#Mechanisms of reparations and memory

[lowkeyren]

reverse dating tropes w hsr men!

in which — what the title suggests / those classic fanfic tropes but with a twist

featuring — boothill, jing yuan, blade (separately) x gn!reader

✧.* — wc: total 1.5k, used up half my brain for this (the other half is for pt2 w aven sunday geppie!!), lovesick boothill + clingy jy + jealous blade fr, anyway pls enjoy! reblogs r appreciated <3

gepard aven sunday vers here!

boothill ꩜ .ᐟ

love at many sights with boothill whose memory card was tinkered with, and every time you meet, he thinks he's seeing you for the first time, so he falls for you over and over again. 

when boothill returned from a dangerous mission, it was evident that he had endured significant damage. his once sleek and polished exterior was now marred by dents and scratches, and his mechanical limbs were either partially missing or severely damaged. the exposed wiring, usually neatly tucked away beneath scraps of metals, now hung in tangled strands, sparking occasionally with residual energy.

he looked barely salvageable. it's safe to say that the mechanics had a hell of a time fixing him.

though they were skilled enough to piece him back together, his memory card wasn’t as lucky. a tinkering in his system left him incapable of recalling or retaining information in his synthetic brain, temporarily —leaving the mechanics scrambling to find a solution.

weeks later, you find yourself walking down the familiar corridors of the laboratory where your favourite cyborg is being held for reparation.

boothill’s eyes immediately land on yours when you enter the lab. “well ain’t this a surprise! haven’t seen ya in a good long while.” boothill drawls, tipping his hat your way, his voice carrying a metallic twang. 

"i heard you took a bit of a tumble, figured someone should come make sure you didn’t lose all your screws." you shrug nonchalantly, a smirk playing on your lips.

boothill's eyes flicker for a moment, taking in the curve forming on your lips. he thinks you’re adorable with that infectious smile of yours. 

“heh, nothin’ bad, just had a r-r-run in with some cuties" he says, failing to hide the glitch that caused his voice to stutter. (and that damn synesthesia beacon! he swears he’ll get it fixed this time around…)

“guess you took more than a tumble huh...” you lean casually against the workbench, the sterile scent of machinery and the hum of various devices filled the air; your gaze sweeps over the freshly repaired parts of boothill's metallic frame, “anyway, glad to see that you’re mostly fine now." 

“aww! do ya care ‘bout me?” he teases, his grin widening, revealing his pointy teeth peeking out mischievously. you don’t reply, your eyes glinting with the faintest hint of amusement dancing in them.

"boothill, we go through this every time, your memory card's still damaged. you forget things sometimes, so for the 5th time this week, yes i do care about you.”

boothill's expression shifts, a mixture of realization and sheepishness crossing his features. "right, right," he murmurs, scratching the back of his head with his metallic hand. "sorry 'bout that, sugar. guess i just keep forgettin'."

you chuckle and shake your head, finding the situation amusing. he feels like he might overheat from the sheer warmth radiating from your smile.

“you’re beautiful, date me.” (he didn’t mean to blurt that outloud)

you raise your eyebrows at the sudden compliment, “why thank you,” a surprised laugh escapes your lips.

“—and we’re already dating, silly.”

a shower of sparks erupts from his circuits, you can particularly hear the fans inside him sputter and whir. you rush to his side, concern etched on your face.

“wh- are you okay?! you’re short circuiting again!”

and this happens every time his memory lapses. you offer an apology to the mechanic on the next shift for the extra work required to fix yet another damaged wire after your visits. perhaps they should ban you from getting too close to boothill, lest he completely breaks down again like that one time where you told him, yes you actually kissed before.

jing yuan ୭ ˚.

"secret relationship" with jing yuan but he is completely unaware of how his public displays of affection towards you keep revealing the supposed secrecy of your relationship.

on the rare case that the general is found in his office, you are there too, beside him.

“pleeeease? just one kiss, really really miss you, darling”

“no jing yuan, not now…”

he wraps his arms around you as he leans in, caging you from the back. he rests his chin on your shoulder, “then how about a kiss on the cheeks?” he murmurs in your ear. you try to push him away, but he just chuckles softly against your neck, his arms still secure around you.

“no, and get off me before someone sees!” you protest, feeling your face flush from the close proximity, and the tightening of his arms suggests that he has no intention of releasing you just yet.

this stubborn man… you swear you’re gonna burst a blood vessel someday.

as if to echo your exasperation; he nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck, peppering it with nibbles and gentle kisses. jing yuan certainly knows how to test your limits, yet his affectionate gestures never fail to chip away at your resolve.

suddenly, a series of loud knocks come from the door, you freeze, and immediately attempt to wiggle your way out of his grasp. but he remains unfazed, his hold on you firm, and seemingly unbothered by the interruption.

the door bursts open, “general! there’s a situation at starskiff ha—ven...”  yanqing trails off as his eyes widen at your position. the room falls into a momentary silence as yanqing's gaze shifts between you and his general, his expression reflecting a blend of shock and embarrassment.

clearing his throat awkwardly, yanqing stammers, "i-im sorry for interrupting... i’ll t-take my leave now!” with a hurried nod, he practically sprints out of the room.

oh bless that kid’s poor eyes… 

you shoot a glare at jing yuan from the corner of your eyes, you just know that he has a shit eating grin on his face right now. nowadays, it’s probably common knowledge that the general’s most treasured person is you, evidently shown by how he latches himself onto you every time you’re within his vicinity. you wouldn’t be surprised if the entirety of xianzhou knows about your supposed “secret” relationship.

“so… can i have my kiss now?” 

aeons, he’s insufferable. (you love him tho!!!!!)

blade ؛ ଓ

"fake dating" with blade but you are actually dating —somehow everyone is convinced you aren't.

“blink twice if you need help.” march whispers-shout; dan heng leans against the doorway, blocking the way into your room, nods in agreement.

“this is absurd… i’m alright guys, really!” you try to reassure your friends, frustration edging into your voice. though no matter how many times you insist that no blade isn't holding you hostage and that you are indeed in a relationship with him, they seem convinced otherwise, somehow deducing that you're not able to speak freely.

you sigh in resignation, knowing that they aren’t going to relent anytime soon, and with blade idling in your room, you can't afford to keep him waiting any longer. “dan heng please, let me through, he’s been waiting for me for the past 10 minutes now…”

“good, let him wait.” dan heng responds curtly. (what a guy)

march takes hold of your hands, “do you owe the stellaron hunters something, and him out of everyone?! he looks scary…and totally not your type!” 

“not their type?” a low voice rings out from behind dan heng, the three of you turn immediately and see blade looming at your doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“stellaron hunter. stay back.” dan heng furrows his eyebrows, his stance defensive as he pulls out his weapon, positioning himself to block you and march. sensing the growing tension, you step forward, reaching out to gently grasp at dan heng’s shoulder. 

(blade’s expression darkens at your hand resting on him)

“it’s okay dan heng, he means no harm.” dan heng hesitates, his grip on his weapon remains tight, but he doesn't move to strike. so you slowly move between him and blade, “see? i’m fine… he’s not gonna hurt me.” you smile reassuringly at your friends. 

just then, as if to further aggravate dan heng, blade settles his hand on your waist. dan heng’s hand is visibly twitching now. “what? can’t i touch what’s mine?”

dan heng’s eyes narrow, “...we still don’t believe you, leave now. before it’s too late.”

before you can interject, blade grabs your chin, silencing any words of protest with a sudden kiss. caught off guard, your eyes widen as the unexpected gesture leaves you momentarily stunned. but you soon reciprocate his kiss, his intensity drawing you in.

(march quickly covers her eyes with her hands)

“there. now leave us alone.” and with that, he pulls you into your room, slamming the door shut behind, pinning you against it. 

it’s just the both of you now, finally.

“did you really have to touch him.” his voice tinged with possessiveness. “blade, he would’ve hurt you, i didn’t mean—” he shuts you up with another kiss, more desperate this time, welp guess you’re stuck with him for the night.

though your friends might not believe that a person like you would “be in cahoots” with someone as dangerous as him; convincing them otherwise is a task for another time. tonight, he wants your attention focused solely on him, and him only.

✧.*

masterlist gepard aven sunday vers here!

[kingdom-carer]

How to regress when you’ve literally never done it and you have no idea what to expect (or it’s been a while)

*turns around in chair like Captain America* so ……. you wanna be tiny.

Awesome! :D

Voluntary regression, when done intentionally, can be immensely fun and healing. Let’s get you set up for success.

Step 1: Set Your Goals

Your goal should never be “to regress” - it may not happen. You may spend all of your time just age dreaming (acting small with your big brain still in). You need to be okay with that.

The reason you’re regressing isn’t the same as your goal. “Because I’m traumatized,” “for fun,” and “for chronic pain” are all valid reasons, but they don’t provide you with the framework for healing that we’re looking for.

Here are some specific, achievable goals:

“I want to relax and have uninterrupted fun after a long day.”

“I want to reparent my inner child through affirmation work, gentle parenting, and rules for self-care.”

“I want to work through trauma I’ve experienced through play so I can experiment with new outcomes for tough situations.”

“I want to complete easy tasks/assignments to give myself a sense of pride and accomplishment.”

“I want to allow myself to trust and be cared for in a way that I am usually resistant to.”

“I want to allow Jesus to speak to me when I feel most vulnerable and receptive to His kindness.”

“I want to improve my self/care habits by making them fun and digestible.”

“I want to revisit childhood/deep-rooted fears so I can work through them with effective coping mechanisms, like journaling.”

Step 2: Selecting Your Tools

Here, you might have seen lists of things that people like to use when they’re little, but rarely do they explain why they like to use them. These lists also may not resonate with older or alternative regressors.

So instead, I will give you categories of things that I believe are relevant to regression, and you fill decide what satisfies it best for you.

Something to wear: do you have clothing that is easy and comfortable to move around in, makes you feel good to wear, and/or gives you sensory input you crave?

Something to watch: do you know of a show, movie, or YouTube channel that holds good memories for you? Is there one out there that piques your interest? It doesn’t have to be “kid-friendly,” but its effect should be comfort and peace, not intellectual or emotional strain. We are not looking for challenge - that is for developing your grownup brain. Many regressors prefer kids media for this reason.

Something to do (with your hands): Stimulating senses other than sight is vital for grounding, especially in today’s online world … and, considering the nature of the work we are doing, you may need it. Painting, sensory sand, going to the beach, swimming, making music, woodworking, crocheting, polymer clay, diamond painting, puzzles, coloring books, and more can all bring out your inner child. Again, we are looking for joy, not challenge; perhaps your local dollar store has a craft kit!

Something to read: are you a scientist who loves learning about animals? A horror fan who loves spooky tales? Do you remember a series from your childhood that brought you joy? Reading is a great way to escape into a simpler world and evade screens, especially if it’s crafted without profanity or triggering subjects. Children’s books may also minister to you in ways that adults failed, such as teaching emotional regulation, socialization, and how to fight common fears.

Something to hold: plushies have been proven to be beneficial for mental health, but a companion doesn’t have to be stuffed! Action figures, dolls, and other friends can be thrifted, bought, or dug up from closets. They provide sounding boards for scary thoughts that get less scary when said aloud, companionship during play, travel, or sleep, and serve as willing recipients of your creative outputs (bracelets, clothing, drawings, etc). And, when you need a hug, your favorite toy can be right there with you in the absence of a human friend.

Something to nibble: food is fuel for the body, but it is also love. Choose foods that are nutritious and fun, just like you’d give a child. My personal faves are Slim Jim’s, pepperoni, berries, nuts, dairy, and veggies with dip. Treats are great too, but spend your tummy bank on nutritionally valuable food first! Regressors also find fun in experimenting with different vessels for food and drinks, like crazy straws, bottles, ZooPals plates, or character dining sets.

Something to play with: ‘play’ has many definitions and types. Below is a short list of types of play. No matter if you like toys or not, gather objects or activities that encourage play.

Symbolic play - using one object to represent another (i.e. a flower becomes a wand - try blocks or play scarves)

Locomotor play - moving play (try roller skates, online exercises/dance classes, or small exercise trampolines)

Creative play - invoking a desired or experimental outcome (try Legos and art supplies)

Deep play and rough-and-tumble play - play that involves bodily risk and movement (try hiking, rock climbing, or swimming)

Dramatic play - orchestrating play without personal involvement (“setting up” elaborate scenes with toys was a big part of my childhood play! Try small toys and accessories like Calico Critters, stuffed animals, or dolls)

Exploratory play - play to gain information (try boxed or homemade science experiments, or simply asking, “I wonder what happens if I …?”)

Fantasy and imaginative play - playing in a way that is unlikely to occur in real life and/or the rules have changed (try dressing up to be a superhero, royalty, animal, etc)

Mastery play - bringing a task to completion (build a campfire, dig holes in sand to fill with water, complete a video game level, etc)

Object play - manipulating objects to learn more about them (common in developing babies and autistic stimming; try fidget toys)

Socio-dramatic play - taking on a role that involves social interaction (I.e. playing house or doctor)

Somewhere to go: novelty can be hugely effective in delighting your inner child. Try hanging out in the backyard, going to a park/museum/aquarium, taking yourself on a “little” shopping spree with a set budget, going to a theme park/state fair, or checking out kids media from your local library. Since you are exiting your safe space, you must be mindful of those around you. This is why I usually recommend this to those who know they will only be age dreaming, unless they are completely alone. For your safety, please do not involve anyone who has not consented in your regression.

Something to see: if you can, decorate your safe space or a portion of your safe space in a way that makes your inner child happy. Try changing your phone wallpaper, collecting figures, displaying stuffies on your bed, putting up wall stickers or drawings you’ve made, or changing your bed sheets.

A note on pacifiers: pacis made for adults are a great way to abate thumb-sucking and unhealthy oral stims. They will shift your teeth only if you use them excessively; try limiting use to an hour at a time, and always wear your retainer if you have one. If you feel pain, stop. Disassemble and clean immediately after use.

A note on diapers: I personally do not use diapers because I don’t want or need them, but should you choose differently, there are lots of creators who have more information on them. Most importantly, they are not shameful.

Step 3: Meeting Your Inner Child

How do you know when you’ve regressed?

When play takes over.

When you find yourself fully engaged in what’s in front of you, finding captivation in the simplest things, you are regressed. It isn’t some magical transformation - you’re just revising a part of you that has always been there, latent. It is an unlocking of childhood whimsy … a state of being easily awed.

Thoughts may simplify; adult reasoning for comfort objects may reduce to a petulant mine. Anxious spirals may be replaced by a simple mama, I’m scared. Thoughtful analyses of character arcs and subplots may sound more like yay, ponies!

If you have an internal monologue, it may disappear, replaced with more primal emotions like “angry” or “scared” or “happy” or “calm.” There have been many times that my husband has asked little me what’s wrong, but instead of words, only sobs make it out of my mouth. Then, when he holds me, a warmth I can’t name fills my chest and makes me sleepy.

What is your inner child like? Are they more or less …

Sensitive?

Chatty?

Energetic?

Creative?

Impulsive?

Experimental?

Outspoken?

Stubborn?

Relaxed?

Giggly?

Curious?

Focused?

Defiant?

Angry?

Expressive?

Your inner child, like all children, is subject to fits and flights of fancy. This is normal! Love them as you would love a normal child.

Step Four: Caring For The Bunchkin

Since our goal is not to regress, we have the freedom to take a third-person point of view while we are in our safe space, check in on ourselves, and see how we are doing.

If your goal is to heal, take things slow. Choose one activity at a time that allows you to explore your deeper thoughts, and allow ample room for fun and relaxation.

Instead of focusing on your trauma and hurt, start by asking yourself - “what are my deepest desires? What am I lacking? What is important to me? What can I give myself that I did not receive?”

Kids’ “About Me” worksheets are a great place to start, since there are no wrong answers. As you get more comfortable being small, try making or completing worksheets that ask the weightier questions.

Caring for with your inner child can be as simple as imagining them like another person. For example:

If you are shameful of your desire to connect with an old fandom, ask yourself why that might be. Did someone tell you that it was shameful? Did you have a bad experience in that fandom? Were you at a turbulent point of your life? What might you say to a child experiencing these emotions now?

If you are reluctant to make noise or take up space, ask yourself why. Did someone tell you that you were ‘too much?’ Were you afraid to be judged? Did someone punish you for getting in their way? What would you say to a child afraid to take up space in your presence?

If you are distressed at the idea of stimming openly while small, ask yourself why. Did someone - or life experience - teach you to mask? Are you afraid of being judged as a “faker?” Are you afraid of looking or feeling incapable in some way? What would you say to a child who is afraid to stim?

If you are upset with yourself for reacting to a trigger, ask yourself why. Do you feel like you should be more healed, or more in control of yourself? Are you afraid of slipping back towards a state you used to be in? Are you afraid of re-experiencing trauma?

What would you say and do for a child who struggles with a trigger?

Showing your little self compassion and modeling joy from an adult headspace is vital. Don’t say anything to your inner child that you wouldn’t say to an actual child.

You may not be quite ready to believe the healing truths you have learned when you are big, but putting them into practice when you are small is a great way to soothe yourself from the inside out.

(I filled up my star chart by making my bed each day! Good job, me! I worked so hard, and now I get a treat!)

(I did a drawing all by myself! I can put it on my fridge now. Wow, I’m so glad I made something today.)

(I went outside, and there are so many cool things to see! What an awesome world I live in.)

Healing can be tough, but it’s so fantastic. It all starts with being kind to yourself. You can do it!

Step 5 - Putting Out Fires

Oh dear, something went wrong, and now a tantrum is afoot. Or a meltdown. Or a flashback. What do we do?

Hold up your fingers like birthday candles and blow them out to encourage deep breathing.

Play a song that makes you feel good, and dance if you can. Physical movement is your best antidote.

Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.

Repeat your affirmations aloud. There is power in hearing something that isn’t your own mental hurricane. “I am loved, I am safe, I am going to be okay.”

Assign the trigger to a stuffie (don’t worry, they are willing participants!). Say, “hey, wait a minute, why should you be in charge? These are MY thoughts! Take that! And that! And that!” Toss your stuffie around and get those crazy thoughts away from both of you!

Assign the trigger to a stuffie, and pretend they are you. What would you say to calm them down and tell them you are here for them?

Get a change of scenery. Go outside, go somewhere else, take a shower or bubble bath.

Scribble your feelings on paper. No, really, go ham. Break some crayons. Then crumple them, tear them, and throw them away.

Most importantly - don’t be mad at yourself.

The debrief - what can we do for next time?

Handle triggers with care, but don’t be afraid of the feelings that accompany them. There is an unmet need somewhere in your soul - what is it, and how can you meet it?

Journaling and affirmations - record what happened and why you think it happened, and then write kind things to and about yourself.

“Do it scared” - push past the lies you have been told about yourself and enjoy things anyway.

I am a Christian, and I live by the phrase: “if it isn’t your reality, make it your prayer.” Even if you don’t believe now that you are safe, loved, and capable, saying these things to yourself constantly will help them be realized.

Obviously, avoiding negative language about yourself in your adult life is the other half of the pizza. Your inner child is doing work for adult you, too! Don’t undermine it!

The Wrap Up

Well, Kiddo, I’m so glad you’re taking this step in your healing journey. A few things to remember before you go:

You may grow out of regression! That’s good! It’s a sign that your inner child is happy and content.

You may never grow out of regression. That’s okay! Your inner child can get love all your life!

Your regression is your business. You don’t have to tell anyone about it if you don’t want to. Choose who you tell very carefully.

Ignore the haters. You’re doing great.

Bye, Kiddo! You are so loved!! 🥰

[ganondoodle]

botw2 (totk rewritten) ganondorf design (+some story) post

Mummy version what link and zelda discover beneath hyrule castle when investigating the failing shiekah tech and discover a cave system that leads to several abandoned shiekah research/security sites and ultimately lead to a cave in which ganondorf is still sealed away by the ancient queen of hyrule; after the initial sealing (or capture rather) her descendant and the shiekah, who were rapidly advancing their tech at the time, build around it, both to keep the seal secret and safe (as the actual sealing was a short but intense battle between him and the queen that wasnt intended to happen like that, in the middle of the throne room that got broken and both ended up in the underground, the only survivor being the young princess of hyrule from that time- since all involved parties except for her died little was known as to how and why but the stories were spun regardless and ultimately the final narrative was in hyrules favor) and to use ganondorfs immense spiritual power and magical skill- eventually becoming one of the main power sources for all shiekah technology (ouch)

the chamber is all shiekah built (post sealing) and similarly secured like the monks in shrines (though visibly decaying and failing)- once disturbed the remainder of the ancient queen fused into zeldas hand (with seemingly no effect but temporary pain, perhaps she will hear voices from the past telling her not to explore any further .. still working on that) ganondorfs body falls to the ground but then springs back to life, somewhat clumsily but fiercly attacking zelda and link, the shock from being in this horrendous condition between life and death for thousands and thousands of years and suddendly being thrust back into his decayed and used up body still fresh

the mastersword is broken and links arm destroyed, both link and zelda start to flee from the crumbling cave, zelda dragging link behind her in panic (and as he is hurt)- after which link gets his shiekah tech arm (and the arm stays gone) and the world changes

mid game fight- this game is not as free in progression as botw, you can do alot when you want but some things will remain locked, the mid game fight can only happen once the 4 main regions problems have been dealt with (very different to canon totk, but that is for a different post) and the castle, which fell into the underground shortly after the intro, is made accessible (specific way how still in work) the interior is both broken castle, rooms previously blocked, and shiekah tech- since beneath the castle was a whole, giant array of tech made to secure the castle, including reserves of ancient energy specifically for the royal family and the entire mechanism behind the rising pillars filled with guardians-

at the start of the dungeon link is grabbed by malice/miasma hands and dragged into the castle, seperated from zelda and the mechanics she introduced (crafting/reparing weapons and more), theres no way out, teleports are blocked; after getting further in alone, zelda finds you again, and nothing seems out of the ordinary (unless you have a keen eye, she only uses her left arm and would walk past things she usually wouldnt) after a certain amount of progression, without warning, as soon as zelda is out of the cameras view she will attack you relentlessly, not speaking a word and with changed eye color- after fighting with her/beign chased into the main throne room, the real zelda breaks through a wall, her friends in tow (yunobo, teba+tulin, riju, sidon, which she went to to ask for help, explaining the time gap), and ganondorf drops the disguise, a fight with him (mummy version) ensues, though he is very much back to his senses

at the end of the fight he shows (or forces her to see) zelda his last memory from when he lived, the confrontation with the ancient queen to his sealing (since she doesnt know/is in denial of her families role in both all this and the sonaus (zonais) extinction (as well as the betrayal and persecution of the shiekah later on), and his beef is with her specifically, link is just her guard dog after all) (i wasnt sure to include a direct scene from the past, but this one scene is very self contained and gives alot of context while still letting most of the past be a mystery- as i want to keep it as feeling ... removed and unknown as much as possible from the world you know)

(after which he leaves the scene as zelda tries to understand what she just saw)

post revival Ganondorf (beginning of end fight cutscene and phase 1.) only appears at the end (excluding the possible cutscene in the mid game fight, which shows him in his time, alive, which is a different design than this that i will make for a cutscene/story post)

the end of the game is in/on the forgotten plateau (it ends were botw began :) ) perhaps it rose higher and revealed an entrance after more game progression (at least one more dungeon, master kogas, and the restorations of the master sword via deku tree dungeon and sword quest involving the dragons; how much of the past you cared to explore within caves, which ARE the underground- its in several bigger and smaller, harder to access caves, each being somewhat to very unique and reveal more context, is largely irrelevant, it mostly serves to give YOU more context and make you think)

the dungeon is within the plateau, once to the end there is a longer cutscene of zelda trying to talk with ganondorf, now in his, largely, restored form (largely as in, not exactly as he was in past, clothing difference etc), her having come to understand what her legacy is and wanting to take responsibility for it; he listens calmly and talks to her for a bit (but the tension is very high, he knows what threat he poses and his goals, zelda is visibly trying to keep it together) and for a bit it might look like she can avoid this conflict

but he makes it very clear then, that she cannot undo anything, there is no possible price she could pay, he has suffered at hyrules hands for generations, having seen the world that was his home grow into myth, see his own people forget him, and how the history was remembered, not as it was, but as they wanted it to; he is forever changed, ripped from his time and all he ever held dear (there are clues and a mention of him having had two daughters, a little boar figurine, carved from wood of trees now extinct, hangs from his belt even now)- he wasnt a perfect king, but well liked and kept his country to stay strong against hyrules schemes .. until he fell- he is not truly alive, he is in a strangers world and this world hates him, it is anger and hatred, rage against all that happend, guilt for having failed his own, feeling betrayed by them yet, even if not truly their fault as no one knew what really happened except him, but he was imprisoned, with no breath to speak nor air to scream

he does not care for this world and his only goals now are to disrupt as much as possible, be the unstoppable force that hyrules always been, be the monster they wanted him to be, do as he wants until someone stops him ...and kill zelda to end her rotten family- but even if she gave up her life willingly he wouldnt take it, she will have to fight and make her own hands dirty and she does not want to die.

your friends arrive, and the battle begins.

(rough examples of his weapons are further below; he fights with one arm only in phase 1. then reforms his missing arm with malice, borrowed from the boar appearance, though it is not usable enough to truly replace it, it acts more like beasts claw and to copy some of links abilities, like the hookshot)

Beast Ganon(dorf), normal appearance (phase 3)

at the end of phase 2 he knocks out your friends, changes into beast form and attacks you, zelda using her magic to shield both her and link so he cannot bite through, instead smashes them both through stone and dirt all the way to the surface of the plateau on which the fight continues, this time only link and zelda

(his movement isnt a senseless rage, but a graceful being, he moves and jumps, floats and swims through the air as the ground in an almost dragon like way, he still wields magic, not all malice, but lightning and perhaps even more too, it is still him, just a different form)

Beast Ganon(dorf) while charging magic (phase 3)

Ganondorf phase 2 + Ganondorf phase 4 (slightly out of order but the boar wouldnt fit on one picture with other forms)

at the end of phase 3 (beast) it seems like you have beaten him, he is down and zelda takes charge, ready to do as she did to the dark beast she faced before (dark beast ganon in botw) but as she raises her hand a sword slash cuts off half her right hand- he is not done yet and refuses to be dealt with like that again, not by her hand again-

the final phase is a mix of all, including his appearance, this is the final struggle, to give every last drop of strength, the hole in his chest is open, malice eyes staring from within, it keeps him alive yet still-

zelda is disabled for this fight, she has been taken to safety by your friends, this fight is all on link to finish; while this is his most desperate and vengeful form, he is not senseless either, he summons his sword to attack you with as he did in phase 2, then throws it at you, quickly conducting lighting to it and while you are busy dodging lunges like in beast form (to paint the picture a little), this fight is supposed to be truly challenging.

(heres a rough example for his weapons)

(not fully sure of the ending scene, but there is supposed to be a short view into a timeskip in which zelda also has half a prosthetic hand made from shiekah tech)

[fridgefanatic]

Okay, but what if in KH4, we get a Wreck-it Ralph world and it’s not Game Central Station.

Litwak’s Arcade. Sora goes to Litwak’s Arcade and his friends are inside the games looking for him, trying to reach him.

You play as Sora, who himself is playing as the Guardians of Light in various pixel art styles, in parodies of games. They’re trying to communicate to him, they can see him, but at the same time he doesn’t recognize them.

They’re trying to send little signals the best way they can. But if they don’t follow the arcade machine input, the Wreck-it Ralph characters will see our Guardians of Light as doing the equivalent of going turbo.

There could be parts that follow either group’s perspective, too. Maybe they try playing by the game’s rules at first. Then when it doesn’t work, we could follow the characters going turbo, exploring inside the machines themselves.

Here are some ideas for what games I would put the characters in below the cut:

Nooot sure Riku would be there if he’s also in Quadratum, but my gut tells me some variation of platformer like Donkey Kong or Mario for him— It’s also the genre for Wreck it Ralph itself, which, worldception makes sense if Riku is here. (This would also reference his running-up-building gymnastics in Another Side, the damsel in distress nature of Sora rn, and the urban setting of Donkey Kong).

I wouldn’t be opposed to Riku in a first-person shooter or stealth game either, depending on how his relation to Yozora turns out, he could parry Xemnas’ lasers like crazy in KH2

We already know MelMem is a rhythm game, so Kairi would probably be in a game like DDR or Guitar Hero if she were there. But I’d also dig seeing her in a collect-a-thon where we can finally level her up as a Princess of Heart

Donald and Goofy in either Duck Hunt or a gummi ship version of Galaga (low hanging fruit)

I can see the sea salt family playing as the Ghosts in Pac-Man!

I’m also imagining Roxas in Pong (“It’s just like struggle bat!”)

And I want Axel in Street Fighter because he’s always talking smack. Rematch between Lea and Ventus imminent

Xion could haunt the Photo Booth, alternatively— Sora snaps a picture of himself and we get a reversal of their relationship in Days.

I am also going to suggest Rampage using keyblade armored forms, either hers (since she’s huge wtf) or the Wayfinder trio’s

I could see Naminé being in Q-Bert, except completing the field with your colors could be somehow connected to memory reparation and data mechanics. I can also see her in a Kirby world, since the Kirby worlds tend to be arts and crafts themed, and she’s also technically a replica now

Ventus, Aqua, and Terra in Sugar Rush, except their cars are based on their gliders— it just makes more sense for them than anyone else, I think

Going to Hero’s Duty would probably trigger Aqua’s Land of Darkness PTSD, but this time she’s not alone and Terra (and/or King Mickey or Ventus) comes with her. This would be a really good game for both of them, actually, because Cybugs could be an analogy for darkness stealing your form

Joust, but it’s Cloud Strife riding a chocobo

Last suggestion? Dream Eater claw machine. I want to see Sora with Meow Wow plushies

[xxdreamscapes]

diary 060525 | 10:00 pm

on ambiguous loss + the stories we tell ourselves;

I’m aware of my tendency to believe in the worst in people. It’s something I’ve made strides in changing about myself. I know that I used to assume I knew everything, that I knew every card on the table. It’s a defense mechanism. If I knew every way someone could screw me, hate me, or hurt me, it left no room for surprises. I still kinda don’t like surprises, but I’m getting more comfortable with them. I know it’s a control thing. 

I used to assume that people didn't miss me. That they maybe thought I was the most horrid person. That a lot of people'd rather slam their tongue into a car door than ever speak to me again. Because some part of me felt that way about myself. Or was made to feel that way by adults or bullies, or adult bullies. Friends turned enemies.

And for some that might be true, but I’ve experienced enough to know that in my own past, there were some people I missed and would eventually reconnect with. So if that was true for me, it must be true for other people. Learn to allow people their agency, and realize there's much in life that's out of our control. It frees up a lot more time for people and things we love. 

That’s the thing about the past, we tend to romanticize the good and forget the bad. I’ve had this drilled into my head since I was nineteen. When I understood that most people aren’t that special, that the core memories you shared differ between people. A lot of people don’t know what they have when they have it. And I’m learning to be okay with that. People miss you more than you think and people like you more than you think. Think higher and lovelier of yourself.

Based on how I’ve been treated, I sometimes forget about the good myself or the kindness others have done. I forget about the good currently being brought into my life. Even if it looks different than what I expected or imagined for myself. I really try my best not to operate in extremes, or in absolutes. Sometimes it’s hard not to

I have to believe that somewhere out there, someone's there is truly sorry for the harm they’ve caused me — because I know that I've also had moments where I wasn’t my best self. I think that most things are reparable, but only if egos are checked at the door. In my experience, with the double standards I’ve faced, people would rather hold onto their anger and self righteousness. One day I will meet someone who checks all that baggage. Come to think of it, I do have at least some kind-hearted friends who do. So that’s my gratitude for the day. 

I try my best not to assume I know what people are thinking, feeling, or saying about me. Who they're hanging out with now and what lies they're telling about me — if any at all. The truth is I don’t know,

I can only hope in another life things worked out in healthier ways. 

⋆⁺₊⋆ + ⋆⁺₊ ⋆ ☁︎

p.s. Try not to make decisions out of fear or loneliness, it doesn’t end well

[readingwar]

Denial and Distortion: How Governments and Institutions Rewrite History

Introduction: The Politics of Historical Denial

History is not just a record of past events. It is a tool used by those in power to shape the present and future. Governments and institutions have long engaged in rewriting history, especially when it comes to genocide and war crimes. Denial and distortion are common strategies used to avoid accountability, protect national reputations, and maintain political control. These actions do not only erase past atrocities but also harm survivors and future generations.

Denial takes many forms. Some governments outright refuse to acknowledge genocides, while others manipulate facts to downplay their severity. Distortion occurs when states alter narratives to shift blame, justify actions, or create false equivalences. Both strategies serve a political purpose. A government that admits to genocide risks legal and financial consequences, such as reparations and sanctions. Furthermore, acknowledging past crimes can weaken national unity, especially if the perpetrators were once seen as heroes. This is why many states actively suppress discussions on historical atrocities.

The consequences of denial and distortion are severe. For survivors and their descendants, the refusal to acknowledge past suffering deepens trauma and prevents justice. Meanwhile, societies that rewrite history risk repeating the same mistakes. Denial fuels cycles of violence by allowing perpetrators to escape accountability. Additionally, it sets a dangerous precedent where political convenience overrides truth.

Mechanisms of Denial and Distortion

Governments and institutions use several strategies to deny or distort historical genocides. These methods aim to suppress truth, avoid responsibility, and control public perception. Denial is not always explicit. Sometimes, it takes subtle forms that gradually reshape how history is remembered.

One of the most common tactics is legal and political suppression. Some governments pass laws that criminalize discussions about genocide. For example, Turkey’s Article 301 makes it illegal to insult “Turkishness,” which has been used to silence those who acknowledge the Armenian Genocide. Additionally, some states pressure international organizations to avoid genocide recognition. They use diplomatic and economic influence to prevent discussions that could harm their national image.

Another method is educational manipulation. School textbooks often omit or misrepresent genocidal events. Some governments rewrite history curricula to justify past actions or portray perpetrators as national heroes. This creates a distorted national memory and ensures that future generations do not learn the full truth.

Media and propaganda also play a crucial role. State-controlled media spreads misinformation, downplays atrocities, or shifts blame onto victims. Meanwhile, nationalist rhetoric frames genocidal actions as necessary wartime measures rather than deliberate crimes.

Finally, diplomatic pressure and soft power help states control historical narratives. Some governments use economic incentives to discourage other countries from recognizing past crimes. Additionally, they sponsor academic research that downplays genocide or creates alternative interpretations. These mechanisms together allow states to reshape history for political gain while silencing those who seek justice.

Case Study: The Armenian Genocide and Its Ongoing Denial

The Armenian Genocide was one of the first modern genocides, yet its denial remains one of the most persistent. Between 1915 and 1917, the Ottoman Empire systematically killed an estimated 1.5 million Armenians. Men were executed, while women, children, and the elderly were sent on death marches through the Syrian desert. Many died from starvation, exhaustion, and brutal treatment. Historians widely recognize these events as genocide, yet the Turkish government has continuously refused to acknowledge it as such.

Turkey’s denial follows a clear pattern. First, it disputes the death toll, claiming far fewer Armenians died and attributing the deaths to war-related chaos rather than systematic extermination. Additionally, it argues that Armenians were a rebellious group and that the killings were a response to their alleged uprising. This shifts blame away from the state and presents the genocide as a necessary wartime measure.

Legal and political suppression further reinforces denial. Turkey’s Penal Code (Article 301) criminalizes discussing the Armenian Genocide as an “insult to Turkishness.” Writers, journalists, and academics who address the topic face harassment, arrest, or exile. Meanwhile, the Turkish government actively pressures other countries to avoid official recognition. The United States, for example, only formally recognized the genocide in 2021, despite decades of advocacy. This delay was largely due to Turkey’s strategic importance as a NATO ally.

The impact of this denial extends beyond politics. For Armenians, the refusal to acknowledge their historical suffering deepens intergenerational trauma. It prevents reconciliation and perpetuates tensions between Armenia and Turkey. Furthermore, denial sets a dangerous precedent. If states can successfully erase past crimes, it enables future atrocities to be committed without fear of accountability.

Why Denial is a Tool of Continued Oppression

Genocide denial is not just about rewriting history. It is an active tool of oppression that allows perpetrators and their successors to escape accountability. By refusing to acknowledge past crimes, states avoid legal responsibility, financial reparations, and political consequences. Meanwhile, survivors and their descendants continue to suffer without justice.

Denial deepens the trauma of affected communities. For many, historical acknowledgment is the first step toward healing. When states erase or distort the past, they invalidate the suffering of victims. This creates long-lasting psychological harm and fuels intergenerational trauma. Additionally, without recognition, reconciliation becomes nearly impossible. The refusal to admit wrongdoing keeps divisions alive, preventing diplomatic and social progress.

Furthermore, denial encourages future violence. When past atrocities go unpunished, it sends a message that genocide can be committed without consequences. This lack of accountability has been seen in history. The failure to prosecute the perpetrators of the Armenian Genocide emboldened later crimes, including the Holocaust. Adolf Hitler even referenced the Armenian Genocide in 1939, asking, “Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?” His statement reflected how historical erasure enables new atrocities.

Governments are not the only ones responsible for denial. Powerful nations often choose silence for political or economic reasons. Many Western states hesitated to recognize the Armenian Genocide due to strategic alliances with Turkey. Meanwhile, global institutions such as the United Nations have been slow to act against genocide denial, often prioritizing diplomatic ties over historical truth. This complicity allows oppressive regimes to continue controlling narratives while justice remains out of reach.

Countering Denial: The Role of Scholars, Activists, and Media

Challenging genocide denial requires persistent efforts from scholars, activists, and the media. Each of these groups plays a crucial role in preserving historical truth and ensuring accountability. Scholars provide academic evidence that counters distortion. Through research, archival work, and forensic analysis, they document atrocities with undeniable proof. Additionally, international organizations and universities work to protect historical records from political interference.

Activists bring global attention to denial. Human rights groups and genocide awareness organizations pressure governments to acknowledge past crimes. They also support survivors in their fight for recognition and justice. Social movements, protests, and legal campaigns help challenge the suppression of historical facts. Furthermore, digital activism allows individuals to share survivor testimonies and historical documents, making it harder for states to erase the past.

Meanwhile, independent media plays a key role in exposing denial. Investigative journalism uncovers suppressed evidence and challenges state propaganda. Documentaries, podcasts, and news reports provide accessible ways for the public to engage with historical truths. Additionally, social media platforms help counter disinformation by amplifying factual accounts. However, media organizations often face political pressure, making their role both difficult and dangerous. Despite these challenges, persistent efforts from scholars, activists, and journalists ensure that truth is not forgotten.

Conclusion: The Need for Historical Accountability

Denying genocide is not just an issue of historical debate. It is an act of continued violence against survivors and future generations. When governments distort the past, they protect perpetrators and prevent justice. Additionally, this erasure deepens wounds, fuels intergenerational trauma, and allows future atrocities to go unchallenged.

Recognizing past crimes is essential for reconciliation and justice. Historical accountability forces states to acknowledge wrongdoing, offer reparations, and ensure such crimes do not happen again. Furthermore, holding perpetrators accountable strengthens international laws against genocide and crimes against humanity.

Scholars, activists, and the media must continue fighting against denial. Education, documentation, and advocacy can counter political suppression and misinformation. Meanwhile, global institutions must prioritize truth over diplomacy. The fight for historical recognition is not just about the past—it is about shaping a world where truth is valued, justice is pursued, and history is not rewritten for political convenience.

References

Smith, R. W., Markusen, E., & Lifton, R. J. (1995). Professional ethics and the denial of Armenian genocide. Holocaust and Genocide Studies, 9(1), 1-22. https://anca.org/assets/pdf/armenian_genocide_reference/professionalethics_lifton.pdf 

United Nations. (2022). Protecting survivors, preserving memory, and promoting prevention.https://www.un.org/en/genocideprevention/documents/22-00041_OSAPG_PolicyPaper_Final.pdf 

Karlsson, M. (2011). Tall tales of genocide: An argumentative and comparative analysis of genocide denial. Centre for European Studies at Lund University. https://www.cfe.lu.se/en/sites/cfe.lu.se.en/files/2020-12/cfewp45.pdf Operation Broken Silence. (2021). The dangers of genocide denial. https://operationbrokensilence.org/blog/the-dangers-of-genocide-denial 

Global Centre for the Responsibility to Protect. (2020). The role of education in combatting genocide denial. https://www.globalr2p.org/resources/the-role-of-education-in-combatting-genocide-denial/ 

[dammit-tazmuir]

I really don't think ambivalent is the right word. He doesn't watch the nun die and go, welp, that happened. He dissociates. His memories through that section get fuzzy and scattered. He's moving mechanically, numb in the way of someone who doesn't know how to process everything they're experiencing, watching everyone else die with that same blank resignation, silently gathering up their souls alongside hers, hers that he'd been so desperate to hold onto, and marveling at how it feels like no one even notices him here? (Did they really not? Because they very much did still drag him out to shoot him. Were they shooting and missing, or hitting such non-vital areas he healed like Nona, and in his stupor he didn't even notice?)

But either way, Y E A H, there's the rest, too. They moved in with him immediately when everything went down, separately from G— giving the other three space. Ten thousand years later, they're still bickering about who loves him more and which of them he loves more. Every other death made him shut down with numb grief, but watching theirs is The Part Where I Hurt You.

And yeah, honestly. I think you're right. Her words as she kills him didn't have to be that. She could have given Augustine's flat "no, John" in the second she was already sliding her hands in. She could have said nothing. She was already in his arms. And when she takes him apart, there's millions of reasons to be devastated, millions of their people after all, but there could have been even a tinge of bitter satisfaction alongside it, and there's not. Critical Mercymorn who has trouble not wearing her heart on her sleeve shows no anger through this. She did what she had to do, what she didn't want to make Augustine do. The sin needed to be hers.

This is the woman whose immediate next plan was to go drop herself in the nearest sun, and was upset by Augustine telling her that was no longer on the table. She saw death as a release from their suffering, and John is just as miserable as any of them. (See: The time Harrow catches him ruminating on the BoE attack and he gets embarrassed, and "It was always I when God ideated failure, as if the rest of you weren't accountable for anything" / "God is a dream, Harrow" / him spiraling into a mid-life crisis after losing everything at the end of HtN / etc.)

She asked him to look right into her eyes— into Cristabel's eyes in her face— and tell her he loved Cristabel. And I do think it hurt more that he does, and I don't think "forgive him" means letting go of her pain or anger and moving on, but this is the Eighth House Saint. I can absolutely see "I forgive you everything, Lord" to mean that she's trying to put her love above her pain, that she wants him to know in this final moment that in spite of what she's doing I Still Love You, that she's trying to make reparations and absolve him in a way. He can't very well keep carrying his guilt if he's dead.

Because that's the thing with John. The Lyctors still love him. Cyth isn't even first-gen and is offended by the suggestion she hates him; she's loved that man for 10,000 years, they all did. Alecto still loves him. Harrow, in spite of everything, still loves him, and has zero fear of him. Gideon, despite everything he did to Harrow before she ever met him, despite her being the saddest girl in the whole world, wants to love him. Pyrrha's been saving a Herald bullet for him but I'd be willing to be she has at least some mixed feelings too. It's to a point that hearing the name Alecto isn't what takes Nona apart. Kiriona says her name over 500 words before and she doesn't immediately react. What takes her apart is specifically "John loves Alecto." They are one soul and that soul is filled with limitless love.

And what could ever hurt more than being betrayed by someone you still love, who you know still loves you and everyone else he hurt, and knowing that neither your love nor his will ever be enough to make things okay?

no denying how repeatedly linked harrow and mercymorn are (tricky & wretched of john to entrust harrow to the person who also had a nun in their equation, and tag ianthe onto someone connected to franticide) but ortus’s declaration towards the end of the book applies more to mercymorn than to harrow — who do we blame when the one we lost is both the victim and the killer? where does that hate go, can we really stomach it? these words a bullet that grazed but ultimately missed harrow, because she could never allow herself to hate gideon again. so she hates the person hating whom is second nature, self blame as familiar as breathing. but mercymorn had resisted leading that emotion to its source, and she lived beside this grief's river mouth for 10k years, and she held that emotion close, but slightly to the side.

mercymorn, shrill, critical, unlikeable pink haired mercymorn rattles my brain because female rage can sometimes work like a bargain. scraps and empties, bruses and falsehoods, anything to placate, to pacify, to pin that rage in place for a little while longer. was there really no other way? was our mission truly worth it? did you love cristabel?

and there was another way, and the mission was not worth it. and god never liked cristabel. the second time she died, mercymorn was there to pick up the pieces, but the first time god left her body and soul alone, bloody and shattered on the cold floor. did that mercymorn, - not mercymorn the first, but the first mercymorn - find cristabel? did she go into that room where he'd left her because she checked for her everywhere? did she go on to die herself for john with ignorance or radical acceptance?

the unloveable mercymorn dooming all the nine planets because she was an atheist in love with a nun; someone who loved god well enough to die for him twice, and did not love mercymorn well enough to live for her once.

and god did not even like her.

[christopher-doyle-institute]

Healing Generational Wounds: Inner Child Work in Family Therapy

Family therapy has long been recognized as a powerful tool for addressing intergenerational patterns and healing deep-seated wounds within familial relationships. One approach gaining traction in the field is inner child work, which focuses on exploring and addressing unresolved childhood issues that continue to impact individuals well into adulthood. This article delves into the significance of inner child work in family therapy and how it is a transformative tool for healing generational wounds.

Understanding Generational Wounds

Generational wounds are emotional or psychological traumas passed down from generation to generation, often unconsciously. These wounds can manifest in various ways, such as dysfunctional communication patterns, unresolved conflicts, and maladaptive coping mechanisms.

At the core of many generational wounds lies unhealed childhood trauma. These experiences, whether they be neglect, abuse, or abandonment, can leave deep scars on individuals that reverberate through subsequent generations if left unaddressed. Inner child work seeks to uncover and heal these wounds, allowing individuals and families to break free from destructive cycles and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Exploring the Inner Child

The inner child refers to the part of ourselves that retains our childhood memories, emotions, and experiences. Past traumas often wound this inner child and carry unresolved pain and fear into adulthood.

In family therapy, inner child work involves tapping into these buried emotions and exploring the impact of childhood experiences on present-day thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By reconnecting with the inner child and offering it compassion and understanding, individuals can heal old wounds and reclaim their sense of self.

Healing Through Reparenting

One of the central components of inner child work is the process of reparenting. Reparenting involves:

Providing the inner child with the love.

Nurturing.

Support that may have been lacking during childhood.

In family therapy, therapists guide individuals through exercises and techniques designed to nurture the inner child and provide it with the care and validation it needs to heal. This process can be profoundly healing, allowing individuals to rewrite their past narratives and create a new, more empowering story for themselves and future generations.

Breaking Generational Cycles

One of the most potent aspects of inner child work is its ability to break generational cycles of trauma and dysfunction. By healing their inner child, individuals can prevent the transmission of unresolved issues to their children and grandchildren.

In family therapy, this process often involves exploring family dynamics and identifying recurring behavior patterns passed down through generations. By bringing awareness to these patterns and addressing the underlying wounds, families can create a new legacy of healing and resilience for future generations.

Rebuilding Family Bonds

Inner child work not only facilitates individual healing but also strengthens familial bonds. As individuals heal their inner child and resolve past traumas, they become better equipped to show up authentically in their relationships with family members.

Through open communication, empathy, and vulnerability, family members can begin to repair fractured relationships and rebuild trust and connection. This renewed sense of closeness and understanding lays the foundation for healthier, more harmonious family dynamics.

Embracing Emotional Expression

Central to the process of inner child work is the validation and expression of emotions. In many families, emotions may have been suppressed or dismissed, leading to a disconnect from one's true feelings.

In family therapy, individuals are encouraged to express their emotions openly and without judgment. By creating a safe space for emotional expression, therapists help individuals and families reconnect with their authentic selves and cultivate greater emotional intelligence and resilience.

Embracing Healing and Transformation

Inner child work offers a powerful pathway to healing generational wounds and creating lasting family change. By exploring and addressing unresolved childhood trauma, individuals can break free from destructive patterns and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships with themselves and their loved ones.

In family therapy, inner child work catalyzes transformation, allowing families to heal past hurts, build resilience, and forge deeper connections. Through compassion, understanding, and a commitment to growth, families can embark on a journey of healing that transcends generations, creating a legacy of love, strength, and healing for years to come.

[oceanspray5]

Been obsessed with Beth Crowley's Midnight for Kaider but another song I have on loop atm is Porter Robinson's Everything Goes On. I don't even play LoL and barely know what Star Guardian is but I'd be lying if the story between Xayah and Rakan didn't have me intrigued. So now ofc it has me thinking of a Kaider AU along those lines. Not exactly sure how it'd work but maybe:

Channary gets to live a few extra years. Manages to get a marriage alliance proposition agreed to with King Rikan and hence Kaider grow up visiting each other on Earth and Luna more or less ala @impossiblesuitcase's fic.

Except Channary does die eventually and Cinder isn't old enough for the throne yet so Levana steps in. For this to work maybe the throne passes on to the heir on their 18-21st birthday?

Everyone thinks Levana killed Channary (she didn't) but everyone knows she's going to kill Cinder. Her days are numbered and she knows it despite Kai's vehement denial. I imagine they'd be around 14-16 here?

Except Cinder does end up "dead" in a fire. In a more plot heavy version of the headcanon, perhaps Levana implies Earthens brought the matches and killed Cinder and vows to "avenge" her neice unless she gets reparations. But even if we avoid this whole plotline, Levana does try and pass it off as Cinder dying in a fire.

Earth and Luna mourn and Kai is inconsolable except he refuses to believe he's dead. He grabs on to the slightest sliver of a rumor and holds on to it like its his lifeline. He throws himself into investigating it, discreetly when eventually Torin and his dad and the royal therapist force him to put an end to it.

In this version Cinder doesn't end up in a healing stasis for quite as long. Perhaps a year or two at most. When she wakes up, shes a cyborg and has immense memory loss from the trauma. Garan adopts her, gets Letumosis and dies. Adri and Pearl are their witchy selves. Peony and Iko remain angels.

So you have the setup:

Prince Kai of the Eastern Commonwealth sneaking into New Beijing because Nainsi broke right before he had the conclusive proof he needed to show his dad and Torin that his Selene was alive. At this point everyone in the Commonwealth seems to think Kai is in a deep grief he'll never recover from and atp everyone's wondering if Prince Kai will ever find himself a bride now that he's 20 and still hung up on his childhood love. Its that pity and condescention that only infuriates Kai more so he keeps searching.

He ends up at the budding yet already renowned mechanic Linh Cinder's booth. Kai sees her and does a double take, afraid he's seen a ghost. He could cry because if he's not mistaken, the girl in front of him is his Selene. Except Selene doesn't recognize him. Doesn't know who he is besides the Crown Prince despite his extremely efficient disguise comprising of one inconspicuous hoodie.

She's so different now too. Her fine silks and once shiny hair is now replaced with cargo pants and a grease stained shirt, her hair dull in its luster and sheen now. She has a grease splotch on her forehead that Kai yearns to wipe from her brow but restrains himself. She's just as beautiful as the day he lost her, maybe even more so. But a doubt does creep in for a second...

Maybe he has it all wrong. Maybe she's just a doppleganger. How and why would Selene even be working as a mechanic in the Beijing market instead of coming to him for help or telling the world she's alive? How did she survive the fire even though in his heart he always knew she did. He needs some proof for this too. It's a testament to how not insane he is from his grief at losing the love of his life that he restrains himself from bursting from all these questions and overwhelming her with his grief and affection. Take that Dad! Take that Torin and Royal Therapist!

So Kai swallows down his words and the lump in his throat and the urge to burst into tears and tells Cinder what's wrong with Nainsi and asks her how long it'll take for the problem to be fixed. In that brief interval Kai manages to count at least 10 different ticks that endeared Selene to him. He's memorized every single one since they were kids. He knows this is his missing princess.

He doesn't know why Selene doesn't remember him and it is soul-crushing to know she's right in front of him but he can't do anything about it. He needs to get her to remember or at least gain her trust and friendship long enough that he can break the news of her origins to her gently. Her memory loss runs deep and he doesn't want to freak her out even if that would be the fastest way to laying it all out in the open. But Kai is tactful and shows restraint.

Instead, he ends up showing up to her booth regularly to jog her memory and tries to aski her out repeatedly to the Annual Peace Ball. He hopes if she shows up then it'll help her remember the countless times they spent together at them. Maybe he could sneak her away and show her her old room which Kai had insisted be kept exactly as it was left before she "died". He can't help some affection slipping past the cracks like the fond way he looks at her and the smile he's only ever saved for her.

In summary: if he thought this would freak Cinder out less... He failed.

But Cinder does keep getting random bursts of memories. Sometimes through nightmares. Sometimes through dreams of another life. Of a rather insane mother who doted on her and a charming boy who's love shone in his eyes and gentle touch. She doesn't understand why he looks like Kai and keeps dismissing it as fantasies she's always longed for combined with the exhaustion of Adri's chores. Kai would never like her if he knew she was a cyborg. She has no intention of getting her hopes up.

So Kai keeps wooing Cinder and Cinder keeps unintentionally suppressing her memories or dismissing them, certain Kai's rambling stories about his childhood with the deceased Lunar princess Selene are affecting her sleep.

Now eventually when Cinder gets her memories back it could go one of two ways:

She tells him because it's Kai and her heart bursts with love at how intensely he held on to the trust that she's alive and kept trying to revive her memories.

OR (and my personal favorite cuz angst)

She has the same feelings as in option 1 but is too scared that she'll put him in danger knowing what Levana did to her but also more than that, she's internalized Adri's words so much and the way society treats cyborgs that she's certain Kai would never love her now that she's no longer fully human and has even seemed to have lost her Lunar glamour that may have been able to hide the imperfection of her extremities otherwise that would have made her tolerable to Kai after her little accident in the fire.

So Kai continues to woo his lost princess turned mechanic, more in love with her than ever, new quirks and imperfections and all while Cinder has a daily meltdown about how badly she wants to kiss Kai but also about how badly that would end once he finds out what she's become.

In this AU, Rikan does not die cuz I need Kai stress free so he can continue his shenanigans. Peony also does not die because the only angst we need is Cinder being overly critical of herself and Kai's pained longing to have the love of his life back.

Idk how the rest of the Rampion crew would play into this cuz admittedly I just wanted an angsty Kaider situation where Kai has to save Cinder from herself like Xayah has to for Rakan in the Everything Goes On MV.

Any further suggestions for this AU welcome! Also if someone wants to write it then be my guest and do tag me cuz I am in too much of a writing slump these days to do so myself.

[mousieta]

In and Wang have been kneeling in supplication at the altar of their Idol, Siam, for so long. Wang pleading for understanding and In for forgiveness.

Wang needs the truth of his father’s past, to reconcile that with his own understanding of himself, to put aside the darkened memory of Siam that has been filtered through his mother’s pain and the mechanism of Siam’s death. He knows there was another side to his father because he remembers bits of it but he���s been alone in that knowledge for so long.

In needs absolution for the ways - the so human and flawed ways - that he failed Siam.

Both of them are stuck here, and come in worship and agony, needing so much from the specter of a dead man. All they can find on this alter, however, is each other. All they can give each other is the possibility of healing from their past. And while this is essential for their ability to move forward, it is not a future in and of itself.

This time they’re spending at In’s refuge is a time for a reparation of their cracked foundations, it is a time of healing. Only after they’ve been through this can they begin to build a future - maybe together or maybe not. But this healing isn’t the future for either of them just a step that can give them the possibility of moving forward better than they’d come.

And as important as this time is, I don’t believe it is enough to build a romantic future for them. This time is about the past. I think they will need to move beyond this, heal apart, if they ever have a chance of successfully coming back together.

[tokiro07]

The recent fandom negators stuff you did really made me question how negators would apply to Medaka Box characters with multiple forms like Naze or Hinokage, warped minsets like Emukae and Wanizuka, or absurd boss-like beings like Fukurou and Iihiko.

You caught me at a low moment, so I ended up just writing every Abnormal Negator I was going to get around to eventually all in one go

Student Council (past, substitute, and current)

Akune, Untrained - negates Akune's need to train or practice in order to acquire a learned skill, allowing him to learn martial arts, sports, etc.

Kikaijima, Unbreathe - negates Kikajima's need to breathe, allowing her to stay underwater indefinitely; she has also learned to weaponize this ability by sustaining or focusing loud vocal projections

Naze, Undefinition - negates a target's defined shape, allowing Naze to reconstruct or remodel a target as she pleases so long as she has the materials necessary; because of her interpretation, Naze has pushed the definition of this rule to the utmost, remodeling others into cyborgs, Undefinition into an internal-targeting ability from an external targeting ability and vice versa, and herself into a different person by changing her own memories and self-concept; during battle, she was inspired to target the temperatures that define an object's state of matter, allowing her to manipulate temperatures to create fire and ice

Hinokage, Unknown - negates others' ability to know of Hinokage; thanks to his interpretation, this is retroactive rather than preventative as it is in canon with Anno Un; when Hinokage is not currently focusing on Hinokage (usually by his will), they will be unable to know about his existence, going so far as to forget about him entirely; thanks to Shiranui's Unspecified, Unknown's parameters are changed from negating knowledge of Hinokage's existence to negating knowledge of his movements by making him move too quickly to keep track of

Hitomi, Unfade - negates Hitomin's ability to age or allow her skills to fade; she has used this ability to hone various homemaking skills such as cooking, cleaning, sewing, and gardening, which she has perfected to the point of weaponization

Emukae, Unfresh - negates the freshness of a target, effectively recreating the effects of UMA Spoil

Wanizuka, Unobstructed - negates obstructions to Wanizuka's vision, allowing her to see a target's location regardless of impediments, even the loss of one of her eyes

Torai, Unconstrained- negates the natural constraints of Torai's body, allowing her to bring out the full physical abilities of her body

Class Minus 13

Gagamaru, Unexpected - negates the expected outcome of a target's actions; because of his interpretation of his Rule, this manifests as a redirection of damage that is intended for him to be placed elsewhere; however, this has also Unexpectedly caused him to push away any positive feelings that people have expected him to feel as well

Shibuki, Unrepair - negates the reparation of damage; unlike Rip in canon, Shibuki's Unrepair is retroactive, reopening wounds that have already been repaired rather than preventing future repairs

Thirteen Party (minus Naze)

Oudo, Unignore - negates others' ability to ignore Oudo's commands; because he conceptualizes the mechanism as an electrical impulse, he is able to project these commands to machinery as well, though how well they respond to his commands is still limited by the physical capabilities of the target

Yukuhashi, Unhidden - negates others' ability to hide from Yukuhashi; in his case, they cannot hide their thoughts; because he conceptualizes thoughts as electrical impulses, just like Oudo, he is able to detect not only thoughts but involuntary electrical impulses and signals from machines, overwhelming Yukuhashi; as in canon, because he cannot ignore Oudo's electrical signals, being around Oudo silences all other signals

Takachiho, Untouchable - negates others' ability to touch Takachiho; because of his interpretation, rather than gaining a barrier as in canon, Takachiho's body reacts automatically to any incoming stimulus and maneuvers to avoid contact; this can be circumvented with great enough speed, but Takachiho's Untouchable allows him to potentially move faster than the eye can see, necessitating extreme speed or a restrainer-type ability

Munakata, Uncontrollable - negates Munakata's self-control, specifically his desire to kill others; to circumvent this lack of self-control, Munakata has deliberately neglected training his fighting abilities, making himself unimaginably terrible at actually killing; also, thanks to his interpretation, he can deliberately overwhelm himself with choice paralysis, allowing him to safely maneuver through crowds by making the decision of who to kill first impossible

Koga, Unharm - negates any damage that she's taken, but unlike other instances in Fandom Negators, only retroactively rather than preemptively; this is because she did not realize she had Unharm until she was remodeled by Naze's Undefinition; had Unharm been active as normal, it would have prevented the remodeling entirely, but instead it allowed her to recover swiftly rather than having any lasting side effects; seeing an opportunity, Naze repurposed Koga's Unharm to work as a repair system for her cybernetic enhancements while also increasing her sense of pain to allow her to understand when her enhancements are being overtaxed

Unzen, Undeveloped - negates Unzen's development, not in the sense that it undoes any development he has already undergone, but in the sense that it skips the development process entirely; in Unzen's case, it did not negate the development of his body, but his mind, granting him genius level intelligence

Yunomae, Unsolid - negates the solid state of her body, allowing her to become liquid at will

Chikuzen, Unkempt - negates her ability to keep her hair neat by making it prehensile and able to grow indefinitely

Tsurumisaki, Uncold - negates cold temperatures by increasing temperature, causing things he touches to burn or melt

Kamimine, Uncontaminated - negates her ability to be poisoned or otherwise harmed by what she eats; thanks to her interpretation, Kamimine is able to eat literally anything without worry of harm to her body

Hyakuchou, Unavoidable - negates his target's ability to avoid arrows that he fires by making the arrows home in on the target [note: Hyakuchou's Skill is never shown, but his project name was Love (First Love), implying that it was related to his abilities as an archer as a reference to Cupid]

Itoshima, Unendanger - negates any potential threat to Itoshima by alerting him ahead of time, similar to Peter Parker's Spider Sense [note: Itoshima's Skill is never shown, but his project name was Death Watch (Death Watch Beetle), suggesting that it alerted him to imminent threats of death]

Maguro, Unmiss - negates Maguro's ability to miss details, allowing him to notice and remember even the most minute of details, which he then is able to compile and apply to whatever situation he needs to solve

Candidate Student Council

Takarabe, Undamage - negates any lasting damage that would be incurred by her upon a target; however, this does not negate pain, facilitating prolonged torture sessions that present no possibility of her target dying in the process

Kikitsu, Unbored - negates feelings of boredom by allowing Kikitsu to have fun in any scenario; by gamifying her life, skill-acquisition has become very easy for Kikitsu, as people learn best through play

Kibougaoka, Unfeel - negates her ability to feel, allowing her to replace parts of her body with Artifacts as with Phil in canon

Tsugihagista SS Ruby Sapphire the Fifth, AKA The Magical Wonder Tsugiha from the Neighborhood, Unfalse - negates the falsehood of her words and beliefs, making them real, thus turning her into a magical girl; however, because a major aspect of the scenario that she's concocted only allows her to see magic, others perceive her magical abilities as mundane objects (i.e., electrical magic is perceived as a stun gun); in practical terms, her ability might as well only allow her to manifest objects; others can force themselves into her fantasy by acting convincingly like they were secretly magical beings all along, but this runs the risk of having aspects of their lives permanently altered by Unfalse, so the utmost caution is advised when taking this approach

Stylists

Nienami, Unreal - negates aspects of reality itself, such as the limitations of a sword's range and power output; for example the reality that "it's impossible to cut a battleship in half with just a sword" can be negated to allow such an event to occur; it is an ability that negates the very notion of what is and isn't possible; even the idea that a Rule can only be held by one Negator can be negated, allowing Nienami to loan Unreal to Hitoyoshi during the battle with Iihiko, as it was the only Rule available at the time capable of opposing Iihiko's Unnegatable

Kanaino, Unwritten - negates how a word is written by allowing her to manipulate aspects of the word to achieve various effects; because she is Japanese, she applies this kanji, a language system particularly susceptible to this sort of manipulation; by combining real-world elements that represent the radicals of a kanji, she is able to create and manipulate the kanji they represent, such as extinguishing a flame with water because the kanji for extinguish is written with the radicals for flame and water

Kugurugi, Uncertain - negates the certainty of Kugurugi's actions by producing seemingly random effects; this is achieved through homonyms, changing the meaning of her action to an alternate interpretation within her language; she is especially difficult to fight for non-Japanese speakers who have no hope of understanding the logic behind her abilities

Momozono, Unback - negates a target's ability to "go back" by trapping them, just like Bunny's ability in canon; instead of capturing them in Easter Eggs, Momozono captures her targets in cards for easy storage

Kotobuki, Unage - negates a target's age, reverting them to childhood or even infancy; because views an infant as "age 0", she cannot revert someone past infancy into a fetus, as that would be a negative age to her

Yuzuriha, Unidentified - negates Yuzuriha's identity, allowing her to transform into anyone she pleases; uses Artifact Attack of the Clones to create a near-indefinite number of clones, each of which is able to transform

Fukurou, Unforgiven - negates Fukurou's ability to forgive those who cross him; when he is harmed or even killed, Unforgiven will either allow Fukurou's existence to persist or to exact vengeance from beyond the grave if his survival is somehow circumvented; with a strong enough grudge targetting the world itself, Fukurou is even able to bring the moon out of orbit

Suisou Academy

Saki, Unwilling - negates a target's will by taking control of their mind

Jakago, Unatomospheric- negates the atmosphere by allowing Jakago to manipulate the surrounding oxygen

Renpei, Unintelligent - negates intelligence

Hannyaji, Unchaste - negates one's ability to control their lust

Sakanoue, Unlikely - negates the most likely outcome and leaves only the least likely to occur

Kejukuri, Unlimited - negates the limited quantity of a target; because of her interpretation, this specifically applies to water, allowing her to create an unlimited volume of water from even a single drop

Ezumachi, Uncolored - negates the current color of a target; changes in color create effects based on interpretation and association with the resulting color

Teppou, Undecrease - negates the decrease in her ammunition

Yakeishi, Unowned - negates others' ownership of objects; because of her interpretation of this ability, she is able to use someone else's weapons as effectively as if the original owner were using it

Hachiningatake, Untell - negates her own ability to communicate; to circumvent this, she does not speak with her own voice, but rather mimics the voices of others or the sounds of instruments [note: Hachiningatake isn't actually a Suisou student, but the remaining known students don't have Skills, and I wanted to include her]

Divine beings

Hanten, Unfocus- Hanten's ability to focus on him, diverting their attention to someone or something else, typically Ajimu; if Ajimu is this world's equivalent of Sun, Hanten is Luna; instead of creating Skills, Hanten creates Artifacts, effectively giving him the ability to give new powers to others

Iihiko, Unnegatable - negates anything that would negate Iihiko and/or his will; damage that he deals cannot be repaired, his thoughts cannot be read, his existence cannot be altered, etc; he can, however, be indirectly affected by abilities such as Unluck, so long as his own luck is not being negated; by reinterpreting his ability at the moment before his death, he gained the ability to negate the negation of his life by transferring his consciousness into Shiranui; ironically, because Unnegatable now inhabited Shiranui's body, she herself became Unnegatable, creating a power struggle between the two; using her own Unspecified in conjunction with Hitoyoshi's borrowed Unreal, she was able to reinterpret Unnegatable as being unable to target itself, allowing Unnegatable to be removed entirely and thus expunging Iihiko's consciousness

This took...several hours. I had other things I wanted to do tonight, but I also was feeling depressed, so I wasn't going to do them anyway, so thank you for snapping me out of my executive dysfunction enough to get something done

[sillyguyhotline]

How YTTD Challenges Conventional Norms of Emotional Strength

Hello! I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how emotional vulnerability is present throughout YTTD’s characters, particularly how Nankidai contrasts more feminine coping mechanisms with more traditionally masculine coping mechanisms. I’ve touched on this topic before (albeit less directly) when I’ve discussed why I think Nao and Kanna are criminally underrated by the fandom, but I’ve never really talked about it in detail. However, when I was talking about the misogyny in Danganronpa last night, there was always a thought in the back of my mind that YTTD was different, fundamentally better in its portrayal of female characters and femininity as a whole. And as I thought about it more, I realized that the reason I think this way is because of how well it portrays and handles emotional vulnerability of its characters.

I think, first, that it’s most important to establish how emotional vulnerability in the context of gender is most commonly portrayed. Men are typically not allowed to show emotion or to cry, and their strength is determined by their lack of emotion. Conversely, the perception that women are the weaker gender is often characterized by their increased freedom to show emotion, and any “strong female character” is simply an excessively masculine woman who’s cruel and emotionless. In fact, the version of Reko we see as a doll, the Reko before Alice’s death, is actually a perfect example of the common “strong female character.” She barely cares about her brother, she’s rude, she exhibits little to no compassion, and she lashes out at the people around her. But this is not the Reko we know and love, and in fact it is the Reko whose cruelty is exhibited by her willingness to kill a version of herself. She isn’t introduced as a good character, she’s introduced as the person Reko no longer is, the person Reko has grown past, and that is a good thing.

I also find it very interesting that the two men who are physically the strongest (Keiji and Q-taro) and who assert themselves as the most masculine leaders from the beginning actually turn out to be some of the most weak and cowardly characters in the game. Q-taro has a lot of confidence in himself and his abilities; in Russian Roulette he is proud and boastful, claiming that he is strong and experienced enough to shoot the gun. However, in the first Main Game he is scared enough of dying that he nominates the children to be killed off so he doesn’t die, he has an ending where his cowardice gets the best of him and he sacrifices everyone else in order to escape, and in one of the endings to the arbitration room attraction he is too scared to push the button. His character arc doesn’t come about because he becomes stronger or more resilient, it comes about because he realizes that his life is not the only valuable one and that compassion to the rest of the group is crucial. Keiji, too, suffers from incredible emotional weakness. Though he is incredibly muscular and centers himself as one of the group’s leaders immediately, one of his biggest flaws is his inability to deal with his own emotions. Though he’s aware of how atrocious his actions have been, he’s far more willing to hide from his problems, avoid confrontation, and take advantage of his selfishness than he is to actually make steps towards change. And this undoubtedly a flaw of his! 

Then, on the other hand, you take the third “buff” character, but the one who doesn’t immediately aim to set himself up as a strong leader. While Keiji’s first goal is to take charge of the group and Q-taro’s first goal is to establish himself as the strong one, Alice is immediately set up as a coward. Sure, when we first meet him in the locker he’s sort of intimidating, but as soon as we interview him we realize that he’s sort of an idiot and doesn’t pose much of a threat. The interesting thing, though, is that Alice is really the most emotionally mature out of all of the buff men in the game. Like Keiji, he has committed a terrible crime and has come to terms with the consequences for what he’s done, but unlike Keiji, he’s willing to take actions and make reparations. He lets himself be a more compassionate person, becoming a protector over Kanna of sorts, and he never prioritizes his own well-being over that of the people he cares for. He is a fully-fledged, unapologetically emotional character who doesn’t try to bury his problems in the hopes that they won’t come back to haunt him. Out of all of the “strong” male characters, his approach to his issues is a rather feminine one, but it ends up being the one that cements him as a better person than the others.

Now, I set this up while talking about Keiji’s lack of emotional vulnerability, but I believe that one of the biggest components playing into it is how trust is such a huge factor in the game. And this begins to involve Shin, too. It becomes clear throughout the course of the game that one of the only reasons Sara has made it this far is because she harbors the ability to put her trust in others and because they put their trust in her. We see, then, that Shin becomes an enemy to the group because he refuses to trust any of them and mocks all of them for being so willing to trust the others. Our biggest point of contention with Keiji, as well, is when he refuses to share his Me-Tokens with us out of fear that we could learn something about his backstory. Both men have terrible experiences with vulnerability, and they loathe the prospect of putting their trust into anyone else for fear of what could happen with it. However… the game sets this up as a very bad thing. Lack of vulnerability turns Shin into a villain, and the only way that he manages to redeem himself is by utilizing his compassion for Kanna and sacrificing himself. Keiji, similarly, loses his credibility as a person because he refuses to be vulnerable, and his distrust of himself and avoidance of his problems are what make Midori’s attacks hit so hard in 3-1A. Our villain characters exist because they cannot trust anyone, because they cannot be vulnerable, and in the same way we see Sara turning into a villain as she loses her trust in the rest of the group.

To tie this all together, I think that this is why Nao and Kanna are undoubtedly the strongest characters in the game- because they are female characters who are allowed to show emotion, because they are allowed to show their trauma, and they’re allowed to grow past that. When we’re introduced to Nao, she’s already someone who appears very weak in a feminine sense, panicking and freaking out in response to the situation. Kanna is the same; her sister is dead, and this has left her as a weeping, emotional mess. Nao’s condition only gets worse as the game goes on; she loses the mentor who’s most important to her, and in a blind panic she ends up causing a lot of harm and concern to her fellow participants. In any other game, this would probably have been where the characters of these two would have stopped, or even how they would have ended. They’re women, they’re not supposed to be strong, they already have weak and emotional coping mechanisms for their problems. However, Nankidai lets the two of them grow past this point while still letting them retain their more emotional components. Nao lets herself retain her memory and affection for Mishima, but she makes the conscious decision to abandon the AI and work with Shin to combat the evil one. Kanna retains her friendship with Shin, but she does so carefully, displaying enough kindness to him to make him change his heart. Even when she tearfully pleads for Sara to let her die, it comes from a point of what she considers emotional wisdom and her own evaluation of her usefulness to the group. If she’s left alive, her character comes full-circle and she realizes that she does, in fact, have value to the group, which gives her the will to live on. Both of these women have well-developed character arcs that allow them to feel vulnerability and emotion. They become stronger and wiser people without fundamentally changing who they are, and their femininity doesn’t have to be compromised or belittled for them to become better people. Though they are physically the weakest characters and have some of the biggest low points of the game, they are in fact well-developed and emotionally mature. Their vulnerability is what gives them this opportunity, and it truly wraps together how well Nankidai portrays femininity and vulnerability in his story. 

[firespirited]

Listening to people explain why they’ve held on to Harry potter for so long coincided with some dredged up memories and well, I’m able to throw a whole thing away because I’d already done this rodeo several times by my tweens.

long post, press j to skip, safe to reblog and reply, you know the deal

The spiritual leaders who were hypocrites, the mentors who were actually bad people, the artists who you hold on to while their art is rotting more each time you look at it, the children’s book authors who gave you bravery and kindness who also wholeheartedly believed in a disgusting benevolent white supremacy because it was just “science” and “civilisation”. By 10, the misogyny wrapped in kindness was pissing me off more than the overt agressive type. God was dead and I was ignoring the maggots. By 15, I was a snarling kicked dog in a corner who was never going to trust anyone fully unless it was entirely earned. You hold on to people far longer than you hold on to formative art, philosophies, stories because you think you might be able to reach them, omg especially if they’ve shown the ability to grow in the past for others... then it just hurts more that you weren’t able to get through.

I guess I *really* envy people who are conflicted about Michael Jackson or JK Rowling or whatnot. I tried to hold on to Led Zep after finding out a really bad thing because it was ages ago and everyone seems okay but everytime it comes up on shuffle, nah I can’t. I can read problematic stuff, watch films by bad people but I can’t LOVE it. The fifth element was a film I loved to bits and now it’s a bunch of good performances with interesting costumes and world building that i’m not sure i’d want to rewatch because the Diva Plavalaguna is his teen wife. I refused to believe i was ace or without faith because that’s just wierd and creepy, it’ll magically come back when trust does (spoilers: it did not) Yeah, still holding out a tiny hope that i’m just broken with a “spirit of bitterness” “maliciously seeding doubt” “embracing mistrust and anger instead of trying”.

I really envy people who can take an artist like a rotten vegetable and cut off the bad bits. I don’t get it though because I love salvage, sorting and reparing broken things, you know i love a deep cleaning! Redemption stories move me more than anything. Mj set innappropriate boundaries with the kids who idolized him in the Bashir documentary and just like that Off the wall (which is undeniably a fantastic album) was unlistenable even though that was a whole different era.

I don’t want to be a “toss the whole man away” person and I wish someone would tell me if that’s an unhealthy coping mechanism or just empathy overriding personal taste and wants. I have a lot of shame about not managing to keep parts of stuff that i like without it being tainted, is that the brainwashing or just wanting to be normal? I want answers that are more in depth and nuanced than what I’m finding about people’s relationship to the wizarding world.

Been preaching about how you need to follow your own personal gut feelings and boundaries but I have no clue if that’s healthy in the slightest. How are the people who’ve made Harry Potter or other made-by-bad-people content theirs doing it? The words ‘it lives in our world now’ make sense but also I don’t know how to make that work?

[no-heart-no-soul-t]

Mechanic!San x Reader

I finally did it after thinking and talking about it for so long lamo. It’s not good, maybe rushed? or something idk. But please have fun reading it!

Pairing: Mechanic!San x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff, some angst, applying of smut

Warnings: brief mention of death, drinking, some cursing

You and your friend thought it would be an amazing idea to go on a road trip. Emphasis on amazing, since she didn’t get her car checked before the trip, if it can handle a four hour drive to the beach. You packed your things, throwing it all to the trunk of the car and drove away. Two hours already passed and you decided to take a nap, two more hours of driving awaiting you and Jade. You were awoken by Jade, shaking the Hell out of you. “Y/N, I think the car broke down,” you looked at her with widened eyes, “Please, be joking and tell me that only the gas ran out.” You had some reserve gas back in the trunk. She shook her head and pointed at the front. You came out of the car, instantly looking at the smoke coming from the hood. You looked at her in disbelief, “I told you to get it checked before the trip,” “But! In my defense, that car shop I am always going to, is closed down because of renovations,” she answered with a small pout. “You know, you could go to another one right?,” “Nooo~ in this they always give me a discount,”  you shook your head, knowing there’s no point in arguing. Closing the hood, you take out the phone searching for nearby car mechanics. You found one, an hour away, called “Satan’s Room.” ‘Welp that sounds friendly,’ you thought while dialing the number. Just after few rings a deep, older voice answered, “Hello, this is Satan’s Room, Mr. Choi speaking, how can I help you?,” you were surprised by the professionality in the voice, not gonna lie. “Ah, yes hello, can I ask if you could come to the 34D road? Our car broke down and it showed that only you are the nearest,” you asked nervous waiting for a reply. You heard some shuffling around the room and slamming of the door, “Yeah, it’s not a problem. We are on our way,” Mr. Choi said and hung up. “So? What did they say?,” Jade asked while looking around the road. Having your car broken on the road where there was forest around didn’t seem too appealing to her. You shrugged walking back to the passenger's seat, “He said it’s no prob and be here ASAP,” you said while putting your legs on a dashboard. “HEY! Put them down! I swear you’ll be cleaning this car,” and you slowly put them down, smiling innocently.

Forty minutes passed by since the call and you decided to go look around, still having extra twenty minutes. “Where are you going?,” Jade asked you from the open window. “Just want to check that apple tree over there. I am craving apples,” you said going over to that place. When you got to the tree it indeed had apples on it, so you went up and took some. You were mesmerized by the view from the tree. It wasn’t tall but you could see a beautiful meadow with a mountain in the background more clearly. Smiling to yourself, you just sat on the branch, enjoying the view. totally forgetting about the time. “Y’kno, in this place, stealing apples is a crime,” you heard from below you. You looked down and saw a guy not much older than you. He was wearing black sleeveless tee, black sweats and was smirking at you. Rolling your eyes you were slowly going down, but you slipped and were preparing for an impact with the ground. But it never came. Opening your eyes you saw the mysterious hot man looking down at you, holding you, smiling. You were taken in by his looks, seeing his dimples coming through. Admiring him whole, you realized he was looking right back at you with some feeling, you couldn’t pinpoint what it was, in his eyes. Coughing and blushing you quickly came down turning away. “Your friend, Jade, said you were somewhere here so I came looking for you,” he said while standing in front of you. “How do you know Jade?,” you asked confused, he just chuckled and pointed to his tee where it said “Satan’s Room” and realization hit you like a truck. “Sorry….” looking down, you went ahead not looking if he was following you. “Cute” San said to no one but himself and looked up at the sun, smiling. “Hey! My name is San, what's yours sweet cookie?,” you looked at him shocked because of the nickname but answered nonetheless. “Y/N, nice to meet you, San,” you still smiled tho, even through the shock that came over you of his choice of the nickname. “Mmmm, not only your appearance and voice are sweet, but also your name,” winking at you, he was going down the road back to the car. You stood there still shocked, but moved when you heard your name. Jade couldn’t talk. Still processing the words of Mr. Choi and San. “W-what?,” “I am sorry Jade, but that car will need at least two weeks of reparation,” Mr. Choi said apologetically. She just sighed, looking all distressed, “How much will I have to pay you?,” “Well, normally it would be two thousands of dollars,” she screeched at the price already panicking, “but, we will do it for five hundred dollars, since you are not from around here and looks like you two are just a students on the trip,” “That we are,” you confirmed. “Wait, you’ll just give me that big discount? Are you actually angels in disguise or what?,” still shocked she looked at them with big eyes. You found her very cute at the moment and thought San found it cute too. That sparkled a small pang of jealousy in your heart. Wanting to look at him but at same time you didn’t. Anyways, you looked up seeing him smile at Jade with his dimples. Instantly, you looked away and asked a question, “But, where will we be staying? Since it’s for two weeks…,” Jade coughed, seriousness back in her voice, “Yeah, maybe there's a motel around,” the two of you looked at the father and son duo if there’s really something around. San looked at you apologetically, smile disappearing, “Sadly… there’s nothing like that around,” “But you can stay at our place with us. We have extra room,” Mr. Choi quickly added, “Don’t worry, we are not serial killers,” he joked and you two eased a little bit. After agreeing, they took you to their house. On the way there you learn that San’s mother died three years ago and it’s only the two of them. There’s also a younger son, JongHo, but he left for another city to study. Also you learned that neither of them cooks and are only eating delivery food, so you made it your task to cook for them for these two weeks, since they gave you a big ass discount and are letting you two stay there. 

It was already morning, you went downstairs finding only note on the table in a very messy kitchen saying, ‘We are at the workshop, see you two later. You can do anything you want to - San,’ you sighed, going back upstairs to wake up Jade. You both got ready, “So what are we gonna do today?,” she asked while sipping on her coffee. “How about cleaning this messy kitchen and living room, go buy groceries and make them real food?,” you answered, looking around. She agreed and went to clean at least half of the dishes before you went shopping for groceries and stuff for cleaning. It took you two at least four hours to clean the whole house. Satisfied you went to the now clean kitchen to prepare some chicken breasts with potatoes and vegetable soup. Simple, because you had zero strength at this point, after all the cleaning. Bathroom took you a very long time to get rid of the oil stains. Jade sighed saying she will take a shower first and you just nodded, chilling on the sofa. After five minutes you heard that the washing machine was done with washing the clothes so you went and took them out to get dry. Humming you were hanging the clothes to dry in the backyard. “Oh! Hello? Are you San’s new girlfriend or something?,” you heard from beside you. Turning around you saw an old, lovely lady, looking at you fondly. “Ah, Hello. No I am not, me and my friend are staying here. Our car broke down and they said it will take at least two weeks so they are letting us stay here,” you answered with a small blush. She smiled, “These guys are sweet. And sorry for quickly assuming you are San’s girlfriend. He wasn’t dating anyone since his mother’s death. All the time helping his father at the car shop,” she answered looking at the house, something like memories flashing through her eyes. “It’s good you are helping them, at least for this short amount of time. I was always cooking for them, but these last three months they are saying they don’t need it, saying they are cooking for themselves,” she added and you chuckled, “If hundred boxes of delivery food is cooking by themselves, then yeah, they are cooking,” she looked at you shocked, “I will smack them! Living so unhealthy, tsk,” you again chuckled at her fondly. She waved you off going back to her house mumbling about how she will smack them and make them real food.  You went inside and found Jade baking brownies, “What? I mean they might want some? If not, I am surely craving some after that cleaning,” she pouted and you laughed, going to the shower. 

You were singing a song called ‘I miss you, I’m sorry’ by Gracie Abrams. Memories from the last relationship coming back to you. “You said, "forever," and I almost bought it

I miss fighting in your old apartment

Breaking dishes when you're disappointed

I still love you, I promise

Nothing happened in the way I wanted

Every corner of this house is haunted

And I know you said that we're not talking

But I miss you, I'm sorry” You sang brokenly, still not over it.  You finally got out of the bathroom, only to slam into something, well, someone. “Hey, you okay?,” San looked down at you, worry in his eyes. You didn’t understand why and then you realized you were crying. Memories had really hit you hard in the shower while singing that song.  “Yeah, yeah, just got some shampoo in my eyes… Did you eat?,” “No, I am gonna take shower first, then dad and then we are gonna eat,” you just nodded, going downstairs to find Jade and San’s dad laughing about something. “Y/N! Mr. Choi said they will paint my car pink!” she jumped up and down, all happy about the new color. “Oh, wouldn’t it cost more thought?,” “We will only take one hundred dollars more, otherwise it’s a lot more,” he answered kindly. “Also, thank you. For the cleaning and the food,” he softly smiled, his small dimples showing. ‘Ah, so San’s dimples come from his dad, cute’ you thought, smiling softly at him. “Dad, you can go now! They even cleaned up the bathroom. Never seen it this clean,” San laughed. His dad patted him on his back and went to the bathroom. “While cleaning we found this,” Jade handed San a photo frame where he, his dad, his younger brother and his mom were on the photo. “We were looking for that for a year now,” he smiled sadly, caressing the photo, “Where did you find it?” he looked between you two. “Y/N found it in that pile next to the sofa,” Jade pointed to the now empty spot. He looked at you and softly smiled, “Thank you,” you just nodded your head and went to heat up the food.

After the simple dinner, you four were talking on the porch, looking at the sky. Jokes were coming back and forth. Also Jade telling San’s dad about your school lives. “Y/N, are you single?,” that random question from San surprised you. “Yeah.. I had a pretty bad break up a few months ago,” you scratched your neck nervously. “I see,” he smiled at you and winked.  After these small talks you went back inside. “San fell in love with you on the first sight it seems,” she smiled at you, “No. he didn’t. I saw how he was looking at you the whole day,” you answered, faking a smile. “But he asked you if you are single,” she looked at you confused, “Maybe courtesy, I don’t know, let’s go to sleep,” turning the light off, you let the darkness consume you.

These two weeks you enjoyed yourself. Having fun with Mr. Choi and San and Jade. It was time for you two to go, car already done. Time flew by quickly. San was always talking to you about anything but also nothing. You thought he was just nice to you because he wanted to be with Jade. You always saw him in sleeveless tees or only in pants. He was really toned and you couldn’t think about some things. Sometimes when you visited their workplace you would find him leaned above the hood, repairing something. You knew, these images wouldn’t get out of your head for a long time.

“Well it’s time to say goodbye,” Mr. Choi said, handing Jade the keys. “Yes, promise us to eat home cooked food and not delivery. Maybe we wil be going around again sometime soon and we will need help again,” Jade laughed, hugging both of them. You just stood there on the side, looking down. “Hey, give me a hug, princess,” San said while crushing your bones, smiling at you, “Don’t worry, sweet cookie, I know we will meet again some time soon,” he winked at you and kissed your cheek. You blushed, looking him in the eyes, “Why,” with small voice you looked back down, “Because I like you,” he casually said and hugged you again. Your brain was frozen, not understanding.  Then it hit you, that he meant it in a friendly way. You just smiled and went inside the car. Three months came by. October is already here. Your head was just full of school, part time job and San. You just couldn’t stop thinking about him. “Let’s go to the club tonight, we need some chill,” Jade grunted while jumping on your bed. “You know, I hate clubs,” rolling your eyes, you continued on with your homework. “C’mon, it’s been so long since we went somewhere,” she pouted, getting in your face. You sighed, agreeing. “Also, maybe, you will meet some cute guy there,” she winked and went to get ready.

You wore leather high waist pants, with harness around your left thigh, black, long sleeves V neck and some choker. Jade said if you didn’t want to wear a dress, you are going in this. You just shrugged, taking the second option.

“Well, you look so hot,” she whistled and checked you out.

Finally at the club, the two of you went straight for the bar, each taking a shot of tequila. Jade dragged you to the dance floor. You enjoyed yourself, you couldn’t lie. All the stress and thinking went away. Your thoughts were interrupted by someone sneaking their hands around your waist, pulling you into a chest.

“Hey, angel, long time no see. You look really hot,” you recognized the voice. Your ex, Jaehyun. Turning around quickly, you looked up at him in shock,

“What the hell do you want here, Jaehyun?,” Jade screamed at him, pulling you away.

“Came by to have some fun, like you,” he winked at you, licking his lips.

“Just leave, you hurt her more than enough,” she tried to take you away but he held your hand saying you are not going anywhere.

“Leave me alone!” you screamed and hit his chest.

“No, angel, you are mine. Bet you are still virgin, wanna have some fun?,” he laughed, pulling you into him. All of the sudden you were taken away from him. When you looked up, you saw San beating up your ex on the floor.

“San! No! Stop!,” you just went to him and back hugged him,

“Let’s just go, he is not worth it,” San relaxed and took your hand, going out of the club.

After some running, you got to your apartment. It was nearby and you ran there without thinking, San following you. When you got in and closed the door behind you two, you looked at him shocked.

“What are you even doing here? How did you know we would be there?,” millions of questions coming from your mouth.

“Hey, chill. I will answer one by one,” he put his hands on your shoulders, to calm you down a little bit.

“I am here, because I wanted to see you. And Jade texted me that you will be in that club, earlier today. So, here I am.” You looked at him still confused. ‘He and Jade have exchanged numbers?’ you thought to yourself, all the happiness from seeing him going away.

“I see…” you took your shoes off, ignoring him and going to the living room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked while back hugging you, nuzzling into your neck.

“This is wrong! You and Jade had each other's numbers this whole time! And here you are, hugging me and nuzzling your face into my neck!,” you yelled trying to get away.

“What are you implying?,” he turned you around looking into your eyes. You swear he could take your soul away by just his looks.

“That. You are here playing with my feelings? And not with Jade? What am I even to you, Choi San? Just a small fun before you will ask Jade out? Or what?,” you said brokenly, tears coming from your eyes.

“Those two weeks, I really liked you. Scratch. I like you even now. Couldn’t stop thinking about you this whole time. And now,” you looked away, sighing. You weren’t prepared for this. He took your face into his hands and smashed his lips onto yours. The kiss was hungry and full of passion. No words needed.

“I didn’t give you my number, because I needed to focus on something. It was a big project for a very rich and dangerous man. And I know you would distract me. But I am sorry, princess. I gave my number to Jade just in case you, Y/N,  would need me,” his eyes telling you that he said the truth. You kissed him softly on his lips, hoping for a good reaction. He kissed you back, lifting you up. Locking your legs around his waist and hands around his neck, you deepened the kiss.

“Where’s your room?” he asked with heavy breath and you just pointed to the door, kissing his neck and making small galaxies. Grunting he opened the door, your attack on his neck making him more aroused.

“Baby girl, calm down,” he chuckled, putting you down on the bed and getting on top of you.

You blushed, realization hitting you,

“San… there’s a thing,” he caressed your cheek humming for you to continue, “I- I am still a virgin,” you blushed looking away. After few seconds he turned your head back to him and smiled,

“And? You think I wouldn’t want you because of that?” nodding you tried to look away again but he held your face, looking at you fondly.

“Princess, that doesn’t matter. I want you,” he finished with a soft kiss that turned to a passionate one really quickly. Finally you pulled away, taking a breath. His eyes were so dark and dilated, you lost yourself in them. He smirked, taking his shirt off,

“Baby girl, I won’t hurt you,” kissing your neck, “but I might later on. In a good way,” taking your shirt off, “also this choker is staying on your neck throughout this whole time,” he finished with a searing kiss. The night was filled with moans and soft breaths, the moon making it more magical.

[shuckiestshuckfacedshank]

Glader Slang /Other Words

this contains most (i think) of the glader slang words, as well as some other terms used in the books, along with their meanings!

(note: all of these relate to the Maze and the Glade. i might make another list later regarding words used in the Scorch and elsewhere!)

Slang

- Greenie: (abbreviation for ‘greenbean’) the newest arrival to the glade

- Shank: a friend in the glade

- Shuck: an expletive used to convey frustration (very similar to the word ‘fuck’)

- Slinthead: a rude name for a glader who has made a mistake

- Jacked: a term used to describe someone who is messed up in the head

- Good that: an expression of agreement

- Slim it: meaning either calm down, or shut up

- Klunk: another word for poo, or excrement

- Dong: same as klunk, however is also used as a derogatory term

Places

- Glade: the main living area of the gladers

- Deadheads: the graveyard, which is in the forest in the South West of the Glade

- Blood House: the slaughterhouse where the livestock are killed for consumption

- Homestead: the wooden building where some of the gladers sleep. it also contains a kitchen and has the Slammer at the back

- Slammer: the jail built into the North side of the Homestead

- Gardens: the grassy area where crops are grown and water is pumped. some gladers will sleep there, as there is not enough room in the Homestead

- The Box: a metal elevator; once a month, it brings up a Greenie, and once a week, it brings up supplies, clothes, blank paper, etc.

- Map Room: where the Runners keep all of their equipment, and where the Map-makers draw and analyse the maps

- The Griever Hole: the invisible entrance/exit where the Grievers rest, and also where the gladers escape through. it is a small hole located beyond The Cliff

- The Cliff: a literal cliff inside the Maze

- The Maze: a giant labyrinth, divided into eight sections, that surrounds the Glade. the walls inside change, repeating the same pattern every month

Jobs

- First-in-Command: the leader amongst the gladers

- Second-in-Command: the person who takes the place as leader whenever the leader is not available

- Keeper: sub-leaders of each of the jobs/roles in the Glade

- Runner: the only ones allowed into the Maze. they run the Maze everyday, and map it out

- Builder: the ones who build most of the infrastructure around the Glade, and also upgrade structures and buildings

- Bricknick: the ones who have similar responsibilities to the Builders, but their tasks mainly lie in reparation

- Cook: the ones responsible for preparing the meals of the Glade

- Slicers: the ones who raise all of the livestock and slaughter them for food. they also carry out maintenance around the Blood House

- Blood Houser: a general term for those who work in the Blood House, which all includes Slicers

- Track-hoe: the ones who do the hard work around the Gardens, like trenching

- Gardeners: the ones who take care of the plants in the Gardens, like weeding and harvesting

- Med-jack: the ones who are the equivalent to doctors in the Glade

- Slopper: the ones who do the dirty, hard work that the other gladers don’t want to do, like cleaning the toilets or the Blood House. they often get this job because they are not good at any of the other jobs

- Bagger: the ones in charge of burying the dead gladers, but also act as guards and police

- Map-maker: the ones who make maps of the Maze, and are often Runners as well

(note: it is mentioned that many of the gladers have more than one job, simply because the work is similar or the jobs are simple and quick to complete)

Technology/Animals

- Grievers: giant slug-like monsters with mechanical arms, weapons and a stinger. they roam the Maze at night

- Beetle Blades: a silvery, metal bug-like creature designed with cameras so that WICKED can keep an eye on the gladers

- The Pole: a long aluminum pole with a retractable collar at the end. it is used to force Banished gladers into the Maze

- The Serum: medicine given to gladers who have been stung by Grievers and are about to experience the Changing. it is a regular delivery within The Box, and it is unclear how long someone would survive the Changing without it

Events

- The Changing: used to describe the painful experience a glader undergoes after being stung by a Griever, wherein they regain some of their memories

- Gathering: a meeting held by Keepers, which are called to make difficult decisions or when something unexpected or terrible occurs

- Banishment: when a glader is pushed out into the Maze just before the Doors close for the night, after the glader has done something unforgivable. these are very rare events

.

- this is everything i could think of. i hope you found it useful if you got this far, and if i’ve missed anything out, please tell me! :D

[readingwar]

Reclaiming Memory: The Unfinished Fight for Indigenous Historical Justice

Introduction   

When we think of memorials—statues, museums, or national holidays—we often assume they are neutral records of history. Nevertheless, these symbols of memory are rarely impartial. Instead, they reflect who holds power, whose pain is deemed worthy of remembrance, and whose stories are erased. This is especially true for Native American communities, whose histories of genocide, displacement, and cultural destruction have been systematically silenced in mainstream narratives. Meanwhile, dominant historical accounts, shaped by governments and institutions, frequently justify or ignore atrocities committed against Indigenous peoples. Furthermore, this selective memory does more than distort the past—it perpetuates injustice in the present.  

Consider how the United States remembers its history. Confederate statues once stood unchallenged in town squares, framing slavery as a noble cause. Additionally, wars against Native nations were long portrayed as inevitable expansion rather than violent conquest. This deliberate framing shapes public consciousness, making it harder to acknowledge ongoing trauma. Nevertheless, Indigenous communities have never stopped fighting for recognition. From protests against Thanksgiving myths to demands for accurate school curricula, they challenge the stories that erase their suffering. Moreover, the struggle over memorialization is not just about the past—it determines whose voices are heard in debates over land, reparations, and justice today. By examining who controls these narratives, we uncover uncomfortable truths about power, memory, and resistance.

The Politics of Memory: Who Decides What We Remember?   

Memory is never accidental—it is carefully shaped by those in power. Furthermore, what societies choose to memorialize reveals who controls history’s narrative. Meanwhile, what gets erased often speaks louder than what remains. This is starkly visible in how Native American histories are recorded. For instance, the 1890 Wounded Knee massacre, where U.S. troops killed hundreds of Lakota men, women, and children, was long labeled a "battle" in textbooks. Additionally, government records and media of the era portrayed the victims as aggressors, justifying the violence. Nevertheless, this framing wasn’t just inaccurate—it was strategic, designed to obscure genocide under the myth of westward progress.  

Moreover, memory isn’t just about facts—it’s about perspective. The same event can be remembered as triumph or tragedy depending on who tells the story. Meanwhile, institutions like schools, museums, and media play key roles in reinforcing official narratives. For example, many American classrooms still teach Columbus as a discoverer, not as someone who initiated centuries of Indigenous suffering. Furthermore, this isn’t passive forgetting—it’s active suppression. State policies, from forced assimilation in boarding schools to bans on Native languages, aimed to destroy cultural memory.  

Nevertheless, power over memory isn’t absolute. Indigenous communities have persistently challenged these narratives through oral histories, art, and activism. Additionally, recent efforts like the National Museum of the American Indian reframe history from Native perspectives. Yet the struggle continues, as many memorials and holidays still prioritize settler-colonial viewpoints. Ultimately, memory is political because it shapes who society values—and who it ignores. The fight over Wounded Knee’s legacy proves that until marginalized voices lead these conversations, justice remains incomplete.

Case Study: The Sand Creek Massacre and the Fight for Recognition   

The 1864 Sand Creek Massacre stands as one of the most brutal examples of how official narratives distort historical atrocities. Furthermore, it reveals the deliberate mechanisms used to suppress Indigenous trauma. On November 29, Colorado Territory militia attacked a peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho village, slaughtering over 230 people—mostly women, children, and elders. Meanwhile, the attackers mutilated victims' bodies, displaying body parts as trophies in Denver. Nevertheless, initial reports celebrated the violence as a military victory, with newspapers praising the "battle." This immediate framing attempted to justify the unjustifiable, demonstrating how perpetrators control first drafts of history.  

Additionally, the subsequent congressional investigation called it a massacre, yet no meaningful justice followed. The government issued a hollow apology and promised reparations that never materialized. Moreover, the site itself remained unmarked for generations, allowing the atrocity to fade from public memory. This neglect wasn’t accidental—it reflected a broader pattern of erasing Indigenous suffering from national consciousness. Meanwhile, descendants of survivors kept the truth alive through oral histories, despite institutional silence.  

The fight for recognition gained momentum only in the late 20th century. After decades of tribal advocacy, the Sand Creek Massacre National Historic Site was established in 7—over 140 years later. Furthermore, the memorial’s creation required overcoming bureaucratic resistance and competing historical narratives. For example, some local communities initially opposed it, fearing it would tarnish regional pride. Nevertheless, the site now serves as both a sacred space for healing and a challenge to sanitized history. Its existence proves that while official recognition is crucial, it often comes too late and after immense struggle. The delayed acknowledgment also raises questions: why must marginalized communities fight so hard for basic remembrance, and what does this say about whose trauma matters? The Sand Creek case underscores that memorialization isn’t just about the past—it’s about who has power in the present.

The Trauma of Erasure and Its Repercussions 

When history books and national monuments systematically exclude a people's suffering, the damage extends far beyond the classroom. Furthermore, this erasure creates a double trauma - first the violence itself, then the denial of its existence. Meanwhile, Native communities have endured generations of being told their pain doesn't matter, their losses weren't significant. Nevertheless, the psychological impact is measurable: studies show higher rates of depression, substance abuse, and suicide in populations grappling with historical trauma. Additionally, the lack of mainstream recognition creates barriers to healing, as survivors feel invisible in their own land.

The consequences manifest in tangible ways too. For instance, without proper memorialization, land claims and reparations become harder to justify politically. Moreover, the absence of these stories in education perpetuates harmful stereotypes, making it easier to ignore present-day inequalities. Meanwhile, cultural fragmentation occurs when younger generations grow up disconnected from their history. This isn't accidental - the boarding school system specifically aimed to sever these connections through forced assimilation.

Yet resistance persists through powerful counter-narratives. The National Day of Mourning, observed by many Native Americans on Thanksgiving, reclaims historical truth from national mythology. Furthermore, tribal museums and community-led education initiatives are rebuilding intergenerational knowledge. These efforts demonstrate that while erasure causes deep wounds, reclaiming memory can begin the healing process. The fight for recognition isn't just about the past - it's about creating space for Native voices in the present and future.

Who Are the Stakeholders in Memorialization? 

Memorialization is never a neutral process, but rather a complex negotiation between competing interests. Furthermore, each stakeholder brings different agendas to how atrocities are remembered or forgotten. The most obvious players include governments and state institutions, which often control funding and approval for memorials. Meanwhile, these official entities frequently prioritize narratives that maintain national unity over uncomfortable truths, as seen in the delayed recognition of Native American massacres. Nevertheless, their involvement remains crucial for large-scale memorial projects and educational reforms.

Additionally, perpetrator descendants and dominant cultural groups play significant but often unacknowledged roles. Many resist memorialization that challenges their historical privilege or implicates their ancestors. Furthermore, local communities near memorial sites may oppose recognition efforts due to economic concerns or discomfort with confronting painful histories. Meanwhile, survivors and victim descendants maintain the most authentic claims to memory, yet frequently lack institutional power. Their grassroots efforts, like the annual Sand Creek spiritual healing run, demonstrate how marginalized groups create their own memorial practices when excluded from official processes.

International organizations add another layer to this dynamic. The United Nations and human rights groups often pressure states to acknowledge historical crimes, but with limited enforcement power. Moreover, academic institutions and museums serve as both allies and obstacles - while some work to preserve Indigenous memory, others have historically curated Native artifacts and stories without community consent. This complex web of stakeholders reveals that memorialization is never simply about history, but always about present-day power relationships and who gets to define collective memory.

Conclusion: Toward Ethical Remembering   

The struggle over memorialization reveals a fundamental truth: how societies remember violence determines whose lives they value. Furthermore, the case of Native American historical erasure demonstrates that true reconciliation requires more than passive acknowledgment—it demands active, ethical remembering. Meanwhile, the Sand Creek and Wounded Knee examples show how official recognition often comes too late and only after sustained Indigenous activism. Nevertheless, these hard-won memorials provide blueprints for more inclusive historical practice.  

Moving forward, ethical remembering must center marginalized voices in every aspect of memorialization. Additionally, it requires dismantling systems that prioritize settler comfort over Indigenous truth. Support for tribal-led initiatives like the First Nations-Federal Truth and Reconciliation Commission in Canada offers one meaningful pathway. Furthermore, education systems must integrate Native perspectives rather than treating them as optional additions.  

Memorials alone cannot undo centuries of violence, but they can help prevent its repetition. By confronting uncomfortable histories, societies take the first step toward meaningful justice. The fight for Native American memorialization proves that while the past cannot be changed, how we remember it remains ours to shape—and this responsibility belongs to us all.