#Multi Funnel

[reazreviewzone]

ProductDyno Review - AI-Powered Membership & Licensing Platform & Create 1-Click Digital Product

Welcome to my honest review and ProductDyno Review. Now it is easier to create and sell your digital products. Recently launched a brand new software ( Matt Garrett ) that makes sells and delivers digital products, you can create and sell digital products with jam-packed content like text, audio, video, and downloadable files with ProductDyno Review.

What is ProductDyno? ProductDyno is an AI-powered creates and sells digital products software that helps you Create and Sell Memberships, Video Courses, And Digital Products, jam-packed content like text, audio, video, and downloadable files with ProductDyno. Choose your digital product from the list, then create and edit the content of your choice, and then make the intuitive content design. You’ll be able to integrate your payment processor and create favorite marketing tools at the product level with just a few clicks. ProductDyno review has a user-friendly platform that makes it easy to create, sell, and manage all your digital products from one convenient place or dashboard. ProductDyno Review provides you with a massive opportunity.

Get access here>>

Overview – ProductDyno First, a customer optimizes the products quality or benefits the site. Who is the person who built the app? Discount price: why build the app? And who is the best choice for it? Everything. That is an ideal customers quality. Don`t worry; I covered the part for an ideal person. I think you are an idealistic reader.

Author/vendor – Matt Garrett Product –ProductDyno Launce date – 6/03/25 Create Digital Product - highly recommended Official website – VISITE HERE Front-end price - $47 Business – ok Hosting Domain – Highly recommended Instantly Create Text Into High-Quality 4k HD Video Create Instantly Book – High recommended Watch/ Create Video – Any Language Social Media Marketing – Number One passive income – ok Recurring System – OK Payment – ONE Time Local Business – High Recommend Money-Back – 30 Days Money-Back Guarantee Funnel/Tool – Automated & Done-For-You Support – Effective Niche – Any Niche of your choice

How Does ProductDyno Work?

Every app works with a few simple steps like the ProductDyno review works on 3 simple steps.

Step 1. Sing up: Every app follows the role. This is an easy step to create an account.

Step 2. Collection Your Product: Then choose your digital products with 1000 free themes.

Step 3. Customize Design & Promote: Easily customize & promote your products easily and instantly viral worldwide.

Awesome Key Features Of ProdutDyno?

Software indeed depends on some valuable features. The software will be attractive because of its features. Besides, how to work the software features smoothly or effectively in the future. Firstly, a customer consideration before purchasing this app. Therefore, an agency builds any software`s features discerningly for a client. After pricing, an agency wants honesty and satisfaction from its customers. It has responsibilities or accountability to a customer. The software boosts your earnings 10x with its awesome and interesting features, I can say obviously. I described the software beautifully below.

-Software/SAAS module: The ProducDyno review provides a software/SAAS opportunity.

-Custom Link To Product: Easily customize any link to a product and promote it.

Labeling/Branding: A member can easily promote and brand their products.

-SSL Certificates: The ProductDyno Review gives you a commercial SSL license or certificates:

Unlimited File Upload: Upload unlimited files like text, video, and PLR.

Import Members Via CSV: You can join your circle member on this site.

Connect Your Storage: Connect your storage with AI-powered tools.

Included Current Standard Themes: They provide all done-for-you themes for their members.

-Zero Monthly Cost: One-time get access and auto-updates all features.

-Reporting and Analytics Dashboard: ProductDyno review built advanced quality reporting optimized dashboard.

Why Should Use The ProductDyno?

ProductDyno Review always helps & supports you create external content and hosted on other platforms. We can customize your digital products with different themes, colors, fonts, and even language translations with ProductDyno.

1 Delivery Content: The agency helps us Create And Sell Memberships, Video Courses, And Digital Products.

2 Sell Membership: Might get more profit selling your AI Membership.

3 Coding & Plugins System: We can easily customize your digital products with different themes, colors, fonts, and even language translations.

4 Design and Customize: ProductDyno provides all features including colors, fonts, and themes with the content designer.

5 Bundle Collection: ProductDyno is packed with 50+ native integrations & connects all your favorite tools for payments, emails, webinars, and file hosting.

6 All In One: We get in one platform like create videos, and courses, customize design, free themes.

7 Auto Updates: The agency provides auto updates without any fees.

8 Money-Back Guarantee: They give a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Why Is ProductDyno High Recommended?

Proven Results: Users report significant improvements in content quality, engagement, and ROI

AI-powered Smart Editor & Rewriter – Polish, rewrite, and enhance content with ProductDyno Live optimization.

One-Time Payment: No recurring fees or hidden costs.

Automate Repetitive Tasks: Set up workflows to automate tasks like email campaigns and social media posting.

Import Members Via CSV: You can join your circle members on this site.

Design and Customize: ProductDyno provides all features including colors, fonts, and themes with the content designer.

Coding & Plugins System: We can easily customize your digital products with different themes, colors, fonts, and even language translations.

Custom Link To Product: Easily customize any link to a product and promote it.

SSL Certificates: The ProductDyno Review gives you a commercial SSL license or certificates:

Why Choose ProductDyno?

Real-Time AI Web Access – Unlike most AI platforms, Workforce AI searches the live web for real-time data.

24/7 Support: Get assistance whenever you need it with round-the-clock customer support.

Multi Funnel: Promote affiliate links and products with video and text

Free Bonus: The agency gives their customer a lot of free bonus.

Custom: A member can custom CSS or third-party widgets

Free Template: The agency gives free templates to its members.

Free Commercial License - ProductDyno A free commercial license allows individuals or businesses to use, modify, and distribute software, content, or products without paying licensing fees, even for commercial purposes. Unlike personal-use-only licenses, it permits monetization, such as selling the product or incorporating it into commercial projects. Popular examples include open-source software under MIT or Apache 2.0 licenses. However, users must comply with specific terms, such as attributing the original creator or sharing modifications under the same license. Free commercial licenses foster innovation, collaboration, and accessibility, making them valuable for startups, developers, and creators seeking cost-effective solutions. Always review the license terms to ensure compliance and understand any restrictions.

Who Is ProductDyno Best For?

Affiliate Marketer: Easily promote digital products with AI tools.

List Builders: Generate a list and customize the template.

Email Marketer: Design a template for an email to a unique quality

Publisher: The ready-made template helps grow the business.

E-Come Sore Owner: Create high-quality products using their tools.

Agency: Built trust in any client of your agency.

Resale: Work with the owner of the app as a product resaler.

Money-Back Guarantee A 30-day money-back guarantee is a customer-friendly policy that allows buyers to request a full refund within 30 days of purchase if they are unsatisfied with a product or service. This policy builds trust and confidence, encouraging potential customers to purchase with minimal risk. It demonstrates the seller's commitment to quality and customer satisfaction. To claim a refund, customers typically need to return the product in its original condition or cancel the service within the specified period. This guarantee is commonly used in industries like software, e-commerce, and subscription services. While it can increase sales, businesses must ensure clear terms to prevent abuse. Overall, it’s a win-win, offering customers peace of mind and businesses a competitive edge.

Get access here>>

Pros & Cons – ProductDyno The part! Any app has some pros & cons. But such an app hasnt cons or bad sites. Accordingly, I covered the part that information an agency delivered to me. I hope you dont waste your quality time reading useless articles. I tried to write a more informative or helpful article for the reader. Now, I want to start with the pros and cons of the software.

Pros: ProductDyno Review -Generate Video Course -Affiliate link -Customize theme design -Optimize tools -Free Bonus -30-day money-back guarantee -Features auto-update -List Building -Promote any product -Create agency -Local business

Cons: ProductDyno Review -Limited time offer -Internet connection -Your idea -Use opportunity

Conclusion – ProductDyno In conclusion, ProductDyno review is a must-have tool for anyone looking to streamline their workflows, create high-quality content, and grow their business. With its Exclusive Bundle Deal, you can unlock the full potential of this powerful platform at an unbeatable price. Don’t wait—get ProductDyno today and start transforming your digital marketing efforts!

OTO & Pricing – ProductDyno

Front-End Price Starter Plan ($49)

. Import members via CSV . Link custom domains to products or collections .Software/SAAS licensing module .mport members via CSV .White labeling/branding removal .Complimentary SSL certificates

OTO1: VIP Platinum Upgrade ($967)

.Each DFY White Label Membership includes: .Hosting, Customization & Integrations .Monetization & Licensing .Student, Customer & Member Management .Personalized Certifications .Progress Tracking & Member Engagement Tools .Drip Content & Schedule Releases .Sell Digital Products .Create Checkout Pages .Create Landing Pages

OTO2: DFY Addon Bundle ($499)

.High-Ticket Course Creation .Affiliate Marketing & Sales Funnels .Email Marketing & List Building .Includes TWO Premium Add-Ons! .Downsell 1: Pro Plus+ Plan .ALL Features from Your Starter Plan, PLUS .These DFY memberships cover: .How They Are Distributed:

OTO3: AI Creator Suite Free Trial -$99/year

.AICS Now Covers Sub-Accounts – Works across all sub-accounts (NEW) .Marketing Automation – AI-powered sales video scripts, social media content, and content calendars .Sales Page & Email Writing – AI-powered content & promotions .Instant Course Creation – Push-button course generation

OTO 4 - VIP Platinum $997

.Each DFY White Label Membership includes: .Exclusive VIP Platinum BONUSES ($7,000+ Value!) .Hosting, Customization & Integrations .Monetization & Licensing .Advanced Marketing & Engagement Tools .Full Learning Management System (LMS) .ProductDyno VIP Platinum – The Ultimate Digital Product & Membership Platform .One-Time Payment for Lifetime Access

OTO 5 - DFY ADD ON BUNDLE:($499

.VIP Platinum members will receive 3 white-label memberships included. .These DFY memberships cover: .How They Are Distributed:

OTO 6 - AI Creator Suite Free Trial -$99/year

.Marketing Automation – AI-powered sales video scripts, social media content, and content calendars .Sales Page & Email Writing – AI-powered content & promotions .nstant Course Creation – Push-button course generation rent-

Free Bonus – ProductDyno There is a customer who gets a free valuable bonus from the agency. An agency wants to convenience their client, or they want to hold customers. Where do you get the free valuable bonus? But the agency gifts you a valuable bonus of a thousand dollars. The last word is that a customer can boost her earnings 10x with the app. Let`s see, what is the valuable bonus from the company.

1 Bonus - Membership Mavericks Course ($499+ Value) Get the Bonus and Membership Mavericks, you'll unlock the exact methods used by the most successful membership site. If you want to generate consistent, predictable income, this course is your roadmap instantly.

2 Bonus - Rapid Digital Products Course ($499+ Value) If you want selling digital products is one of the fastest ways to build an online business—but if you know what works. This course helps you through the entire process, from idea to execution, so you can churn out high-demand digital products in a few seconds.

3 Bonus - Digital Publishing Mastery Course ($499+ Value) This exclusive training reveals the same strategies that have helped PromoteLabs generate over $10M in digital product sales worldwide or in your selected place. You’ll discover how to launch, market, create video, design, use ready theme, and scale your digital products with high-converting funnels, automation strategies, and advanced audience growth techniques & more.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) Thousand of questions in a customer's mind. The app be good or bad? Have they a money-back guarantee? Have a bonus? Etc. I cleared your dude of mind. Particularly, a new customer has dude too much. Because they are a smart person of the current generation, generally, they don`t want to waste their valuable time. Ok, no problem, I clear dude questions of your mind. I covered some important questions that help customers buy the app or take the service. IS THERE A MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE? Yes, we offer a money-back guarantee. If you are not satisfied with the app within [specific time frame, e.g., 30 days], you can request a full refund. Please refer to our refund policy for more details.

WHY DO I INVEST IN THE APP? Investing in the app provides you with a powerful tool to [state the purpose of the app, e.g., streamline your business, improve productivity, or enhance user engagement]. It is designed to save you time, reduce costs, and deliver a high return on investment through its innovative features and user-friendly interface.

DO I NEED ANY TECH SKILLS? No, you don’t need any technical skills to use the app. It is designed to be intuitive and easy to navigate, making it accessible for users of all experience levels. However, if you have any questions, our support team is always available to assist you.

DO YOU PROVIDE ANY SUPPORT? Yes, we provide comprehensive support to ensure you have the best experience with the app. Our support team is available [state availability, e.g., 24/7 or during business hours] via [support channels, e.g., email, live chat, or phone]. Additionally, we offer a detailed knowledge base and tutorials to help you get started.

WILL YOU AUTO-UPDATE THE APP FEATURES? Yes, the app will automatically update to ensure you always have access to the latest features, security patches, and improvements. You don’t need to worry about manually updating the app—we handle everything for you to provide a seamless experience.

Affiliate disclaimer Thank you for reading my honest review. My honest opinion is shared in the review. An affiliate disclaimer is a statement to inform audiences that a company or individual may earn a commission or other compensation if they purchase products or services through links on their website, blog, social media, or other platforms. This disclaimer is essential for maintaining transparency and complying with legal requirements, such as those set by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) in the United States. It ensures readers or viewers know of any potential bias or financial incentive behind recommendations. Typically, the disclaimer is placed prominently, either at the beginning or end of content and clearly states the nature of the affiliate relationship. For example, "This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I earn a commission if you purchase through my links at no extra cost." This builds trust with the audience while protecting the content creator from legal issues.

[atalante241]

Batman has definetley had to read hardcore porn to find clues.

[starksh]

Earn commissions while you sleep. 🌐 Build a multi-page content web that sells for you! #PassiveIncome #ContentStrategy #AffiliateMarketing

[iamrolanddiaz]

The Decentralized Three-Domain Content Marketing Funnel: A Strategic Imperative

The landscape of digital marketing is in constant flux, demanding innovative strategies to effectively engage and convert target audiences. Traditional, centralized content marketing funnels, while foundational, are facing increasing pressure to adapt to evolving consumer behaviors and the proliferation of digital touchpoints. This report delves into a sophisticated evolution of the content…

[technologyequality]

AI-Powered Client Acquisition: Finding, Engaging, and Converting Your Ideal Customers

AI-Powered Client Acquisition Finding, Engaging, and Converting Your Ideal Customers So, you’ve optimized your pricing strategy with AI (if you haven’t, what are you doing?!). Now, let’s talk about what’s arguably even more important—getting the right people to pay those prices. Because here’s the thing: Not all customers are created equal. If you’re spending time chasing the wrong leads,…

[abhibaj]

Boost B2B Sales: Identify and Nurture Your MQLs Effectively

In the competitive world of B2B marketing, driving growth means identifying and nurturing the right leads. But not every lead is ready for a sales conversation—this is where Marketing Qualified Leads (MQLs) come into play. MQLs are prospects who have shown interest in your brand but need further nurturing to reach the next stage of their buying journey.

So, how can businesses effectively identify and nurture MQLs? In this blog, we’ll explore actionable strategies, proven frameworks, and best practices to help you master lead generation and optimize lead nurturing.

What Exactly Are Marketing Qualified Leads (MQLs)?

Understanding the concept of MQLs is the first step to an effective B2B strategy. An MQL is a lead who has engaged with your content, product, or brand in a meaningful way but isn’t yet ready to make a purchase. They sit between basic inquiries (like a blog reader) and sales-qualified leads (SQLs), who are prepared for direct engagement with sales teams.

Get full insights@ https://itechseries.com/blog/marketing-qualified-lead-mql/

Identifying MQLs involves looking at specific behaviors like downloading whitepapers, attending webinars, or opening email campaigns. These actions signal an interest in your offerings and indicate that the lead is a step closer to conversion.

Why Are MQLs Important in B2B Marketing?

Not all leads are created equal, and recognizing this is critical for B2B marketing success. By focusing on MQLs, businesses can prioritize their resources on prospects with a higher chance of converting. This prevents sales teams from wasting time on unqualified leads, streamlining efforts to drive revenue.

Moreover, nurturing MQLs builds trust and strengthens relationships. A well-executed lead nurturing strategy guides prospects through the funnel, increasing the likelihood of turning interest into action.

How Do You Identify Marketing Qualified Leads?

The key to identifying MQLs lies in defining clear criteria based on your target audience and business goals. Start by collaborating with sales and marketing teams to create an MQL definition. This includes demographic attributes (like job title, company size) and behavioral triggers (content downloads, website visits, webinar sign-ups). A lead scoring model can help quantify these attributes to rank leads effectively.

For example, a lead downloading an eBook might receive 10 points, while attending a product demo earns 30 points. Once a lead reaches a threshold, they qualify as an MQL, ready for further nurturing.

What Tools Can Help You Track and Score MQLs?

Technology plays a critical role in identifying and tracking MQLs. Marketing automation platforms like HubSpot, Marketo, or Pardot help businesses monitor lead behaviors and interactions in real time. These tools allow marketers to implement lead scoring systems, segment leads, and automate follow-ups based on pre-defined triggers.

Additionally, integrating a CRM with marketing tools ensures seamless handoffs between marketing and sales teams. A connected system eliminates gaps and keeps MQL data accessible, ensuring no opportunity is missed.

How Do You Nurture MQLs Effectively?

Once you’ve identified your MQLs, nurturing them is the next step in converting interest into action. Lead nurturing involves building a relationship through consistent, value-driven engagement. This can include personalized email campaigns, educational content, and targeted offers. For instance, a series of emails could address pain points, share case studies, and highlight your product’s benefits.

Segmentation is key here. Group MQLs based on behaviors, needs, or challenges to deliver tailored content that resonates. The more personalized your nurturing approach, the better your chances of moving them closer to a purchase decision.

Explore the latest marketing and tech insights@ https://itechseries.com/gtm-library/

How Can Content Support MQL Lead Generation and Nurturing?

In B2B marketing, content is the backbone of identifying and nurturing leads. Top-of-funnel content like blogs and eBooks generates awareness and attracts potential leads. Once they’ve engaged, mid-funnel content—such as webinars, case studies, and product demos—provides the insights they need to evaluate your solutions.

Your content strategy should align with every stage of the buyer’s journey. By offering valuable, relevant resources, you not only identify MQLs but also guide them toward the decision stage.

What Metrics Should You Track to Measure MQL Success?

To optimize your MQL strategy, you need to track and analyze the right metrics.

Key metrics to monitor include:

Conversion Rate: The percentage of leads that become MQLs.

Lead-to-Close Ratio: How many MQLs eventually become customers.

Engagement Metrics: Email open rates, content downloads, and webinar attendance.

These data points highlight how effectively you’re identifying and nurturing MQLs. Regular analysis ensures you can tweak your strategy to drive even better results.

How Do Sales and Marketing Teams Align for MQL Success?

A successful MQL strategy requires alignment between sales and marketing teams. Both teams must agree on MQL definitions, lead scoring models, and handoff processes. Regular meetings and open communication foster collaboration, ensuring leads don’t fall through the cracks.

Sales teams can also provide valuable feedback on lead quality, helping marketers refine targeting efforts. This alignment ensures a seamless process from MQL identification to lead nurturing and, ultimately, conversion.

Get your business boost, visit now@ https://itechseries.com/contact-us/

Conclusion

Mastering Marketing Qualified Leads in B2B marketing is about balancing precision and personalization. By clearly identifying MQLs, implementing targeted lead generation strategies, and nurturing prospects with valuable content, businesses can drive higher conversions and build lasting relationships.

Aligning sales and marketing efforts, leveraging automation tools, and tracking metrics ensures that no lead is wasted. As the B2B landscape evolves, nurturing MQLs effectively will remain a cornerstone of success.

[elatre78]

From Discordant Notes to Beautiful Harmony: Optimizing Your Sales Funnel with Social Listening

In today’s digital landscape, the customer journey is anything but linear. Forget the traditional sales funnel — a narrow pathway with prospects leaking out at every stage. Modern buyers are bombarded with messages across many channels, making a cohesive and personalized approach crucial. This is where multi-channel marketing, fueled by the power of social listening, becomes your secret weapon.

Imagine Your Sales Funnel as a Symphony:

Think of your sales funnel as a grand symphony, with each touchpoint representing a different instrument. Social media might be the lively percussion section, grabbing attention at the top of the funnel (TOFU). Email marketing could be the smooth strings, nurturing leads in the middle of the funnel (MOFU). Finally, your website acts as the powerful brass, driving conversions at the bottom of the funnel (BOFU).

The Magic of Social Listening:

But how do you ensure each instrument plays in harmony? Here’s where social listening comes in. You gain invaluable insights into your target audience by actively monitoring online conversations — on social media platforms, forums, and review sites. You discover:

Pain points and desires: What are your customers struggling with? What are they looking for in a product or service like yours?

Industry trends: What are the current conversations surrounding your industry? Are there emerging needs you can address?

Brand sentiment: How is your brand perceived online? Are there any areas for improvement?

Armed with this intel, you can tailor your messaging across all channels:

TOFU: Craft engaging social media content that addresses your audience’s pain points. Run targeted ads to reach the right people at the right time.

MOFU: Follow up with website visitors who haven’t converted yet with personalized email campaigns. Offer valuable content like ebooks or webinars to nurture leads.

BOFU: Create clear calls to action (CTAs) on your website, making it easy for users to convert. Address any lingering concerns with targeted customer support.

Benefits of a Harmonious Funnel:

The beauty of this multi-channel approach, empowered by social listening, is its holistic nature. You:

Increase brand awareness and reach: By being present across multiple channels, you multiply your chances of connecting with potential customers.

Boost engagement: Social listening allows you to tailor content that resonates with your audience, leading to higher engagement and conversions.

Optimize your sales funnel: You can identify leaky areas in your funnel and use insights from social listening to plug those gaps.

Build stronger customer relationships: By actively listening to your audience, you demonstrate that you care about their needs, fostering loyalty and trust.

Conclusion:

In the ever-evolving marketing landscape, a siloed approach won’t cut it. By leveraging social listening to inform your multi-channel marketing strategy, you can create a seamless symphony that guides your audience down the sales funnel, ultimately leading to more conversions and a thriving business. Remember, it’s all about listening, adapting, and creating a multi-channel experience that resonates deeply with your customers.

[lotusgrieved]

good morning i'm definitely gonna be writing today because i am a Mess

[knuppitalism-with-ue]

All the dragons from the HTTYD stream. Detailed images below.

The designs from the original movie are basically perfect, which is why I didn't really dare to touch them... until a certain trailer dropped recently.

I'm a spiteful creature.

Anyway. Some ground rules. I tried to make these creatures overall a little bit more realistic and grounded without robbing them of the inherent whimsy that the originals had. All of them are tetrapods, so only 4 limbs max.

Nightfury

These guys have no more functional limbs to move on the ground. They are living stealth bombers. Silent fast fliers.

On the ground they flop around similar to seals, forming small colonies on top of tall cliffs.

Red Death

At a certain size it becomes unfeasible to fly for even a dragon. The Red Death stays on the ground using it's heavy armor and enormous size when raiding other dragon nesting colonies. it'as wings are more like spurs, to injure rivals in combat.

Gronkle

The original had a hummingbird style in flying , something that doesn't work for an animal of this size. My compromise is to make the wings rather stout and being able to be folded a lot.

Nadder

Easiest design, take a unfeathered theropod and combine it with a bearded dragon.

Shellfire

This was the last one I made on stream, it is one of the (in my eyes) worst designs from the shows, so a nice challenge to make it work a little better.

This guy is now a filter feeder, using its large horns to funnel water into its mouth.

Zippleback

Multi-headed dragons are really tricky. In my design I made one of the heads a parasitic male, similar to angler fish, that hitches a ride on the back of the larger female.

Monstrous Nightmare

One of the most classic dragons from the original movie. Lots of crocodilian influence here. The osteoderms on its back have pores from which it produces flammable secretions.

Razorwhip

A fast an agile dragon, but the original doesn't really show that in the head shape and all these spines don't help. I put some tapejarid influence into it.

Rumblehorn

The massive neck of this dragon doesn't work well in terms of aerodynamics, unless it's an inflatable display structure ;)

Whispering Death

The giant maw of this dragon is an even greater challenge, but when you give it the gular pouch of a pelican eel and turn these eyes into eye-spots, it works quite well.

And of course the Terrible Terror!

As you can see it's in my case a close relative of the nadder.

[yueyimold]

multi shot canning funnel mold

China 2k mold maker, offer 2 shot canning funnel mold, 2 component collapsible silicone food funnel mold, 2 color wide mouth funnel, gyratory kitchen funnel mold

[pulsew123]

which of these are required for multi-channel funnels

For multi-channel funnels to work, the following are required:

Enhanced Ecommerce Tracking: Enhanced Ecommerce tracking must be implemented on your website or app. This involves adding specific tracking code to capture detailed data on user interactions related to product views, add-to-cart actions, checkout steps, and transaction completions.

Google Analytics: You need to have a Google Analytics account and have the tracking code correctly installed on your website or app. This ensures that the data collected from Enhanced Ecommerce tracking is sent to Google Analytics for analysis.

Sufficient Data: To generate meaningful multi-channel funnel reports, you need to have a sufficient amount of data. This means there should be a reasonable number of users interacting with your website or app and completing transactions over a given period.

Conversions Tracking: You must have specific conversion goals set up in your Google Analytics account. These goals could be completing a purchase, signing up for a newsletter, submitting a contact form, or any other important action you want to track as a conversion.

Multi-Channel Funnel Reporting Enabled: In Google Analytics, you should have Multi-Channel Funnel reports enabled. These reports provide insights into how different marketing channels and touchpoints contribute to conversions, allowing you to understand the full conversion path taken by users.

By meeting these requirements, you can effectively use multi-channel funnels to gain valuable insights into your marketing efforts and optimize your strategies for better results.

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[sea-salted-wolverine]

I feel like sometimes we lost track of the problems with the Harry Potter series because of Rowling being hideous. Like, the cartoonish racism and the antisemitism and the funneling hundreds of thousands of dollars into transphobic hate groups is in fact a thing that she did and is doing and is bad. But in the actual text of the novels, those only show up tangentially. The bigotry is there but it remains in the realm of bias rather than overt plot choices.

Somehow nobody talks about the on page, in text, multi book plot arc, justifying domestic slavery. Which is a wild fuckin choice for a children's book to start with. It was the thing that the movies cut out, because someone at warner bros has half a brain, but it's very much there and not subtle in your childhood comfort media. And it's inextricable. The seven book plot does not function without it. Full bore, no allegory, capital s, Slavery is foundational to the wizarding world and that's supposed to be something between neutral and righteous.

Which again, crazy choice for a children's book.

[innerfare]

Shanks Fluff // Angst Compilation 

Summary: A compilation of Shanks angst and fluff from my multi character posts (You're Wounded, Type of Date, Paradise, Nightmares, I Love You, Kisses, Cuddling, You're Sick).

Genre: Fluff // Angst

CW: None // SFW

———

You’re Wounded: 

Makes a light joke, inspects the wound himself even if there’s a doctor present, will help bandage you up if you need it. Pretends to be nonchalant about the entire thing, is panicking inside. Fully realizes the depths of his affection for you, is terrified to realize it’s love.  

Type of Date: 

A carnival or fair for sure. He’ll bet you a kiss you can’t get a higher score than him throwing darts at the balloon board and then proceed to ‘accidentally’ stumble into you when it’s your turn so you have no choice but to kiss him (also the sort to beg you for a kiss on the cheek and then turn his face so you kiss his lips). He’ll buy you cotton candy, funnel cakes, and all sorts of unhealthy confections, insisting he doesn’t want any only to steal big bites of yours. And when he loses at the ring toss, he’ll just steal a stuffed animal prize anyway claiming it’s an ethical crime because those games are rigged. You'll probably end up sitting at a bar for quite a while after having a few too many drinks. 

Paradise 1: 

Escaping the chaos of life and climbing a desolate hill, sharing a late afternoon snack as you stare up at the clouds and point out different shapes, saying, “that’s you,” when you see a funny one. Arguing over which one of you gets to be the dragon cloud, your argument turning into roughhousing and the two of you accidentally rolling down the hill, him laughing and kissing your cheek when he knows you’re okay and then starting the argument again. 

Paradise 2: 

Tossing and turning in bed, waiting for the clock to strike midnight, sneaking out as soon as it does and meeting them at the spring just inland. Stripping out of your clothes and diving into the warm water with him, splashing each other and floating on your backs, losing track of time and hurrying back to the ship when the moon dips below the horizon. 

Nightmares: 

It’s all fun and games as he chases you down the beach under the full moon, both of you splashing in the shallows, the mugginess of the summer night somehow refreshing after a few too many drinks. He doesn’t run very fast at first, giving you the head start he always does, the one you complain about, but when he does decide he wants you in his arms, he picks up his pace, only to realize you’re much further down the beach than you should be. He runs faster and faster, and with each step, you seem to get three more away from him, until the outline of you is rapidly disappearing. His throat begins closing up as he realizes he’ll never catch you. And when he wakes on deck, a half-empty booze bottle in his hands, he sets it aside and searches the ship for you, not catching his breath until he finds you sleeping in his bed, right where you belong. 

I Love You: 

The two of you have known each other for years before the words ever leave his lips. You’ve been through so much, and you never felt the need to put a label on it. But one night, you’re both swinging in a hammock on a beach, you in his arms and him sipping a bottle of booze, and he says out of nowhere, “you know that I love you, right?” You think he must be drunk but he insists he’s not, telling you it struck him recently that he’d never told you before and he really should in case something happens. He wants you to know how he really feels and how much you mean to him. 

Kisses: 

You’d better like the taste of liquor, weed, and cigarettes because that’s what this man tastes like. And you know that’s what this man tastes like because his tongue is always in your mouth, his scruff pushing against your cheeks. He has no sense of propriety, and you’ve probably made out in front of the crew more times than you haven’t. You’ve also made out on the beach, in countless dark alleyways, and just about anywhere else he can convince you to have him. He’s the type to shove his tongue down your throat, but what he really wants is for you to shove yours down his throat. 

Cuddling: 

Often holds you in his hammock, swinging slowly back and forth, his hand down the back of your shirt so he can mindlessly stroke your soft skin, sometimes humming an old sailor’s tune as he does. When he falls into bed drunk, though, he’ll wake you up asking you to cuddle him, often times by nuzzling you with his stubble until you wake up giggling. 

You’re Sick: 

You didn’t know Shanks could cook, but there he is, stirring a pot of soup on the stove. And he’s wearing an apron over his boxers, of course. He’ll feed you if he has to, but you will be eating, and he’ll make damn sure to keep your spirits high with some light jokes. Oh, and he’ll most definitely draw you a bath, but you’ll be sitting in it together. 

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!

[tyrantisterror]

So...

...your favorite book about mystery solving teens in a wizard school turns out to have been written by a bigot who actively funneled her ludicrous wealth into the political campaign of several like-minded bigots in order to make the United Kingdom even more hostile towards trans people than it already was. Worse, this is only the latest and most egregious bullet point in a long pattern of bigoted behavior, and one that only serves to underline what people have been telling you for years: you cannot support the Harry Potter franchise without also supporting repugnant bigotry.

And that sucks! I get it, dude, I really do, it sucks hardcore, because that series was part of your childhood, man! I, too, am a millennial, a child of the 90's. I understand what the heights of Harry Potter mania were like. I went to midnight book release parties at Barnes and Noble, I saw the movies on opening day. I had the incomparable experience of having that book series grow up with me - beginning as fairly childish stories fit for an eleven year old, and slowly getting more mature and complex with each entry. I understand how important the fantasy of a place like Hogwarts is - of going somewhere that values your weirdness, your oddity, your desire to see the world differently. A place where being an oddball and a weirdo with your head in the clouds is the norm, where you're surrounded by other people who want to see magic in the world. I understand why you don't want to give that up.

The bad news is that you have to. I'm sorry, there's no excuses anymore, and honestly, there haven't really been any for a long time. The best you can do is argue ignorance, and if your best defense is "Well I'm a dummy who never reads the news ever," well, that's not a great place to be in your life, is it?

The good news, my friends, is that giving up Harry Potter does not mean you have to give up having a multi-book series about mystery-solving teens attending a school for wizards in a world filled with magical beasts and dark secrets. Take my hand, friends. It's time we left the grade school bullshit of Hogwarts and went off to college together. Follow me to the Academy of Applied Arcana and Magic...

...and let me tell you about Wizard School Mysteries.

A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO WIZARD SCHOOL MYSTERIES: THE NICOTINE PATCH FOR YOUR HARRY POTTER ADDICTION

Wizard School Mysteries is a series of novels about eight students attending a prestigious wizard college called the Academy of Applied Arcana and Magic, or the AAAM for short. These eighteen year old sleuths end up encountering all sorts of mysterious and deadly plots while trying to complete their studies, from unexplained disappearances to lethally-sabotaged sporting events, and even to outright unkillable monsters stalking campus and preying upon its students. By pooling their unique talents and perspectives, our eight meddlesome youths uncover the perpetrators of these plots and save the day, all while slowly unraveling the threads of a far greater scheme lurking behind the scenes.

Our protagonist is James Chaucer, a bespectacled wizard boy with shaggy black hair who escapes from an abusive home to begin studying magic at the AAAM. A chance encounter with a fortune teller on the road sucks him into the center of a prophecy that James is slowly realizing may be a much bigger deal than he initially believed. While generally even-tempered and unflappable, James has a tendency to overwork himself severely when trying to right wrongs, and is unyielding in his pursuit of justice and the truth.

Or, as one fan of this series said, "He's like if Harry Potter actually believed in something!"

James Chaucer is also a trans man, and his identity as a trans person is important to the plot - in fact, the first book's resolution would not be possible if James Chaucer was cis. This isn't a "oh there's totally representation in my wizard book series, you just have to read a tweet to know it's there!" thing, it's a part of the explicit text.

James's first friend is a goofy and kind-hearted wizard named Ivan Muromets. Coming from a poor home, Ivan is ignorant of a lot of things and often quick to call himself stupid, but his innocence also allows him to think up solutions and ideas that wouldn't occur to other people. He's a steadfast friend of James, and willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt no matter how often he gets burned for it.

Ivan is gay, and again, this is explicit in the text. He develops a crush on another boy in the first book, and that crush turns into a relationship in the second - the first canon romantic relationship in the series, in fact. Again, not something that was hastily tweeted out, but explicit in the text itself.

He also doesn't constantly neg the source of his affection out of envy, like some characters who fill his role in other stories do constantly.

The second friend James makes on his way to the AAAM is Gretchen Pappenheimer, a well-read and highly intelligent wizard girl with curly brown hair whose vast supply of booksmarts is juxtaposed next to her relative lack of social skills. Though she can be acerbic and blunt, Gretchen proves to be every bit as loyal and caring a friend as Ivan, and her vast knowledge of obscure magic lore make her an invaluable ally to James on his journey.

Gretchen is a trans woman, which is also established early in the series itself - when James explains his situation, Gretchen comments that she has the same issue but in reverse, and her dysphoria plays a key role in the conflict of the third book. She is also black, and again, this is part of the text, not something that I arbitrarily decided to take credit for when a stage production of a semi-canonical sequel to this series cast a black woman as her in it, like certain other authors I could mention did.

Now, you may be looking at these three and thinking, "Hold on, is this JUST a Harry Potter rip off then?" If so, congrats, you fell for my bait! I purposely made the first three of our eight kids superficially resemble the famous wizard kid trio from Harry Potter to jab at the expectation that Wizard School Mysteries is just a knockoff/parody of it. But by the time you get to chapter three, you'll realize that the story goes wildly off those rails and into some very different territory indeed.

After all, I said there were eight of these meddlesome youths, not three...

The fourth member of this merry band is Margot d'Francane, a girl whose magic powers come on so strong that her body has grown far larger than is normal to accommodate it, and even then, the sheer amount of destructive magic power she constantly channels has made her left hand wither as a grisly side effect. The group's muscle, Margot is sweet, polite, and more than capable of putting even the gnarliest magic monster six feet under.

Our fifth youth is Rodrigo Cervantes, the seventh son of a nobleman and James's room-mate at the AAAM. Being the only member of the team who comes from money, Rodrigo understands fashion, wealth, and the customs of noblity that otherwise ellude his peers, which proves crucial when their rogues gallery includes at least one royal villain. Add to this his ability to scope out threats to the teams' morale and network with allies from all sorts of circles, and you have a valuable member of the Meddlesome Youths.

Rodrigo is of Arabic descent - this is, unfortunately, not stated explicitly in the text, mainly because Wizard School Mysteries takes place in a fantasy world that doesn't have our modern day countries but rather rough equivalents of them, so there's not really an elegant in-universe way to say it explicitly, but the intent is that Rodrigo is Arabic, and I have tried to establish that in ways that make sense for the setting.

The sixth student to join the team is Serena Takeuchi, a wizard whose boundless and bubbly enthusiasm is matched only by her sheer tenacity on the battlefield. With unsurpassed skill in utilizing crystals in her magic and a keen eye for figuring out the motives behind people's actions, Serena helps the team both in battles of spellcraft and of the mind.

While not explicitly stated in the text for the same reasons as Rodrigo, Serena is of Japanese descent.

Our seventh Meddlesome Youth, Charlotte Bolshe, isn't a human wizard at all, but rather an Ettercap, i.e. a kind of spider-fairy. Because if you have a fantasy series about a world of magic people that canonically has several species of non-human people who are magical, it'd be kind of weird if not a single one of them was a main character, wouldn't it? Charlotte is a sweet, compassionate soul whose effortless kindness disguises a truly cunning mind. She also has something of a Little Mermaid complex, being fascinated with humanity and envious of their ability to live in places and ways that she, as of now, cannot.

Hey. Hey, you. Yes, you, the goth girl who had a crush on Draco Malfoy when you were fifteen, and spent years arguing that he was actually misunderstood and deserved a redemption arc, only to ultimately be disappointed when J.K. Rowling gave him none of the dimensions you projected onto him and ended his character arc with the redemption equivalent of a wet fart. Do you still crave to see a blonde rival to a bespectacled wizard boy protagonist who has hidden depths and slowly but surely grows into a good person?

Well, meet Polybeus Antony. You will be annoyed by him when you first meet him. Hell, you might even hate him. But by the end of book 2, you will love him. He might even be your favorite.

And yes, he has ship tease with the other boys. THEY ALL HAVE SHIP TEASE! I TEASE ALL THE SHIPS, AND I DO IT FOR YOU, GOTH GIRLS WHO WERE INFATUATED WITH DRACO MALFOY!

...

ahem.

Of course, the core group of kids is not the sole appeal of Harry Potter, because it also has a large supporting cast of characters who are just as beloved, and Wizard School Mysteries is no different in that regard! We have wacky teachers...

...whimsical students...

...and diabolical villains...

Oh, and magical creatures, of course. Fantastic beasts, the lot of 'em.

While there are continuous plot threads and changes to the status quo that make reading the series in order necessary, each book has its own mystery that is more or less independent - i.e. you will not find, say, a redundant recurring plotline of "the Big Bad has a new evil scheme to get back his body and/or take over the world" each book, but rather new villains with their own schemes that are independent of those that came before, and new curveballs they throw at the protagonists AND the audience as a result.

For example...

Wizard School Mysteries Book 1: The Meddlesome Youths sees our heroes come together for the first time as they unwrap a scheme by wicked fairies to spirit young wizards away into Fairyland.

Wizard School Mysteries Book 2: Tournament of Death sees our heroes trying to identify the culprit behind a series of violent and, eventually, LETHAL sabotages of the participants in the school's annual spell-casting tournament.

Wizard School Mysteries Book 3: Wicked Witchcraft pits our heroes against a seemingly unkillable undead monster, while at the same time one of their own is trapped in a literal internship from Hell.

And that's just the three novels currently published! A grant total of eight Wizard School Mysteries books are planned, and as a treat, I'm going to post the in-progress covers of the remaining five entries at the end of this - though be warned, there might be slight spoilers in them.

Before that, though, there's one last question to answer: where can you buy this wonderful series?

Well, as of now, you have two options. You can find the entire series on Amazon.com, and likely will be able to do so for the forseeable future. As much as I hate to be tied to Jeff Bezos's business, at the moment it's the only site that allows me to get this book to all the members of my audience who want it for an affordable price. Until there is a better option, it's gotta stay on Amazon.

...but if you don't mind paying for shipping, I do have the ability to buy these books at production cost, i.e. without giving Amazon a cent of profit. Simply send me a DM and I'll work on getting you copies that don't put money in Bezos's coffers, then send you a bill for the price of the book + whatever shipping ends up being once I've sent them to you in the mail. I'll even autograph them for free!

Ok, time for those covers. You read? Start scrolling!

[grievous-writes]

𝔹𝕆ℕ𝔻𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕊𝕀ℕ

Part Two

What happens to cherubs when they fall? There was already the damning example of God's golden Seraphim, where his fall from grace landed him upon the burning throne of Hell; to rule for all of time. A curse and, weirdly enough, a blessing. But you, a lone cherub sent on a nearly impossible quest? You landed smack dab in the middle of a courtroom in session; complete with a stunned jury and judge with burning eyes. 

Fandoms: HelluvaBoss & HazbinHotel Pairing: Female Reader / Fallen Cherub / “Asteria” x Satan Genre: SPICY Romance Rating: Mature +18

Tropes: slow burn, forbidden love, forced proximity, size difference, enemies to lovers, age gap, hurt & comfort, “Who did this to you?”, touch her and 💀

CWs: really possessive behavior, mild yandere, ALL THE SPICE, blood and gore, mentions of death, swearing, hard smut, personally RIP christianity to shreds, mild blood play, toxic people and situations, violence violence VIOLENCE, p in v, power imbalance, light dubcon, CNC (Honestly, just expect so much more down the line cause this story will develop out of control eventually!)

Notes: Reader is female (she/her), multi chapters, LONG posts and very little editing cause I HATE editing. I don’t know how to do TAGS quite yet, but let me know if you want to be notified for each update~

ℙ𝔸ℝ𝕋 𝕀 - 𝕁𝕌𝔻𝔾𝔼𝕄��ℕ𝕋 𝔽𝔸𝕃𝕃 𝕎𝕆ℝ𝔻 ℂ𝕆𝕌ℕ𝕋 - 𝟛𝟙𝟜𝟜 Story continues after the cut ...

Your mission was sealed in ancient oaths, never to be broken. Your goal set and fate was sealed. And after taking the last breath of the cleanest air in the universe … You lept. 

You fell. 

The violent sounds of an invisible storm boxed against your ear drums, and the scent of your searing holy flesh burned a horrible imprint into your own nose and throat. You could taste your own blood and muscles. Your long wings were tucked in tight as an unconscious reaction to the pain, doing their best to buffer your body against the maddening descent you faced. The world around you was set in white flame and blue lightning, a thunderous funnel of your fall from the familiar white clouds of home … and into burning pits far below. Everything hurt, everything burned! You were damned. And more so you, weren’t sure you’d survive the fall.

As you passed into the limits of light into dark, entering the solid void realm between Heaven and Hell, a new level of agony gripped your person. Something shattered in the back of your mind. And then there came a great surge; a pull.

A terrifying scream was pulled from your throat, like one scratching their nails on a slate board, and you felt all the weight of existence try to rip apart your already fracturing soul from any and all orifices it could. Iron viscera streamed from your nose and ears, then out of your mouth like an explosion of red ribbons, and you gagged on the charred, chucky fresh in your mouth. To a holy creature like yourself, a cherub born in Heaven and older than most, there was no difference between your soul and flesh; all was fair game when existence came to collect.

It took you a moment to understand those chunks in your mouth were your own gums being cut apart, making way for fangs to grow from your upper jaw. And your once blunt finger nails cracked and bleed like a lightning struck tree; and from bleeding nail beds grew out long, black talons that ripped right back at exsistance.You gagged on your blood and thrashed your tail about; as if to strike the invisible force assaulting you. It didn’t help much. 

As you continued the struggle, crashing down through the void’s bottom and bursting forth across deep red sky, you felt the final grace of Heaven ripped from your self of being; leaving open wounds on your personhood. You made it, you lived! You had officially fallen and survived … Barely. And with so many unforeseen consequences waiting on the far landscape below, you weren’t sure for how long you’d continue to live once meeting the denizens of Hell. Especially after the last time angels came to “visit”. Adam’s loss left many angelic bodies to eat and you knew the horror stories about the cannibal population. 

As you looked down to the upper layer of Hell, seeing the many buildings set in a massive pentagram, you quickly realized that there was not much space between where you breached Hell’s sky and the quickly approaching ground. And you were falling far too fast and hot to land peacefully. You were a shooting star across their crimson sky and you prayed that you landed where you were supposed to go. Your Patron assured you that, with her own incantations and connections, you would be delivered to Princess Morningstar immediately and with minimal damage. Keyword being minimal, not without. 

It occurred to you then that, if the Princess had no idea you were coming, she could be anywhere doing anything … like taking a shower. Or sleeping. Baking cookies. Or possibly in a meeting with someone important - Like her father. And then, oh hello,a random fallen cherub slams through a roof! This was going to be awkward. And dangerous. But you understood that danger was going to be a constant on this quest, no matter the outcome. 

There was a shove at your back, as if something unseen hand shifted your descent's direction, and you felt your body turn to a rather impressive looking building; set in the middle of a busy city district. It looked like a courthouse? No, a palace? Maybe a mix of the two. Either way, the architecture was intimidating and screamed authority. It could’ve also been a jail, but you had never seen one of those before. Heaven had no need for jails. Maybe a time out corner, but even those were nice and padded with soft chairs. This building was anything but soft - Complete with black spiral towers, barbed fences, and a large lava motte that encircled the estate like a fiery ring. 

Well, whatever it was, that was seemingly where Princess Morningstar was and you were incoming.You frowned and tried to twist your body to better open your wings, unsure if they would be snapped off as you tried to slow your fall. There were two things you noticed immediately about yourself in doing so. 

One: Your once short, rounded, ingenue limbs were gone - Replaced with long, thin arms and even longer legs; with fingers and toes just as lanky. You could see flexing muscles rippling under your once soft skin, and your new heavy bones felt like heavy steel rebar. You were heavy, thick, and cold. 

Two: Your once cute, round snake muzzle was cut blunt. Your face had been squashed inward, taking away your animal features and rearranging your face to be more, weirdly enough, humane. You had a nose, flared nostrils, and your mouth felt too small for all your teeth. 

Your distraction was short lived as a third sight came into view; nothing to do with your body. From below, bursting through a large, stained glass window set into one of the tall walls of the building, exploded a massive burst of fire and light. It looked like an explosion with something rocketing up from the flaming bits of the building. You squinted and saw six large, red wings flared and flapping in your direction. In all your eons of living, you had always known and remembered his wings to be gold … never red. But even in this new coat of colors you still knew who this was; his corrupted, unholy aura was as brilliant as a supernova.

There was no chance to scream out your intentions, to show you were no threat, and to the King of Hell any unknown was surely an instant threat. So, as Lucifer flew directly towards you, all you could do was hold up your arms and brace for impact. Bodies slammed, wings collided, and you felt little arms wrap deadly tight about your back and head; trapping you but also … embracing you. Both of you were sent into an out of control spiral, and in those short seconds before you both made impact with the building’s hard stone floor, your fallen souls connected. 

You blinked and were in a quiet calm space, where dim light floated about your head and your falling ceased. You took a moment to breathe and felt nothing. 

“Alright, okay, cool, two questions!” A chipper, anxious voice called out. “Who are you and what the fuck are you doing?”

You looked to your right and floating next to you, much smaller than you remember him being, was Lucifer; sharing whatever space this was with you. The man was a bit more different then you recalled, and yet some things remained the same. His yellow hair, rosy cheeks, and large eyes were familiar. But his smile had fangs, his scalarias were red, he had a long spade tail, and his halo was gone … replaced with a very large hat and fiery horns.

The Golden Seraphim was gone, and in exchange stood the flashy, ostentatious Ringleader of Hell.

You must’ve not answered his question quick enough and Lucificer glared with a harder, barely friendly smile. “You gonna fucking say something? Anything? Give an explanation?! Or should I just kick your ass right now?” 

“I-!” You stuttered, taken back by how your voice sounded in this otherworldly pocket of existence; quickly collecting yourself as best you could. “Please, d-don’t do that! I don’t wanna hurt anyone.”

“Aaaaaand you expect me to believe that?” He chuckled with a raised sharp brow. “Especially after lots of murderous angel fucks tried to kill my daughter not too long ago … Soooo-?” 

Pointing fingers wasn’t going to save you, even if Adam was rightfully to blame. Because in your inaction at the time, like many who still stood by and had to let Adam descend once more, you were in a way to blame as well. You could’ve stopped it, at least could’ve stood up at the time with Charlie and Emily. But it was only after did you act and seek out the more compassionate Seraphim. 

You had your mission now and it was your part to play in atonement. 

“Emily sent me to be a lesion, a connecting point, between with herself and Princess Morningstar.” You said truthfully, which seemed to take Lucifer by surprise. 

His smile began to sag. “Uhhh, who's that and why?”

“Emily. She’s one of the newer Seraphims that was created after … long after you fell.” You sighed. “She wants to help your daughter save sinners. The Princess’ plan worked as one of your sinners was redeemed. A snake fellow. He showed up in Heaven shortly after the remaining exorcists returned and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!! Go back!” Lucifer did a rewinding motions with his wiggling fingers. “Heaven wants to help?!”

“N-No, just Emily and me.” You felt your heart ache as Lucifer deflated ever so. “There are still too many up at the top who are fearful of change, especially now with Adam permanently gone. T-They don’t know what this means. None of us do.” 

“But you still came here?”

“I did.”

“Well, shit, that’s … You,” And a cold realization shadowed over the King’s face. “Fell.” 

“I did.” A saddened half smile spread over your lips. “Emily needed a direct connection to Princess Mornmingstar. Heaven’s closed all their doors, locked every window. No messages will be able to get in or out. No calls to meet, no letters, nothing. But given what I am, what my job was before, falling was the best option for communication.”

“Yeah, sure.” Lucifer's light tone was all gone and a frown creased his expression. You knew he had barely any evidence to trust you so you weren’t hurt by his lack of distrust. It was all understandable. “How does that work then?”

“I can explain better once we leave,” You stole glances back out into the space the two of you floated in. “Wherever this is. It’s a pocket dimension?”

“Something like that.” Lucifer sighed and shook his head. “Look, I’m one to love big flashy entrances, fireworks and band music, but you could’ve at least knocked before busting through Hell’s defenses. Those wards were a pain in the ass to make. They took forever!” 

“Erm, Sorry. We weren’t sure what I’d have to fall through to get down here.” You tried to smile but you suddenly felt so very tired. Weighed down. Slowly even. It was as if your body was sinking into sand. Even your head felt heavy and your ears filled with preverbal water. 

“Oh shit, easy there!” Before you could fall over, Lucifer caught you in his thin but mighty arms. “The wards took a shit ton out of you, little lady. Even in this time bubble, you're weakened.” 

“What happens when g-go back to the real world?”

“Weeeell,” Lucifer chuckled with an apologetic smile. “We may or may not land smack-dab in the middle of my daughter’s opening statement to the leading Sins of Hell. In a full courtroom. With it broadcasting across all the rings of Hell. I barely managed to catch you in time and save the entire courtroom from blasting into a crater. Sooo, it’s not gonna be pretty!” 

“I’m s-sorry.” Your eyes began to close and your voice slurred.

He shrugged. “Eh, you can make it up to me later. Bedies, it’s Satan who's gonna be more pissed than anyone else. If there’s one thing he hates more than fallen angels … it’s when his court is interrupted. Just, hold tight-”

Even as your mind began to slip away, you managed to wrap your arms about Lusificer’s shoulders and cling to his white coat. In turn, his own hold on your body was firm and his large crimson wingspan encircled you both like a warm cocoon.

“-And get ready for a lot of ouchies. Cobblestone is fucking awful landing on.” You heard the hesitant playful tone in his voice and couldn’t help but smile.

“I think we’ve both felt worse ouchies than falling on cobblestone, Sir.” 

“Amen to that, Sister.” 

One moment everything was still, calm, and quiet. Then with a violent reminder to reality, you felt Lusificer and yourself slammed hard against a smoldering stone floor and scorching fire erupting from your impact. Splashes of lava and shards of obsession exploded out from where you both landed, followed by a shower of rocky debris that showered over you in a messy, ashy impact cloud. While you were barely conscious, with your ears ringing and your vision spotty, you could hear vague screams of horror and panic. 

Lucifer was on top of you, his wings cushioning your spine, and you could tell one of his beautiful crimson wings was broken by how it felt under your lower back. There was a snap, a crunch, and you dared not move in fear or damage that wing even further. You groaned and tried to reach over your protector; pressing your palm to his back to make sure he was breathing.You sighed of relief at feeling his take a long labored breath. 

“Ouchie.” Lucifer whined.

“Dad!” You heard Princess Morningstar’s shrilled fear as she ran over, followed by many others. 

You didn’t know any of these people, a mix of sinners and natural hellborn peoples, and you didn’t have the conscious mind to try to remember any then and there. And while Lucifer or Charlie didn’t have to trust anything you said or promised to do, that hopeful if not naive side of yourself prayed that they’d at least give you an opportunity to explain it all: About your fall, the mission, and what miracles could be achieved together.

For now, all you could do was lay limp, close your eyes, and let people drag you and Lucifer out from the very big hole you made. You could hear softer voices become distant - More than likely being Charlie and her entourage retreating with Lucifer in tow. Meanwhile, a much closer and louder debate was looming over you.

“I ain’t touchin’ it!” Someone with a nasally, deeply annoying voice shouted; the sounds of bells following behind his exclamation. “We should just fuckin’ kill it!”

“Dude, slow your fucking rolls!” A woman’s voice came next and her accent was slurred in an oddly fun manner. “They are literally passed out!”

“Fuck off, you oversized bimbo bumblebee!” The jingle bell man shouted back. “We all know what that little shit is and how much trouble they are! Fuckin’ Kill. It!” 

“Back the fuck up, Mammon!” A second maculine’s voice spoke out; licked with flames and closer to you in proximity than the first two. “We’re not doing anything until Lucifer is back, alright? So cool it!”

“AH! Eat Shit Oz!!” 

“ENOUGH!!” A fourth and final voice caught your attention in all the chaos, silencing the first three with a deep resonant growl. “I ain’t got the time nor patience to deal with you lot pulling any shit funny right now! So, listen good cause I’m only gonna be sayin’ this once.” 

The baritone figure continued, and his growl was ever present in every word; a hidden threat barely contained by a tight jaw and clenched teeth. “You’re gonna clear all these chuckle-fucks outta my courtroom, get the media under control, and make sure your fuckin’ rings don’t go into a full blown panic. We already had enough to deal with letting our little Princess have her day in court and possibly cause mass hysteria with her wild ideas.”

It was then you felt enormously thick and warm fingers slide under your body and pick you up from the ruined floor; strong, slow, and careful. Or as careful as someone who was apparently a mass of anger and nerve could be. The fingers rolled you into a warm, meaty palm and cupped your aching body against scaly skin. Everything hurt but this was marginally better then just being left to lay on the ground.

“We cannot, and will not, allow whatever this lost little angel was gonna do fuck over today any more then it already is. Asmodeus’ point stands: We wait for Lucifer’s wake.” 

There were soft agreements, with one being a bit more stubborn than the others but he too fell in line. 

“Well, get to it!” The one who spoke, who held you in his impressively large hand, chuffed. “Nothing's gonna get done if we just look at one another.” 

“Uhh, real quick?” The more feminine voice spoke up with mild concern. “You’re not gonna let them be like … naked while we wait, right? Looks like whatever they were before got burned the fuck off.”

“Oh, uhh,” And for the first time in the entire conversation, the one who was holding you sounded immediately out of his element. And you felt your body heat up with a fire that was deftly more than the burning from your shoddy landing. 

“It’s okay dude. I’ll tots have some clothes sent for them in a bit. See about getting them looked over? A doctor couldn’t hurt.”

“Right. Ahem.” He cleared his voice and turned away, and each footfall the man made vibrated your body. You dared to peek open one eye and was met with the blurry visage of a red faced demon-dragon; his head wreathed with four black horns and four yellow eyes looking over his shoulder. “There’s only one prison that can hold an angel in my entire collection. I’ll be waitin’ there.” 

And as your vision grew dark, shapes and faces losing all meaning, you barely managed in time to speak. “T-Thank … you.”

The dragon’s breath was hot as he growled again; half amused. “Don’t you go thankin’ me yet, little star. For the time being I’m your judge and jailor, and you won’t be enjoin’ that too much.”

“I-”

“Quiet.” He huffed. “I ain’t in no mood to talk.” And with no fight left, you slipped into a deep rest. There were no dreams. No fire. No pain. No cold or comfort. Just sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

WELL ... if you made it here, congratulations! You found my random author's note XD Your prize is a magic bag of beans and may or may not take you to a far away magical land~ I've never tried to plant them so your guess is a s good as mine! But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this first part/chapter into this story <3 It's gonna be a wild ride, so if you want to be tagged for the next upload, let me know in the comments!! Also, while I'm gonna be posting this story chronologically, you can still make Satan x reader requests in my DMs as well! HIT ME!! 🫘Thank you, my lovely little beans 🫘