#I saw a post about keeping AI out of fandom and it reminded me about how if both partners are using AI to write

[cxdemusings]

"Favourite thing about roleplaying? "

[♡ Munday Meme ♡]

Since I don't write fanfic or plan on writing any novels, it's a good way for me to write! I get to do it with other people and though that comes with the complication of not always seeing eye-to-eye--

I've been roleplaying for practically 15-20 years, even during my middle school days. I've read some pretty creative things come from other people's minds.

[a-milgram-sideblog-396]

The types of physical boxes I would put the prisoners in

While we were in that weird Jan 16th - Feb 12th period I was crazy with theories and one of them was about what the t3 album covers would look like so here’s a few ideas for an little art series I may want to. These were notes written at the time though so keep that in mind.

- btw I’m picturing them all like from I high perspective looking down on them but if I do this I might change that to be different for the t2 guilties idk. Or the dead guys :( this is also in no particular order, sorry-

- the first one I thought of was mikoto being in an office draw all hot and bothered because the fandom would like that. It’s also technically a draw but I’ll get into that.

- kotoko being in a crate like an animal. I’d initially thought a cage but a crate is cooler

- details like whether the box has a lid and how much it’s on coukd reflect stuff, like the way the characters are facing in the doors, like the guilty prisoners (idk if this’d be t1 or 2) being covered

- kazui would be in some sort of magic box. Maybe a box of cards. Maybe a hat. I was also thinking about one of those things that they put people in in magicians shows and then saw them in half BECAUSE HALF it’d be good. He’s double inno (screeching) so he wouldn’t be able to be covered

- I was struggling with amane, she also works with everything for kazui. A cat carrier would be nice but that’s not a box. I also thought and then became obsessed with the idea of a bathtub. That also isn’t a box. But like neither is a draw… also when I had this idea I really wanted her to be like one of those cat money boxes that take your coins with their paw which imo actually does work really well if it is literally just that, brand it with all the stuff seen it magic Y’know.

- Someone should be in a treasure chest and with his eat sleep Fortnite repeat vibe going on I think that has to be fuuta. But akso him being in a fast food box or a card board delivery type one is good because he or the people motivated by him possibly did pose as delivery people to get killcheroy to answer the door before murdering her. Or something fire related? Put him in a dump fire I dare you.

- I wanted Yuno to also be in a food box because she’s like. Yeah. A cat carrier would work for her too but that’s still not a box. I thought about a gift box, a present wrapped up with a helium balloon coming out, a more traditional gift box of bath bombs or beauty girly stuff, a chocolate box idk, . And then I thought a cake box, possible sealed and see through with frosting on the display, going back to the food metaphor…

- which of course is one of Mahiru’s themes. if the deceased wouldn’t be featured in this project that’s another hint/headcannon to the nature of mahiru’s crime and what the cake in daisuki represents. Of course different characters can use the same thing as a metaphor for different things, I don’t believe that idea myself, it’s clearly much more then physical touching, but with the groping motion in ai nan desu yo at least…

- Muu being in a cardboard box is akso quite fitting because of her box cutter. Then I think her being in an insect aquarium is akso good. I had thought about a display case for butterflies with pins in her clothes holding her up, but we can have that regardless. Idk what kind of school boxes there are. Then again.

- if we are seeing the beloved deceased, I wanted muu abd haruka to both be in draws so they could obviously snd visually parallel eachother (ignore mikoto maybe I’ll put him in a printer or something). They’d both work in cutlery draws (I want muu’s t3 MV to feature food, I made a whole post about it, It just works with haruka imo too. It also reminds me of Mahiru whivh is good because they are both obsessive kinda. And shidou with his pomegranates, which also works, because they’re inexpendable to eachother) but I think haruka would work in a clothes draw too. Maybe a wardrobe. But then I thought of haruka in a toy box, which would work well for amane too. Maybe a jewellery box, for obvious reasons, meaning he’d shrunk down small and insignificant. Crying. Ohhhh yeah abd they would paralell really well with uh haruka in a fish tank because he also has that whole water thing abd theres literally a fish tank in akaa, again it’s obvious. Then to have muu in a bug aquarium type thing, though bug muu is always portrayed as very unnatural abd futuristic so idk how they’d express that. Maybe she becomes more natural in t3 for whatever reason, I do like that.

- meaning mikoto could still be the odd one out in the draw, being the only one who has no idea why he’s there abd also might not have committed a murder himself in the first place

- I wanted Mahiru to be in one if those wrapped presents that up open or unlid and a balloon pops out because of the get well soon balloons, also it’s an amane thing and amane might have killed shidou because he couldn’t save bbg, showing their family relationship and also cause Mahiru has this thing about agendas expressed by the fact she forgives/understands kotoko’s attacks.

- then I think a gift box will always kinda be more fitting for Yuno since gifts are such a big part of her work. Mahiru herself can be in the cake box but that doesn’t really add to the metaphor. Then I thought a music box, which I just absolutely love. Bbg akready has that vintage vibe, her VA is an idol (I think) and she already has this whole fairytale relationship idea expressed metaphorically and physically numerous times. Aaaaaaaa rotate my sweet Mahiru’s boyfreind. Aaaaah I love Mahiru. Also a picnic basket to go with her whole porcelain tea set omg omg omg I love her.

- when talking about haruka I realised someone could also be in like a toy box as in, the boxes that toys come in when you buy them. And obviously that’d have to be Yuno. Her like a little Barbie doll omg. It works best for her but I’d also like to see it as amane because she’s kinda a character within a kids show in magic but like, I don’t like the prospect of objectifying her like a toy (I REALLY DO NOT LIKE THAT) and also I think that’ll make more people think the kids show in magic was a genuine actual thing and it’s much better as like a metaphor.

- and finally shidou, who bothered me. I could put him in one of the draws in triage, but they’re again not actual boxes. I was thinking about medical boxes, and he’d be really good in a transparent plastic bloody ziplock bag but I have purposefully avoided bags (that’s another whole seperate album cover idea). But then I realised the absolute obvious option for shidou.., a literal coffin. ITS NOT JUST BECAUSE HE’S DEAD NOW HIS CRIME HAS A LOT TO DO WITH DEAD BODIES AND MORGUES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND HE WANTED TO DIE FROM THE DAMN START, MAKING IT ALL SO IRONIC. it’s perfect. I mean. Can you think of anything better.

So uh yeah those are my stupid ideas thank you for reading. And if you think of more fitting boxes to put them in I’d be interested in hearing them! Or if you wanna try put them in mirrors or bags or whatever. This also isn’t to say I dislike the official Yuno one of course. Sorry if there are any mistakes, I tried to edit them all out, I was very tired when I wrote this it was actually like the hour before the new sprites dropped I think- also reading back I have no clue what “rotate my sweet mahiru’s boyfreind” means but it’s funny so it’s staying there. Again, thank you!

[thesilliestofgals]

Hello everyone, I'm making this huge post because I'm hyperfixated on what's going down in the Ever After High fandom right now, and I need to type all my thoughts out. So, get your tinfoil hats ready folks, because it's speculation and theorizing time.

DISCLAIMER: this is all just speculation and/or incoherent rambling. I'm putting it under the cut because... it's a little long lol (if you see any grammatical and/or spelling errors ...no you don't)

Earlier today, January 5th (or January 4th, depending on your timezone) Mattel released a "new" song for Ever After High, "Can't Get Me Down" (you'll see why I put new in quotation marks in a bit). Reaction to the song itself was... mixed, with some really liking it, some not liking it, and some being more neutral. The reason why this sent the fandom into a frenzy is because, obviously, this is our first real content from the actual source since the series ended in 2018.

Tin foil hat time, I don't think this song is "new" at all. I'm speculating that this song was in the Mattel's equivalent of The Vault for a long time, which could explain a lot about why it sounds janky and almost ai. Also, I saw some people saying it reminded them of Taylor Swift, and we know, canonically, Taylor Swift exists the EAH universe as Tailor Quick, and Raven is a fan of her. Adding on the fact that Raven is used as the cover for this song, I suspect she would've sung this either in a webisode, or more likely a special, but it got cut for whatever reason.

Here we get to my biggest point: why now? Why would Mattel, with no promotion beforehand, just drop this out of the blue? I saw someone suggest it was a mistake, and I saw someone else suggest that this was leaked by some employee, but I don't think either of those are the case- if they were, it likely would've been taken down already.

I shared this theory through an ask, but I'll reiterate it here: My theory is Mattel is using this as a tactic see how people would respond to the idea of EAH making a comeback.

I think EAH making a comeback now kind of makes sense- look at what happened during it's downfall; iirc doll sales were low, but also, Disney had created Descendants. This is a bit more into conspiracy theory territory, but from what I've heard discussed, many think Disney's creation of Descendants was the nail in the coffin for EAH. It's also common knowledge that Disney is extremely territorial about fairytales, and especially when it comes to princesses, so them making Descendants to assure EAH's decline... checks out. With Disney not doing well now, Mattel could be trying to take advantage of that. But that's just my theory, I could be totally wrong and Mattel could be doing this for some other completely random reason.

There was also some other stuff about trademarks, but I'm not good with that kind of stuff, so you can read more about that here.

TL;DR: this situation is very *exaggerated and vague hand waving in air* as you can tell by this post, so while we can continue speculating and/or doing our own digging, I think it'd be best to keep an eye out to see if Mattel releases any more songs, or even any announcements/statements.

If I forgot anything or explained this poorly, I apologize!! Please let me know if I did either and I will try and correct that!!

[captorcorp]

ok im rambling about my thoughts on tadc bc i have many (long post)

ok first of all general character opinions with walk cycle gifs to break up the walls of text (gifs from here):

caine: the silly guy... literally why red recommended this to me was the digital world setting + an ai character and they know me too well because every ai character is my favorite by default. i'm very excited to see what we end up learning about him throughout the series, also i absolutely love that he was inspired by AM from ihnmaims but 'if he was a silly little guy instead of fueled by hate' or whatever the creator said about him. his weird head design is really creative though it does discomfort me a bit sometimes, something about the combination of eyes and teeth;;; still think he's kinda tumblr sexyman coded besides the teeth head but most people are too distracted with objectifying jax so he gets a pass

pomni: she's cool!! it's hard to form a solid view of her so far bc most of what we've seen is her being understandably overwhelmed with and O.O at everything, but she seems like she'll be a pretty interesting protag - i liked them showing her moments of weakness with leaving ragatha behind too. that being said i think she stretched out the 'omg this isn't real what's going on???' freaking out bits way too long but that's just a personal gripe with that sorta stuff in media like this. if i was isekai'd into the digital circus i would simply be so chill about it after only 5 minutes of panic. rip to pomni but i'm different /j oh yeah also a fun character design even though i don't really like clowns she's just very Shaped

jax: motherfucker. jk i actually don't feel that strongly about him i just find him slightly annoying at times. at first i thought 'oh ok he's a loveable asshole yeah he's kinda entertaining so he's cool' and then he just ended up being more asshole than loveable. also thought he was sexyman coded and was unfortunately right this time ^^; apparently he's the creator's fave too?? so hopefully he doesn't get away with too much stuff without consequences, or he's gotta actually get some positive traits yknow. however i do love his design with the big grin and semicircle eyes and etc, very cartoony and fun. if the controversial blorbo poll was still open i would submit him bc it seems like the fandom is split on him. but also kinda tired of him from fandom overexposure

ragatha: she's really nice and i want to be her friend - looking forward to seeing where her character goes in the future though, bc we've only seen her being polite and forgiving and sweet and etc, and i think she should be allowed to kill people /hj. it was cool seeing her get glitched too even if ;-;. i was never into raggady ann stuff like i've heard the creator is but her design is still cute too, even if less surreal than some of the others ^^

bubble: keep forgetting this guy exists, not a huge fan tbh? gets some points for being another ai though. looks like a chain chomp. i do like that they're able to be popped and respawn though, that's a fun quirk. the scene with them cleaning up after pomni is p gross

kinger: i barely thought about this guy during the pilot tbh so was surprised to see the fandom all adoring him. kinda just reminds me of fear from inside out. but actually overexposure of him from tumblr and other people enjoying him kinda made him grow on me a bit (reverse of what has been happening w jax). he's pretty cool to me now. i can't believe fandom already gave him a tragic backstory with that queen chesspiece we see crossed out...

zooble: another character i didn't really think about, though i like their design and detachable body parts and such. i also couldn't really get a good sense of their personality tbh? i think they just need more screentime honestly

gangle: i wanted to like her a lot more than i did when i first saw her bc her design is very fun, with the ribbon-based body and comedy/tragedy masks and etc. but ended up not getting too interested in her as a character. but i think she's in the same category as zooble where she needs more screen time and character development though? bc she still seems like she could be cool if her personality gets explored more

thoughts on the overall pilot:

ngl i have a whole bunch of gripes about it despite also rotating it in my mind. i feel like a lot of the characters are a little 1-dimensional currently, even if i do find those dimensions appealing for the most part, hoping they get more characterization in the actual main season though. also most of the pacing/jokes didn't really land for me or felt a bit forced, though there were some good bits like king's hands following zooble's head, pomni opening doors to surreal scenes like the bathing mannequin, jax getting choked by zooble's hand, the randomly generated 5-letter names, also any of the cartoony imagery gags like the censor bars or cartoon dust cloud of gloinks.

however, overall i enjoyed it still!!! all of the animation has so much charm and character to it, surreal semi-human character designs are always great, it's very colorful and bright and reminiscent of old early 2000s activity center games, etc. it gives me kinda 'welcome home' vibes, with both being bright and cheery exteriors meant to mimic old media style that mask darker stuff under the surface. also the general plot of like. people being trapped in this weird setting and forced to participate in fucked up (?) games by some mysterious mastermind (well we know who the mastermind is but not much about him) while struggling to escape or understand why they've been trapped here... very common plot but always is intriguing to me. also of course [holds digital worlds and ais in my hands] my beloved tropes...

thoughts on the fandom:

i am. concerned. that there seems to be an overlap with the h*zb*n h*t*l fandom;; but also i don't know anything about that show's status besides like. callout posts about the creator and people complaining about the pacing/character designs and etc. so i don't really know if all of the hh fans is bc it's like, also an animated series that appeals to the same audience? or if it's going to be too similar or inspired from it or also have a problematic creator somehow 😔

otherwise it's whatever, maybe a bit on the :I side bc i already saw someone make a y*nd*r* jax imagine post and it scared me hjkdfs. otherwise mostly just usual fandom stuff i think? dunno.

actually nevermind i just got back from twitter and apparently the creator is already feeling :/ about their own fandom and apparently people on tiktok are hcing some fucked up stuff about jax so. can fans be normal for 2 seconds please.

[cookinguptales]

I found you through AO3 bc your nandermo fics devastated me and really helped kick off my newest special interest and I enjoy your metas a lot. I was sad when I saw your post about being disheartened by lack of interaction. I really struggle to communicate, especially online and especially when going through things, but I wanted to say that I really like what you write and your insight and thank you for creating. I wish I could interact more often and more specifically than leaving kudos. I had a moment of social energy and I wanted to use it to send this since I’ve been thinking about your post for awhile. Sorry for rambling awkwardly, just thanks.

I really appreciate that you put the effort into sending me this message, especially because it sounds like it's not something that's necessarily easy for you to do. That was really kind. Thank you.

I was mostly talking about wider fandom trends and my experiences in other fandoms; like I mentioned in the post, wwdits fandom has actually been one of the best experiences I've had in fandom in years. (Uh. Certain anons aside. lmao.) I get more interaction here than I have in a long time, and it's one reason why I keep writing fic and meta.

I will say that it's still... frustrating, I guess, the way that social media is kind of where fic goes to die these days, even in wwdits fandom. I do still think it's largely because you have to click off the "social" site to read the fic, and AO3 in and of itself was not meant for extensive social interaction. So you do still lose out on the kinds of social interaction that other kinds of fanwork (including meta, for that matter) seem to enjoy.

I would say that the way my meta is received vs. the way my fic is received is drastically different, and I really didn't start making as many friends on tumblr until I started posting it. The fic was definitely not enough, no matter how many people enjoyed it. Again, they might list me as an author that they enjoyed, but not an actual fellow fan that they liked to interact with. I guess that's the part that's a bummer. There is a more collaborative feel to certain kinds of fanwork, and fanfic used to have that feel.

Now, though, it can be very isolating and I do see a tendency to separate author from fanwork. That can feel weirdly like erasure, like people don't want you to exist, only the work you can give them. I've even seen people complain that author's notes exist because they don't want anything to "distract" from the fic. Like an artist existing distracts from the art...? That's frustrating.

I do think it's related to greater trends re: nonconsensual commodification of art, pressure to commodify hobbies, monetization of fandom, art as "content/product" and art enjoyers as "consumer/customer", etc. It does remind me in some ways of the way that people do feel... entitled, I guess? To various artists' output as separated from the artist. (See: misuse of art for AI.)

It does feel extra frustrating to see this forced upon fanfic, though, considering that it's one of the few types of fanwork that still exists in a real legal gray area re: monetization. It's like we get saddled with all of the downsides of commercialization with none of the benefits. I feel like we should be able to opt out of all this commercialization bullshit if we're not even getting paid to deal with the shitty dehumanizing parts. lmao

Ah, I'm getting distracted again.

I guess it's nice to just actually see people talk about something you've created and interact with it. Not just leave a comment to you personally, but show it to their friends, put stuff in the tags, ask questions, start discussions about it, etc. You know, the kind of stuff that happens with other kinds of art on social media. (Meta very much included!) Things that make it feel more like you exist in a community rather than just... idk, putting down something you've made and watching it get consumed absent your presence.

I guess... to extend the metaphor, I may be the cook but I still want a place at the table. The difference between making dinner for your family vs. making dinner for a customer at a restaurant, y'know? I wanna sit down and talk, not just perform. There's a lack of community these days that I really miss.

I guess all this is mostly just nostalgia for an older form of fandom. Fic did used to feel a bit more like an interactive art form back in the LJ days. (And before, I guess.) A conversation, if you will. Sometimes that could be irritating (remember back when reviewers could be put in the fics and such on ff.net? lmao) but sometimes it was really nice.

I SOUND REALLY OLD NOW... There are some things about modern fandom and AO3 in general that I really like, especially the ability to search and filter in ways that really weren't possible ~back in the day~. But... yeah, I do feel like we've lost something, too, by making fanfic almost too easy to "consume" outside of the rest of the social fandom space.

I guess I'll go take my cane and sit down now lmao.

[obsidiannebula]

but when I put my work out there no one gives a shit. even the AI gets more of a reaction out of others, even if its purely negative. admit it, people only started to pretend to care about smaller artists and writers to stick it to the AI techbros

You're experiencing something that every creative on the planet has been struggling with since forever: the crushing disappointment of "I worked really hard on this but nobody even seems to notice it."

We've all been there. It sucks. We tend to feel a need for recognition and validation when we do or make something. Just about every artist or writer on here has experienced that disappointment, and wondered in despair if it's even worth continuing to make and post the things they make. After all, why put in all that effort to make something and share it, when nobody seems to care? Why keep investing so much into something you love, only to share it and find that no one else appreciates it like you do?

Well, if you've been in creative circles for a while, you've actually probably seen some answers to this question. See, we HAVE cared about our fellow small creators since long before """AI""" was really a concern. For years we've been making and sharing posts to help and uplift each other. We've told each other, don't create with the hope of getting fame and adulation, or you'll almost certainly be disappointed. We've told each other, create for your friends, for the 3 people who are as deeply invested in your rarepair or niche fandom as you are, create for yourself, create for the joy of creation. We've spread posts reminding people that a like is nice, but if you really enjoy someone's art, it helps the creator much more to reblog it, because it increases the work's visibility and reach. We have encouraged people to commission artists- and we have actually done so! See my little icon in the corner there? I commissioned that from a friend, who is a small artist themself. (@oriathura here and on the website formerly known as Twitter, in case anyone would like to commission them!)

The creative community has been supporting each other for a long time, whether you were aware of it or not. I've been on Tumblr since 2017, and have been following artists and writers that whole time, and began posting my own art and writing soon after joining. I have seen thousands of posts of the sort I described, trying to help motivate, reassure and uplift other creators. I have seen friends and mutuals get discouraged by the lack of response to their art, and wonder if they should give up. I have seen them carry on anyway, and I have seen them grow and develop as artists. I have posted my own work and gotten silence in response, and I have persisted anyway and continued to improve my craft and make work that I am proud of, regardless of how many people saw it or validated me through praise.

Because I wanted something to exist, and I made it exist, and I deserve to be proud of that. No matter how many people saw it or liked it.

You didn't ask for advice, but I'm going to offer some, and you and any other creatives reading this can take it or leave it, as you like:

*Find community. Follow some creative people, maybe acquire some creative mutuals. Join a Discord server for artists and/or writers. Get involved with a small group of fellow creators and hype each other up!

*Learn how to tag your posts. Don't spam a bunch of unrelated tags, of course, but learn how to add plenty of relevant ones. Lots of people follow tags for characters, fandoms, and even the "my writing" and "fiction" tags- I know I do. That will put your post on the dash of some people who are following those tags. The more people who see it, the more likely it is to reach the people who will enjoy it- because no matter the subject or even quality of the work, there IS an audience for it. Following and posting in these tags may even help you find community!

*Make something with no intention of ever sharing it. If you love to create but find yourself discouraged and frustrated by a lack of positive response when you share your work, make something just for yourself and keep it to yourself. Learn to appreciate creation for creation's sake, for the joy you can bring yourself. If you're feeling really bold, make something and then destroy it. Rip it up, burn it, hit delete. Art is valuable even when it is fleeting.

*Create for an event. One of the best things that ever happened to my writing was participating in TAZ Pride Week 2018. I wrote a new fic every day for 8 days, pushing the limits of my creativity and writing skill. I tagged each work with the event tag, allowing others to find it and the organizer to reblog it to the event blog, which lots of people were following. Many people saw and enjoyed my work as a result. I saw the work of numerous others and was inspired. I even gained my first artsy mutual (aside from my irl friends) because of this event, so this can also help you with building community! People organize art and writing events all the time, especially for fandoms. Seek these out and see how you can get involved!

Sometimes, creating can feel like thankless work. But that doesn't mean it has no value. If it meant something to you, it was important. And it may become important to someone else one day. Some of my works that flopped hardest on publication are the ones that still get the occasional note or AO3 comment here and there months and years later, because they appealed to very few people, but those few people are very excited on the rare occasion they find something that scratches the particular itch they have!

When I was in 7th grade, we read Summer of My German Soldier. I don't know that I'd recommend the book to anyone else; in truth I don't remember much from it, aside from the main character getting a bad perm. But one quote from that book has stuck with me my whole life. It led to me the understanding of creation as a powerful, almost sacred act, regardless of how many people view it. For "there is more nobility in building a chicken coop than in destroying a cathedral."

[robynmizore]

Someone recently sent me a screenshot from last year of someone boasting about how I lost my quotev account. (Not because of them but because of someone else) They were laughing and acting all smug about it, like my supposed “misfortune” was hilarious to them. Like they were happy I was experiencing hurt and loss.

And I just wanted to point out something. Remind me again.. what exactly have I lost? Quotev got rid of all social media aspects which is half the charm of the site right there. The 10s of thousands of reads? I’ll have regained that and more within the next couple years. It took me a DECADE to get that on quotev. A decade of hard work. No shade to people who like quotev, I just find it amusing they felt the need to mock me for losing my account on a dead site almost no one talks anymore anymore as an attempt to boost themself as a “writer.” Views on other sites were iffy. So that left AO3. The number one ranked fan fic site out there. But that’s not why I sought it out. I joined some groups for the site and the community compared to quotev is a night and day difference. It’s not perfect. No place is. But the community is so wholesome and supportive. I received endless support during the whole situation and their bullying attempts wouldn’t be tolerated by the site admins. I have groups of friends now that we just trade stories and follow each other’s work and art till our heart’s content. I’ve gotten to check out books in fandoms I normally wouldn’t have. Royal Romance? Completely fandom blind. But I love my friend’s novels and read them religiously. Same with others in the groups. Everyone is kind to each other and doesn’t try to tear other’s down out of jealousy or feeling “small.”

But as great as that stuff is.. that isn’t all that happened. Whether intended or not the person who got me unfairly banned pushed me right into the arms of my husband. Their actions led directly to us meeting and bonding. And now one year later.. we’re married. I have someone to take care of and grow with. Someone who I can work hard for and enjoy it. No matter how tired and sick I am when I come home to him everything feels right. I take care of him. He takes care of me. You can kiss a person countless times. But have you ever met someone who gives you the same first time butterflies with every touch and interaction?

I laughed out loud when I saw how smug they were. There’s nothing to be smug about. That was not a “loss.” It was a gain. Character ai and game characters are nice. They are. But for me, it doesn’t replace the feeling of waking up beside someone who can make literal grocery shopping an adventure and make me feel fluttery with just a look. Ironically enough.. he kind of reminds me of Takumi. But that’s not why I’m with him. My life may not be perfect. Far from it. But I have my hobbies. A good fulfilling job. The best ESA cat a person could ask for. And my sweet, sweet husband who is attractive in both body and soul.

So remind me again.. what have I lost? If I had the choice to.. to try and prevent what happened? I wouldn’t do a damn thing. Because my life is exactly as it should be. Shame on those who laugh at other’s “misfortune.”

Oh and adding a disclaimer to this post and any post regarding this matter: if you have an issue with me talking about it you can kindly get over yourself. This person has shown zero remorse nor has taken any responsibility for trying to literally ruin my life. And unless that changes? I’m going to keep talking about it. When someone does horribly damaging things to someone publicly they have every right to speak up about it. Actions have consequences. Words have impact. Hopefully this can be a good lesson to others about learning empathy.

[lucky-slice]

Okay, I was just gonna throw my thoughts in the tags, but the uptick in AI art has me fuming.

One of my favorite things about the AFTG fandom is the art. There are so many truly unique and passionate artists creating works because they love this story and these characters. I can't tell you the sheer number of works I have seen that have left me in awe - kicking my legs like a little kid level excitement. And the thing that ties every single work together in this fandom (or any fandom) is the intent of the creator.

It doesn't matter the skill level - it could be the very first time this person has picked up a pencil, but if you asked them why they made a certain visual decision, they would be able to tell you. Even if it's just -"oh i saw this pose on Pinterest and it reminded me of Neil" or "I like this colour so i put Andrew in the same coloured shirt" - whatever. The point is that there's a direct connection between someone's thought process and the act of creation.

For myself personally, I make thumbnails, I change around poses and colour, I experiment with backgrounds and composition. I want to illicit a certain emotion from people who look at my silly little illustrations or I want to explore a dynamic between characters and tell a story. The curtains are blue because I painted them that way.

Here's my question: why does the above ai image look the way it does? If you ask the creator, they won't be able to tell you cause they don't fucking know. An even better question: why did they decide to post that image at all?

At the end of the day, AI art will keep getting better and it will be harder and harder to tell what is AI. The light and colour and composition of AI art can be stunning because it is trained on thousands and thousands of stolen pieces from artists who did that work first. I think it's pointless to deny that AI art can be visually appealing but It ultimately doesn't matter. Fandom art is based around community. It's created through the shared love of a source material and influenced by the community - other artworks, head canons, references to the source material, ridiculous ideas that have been rotating around someone's head for months on a spit. AI will never be able to replicate this.

And I know it seems kind of dramatic, after all "I just wanna see my little guy sitting in a car, what's the big deal?" And that's fine (besides the broader issues outside of this scope), but keep it to yourself. The minute you bring Ai generated stuff into fandom spaces, you start to push out the people that genuinely care. AI art is faster and easier to make and it will over saturate the space, especially if people are not aware it's ai. Ai art will kill fandoms.

Go support your favorite artists. If you have a specific idea and no one's created it yet ask a friend or commission an artist. Or go give it a try yourself. I want to see poorly drawn stick figures of fox shenanigans. I want to see beautifully rendered panels of my favorite characters. But please please don't bring in this AI shit.

I swear to god if I see one more AI generated aftg fanart today I'm gonna eat my phone

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

WIP Wednesday

Hello hello! Thank you for the tags, @martsonmars, @hushed-chorus, and @artsyunderstudy. As always, I love the glimpses of what you're all working on!! ❤️❤️

I’m still plugging away at my EGF, but today was just backstory notes, so no fun shareable prose from that. I re-listened to AWTWB recently and it gave me a lot of Jamie Feels, so here's another portrait from the Rosethorn girl universe:

He’s a little heavy, but he’s my brother

By Lucy Winifred Salisbury

(Not-quite) Black and white photography

Interview with the subject and the subject’s flatmate, Lachlan MacCionagh (This is for you, @larkral 😆)

A: I already told you, I’m not going to use cleaning spells around the flat. I’d be in heaps of trouble as it is, if anyone found out I told you - 

Q: Jimothy, Jimothy, Jimothy - you didn’t tell me. I found your wand in a pencil cup. 

A: … You shouldn’t just go - rummaging through my things - 

Q: If mages are so dedicated to secrecy, why don’t they make their magic wands look like ordinary objects? Why not make a wand that looks like a fountain pen so that when someone saw it, they’d think, “Oh look, a fountain pen. How commonplace and not at all suspect.”  

A: … 

Q: Jimothy, how many magical objects are hidden around this flat?

A: That’s not - 

Q: Challenge accepted. 

More blather, resolutions, & tags behind the cut, because I’m never going to master the art of writing shortform for Tumblr. 😆

Robot overlords: I’m quite torn about using DALL-E 2 now, because of the discourse on AI-generated art and stolen datasets, but I’m still emotionally attached to the art that was part of brainstorming Rosethorn girl. 

After a lot of wrestling, I decided that I’m still going to share some of my favourite DALL-E 2 generations, but I won’t be generating any new ones. It’s a murky compromise, but that’s where I’m at right now!

My shit lungs: After three weeks, I’m finally, finally getting better and feeling more like myself. I'm still slow and shaky and crawling along at a snail’s pace when it comes to writing, but I’ll take it. 

My head hasn't been in a fandom space at all for the past three weeks, so I'm also excited to dive back into reading fic!! But on the writer side, I am going to continue to be gentle with myself and toss expectations for myself out the window.

Resolutions: Some 2023 resolutions, in no particular order: 

Be content with doing less. 

Prioritise your health & well-being over your productivity. 

Keep having good conversations with people. Keep listening. 

Show up for your beloved people the best that you can. 

Keep doing weird shit and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, into your growth zone.

Keep doing art that you’re bad at but that you enjoy. 

Say goodbye to old WIPs - finish them, bury them, post them as they are, or otherwise let them go. 

Walk outside more, especially before writing, as your doorway into diffuse mode. 

Remember to do grounding/self-compassion exercises before, during, & after writing difficult things. 

Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. 

Pressure-free hello tags! @bookish-bogwitch, @cutestkilla, @dohrnaira, @facewithoutheart, @johnwgrey, @larkral, @moodandmist, @nightimedreamersworld, @raenestee, @sailorblossoms, @whogaveyoupermission, @thewholelemon, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I want to make one thing absolutely clear before getting any further into this: I am not in any way or form saying you are not allowed to ship whatever you want. I am not here to call you Toxic™ or Problematic™. In fact, I get hives when people guilt-trip others because of their fictional ships and make them feel like there’s something wrong with their head. I have many dark ships myself and know how the bashing feels so I would never do something like that to others. 

For a long time, I didn’t actually have a real NOTP, and this one was mainly born out of the fans’ reaction to She Li and his recently revealed backstory rather than the ship itself. To me, it seemed like some people took the “easiest” way with SL and MGS’s relationship and jumped straight to romantic love. When, in fact, I find their past and relationship much more complicated.

I liked what OldXian had to say about the matter, actually. Thank you @nira18 for going through the trouble of posting and translating OX’s comments for us. (I’m going to borrow them for a while 🙏) But before that, a few words about what I’ve learned about interpreting during my years as a literature major.

Usually, I have mixed feelings about authors “explaining” their stories because fan-readers often use them to attack other fans’ interpretations that differ from their own and make them less valid. There are actually three major players and powers when it comes to interpreting: the author, the text itself, and the reader. You can study texts from any of those major perspectives, but you’d be surprised how little the author’s intentions weight when reading and interpreting. In fact, scholars and students of literature are very rarely interested in them at all.

What many fan-readers don’t perhaps realize is that interpreting isn’t supposed to be some kind list of correct and incorrect that you should check with someone to see if you “got it right”. As long as you can argue your point by using the text, your interpretation is valid. Which is actually an interesting issue since so much of the fandom culture stems from the fans’ almost rebel-like ways of reading characters and stories. For example, one reason why fans write fanfiction is to fulfill their own interpretations the author hadn’t explored. Actually, fan-reading revolves around the age-old question of literature: to whom does the power of interpreting belong after a text has been published, the author or the writer? So, why are we somewhat hypocritical when it comes to fan-interpretations that differ from our own?

All that being said, I’d still like to take a look at OX’s comments. But I don’t wish to use them as weapons, though. I’ve been saddened by how people seemed to almost rub them in the shippers’ faces.

“Two people can’t just stand in one place together and fall in love! [Laughing crying] There are many kinds of feelings in the world, family affections, friendship affections, romantic affections, hatred, jealousy, etc. I personally believe that the often interesting relationships (?), are complicated and unexplainable.” X

As I said earlier, when SL’s backstory and his first connection with MGS were revealed, some fans jumped straight to the romance wagon and saw SL being so hung up on MGS as romantic jealousy. I see where the shippers are coming from but find that a whole plethora of feelings that would fit between hate and romantic love is in danger to be bypassed. As OX said, there are many kinds of feelings in the world, and many of them are nuanced even though they share some common denominator. I am not saying people can’t see SL and MGS romantically, but it’s a bit frustrating if they choose to ignore all of other, more complex options. Just because 19 Days is a shounen-ai doesn’t mean there can’t be any other kinds of relationships.

Partly, my frustration stems from my “protectiveness” of SL’s character. It’s no secret I’m very interested in and intrigued by him. I realize he’s the bad guy of the story and fully understand why the majority of the fans hate him with a burning passion. But I can’t bring myself to dislike him. He’s in the long line of antagonists who have found their way into my heart.

I find SL’s character highly complex which is why I don’t want to brush his feelings towards MGS and role in the overall story off as romantic love. It feels way too hasty. To go to such extreme as “love” is too easy and cuts too many corners.

What I think SL and MGS’s relationship could be boiled down to instead is “misery loves company”. SL had once managed to pull MGS down with him and intends to keep him there. Because if MGS gets freed from SL’s world, it would quite painfully point out how messed up SL’s life is, too. Which brings me back to OX’s point about nuanced feelings. To see others you thought shared your misery actually try and climb out of the pit, is its own form of jealousy. When I see SL being so hung up on MGS, I don’t see romantic jealousy but something more complex.

I like what @casually-inlove said about the different roles of SL and HT in her answer. HT is a savior of sorts in MGS’s life, someone who believes in him and strives to make him “an outstanding person” aka not ruin his life by becoming a part of the criminal gangs and underworld for good. The opposite of what SL ultimately wants to.

And the change in MGS must have been apparent enough for SL to take notice. Since MGS has gained more people who actually see good things in him and even admire him, it’s given him more self-esteem and confidence and started to convince him he’s not an outcast good-for-nothing delinquent. He’s been looked down by his peers since his childhood and after a while, he’s started to believe in that image, too.

Hope is a very strong motivation in life, and SL seems to despise the idea of MGS having any of it. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel that would ultimately lead MGS out the world he’s shared with SL.

Up until HT got involved, SL had managed to snuff out MGS’s hope quite effectively. He’s manipulated him by using the carrot by talking about “destiny” and seemingly giving MGS what he knows he’s desperate for:

But he also wasn’t hesitant to use the stick when he needed to remind MGS of his place. There’s a lot to be said about using gratitude as a way to manipulate others but it’s very effective and something SL seems to go for a lot:

I don’t know if SL actually believes MGS owes him for the rest of his life and sees himself as some kind of grand savior. It’s possible, I suppose, and would somewhat explain why he’s trying so stubbornly to hold on to MGS even though he obviously has quite a lot of followers already. SL seems to have a compulsive need to control and possess other people and sees MGS trying to leave his side as a betrayal. No one is allowed to think their debts have been repaid until he says so. Now, why is it like that is the million-dollar question. Why is he so desperate to shackle people to himself like that? Is it simply about power or something deeper?

We don’t know exactly how SL saved MGS either, but ultimately I think it’s about giving MGS a place to belong when others discriminated against him. He took advantage of MGS’s growing bitterness and strengthened his poor image of himself by creating a vicious cycle of being involved in gangs and further more estranging him from his peers. As I said in my earlier post regarding MGS’s character, there’s no faster way to turn someone into an outcast than by making them bitter and pushing them to join like-minded people.

However, it’s also possible it didn’t begin that way. It’s unclear to us how long MGS and SL have known each other. Their first encounter was revealed in ch 294, but it seemed one-sided. How soon after this

did MGS and LS meet again? Did SL recognize MGS? Were they actual friends at some point, and it all went to hell later on? Did they perhaps bond over both being seen as weirdos and outcasts by others? (As a side note, I’d like to recommend this piece of fanart by @naesol that I think offers an interesting possibility of how things might’ve gone down between them.)

At this point, you might rightly wonder how on earth I could like a character like that. A despicable manipulator who exploits others’ weakness and wants to drag them down with him. It’s actually partly why I don’t see a romantic connection between MGS and SL.

As crazy as it sounds, I relate to some of SL’s character. Up to a point, I see my own shortcomings in him. When I see him being jealous of MGS trying to turn his life around, ultimately leaving him behind and feeling betrayed by it, I 100% recognize that feeling because I’m prone to it myself. In those situations, I don’t go wielding pocket knives or try to manipulate them out if it, of course, but I can’t bring myself to genuinely root for them, either. Instead, I tend to feel jealous, envious, and bitter. When I see others fix the things in themselves that I hate about myself, I silently wish them to fail because if they can do it, what’s my excuse for not doing the same? I’m not proud of this side of myself but it is the truth.

And that’s why I think it’s dangerous to bash other people for what they ship or what characters they like. You can’t possibly know the reason why and can make them feel really shitty about themselves by assuming they just don’t know right from wrong or want to romanticize problematic things. The thing about fiction is that it provides us a safe environment to experience and discover different feelings, some of which can be weird or scary or conflicting, and possibly recognize those feelings in ourselves and work on them. And people should be allowed to do that without being bashed or made assumptions about by others.

All in all, because I relate to what I interpret SL is feeling I don’t recognize the romantic aspect some readers find between them. I think it’s more based on fanon than actual canon, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to tell anyone what to ship.

30 day 19 Days challenge

[amalgamationillustration]

Sorry, this is gonna be long because this has reminded me of everything insane I've seen in the ghost fandom a few years ago.

I think I may have actually also seen those specific comments or something to that effect, someone was HC'd Copia as trans and that in itself isn't an issue at all, but they were being incredibly shitty to anyone who had any other headcanon, including the people who just went with the... Actual lore? They were making posts like "If you think he's anything other than trans you're a terf" like diva we have actual terfs to worry about this is small potatoes. There's real, justified fights to pick and THIS is the hill you want to die on?

All the examples I mentioned were just the ghost fandom alone 🤦 but those were mostly on twitter and I don't go there now so I've not seen it as bad anywhere else since.

I know people also went immediately mental over the Swiss stuff and obviously I typically wanna side with and believe victims on this stuff but the photo the person posted saying "this was the photo we took right before he touched me inappropriately" someone else then replied to saying "uh, this is a photo of me??" And then nothing has happened since it seems and yet people I followed immediately started calling each other offenders if they still followed him on social media or still liked the character of swiss and I'm like can we exercise 2 seconds of critical thinking when new information comes to light please?

I saw a lot of "if you still follow x then you're also scum because they said this thing when they were 9" which drove me nuts. I've seen people saying they were disappointed that Mad didn't come out and renounce Sophie after she made the world's vaguest attempts at saying she felt weird and awkward being Jewish due to everything happening in Palestine (I THINK she was trying to say it feels bad that people assume she's anti Palestine because she's proudly Jewish but I don't know for sure because she admittedly said nothing in particular for like 20 minutes without ever really making a point? Which was absolutely not the move but not an indicator that she's pro genocide on its own). But it was so interesting to me that not only was Sophie getting cancelled but now Mad was also cancelled for working with her when... The whole band works with her??? Similarly people were cancelling Per for dating a maga woman. Similarly I think Laura used AI for her album art and obviously, Everybody Hated That. Which, fair but again they were all expecting the other band members to cancel her and refuse to work with her.

It's funny because the other band members are expected to publicly renounce each other when they have to keep touring together??? Also they almost never expect Tobias Forge to 'Address' whatever shit it is they're mad about. They're always like "oh he just doesn't know about it cause hes not online" but doesn't entertain the idea that a)the others also don't know and b) they can't just oust them because they were non committal on something or because of who they date.

People also really loved to go in on Ash/Fauxbias because she had some loose connection to the record label, I think she had friends there and ran some unofficial - but with the labels approval - events, so she was friends with anyone in the fandom who friended her and because she's an adult with family and kids stuff she doesn't spend every waking second looking up others entire post history to decide if twitter was going to cancel them.

So she got shit because she's a photographer and did some photos for this woman who was dating Per at the time, turns out she was pretty maga leaning but Ash didn't know that as they'd only hung out a few times at gigs and doing those photos so then she had to make a public statement against her. Then people were annoyed that she was friendly and in some photos with that Leviathan Forge dude (who tbh does seem a little insane but I also can't verify anything that anyone has said about him because there's never any reciepts) and she again had to unfollow him and apologise for ever being friendly to him.

People also went in on her for trying to do makeup to look like other people, including but not limited to, Jeffery Darmer, which I will agree, was not the move but honestly it was more cringe than anything, and I guarantee that had it occured 10 years ago, no one would have cared. I literally saw posts from people saying that they were going to punch her if they saw her at the next gig, during this time she also had two family members dying of cancer that she was actively caring for every day. The worst part is that these people think they're the good guys. You don't have to even like her but to encourage people to assault her because she did some cringe makeup cosplay test and vaguely associates with people she meets at gigs like any other not chronically online person is insane. Shortly after she stopped engaging with Ghost publicly at all and I don't blame her. She wasn't perfect by any stretch and I always felt a little odd with being unable to tell exactly how connected to the band she really was and how much she wanted to imply that she was, but that doesn't mean it's not completely fucking insane that people were making physical threats against her.

People will take anything you say to twist it into you being a bigot of some kind. Like the time someone had a screaming meltdown calling me racist because I said brownie hummus shouldn’t exist. Or the whole group that says I’m somehow both transphobic and transmed because I don’t like it when people insist a character is canonically a different gender than presented.

But the most insulting one was from a supposed friend. I was still coping with my diabetes diagnosis and rambling about things. In an attempt to put a positive spin on things I mentioned that the medication and everything would help me lose weight. He derailed everything and accused me of “internalized fatphobia”.

So if anyone makes a serious claim about another person without proof, keep these sorts of things in mind. People can and will take the tiniest things out of context and try to make them into something huge. To a reasonable person a transphobe is someone who hates trans people. To the unreasonable the statement “if you change a character’s gender, that’s an AU” is enough to make a full blown callout post accusing someone of transphobia.

Don’t blindly believe claims that can’t even point you to a single post of the alleged behavior within the last year.

[lyrishadow]

Prompt 21:  “this, this makes it all worth it” Fandom: Mass Effect Title:  Geth Pairing: Egan Shepard/ Kaidan Alenko Rating: T  Warning:  Longer than I have been posting.

“Geth,” Egan muttered several times under his breath along with descriptive words that Kaidan raised an eyebrow at as they drove the mako around between outposts. “Shepard?” No response “Egan?” “Yeah.” Egan looked over at him briefly. “I know. Sorry, Tali.” “I have heard worse in my pilgrimage.” Tali shrugged “You should hear the mercenaries on Omega.” “You… went to Omega?” Kaidan was shocked “Of course, it is closer to the fleet.” Tali said as if everyone knew the location of the flotilla, “I wanted to come to the Citadel, to see what it was like… I hadn’t really decided what to do.” “When you were attacked?” “Well I did get the Geth data first, and then came to the citadel where yes, I was attacked by Saren’s minions. Tali supplied. “I always forget you had done all that before we met you.” Egan started to reply when the mako clipped a hill and spun. “Son of a…” “I think Garrus has been calibrating the steering a little” Tali offered as an explanation. “That is why I get into my seat well these days.” Kaidan nodded though Egan did note that his friend was looking a little green around the edges. “Alright, I will try to stick to flat ground.” “Feel free to stop for ore.” Kaidan said gesturing to the GPS map interface, “there is some around here and you know how that gets.” Stopping for ore would give time for the green to settle, Egan thought, and for him to get a better bearing on what the Geth were up to in the sector. Why were they focused on being here? They had been on three planets already in the area, trying to stop the Geth incursion in the Skyllian Verge. It had taken a lot to get where they are and Egan was less than impressed with the damage the Mako had already taken. 

“Can we fix this?” Egan kicked the rim of the mako’s tire which was decidedly dented from the last episode with a Geth.  “Be nice if we had some idea of what they were using to do that?” “Plasma weapons?” Kaidan said scanning with his Omni tool “I am guessing it bounced off something though, we only got a little bit of reflected damage.” “They always seem to aim for the front of a vehicle,” Tali added somehow coming to stand directly next to the two men. “Oh, that is handy to know.” Egan nodded “I can dodge them if we don’t freaking bounce all over the place.” They looked at each other and said “Garrus.” “Alright, got that map Alenko?” “Yes Sir.” Kaidan pulled up the map on the Omni tool and Egan blinked as he identified and memorized the locations they needed to go. “Ok two more bunkers to storm, let’s go.”

They piled into the mako and made their way to the next base. It was un-nerving the number of spikes around it and as much as Egan wanted to ignore it they were a sign he wished he had never witnessed on Eden Prime. “Keep sharp.” he waved at the spikes “That’s a lot of spikes.” “Egan that was unintentional right?” Kaidan asked running a hand over his face at the horrible pun his Commander had used. “What? Oh god… “ Egan sighed “Sorry, it’s been a long day, just pay attention.” “Ok let’s deal with this.”They sobered themselves as they went into the second last bunker. “Must they kill the science guys here? I mean… ”Egan pulled his biotic shield up and dodged to shoot the incoming husks. “Not a fate I want thanks.” “Not a fate any of us want.” Tali echoed his thoughts “Except maybe the already deranged. “All clear,” Kaidan said coming round behind Shepard. “Alright check for useful things, and see if there is anything we can learn from the Geth.” He would have to file a report after all of this was over, and he wanted as much information as possible to relay back to Admiral Hackett.

Tali was on that already, scanning and taking notes for him on the nature of the Geth. “I wonder if Geth get indoctrinated?” Kaidan asked. “Well, I guess that’s…. can an AI be indoctrinated?” Egan began to wonder about that too, “What influences does Sovereign have over … Geth?” “We know they worship them.” Tali supplied as she gingerly turned over another Geth body, this one a larger model called a juggernaut. It was well dead, and it oozed that white conductive fluid common with all Geth they had killed. “We know what you know.” Egan nodded at Tali “Short of asking one about these things, which I highly doubt we will be doing, we need to ascertain why they are here.” “They have enough here to invade at least our main colonies out here.” Kaidan pointed out handing Egan some medi-gel and supplies he had gathered. “Medi-gel?” Egan looked curiously at the Geth “Do you think they use it?” “Maybe.” “So much we don’t understand about our own creation,” Tali said sadly. “It’s okay Tali, maybe you will be the one to change all that.” Egan said pointing at her work with the Geth in front of them “You have anything for us?” “Some data, information on shields and damage and such.” Tali sighed “Not enough.” “Want to grab a weapon and take it back to look at?” Kaidan called “Egan missed one in the fight.” “What hey!” They moved to where Kaidan was standing over a fallen Geth juggernaut, dead but still with its weapon close by. “I shorted a few, they blew up.” Egan was explaining himself as they walked over. “Plasma weapons.” Tali confirmed “Let’s take one back with us and look at it. Maybe even get Ashley to analyze it and tell us more.” “Ok one more base to go.” Egan nodded to the others “We might find out where the main bunker is located.” They made their way back to the Mako and Egan maneuvered his way to the final bunker on the planet where the Geth had holed up.

The final facility there was a lot of dead bodies littered near the door. “The scientists put up a fight.” Egan said sadly as they made their way through “I don’t know if it even matters?” “Fight or die trying.” Tali confirmed “Better than being turned into a husk.” “I imagine so“ Egan replied grimly, his biotics flaring as he prepared himself “Let’s go.”

The fight went as before, the Geth benign torn down by the two biotics and Tali with her electronics managing to tear through their shields. “Shepard!”Tali called as Egan felt his shields being torn through. “Damn it.” He ducked down behind a barrier and used the medi-gel on a burn that had caught him. “You ok?”Kaidan called as Egan saw the last Geth float off up to the ceiling of the room and crash violently to the ground and its death. “Fine. Just a scratch.” Egna shrugged “Not the first, won’t be the last.” “Oh, that’s not pretty. Get Chakwas to patch you up when we get back.” “Sure.”  He was focused on the room with computer panels in the back. “I have a location for the last base.” “Ok.“ Egan looked over her shoulder at the screen “Another planet?” “Yes,” Tali held up her omni tool to view it “Grissom system, Solcrum.” “Alright back to the Normandy:” Egan suggested “Next planet Solcrum.”

Back on the Normandy, Kaidan reminded Egan to get his arm seen to. “Commander, that’s a nasty burn, get it seen to.” “Ok ok.. I’m going. Get Joker to head for Solcrum”. Egan was sitting in the med bay when Kaidan came by to make sure he had taken himself there. “Oh just checking he took himself to you Doc.” Kaidan smiled as Egan frowned at him ‘“C’moin you know I wouldn’t mess around with. Ow…” “Stay still.” Dr Chakwas said exasperated “Or do I have to get Kaidan to hold you down?”

“Fine.” Egan managed to stay still for the duration of the treatment. “Hey, Kaidan,” “Yeah?” Kaidan had laid down on one of the other med bay beds. “You okay?” “Migraine.” “Oh.” Egan sighed “Wish I had a solution for that” “It’s ok, gives me time to rest and think.” “How long till we get to Solcrum?” “A good few hours.” “Ok you rest, I will go think.” Egan looked at the Doctor who rolled her eyes. “Commander you are like having a teenager around.” “Sorry.” Shepard replied, “I try not to get hurt too often.” “Learn to duck,” Kaidan said with an effort from where he was resting his head. “Ok ok,” Egan threw Kaidan a concerned frown before he added, “I’m leaving before he thinks he has to lecture me, migraine and all.”

As he left the med bay he asked Joker to call tali up from Engineering, where he knew she was already raptly watching everyone work. “You called Shepard?” “Yeah I was wondering if you could help me with the report on the Geth, I want as much information on what they were using and how to defeat them as possible.” They worked together with the data they had collected over the next few hours looking at possible information that the Alliance could use in facing any stray Geth incursions. 

“Commander” Joker’s voice came over the announcement system “Solcrum eta about 10 mins.” “Thanks, Joker” Egan replied, “Tali, I’m going to see if Kaidan is able to come with us, and then meet me in the mako.” “Certainly.” Tali paused “Thanks for letting me see this through.” Egan nodded and proceeded to head to the med bay again. 

“Kaidan?” he asked Dr Chakwas who looked up from where she was typing when Egan walked in. “Recovered, said something about meeting you downstairs.” “Thanks, Doc.” “Shepard?” “Yes?” “Take extra medi gel with you this time.” She pointed at the dispenser and Egan chuckled but added some more to his supplies just the same. “Good luck Commander.”

The last and biggest of the Getht bases more like a warehouse, with more of the juggernauts and larger Geth taking up their positions against them. “Keep cover, Egan!”Kaidan called as Egan slid into the room, his biotic shield intact; but shortly after taking up behind a crate, the crate shattered. “Egan!” Tali never used his first name but he gathered that having traveled with Kaidan calling him that had rubbed off. “I mean Shepard,” “It’s fine!” Egan laughed as he shot another singularity at the Geth as it approached. Floating in the air it struggled while Tali shot it down. Finally, the room was empty. “Wait…” Egan said, “Do you hear that?” “I…” Tali moved across the room to a console “Keelah..” “What is it?” Kaidan came over behind them “Is that Quarian?” “Music from Rannoch… it has to be..“ Tali lifted her omni tool and recorded the last few seconds of the music fading to a mournful wail. “More terminals in here.” Egan called after the sound had faded; having respectfully moved off to look in the side room. “Oh.” “What do you have?” “Files, going to be eons before they can be translated, but files from the Geth, data files.” “Data files?” Tali joined the two men to look at the console “We could learn a lot about the Geth from these files.” “You want a copy Tali? For your pilgrimage?” Egan asked “Shepard?” Kaidan seemed surprised that Egan knew anything about what Tali was after. “I was talking to Tali about what she was looking for, she said something to help them understand the Geth.” “I want to take as much as I can home to the fleet.” Tali replied to both of them “Yes, if it is okay Egan… Shepard, please, this makes it all worth it!” “Just watch calling me Egan in front of the crew, and we will be fine.” Egan was amused at the slip “Most of them would die before calling their superior officer by name.” “Sorry.” Tali shook her head. “Well let’s head back, time to get back on the hunt for Saren, find out what Geth are doing on Faros.” Egan sighed “I am sure the answer is up to no good but we have to go there to find out.”

[nakamina]

How similar are Hanyu Yuzuru and Katsuki Yuri? - The Never Ending Debate

Hi all,

Nakamina here again with a long blog post. Now before ya’ll get triggered from this title please read the following.

So about a year ago I made a Yuzu fan video (which you can find below) and I have received many comments since comparing him to Yuri from the anime ‘Yuri!!! on ICE’ (YOI) which is a figure skating themed anime that aired in the fall of 2016.

The kind of comments being:

“Yuzu is the real Yuri!“ (<- pretty much got about 10+ of these)

“He is the inspiration of Yuri”

“He looks so much like Yuri”

“He reminds me of Yuri”

“Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernandes look like Yuri and Viktor!”

Now, this is really no surprise since I used the anime’s opening song ‘History Maker’ for this video, although the video itself really does not make any reference to the anime. But it got me thinking…how similar/different are they actually??

DISCLAIMER: I would just like to say that this comparison is purely for fun and I am not here to put down Yuzuru Hanyu nor YOI. I became a fan of Yuzu long before YOI came out and I am also a massive anime otaku. So obviously, I support both fandoms and am not here to discredit one or the other. I thought this would be something interesting since so many people point it out and I genuinely want to nut out their differences and similarities in a neutral and unbiased manner for once, since this topic seems to only ever bring in a cat fight between the figure skating fandom and anime fandom… Let’s change that!

Yuzuru Hanyu vs Katsuki Yuri

SIMILARITIES

Race and Cultural Background

I guess this is an inevitable similarity since they come from the same country and culture. Yes, they are both Japanese and have black hair, black eyes, wears glasses…etc the list goes on. I mean Yuzu probably also likes Katsu-don too (maybe). These similarities are applicable to most Japanese men really, and hence why I think this is the main aspect that a lot of people tend to focus and highlight on.

Idolising a Russian Skater

What a lot of the people also point are the two’s idolisation towards a Russian skater. This is also no surprise. When I first saw YOI I too thought that this was very reminiscent of Yuzu’s idolisation towards Evgeni Plushenko. They both grew up watching their Russian idols on TV and consider them as their ultimate inspiration. Yuzu also has formed quite a friendly relationship with Plushenko since, and has even gone far as to use one of his iconic pieces for his 2018-2019 free program - ‘Tribute to Nijinsky’. Much like how Yuri skates to Viktor’s choice of music and choreography, and wears one of his previous costumes for his short program in the anime. 

Hometown Support

This is probably a less obvious one but in YOI there is a decent sense of “Jimoto ai” - hometown love. There are a number of scenes where it depicts the support Yuri receives from his home town. As many would know Yuzu also receives a lot of support from his hometown in Sendai/Miyagi, and Yuzu himself has also raised many funds for the recovery from the 2011 earthquake. They are both from different prefectures, but their love for their hometown are quite alike.

Relationship with Family

With all that being said, I think the most noteworthy thing the two have in common is their family bond. Yuri is shown to have a strong relationship with his family, and from what I know Yuzu also does with his family, notably his mother. Family & love is a reoccurring theme in YOI. Yuri’s quote from ep 4: “...my family never treated me like a weakling. They all had faith that I’d keep growing as a person, and they never stepped over the line.”.  Yuzu has also stated in an interview after his second Olympic win that the people he feels the most gratitude towards is his family, for their unconditional support throughout his whole skating career. I personally think this is the most significant alikeness between the two that a lot of people seem to undermine. Yuri’s family has unconditionally loved and believed in him (as quoted from the anime), which I think is very similar to that of Yuzu’s relationship with his family.

DIFFERENCES

Track Record

In terms of track record, the two are quite different. Yes, the two are Japan National Champions but when speaking at an international level the differences are apparent. Yuri is more of a late bloomer as a competitive skater while Yuzu is very much an early bloomer. Yuri first medalled at the GPF at age 24 (Re YOI ep12), whereas Yuzu first medalled at the GPF at the age of 17. Also, Yuri first qualified for the GPF at age 23 (Re YOI ep1) while Yuzu first qualified for the GPF at age 16. By the age of 23 Yuzu has also won numerous other international titles such as 2x World Championship golds, 4x GPF golds and 2x Olympic golds. So there are some stark differences in terms of their career progression. Now I know the Olympics and Worlds were not mentioned in the anime; however, judging from the whole tone of the anime and what was heard from Yuri’s monologues, the likelihood of him winning one of these titles in the past is very low. Although I would say Yuri winning the 4CC (Four Continents Championships) is a possibility.  

Side note: Actually looking into their track records has made me realise how rapid and incredible Yuzu’s achievements were… no wonder he is called a living legend. Yuri’s track record by all means is very impressive as well, as it is a lot more than what most figure skaters can ever achieve in their life time.

Personality

Another major difference is their personality. Yes, they are both very competitive and hate to lose, but from what I have seen Yuri easily gets anxious and lacks confidence. We can see that from the way he desperately avoids to even listen to the other performances in episode 7 in order to calm his nerves. Of course this gradually changes in Yuri, and we see that he learns to handle the pressure better in competitions. As for Yuzu, he lives off pressure and gets motivated the more his competitors do well. Yuzu has stated that his “ideal” way of winning is for him to defeat the other competitors when they are are at their best. 

Skating skills/style

Yuzu, at this point in time, can jump the quad salchow, quad toe-loop, quad loop & quad lutz. Yuri is able to do the quad salchow, quad toe loop and…the quad flip, which just happens to be the one quadruple jump (excluding the axel) that Yuzu cannot do. Interesting aye? 

Also, Yuzu is very much an all rounded skater, and has been for the majority of his senior career. He is well renowned for possessing great artistry and technical skills that are on par with each other. Whereas Yuri’s strength leans more towards the components/artistic side of skating (Refer to YOI ep 4). Yuri is very expressive in the way that he performs and interprets music quite well, but he has the tendency to flop when it comes to his jumps. However, this too gradually changes following Viktor’s coaching as he starts to polish up Yuri’s skills in other areas too. 

New York Times Article on Yuzuru Hanyu:

Body Type, Physical Condition   

Yuri, in the anime, is very susceptible to binge eat and gains weight easily. His love for food, especially Katsu-don, is clearly depicted in the anime, and it’s apparent that the act of eating brings him joy. Yuzu on the other hand really has no interest in eating, and suffers from the total opposite concern of being unable to gain weight. 

Another stark difference is their stamina. Yuri’s stamina has always been one of his strengths; whereas Yuzu suffers from asthma and has struggled with stamina especially during his early senior years. 

Final Verdict/Thoughts

So I think we can see that Yuzu and Yuri are somewhat similar in terms of race, background and upbringing, but are quite different in terms of personality, skating skills/style and track record.

I like to actually think that bits of Yuzu’s traits are shown through not just Yuri but multiple characters in YOI. He has the charisma of Viktor, drive of Yurio and love/affection of Yuri. Just like how we see bits of Yuzu in lot of these characters, the character of Yuri was inspired by various iconic skaters; noteworthy ones being Machida Tatsuki and Takahashi Daisuke.

Many people worked hard to create this anime, just like how Yuzu has worked his butt off to get to where he is now. I think it is okay for people to compare the two, just as long as you respect and acknowledge the fact that Yuri is his own character and Yuzu is his own person. I think it is great that a lot of people found out about Yuzu and Figure Skating through this anime. I’m also sure that there are people who got into YOI as they were initially part of the figure skating fandom or were Yuzu fans (like myself!). 

I sincerely hope people have not been offended by this blog. I tried being objective as possible. Adios until my next post! 

[sleepyfan-blog]

fandom: dreamtale, datashift by @datashift-official​

characters: AI, Dream

word count:1,214

Summary: Dream accidentally teleports to a different universe and runs into a different Ink.

Teleporting into an entirely new AU always carried it's risks. Dream knew this. But he'd been teleporting from the Omega Timeline - and it shouldn't have taken as much energy as it had in order to get here... The guardian of positivity shook his head a little as he staggered forwards, turning off his eye lights briefly as he tried to concentrate on the beings around him - searching for a consistent source of positivity to pull from. But he could only sense one being - and their emotions were strangely... Muted.

No, muted wasn't the right thing. It felt as if the being's emotions were merely artifice - as if they were painted on... Ink? Dream turned his eye lights on again and squared his shoulders as he teleported over to where the Creative guardian was, hopeful that he would be able to get some help from the other, as he was still very low on magic, and Ink would be able to teleport the both of them to a more positive au... But where were they? It seemed strangely familiar, though it was also... Different somehow. As soon as he saw Ink, he froze in place as he stared at the being in front of him, his eye lights widening in surprise as he took several silent steps backwards.

They were in the Doodlesphere. But not as Dream knew it - the papers were arranged differently, and Ink was wearing what appeared to be a long white lab coat, edged in rainbow colors. He must have traveled to an alternate multiverse accidentally, the capability of doing so caused by the strange properties of the Omega Timeline - from which he had traveled. He needed to find the Core Frisk of this multiverse and ask to please be let in, so that he would be able to travel home. Dream hoped that he hadn't switched with the Dream of this multiverse - as that tended to make things even more of a mess back home, and things were horrifically chaotic as it was already.

The last time that he had traveled to an alternate multiverse, it had been he who had consumed almost all of the apples, and the Ink was working for him as an Assassin, in exchange for positive emotions and a steady place to exist. Dream was unsure as to how to approach the other,  or even if he should. This Ink could be villainous, for all he knew, and that would be... Bad. But he shouldn't immediately assume that just because he was in an alternate multiverse, that good was evil, and evil good. Besides, he had to start somewhere, and he wasn't going to make a very good first impression if he immediately fled from the other. He cleared his throat a little, calling out "Uhm... Hello?"

The Ink immediately turned around sharply, a small frown appearing on his face, one eye light blue, the other green as he said "Dream why are yo-... Hello? I do apologize for initially greeting you rudely, the Dream of this multiverse and I had a bit of a falling out years ago... Unfortunate, really as we had been such good friends." The other stopped scowling immediately, as a warm smile appeared on his face, and the other walked towards him, extending a hand forwards.

Dream blinked a little - had he been a bit less tired, he might have noticed that there was something ever so slightly off about the Ink's mannerisms. As it was, he was glad to see a friendly (if slightly different) face. This Ink was... Really tall. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you don't get along... Is your name also Ink, or do you prefer to be known by something else? I don't want to be rude." He took the other's hand and shook it firmly, trying to to sway a little.

"Ah, I'm known as AI, actually." The other's eye lights shifted colors and shapes several different times very quickly. "Are you alright? You seem a bit unsteady."

"Oh, it's just... I hadn't intended to come to this multiverse - I was trying to go somewhere else in my own, actually. It took a lot of magic out of me, hahaha..." Dream explained, a light golden blsuh appearing on his face.

"So... You can travel AUs on your own? Fascinating, simply fascinating. Forgive me for being so forwards but... I think I can sense you using your magic. Since you're so low, I would suggest that you perhaps stop?" AI suggested, an amused smirk appearing on his face as he wrapped an arm around Dream's shoulders, steadying the other.

"I... Ngh.. You must sense my aura of positivity... It's not something I can exactly turn off, hahaha... Oh... If only I could do something like that. But no. I can't. Though if you could bring me to a... Happier AU, I will be able to recover my magic much faster, than if I stayed here with just you." Dream explained, struggling to keep awake. He yawned a little as he stared up at the other "A post-pacifist swap should do - though I'll perk right up if you take me to a Haventale, if that AU exists in this multiverse... Most post-pacifist timelines will work, though the fells will still have lower levels of positivity than tales or swaps. At least in my Multiverse."

AI hummed a little at that, nodding a little "Very well then. Why do you have a positive Aura? If I may be so bold as to ask. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Am I... Is this version of me not the guardian of positivity? Hmm... I wonder how many differences there are between our multiverses... Oh I don't want to think about it right now, I'm not awake enough for it. I should be able to get out of  your not-hair as soon as I speak with Core Frisk.. Accidentally came here through traveling through the OT of my multiverse and stumbled into your Doodlesphere." Dream responded back, allowing the taller skeleton to carry him as his legs had stopped working.

"I have no idea what that is, but you're likely quite important to your multiverse. No doubt the Nightmare of your multiverse is quite worried that you're not home yet... Which is where I was guessing that you were trying to go?" AI prodded lightly, clearly curious.

Dream couldn't help the tiny sob that left his lips, and he buried his face in his hands, his body shaking. He didn't need to be reminded of Nightmare right now "I... Ha... Hahaha... Nightmare he... Ngh... I'd rather not talk about him, e-either."

"Of course... I hadn't meant to accidentally speak of a sensitive topic." AI responded sympathetically, a gentle smile appearing on his face as he lightly touched one of the pages that would lead them to an Underswap timeline. "Once you're feeling up to it, I really would like to have an in-depth conversation with you about your multiverse and your theories on just how you managed to leave your own. I have a feeling that we will have a great deal to discuss."

"Of... Of course, AI..." Dream responded with a small smile, unaware of just what he was getting himself into.

[fortheloveofparkjimin1013]

I'm not concerned about her already being pregnant in regard to any wish for a sex scene. I am concerned we never saw Zeki talk through their very real problems before seeing this. That's what I crave much more than a sex scene. Is Zero comfortable now? Is he satisfied? Not much to go on here, and I wish Hino actually addressed plot points she introduced regarding Zeki. I'd feel much happier with this outcome. This feels a bit rushed in comparison to all other Zeki development.

Well right after the scene on the rooftop with Seiya and Ai the box says, “then again the time passed.” So we have had another time skip. 

I am really not the one to be asking about this since I have not been too put off by what was going on with zeki. They had troubles like any other couple. I personally feel that too much emphasis was put on needing words to come from them or actions for everyone to feel that they are in a better place. I don’t believe that couples in the real world work like that. Sometimes with time and patience things just become clearer on their own and you realize what you have and appreciate it a bit more. I do not need a grand talk or a break up for that to happen.

I watched my aunt and uncle who have been married for thirty years go through ups and downs. I have heard the stories they have told me. They just hung in there together. Eventually things work out or you part. No grand talks. No break ups in order to feel that they deserve each other. 

Life doesn’t work that way. We all have our gray areas. We are all imperfect but all deserving of love. My aunt and uncle after several turbulent years now have the deepest love and respect for one another. They find comfort in each other. They are each other’s home even when they were at their worst. So in the real world I just don’t see things going the perfect way. With the perfect wrap up to a story. Life is an ongoing series of trials and errors. Those who truly love us stand by us and those who don’t, well they weren’t worth our time to begin with.

Personally I think chapter 16 was Hino’s way of showing us that Yuuki and Zero were finally letting go of the demons that were holding them back. This is why she had Yuuki go to Ai and Zero go to Ichiru. With Zero he wanted somewhat of an okay for him to be happy with Yuuki knowing that Ichiru will never get that chance.

With Yuuki not only does her guilt where Kaname is concerned play a part but also the fact that she knows how Ai felt about Zero. So Ai was basically the spoke’s person for Kaname and herself when she told Yuuki that she would be happier if Yuuki was happy. Yuuki went to Ai seeking permission to finally allow herself to be happy.

I think that was why the chapter ended with the zeki hand touch and kiss. It was like a statement that they had decided it was okay to finally move forward and be genuinely happy.

Of course we could still get flashbacks of what took place between them. We could even get the big blow up or big confrontation that so many want and desire. But I don’t need it to understand that couples naturally eb and flow with time. Sometimes time takes care of everything. You learn and you grow together. 

I don’t blame those who feel zeki need to have this confrontation or break up. But I just don’t feel like the real world and real relationships work like that. You piss each other off. You sometimes say or do mean things in the heat of an angry moment. You carry scars with you from your past. You are selfish at times. You love the other more at times. You take the other for granted at times. All those things aren’t what make or break a relationship. Trust and understanding and love is what makes or breaks a relationship. So in the grand scheme of things life is just happening and you either work together and stay by each other’s side or you run away. 

So for me personally I have had a very different take on a lot of the chapters in vkm. This is why I have just decided to keep most of my opinions on here to myself. I no longer want to argue over things. You have your way of thinking and seeing things and I have mine. Two different people with two different opinions. 

So I am not disappointed since I saw these chapters very differently than some of you did. I read them differently and I took the subtext to mean things differently. And you know what? It’s okay for you to think one thing and me to think another. I just don’t want to argue about it or be drug down by reading negative things about a pairing that I hold near and dear to my heart. They saved me at a time when I was very lost. Zero especially. So, to see bad things written about a character that in every way reminds me of someone whom I loved with all my heart and left this world way too young, it hurts me. I feel that if reading vkm is no longer enjoyable for some the best they could do for themselves would be to take a break from the fandom.

I am in no way a surface level reader. I love challenges and the subtext underneath the words and scene. That is why I love the Japanese. Everything is contextual and subtextual. You can’t take the words that are written as gospel. You have to look for the hidden meanings underneath the words. I love looking for the truth. I love puzzles and riddles. I totally understand what Hino is writing and drawing. So I am not upset by not seeing zeki work through it. Sometimes you just make a conscious decision to get on with the living and be a better person. Sometimes between lovers no words are needed.

Sorry for the long post. I just don’t want to continue answering questions that probably should be directed at those who share your same train of thought. Sorry that I couldn’t be of more help.

Thank you for making me think about it though :)

[random-aya]

Detroit: Become Human | Chapter VIII

Chapter I - Chapter II - Chapter III - Chapter IV - Chapter V - Chapter VI - Chapter VII - Chapter VIII - Chapter IX

Fandom: Detroit Become Human (of course)

Pairing: Connor x Reader

Word Count: 1,991

Author’s note: I’m so sorry to have taken so long to post this new chapter! Last week have been a little difficult and during the weekend I was away from my computer. Thank you so much for your patience!

As always, English is not my first language so excuse my grammar and my repetitions.

You met Hank at Jimmy's bar, his favorite spot to get drunk. You were sitting in a rounded table in a corner drinking your third round of beer. "So, what is it?" Asked Hank. "We've been here for an hour and still haven't said a word." He was waiting for you to speak but since you have been drinking your previous beers in silence he started to get impatient. "I don't know..." You sighed. "I don't know what to think anymore..." You held your beer tighter and Hank waited for you to continue. "I- I believe that deviants... Are really alive..." You confessed surprised by your own words. "Could it be that their AI has evolved to that point? To develop a consciousness..." Hank gazed at you with attention waiting to see what you say next. "All the cases we have seen... I just see people in an unfair situation that they had to take drastic decisions to free themselves." You took a sip of your beer. "We might have done the same in their situation! And we are just chasing them like animals!" You hit the table with your empty bottle. Hank took it from your hand and commanded another round. "That's not everything, right?" he said giving you a new beer. "It's about Connor." You frowned staring at the table remembering how he just pursued Fitz. "You see him more than a machine." He added. "He is a fucking idiot! That is how I see him!" you blurted bothered. "My God, you sound like an angry wife!" he mocked you. "What did he do?" "He just chased my Android Fitz..." you drink from your bottle. "He was my only friend since I came here... Strange right? That I consider an Android a friend?" You raise your eyes to Hank but he just looked you back. "Fitz was waiting at home for me, he wanted to talk. Androids don't want anything, except, if they have deviated from their program." You took a sip of your beer. "After that deviant speech, he must have wake up. He wanted to ask me if I let him go free... Well, I guess since that stupid bastard started to hunt him!" "And what happened?" "Luckily he got away." You drank from your bottle and remained silent in your thoughts. "And what about Connor?" Insisted Hank. "I don't care about that bastard..." You spat out not looking at him. You were so bothered by what he did that hearing his name made you angry. "That's not true." Hank stated. "You care for him more than you want to make me believe. You see him more than just a machine." You bit your bottom lip, you knew what he said was true. You cared for him so much. "I have seen you looking at him." Continued Hank. "How you care for him. That's not what you do with your vacuum cleaner." You remained silent for a few seconds. You felt a lump in your throat but you had to talk, you had to take it out of your head. "I- I want him to be more than just a machine... Sometimes, I think... I think he is so much more, for what he says and what he does... Sometimes I think I want him to become deviant... But I can't let him do that..." you took a long sip. "What will happen if he does?" He dare to ask. "I- I can't let it happen... I have been working on him those past three years. We have worked so much to prevent him to deviate..." You justified yourself. "And now, all I want is him to deviate. To free himself. To act as he believed he had to act." You looked down your hands on the table, your voice was trembling and you felt a heavy pressure on your chest. "If he becomes a deviant... I will have to report him... And... They will destroy him..." You covered your face with your hand when you felt tears starting to fall down your cheeks. "Do you love him?" Hank suddenly asked. You raise your head looking at him surprised. You didn't think about that. But his question made you realized something: you were not indifferent to him, you actually appreciated his company and, you still didn't really know why you kissed him, being completely drunk wasn't an answer for you. You knew you wouldn't do that to anyone. But to love Connor? He was an Android in the end, even if you started to see him as something more...

A few hours later, Hank was unlocking your apartment door helped with your hand. You were completely drunk and he was holding you by your waist trying to keep you in balance. "Where is your room?" He asked you once inside. You raised your arm pointing to your room. You couldn't say any word, you felt that if you talked you would start throwing up and you have already been through this and you hated it, all of it. Hank holding you took some steps in the direction you pointed him when Connor emerged from your office. "Fucking Jesus Christ, Connor!" Hank exclaimed holding his chest. "You scared the shit out of me!" "I'm sorry." He apologized tilting his head. "I didn't expect you neither. This is Dr. L/N apartment." "That's why I am here." He protested. "Special delivery!" Connor analyzed you, he could easily tell you were drunk, and he noticed your red eyes. "What are you doing here?" Asked Hank leaving you on your bed. Connor remained silent thinking the right answer."I was waiting for Y/N."  He just said. Hank stared at Connor, then looked back at you. Hank was worried, he saw you so down earlier, and he didn't like to see you getting completely drunk for your worries. You were too young to follow his path. This Deviant case was too much for you. "I'll leave her to your care." Hank announced. Hank got close to Connor and tapped his shoulder. "She is a good girl. Take good care of her." He said before leaving.

Connor stood a few seconds trying to catch the meaning of Hank's words but he couldn't find it. He then got close to you and helped you get properly inside your bed. You were totally passed out. Your lips moved a little like you tried to speak but no intelligent sound left them. Connor covered you with the blanket and noticed the trace of tears on your cheek. He removed a lock of hair from your face and caressed your skin. "Y/N..." He whispered. But you didn't reply. You were deeply sleeping. Those tears bothered him. He saw you earlier crying when he chased your deviant Android and he felt bad about it, being himself the cause of so much distress. Something inside him made him feel bad about hurting you or seeing you hurt. Were you crying now with Hank? And what was the reason? Was because what he did earlier? His eyes locked into your lips remembering the last time you got drunk how you kissed him. Connor closed his eyes and when he realized it, he was joining his lips to yours. He got away surprised touching his own lips being unable to understand why he did that.

When you woke up a thousand drums started in unison in your head. Fuck, you were tired of this shit. It would be better if you stop drinking, at least, that much. How Lt Anderson managed it? The sensation was horrible to handle it every damn day. You got out of your bed holding your head and you went into the living room. On the coffee table, there was your breakfast freshly made. You were confused, you remembered Fitzwilliam getting away freely. Could he come back? You ran to the kitchen to see if he was there, but the kitchen was empty. You stare into the emptiness of the place looking for a trace of him, holding yourself. Damn, who would imagine it? Missing an Android so much. But you knew, Fitz was dared to you. You hope everything will be all right for him. You would have loved to talk to him as a free Android. To know how he felt all those years he had been with you, serving you. Did he hate you for that? You tried to treat him well, but at the end, he was always taking care of you and fixing all your messes. "Good morning, Y/N." You heard Connor's voice behind you. Startled, you turned at him with your hand on your chest to prevent a cardiac arrest. "What the fuck are you doing here?" You asked him inquisitory. You still were mad at him. "I- I'm sorry, Y/N." He apologized a little taken aback. "Didn't mean to scare you." "That's not what I mean." You insisted. "Why are you here? In my Apartment." His eyes roamed from you to the floor like a kid that is being scolded. "I- I didn't want to leave you alone...." He confessed looking shyly at you. "Not chasing my Android away would have been a nice start." You threw it with bitterness going to the living room to take your coffee. Connor stood there in the same place. If you had looked at his face you could see he was hurt. "I'm sorry, Y/N..." he followed you to the living room and stood in front of you. You already sat on the couch a drank the coffee. "I- you know how I am programmed..." "I don't need you to remind me." You took a sip of your mug. "Actually, that's your fucking Problem. You always do what you are programmed to do without thinking if it is good or it is bad. Like Fitz for example, what had he done? Nothing! He was innocent and you just chased it away!" Connor just stared at you. "Or the Eden Club girls! They were defending themselves from people who were beating them, and what Connor did? He killed them!" Connor was getting confused by moments. His LED started to blink. You stood up and went close to him staring into his eyes. "Do you really think that all we have done, all you had done is good? Is it the correct thing to do? Because I really don't think so." Connor LED was completely yellow processing all you were saying and he had a hard time to understand everything. "I'm going to take a shower." You dismissed him heading to your bathroom. 

Under the hot water you though, you thought about what you just said to Connor, maybe you were to harsh on him, but you were so bothered about Fitz... He was like a friend to you and you didn't know where it went. Deviants... Were they really a menace? Fitz wasn't dangerous, he had always done what you told him and when he woke up after the deviant speech, he was just waiting for you to talk about it. Everything spun so fast in your head and with your hangover you couldn't think straight. But you suddenly got an idea. You ran out of your shower covering yourself with the towel."Connor!" You called him. He turned to you and roamed his eyes from tip to toes from you, covered by only a tiny towel, winking like processing the information. You were busy getting rid of the knot in your hair to notice that."I need you to find me where Elijah Kamski lives." You asked him. "And when you'll get the address, call Hank!"You went to your room to dress. Maybe it was useless but Elijah Kamski was the founder of Cyberlife, the father of Androids, he left Cyberlife years ago but with all the work he had done he might know something about deviants.