#I will be using a drunk text generator for most of this lol

[c0nn0rb0t]

"Ah, Jesus Connor, did you get in my stash or somethin'?!"

Oh he was definitely not steady on his feet right now, all the error's in his vision certainly wasn't helping much.

"No Lieutenant, I hsven't touch your alcihol"

Shit, his vocal system was messing up

[kislnd]

possessive - george clarke~

synopsis: george has to collect a tipsy y/n after a night out with her friends - there he is introduced to one of her old coworkers.

notes: i managed to accidentally post this several times before finishing it lol (pain) 😭 thanks to anon for requesting this plot x

warnings: alcohol & angst (good resolution dw guys)

word count: 2.4k

masterlist

"are you almost ready?" george called out to y/n, who was in the bathroom finishing up her makeup. she knew her friends were here to collect her for their night out and george was just making sure she didn't end up keeping them waiting for too long. "yes, just give me a sec!" she replies, throwing a brush in the general direction of her makeup bag haphazardly.

"all done," she smiles, coming out of the bathroom, finishing touches all complete. "you look gorgeous y/n." george beams, wrapping his arms around her middle. "thank you." she returns the hug and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to walk towards the front door, with george following behind her. "have fun and be safe," he says, "and when you're ready to be picked up just give me a text." y/n nods, she was always grateful that he was willing to do things like that for her no matter what time of the night it was. "see you later then," she grins, a grin that he couldn't help but reciprocate, and steps outside to join her friends.

the pub that y/n's friends had chosen was a local one, but one that she had walked past countless times without ever giving it a second thought. she wasn't sure what to expect upon entering the establishment, but that didn't make her nervous. she had always thought that trying out new things or places was one of the things that kept life exciting.

once over the threshold, her senses were immediately flooded - loud music blaring from what appeared to be karaoke (something she anticipated she would have to pry her drunk friends away from later in the evening), several conversations, most of which were shouted in a desperate attempt to be heard over the music, and a strong smell of alcohol. at least, y/n thought, the people seemed to be enjoying themselves.

"we can either sit next to the speaker and go deaf or nearer to that group," one of her friends gestured to a fairly large group of rowdy guys near the bar, "and also go deaf." they all laugh at this, although their laughter was short-lived - the options really weren't good. "i vote anything but that," y/n scrunches her nose up thinking about the group - if they were already unpleasant from the safe distance at which she was observing them, god knows how insufferable it would be to spend a few hours practically on top of them.

after some deliberation, y/n and her friends settled on a table closer to the music. with everyone situated and ready for the night, a few of the girls made their way to the bar to grab some drinks.

"is that everything?" y/n questioned, scanning the array of drinks that had been poured for them. "seems about right," her friend shrugged, "we'll figure out if we ordered everyone something when we give them out." y/n nods, she was right. thankfully, enough of them had come to the bar to help out that what would have otherwise been a horrendous balancing act, was actually a swift and tidy transportation of drinks. y/n placed the last few glasses down on the table before turning to one of the girls and saying quietly, "i'm just going to pop to the toilet."

"do you want one of us to come with?" she asked, to which y/n shook her head - the bathroom wasn't far from where they were sitting and she wasn't worried about anything else. they had specifically chosen to sit across the room from the disruptive group of guys so she figured they wouldn't bother her.

either way, y/n decided she would move as quickly as possible, sliding past the few people nearby and into the room. she didn't want to spend more time than she needed to in there - pub toilets were unpleasant at the best of times and she also didn't really want to miss out on anything. nevertheless, she took a moment to freshen up - her makeup was still in position and her hair didn't seem to be so different from when she originally styled it so she simply gave her hands a wash and made for the door.

grabbing the cool metal handle, y/n threw the door open and set off with the intention of walking briskly back in the direction of her friends. instead, her stride was broken by a figure colliding with her as she stepped out of the bathroom. "oh!" she jumped back, her body flush with the door, "i'm so sorry." she exclaimed. the person, whom she had now realised was a man who had just come out of the bathroom himself, smiled warmly down at her. "don't worry, i wasn't really looking where i was going." y/n studied his face for a moment, she could've sworn she recognised him but she couldn't quite put her finger on where from. "sorry," she brushed a stray piece of hair out of her face, "do i know you from somewhere?" she paused, wondering if that had been a strange question, "i just feel like you look familiar," she added.

"you're y/n aren't you?" the man cocked his eyebrow, but didn't wait for a response. "we used to work together." realisation hit y/n, she couldn't believe she had managed to briefly forget him, they had spent almost every day for a number of years side by side. she couldn't even blame this one on alcohol. "of course!" she laughed at her own silliness and also in the hopes of relieving some tension - she was praying she hadn't offended him. "we had some good times." she smiled. much to her relief, he smiled back, "absolutely, i can't believe how much time has passed. i'd love to catch up with you." y/n liked the idea - she had to admit that she had wondered what he was up to and this would be the perfect opportunity to check in. however, she also recognised that she was here with her friends and it would be wrong to abandon them, especially when they were the ones that organised the evening.

"i'm kind of with people at the moment," y/n gave him an apologetic look, she had tried to word it kindly, in a way that didn't seem like a harsh refusal of his offer. "no worries, just whenever you have a free moment later on," he smiles, "drinks on me, of course." y/n returns the smile, "see you later then."

//

y/n could feel her head growing fuzzy and she could tell her friends felt the same, so it had been a collective decision to end the night there. with everyone calling taxis or friends to collect them, y/n decided to drop george a text to come and collect her in around half an hour's time. as promised, she found her way to her ex-coworker's table, telling herself that she could only accept one drink out of politeness and as to not hate herself too much the next morning.

"so what'll it be?" he asks grinning, digging into his pocket to find his wallet. "just whatever you're having," y/n slid into a chair and waited for him to return with the drink. soon enough, the drinks arrived and after getting over some initial awkwardness, they were back to chatting like old friends. y/n was so caught up in conversation that she hadn't realised george had texted her numerous times that he had arrived until he entered the pub himself and informed her.

"i've been trying to get you to come outside for a bit now," george says, approaching the table where they were sitting. he wasn't angry, he was aware that y/n would be caught up with her friends and therefore a little slower to check her phone, but he was confused. who was this guy? he'd met y/n's friends on countless occasions, and she often mentioned them, but this stranger hadn't ever seemed to come up in conversation. "i'm sorry," she looked up at him with flushed cheeks, the alcohol had definitely gotten to her. george was about to open his mouth to ask her who the mystery man was but before he could get there, she interjected, "this is my old coworker, from when i worked at the shop."

suddenly it made sense - maybe y/n had mentioned him in passing, he was sure she'd talked about her time at the shop a couple of times previously. "well nice meeting you," george didn't really feel like engaging in any formalities, all he really wanted was to get y/n home and go to bed. "we'd better get home." he smiled somewhat apologetically, and took y/n by the hand in an attempt to coax her to stand up. "honestly, please join us," the man, who george still didn't know the name of (nor did he really care to find out either), said. "we were only just beginning to catch up." george glanced at y/n, although he wasn't so sure if she was in a good position to be passing judgement.

"that would be nice," she smiled softly, "george?" she looked up at him with big eyes, eyes that he often found very hard to resist. george still wasn't sold on the idea. "are you sure? it's getting quite late now." he questioned, in the hopes that she would agree and they could go. he really was not a fan of how eager this guy was to spend time with her, and it was made worse by the fact that he hardly knew the guy. "please?" y/n tightened her grip on his hand, willing him to just take the seat next to her.

at this point, george obliged. it was clear y/n was enjoying herself and this guy didn't make her uncomfortable. it was not worth ruining her night and mood by forcing her to come with him. "alright." he said flatly, admittedly through gritted teeth. y/n raised an eyebrow at his tone but brushed it off, maybe he was just tired and besides, he absolutely could tolerate sitting down and talking for a short while.

//

the more he talked, the more george was sure he couldn't stand the guy. the way he looked at y/n with such blind adoration in his eyes, the way he kept reaching out to touch her on the arm briefly during the conversation and his body language, completely focused towards y/n as if he wasn't there - it was all far too much.

george made a point of blatantly checking the time and announcing it to the table, "right, i think we should call it a night here?" he turned to y/n, who was obviously more tired than she had been when he first arrived, who solemnly agreed. george stood up first, quickly helping y/n up and wrapping his arm around her shoulder protectively. "thank you, that was a lovely evening," her former coworker smiled, "we should do this again y/n." the fact he had purposely left george out of the conversation, without even having the decency to offer an invite to him (or to any of her friends) confirmed every suspicion.

george's body stiffened, his grip on y/n tightening slightly. "i don't think that would be appropriate." he said calmly, masking how truly infuriating it was for him to be witnessing this behaviour. "we're leaving now." he didn't give y/n a chance to wave goodbye or say thank you to her old friend, and instead took off briskly towards the exit and to the car.

"what was that about?" y/n looked puzzled, to her the night had simply been catching up with someone from her past and nothing more. "could you seriously not tell?" george himself was dumbfounded, it was beyond him how she could be so oblivious. "tell what?" y/n snapped back at him, "all i could tell was that you hated him. your face was sour the entire night."

"well forgive me for not taking a liking to the guy who was practically undressing you with his eyes," george began to raise his voice, he didn't like getting angry and wouldn't ever want to upset y/n but it was impossible to contain his rage in the moment. "he was not!" y/n protested, "he is just an ex-colleague, what has gotten into you?"

"to you maybe," george still felt disgusted, "i mean, did you even notice that he was constantly trying to touch you?" y/n shook her head in disbelief, "i think you're being dramatic. even if he was flirting with me, why would it matter?" silence clung to the air. george stared at the ground helplessly, he knew that no matter the number of ways he tried to explain this to y/n she would just be adamant he wasn't making advances on her. "i like you not him." she reached out to touch him on the arm, "george, i'm not angry at you. i think i was just surprised."

y/n stepped closer to him carefully and slotted herself under his chin, wrapping her arms around him in the most reassuring hug she could muster - he did the same. "i'm sorry." he mumbled into her hair where he had buried his face, "it's hard to not get jealous when you have such a beautiful girlfriend." y/n grinned, "you are silly." she paused, contemplating whether or not to share her thoughts. "and for the record, i do think you are extra hot when you're jealous."

"oh?" george raised his eyebrow, "well, as long as you don't keep meeting up with random co-workers that definitely have a crush on you, i can live with that." he chuckled. "don't worry, you definitely scared him away." y/n laughed, "i am not at risk." george mocked offense, "hilarious y/n," he smiled sarcastically, guiding her towards the car and opening the passenger door for her to climb in before getting in himself.

"i do love you, you know," she stared out of the windscreen in thought. "i know you do, and i love you," george patted her knee, "let's just worry about getting you home now."

[fast-burn]

Maxiel + 14. Sloppy seconds !!

i think this is maybe my most requested kink 😂 but you gotta give the people what they want! hope you don't mind if i add background garage gangbang into this (and also cw for drug use reference, off-screen)

kink list here

XXX

Generally Daniel tries not to live with regrets, but he's a little miffed that the whole thing with Max's mechanics began after he left Red Bull. Granted, it couldn't have started before. The concept of Max coming off his first race and his first win getting gangbanged within an inch of his life is something Daniel avoids thinking about like someone might avoid grasping a hot poker. That whole idea is just--well yeah, better not.

Still though, it's like Red Bull didn't start having real fun until Daniel was out of the picture. Not that Daniel would have joined or anything, but it would have been nice to have the invitation.

Daniel is in the hotel lobby, late, buying chamomile tea from the bar instead of room service because--he doesn't know. Better to put a couple euros on his credit card rather than charging it to the team? He's just in time to see GP and Calum walk in with Max propped up between them. They each have an arm around his curved waist. Max moves sluggishly, but he seems happy. Downright blissful. They carry him to the elevator and Daniel holds out his AmEx to tap it against the machine.

It takes maybe three minutes of Daniel being back in his own room before he's texting Max.

you good?

yes very good is Max's reply, almost immediately.

Daniel bites his lip. His mind is blank.

wanna come up and watch a movie or something? can't sleep

lol netflix and chill? Max asks, and well that's not-not what Daniel meant. He totally gets if Max is too tired for it. Hardly a big deal.

He says up to you, we can just hang if you want, and then rm 1220.

Daniel sips his tea and then goes to brush his teeth. He's rearranging his curls, trying to make them look fuller, when finally Max knocks on the door.

"Hi Daniel," he says, leaning in the doorway, eyes half-lidded, body swaying like he's drunk. He isn't drunk. He's probably taken a ton of poppers, but now he's genuinely just tired, the effects long since worn off. Daniel scoops him into the room.

Max is easy to direct to the bed, and as soon as he lays down he starts kicking off his shoes, toes prying down the heels before he flicks his ankles and nearly launches them at the goddamn TV. He smiles up at Daniel, the stretch of his mouth a shiny with a smear of lip balm and sore-looking in the corners. He makes grabby hands until Daniel crawls on top of him. Cute. The last time they did this, Max said he always wanted a breather after it all, but once he cooled down he wanted the weight of something anchoring him. Daniel isn't particularly heavy, but he's happy to provide in whatever way he can.

"I don't think I can come again," Max says, rubbing his face against Daniel's neck. His stubble is so scratchy-rough-good, dragging against the grain of Daniel's own beard, that Daniel shivers over and over. "But I'm not ready to sleep yet."

"Lucky me," says Daniel. "You wanna talk about it?"

Max makes a vague noise, but then he gives Daniel the post-gangbang report in broad strokes. They put several big packing blankets down on the garage floor, they took turns, they made sure his holes were always full, they cleaned him up when they were done. Daniel is hard when Max finally snuffles into Daniel's collar and says, "That's all, just the usual. Pretty simple stuff."

The pictures flashing through Daniel's mind aren't simple at all. It's like that guy with the painting of the staircases, tangled up in all different angles. He grinds his dick against the bed in the soft, open vee of Max's legs.

"I don't think I--" Max starts.

Daniel interrupts him. "No. No, I know."

"You would be very nice, Daniel. It's not you that is the problem."

It's twelve to fifteen guys other than me, Daniel thinks to himself, then chastises himself for being jealous. They're not a couple, and Max loves these nights. It makes him feel connected to everyone. It makes him feel so satisfied that he has to be hand-delivered back to the hotel, poured into Daniel's bed to sleep it off for eight hours.

"Can I just take a look?" He asks instead, and Max nods, twists in Daniel's arms until he's flat on his stomach.

"I won't fall asleep," Max promises.

"You can if you want. It was a big day." Daniel tugs Max's soft pants down: Red Bull-branded sweats. It was probably impossible to get him back into his tight jeans, afterwards.

The skin on Max's arse and thighs is red-hot, spanked all over, but nothing looks bruised. Daniel skims his hands across, barely touching but Max still squirms against the sensation. The mechanics clearly love Max so much. They give him exactly what he needs and nothing more, always working together like a well-oiled machine even when said machine is a train they're running on Max.

Daniel slides his thumbs between Max's cheeks, starting from his taint and un-zippering upward, spreading Max so Daniel can inspect the damage. Someone has cleaned him up, got him all sorted out. His hole is like a halved cherry, like Max's lips when he's been biting them, all puffy and used and raw. Daniel can't help but press his face into it.

Max whines lightly when Daniel licks across his hole. He tastes like antiseptic and aloe, and beneath that copper and salt and the undeniable flavour of latex. "Everybody wrapped up?" Daniel asks, almost directly into Max's arsehole.

"Yes, of course," Max says. "It would be too messy if they didn't."

And there's another thought Daniel shouldn't have: Max so full of sperm that he's leaking down his crack and across his balls, all of it mixed together into a mystery sludge, and Daniel could suck every drop out of him.

"You can come on me, though, if you want," Max offers then, and Daniel doesn't need to be told twice.

Daniel kisses up Max's spine and shoves his hand into his own pants, pulls his dick out and strips it fast. He can't be bothered for finesse, suddenly on the edge, totally desperate. "They really got you good, huh?" He asks, mouthing Max's shoulders, his neck, the shell of his ear the same colour as his slapped arse.

"Mm hm," Max murmurs, face mashed into Daniel's pillow. He's gonna pass out any moment. "It was so lovely, Daniel. I wish I could just get fucked like that all the time, but then it wouldn't be special. I can still feel them all, inside. Like they are still doing it. Here, feel," he says, and pulls Daniel's free hand back to his hole just in time for Daniel to feel it pulse and throb against the tips of his fingers, a needy little mouth. And Daniel feeds it, striping Max's back and thighs and arse with his release as he comes.

[chimpcaster]

Honestly, while calling Toriel abusive is a major stretch, I don't think it's a stretch at all to say that both she and Asgore have flaws in their parenting. They're not remotely abusive, and they do love their kids, but they're also not perfect parents either-and I think DR has been highlighting this pretty well.

(Like, I am not judging Toriel for having a fun time with Sans at the end of Chapter 4: she's had a rough time of it, and she has every right to have a fun night of partying with Sans. She should have fun with a friend and move on from Asgore! But it was also pretty irresponsible of her to not check up on Kris and let them know where she was.)

I mean...was it actually that irresponsible? As far as Toriel knows, Kris is spending the rest of the day with a close friend, who Kris (and by extension Toriel) trust enough to let stay over the previous night. She has no reason to think Kris will come looking for her at the church, and even if she did, their house is like a minute walk away.

Kris definitely seems to be mid-late teens, so them staying out slighty later (not even that late - Toriel remarks that Kris seems to be going to bed early) really isn't that strange or cause for concern. The town they live in is a small, close-knit community, too - Toriel goes to church and teaches so probably knows most people who live there. Verging on headcanon territory here but Kris definitely strikes me as someone who would have an established history of staying out.

The only cause for concern that we know Toriel knows about is the whole slashing tires thing, but like, she barely seems concerned about that in general. I had a friend have something similar happen to them recently and it really did turn out to be nbd, so when Toriel isn't shown to worry about that, I'm inclined to believe that that's fairly reasonable and doesn't mark any particular irresponsibility. Going back into 'headcanon that just makes logical sense based on the text', we can assume at least that she had a conversation with Undyne about it, and that this probably reassured her. I get why people wonder about this though.

I take particular problem (not from you anon just soapboxing) with interpretations that Toriel is an alcoholic because we had one scene of her drunk on a weekend night. The 'evidence' for this seems to be that Kris is particularly on edge in this scene because this has happened before, and not because of the stress associated with the Actual Plot of Deltarune, Which Kris is Being Forced Along.

I guess I just find people's chosen analyses on Toriel odd, because there are definitely more interesting things to talk about in Ch3/4 which are ACTUALLY in the text - like the effect of Toriel's/Asgore's arguing upon Kris. But doing this would also have to mean giving Toriel some props for putting an end to that unhealthy household dynamic (and recognising that Asgore's slightly invasive 🥺take me back🥺 routine is Good for Nobody)

Sidebar I dont hate asgore at all but thank god Toriel got the kids in the divorce LOL

One thing I definitely need people to keep in mind is that Toriel (and even Kris!) is NOT seeing things from the player's POV. When Kris and Susie get home, it's emotionally impactful to us because we know the two have had a stressful day and were worried about Toriel. Knowing this, it makes it harder to see Kris struggling to sleep. Keeping Kris up for an indeterminate amount of time isn't great - but it hits us and Kris harder than it otherwise probably would because of the shit they've been through, which Toriel can't possibly know about. When Kris gets home at all, we know a lot has happened that Toriel should be concerned about...again, should she know about it, which she literally can't. We the player are primed by what we know to be concerned about Kris, Toriel is primed by what she knows not to be. Toriel was protective in UT because there was an identified threat, in DR she is lax because she has identified a lack of threat. Her assessment is wrong, but only because she's not omniscient. If anything she strikes me as quite respectful of Kris' autonomy (unlike us the player lol)

To get back to your point, obviously Toriel isn't supposed to be perfect - because usually writing perfect people is pretty piss poor writing. In deconstructing the criticism being levied at her I (and I assume others) would never want to 'prove' she is perfect. I mean...obviously, right?

What I want to do is highlight these questions: Does the criticism of her seem fair and good faith? What assumptions are people making, and why? Even if there's something in the criticism you agree with, does the energy behind the criticism seem proportional to the 'crime'? Are other characters treated by the same standards? If not, what is making it disproportional? (its misogyny its literally just misogyny its so obvious but I'd be here for another hour if I dont just leave it here)

Which characters - in Deltarune, Undertale, or fiction in general - are allowed to be imperfect without it drawing this much critcism?

[blushblushbear]

I drunk wayy too much last night and sent a barrage of drunken texts and voice messages to some of my best friends. I'm beyond embarrassed, they're so embarrassing oml. To heal from this pain I'll never recover from, how bout a few of the boys reacting to all that

I think in generally the boys just kind of find it funny, but for details

Nimh: okay, Nimh's actually a little worried, comes over the next day, if not that night, and brings a hang over kit with him

Volks: thinks they're kinda funny but is also a little worried. Checks on you first thing. Ends up leaving then coming back with a bunch of stuff for your hang over and a change of clothes so he can stay the night

Kelby: thinks it's funny until you text him the next day feeling so sick, then he's over there with so much water and gatorade

Eli: He's in the messages with you don't even pretend. He's right in all those selfies, in every embarrassing voicemail, and when you wake up hung over he's right there next to you ordering mcdonalds breakfast cause y'all need some grease, carbs and coffee

Anon: sticks on the phone with you but uses his hacking skills to watch and make sure you get home safe. Also calls you the next day and teases you about last night. You're about to hang up on him when he tells you to open your door, and you open it to find he's sent a bunch of stuff to help you feel better

Garret: very confused, very concerned, you wake up in his arms and he spends the rest of the day taking care of you

Dmitri: weirdly thinks they're charming, also comes over to help you take care of your hang over

Ichiban: thinks about posting it online, thinks better of it, still saves it for giggles, checks in on you all the next day

William: ends up coming out and finding you, takes you home, gives you water and some food and helps put you to bed

Myx: very amused, calls to check on you the next morning

Stirling: ABSOLUTELY entertained. Finds it HILARIOUS. Calls you the next morning and asks how that darling head of yours is feeling in the most teasing way

Scale: gets your messages, gets concerned, ends up stalking you the whole night to make sure you get home safe

Sven: Sends back things that are just as embarrassing even though his ass is sober lol

Cole: finds it funny blackmail. Still gets concerned, ends up stalking you, 'bumps into you', escorts you home and reveals in getting to take care of you, very doting, very sweet, probably takes more pictures for his own collection when you're out cold

Poe: laughs a bit at your message, calls the next day to check up on you, doesn't bring up or mention the messages, if you bring them up he slyly says 'oh I didn't read them all the way through, was there something in them??' like a liar

Cashew: feels for your embarrassing solidarity cause he has DEF done the same. comes and checks up on you the next day, does not bring up the messages at all

Seth: Thinks it's the funniest shit he's ever see, comes and checks on you at the crack of dawn the next morning, teasing you about everything you said, all the while taking care of you

Logan: He's not immediately worried but he does know being too drunk is how the worst stories of nights out begins, so he keeps in touch until you get home, comes over the next morning to make sure you're good

Reece: Is so confused. Is this normal for earthlings?? it's kinda funny. is probably going to come over and ask a bunch of follow up questions

Aki: Wants to be respectful but lord he thinks the videos you sent were so funny. That being said he does come check on you and help you nurse that hangover. He promises he'll only chuckle a little.

Haru: A mix of thinking it's funny but also making sure you're texting back and forth until he finds you. Joins in the party for a bit then takes you home and gives you the best hangover nursing EVER (he knows what it's like)

Fuyu: Is also confused. Doesn't know how to respond like--- ACTUALLY, how do I reply to texts??? ends up calling you a dozen times before just coming over and making sure you're okay

Ace: a little amused, a little worried, constantly texting you throughout the night till you get home, comes over to take care of you the next day

[via-l0ve]

OMG UR MIKE SCHMIDT HCS ARE PERFECT!!!!!!!!! pls do a part two 🙏🙏

(btw can I be 😾 anon? )

Dating Mike Schmidt Hcs PT. 2!❣️

a/n: ABSOLUTELY!!! thank you sm 😾 anon <3 i love u! this also includes just some general head cannons of him because he’s my baby.

warnings: nothing :)

mike drinks coffee and energy drinks all the time

his favorite flavor of monster is the original or the Strawberry dreams

if you like monster (i’m an addict) he buys you one every time he buys one for himself

when he was working at freddy’s you’d patch him up if he ever got hurt :(

you teach him how to bake so he can teach Abby

You’re the only person Abby likes her brother to be with

she incorporates you into her drawings after a while of knowing you

mike is so happy when he sees you drawn in because his sister’s approval means a lot to him even if she’s only ten

it takes a while for mike to open up to you

but when he does he kinda has to break it up into small bits

he’s surprised when you hug him and comfort him bc what no one’s ever done that before

his love language is most definitely words of affirmation and physical touch

mike is so stressed with his work schedule so he can’t always be there physically but he always, without fail, every. day. sends you a good morning and good night text.

that might not seem like much but it’s everything to me okay!!!!

“hey baby, good morning :) i love you the most and i hope you have an amazing day. im on my way to work now but when i get out ill text you and when i get home ill give you lots of kisses. i love you.”

that’s so fucking cute

you guys have frequent date nights that just consist of laying on the couch or in his bed and watching a movie while he lays on your lap or on your chest

Abby usually interrupts because she “can’t sleep” but we all know it’s just because she wants to watch the movie

Mike secretly has a savings account for the two of you

he wants the best for you and when he can give you the world he will

but for right now he’ll pay for some stuff and give you kisses afterwards

he makes playlists that remind him of you

he loves to give you his clothes

or, if you don’t want those, he gives you blankets of his that smell like him

Mike notices the little things

like if you told him a story about your cousin and how they pissed you off

and then you brought them up again

he would remember the incident but he wouldn’t remember their name

“oh isn’t that the cousin who did all of that stuff to you?”

you guys have deep talks at 2am while he lays on your stomach and you comb through his hair with your fingers and you guys just talk and make out

his lips are soft but his hands aren’t

you definitely flirt with him all the time to make him blush

he hates feet

like everyone wears socks in his house or he will shoot his eyes out

he also hates canned corn

don’t ask me why i think this is just do

he’s scared of being alone

he also most definitely uses “:) :( :/ .-.” instead of actual emojis

he laughs at all of your jokes

even if they’re just not funny

he dosent want you to get sad lol

he’s always scared he’s not enough for you

he works a lot and he’s constantly tired and he makes minimum wage so it’s not like he can take you out to fancy dates or anything

he opens up about how he feels and when you tell him how much you adore your little mundane activities he gets all teary eyed and just hugs you so tight

:(((

he just wants to be the best version of himself for you

he adores you

off topic - he’s a lightweight when he drinks

he’ll stumble into the house drunk and just clinging onto you like a sloth

poor baby

he just deserves the world

[storiesofsvu]

Heather Dunbar SFW Alphabet

Heather Dunbar x reader warnings: language, minor flaws, alcohol mentioned, nsfw subject briefly mentioned lol I do NOT know how it happened that I've been writing for Heather for so long and somehow never did this alphabet, so... here we go! It was honestly nice to get back writing for her again!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

We all know Ms Ma’am’s first go to love language is gift giving, she’s busy with work, constantly, and she’s got the money to throw around so it’s very likely that you’ve got fresh flowers on your porch every week, dinner being delivered if she can’t be here and all the luxury items you could ever want. She’s also an acts of service; even if she’s not the one personally doing them, she makes sure someone on her staff is like, picking up your groceries as well as hers kinda thing.

She’s not overly affectionate in public, it’s much more private. She’ll do a quick hug, kiss on the cheek, little peck kinda thing but that’s about it. She’s more than aware that she’s a public figure and prefers to keep her private life private. It’s when you’re at home that she gets softer and she’ll be more touchy/cuddly.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Most of her friendships are going to start through work, or like, a weekly workout class/at the country club kinda thing. I like to think that Heather’s someone who is super polite and friendly to 99% of the people she comes across, especially at first, but she’s really just sitting there waiting for you to slip up. She keeps people at an arms reach until they start to show their true colours and that’s when she’ll either let them in or keep them on a leash.

That being said, once you’re in, you’re in. She’s a solid friend, she’s loyal, trustworthy, and will always have some kind of get together/party/event for you to join her at on the weekends. She’s always only one phone call away if something goes awry on a night out, you have a bad date, or get too drunk. While she might not have the time/effort to come herself, she’ll send someone to make sure you get home safely.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

She’s generally the big spoon, likes to have an arm around you on the couch while watching movies, loves when you lay your head in her lap so she can play with your hair. She’s not *huge* on cuddling, but she enjoys it more than she thought she would, always forgets how much physical touch can actually release endorphins and calm her down.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Has no interest in getting married again, but prefers a secure, long term relationship. She doesn’t have the time or energy to waste on casual dating so when she finds a partner and things actually work out, she’s gonna keep you around.

She’s a fantastic cook and incredible baker. Despite having nannies and a pretty large personal staff, she can do a lot of things from scratch and really enjoys her “me time” in the kitchen, relaxing and getting to just focus on the task at hand instead of everything firing through her brain.

Heather’s space is always tidy, keeping up with clutter was the bane of her existence when the kids were kids until she confined all the toys to the playroom kinda thing. She prefers things have a home and when they’re done being used, they get put back in said home. When it comes to the actual cleaning she’ll do the bare minimum but is pretty busy so a lot of that does end up falling to a housekeeper.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) She’s likely going to do it in person, especially considering she doesn’t really casually date. If it was something more casual, or just a recurring hook up, she’s not afraid to ghost or just shoot of a quick text saying she’s done. It’s super brief, curt and almost professional when she does it, she finds herself almost falling into work mode for things like that to take the edge off/take the emotion completely out of it.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Already been married and doesn’t have any major interest in going back down that road in the future. She knows how much of a legal/financial hassle it can be, knows that even bringing up a prenup sometimes destroys relationships and doesn’t want to have to deal with all of that. She tried it, it didn’t work, why bother trying it again? She absolutely *will* however buy you a fancy ring, a pretty dress and host the year’s best party to celebrate you/your love though. G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) Heather’s gentleness is hidden under many layers, especially after years of having to be so cut throat in her industry among so many men. She’s built up these walls through strength, strategy and a bit of cunning and she knows that showing hurt/emotion/weakness at certain times is not optional, so it takes a bit to come out. If she’s had a bad/long/tedious day and comes home right away without decompressing she might end up snapping when she doesn’t mean it. Her alone time before going about anything else is super important to her so she can melt down all those walls and shed that professional personality before shaking it off and greeting you with a smile.

Once that side is gone though, she’s a softie under it all.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Her mom hugs are the absolute best, deep, warm, she’s not gonna let go until you’re ready. Though she’s not a big hugger, esp in public as stated previously. For a greeting/farewell she’s much more likely to kiss you quickly, drop a kiss to the top of your head with a tender shoulder squeeze, or something of the like rather than a full blown hug.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) I think it take a bit for her, we’ve discussed already about her keeping her walls up until she’s absolutely sure and I think that goes for dropping the love bomb as well. While she is absolute fire with words when it comes to the courtroom/political debate/world stage, she struggles a bit with accurately expressing her emotions with words. She’ll feel the blooming in her chest, know that she adores waking up with you, cooking with you and the like, and she’ll likely even know that she’s falling in love but it isn’t coming out right away.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Heather’s definitely the jealous type, and she’s the angry jealous type. She sees you across the room getting hit on and the first tell is that her lips are pursed, her jawline tight and when you do find your way back to her, her responses are short and clipped. This is especially true if she knows you’re doing it *on purpose* because that means you’re being bratty and she is absolutely going to punish you the second you get home. K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Her quick kisses are soft, gentle, a small smile on her cheeks. Her private kisses are passionate, full of fire, dominance, hands tangling into your hair, teeth nipping at your lip, tongue surging into your mouth. She loves how quickly she can turn you to mush by kissing your neck, and absolutely loves to leave marks on your inner thighs where no one else can see them

She’s partial to the way you’ll kiss her collarbone, it’s something no one else has ever really done and that makes it special to the two of you and her love it more. As much as she loves the kinky stuff, it’s how soft and tender you are with her that really melts her heart, so it’s those kind of kisses.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) She’s fantastic with kids. While she always had a nanny on hand and did send her kids to boarding school she’s still their mom and they’ll show up whenever they’re sick or need an adult kinda thing and she’s never going to send them away. She’s not the biggest fan of babies, especially because of the mess and the volume, but you cannot tell me this woman is not super excited about being a grandparent now that her own kids are grown.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) They’re quiet, but efficient, she’s likely got the news on in the background, coffee brewing and a quick breakfast made while she’s already skimming through emails and her agenda, figuring out what’s the priority for the day and what she needs to focus on and where she’ll be able to take a couple of breathers. She’s an early riser, even on weekends, and if she’s not working she’s trying to beat the rush to the gym/wherever to get her workout in and be able to check one thing off the list before sunrise kinda thing. She’ll always kiss your forehead before slipping out of bed and if she’s gone by the time you’re up there’s still hot coffee and likely a plate of breakfast waiting in the oven.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) There’s going to be a small amount that is spent working, whether working late at the office, or bringing work home. But she always makes sure that she’s present once you need her, have dinner ready, or something of the like. She’ll put work away and come eat with you, catching up on your days, help you with dishes, stealing as many kisses as she can get before curling up on the couch with you to catch up on your most recent binge with a glass or two of wine. And obviously most weekend nights end up with clothes gone and bodies tangled together for a few hours…

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) Heather keeps her secrets, especially with new people. It’s just part of being a politician, she’s going to let you know the basics and very specific details at first. She’s also cautious about things like that/you seeing her house because she comes from old/family money and knows just how quick that can sway someone’s opinion of her. She’s gotten trapped in the sugar babies taking advantage before so now when she indulges in that, she keeps them at an arms length. P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Not necessarily angry, but she is relatively easily annoyed. That being said, she is also our resident brat tamer and does enjoy getting riled up a bit because she knows she can punish it out of you. If she’s been working/told you she doesn’t want to be interrupted she has a shorter fuse, she can and will snap and sometimes it comes off pretty harshly. Sometimes she’ll apologize, sometimes she won’t, but she’ll make sure you know she’s not mad at you and if you haven’t been able to figure it out, she’ll explain why and things will be fine.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?) She remembers most things, but she’s also got such a detailed schedule/calendar/agenda that has a MILLION and a half reminders. Like, homegirl is so fucking organized it baffles people. So she always has the reminders for things like date nights, anniversaries, birthdays, etc far in advance. When it comes to stories, your favourite treats/colour/shows/etc she does generally remember exactly what you like, sometimes even when it’s only mentioned once or in passing. Those more random ones are usually remembered because she also really enjoys them herself, or she can connect it to someone else in her family who’s a huge fan kinda thing.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?) It’s likely going to be one of the first times that you welcomed her into your home and urged her to make herself at home/left her alone in your space. She knew in that moment that you trusted her and wanted her in your space and that finally knocks down that final wall of hesitancy of hers. It also could go the other way and very likely be when it gets revealed to you just how rich she is/the first time you’re at her house. She’s nervous, but incredibly happy at your response. You’re not in utter awe, but you’re also not reacting like it’s something you’ve seen every day, you’re reaction is right in the middle where she was hoping it would be. You acknowledge her lifestyle and accept it, but aren’t leaning too hard into it or away from it, you’re here to stay.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Heather is one protective bitch. If you don’t already have a security system at home, she’s getting one installed for you. She doesn’t like you taking public transport, especially after dark. If you don’t have a car, she’s giving you one, if you don’t drive, she’s supplying you with a driver. Out late at night and can’t get home? She’s outside waiting for you/sending a car before you can even send the text. If you’re out together and some prick is flirting with you, she’ll tightly wrap an arm around your waist and pull you to her, asking if you’re alright while staring daggers at the guy. She’s not about to throw hands, but she exudes enough power that the tiniest threat uttered from her lips is more than enough to have someone running.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) She absolutely loves lavish, luxury experiences and puts all of that into her dates, especially the important ones. Once Heather realizes she’s in love, she loves incredibly hard and will go above and beyond to make sure you know you’re loved because she’s also more than well aware of her flaws. Birthdays, anniversaries and the like she’ll always send you on a shopping spree with her credit card the week before, telling you to pick out whatever you want, but always to make sure there’s a new lingerie set too. Dress, heels, jewels, nails, make up, tan, hair appointment, literally whatever you want. If it’s a BIG event, she’s taking you on vacation, it’s gonna be all inclusive, private suite, water front château kinda thing, rose petals on the bed, endless champagne and gifts that are so incredibly perfect and tailored just for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) Her flaws are present and she knows they are, no matter how much she tries to avoid them. Work can absolutely consume her and thanks to her line of work, that can make her pretty irritable and short fused. Especially because she will likely also forgo sleeping the amount she needs and other daily necessities. Heather also tends to isolate, and attempt to do everything/fix everything on her own, she has trouble reaching out for help, even if she desperately needs it, she’d rather suffer through it alone than admit she needs help.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Heather is the one most concerned with her looks. She’s likely had a very strict skincare routine from a young age that she does every day without fail. 90% of her closet is designer and if it needs a couple of alterations, she’s sure to get those done in order for things to fit her perfectly. She puts time and effort into her appearance including hair and makeup and has a range of looks depending on exactly what she’s doing professionally that day (if that makes sense lol). She keeps active through various workouts and maintains a healthy diet, she’s not obsessive over it, but makes sure to stay healthy. Heather’s also definitely not against getting small amounts of not super invasive work done, nothing crazy, but just little bits to boost her confidence a bit over the years.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) 10000%. She doesn’t need another person to feel whole. She’s someone who isn’t particularly lonely when single, she’s content. She does miss the sex, but obviously has her way of getting that without a full relationship. It’s only once she has found someone that she truly loves that she does realize that it is really nice to have someone to come home to.

X = Xtra (A random head canon for them.) Was an equestrian growing up and was super good at it. She stopped after she was thrown off a horse during a practice and ended up with a nasty cut (that she still has the scar from) and a minor fracture somewhere in her leg/ankle/foot.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) She absolutely cannot stand lack of motivation/laziness/super dependent people. While she is completely content and enjoys being the dom in relationships, she needs her sub to be content by themselves while she’s busy. She will *always* reward them for it when she has the time, and as much of a brat tamer she is, the neediness can go past a level that she cannot stand. She also needs someone with at least somewhat of their own drive, she doesn’t care if you’re flipping burgers at mcdonald’s or a CEO on wallstreet, but you need *something* that is the reason to wake up in the morning and be a human, ya know? (though she is probably low key gonna judge you if you’re flipping burgers lol, but she’ll help guide you in the direction of a job you like more/earn more)

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

*Always* has a glass of wine before bed. If there’s some reason she can’t have one she’s having one of those sleepytime girlie mocktails that have been trending (they’ve got cherry juice and I think magnesium lol). And she likely has another couple of vitamins/supplements to help with rest/recovery/etc overnight.

Heather also either indulges in something very fantasy based right before bed, whether that be a show or a book. She started out reading fiction before bed nightly but found even some of it was too realistic/close to her daily career life so she swapped to fantasy to truly distract herself from life before sleeping.

----------------

@mickey-gomez @hbkpop @svulife-rl @red1culous @mysticfalls01 @bumblebear30 @svushots @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @multifandomlesbianic @momlifebehard @poisonedcrowns @wannabe-fic-reader @when-wolves-howl @dead-of-niight @godard-muse @itisdoctortoyousir @brooklynmhm @emilyprentiss4life @httpjupiterbby @leelizzzle @daddy-heather-dunbar @evilregal2002 @dextur @disneyfan624 @when-wolves-howl @augustvandyne @daffodil-heart @thisisraes @happenstnces @onmykneesformarvel @five-bi-five-mind @ollysmulti @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @ratsnestinmyhair @valentinesfrog @imlike-so-gaydude @wittygutsy @chimnlex @gamma-rae-bursts @clarawatson @amypoehlfey

[lakeshorez]

An Anecdote of Asexuality, Autism, and Other Oddities.

i originally posted this absolute essay of a comment underneath Carseatheadrest’s song “It’s Only Sex for, obvious reasons, however - I figured possibly it would be helpful to post it here to reach more folks who may resonate. (The song is fire btw, y’all should check CSH out!!) Apologies for any grammar mishaps - I wrote this after waking up from a five-hour long nap prior to taking my meds (whoops), and my autism can make it difficult when writing long-form pieces like this.

This is merely a slightly unhinged vent-post that seemed to get out of hand as I continued to write it; mainly focusing upon my own struggles with intimacy and how society views it as a whole - my relationship with being asexual, and how my autism leads me to perceive the act of sex in a slightly altered light compared to most.

General content warnings for: surface-level mentions of sexual content (nothing too explicit, I promise.), and brief mentions of past trauma.

That being said - I introduce you all to a glimpse inside my thoughts - and hopefully - despite having few followers, lol - some of you can relate, understand, or hell, possibly even learn something new about yourselves!

————————————

I’m 17 and although I’ve never been intimate nor do I have a partner - I’ve always felt immensely disconnected from most people’s allure towards intimacy since I find it weirdly “feral” in a way? Like, perceiving how aggressive people act within sexual scenarios with one another seems to put me off. As if they’re ’drunk off lust’ or something, being fully controlled by desire I guess? But to be fair, the only blatant exposure I’ve had to intimacy is through written text, along with hearing others’ testimonies on the manner. But, whenever I hear people going on about how they find it arousing when someone uses dirty talk I just feel weirdly— put off? I don’t know. Plus, I might be the only one who feels this way, but I absolutely despise the feeling of being in the act - more so the physical aspects of it. Sure, the closest I’ve had to actually being intimate is with by my own hand - but my point is, the sensations that are being absolutely overblown throughout the rest of your body; heavy breathing, sweating, a dazed mind, trembling limbs, etc - feel too overwhelming to me. I think I could be a result of me being autistic, and likely having heightened sensory impulses makes it feel so strange. But another thing I’ve noticed for me, is that the sensations feel eerily similar to when I’m upon the brink of a panic attack strangely enough. Not to mention how utterly tainted with filth I feel after the fact. Sure, I’ve tried to read articles upon articles on why sex and self pleasure is a natural occurrence - the health benefits and all - how it’s abnormal to feel ashamed or disconnected from the act, how I purely need to suck it up because if I dare express any destain from engaging in it, I’m considered a fault in the system. And yet, the internalized feelings of disconnect from my own body still linger, regardless how often I try to convince myself it’s normal.

It’s gotten to the point where I’ve sorta realized - perhaps it’s just not for me. Perhaps, I feel better when I’m not forcing myself to be someone I’m not? Or perhaps, what if all this time I’m merely lying to myself - what if my apathy and disgust regarding it was a result of unresolved childhood trauma? Perhaps made even more so of how I’ve never even held hands romantically with another human being. What if I’m wrong? Wrong about not understanding what all the hype is about — an unmoved fault in a sea of flirty playboy bunnies. I’m still trying to properly unpack a lot of what may have caused me to feel so strange about it, likely a large mess of factors; past trauma, growing under the watchful eye of a Christian mother, the fact I’m a pan trans guy- but I think one large part of it may be due to my autism. I’ve noticed, with a lot of basic tasks life throws at me, I always had a tendency to overanalyze and dissect a lot of things, sex included. I tend to view it in a very literal and logical light - sure, I can fully understand why people enjoy it, how they enjoy the emotional bond it creates, how they feel sparks from the bounds of pleasure that surge throughout their bodies - but other than that, I never can comprehend why people seem to place it on such a high pedestal? I could never quite comprehend why people put intimacy on the same level as eating, breathing, or even sleeping. I could never comprehend why people seemed to make such fusses over it. How my own mom couldn’t comprehend I don’t care much for the act, how people can’t physically accept the fact someone could live without it, as if the sensation itself is the elixir of life.

I feel whenever there’s conversations regarding the topic, autistic people such as myself tend to be left out of the conversations a whole lot. I suppose it’s unfortunately due to a whole slew of factors, such as infantilization; people viewing us as innocent children who’d never engage in something as adultery and taboo as sex because in their minds, we’re practically nothing more than overgrown children. However, I recall reading about how studies have shown that people assigned female at birth on average tend to have more nerve endings displayed around their reproductive organs - therefore, often feeling sexual sensations to a more heightened degree compared to our amab counterparts. However, I think it could also be linked to the discussion of being autistic and our feelings regarding intimacy. Since we tend to already have an intense heightened display of sensory inputs - primarily touch - I suppose it makes sense why I, and a lot of other afab autistic individuals feel like we’re on the brink of having a sensory overload when feeling any sexual stimulation. What would be considered as pleasurable to someone who isn’t autistic, could be interpreted as something almost painful to someone who is.

Whenever I try to learn on how to be more comfortable with the idea of intimacy, often the advice is so blatantly intended for non-autistic folk, along with taking on a very cisgendered-heteronormative view upon the matter as well. I’ve always felt extremely alienated when it came to talks about it and whatnot - mainly due to my autism, the fact I��m a trans pansexual dude, and past trauma relating to intimacy. Yet …in an odd way, whenever I browse through comment sections of videos on talks about intimacy and how to be an intimate partner, it’s like I’m seeing a glimpse in an alternate reality - a reality where everyone just seems to “get it”. A reality where not a single person ever had to cope with a horde of internalized mental struggles regarding such a topic, they openly state how much they enjoy being intimate with their partners, going into immense detail upon what makes them “tick” with tens of comments beneath them sharing that same anecdote. Cracking jokes and sharing their stories like it’s a normal Tuesday. And yet, part of me can’t help but feel like I’m an anomaly in an odd sense. Why regardless of how many sex-positive articles and videos I burn into my mind, I’ll constantly feel like I’m a flaw upon the system. How there’s always an eerily familiar contortion lodged deep within a pit in my stomach whenever the mere thought is brought up. How the nauseating pit only continues to expand itself - feeding off my utter discomfort, my inability to “get it”, like a spreading sickness that lacks no means of ending. But the pit never leaves, it just sits there within me. It only expands and contracts itself, constantly shifting its size and intensity to remind me of my abnormality. I can feel it deep within my body - I can feel its cruel weight make itself known whenever the topic of intimacy is brought up, whenever I feel that desire burn throughout my skin.

I suppose it’s why I felt like there was something wrong with me when I despised the sensations intimacy brought. Whenever I’d bring it up, I was told I was just a goddamn immature 17 year old who needed to ‘grow up’ and wait until I found a partner, then I’d finally “get it”. Then I’d finally understand what all the hype was about, then I’d finally feel whole. After all, being a virgin your whole life is something to be ashamed of, isn’t it? And yet, the closest thing I’ve had to experiencing any sexual stimulation is by my own hand - but even while I’m in the act, I can’t help but feel the overwhelming sensation of my heavy breathing, my heart throbbing at an unsteady rhythm, my limbs trembling, the almost burning sensation that only increases between my thighs until it boils over. And after? I feel disoriented. Like my mind is attempting to sew itself back together through trembling limbs and shaken breaths. And I want to cry. To sob, to clutch my shaken limbs around myself in a desperate means of granting myself comfort - I feel like I’m about to explode, with no other means to feel whole once again.

And despite it all, I often find myself wondering; “Why did nobody warn me about this?” Why didn’t they warn me of the intense barrage of sensations being thrown at my body in the most uneven hellish masses imaginable? Why didn’t they mention how my body would feel like it’s dying? After all, isn’t it guilty pleasure? A pleasure unmatched by anything granted by nature itself? A pleasure delectable as the sweetest honey, the closest thing to heaven humanity has acquired without the act of death. Shouldn’t it feel immaculate? Shouldn’t I feel satisfied? And yet, I lie between my disheveled bed sheets, clutching onto a pillow as heavy tears stain its fabric. And I can’t help but internally beat myself up over my emotions - why I feel so dejected and mentally shaken over a sensation that’s considered one of nature’s greatest gifts. How no matter how many times I mentally prepare myself to ‘fix’ my ongoing barrage of mental turmoil through watching videos of a person who clearly hasn’t felt the anguish I’m in explain in detail how to ‘enjoy’ the act. Assuming it comes naturally to anyone who watches, assuming that not a single person on the opposite side of the screen has ever felt such alienation from the rest of the human race over something that everyone just seems to magically have imbedded within their minds from birth. Assuming nobody is as utterly flawed as I am.

I suppose my detachment in regards to intimacy - even if it’s limited to merely touching myself once in a goddamn blue moon - has convinced me that I, in all my traumatized asexual autistic glory, would make one hell of a horrible partner. Who wants a partner who flinches at the slightest of touch, a partner who feels like they’re on the brink of a panic attack when the sensations get too intense for them to bear, who can’t stop hyperventilating and sobbing through thick and heavy tears as they try to soothe me like a distraught child, how dare I try and have my partner be some therapist for my issues…After all, that’s what a horrible partner does…right? A horrible partner doesn’t care for their spouse’s sexual needs - haven’t I heard of all those couples who break up because they couldn’t be satisfied in bed? How dare I try and insinuate that my future partner should settle for less, that they should live in an unfulfilling relationship unable to act upon a natural desire because I’m too utterly messed up to have it drilled into my thick skull that it’s normal. How dare I be so selfish.

It’s all I hear when I tell people I’m asexual, when I try and explain my autism physically does not allow me to think nor feel any different, how my entire being practically makes me feel differently around the entire discussion regarding intimacy. And yet, they express their worries and condolences. Not directed towards me, but to whatever future partner may interweave their fingers with mine someday. They mourn more intensely for that nonexistent entity over the person who’s standing in front of them in the flesh. They mourn for the fact that my future partner will have to somehow settle for less in their words, they try and convince me that merely granting my affection and love through hand-written notes and carefully crafted gifts and trinkets will never compare to the sheer raw intimacy sex can bring. How dare I insinuate that someone could be happy and fulfilled without such a need for something so natural, how dare I express one can feel fulfilled through other means that do not entail intimacy. How dare my sheer existence challenge their narrow mindset. How dare someone who chooses to become my spouse be understanding and grant me their compassionate empathy for simply being, how dare they feel fulfilled and satisfied by being granted affectionate notes and gifts over being touched by their beloved, how dare they “settle for less” and be content with simply experiencing the light of their partner through a clothed body. How dare they challenge the status quo for merely existing. It’s as if, people physically cannot fathom that someone can feel equally happy and fulfilled without the need for it. However, I suppose I don’t blame them - it’s everywhere you look. The expectancy to engage in it is practically being advertised and gossiped about in every corner of the world around them. As if feeling any distain or discomfort with the idea is an immediate challenge against something bigger. Like an act of rebellion, almost. But, am I being rebellious? How is me being some traumatized asexual autistic person on par with being some rebellious teenager? I’m not trying to challenge anything nor anyone, but it seems as if my sheer existence is already capable of doing that.

But hey, I guess you could say - it’s only sex :3 (I’m so sorry)

[pitter-patter-pottah]

*Cutely puts all of this stuff in your hands*

(Note: to get most of the incorrect quotes, I just used an incorrect quote generator and changed some words around a bit to make things extra hilarious just for funzies, but a there are a couple- the first three, I think- that I got from other users ( @incorrectbatfam and @hmslusitania  ), I asked them for permission but they have yet to respond to my requests, so I went ahead with this without them and I hope they are okay with it lol 😂)

Yuèliàng: Who's the most likely to get you out of trouble?

Ominis: Well, definitely not Sebastian.

Sebastian: I think I am the one most likely to get you out of trouble.

Ominis: You'd be getting me out of trouble that you got me in!

Sebastian: I think we should get dinner not as friends

Yuèliàng: You want us to be enemies?!?

[One (1) near world ending divorce later]

Sebastian: Is it too late to explain I meant we should go to dinner as like. As a date.

Yuèliàng: Oh...

Yuèliàng: That would be nice, actually. It's a deal, we'll do it it's not gonna be the only time that we do it.

Yuèliàng: You were wanting to kiss me all night?

Sebastian: Yes.

Yuèliàng: Even when you were yelling at me?

Sebastian: Yeah, then too.

Yuèliàng: So is this some sort of recent new development in your life?

Sebastian: Wanting to kiss you? No. It’s sort of always been there. Like white noise.

Sebastian: LOOOOOOOVE IS AN OOOOOOOOPEN DOOOOOOOR-

Ominis: If it's any sort of love with me, I think I just might close that door.

Yuèliàng: Don't forget to lock it with colloportus.

Sebastian, with a wounded, pouty face: You don't love me, Yuèliàng?

Yuèliàng: I never said that- if you're the one who's banging on the love door, then I'll gladly undo the lock with alohomora.

Yuèliàng: Sebastian and I don’t use pet names. Ominis: I see. Hey, what do bees make? Yuèliàng, furrowing her eyebrows: Honey? Sebastian, in a flirty voice: Yes, dear? Yuèliàng: Shakes head and sighs Ominis: Don't ever lie to my face again. Yuèliàng: What about to your rear end? Sebastian, raising an eybrow and smirking: I thought I was your boyfr- or, er, best friend, not him. Yuèliàng, smirking back: Have you ever heard of love or friendship triangles?

Ominis: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this. Sebastian: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.

Yuèliàng, grinning: We got a free day now. What do you wanna do? Eat? Sleep? Nap? Snack? Teach me some fun new evil spells? Sebastian, smirking and unbuttoning his shirt flirtily: All of the above as long as you're with me, especially the evil spells and the sleeping. And we're going to do the latter extra snugly… in the same dorm room… and the same bed.

Sebastian, holding a fork: You know your talking a lot of s--- for someone who has 2 perfectly good eyeballs each cost about $16,000 on the blackmarket. Yuèliàng: Merlin knows my eyesight is not the greatest, I wear specacles for a reason... Sebastian: I hope your eyesight is good enought to see my intense, passionate love for every bea-yu-tiful thing about you... *Lip smack*

Ominis: I’m so excited! Sebastian: We’re gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy… Ominis: And have the biggest stomach aches ever! Sebastian: Yeah!

Sebastian: If you want my advice- Ominis: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times. Sebastian: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, she also tried to kill me. Yuèliàng: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder, yay! Was a very entertaining pastime for us.

Sebastian: I’m a multitasker! Sebastian: I can disappoint fifteen people at once. Mostly people by the name of Ominis.

Sebastian: texting Hey can you pick me up I’m drunk. Sebastian: Oh you don't have to anymore. I'm home now. Yuèliàng: Yes, I'm aware of that after dropping you off at home.

Ominis: I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself. Ominis: Picks up Sebastian Ominis: I’ve only befriended Sebastian for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself. Sebastian: If you kill yourself, I'll have to ressurect you as an Inferius, and you wouldn't have as much personality that way.

Yuèliàng: Knock, knock. Sebastian: Who's there? Yuèliàng: Boo! Sebastian: Boo who? Yuèliàng: Why are you crying? Sebastian: I'm not crying. Yuèliàng: Hello notcrying, I'm Yuèliàng.

Sebastian: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day— Ominis: Bursts into tears Sebastian: Why are you crying? Ominis: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! sobs Sebastian: How would I know whether I'm ugly or not, when you can't see anything?

Ominis: How the hell did you crash the car?! Yuèliàng: So, at first, I was just driving. And my navigation told me to go straight. Yuèliàng: I was like "woah, that's LGBT+phobic". Instead, I went pan. And, THAT'S when I got into an accident. Ominis: … Sebastian, with a proud smile: And THAT'S who I'm in love with, ladies and gentlemen, and non-binaries.

Yuèliàng, having recently lost her glasses: KILL THE SPIDER! MWHAHAHA! Sebastian: ….That’s a gecko—

Ominis: Sebastian, that’s disgusting. You’re only giving free stuff to pretty people. Yuèliàng: Yeah, you should be ashamed of yourself. Sebastian: Oh yeah? gets really close to Yuèliàng How about a muffin on the house, baby? Yuèliàng, giggling: I guess I’m pretty.

Yuèliàng : Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Ominis: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Yuèliàng : THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Sebastian: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

Yuèliàng: Pulls a jug of butterbeer from out of nowhere Sebastian: Where did you get that? Yuèliàng: My pocket. Sebastian: How do you keep a jug of butterbeer in your pocket? Yuèliàng: Magic, duh. We do go to a wizarding school, have you been paying ANY attention to how to use accio in Charms class?

Sebastian: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Ominis dressed up as a cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. Sebastian: Lmao, my lovely @Yuèliàng .

And now for le textposts (I originally was just gonna do only one textpost but the more the merrier lol, btw the first one contains one of my Slytherin MCs, Yuèliàng Nagereboshi, also known as these nicknames: Yu, Fab-Yu-lous, and Delulu Yuyu):

[fehck]

3.17

Had therapy today. Discussed a lot of what I wrote about yesterday.

Morgan asked if I thought that something may have also happened to Andrew. I told her I had been asked that a lot. Of course, I don't know. I said I had never thought so. But now that I was speaking about it with her, it would explain some dynamics that existed in their home. I explained that his younger brother never left his room, his youngest brother was her (abuser's) favorite son, and Andrew always seemed to resent her but never really talked about it.

Andrew shipped off to the military in the middle of court proceedings, the middle brother was soon arrested for assaulting a 13 year old (she recanted but I mean...), and the youngest soon developed a drug addiction.

I went back to bed after therapy (of course) but didn't sleep. I was turning over in my head who I had become during the abuse and in the years after. I was a drunk. I let men do just whatever to me, I didn't care. Physically, I wanted it anyway—most of the time. A few assaults occurred while I was in college and once by a boss after I had left school.

The latter really fucked me up. Thinking of it now, I see the role my past had played in that incident. This boss had been explicit many, many times about what he wanted to do to me. I never said much at all when he did this. I neither declined or consented. After the assault in his hotel room, I robbed him when he stepped out of the room. In the months after, I started using coke more frequently, partying harder in general. And I cried whenever I was alone. I felt sick to my stomach at every moment. I felt like a "whore". I never consented, I did say "no" but I didn't fight and suddenly, I had a good chunk of money. In recent years, the robbery made me negate the whole experience in my head. We were "even" in my mind. That is, until I told Morgan the story and I said, "I don't really 'count' that though." She asked why and tried to hide her ofcourseyoudid smile when I said, "because I robbed him right after." She gently told me that that's still rape. Of course, I knew that. But only Hayden (my ex-husband) knew that story and he didn't have much to say. And frankly, I hold Morgan's opinion above most. So, my cope was taken away.

Early in the evening, my best friend sent a screenshot of an article. It was a victim's graphic explanation of her encounters with Trump when she was 13. I was pissed that she sent that. But she really just doesn't fucking think. I never freak out on her when she does shit like this but I do "tell her like it is." Of course, this article was very reminiscent of the story I had recounted here yesterday and again with Morgan today. So, I did the same with my best friend over text. She immediately started apologizing. But again, I know she's just a social dumbass in her more meaningful relationships. She gets too comfortable. Also, she has experienced very little sexual trauma and really doesn't understand how rare that is. To me, the story was triggering. To her, it was shocking.

I haven't told Morgan yet about where my mind went or the exchange with my best friend. Instead, we sent memes back and forth lol. I wasn't necessarily spiraling or anything. So, I feel like those thoughts can wait until Thursday when we're in person again.

[purplesurveys]

1837

What is your favorite breakfast food? Fried rice with eggs and hotdogs, or tapsilog :) Such comfort breakfast food. I like Eggs Benedict and Monte Cristo too, but let's be real I never have either for breakfast and only get them at restaurants when I feel like having breakfast food on a non-breakfast hour.

Who do you (romantically) love? Nobody.

Have you ever considered yourself dirty? In a few aspects, sometimes. Like how I have a bad habit of putting trash in my handbag, and end up having a pile of papers and wrappers after a few days.

What do you do to relax? Playing with the dogs eases my worries more than anything, but I also like turning to YouTube.

Do you enjoy kissing? Sure, but I haven't done that in a couple of years. That's okay with me though, I'm not a very sexual person in general.

What about making out? ^ Eh, just about the same.

Where are you most ticklish? My tummy and waist. I don't like even getting hit in that area, no matter how lightly, cause I'll end up squirming hahaha.

Have you ever been to an arena concert? Yes, most of the concerts I've attended have been in arenas. The only exceptions were One Direction (which was held in outdoor concert grounds) and Se So Neon (happened in a large indoor tent).

Where was the last place you kissed someone? It may have been outside my house, right by my car. Memory's hazy.

Do you know anyone who is expecting? I know someone who was due in like a couple of weeks when I first met her, so she has likely given birth by now. As for currently expecting, I don't think so.

What does your third text message say in your inbox? Just my bank telling me there was a recent transaction on my card.

Do you use speed dial? I never used that.

If so who is number 5?

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes.

Where do you want to get married? I've always wanted a hotel wedding just so everything - or at least most things - can be set for us lol. They have the ambiance, they've got catering, the sound system, some hotels already have their roster of hosts...considering how all over the place I can get, that much would be a big help.

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? If I ever get married, of course.

If you could visit one person right now, who would it be? No one, I like being alone right now.

Do you like school? The social part of it was really great; some of the best years of my life. I liked learning too but only to an extent, as there were some subjects I found to be a waste of time + some teachers didn't have the best attitude.

What is your all time favorite subject that you have ever taken in school? History. < Mine too :)

Do you have a current teacher who you wish taught all of your classes? Not current, but I wish my high school music teacher had been my teacher for everything.

What has been your favorite part of this calendar year so far? Being able to save as much as I have.

Are you going on vacation any time soon? No plans currently. My parents are planning this huge party for my grandparents in June so that will 100% kill off any vacation plans; Reena just came back from a trip to Thailand so I'm sure she'd want to save for the next few months; Angela's super busy with boards review. In any case I plan on going to Seoul next year for when BTS are back, so it'll be smart for me to not book anything for now.

Do you catch yourself staring at inappropriate times? Sometimes.

How many times have you been fall-down drunk? Less than 10 times.

Has a friend ever really hurt you and you never told them? Sure.

Where would your most romantic getaway spot be? Somewhere remote in either Palawan or Baguio.

Have you ever stayed on a ride at a theme park to ride it again? I'm sure I did this during the school fairs. I was in the rides committee so I had a few perks lol.

Have you ever used your sexuality to get you something you wanted? I'm sure I have, but only with a partner.

What do you count as too spoiled? Anyone who overreacts/makes a fuss over the smallest things. It can be very telling of how they've always had everything handed to them that they're incapable of handling the most minor of inconveniences.

When you don’t feel good, where do you want to be? Just my room, or the café we have in the village. It's never crowded and is fairly hidden, so it's a nice quaint little place to escape to.

Have you ever set an alarm on your phone to remind you to do something? Sure.

Where do you want to raise your children? The city. The stimulation and sensations would be good for them, I feel.

What is your favorite Crayola scented crayon? Idk I was never around them much.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? Hi-5!

Do you ever look at yourself and not believe it’s you? Eh, sometimes. I try not to get existential like that often.

What’s your favorite hideaway place? That café I mentioned. Not a lot of people in my circle know about it or would travel to get there + the signal in that area just so happens to be weak, so it's literally a place you can 'escape' to.

Do you have a secret you have kept from your family? Sure.

Have you ever slow danced to a song you didn’t know? I'm sure I have.

Where do you study? I don't anymore.

Do you study at all? Nope.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I wanted to be a journalist, but I've since gone a little west of that – I'm currently a PR practitioner.

Has someone ever dedicated a song to you? I don't think so?

How many people have you kissed this month? None.

Do you like do have your hair pulled? Sure.

Are you close with your parents? We're on much better terms now but I still prefer to keep some kind of wall up.

How much do you wish/ hope for something before you give up? I can be very passionate and will fight for things/people, but if I feel like I'm not getting the same energy back I slowly let go.

Have you ever hung out with a complete stranger? Sure!

Do you work any holidays? No.

[survey--s]

678.

What is your favorite breakfast food? Pancakes! I actually had them this morning for the first time in months and they tasted SO GOOD. Blueberry pancakes with honey and cream.

Who do you (romantically) love? My husband.

Have you ever considered yourself dirty? No.

What do you do to relax? Mess about online, take baths, cuddle with an assortment of our pets, watch Disney movies, take surveys, watch TikTok.

Do you enjoy kissing? It's okay. I'm not a very sexual person, generally speaking.

What about making out? Same as above.

Where are you most ticklish? The soles of my feet. I can't STAND people touching them. I honestly have no idea how people can tolerate foot massages or pedicures - it's quite literally my idea of hell lol.

Have you ever been to an arena concert? Nope. That would be way too much for me.

Where was the last place you kissed someone? In the kitchen.

Do you know anyone who is expecting? Yeah, one of my clients is due in May.

What does your third text message say in your inbox? The third person I received a text from is Suzanne. I don't know what it said though and I CBA to look, lol.

Do you use speed dial? It doesn't even exist anymore.

If so who is number 5? .

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes.

Where do you want to get married? I got married in the registry office in between our house and my parents house. My in-laws live near us so we just picked somewhere in the middle of everyone.

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? They both were there.

If you could visit one person right now, who would it be? Nobody.

Do you like school? I liked the academic side but not the social side.

What is your all time favorite subject that you have ever taken in school? History.

Do you have a current teacher who you wish taught all of your classes? I used to love the history teacher I had in Year 9 or the English teacher I had in year 8. I'd pick them if I could.

What has been your favorite part of this calendar year so far? Beach gallops, getting Simba, my business doing as well as it had.

Are you going on vacation any time soon? I have two weeks off work over Christmas but we're not going anywhere.

Do you catch yourself staring at inappropriate times? Yeah, when I'm daydreaming.

How many times have you been fall-down drunk? 2-3 times.

Has a friend ever really hurt you and you never told them? Yes.

Where would your most romantic getaway spot be? A cozy cottage in Vermont. <--- not gonna lie, that sounds amazing.

Have you ever stayed on a ride at a theme park to ride it again? Yeah, a few times. Our local theme park when I was a kid was never very busy and you used to be able to do that all the time.

Have you ever used your sexuality to get you something you wanted? Yes.

What do you count as too spoiled? I don't think it's about what you give your child, it's about their attitude. I grew up surrounded by money and only a couple of people actually came across as "spoilt".

When you don’t feel good, where do you want to be? At home in bed.

Have you ever set an alarm on your phone to remind you to do something? Sure.

Where do you want to raise your children? I don’t want children.

What is your favorite Crayola scented crayon? I don't think I ever used any scented crayons. I used to like the blueberry gel pens though!

What is your favorite childhood TV show? Arthur.

Do you ever look at yourself and not believe it’s you? Nope.

What’s your favorite hideaway place? Home, or this little oasis I found in the sand dunes last week. It's just tucked away and so pretty.

Do you have a secret you have kept from your family? Sure. Personally I think it's weird to tell your family everything.

Have you ever slow danced to a song you didn’t know? Probably.

Where do you study? I don't.

Do you study at all? No.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I'm a dog walker/pet sitter.

Has someone ever dedicated a song to you? Yes.

How many people have you kissed this month? One.

Do you like do have your hair pulled? Nope.

Are you close with your parents? Yeah, with my mum at least. I don't really speak to my dad.

How much do you wish/ hope for something before you give up? I mean, I don't wish or hope for things, really. If I really want something I go and make it happen.

Have you ever hung out with a complete stranger? Not just us, but in a group of other people, yeah.

Do you work any holidays? Nope. One of the main advantages of being self-employed. I really do NOT miss it. At all.

[bisluthq]

Want to tell us what happened so we can all shit on the bitch/es who did shit wrong

Ok this might be long but idk if you remember the ask but a couple months ago I went to prague with my best friend who I also work with and who I’ve basically got a super weird homoerotic friendship with despite her having a bf she’s been seeing since like november-ish? She’s bisexual like me but has never been in a relationship until this dude and has had close homoerotic friendships with some of her friends before. Over the past few months it’s been difficult because it feels like she will use me as a surrogate gf when she’s not around her bf but also seems to connect with me more on like most things? like a week or two ago she was feeling really down and explained a bunch of stuff about how she feels insecure in her relationship with her bf because his interests are a lot more I guess traditionally serious and important stuff, he studied IR at uni and imo is generally pretty wanky about stuff like that (separate from any feelings I have for her). She talked about how she feels kind of inferior to him in some way and feels like she’s too needy asking for reassurance when she’s going through this rough patch (and kind of implied he made some comments about her being needy) but would backtrack and try to defend him when I was like ??? why are you putting yourself down like this. What triggered the Sabrina stuff was the fact that she was away this weekend meeting some of his friends who live in another city, but texted me to say “my song” came on in the pub which is lover, you should’ve come over by jeff buckley lmao. It’s one of those things where it’s hard to describe what she’s doing without sounding crazy because I feel like every wlw has a situation like this that’s really hard to explain but a few examples; we went to go get ice creams during our lunch break bc of the nice weather we had a few weeks ago, I went to loop my arm around hers as we were walking & she was like “oh no I was going for your hand”, when this was literally the day after she’d had a conversation with our other friend who works with us about how they’d been through a tough wlw situationship for years with their friend and even though our friend now has another gf, the situationship still wants to hold hands etc despite them only supposed to be friends now. my girl was like that’s super weird she’s still pushing it and that she’d only hold hands with her friends unless she was like super drunk or in primary school. and this is also coming after her saying she really missed me because I had a week off and I “brought the sunshine back” and said she wanted to hold my hand, the same day she had an appointment to get her IUD for her bf. I met her bf and it was sort of awkward at the end of the hang because he said that she’s always saying to him “oh X [me] is doing this today, she’s doing X this weekend” etc and she’s told me more than once that not many of her friends have met him but they all know about me. She’ll play with my hair in casual conversation or hug me randomly beyond just being touchy feely. She met his sister recently and wasn’t sure what to wear so I helped her out a little and she was like “oh I accidentally dressed so dyke I love it” lmao. There’s other stuff but this is already long enough lol I’m just tired and sad haha because even if she did leave him a) I don’t want to be the reason she breaks up with someone because I think despite everything she does really like him and b) I don’t actually know if a relationship with us now would work. It’s just hard.

that sounds AWFUL. and obviously i do remember. right now I’m not in an agony aunat space because I’m trying to agony aunat to myself but anons might be. This sounds SO TRICKY. I'm sorry.

Sabrina’s cool but some other songs I think might work to make this feel less crappy (it’ll still be crappy because this thing just sucks)

Better than Mee by Deyess - this is a gay song and it's sooooooo relatable. fucking love it. I heard it on tiktkok a little while ago and got obsessed. True earworm and obviously like I say gay. And about being a girl into a girl with a boyfriend.

Frank Ocean's Self Control. Also an explicitly gay song but mlm but applicable to this)

Olivia Rodrigo’s Logical (I just loveeee this song beause sometimes love has and has had me thinking 2+2=5)

Lost in the Citadel by Lil Nas X (I think what I love is it was WRITTEN about queer love and I think it deals with a lot of those complications so well)

Break Up With Your Girlfriend I'm Bored by Ari (imagine you're saying boyfriend and I know you don't fully want her but it might hype you)

and it won't be a me list without a Leonard Cohen so do want to say Take This Longing slaps hard.

maybe the songs help a bit.

i'm so sorry it's so shitty xxxxx it'll get better!!

[suqqubus]

autopsy of last night

• went to cute girl's band's show • met bff's friend, twinky lil guy who dressed really nice. immediately felt attracted to them, got the idea they felt the same • we start getting kinda cozy, snuggling up on each other n shit • (somewhere in here i took a shroom gummy that i hit in my boot lol) • went to a bar after the show, held hands the entire car ride to the bar (while listening to jeff buckley btw) • see our bar friend there, he gives us a joint • i start flirting w well-dressed twink, being all "what's that thing when someone takes a hit and then kisses u so u can get high too?" • so ofc . we start doing that (we might have kissed a lil before that too idr) • meanwhile im texting karaoke guy, he's asking if im ok bc i keep joking about dark shit and not realizing how concerning it is bc im drunk. on top of that he knows ive been feelin more depressed lately so he got worried lol • tell him i might go to well-dressed twink's place which is all the way across the city LMAO • karaoke guy is like "???? who is this guy??? are u safe???" and drunk me answers w the most weird cryptic shit, causing more worry • make out with well-dressed twink a lil on the sidewalk before we part ways and it's very nice • go over to karaoke guy's place, still drunk off my ass, he's hanging out w Ex • show them all the flirty ass DMs from cute girl from last night, tell them about well-dressed twink, generally come off as a fucking mess • Ex goes home, karaoke guy and i hang out until 7 AM

luckily not hungover today just groggy and tired but holy fuck dude. i hate having holes in my memory about certain things that happened bc it gives me some hangxiety.

[bittcnneck]

@demonsfate asked: ♡

send me ♡ and i'll answer: shippy stuff!

who buys generic brand products? who buys name-brand? Depends on the brand and the name tbh. But both of them would buy named brand on food I feel like. They would not get a knock off version of m&ms bc its cheaper lol. When it comes to electronic and clothing tho, Lacey is more likely to get generic brand, mostly bc those are expensive shit. Not sure abt Jin tho...

who upgrades their iPhone/Android every single year? Neither. Lacey would need her phone to be almost unusable for her to get a new one, like lagging SO much, battery dying too quick or screen too cracked to read.

who complains about their day? who listens? Neither would complain but Lacey is more likely to listen and Jin complains. Jin would listen too but u can't catch her complaining unless its a very big very important thing, even then, its unlikely bc she doesnt wanna burden other with her problems.

who gets shit-faced drunk forcing the other to drive? Lacey would drive bc she refuses to drink in public. U go to a bar with her and see a margarita glass in her hands ask oh what is that? She says its juice 🧍‍♀️ she would only drink somewhere she feels 100% safe, and would refuse to leave home when drunk, unless someone who is with her did not drink at all and is in a clear state of mind to protect her if something happens.

who sends the other 20 tiktok's in a day and expects them to react to every single one? LACEY. cute stuff, relatable stuff, funny stuff, ANIMALS!!! U bet shes spamming him w them like haha this is so us. Jin would send too but def not as often as Lacey lol.

who stuffs clean sheets in the closet without folding them? who complains about it? Neither. Throw em in there :P

who surprises the other with coffee/breakfast in the morning? Lacey bc of course she is she gotta make her man happy.

who starts a food fight while they're preparing a meal? Lacey but most she would do is like put a lil batter on his nose or cheek. She wouldnt do it with food that is already prepared tho

who thinks of the weirdest, out-of-pocket scenarios at 3 in the morning and calls/texts/talks to the other about it? JIN. Lacey thinks of weirder shit but doesnt call lol. She wakes up to a call from Jin shes sleepy asf like yeah..? And Jin is like what if were in a simulation

who refuses to eat the first & last piece of bread in the bag? Both would eat, but Lacey is more likely to bc she wants Jin to eat the good stuff.

who doesn't like the crust on their sandwich? Both would eat. Lacey hates wasting food and if Jin eats a whole bowl of peas with nothing on the side I dont think he would complain abt crust lol

who goes to Target for one thing and walks out having spent $400? Lacey, only if a worker pressures her tho. If theyre like hey wanna get this its on sale, and shes like no thanks but theyre like its very good and very cheap!! She would buy it bc she has a hard time saying no in general ;;

who pays for the dinner? who pays for the drinks? Lacey pays dinner, Jin pays drinks!

who's always looking at the dessert menu before even ordering their drinks? Lacey is more likely to, but that is if shes been craving it all day.

during the movie previews, who's the first to say "i wanna see that movie"? Lacey bc she wants to spend more time w her man ❤️

who shoves the other into the pool fully clothed? Lacey doesnt have the guts and I feel like Jin wouldnt want to inconvinience her.. but DJ would 💀

who has to have the corner piece of a cake/brownie/etc Lacey would, like the bread one, she would want Jin to get the good shit

who brings home a dog/cat despite the other saying not to? NEITHER SAYS NO!! FILL THE HOUSE LIKE ITS A JUNGLE.

[sunnyrifle]

DBH AU + general GinMori discussion

just a copy-paste of discussions I had online;;

⚠️⚠️unedited, also NO ONE in this conversation is a native english speaker (some parts were translated or held in other languages as well)⚠️⚠️

original text of the AU: pnxl.me/xp5cje

Akira: Morita suits android role so much!! he's handsome and neat and he has that collected appearance that is suiting too!! The dark eyes and shallow smiles-- And most importantly the inner turmoil of confusion!! Because that's one of the main thing that DBH was aiming for (even if the plot in the original kind of went off track lol)

but!! In GinMori AU that is sooo good!! because Morita would be confused and questioning and overstepping the boundaries just because he wants to know what kind of person Ginji Hirai, the one he was made for, is!! aah~

He will get beatings… and scolding and shouts and brutal violence unleashed upon him for questioning such a delicate thing like a human relationship… and what's more, the one that ended abruptly, leaving the loose ends aching-- Ah, poor poor Mori I want to see them two engage in both violent and tooth rotting sweet actions, like Ginji is grasping what left his hands long ago anyway--

Because androids can be resurrected just by snap of a finger right? Who is to blame them if Ginji wants to see blue blood and imagine it running red? Hot young and innocent like Morita was before they got brutally separated--

Will Ginji blame himself for what happened to the actual Morita? Oh, I would love to see drunk Ginji breaking up his front and guarded facade;; I want him to cling to Morita's shoulder and cry about all the love he is missing, I want Morita android's ring flashing yellow to confusion, red to malfunction;; because even on most primal level I think the remains of actual Morita insides would ache seeing Ginji so despaired and missing him;;

As soon as Ginji realises what kind of shameful honesty he just showed he'd make Morita forget (by killing him in cold blood yet again of course) And sitting in blue sterile chemical blood Ginji would question when did he become so used to killing an image of Morita again and again? Why was this part of the routine now?

His hangover would hurt, because… this last time Morita was smiling even when he was so brutal to him… I want Ginji to find this the last straw, grab a gun and go directly to Kamui-- for he feels if he sees a shining new image of Morita at his doorstep the next morning he'd break. And as a human you can't get fixed or wipe your memories with violence;; Ginji will accept but also refuse his grief, his mourning for Morita will become an act of suicide, for he'd consider it double suicide with a lover, not a lonely death of destruction like he thought he'd have in the first place. Aah~ brutal romance

I like this AU because it highlights Ginji's obsession over Morita so much-- as much as bringing Ginji the end so unsuiting for him. Ask Gin from before meeting Morita for the first time if he'd ever commit lovers suicide or grief over breakup, he'd laugh at his own future self;; hehe--

KongMengDo: It obviously doesn't follow the storyline of the original DBH - I started out with the original storyline in mind, but then I realized it didn't fit GinMori, so I completely ripped it apart. Luckily, there was a crisis in GtK that could have imprisoned and destroyed Morita (Seikyo Mahjong); so I was able to draw inspiration from that.

Ginji-san would bully Android Morita, sometimes acting like he was treating him like the 'real' Morita (even though that Android Morita was the real Morita, whose body just became an android, and Ginji didn't know it...) And then Ginji-san would destroy Android Morita again, and I think it's because Ginji-san feels guilty.

Maybe Gin-san doesn't want to admit that he has a weak emotion like guilt inside of him, but clearly, inside of him, he thinks he's at fault for taking Morita away from him. So he destroys the android that looks like Morita, to confirm that it's not the real Morita, and to punish himself at the same time. But one day, just like Akira said, Ginji can't stand it, and he'll mourn in front of the android Morita, and he'll smash him to make it look like never happened! But it does. What an irresistibly sweet story…

That's right, what Ginji-san does at the end isn't suicide; it's oblivion and atonement for his sins, which is what Ginji-san really wanted to do by breaking the android Morita. Ahhh, if Ginji-san were less intelligent as a character, he could have basked in the false happiness that Android Morita gave him! But he's too smart for that, and I like Ginji-san for that.

Probably the original GtK's Ginji-san, too, would have laughed at him if someone told him that he would lose his motivation because of Morita before he met Morita--

I love how Ginji does something immoral, tries to cover it up perfectly, but is eventually revealed to Morita... maybe Ginji didn't think he could hide it from Morita forever either...

KongMengDo: For the android Morita, there would be no "forgetting" or "fading"… Ginji's gradual destruction would be visible to his eyes. Maybe the others around him, Yasuda, wouldn't notice, because they're slaves to their desires

Akira: I also love the irony of Ginji "wiping" it out but not catching that it doesn't wipe out for him personally… ah I wonder if newer Morita versions were getting confused too…

"Why does Gin-san have that glint in his eyes today? 5-10 hours before he looked better" but never questioned directly;; ah I would love Mori to do analysis on comparing their -first- encountered Ginji and the latest impression… I want Gin's demise catalogued in Morita's cold calculating head…

KongMengDo: Even in the original GtK, not DBH au, if Morita hadn't left Ginji, he might have had to watch him get destroyed by his desires… Maybe Morita didn't want to see that kind of Ginji. Morita would have wanted Ginji to remain the shining, beautiful person inside of him forever, but I want to see Ginji drag Morita away and force him to witness how he changed and how he became an ugly human being…

Maybe Ginji knows he's destroying himself, but he can't stop, and he can't stand the fact that his destruction is being transparently recorded in the eyes of the android Morita…

_______________AU discussion ends here____________________

Akira: aah~ that's the ultimate love..! unintentional suffering caused to other person and pretense of doing it with good intentions when it's in fact the opposite;; "I will shoulder most guilt bc I love you! You can hate me but I'm doing this out of love!" aww

when in fact what they need is just share the suffering together-- ah it would be so much easier on them both if they'd just accept that they could help each other out;; but instead more suffering ensues just because that's brutal love they share haha;;

I wanted to add about Mori's part;; "Gin-san, please, if we continue like this I'll suffer much more- I'll quit now when we still can save our relationship; even if it'd cause more pain the moment, I think the pain will make you realise!" ~or something along the way huehue

ah- I'm pretty vague now, aren't I? haha- anyway!! really love to see this kind of progression between them two in original;; bc I loved thinking that Mori quit to 'help' Ginji realise Gin's ways are wrong (when in fact it was selfish, he wanted to protect himself);

and Ginji deciding to continue his purpose to 'show Morita' that he -is- the unstoppable, strong and perfect just like before, 'so please return to me'

(when in fact it's selfish!! its actually just self destructive bc he can't do it alone now… not after Ginji tasted a dream of ruling alongside someone…)

KongMengDo: It's love to Ginji anyway, and whether or not Ginji admits it to himself or not, he's committing such a cruel act because he loves Morita.

Ahh, Morita might say, "I can help Ginji-san, we can help each other." but Ginji will never be able to accept that - Ginji doesn't believe in the goodness of human hearts. Perhaps he doesn't even believe in love. Instead, he believes in human desire, evil.

There's a great line in the Korean movie about that: "The savior who came to tear my life apart."

So he will only come to know Morita's innocence and love after he has thoroughly destroyed what he loves most, what he cherishes most… Only at the very last moment, when Morita is no longer Morita himself…

I think destruction is fitting for a villain, after all, he has broken the hearts of countless people. He should be punished for that

It's a destiny that Ginji wouldn't have gone through if he hadn't met Morita and had that dream - the dream of ruling alongside someone - but it's really sweet that he met Morita and fell in love with him.

Akira: aah so cruel!! to think of love as an extension of evil!! aah so so good!! "I love you, well, because I'm an evil person after all, it's just another sin for me; to love you like this" <<what if that's why it's so cruel?? bc Ginji would believe love is an evil act by itself???

I want to see Morita's pure love getting crushed by reality like this;; "Gin-san we can still be happy, even selfish love is innocent if handled right!" and get burned again&again;;

KongMengDo: That's a rly rly rly bad ending, with the two of them being completely corrupted… but it's really thrilling and I love that Ginji and Morita are going to be happy! Ginji who thinks love is evil!! But it rly makes sense.

I usually write Morita getting corrupted by their love&lust over each other, bc in my opinion that's a natural progression;; what's more cruel then gradually starting to see other perspectives and so making your own blur? If I were to write 'bad end' for the very self indulgent GtK ending it'd be:

Ginji reversing into innocent love ("I finally understood what you wanted from the start, Morita..!")

and Morita getting corrupted to the point of having Ginji's initial perspective ("I can finally see we can't love each other without it being an evil act in itself; let's indulge in it until we drop dead in each other's arms-")

Love has beautiful and pure parts (Morita), but it also has dirty and messy parts (Ginji)… I guess it's impossible for a human to love without clinging and lusting.

Wow, I'm really excited to think that Morita will eventually lose his innocence and fall into Gin-san's arms in a corrupted state… I'm going to need a very detailed description of how he falls…

Mario:

>> "if Morita hadn't left Ginji, he might have had to watch him get destroyed by his desires… Maybe Morita didn't want to see that kind of Ginji"

>>"unintentional suffering caused to other person and pretense of doing it with good intentions when it's in fact the opposite"

what do you mean "maybe", wasn't that the whole point of well… the breakup;;

Ginji comes with a bouquet "Morita, I understand if you want to stop all of this because I’m putting your ass on the line and you constantly end up in a hospital bed with wounds that are poorly compatible with life, so I’m letting you go”

and Morita responds "it’s not you who’s letting me go. It’s me who’s leaving because your self-destructive behavior upsets me so much, yet I can’t make you stop, because clearly I can't, I just won’t watch it happening because it’s like too much for me” and then Ginji runs to the elevator and fiddles with the button with a smart look like everything went exactly as he planned and Morita left crying into the pillow

Consider all of this in the context of Ginji's "Morita I bet on you))0" of course I won’t find the quotes right now (I don't have it at hand), but the horse racing (whether it was planned from the very beginning or not, but) are, as a result, used as a framing device. And narratively Ginji's boys are compared to horses; maybe not even narratively but literally, I don’t remember it from November anymore, it's all like a fog (I still can’t believe that I fucking read this and not Fever Dream I came up with it by myself)

I invite you to consider the latest arc where Ginji explains why he is actually involved in all this (gambling)

well, yknow, he’s standing there looking out the window again during the last bet at the races and the horses missed each other by 0.00000000001 seconds, and he and his homies are in the hotel or whatever later, and Ginji’s like "I…. hoped that I would lose but…… It’s written into my fate, I’m forced to continue dragging out my damned existence" or whatever on one of the last pages

tl;dr I don’t know how canonical is the Intension of Suffering was from Ginji, but he is clearly 1) absolutely fucking toxic and self-absorbed 2) knows very well about these unfortunate traits of his and adds a pinch of suicidal behavior to them (to cope? idk fukumoto doesn’t say it directly, but I've read it in this specific perspective with the implication that this is, well, an administration of guilt)

Akira: I don’t think that Ginji feels especially guilty about something of course; to be honest, the conversation about guilt was because of the AU from which this conversation began;; in the canon, I think Ginji takes it for granted that Morita gets hurt in the crossfire, like, we don’t live an easy life here, so to speak;; care for a bouquet?

why: Ginji thinks that this is fair game and that gambling is when men purely come to satisfy their death drive (having satisfied their sex drive elsewhere) (I don’t fucking where else, the biggest mystery in fkmt) so well, that is, a fair game×2

Mario: I look at it this way: Fukumoto's favorite literary device is allegory; so with this in mind plus the BREAKUP SCENE (I still don’t believe it exists) I view in the context of two facts: Ginji bets on boys (like horses) (well, they are his investments too), in the case of Morita, he bets specifically on a BOY (singular) (mahjong arc was absolutely insane);

IS Ginji aware that this is FUCKED - clearly, yes, when he risks his own ASS he's aware that this is suicide, and advises Morita to think the same way;

((I didn’t come up with this, FKMT came up with this, he has a whole Akagi manga about death drive > sex drive))

tl;dr canonically (? well, or in my delusions) 1) Ginji's motivation - he needed a partner for murder suicide (very romantic of you Ginji), 2) he puts bets on what's dear for him (mahjong arc is about this and nothing else), in this context, it is difficult to unintentional suffering, I guess harm through negligence can be claimed as unintentional suffering, but its not exactly negligence now, is it--

Ginji comes to the hospital with the stated intention of letting Morita go because he knows how intense and incompatible this is with life;

Morita says to him in DIRECT text, "I won’t hesitate, I’ll say it now while I’ve made up my mind: you’re fucked, you know what you’re doing too" and Ginji answers him, "yes, but I won’t change, it’s too late to stop here, I'll remain until the bitter end, and end up in hell, else we won’t achieve anything in this life; well, we’re basically in hell already anyway"

Akira: I think the only difference in our perception is that I believe that Ginji was already convinced that Morita was on his side after everything that happened and did not think of letting him go; Ginji, of course, says "the signs were already there" & "he was too pure" about Mori, but in my eyes the old man already got too far and hoped that he had already spoiled Morita enough over the span of these couple of years, so that Morita would no longer dare to break up with him

Mario: well yeah of course Ginji was already too deep into it all, otherwise he wouldn’t have to run to that elevator hahahaha