having dual custody of your children and König played along too.

Since the bears were made, the two of you brought them over to each other's barracks every evening. No matter how difficult training was that day, it was your little escape, smiling with each other as you watched a movie, had a tea party, played dress-up and more.

It was becoming increasingly obvious that these little play dates were not for the sake of the children, but an excuse to hang out with each other.

Only when the two of you sat on the Colonel's bed, bears in your laps, watching a movie, did he finally lean over and kiss you as the credits rolled by.

He had been waiting all movie to do so, finally, building up the courage by the end.

The kiss is long, but not rough, just calm, pleasant. Eventually the two of you pull away, gazing into each other's eyes.

"Not in front of the children." You say giggling a little, breaking eye contact and covering your bear's eyes with your hand.

He chuckled lightly but not for long as you leaned in this time, your lips meeting his once more.

He had finally gotten his dream come true... and he wasn't thinking of the Build-a-Bear.

[rmd-writes]

It’s the most ✨wonderful✨ time of year! AKA time for the annual RWRB Christmas fic exchange that I do with some friends every year. Would you believe that this is our fourth year doing this?

For the next 8 days, we’ll be posting a fic anonymously each day to the Don We Now (Even More) Gay Fanfiction collection on ao3. I’ll update this post with the links to each fic as they go up. The author reveals will be shared before New Year’s Eve ☺️

I’m so excited to see what everyone’s come up with!

Day 1: Home for the Holidays || M || 9.3k || a gift for @indomitable-love written by me, rmd

When Alex discovers that Henry's Christmas plans involve staying in their apartment alone, he does what any good roommate would do and drags Henry along to his family Christmas at the lake house. It's a win-win situation, since everything is better for Alex when Henry is around. Henry is his person. Completely fucking platonically, of course.

Day 2: Playing For The Other Team || E || 6.1k || a gift for @three-drink-amy written by @everwitch-magiks

Alex is the captain of his college lacrosse team. Henry captains the football team—or the soccer team, depending on who you ask. But if you think either team has their main rival within their own sport, you are very deeply wrong.

Or: two sports teams, both alike in dignity. In the Samson Memorial Stadium, where we lay our scene.

Day 3: The Thirteenth Duke || E || 10.7k || a gift for @villiageidiot written by @clottedcreamfudge

Alex is trying to find himself after his divorce, and Castle Llwynywermod seems like the perfect place to do it. Henry, the grumpy duke who owns the castle in question, strongly disagrees. This can only go well. (An 'A Castle for Christmas' movie fusion fic.)

Day 4: Ho for the Holidays || T || 6k || a gift for yours truly written by @villiageidiot

It sort of starts on New Year's Eve, although maybe it's actually Valentine's Day. But probably St. Patrick's Day. Well, whenever it starts, it ends on Christmas, but for good reason. Holiday hook-ups can only stay hook-ups for so long.

Day 5: Making a List, Checking it Twice || E || 18.6k || a gift for @athousandrooms & @dustratcentral written by @welcometololaland

When Alex lands a job house-sitting for an international man of mystery, he’s more than a little intrigued. According to Nora, the owner of the Brooklyn brownstone is a spy. According to June, he’s a prince. Alex is convinced his employer is a fifty-year-old man who loves tartan and ugly, porcelain homewares. Also, Alex might be flirting with his boss via a handwritten grocery list. Just a little bit.

Day 6: The Flight Before Christmas || M || 7.2k || a gift for @welcometololaland written by @indomitable-love

Alex loves his job. He gets to fly all over the world and see incredible places. It satisfies his restlessness and his need to always be on the move. But sometimes, Alex hates his job. Hates the passengers. One passenger in particular. --- or Alex is a flight attendant and Henry is his most-hated passenger.

Day 7: Baby, It’s Cold Inside || E || 12.6k || a gift for @clottedcreamfudge written by @three-drink-amy

Alex needs this trip. He needs it. Too many months have gone by since he and Henry were in the same place. It was so easy to get used to being in the same city. He feels like a different person than who he was the last time he saw Henry. Maybe that’s just because the last term felt like an eternity. As he looks at the map on the screen, the little plane icon gets closer and closer to England. If he shuts his eyes, he can feel Henry a bit more.

Day 8: I might just give you a chance (every-which way) || M || 8.4k || a gift for @everwitch-magiks written by @athousandrooms & @dustratcentral

Alex is on his holiday break, which is why he signs up to take on the bulk of helping his sister with her charity market stall. And while he does actually like the bustle and interactions with people that come with the job, he will admit only to himself that what he enjoys the most is antagonising his market nemesis, who, inexplicably with Alex’s ‘fuck you’ attitude, keeps coming around to make a daily purchase.

PS. If you're looking for more firstprince holiday fics you can find our earlier Christmas fic exchanges here: 2021, 2022 and 2023

cc: @welcometololaland @three-drink-amy @clottedcreamfudge @everwitch-magiks @athousandrooms

@indomitable-love @dustratcentral @villiageidiot

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Showing Emotions: Anger

When it comes to description, showing what emotions the characters are going through rather than telling can always be a challenge. Let's say our character is angry. We have several avenues to convey that from the following list:

Dialogue and Speech

Your character may become short with people, and respond with limited, terse answers. Another type of character may become more verbose, stretching out their sentences with vocabulary they don't normally use to make a point. (If their intelligence was insulted, they could try to make themselves sounds smarter, for example).

Consider word choice (the character who says "I hate you" versus the one who chooses "I despise you"), contractions ("I will not" versus "I won't"). On the entire flip side, maybe they go quiet, hiding their anger rather than speaking.

Vocal Cues

You should also think about how a character is speaking. Clipped tones, raised voices, a hitch in their words as they get emotional, or the character that drops to a monotone to maintain control.

You can work beyond dialogue tags to bring more characterization into it. "He snapped" works, but maybe you want to be more clear with something like "his tone grew sharper with every word."

Body Language

Humans tend to do the same basic things when upset - clench fists, cross arms, turning physically away from whoever their mad at. Internally, they may feel hot or flushed, their stomach clench with tension, or their heartbeat pick up speed.

Since those internal feelings could relate to many emotions, it can be useful to create an emotional map for your character's responses. If they get flushed when angry, how does their body react when they get scared? Nervous? Excited?

Thoughts

Relaying what a person is thinking, especially if they aren't outwardly reacting or speaking, can be useful. A direct thought (conveyed with italics) or an indirect thoughts ("she thought that was suspicious, but kept it to herself") can help you flesh out how your character is feeling in the moment.

When editing, keep an eye out for phrases like he thought, she realized, they felt, etc.You can get snappier sentences by finding ways to edit these out - but don't worry about them when drafting. Whatever gets the words on the page helps!

Physical Reaction

Similar to body language, what I mean here is what people do without realizing it. Widened eyes, flared nostrils, flinching or pulling their shoulders back are all reactions people don't control and usually don't realize they're doing. A character could rub an old injury when talking about the person responsible, or wring their hands when talking about something stressful.

Your character can have particular quirks, like tilting their head when starting to get annoyed, or standing straighter when trying to make a point. These are things they're completely unaware that they do, unlike more conscious body language like chewing their nails or gesturing.

[destinygoldenstar]

TADC Episode 5 Trailer

JUNE 20TH?!?!??!

Goddamn, EVERYTHING is going on with me next week...

I guess I have to do my rewatches soon, huh?

(For those who don't know, it's been a tradition that I rewatch the previous episodes the days before the new one comes out.)

So, yeah, you're gonna see me on a Digital Circus hype train.

And watching this episode for speculation...

I GENUINELY DO NOT KNOW.

Like, I'm just flat out LOST.

But some point outs:

Caine says "And my flight to Copper 9 leaves in five minutes."

Murder Drones reference.

We have seen this Caine model before, from last episode.

This originated in the series trailer where they were calling out bootleg merch. And this was the model. An uncanny model.

You'd think that's just for a trailer joke, BUT NO,

THEY PUT SOME CONTEXT BEHIND THIS MODEL AND USED IT FOR THEIR SHOW.

This show is amazing, guys, you have no idea...

Now what the hell is happening here?

This is Pomni and Jax getting vaccumed.

I mean I can only make out these two. The trailer is piss poor quality. (ON PURPOSE)

My guess, and I'm gonna be wrong: IS THIS A CLIFFHANGER AT THE END OF THE EPISODE?

Pomni and Jax just end up in HELL together.

We all know Pomni does real well in hell.

I'm really excited for the experimental animation styles.

THIS FRAME really intrigues me.

This looks like 90s computer animation, does it not?

I mean most of the animation in this show takes inspiration from that, but still. This looks like the quality of an ACTUAL 90s game.

And Caine is holding all of them like they're puppets. HIS TOYS TO PLAY WITH.

Caine cares about their pleasure, to a crippling degree, he's just really bad at maintaining it. So to have this visual of him holding them up like lifeless toys is SUPER INTERESTING.

Caine's losing his mind, that's obvious, I think, as I said before, this episode might end with them being fed up with all this shit, cry that they hate Caine (and/or his adventures), and Caine just SNAPS.

Cause once he realizes he will never be able to please them and that they well always hate him... then he hates them too.

MASSIVE TONE SHIFT. "Silly before the storm". THIS EPISODE WILL END ON A CLIFFHANGER.

Caine and Zooble are in the void. Why?

THE VOID IS COMING BACK. WE HAVEN'T SEEN THE VOID SINCE THE PILOT.

President Pomni is trying to defuse a bomb.

I could make so many irl references and every single one of them will get me cancelled so I'm gonna just shut my mouth.

Hello new Pomni face frame to add to my collection in my photo album hehe...

(Can you tell she is one of my stans yet?)

But serious question: WHAT IS THIS LOCATION?

Again, piss quality so I can't make it out.

I don't think it's under the map cause it's more grid-like, but I also wouldn't be surprised if it is considering the episode is a meltdown.

I'm curious, Pomni has seen under the map, have the other EVER actually gotten stuck under the map before?

Don't see why they wouldn't know it exists, just saying.

I would think it's outside the tent since we've seen it, BUT we've also seen the outside of the tent is when it's day and night at the same time, and the night stars are drawn like five year old scribbles.

This looks too realistic to be outside the tent.

Oh so that's what Gooseworx meant. Bring on the angst.

I say as there is a frame of Zooble on crack, a bad miscoloring of Ragatha, whatever the hell Jax is, and Kinger as a military general.

And Orbsman?

NO GANGLE TOO. HUH...

Also rival Pomni is cursed. Her design is already perfect as is, so naturally ANY alternation is just gonna look wrong to me.

Another one for the folder hehe-

...yeah, yeah me too.

She just like me fr

"YOU STAY RIGHT HERE, WHERE I CAN KEEP MY HUNDREDS OF ALL SEEING EYES ON YOU" - CAINE, PILOT

So Caine just flat out has an office, that wasn't just for last episode. HUH...

OFFICE????

Okay so something involves seaweed.

And Gangle's mask breaks again.

I HOPE TO GOD GANGLE'S DEVELOPMENT LAST EPISODE WAS NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT. BECAUSE THAT WOULD SUCK.

Also, note that ONLY KINGER AND GANGLE COME OUT.

We see Ragatha Pomni and Jax in that blue void, so...

WHAT HAPPENED TO THESE THREE????

HOW WERE GANGLE AND KINGER THE ONLY ONES THAT GOT HOME SAFE??

If Bubble turns out to be the mastermind, nobody will shut up about that twist.

...honestly it would be a good twist.

Okay... well, time to get my hyperfixation back.

See y'all on the 16th when I start rewatching to prep.

[paymechildsupport]

I should have really been in bed five hours ago, but these leaks make me wanna commit heinous acts and I just gotta do something about this Sukuna pic cuz erm… just :3

He’s just so….. <3

EHEHEHHEHEHEHEH I don’t know what it is but the idea of having such a powerful, destructive man just down at my feet is so intoxicating jsjshdbdbdb

Just imagine his humongous form in your sheets in the latest hours of midnight— just an amalgamation of limbs on your bedspread

Drowsy and drunk off sleepiness, fighting off exhaustion in that soft cushiony state between consciousness with his big arms swallowing your much tinier body up, head on your chest

You’d absentmindedly run your fingers through his wolf hair, nails scraping his scalp in such a way to elicit tiny sounds of contentment

He in no way would be silent: bro will be sighing and huffing and even just purring occasionally,- exactly like an old cat or dog. You’d feel every noise vibrate, bouncing around in his large chest, pressed against your torso

The second you fall asleep and cease to shower him in affection he’d immediately get incredibly offended

He’d take it personally, and man’s can hold a NASTY GRUDGE (look what he’s doing to poor Yuji 😭)

He’d let out a rather audible, “hmph”, and make a show of pulling himself off of you, making sure he woke you up

“How dare you, pathetic mortal”

HE’D SULK

He’d be both very bluntly aggressive but also passive aggressive in every. Single. Thing.

He is entitled to your time, your attention, your affection, your every waking thought should be dedicated to him and him alone. He should be first priority over everything

JAJSJDBBDBS Y’know how in like superhero movies the villain sometimes has this really adorable cliché where they are this absolutely brutal, horrible monster whose committed numerous misdeeds but have a wife / spouse they treasure above all else? Like, they’ll be in the middle of explaining their plans of world domination when their wife all of a sudden calls out that dinner’s ready, — and then all of a sudden the villain is this esteemed gentleman who’s just really really excited to have some lasagna his darling wife made for dinner?? They really just wanna keep their spouse outta all the crime and such cuz they know they hate it and always get scolded for it.

yeah, that’s the only way I’ve been coping for these past leaks 🥶

Sukuna would be in the middle of nuking the map when all of a sudden you pull up

He’d be talking all high and mighty, saying how he’d obliterate and kill all of Yuji’s loved ones when suddenly he hears his name get called out and he’d just FREEZE.

“Quick, act like I didn’t just murder your closest kin like three minutes ago.”

”what? Why??”

“Because my spouse is here and they’ll actually skin me alive if they see me like this 😡—- hey honey ☺️ how’s it going..?”

Like tensing up, eyes bulging, lip quivering, sweating BULLETS, the most scared anyone’s ever seen him. Immediately dropping everything, disregarding the accumulating mass of cursed energy he’d been saving up for the past twenty minutes, to turn around and give you his best, most charming smile

You’d just walk up to him and like, grab him by the ear, yanking him down to your level to curse the ever living daylights outta him

“Stop going out and bullying teenagers 🤬 you miserable old man I swear—“

And he’d just stand there and TAKE IT. You’d scold him exactly like a disappointed mother, personally escorting him off the battlefield and profusely apologizing to Yuji for your husband’s actions

He’d just be all sad, walking away and dragging his feet, moping, back hunched, hand holding yours 😭🤏 and leaving an incredibly confused Yuji

And then you adopt Yuji and Sukuna stops being a grumpy old man and my boy gets his happily ever after and we all hug it out :3

[licityvibes]

Limitless (through the night)

Author: orshii

Pairing: biker! Choi San x female reader

Warnings: cursing, brief mention of death

Word count: 11,5 k

Summary: You have broken the rules, again. The punishment? You’re moving in with your father, sent back to your hometown which you had grown to be a stranger to. What happens when old affairs return in the form of Choi San? The only guy you wished to forever avoid, the guy who was a menace and always knew which buttons to push.

Will he put aside your differences and help you out when you get in trouble again?

A/N: Wow, I guess I'm here again...Ever since I saw these pictures of San, I'm obsessed with it, so a story kinda popped out of my mind lol. Like, I'll just never get over biker San pls, he drives me crazy, and I don't like it (lie). Anyways, thank you for my talented bestie @bvidzsoo for helping me a lot. I'm really a newbie to this whole writing and Tumblr world so, ly bestie hehet. Please, enjoy! I'mma be back soon, with a Hongjoong series too, lmao. Okay, byee, xoxo, orshii. (divider)

Moving to a new place could excite you due to all the new opportunities coming your way, alongside with new people, which may become your new friends.

In my case it wasn't like this. I was moving back to my hometown, which I have left almost ten years ago, leaving behind my father and all the people who I was once close with.

Now, I'm on my way back to my father, back to the house where we once were a happy family. My mother left my father, because it seemed like my father cheated on her. But the actual truth was that she just wanted to escape from this little town. She had no opportunities here, so she just blamed everything on him to have a reason to leave this shitty little town behind, alongside with me. I was only 10 years old, I did not understand back then what the hell was happening, so I just went with her. We moved to a bigger city, which was full with people. I never liked it, I hate crowds, I hate how the city is full with life.

After a while, my mother met someone and he was rich, so, we moved into a bigger house, which looked like a castle. I did not like it; I like simple things. I liked our old house, where the walls were cracked like a river spreading through the map. It was beautiful in its own way.

So why am I going back again to my hometown? I look to my left, where my mother is driving. She looked tired and mad; she was continuously frowning while she was driving. Maybe she was thinking about how she could bring a child like me into this world. Of course, I was the cause of going back to my hometown. It was my punishment.

 I'm going to be honest, lying isn’t something I do often. Since I was little, I adored motorcycles. They are so beautifully shaped and their sound is simply music to my ears. I love watching them through the TV, the bikers riding their fancy motorcycles and competing against each other, going in circles like Formula 1 cars on the circuits.

 My dad had owned an old Yamaha, it was beautiful. He noticed that I adored it, and so, he taught me everything about motorbikes; which part of the bike belongs where, he even taught me how to repair some broken parts. That was the moment I fell in love with motorbikes. I could not wait until I grew up and finally got my license. I had one purpose in life, and that was it.

And after a lot of patience, I finally got my license, but I had no motorbike. This became my next goal. To buy a bike. I succeeded doing that too, and I was proud of myself.

I looked back, where my beautiful matte black Yamaha R6 was tied safely onto the trailer. After I bought Toothless—I have named it that—I naturally joined a motorbike gang and slowly got into the world of racing. But these were illegal affairs, illegal races. You’d rarely get caught, so I didn’t worry about it. But one day I made a very bad mistake and I was left to face the cops. I was alone, the others—whom I considered my friends—left me there, letting me face the repercussions all on my own. As soon as my mother got me out of the police station and we got home, she started packing my things, saying 'You're moving in with your father.' My opinion did not matter, it was settled, and I just needed to obey. I did not care about anything at that point, so I just went with it without a word. Since that incident I did not want to make any friends, I did not trust people anymore, not even my mother. She betrayed me by sending me back to our hometown, treating me like I was a nobody to her. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, I am used of being passed around by others.

As soon as we drove through the streets of my hometown, little memories started resurfacing and I smiled. It was good to be back, to be honest, I have always loved this area. I never actually wanted to leave it behind, I just really had no choice but to do otherwise.

When we finally arrived to the house where we had once lived, a whirlwind of emotions hit me like a truck. My father stepped out from his car service, wiping his oily hands onto a used black cloth, which was once white. He looked tired and worried, mimicking the same expressions reflected on my mother’s face.

I stepped out from the car, looking around a little bit. Nothing has changed since I had last been here, and that was a long time ago. We never came back after the separation, my father used to visit us when he had the time, but it was rare, and our relationship went from having a happy father-daughter connection, to a shallow 'How's school? Good.' connection.

As I looked around, my parents were talking quietly just so I wouldn’t overhear them, but I knew they were talking about me. They were talking, and then suddenly my mother was moving, giving me a kiss on my cheek and saying 'Don't get into any trouble', leaving me there like I was an abandoned cat, handed back to the streets because it kept causing trouble. She chose the easier way, passing me into the hands of my father.

I pushed my bike into the garage and covered it with a blanket, I did not want Toothless to be dusty from all the dirt flying around the air. My dad showed me around the house acting as if I was there for the first time. I stepped inside my old room; everything was just how I had left it. The old drawing in which I had drawn our once happy family, and even my little pink shoes, which I had cried about leaving behind accidentally. Everything was the same, except me.

I got enrolled into the local University. I wanted to learn still as I had nothing to do; I needed to keep my mind busy. As I was headed to the new University on my bike, I felt anxiety crawling up through my body. I never liked new places, and besides, this was a little town, everyone knew everyone. And so, I was the new girl in town to them. The girl who came back after years of being gone. I don't really think anybody is actually aware of who am I. I had changed.

I arrived to the parking lot of the university, and cut the engine of Toothless. I sighed before I got off my bike, taking off my raven black helmet with red lines on it. My anxiety had finally crawled through my body, managing to reach my mind and thoughts, clouding them and keeping me locked in, not letting me go for even a second. My thoughts had always been my biggest enemy. Overthinking made me feel anxious about even the littlest things. It wasn’t good as this influenced my behavior, all the time. I tried to gather myself, not having noticed that somebody was watching me.

"Princess is back in town and has a little motorcycle, I see." I jumped at the sudden deep voice coming from behind me.

I turned around and saw a very familiar looking, handsome, guy in front of me, but I did not remember his name. He was smirking at me, his eyes sharp like a knife, glaring at me like he was a predator and I was his prey. He was wearing a black hoodie that hugged his broad shoulders perfectly, with black shorts that reached his knees, pairing with red Jordans.

"And who are you?" I asked frowning; I really did not know him, he looked familiar, but I could not place a name to his face.

He just tilted his head, looking at me sharper than before, "You don't remember me? I'm Choi San."

He was frowning his thick eyebrows, a little cut in his left eyebrow making his glare more intense.

Choi San, the mayor's son. Now I knew who he was, and I did not fucking like him. He was always the annoying rich kid from school, always stuck-up, acting all-mighty due to his family being rich. And he didn’t like me either anymore. At the beginning we were friends, but then shit started happening at home—my parents arguing constantly, not even noticing me anymore—and so, I closed myself off, not wanting to befriend anyone. I was just a child, my parents constantly arguing was a big enough trauma for me to stop caring about other things. So, I pushed San away, who, I assume, took it to heart since he started hating me and acting like a total jackass, not letting me live. It was like that until I left my hometown, leaving everyone behind.

"Oh, well then, I don't care." I said while grabbing my helmet from my bike and turning around to leave. I did not have the energy for this arrogant prick, he didn’t change at all, I could tell by his one little sentence.

He laughed, "Princess is mad, huh? Is that a Yamaha R1?"

He had asked while pointing at my bike, not letting me leave quite yet.

I sighed and turned around looking at him annoyed, "No, it's an R6."

My answer was short and snappy.

"That's from one of the newest series. I bet you begged on your knees your rich stepfather to buy it for you." He laughed sarcastically, and it sounded like an engine that needed an oil change. I sneered at the thought.

It hurt, it hurt because he didn’t know how many days I didn’t sleep because I had shift after shift, working my ass off. My stepfather and mother didn’t want to buy me a bike, actually they hated just the idea of it, but I didn’t care, so I took as many jobs as I could, and after three years of hard work, I finally get to buy this beauty. It had nothing to do with my stepfather. San was just being his old self, being an asshole, judging even though he did not know anything at all.

"Just fuck off, San." I snapped before walking towards the building. I was starting to get annoyed, but I didn’t let it show because I knew that was what he wanted out of this exchange. To piss me off, get on my nerves.

I finally stepped inside the building. I was a bit lost; I didn't know where I was supposed to go now.

"Let's race someday or are you scared, baby?" But San suddenly stopped next to me, looking at me arrogantly, not leaving me alone.

I laughed at the nickname, it was cringe, what the hell was he thinking? "I don't do shit like that."

I didn’t even spare him a glance.

"Then why do you have a motorbike?" San asked, looking at me like the police officer had when he was interrogating me.

"I obviously use it to go to church." I rolled my eyes as I started walking down the corridor. I got a lot of curious looks from the other students littered around in the hallways.

"I bet you raced in that big town of yours." San said, of course, following me.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks, and looked at him with deadly eyes, "Can't you just go and fucking annoy somebody else?"

"Princess is being mean for what? I just wanted to welcome you back in town." He said with a smirk on his lips.

"Oh, how humble" I said ironically, "Thank you for your kindness."

I smiled at him and saluted him before turning around. I did not have the energy for this egoistic guy.

I somehow found the director's office. He handed over my schedule and wished me good luck, and I was abandoned again in the empty corridor.

I was looking at my schedule, trying to figure out which classroom I needed to get in.

 "Hey, new girl, are you lost?" I heard a voice calling out to—me— I had assumed.

I looked up and I found myself standing in front of a tall, black-haired boy, with the kindest smile I had ever seen in my entire life. He was wearing bright colors, which highlighted his bright smiley face, he looked like a walking sunshine.

"Hi, yes, a little bit." I said while looking at my schedule confused.

"Let me see." He took the paper from my hands and looked at it humming, "Oh, you are in the same major as me. I'm headed to that class; I can show you the way."

He offered me up with a sweet smile.

"Oh my god, thank you, you saved me." I huffed the air out from my lungs.

"This way." He pointed out the direction with his finger, and we started to walk towards the classroom.

"By the way, I'm Yunho." He said, reaching his hand out towards me.

I smiled while shaking his hand, "Y/N, nice to meet you. How did you know I am the new girl?"

I had asked him curiously.

"Everyone knows, it's a little town, the rumors here spread like the plague." He shivered with a smile.

I chuckled, "Oh, I see. Too bad, I just wanted to remain unknown."

"Your dad is quite famous in town, did you know? So, I assume he told someone you are coming, and puff, the rumors are everywhere." He gave me a side glance as he smiled.

"Yeah, maybe." I said, thinking about the fact that my father has a car service, which, I assume, is the only one in town. Therefore, people meet up with him constantly, thinking more of it, it isn’t a surprise that people know who I am, in the end it, it is a little town. We arrived to the classroom, and headed in.

The day went by quickly. I was glad I met Yunho, he was a funny guy, and he led me around the University, making funny comments about some students. I really needed him in order to integrate into this new community, which I was once part of ten years ago. It was as if I had to relive the past, as if I was walking down the same path, I had done so ten years ago, a path which might have changed during my absence. It felt like I had to start everything from the very beginning.

  The days passed by quickly, and I just tried to avoid being in the spotlight as I found out everyone knew me, but I knew nobody, because who would remember the people they had met while being just a little kid? As I was randomly walking on the street, headed to get some groceries, random people would say hello and even ask how my mom was. I just quickly answered them, but I didn’t know who they were.  I didn’t like the attention, when all the eyes were on me, so I tried to lay low, live my life quietly.

Then one day, as I had gotten closer to Yunho, he somehow convinced me to attend a party held by some guy named Song Mingi. I wore casual clothes, meaning simple black ripped jeans paired with a black crop-top, and a leather jacket. I am a biker, so the leather jacket is a must, even when you have to leave your bike behind, as I had done now. I felt like drinking something. I hadn’t gotten drunken in a while, not that this was my purpose for the night.

Yunho came to pick me up with his navy-blue Nissan GT-R. The car was beautiful inside out. And that is when I found out that Yunho used to do street racing, held by some local racing company. That's another reason as to why we became friends so quickly, as we were interested in the same things.

  When we arrived to the house where the party was held at, it was already crowded. Luckily, there was the opportunity to stay outside, next to the pool, and so, I told Yunho I didn't really want to go into the crowd. He stayed with me, and to our luck, we found some alcohol outside too. There was a table next to the pool, and there were a whole bunch of alcoholic drinks on it, so, we took some tequila shots. As we were talking about some of Yunho's street races, I heard someone approaching us.

"Where did you leave your expensive bike, princess?" He clapped his hands together, reaching for a can of beer, opening it quickly with his thumb. He was wearing dark jeans, a white T-shirt, and on top a leather jacket. At least he knew the unsaid rule of the bikers. Leather jacket is a must, like I have said.

I looked at him with a glare, "I left it at church since I got drunk on the communion wine."

I said annoyed as it was my last wish to meet him tonight, “Just leave me alone, San.”

"Where's the fun in that?" He leaned close to my face, bending down to be at the same height as me, whispering it in my face.

"The fun must be where you brain is, which you seem to be lacking in." I pointed at his head.

He laughed loudly, "You'll see where is the fun when I beat you at the race."

He glared at me with his typical sharp gaze. It whispered danger. And I liked danger.

“I said I don’t race; do you have issues with your long-term memory now?” Despite meaning to be teasing and unabashed, my voice came out a little angry as I frowned.

“I saw the news about your little incident. You can’t be fooling everyone and telling them you nearly got arrested, princess.” He spread his arms, as he raised his voice, so everyone could hear it who was outside. I felt everyone’s eyes on us, coming closer, way too interested in hearing what the whole fiasco was about.

My blood had started boiling and I clenched my fists together, until my knuckles turned white. I was blinded by my sudden anger towards San, I just wanted to wipe that annoying, arrogant, smile off of his face. I stepped closer to him, my face inches away from his, as his back was facing the pool. He just needed a little encouragement for a swim, and so, I strongly pushed him towards the pool, and before he could fall in, I quickly whisked the beer out of his hand, and lifted it into the air.

“Have a good swimming, Choi San.” I placed the beer down on the table. That was my que to leave him there. I could feel his glare pointed at my back from the pool as he swum to the surface. I could feel his annoyance, that he felt embarrassed. I smirked to myself, Choi San, you have no idea whom you’re trying to annoy. Yunho came after me quickly and gave me a high-five for the move I had just pulled off.

  The next hours at the party were spent by drinking and dancing, as I went into the dancing crowd. I just wanted to disappear in the crowd and feel good. I tried to avoid San the whole night as I didn’t want to see his furious side, San, who got humiliated by me. It was funny, I had to smile the whole time as I remembered his face when I pushed him into the pool, amused by the whole ordeal. I also got to know the guy who threw the party as Yunho introduced us to each other. Mingi was a tiny bit shorter than Yunho, but you could barely notice. He had a buzz cut and rocked his blonde hair; his sharp nose completed his small eyes well. He wore a black T-shirt with some silver necklaces around his neck, and black ripped jeans. His nails were painted black with some rings on his fingers. I am not going to lie; he was hot as hell. And I also found out that he races alongside with Yunho. He owns a Toyota Supra, and that nearly made me faint when he told me about it, because it’s a rare car. He then proceeded to show it to me. It was so beautiful and unique due to its painting. It was kind of a papaya orange with some words on it painted on it, 'Fix on' and 'Youth'. I really liked it.

I had asked the boys about what kind of race San spoke about, and they said it’s an illegal motorbike race, which happen to be very rare here. I quickly tried to forget about it. I didn't want to cause trouble again; I had promised my mom and also myself to stay low, to be better. San was just provoking me; I wouldn’t fall into his trap.

  The next day at university as I was walking down the corridor, headed to the cafeteria, something immediately caught my eyes. It was a poster with a motorbike on it, of course it caught my eyes. I went closer to read it. It said that a motorbike competition was to be held, and the prize were some new parts to upgrade your motorcycle. This was the competition San was talking about, and it's going to be held tonight on the deserted streets of the city. I'm not going to lie; it piqued my interest. I miss speeding down the roads, the adrenaline coursing through my veins every time I race. And my bike is in urgent need of an upgrade, because these past days it felt like something was wrong with it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was exactly. For now, I'm going to let it go, but I still took the poster with me…just in case.

Evening came and I was in my room, I barely talked to my father all day, nothing unusual. Sometimes when I'm alone, and that happens a lot recently, I just start thinking about useless things that make me feel weak. I have never opened up to anyone before, I was never that kind of person, and besides, I always thought it's useless to open up to someone, because in the end they never truly care about me. And the fact that I was betrayed by my own "friends", it just confirms that I really should just stick to myself. I'm not going to say that it didn’t hurt when I saw my friends running away from the police, pushing me straight in front of them, telling me, "You are the new girl, handle it." Funny, I'm the new girl everywhere, I'm not going to belong anywhere, I am always going to be the new girl. They thought it was a nice joke, it wasn't; it ruined me. I started to think that the problem was me, that I deserved this, that I am not enough. As some time went by, I realized it wasn't my fault, but these thoughts still remained deep in my heart. And I will carry it with myself for a long time.

Here I am again, thinking about these things. These are those moments, when I need to clear my head. My solution for it is going out into the chilly air with my bike, cutting through the wind with the highest speed my bike can handle. The feeling of it being night, and I'm alone with Toothless, speeding through unknown streets, I feel like it's just me and my bike in this whole world. It’s like therapy for me. It just…understands me, just like the feeling you get while listening to music; sometimes you listen to a sad song, it makes you sad, it just describes your feelings, but if you are happy and you listen to that exact same song, it'll bring happy tears out of you.

  I was going around the city aimlessly, when suddenly I saw a bunch of bikers headed somewhere. That's when I realized they were going to the competition. My heart started to beat quickly. I started inhaling and exhaling slowly, just the thought of racing made my blood boil, my skin itch, awakening my body like nothing else.

And as I kept following after them, suddenly I realized I arrived to the location of the competition. It was really my subconscious taking over, driving me here. I slowed down a little. There were a lot of people around crowding the bikers, watching their unique motorcycles. Some background music accompanied the sound of the engines as it melted together, creating an intriguing melody. The atmosphere here were totally different compared to the one in the big city. Back there it was just serious faces, who hated each other. But here, I only saw smiles and laughs even between the racers as it seemed like everyone looked at each other friendly, not viewing the other as the enemy.

I stopped my bike, turning the engine off after having parked it. I noticed some curious eyes on me. I didn't know what to do now, I was totally alone. I didn’t know anyone, but I needed to fight my anxiety as I took my helmet off. My helmet always gave me safety, kept me unknown, and that's what I always wanted.

When I stepped next to my bike, someone immediately caught me into a hug. It was Yunho. He lifted me up in the air and smiled.

"Oh my God, you are here, Y/N!" He said excitedly, putting me down.

I laughed, "Yes, I am. I don't know how exactly, I was out for a ride, and then I found myself here."

I said placing my helmet down on my bike.

"I am so happy you are here." Yunho said, his smile never disappearing.

"Yeah, I can see that." I chuckled looking at his bright face.

"Will you sign up for the competition?" He asked me with curious eyes.

I sighed, "I'm here so—I guess?"

I lifted my hands into the air, shrugging.

"Yes!" Yunho fist bumped the air happily, making me chuckle.

He then led me to a person at which I needed to sign up for the competition. I didn't know who I was going to compete against, just until Choi San came to sign up as well. I had already finished signing up as I stood aside with Yunho, while he leaned towards me and quietly started to introduce each racer.

"Did you know that we are going to race against each other, princess?" San said, throwing a quick glance my way with his sharp eyes, signing the paper in front of him. I checked him out very quickly, hoping nobody would notice. He was wearing his typical leather jacket but with a black T-shirt underneath, and ripped jeans this time. His black hair fell into his eyes as he finished filling out the paper. Every woman very noticeably thirsted after him, and I wasn't an exception…he’s fucking hot. What a shame he has a shitty personality.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him, tuning to face Yunho, who was talking to some guy I didn't know. Did San really not understand that I didn’t want to talk to him?

"I want to race against her." I heard San's voice coming from behind me. I turned around to look at him annoyed.

"You can’t get rid of me so fast." He winked at me, that fucker.

"I will, on the track." I smiled at him sweetly, turning around again as I went back to my bike with Yunho, adrenaline slowly starting to course through my body. I had to win this, I had to wipe that confident smile off of San's face.

The race started, it was a drag racing, meaning three bikers were lined on the starting point, it was a shorter straight section, then as the lights turned green from red, you just needed to shift the gears up as perfectly as you could. The first who reaches the finish line wins. Speed mattered only here, and how detailed you are about the gearing.

A few bikers were already done with the race, and I watched them curiously. Slowly, it was our turn to race. People were loud and they cheered whenever their favorites won.

I rolled over to the starting point. One guy was already there and I found out that I'm going to race against San and a guy named Hongjoong, whose nickname was the Devil. I didn't know him, but Yunho said he is one of the most well-known bikers in the town. He had a Honda CBR. His bike was sick, it was bright red and the owner sitting on it with his red helmet really looked like the Devil himself, I get why they call him that.

As I rolled next to him, I glanced towards my right as he was there. He looked at me and bowed his head, I did the same. It was a sign of respect. I liked the guy already.

San arrived to my left side with his Suzuki GSX, painted also with a very dark red, reminding me of blood, mixed with some black. These guys weren't playing, their bikes were absolute monsters. I could almost hide with Toothless, but my bike was almost on the same level as theirs, so I saw hope in winning this.

When the announcer spoke, saying our names and a few things about our motorbikes, I slowly started to focus on the task at hand. I did not hear anything else, just my fast-beating heart. I fixed my eyes ahead, breathing in and out. The engine sounds pushed away the crowd’s noise. The red light suddenly switched green, and I quickly lifted my left foot off the ground, concentrating on the perfect timing of the gearing, bending over a little to adjust with the speed. From the outside it looks like three bikes quickly reach the finish line, but when you are the driver, it feels like the longest minutes of your life.

At the beginning the three of us were head-to-head, then I was the one who was leading. I could feel the victory coursing through my bloodstream already. But suddenly, I heard a puffing noise from my engine, and it stopped without any warning. My bike started to slow, the thoughts of winning long forgotten.

'Shit, shit, no, no, no, no, no!' I mumbled to myself. I could barely stop; my bike was still resonating.

The two other racers quickly passed by me, leaving me with my broken bike. I glanced forward and saw San reaching the finish line first. I was so fucking close. I hit my bike angrily, and got off it to push it over to the side. This is the worst feeling ever, when you are so close that you can already feel the win, but then something out of your control happens and it’s not your fault, you can’t do anything about it, you’re only left with cursing the world, asking, 'Why me?'

I could feel something was faulty with my bike, but I didn't think it was this bad. I heard someone running my way. It was Yunho, and when he reached me, he leaned his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

"Fuck, what happened?" He asked straightening up, still breathing quickly from running.

"I don't know, the engine just stopped working." I kicked my bike. I loved Toothless, but when it did things like this, I felt like I was going to throw it out.

Yunho came closer to my bike, to try and see what the problem was. He crouched down to take a closer look as I stood next to him, using the flash of my phone to help him see better. I heard an engine slowing down next to us. Of course it was San, he took his black helmet off, smiling at me deviously.

"Daddy's money wasn't enough for a normal motor? It’s called karma, princess.” He said with a death glare, smirking annoyingly. “This is because you fucking pushed me into the pool."

Why the hell did he enjoy spitting out words that made no sense at all?

I could feel my blood boiling, my biggest desire at the moment being the want to punch that confident smile off his annoying face. I was so close doing it, I swear to God, I was ready to punch him hard, but that little sanity I was clinging on to did not let it happen. I always had problems controlling my anger. But slowly, I learned to handle it. I learned how to manage these feelings, so I just let it bounce off of me.

"Next time I’m going to push you into the sea, if you don’t stop being an asshole. Go, celebrate your fucking win, you really deserve it." I said, staring at him with deadly eyes.

"Your wish is my command, Princess." He saluted with a smirk, and then placed his helmet back on, driving away with his annoyingly loud engine. I scoffed as I watched him roll away.

"I think I'm going to call my dad, there's no hope in fixing it." I sighed. I'm going to get into so much trouble now. I was forbidden from racing, my dad won't be happy, I'm sure. But it is what it is. At least the cops didn't show up this time.

I called my dad and told him what happened. I was nervous of how he would react. To my surprise, his first question was about my well-being. He said he was coming.

While I was waiting alone for my dad—I told Yunho that he could since my dad was coming— Hongjoong stopped by my side, taking his helmet off. His blonde hair fell into his face as he ruffled his hair. He was damn handsome, he looked so soft, the opposite of his nickname.

"Everything alright?" He asked, his eyes full of understanding.

"Not really, my engine is broken, so yeah…" I said with a sad smile.

"Can I help you with anything?" He looked at me as if he really understood what I was feeling right now.

"No, thank you, I'm waiting for my dad to pick us up." I pointed at my bike.

"Okay, such a shame this happened. It was a good race." He smiled at me and then reached his fist towards me.

"Yeah, it could’ve be a good one." I fist bumped him, smiling.

"Next time perhaps then." He winked at me sweetly, "If you need any help, I'mma be around." He put his helmet back on.

"Okay, thank you." I smiled at him sincerely.

He rolled away quickly, leaving me there with my thoughts. Now, that's what I'm talking about. Why aren't there more people like him on Earth? He looks like an angel, not like the devil I suppose he is—on track. I was intrigued, I wanted to get to know him better. San could really learn a thing or two from him.

  My dad arrived after a few minutes and we quietly placed my bike up on the trailer. As we were headed home, silence settled around us. I could feel he was pissed.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking straight ahead at the road, not wanting to see his disappointed expression.

"What did you think?" He started, "That you would race and I wouldn’t ever find out about it? It's a little town, Y/N, you already know how fast rumors spread here."

He glanced at me for a second.

"I know, I didn’t think, I just miss racing." Tears appeared in my eyes. "Please don't tell mom. She will send me to Azkaban after this."

Call it a defense mechanism, a trauma response, but I had always been like this…joking in serious situations.

I glanced at him and saw a very small smile appear on his lips, "I won't tell her, but it was very bold of you to race again. You can't do that, you know it, it'll have consequences."

He lectured me.

"Yeah, I know. Thank you for not telling mom." I said, relief spreading through my body.

"But you're still punished. You have to help me in the car service after school." He said glancing at me with a serious look.

"Okay, and maybe we could fix my bike too?" I said, glancing at him with a smile.

My father smiled back, "Maybe after we fixed some cars, we could check it out next week."

I clapped happily, "Thank you!"

The rest of the ride until we got home was quiet, I was happy my father was this understanding. I thought as soon as he finds it out, he'll send me back to mom, passing me between each other like I was a tennis ball. But to my surprise, it was the opposite, and I really didn't mind working in the car service. At least we could spend some more time together. I hoped we could fix our relationship, alongside with the cars, of course.

  My days went by and they all were quite the same. I attended my classes at university, then my whole afternoon went by fixing cars with my father. He managed to teach me a lot of things about cars, even though my world was all about motorbikes I was always interested in cars too. I was planning on buying a car, but I needed to put that aspiration aside for a while. My priority was fixing my bike so I could finally ride it.

We checked out my bike and we found out that my engine was overheated, and that's why it shut down. An engine upgrade was needed, and we changed the turbo as well while we were at it. It was going to be even more powerful than before; I was so excited to finally try it out. On some days, Yunho and Mingi would come by the car service to check on me, and they even started helping me out in fixing my bike. We started getting closer, we laughed a lot in between the late-night repairing.

Yunho and Mingi invited me to watch their races, which were going to be held today. I had never been to races like this one before, so I happily accepted the invitation. I could finally try my bike out as I was headed to the race. It felt so good riding it again after a while. I felt like I could breathe again. I think I had gotten addicted to this feeling.

The race was held at the race track of the town, in the afternoon. The sun was slowly going down as I rode my bike, painting my black bike and helmet with the shade of dark orange.

When I arrived to the track, there were lots of people being excited about the race. It was a drag race again, but with cars this time. I looked around and I saw different types of cars, each looking very sick and unique. I started to feel excited as I was rolling down between the cars, searching for Yunho's parked car.

Then, I suddenly recognized someone with a blonde hair. He noticed me and started walking towards me with a smile. I stopped and took off my helmet.

"Fixed your bike, huh?" Hongjoong approached me with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, finally." I pet my bike with a smile.

"I'm glad, we shall try it out some day." He said with his white teeth flashing.

"We shall." I smiled back at him. I would wholeheartedly race with him again.

"Are you racing?" I asked with a frown.

"No, I came to watch, I won't betray my beast." He laughed sweetly. I swear to God, his laugh was like music to my ears, "You came to watch too?"

"Yeah, I've never been to races like this one before." I said, feeling excited.

"We can watch it together; I know the best place where we can watch it from." Hongjoong offered with a sweet smile.

"Okay." I accepted his offer quite easily, "But first, I want to wish Yunho and Mingi good luck."

"Come, you can put your bike down there, I’ll show you where they are." He pointed towards my right, where I could park my bike.

I pushed my bike to the designated area, and brought my helmet with myself. I did not want to leave my treasure there. Hongjoong lead the way to where Yunho's blue GT-R was parked, next to Mingi's orange Supra. These two cars next to each other looked so good. I was very tempted to take a picture of them.

I approached Yunho and hugged him from behind, surprising him. He laughed, "You came, finally."

"I would never miss it." I smiled looking up at him. He was wearing his racing suit with colors that matched his car. His hair was lazily brushed over his forehead, almost reaching his eyes.

I hugged Mingi too, the top part of his orange racing suit lazily hung around his waist, a white T-shirt underneath. This orange clothing suit him very well, highlighting his blonde buzz cut. They looked handsome. What is it today, everyone is looking so good?!

"I'm going to be in the crowd, watching you guys, good luck. Fighting!" I smiled and hugged them both again. Hongjoong also wished them good luck, resorting to giving them high-fives.

"Thanks, we'll try." Yunho said laughing.

We then walked to the spot Hongjoong mentioned before. It was really a good one, we could see everything from here. The crowd started to cheer as the first cars appeared on the track. It was a 2v2. Yunho was the first one, competing against a Mitsubishi Lancer. It was going to be hard to beat that car, but Yunho did not disappoint, and he won with a lot of advantage. Every minute counted here; they were measuring the time up until you crossed the finish line. Time mattered here as it could beat your opponent.

After a lot of quick races, the sun went down, street lamps were lighting the track up, the crowd cheering loudly. We laughed a lot with Hongjoong, and he explained the rules of the races we were witnessing. I finally felt happy after a long time, I loved the atmosphere here.

That is until someone sat next to me.

"Now you’re into cars too? Tell your stepdad to send you a car, a broken one perhaps." San said, looking at me with those fucking annoying sharp eyes of his.

Every time he appears, my mood is fucked, "I will, now leave me the fuck alone."

I had said not looking at him.

San laughed, "Not until we're racing with equal chances."

"Oh, so now you admit it wasn't a fair win for you?" I looked at him with a glare.

"No, I would've won anyways. I just wanted to see how much you could push. But your bike said, nah. I bet it'll fall apart again." He said, leaning closer to me.

My blood started boiling, it was one thing if I was the one saying shit about Toothless, but him spitting out these words about my bike were not allowed. Ever. San was provoking me, and I knew it, I fucking knew it, yet…

"Come, I'll fucking beat you this time." I looked at him with blazing eyes, starring at him sharply.

He stood up smiling, "It'll be my pleasure, princess."

He put his right hand on his heart and bowed.

Oh, how I would hit him in the face, I had nightmares about that fucking confident smile.

I stood up, Hongjoong grabbed my hands to make me look at him, "It's not the best time going out there, Y/N."

He said with concern in his voice.

"I don't care, I want to wipe that confident smile off his face." I was long gone, there was no chance of anyone convincing me doing otherwise.

Hongjoong stood up, looking at me with concern, "But please be careful, call me if anything happens."

He held my hands, he really looked concerned.

"Don't worry, savior. I'll keep her safe." San glared at Hongjoong with the deadliest stare I've ever seen.

Hongjoong stepped closer to San, letting go of my hands. "If anything happens to her because you’re a fucking idiot and your ass is just itchy, you'll regret it, I promise."

Hongjoong stared back at San, and in this moment, he really looked like the Devil. I stood between them as they were eyeing each other, glaring with their noses flared.

Whoa, whoa, hold on a second, what was happening right now—

"Okay, guys, stop! Let's not waste any more time and get this shit over." I looked at San, losing my patience.

He winked at me and then smiled, his dimples appearing. Did I just notice he has dimples?

He did not wear his usual black leather jacket tonight; it was a leather jacket with some red on its sleeves and on the waist with white lines. On the front there was a writing 'SUZUKI', referring to his motorbike being the same brand. I’m not going to lie; he looked hot as fuck.

We walked over to our bikes, which were parked next to each other. I sat on my bike.

"So where are we going? You know this town." I looked over to my left side to meet San's gaze.

"There's a freeway not far from here. There’ll be traffic, but it’s more exciting that way." He smirked.

I started my engine and reached my hand out, motioning to him to show me the way. We both placed our helmets on, and then it was game on from there on. There was no turning back anymore.

I followed San, turning on unknown streets, it was barely a five-minute ride. We stopped where the freeway began.

"The winner is who gets to the end of the freeway first. It's not that long." He told me through his helmet, being on my left side.

I just nodded, it was late into the evening, but the cars ahead of us were countless. It was a three-lane road, people might’ve been going home from work, because there were a lot of cars. We lined up at the side of the road, in front of the red light. San pointed at that, signaling that if it turns green, we start. I started to reeve the engine, my legs in starting position with my eyes focused on the road ahead of me, counting the cars, and analyzing how could I pass by them. Adrenaline crawled through me; my skin covered in goosebumps. I have never felt like this before, I was so hyped about winning this. I had to win this.

The red light suddenly changed to green, and I quickly lifted my foot off the ground, bending over my bike and shifting up. We slid through the cars like the river runs through the rocks. We were two quick arrows passing by the cars, wheezing from left to right. At first, we were head-to-head, but I got lucky and I could pass by a big truck very quickly. San wasn't that lucky, he stayed behind a little. We arrived to a tunnel; sudden strong light hit my eyes. Traffic was lesser here, so, San quickly caught up with me. The sound of our engines were so loud that its echo bounced of the tunnel’s walls. It was like music, the two-engine sound melting into each other. I'm not going to lie, I was enjoying it so much as I have never felt like this before, it was the definition of freedom. I quickly glanced at San and he lifted his arms, giving me a thumps up, then quickly passed by me. But I did not let that happen, I went after him. We arrived to the end of the tunnel, sudden darkness hitting me now, my eyes needed a few minutes to adopt to the dark again. As cars were in front of us, I quickly took the chance to go in between two cars, and I was leading again. Until I suddenly saw red and blue lights flashing from behind.

Shit, shit, no, not again—

It felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest, it was beating so fast. I can't get caught again, no way. I started to panic, and suddenly all strength escaped my body as I started to slow down. I couldn’t think straight as all thoughts left my mind seeing those colors again, getting flashbacks of that night. The lights, then being pushed straight into the cop’s hands, my friends running away, leaving me alone. San was suddenly next to me.

"Hey, Y/N, don't slow down, we need to lose them! I know a shortcut, follow me!" He yelled over the sounds of our engines and through his helmet, as I suddenly was back from the flashback as I looked behind me, seeing as the cops getting closer and closer.

I just nodded, suddenly feeling my strength coming back to me. There's no way they will catch me again. I quickly followed after San, passing by the cars, the police still following us, getting closer. San turned right onto a street, then left. We went through alleys and little streets, where only a bike would fit. I had no idea where were we, but I didn't care, because it seemed like San's plan was working and the red and blue lights were now far away from us. Suddenly, San turned left and went inside an abandoned factory's court. He quickly stopped and turned off the engine, signaling for me to do the same. I rolled next to him, and switched the key to turn off the engine. I glanced behind my back, I didn't see any signs of the police, but I still felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took off my helmet quickly, starting to inhale and exhale quickly.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair stressed, pulling it away from my face.

"Come, let's go inside, bring your bike too." San said, getting off his bike as he started pushing it towards the building.

As I got off my bike, I was shaking, the adrenaline was still in my blood. We brought our bikes inside and I needed to sit quickly. I sat down, pressing my back against my bike, lifting my knees up to my chest.

"I think they're gone." San sat down, doing the same as me.

He glanced over me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said, still not looking at him.

"Are you really that scared of the cops?" I could hear it in his voice that he was smiling.

"San, this is really not the time where you can say shit like that." I glanced over at him. I guess he saw my expression, because his face changed.

"Sorry, I didn’t—" We lifted our heads up as we heard the siren sounds. The red and blue lights lit the walls of the factory, and my heart dropped to my stomach.

"Shit, shit, they are coming here." I stood up, San did too. But suddenly, I heard the sirens getting further and further away. I let out the big breath I was holding this whole time.

"They just passed by, idiots." San laughed.

I glanced over at him in disbelief, and sat down again next to my bike.

San mirrored me, "We need to wait a little, though, so they will give up searching for us."

"You were in these kinds of situations a lot, huh?" I asked San, staring ahead into the darkness.

"Kinda, that's why I knew what to do." He said sighing. Quiet fell over us as we both were thinking, probably not about the same things as he spoke up, "But I don't get it. What did you do that you got almost arrested? Did you crash your bike and kill someone?”

He looked at me frowning. I scoffed at him; I really couldn’t believe he was like this.

"You don't know anything about me, so please stop assuming things when you don't know shit." I stared at him angrily, "It's making me feel sick, San. I'm so fucking tired of your comments, what did I do to you for you to behave like this with me?"

I asked him, looking his way then at my hands, "I was just fucking racing because I love to do so. Why is that so bad? Don’t you do the same thing, San? I’ve got arrested because my friends left me there, so I was blamed for that whole mess, on my own. So, please, ask before you talk shit."

There was a minute of silence, "Fuck, I didn't know, Y/N. I don't fucking know why I'm an asshole with you. It is so easy to piss you off."

I glanced at him; he was staring ahead as he ran his fingers through his raven black hair.

"And you are enjoying this?" I scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Of course I don’t, it’s just—" He turned my way, "Lately I did it just because I wanted to race against you and I thought if I provoke you, then you'll come. I know it sounds stupid, but don't say you didn't like it."

He seemed nervous a little. Choi San being nervous, interesting.

"I did enjoy it, San. But what the hell, why couldn't you just ask me nicely if I wanted to come with you? I would've, if you weren't such an asshole.” I looked at him, “And our bickering or whatever did not start here.”

"Yeah…I know." He looked down at his hands, "When we were kids you suddenly just got cold and pushed me away like I was some garbage. I was a little kid, it hurt."

He admitted. I didn’t recognize this San, this softer, nicer, side of him was strange to me.

"I was a little kid too. Kids are mean, you just had a weak heart." I said to him, "That does not mean you have to be an asshole your whole life, because I mistreated you when we were fucking kids. This is it, San. You need to adapt to some situations; you have to let go of foolish things at times."

I looked at him seriously.

"Forgive me for being such an asshole, you did not deserve it. I just tried to blame other people for my weaknesses." He admitted, and for a second, he looked vulnerable. But it vanished away quickly.

And suddenly we started sharing about our lives, the cops long forgotten, things that we didn't know about the other. I could see the side of him, which he rarely let anyone see. He could be really goofy, we laughed together, trying to recall the ridiculous situations we were in when we were just kids.

"And just so you know, I bought my bike, not someone else. I worked for it, for years. I took shift after shift, because I wanted something. You know…it hurt when you said those things to me." I suddenly felt like I had to tell him how much he stabbed a knife into my heart that day.

"Fuck this, this whole situation is ridiculous." He scoffed, his voice getting weaker. "I'm so fucked up. I'm so fucking tired of adapting to what people expect of me. I did this my whole life."

I looked at him as he buried his face into his palms.

Silence fell over the chilly air as San seemed to be on edge, while he quietly sniffed. I couldn’t believe that San was crying. It came out of the blue; I did not understand the cause of it.

Suddenly, I slipped next to him. I just wanted to hug him, he looked so broken. So, I went closer to him, still sitting on the ground, and hugged him tightly as he scooted closer to me and buried his face into my neck.

"It's okay, San. Sometimes life can be too much. Just let it out." I stroked his back patiently. I felt some tears falling onto my neck.

 I couldn’t believe I was hugging Choi San right now, but I have always been like this. I don't care if he harmed me, if he needs a shoulder to cry on in his most vulnerable moment, then I’m going to be there for him because no one deserves to be alone in these moments.

"I'm so tired, I'm sick of this pain…" He mumbled into my neck, sobbing a bit, "After my mom died—"

"Your mom died?" I lifted his head from my neck, cupping his face with my hands. I looked at him with round eyes. I didn't know his mother died; I was shocked.

"Yeah, right after you moved away..." He said, looking into my eyes with his puffy ones. He seemed empty, he seemed like he wasn't feeling anything at all, "She had cancer, she…She struggled a lot…and I was alone, I needed someone to be there for me, I tried…I really tried." He said, his voice getting quieter.

I did not want to believe what I just heard, his mom was an angel, everyone liked her when she stepped on the stage alongside with the town’s major. They looked like true leaders. I always looked up to her, and now she’s gone.

"Oh my God, I didn't know, San. I'm sorry for your loss.” I blinked away my own tears as I wiped away his, “If I would've known—"

I felt a bit overwhelmed.

Suddenly his expression changed, it seemed like he had realized what he had done in the last few minutes. He locked his feelings away, again. He thought he showed too much of his weaker, softer, side and suddenly, he started closing off, just like I used to do. The old San was coming back. He pushed my hands away from his face aggressively, not looking at me.

"Whatever, I don't need your pity." He stared ahead, and leaned back against his bike, lifting his knees up to his chest.

I scoffed, "What did I do now?”

I blinked at him, not understanding the sudden mood change, “Okay, you can't be helped. I tried, I really tried to be nice with you, but you are impossible."

I stood up, "I think the cops are long gone, let's get the fuck out of here." I pushed my bike outside not waiting for San. I sat on my bike, starting the engine. San arrived next to me, with his bike.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." He looked at me with sincerity, but I did not fall for it.

"Yeah, me too, have a good night." I said with a disappointed look and I put my helmet on to drive away quickly. I just needed to get as far away as possible from him.

  Weeks passed since that night. I tried to avoid San as much as I could. I just couldn't face him; I was so tired of his games. There were a few occasions when he tried to talk to me, but I just ignored him. It's not that I don't understand him, I do, I know what he's been through…at least I can imagine. That night, I tried to see his good side, but he did not let me in. And it hurt, because I knew he needed someone, and I would've been by his side. But he suddenly decided to push me away. He closed himself off, stayed in the dark, not allowing me to light his path for a way out. I really felt hopeful for a second that he could change, that he would lower his walls and let me in. But no, he'll just never change, so I gave up on hoping. At least I thought so, but these past days I just couldn't get him out of my mind. When I closed my eyes, I saw him as he smiled at me in for that few minutes when we were freely talking about ourselves. I'm not going to lie, I liked that side of San, it was so pure. And I would've never thought I was going to say such things about Choi San. But he made me feel strange things.

It was late into the night when I was still in the car service. A car needed to be fixed by tomorrow and I told my dad he could rest, he has worked all day long and I could see he was really tired, so I wanted to fix this car by tomorrow. The weather seemed like it would rain soon, lighting striking every few minutes.

Suddenly, I heard an engine sound from outside. I frowned, who it is this late? I opened up the garage door and I found myself facing a soaked San, getting off his Suzuki, staring at me the whole time. His clothes were starting to soak through, the raindrops falling off from his leather jacket. It had started pouring badly; I haven’t even realized it. My heart was beating fast. He took off his helmet, his hair immediately getting wet. San ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him without any emotion.

"I just want to talk to you, Y/N. Please, let me take you to a place." He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"In this weather, San, seriously?" I pointed out, still standing under the garage, safe from the pouring rain.

"It'll stop in a few minutes." He said his, black clothes soaked now, waterdrops falling off his face. 

"How do you know? Are you a weather expert now too?" I asked frowning. I was just as hostile as he once was towards me.

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair again. "I deserved that. Just like the pool."

He looked at me again. I could see a lot of regret in his eyes.

"That night, I closed myself off because your face reminded me of all the people who pitied me back then, when she died. I was only 11 years old, and I got sick of seeing those faces, it always reminded me of her death."

He started to tear up, his voice getting weak again, "Please, Y/N, forgive me. I know I fucked up everything, I just—you—you drive me crazy and I can't behave around you. I feel like when I'm near you I’ll lose my mind, like I’m not myself anymore. I said a lot of shitty things to you, and I judged you a lot even though I didn't know anything about you. I want to change that, I want to know you better, Y/N. I want to let you in, I'll do that if you also want it, but I hope you won't be scared of what you'll see."

I saw as teardrops fell down on his face, but the rain immediately washed it away, his voice cracking from the flow of emotions.

My heart wanted to jump out of my chest. I didn't except him to say things like these to me, "I'm not scared, San, to see your dark side. I never was, and I never will be."

Tears started to appear in my eyes, to my surprise, "You said some hurtful things to me, but I get it, I really do. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I was just so shocked, I didn't know…I didn't know, San."

I started to sob, tears falling from my face.

"I know, I know, baby." He stepped closer to me as he reached out for my hands pulling me out into the rain, into his chest. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back up and down, my clothes and my hair soaked. I should’ve been the one comforting him, but in the end, I was the one sobbing like a little girl into his chest.

We stood in the heavy rain; our clothes wet, my hair sticking to my forehead yet he still hugged me like he never wanted to let me go. Caressing my back, he kissed the top of my head. I tried to inhale and exhale, so I could finally speak.

"I forgive you, and also I'm sorry." I whispered to him, lifting my head up from his chest.

He didn't let me go, his left hand was on my waist and he reached his right hand up to my cheeks to wipe off my tears, but they were wet again with tears and raindrops. "It's okay, don't cry, please, because then I'll cry too."

He smiled at me with the sincerity I've never seen before. His eyes were saying so much, it hurt. He finally let me in, allowed me to see his real self.

I laughed at that, and he followed suit, laughing together at this predicament, "Look at us, soaked like wet rats."

He smiled at me, never taking his sharp eyes off me.

Then suddenly his expression became serious, he stared at me as if I was his treasure, wanting to bury me, so no one could take me away, "I want to know you better, I want to know everything about you. What you like, what you don't, what is your favorite color, what do you like to eat, what you did while you were gone from here, what does it feel like to ride your bike…I want to know you, and never let you go."

He said, his hand still on my cheek, accompanied by his other one.

I smiled at him. I felt so happy at that exact moment, I didn't care if I was soaked, I only saw him, "Me too."

I said quietly.

He leaned closer to me, his lips almost touching mine, "Can I kiss you?"

He whispered against my lips sweetly.

Chills ran through my body. I never wanted anything more than him kissing me. I just nodded; words long forgotten. He closed the distance between us, and when our lips finally met, there was a loud thunder rumbling the world, lighting flashing around us and rain pouring from above, washing away our past where we said a lot of stupid things to each other. We could start with a clear page, melting our futures together. Our lips never stopped moving, it felt like heaven and hell met with each other as our lips moved against the other’s, just like when we were racing, both of us tried to win the other over. I welcomed San's darkness wholeheartedly and tried to scare it away with my light.

Then suddenly the rain stopped, and we separated from each other, looking up at the sky. The clouds were gone and the full moon was shining so brightly it looked like it was almost daylight.

I chuckled looking up, "You should apply to be a weatherman."

San was gazing at me so lovingly I felt like I was going to melt right there, "See? Now you can come with me, I want to show you something."

He held my hands.

"Okay, I should bring my bike then." I smiled at him, feeling as happiness crawled into my chest.

"It would be more proper if I was the one taking you there, but I want to race you." He held my waist and pecked my lips a few times. I still needed to get used to this San. I really liked it.

"I'm going to beat you." I scrunched my nose cutely.

"Okay, princess, but first, go change. I don't want you to catch a cold." He caressed my cheekbones.

"I'll bring you some clothes of dad’s, you'll catch a cold too otherwise." I kissed him quickly and then went inside the house, smiling like a fool, to grab some dry clothes.

  It was the middle of the night, but two engine sounds cut through the late-night life. We were going up on winding roads, forests covering both sides of the road. I was laughing beneath my helmet as San goofed around, slowing down and then speeding again. I think I have never felt more happier than right now. It was pure freedom going through these curvy roads, racing against each other. But in the end, it was just the two of us sharing our passion, riding our motorbikes, the moon shining upon us brightly, guiding our roads, showing our future ahead of us.

I finally knew I belonged somewhere, to someone. It was my hometown, and Choi San.

[what-gs-watching]

"You can be beautiful or you can be ugly, but you can’t be plain."

Soooo I’m pretty sure I died over Christmas; my entire family got a stomach bug that was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, and now I have a head cold and I’ve lost my voice and I’m convinced this is some weird limbo and I’ll never be healthy again.

BUT! Before all of that, my dad and I got to indulge in our favorite holiday tradition: going to the movies. He and I have been sneaking off in the afternoon once everyone falls into a Christmas coma to see something for like, fifteen years. That man hates holidays because my mom goes insane trying to make them perfect and he just wants to escape and I appreciate that he allows me to go with him. 

This year, I was especially excited - the first time I saw the trailer for A Complete Unknown in September, I called him immediately screaming about it. Bob Dylan’s music was a huge part of my childhood, another thing that my stoic father shared with me, and could not wait to see it with him. Honestly, I’d been vibrating out of my skin about it, shrieking at the tv every time the commercial would come on.

Gang. It was so worth it. What a beautiful fucking movie.

Wherein, 19 year old Bob Dylan (Timothee Chalamet) heads to New York City in 1961, befriends Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger (Ed Norton), breaks into the folk scene, falls in love, has insane on and off stage chemistry with Joan Baez, writes songs that define a generation, puts the Newport Folk Festival on the damn map, learns he doesn’t really love fame, and then eventually goes electric. 

I do realize this movie isn’t going to be for everyone - it’s specific. Like, were you alive then and you’re wanting to relive that time and the way Dylan’s music made you feel? Perfect, you’ll dig it. Or, are you a super weirdo like me that WISHES you were alive during that time and just deeply loves the 60’s aesthetic and longs for what you think was a simpler era but it really was not, and you just want to romanticize the whole thing and feel wistful about it? Amazing, get your ass to the theater. 

One thing I appreciated about this movie was that it wasn’t really shoving anything down your throat, what was happening wasn’t overly explained, there were no ridiculous voice-overs or forced understanding, and honestly, Dylan was fairly mysterious. It didn’t feel like it was from his point of view, you’re not going to come out of this feeling like you finally GET him. He’s still this weird mythical genius, just doing what he’s driven to do. He never explains himself and he never wants to. So is this really a biopic? Or are we just seeing a snapshot in time, take it or leave it? I don’t think it matters; it’s wonderful, either way.

Also, like, DAMN, Chalamet. He was fucking incredible. Dylan is a hard guy to portray, he’s always been kind of aloof, withdrawn, he’s never seemed like this larger than life personality and to pull off that demeanor in a way that’s still endearing to the audience is NOT easy. He really encapsulated Dylan’s confusing charm, it was pitch perfect. And I had to laugh to myself a bit - last year’s Christmas movie was Wonka, also starring Chalamet. What a hilarious dichotomy from one year to the next. 

I’m going to be watching all of the award shows just for this. Give this dude all the flowers. 

As much of a fan of his music as I am, I never did a deep google dive on him and so I really enjoyed seeing his relationship with Joan Baez unfold. The scenes of them performing together were honestly beautiful, their voices blending and complimenting each other. Her song “Diamonds and Rust” unsurprisingly was also a large part of my musical upbringing and to learn she’d written it about their relationship - fuck. I listened to it again after we left the theater and it was devastating in an entirely new way.

Here’s the thing. I absolutely cried big fat tears a few times sitting there. It’s not a sad movie in any way, shape or form. But when he performs “The Times They Are A-Changin’” at the festival, just him and his guitar and his harmonica, and the crowd starts singing along with him, having never heard it before, I sobbed, smiling. 

When I was a senior in high school, my dad - who notoriously never put effort into gifts for us kids, relying on my mom to know what to buy - sat down and  made me a bunch of mix CDs of the songs he’d always been sharing with me. One of them was his 12 essential Bob Dylan tracks. The rest of that year, I lived in those tracks. The agenda pad I used for that school year was littered with Dylan lyrics, it’s my basement even now, “don’t criticize what you can’t understand” scrawled all over it.

So I was 17 again, sitting there, or 8 or 21 or any of the ages I’ve been where Dylan has kept me company. “It Ain’t Me Babe” is deeply ingrained in my mind as part of the dumpster fire that was the relationship I had with the first boy I ever fell truly in love with, and watching his long-time girlfriend Sylvie (Elle Fanning) witness him singing that with Joan Baez was like a punch to the gut. 

I’m not 100% sure what I’m driving at with all of this, but what I can tell you is: A Complete Unknown is beautiful. If you have any connection to Dylan’s music, it’ll light your soul on fire. If you don’t, it’ll still immerse you in a time or place you really should visit. It’s fascinating and visceral and glimmering, and it just might change you, a little bit.

HOW does it FEEL?

[wholoveseggs]

I need to rant because the TVDU creators and writers annoy me (for so many reasons but this one specifically today): Rebekah and Hope's last names should not be Mikaelson and they aren't as far as I'm concerned. Based on the spelling of their names, they're from Scandinavian, right? So their surnames would be based on how surnames work in that area of the world: the first name of their father + son (for the sons) or dottir (for the daughters). Therefore, Rebekah's would be Mikaeldottir, since she is Mikael's daughter, and Hope's would be Klausdottir, since she is Klaus' daughter. Pretty sure it was even said in the show that they were Vikings from Europe (of course Europe bc heaven forbid Americans know countries. Like at the end of TVD when Bonnie was going to go travelling and they gave her a pamphlet that said Africa on it...) and they wrote their names in runes! They even go as far as Mikaelson but then couldn't be bothered to give Rebekah and Hope last names that would make sense. Not everything revolves around America and how Americans do things...and they had to move to the 'new world' (aka America) where everyone was healthy 🙄. I liked the idea of the Mystic Falls gang finding the carvings that The Originals did but I kinda hate how they made it so when The Originals moved, they just happened to move to the very place that would become very relevant to them in the future and not just because it was once their home. Seems a bit too convenient tbh. And I love The Originals and was so excited for the spin off to have more of them but damn it was kinda bad. Like too many and too long time skips and I hated that Klaus barely had any time with Hope and The Hollow storyline was just stupid. I want them to be together, not have to be far away from each other otherwise biblical-like plagues start happening. Let Rebekah have a nice relaxing bath in peace without it turning into blood! And at some point they got possessed into killing each other because of some blade or something. The hell was all that shit about? And then Legacies was kinda bad too. I loved Hope and Lizzy and Josie but everyone else annoyed me (Hope did as well whenever anything involved Landon but she was a badass and powerful tribrid who's a 16-year-old orphan so I'll give her a pass). And Hope still had Rebekah and Freya and Kol but only the first 2 showed up like once even though she was now an orphan and could've used having the last few remaining family members around. Basically, the pregnancy shit should never have happened and TVD should've ended with season 4 (or even season 3 with Elena just dying tbh bc I hated the cure storyline) because everything after that is a mess. Like throwing a dart at random words kinda mess...

Also, it would not be The Mikaelson Mansion. It should be The Compound. Or The Abattoir. Or The Original Mansion/House/Home.

Anyway, I'm sorry about all of that but it's 3am and I can't sleep and I'm annoyed 👍

Don’t apologize !!! this is the exact kind of 3am rage I live for!! Now I'm here to rant back...

You’re absolutely right: Rebekah should be Mikaeldottir and Hope should be Klausdottir. The whole Scandinavian origin story was so half-baked. I get that when they introduced Elijah in TVD season 2, the writers probably hadn’t mapped out an entire thousand-year-old vampire family with Norse roots, but once they did, they just… kept rewriting their own canon like we wouldn’t notice?

And don’t even get me started on Bonnie. I will never forgive the writers for the way they treated her. She was such a wonderful, complex character... and they flattened her into the token witch trope. Every time someone needed saving? Bonnie. Every time magic was needed? Bonnie. Every time the plot was falling apart? Bonnie. The Bennet bloodline has so much potential, but they refused to give her a storyline that didn’t involve self-sacrifice. And we all know why. Racism in media shows up in exactly this way. Amazing Black characters getting sidelined, overused, and underdeveloped while the white leads cry about their love triangles.

I’m also not a fan of anything beyond TVD season three. Yes, there are some great characters who pop up later, but the central canon starts getting stretched thin and twisted into shapes it was never meant to hold. It’s like they set up all these rich, fascinating storylines… and then just left them to rot while chasing increasingly chaotic plots. The cure storyline broke the momentum completely, and after that, it really did start to feel like they were throwing darts at a wall of random concepts. (& They could never come up with vilians that topped the Mikaelsons)

Now, the time skips in TO. I loathe seasons 4 and 5 for this so deeply. The skips were so obviously a device to age Hope up, but the execution was cheap and jarring. The wild part is ... they could have been doing that the whole time??? Like, season 1 covers around 9 months (Hayley’s entire pregnancy), and that pacing worked great. I loved the season one finale! But once Hope is born, they had the perfect opportunity to start gradually jumping time between seasons. Vampires don’t age .. they could’ve easily skipped a couple years between major events and let the world breathe a bit. Instead, we got two full seasons of intense, nonstop conflict (that seemingly happens over less than a two year period??) and then bam! time jump. Suddenly Hope is 5 years older, the family is scattered, and we’re meant to fill in the emotional gaps ourselves. It undercuts so much character development, especially between Klaus and Hope. All that potential for actual bonding, for him to try and raise her in his deeply messed-up but loving way? Gone. The skips robbed us of seeing their relationship grow, and instead we’re left with a rushed, fragmented version of a father-daughter connection that should’ve been central to the second half of show.

I wish Inadu was an actual compelling villain. Like, they made her the most boring, personality-less plot device possible. She wasn’t scary, she wasn’t layered, she just existed to keep Hope and Klaus apart with increasingly ridiculous magical rules. Like, sure, I enjoyed the creepy effects when they got close to each other... but at the end of the day, what was the point? None of it felt earned. It felt very manufactured.

A minor gripe I have !!! And I know this sounds silly, but it bothers me ... is that the Mikaelsons just aren’t weird enough. And I say that with love. They’re fantastic characters… but they’re also ancient immortals trapped in a CW show, forced to be cool and quippy instead of deeply unsettling and bizarre like they should be.

Like, hear me out: they are over a thousand years old. Think about any old person you know — are they trendy? Do they keep up with the latest slang? Can they convert a document to a PDF?? No! They’re stubborn, set in their ways, confused by technology, and grumpy about everything. I need the Mikaelsons to reflect that energy. I need Elijah to refuse to use a smartphone because he thinks it’s "beneath him."(Handwritten letters only!!) I need Kol to be unreasonably fascinated by microwaves (he doesn't trust them). I need Rebekah to email boomer memes. I want Klaus to have I need them to have the most dated, incomprehensible sense of fashion, because he doesn't care what anyone thinks... and its kinda a power move...

let them be ancient and unhinged!!! they’ve earned it!!!

&& yeah ..... the Mikaelson mansion?? be serious. it’s the compound. (the abattoir if ya nasty.) only the true Mikaelson girlies know the truth 💅

[justrookthings]

Sorry for the Emmrich content invading my tumblr space that was meant more for my Rooks... I love him so much it's hard for me to stop. As an apology here are my headcanons for all Rook x Companion modernized dates 🥰

Bellara

Take her to your local Library that has a Cafe and just spend the whole day with her between the romance section and the non-fiction section. Be prepared to hold a lot of books for her. Maybe stop by the arcade on the way home? But make sure to take your Polaroid camera with you because if there is an interesting abandoned building nearby she will to want to explore that, too. Wear something comfy. Jeans, hoodie (if it's cold), pack an extra hoodie because she probably forgot hers.

Davrin

First he'll probably take you to the gym, because he's excited to show you how much he can bench press while he's talking about how much of a dog person he used to be until he adopted his cat. Afterwords he will take you to the park and start talking about the farm his uncle pretty much raised him on before he joined the military. Eventually he will take you to his place for the ultimate test: Wether or not the cat likes you. Once you pass that, he'll turn on the grill.

Emmrich

You probably met him at the Library, so he will likely find this a comfortable place to meet with you a few times until he decides one day to take you on a real date at some fancy expensive place you can maybe not afford. He keeps insisting on paying for the meal "it's really no trouble, trust me" and refuses to show you the bill. Then he will take you for a drive, except he's not driving, his butler/chauffeur/manservant Manfred will be. He might talk a bit about himself but he will mostly do so to ask questions about you instead. He takes you to his "small homely" estate and completely passes the home theater, bar, and pool to show off his personal library.

Harding

She's a country gal! She doesn't care for fancy dinners or expensive wines. She might act like she does initially because she's a people pleaser, but she can't fake it forever. She takes you to a cheese shop and gets the stinkiest cheese she can find and insists you try some with her. Then she'll probably reveal she'd rather go hiking or camping instead of fancy dinner dates. But real hiking and real camping with compasses and maps, fire starters, a small tent, sleeping bags, and an old emergency Nokia just in case. Then you get to find out who the real Harding is as she's showing off her yodeling skills at the top of a mountain (non snowcapped), and her bow skills.

Lucanis

The first date might be to Olive Garden on your recommendation, but he will scowl one too many times at the wine selection and the food then insist on taking you someplace better. He takes you to a very expensive looking Italian restaurant with "actually authentic Italian" food. And even though you show up in jeans and a nice sweater (because you were dressed for Olive Garden, not a reservation-only restaurant) they recognize Lucanis and immediately allow the both of you in. Turns out that this is his family's restaurant. They only judge you for a month or so for trying to take Lucanis to Olive Garden.

Neve

She's a private investigator and it's likely she won't have a lot of time for dates. Either they are few and far between or she gets up and leaves in the middle of an awkward one because she was thinking about the case. As such, dinner dates are discouraged and she prefers taking a walk in the park and hanging out by the river as she skips stones across the water. When she finally does have free time and isn't thinking about a case, she likes to grab something to eat from a street vendor and people watch for a while. She doesn't seem comfortable talking about herself because she hates answering questions about her involvement in the papers.

Taash

What's the point in dates and small talk? Taash doesn't care for it. They'll take you to their apartment and insist on watching something on Netflix or whatever, laugh about memes/short form videos they found, or, you know, wherever the mood goes. Will take you to meet their mother pretty quickly, because it's "go big or go home." Either you stick around or you don't. Also don't expect them to dress up. Dates should be comfortable.

[dalishious]

My Five Biggest Fears for Dragon Age: Dreadwolf

Dragon Age: Dreadwolf is highly anticipated by BioWare fans. At one point, I would consider myself to be excited for it too, however, unfortunately the long wait with zero information about the game has only wrecked my personal anticipation. Will my hype return once we actually start to get some regular news about the game? Most likely. But until that time comes, all I find myself doing is just… worrying.

These are the five biggest things I worry about.

5. Big, beautiful maps of nothing

In both Dragon Age: Inquisition and Mass Effect: Andromeda, most of the open world maps are very… empty. Instead of creating an adventurous feeling of excitement to explore, it just makes travelling those maps a tedious task. Games like The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim or the new Baldur’s Gate 3 have open maps too, but those developers actually made use of their space with level designs. Skyrim is full of caves, ruins, etc. content to stumble upon. So is BG3, as well as introducing new dynamics to a fight depending on which direction you approach the encounter from. These games prove an understanding of how to best equip an open world concept that BioWare has only executed in a few maps across both their most recent RPGs. I do not want to see Dragon Age: Dreadwolf be yet another case of luscious forests where developers spent far too much time making look visually beautiful, and not enough time actually filling with game content.

4. Shoddy attempts at retcon

For those of you who don’t know what “retcon” means, it is short for “retroactive continuity”, and refers to the phenomenon of fiction introducing new information that is inconsistent with past information. The purpose is to revise old material. Dragon Age: Inquisition had more than one attempts at retcon that were terribly executed. For example, the player is told not once, not twice, but three different times—as if repeating it enough will erase all the extensive lore up to that point saying otherwise—that the Dalish get rid of their mages if they have “too many”. This is despite the previous games and extended materials showing that the Dalish practically revere their mages.

Now, not all retcons are bad. For example, in Marvel Comics, the superhero Karma’s real name was recently retconned to be Xuân Cao Mạnh, a real Vietnamese name, after spending years and years with the made-up Vietnamese name, Xi'an Coy Man. This is an example of how retons can be used for a good purpose, like fixing a long-lasting mistake. But what exactly is the mistake in saying the Dalish are good people who don’t hate mages like most of Thedas? That was just a cheap, transparent excuse to villainize both elves and mages further.

Cheap, transparent excuses like that make me lose faith in BioWare’s writing. It concerns me with what other lore they view as needing “correcting” in order to reinforce their idea of Grey Morality™ where it doesn’t belong.

3. Imposter characters

One of the biggest grievances I had with Dragon Age: Inquisition, was how the Hawke written in that game was in no way the same Hawke I played in Dragon Age II. I understand that it would be impossible to capture the exact customized character, but the Hawke in DA:I was placed into the game with an anti-blood magic agenda, and wouldn’t shut up about it. This is hilarious, considering how many players chose to make their Hawke a blood mage personally!

With this in mind, I am terrified that my Inquisitor, who will very likely make an appearance in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, will be used for whatever new agenda needs to be pushed. I better not hear a single anti-Dalish comment from my Lavellan, is all I’m saying.

2. Whitewashing ahoy

For all the talk about #diversity values, BioWare has a very extensive criminal record when it comes to whitewashing their own characters. Almost every single one of their most prominent visibly non-white characters have had their skin lightened or completely washed out, as well as ethnic features erased, at some point or another. This is why I cannot share any excitement or desire for existing characters to make a return; the fear that we’ll have to see Zevran next looking like Chris Hemsworth next haunts me too much.

But this particular fear runs even deeper than individual characters. Why? Because we know that Dragon Age: Dreadwolf will be taking place in northern Thedas, which up to this point has been consistently depicted as having largely non-white demographics. I’m not saying there are no white people in Tevinter, Antiva, etc., but I am saying that if I see the same mix of 80% pale tones and 20% “everyone else” we’ve gotten from the last three games, I will absolutely flip shit. White characters should be in the minority for a change. Otherwise, what is the point of shifting focus away from the dominantly white countries in the first place?

1. This will end of the Dragon Age franchise

Is this the most likely to happen of all fears? No; it is probably the least. But after the pathetic failure that was Anthem and the lacklustre response to Mass Effect: Andromeda, I would not be surprised if BioWare is on thin ice in EA’s eyes. (Which is ironic, considering the demands made by EA to chase after multiplayer fads and micro-transactions are what got BioWare into such a mess in the first place.) Electronic Arts is a garbage company run by garbage people. That much has been proven time and again. The executives behind BioWare itself aren’t clean, either. Unfortunately it will be average employee that suffers the most punishment and blame if the game does not meet the likely very high standards set out for it. In some ways, they are almost set up to fail.

It’s not fair, and there’s not we can really do about it, because the gaming industry is run by selfish idiots. It’s because of this that if events come to pass that the Dragon Age franchise was put “on hold indefinitely” so BioWare can work on clunking out an Anthem sequel, I would be very upset, but not very surprised.

-----

Times are really tough for me, and all my patron supporters are greatly appreciated! If you like my work, please consider becoming one yourself, and I'll be forever grateful!

[wandixx]

You'll never find the aswers ch.1

Words in this part: 5 842

Story summary: M'gann was having an amazing day. She met with her civilian friends, drank an amazing smoothie, saw a cute dog. For a few hours, she didn't have to think about problems that took more than 20 minutes to solve. For a few hours, she could just be Megan.

And then there was a scream of a woman, mother, who thought too loud and faded too fast and M'gann wasn't enough to save her and it made her whole world come crashing down

And then Danny found her, with a soft smile and patient voice. He kneeled beside her to pick up the pieces.

And shards cut them both in the process.

This part summary: It was a good day. And then The Accident happened

Trigger warning: brief mention of self image issues and dysphoria, brief mention of eating disorder, blink and you miss it mention of tranphobia, Character Death (quite graphic I think), dissociation

“So, Megan, sweetheart~” Penny started with genuine glee, throwing her arm (and herself) on Megan’s shoulder with enough fervor to somehow smack her friend with her chocolate brown hair, despite being significantly shorter. “I’m sure you have your preferences, and I and Ha-Yun’s wallet respect that, but you can’t leave ‘The Cosmos’ without eating The Universe! The best desert in Detroit.”

“It’s the ultimate pavlova,” Janine chimed in to explain, excitement clear in their emotional projection. It mixed well with overall happiness that was present in this place enough to permanently soak into the walls. It was thanks to that that the whole place was warm and welcoming even on a psychic level, which was unexpected. “After you eat it, you’ll hate every other pavlova for not being even half as good! You can only get it here, the cooks have to sign an NDA before they even see the kitchen. Some people say that magic is involved and that's why nobody has said anything yet, can you believe it?!” they squealed. She could, in fact, believe it, it was hard not to after fighting Klarion every other week and that time with Doctor Fate. Jay squeezed Megan’s arm just a bit too much. According to their thoughts, Universe was a ridiculously expensive cake, so even with Ha-Yun’s funds at their disposal, they weren’t buying it outside of very special occasions. Megan liked the idea that her visit counted as such.

“And it looks like a tiny universe too,” Ha-Yun added, delighted. “It has almond powder for stars and berries for colors and taste. Look!”

It really looked mouth-watering and it seemed like something Danny would love. Frankly, he would love this whole place with its dark wooden furniture, old looking sky maps and golden tools she couldn’t name but recognized from trips to museums. They had been used by humans to observe stars. The ceiling was painted to look like space too and the whole place was nicely quiet despite being almost full. It was all really relaxing. And judging by the thoughts of people around, The Universe had to be really good. Unfortunately…

“I can't,” Megan confessed with an apologetic smile- and all hell broke loose.

“What do you mean, you can’t?!” Penny shrieked with disbelief, grasping her hand so hard it would leave marks on a normal human.

Jay looked like she had just insulted their dog (an adorable ten year old labrador, which was apparently pretty old for a dog) and Ha-Yun just looked confused. 

“I’ll pay for it though?”

The people around glanced at them a bit weirdly, but they weren’t too annoyed yet.

“I still can’t. I have a pretty hardcore egg allergy, it wouldn’t end up pretty.” Megan grimaced- she had been sure she would die at the time she learned it, and Conner still broke every law of physics when her heartbeat or breathing got weird in the kitchen.

“I learned I had a nut allergy because of this cake. I needed an ambulance straight to ER,” Ha-Yun confessed with a solemn look on her face and then shrugged “Still worth it,” she added with a lopsided grin that made her dark eyes narrow a bit. Penny put on a thoughtful expression that Megan had learned to fear during the last few hours of face-to-face interactions.

“Since then you always have an Epi-pen on you, don’t you?”

“Penny, no!”

It took M’gann a moment before she understood what the shorter girl had even suggested.

“I’m not going to eat a potentially lethal poison just because it’s tasty!” she yelled, appalled. She wasn’t Wally .

Jay tensed and their emotional projection soured. It was out of place in the otherwise cheery shop. M’gann had to fix it.

“Alright, you share a vegan menu with me,” they suggested nervously, before she could say anything. They were suddenly standing straighter, with their hands intertwined behind their back.

“Sounds great. What would you suggest?” she agreed easily because she wanted to just be happy and not fight over some reckless choice of words.

In the end, she got something called The Sunlight Jello, a refreshing, glimmering(?) lemon and orange dessert with minty cream in it that looked like little clouds. It was a great choice.

Penny got The Universe- it looked like colored photos of the Ring Nebula (Danny talked about NASA photos enough times that Megan could recognize it on the spot)- and tried really hard to make her try at least a small bite.

“Come one, it’s not enough to trigger an allergy, is it?” she said, while waving and accidentally smearing at least ten times the lethal amount on her pale cheeks. Martians really didn’t need much. After some tests her other friends were told it affected her cyanide- whatever that was.

But Megan did get to try Ha-Yun’s dark chocolate cake that had black hole in the name. In her opinion it was too heavy and dense, but black haired girl was stuffing herself with it like there was no tomorrow. It had some modified cherry juice in it.

It was actually a whole slice because Ha-Yun bought five of it and a coconut and something Neptune themed a la lollipop (that was, like, three inches in diameter, was it more like an apple in syrup?) just to share with them.

Penny dug into her lollipop with a vengeance, muttering something about her scale being mad at her and her having nothing to its opinion, not even respect. Then she said something along the lines of ‘plus size, fun size’ a bit nervously. She was trying to make them believe she thought that as much as she wanted to convince herself. Megan had trouble understanding that. Yes, she knew Penny was chubbier than average but still. She was beautiful.

Jay got two slices and rolled their eyes about it.

“I’m not underweight anymore, stop with the smothering,” they grumbled.

“Your BMI is 16, which still counts as underweight, darling, it’s much better than it was a year ago but you’re still just skin and bones. Eat more. I’ll get you a binder when you’re back to healthy weight but not sooner. I know dysphoria is a bitch but I want you to be safe,” Ha-Yun explained, somewhat apologetic.

Megan got one slice but was assured it didn’t mean less love, just that she was one of the two among them who was normal about their appearance. Then Penny said “gym in May and June,” looking at Ha-Yun pointedly. Apparently, Megan was only one normal about her appearance after that.

She hadn’t seen her White Martian form since she revealed it to the Team. She wasn’t normal about it either.

Speaking of Jay, they picked ice cream, a three scoop dessert inspired by Mars and its two moons (she couldn’t remember their Earth names). The Mars flavor was a blend of two kinds of cherries while the moons were coconut. M’gann had to come up with an excuse when she burst out laughing hearing her choice- unfortunately the truth being ‘I’m Martian, it’s hilarious to see my home as ice cream’ was off the table. Jay let all of them try a bit too, but they kept a firm hold of the spoon, grumbling something about Ha-Yun eating half of it if left to her own devices.

All of them had frozen chocolate drinks, dyed dark blue like the night sky. Penny’s base chocolate was white because she had a very mild cocoa allergy. It just made her throat a bit scratchy and caused some acne so she sneaked chocolate sweets sometimes anyway.

Wasn’t that making Megan jealous?

Not really, she was there to have a good time and not fight over something she had no control over. She was just ecstatic to finally meet her friends face-to-face.

She would be vibrating from excitement if she wasn’t trying so hard to keep it cool.

It was the first time she was meeting them, after all. She had been in constant contact with them since her second week on Earth, but it was hard to organize a meeting since they lived in different states. Plus, the Team had a pretty intense reaction to the idea of meeting internet buddies… People lied in on-line chats all the time, apparently. When she first mentioned it, Wally started yelling, while Artemis almost tackled her, before stealing her phone to “politely” decline the offer. Later, all of the non-human Team members had been forced to listen to two hours worth of cybersafety lectures conducted by Robin, Black Canary, Red Tornado(!) and Batman(!!!). Danny only escaped by pointing out that he was raised in human society and knew ‘his internet.’

It turned out that Red Tornado had used dating apps to learn more about human interactions. If gossip and Conner’s ears were to be believed, he got his own lecture afterwards.

Anyway, after The Talk™ everyone got banned from meeting anyone from the internet and sharing any personal or otherwise potentially identifiable info until further notice. Megan didn’t mention how upon her face reveal her friends just laughed and said that she could just say she didn’t want to share instead of sending a screenshot from the series they all saw. Megan could take a hint. 

The ban against meeting almost escalated to no-contact-at-all, but the Team was good at annoying the Justice League until they understood it was not worth it, so that idea got quickly dismissed. Also, ‘until further notice’ turned out to mean ‘until Robin and Batman learned everything there was to learn about every internet buddy any Team member had, including birth certificates, social security numbers and other important sounding documents.’ She suspected they had also stalked everyone for a week or so, because the whole process took weeks and Robin needed a maximum of five minutes to hack all of Watchtower’s speakers to play We Are the Champions after a successful but unauthorized mission. It wasn’t important. Two soothed paranoia’s, one decent cover story on why she was in Michigan if she lived in Rhode Island, and a three day long explosion on the ‘All-hail-Megan-Wheeler’ group chat which included prolonged brainstorming of what they could do while having Megan for just-over-just-over-just five hours, and there she was! Sitting in an exclusive booth at a cute cafe with her friends, who all shared her love of Hello Megan! and were mourning the lack of more seasons with her!

Could this day be any better?

Apparently yes, because while they shared their desserts the conversation moved smoothly, like always and like never before. It wasn’t awkward or stilted like she had feared, but flowing like a quick water current in the sea, dragging them away from all the negativity, leaving only light enjoyment.

She felt a bit odd with her hair brushing and curling around her jaw, which had a much rounder shape than usual. She didn’t have a problem with looking like someone else, but these minor differences when she was supposed to be herself made her skin crawl if she thought about it for too long.

So she didn’t. At least her human skin freckled instead of getting sunburnt, like Penny’s.

Though it got a bit weird when she mentioned that she had to invite Danny here because he would love the place. Penny actually squealed so high it could probably break some thinner glass and jumped at her with a grin worthy of a mad woman. Jay spat out their chocolate and looked at her with falsified hurt written all over their face. They asked if she couldn’t wait until after they had swallowed before she dropped a bomb like that, and then they smiled this one sided way of theirs that got people swaying. At least from what she was told- and what she saw when Jay started talking with the cashier who got beetroot red. He seemed a few years older than them and after the initial shock started flirting, but quickly thought better of it when he saw Ha-Yun in all her if-Wonder-Woman-was-teenage-and-Korean glory. And had  shoulder length hair. But all that was really unimportant when she was radiating the vibes of a protective, angry, mother bear so hard that something got reflected in her projection as literal image. She was formidable with her almost six foot athletic build and stormy expression. It was enough to send shivers down the spine of anyone who didn’t interact with Batman on a semi regular basis.

She looked the same way now, with her phone open on some weird browser.

“Name and alias on all socials you know about,” she demanded.

“Why?” Megan asked, projecting confusion out of habit.

Penny almost fell out of chair from the booming laughter. Jay leaned forward a bit with a more serious expression. Megan still thought the whole ordeal made no sense.

“Ha-Yun, sweetheart” they started in a low, comforting tone “I know you worry, but it’s not the moment. You can find his social media at home, you’ll have better security. Even if I think you can’t stalk everyone we talk to. I mean, I know you can, but you shouldn’t. Megan trusts this Danny guy, so he is probably a good person. But if you have to, please do it at home. If you do, then you can reference everything  you find with what Megan has told us about him. Now is not a time for your protective streak.”

“Damn Jay Jay, that was more masculine than my brother gets!”

“Your brother is thirteen, Penny,” they deadpanned, keeping their voice low. Their emotional projection indicated that they were far more bashful than they let themself show.

“He’s started mutation though, and he sounds distinctly boyish now, when his voice doesn’t crack, at least. Take the compliment, Jay.”

They openly beamed.

“Thanks, I’ve practiced a lot lately!” Despite artificially lowering their voice, they managed to emote with it quite well. Or maybe she just could tell how proud they were from their emotional projection and assumed it was clear.

“That’s so cool,” she whispered anyway, because it was. Even with her shapeshifting, which allowed her to literally change her biology (having round pupils instead of horizontal was definitely a learning curve), she had yet to pull off a boy voice convincingly… or at all, to be honest. It just felt so weird in her throat. “How did you do that?”

“You’ve doomed us for hours. They won’t shut up about it,” Penny whispered with exaggerated despair. She smiled right after, there was no need to be an empath to know she was faking it. Ha-Yun looked every bit like a mother whose child just did something amazing.

Jay whipped to look at Megan so fast it was a bit concerning, with a somewhat unsettling gleam in their eyes. Megan always thought this sort of look was reserved to ghosts Danny, when stars were brought up.

“You see…” 

As Penny predicted, they were stuck for the next hour listening to Jay’s lecture on voice deepening techniques, which included a lot of sources they promised to send links to later. Then they moved to flattening the chest with clothes and posturing and how they made their hair almost twice shorter without cutting it. Apparently their mom couldn’t stand the idea of her “daughter” having short hair, so they used tons of pins and beanies. Though it kept heat too well to be practical on hot days, and pins looked natural only on curly or coily hair, like theirs.

Megan was sure they could go for much longer if not for the alarm Ha-Yun had set up. The three of them needed to leave for their cheer practice before the finals of some volleyball tournament at a local youth center. It took place every summer, ending just before school started.

That’s right, Megan had befriended not one, but two cheerleaders and an ex-baseball player. Jay had had to stop playing when their anorexia made them too weak. They were getting better though, which meant they could potentially return next season. How cool was that, as Danny often liked to put it.

They bid their farewells right out of the door, after they got used to the absolute boiling heat of late August reflected by Detroit architecture. Penny seemed a bit uncomfortable with the idea of letting Megan go back to her ‘motel’ alone, which was equally adorable and troublesome. She had a plan for that but it would be really awkward to explain and she couldn’t just lead them to Zeta Tube. She managed to get out of that relatively easily though.

She was walking down some crowded street that looked way worse than the places her friends had shown her, doing her best to see everything while also checking her map often enough to not get lost. She didn’t really get a chance to just sightsee often.

She turned the corner and onto a street with far less people around. It was beautiful in the same way Gotham was.

Some part of her brain started playing the intro to Hello Megan! and  she had to say, the upbeat melody was the perfect soundtrack for the moment. She really felt like she was just a girl, whose biggest problems were relationship troubles and school drama. 

The owner of a really fluffy, really small dog let her pet it.

She just felt light. Like she would start flying if she didn’t focus on staying on the ground.

She even considered outright singing- when the screech of tyres and a scream brought her back to reality.

***

Heels were horrible shoes. They weren’t new to her, she had over twenty years of practice under her belt, but there was a reason she did her best to avoid them. But it was an important day and that called for important shoes. The only thing she could do now was curse herself for not bringing another, more comfortable pair to work so she could put the heels on much later.

Her feet were in agony as she shoved her way quickly through the crowded, uneven pavement, trying not to break her ankles or tear her skirt. Fucking heels. Fucking tight fitting, “elegant” clothes. Fucking rush hour business. Fuck her boss, who held her past her normal working hours, as usual, even though she had warned him at least thrice today that she needed to leave on time, if not fifteen minutes earlier.

Her hands were flexing, as if it was a way to work out her seething anger. Fucking once she didn’t want to open her fucking arteries for this godawful company. The polish on her nails still felt weird, and she wanted to wash it away but, again. It was an important day.

Eric had finally gotten a role in the ballet performance his troupe was staging this quarter. It was minor thing, since he wasn’t dancing all that long, but his proud smile had made something warm burst in her chest when he announced it; and again, later, when he delivered the invitation for the premiere night, made with yellow paper (“your favorite color, mom”), various blue and green crayons (“like your gray eyes, they’re really pretty!” well, there wasn’t much to be done about her son’s colorblindness) and lots of enthusiasm. She had it in the pocket of her suit skirt, ready to present it at the entrance if they wanted to play security. It was her best suit, and she hadn’t dusted off the dress she wore at her best friend’s wedding only because she couldn’t go to work in *that*, and there was not enough time to change, even if she had left on time.

Which she hadn’t, because fucking Brian and his last-fucking-minute it-has-to-be-done-today tasks that he wouldn’t pay her for if she had any less bite and self respect.

Fucking Brian. Fucking heels.

She checked the time on her phone and clenched her teeth, consciously loosening her grip on the device before she could accidentally break it. She wasn’t in the position to buy a new one at the moment, even if it was a used one. She pocketed it, using the movement to brush her fingers over the beautiful, flowery, expensive brooch hidden there. It was her family heirloom, worth more than the majority of things she owned. She put it on only on special, good occasions. Like a lucky charm. Weddings, high school or university graduations, the first time meeting a new family member, newborn or to be married in. Her sister’s divorce party. But never truly bad ones. Never funerals.

Eric had asked her if his first performance was “a brooch worthy occasion.” She hadn’t even thought about that, but since he asked, it couldn’t not be.

She had five minutes until the performance began and was seven minutes away, if she ran. She couldn’t run since she was wearing heels that she couldn’t safely walk in, and she couldn’t run with them in her hands unless she wanted her feet to be a bloody mess after a jog on layers of broken glass. Detroit was a truly beautiful place.

She sped up as much as she could, trying to focus on something other than cursing Brian and the inventor of heels and both of their families, four generations each way. With cousins, aunts and those thrice removed randoms that you only ever met at funerals included. There was no point though. It would do her no good if she arrived at the performance already pissed. She would rather not snap at Eric again, it always came too easily when she got like that. 

She had gotten like that a lot lately. She had a lot to make up for.

She took out her phone again, to check ice cream vendors near the community center. Her son was never too keen on walking, and she doubted it would get any better after the exhausting performance. Normally she could carry him if he got too tired, but again, heels. She would prefer not to break her ankle, especially not while holding her baby, thank you very much. So close by they went.

The screen got a bit hard to focus on, too dark and blurry for a good moment. She rubbed her eyes with a sigh. She was exhausted. Absolutely and utterly wrung out, ready to collapse and not get up for the next two days. But she couldn't because she was an adult and had a little son to take care of. A son who hadn’t gotten as much of her attention as he should have in the past few we… some time, and she had to fix it fast. After a moment of consideration and a quick budget count, she added a visit to McDonald's to her mental list for activities after the performance. Her boy would sell his soul for three Happy Meals if he could.

Her phone pinged.

Eric had sent photo of his ballet group, everyone in full costume for the fairytale they were playing (she felt horrible about it, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember which one it was) with following messages of:

Hey mom Where u sit?

She frowned, her anger renewed. It wasn't quite directed at anything anymore, just bone deep frustration at circumstances. 

Still, fuck you Brian.

She barely threw a quick, unnecessary look at the empty road before crossing it where she was, fully focused on going as fast as possible and writing back to her son, both without breaking her ankles.

Running a bit late sweetheart but not even dragon could stop m—

Sudden light, a car horn, the noise of tires squealing on the asphalt in an attempt to stop.

Only some of the pain registered at first, when her body hit the ground. She couldn't quite move, but it wasn't too bad. Sure it sucked and she could kiss goodbye to any idea of hugging her baby for a few weeks at least but it wasn't too bad. Maybe she could even escape the absolute capitalistic nightmare of the hospital bill.

She couldn't not move, her son was waiting for her. She tried to get up, even if determination was the only thing to keep her going, but her chest exploded. Her chest exploded and she was in sudden and utter agony.

She couldn't breathe, her whole rib cage feeling like a cracked eggshell.

She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't breathe.

There was chaos of noises around her, but she couldn't breathe.

She couldn't breathe and there was a crying maroon headed girl. She couldn't breathe and the girl brushed her hair out of her eyes. The girl said something in a calming tone but she couldn't breathe, let alone listen.

She couldn't breathe and her whole body was in agony.

She couldn't breathe and– she was dying, wasn't she? She got hit by a car. 

She was dying and the last time she hugged her son was that morning before school, but it felt like too long. She was dying and her baby would sit behind the scene, waiting for her to show up, maybe even delay the performance, and then think she abandoned him before he got the news.

She was dying. She did abandon her son.

***

When Megan turned around, the woman was already lying on the ground, a yard or two from the pistachio green van. One of her shining, black heels was lying discarded, the other was nowhere to be found. Her foot was at a weird angle. The girl wished that it was the worst of the injuries that would come from an accident.

Before M’gann fully registered it, her legs were taking her to the side of the victim. Her body was desperate to help, whatever said help would mean.

The woman twitched as if she had tried to get up, but lost all strength a few inches off the ground. Maybe she had pulled some muscle?

Miss Martian used her telekinesis to help her assess the damage. It was tricky, sensing different parts of living organism, but she wasn’t going to move it, just che-

She stumbled as projection of utter agony hit her, as if she was hit by a van and not-

She was close enough to hear wheezing and rattling coming from the woman, or if she was guessing correctly, her chest.

Her telekinetic hand ran across the ribs, broken like measly matches. Two were at a weird ang-

No, no, no no nonononono…

My baby

Miss Martian was already on her knees, ready to help however she could when she heard that and her heart stopped.

“Second commandment: Read not the dying minds unless they ask.”

“On Earth it’s a great violation to read someone’s mind.”

My beautiful lovely baby. He’ll think I left him, I ignored him. He was so proud. My baby, my sweetheart

Tears dulled Miss Martian’s vision. She racked her brain for anything useful in this situation. She felt the woman's torso with her hands to learn what was wrong, while her brain was swamped with images of a sad little boy with coily hair and a cute tooth gap, thinking his mom left him. She was doing her best to ignore it, without cutting the woman off completely. She needed to know her thoughts if they turned more towards what was wrong with her body.

She couldn’t cut off the dying person when they were already talking.

The woman’s rib cage felt so wrong that the girl was sure she remembered the first aid course backwards. It couldn’t be this bad. Of course it wasn’t this bad.

I can’t breathe-

Alright, it seemed to be that bad. What could she do? What could she do? 

WHAT COULD SHE DO?!!!

Tilting her head backwards a bit helped, right? Eased air flow in the throat. Could she do it if the victim most likely had spinal damage?

Could it help if the ribs had punctured the lung?

M’gann brushed the stray hair that probably was in a tidy updo not even five minutes ago, out of the woman's eyes. Her irises were so dark that unequally blown pupils were almost lost. She had a bit of glitter make-up that nicely contrasted with her skin, a little lighter than Kaldur’s, slightly darker than Jay. She was a beautiful woman.

She was dying and all her thoughts were focused on her son or her inability to breathe.

Miss Martian gently put two fingers under her chin, the other hand on the woman's forehead and carefully tilted her head to ease at least the second reason for the woman's panic.

It did nothing to help.

Unconsciously M’gann’s fingers moved towards the pulsepoint on the neck.

My little angel, my little dancer, my little artist, my little collector, my baby, my baby, my baby. He’ll think I abandoned him.

M’gann’s mouth was speaking, spewing lies that everything would be alright, that the mother would see her son soon and she’d be able to hug him and cuddle him and do everything she wanted to, that she just needed to stay awake, as the woman’s breathing slowed down. M’gann had never understood the phrase “the light leaving their eyes” but she understood now, knew the exact moment when mother stopped seeing her, stopped seeing the sky above them, stopped hearing all of the commotion, stopped feeling heat from asphalt, stopped hurting.

I did abandon my son.

And then there was a weak heartbeat and a shaky exhale.

And then everything stopped.

Her mind was silent but in a different way than human minds were when they were simply unconscious, when it was never fully soundless with wordless buzz of lower brain functions that made their heart beat, stomachs digest, and lungs breathe. It wasn’t something she could even hear the same way she heard thoughts, but she could always sense it because there was always something and she was a powerful psychic so of course she sensed it. But she couldn’t hear or sense anything and it couldn’t end like this so she kept babbling, begging the woman to wake up because she couldn’t just die there.

She couldn’t, she couldn’t, she couldn’t.

She had to survive, had to go see her son, she had to applaud his first public dance and take him for ice cream and, and, and…

Miss Martian tried to use her power to restart the woman’s brain function. She knew humans didn’t consider it possible and had decided that death of the brain meant death of the person but there were many things humans didn’t consider possible that she found trivial.

It didn’t work.

The whole world went quiet for a moment, as if it knew that a wonderful, meaningful life had been  lost.

M’gann stayed frozen.

She couldn’t be dead, she couldn’t be dead, she couldn’t  be dead.

M’gann was right there. She was a powerful hero. She should be able to help. She should be able to prevent it. She had fought against so many terrifying people, with incredible powers and unbelievably advanced technology; for Goddess’ sake, there were tanks in Bialya that one time. Preventing a car accident should be a piece of cake.

And yet, she had a dead body almost in her arms, a thin trail of blood seeping out of its mouth, its grayed cheek to the small puddle on the almost boiling asphalt. 

Later she would feel bad about how little she felt at the moment. Soon after the woman’s thoughts had quietened for forever, emotions were raging inside like a storm, pushing tears to her eyes and a tremble to her limbs so that the body slipped out of her grasp and she hid behind the mental wall. She could still feel it a bit, in the beginning, in a disconnected way similar to looking at her feelings out of the window, witnessing but separated. Soon she lost even that, clear window turning into impenetrable stone. She was completely numb.

She just stared at the pair of unseeing, brown eyes and couldn’t even pray for them to twitch, proving her wrong. She wasn’t even sure if she’d realize if they actually did. She wished so deeply she was wrong.

Would her prayer save the woman? Would the prayer to M’gann’s gods help a human? Did Martians and humans even share an afterlife?

There was something freezing cold in her hands, and this weird heating foil on her back. A paramedic, who had showed up at some point she didn’t know, was talking to her, one hand on her shoulder. It was warm and big, comforting when paired with their gentle, compassionate smile.

Why did the ambulance arrive too late?

The paramedic kept talking, but she couldn’t force herself to even understand English at the moment.

They stopped talking and waved their hands at someone behind M’gann with a frustrated look on their face. It wasn’t aimed at her, so she just focused on the ice pack in her hands, moving her fingers along it to keep them from freezing in place.

The paramedic smiled again and spoke. She understood them this time.

“Are you back with me?” their voice was warm and deep in this truly effortless way that Jay couldn’t emulate yet. M’gann nodded, still fidgeting with the ice pack.

“That’s great. Could you- Shit, wait here for a moment, I need to help someone real quick. Then I need to check if you’re alright and call your parents to pick you up, okay?”

They got up and ran off as soon as she moved her head to nod. M’gann squeezed the ice pack and took a deep breath. She realized just then how loud it had gotten. There were at least two vehicles with sirens that were still blaring like there was no tomorrow, someone was yelling, the hot asphalt was smelling in its characteristic, suffocating way, she was getting all hot and sweaty and a bit of blood had gotten on her shoes and skirt and the light was suddenly too bright and it all was way too much and someone came too close to her and she needed to be out and she needed to be out now.

She was sure on her mad dash to the Zeta Tube she caught some corners with her shoulder and maybe tripped some people and almost got hit by a car herself, but it all didn’t matter because the world was too much and she wanted to puke and she needed to be alone and safe and, and, and…

Her brain got hazy again.

She curled up somewhere, breathing in cool, Mountain air. She was in shapeshifted clothes and some stolen hoodie. She couldn’t control it, the fabric worn soft separate from her, unchanging, indifferent to her manipulative powers. It was comforting. She carefully didn't think how the little bit of blood that got on her clothes disappeared when she changed.

She was safe.

The woman was still dead.

*************

It took me some time but, here is the first chapter of the fic. People have spoken so here it is hah

AO3 link

next chapter

[cinderflower]

Thoughts on SotE now that I've seen/explored essentially everything the DLC has to offer.

This post is quite lengthy so I've put it under a read more.

Overall, I did enjoy this DLC and most of what it included. There were only a few major issues I had with it and most of it is from a lore perspective (wow guess about what!) and a lot due to my own personal preferences. So I'll start with the positive, because there is actually a lot of positive with this DLC.

Gameplay: I really enjoyed the gameplay and world design of the DLC, the new weapons, etc. Overall from a pure gaming perspective this is primarily peak FS. While the bosses could be excessive at times with how few openings you get and how short those openings are, that didn't bother me at all for the most part. Most bosses felt fair and rewarding to fight and defeat and tbh at the end of the day that's mostly what I care about when playing these games. Metyr, Rellana, & Putrescent Knight in particular stand out as the two I enjoyed learning the movesets of and fighting the most (except Metyr's lazer beam spin attack, good god).

Level Design: The levels acting as self-contained areas similar to the base game was definitely appreciated and I did enjoy having to figure out how to traverse the map to get to the various places. Each area was unique and visually stunning - though the lighting and saturation at times was jarring. The frenzied flame area in particular stood out to me as something I'd love to see revisited again from a design and mechanics perspective. Also the Cerulean Coast and Trina's area were gorgeous.

Lore: Trina!! The main standout that I enjoyed was the Trina lore. Also the lore regarding the shadow realm, frenzied flame, the fingers, Ymir, Messmer, and Marika all felt mostly seamless with the base game with most having callbacks to lore scattered around in the main game itself. There's a few things I disagree with fandom's interpretation on already but that's to be expected.

Most of the positive is a lot of what people have already been saying so I'm not going to belabor the points too much.

Now, what didn't I enjoy?

Gameplay: The excessive re-use of base game mini-bosses, specifically the ones I already hated fighting (dragons, death rite bird, fallingstar beasts) ended up all feeling like a chore rather than being rewarding. Similarly, the furnace golems got really old really fast and the gimmick ones weren't even enjoyable to figure out - I'll absolutely skip them if I play through this again. Lastly, I'm convinced the Commander Gaius fight was designed in a lab to be utterly miserable to me specifically because it had every single mechanic I hate in a fight.

Level Design: Some areas were so incredibly barren it was a chore walking through them. As mentioned above the shadows and saturation at times was jarring so I do wish that had been cleaned up.

Lore: By far the lore I was most excited for is the lore that disappointed me the most, and not even necessarily because of the story it was trying to tell, but how it told it. I've always from day 1 been onboard with a version of Miquella that strives to make the world better from a sense of naive idealism that ends up leading him down a similar path as Marika once he sees that everything he tries fails to come to fruition, that he cannot undermine the Golden Order and the state of the world with what power he has and with the power he has at his side. I am onboard with a Miquella who piece by piece compromises his ideals in an "end justifying the means" kind of way - so my complaint is how they actually went about trying to tell that exact setup.

Before even the Radahn debacle, the heavy heavy heavy leaning into the bewitchment aspect of Miquella was so incredibly disappointing because it strips his character of what I personally found so intriguing about him: a character who lured people to his side for his sense of idealism, people who then had to come to terms with their own atrocities committed on his behalf for the sake of this ideal future, and all the complexities that accompany that. I always find that mind-control, bewitching, etc in fiction is an incredibly difficult tool to use in a way that is narratively satisfying which is why I detest the use of it so much, because it does exactly what it did here - it took the characters who had their own motivations, lore, and complexities pre-DLC and stripped them down to being either one-note, victimized, or it trivializes their own lore entirely. Primary casualties of this lazy writing choice: Miquella, Mohg, Radahn, and Malenia

Moving into Mohg - I just hate it, what can I say. It's all the above. The whole reason Miq needs his body is such a weak plot point that I have no words. The bewitchment takes this character who was such a beautiful narrative foil to Morgott, strips him of that complexity, and is now forever cast into the victim role. I'm not saying he isn't a victim, don't get me wrong, but to me it was more compelling when that victimhood was at the hands of Marika and the Golden Order. It felt satisfying seeing a character in contrast to Morgott who rose in the Erdtree's defense trying to make something new in response to being outcast and shunned. Sure, were the means at the hands of an Outer God? Yes. Was the blood cult cruel and wicked? Also yes - in fact, as I write this, Mohg seems more of a mirror of Marika than anyone else. Suffering under the current regime and creating an empire to overthrow it; but unable to claim godhood himself like Marika did, he needed a surrogate candidate for godhood, specifically the Formless Mother's godhood: Miquella (assuming only empyreans can become gods and Ranni's body is gone and Malenia is already under the influence of the Rot God). The reasoning for his kidnapping of Miquella is already there, so why did the DLC feel the need to cheapen everything about that narrative to just go "haha jk he was bewitched this whole time" ! Unsatisfying. Deeply disappointing.

Radahn is baffling, even now after sitting on the lore for a few days, it is utterly baffling to me. I get how the DLC set everything up so please don't try to explain it to me, I get it, but it just makes no sense when looking at what the base game set up and even Miquella's ideals? If Miquella is looking to build an age of compassion, why choose the character who wants to be a warmonger? They even re-state numerous times how Radahn finds that war suits him, which makes sense, because his character was about aspiring to be like Godfrey who was The Warmonger Extraordinaire. It made sense that between his allegiance to Sellia and his tutelage under the Alabastor Lords that he would hold back the stars (which control fate, though the DLC did muddy this up too, a post for another time) and would use that power to defend the control he had and seek out more control. But why would he seek it out at Miquella's side and make a vow for an age that would end in the lack of war? That would put him docile and complacent, nothing more than a tool, at Miquella's side?? Especially because if he idolizes Godfrey, surely he would have seen how when Godfrey no longer served his purpose, when there were no more wars to fight, that Marika cast him out - so why would he ever agree or make any sort of vow to that end? It makes no sense to me. It also absolutely makes the whole battle of Aeonia so trite and meaningless, so utterly devoid of any of the dynamic that made it compelling.

Which brings me to Malenia who actually got me interested in ER lore in the first place. It was her character that got me more interested in Miquella and consequently Mohg as characters. So what the DLC has done to her character is nothing short of tragic to me. What was the point of it all? Obviously for her scarlet rot to be cured is a big part and her loyalty to Miquella is as well and I do still believe she would go to would go to devastating lengths in his name (at least pre-DLC). But post-DLC? With the Radahn lore? Why would she entertain the battle of Aeonia in the first place? Why would she nuke herself and Caelid to try and kill Radahn if it was all "according to Miquella's plan"???? It cheapens the devastation, it cheapens her character, and it makes her look worse. Also Miquella was there as well as we see from dialogue with Freyja where he cures her of her rot so ??????? Why did Finlay have to single handedly carry her back to the Haligtree???? If this was all planned???? Someone please explain this to me because I cannot make it make sense.

The most glaring sins of all the above is that while the other lore the DLC expanded upon had roots and foreshadowing in the base game, the whole of Miquella's story in the way they decided to tell it - with the exception of Trina and his core motives - had nothing in the main game. It was all net-new information added in the DLC. And sure, DLCs are supposed to expand upon the base game and give new information, I don't disagree, but when everything else in the DLC has tie backs to the base game and this plot point doesn't? Not an item description? No environmental story telling? It's just bad writing. I refuse to believe the Haligtree statue is Radahn not Godwyn based on the base game lore, that's lazy as fuck justification. Similarly, I've seen people point to Loretta, and sure if Loretta was encountered in Caelid where all the Radhan lore was but she wasn't, she was with Ranni in the Ranni area so that's weak as hell too.

In summary: if this was the version of lore and Miquella that had been presented in the base game I would have absolutely no interest in the story or the character. If anything this DLC has served to actively sap out a lot of the excitement and joy I had in the series because it handled the main lore I was interested in so poorly (my opinion).

I'll probably still finish Field of Reeds as well as Truth and Blood especially now because I want to see the story through with the care that the DLC should have given to the characters, but beyond that? I can't see myself remaining invested in Elden Ring moving forward, especially not if the DLC canon seeps into the main fandom. I already dislike seeing the few Radahn/Miq things I've seen because of all the points above. If you liked the DLC and the Miq lore, more power to you, but I'll be cleaning up my feed to avoid a lot of it moving forward.

And my one last petty gripe: it's like they wanted the radahn/miq fight to echo the vibes of twin princes, but they utterly missed the point of why the twin princes fight from a mechanics and lore perspective was so interesting in the first place.

[humaforever]

Do you have any new hcs you want to share?

Not many but I do have a few yes :)

Harriet and Sammy started stealing rum from Hook at a VERY young age, like five years old. Mostly because they saw all the older pirates drinking it. Sammy stopped doing this, Harriet didn't.

Ivy gets drunk, her mascara and lipstick all over her face. She lays down on Claudie's lap and Claudine fixes it and wipes it away with the long sleeves of her dress for her. She doesn't care that she's getting them dirty.

Ivy also wears Claudine's prayer ropes as garters.

When Harry was smaller he would eat fish and nothing else for a long ass time because he heard that it helps you grow and he had a goal to be taller than Harriet. It didn't work. He ended up including a few other things in his diet as time went on, but not much.

Harriet used to make fake treasure maps and give them to CJ to figure out, because she needed some time off and for CJ to just leave her the hell alone.

Uma discovered Pina colada and was extremely excited until she realized she's mildly allergic to pineapple. Nothing extreme it just causes her lips to swell up a little and tingle, but she hates it.

Harry once kissed her after he was eating some and she almost murdered him.

Gil does the grocery shopping for the crew.