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hirasunny · 4 days ago

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Unforgotten Vow

pairing — k-drama! yeon sieun x fem! reader

synopsis — you and sieun made one simple promise when you were kids, and you continue to do so as you got older.

warnings/reader notes — mentions bullying, you and sieun r crybabies (in a good way), sunshine reader and sieun absolutely adores it, he thinks you're a goddess, references to season 1 plot

genre — childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, slight angst

word count — 2.5k+ words

note: hi! it's me again <3 i want to thank you for enjoying my fics! i read all of your comments and appreciate it a lot :( it really motivates me to write even though i'm not the best at it. much love u guys ^^ as a thanks, here’s a story dedicated to this precious boy 💛 p.s: should i make a part 2? TT

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ 　　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Sieun was 7 years old when he met you.

He was celebrating his birthday at the park before he accidentally tripped and scraped his knee.

His mom and dad sat by the picnic table a few feet away from him, yet he moved unnoticed to a nearby bench. He sat down in pain as he tried to stop himself from crying.

But it was unsuccessful, his tears fell on his lap continuously. He had a feeling that his father was going to scold him again.

“Are you okay?”

Your voice was small and chirpy when you went up to him in question, tilting your head while he wiped his face and nodded—he was not one for talking.

However, you spoke again, “Do you need a band aid? I can give you one.” You asked shyly.

Sieun looked at you closely, your clothes dirty from possibly playing a lot, your hair was in decent braids but some strands already sticking out, and your legs were visibly decorated with dirt.

He moved to your face, chubby cheeks and (e/c) eyes that held curiosity in them. The boy didn’t mutter anything but still took the band aid in your offering hand, ripping it open.

You smiled and sat down beside him as you continued to talk with newly found confidence. Sieun didn’t even know what you were saying—was it about the kids at the playground? He wasn’t sure. You were talking too fast and too much.

Nonetheless, he listened.

It felt like an eternity when his mother finally called out for him; she seemed surprise as soon as her eyes landed on them.

“My mom is here.” Sieun stated, having a glance at his parental figure. That was the first time he opened his mouth, you thought. You pouted at him.

“Already? But I was going to invite you to the slide.” You responded, upset. He didn’t talk—but you liked his company. He was the only one who didn’t cut you off from speaking!

Sieun gazed back at you weirdly. Why weren’t you telling him mean things like the other kids do? And you even want to play with him. It puzzled the poor boy.

Then, he noticed your lips change from a frown to a big grin instead. “But you’ll be back right? We can play next time!” You say in excitement, nodding to yourself.

“What’s your name? I’m (Name)!”

He took a long time to process it before he answered, “Sieun.” Honestly, he had no idea why he replied, but maybe it was the way you were determined to make him your friend.

It made him feel normal in some way.

“Sieun..” You repeated slowly, just to get used to the sound of it rolling off your tongue.

A shout of your name stopped him from speaking up, you took a glimpse in that direction with a pout, “It’s my mom! I gotta go.” You huffed, looking at the boy beside you.

“Come back, okay? I’ll be here tomorrow!” You added, giving a wave as you ran to your mother. He stood up, observing you.

He disliked going outside. But if it meant that you were there, it might be bearable.

—

“Sieun! What happened?” You breathed out after running. The boy was sitting alone at the swing as he stared into abyss.

To everyone else, he looked completely fine.

But you knew him—if you stare in his eyes long enough, you would see how much emotion he actually keeps by himself. And right now, you had no doubt that he was going through something heavy.

“Your mom’s really worried, she called and said you weren’t at home.” You inform softly, settling at the swing next to his. The night was quiet, you heard nothing but the sounds of trees brushing against one another and the creaking of your swings.

You got comfortable as you admired the starry sky.

“My parents..” Sieun started, following your gaze. You hummed, an indication that you were listening.

“They’re getting a divorce.”

You raise your eyebrows in shock, looking back at him. “What..?”

He avoided your look, the ground being more interesting than the look on your face. He felt disappointed that you had to see him like this. Again.

Yet you never cared.

The word was quite new to you, it was only recently when you discovered its meaning—though you knew it was more than just a word that hurt Sieun. It meant something to him.

So you placed a hand on his shoulder and peeking your head closer to his, “Hey, it’s gonna be fine. You have me.”

Sieun finally looked at you, his eyes speaking to you more than words could express.

Thank you, they say.

You laughed lightly, ruffling his hair. He hated when people touch his hair, but you? He never minded.

“But if you have to move someplace else..” You rest your hand back on your lap. “Promise me you’ll come back?”

Oh, why were you looking at him like that?

Like you never want him to go?

Sieun’s shoulders eased and his tense look melted as he studied you. Then, he slowly raised his pinky finger. “I promise.” He told you truthfully. You smiled at him, finding the sincerity in his words.

You hooked your pinky with his, “Okay.” You whispered as to not ruin the peaceful moment.

Sieun was 10 years old when he promised you that he’d come back if he ever left someday.

—

Fate jinxed the both of you.

It must’ve laughed for the reason that it was you who had to move away instead of him.

Here you were, crying uncontrollably in front of your best friend at the airport.

“This is so unfair!” You sobbed, violently wiping your tears as Sieun gave you a tissue. He hasn’t said a single word since the ride to the airport. He seemed out of it, you noticed.

On the other hand, this was his first time to skip a few classes. You were surprised when he showed up at your house unannounced. You kept asking him several times if it was okay for him to do such a thing the whole car ride, he would simply nod as he stared at you after, you ignored it out of nervousness.

You never knew that he was memorizing you, because it could be the last time he’d ever see you again.

The star hair clip he gifted you on your birthday was neatly on your hair, the way you bounce your knee rapidly each time you get anxious, your backpack had all sorts of keychains that you buy from school trips with him, and the looks you give him—every smile, every funny face, every pout and cry. He'd remember it all.

Sieun took a mental note of all the little things, like he was studying: because if this test is about you, surely, he'd ace it.

Though, he wasn't the only one who notices, you also recognized a few things. Like his tight grip on the strap of his bag was evident, the slight twitching of his fingers—a habit he does when he’s overthinking, and his brown orbs that look at you to tell you everything you need to know.

He's...wait.

Is he tearing up?

You widen your eyes as he shuffled awkwardly and looked down, trying to maintain his posture.

"You're.." You were hesitant, but you took a step forward, bringing him to your embrace. You heard sniffles on your shoulder as he laid his forehead there while his arms remained by his side. He didn't know where to place them.

"Don't cry, you big baby." You murmur, your tears slipping out for God knows how many times today. "I'm gonna come back, you know that." You assured him. His hands finally moved to your back, gripping your shirt as he nodded.

You two stayed that way for a few minutes before his gaze lingered at you, "Promise me you will." Sieun lowly spoke with trembling lips. You exhaled from your nose, bringing his hand close to your chest as you do the same, then interlocked both of your pinkies.

"I promise you, more than anything."

Sieun was 13 when you left South Korea.

—

Three years had passed by as Sieun faced everything alone.

The problems, the bullying, the guilt—

Suho.

Every step he took felt like he was getting pulled down further and further away from the light he once saw.

From Suho, and most especially from you.

What would you think of him if you knew what was happening in his life right now?

He got his answer when he saw you.

You.

Your figure stood patiently outside his apartment door, a plastic bag containing all the snacks you used to share together was held loosely in one hand and your phone on the other.

Your appearance had completely changed. Your hair grew a bit longer, and the baby fat on your cheeks now reduced. You looked different, but deep down, Sieun hoped you were the still the happy-go-lucky girl he knew.

As you raised your phone to your ear, you check your left. You paused as the phone of the boy you were waiting for rang loudly in the pocket of his jacket.

The two of you stared at one another as the ringing continued, you, however, smiled knowingly at him.

"I kept my promise."

Sieun couldn't believe he could run that fast when he brought you into his arms.

Slowly, the chaos in his mind went silent.

Finally, for once. He was at peace.

Momentarily, he realized he was crying because you had to wipe the tears away, "I know," You still told him in a caring tone. "I'm here."

No other words were needed as you both remained in each other's arms for a while that day.

A few days had gone by rather quickly, and you started to see more of Sieun. He had grown taller since the last time you saw him, his voice was deeper from the timid, high-pitched one you always heard, and his eyes that used to shine at you were now dull as an unsharpened knife.

Regardless, something else had brought your attention—his walls that broke down when you met him was building itself up again. He became distant. The Sieun you cherished was back in his little shell, the one who refused help and locked himself away from people. You knew you had to pull him out.

So you were present, just like before. In every visit at Suho's hospital, you sat beside him when he typed out his messages; in every school he got rejected to, you had a list of backup schools he can apply for; in every night he had nightmares, you were only a call away; in every session at therapy, you were there outside, waiting.

Despite all the hardships and troubles he was facing, you smiled warmly at him.

He never understood any of it. It resembled the times when you were kids. Where you stayed with him more than anyone else.

How can you, someone so beautiful, still smile adoringly at something so broken, with its pieces gradually falling apart?

One time at the bus stop, it was extremely cold when the rain poured heavily around you.

Even as you laughed at a sarcastic comment he made about freezing to death, you still took his cold hands to yours, blowing on it. "What are you doing?" He questioned, startled as he tried to withdraw his hands.

"Keeping you warm, dummy."

You were glowing, and you gaze at him with the same loving grin. His heart fluttered, feeling his frigid fingers soften and warm up because of you.

He pretended not to know if the cause of his face and ears going red was also you.

You never complained and never rushed. You were there, patient and supportive.

Soon, he thought of himself from a few years ago. Whatever 13-year-old Sieun had realized when you went abroad, he was right.

Because he loved you. For the longest time.

And he was not going to let you go.

Just before the day he would move to the new apartment in Yeongdeungpo, where he was accepted in a school named Eunjang High, he knocked on your door, with your favorite food and drink.

"Wow! Is this your goodbye gift?" You teased him, taking the bag from his hand as you let him inside.

He wordlessly sat down when you invited him to the couch, you tilt your head. When Sieun was quiet, he had something in his mind. There was a sparkle of certainty in his puppy-look eyes as he stared at you.

"You okay, pretty boy?" The nickname was familiar, you always called him that ever since your playground hangouts. He often tells you to stop that—but you couldn't, not when you notice his ears getting red and his lips that tries to refrain himself from smiling.

“…” Crap. What was he going to say again? He made efforts to practice in front of the mirror only for him to fail at the moment he needed his words.

To you, it looked like he was struggling. It worried you.

You took the guts to place a hand on his cheek, fixating his focus on you. "Sieun, what's going on—"

"I love you."

You let out a surprised sound, your eyes wide at the sudden words.

You felt a sense of rushing emotions inside you. Was it excitement, shock, or bashfulness?

Whatever it was, you were just sure it was making your face hot.

Okay. That was straightforward.

But it was Yeon Sieun, the boy who always had a sure answer.

You pinch his cheek lightly, he squinted his eyes at you as if it could help his ruddy ears from turning back to its original color. "Hey, are you crazy?! Why are you saying such things?" You asked just so you can lighten up the conversation.

"Because I do. I love you." He calmly told you again, the three magic words made you cover your face. "Okay, okay! I get it." You were embarrassed, could he not act so nonchalant?! You were freaking out here!

"Is it.. bad?" Sieun mumbled, watching as you grumble something in your hands, somewhere along the lines of: "Curse those cold-blooded veins in your body!"

You looked at him, red faced with a pout. "No, of course not! It's just that..."

You trailed off, finding the strength to face him again and held his cold hands in your warm ones. You took a moment, "I.. I love you, too. Since forever." You breathed out, smiling shakily at him.

Were you a Goddess? Sieun thought. How could you look so beautiful?

He leaned to you, initiating first. "Can I kiss you?" He asks in a deep voice, pulling your hands.

You gulped nervously, nodding as no words could come out of your mouth.

He moved, closer and closer, until your noses touched and the two of you closed your eyes. The world around you stopped moving when his lips gently settled on yours.

Sieun was 16 when he kissed his first love.

#weak hero class #weak hero class 1 #weak hero class 2 #weak hero class one #weak hero class two #weak hero class x reader #whc1 #whc2 #yeon sieun #yeon sieun x reader

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mylovesstuffs · 6 months ago

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Wonwoo is THAT type of boyfriend !

This is my personal opinion and perspective. It may not accurately reflect their real-life personalities or behaviors.

He’s not super flashy with his love, but when he pulls you close, rests his chin on your shoulder, and whispers, “I like this,” you just know he means it. And honestly? HE'S SO CUTE OMG I CAN'T.

Wonwoo doesn’t need grand gestures—just sitting in comfortable silence while reading or gaming together is his idea of a perfect date. But catch him sneaking glances at you like you’re the plot twist he never saw coming.

He’ll randomly write you letters that are so poetic you’d swear they belong in a novel. He won’t say much when he hands them to you, just a quiet, Read it when you’re free. But inside, he’s screaming, waiting for your reaction.

Wonwoo loves to tease you in his deadpan tone. “You really thought that was a good idea?” he’ll say with a straight face, only to crack a soft smile when you pout —why is he like this? TT

He notices everything. If you casually mention wanting to try a new dessert, you’ll find it waiting for you the next day. He’ll also quietly adjust your scarf or zip up your coat if it’s cold out, like it’s second nature.

Wonwoo’s sense of humor sneaks up on you. He’ll drop the driest, most random one-liners that leave you in stitches. And the way he smirks when he knows he’s made you laugh? That side of him oh god.

He doesn’t get jealous easily, but if someone gets too flirty with you, he’ll casually drape his arm around your shoulder and say, “She’s with me.” No drama, just facts.

The way he pushes his glasses up while focused on something? Unfair. The way he softly brushes your hair out of your face before leaning in for a kiss? HELLO, SIR?!

Wonwoo’s hugs feel like home. He holds you just tight enough to make you feel safe, and when you bury your face in his chest, he rests his cheek on your head. Yeah, okay, that makes so much sense of him.

He’ll say things like, “Did you know your smile releases dopamine? Guess you’re my drug.” in the most casual tone. And then he’ll act like he didn’t just ruin your life with his words.

He could spend hours just watching you do your thing—whether it’s cooking, painting, or rambling about your day. When you catch him staring, he’ll just shrug and say, “I like the view.”

Wonwoo doesn’t make a big show of it, but he’ll always walk on the side closest to traffic or hold your hand tighter in crowded places. He’s quiet about it, but his actions scream, I’ve got you.

Takes Forever to Open Up… but When He Does? He’ll share the deepest parts of himself. His fears, his dreams, his childhood memories—he’ll let you in completely. And you’ll realize just how big his heart is.

He’s that boyfriend who’ll challenge you to random Mario Kart battles just to see you get competitive. But then he’ll throw the game at the last second because your victory dance is the real prize.

He might not be big on PDA, but when it’s just the two of you? He’ll pull you into his lap, play with your hair, and kiss your forehead like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And it is—to him.

Wonwoo’s presence is like a deep breath after a long day. Whether you’re overthinking or feeling overwhelmed, he knows exactly how to calm you down with his steady, reassuring voice.

Wonwoo isn’t just your boyfriend; he’s your biggest fan, your safest place, and your quiet anchor in a chaotic world. He’s that boyfriend who proves love doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.

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channelisuneh · 2 months ago

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i almost ascended in real time when i saw that you write for ice!! could i please request ice x reader where reader tends to be a little mean to ice bc that’s her humor but it highkey turns ice on LMAO i saw a comment on tt that was like “never not had a crush on a girl i hated” and i can’t stop thinking about it. ty for even reading this!!! sending you so much love mami <333

𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘—you're jokes come off as mean but ice doesn't mind.

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒—mentions of y/n like once, self explanatory cliffhanger, uhhh idk

𝐑.𝐃.𝐍.—i got this request like...way too long ago. i hope i did it justice and i MIGHT make a part two 😞

anyone who didn’t know you and saw you around your friends would probably think you hated them. but anyone who’d been friends with you would simply just know that’s how you acted.

they all grew accustomed to responding back with something just as funny or brushing it off, but there was one friend who had a different reaction to it all. ice brady.

she never yelled at you or took it to heart, no. never that. her reaction was undecipherable, almost like she got a kick out of it all. you didn’t really notice until one day you found yourself going back and forth with kk.

“kk, the food isn’t going anywhere.” you muttered, face scrunched up as the girl next to you ate her food like it was running. “girl boo, i’m hungry!” she waved you off. “you’re eating like you had to work for it.” you pointed out.

“like you didn’t fight me for your fries!” kk exclaimed, mouth full of food. “because they were mine, fat ass.” you gestured towards myself while the girl simply rolled her eyes.

“sharing is caring, bro!” ice’s laugh took your attention away from her. “isuneh, i know that’s not you i hear laughing.” you stated, turning to face the girl. with a swipe of her tongue over her lower lip she spoke up, “and if i am?”

it’s almost like she wanted you to continue, enjoying it maybe. and you were never one to shy away from friendly banter which caused you to forget all about kk and your fries and start going back and forth with ice.

for every smart remark, she seemed unphased and replied just as quick, grin widening.

eventually, your mouth began to grow dry the longer you argued and you realized ice wasn’t giving up. “shut up.” you huffed, shaking your head. “make me.” you kind of set yourself up for that.

“oh, you got y/n giving up!” aubrey called out, laughing as you stood up to throw your trash away. “please, i could go for hours.” you stated, silently hoping she wouldn’t take you up on it because your mouth felt like a drought.

“careful, i might take you up on that.”

“pause?” paige spoke, raising her eyebrows. “your face is literally red from laughing so hard, shut up.”

from there, you started to develop feelings towards her. you weren’t sure what they were, but (like any other person would to keep the plot rolling for this fic to be at least a thousand words) you ruled them out as hate. it was better than talking about them and you didn’t plan to.

but ice made that really fucking difficult. she was always openly staring at you or making dirty jokes that seemed too detailed to be for laughs.

you could recall the time you were arguing about who would sit next to caroline who was sleeping peacefully and not next to kk who was snoring and would be full of energy later on a flight.

you’d won the argument of course, ending it with something along the lines of “you run your mouth too much.”

and like other times, ice just smiled before leaning down even though she didn’t need to—constantly holding the fact that she had a few inches up on you over your head—before whispering “i can do a lot of other things with my mouth.”

she laughed in your face once she saw your impression in which you shoved her shoulder and moved away.

it was then you noticed, ice didn't get a kick out of you arguing with her—instead, she was visibly turned on by it. it was small things, like the glint in her eyes that resembled excitement and something else or the way she'd have to bite back a grin.

but then it was the way she'd grip the closest object near her or squeeze her thighs shut like if she didn't have any restraint and decorum, she'd take you wherever you were in front of whoever you were with.

things didn't change until a celebration between the team that'd happened in you and azzi's dorm. bottles of alcohol and faint smoke exiting through the window that was slightly ajar floated through the room and one of paige's playlist played loudly on the TV.

vibes were high, you were higher, and suddenly starting to question every feeling you had. ice looked good—too good, and the influence you were under had you criticizing your own thoughts and everything she did.

your spot on the couch seemed to be enveloping you as you leaned further into the cushions. ice plopped next to you and usually paige would've pointed it out, but she seemed too busy rapping along to the music with kk to even notice.

“why aren't you up and having fun?” she questioned, just slightly loud over the music but it's not like anyone was sober enough to comprehend what she'd said to you.

“i am having fun.” you shot back quickly. “no, you're being boring.” she corrected as if she had all the answers, and with the way she was staring at you, she might've.

“and you're being fucking annoying.” there it was. she shifted in her seat, legs spreading a little more in a way that had heat coursing through your body. “yeah?” she questioned, glancing from the once clear liquid in her cup now doused with orange juice to you.

“tell me more.” her tone was something between a breathless whisper and a husky statement and it made you ultimately sit up. and you did, tell her how she aggravated you sometimes and others you tolerated her.

you told her how mad it made you when she was being smug, like she knew you inside and out like your life was some shakespeare play that she'd watched, studied, and enjoyed all day.

you didn't tell her about the warm feeling she created that wasn't the result of blushing but instead something more lustful. you didn't tell her how good she looked even when she was fresh out of sleep. you didn't tell her how seeing her in little to no clothing in the locker room had you ready to see more.

but she stared at you like she knew.

one by one, your teammates began to leave. kk, kaitlyn, and sarah were first to go. sarah happened to be ultimately tired and kk’s words were beyond slurred, kaitlyn took the initiative of deciding to leave.

aubrey, morgan, jana, and allie were next—aubrey suddenly remembering she had an assignment nowhere near done that was due the following night, morgan tagging along because they'd planned to watch movies that happened to be the highlight of their childhood while trying to at least get started on said assignment.

jana and allie found themselves with them because they'd noticed the lingering stares between azzi and paige that let them know if they went back to their shared dorm they were getting absolutely zero sleep.

carol, ashlynn, and ayanna were next, simply just tired. then as expected, azzi and paige could no longer take it and decided they needed each other right then, speeding out of the dorm and eventually, the only two left were you and ice.

“so you really hate me?” ice asked, a smirk dancing on her lips. “call it what you want.” you shrugged, shoulder brushing against her own which made you notice just how close you two had shifted towards one another.

“what if i called it a crush?” she asked, making you turn towards her quickly. “what?” you questioned and her smirk widened. “you heard me. i think you have lil’ crush on me.” she admitted. you didn't answer and silently hoped your heartbeat that sounded a little too loud wasn't actually audible.

“you’re delusional.” was all you said. you think it’s one of the first times ice has left you speechless. you couldn’t think of a response if you tried—the idea of even liking ice stripping every thought from your brain.

“am i really?” she asked. you didn't answer and that was enough of a response for her. you're not sure who leaned in first, or if it was both of you, but somewhere in that split second your lips met.

messy, intense, and you're pretty sure it's more tongue than lips touching. ice tasted like desire and something sweet and her grip on your waist seemed tighter than a corset’s.

you pulled back first to catch your breath but you were back on her in seconds, catching you and her off guard. it was like the denial of thinking you could never want ice left your body as you made out. the move from the couch to her lap was sudden, but you definitely weren't complaining.

the scene was mouthwatering and the burst of sensuality had you feeling bold. your lips moved from her own to her jaw, kissing at a rate that was too slow to be rushed but too fast to be hesitant.

ice's breath hitched as you moved further down her neck and she gasped once your teeth grazed over a certain spot. “you're full of shit.” she mumbled making you pull back. “you tried to say you didn't like me, now look at you.”

you let out a groan, reaching for the hem of your shirt. “would you shut up?” ice didn't answer immediately, smiling as she did the same. “nah, i like pissing you off.”

#ri writes 🖨️#ice brady smut #ice brady x reader #uconn x reader #uconn wbb x reader #wbb x reader #wbb #uconnwbb #ice brady fic #ice brady #wbb fic

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tttt06 · 3 months ago

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Show Show Show

IdolNi-ki x BlackIdol

Request are open! I reply quickly. Masterlist here

(I like this duo and might write more about them)

Synopsis~ You were a newly debuted group. You were a team of all-black members. You had a comeback and needed to do recordings for promotions. That involved doing promotions with Enhypen Ni-ki and Jake.

Warnings~ No condom, size kink, size training, I'm talking multiple rounds ya'll. She's not thin, she's SLIM THICK! Again, she has a tattoo (It's only mentioned once). Short reader. Problems with eating.

Word Count~ 12.5K

It took years of hard work. I started as a trainee at 17 and trained hard daily to get where I am today.

We were under HYBE entertainment.

I was the lead dancer of my group, Blackout. When we first debuted, there were some controversies about it. They didn't like how we were all black and called us Blackout.

My team consisted of Angie, Leena, Gypsy, and me. I was the youngest, and Angie was the oldest. Gypsy was the leader, while Angie was the wild card.

Angie practically raised me, so we're pretty close. Leena is more of the quiet type, but we love her the same.

Leena was actually the lead vocalist in the group.

It came with hardships. Some things were just unspeakable.

Since I was the dancer, I was used to being the most sexualized out of the members. Sure, I'm 18, but the members are protective of me. They still see me as a kid.

We debuted with a song called 'Plot Lines.' The song was intense for our debut. The concept was nothing like anyone else's.

It was like the mafia. Our manager explained, 'each comeback, a member is assigned to be the mafia. The fans have to figure out who it is.'

It was a fun concept.

The fans got to interact with us, and it made livestreams fun.

Fans would ask crazy questions to figure out who is the mafia.

I was scrolling through Twitter as I spoke to Leena. "Unnie, do you know where my edge control brush went? I gave it to you to borrow."

Leena pointed at the lunch table, "Check there." I got up from the couch and moved the packs of ramen out of the way.

It's not like we could eat it anyway. The company put us on diets. When we were in HYBE dorms with the others, Woonhak from BND would stop by with chicken.

It was really sweet, and we naturally grew close. I thought we'd keep it a secret until Woonhak excitedly ran up to hug me at a music show.

We're probably more shipped than Jennie and Taehyung.

Our fans, twinkles, knew we were honest friends.

I grabbed my edge brush and smeared edge control over my edges. I looked in the mirror and brushed them into swirls. My makeup artist stared with worry.

I said in Korean, "I got it!" She let out a deep breath and walked to Gypsy. She was reading over the lines for the music core.

We had to follow a script. I have a great memory, so I already remembered.

I finished my edges, and Gypsy shouted, "Don't forget we have to do our dance challenge with Enhypen."

I've met Jake, Jay, and Heesung. The other members were foreign to me.

Granted, at the time, I barely spoke Korean.

Gypsy and Angie are Korean-American. Leena and I were only black. Leena was obsessed with learning languages. She took Korean classes before she became a trainee.

I was the only one going in dry. But now, I'm comfortable speaking Korean.

Angie asked, "With all of them?" Leena rolled her eyes, "Yeah, the entire group is doing it together." Angie raised her hands because she was ready to fight.

I laughed, "No fighting, Unnies!" I looked over at Gypsy and asked, "Gyp? Who specifically are we doing it with?"

She thought, "I remember Jake... I think Ni-ki."

I nodded while looking back at my phone. Our manager walked in. He was such a girl dad. Mr. Lee was my favorite person in the whole world.

As he opened the door, he had his hand over his eyes and asked, "Do we have clothes on?" Leena laughed, "We're fine, Mr. Lee."

He opened his eyes and looked at us. "Aw! You girls look so pretty!" I smiled sweetly. Mr. Lee pulled my cheek. "Mmkay. Let me give you a rundown. This is your first time being here. You're going to do great! Remember the lines... Angie," He looked at Angie because she always forgets the lyrics, "And don't get nervous. Make memes, not mistakes."

He patted Gypsy's head, "Don't stress, okay? I know you're the leader, but you can relax, too."

Gypsy closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. "Okay, oppa."

He looked at his watch, "Okay, you're on in three. Let's get moving."

We filed out in a line. I nervously held onto Leena's hand. She swung our hands between us. The three hosts stood tall as they reviewed their cards. Dohoon excitedly waved, and I waved back.

I looked at the crowd to see our black light sticks waving midair. My smile spread as I waved at the couple of fans in the crowd.

Our light was different because the light only turned purple. It was a black light.

Purple and Black were the group colors.

Again, we got into another controversy when I used a purple heart. Fans thought I was copying BTS, so we had to use the black hearts.

"Show, Show, Show! Today, we're visited by a popular girl group, Blackout," An-a said. Gyuvin asked, "Is it because they make you black out when you hear their amazing songs?" Dohoon laughed, "That's crazy."

I smiled at Dohoon and quickly stopped myself. I don't want any dating rumors on my hands.

I swayed myself for comfort as I waited for our lines. The interview was a blur. All I remember was Gyuvin almost busting his ass to do a cartwheel and Leena falling over laughing.

It was time for the performance, though. I was always scared before every show, and Leena ritually held my hand tightly before going on stage. We did our team cheer and filed onto the stage.

The music started, and muscle memory locked in.

The facial expressions were on as the mysterious bass played to our dance number.

The song was sexier than usual, and as I danced sensually with my girls, the kick came in.

My body popped to the rhythm. Energy coursed through me as the crowd cheered. My verse came up, and I recited the quicker lyrics.

The crowd was quiet, but that was normal in Korea. Twinkles waved their lightsticks aggressively.

I smiled, "In a minute, we ain't have a good time in a minute." I danced to the guitar strum, and the ending fairy pointed towards me. The song is short, so I wasn't out of breath.

I waved to the camera and stuck up a thumb.

I was the maknae that never acted cute. Sure, I had an adorable side, like my dimples and height. Everyone thought I was charming when I rocked my afro in the MV, but for the most part, I was more on the sexier side.

We made our way off stage and ran for our rooms. Angie cheered, "We ripped the stage!" I laughed and touched up my makeup.

Gypsy came in from the bathroom. She had her iPad as she looked through Mr. Lee's calendar. "We gotta go now. The guys are waiting."

I looked at everyone, "Who wants to go?" Gypsy said, "You and me? You're the main dancer. You have to come." Angie offered, "I could go." Gypsy nodded, "Good, I'll watch from the sidelines and make sure you're all good."

Angie followed the two of us to the boys.

I stood next to Jake, and he was taller than me.

When I looked at Ni-ki, My eyes widened. He was a mountain of a man.

He was only a year older, and he's tall as fuck.

I bowed frantically, "Hello!" Ni-ki bowed respectfully.

Our outfits from the stage were still on. We wore short skirts, fish nets, a crop top, thigh straps, and tall boots. The nine yards.

Gypsy was quick to run over and pulled my skirt down.

I pulled my skirt as I felt suddenly uncomfortable. Jake calmly stated, "We can do as many recordings as you want. I tried to learn the dance, but it looked a little complicated. Could you teach us?"

I looked at Gypsy as she adjusted my hair and skirt. She was my protector.

Jake smiled while looking at Gypsy. I could tell he found an interest in her intensity.

Gypsy could be intense and scary, but she was actually the softest person I knew. She cares about people hard.

I've heard things about Jake, and don't get me wrong. I love Jake as a friend but as a lover...

He'd need to stay far away from Gypsy. He'd end up with a keyed car, and I wouldn't be the one keying it.

I stood in front of Jake and Ni-ki and danced. "You're gonna start going over, under. Then, ta-ta-ta... make sure your feet are far apart when you go here..." I explained.

Ni-ki picked up on it quickly.

I smiled as he danced in his own world. Jake was stumbling over a specific part. On instinct, I grabbed his arm and moved it to the right place. I kicked his legs apart and said, "Do it again."

Angie laughed, "Uh oh. Dance leader Y/N is coming out."

I smiled sheepishly, "Sorry." Jake laughed, "Don't be. It's cute." He patted my head like he was my older brother. Ni-ki's eyes looked between us, and a gleam of judgment flashed in his eyes.

I pulled his hand off me playfully.

Angie stood in position, and Gypsy pulled out her phone. She played the song for us to practice one more time.

When she finally started recording, I danced to the song. Muscle memory was ingrained in my body.

My body took over as I smoothly took the rhythm. The song ended, and I watched the recording.

I sighed, "Jake-uh. You need to put more energy into the song." He smiled at my nagging, and then I turned to Ni-ki. "You were perfect."

I gave him a thumbs up. At the start of the video, Ni-ki did something wrong, but I didn't know him like I knew Jake. I didn't want to hurt Ni-ki's feelings.

Jake groaned as we recorded five times. Each time, I found something wrong with the dance.

I huffed, "Jake, Bend your knees lower."

Angie was panting, "Jake, please! I'm exhausted." Ni-ki laughed, not even phased.

We recorded one last time, and he finally got it right.

I smiled as Gypsy stared down Jake. She was analyzing him before going back to the table. I took notice of the small peek he did back.

Jake has a crush on Gyp, but Gypsy probably doesn't like him.

I smiled, "That's fine. We'll give it to oppa."

Gypsy moved her curly bangs out her face and nodded, "Yeah." I looked at Angie to see someone was across the room looking.

I squinted my eyes. Hoshi from SEVENTEEN walked over. His smile was full of fondness. He must've been here for a BSS comeback. "Hi!" I bowed. Instead, Hoshi brought me in for a hug.

I hugged him back excitedly, "Y/N! How nice to see you! And, Ni-ki!" He pulled him in for a hug. He hugged Jake as well.

Hoshi pulled away, and that hamster smile spread. He shook his head before hugging me again. "How's everything?" I nodded, "Well, we're gonna see tonight." I was eluding toward the competition.

Hoshi quirked his eyebrow, "You're still a competitive little fart." I laughed, "How else could I have debuted."

Hoshi looked behind me to see Angie. He hugged her and confessed, "I didn't see you because you're so tiny."

Angie slapped his back harshly, and he let out a cough. "I'm here for my soda." He walked to the vending machine and asked, "You guys want something? On me."

I shook my head, "Diet." Hoshi's breath hitched. "I don't like that dieting stuff. Remember when I found you passed out in the HYBE elevator?"

I shrunk from embarrassment, "That was..." Hoshi waited for a response, but when I didn't give him one, he paid for the small sandwich and passed it to me.

The turkey looked so delicious. My mouth began to water.

Angie and Gypsy were talking in the corner, and Jake had left. Right now, it was only Ni-ki, me, and Hoshi.

"You two need to take care of yourselves." He patted our heads, "Call me if you need me."

He walked away, and I turned to Ni-ki. "When did you meet Hyung?" I said, "He found me in the elevator."

Ni-ki had this unreadable expression. He bluntly asked, "You gotta crush on Jake or something?" I let out a laugh of disbelief.

"Yeah, over my dead body. Jake is too old for me." Ni-ki quirked an eyebrow, "How old are you? 15?" I rolled my eyes, "I'm 18!"

Ni-ki laughed, "Couldn't tell because you're so short."

My eye twitched. "I don't like you." Ni-ki smiled, "Okay? And? Anyways, you're a great dancer. I'd love to dance with you for a show someday."

I tilted my head, "Want my number?"

His eyes looked over my cute face. The makeup was doing wonders for me.

"Yeah. Let me know."

I recited my number. Ni-ki clicked my number and texted me. My phone dinged, and I smiled. "Okay, Bye. I have an award to win."

The idols of that day all stood in the lobby. The two songs combating each other were our song, 'Plot Lines' and BSS's newest song, '청바지.' I waited patiently. I was expecting BSS to win. Their song is so cunty.

But, to our surprise, the confetti popped, and our song won. Angie screamed and jumped on Gypsy. Leena held my hand tightly and bowed to BSS.

Hoshi walked over and patted my head. "You suck!" I teased, and Hoshi laughed. "You little shit." I giggled as I bowed to our fans.

Leena sang in the mic. I playfully danced, and to my surprise, Hoshi joined. He started dancing to the sexy parts, and I started laughing harshly.

We finally walked off stage, and I ran to the crowd. I waved at the small amount of twinkles there. "Thank you for coming!" I excitedly jumped and waved at them.

Gypsy grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me away. I smiled sheepishly.

We made our way back to the changing room. Someone knocked on the door. Eunchae from Lessarfim walked in.

She needed to talk to Gypsy about going on her talk show.

When we did promotions, it was usually Angie and I. Leena would get shy, and Gypsy was the leader and wanted to give us more camera time.

Usually, if Leena goes, we all go with her to support her.

Gypsy started the conversation with Eunchae, and I walked out to mingle.

I have a lot of confidence. Twinkles find me adorable. I know I'm pretty and sexy. I dance well, and I have a good personality.

I'm not full of myself. I worked hard, and I know what I'm capable of.

I breezed past the staff and pulled my phone from my pocket.

Hyung

We're gonna post the dance tomorrow

Hyung

Won't lie, the way Ni-ki looks at you when your dancing might start a dating rumor

Hyung

I wouldn't reccomend making it known you talk to Enhypen in general.

You

Ah, he was making sure I was dancing right...

You

He PMO more than anything🙄

Hyung

Okay, as big bro... I hate him back, as your manager I want you to be careful so you don't get shipped and more sexualized

Hyung

After the deepfake incident it's hard to bring image back to the innocent maknae we were shooting for

You

I know oppa. I've been trying to be like that on camera... I'm tired of it too.

Hyung

Don't worry. I'm not scolding you. Just be careful. Be back at the cars by 4:30 pm we have a schedule.

You

kk!

I started walking and bumped into someone. "Oof!" I looked up, and it was Woonhak. "Oh! Y/N!" I hugged him tightly, and he said, "Your performance was amazing!"

I cheered, "So was yours! The only reason you didn't win this time was because you won last time."

We started walking off. "You ate anything?" I rolled my eyes, "You gotta stop trying to take care of me." Woonhak smiled, "I'm like your older brother." I huffed, "We're both 06 liners, and I'm older by two months."

Woonhak opened the door for me as we walked into the snack area. I walked in, and Woonhak said, "Ou! There's ramen." I murmured, "All you eat is ramen." He ran to pay for some.

Woonhak grabbed three. "Jesus." Woonhak squinted at me. I found a seat and waited for him to cook all three packs of ramen.

When he came back, he slid me a bowl. I looked down, "All three weren't for me," Woonhak commented.

I smiled, "I'll pay you back." "Y/N... it was 50 won." I laughed lightly and slurped.

It felt good to eat. I felt like I was starting to lose my curves. Everyone loved them. I had a big ass, boobs, and nice curvature... but I was losing fat rapidly when I debuted.

Fans were noticing. Mr. Lee was trying to sneak us food without getting fired by the company.

He is a good manager.

Once, he was made to go through our phones to check we weren't dating, but instead, he just changed his contact name on all our phones.

That's why his name is Hyung instead of Oppa.

Woonhak scrolled through his phone before looking at me. He said sternly, "Eat. Your food is gonna get cold."

I sighed and ate the rest of my ramen. Someone loud came in, and I turned to see Jaehyun and Sungho coming in. "I finished. Your members are here, and I gotta go by 4:30. It's 4:00."

Woonhak smiled, "Okay. When are we gonna do our dance together?" I thought, "I have practice tomorrow night. Just come after."

Woonhak smiled, "Okay."

I was in the practice room. The girls left to get some snacks, but as the lead dancer, I had to ensure I was doing it right.

An hour passed of me going over the same thing until a knock echoed through the room.

I paused the music and walked to the door. I peeked it open, expecting Woonhak, but instead, it was Ni-ki.

"What are you doing here?"

Ni-ki had a cunning smile spreading across his face. I quirked an eyebrow as he pushed through, "Is this the next debut you're preparing for?"

I sighed, "Yeah, it's called Light's Out." Ni-ki turned to me, "Do you rap or sing in the group?"

I didn't answer. I walked over to my phone, ignoring Ni-ki.

Ni-ki walked closely behind me, "Let me see what you got at the least?"

I rolled my eyes and started playing the song.

I danced like I was before. Ni-ki just stared with this look of satisfaction. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose scrunched, and his mouth was open.

When the song ended, I let out a sigh. "Judging by the song, you sing and rap?"

I shook my head and sat next to him. "It's embarrassing... I'm the ace."

Ni-ki folded his arms. "Really? Rap, sing, dance." I added, "I write the lyrics, choreograph, and sometimes produce."

He laughed, "You serious?" I nodded, "They call me the female Han Jisung."

Ni-ki went silent. He stared at me, "You're pretty talented." I smiled, "Now you know why I'm so full of myself."

Ni-ki laughed, "I wouldn't say that. More of the confident type. I want to see what you're not satisfied with. I think the high self-esteem is your charm."

I nodded, "I'm just sure in what I do." Ni-ki laughed, "Why aren't you the leader?"

I rolled my eyes, "I can be wrong sometimes."

Ni-ki scooted a little closer, "Really?" His voice went down to a whisper, "I want to see that."

I pushed him away, "You're weird."

He stared at me intensely for a moment. I heard someone scream my name, "Y/N-ah!"

Woonhak busted through the door and froze. "What the hell..." I looked at Ni-ki, then our proximity, then at Woonhak.

I pouted, "He's a weirdo!" Woonhak leaped over to fight Ni-ki. "Hey! I'm just a guy!" Woonhak pointed at him in anger. "You stay away from my best friend."

I laughed, "Hey. What if we all do each other dance challenges together?"

Woonhak and Ni-ki turned to me. "I like that idea."

It wasn't long before we were recording silly videos for our TikTok pages. "How are we gonna get our manager to post this?" Woonhak's eyes widened, "I'll ask mine!" Ni-ki carefully watched Woonhak and turned to me, "Anyways, I have to record. I'll text you later, Y/N."

He waved, and Woonhak looked at me with that puppy smile, "He's really strange."

I laughed, "He is. Hey, I need your help with something."

He raised an eyebrow and started to stand up with me, "Yeah? What's up?" I held his hands, and we began to spin, "I need you to help me get this move down. I'm doing something wrong. I want to be sure I'm doing it perfectly for my twinkles."

Woonhak stopped and pulled me in for a hug, "I will."

After a long day of practice, I sat in my dorm room. The girls were singing their hearts out to karaoke while I lay in bed.

A part of me was waiting for Ni-ki to text me. I was curious about him.

Angie stormed into my room, "Aye! Come out of your room! We're partying!"

I smiled, "I'm tired. I'll come out next time." Angie sat on the bed, "Hey? You feeling okay?" I furrowed my eyebrows, "Yeah."

I wasn't feeling well. I had these cold shivers, and my head was hurting. I was used to this feeling, though. It's what happens when you don't eat.

Angie's hand settled on my forehead, "You feel sick." I shook my head, "We have a show tomorrow. I don't have time to be sick."

Angie called in the girls, "Gyp! Nana! Come here!" The girls excitedly ran into the room, and their smiles faded. "What's wrong?"

I sat up, "Nothing, Leena is harassing me."

Gypsy scanned me, "You need to eat. You look sick." I shook my head, "I can't. The fans-"

Leena said, "Those aren't fans!" Everyone turned to Leena in shock.

Leena wasn't the type of girl to yell. She always held back. Hearing her get frustrated was devastating.

"Noona..." Leena turned to Gypsy, "She's killing herself. Call oppa and tell him Y/N isn't performing tomorrow. She'll pass out."

Gypsy stood up, "I will. Y/N, you gotta stay home and rest up. You're gonna have to go on a hiatus."

The words sunk deep. "A hiatus- That's too far."

Gypsy shook her head sternly, "I'm serious. You have to listen to your Noona! I'm two years older. 20, you're 18. You have to listen."

I shrunk, "Whose gonna teach you the choreo." Angie sheepishly smiled. She rubbed her thumb on my thigh, "Rest. I'll tell oppa to sneak in some food."

They walked out, and I sat in my room dumbfounded.

They can't just do that, can they?

Suddenly, a text came in.

Unknown Number

It's Ni-ki

Unknown Number

(sent youtube short)

That's us lol

Ni-ki Minaj

Have you seen the comments???

Ni-ki Minaj

PFFTT they're calling us a love triangle

You

Lol that's really funny.

Ni-ki Minaj

I can't tell if your normally a dry texter or if something is wrong

You

My girls just told me there putting me on hiatus🧍🏾‍♀️

Ni-ki Minaj

??? What happened in the span of 5 hours?💀

You

I hadn't eaten and I felt a little sick

You

Now the girls are calling my manager to snitch

Ni-ki Minaj

Why aren't you eating???

Ni-ki Minaj

You need to eat so much more... It's not good for you

You

I know but my fans

You

They bullied me for my curves and my personality then i got sexualized and the deepfakes and the plastic surgery allegations and I can't take it anymore.

You

I'm trying my best to be perfect you know??? Everyone has a problem with anything I do

Ni-ki Minaj

You'd be surprised how much I get that.

Ni-ki Minaj

I debuted at 14 and grown women used to say weird shit about me too so don't think you're alone in this

Ni-ki Minaj

I got bullied for a lot of things and I had to grow up quickly.

You

That's why you try to act all mysterious?

Ni-ki Minaj

I wouldn't say that I just had to chill out and mature

You

That's what I mean though. We're still teenagers why do we have to grow up so fast...

Ni-ki Minaj

Our job requires us to.

Ni-ki Minaj

You should rest up though.

You

🙁

Mr. Lee knocked on my door, "I brought some rice and chicken." I groaned, "Come in."

Mr. Lee smiled as he handed me the takeout bag. "Kiddo... I don't want you to-"

I stopped him, "Oppa. It's fine. I'm okay."

Mr. Lee sighed, "You know Gypsy put me up to this. She is a scary girl. I'm almost half her age."

I laughed as I opened the container of rice. I took my spoon to the fresh, steamy rice.

"You okay, though? Genuinely. I don't want you to think about those comments."

I froze.

"I'm not."

He lifted my wrist, "You are. You're so thin now. I want you to be healthy."

I bit my lip and looked away, "I know." Mr. Lee's bottom lip quivered, "Your parents told me that your life was in my hands now. I don't want you to get hurt or pass out. I need you to stay healthy. I don't want you to lose your spark."

He hugged me, and I let out an annoyed huff as he began to cry. I rubbed his back because, somehow, I ended up comforting him.

However, It meant a lot that he was this concerned for me.

When he pulled away, his nose had snot running down. I grabbed a takeout napkin, "God, Mr. Lee." I put it to his nose and said, "Blow." He blew out his nose, and I collected his nasty snot.

He hugged me one last time. He said in my neck, "Call me if you need me." He walked out, and I couldn't help but laugh out of disbelief. He's so dramatic.

The statement was put out that night, and the next day, I had the entire house to myself. My locs were in a ponytail, and I wore my bear slipper and a one-piece pink bodycon pajama set.

I looked sexy. I checked myself out in the mirror and smiled. "Let me clean up the house a little."

I turned on my speaker and started blasting StrayKids. I was actually a predebut stan. Now that they are technically my co-workers, I feel embarrassed about it.

I picked up the dirty socks and cups and cleaned the dishes in the sink. It had been about an hour of hard work before I heard a knock on my door.

I stepped to the door and looked through the peephole.

I opened the door quickly, "What the-" Ni-ki walked in with a bag of takeout, "I brought you dinner since you apparently don't eat."

He looked me up and down. Staring at my plush thighs and big breasts.

He saw the tattoo on my chest. "You have a tattoo?" I nodded, "I got it when I was 16. My mom let me."

He pulled the fabric back with his long, slim fingers. His cold hand brushed against my collarbone, and I flinched away. "Sorry for the cold hands. I walked here."

I quirked an eyebrow, "How far do you live?" He smiled, "We live in the same apartment complex."

I tilted my head, and his eyes flicked back to the tattoo, "It's cute." It was a small Ponyo fish under my collarbone.

"Why?" I looked away, "My dad used to watch it with me." My eyes followed his.

He was concerned, "He died?" I nodded, "Yeah. It was a long time ago, though." Ni-ki invited himself to the couch and opened up the bag of food.

I sat next to him as he carefully portioned the meal. His portion was small but more weighty than mine.

"You should eat a lot more." Ni-ki side-eyed me, "I eat how I want." I laughed and reached for the plastic fork.

"Do you not know how to eat with chopsticks?" I looked at the wooden chopsticks and said, "No." He shoved a sushi in my mouth and sighed, "Eat." I chewed the sushi carefully, inspecting the flavor.

The burst of flavor from the seasoned crab danced on my tastebuds. "MM!" He smiled, "The guys hate when I get this sushi. I'm glad you like it."

I quirked an eyebrow, "Why? It tastes so good." My mouth was still full. He laughed, "Chew your food first."

I watched as he put the chopsticks to his mouth, and the realization set in.

I touched my lips while I thought.

He just put those in my mouth.

He chewed like nothing was wrong and continued, "I guess the seasoning is too much." I said bluntly, "They don't know how to season food well."

NI-ki laughed, "Definitely not."

I smiled while looking at him eat. I ate three and started to feel stuffed.

"You want my last one?" I stuck my fork in the sushi roll and pointed at his face to grab.

He unexpectedly watched me as he wrapped his lips over my fork.

He chewed the food, still staring at me.

Again? Should I kiss him?

I tilted my head and leaned in. Ni-ki raised his hand to take the sesame seed from my cheek. His thumb ran across my cheek sweetly.

He swallowed his food, and I leaned in closer. My lips softly pressed into his.

I pulled back suddenly. I felt nervous. Ni-ki was quick to smile, "Am I making you nervous?" My body tensed, "No!"

Ni-ki laughed. His eyes looked full of warmth. I smiled at him as he leaned in.

His lips were firm as he kissed mine. He held his body with one hand as he leaned us back.

His hand gently slid behind my head as I fell backward on the couch. His knee went between my legs as his kiss deepened.

His tongue slipped into my mouth as I gasped. He pulled back, "You good?" I nodded, "Mhm, I just... I didn't expect-"

I cut myself off as I got lost in his eyes. He searched for an answer. "How often do you kiss guys, Y/N?"

I shyly smiled, "Haven't for a year." He asked carefully, "And sex?"

"Never."

Ni-ki blinked. "Really? That's unexpected. I thought..." I rolled my eyes, "That I was a hoe? I only know how to move my body sexily."

He looked over my face, and he started getting from on top of me. I pulled his collar, "Wait." He froze, "What do you mean wait?"

"Walk me through it?" Ni-ki looked at my hand on my collar and kissed it. "You sure? We can stop." I shook my head, "No... I want to."

He smiled, "Alright, c'mon." He picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and asked, "Which room?"

I giggled, "It's the last one."

He opened the door and gently placed me on the bed to tower over me again, "Where are your members?" I smiled and said, "Too busy. They don't come back until midnight."

His hand roamed to my hip, "We're gonna have a lot to talk about after this."

My hand stopped at his chest, "What does that mean? You don't wanna date?"

His smirk took his face, "I do. That's what we have to talk about." "Well, we just talked about it then."

The grin on my face made his eyes melt. His face softened, "Yeah, but we're gonna have to hide some things."

His hair flowed over my face, tickling my nose. I scrunched it, and he kissed me.

"You're cute when you wanna be. You know that?"

I rolled my eyes, "Shut up and kiss me." He obliged quickly, leaning in.

Our kisses clicked. My lips parted, and Ni-ki slipped his tongue between them. My hand traveled to his hair. I messed it up as I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him in closer.

Ni-ki's dick bumped into my pelvic bone. He groaned in my mouth. He bit my bottom lip, and he pulled away. "Protection?"

I shook my head, "Check Angie's room." He was quick to run off without asking which room it was.

I heard him rummage through everyone's drawers before running back. "I found some."

I looked at the two packs of condoms, "You need two?" He shrugged, "You never know." I saw the silver words flash under the light.

"Extra large?" He bit his bottom lip as he stared at me, "I won't go too deep. I'll ensure to get you warmed up enough to handle it."

I blinked at him in shock, "Okay." He leaned back down to kiss me quickly before taking his shirt off.

I let out a gasp before closing my eyes. "Hey?" His tone suddenly softened, "I'm gonna take care of you. I don't care if I'm two inches deep in you. You can always tell me when to stop."

I took a deep breath. Ni-ki kissed me again, and my eyes fluttered closed.

His kisses trailed to my neck. His lips pressed against my skin delicately until I let out a gasp.

He sucked on my neck as I squirmed under his grasp. With one hand, Ni-ki held me down onto the mattress.

My body seeped with its weight into the delicate fabric. Ni-ki kissed down my chest as he asked, "Can you take this off?" I complied in an instant.

I wanted this... but I was also nervous.

Ni-ki watched me unbutton my pajamas, and he trailed to my breast. He unclipped my bra but kept them covering my boobs.

He kissed me deeply again. His hand cupped my face with affection.

His hands were warm now.

He groped my boob, and I whined in his mouth. He pulled away to check on me. He wanted to make sure I was enjoying it, I'm guessing.

He leaned back in once he saw my face. My eyes were squeezed shut, so I didn't know what that meant to him.

His finger rolled my nipple between the pads of his fingers. I gasped at the sensation, and my hips started moving on its own.

His knee moved to my middle, and I had a quick release. "Mm~"

Ni-ki smiled, "You liked that?"

He pulled his pants off quickly and pulled the sheets over us. "You're gonna get cold."

He started to kiss down my stomach as he made his way to the last button.

"I'm ready." He looked up at me. His eyes were filled with lust and hunger but also carefulness.

His fingers hooked to the end of the one piece, and he gently slid them down.

My cow print panties were in his blurry view. "You're so adorable, even down to your underwear."

I bit my lip as he hooked his fingers under my panties and slid them down.

I felt my sticky, slick, unstick from the fabric.

"Fuck, you're so wet, baby."

I whimpered as I felt the air of his breath brush against my clit. "Please..."

"Please, what, baby? Use your big girl words."

I whined, "Please touch me."

His thumb rubbed my bud gently. My legs shook from that simple touch. I was feeling electric. My pussy was buzzing with anticipation from him.

I needed him to fill me up.

His finger slipped into my hole, and I gasped. "You're so tight."

His eyes locked with mine as he sunk his fingers deeper.

I held back a moan as he pulled out and pushed back in.

I was wrapping myself around him again.

His long pale fingers were gathering cum at the knuckle. I felt like I was about to burst.

I released all over his fingers, quickly exhausted. "Ni-ki..." He tilted his head, "What's up?"

"That felt good." He kissed my forehead endearingly, "I'm glad."

He pulled both my thighs closer to his head as his mouth connected to my clit. I moaned as I felt his wet tongue flick my bud.

He sucked on my entrance, licking for the last of my cum.

I was a moaning mess as I felt another orgasm starting to wash over me.

"Nobody else ever made you feel like this, huh?"

I shook my head as his mouth reconnected with my clit.

My nails dug into his scalp as I gripped his hair.

My thighs rested on his shoulders as I squeezed around his neck. My body started to twitch as the build-up came back.

"Oh~ That feels good."

I felt my pussy flutter around his pale fingers, "Don't hold back on me."

The tight feeling in my stomach started to release as I came. My grip tightened, and my back arched from the sensation.

"Haa~" I moaned out. Ni-ki just sat and watched as I released my sticky mess over his fingers.

Ni-ki pulled his fingers out and watched my cum leak out behind him. His eyes darkened as he watched it slide down my folds.

When his eyes flickered to mine, they were dark with hunger.

"You ready?" My eyes widened, "Yeah."

He kissed me deeply as he towered over me. "Are you sure?" My eyes traced the lines of his sharp features. My lips caught in my teeth as I nodded silently.

Ni-ki pulled down his underwear, and his long thick dick slapped against his stomach. "I'm so hard right now, Y/N."

I whimpered just from the sight of his width. His cream topped his tip like a sundae.

I watched as he rubbed himself. A hiss left his mouth as his head dove back. "Fuck! Y/N, please." I blinked, "Ni-ki... I want you inside me."

He leaned over and rubbed his girthy length against my clit. I whined, "Please, Ni-ki."

My slick was coating the bottom of his dick. My breath hitched when I saw his dick go past my belly button.

"Are you gonna put the whole thing in me?"

Ni-ki smiled, "We'll work on that. But not today." He cupped my cheek and caressed it gently. He looked down at his dick and started angling it.

He pushed through my folds, filling me up. The pain was heavy, but then it turned to pleasure quickly. I moaned desperately. "Ah!~"

Ni-ki was looking me over with concern. My legs started shaking from pleasure.

He hadn't even moved yet, and I was already cumming around him.

Ni-ki watched as my cum leaked between us. Ni-ki squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to keep himself restricted. "You came?" I nodded innocently. "Mm~"

I didn't mean for it to come out as a moan, but Ni-ki just laughed. He kissed my neck and asked, "Can I move now?" I nodded as I carefully wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands traced to my thigh and hips.

He slowly pulled out to push back into me. My eyes fluttered closed from the pleasure of him hitting my spot.

He groaned in pleasure. I whined, "More." He moved a little faster. It was still painfully slow.

My hands traced his back as my nails dug in. Ni-ki groaned again. He was trying so hard to hold back for me.

"Faster!" Ni-ki finally snapped his hips into me. I yelped in response. He pulled away from my neck. He stared at me as his fast pace made me lose myself.

My boobs jiggled to his pace, and he reached for them to fondle. I bit my lip, "Nng~"

I gasped as he got rough. "Fuck! Ni-ki! Yes!" He babbled back, "You're so sexy, baby. So tight for me."

I felt the knot starting to form in my stomach again. Ni-ki was filling me up with his thick cock until I shook uncontrollably.

"I'm gonna cum." Ni-ki was getting sloppier as I moaned out from my release. Ni-ki pulled out quickly cumming all over me and his stomach.

"I forgot to put the condom on."

His jaw was still tight, and his muscles were tense. My heart was racing, and I felt hot.

I was still catching my breath as Ni-ki lied down next to me. He stared at the ceiling, silently catching his breath.

When I finally caught my breath, I put my head on his chest and slid my hand across his bare waist. "You did a good job Y/N."

I deep breathed, "We have to be together now, you know that, right?" He slightly lifted his head, "I know. Don't worry."

He kissed my head, and I closed my eyes to sleep.

#SoundCloud #ni ki enhypen #enhypen #ni ki x reader #nishimura riki #x black reader #heeseung #Jay #jake sim #kpop #smut #enhypen smut #yang jungwon #jungwon #kim sunoo #park sunghoon #sunghoon

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yourloveaton · 7 months ago

Note

Hi! I saw all your AU art just recently and noticed you were saying we can ask you about it! (ITS SUCH AWESOME ART BTW I ADORE IT THE WAY YOU DRAW THEM IS AKAKAKKDMSMAMD!!!!)

I don’t have a specific question, but I do want to know more about it.

So can you just tell me anything about it?

Ahhh THANK YOU SO MUCH !!! I’m so happy that you liked my au art and wanna know more about it !! You have no idea how much joy that makes me feel 🥹💖

Well I can tell you some info and facts about the au, how I’m planning to develop it and all that !! It’s still fairly new and I did it out of nowhere at 3 am in the morning because I thought of my old ideas that I had years ago when undertale was on it’s prime but I was too young to bring ideas to life properly HAHAHA I hope my writing doesn’t bore you!

The au is pretty much founded on the idea of what if Sans also used to be a royal guard when he was younger? Boom. That’s where it spiralled and now I don’t know how revert back to who I was before because I ended up doodling a lot of undertale stuff along with the au, it didn’t help with the fact that my very good beloved friend kept encouraging me and feeding my inner demons of my undertale brainrot HAHAHA

I’m planning to develop the au into 2 parts: Before Undertale and after Undertale.

Before undertale is basically the events that happened before the plot of Undertale took place while after undertale is when they’re finally on the surface and the events that will happen on there! Sounds very generic and common I know, that’s why I’m going to try and develop it to be a bit different and hope that the au is not boring or developed horribly :’D It will take some time though since I know developing an au with a unique plot is gonna be very challenging, there are so many ways to mess it up and aghhh I really don’t wanna mess it up TT

Here are the main cast of the before undertale, this is a very OLD sketch that I made to figure out who’s there and how old they would be before I proceed to develop on the characters. So their heights might not be as accurate as it is in the sketch.

Also DISCLAIMER, Alphys and Undyne never met in before Undertale, so just know there’s no weird agenda going on here! They first met during Undertale plot when they’re both adults (Alphys 29, Undyne 23) so it’s all good!! I thought I needed to point that out because the age gap might seem alarming at first glance knowing they’re officially a couple 🙏 The before undertale plot begins at the age displayed on the sketch, and it ends after uhh.. 10 years? Yeah it’s ten years of events before the main undertale story starts!

I do want to portray the skele family with wholesome moments and you know, how great they are! Well that is before the downfall but we ain’t talking about that for now !! They’re just so beloved to me and I know they were such a sweet family AND WOULD HAVE VERY FUNNY MOMENTS IN WHICH I WANNA DRAW IT OUT!! So yeah, stay tuned for silly mini comics of them eheh

At first, I wanted Trickster (yes I’m calling his royal guard nickname, it’s like a whole different persona of his (alter ego???) where he’s energetic and acts very silly, whimsical, presenting puzzles and quizzes to his opponents sometimes but also can be very intimidating and prove that yeah, there’s a reason why he can be like that cuz it’s HIM) to be nothing more than a mischievous silly royal guard that wanted to keep causing trouble for Gaster but then it grew to be a bigger thing where he unintentionally became the symbol of hope and an entertainer for the whole underground before Trickster disappeared without a trace(?)

I’m still working on this whole concept so not everything is settled yet!! Well what I can also say about Trickster is that Alphys might be involved with the whole Trickster business too eheh

I’ve been practicing on drawing the characters so that I can draw better for this little au project of mine, I hope I can share my progress with you guys as things go on !!!

That’s the general stuff I’ve thought of so far, I hope you enjoy reading ! Thank you for reading and do feel free to ask whenever you have questions about the au or anything else :D✨✨✨✨

#my au #undertale #sketch #doodle #undertale au #art #ut au #sans #gaster #alphys #papyrus #ask

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lyrakanefanatic · 3 months ago

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hmmmmm

this is an excuse for me to share my controversial tig (and other books) opinions. (BTW IF U HAVE SOME U WANT TO ADD ON PLSSSS DO I LOVED GOING THRU THE COMMENTS OF THAT TT POST AND READING PPLS CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS SO I NEED MORE)

1. toby hawthorne was a BAAAAD father. (thank you to @beautifulmusicengineer for opening my eyes about this cuz wtf) he came and went as he pleased, (ik he was worried about tobias coming after him… but bae cmon hes all the way in texas and on his deathbed ur fine) compared avery to her DEAD MOTHER every waking second which stopped being cute VERY quickly, and realized that he was a shit father while his daughter was 19 YEARS OLD (eve) and had been invisible all her life, took her into hiding, and then was surprised that she didnt want anything to do with him and didnt like him whatsoever. LIKE BITCH THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF TAKING A RANDO OFF THE STREET, STICKING THEM IN UR BASEMENT, AND THEN TELLING THEM UR THEIR FATHER LIKE WTF 😭😭😭

2. i like eve more than i do toby

3. lia zhang wasnt iconic she was honestly just a headache for me and for cassie 😓😓

4. the naturals shouldnt have more books, UNLESS its to pursue that twelve novella plot, AND EVEN THEN THATS JUST THE NATURALS BUT WITH 13 YEAR OLDS 😭😭 im sorry but the series is done. it doesnt need more books. and im sorry but if jennifer were to make a book about agent sterling and agent briggs kids i would actually delete my account and go into hiding because i LOOOVE them but girl. WE DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHAT UR KIDS ARE DOING, LET THE SERIES REST 😭🙏🙏

5. ill prob read the toby book just bc i get fomo easily and want to be involved with what goes on in this fandom, but we do not need tobys pov whatsoever. like he loves her, we get it, we’ve BEEN getting it every time he sees avery and immediately starts writing a sonnet on how much she looks like her mother

6. i hate michael townsend. like when cassie came back from LITERALLY BEING FUCKING KIDNAPPED AND CHASED AROUND A FOREST BY MICHAEL MYERS II, AND ALL THAT BITCH HAD TO TALK ABOUT WAS HOW SHE CHOSE DEAN????? i was going to throw atrocious hands and considered sentencing him and lia both to a torture chamber xx

7. i hate hate HATE when theres a love triangle snd the author randomly makes one of the people in it WHO WAS BETTER THAN THE OTHER OPTION a TERRIBLE person just because the other option is ass cheeks. no this doesnt apply to grayson and jameson, i actually really liked how jlb made eve come to hawthorne house because it showed avery that grayson wasnt prepared to love anybody aside from emily yet. THIS IS TARGETED TOWARDS LEGENDBORN.

(spoilers for bloodmarked, book two of the legendborn trilogy) THIS BOOK ACTUALLY MADE MY BLOOD BOIL. TELL ME WHY TF SEL (theres a love triangle with a guy named selwyn, a girl named bree, and a guy named nick) IS THERE ALL THE TIME AND ALL HE DOES IS PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. AND OFC NICK IS KIDNAPPED OR SOME SHIT AND HE CAN ONLY TALK TO BREE THROUGH SPIRITUAL FACETIMES??? IDFK AND THEN AT THE END NICK (who was kidnapped for MONTHS and was so skinny he could probably fly away in the wind) RAN AWAY FROM A BATTLE THAT BREE AND SEL WERE FIGHTING AGAINST THIS DEMON OR SMTH, AND THEN BREE USES THAT AS JUSTIFICATION TO KISS SEL (for the millionth time btw, even tho she was dating nick 😁😁) LIKE BITCH WTF???

8. if u cant tell by my last controversial rant opinion, i DDEEESSPPPIISEEEEEE selwyn, and i strongly dislike bree.

anywayssss thats all!!! pls dont kill me you guys 😓😓

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thewertsearch · 11 months ago

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TT: Then why do you bother with the conversations? Obligation to predestination, as usual? There is no obligation. It's a pleasure. [....] I've always had a soft spot for young ladies.

Ew.

TT: Suddenly this conversation is kind of terrible. [...] There should be no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this interaction. Try to think of me as one of your kindly human uncle figures. In fact, if I were in your presence now, I would offer you candy to prove it.

Ew!

TT: Can we talk about the scratch instead of this?

Please!

Man, this guy really did come right out of a child's nightmare.

You are situated near the game construct supplied by your session for causing the Scratch, yes? […] It will always be an edifice of similarly cryptic design, located on the planet that is home to the Hero of Time. Its environment dictates the nature of its construction. Its power is dangerous, and is meant to be utilized only in emergencies such as yours. TT: You mean, in sessions where victory is no longer possible? Yes.

A panic button, then. Since it's located on the Time planet, I'm guessing it's some sort of undo button - a universal ctrl-z for broken sessions.

Maybe this is why the Scratch opens rifts. If you're stretching the fabric of time across an entire Incipisphere, it's bound to tear a little.

TT: Is that sort of emergency common? […] Failure is common. But the composition of yours is quite atypical.

And whose fault is that, Doc?

TT: Then, it's like a panic button for the players to push once they realize the cause is lost. Yes, but causing the Scratch is not an easy task either. The construct must be destroyed in a very specific way to release its energy.

Why isn’t it an easy task, though? Wouldn't Sburb want to give sessions another chance to propagate existence?

Well.... if a Scratch can rip holes in reality, the game probably doesn't want to hand them out like hot cakes. Maybe you need to prove to Skaia that your session is worth the risk, by demonstrating your competence in one final challenge.

You aren't ready to cause the Scratch yet. […] TT: What will the one who does it have to do? I should let them know. He will have to scratch the surface of the plateau across its full diameter. […] You will require a certain needle to create a breach in the surface that will be adequate. […] The needles must be acquired from the denizen of the Witch of Space. Her quills are very large and potent. They will be able to cause the Scratch.

Makes sense to me. Echidna is located on the Space planet, and reviving the session should probably be a collaboration between Time and Space.

After all, we don't just need to fix Sburb's plot.

We've also got to repair the setting.

TT: This really seems more elaborate than you lead me to believe. I didn't lead you to believe anything. I told you to find the construct and await advisement on the Scratch. The plans you were making were based on assumptions and fabrications of your imagination. You were writing more stories, much like those about your false magical men.

I know, right? It's almost like she's a child completely out of her depth, and you're taking advantage of it.

#full liveblog #homestuck liveblog #act 5.2 #3627 #s141

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theaceofarrows · 2 years ago

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Steph: What are some of your favorite reasons for staying alive?

Jason: For the plot

Damian: Tt. If the plot requires YOU to be alive Todd, then clearly it needs better writing

Jason: [arms crossed] You would know all about that, wouldn't bitch? Takes one to know one

Tim: Ooh, he's got you there

Damian: How DARE-

Dick: Guys, calm dow-

Steph: [to dick] Don't you dare try and "Big Brother" this. This is turning out better than I hoped

*sounds of brotherly violence intensifies*

#stephanie brown #jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #incorrect batfamily quotes #batbros #batfam #batfamily #this is how real sibling interact

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ekkotimesthree · 11 months ago

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RE: Homestuck Discourse, Media Literacy, Fandom Entitlement, & The Puppet Theory

an essay by yours truly

content warning: discussions of child abuse, CSA, & child neglect

so many discourses and debates surrounding homestuck boil down to lacking basic media literacy. so instead of making a petulant rant, i’ll attempt writing a productive essay, but forgive me if my annoyance seeps into parts of this post due to the subject matter. let’s start with dave, since he’s one of the most contentious characters (also because he’s my blorbo, sorry not sorry), and move on from there!

i constantly see people say something along the lines of “davekat happening in the retcon timeline makes no sense why would terezi ignore dave and gamzee yada yada yada”, like there’s not a whole scene that explains this! and it’s one of the most plot relevant scenes in the comic!! if you don’t know what the blood scarf even is, your opinion on this irrelevant, since you didn’t read/remember the text. rule number one of media literacy is properly consuming the media.

“dave being abused and the gay stuff came out of nowhere” this is definitively not true. one of the first things we learn about dave is that he has to hide food in his room so he doesn’t starve, and that this is an intentional choice by his brother. oh, and then his brother actually beats the shit out of him on screen, while not letting him abscond, right after we see john and rose strife their parents in a healthy way no less. (take note of bro using cal, and dave trying to abscond from him. more on that later.)

and re: dave’s sexuality, rose immediately points out that dave is probably gay during their first on screen interaction, and it’s her first line of dialogue to him.

TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.

TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.

moving on, later that same day, dave outright admits he loves john:

in these scenes, rose would be considered a mouthpiece! author’s use mouthpieces to get across information to the audience, that the character(s) themsel(ves) don’t know. in this case, that character is dave.

so now let’s address the elephant in the room, you probably thought these messages were just jokes, and that’s okay! that’s for three reasons:

first, your worldviews and perspectives shift the way you perceive the world, and more specifically art in this instance. that’s a fundamental part of the human experience. having your own personal biases based on your life experiences isn’t inherently a bad thing! for example, if you finish my essay, you can learn more about compulsive heterosexuality, or the effects of child abuse, see all of the signs, all without having to deal with it first hand. which is great! that’s the point of art and storytelling.

secondly, you probably still thought dave was straight while reading this narration. that’s because homestuck is written in deep pov, or as you would probably call it, unreliable narration. these are technically two separate things, but i don’t feel like breaking down all of those pedantics. all you need to know is: deep pov is when a character’s worldviews and perspective shift the narrative, rather than a story being told objectively. think junie b jones, the percy jackson series, or uh, catcher in the rye, if you’re into that sort of thing. that means that all the dialogue and narration within homestuck will always have some level of subtext, aka the non-literal explanation for text. homestuck is made by adults for adults, so it’s created on the basis we can analyze the text, and come to our own conclusions, unlike YA and children’s media.

a lot of people assume homestuck is supposed to be YA series, but that’s not the case. homestuck’s themes are about exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, which you need to be an adult to fully understand. and unlike cinderella, homestuck shows child abuse on screen, and as we’ll discuss later, tackles subject matter about CSA, or child s*x*al *ss*lt. that inherently makes it a 18+ story, no matter the ages of any characters involved. just because most of us read homestuck as kids doesn’t really have any impact on that.

“well there’s no explicitly 18+ content in homestuck!!! they’re all 13!!!!” please take one look at equius’s room, or translate damara’s dialogue, and tell me if you still feel that way. oh, and read the epilogues too. also do you not remember the sheer amount of bloodshed, sex jokes, and cursing shown without a single censor??? even the official homestuck twitter said this:

finally, it’s also worth mentioning the time homestuck was made, because art can’t be removed from it’s historical context. so in 2009, gay representation was still virtually non-existent, especially in children’s and teen media. in the 2000s there was an extremely prevalent trope, “queer people are funny”, where the whole joke is that a character doing something that could be perceived as gay, or transgender, is funny. this problem was especially rampant in media for men. the most infamous example of this is family guy this was s8e18 of family guy, “quagmire’s dad”, where the whole joke is that brian slept with a trans woman, and everyone single joke comes at the expense of the trans woman, who’s relegated to a background role, while the narrative focuses on quagmire and brian’s emotions, the two cis men. so what homestuck is doing is called a deconstruction of this trope! deconstruction is where you break something down to critically analyze the philosophy behind it. we’ll leave a pin in john for now (just you wait), but it’s made extremely clear that dave is struggling with internalized homophobia, thus deconstructing why he makes these jokes in the first place. by the end of homestuck, dave says:

DAVE: but ive had a fuck ton of time on my hands to think about stuff. about stuff ive said and done in the past why i said and did them. a lot of things i once would have insisted were like part of my brand and helped me come across cool and smartassy, but now im not so sure. we used rip on each other all the time for being gay even though we knew we werent which of course is what made it "funny" remember?

with this quote, and the knowledge that dave goes onto date a man, i don’t think anyone is denying the internalized homophobia now, so let’s move onto reading this:

i’m sure all of us are thinking “there’s no heterosexual explanation for this, he doesn’t even like ben stiller!” OR “maybe dave’s just too embarrassed to admit he likes shitty movies? is it really more than that??” either way, that’s because hussie utilitized the rule of three to make you subconsciously notice dave’s obsession with irony! the rule of three is used to set patterns in a story, either to establish a fact, or to subvert the viewer’s expectations. for example, let’s analyze this joke:

notice how terezi’s third response is the funny one?by setting up the pattern, both you and john are expecting her to keep laughing in response, so when terezi flips the script on him, it’s hilarious. that’s called payoff, or in this instance, comedic payoff. now we can compare that to dave’s irony, where it was mentioned three times on one panel. no subversions of expectations here! that’s because hussie wants to establish dave’s obsession with irony, and they did so by creating a pattern you would notice subconsciously. this is how the rule of three works! psychology is cool, right?

so now that we can all agree that the subtext here is related to the irony, we have a new problem: we’ve only gotten dave and rose’s perspectives. we still need one more to complete the rule of three. fuck. thank god i can skip ahead!

using my whimsical ability to read ahead analyze text, i find out what john said to dave, and leave out the unimportant bullshit for everyone’s sake (mostly mine though):

dear dave, happy birthday!!! (…) i got you these. they're totally authentic! they actually touched ben stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. i'm sure you'll dig them because i know you lolled so hard at that movie. ok so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because i know you wouldn't have it any other way. maybe you can wear them ironically some time. they MIGHT even be more ironic than you and your bro's dumb pointy anime shades.

now we have three characters’ perspectives on dave’s behavior. you’re probably able to put together the pieces i’m putting down, but for those who aren’t getting it: when you compare john’s letter, with dave’s actions, and rose’s messages, you realize that: dave is keeping these glasses because he loves john, not because he likes ben stiller, but he can’t admit that to himself, hence why his narration overcompensates with the usage of irony! it’s worth noting that all of these examples are from dave’s pov, because switching to rose or john’s pov would no longer make them mouthpieces!

“okay but isn’t dave’s perspective not reliable either??” yes! that’s why we’re using his actions as textual evidence, not his statements. the fact dave kept these glasses, and hung up a picture of an actor he doesn’t even like, is the proof he loves john, not him saying outright that he loves him. like i said earlier, this is a comic intended for adults, so characters aren’t going to outright say themes or how they feel. that’s more for peppa pig, hannah montana, and riverdale, you feel me? just like in real life, talk is fucking cheap here.

so now we’re left with a new question: why does dave feel comfortable admitting his love for john to rose, but not john himself? i’m sure the answer is becoming obvious! putting all this together we can gather the following: hussie wants us to know that dave possibly has a crush on john, but definitely loves him.

wait a minute… possibly?!? that’s because we still need textual evidence dave likes men. luckily, like i mentioned earlier, we can skip ahead to the epilogues, where him and karkat get together in the meat timeline, thus proving dave has liked men this whole time. boom! that’s payoff!!!

now we can OFFICIALLY put together that dave had a crush on john. once again, notice how we’re using dave’s actions to prove this, and not just quotes! either way, now we have officially used media analysis to deduce that dave had a childhood crush on john! huzzah! pat yourself on the back my loyal reader.

and for those who still aren’t convinced of dave’s crush on john, this masterpost has way more evidence than i ever could fit in this post.

(trigger warning: csa)

so now with everything we’ve learned about media analysis, i present you with my own analysis: the puppets are a symbolism for abuse, and the sex puppets specifically are an allegory for CSA, or child s*xual ass*ult. symbolism is where you use a certain object to represent ideas or qualities. the best example of this is the iconic green house logo we see throughout the comic. in comparison, an allegory is when a certain object or plot device is used to get a point across, without directly stating the point itself, aka, a hidden meaning. for instance, hussie has said their game “pyscholonials” is an allegory for how they feel about their gender identity!

so now, let’s start finding textual evidence to back up my claims about the puppet allegory, through looking for textual evidence of dave’s symptoms, aka analyzing character psychology:

dave’s anxiety manifests in the way he types. according to healthline “rambling or excessive talking [is a sign of] social anxiety. you fear saying the wrong thing or being judged by others, but you end up talking more (…) in an effort to help make up for your anxiety, and help quiet the worries revolving around what others think of you”. this is basically dave’s whole personality, but more specifically, you can see him doing this around the puppets in this scene, he rambles to himself non stop when returning to his childhood bedroom, and he’s still doing so on the meteor when he can’t find terezi to do “some stuff”. by the end of the comic, dave even acknowledges this himself by saying: “DAVE: yo im hardly one to talk here since i am a goddamn geyser of hilariously self-pulverizing freudian bloopers”. it’s also worth mentioning that, generally speaking, dave also spams his friends a lot until he gets a response, implying he gets anxious when people don’t respond quick enough to him, which is a normal reaction after being neglected as a child. that’s called a trauma response! all of these bullet points are trauma responses that happen to people who had to deal with CSA. in this case, the trauma response would be dave’s anxiety in general, and not him spamming his friends specifically. moving along…

dave’s hypersexuality manifests in a pretty in a pretty straightforward way, hence him constantly making s*xual jokes, and him drawing dicks on stuff on the meteor, much to the annoyance of everyone else. terezi even points this out herself while dave is failing to grieve bro:

TG: im sorry you are so flustered by the mere mention of glittering mythical cryptodick it honestly makes me think youre not ready for the truth

GC: D4V3 YOUR P3RPL3XING 3UPH3MISMS INVOLVING WHAT I PR3SUM3 TO B3 L3WD 4ND VAGU3LY INTRIGUING PORTIONS OF HUMAN 4N4TOMY 1 THINK 4R3 NOT 4S HILARIOUS 4S YOU PROBABLY B3L13V3

his dissociation is also pretty straightforward. he constantly talks about himself in the third person, and treats himself like he’s a character in a story, rather than a person who has wants and needs. for reference, dave immediately pulls meta shenanigans when you meet him, foreshadowing his dissociation. you can tell it’s built up to an already toxic level when we meet him, because on the same day, he has almost no reaction to seeing his own corpse, and immediately disposes of it “for jade’s sake”, rather than his own. and to make matters worse, he immediately “moves on” as if nothing happened. deep pov, remember? he also couldn’t properly process bro’s death. once again, terezi tries to point this out to dave, and he’s still not getting the message. put a pin in this section for now.

near the end of the comic, davepetasprite outright says that davesprite was depressed, regularly talked about how he wanted to off himself, and implies he might of attempted it. this is a grey area since davesprite is technically a separate character, and grieving the death of everyone from his original timeline, but it feels weird to just ignore it. to each their own on this point, but i would assume davepetasprite was referring to dave’s whole life when they talked about him being depressed based on wording, and his terrible childhood, but the s**cidal stuff could go either way. again, the proof here is dave/davesprite’s actions, not davepetasprite’s quote itself.

he displays regressive behavior 24/7 by wearing his shades to avoid eye contact, refusing to participate in common social cues (i.e.: constant dick jokes), and the few times we see him get upset, he shuts down rather than feeling his emotions. not so fun fact, the only time dave cries in all of homestuck is because of onions being cut in front of him. there’s an allegory in this scene, can you find it? (hint: the dragons forced dave into the soup, but he refuses to get out of it) also, in his most emotional scene, he still tries his damndest to not talk about emotional stuff with dirk, and still doesn’t cry when they hug, despite discussing bro’s death, and his thoughts on his own abuse in detail:

the lack of self esteem is pretty apparent. he constantly over compensates at the beginning of the comic, as seen below. he always talks about himself as if he’s a famous important guy, despite that all of his friends know he’s lying, and regularly say it to his face, but he’s still adamant that they’re wrong, or commits to the bit without actually admitting the truth. i wanna note that dave’s humor is always more of a commit to the bit and keep it going sort of thing, for better… or usually worse. not full on sarcasm. this is opposed to rose and john’s teenaged douchebaggery mixed with flagrant sarcasm. also, in the aforementioned scene above, davepetasprite still refers to davesprite as a piece of garbage, showing this is something dave struggles with even while being combined with nepeta. again, we’re using the action of putting himself down, not the quote itself. (also, sorry for the image quality, i’m on mobile)

in the long term, it’s basically impossible for him to form long lasting, fulfilling, and romantic relationships. first, it’s his crush on john, but that’s just kids being kids stuff. there’s also the fact dave and rose had some sort of failed relationship in davesprite’s timeline, due to them not learning they’re siblings. then we see the serious problems arise with terezi, who he dates pre-retcon mostly just cause she’s there, and his weird definitely not gay rivalry with karkat, which leads to her being unfulfilled in their relationship, and starting a kismesistude with gamzee. obviously the jade stuff is a big wooooof (pun NOT intended), both with davesprite, and the candy timeline. ultimately, both times, dave only dates jade because he feels bad for not liking her back, which leads to the relationship falling apart both times. remember the pin in dissociation? that’s what he’s doing here. karkat would be the opposite of jade. dave doesn’t let himself date karkat because dave hates himself, and more specifically, his attraction to men, which i’ll elaborate on later. this is what we call a character foil, aka two characters who have similarities so you can contrast their differences. think naruto and sasuke, or uh, deku and bakugo i guess? how do you do fellow kids? actually yeah! cause jade is green, and karkat is red blooded, which would symbolize how dave sees karkat as the “wrong” choice, while jade is the “right” one. the colors green and red are opposites, but jade and karkat are both of dave’s love interests in the epilogues. see? character foils! symbolism! personally, i refer to this as “star wars logic”, cause the good guys have green lightsabers, and the bad guys have red ones. this is definitely intentional, seeing as homestuck is littered with star wars references, like how HIC is basically just darth vader. meenah is also definitely a reference to darth maul, just look at her double sided weapon, or how they both die before getting to their respective thrones. i could keep going but it’s not really relevant to the discussion.

so right now you might be thinking “well you still didn’t explain how dave got assaulted tho”, and that’s fair. however, i wanna remind you that showing children porn against their will is 100% a form of CSA, same with sex paraphernalia, and especially forcing sex paraphernalia onto them. to do that to a child non-stop, in an environment they can’t escape, would have horrid effects psychologically, and dave displays almost every one of them, as you saw with the textual evidence above. so when dave can’t admit to himself that he he hates bro’s puppets, and more specifically the sex ones, it’s because doing so would force him to admit: a) what bro did to him was wrong & b) that he enjoyed it in some aspect. john even points out how weird bro’s affinity for puppets is weird and definitively not cool, which causes dave to immediately shut him down hardcore (more allegory).

speaking from experience, one of the worst parts of CSA is that you have no clue what’s going on. victims of assault often blame themselves, or feel guilty of what happened, and children lack the ability to tell what’s fully going on in the first place, due to their brains being underdeveloped, thus amplifying the guilt and blame. people often worry so much about the “man tricking kids with candy” because it’s the most pervasive p****ph*le you see in media (god i hate true crime culture), that people forget that 84% of csa happens in the home, 50% of the time it’s someone the child trusts, and 40% of time it’s family members specifically. even if 99% of your experience is terrible, you’ll still find a way to blame yourself for the 1% until you can properly process that you didn’t do anything wrong. this is what’s referred to as the “the myth of the perfect victim”.

i know this is “personal speculation”, but to me, it seems very apparent that dave is gay, and can’t come to terms with it because of his CSA trauma, hence his inability to just admit to himself he has a crush on john. every girl he dates in the main comic is quite literally the ONLY dateable girl in front of him, or usually the only girl in front of him at all, and all three girls have crushes on him/flirt with him WAY before he starts their relationships. and once again, he only dates jade in the epilogues due to his own guilt and dissociation, combined with her doing everything short of forcing herself onto him. compulsive heterosexuality is a major part of homestuck. for instance, hussie has confirmed via author’s notes that rose had a crush on dave when they were kids, and that something happened between them when they never learned they were siblings on davesprite’s timeline, yet hussie has also said that rose is a full on lesbian. that’s comphet, and it’s very intentional!

i also wanna take a moment to acknowledge that dave and rose are 100% nods to luke skywalker and princess leia, who also kiss before finding out they’re related. notice how dave fights with swords, like a lightsaber, and has the same hair as luke. meanwhile, rose’s seer of light powers are basically the same as leia’s force powers, and she uses most of her weapons as blasters, just like leia. i don’t think hussie was trying to be weird or add this stuff in for any unsavory reasons, like some people imply. there’s a reason all of this extremely vague, and not shown on screen. put a pin in that.

so in the same way the katanas in dave’s fridge symbolize bro prioritizing preparing dave for battle over what he actually needs (food and shelter), that’s how the puppets symbolize dave’s CSA. now, if you read dave and rose’s conversation about the sex puppets with that knowledge, it starts to paint the harrowing picture (again, allegory). it’s important to remember that rose had a canonically had a crush on dave at the time during this conversation, so she was probably just negging him the same way she negs her mom. she was upset because she knew that dave liked john, and probably was just gay in general, so he was never going to like her back. she’s definitely projecting her gayness (and love of puppets) onto dave too. again, all of this is definitely comphet lesbian behavior. all that’s to say, i’m not claiming she’s intentionally victim blaming him or anything during this scene. she’s just as much of a child as he is. put a pin in that too! i got sited sources coming, but i can only put so many goddamn words and images in a single post.

so, i see the sentiment shared a lot that hussie just tacked on the abuse stuff at the end, and that the beginning of homestuck “was just a silly comic at the beginning it’s not that deep”. that is an objectively ill informed take, and now you know why! the entirety of homestuck’s themes are exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, hence the name, home stuck. there’s a reason the protagonist who is able to save everyone, also has a seemingly perfect home life. notably, the only other character who’s a completely well adjusted nice person is nepeta. she’s also the only character who’s able to free roam as she pleases, has a loving lusus, and ironically, is the only character without a home/hive to begin with. once she makes into the game, her land is quite literally her cup of tea as well. these definitely aren’t coincidences. i hope your allegory alarms are going off right now!

the only reason homestuck is sillier in the beginning is solely because it was a fan lead project for the first few acts. back in the day, there were forums dedicated for audience input to decide what happens next in the story. fun fact: this is how a lot the characters names were decided as well! so there’s a reoccurring bit where (insert beta kid) does (something stupid) and then the plot just moves on (i.e. john’s HILARIOUS antics). those were the silly suggestions sent in by the fan community! that was back when the homestuck community was still pretty small, all things considered. this explains the wonky pacing in the first few acts, and the more comedic tone.

moving on, the reason the puppets and the katana fridge are used as symbols, is because yeah, the tone would be way too dark if they played that straight. however, there’s another reason that’s way more important. remember how homestuck is written with a deep pov, aka unreliable narration? (please don’t kill me pedantics police!!!) hussie uses deep pov to display how homestuck chacters see their parents/lusii, in order to convey the themes of the story. stick around a bit longer and i’ll explain the theme of homestuck! just let me explain something real quick, so you get the big picture.

bro is shown in a positive zany light because that’s how dave sees him. to dave, bro is his whacky older brother, and sure he’s a little out there, but ninja battles and puppets are sick as fuck, right? well we as the audience know that’s NOT the case. again, dave is literally starved on screen, and gets the shit beaten out of him, also on screen. this parallels rose’s relationship with her mom, who gives her everything she could ever want and need, but doesn’t fulfill rose’s emotional needs, so rose sees her as a some sort of spiteful cartoon villain. dave even calls this out the second he sees all the wizard stuff rose got from her mom.

meanwhile, you can see rose admit to liking the puppets here, and she says she’s a fan of bro’s pornbot websites as well.

ultimately, they both want what each other has, but aren’t really able to fully grasp why their own parents did what they did, much less each other’s parents, which leads to them both envying the toxic part of each other’s households. i’m sure you’re starting to see the big picture with the puppets now, so to send the point home, remember that image i showed you during dave and bro’s strife? well, bro is attacking dave with a puppet, and dave wants to abscond, but can’t, perfectly paralleling dave’s abuse to a puppet. furthermore, that’s why he’s surrounded by sex puppets specifically, and they’re all throughout his apartment. it’s all symbolism for how dave is trapped in home dealing with CSA.

this is the purpose of allegory, telling you something without directly showing it. i doubt any of us think homestuck would be better if this stuff was depicted literally, for all the obvious reasons. i’ll close out with this dialogue since it shows what i mean better than i ever could myself:

DAVE: why did i get such a raw cut of the asshole deck? and why did it take me so long to figure that out? and like hes dead now so thats that. so all thats left to do is look back and try to put the pieces together of my first 13 years, and all i can think is what the fuck WAS that?!

DAVE: i dont come away with the impression i used to try convincing myself of, that he was like "mysterious" or "stern" or "aloof". the only feeling left is this insane impression that i was raised by somebody who fuckin HATED me, and the whole act of even "raising a child" was some totally fucked up game to him.

DIRK: What… did he do?

DAVE: i dont want to get out the laundry list, but for reference laundry wasnt one of those things. that was just one of the many little domestic things i just had to sort of FIGURE OUT. sorta like i eventually had to learn what the REAL purpose of a refridgerator was from movies.

DIRK: Wait. What???

DAVE: i dunno theres too much to even get into. just- i dont remember the atmosphere ever not being nerve wracking. all havin to sneak around and... ugh my shitty childhood spider senses are tinglin just thinking about it.

DAVE: it was "training" you know?

DAVE: but you know what it really was, it was some vicious shit that was bad and sucked and i hated it

DAVE: it didnt make me stronger

DAVE: it did the opposite

DAVE: it made me never want to fight

DAVE: it made me never want to see blood or be near danger or hear metal sounds

DAVE: it made me hate the idea of being a hero cause he was a hero and he ruined the idea of heroism

(…)

DAVE: i know how it sounds but i am NOT joking and there is NO shred of doubt in my mind that he loved all those puppets more than me

so uh, this essay is already long enough, and you definitely want me to just say the theme by now, so let’s explain the rest of this allegory in optional bullet points that you should definitely still read.

rose liking the puppets is symbolism for how emotionally neglected children often end up subconsciously “wanting” terrible things to them, like abuse or self harm, so they can justify their own unhappiness with their lives, due to them not understanding that their emotional needs aren’t being fufilled. again, the myth of the perfect victim, starting during childhood specifically. rose does this by convincing herself that her mom hates her, rather than seeing that her mom is trying her best to parent, and failing miserably. rose is also unaware of her mother’s alcoholism, which symbolizes how she doesn’t understand that her mother is emotionally neglecting her. this parallels how dave is seemingly caught off guard by dirk’s sexuality, and thus bro’s sexuality, due to dave not processing that his abuse is sexual in nature.

jade’s love of plushies parallels dave’s love, and eventual hatred, for puppets. (once again, notice the red vs green. character foils!) this is because her neglect causes her to become extremely immature. when she’s a kid, this mostly just manifests as her liking children’s toys, and speaking with a childish affectation. however, this immaturity goes unchecked, leading to the epilogues, where she completely ruins dave and karkat’s relationship for her own sexual desires (paraphrasing). you could say the same for her secretly getting rose pregnant in hs^2, knowing kanaya will be upset when she finds out. basically, she has a huge emotional disregard for everyone around her, which stems from her almost complete isolation for most of her childhood. once again, emotional neglect leading to regression, more specifically maturity regression in her case, which makes sense when you remember she grew up raised by an actual dog. and interestingly, dogs have low emotional intelligence compared to other animals. jade herself becomes part dog while going godtier, right as she has to go into further isolation during the three year journey. dogtier symbolism! jadesprite also throws a tantrum when she’s created, right after being combined with a dog. more symbolism!

dirk loving cal is an allegory how he can’t let go of his own self abuse, which becomes extremely literal when he cuts his head off. something something symbolism. this is also foreshadowing his eventual role as the villain of the story once he achieves his ultimate self, and begins thrusting abuse onto others. after going ult, dirk ends up pushing jane into presidency, thus allowing a troll genocide to happen. it’s also worth mentioning jane r*pes jake in the epilogues, and while knowing this, dirk still supports her because he believes “the ends justify the means” during all of this. now he’s officially just as bad as bro at this point. i also wanna point out that this, once again, this makes dirk a huge foil to dave, with both of them helping their respective presidential picks to win the election. i believe this is hinting that dave will eventually be the one to defeat dirk, thus finally not letting his bro have power over him, or anyone else for that matter. remember how dave is a reference to luke skywalker? well the main villain of homestuck^2 is his father figure from another timeline/universe, so at this point, it seems like dave will have to be the one to do the killing blow on dirk, the same way luke did to vader. only time will tell. pun intended bitch. also, dirk’s shade of orange is right in between dave’s, and the yellow bloods, possibly symbolizing how dirk is doomed by the narrative just like sollux, mituna, and the Ψiioniic, combined with his own self abuse.

roxy has seemingly no affinity or hatred for puppets, dolls, or plushes, foreshadowing her failed assassination attempt on the batterwitch, and her short lived alcoholism. however, she does still have a pile of cat and wizard plushes in her room. roxy is probably the third most well adjusted character in all of homestuck, and had a pretty nice childhood all things considered! obviously it wasn’t perfect though, hence the short bout of alcoholism. all that fits into my puppet theory pretty well, implying that roxy made it to the end of her game due to her lack of alcoholism, unlike her alpha self, but just like rose. her shade of pink being the middle ground of dave and rose’s makes sense as well.

on davesprite’s timeline, his sprite prototypes with cal, and one of the birds who never left his apartment, symbolizing how he was unable to escape the trauma of his abuse and homelife. also another easter egg! crows are the smartest bird, and one of the smartest animals in the animal kingdom. this is symbolizing how dave is actually the smartest member of his session, which makes sense due to the sheer amount of math he does for his sylladex, despite bro not bothering with his homeschooling. this is why davesprite’s wings are clipped, to symbolize how his neglect and abuse ultimately made him worse off, rather than “being the air beneath his wings”. actual dave notably fights with a clipped sword, can you guess what that symbolizes? (hint: bro clipped the sword)

john interestingly fits into this as well, due to him receiving a harlequin doll for his birthday, and it later prototyping his kernelsprite. john hates clowns, and is the main character, which interestingly foils gamzee, who loves all things clown, and is relegated to a joke background character. let’s just put another pin in john and gamzee for now! i promise it will pay off.

but most importantly, lord english is the referred to as “the 8ig 8ad” by vriska (not a coincidence! think about spidermom!!!), and lil cal himself is referred to as the “most important character in homestuck”. notably, lord english is also the mind behind lil cal. this symbolizes how abuse is a central theme of homestuck, and the last trial the characters must overcome. that’s why rose stops drinking after the retcon, and why dave starts… doing something with karkat?

so there’s a huge elephant in the room! if we’re discussing davekat, we have to to mention the contentious reveal scene, don’t we? forgive me, but we have to address all the little nuances of this. so uh, remember dave’s anxious speaking habit we’ve established? well he starts blabbering when karkat immediately brings up his old black feelings for john, most likely implying he’s a little jealous/insecure about that. this is pretty normal, cause he’s still teenager at the end of the day. you can see it specifically in these two lines:

DAVE: so are you SURE you still dont have these unreconciled blackrom feelings about john

DAVE: i say we air this out before it ferments into some rank and hella unexamined feeling sauce

see? remember what i said about dave having trauma responses? this is it. he’s just anxious karkat might still like john, thus ruining their relationship, or uh, situationship at the time. he also might be projecting his romantic attraction to john onto karkat as well. then, he rambles a bunch of incoherent bullshit when john asks what his sexuality is. karkat is extremely embarrassed by this part of the conversation, yet he was able to calmly discuss his old crush on john. so this all comes to a head with the following dialogue:

JOHN: did you... like, date any boys?

DAVE: uh

JOHN: but there weren't even that many boys on the meteor? well, there's the clown guy, but i don't really see you and him... that really only leaves... um, were you and karkat... ARE you and karkat, like. hmm.

this makes karkat officially loses it due to embarrassment, but i’ll spare you from that huge wall of text. next dialogue reads:

JOHN: dave, i'm pretty sure we're making karkat uncomfortable now.

DAVE: yeah maybe we should drop this

JOHN: ok.

so lets think. they aren’t dating, but they definitely did something kinda gay. notably, this parallels the “things” dave did with terezi pre-retcon, while still being tastefully vague. the idea that dave did some gay teenager shenanigans actually does make sense for his character arc, because it implies he’s comfortable enough now to try something like that now. though i do wanna emphasize that i’m not try to explicitly say they had sex, i’m just saying dave explored his sexuality. come to the conclusions you’re comfortable with here! hussie goes out of their way to not display or mention characters doing any sex acts while they are minors, and this is the closest we ever get to anything like that. there’s only one instance of making out even happening in homestuck, and it’s just jake making out with his avatar poster. well, unless you wanna count this i guess? considering everything we’ve gone over in this post, this is most definitely intentional.

through john’s retcons, the butterfly effect forces the dave and rose to address their respective childhood traumas, which leads to them being able to beat the game. same with davepetasprite finally giving jade the closure she needed right before she woke up. same with terezi fixing her relationship with vriska. karkat runs for president later, proving he’s got over his leadership trauma as well. that’s how you win sburb. john saving everyone with that retcon shows the central theme of homestuck: you can change at any point, and get through any hard times, as long as you have people in your life to help and support you. the retcon is great because it shows you how a timeline is doomed, so that way you can understand why they won.

EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense. not because i think you are lying... i just feel like there must still be a way to win! (…) also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!

so when dave and karkat start getting together, and do “stuff” on the meteor, that’s all the tasteful way of saying: dave was able to process things, and become more comfortable with himself. again, this totally could’ve just been making out, come to the conclusions you want. the vagueness is intentional.

notably, vriska, dirk, jake, gamzee, and jane are the only surviving characters to not address their trauma at all by the ending, which leads into their current arcs in homestuck^2 (or lack thereof in gamzee’s case). there’s also one more character, who we’ve carefully left pins in until now….

it’s time to address june egbert. spare the torches and pitchforks please! i’ve done a ridiculous amount of research, and there still doesn’t seem to be a proper explanation for june egbert from either a homestuck fan or a creator behind homestuck, so i’ll bare the cross of this explanation. from here on out, i’ll still say both names interchangeably for pedantic reasons, but that’s solely because this is still in a weird state of schrödinger’s canon, and hs^2 is pretty much it’s own thing in itself. but i’m a trans woman so w/e. once again, spare the pitchforks! please!

the reason why her being trans works is because john/june spent the whole series so focused on saving everyone else, that she never focused on herself, or thought too deeply about anything. that’s kind of her thing, taking everything at face value, and not thinking too deeply about herself (i wonder why… ♾️). this is even pointed out by dave himself during The Davekat Scene™:

DAVE: ok i guess what im saying is… i dont think its all as simple as you think it is, or maybe not like ACTIVELY think it is but continue to assume it is on account of NOT thinkin about it much, due to a lot of junk about the subject that gets shoved into our brains from movies and stuff while we were just dumb kids

JOHN: i,

JOHN: hm.

so you see the set up here right? the character who i was referring to, who still hadn’t processed their childhood? it’s important to realize that june/john has never actually had a character arc herself, because her story is told via the hero’s journey structure, not a typical three act story structure like almost every other character receives in their arcs. ever notice how homestuck is constantly compared to the odyssey or the iliad? that’s why! this all means, june/john is a plot motivated character, rather than a self motivated one, again, like almost the rest of the entire cast. it makes sense for her to have to start self introspection once the game is over, she never really had the chance to while saving everyone else. interestingly, vriska’s arc is told in the format of the hero’s journey as well. dave/davebot’s arc in the epilogues and hs^2 is also told in the format of the hero’s journey. he seems to be in between “woman as the temptress” (aka jade) and the “atonement” stage, which would most definitely be finally seeing karkat again, something hs^2 is still building up to. this makes sense for all three characters, seeing as being a “hero” plays huge parts of all of their respective storylines.

i also wanna bring up the clown stuff again, and more specifically, gamzee. even more specifically, this amazing analysis by @abcq2:

before murderstuck, gamzee has no idea that he is a clown. sure, he anoints his face with greasepaint, rides a unicycle, and juggles, but these are serious religious sacraments to him. and, sure, sometimes he trips on his giant floppy shoes and lands face first in a pie, but that's just being blessed with a miracle, because he was just thinking about pie. and, sure, sometimes his friends say things like "HEY ASSHOLE. CLOWN ASSHOLE. YOU WORSHIP A CLOWN RELIGXON. FOR CLOWNS." to him, but he's too zonked on sopor slime to extract any meaning from it. when gamzee sees the ICP miracles video, he's too sober to dismiss it as a mere coincidence; for once, he gets the joke, and realises that he was the butt of the joke the whole time. he understands that every time he fell face first in a pie, it was the work of an unsen riddler. he grasps that he is, in a cosmic sense, a clown, and hates it. (…) when the murder spree is over, gamzee's beatific grin returns; no longer a look of blank ignorance, but a knowing smirk. he's successfully ruined his character forever - no one wants to see him and no one thinks he's funny. hussie seems to say: jesus you are such a shitty clown. and gamzee's impassive face seems to say: i know. gamzee refuses to clown out of spite, and hussie refuses to remove gamzee from the story out of spite. it's a committed relationship of reciprocal, mutual antagonism. what i'm saying is that hussie and gamzee ar-

once again, all credit for this gamzee analysis goes to @abcq2, please check them out!!!

so i’ll cut straight to the chase, mostly due to me getting close to tumblr’s character limit. the clowns are an allegory/symbol of being transgender. it’s impossible to ignore. remember that game i told you about? psycholonials? if you’ve ever played it, you’d know that clowns and transgenderism are tied up together in one big scene. i won’t spoil the game, it’s really good! check it out! this parallels homestuck, where june has always been associated clowns. not a coincidence. once you fit gamzee into this equation, it’s clear that gamzee’s “clown” dysphoria is a stand in for gender dysphoria. read the analysis above one last time and tell me i’m wrong. hussie themself has only posted themself in clown makeup since 2020, this started exactly half a year before they unofficially came out as non-binary via a homestuck announcement. they also tweeted that they use any pronouns shortly afterwards, on a private (?) twitter account. it’s also worth mentioning that one of the few of photos of hussie that we have, they were in ICP/juggalo stuff just like gamzee, and this photo was taken in october of 2010, mere months after gamzee’s introduction, and possibly a month or less after act 5 act 1 was finished. if you know anything about this image, or tumblr user @dead12234352356456775, please message me! this blog is the earliest place the picture can be tracked to, and i’d love to ask OP if they know anything about this image. hussie has notably referred to themselves “clown gender” as well. it’s unclear to me whether hussie actually likes icp, or if this is one huge coming out ARG, but either way, clowns = trans, got it?

so when john/june have a clown sprite following her around, it’s an allegory for how the trans stuff is literally in her face, but she can’t understand it!

“but there’s no textual evidence of john wanting to be a girl!!” see, we’ve officially waded deep all the way into the murkey grey waters of nuance. so if you don’t know, june is the embodiment of what us trans women refer to as the “pre-egg crack”, aka, the phase before you realize you’re trans. this phrase applies to all trans people, but trans women use/identify with it the most, just cause we usually come out way later, usually around say, 20-23, like john/june is by the end of homestuck! huh, what a coincidence. in all seriousness, this is because most trans women start their transitions when they first live on their own. john/june’s also a computer scientist by hobby, something a lot of trans women do. this is because trans women are one of the smallest minority groups, so we usually have to go resort to online communities to talk to each other. this is also necessary for a lot of us, due to research on hrt not really being as advanced as it should be, and the fact transitioning is still illegal/hard to access in a lot of areas. trans women are also likely to stay inside on our computers cause yknow… dysphoria. plus computer jobs often have decent pay, low barrier to entry, and require little to no interaction with other people in person, making them perfect to both medically and socially transition. sure, june never outright says “i want to wear a dress” or laments about dysphoria, but again, homestuck is by adults for adults. the story shouldn’t have to explain something like this to you. the only reason you had the impression that there’s no evidence of john being trans is because you weren’t educated on the subject matter, but now you are!

“you’re just projecting onto this character!!!” and you are too! again, that’s how everyone engages with art. to think you don’t do the same yourself is foolish. utter poppycock even! however, i really despise this sentiment. the fact i’m a trans woman makes me the most qualified to speak on this subject, not the other way around. who are you to speak on the experiences of trans women? exactly. i’m tired of us trans women being berated for headcanoning characters as trans women, even when it’s extremely obvious why we do as such. it’s always the boils back down to the same bullshit in response: “well actually YOU’RE the transphobic one for saying all trans women look/act the same!!!” *sigh* that is literally the definition of an identity. you sound dumb, and are speaking over actual trans women, whose opinions are infinitely more important than yours when it comes to this subject. this is literally just the “what is a woman” debate repackaged with the guise of liberalism. it’s annoying.

“all this june stuff came out of nowhere!!!” this headcanon became prevalent during the pandemic, where tons of trans people were able to start their transitions! i did this myself, and so did hussie. doesn’t seem so random now, does it?

“hussie is just doing this for woke/fandom points!!!” uh, and what would they be gaining by making john trans? if this was about making money, wouldn’t the merch link on the official website work? hussie makes visual novels now, and has removed themselves from homestuck as much as feasibly possible, while still maintaining their ownership of the IP. not exactly the most lucrative career path. and if you’re implying hussie is adding any element to homestuck simply to please fans (yes, that includes davekat), you obviously know nothing about hussie. go on reddit, read ANY responses to the epilogues, or the plot of homestuck^2, and tell me when you find the tons of people happy with their contents. oh, and see how homestuck fans feel about kankri and cronus while you’re at it. i’ll wait.

“okay but the toblerone stuff is dumb!!!” at no point before the june wish did hussie say that finding a toblerone would give the finder the power to make a canon-altering wish. as you can see here, all of the wishes weren’t even granted, some of which have no impact on canon at all. if hussie wanted to, they were well within their rights to go “yeah no, this is dumb, sorry” when the wish for june egbert was sent in. this means that june egbert already fit into hussie’s idea of canon, and as i’ve already pointed out, june egbert has properly been foreshadowed, so this all adds up. the idea that hussie “turned john transgender because of a toblerone” is an exaggeration of events perpetuated by losers misguided and ill informed fans. hussie has been sent an insurmountable amount of headcanons over the years, and aysha u farah, who has had major involvement for multiple homestuck projects over the years, has said “the only headcanon i've ever seen andrew get excited about is june egbert” on a now defunct podcast called perfectly generic podcast. (forgive me, but any links to the specific episode i’m finding no longer work due to their official website no longer working. i’m not listening to hundreds of hours of an archived podcast for this minuscule of a clip. be my guest if you want to take that on! once again, message me, and i’ll update this section.)

either way, based on everything we know, june egbert is canon because hussie wanted this prior to the toblerone wish, because if the wish contradicted or retconned canon, it wouldn’t have been granted in the first place. simply put, june egbert is canon because it’s want hussie wanted to begin with, and the wish came after that. once again, the sheer amount of foreshadowing here should be more than enough proof, and if you want more even more proof of june egbert foreshadowing, check out this blog post! it’s great!

“well it’s dumbledore logic!!!!!!!!!” is it though? j.k. rowling is a transphobic bigot, who’s works cost money to access, who confirmed dumbledore was gay only after he died, and then she still straight-washed him in future harry potter media. hussie is an actual trans person, running an indie project, who wrote one of the longest literary works in the entire english language, made it all free to access, supports all fan archives, and hasn’t even ended homestuck^2, where john/june is very much alive. and once again, the wishes were to add something to post canon content specifically, without shifting the canon of the main series. homestuck^2 is still updating, and as far as we know now, more projects are on the way, like the completion of hs^2 and hiveswap. these situations have almost nothing in common aside from deriving from twitter. if you’re mad about this, were you mad when jake was confirmed to be brazilian in a youtube livestream comment? or when gamzee’s red crush on tavros was confirmed via a dubiously canon comic? probably not. eh, maybe you were actually, i don’t know you. either way, feel how you wanna feel about jake being brazilian, i don’t care, but you can’t say there was “nothing building up to june egbert” now that you’ve read this essay. the dumbledore comparison is dumb as hell.

“well i’m trans and i don’t feel represented by june!!!” if you’re “feeling unrepresented” by june, it’s probably just because you’re not a trans woman obsessed with computer science. that’s just you not relating to the character. it’s really not much deeper than that. and on that point…

“well i just don’t like this!!!” with all due respect, you seriously need to put thought into why that is. i can’t think of a single non-transphobic to be upset about a character transitioning in a story. and again, homestuck is one of the longest literary works in the entire language, and is completely free to access. in all of homestuck history, not a single product was sold under the guise that “john will be cisgender forever” or “dave will not end up with karkat” or “jake will never be brazilian”. hussie doesn’t owe anyone any part of their story’s canon. it’s their story, full stop, and if you’re mad about that, you’re entitled to something that was never yours to begin with. not all art is made purely for your consumption, and free art is especially not made for your consumption. can you critique it? absolutely. there’s a big difference between criticism and bashing though. if you don’t like any part of homestuck, write a fan fiction, make some fanart, or write an oddly soapboxy essay about your personal fan theories and headcanons. turn that negative energy to make something positive! i’m being serious! hussie themself encourages this!!!

“okay but it’s still lame the davekat stuff happened off screen” i can agree to a certain extent, but dave and karkat’s relationship plays a major part in the epilogues, as well as homestuck^2, and that’s not even unpacking their weird borderline black rom dynamics pre-retcon. to act as though their romance starts and stops during one intermission really downplays how seriously their relationship is taken throughout the homestuck series.

“okay but isn’t a lot of that stuff dubiously canon?” baby, everything is canon. hussie has said so themself. there are infinite possibilities for what could have happened during homestuck, so maybe we should just focus on the fact it’s taken seriously at all? honestly, the line between dubiously canon and actual canon is paper thin. homestuck^2’s entire plot is currently deconstructing what canon even means. if you wanna only see the main series as canon, be my guest, but the accusations of homophobia and queerbaiting over the davekat reveal are a little ridiculous. their relationship plays a major part in all homestuck content for years now. also, big reminder that, with the reveal of june egbert, there’s now only one canonically straight character from the main series, and she’s a villain now, so…

“well you’re just strawmanning me now!!!” my loyal reader, i understand you are a human being with infinite nuances i will never be able to understand, cause quite frankly, i have no clue who you are to begin with. i don’t think everyone who hates davekat or june egbert is some anti-lgbt bigot. i’m just here to set the record straight, and provide context for people who are willing to listen. a lot of this shit is confusing, and there’s misinformation a plenty out there. most people who are participating in this discussion clearly haven’t bothered reading homestuck for years at this point, possibly even a decade. and that’s fair, most of us read it as kids, and probably stopped by the final update, if not sooner. honestly, i think the main issue here is that people are playing the telephone game via fandom discourse. that’s how we went from “hussie supports june egbert” to “hussie made john being transgender canon cause of a candy bar” in the first place. if you’re participating in this discussion, maybe try rereading homestuck before you let your vague memories of reading the comic years ago define your current day opinions? besides, i’m not delusional enough to think any bigots are going to read this post and be convinced, but i’m sure i can open up the minds and eyes of people who are willing to listen! give homestuck a reread, imagine how much more foreshadowing has gone unnoticed over the years!

i feel the need to be so thorough, bust out so many references, break down every bit of nuance, and speak from my own experiences, because inevitably, a small group of people are gonna read this post and still go “it’s not that deep! they’re just puppets! june egbert is a bunch of sjw malarkey!!!”, and to those people, i hope you stop making fandom spaces miserable because you didn’t wanna pay attention in english class. media analysis is a necessary tool, and i’m sorry our education system here in america failed both you and i. (or maybe your a non-american country has english classes as terrible as ours? idk.)

honestly, i think i read like five or six books in throughout of all high school. i failed english my freshman year, and dropped out by my senior year. there’s always room to grow though! look at how i’m able to write this essay now! all you have to do is just watch some video essays that break down your favorite movies, tv shows, books, and more!!! there’s tons of jackasses like me who will lament about their hyperfixations. plus, now you already know what symbolism, the rule of three, and allegories are! before you know it YOU’LL be the one noticing all of the easter eggs in the media you enjoy, just like us the rest of us pretentious media analysis fuckheads.

i’m sure all of us are old enough to remember how exciting it was when rosemary was first confirmed, or when the dirkjake kiss happened, or all the recent stuff with davekat. and guess what, june egbert is going to be that lots of young trans women! after reading all of this, is hating june egbert the hill you’re gonna die on?

you know, hussie practically uses homestuck as their personal diary. i don’t think anyone’s denying that. it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why they want their main character to be trans, or why they wanted dave to end up with karkat. maybe you’re just not willing to understand it? if we’re allowed to project on to these characters, then why won’t you let hussie?

if you got to the bottom of this post, thanks for reading! i might turn this into a video essay if i’m being honest, but if you wanna repost this, or make your own response, please just credit me! also check out my homestuck fanworks if you like this post, i’m sure you’ll like them too!!! i don’t really have anything else to promote so uh…. if you’re on the homestuck^2 team and read this…pleasefortheloveofgodiwouldkilltoworkonanofficialhomestuckprojectidontevencarewhowhenwhenwhereorhowbutillsettleforanytjingpLEdareplelaplwlalsplelallaldle

in all seriousness, thanks for reading! i doubt this post will take off simply due to how long it is. i’d love to hear other people’s thoughts and opinions on this, or possibly make mutuals to yap with even! dear lord i miss having friends to talk about homestuck with. also sorry for the censors, normally i wouldn’t bother with something like that, but i’ve been working on this non-stop for the past few days, so i don’t wanna risk it being taken down.

anyways….. THAT’S why i have the bro strider tag muted 😭

(EDIT ON 9/15/24: added a new source i found and fixed some minor grammatical errors)

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