#Im aware she could just leave technically but she doesnt know that!!!

[freytful]

I really do not know what to make of how Dream treats Nada, honestly. If there is one good value he has, one thing he does believe, it is that every person fundamentally belongs to themselves? Whether it's in a magical sense, like Thessaly saying the cuckoos life belongs to her or Titania giving him Nuala, or in the mundane, real sense like Funland attempting to "claim" Rose or Hob's participation in the slave trade, he always, always objects. Every other one of his lovers - Alianora, Calliope, Killala, Thessaly - he simply allows to leave when they want to. He didn't live with his wife when he was married to Calliope, fully allowing her her own life. He sacrifices a good bit of power to let Alianora go as far away as it's possible for her to be, when she decides she wants to. Refusing to possess her, even when metaphysically she can't exist outside of him!

And then there's also the time he showed a girl in hell for ten millennia for not wanting to be his, in the exact way he had let Alianora stop being his. Just right in the middle of his relationships there is this one that fell apart completely differently from every other, where he seems like a completely different person! Was her suggestion that he could just quit his job that offensive to him? Maybe! It just feels inconsistent! I don't know what to make of it! I don't know what to make of the predator/prey imagery either!!! Her whole story is so fucked and so out of character and I don't know what to make of it!!

[evilrwbyfan]

now presenting: this really huge shai/jessy relationship rant i sent to my friends a few months ago that i decided to post here cuz i need more people to be interested in them.

jessy became this way because of her father plus the whole spheal with possessed alfred, basically she became this way because of neglect and like literal kidnapping which ALFRED TECHNICALLY BEING JESSYS MURDERER IS SUPER IMPORTANT TO SHAI AND JESSYS RELATIONSHIP

a lack of love is what turned both mystery and jessy into monsters, but mystery was never able to find what he was missing because he was self centered and couldnt ever understand the severity of his actions and this is where i think jessy and mystery differ

we dont know much about jessy so this is gonna be headcanon galore, but i feel like jessy is more logical than mystery is because in her story she actually MEETS PEOPLE WHO HELP HER and befriend her so despite the fact shes still a murderer, she still knows what its like to be cared for and loved. she knows what its like to have people to want to live for and stuff like that so she was able to rebuild herself through the people supporting her, which was something mystery didnt have

its implied in renightmare that before jessy is essentially murdered by possessed alfred that shai and jessy are friends and knew each other, so i would imagine that shai could potentially be one of those people that helped jessy out of her rut and supported her (though i personally dont believe shai would be aware of jessys murderings because shai WOULD NOT APPROVE OF THAT which will def be a problem later)

so after shai saw jessy die, this is definitely where their relationship ended because she wouldnt be aware jessy is still alive right? maybe she attends a funeral for her after and whatever yada yada sad stuff like that, time passes and eventually they find each other again

obviously shai would be like waaah!?!?!?! and i feel like jessy would kind of have a grudge against shai because it was HER "father" who killed her so thats kind of just a given even though it wasnt shais fault. so i imagine theyd probably go back and forth for awhile, even though i think jessy is more logical than mystery this doesnt change the fact that when she holds a grudge she does Not Let It Go. she literally killed her father 10+ YEARS LATER instead of moving on which yeah that girl doesnt forget or forgive shit. i dont know if i could see her like.... torturing shai like mystery does to alfred, but i do think there'd probably be some violent scuffles between them because Come On. jessy is a demented psychopath first and foremost lol

shai would not hold this grudge of course, she would definitely be trying to understand the situation but i feel like jessy wouldnt really communicate anything with her. shai wants to understand and help jessy and she even tries to let her know that she understands her because gurlll shai hates her dad to no end of course she gets it. she literally SAW him kill jessy in front of her!!!! but jessy is definitely the stubborn type JUST LIKE SHAI AND MYSTERY AHHH!!! so 2 stubborn girls isnt a good combo hahaha

despite shais stubbornness, i do think she is a little bit more patient since she would be more older and mature around this time but i do think shes definitely still impulsive like she was when she was littler. so even though jessy would just be fucking around with her essentially, shai would still be trying to persue her and make her understand her point of view and this probably goes on for a long time

i do think eventually, shai ends up hating jessy too because it gets to a point where jessys behavior is just unbearable and her lack of understanding is like.. UGH!!!! you know, so theres probably a point in time where shai stops reaching out to her and just decides to leave it alone for good because at that point in time the relationship would just be destroyed and at the moment, im not sure how they would fix it

i think jessy would figure out who her real murderer was at some point in time, not sure HOW she would, but that ends up giving her a new perspective and while it wouldnt make her immediately go after shai like “Omg i sorry!!! 😭” it would make her rethink so much of her past behavior and definitely teach her a lesson of some kind

anyway, im not sure how this would happen yet but at some point in time i feel like they'd figure out how to patch up their relationship and FINALLY JUST TALK and be able to get through their shared trauma together and jessy will finally realize what exactly she was missing and shai will finally be given the comfort she never received as a child in a way

also during their time period of going back and forth, i could see some sort of situationship between them too. how i imagine this is like… jessy and shai mutually liked each other before jessy almost died but they never told each other, shais crush never went away even after seeing her die but jessys did due to everything happening with her, when they see each other again its like a whole flame is reignited in shai whereas jessys its like… the complete opposite

i could see jessy still being physically attracted to shai during this time especially because i could even see her still WANTING to be friends with shai deep deep deep down underneath that hatred but just repressing those sorts of thoughts constantly and then shais physical and emotional attraction mixing with that weird hatred jessy has turning into a really messy will-they-wont-they relationship

i think aside from shai and jessy being childhood friends/crushes shai also just has more patience for jessy than she does for other people because of the fact she saw her die and that she knows how traumatic things can influence people and Well… she also just understanda why jessy is so angry but she doesnt really understand why shes angry at HER specifically cause it technically makes no sense since its hatred influenced by association rather than anything shai actually did

although if jessy was still conscious by the time shai arrived in the buildinf, that could definitely be a reason to hate her cuz from jessys perspective shai would actively be seeing her get murdered and just not do anything to stop it

[notacatdown]

Thank you for writing two thoughtful takes on it. Your wonky take is super delightful to read! I've re-read your answer so many times.

"if im to get real technical about it, overnight surgeries are standardly for emergencies, so i mentioned how he could've transmigrated before her, and if we are to believe his surgery happened during the day and he was unconscious through the night, both these things could be possible (him transmigrating first, and him waking up momentarily)"

I like all the details you added, especially this one that's bound to something specific in the real world.

"when i say this, consider it as that half-lucid feeling, where you are aware of the dream that youre having to become an active participant almost. id like to think that is how he couldve been while becoming aware in the CD world, meaning he was waking up in the real world, but couldnt wake up completely just yet due to recovery and/or not wanting to."

I've seen that concept in a 2014 webnovel. The dreamer awakens around the last third of the story when the male protagonist dies, but she doesn't want to accept that everything was a dream. She doesn't want to return to reality yet, and she loses consciousness again. But the tone of the story changes in the second dream. It's been awhile since I read the story, so I'm fuzzy on the details. Subconsciously, she has control of the dream world. On her do-over wedding day, she sees cracks in the world and pretends to not see it. And way before the waking up moment, the author gives hints that this is her dream, not a book transmigration. 

"i mean, just the way he looks at her…" "and the way he looks down in the last panel is a bit solemn? in terms of my theory, as if this was when ziqi was awakened in this world, knows that its miaomiao, but is sad that she doesnt know its him."

Yes! I wish there was meaning to it instead of a fluffy-ish moment.

The candle bit reminds me of this donghua where every time ML's mysterious disease is mentioned, it's followed up with a shot of a lit incense burner, so I thought that was how he was being poisoned. I like to think it was an intentional red herring and not me overthinking things.

"his face is just... weird. it has to mean something... did he see the statue too?

and it almost seems like he doesnt want her to get her memory back out of fear that she'll want to go back home, to the ziqi who is not as brave and cool as mu sheng, where he would struggle to be as impressive and fearless."

It would have been amazing to see them having a conversation about this! His character was in limbo for the last third of the drama. I want to see the scene of Miaomiao finding out and seeing her response beyond a teary look.

The preview of ep 22 made me so hopeful that they were finally going to have a meaningful conversation. The setup is there, but nothing gets resolved. It's like those slow-motion drama scenes where the couple miss each other by a few feet when they're looking for each other, and the perfect moment to reconcile is missed.

---

In the novel, Miaomiao and Mu Sheng fall into a shared dream about a lost memory from his childhood thanks to the system. When they wake up, Mu Sheng uses this opportunity to trick Miaomiao into admitting she's not the real Lin Yu. He tells that he figured out the truth several weeks ago. She asks him why he waited until now to ask her, and he said that he was scared she'll leave him. He thinks she's a ghost from another world possessing Lin Yu's corpse and would naturally run away from demon hunters if her identity is exposed.

He shares that it means so much to him that she doesn't care he's a half-demon He's so happy that he can return her words to her and comfort her in turn, that Miaomiao is Miaomiao. What she is isn't important to him.

He's someone who has crossed the river of denial years ago, dug out a cave for himself, and settled in for lifetime occupancy. For him to bring this up shows that he's finally secure enough in their relationship. It feels so heartwarming to see Mu Sheng gaining confidence in himself and their relationship and becoming braver.

The author never has a character think or mention anything about healing or self-acceptance, but she doesn't need to because she shows it through the changes in how Mu Sheng and Mu Yao think and react. That they take the initiative to have these uncomfortable, scary-to-them conversations instead of continuing to avoid them is one of many examples. 

—

"otherwise, YES, the show IS stingy about miaomiaos loves for him!!! i wish we got filler episodes of all of them and their relationships and building character and stuff. serious shame, bc it affects the dynamic and makes miaomiao, who already is less dimensional bc of the memory loss, now loses even that part of her."

I'm so curious why the drama changed how they interact from the early episodes as well. Originally, every sweet moment shows that they like each other through their actions. For example, instead of a drama scene where Mu Sheng gives Miaomiao the last bun, there's a novel scene where Mu Sheng peels a pomelo for Miaomiao, and she handfeeds him half of it.

He tries to act all natural and calm, so she doesn't notice what she's doing. He's like a mouse driving down the streets late at night, worried he's going to get pulled over. Of course, Miaomiao knows what she's doing. I find his rich inner world where he thinks he's being so sneaky pretty amusing.

(In their married life, Miaomiao begins to notice when he's doing this, but she doesn't say anything when she catches him and simply smiles when he's not looking at her. I like that feeling of she's so indulgent towards him and her understanding of him is deepening.)

And while this is happening, they're having a conversation where Miaomiao is earnestly giving him advice on how to comfort Mu Yao, advice that would work wonderfully if someone like Miaomiao is executing it, but not for Mu Sheng. I like that we're shown a one-size-fits-all approach doesn't work, that Mu Sheng appreciates her good intentions.

Do you have any thoughts on what happened at the end of ep 22 in LGIEF? What is the drama trying to tell us by having Miaomiao have a nightmare that links gaining 100% favorability with the end of the world? Why is the system glitching out? And Mu Sheng seems quite shifty. He's not meeting her eyes and avoiding the topic. During the first watch through, I thought this wasn't a dream. Mu Sheng had "awaken" and that's why his favorability spikes to 100%, which glitches out the system. The dream must end, and he doesn't want it to, so his favorability drops down. Ep 32 disproves that idea. He doesn't regain his memories and reach 100% until the final episode.

I would translate 误给 as mistakenly instead of falsely.

The change in the background music gives off an uneasy and ominous feeling when he says this.

---

Would have been so great to see this scene acted out instead of referenced to! Miaomiao has these two really fun drunk scenes in the novel. After ep 20, it's very noticeable that the show is stingy about showing moments where Miaomiao expresses her love and affection for Mu Sheng. Instead of they're both crazy about each other like in the novel, its mostly Mu Sheng looking at Miaomiao adoringly.

what an interesting question!!! to answer it i went back and rewatched that scene, moments of ep 32, 23, and 1.

if i am seeing it at face value; it could just be a nightmare that she has, which is mixed with her losing her memories as time is progressing. i agree that the music seems to portray an underlying meaning, but if we take it as a type of foreshadowing for what was to come. in that sense, mu sheng is merely trying to ease her mind since she seems worried, and hes simply happy to just be with her.

however, now that youve brought it to my attention… here is my wonky take: ziqi did awaken, but didn't want the story to end yet, and took himself back out. this is such a bullshit take but its fun to think about.

he couldve had his surgery, was in recovery and was in an in between state of waking up but went back to sleep (we dont get a timeline as to when LGIEF is released after his surgery to my knowledge, so whether hes having surgery the entire time miaomiao is "dreaming" is unclear, though i suppose it makes the most sense. still, he could be unconscious post-surgery while shes still dreaming. (and, if im to get real technical about it, overnight surgeries are standardly for emergencies, so i mentioned how he couldve transmigrated before her, and if we are to believe his surgery happened during the day and he was unconscious through the night, both these things could be possible (him transmigrating first, and him waking up momentarily))), and realized he was in the real world instead of his own dream. now, when i say this, consider it as that half-lucid feeling, where you are aware of the dream that youre having to become an active participant almost. id like to think that is how he couldve been while becoming aware in the CD world, meaning he was waking up in the real world, but couldnt wake up completely just yet due to recovery and/or not wanting to. again, this is all crap, i know, LOL.

so, miaomiaos nightmare would then be real. ziqi did reach 100% because when she said that she wasnt really lin yu, i think that did something to him, i mean, just the way he looks at her…

also, the pan to the candlelight, and maybe it was just for cinematic purposes, but after reviewing the eps i mentioned earlier, i dont have any connection to that if it meant anything.

the ziqi we see in the morning could then also be ziqi rather than mu sheng. he tells her to forget about it, and hugs her so gently, wanting to cherish these few moments with her, still unable to say how he feels. but, it also could be mu sheng, and i say this in a way where its mu sheng with the unsettling feeling that he should reassure her, and something is making him feel like hes missing something, hence why he acts how he does.

absolutely nonsensical theory. now that youve read it, ill use images to support it LOL.

the way he stares at her here always felt like someone realizing how in love they were, not just because he cares for her, or because shes messing with his head. it seems like real, genuine, "i love miaomiao" and the way he looks down in the last panel is a bit solemn? in terms of my theory, as if this was when ziqi was awakened in this world, knows that its miaomiao, but is sad that she doesnt know its him.

and then theres the candle. again, probably has no ties to anything, but still.

i think its telling how worried he looks. while you could absolutely say hes just a concerned boyfriend over his drunk girlfriend, he has more of a grip on her hand than she does his.

this felt like he was masking how he felt by joking. but as i said, too, it could be mu sheng back already, with that feeling of unease over what shes saying.

his face is just... weird. it has to mean something... did he see the statue too?

and it almost seems like he doesnt want her to get her memory back out of fear that she'll want to go back home, to the ziqi who is not as brave and cool as mu sheng, where he would struggle to be as impressive and fearless.

otherwise, YES, the show IS stingy about miaomiaos loves for him!!! i wish we got filler episodes of all of them and their relationships and building character and stuff. serious shame, bc it affects the dynamic and makes miaomiao, who already is less dimensional bc of the memory loss, now loses even that part of her.

so happy to discuss this stuff with you, im always open to it!

[blorbobird]

LUCEMOND

hotd × harry potter au

Lucerys Strong liked his life, thank you very much.

The second born son with nearly no heavy duty responsibilities placed upon him. It was a simple, adaptable living. Nothing overly splendid but he found himself in no position to complain ( just yet). He had learned to take things less seriously than his older brother , Jacerys , whilst taking nothing for granted along with it.

That doesnt mean however that his life was perfect. No, no. The life he was born into was rather fucked from the start. The core of its blams could be placed upon the family he was made into. His mother's side, truthfully.

Power hungry pure-bloods that had a taking for insanity and greed. Targaryen. The name alone was a caution tale for all knowing or at least somewhat aware. With their fiery tempers and unwavering need for control , it all had been a passed down trait along with the ivory-white blonde hair and lilac eyes, like any other natural chromosome gene. Neither of which Luke or his brother Jace possessed physically. The rest however…

Have it be noted that Lucerys resembled his now-deceased birth farther, Harwin Strong, on an exterior forefront mainly . With large brown doe eyes that looked more bambi-like than threatening, and a mop of unruly curls that lay ontop of head with a mind of its own.

He was soft, for a Strong.

Cute where he was meant to be seen as manly. The kind that causes girls to friend-zone you in two sentences flat. The kind that boys instantly take you as No Real Threat to any given topic. But if having your cheeks pinched by your mother too frequently is the hardest thing going on in your existence then well … you really can't complain.

You can complain however if it's those big brown eyes that get you into more trouble than good. These adorable things? You'd think it'd do the opposite. But never anything was as simple as that. Or maybe Luke wasn't lucky? If he could bat his eyelashes in the way he saw pretty-girls do, or adorable little puppy dogs, then he would've. Merlin knows he's tried.

His eyes were wanted. Well, one of them? Technically. For a long over-paid debt by the very man making eye contact with him right now.

" Im gonna die," Luke chokes out under his breath. Turning his head away from the gaze currently being inflicted on him from a few tables down.

Flipping a brown strand of hair behind her shoulder as she reads. "Calm down. Its going to be easy." Maris Baratheon hums as she flips a page. " Just a recap of the hexes we learned last year. Maybe that Boggart summary -"

An exasperated sigh leaves the fifth-years mouth. "Not in DADA class!" He presses his elbows to the table and lets his forehead fall onto his palms.

She nearly looks up from her new assigned work book. "Why not? After the smoke-screen charm 'mishap' from last year Id be pretty concerned about Professor Daemon wanting to kill me," A side-ways glare causes her to stir finally. Wide eyed. "Is there another welcome back pop quiz I should be preparing for? Honestly, I swear if its herbology Im ringing you by your ear —"

"You know for the smartest sister out of your siblings you sometimes really are daft!" He sassily remarks looking towards her eyes finally. She stares back, slightly offended, but letting him continue for once before she rambles too much. "You remember that man I told you about? The one that I maimed?"

A ghost of a smile plays on her lips. "The one you told us about in third year? C'mon you're still going on with that lie?" The idea of Lucerys maiming anyone seemed humorous. Unachievable, even. He hadnt even been the sporty brother. Frankly, he'd been known for fainting at a mandrakes scream on more than one occasion.

He never did listen to those warnings of putting on the ear muffs correctly. Luke didn't listen in general.

"Its true!" He gasps sitting up finally and nearly swatting her arm. "Don't believe me? Look towards the Durmstrang table. They're sitting at the end of Slytherins."

Last night they had arrived during dinner. The lot of them, less then twenty but more then ten. Those Beauxbatons students too but they hadnt been the cause of his headaches. His paranoia. The acute awareness of the ticking time bomb above his head.

Maris' eyes scan for a moment before an shocked intake of breath. Maybe she caught on quick or maybe, just maybe , it hadnt been all that hard to find the person sending a death glare across the dining hall. A known presence to those seeking. A bulking shadow.

Aemond "One-Eye" Targaeryn. Brooding as always.

"You did that to him?!" She says in mainly shock alone.

"Im guessing he's still staring?" Luke didnt dare to seek a second peak. Especially when he can feel a small concentrated hole starting to burn its way into the side of his skull.

"I dont even think he's blinking, babes, Imma be honest." Maris is unable to look away apparently. Its like a car accident. A burning, dare she say hot, tragedy to tear your eyes away from. "You maimed a Targareyn? The moody one? The evil one?"

"He's not necessarily evil?" Luke picks up his fork. Trying to find something to do with his hands to seem busy. To try and make the conversation not seem so obvious. "He's just Machiavellian and a Byronic-wannabe." Although Luke knew death could be a very plausible possibility with the kind of psychopath he was dealing with, he had grown up not feeling overly-threatened by it.

He found it humorous ... sort of. He shouldn't have, he knew that. Some part of him knew he should be scared, truly. But adapting possible trauma into humor was the only way Luke learned to cope towards things. It was all just a funny misunderstanding. Yes .

One where he possibly ends up six feet under or bleeding on the floor and screaming. He spiraled last night after seeing Aemond enter the Great Hall. A quick study of what to do if your eye is gouged suddenly from your head. The books in the library said to close the other and try not to move it because eyes mimic each other. If you apply pressure —

" Are you even listening to me?" Maris whisper-scolded with an elbow to the ribs. "You've zoned out again."

A stab to the peas on the plate and he watches them scatter. The butter he smeared previously has gone cold and is making the vegetable stick to the plate as they roll. "Im just thinking of what a joyous last meal this is. Maybe we can sneak to Honeydukes later and get some of those lemon cakes?"

" Stop joking-"

A pointed look. "I never jest about cake,"

A smack over the back of the head causes him to wince. "You're not dying!" She rubs the back of his head in an apology for how hard she smacks. "He's not gonna kill you,"

He dares a sneak finally. Aemond's eye stares him down with an emotionless expression. The way his large hand wraps around his knife however? The white knuckled grip of death that Luke can practically already imagine suffocating him into a inky, black, nothingness …

" He's gonna kill me and he's gonna like it," Enough is enough and Luke finally looks away. Trying not to imagine that twisted cutlery metal as his spine bending. "He's so much larger then he was years ago,"

Its an odd observation but true. Lucerys remembers even less about Bulgaria than his family seems to believe. A bit more than his younger brother, Joffery , who had been but a babe at the time. He hadnt even started school yet. He had been shorter than he was now of course and the towers of snow seemed so tall. The harsh, cold rain that still sends chills down his spine at the thought.

The funeral. The yelling under fyre-light. He just wanted the screaming to stop. The way the curse dripped so easily from Aemonds lips. Like venom, like poison. Wandless and young, untaught cruel magic.

Luke wasnt good at magic now hardly and he hadnt been then. The slice of metal through air then blood. So much blood. The screams only got worse, but it wasn't Jace who had been crying them anymore.

It had been nearly a decade ago when they fled. Daemon Targareyn, his mothers uncle, provided them with lodging near the school he taught Defense Against the Dark Arts at.

The last time he saw him, them , any of them. It had been that night after Alicent had gone after young Lucerys in return. Shortly after Harwins death. Enough had been enough. A young Rhaenyra fled with her children to England. Jace had gotten his letter to Hogwarts some time after. They made it their new home.

Luke adapted quickly. As quickly as he could. The less toxic life style away from Pure-blood greed was comforting. The constant scolds for being turned half-blooded nearly didnt matter here. Sure, some of the Slytherin families held prejudice. No one who mattered to him. It was shrugged and waved off other wise.

It was a modern age anyway. Most wizards and witches were half-bloods in this new age of 1976. Muggles , non magic folks , had a lots of interesting things to bring to the table.

Music, for starters. Music he wouldnt have heard otherwise. Art and poetry and movies and groovy new clothes. All these things he focused himself off because he wasnt perhaps best at the rest of it all. Magic, swords, dragons …

"Ya know what?" Luke starts. The cold plate of peas and the distant thought of drowning panicked sorrow in Lemony-sweets going on pause. "Im not gonna die."

"Thats spirit!"

"By Aemond or Mister Daemon-"

… " Now, thats a bit bold I'm not gonna lie." Maris whispers in a slightly judgy tone.

"I just," He squares his shoulders and sits straighter. "I just need to kpen up his perspective,"

"You need to open up his what now?"

He ignores and continues. "Show him? That he's wrong and that he can't have my eye or my life and neiTHER will be his because of his sick twisted — "

Maris pupils widen and theres suddenly a shadow looming from somewhere over him.

"My sick twisted what now?" A cool, liquid metal voice spills its way into Lucerys ears. Maybe reality hits a bit finally as goosebumps spread and a bit of fear kicks in.

A wince. A breath.

Lucerys tilts his head up slowly. Meeting the unwavering glare of Aemond Targaryen as he stands some where behind him. Above him. Peering down at Luke like he's the smallest thing he's ever gazed upon. Something to step on and squish where he stands. Something that belongs under his heel.

"Oh, yeah. Im dead."

[fiberglassandflowers]

Tell the people about the letwos

alrighty! fair warning its not good in there theres some not good family behavior in there. under a read more its probably gonna be kinda long

okay so let me set the scene. its like the late 90s/early 2000s. trip just moved with his mom and sister to the suburbs around 6 ish years after their dad died. he's like 9 her sister is 5

pretty much the letwos moved to mary bell because of a funny little thing called laplace's inc. there's some stuff involved with that, but pretty much it's the heaven business and their mom deborah/debbie/deb is the worst and also the most catholic person you've ever met and you can probably fill in the blanks there.

when trip is around 13 he ends up getting really really sick with. something i dont really know what but its not good and its deadly and its not looking good for him. at the awesome age of 14 years old they're still fighting it and she thinks Hey you know what im gonna go on a walk. so he does and omg whats this whos that guy?? anyway its mortimer and it just kinda goes like

"hey youre dying right"

"......yeah?"

"ok what if i told you. that you didn't have to do that if you just shook my hand about it"

"what" "i mean i'll take your soul but thats no biggie right. i mean you'll stay alive you'll live the rest of your natural life" (<- they're like the grim reaper they can do that) "oh. yeah thats no biggie i guess"

[they shake hands]

"shit dude i forgot to tell you. if i take your soul you have to stay here in the town you hate its like this whole thing"

"WHAT."

"you can pull your hand away though i won't get mad"

"i feel like it would be too late now anyway"

"yeah lol"

its like this whole thing about 'would you rather die or live a life you hate' yk. oh also trip wasn't like totally completely hopeless either. he could have maybe lived through it [although the chances were low] and now she has to spend the rest of her life thinking about like, what if she didn't make the deal and he ended up being fine. lol.

okay flash forward its 2008 trip is 16 going on 17 [something something sound of music reference] and cotard [his sister] is 13. gonna go more in depth with this elsewhere but pretty much trip and cotard try running away from mary bell/their shitty ass mom. and like trip can't leave mary bell but technically he's never tried before and maybe if they go with someone it'll work [spoiler: it doesn't]

trip is like, kind of aware that it might not work out for him, but if it didn't she thought cotard at least could leave. and cotard doesn't either because she doesnt want to leave trip behind. there's some other stuff that i haven't mentioned but this attempt def results in some like stricter regulations around their house. they were already realllly sheltered kids [homeschooled, isolated from their peers, generally only taught what their mom wanted them to know] and this just kind of sealed the deal on all that

anyways then trip moves out like two years later and cotard's slightly bitter about that but understanding yk, like good on you for leaving but also now i have to deal with all this alone. cotard moves out as well a few years later and her and trip lose contact even more. she still lives in mary bell she just lives on the complete opposite side of town. i like to think that she gets out a fair amount though, like traveling and stuff [not for very long though since mary bell kind of does that whole moving thing]

honestly i really don't know enough as i should about cotard she's like fully fleshed out in my head but i really can't think of anything specifically about her. like i know she takes a while warming up to people, like quiet at first but gets louder as you get to know her [wow just like how the song goes from being quiet to being loud]. but i need to work on fleshing her out some more i really do

anyways. six years after trip moves out debbie dies and ohhhh haha that's so weird that she died of blood loss when the mayor is a vampire. thats so strange im sure those two things aren't related at all [they are btw vannie killed her].

annnnnd i think thats all? i feel like there's stuff im forgetting and i dont think this was as detailed as i was hoping but its at least the basics

[nastyburger]

the tucker ghouly gang!

i promise you this is the least sad out of all the stories i know you guys dont trust me after mourner bUT TRUST ME

anyway, tucker’s ghost story! danny’s parents built the portal and it doesnt work as always. sometime in the morning the next day, danny goes into the portal by himself (no sam or tucker present), accidentally hits the switch, and.........nothing happens! being unable to find or fix the problems of the portal, danny just leaves and goes on about his day until his friends come over.

sam and tucker arrive later for a sleepover, they eat, play games, normal teenager stuff well into the night. the trio tries to sleep, but danny is kept up. he really wanted to figure out what was wrong with the portal and get it to work. his parents have been working on this project practically his entire life, and now the thing wont even turn on?! not to mention he was just plain curious about what was on the other side. the others notice their friend’s plight and so danny relays what happened earlier that day and his grievances about it. after mentioning how danny hit an on/off switch only for nothing to happen, tucker suggests that the button might’ve been wired wrong.

tucker, knowing his way around wiring electronics, offers to check out the portal. danny allows this and the trio all sneak down into the basement, still in their pjs. tucker picks up a few tools from the fenton lab, works on rewiring, danny and sam watching from outside. eventually, tucker is successful in the fix. but the gang forgot to unplug the portal/turn off the electricity so when tucker puts everything in place it turns on and you know the rest.

(not terribly important, but danny’s pjs is a simple black t-shirt with starry print pajama pants and sam’s would be a green pajama set ((the kind with a button up shirt and the same pattern over the whole thing)) with a white grid pattern. tucker’s pajama’s was a superhero onesie type thing, the circuit patterns on it being reflective material. as his ghost outfit, the circuit patterns now light up/appear when he uses his electricity powers. they are otherwise hidden.)

the fentons, sleeping upstairs in their room, rush down to the lab hearing all the commotion. by this time, tucker was already out, transformed back, and had an activated portal. their cover up story was that tucker only rewired something on the outside of the portal and in no way walked into the the thing. either way, needless to say jack and maddie grounded the trio (technically only danny was grounded, but the other parents were still definitely called and THEN they were grounded) it was the middle of the night though so they were at least allowed to finish their sleepover. the trio goes back up to danny’s room and basically just take their time working out that new ghost shit.

fast forwarding with ghouly’s origin story out of the way! this tucker is not really specifically based on any spiderverse character (even if some aspects of noir and ham are pulled for the “ghouly persona”) so none of those factors affect his story. if anything, how stuff plays out in his universe is probably closest to canon out of everyone else (just most of the trio roles being swapped) so theres not as much to explain.

though, i will say a lot of tucker’s lesson as a half ghost revolve a lot more around self awareness and becoming more humble, pulling back that self-centered attitude back a bit. its good to have confidence but dont let it go to your head type lessons! the way he learns to control his electricity powers play into this. while everyone else has to learn how to pull power from their core (like how canon danny needed to learn how to release his energy, even when it was building up so much to the point of becoming unbearable), tucker’s powers flowed more freely and never really needed to be taught how to unlock/tap into this ability. the lesson he needed to learn for his powers was how to reign in and control it.

as pointed out multiple times in previous asks, tucker and danny are dating in this universe! they probably got together the fastest out of everyone else with their respective romantic interest, so about half of ghouly’s “episodes/ghost career/whatever you want to call it” have them together. (tucker’s timeline isnt EXACTLY the same as in canon but for simplicity sake lets say it is) i would put their relationship being established sometime after ghouly’s version of doctor’s disorders and pirate radio or something like that. just as an estimate.

i didnt talk about sam too much in this universe even though i really wanted to and couldnt really fit it anywhere else so im tacking it on here at the end lmao. sam here is a plant nerd! where canon tucker frequently helps out with his hacking skills, this sam equips herself with a lot of natural remedies, powders, pastes, all sorts of stuff to impede ghosts. carries around her own concoction of blood blossom in a similar form of pepper spray as her main deal most likely. she also uses a lot of her plants to treat wounds as well! overall she’s just a cute little botanist nerd that could mix up some pretty dangerous poisons if she wanted to lol.

[the-phantom-ender]

okay serious entity assignments time now because i said i might yesterday and i am better rested now.

first off, ill say that like... i dont know everything about every empire, i might be a little off base with some of the members i know less about.

second, the thing about aligning characters with entities is that it doesnt tend to be as easy as just something they fear. they also have to thrive in it. if all it took was fear, there would be lots of people marked directly by the web, if all it took was the ability to thrive, most introverts would be marked by the lonely. it takes a careful balance of both (unless the characters hand is forced, which we do technically see in t.ma canon at least once) for someone to be effectively marked by a fear, much less be an avatar (which is... a loose term at best but i digress because the explanatory bit is getting long dfjkhdf)

stuffs under the cut because it got. long. and feel free to share your own thoughts about them!!

shelby: an interesting case where my gut said corruption but upon reflection i think aligning her with the eye makes more sense? she definitely is shaped by corruption, but her arc thus far has mostly revolved around her desire to learn and her fear of what that knowledge might reveal. after her encounters with xornoth, she also seems very nervous about the idea of being watched.

lizzie: the vast is obvious for her, but it does make sense. its the fear of heights and deep waters and human insignificance, infinity. lizzie absolutely thrives in the depths and holds no fear for the waters but she does show hesitance when it comes to leaving. the danger comes from the outside, the other. which seems more like the lonely, sure, but the vast and lonely link greatly.

joel: im a little biased with the desolation alignment for joel because of 3l. i still think it could work for empires, but... the stranger might work better. i dont think theres anything quite as 'stranger' as filling your home with statues of yourself, giving workers your face, but everything is just slightly... wrong. be it that they dont fit quite right or that their limbs are leather and wood. Unfamiliarity, the uncanny.

gem: so id originally said eye for gem but @loganprobably (i hope the tags cool sjgkhdfh) mentioned the lonely and... both work i think. gem has an appreciation for knowledge, for awareness and learning. but shes also in a position where she both isolates herself and gets overly involved. being one of the people to try to ally with everyone but having a clear side picked. the welcome and the shunning. whats a girl gotta do for some peace and quiet?

scott: scott is... hard. itd be so easy to just throw lonely or eye at him because he stays to himself and knows a lot. id wager the web might work better, though. he keeps his distance, keeps an eye on all that goes on, and... makes no moves. he waits, plans ahead. if war brews he needs to be able to side with the winners. he shows a distain for the idea of being controlled and avoids situations where he could be. hes careful with his choices when theyre made.

jimmy: jimmy. lonely, but for a different reason than gem would be. he is friendly and kind and cares deeply for others, yet hes so clearly... the outcast, even within his own circles. hes the picked on, the betrayed. a friend to all but loved, respected, by none. in his times of need he is forgotten, silenced. yet he doesnt seem to hate the loneliness, just the fact that no one came.

joey: oh god here we go. joeys hard to pin down. the hunt might work? he could fall into the lonely but being lost doesnt inherently mean lonely (it actually ties more in with the vast). i say the hunt, though, because he refuses to back down from his stances, even if theyre objectively wrong, and will do so by whatever means necessary. hell instigate the death of others for the sake of getting what he wants.

fwhip: the slaughter. sacrifice and destruction follow him in everything and he thrives in it. his violence isnt entirely mindless but he has a penchant for war and the things that go into it. heres where my stuff starts getting less cohesive as i watch these members much less ;^^

sausage: the corruption and the desolation lay equal claim on sausage. in everything he plays tricks and feigns niceties and makes himself out to be the one in the right. all the way he makes it seem as if hes kind and just in his actions even if his motives are chaos and destruction. he still holds a fear for things going wrong and holds tight to his alliances.

pixl: the end. his vigil is very very 'end' to me. death, to him, is inevitable, a fact of life, and he choses to honor it and give it respect. in all things he does he knows death to be a cause and an end to the means. even if his trickery may just be a signal of the spiral... whos to say?

katherine: okay. bear with me for this one, yeah? the flesh. no im not only saying this because of the bone garden. the fear that we are just meat and bones, the realization that animals go to the slaughter. i believe its a fact that many involved with the flesh become vegetarian after encounters and her whole thing is plants. she shows a distaste for killing animals but a desire to use them in projects.

pearl: the dark. yes, this is the obvious choice, but i do have reason beyond it. pearls character in empires is directly contrary to her name. she revels in the light and lives around sunflowers and growth. despite this she will let herself work into the night, she will let herself turn a blind eye to damage being done. what she cant see cant hurt her.

bonus:

xornoth: the extinction. i know there are no actual avatars of the extinction in the source, however: it makes sense, right? more than this creature is corruption or the end it wants mortals gone. it wants mortals gone and to be released and freed to do this deed.

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[im-not-a-joke]

Could you do headcanons of hogwarts AU byler and elmax?

yes, yes i can

(im also throwing henclair in here because i love them)

(also this is probably going to be either really long or multiple parts)

- mike, lucas, and max are gryffindors

- will and el are hufflepuffs

- dustin is a ravenclaw

- the boys have been friends since forever since they all have at least one magic parent and their parents are friends

- they meet el on the train

- these five eleven year olds are all squished together on the train

- el’s parents were wizards but she was orphaned and hop is a muggle so she has no idea what shes doing

- anyway so the boys all meet at the platform and they get on together and find a seat together and such right

- (dustin and will are vaguely aware of their not-straightness at this point, just thought i should throw that in)

- so el is like wandering right and shes shy and wont ask to sit with anyone

- mike sees her wandering and is like “heY come sit with us!!!1!!!”

- so she squishes in next to him

- both el and will are quiet(tm)

- but for different reasons, new people make will nervous and el has no clue what is happening here so shes stressed

- but they all bond anyways its wholesome

- so they also ride the same carriage to the school

- and will gets sorted first and steve is so proud to have one of his children in his house

- dustin is glad to know someone else in ravenclaw, and jonathan introduces him to robin, they get along very well

- the wheelers are like the weasleys in the fact that they are all gryffindors, so theres not much surprise there

- so el and will bond more from being housemates

- mike and lucas meet this spunky redhead girl in their year and lucas is like “sweet a new friend” and mike is like “i dont trust her”

- so they introduce max to the rest of the party and theyre all bfs now its great

- ok so i should probably get to the part where theyre all gay shouldnt i

- i just love hogwarts aus okay-

- will has a breakdown in the hufflepuff common room because hes not supposed to be feeling this way for a boy

- steve finds him and comforts him to the best of his ability

- finding your boyfriend’s little brother crying over something is an odd experience give him some slack

- meanwhile in the ravenclaw common room

- “i think i like boys” “sweet little dude”

- meanwhile in the gryffindor common room

- max lucas and mike are just laying on the floor staring up at the celing

- max starts them off by just being like “yo el is really pretty”

- and then lucas is like “yeah but so is dustin”

- these statements prompt mike to be like “yall have no taste, have you ever looked at will” which sends all of them into rants about their crushes and they talk over each other and its a mess

- nancy comes down and finds them, immediately rolls her eyes, and leaves

- during all of this, el is just kinda daydreaming about max and not getting her homework done

- at christmas, the boys convince their parents to invite el and max to their annual party

- max comes alone and all of the parents are concerned

- hop is very intrigued by the magic world and fits right in to the parent group

- anyways mike either has no filter or cannot speak around will and max and lucas lose it every time

- el has got moves

- max is very flustered

- dustin and lucas are both simultaneously vibing and constantly panicked

- “yeah this is chill” “aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

- they have study groups for exams

- this is very good for lucas, who can do things well technically, but cannot do them in practice

- so dustin helps him and is flustered the whole time

- el is really good at charms so she helps everyone (max always seems to mess up) with that

- max is also good at charms but likes the attention so purposefully messes up

- will and mike are both great at herbology so they tend to lecture the group about that together and they get off topic and occasionally it ends with them both mumbling and just staring into each others eyes,

- lucas and max lose it again and dustin and el are tired

- max ends up going from house to house that summer so she doesnt have to stay with her own family

- hop loves having max around so she stays there the most

- el is very happy about that

[dyketectivecomics]

Alright, a second major arc for both Helena and Tim! Let’s dive into it!

(no warnings that i can think of except genre-typical gang activity mentioned?)

For Helena:

Let’s start off with the fact that I SHOULD have read thru to #6, bc that one capped off the previous story arc v nicely. Helena Got Her Vengeance

now, technically she DIDN’T directly kill the man who like, Pulled The Trigger on her family (bc the guy who ordered the hit in the first place did that himself) BUT she did have a more active hand in THAT guy’s death. so im calling that a Win in the Vengeance Category. YOU GO HELENA

Did a brief detour with the JL adventures she participates in. nothing major to report on that front but im cautiously optimistic for what it’ll foreshadow for how well she plays with others lmao

as far as the second major arc of her solo goes: if the first arc was vengeance, this next was was Fallout. both in the sense of the legacy her father left behind, and in what almost became of NYC (and yes, she’s def operating out of NY for now, not gotham which!!! is interesting!)

the A-plot for most of it is taking down a serial killer who figured out the cypher to her dad’s ledgers and was a pretty satisfying read on its own? but then...

theres a b-plot abt a mostly drug-based gang trying to get their hands on nuclear technology and their means of doing it just... put a really shadow on the A plot to me.

like its cool to see the lines Helena’s drawing and her handling something so big!!!

but at the same time, there’s so much loss that occurs before Helena’s even aware of the situation and just... it really rubs me wrong in a way i cant fully articulate yet. but we’ll see. all early stories are flexible i suppose when her origins are going to be retconned away too.

And onward to Tim:

so the big things about the Robin mini-series and the story-arc that Dixon followed it up with... or at least what really drew my attention. was the inclusion of Shiva

bc Tim acknowledges that she’s like... actively killing people while she’s helping him and Rawlins.... but goes along with her training anyways??? and doesn’t??? yknow at least like? bargain with her to Maybe Not Kill While He’s Around???

idk!!! even Dinah at least had a throwaway line abt that from what i can remember of BoP but!!! maybe I’m overthinking it

Only, oh wait, im not, because........ when Tim confronts King Snake at the end, essentially wins the fight and then has a Moment when Shiva’s trying to convince him to push the guy completely off the ledge he just!!!! fucking leaves!!!

like TIM NO. HELP HIM UP???? DONT HAVE THIS BULLSHIT PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.

this is the kinda shit that got JASON in trouble with readers but im just supposed to believe that with Tim this is suddenly okay??? and OH YEAH, tim TOTALLY thinks that the dude died and either 100% has his head up his ass or thinks that Shiva would’ve simply PUSHED the guy over the edge to kill him like fkjdla;s no honey, i know ur New to this, but that is Not how Shiva kills thanks. uh-uh.

and this boy has the NERVE to tell bruce that ‘oh yeah shiva mustve killed him’ BUT TIM U WERENT EVEN THERE TO STICK AROUND SO YOU DONT K N O W

idk!!!!! idk!!!!!!! its a nitpick probably but it doesnt sit right with me and doesnt endear me to this boy one bit!

otherwise, was really cool to see the ghost dragons story done up in p quick succession and the parting line WAS p haunting, with Bruce berating tim to disobeying orders and tim reminding b that he ‘isnt jason’ like..... oof that pain.

oh, also looking back on the notes i made! “Ducard”! was a lot of fun seeing a name i could recognize! love when there’s generations interacting in comics & the layers/degrees of separation that it gives. One of these days we gotta build up a game of like. Six Degrees of Shazam or smthn where we try to find out how far apart different heroes/characters are separated from each other 

okay wow that was a WHOLE tangent. my OTHER other note was that an excuse that bruce used to keep tim off patrol (and it WORKED mind you) was that tims grades were slipping. just saying the REAL BEST STUDENT ROBIN (jason) had GREAT GRADES and couldnt WAIT to study when he got home from patrol!!! who’s the REAL smartest robin then HMMMMMMMMM

[sanguinarius-archive]

im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

[angrylizardjacket]

and then there was light [4] {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 5060 words. part 4? part 4. it’s a bit of a darker one and before you ask, there will be a part 5, you know i wouldn’t end it on a cliffhanger and do you dirty like that.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

The moment Roger steps foot into the meeting about the design of the shows for the upcoming American legs of the ‘Night at the Opera’ world tour, he’s pretty sure he’s already mentally checked out. Freddie’s doing all the talking, to literally no-one’s surprise; the man has big ambitions for his own costumes, and knows the other guys will pipe up about their own needs when they get to meet with just the costume designer. John Reid brings up the technical requirements, Roger’s got the ‘galileo’s from Bohemian Rhapsody playing on repeat in his head as he stares into the middle distance, and it’s Deaky who sits forward.

“We’ve got a pretty solid idea for the lights; Freddie and I have been consulting with a designer in America; she’s freelance, used to work for EMI, she’s reliable.” He assures, and Roger’s thinking ‘hey that sounds familiar’ but Reid seems satisfied and they’re already moving on to the staging and sound equipment needed. 

Roger doesn’t connect the dots at first; it’s been almost four years since that fateful American tour, and they’ve had other tours come and go since, and as far as the others are concerned, they’re pretty sure he hasn’t spared you a thought since arriving home at the end of that tour. But he does, even if he doesn’t mean to.

The tour after you’d quit working for EMI, someone drops a parcan side of stage, and his heart is in his throat when he realises he was waiting to hear you yell ‘okay that one wasn’t my fault’ or something similar. All he hears is a faint apology, and a call from someone to get a broom. The scheduling’s different this time around, he can’t even have a cigarette in an empty theatre without some stagehand buzzing back and forth, or a band member trotting across the stage as they practice. It would be so much easier to lay on the stage if the rest of them were confined to one place while they played, like he was behind the drums. It’d be boring as shit, he would be the first to acknowledge that, but it would mean he would get stepped on less during lunch, and that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make with the toe of Freddie’s shoe poking at his waist.

Nothing serious had come his way in that time, or rather, he’d never found anyone who could hold his attention for more than a week or two. People became dreadfully boring when all they wanted to do was faun over him and fuck him; not that it wasn’t fun at first, it was always fun at first, but there was a lack of variety, a sinking sensation that these people were more attracted to the idea of him that left a sour aftertaste.

But now he’s here, new company, new album, second leg of the new tour, new chance to sample all different women across this great nation. He’s already a little tipsy from his multiple jack and coke’s on the plane when they land, and he’s passed out on the tour bus before it even gets to the first tour stop. Once in Conneticut, he’s dragged from the bus, and informed that as soon as the tech crew had finished their meeting, they could start loading in their instruments. 

“How long have they been here?” Brian asks the stage hand, and the guy shrugs. 

“A couple of hours; the Floor Tech wanted the drum risers set up before she gave the brief.” He tells them as he lead the band in to the theatre, where most of the crew were milling about on stage. 

“She always did have a flare for the dramatic.” John says with a grin where his eyes were trained on the stage, and Freddie hums in agreement, which only serves to confuse Roger further until he sees an all too familiar figure climbing the drum risers with a clipboard in hand.

“Alright guys, can I have your attention, please?” Even after all these years, the sound of your voice hits Roger square in the chest. “I wanna make this as quick and painless as possible, so after today we can bump in and bump out without any hassles.” You addressed the crowd with an easy confidence from your place at the top of the drum risers, tapping your nails against the back of the clipboard in your hands, wearing the overalls he’d seen you in so many times before.

“You can call me Spotlight; I’m the Head Floor Tech for the tour, as well as lighting designer; those of you on my lighting team, you’ve got a copy of the lighting plan, and I’ll be talking to you about how we’re gonna run it after this. Next time, I’ll get some help from the stage hands to set up the drum risers, I had a few people help me today to get them set up early, but that’s just because I like being tall.” With a sharp grin you pause as a titter of laughter spreads around the group, “stage management team, you’re in charge of making sure side of stage is set up with anything the band needs, and that it’s clear of unnecessary clutter and people, and running cabling for the sound guys; they’ll tell you what they need.”

After a beat, you look around the gathered crowd, and nod firmly, a gesture which a few of them return.

“If you have any questions, remember; find your Light.” You point directly at yourself. “We break for lunch at one, but until then we’ve got a lot to get through; let’s get rockin’.” Grinning brightly, you hop down from the risers into the crowd of crew members, ushering a bunch, each holding a sheet of paper, off to the side, as the others scattered like cockroaches under light.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Roger finally finds his voice where he’s still standing, a little dumbstruck, alone in the aisle of the theatre where the others had left him behind.

“Didn’t you hear her speech? Spotlight’s our lighting designer.” Freddie calls over his shoulder, eyes wide and innocent, as if he hadn’t set this all up without thinking to mention it to Roger.

“Our what now?” He splutters, jogging a little to catch up to the other band members as they made their way towards the stage. He’s not quite sure what he’s doing, or what will happen when he gets their; the last thing you’d said to him was that you were stupid to think he was above his reputation, while you were in tears, and then it had been three years of nothing. He’s not going to run, at least he’s pretty sure he’s not; he’s self aware enough to know he was in the wrong last time you spoke, that he was an asshole, but he’s not going to be a coward. Not again.

“That was quite the speech.” John waits patiently until the crew who made up the lighting team had dispersed before addressing the familiar face at the centre. You turn, eyes bright and smile brighter, casually making your way towards him and the rest of the band.

“Yeah, I really feel in my element, you know?” It’s with an easy familiarity that you pull John into a hug, giving him a firm squeeze. “Good to finally see you again.” And then you’re hugging Freddie, and then Brian, and you stop short in front of Roger. It’s a stalemate, neither one wanting to be the first to look away, but both unsure of what to do. In the end, you don’t even offer him a handshake, just nod, and you turn back to the others.

“How’s Pippin been?” Freddie asks, and you’re about to answer, but Roger cuts in.

“Hang on, can someone fill me in here? Lovely to see you, by the way, just a little confused as to how you got here.” He says, and you’re lost for words, just blinking rapidly, trying to process the whole situation.

“Did you not tell him I was working with you guys?” Your words come out incredulous as you turn your gaze upon John and Freddie, who seem just as bewildered as you.

“I thought he’d cotton on when I mentioned an American designer who used to work for EMI.” John mused, turning his gaze on Roger, who frowned, thinking back to the initial meeting he’d just mentioned.

“I did,” Brian piped up, before casting a smile at John and Freddie that was just a little bit confused, “though I wasn’t a part of this little setup.” He tried to reassure the drummer.

“In my defense,” Roger started, before his gaze dropped, “I wasn’t paying attention, design isn’t exactly my forte.” He admitted, and you had to shake your head at that, exasperated and already a exhausted.

“Pippin’s good.” You go back to John’s initial question. Pippin isn’t so much a person as it is a touring version of a Broadway musical that had opened a year ago, to great success.

It turns out a written letter of recommendation from both the lead singer, and bass player of Queen goes rather far in the industry. After taking some time for yourself, you call up EMI to beg them not to fire you, however it turns out you needn’t have; both John and Freddie had given glowing reports of your work ethic and skill, and the man on the other end of the line is just eager to know when you were next available. 

The moment you’re on site next, they tell you you’ve been promoted to Floor Tech; they hand you a roll of gaff tape and a drill and a whole new set of responsibilities, heaped onto your usual load. You don’t even remember who had been performing, the tour had only lasted a month, all you know is that they were calling you Spotlight from the moment you’d arrived; apparently it was what Freddie had called you, and John had to clarify.

John is the first to contact you again, through EMI of course, and he becomes something of a comfort when you consider taking your career beyond the company that kept you firmly in the one position on tour. Freddie calls you less often, and never about business; it’s John who gives you the courage to leave EMI, and he’s the one who helps set up as a freelance theatre and event crew member. 

People had been head hunting you from tour to tour, beyond even EMI, some smaller acts even giving you the full Lighting Designer role. They expect you to sit back, let a stage hand or an assistant to take care of it, but every time you watch someone else focus a spot, your fingers itch to be doing it yourself. Dedicated to a fault, Roger had once called you, you think about it every time you climb an unsteady ladder, and think perhaps that he’s right.

The moment Pippin announces it’s tour, and puts out calls for crew, you’re first in line for the job, putting your hat in the ring for lighting, but happy enough to take any crew role. Not that you don’t love working with bands, but there’s a certain finesse that comes with theatre lighting that you can’t get anywhere else in the world. After two years, and the support of both John and Freddie, you find yourself as the assistant Lighting Designer, as well as Head Floor Tech, and once you step foot onto the tour bus, everything else becomes history.

Speaking of history, later in the day, after the rest of the crew have broken for lunch, you’re wedged under the drum risers, running some cables, when you hear someone climb up them, taking a seat at the drums.

“If you play one beat-” You’re cut off by Roger’s yell of surprise, as he’s so startled he almost falls off his chair.

“Holy shit, who is that?” He’s breathing heavily, voice panicked, and for a moment you take pleasure imagining clutching his hand to his chest like a delicate, little grandmother.

“Take a wild stab in the dark,” you mutter, unwedging yourself from beneath the structure, raising an eyebrow as you look at him. Almost immediately he’s frowning, and you’re thrown back to the moment almost three years ago where you’d been here before, looking up at him from behind the drum risers after you’d changed out the light mid-show. Clearing your throat loudly, you break the moment, getting to your feet and making your way to the side of the stage.

“What are you doing here?” He calls, watching idly as you go about counting out fly lines until you get to the one you’d been looking for. You’d gotten here early to go through the fly-line procedure with the Duty Tech for the venue, and now you lowered the LX bar it was attached to with ease after making sure there was no-one in the way. Your focus made something in his chest tighten, and he feels like he’s being taken back in time; you’re beautiful when you work, passionate and skilled, meticulous, that hadn’t changed. Roger has to look away.

“My job,” and you just sound tired when you say it, already securing the meticulously placed lights onto the bar you’d just lowered, going along and fixing them to the metal in a neat line. An uncomfortable silence spreads between you, punctuated only by the scrape of metal against metal, and the rattle of the safety chains.

“What are you doing here?” You don’t even try to hide the snippiness from your voice, not even turning to look at his as the accusatory words hang in the air.

“I’m having a smoke in what I thought was going to be relative peace, it’s something I do, okay?” Voice defensive, you hear the rustle of cardboard and hear the click of a cigarette, your annoyance growing with each passing moment.

“No, it’s what I do. It’s what I did three years ago, you just started showing up. You stole my relative peace.” You snapped, turning to him, a blazing fury in your eyes at his words, before your lip curled in disgust, “And you don’t even do anything with it.” You scoffed, and he went quiet, sulking behind his drum kit. Sensing he wasn’t got to talk back you turn back to your work.

The moment you turn away, he sees the way you heave a sigh, angry tension draining from your shoulders, a little hunched as you concentrated. Your hands shake a little as you fiddle with the safety chains. There’s still that confidence there, the ease with which you moved about the stage, but unlike around other people, when it was just Roger - though he suspected you were pretending he wasn’t there - you just looked... weary.

After that first town, he keeps his distance for a few stops, though the other band members look to keep you company on occasion. But then... he’s there again. Quiet this time, he just watches where you hold yourself like royalty at the top of a rickety ladder, so sure of yourself. He’d forgotten the sight of you in your element, and it hits him like a truck.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You snap when you chance a glance down and see his awestruck expression looking up at you. The shock comes when he actually looks abashed, averting his gaze, picking up his drumsticks and tapping out a rhythm that you’re pretty sure you recognise.

You’re both too stubborn to give the other one the peace of the theatre at lunch, however, while you’re content with stewing in silence as you worked, Roger, to no-one’s surprise, is not.

“How’ve you been?” He brings himself to ask. You stop where you’re replacing a gel on one of the drum riser lights, taking a long moment to consider your words carefully.

“Busy.” Tired. The subtext comes through loud and clear, despite your short answer, and once you’d finished with the light, you stand, before taking a moment to stretch your back out from behind hunched over.

“Working a lot?” I can tell. He answers after a long pause, almost sympathetic, and you know he’s not really responding to the words you’d said out loud.

“Yeah, non stop.” No subtext, just responding at face value, before your eyes up to the mostly finished rig. Afternoons were for last minute fixes and focusing, there wasn’t much left you could do, unless you were willing to ask for Roger’s help.

“When did your last thing end?” He asks, and you click your tongue as you turn on your heel, burned out gel in your hand, heading for a bin.

“Two days before this one.” You admitted. When you’re met with silence, you turn, and Roger’s frowning at you, almost disbelieving.

“You’re not still sleeping on the tour bus, are you?” He asks, and you roll your eyes before you tell him your accommodation is paid for this time around. You’re the first to leave, for the first time since everything had started, you leave halfway through to actually eat lunch, leaving Roger to himself.

When he’s drunk after the show, leaning against some local pub, with a girl leaning against him, heavy enough that the two of them would have tipped over if it wasn’t for the counter, he can’t get you out of his mind.

“I didn’t ruin her career.” His eyes go wide as the words, with something akin to revelation, escape him, and the girl makes a noise of confusion, her fingers ghosting over his chest, but he can’t even bring himself to enjoy it.

“I didn’t ruin her career!” He announces, excited and pleased in his inebriated state, sitting himself so forcefully on the arm of Freddie’s chair that he spills part of his drink. Freddie makes a noise of confusion, looking up at the blonde, and Roger gesticulates enough to spill more of his drink, ignoring Freddie’s yelp. “Spotlight! She said I’d ruined her career!” 

“When?” Freddie asks, just as John pops out from seemingly nowhere.

“Well you certainly didn’t help it. That was me.” Roger doesn’t care that John’s drunk, the way bassist says it, so serene and matter-of-fact, makes it sting just a little bit worse. His mood instantly flips.

“Can you piss off? Go be her best friend somewhere else.” Roger snapped, and he knew he’d regret being so sharp with John the following morning, but it seemed John himself knew that Roger was in a mood, and obligingly fucked off, seemingly not taking it to heart. “When we broke up, she accused me of ruining her career.” And he realises too late, when Freddie’s eyes go wide with realisation, that he’s said too much.

“Is this where you tell me exactly what went down between you two?” He asked, tapping Roger’s leg with excitement. The blonde, however, stood abruptly, glower on his face.

“No. Fuck off.” 

Roger spends almost fifteen minutes banging on the door of the tour bus before he remembers that you’re not in there, and falls into bed alone, fully clothed.

“The fuck did you say to Freddie last night?” The moment he steps foot onto the stage at lunch, you’re waiting for him, already livid. He’s tempted to turn and walk right back out the door. “Apparently he doesn’t know the real reason that I went home last ti- !” 

“Of course he doesn’t!” Roger snapped back, on the defensive without a moment’s hesitation. “It makes me look like a fucking wanker and he’d kick my ass; he adores you!” And that was enough to shock you into silence, grip loosening on the gaff tape in your hands. “They all do.” He said, and your expression turns unreadable.

“I know.” You finally said, a new, strange quality to your voice, it’s something akin to shock, but not quite, and Roger doesn’t know what to say next. “What about you?” You finally ask, voice a little defensive. It hurts to see you look at him with such a judgemental eye, though he’s well aware he deserves it.

“Doesn’t matter, does it? I could apologise a thousand times and you’d still be pissy.” He huffs, and you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“At least once would be nice.” You level a cold glare at him and his gaze snaps back at yours, surprised. “You never once apologised, you know that?” And your voice is low, hurt and honest. “Are you even sorry for what happened?”

“It was three years ago-” He sighs, but you cut him off, shifting your weight to your other foot, swallowing thickly.

“So that’s a no. Glad to see where you stand.” And you turn to cross the stage to where you’ve already got the ladder set up, but he makes his way to you in three long strides, making to grab at your upper arm. The moment he does, however, you whirl around, slapping him, hard. “I told you to never fucking touch me; did you think I forgot?” And he sees why you were so eager to leave; there’s tears in your eyes, so close to breaking and streaming down your cheeks, your lip trembling. Something about your voice is so raw, it hurts worse than the slap.

“I am sorry.” And he sounds so fucking sincere, but you just glare at him, unashamed where the tears have begun to track down your cheeks. 

“You had your chance to say sorry; you had your chance to beg for forgiveness, but you told me I could leave; so I did, and so did your fucking opportunity.” But you can’t bring yourself to step back, frozen in place where he’s less than a foot away. Every fibre of your being is betraying you, wanting to be around him, close to him, after what he did.

“I’m sorry what happened between us;” his voice is so level, carefully controlled, you know he’s think hard about what he’s about to admit, “I fucked up, I know that; I’m sorry. It was three years ago but I’m still sorry. I’ve been sorry for a long time now.”

“Since it happened?” You asked, and he didn’t drop your gaze, answering without flinching or hesitation.

“Since I started worrying I’d lose you; I know what I’m like, I knew what I’d end up doing.” He admitted, and the words clearly didn’t have his intended impact as you stumble back, free hand clutching your chest.

“And yet you still-” And quietly, so quietly you’re not even sure he hears it, the words come out as more of a defeated whimper than anything else; “How could you not tell I was in love with you?” 

He’s in shock, and you barge past him, leaving as you can no longer contain your aching heart, and you head to the hotel you were staying at down the road, taking the rest of the lunch break to cry.

When you return, the rest of the crew has filtered in, Roger looks guilty, and Freddie and John look about ready to commit violent homicide, which was unsurprising for Freddie, but there was something comforting about Deaky wearing the expression too. In less than a week, the whole crew knows, and wherever you go, you feel yourself followed by pitying stares, which won’t go away, no matter how hard you throw yourself into your work.

“You’re working yourself into the ground.” Roger tells you a week later, watching the way your arms tremble as you focus a light, and it takes you a moment to blink blearily at him. “Don’t forget the security chain.” He adds, and you scowl, before looking at the light itself, and hurriedly affix the security chain to the rig. You insist that you’re fine, making your way down the ladder to scoop up another parcan, but you almost immediately drop it. 

“I just need some food.” You try to insist, your hands shaking as you leave the light where it is.

You don’t come out after shows, and it’s not gone unnoticed. The rest of the crew think you’re just dedicated, personable for the most part but prone to bouts of standoffishness.

“Oh you should have seen her on our first tour,” Freddie muses to an enraptured crowd at an afterparty, a few crew members listening with a bright-eyed attention, “that woman risked life and limb for our show.” And he sounds so proud when he says it, but something twists uncomfortably in Roger’s gut.

Cracks don’t show around other people, Roger’s noticed; you’re smile’s bright enough and your voice is loud enough that they don’t see the way your hands shake. Or how tired your eyes are. But then there are moments, you stand as if in the eye of the storm, gaff tape and drill in hand, watching as people follow your instructions without question, and you look up to see Roger tweaking his drums, and the two of you share a look. It’s a little indecipherable, he’s concerned and you’re just... tired. He wants to offer to help, but as soon as the moment arrives, it’s passed, and you’re off to the next task.

The air between the two of you has lost it’s angry tension; after saying your peace, after hearing his apology, there’s no fight left. Just a lingering disappointment, a quiet like the moment after a world-weary sigh. You don’t have to pretend around Roger, you both know he’d see through it if you’d tried.

“You should come get a drink after; you look like you need it.” Roger laughs, but there’s no humour in it. Without missing a beat, you decline, you don’t even bother coming up with an excuse. 

“I’m worried about you.” The tour is almost three weeks in, and you’re asleep against the proscenium arch when he walks in. You wake with a start at the sound of his voice, reaching out for the light you’d been fiddling with before you’d passed out. When you look to him with confusion, he repeats himself slowly. “I’m worried about you; are you sleeping okay?” 

“As if that’s any of your business.” You snapped back, and Roger kept quiet. It only takes him a day to figure out that sleep isn’t really a luxury you allowed yourself; you were the last out every night after bump out, sometimes staying until two in the morning, and from what the crew said, you were always the first up, running through check lists, accident reports, and going over anything that needed maintenance. 

When Freddie asks you to come out with them after a gig, you find it difficult to say no, he helped get you this job after all, but you’re there for barely half an hour before Roger sees you slip out the side door, drink untouched.

John asks if you’re okay one afternoon when you drop a stack of gel frames without warning, jumping almost a foot in the air and looking like you’re about to break into tears from shock, but seems content when you explain you’re just tired. Tired doesn’t even begin to cover how overworked you are.

The night you finally decide to relax a little, bump out having been miraculously fast, you’ve got the next day off. The others cheer you on as you down drink after drink, the alcohol hitting you hard and quickly, and the world gets blurry as you find yourself on the dance floor. It’s easy to drink too much, because for the first time in a long time, you’re relaxed, not worrying about the pretty, dickhead blonde who worries about you when he really shouldn’t. 

You’re drunk enough to admit to yourself that part of you likes the attention he’s giving you, it feels like vindication for the heartache you went through all those years ago. Part of it’s not even vindictive, part of you just likes the way he looks at you, the way his smile made your heart beat just a little faster; you call that part a fucking traitor and have another drink.

You don’t remember leaving the bar, but you come back to your body when you’re leaning against a streetlight for support, halfway through telling someone to fuck off.

“Ya’ not my caretaker, Roger,” you sneer, “you don’t need to look after me or whatever this is. Go help groupies home or to hotel or whatever.” You spit, and push off from the light, turning on your heel, almost topple over, and right yourself.

“Light, that’s the wrong way.” He calls, exasperated, and you turn again, this time actually crashing to the ground and grazing your hand on the way, before you get to your feet. He’s come over to try and help you, but you swat him away.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You stalk ahead of him in the direction he had come from, back toward the hotel, and he follows only a few steps behind.

“Fine, Y/N; you’re legless, let me help.” And after a moment of intense eye contact, in which you try to weigh up your options, you begrudgingly loop your arm through his.

“You’re still on my shit-list.” You inform him, and he hums in acknowledgement. “Why are you doing this?” You follow it up with.

“I’m not the asshole who fucked you over three years ago, and I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed for this show.” He said through gritted teeth, and you just smiled, a little dreamily.

“But what a way to go.” And he came to an abrupt stop. It took you a moment to realise, and looking back, you tugged on his arm to keep him moving. He just frowned at you, a little concerned. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it.”

“If I have to fire you to get you to take a break-” He threatened, and you scoffed, expression turning bitter.

“I’ll drop a light on you.”

“You’ll drop a light on me by accident before then anyways!” He crowed, and your expression fell, contemplative. “Just let me help; what do I have to do to make you actually rest? What do I have to do to prove myself?”

[ssweeneys]

i’m having a REALLY bad day

or really past couple of weeks where work is concerned and i just wanna vent bc you know sometimes people out there in the working world understand ya know???

its long, beware. idek if i’ll keep this up its more so for me to just let it out.

so like i’m an office admin for a company (we’ll leave it nameless for protection purposes) and like i supervise receptionists for my office so i’m kinda an office manager but not technically? if that makes sense.

anyway. people these days just don’t want to fucking work like EVER and like to start jobs and then up and vanish to collect that unemployment which to me is really just dumb since there are rules to it in every state and nine times out of ten you’re making like 60% of what your normal paycheck would be and thats surely not enough to live on, so like ??? i don’t get it.

there’s been a constant rotation of receptionists come and go over the last couple of months and two girls who work for me have stepped in on numerous occasions. one lady is in her 60s and doesn’t know anything about computers and is kind of dense?? to say the least. nothing against old ladies. i actually find a majority of them cute or hilarious bc they say what they think and dont give a f*ck who it offends and sometimes that blunt honesty is refreshing and you just need it in a world where people bullshit you 24/7 to further themselves for selfish gain and yaddy yada

anyways.. over recent weeks she’s become more and more intolerable to deal with. i ask her to do things and she gives me attitude and its like the simplest of things.. like email this person, make sure you let this person know they got a package, etc, etc. she can’t do even the most basic of tasks without screwing up. her attitude is just atrocious.

and due to people coming and going i’ve had to alter our schedule a lot. recently, one girl requested off so i adjusted the older lady’s hours (lets call her--carla) mind you carla only works 1 day a week and i’ve been super generous in giving her the entire week of christmas off so -- yeah.

anyways the girl who requested off (we’ll call her nicole) told me she didnt need those days off anymore and so i fixed the schedule one more time to her original days/hours.

now, i print off the schedule every time a change is made and whoever is at the reception desk i tell them to let the other girls know and post it right by the computer they sit at every day so theres no excuse for anyone to say i didnt make them aware. well carla is not the brightest bulb as we already established and she doesnt pay attention so we pretty much have to coddle her apparently and make sure she understands (although its pointless bc she doesnt no matter how hard you try to explain something to her) ANYWAYS she comes in on nicoles day when she wasnt supposed to anymore bc the schedule was fixed, posted, etc. and she gets mad when i ask her why shes there. and yes, i understand that the rotation has fucked us all over and up in so many ways. she is not the only victim here. this has been stressing me out left and right and to no end for MONTHSSSSS. so like i get it? i’m sympathetic to that. i understand the confusion and frustration, i’m right there with them.

HOWEVER, because she’s annoyed/mad/whatever she gives me attitude all day yesterday and is flagrantly disrespectful. i’m her supervisor, regardless is someone upsets you, act professional.

but she doesn’t. we know that. or at least I DO. anyhow.. she’s mad. she’s pissed off right? she’s got an attitude. she sees the new schedule, she brings it to me in my office and asks if its the correct one for tomorrow WHICH SHE IS ON!!! let me make that clear. she was on. she asks if its correct, i’m in the middle of composing an email so i take a moment to respond ‘yes’ she huffs, storms off and goes “you know what? nevermind” i’m like.... okay?? i brush it off. i’ve been brushing off her poor attitude all damn day and i dont say A THING. BC I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND. IM SYMPATHETIC TO THAT. we all have bad days. we all get a little frustrated sometimes. we’re human, yeah?

yeah. right. ok.

so then like... carla is working the morning shift for nicole. both carla and nicole showed up. carla pitched a fit bc she came in and was already there and didnt want to go home so nicole was so sweet about it and said thats okay, she can work i understand. bc even though nicole is like half her age, she’s MATURE.

at this point i dont even understand why carla is so upset? she got to stay. she got the hours. she’ll be making the money. all is good right? WRONG.

when the next girl comes in for the afternoon shift, i over hear carla telling her about the mishap that happened that morning (yesterday) and my office is literally maybe 6-7 feet from the front desk so i can hear EVERYTHING that goes on. i mean this is my job. i’m pretty much in charge of making sure the office is running, our employees are happy, etc.

so yeah i over hear carla telling this girl that and i quote “yeah nicole came in this morning and the schedule was switched around and i stayed because i was already here. (then something unintelligible I cant make out bc her voice lowers) you know, it really pisses me off that this keeps happening.”

SHE SAID THIS. TO A NEW GIRL. MAKING ME, NICOLE, EVERYONE LOOK BAD EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED, NICOLE APOLOGIZED, I APOLOGIZED FOR THE MISHAP, IVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THIS LADY TO PACIFY HER OR WORK WITH HER OR COMPENSATE HER.

so its so infuriating, disrespectful and really downright disgusting for her to trash me, my name, etc to someone. but you know what? I DONT SAY ANYTHING. I dont cause a scene. I go about my business and let it roll off my shoulders bc at this point I know if I say anything its just going to turn ugly and I’m in a professional setting. Sometimes its better to bite your tongue, hold your head up high and move the fuck on about your business.

NOW... oh now, we’re on today. carla is scheduled to work. she came into my office, confirmed it, she was FULLY AWARE OF THIS.

so nicole calls her 5 mins before shes scheduled to clock in and is politely like hey you on your way? and carla is like oh no i don’t work today.

BITCH! THE FUcK YOU MEAN????? WE CONFIRMED THIS LITERALLY!!!!!!!!

omg i cannot at this point i really cannot

but lets proceed... so carla. she’s like yeah i dont come in, tells nicole to check with me. nicole comes to me, i smh and just sigh and am like ok i’m sorry can you please call her back and tell her shes supposed to be here and if theres any issues, transfer the call to me. so nicole calls her, they’re talking, carla is being a cunt (sorry at this point you are) and so i talk to her and shes like you know, this is so frustrating i came in there i asked you if i was supposed to work and you said no (the other girl she trash talked to idk who to name her) and IM LIKE SITTING THERE GOING ????? WHEN????? TO MYSELF BC WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION

MY PATIENCE IS SO THIN, ITS NON EXISTENT AT THIS POINT IM OVER IT

IM TIRED

IM SO FUCKING TIRED AND SICK OF HAVING TO PICK UP THE SLACK AND DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF BC NO ONE CAN COME TO WORK, DO THEIR JOB AND GO HOME.

can i just make a point too that we make $12 an hour here. sometimes we are LITERALLY SO BORED we have nothing to do. we can read books or watch netflix if no one is around or i even have time to rp at times. so like THIS IS THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD A FUCKING MONKEY could do it.

all you do is answer phones and transfer calls or send an email

its LITERALLY. THAT. FUCKING. SIMPLE????

so like i just dont get it

but back to the point... carla is arguing with me, basically saying my communication sucks, i’m unprofessional (which is laughable but ok) etc...

and i just cant hold it in anymore?? and i’m like well carla, i’m sorry you feel that way and i understand where you’re coming from but i don’t appreciate that you were disrespectful yesterday, you told (new girl) that you were pissed off about what happened and proceeded to talk about me in a really unsatisfactory way.

and she WANTED TO TRY AND SAY THAT THIS WAS A DEFAMATION TO HER CHARACTER. WHEN SHE FUCKING SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!! i mean you can’t but if you were to ask anyone i know i have freakishly good hearing and it gets on my family’s nerves all the time bc i need quiet when writing and i have to beg them to turn their tvs down low just so i can concentrate.

I FUcKIng HEARD THESE EXACT WORDS COME OUT OF HER MOUTH!!!! and she wants to sit here and say that i’m defaming her character.

NO BITCH. Im repeating what I fucking heard you say!!!

why would i make that up? why??? how does that benefit me in any way??? what does that do for me???? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! i’m not benefitting from anything here.

in addition when talking to her on the phone i bring up the fact that she brought the schedule to me (the correct one which SHE IS ON) and asked me to verify if it was correct. but then proceeds to say in the same breath (contradicting herself) that she’s going off the old one????? like okay????? but you’re wrong?? SHE EVEN SAYS ITS AN OVERSIGHT ON HER CHARACTER, SHE ALREADY MADE PLANS YADDY YADA, SHE CANT COME IN TODAY

moral of the story is... she’s dumb. she’s a fucking cunt. and i hate people who try to spin things and victim blame and tell you you’re defaming their character when you call them out on something real they actually said because they’re scared little pussies and can’t just admit its what they fucking said.

yo i’d have a lot more respect for you if you just admit it. i’m not even mad??? i dont give a fuck what you think or feel about me. when i leave here every day i dont come home and cry about work or how people feel about me there.

work me is different from real me. I. DO. NOT. FUCKING. CARE. work people do not know me on a real level only a professional one. i am here to do a job, to make money, to pay bills, to LIVE. i am not here to fret over the opinions of people who do not follow me home, who do not know the real me. WHO. DO. NOT. FUCKING. MATTER.

POINT FUCKING BLANK.

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

like seriously?? GOD FUCK! i’m so angry.

if you read all of this, like thanks for letting me vent to a total stranger lmao you’re a real one, may you be blessed today and always.

onto that note... i gotta get back to work. (lmfao fucking irony at its finest)

[odogaronfang]

okay here it is!!! the long-awaited (not really) masterpost of hc’s about the background characters!!!

@105ttt and i have been working on this stuff for a couple weeks now and i’ve finally got around to making it into something shareable!! and i’m excited because now this means i get to use them in fics without people being completely lost!!!!

anyway this post is long so i’m gonna put it under a readmore-

Leonel

-link’s father

-captain of the guard & keeper of the wind key

-close friends with artura and valensuela since childhood

-because of the circumstances, he’s very well-read on the various legends/stories of the past heroes

-is a stand-in father for zelda sometimes because of how close she and his son(s) are

-constantly worried about his kids (sometimes because of the trouble they’ve been in, sometimes because of the trouble they cause)

-definitely the ‘cool manager’ type of captain- does what he needs to in order to run an efficient guard, but he’s also good friends with all of them

-there are days where he wants to take his kids out to town for a family day and there are days where he wants to throw them all out a window

Artura

-the captain’s top knight

-friends with leonel since childhood; they weren’t in the same battalion until they became full knights but leonel would cut sessions to go train with his group

-specialized in heavy armored combat, proficient in several kinds of weaponry but mostly uses bludgeoning weapons

-the backup dad for vio when leonel is busy because hylia knows vio needs constant supervision

-the embodiment of the gentle giant trope- does a lot of favors for people and the castle town kids ADORE him

-always busy + always tired. give artura his vacation days please

-he has a special room in the castle he goes to when he needs alone time and doesn’t want to be bothered. vio is allowed in but only grudgingly and only if he’s maintained at least one (1) week of decent behavior

-works a lot with younger trainees (mostly around link’s age); has a lot of instructional tasks on top of his regular patrol duties

-he doesn’t take off his armor in public a lot, so most people haven’t seen him out of it. there’s a joke among the younger groups that artura isn’t actually a person but rather a darknut or one of the phantom knights animated by the royal family’s magic. (actually it’s just because he’s secretly a twink and he doesn’t want people knowing that Mr. Top Knight/Mr. Living Darknut couldn’t hit 160lbs if he was soaking wet.)

Valensuela

-keeper of the water key

-close friends with leonel since childhood; was in the same trainee battalion as him

-trained for armored combat but dislikes wearing heavy plate- if he wears a lot of armor, it’s usually maille

-can dual-wield, but usually opts for one larger sword instead of two smaller ones

-basically adopts green after the pyramid incident. just steals him from leonel. green is his son now. green accidentally calls valensuela ‘dad’ once and leonel’s parentship of green ends right there.

-appears very dignified and serious but actually has a flair for the theatrical. most people are not aware of this but his friends know.

-leonel’s second-in-command, but he’s far more task-oriented and doesn’t deal with people as well as leonel does. he can come across as a little brusque with people he isn’t familiar with so he tries not to take that role if he doesn’t have to.

-not a personality headcanon but he has a scar on his forehead from when green shattered his helmet in the pyramid. and after he’s overcome the trauma that came with that whole ordeal, he definitely brags about it. someone asks what happened to him for him to have a scar like that and he’s like “oh my son did that isn’t he talented?”

Lucien

-keeper of the fire key

-so chill. extremely laid-back guy. the kind of guy you go to hang out with when you want to do something social but you don’t want to leave your house (or even your couch).

-kinda lazy when it comes to little mundane tasks, which he caught a lot of flak for while he was still in training, but wholeheartedly dedicated to his job when it comes down to it.

-basically adopts red. they’re like best buds. red makes lucien carry him around on his shoulders so he doesn’t have to walk but lucien doesn’t mind.

-absolutely the kind of person to disappear for an entire day and when you find him again and ask him where he went he says he was in the living room the whole time

-very good at cooking, but only the really time-consuming, complicated recipes, which goes directly against his low-effort nature. he rarely cooks, but everyone looks forward to the days that he does.

-also the kind of person to “work out” by doing one push up every five minutes. the second he hears someone approaching he’ll stay in mid-push-up position and when they walk in he’ll say “one thousand”. (he only actually made it to nine.)

-if he isn’t in armor he’s in sweats. “dress more professionally” the captain says to him one day. he shows up to breakfast the next morning wearing sweats again, but this time he also has a tie on.

-the tallest of the group, which artura makes fun of (it’s all in good fun. he just makes fun of artura for being so small.)

Wes

-keeper of the earth key

-the high-energy go-getter of the group. his energy alone balances out the chronically low-key natures of artura and lucien. basically an eternal child at heart.

-ALWAYS ready to throw down. it isn’t even that he has anger issues, he just needs a way to get rid of his restless energy while also triumphing in his various conflicts, and to him, fighting (within the controlled setting of a spar) is the easiest way to do that.

-one of those people that has to be physically restrained from doing dumb things. “hey i bet i could land in the hot spring if i jumped from the third story balcony” “wes you will break all of the bones in your lower body” “and??”

-also the guy in the group that’s constantly making bets and daring people to do things. he violates the sanctity of the triple dog dare by using it literally every time. he is also eerily good at predicting the correct outcome of bets.

-learns little things like sleight-of-hand tricks just to fudge them at the end; he’ll keep a group of little kids enamored with the “magic” before asking if they want to see the finale where he makes the cards disappear. the kids say yes and he just hurls the entire deck into a nearby bush. “there,” he says with pride as he walks away, “they’re gone.” (he would never actually upset the kids. if they look too disappointed he’ll sigh and go get the cards and do an actual disappearing trick just to make them better.)

-definitely takes blue under his wing. they spar like every morning. the other links might try to go on kitchen raids without their parents’/mentors’ knowing but blue goes WITH wes to go steal the best-looking cookies fresh off the baking sheet. arcy always gives wes grief for enabling that behavior but wes knows she won’t actually do anything about it

Selenas

-another of the captain’s high-ranking knights

-the exasperated lawful good of the group. he tries so hard to get the rest of them to follow the rules but it never works. he knows there’s no point to the efforts anymore but he still tries.

-the constant sigh-er of the group. you’d think he had respiratory issues if you didn’t know him.

-is tasked with helping to keep shadow in line because of his lawful good status. he’s the strict parent who insists upon balanced meals with a lot of vegetables and who believes in a strict 8pm bedtime. he will not hesitate to confiscate shadow’s laptop if he’s misbehaving. shadow despises him but he’s doing all of hyrule a great favor.

-doesn’t safeguard a royal jewel so he’s kind of an outlier but it’s fine, everything’s fine, he doesn’t need a jewel to prove that he’s a good knight and no, he isn’t envious, no not even a tiny bit, why would anyone ask that,

-prefers long-reach weapons like pikes and halberds over swords/daggers

[all of the above-mentioned knights are collectively referred to as the cape squad by the links]

Arcy

-one of the castle chefs

-an ex-knight; had barely made it into full knighthood before receiving a career-ending injury

-decided to continue work at the castle as a chef so she could still be around friends + to provide for her daughter

-was in the same trainee battalion as artura for armored combat, so they’re old friends

-her daughter is adopted; keina is the biological daughter of a late friend of arcy’s who died from birth complications

-is actually still technically in reserve for the guard; in a state of emergency she’s tasked with aiding evacuation efforts

-she’s the most popular chef among the knights because she takes requests. there’s a weekly competition among battalions and the winning one gets to choose the weekend meals that she makes. it’s a good motivator, especially for the ones in training, and it also gets her friends in high places (:

Keina

(see above images)

-arcy’s adopted daughter

-she’s very sickly; she’s never gone beyond the gates of castle town and barely even leaves the castle grounds. the only time she’s been beyond castle town was when she fled the castle with arcy, and she was in extremely poor health the entire time.

-she’s friends with the links + erune; they’ll often visit her and bring her things from other towns (or in erune’s case, her hometown) so she can still experience new things

-has a lot of pen pals all over hyrule since she can’t leave her home to go see people- she gets like two dozen letters a week and it helps keep her busy

-very knowledgeable on a lot of different subjects! because she’s often home- and sometimes even bed-bound, she spends a lot of time reading and writing and will sometimes illustrate as well. she’d like to be some kind of professional scholar so she can still contribute even when her health prevents her from travel.

[bestofbothworldstour]

well it was fun while it lasted

and so ends the year where i was constantly aware of when id next see dove

early 2016-mid 2017 i ALWAYS knew when i’d next see her, and i got a little too used to the feeling. i first met her in summer 2015 and i considered myself lucky to have that chance at all, even getting in that wasnt easy, and i didnt really think about every getting to meet her again cuz i just...didnt think i could. i moved out to california a couple weeks later and began to learn about all the opportunities it had for me. once liv and maddie got renewed for season 4, my friend and i are like lets just go to every taping and im like yah theres...no reason we cant? so i expected to get to see her p much every week for a number of months and i was ecstatic. then most of the tapings got cancelled one by one (or two by two at most) and every couple weeks id get my hopes up only for them to be torn down again. (also the tickets may have been free but getting them was not easy! you had to refresh the website for like 2 hours!) it hurt me every time but it taught me to not get my hopes up too high in the future. ofc, i still treasured every time i had with her, but i did even more so after going through that.

after mamma mia in summer 2017, i had no idea when id see her again and for that and some other reasons i had a major relapse the night after. i was def posting about it on here. that was miserable and the coming days, weeks, months, were rough too.

i got a random chance to meet her at the end of that year, then another early in 2018. these, ofc, lifted my spirits a lot and gave me more hope of the fact that random encounters with her can happen. and when i say random i mean RANDOM both of these were announced like a week in advance.

clueless put me back on the path id been on in years past. shortly before it, i got tix for light in the piazza in london, so i knew even after clueless, id see her again in 7 months, plus that gave me a LONG time to look forward to seeing her. disney channel fan fest ended up happening in between those to make it even better, and then shortly before london, i got my tix to see the show in LA, extending the period four more months.

but now its over. light in the piazza is behind me. i knew this day was coming and ive been through it before so its easier to deal with than it used to be but its still hard. especially because after mamma mia, even tho d3 wasnt confirmed, it was still likely, so i had hope that that would lead to more events and encounters soon enough. now i dont have anything like that to lean on.

the more that i think of it, this period has technically lasted longer than a year. d3 being announced in february 2018 basically signified id see her again soon. it didnt confirm it but it made it more likely. so its more like....the last almost TWO years of my life are over. yeesh.

but now that both lam and descendants are behind us, the future is so uncertain. album signings? concerts? more musicals? no one really knows. i wanna hope for the best and especially hope for more random encounters like in 2017/18, but i dont wanna rely on that and get disappointed if it doesnt happen.

i hate sounding like im entitled to any of this because i know how fortunate i am and that not everyone gets these opportunities. like i said, meeting her for the first time was beyond my wildest dreams. but for one thing, i just dont know what to look forward to now. to add on to it, ive been MAJORLY bored and lonely. ill have days upon days with no plans. i just sleep, dont leave the house, and have no social interaction. i dont like it that way and i try to make plans but it isnt always that easy. ever since i was little, ive thrived on having some big thing to look forward to. thats whats pushed me forward, but now i dont really have one. not dove or otherwise. i have some things im looking forward to, but only so big and only so soon. (my mom reminds me to remember that were going to NYC soon but it feels so far away. i need my Boys to heal me lol)

for another thing, and im probably worrying too much about this, i worry that if too much time passes between us seeing each other our relationship may fade away/she may forget me. ive been proven wrong about this before. weve gone like...8 months without seeing each other and not only does she remember me but she can spot me in a crowd/remember details about me/etc. but i always worry regardless, especially since its already been almost 6 months since we last interacted. and who knows how many more months it will be.

and lastly, the pain of the tapings getting cancelled still really hasn’t gone away. think about it, i STILL haven’t reached the amount of times i would have met her by summer 2016 had none of the tapings been cancelled or been overbooked. and its been THREE YEARS! the way it was organized was so shoddy and never felt fair to me. i get it, things get cancelled sometimes, but this was just out of control.

not only do i not know when ill see her next we dont even know when were getting any new content out of her. thats what ive been living on for 5 years. i had LAM and even after it ended i had descendants. now i dont know what i have. and all of that has become such a big part of who i am that i feel almost lost.

ill be starting work at the beginning of next year so at least i have a new chapter in my life to look forward to, one with significantly fewer boring days and plenty more social interaction. but the time between then and now is dragging on, and it’s only going to get harder now.

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #63: The Sleeping Prince. What if…Oscar falls into a deep sleep for the Merging of the Two Souls?

‘Sup FNDM fam! Happy New Year from the squiggle meister! For my first theory post of 2019, since Oscar is a perfect little prince now (hypothetically speaking), consider this for a sec. 

What if...for the Merge, Oscar suddenly falls unconscious, putting him out of commotion for when the heroes begin to commence their plan to commandeer an Atlesian airship with the group unsure of what to do to wake him back up.

As Jaune said last episode, they're not leaving for Atlas without Oscar. But what would they do if the Merge suddenly happens and he’s temporarily unable to aid them with their plan for Atlas?

In the fairy tales, it's usually a kiss of true love that awakes the sleeping princesses from their eternal slumber. If Oscar is expected to fall to sleep during the Merge (because I honestly can't picture him being conscious while unceremoniously merging), imagine if… it's love that ultimately wakes him up. Not necessarily from a kiss per say but I have this little hunch where Oscar will start to merge with Ozpin but it’s the love he feels both for and from the teammates he’s grown to care about that keeps him from resisting the part of the process that’s meant to make him disappear entirely; if that makes sense.

Remember the God of Light’s warning to Ozma before his first reincarnation? He told him that where he sought comfort, he will only find pain. In a sense, you can say the God of Light’s heed to Ozma happened twice within the cycle. For Ozma it occurred in his first reincarnation as Diggs after Salem, the former love of his life---the mother of his children---the woman he had refused the peace of the afterlife to return to, killed him with her very own hands as a final sign that she had lost herself to the darkness.

And for Ozpin, it was recently when his own allies turned their backs on him after promising they wouldn’t upon learning the truth. The first deceit came from Lionheart, a friend and member of Oz’s very own inner circle of trusted lieutenants. The second came from the group of young heroes whose lives he had promised to protect and guide. Even Qrow, a former student and long-time friend of Oz who completely devoted to him, turned his back to him and it is his words that made the old wizard turn to grief and isolation for the third time in his many lives (counting Ambroise and Emmanuel---the second and third reincarnations).

Who knows? Perhaps this will be a sign that Oscar is potentially doomed to meet the same fate being challenged by that same love and comfort in others that has left his predecessors crushed by grief? I’m not saying that the heroes will hurt Oscar (at least, not now after what transpired when they thought he went missing). But I can somehow imagine Oscar meeting a dishevelled and grief-stricken Ozpin again within his mental mind palace or Dreamscape and having the older soul mock his young successor for getting himself attached to the love and comfort he feels from the heroes. Imagine…that love and trust is what Oscar will hold onto as a lifeline to keep him from losing himself completely to the Merge?

While I’m aware that Oscar has come to accept his fate now, I can’t help but still feel like that’s all a front from Oscar. It could be just my interpretation, though. It’s just the way how he spoke in V6 C8 gave me the impression that Oscar had technically given up on wanting to resist the Merge while subtly foreshadowing that it could happen this same volume.

“…These past few days, I’ve been scared of the same things you were. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be…me. But I did some thinking and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left…”

It wouldn’t surprise me if in a later episode; Oscar does begin the Merge with Ozpin and will reunite with him in his mind for it. Don’t want to anticipate too much but it is a strong possibility of it happening especially since they do have the model of Professor Ozpin. I doubt they just made that for the opening. I feel like Oscar is going to meet Ozpin face to face in his mind and when he does, I think the two souls will have a confrontation that could either be just them standing around and talking (like Raven and Yang in the V5 finale) or end in them literally squaring off against each other in an all-out showdown. We’ve already seen two Maidens duke it out.

Will we get to see the two souls fight next?

I would think we should since it’s something that’s been foreshadowed since the first volume. I love the idea of Oscar literally fighting the Merge. Fighting Ozpin and fighting against losing himself. The thing that has always been hinted about the Man with Two Souls is them fighting for control. So maybe this will be part of the Merge? Oscar fighting against Ozpin for the chance to remain as himself.

We know Oscar has accepted disappearing one day but...what if… it's the love he feels from the team that convinces him he needs to fight to be himself. What if...Ruby shares another Rosebuds bonding moment with Oscar where she basically tells him to fight to be him. And since these words come from the girl we know Oscar greatly admires, it’ll hold a lot of weight and meaning in Oscar’s eyes.  

I didn’t particularly like how Oscar told everyone that he was going to disappear soon and everyone was…I guess, so clouded by their relief of him being safe to feel the full weight of his words in that moment.

I just found the fact that there is Oscar basically talking to group like he’s going to technically sort of die soon (I mean it pretty much had that final farewell sort of tone to it, for sure) and everyone is all happy smiles. Like…what? Why are you smiling? Yes, this is a happy moment but what’s being said and foreshadowed isn’t so…again why didn’t we get the characters briefly looking unhappy when Oscar brought disappearing only to perk up when he showed them that even though it’s bad, he’s still determined to do his best like the best boy he is? I dunno. It was a little weird moment for me and one of my gripes with this episode.

I think eventually when things simmer down and once the Merge actually legit starts happening before the team’s very eyes where Oscar gets down because of the Merge, that’s when the others will start to see the light of the child’s words and begin to truly panic about losing him.

Another thing that needs to be addressed are the group’s feelings now about Ozpin. Following the events of C5-C9 and now that Oscar has become an official valued member of the group (as himself), how does the group feel about Oz? This is why I found the happy-go-lucky smiles when Oscar mentioned disappearing for good to be off putting. The group do realize that if Oscar disappears for good, technically that could spell the team being back with Ozpin…kind of…sort of…maybe-ish. I dunno. I just want to know how the group feel about Oz now? Did Oscar’s disappearance also help them to forgive Ozpin too?

I don’t think that is the case which is why I hope it gets addressed in the remaining 5 episodes.

Overall, I just want Oscar to fight to be himself you guys. This is just my opinion here but personally, Oscar has been way too accepting of his fate. I understand that merging with Ozpin is a destiny that Oscar can’t run from. I understand that fully but…I still feel like he should want to fight to be himself if he could help it y’know what I mean? I don’t know if that’s possible or if it’s impossible for Oscar to not fight against losing himself. But nevertheless, I just want Oscar to fight to be him and for someone to tell him to fight to be him. Because Oscar is pretty great.

Plus I think that’ll be the be all end all to both Oscar and Ozpin’s conjoined stories, right? Either Ozpin’s run will conclude this volume and Oscar will take his place on the cast moving forward as his successor, now complete with his memories, knowledge, skills and magical capabilities (hopefully) while still retaining his personality.

So picture …Oscar accepting his fate but also fighting it at the same time. He wants to be a Wizard of Light like the others before him. He still wants to do everything in his power to fight to protect humanity and stop Salem once and for all. But he will not lose himself. So ...rather than Ozpin absorbing Oscar and his mind becoming dominant, it's the opposite where Ozpin becomes a part of Oscar while the former farm boy still gets to be himself.

Basically what some fans have been saying since the beginning that Oz will disappear and become a part of Oscar with our Barn Prince still remaining as himself but gaining all the memories and skills of Ozpin and all the Wizards before him.

Or…Oscar and Ozpin will fuse and this new fusion will be a perfect blend of them both signifying a perfect alignment between the two soul where it doesn’t feel like one has eclipsed the other. It’s both but at the same time it’s not them. Someone entirely new who is as much Oscar as the original while still having some essence of Ozpin in there.

Whatever the outcome, I do think the Merge could be a plot point set for the final few episodes of V6. Emphasis on could. But if it does happen, only then will Oscar’s true fate be decided once and for all. Either that or it gets delayed and Oscar goes into the Atlas Arc now fighting against Ozpin to let the Merge fully take him over. Who knows?

That's just me. Don’t know if you guys would agree or disagree. But anyways, as always, these are just my thoughts and theories. I guess we’ll see what the Writers got cooking for us when C10 premieres this Saturday.

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~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)