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medleyofthepast · 25 days ago

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↑←Top Man→↓

A/N: due to how the comics go, Top Man is only available to certain OCs and the second and third line of Robot Masters until further notice. (IE: Double Z needs to do more research into the GBA games and figure out WTF is going on.)

Serial No. DWN -- 021

Age: No age in mind at the time of his creation, let's say 19.

Favorite Band: Dead or Alive

Top Man was codesigned by Dr. Light and Dr. Wily as a means of surveying and scouting other planets. These designs were something the two worked on in college, inspired by the Mars Rover, as a group project with no intent to actually create him. That was until Dr. Wily decided to take over the world. When creating the second line of Robot Masters, Dr. Wily revisited Top Man's concept, redesigned him for combat, but lacked the materials and time to make him.

Then, Dr. Wily would stumble upon some ancient ruins, where he found Ra Moon: an ancient alien entity who'd take the Robot Master designs in Wily's laptop and give them life. That was when Top Man would be realized.

Top Man was the type of person who acted drunk on life and loved to laugh as much as he loved life. Despite his allegiances, the guy was known for his kindness and generally welcoming arms. He was also known throughout the ruins for his love of dancing and his ability to make his own music when there wasn't any- though he definitely preferred to listen and dance a bit more than to create.

Top Man was by far the weakest of his brothers, which is not something he likes to think about, or be reminded of, which is why he is in constant denial about it. After all, destroying Mega Man was what he was created to do: why would he accept that he was bad at the very thing he was made for?

Despite the weakness, Top Man's strengths lie in much more in his charisma, and how he unites his brothers together. Top Man has this "natural" ability to get almost anyone to do almost anything he wants just by talking. While this wasn't planned or something that was programmed into him, Wily had intended very much to use this innate and unintended ability to his advantage when the time came to reveal himself and his army. If only things had panned out that way.

When Ra Moon extended his EMP Field, Top Man was, admittedly a bit nervous. He didn't feel ready, and was beginning to wonder if maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't have been spending so much time goofing off. Shadow Man assured him things would be fine, however, and his nerves were quickly forgotten. He couldn't help but fantasize about what his epic battle with Mega Man would look like. Maybe they could duke it out over a pit of acid, where one fatal hit would be what did Mega Man in. Oh, but that was assuming he showed up. And Mega Man never did.

Wait, did he? Top Man wouldn't even be able to say exactly when, but at some point, things went dark. He wasn't offline, but all he could see was that symbol on Ra Moon. He could hear a few things but nothing was quite registering: it was like he was off in his own corner of his processor, just watching and listening to vague clips of what was happening outside his body. When he came back to, it was like the largest infight ever had happened. Wily came up with a new plan, and all his Robot Masters immediately followed through with it.

Of course, the first thing they needed to do was track down Shadow Man to recruit him- homeboy deserved a second chance after all. Once that was taken care of, they were ordered to dramatically steal the energy elements at Gamma's unveiling, the coordinates provided by Dr. Wily himself, of course. Top Man had this on lock- drama was his middle name!

Really, the hard part of this plan was waiting to prove himself. All he could think about as he was meticulously setting up his stage for Mega Man, was how he'd wear him down- assuming he didn't fall down a pit, and how by the time he'd get to him, Mega Man would be all too easy to take down. He'd do so with his charismatic elegance and grace, whereas that clumsy blue bomber would perish by his smooth moves.

...except that didn't happen. None of that happened. Nonono, instead, Mega Man used his dog to cheat his way through the perilous traps he so painstakingly placed! All this hype and Mega Brat was a filthy cheater!! Now taking him out was as much about pride as it was his self-worth and following orders.

But unfortunately, history repeats itself, and just like the sixteen Robot Masters that Wily used before him, Top Man was felled by the blue bomber, and his world went dark.

And then... Then it wasn't. He was back online and Spark Man was hugging him and sobbing incoherently. Air Man welcomed him back to the world, and explained everything that was going on as Top Man watched Mega Man work on Gemini Man. Apparently they were going to all be gifted a second chance at life, to find an honest function, and be given the opportunity to do something good instead of destructive. Something Dr. Wily never gave them. At first, Top Man was pretty stoked about it! He'd get to... He would be able to....

...what... What would he do? He was designed as some sort of scouter for foreign planets, but.... Well that didn't appeal to him at all. It sounded way too lonely and boring compared to what he'd gotten used to. He didn't want to spend time secluded from other Robot Masters, but what else was there for him? He was just too specialized. He'd think it over for some time, and then when Magnet Man was reactivated and given the rundown, Top Man would ask for his opinion. Unfortunately, Magnet Man was pretty much in the same boat, he had no idea what either one of them would do either.

They came to the unfortunate conclusion that this second chance at life wasn't meant to be. Not for them. There was a twinge of guilt, thinking about how Spark Man would react, but Top Man elected to ignore it. If these were going to be his last moments alive, he'd rather spend them laughing, dancing, and enjoying the company of his brothers, one last time.

#Out of Cosmos #About #Bio #🌀🛼 when i'm spinnin'! {top man} 🛼🌀#☄️💙 mega man 💙☄️

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olderjodijournals · 4 months ago

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SUNDAY, JUNE 11, 1989

I’ve been up all night and this morning. Andy and I were gonna hit the beach, but he’s exhausted. I’m gonna drop off soon myself. I’ve been up since 9:00 last night.

I finally got my furniture from the house which has been sold. It’s quite nice, but Jessie isn’t gonna be able to take my old furniture, so I’m stuck with it for now till I can sell it. Thank God my living room is as big as it is.

Jessie had an ovarian cyst removed Friday and she’s still in the hospital. Doing well, though.

I saw Dr. Moshiri last Friday and he’s impressed with the progress I’m making with cutting down the Navane and says my TD’s about 75% better. I can go 3-4 days without it! I haven’t taken it since Friday (5 mg) and I feel fine. No racing thoughts. Occasionally I get a little irritable, so I take it then. Moshiri said there may be times every now and then when I may need it and that’s ok. As time goes on, I’ll need it less and less. No more using it as a crutch to solve my problems. I’m gonna learn to cope drug-free.

I got a new therapist and she seems pretty good so far.

MONDAY, JUNE 12, 1989

I fell asleep somewhere around 7:30 or so and woke up around 1:00. I called Andy who’s finishing up a movie he’s watching and will call me back. For now, I think I’ll rank on Nervous.

Later…

This morning I fell asleep at about 7:00, then woke up at noon to Andy’s voice on my machine saying he wanted to go to the beach, so we’re on our way. It’s awfully hard to write though while he’s driving. Well, we’re just about here. We just turned off into Old Lyme.

Later…

After I get home and shower I’m sure I’ll be really red. I hope it’s kind of like the last time but no more or else I’ll really be hurting. The last time I didn’t notice any color till after I’d been home almost an hour. But now we’re not even halfway home and I can see red.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14, 1989

Yesterday I slept very long and late and today I have several things I need to get done. It’ll make me feel good just to get out. First, though, I’m gonna sleep till around 11:00.

For a while last night, I was browsing through my journals. It was all mostly stuff I do not care to remember, but interesting anyway, cuz I’ve come a long way.

FRIDAY, JUNE 16, 1989

Well, one thing’s for sure and that is that I’ve definitely decided to stay alone. Fantasy is the best way to go for sure cuz everything is just as you want it to be during fantasy. Like I’ve said before, I’d rather fantasize about first best than settle for second best, and I’m proud of myself for being one of the very few smart ones that won’t put up with the heartache, hassles, and the ups and downs that even the best relationships have. I am totally independent and would never and could never depend on anyone for sex, money or love. I just wish I could have a kid, but I know I never will. I guess God has chosen me to be one of the ones to control the world’s population. I may be sterile, anyway.

Though I’m still up, the furniture guy’s coming from Goodwill to hopefully buy my couch, two chairs and nightstand soon, so I’ll just wait till after he leaves. I guess he’ll be here at 9:00.

Last night Andy and I talked on the phone for 2½ hours.

Later…

I woke up not too long ago. The furniture people never came.

About two hours before bed this morning, I destroyed my remaining half a pack of cigarettes. I’ve been awake now for almost an hour and I do not feel like I want one. Physically I’m half dead cuz of my asthma and allergies, and mentally I’m disgusted by what it’s done to my singing and how much money I have burned and wasted killing myself with cigarettes. I’ll take advantage of my asthma and allergies and look at it as a gift cuz if I didn’t have allergies or asthma I’d burn my money on smoking till I became as old as my mom, get emphysema or cancer and die. Also, this is God’s way of preserving my voice and allowing me to reach my full potential.

I slept late today and didn’t and couldn’t do much with all the fucking rain we’ve been having. My allergies and lungs are killing me and I’m so depressed. If I ever want to sing better I must quit smoking, but of course, that’s easier said than done. I fucking feel like I’m dying, I’m so short of breath. I’m so lonely, so bored too. If I could only stop smoking and feel and sing better. Then I’d have so much more energy and motivation to do all the other stuff I do pertaining to music. I’d be so happy, too. But a girlfriend is the last thing on my mind. A relationship is definitely something I can do without and don’t need or desire anymore. Not in the cards for me for sure.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18, 1989

Been up 24 hours. To give a brief account of what I’ve done, well, I finally put up all my curtains. Except for the back door, cuz I need a rod and hooks.

Jo L was up here today for a visit, believe it or not. She and Eddie are moving! I’m psyched cuz I can’t stand Eddie. He’s a sicko and he’s lucky he hasn’t given me any shit.

At 5:00, Andy and I went to Denny’s in Chicopee and got hired for third shift. We start tomorrow night.

I’d write more, but I really need to get to sleep. I clean Russ’s house tomorrow at 1:00. How fun, huh?

TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 1989

Well, I got in from work about an hour ago, and I think I’m definitely going to like this job. Bonnie, who was my trainer, is very friendly and gorgeous! For my first 3 hours, I was nervous, but then I began to feel more comfortable and get the hang of things. I learned more and did more than I thought I’d do on the first night. It seemed overwhelming at first, all the stuff I’ve got to learn. Where the food is, the menu, ordering codes, etc. There’s a lot of side work to be done too, which I don’t like, but once I get a system down, it should be easier and quicker to do.

One guy asked me to get him a pack of ciggies. Bonnie said that this time I could do it, but normally they get their own ciggies. When I brought them to him, he told me I was beautiful and gave me $2. Weird, huh? I didn’t expect to make a penny. See the fun advantages of being “good-looking?” Of course, it’s also a disadvantage when guys are always hitting on you.

Bonnie says working 4 nights a week she can make $400! Everyone says the graveyard shift is the best moneymaking shift. I was surprised at first, but it’s true. You have to deal with a lot of drunks, though, cuz of the 2:00 bar rush. It’s a popular restaurant too, and it’s the busiest on Friday and Saturday nights. Tonight was dead, and Andy, who required hardly any training, made $35! One night Bonnie and a few other girls made $140!

I’m so glad I never worked at Friendly’s or Steiger’s, and I’ll never work under the table again for anyone personally. Too much trouble. Jim still owes me $36. I’ll just keep harassing him till I get it.

I canceled Russ’s house for good and he seemed a little upset, but that’s just too bad. I don’t need any other work with this job. It would be too much to handle.

Later…

Russ still wants me to sweep the stairwells which Nervous did a half-assed job and that I got bitched out for, but I don’t feel like doing them or cleaning vacant apartments.

Andy and I are going to the beach on Friday, our day off.

I haven’t heard from Tammy like I knew I wouldn’t (my sister) and I’m not calling her so I can save money.

I haven’t heard from the other Tammy either. She called a week ago saying she wasn’t going to move to Florida and that Will was gonna be in jail for something quite bad. Oh well. Eventually, she’ll learn what guys are all about.

I haven’t heard from Jessie for several days either, so she must still be in pain. I should call her tomorrow.

Also, I need to call my therapist who’s probably pissed off at me.

FRIDAY, JUNE 23, 1989

Well, here we are at the beach. We weren’t even here for two hours when we felt as if we were burning really bad, and now Andy just fucking conked out on the backseat of the car saying he wants at least 3 hours of sleep! Never ever again will we come down here after we’ve worked the night before. What the fuck am I gonna do sitting here for 3 Goddamn, motherfucking hours?!

Later…

I’m still stuck here and bored out of my freaking mind. When the hell is he gonna wake up? I tried to wake him, but he doesn’t want to get the fuck up. Never again will we come down here again unless he and I have had the previous night off and the next night off. I just want to fucking go home!

I chatted with Charlotte and Jim and also Natalie and Al. Sure enough, just as I suspected, Natalie and Al are no longer friends with Ma or Dad. They know what assholes they can be and what we went through as kids and apparently have had enough. They’ve lost quite a few friends over the years.

I’m supposed to see my therapist tomorrow but there’s no way I can. Tonight I’m gonna need to sleep until late morning or early afternoon. I’ll call her for sure Monday.

Oh shit! Goodwill was supposed to come today! Now I’ll be stuck with the furniture till Tuesday or later.

Looks like Andy may wake up now cuz there are tons of people talking.

Jo L, by the way, changed her mind about the furniture which I had also offered to her. She’s decided to get new furniture and she’s afraid wacko Eddie will get suspicious. How can a woman kiss a male’s ass for so many years? Although even she herself did advise me never to get involved with anyone so I can come and go as I please and never answer to anyone. If I were her I’d kill Eddie long before I’d give up all I’ve ever wanted and put up with him. I’d never sacrifice for anyone as she has.

I was shocked, by the way, cuz last Monday night, I think it was, Linda called and came over. She pretended not to know about the time I called the afternoon she hung up on me. We got a pizza, then ranked on Nervous like hell. We pretended we were getting off on each other and although he denied he was even horny, we knew he was jerking it.

Andy finally got up and is going to take a piss in the shed.

SUNDAY, JUNE 25, 1989

Last night at work I did excellent for my first night on my own. I only had 11 orders yet made $23. The others didn’t do so well. Except for Bonnie and Robin, of course.

Ma bitched us out for parking in her driveway at the beach but we both know she’s just trying to discourage us from going there cuz she doesn’t want us talking her down to anyone. Nothing will stop us, though. We’ll just park on Soundview.

Tomorrow I’m getting a waterbed that Mom and Dad are having delivered and set up.

THURSDAY, JUNE 29, 1989

Ma had a queen-size waterbed delivered today and it is awesome! It cost almost $400 with the sheets, the guy said. It has shelves for a headboard.

My neighbors Mark, down on the 1st floor, and Steve, the black guy in #16 across the hall, moved my old double bed out of here yesterday.

I didn’t like the guy who delivered the bed, though. He asked me if I was married and when I told him I was gay he just said, “Oh, you don’t like guys?” And that was it, luckily. He probably would’ve hit on me otherwise. I have a feeling I’m in for some prank calls. He has my number, and I know how men love to try to change or harass gay women.

Goodwill came two days ago and took my furniture and my place is finally in order.

Jo and Eddie moved out yesterday!

Today, whenever Andy gets up, I’m gonna go to West Springfield with him to get Gloria’s picture I had blown up into a huge poster. The girl that works there, Patty, is gay. She’s Mary’s boyfriend’s sister. She’s no goddess, but she’s prettier than Linda. I hope she has a girlfriend and doesn’t hit on me cuz I could never handle a relationship, and I’d just lose her if she was decent. And decent she seems. She’s a kindergarten teacher, too.

Statistics say 1 out of 10 people are gay.

FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 1989

I fell asleep last night at around 2:30 after Andy and I had a very long nice talk. We’re heading to the beach after I spend a few hours with Mom and Dad. They’re picking me up at 1:00.

Andy and I are staying overnight at an inn, then we’ll come back tomorrow.

Last night, Ma was up here for a little over two hours and we had an excellent talk. It shocks the shit out of me how supportive she’s become of my music. I sang for her and I thought it sucked cuz I was stuffed up, but she was smiling and did seem somewhat impressed. Andy said last night, “The more you continue to improve and they see that and that you really love music, the more they’re gonna encourage you to do it.”

She also was telling me how proud of me she was for teaching myself sign language. She told me how she and Dad met this deaf woman at their store.

Nervous will be here whenever. He’s picking me up a super nice journal I’ve been wanting, though it has no lines.

Later…

I wish it were now 1:00 so I can go shopping with my parents at the mall. They sold their store in the Eastfield Mall and now they have a store in Florida.

Today I was up and wide awake by 8:00, cuz I slept about 16 hours yesterday after being up 24 hours. So I required very little sleep last night and the only reason I slept, to begin with, was cuz it was cool. If it were hot, I’d never have slept.

Nervous is now reading journal #7 and the beginning of #10. Hopefully, he returns them before I go to the beach. Of course, he’s 100% trustworthy, but I feel more comfortable when they’re here safe at home. An accident could happen where they’re lost or damaged. Of course, I’d kill him even if it weren’t his fault.

I need a new blue pen after fucking Linda and her butch friend fucked up them by drawing on my potatoes. I swear some people have nothing better to do!

I’m going to McCrory’s in the mall today. Maybe they’ll have some journals at good prices. They usually have a lot of nice stuff at good prices. Clothes and all kinds of cute things.

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au-ra-babygirl · 1 year ago

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Meeting

“You want to what?” Zevri asks, sure she was misunderstanding.

“I want to restart the trans meetings,” Sholi repeats. Ever since the beach day and her talk with Augustine, she’d been thinking about the idea and liked it a lot. “We could even mention on the flyer that intersex and questioning folks are welcome.”

Zevri pauses to think. “I dunno. They didn’t go so well last time, and I don’t want to be the only one advocating for them to continue.”

“But you wouldn’t be,” Sholi counters. “This time you’d have me and Augustine and Blyss. We were all at the last go around and could help you set up things to make it easier.”

“Yeah, but… I still don’t know. It’s a lot of work, and getting the word around Limsa isn’t easy.”

“Because we didn’t distribute enough flyers. I only saw one before coming to my first meetin’. Maybe this time we could print off multiple and post them around in various key points. Maybe make little tabs with the address, so someone doesn’t have to take the whole flyer if they want to remember when and where the meetin’s are being held.”

“That’s still a lot of work,” Zevri replies. She brings a hand to her chin thoughtfully. “I mean, if all three of you were truly on board though… it might be possible to restart the meetings, but only if all three of you actually help.”

Sholi salutes. “Can do, boss.”

Zevri’s nose scrunches. “Please don’t call me that.”

“Right. So where do we start?”

It takes almost a month, dozens of failed flyer designs, numerous arguments, and too many late nights to count before the first meeting of the Trans Limsa Union is up and ready to go. The night before the event, Sholi spends the evening with Masa and Zevri, the two having gotten closer since the start of this escapade almost a month ago.

In that time, Masa has quickly started rising through the Arcanist’s Guild as a budding star. She’s not quite at Augustine’s level yet, but she’s doing good all things considered. They and Zevri have gotten closer, which Sholi’s little gay polyamorous heart adores. It makes her dreams of having both of them together feel a little closer to reality, though neither are ready to make such a move yet.

Their, Sholi and Masa’s that is, relationship seems to be smooth sailing as well. Sholi feels like she’s fucked up on occasion, but she’s gotten better at voicing about her needs and wants, something she failed to do with Zevri. She’s also gotten better about talking about things she doesn’t want to as well instead of keeping them bottled up inside. Maybe not perfect, but she feels like she’s making progress and that has to mean something, right?

Masa has also gotten closer to the other members of their motley crew. They and Colette seem to get along the best, and Colette had become their confidant in some ways seeing as Sholi is a romantic interest and… well, even Sholi isn’t sure what Zevri and Masa are. Zevri had admitted to finding the Au Ra cute but also claimed they weren’t her type when the subject came up. Sholi finds herself hoping Zevri would change her mind, but only Masa could do that.

Oh well. Something to hope (and fantasize about) for in the future.

Augustine and Masa, however, seemed to get along like a house on fire. Once the two got past their quietness to actually have a one-on-one conversation, it quickly became apparent that magic wasn’t the only thing they had in common. It was what initially bonded them, but since then, they’d realized they both shared a lot of botany and cooking and could be found in the kitchen of Zevri’s house together on some of those long nights debating how to go about restarting their trans meetings.

Masa hadn’t wanted to play a big role in arranging it given their current state of questioning but had been willing to help when needed, such as helping post flyers around the city and cooking meals when the rest of them were so engaged in debiting that none of them realized it was long past dinner and no one wanted to eat out.

Colette also hadn’t played a huge role due to her being cisgendered, but she too had helped in small ways like hanging flyers, talking to people, and generally being a good friend and listening when her friends and brother needed to vent about the ongoings of the situation.

When the day finally came, they found a table in the corner of the tavern and arranged the taller flyer on the table for all to see. It felt a little terrifying posting her intersexedness for all to see, but if it helped someone in need, she supposed the publicness was a small price to pay.

At five minutes before the hour, their first arrival finally shows up. They’re a small viera person with large white ears and masculine clothing. They ask if this is the right place for the trans meetinging despite the giant sign on the table. Sholi is quick to agree, and offers them her chair before going to a nearby table and snagging another one.

As they chat with the newcomer, they decide to give it till fifteen past to officially start anything, seeing as that would give any stragglers plenty of time to find them. Sholi finds herself questioning if they’ll actually end up having more than one person show up, but soon finds herself surprised as a pair of Hyur arrive right on the hour.

The fifteen minutes pass quicker than she would’ve guessed, and by the time the meeting starts, they have the viera person (they/them), the two Hyur (one a binary trans woman and the other an enby), another Elezen (she/her), and a Lalafell (any pronouns). Not bad for the first time they’ve done this.

The meeting itself only lasts an hour, and by the end of it, Sholi is convinced that she’ll be seeing them all again next time, and not just because they promised to spread the word and get more people to show. All in all, it’s not bad for a first go around, and once everyone’s left, Sholi drapes herself over her chair, one arm over the back while her legs are perched on Masa’s lap. “Well, that wasn’t so bad. Kinda similar to my first meetin’ of y’all.”

Zevri nods. “Agreed. It wasn’t a bad turnout, but we’ll probably need more if we’re going to make this a regular thing.”

“We might need to find a bigger space for next time too,” Augustine adds. “Between the five of us and our,” he counts under his breath, raising his fingers as he does, “five guests, we had ten people. Awful lot for a tavern this size.”

“Good point,” Zevri agrees with that as well. “Maybe next time we can rent a room at the inn? Not like a room-room, but see if there’s any kind of conference type room we could look at.”

“Conference room would be good,” Sholi agrees. “We could have a table set up at the back with snacks lining it as a treat. Maybe Masa and Augustine could whip up some finger foods or we can buy them or something?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” Augustine replies. “If we only hold these meetings once a month, that wouldn’t take too much effort to whip of some snacky food for ten-ish people.”

Masa nods. “I wouldn’t mind helping with that.”

“So it’s settled,” Sholi concludes. “Next month we aim to have a bigger location and more free foods and drinks for our… guests? Is that the right word?”

Zevri shrugs. “Guests works, I suppose. But yes, we definitely need to have at least those two things before the next meeting.”

#ffxiv oc #ff14 #ffxiv #ffxiv writing #writing #zevri solnir #sholi rhel #augustine descoteaux #masa yukimura

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evelhak · 2 years ago

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Hi Eve! Hope it's a good day! I'm curious to know about your art process, where does inspiration come from for you? Lots of love 😘, V.

Wow, that's a big question. Short answer is everywhere but obviously that doesn't really say anything. This is hard for me to describe, so thank you for asking such a challenging question. A key feature in inspiration for me is that there's something I need to exist that doesn't exist. Before I start my fan art and fan fiction, a new project especially, I typically have gone through a lot of other people's art, not finding what I'm looking for, and eventually ending up with the conclusion that I have to do it myself. Like, I would be happy just consuming if what I wanted existed in the world. Maybe it's not quite so clear cut, but I think it's heightened on the fandom side of things for me. Yes, in my original work my initial inspiration is similar but I think on that side I would still have the need to create for fun even if I didn't think I HAD TO bring something specific that was missing, to existence.

So, when an existing story and characters are my inspiration it's things that come together in my head from various threads that are sort of just hanging or floating there in the original material that I see no one drawing together, and I get a little frustrated typically, because I realise these things are not going to come together and then I NEED to draw those threads together, because otherwise it won't happen, and I need it to happen. So, it's things like "Why isn't anyone writing this character in these situations?" "Why isn't anyone paying attention to this underlying pattern?" "Why haven't I seen this joke made before it's literally on a silver platter, why does everyone pass by it?" "Why is this character so underappreciated?" "Why isn't anyone talking about the similarities between this series and that literary work or a fairytale?" So, a lot of times it's that I see missed opportunities.

That's not nearly enough for me to actually draw or write something though, because my projects are just usually big because my brain is like that somehow, so they really have to be worth my time for me to start what I know will eventually be huge. And I think that happens when the things that I see mentioned above tie into a bigger context, a bigger theme that I think is important in the world and that it should be talked about more. Of course sometimes I just have fun and giggles within those projects but it's rare for me to start unless there's something in it that I feel is meaningful thematically and psychologically. Basically something that has the potential to heighten people's self awareness and understanding of the world, and the feeling of community. I know this is so abstract and broad but I can't really help thinking these things. It's not like I'm fantasizing about having a big impact necessarily, it's more like awareness of these things just affects my small choices in art and life.

So, um, I'm trying to give examples to bring this a bit more to the ground level.

In my She-Ra comics one big theme was Adora's abuse because it wasn't on the screen the way Catra's was (for a good reason, I mean that's the point), and I felt like some people were missing how important part of the original story that was, so I felt like making the effects of it visible in a way that a children's show obviously couldn't have.

In KnB a lot of my inspiration is things like... "Fujimaki is unknowingly representing something he doesn't understand at all so he's writing accidental minority characters and then he's using those qualities for barely more than running gags, while so much more could be done with these things and this representation could actually make a difference in someone's life if the angle was shifted ever so slightly".

Obviously I already love these stories, I am a fan of them and I think they are doing so many things right, and that's why when I see something missing or I see fandom interpreting things in a way that I think is mischaracterising something, or even toxic, I just feel like I need to do something.

In my original work the process is similar, just less specific in a way. It's a bit broader. Like, I feel like something is missing in the fantasy genre, or some relationship trope is too toxic and overpowering, or detective novels are the antithesis of everything they stand upon, or "not interpreting this fairytale in this way in this time and age is so tone-deaf". Ideas like that come to my head, so then I have to do something about it.

So. In a way a lot of my inspiration to do things is sparked by something being wrong or missing, which is a bit ironic because in the end my fuel for art has always been joy. I can't really do things out of pain like some artists can, for me it's always happiness that keeps me going because really I see no point without it. I suppose that's why my art is also all about growth, even though it deals with heavy topics, the point of it is always overcoming your obstacles and becoming a better and happier version of yourself.

I guess I could conclude with how I have this love and hope for the human nature, and I easily see the best version someone could be, mentally. I see them loving themself and seeing their own good qualities and treating others with respect and opening up to other people, and inviting the world in. I always have hope because I see that so clearly in everyone, in a specific way that is all about who they are as a person, so it's like... I wish that if I could write characters that people love, in a way that demonstrates that hope, and growth, someone who is struggling could be inspired by those characters. That those characters could help them see the way out of their misery and also call people out when they are treating others or themselves badly. Because the power of example is way more effective than telling someone what to do, because the individual has the freedom and responsibility of interpretation when it comes to examples. And really, I believe that's how it should be because we can't influence anyone who doesn't want to be influenced, no matter the good intentions.

That's... my inspiration, in (not so) short? In the end I'm just a naive idealist with a need to butt in, but with the added benefit of an adult's self-awareness and complexity of thought, haha. And I'm aware I'm a weird, reluctantly obsessive fan artist, because really I want to focus on my original stuff and I want to be able to live by my pen and be an "original" artist, but I can never give up fandom because that's where I feel my specific skill set is utilized to its peak. Because my art process is so source based, that obviously the more specific, the more well defined the source is, the stronger the impact of the things I can bring out of it is too, because I know how to use the reader's expectations and viewpoints way more specifically than I can know them in a broader landscape, such as a whole genre I might be writing my original fiction in.

And this is why things like Sherlock Holmes becoming public domain is like a lottery win for me! That's a very specific but also huge and incredibly complex and popular source that inspires me right now!

Thank you again for the ask, and I hope my answer wasn't too overwhelming.

#ask #fan art #fanfiction #spop #knb

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remosdeerica · 4 years ago

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Batshit AU Pt #2: The Grandkids

So I mentioned in the last post Batshit AU Pt. #1 that I cover Dick and Jason's kids but since I've been thinking (read: fantasizing) about the future of the Batfam I figured I'd just do a post with ALL the grandkids!

Just a heads up: this is a LONG post.

First we shall start with the Grayson's:

Mar'i and Jake (Jake is not my original name I've seen it pop up in other media- dunno if it's canon in any timeline but I'm going with it).

Mar'i Grayson: Mar'i is the biologically daughter of Dick Grayson and Koriand'r of Tamaran (aka Starfire). Kori is unknowingly pregnant after one last one-night-stand with Dick before going back to her home planet to take over as queen. Unfortunately, because of Kori's sister Komand'r (aka Blackfire) causing civil unrest to try and usurp the thorn from her, Tamaran becomes unsafe for Mar'i as she is Kori's only heir.

-Kor'i goes back to Earth with an infant Mar'i and begrudgingly hands her over to Dick so she can live with him and be safe from Blackfire.

-Kori of course visits while she can but has a lot of responsibilities on Tamaran. When Mar'i is older she is able to go back to Tamaran to visit her mother.

-A few years later when Dick and Barbra get married, Barbra officially adopts Mar'i. Seeing both Kor'i and Barbra as her mothers Mar'i decides so call Kori "Mama" and Barbra "Mom/Mommy".

Jake Grayson: don't have much of an exciting backstory for him. He was basically just an orphaned infant Dick and Barbra decided to adopt after his bio-parents had been murdered.

Now he have the Todd family:

Because I am a heartless monster I decided that since Roy died in the comics without any sign of Lian and Jason was pretty fucked up about it, I would have Jason adopt Lian because Roy wasn't round to take care of her. So this is basically what happened:

Lain Harper-Todd: 1 year or so after Roy's death, Jason is visited by Jade Nguyen (aka Cheshire) who is carrying an infant Lian. Jade explains that she hadn't realised she was pregnant with Roy's child until after he was already dead and since she is not ready to give up her life as an assassin she states that Lian is better off without her. She then asks Jason if he would be willing to take Lian in as Roy's former partner (read into that how you will).

-Jason agrees, and decides to hyphenate her last name Harper-Todd so that she will always have a piece of Roy with her even if he can't be there for her in person.

it's not that I don't think JayRoy is cute! It's just that I honestly I don't really picture Jason dating anyone in my mind and the thought of him being a single dad is just precious. I'm also allergic to OC's (of my own making) so I usually try to keep to characters that are at least canon in some timeline and Lian was the first to come to mind.

Also I'm a angst-hungry monster so...

Drake-Wayne/Dowd/McGinnis household:

Lol, this family has too many names.

I already went over Terry and Matthew McGinnis' backstory in Batshit AU Pt. #1 but if you are too lazy/ don't feel like reading it I'll try to make sure to cover the important details.

Terry & Matthew McGinnis: A few years down the road, Tim is the current Batman and married to Bernard Dowd (my new fave batship). One night on patrol he finds the boys hunkered down behind an garbage container and approaches them.

-Terry is extremely protective of his younger brother Matt and becomes immediately aggressive, swinging a baseball around and threatening Tim to leave them alone.

-Tim finds it admirable/endearing that Terry is willing to face Batman alone in order to protect his brother and tells him so. He then asks them where there parents and and Matt (trusting Batman) tells Tim that they were killed by the 'Bad Men' who are now looking for he and Tarry.

-Tim is worried for the boys safety and offers to take them to the Police, but Tarry only says that they already tried that and that there are spies in the GCPD who ratted them out to the 'Bad Men'.

-Tim figures out that the boys are in more danger then he first realized and takes them home with him in order to protect them.

-Tim eventually finds out about Project Batman Beyond, an experiment orchestrated by A.R.G.U.S. in order to create the perfect child to usurp the Cowl and give A.R.G.U.S and 'in' with the Justice League and the super-community as a whole. A part of this project is making sure the children are biologically Bruce Wayne's in order for them to also gain influence over Wayne Enterprises.

-Tim realizes that there is no real safe place that he can send the boys and after discussing it with his husband, Bernard, the two decide to adopt the boys.

I think this adoption story is one of my favourites. Especially because I find the idea of Bernard not at all being surprised by his husband brining home black-haired blue-eyes orphans, hilarious.

Bernard: I figured since you are now Batman it was only a matter of time.

Tim: >:(

Wayne-Kent situation:

DamiJon is one of my absolute favourite ships in existence. But since both boys are so young in canon my version of their future relationship truly is creature of my own design, I will explain them a little and then the kids. I'll be quick about it. Promise. (There is also a 2 part series I'm working on that goes into my version of events called "Jon and Damian" if anyone is interested. Jon's chapter is done but Damian's is still in the works).

Jon: he is the one that I really have to explain. I call my version of him "Dark-ish Jon" or 'dark ish jon' for the tags. For those of you who already know the deal (or don't really care) y'all can skip to the *** for the kids.

-basically Jon was kidnapped by Jon-El (Clark's Kryptonian Bio-dad) in order for Jor-El to mold Jon into the perfect weapon for his plan to conquer the universe. They have a machine that Jumps through various timelines so no one can find them, and Jon-El trains/tortures Jon for 2 years.

-Jon eventually discovers new powers that allow him to kill Jor-El and escape but he ends up spending the next several years trying to find his original timeline.

-He eventually meets the Legion of Superheroes that help him get home, but once he arrives home he realizes that for him it has been 7 years since he was kidnaped, but only 2 weeks for his family/friends.

-Because of this he and his family find it hard to adjust to the new situation and Jon ultimately decides to return to the Legion but visit occasionally.

Damian: Honestly I don't think I really have to explain much about Damian for y'all to get the kids but I do want you to know:

He has long hair

He has peirced ears

Possibly tattoos?

He's has more of a slim figure than Bruce's bulky one

He is a fashion icon and kinda has 'bitchy white girl' energy

Bacically he very pretty and looks a LOT like Thalia

And yeah. The two eventually reconcile after Jon is done moping in another timeline and they decide to retire from crime fighting and build a cottage/farm and live in peace.

***

Athanasia: So she is actually Bruce's bio-kid from the Injustice timeline. And for my AU she is still Bruce's biologically and she does recognize him as her father, but because she and Damian are 13/14 years apart and she knows him better she lives and defers to him as her caretaker. I shall explain:

-Athanasia was created by Thalia in a fit of madness after Damian's death. Because of what happened to Damian, and because Athanasia turned out to be a girl (and therefor Ra's would have no use for her), Thalia keeps the little girl locked away and a secret so that no one can harm her.

-Years pass and Athanasia has never seen the outside would. Eventually something happens (will depends on the Fic -because I will get around to writing this shit eventually) and Athanasia is given to Damian (the only other person Thalia ever told her about.)

-At this point Bruce is getting older and most of his current children already have their own kids, so both he and Damian agree that because Athanasia is mostly attached to Damian and doesn't really know who Bruce is outside of being her father, that she will live with he and Jon.

-Athanasia get's older and eventually meets another girl at her school named Carrie Kelley. The girls form a quick bond, Carrie's louder personality complementing Athanasia's more quiet one.

Carrie Kelley: being best friends with Athanasia leads to Carrie spending a lot of time over at her house. This allows Jon and Damian to get to know the girl and become quite fond of her.

-one night after a sleepover at Jon and Damian's house with some of their other friends, Carrie's father comes to the house drunk and carrying a shot gun. He accuses Jon and Damian of being pedophiles because of their sexual orientations and calls them a variety of homophobic slurs.

-It's his attempts at shooting Jon that leads to Carrie calling 911 and having her own father arrested.

-Because her mother had already left and Carrie only had her dad to take care of her, Jon and Damian offer her a place in their home and eventually adopt her along with Athanasia when the girls are teenagers.

So, yeah! That's it for now. I am absolutely obsesses with this AU. I just love the idea of Bruce deciding to take in Dick leading to him having an army of children and grandchildren so large that all family gatherings have to happen at the Manor because nowhere else is big enough.

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madpanda75 · 5 years ago

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The Romantics Series “In Sickness and In Health” Part One

Revisiting my Romantics Series with a little two parter. I’ve had this idea in my head for a while now. A huge thanks to @sass-and-suspenders for giving me the idea for the title and letting my blursty monkey ass send her snippets 😜

Warning: NSFW— Just a pinch of smut

The first warm spring weekend at Harvard meant frat boys tossing a frisbee and sorority girls sunbathing. For you and Rafael, it was a chance to go outside under your favorite oak tree and study. However, little studying was being done by either of you. You were laying on the blanket with your legs propped up against the tree trunk, crossed at the ankles. Kate Chopin’s The Awakening lay abandoned on your chest as you napped.

Rafael, on the other hand, was more focused on you than his philosophy notes. From your polished toes, up your long legs to the delicate forearm shielding your eyes from the sun, and finally the crown of hair haloed around your head. The sunlight streaming through the leaves, made each strand shimmer. He could turn his head and brush his lips against your calf if he wanted to. Instead he shifted in his seat, using his binder to cover his half-hard cock as he watched you stretch like a cat. Your Nirvana t-shirt rising up to reveal a strip of bare skin on your stomach.

Perhaps it was the stress of school or maybe it was the four years of pent-up emotions Rafael had for you, finally bubbling up to the surface. Whatever it was, it seemed as if all you had to do was glance his way or accidentally brush up against his body and he was hard as a rock. He felt like a prepubescent middle schooler.

“I feel you,” you mumbled.

“Excuse me?” Rafael cleared his throat and silently willed his body to calm down.

“I feel you watching me.” You lowered your arm and opened one eye, peering up at him. “What’s up?”

The irony of your words was not lost on Rafael. “Nothing,” he replied, suddenly fascinated by Kirkegaard’s existential philosophy.

A smile tugged at your lips. “Liar.” You propped yourself up on your elbows and nudged his shoulder with your foot. “Come on, I can always tell when you’re lying. Your right eye twitches a little bit.”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to grab a burger. Maybe go see a movie? Como agua para chocolate is still playing at the theater.”

“I can’t. I’m supposed to help Chet Aldrich study for our feminist literature studies exam.” You glanced down at your watch. “Actually, I need to get going.”

Rafael scoffed. “You mean to tell me that misogynist frat boy is taking a feminist literature class?”

You shrugged and laced up your Doc Martens. “I think he thought it was a bird course. Little did he know that Dr. Gupta is ruthless. Poor guy is in way over his head. And anyways, he’s kinda cute in a Jason Priestly sorta way.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. Chet Aldrich was a legacy and the president of Sigma Alpha Epsilon, the oldest fraternity at Harvard. Having had a few classes with Chet, Rafael had seen firsthand what a flirt he was, always talking up the pretty girls to help him pass his classes and maintain his subpar GPA.

Despite his misgivings, Rafael walked with you over to where Chet said he would meet you. “I still can’t believe you’re doing this.”

“He asked for my help. What was I supposed to say? I think you’re judging him way too quickly. You don’t even know him.”

“Wait a minute.” He narrowed his eyes a bit, noticing the way you were fidgeting, the blush on your cheeks. It was as if someone had adjusted the antenna on a TV just a hair and all of a sudden the picture became clear. “Do you like this guy?”

“Maybe,” you admitted.

Rafael felt like his heart sank into his stomach. “Maybe,” he softly repeated.

You stared down at your shoes, unable to look your best friend in the eye. Four years. That was how long you had pined over Rafael. There were moments where you just couldn’t take it anymore. Moments where you thought about marching right up to his dorm room and confessing your feelings, but fear always stopped you from taking that next step. You were afraid he wouldn’t reciprocate. Afraid that your friendship would never be the same. But most of all, you were afraid that you’d be left heartbroken and alone. Once the spring semester started, you decided it was time to move on and try to find someone else. It was better to have Rafael as a friend than nothing at all.

After your confession, both of you stood in silence when a Red BMW blaring Informer by Snow came around the corner, screeching to a halt in front of you. Chet Aldrich hopped out of the car and gave you a dazzling smile. Well, you thought it was dazzling. Rafael thought it was smarmy. “Hey, baby. Ready to study?”

You giggled and twirled a strand of your hair. “Absolutely!”

Chet walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for you. “Your chariot awaits.” He pointed to Rafael, who was currently trying to choke back the bile rising in his throat. “Hey, I know you. It’s Rudy or Randy, right?”

“Actually it’s Rafael,” he snapped at the frat boy.

Chet nodded his head. “Oh yeah, Ra-fa-el,” he slowly said.

“Are you kidding me with this guy?” Rafael mumbled so that only you would hear.

“Be nice,” you quietly chastised and patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Y/N, wait,” Rafael called out as you walked away, taking your hand and pulling you into a hug. “Just be careful, ok?” he whispered in your ear, squeezing you tight for a second longer before letting go.

Your face grew hot at your friend’s sudden surprise affection and you briefly wondered if he even noticed as you tried to brush it off. “Relax, Rafi. I’ll be fine. I’m not being shipped off to war. I’m going to study.” Waving one final time, you went back over to Chet.

“Don’t worry,” Chet said, shutting the passenger door after you stepped inside. “I’ll be sure to have her back in one piece.” He winked and got in the car, driving away and leaving Rafael alone in the dust.

*****

You straddled Rafael on the bed, kissing him hard, all teeth and tongue. Your books tossed aside and long forgotten during your hot and heavy makeout session. You rocked against his denim-clad erection, your hair tickling his face as you caressed his tongue with your own.

Rafael whimpered and ran his hands down your back. Grabbing your ass, he encouraged you to continue your movements, the wet spot in his boxers growing larger. The collective sounds of your labored breathing and soft moans echoed around the room with every slow drag of your hips.

“Rafi, make love to me,” you murmured between kisses.

He groaned, already on the brink of coming in his jeans. “Are you sure?”

“Please, I need you,” you purred, your voice dripping with desire.

In an instant, Rafael flipped you over, rendering you on your back. His eyes widened in surprise when he noticed you were completely naked. “What?” He looked around the bedroom, the clothes you were wearing only seconds ago were nowhere to be found. “How did you—”

You giggled and licked your lips, your gaze lowering to his groin. “Damn. All these years and I never realized you were packing.”

Rafael looked down and realized that his clothes were gone. “But I didn’t—”

“Rafi, fuck me,” you whined, your eyes half-hooded with lust.

No longer caring where your or his clothes were by that point, he crashed his mouth into yours, spreading your legs. His large hand palmed at your breast, pinching your hardened nipple.

“Rafael,” you gasped and arched into his touch.

“Oh, Y/N,” he moaned, aligning himself with your entrance when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Tilting his head back, Rafael’s jaw dropped when he saw Chet Aldrich standing by the bed.

“You’re too late, Rudy. She’s mine,” he said with a smirk.

“It’s Rafael,” he sneered.

“Whatever. Get out of the way.” Chet pushed Rafael off you, sending him flying off the bed.

Rafael sat bolt upright, his t-shirt soaked with sweat. Running a hand over his face, he glanced over at his bedside clock. It was 7:30. Chet Aldrich was probably putting the moves on you at this very moment. He flopped back onto the mattress, his mind reeling over you, over Chet, over the bizarre dream he just had.

Your behavior that afternoon bewildered him. He had never seen you flirt before. That wasn’t you. You were the girl that would make a quippy remark whenever someone put the moves on you, choosing to walk away arm in arm with Rafael instead. Maybe after four years, he didn’t know you at all. Maybe he really had missed his chance with you. Putting his hand over his heart, he felt dull ache radiating from beneath his rib cage.

He sighed and looked down to find his painfully hard cock sticking straight up. Apparently, you made quite an impression in his dreams, that is until Chet Aldrich interrupted. Unzipping his jeans, he freed his erection and closed his eyes. He began to stroke himself, imagining what he would do to you if you were there— worshipping every inch of your skin, making you come undone with his mouth before crawling on top of you, thrusting into your pussy, feeling your slick walls grip him.

“Oh, Y/N,” he moaned, smearing the precum that had leaked out of his weeping head against his shaft. His breath hitched as he sped up his movements, squeezing himself at the root of his cock all while fantasizing about how you would writhe in pleasure underneath him. The noises you would make. Your sweaty bodies molded perfectly to each other. He was so close, right about to tumble off the edge when the phone ringing pulled him back.

Rafael whined and wiped his hand off, reaching for the phone on the nightstand. “Hello,” he grumbled.

“Rafael? It’s Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“Mrs. Y/L/N,” he squeaked and nearly dropped the reciever while covering himself with a pillow, as if your mother had the ability to see what he was doing through the phone. “Is everything ok?” A small sob escaped her lips and his pulse began to quicken. “Did something happen?”

All the color drained from his face listening to her, only processing certain parts. Car accident. You. Mount Auburn Hospital. “I’m on the first flight out of Chicago,” she said. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind staying with her until I get there? I would ask her roommate, but Rebecca is away at a crew competition.”

“Absolutely. I’m on my way.” Rafael stood up and nearly walked out of the room when he realized that his pants were still dangling around his ankles.

“Thank you. You’re such a good friend to Y/N.” She sniffled. “You know, she hates hospitals. Ever since—”

“I know,” he softly replied. “I’ll head over right now.” Panic began to set in as soon as he hung up with your mom. Running out the door, several thoughts came to his mind—for you to be ok and that he was going to murder Chet Aldrich.

@glimmerglittergirl @southern-magnolia @sweetcannolicarisi @delia26 @obfuscateyummy @sass-and-suspenders @eclecticminded @thatesqcrush @katmstanton @amirightcounsellor @beltzboys2015-blog @letty-o @sonnysdoll @lyssa1385 @sweetsummertime99 @burningsorr0ws @gibbs274 @izzythefanfreak @babypink224221 @livxrafa @esparza-army @obsessionprofessional @ottosuricato @melsquared79 @dreila03 @frenchiefoxy @tropes-and-tales @thecraziestcrayon @goodluckfindingone @scarlettsoldier @amirightcounselor @yeah-boiiiiiiiiiii @imjustreallynosy @graniairish @ashley-chi @lolacolaempath @cocomel0613 @imagine-all-the-imagines @mysterioustrashadventures

#rafael barba #rafael barba fanfic #rafael barba fic #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba fan fiction #barba #barba fanfic #barba fic #barba imagine #barba x reader #baby rafi #law and order svu fic #law and order svu imagine #the romantics

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staywhelmedbatfam · 5 years ago

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Batman: Bad Blood

Not a very creative title, I know. I don’t really care. Originally posted on Quotev. I know not everyone visits multiple sites, which is why I try to post everything on more than one site so everyone can enjoy my creations!

~Bruce Wayne/Reader~

Summary: A really long one shot that I wrote after watching Batman: Bad Blood... for like the fifth time.

Part One (You’re Here) / Part Two

***

“Alfred, I’m really starting to worry. You said he’s never been gone this long without contacting you in some way and he didn’t say a word to me about going anywhere,” you commented once you reached the Batcomputer.

The gray-haired Brit has been sitting at the computer for the past few days, trying to find any trace of Bruce. “I’m quite worried myself. Not even facial recognition is coming up with any results.”

It was easy to see that he was tired. He rubbed his bloodshot eyes often, telling you that he hadn’t been getting any sleep. Neither have you. You never did sleep well when Bruce wasn’t in bed next to you. That’s why you would always be awake until he got back from his nightly patrols. In the two weeks that he’s been gone, you’ve only managed to get about two hours of sleep each night – if you were lucky.

“I’ve contacted Master Dick already. He should be on his way.” Alfred let out a sigh before continuing. “For now, I have to attend a meeting in Master Bruce’s place.”

A wan smile made its way onto your face. “Let me know when Dick gets here.” He didn’t give you any response, but you knew he heard you. There wasn’t anything left for you to do to help, so you headed back upstairs.

Being in the Batcave was hard. Knowing that Bruce had been all around that space and remembering the times you would interrupt him to get his attention when you found him down there working made it hard. Each time you entered the cavernous space, you would imagine him standing and waiting for you to run over to him. Every time, you were disappointed. You fantasized about him coming home, saying how much he missed you and kissing you until neither one of you could breathe anymore. You wanted this to just be a cruel joke, but you know that Bruce isn’t the kind of person to joke around like this.

A little over an hour after you went upstairs had passed when Alfred notified you that Dick had arrived. They were talking once you reached the bottom of the stairs.

“If Batman doesn’t return soon–” Alfred began.

“I know, all bloody hell’s gonna break loose,” Dick responded, standing in front of the case that contained Bruce’s suit. “Even when you’ve disappeared, I can’t get away from you.”

By then, you’d made it up the stairs and placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder. “I know it’s something you don’t want to do, but it would give the city – if not, me – some peace of mind.”

He turned his head to look at you and his face softened behind his Nightwing mask. “How are you doing, (Y/N)?”

“About as well as one can expect to be when their fiancé goes missing,” you attempted to joke which only ended up leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

***

Dick left that night as Batman and returned with Robin – whom you haven’t seen in quite a while – looking a little worse for wear at his side. It wasn’t until Damian was out of his suit and Alfred was helping him up to his room that you saw him.

“Damian!” you rushed over, worried from seeing his current condition. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he plainly answered.

“Miss (Y/N), could you retrieve the first aid kit, please?” Alfred asked, indicating that Damian clearly wasn’t ‘fine’ and was being his usual stubborn self. You nodded in response and left them to go get one of the overly used kits that had been placed around the mansion.

When you walk into Damian’s room, he had his arms crossed and an irritated expression on his face. He then declared, “I don’t have a concussion.”

“I wasn’t aware you received a medical degree while you were in the Himalayas, Master Damian,” came Alfred’s response. You had to bite your lip to keep from letting out a giggle. You always loved Alfred’s sarcasm, especially when he ended up using it on Bruce.

“I’ve been hurt worse than this sparring with my grandfather.”

“I’d hardly hold Ra’s Al Ghul up as an example of enlightened child rearing. Master Dick was quite explicit,” the elder man explained. “At least 24 hours of observation.”

“He’s not my father… and neither are you.” Your back straightened when Damian spoke. Someone has to look out for him while his father is gone. Turning your head, you looked out the window as you swallowed hard and held back tears.

“And for that, young man, you should be profoundly grateful.” With that said, Alfred took the first aid kit and closed the door behind him. This left the two of you by yourselves.

Facing him again, you walked closer to the bed and sighed. “We only want to help you and making sure that you’re okay is part of that. Your father would have acted no different.” The last sentence caused a scowl to cover his face.

“My father has had worse injuries himself and ignored them,” he shot back. You couldn’t deny that what he spoke was the truth. Whenever Bruce would come back from patrol hurt, you had to nag him about taking care of himself until he would finally cave and treat his wounds. Though, most of the time, he asked you to do it for him.

“It’s different when you’re a parent and your child is the one that’s injured, Damian.”

“How would you know?” he retorted with a snippy voice. You felt a pang in your chest. He had a point – as he usually does – you don’t have any children of your own.

Walking towards the door, you opened it and stopped. Glancing down, words finally came to your mind to express your feelings and you looked over your shoulder at him as you spoke. “You may not be my son by blood, but… I care about you as if you are. The very second that I knew I fell in love with your father, I treated you as such.” Damian didn’t have an immediate reply, so you left his room without another word.

***

Later that night, you went back into Damian’s room to check up on him and he was nowhere to be found. Whenever he was restless, he liked to review cases on the Batcomputer. On your way down to the Batcave, you shook your head and sighed. He’s so much like his father it’s uncanny.

“Damian?” you called out. No answer. That was odd. You thought for sure he would be down here… At least until you noticed that the motorcycle laid on its side and his helmet was left lying haphazardly in the middle of the floor. Hurrying down the stairs, you took note of a dart that had blood on it.

“Alfred!”

***

Your eyes lit up at the sight in front of you. Relief coursed through you as Dick stood there with Damian and Bruce. Taking the steps two at a time, you ran towards your fiancé and placed your arms around his neck in a hug with your face buried in the crook of his neck. There were tears threatening to spill from your eyes when you pulled away.

“I was so worried about you.” While you were looking at him, you could sense something was off and scrunched your eyebrows. You could see it in his eyes – the ones that you knew so well because you could stare at them for hours on end – that something wasn’t right, so you kept searching for an answer in them. “Bruce, are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine.” There it was. The same answer that Damian gave you earlier – which had been a lie. Bruce and Damian have quite a few commonalities. This, apparently, is one of them.

Something most definitely wasn’t right, but it’s clear that Bruce wouldn’t be willing to give any details. No, instead he’s just going to brush you off – which never happens. Well, it happens but he always gives you a reason. He knows that keeping secrets between each other never bodes well for your relationship. If he tries to keep something from you for your safety, it usually ends up doing more harm than good. The man learned his lesson the first couple times he tried it after telling you he was Batman. Let’s just say that he didn’t wish to relive those moments.

Pulling out of your embrace, he walked upstairs into the manor and left you with a dumbstruck look on your face. What, no kiss? No ‘I missed you so much’ or ‘I love you’? Something happened to your Bruce and you’d get to the bottom of it even if it killed you.

***

While everyone was gathered in the Batcave, you took to restocking the first aid kits. It gave you something to do and allowed you to still be in the same room as everyone else without having to say a word. Your relationship with Bruce has been on rocky terrain since he returned a week ago, so it’s been pretty quiet for you. In fact, you’ve been sleeping in one of the many unused bedrooms and it feels as if he never came back. He hasn’t seemed the least bit bothered by your distance, though. How could you make this man see reason? That was a difficult feat even on a normal day.

Right now, he’s in the middle of doing bench presses – an action you would normally ogle and eventually interrupt. Alfred, Dick, and Damian were all talking to him about the upcoming summit and what to do about Talia.

The only good to ever come from that woman, you decided, was Damian.

“Kate’s going through the hard drive we pulled from the convent,” Dick informed Bruce as he moved towards the stairs.

He answered, his voice hard and assertive, “Fine, but when she’s done, that’s it.”

“But we have to–”

Turning around to face his eldest adopted son, he bit back, “You’re not Batman anymore, Dick. I call the shots around here.” Nothing else was said before your fiancé made it back upstairs. The response he just gave made your blood boil and you stomped up the stairs after him with purpose.

Once you managed to catch up with him, the two of you were in one of the hallways. You stopped a few steps behind him and crossed your arms. “Bruce Wayne!” you called out, accusingly.

In turn, he pivoted to direct his attention to you. “What now?”

Usually, having your arms crossed would act as a signal to him and make his anger regress a bit. Clearly, that’s not the case this time around if his irritated tone was anything to go by.

“What happened to the man I love? The man who was considering taking Batwoman under his wing?! Huh? Dick only did what he thought was best in the time that you were nowhere to be found, so don’t you dare criticize him!” You were on the verge of tears and took a deep breath. “Something’s wrong and you know it. I love you, but… you’re not yourself.”

“Until you’re willing to let me help you, you can have this back.” Tugging it off of your finger, you firmly placed your engagement ring in his palm. “I’ll still go and support you at the summit tomorrow, but that’s it.”

Stalking off towards the bedroom you’ve been using the past week, you purposely bumped his shoulder as you passed him. After you were inside the room, you locked the door and slid down against it to the floor as you let out all your tears of frustration and sadness.

***

You stared out the window of the limousine as you subconsciously rubbed the spot where your engagement ring used to be. It killed you inside when you gave it back to him. Obviously, it didn’t hurt him as much as it did you, because he didn’t even try to get you to reconsider.

Could this day be over already?

Alfred put the limo in park before getting out of the driver’s seat to open Bruce’s door. As he stepped out, cameras began flashing and he showed them a typical Bruce Wayne smile. He turned back around to offer you a hand and you took it only to save face. The media didn’t need to know everything that’s going on in your personal lives. Linking arms and being sure to hide your naked ring finger, the two of you walked towards the entrance of the Watchtower.

Both of you mingled for a bit until it came time for Bruce to give his speech. Standing with Alfred at the side of the stage, you listened to Bruce’s presentation of the Watchtower Initiative. At least you were before it got interrupted by some sort of signal being sent out. Everyone in the room appeared to be in a trance. All except for you and Alfred… because you two weren’t wearing Wayne Tech’s translators.

Your head snapped towards Alfred as if asking him if this was planned, but the shock on his face answered for you.

“Master Bru–” Alfred began but got cut off from a punch thrown by Bruce.

Eyes widening at what you just witnessed, you backed away until someone grabbed you and threw you to the floor. That person was a woman who pulled the blonde wig off of her head. Your nostrils flared at knowing her true identity.

You glared at her. “Talia.”

“I don’t understand what my beloved ever saw in you.” She shrugged, as if you couldn’t do anything, and proceeded to knock you unconscious.

***

You couldn’t have been out long. Alfred stirring awake a few feet from you drew your attention away from the Mad Hatter speaking on the enormous screen in the room. Scrambling to regain your footing, you made your way over to him and checked to make sure he was okay.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle. Are you alright, Miss (Y/N)?” he questioned back.

“I think so, yeah. Enough that I can still stand in these heels,” you fired back before snarling. “That woman is going to severely regret underestimating me.”

The two of you came up with a quick plan: Alfred would head to the control room and you would take off in search of wherever Talia and Bruce went. Nightwing, Robin, Batwoman, and Batwing would – hopefully – already be in the Watchtower. They should be up to date by now, right?

“You’re sure you’ll be okay going alone?”

He sent a grin your way. “I hold my own just fine when need be, miss.”

Running off in different directions, you were thankful that you’d gone with heels that had straps. However, when you started hearing noise from up ahead, you slipped them off to gain silence and a makeshift weapon. Heels were dangerous if you knew how to throw them just right.

“Shoot him!” you heard Talia order.

“You’re not just a mask, you’re a man.” There was a brief silence between Dick’s sentences. “The best man I’ve ever known.”

You showed up in the doorway right as Bruce, dressed as Batman, pointed the gun in his hand from his only biological son to underneath his own chin. With enough force and some wicked aim, you threw one of your heels and knocked the gun out of his hand while the other took out the sword in Talia’s hand. Nightwing caught him before he could fall to his knees.

“You didn’t think you could get rid of me so easily, did you Talia?” you asked with a smirk.

Bruce looked to Damian. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, father.”

Batwoman came up behind Talia and punched her in the face, followed by a kick to the legs by you. Kate said that her punch was for what she did to her father, but your kick was for Bruce, Damian, Dick, and all the heartache she caused you and the rest of the family.

After she was surrounded and made her spiel about how she would never have Bruce’s love in life, she jumped out of the Watchtower, only to be caught by some kind of aircraft that ended up crashing in the ocean. Bruce placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder.

“Let’s find Alfred and go home,” you suggested, gazing up at Batman with a small smile.

***

“I’m heading to the tower,” Dick announced as he put on his jacket and moved towards the window. “Thanks for lunch, Alfred. What’s going on?”

“Master Bruce is having a heart-to-heart with Damian. I can’t help feeling bad. Despite her madness, she was his mother.”

You stood beside the two of them, staring at the father and son thoughtfully. “Yeah…” you agreed. “Even through all the bad, he still loved her."

Later that evening, you were moving the few things you took with you to the spare bedroom back into your shared bedroom with Bruce. Shutting the last drawer on the dresser, two arms wrapped around you. Knowing that he was back to himself allowed you to relax and lean against his chest with your eyes closed out of content.

“I believe this belongs to you.” Opening your eyes, you saw your engagement ring in his hands and you turned in his arms to face him. Not a word came out of your mouth. Happiness radiated off of you as you brought Bruce in for a longing kiss.

“I’ve wanted to do that for about three weeks now.”

As he slid the ring back on your finger, he kissed you again. “Well, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

You broke the next kiss early, leaving him wanting as you gazed deep into his eyes. “Marry me.” Bruce scrunched his eyebrows together. He’d already proposed to you… Noticing his confusion, you tried to clarify. “Now. I love you, Bruce Wayne, and I don’t want to go another day without being your wife. I don’t want another event like this one to separate us again, so… marry me now.”

His face broke out in an enormous smile. “I love you too, (Y/N) (L/N). I would love nothing more than to marry you right here, right now. Although, it’s a bit late in the evening… and I want you all to myself tonight.”

“Tomorrow then!” you laughed as he kissed you passionately.

“Tomorrow it is.”

***

It’s amazing what you can get accomplished in a single morning when you have a fiancé that’s willing to spend every last dime on you. Not that you allowed Bruce to go overboard. He wanted to spoil you, let you have the wedding of your dreams and you denied him. What you had in mind, though, was simple. That’s all you ever wanted for your wedding – simplicity.

Alas, getting everything prepared on such short notice proved difficult and that was where Bruce came to the rescue. He made sure that everything was taken care of by early that afternoon – the flowers, decorations, and so on. The ceremony would be held in the manor’s garden, so there was no need to worry about getting a venue.

You’ve had your dress (front, back) picked out for a couple months already, so all you had to do that morning was pick it up. In one of the spare rooms, Diana and Dinah helped you slip into the white dress and curled the ends of your hair.

“Are you ready?” Dinah smiled at you through the mirror.

Staring at yourself with a grin, you replied, “Do you really need to ask?”

“You look wonderful, (Y/N). Bruce is very lucky,” Diana commented. “Perhaps he’ll even be a little less broody around the League.” The three of you laughed at her comment.

“Yeah, as soon as Barry and Hal stop poking fun at him all the time.”

Dinah gave a pointed look. “And we all know that won’t happen anytime soon.”

“On the inside, Bruce actually likes all their teasing because it’s how he knows that they see him as a friend. I know he can dish it right back out when he feels like it too.” You smirked, thinking about how you know him all too well.

The veil you picked out was the only missing piece to complete your wedding ensemble which Diana secured in your hair. You smiled at your reflection. “I’m getting married.”

***

Luckily, your parents don’t live far from Gotham, so your father could walk you down the aisle. When the two of you made it to Bruce, he whispered to him, “You hurt my daughter and I’ll come after you. I don't care if you’re the darn Batman, I’ll take you down.”

“Dad!” you whispered out of surprise. Your eyes widened for two reasons. One, you can’t believe what your father just told Bruce right before you’re about to marry him and, two, your parents don’t know that he’s Batman last time you checked.

You were ignored as Bruce just chuckled. “I’d never dream of it.” Your soon-to-be-husband turned his head to smile at you and took your hands in his after you passed your bouquet to Diana.

It wasn’t just Diana and Dinah in attendance, so was the rest of the League: Clark, Oliver, Barry, Hal, and Arthur were all there as well. Along with them, there’s no question that Alfred, Dick, and Damian were there. Seeing as they were a recent addition to the Bat Family, Kate and Luke were extended an invitation as well. With the little time you had to prepare, it supported the fact that the two of you wanted to have a small wedding anyway. Plus, last-minute arrangements mean a smaller possibility of paparazzi showing up.

Following the exchanging of your vows, the minister asked for the rings. Clark stood from his seat and pulled the rings from his pocket.

Bruce looked down to slide the ring on your finger, then lifted his head to face you. “(Y/N), I give you this ring as a symbol of my love,” he repeated after the minister. “And with it, I gladly marry you and join my life to yours.”

“Bruce, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love,” you also repeated after sliding the ring on his finger. A tear escaped the corner of your eye while you smiled up at him. “And with it, I gladly marry you and join my life to yours.”

The minister glanced between the two of you, a smile on his face. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Bruce, lift (Y/N)’s veil. You may now kiss the bride.” Your new husband wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed you while you had your arms around his neck.

Both of you upright again and facing your friends and family, the minister spoke once more. “It’s my honor and privilege to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Wayne!” Everyone clapped as the two of you walked back down the aisle.

***

Later, the two of you had some time alone before Bruce would head out for patrol. You mentioned how Barry and Hal hadn’t left without making some sort of teasing remarks, laughing at how worked up he was getting about you thinking they were funny.

Curled up with each other in your bedroom, you let out a content sigh then looked up at your husband and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “I love you, Bruce Wayne.”

He leaned in to kiss you again. “And I love you, (Y/N) Wayne.”

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#bruce wayne #batman #batman x reader #bruce wayne x reader #romance #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #nightwing #damian wayne #robin #batwoman #batwing

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breeeliss · 6 years ago

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.fidelity

post-s3 scortra

scorpia comes back a little wrong.

there are little rips in her memory that have been crookedly sewn together. she spaces out during a force captain meeting and swears she’s shorter, younger, and smaller, watching shadow weaver bleed all of the power from her mother’s runestone while her father holds her head still so she can’t tear her eyes away. scorpia acknowledges the new infiltration targets for this month while also pushing down the vague feeling that something about this war isn’t quite right.

but scorpia has always listened to her parents. she’s always been eager to please. it never occurs to her to use her size and strength to tell others they’re incorrect. relenting is always easier, and scorpia craves the praise that follows.

so she leaves the meeting and promises her mother to be obedient, much to the confusion of her fellow force captains.

it’s just lingering after effects. reality is still fixing itself, and soon no one will have to see their pasts knitted together in a way that makes them agonize over the countless ways they may continue to live or prepare to die.

and it does, eventually. scorpia’s thoughts whittle back down to their singular mission -- prove your loyalty, and starve the rebel inside you. the memory of being an agitated little girl who fantasized about selfishness was pushed to the back of her skull, and a plea for her next orders was right at the tip of her tongue.

scorpia is shaking off the sensation of toasty desert heat warming her exoskeleton when she comes to catra’s room and peeks inside.

reality hasn’t been fixed for catra just yet. catra came back a lot wrong.

her fingers twitch and one of her eyes is impossibly dark -- a long, long drop into nothingness, like the tears from reality left her too scarred for even she-ra to fix. she traces lines on walls like she’s painting a memory before punching it back into the metal panelling. sometimes she clings to scorpia because she thinks the floor is falling away or someone is raising a fist to her face. other times she races down hallways and around corners chasing people’s backs that aren’t there.

when scorpia knocks, catra spins to look her in the eyes and immediately sees something putrid -- maybe it’s adora, maybe it’s shadow weaver, or maybe it’s scorpia exactly as she stands now. but then catra pounces and scorpia has to blink a few times before she realizes catra’s hand is around her throat and her claws are digging into her skin.

“don’t you dare,” catra growls. “you are not going to sneak up on me, adora. you’re not going to kill me. you’ll have to try way harder than that.”

scorpia swallows, picks her words carefully, sifts through catra’s murky memories. “you’re right. i would have to try pretty hard. that’s why i wouldn’t bother. i wouldn’t dare hurt you, wild cat.”

the nickname brings catra back a little, but only a little. “prove it,” she hisses, and it feels desperate. like if scorpia answers wrong, there’s more than just a thin string of delusion to crumble. “prove you won’t turn around and destroy me.”

scorpia barely hesitates as she lifts her claw and presses catra’s nails deeper into the skin on her neck until she’s sure that’s blood that’s pooling in her collarbone. “i’ll never destroy you, catra. the world will have to destroy the both of us first.”

it’s a little on the nose -- the world did destroy them just a week ago -- but catra latches onto her answer, voice dripping with promise as she speaks. “and when it does?”

“when it does. i’ll be there,” scorpia says. no hesitation. no question. no sign of a rebel. just sitting quietly with her head held in place. “i’ll be there with you when the world ends.”

scorpia’s not sure if catra is pleased with the answer, but her hand does drop to release her neck. and scorpia’s not sure if that’s a whisper of a thank you on the edge of catra’s lips, but the tremor in her hands seems to calm a bit.

it’s barely a comfort, but if there’s one thing scorpia is good at, it’s turning pain into a kindness.

#she ra #spop #shera #scortra #catra #scorpia #scortra fanfiction #she ra fanfiction #my writing #fidelity #tumblr fic

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ladylucitor · 6 years ago

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A She-ra AU

Okay so, I don't have any names for it yet but feel free to suggest.

It starts off as it started off in the original, but Catra brought Adora back in the Horde successfully the first time (when they let Catra drive a tank hurray).

When they arrived, Shadow Weaver immediately took Adora and wiped her memory. So at this point, she doesn't remember Catra being her closest friend at all. She ignores her everytime she'd try to remind Adora of their childhood.

This went on for weeks and Catra didn't want any of it. She ran away and bumped into Glimmer and Bow. They reacted the same way they did when they met Adora, but they were in quite a bit of trouble considering Catra is very quick on her feet.

Catra and the two rebels made a truce. She'll stick around just as long as she doesn't hurt anyone.

As weeks pass, Catra found out about the sword. Glimmer told her that Adora was the chosen one for it, and only her can save Etheria.

Catra fantasized both her and Adora ruling Etheria, no Horde, no wars. With She-ra on her side, everything would seem possible.

With the help of Bow and Glimmer, they try to save Adora from the Horde, and make her realize her true destiny.

Should I write a fanfic about it? Or if you have better ideas, go on and write a story about it with your heart's content ~

There are many ship opportunities here, like catradora, glitra etc.

Oh and one last thing, Catra likes to make fun of Bow and Glimmer but wants to rest alone. :)

#she ra #she ra and the princesses of power #shera #spop #catra #she ra catra #she ra adora #spop adora

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voodoochili · 4 years ago

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My Favorite Songs of 2020

With nowhere to go and nothing to do in 2020, I had plenty of time to listen to as much music as I could stand. Luckily for me and for everyone else, 2020 supplied an embarrassment of musical riches; the endless creativity of our artists providing necessary emotional support during the Worst Year Ever™.

I’ve compiled my favorite 100 songs of 2020. Again, I limited my selections to only one song per artist, but as you’ll see, I couldn’t quite stick to it this year. Narrowing the list down to 100 was a painful process, with many excellent songs left on the cutting room floor.

Check below for Spotify playlists

Top 100 Songs of 2020: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ySKk19paBFgO698vw7HTs?si=-al-SyEsTqWzqKfmEraNFw Best Songs of 2020 (Refined): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ET0aA5TPj5JDsUtosaCVv?si=MyDxjcXKQpy3SNs7dV0wIQ Best Songs of 2020 (Catch-All): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0XxtEo0PrNSyZDWBCjJtuR?si=pBZWRoNGSGWBCaqxJrHoyw

Without further ado, my favorite songs of 2020.:

25. Yg Teck - “What You Know”: Yg Teck has one of the more prominent Baltimore accents in rap music, elongating “ooh” sounds and shortening “er” sounds with reckless abandon. “What You Know” is buried towards the end of his excellent mixtape Eyes Won’t Close 2, but it stands out as one of Teck’s strongest songs. The buoyant piano-led beat offers Teck an opportunity to reflect on his struggle with heart-breaking directness: “So what if they hate me, sometimes I hate myself.”

24. Brian Brown - “Runnin” ft. Reaux Marquez: Filtering the conventions of southern rap through his easy-going drawl and omnivorous musical appetite, Brian Brown is the brightest light in Nashville’s burgeoning hip-hop scene. Built around producer Black Metaphor’s circuitous jazz piano, “Runnin” is a soulful and poetic meditation on breaking out of the staid existence that can creep up on you if you stay still for long enough. Brown serves up the song’s irresistible hook and provides a grounding presence on his second verse, evoking the styles of two Tennessee rap titans: Chattanooga’s Isaiah Rashad and Cashville’s own Starlito.

23. 42 Dugg - “One Of One” ft. Babyface Ray: Detroit producer Helluva’s beats provide the tissue that connects the Motor City with the West Coast, creating anthems that mix D-Town propulsion with soundscapes perfect for a top-down drive down PCH. The Helluva-produced “One Of One” is an electric duet between two of the D’s most distinct voices: low-talking, whistle-happy guest verse god 42 Dugg and nonchalantly fly Babyface Ray. They trade bars throughout the track, weaving between squelches of bass to talk about the ways women have done them wrong.

22. PG Ra & jetsonmade - “Keeping Time”: The phrase “young OG” was invented for guys like PG Ra, who is somehow only 20-years-old. On “Keeping Time,” the South Carolina rapper spits sage-like wisdom about street life over Jetsonmade’s signature trampoline 808s, decrying nihilism and emphasizing the importance of holding strong convictions in a deliberate, raspy drawl: “Oh, you don't give a fuck 'bout nothing, then you damn wrong/Cause every soldier stand for something if he stand strong.”

21. Empty Country - “Marian”: After spending a decade as the main songwriter for Cymbals Eat Guitars, Joseph D'Agostino is an expert at crafting widescreen indie anthems. CEG is no more, but D’Agostino is still doing his thing, opening the self-titled album of his new entity Empty Country with “Marian,” a chiming and heartfelt power ballad with sunny vocal harmonies and a fist-pumping riff. It’s hard to make out the lyrics on the first few spins, but a closer listen reveals some striking imagery (“In a sea of Virginia pines/A burnt bus”), as the narrator imagines the life that lies ahead for his newborn daughter.

20. Raveena - “Headaches”: Raveena’s music is a soothing balm, capable of transforming any negative emotion into peaceful reverie. “Headaches” starts as a sensual, woozy, reverbed-out slow jam–typical Raveena territory, perfect for emphasizing the enlightened sensuality that she exudes in her vocals. The song mutates in its second half into an invigorating bit of dream pop, picking up a ringing guitar riff and a prominent backbeat as Raveena struggles to stay close to the one she loves (“There's no sunset, without you”).

19. Los & Nutty - “I’m Jus Fuckin Around” ft. WB Cash: In which three Detroit emcees receive an instrumental funky enough for ‘90s DJ Quik and proceed to not only not ride the beat but to fight so hard against it you’d think they’re training to get in the ring with Mayweather. I love Michigan rap.

18. Sufjan Stevens - “My Rajneesh”: I’ve never seen Wild Wild Country, or read about Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and his cult, so I don’t know too much about the subject matter of “My Rajneesh.” I do know, however, that it’s a story that involves crises of faith and the state of Oregon, which means it fits perfectly into Sufjan’s milieu. “My Rajneesh” does an excellent job of relaying the ecstasy of a devout believer, layering celebratory chants, South Asian traditional percussion, and glitchy electronics into a 10-minute epic. As the song progresses, the sonic tapestry grows distorted, mimicking the emptiness that lies beneath Rajneesh’s surface and the darkness and confusion faced by his followers when the illusion fades.

17. Koffee - “Lockdown”: Leave it to rising dancehall superstar Koffee to find ebullient joy in a situation as bleak as quarantine. Weaving around piercing guitar licks and euphoric vocal samples, Koffee schemes to turn her lockdown romance (”quarantine ting”) into a long-term deal, fantasizing about travel with her love even as she’s content to just spend time in her apartment. Everything is dandy as long as they're in the same room.

16. Rio Da Yung OG & Louie Ray - “Movie”: Flint’s answer to Detroit’s “Bloxk Party,” one of the best rap songs of the past decade. Rio and Louie trade verses throughout the song, competing with one another to see who can be the most disrespectful.

Rio’s best line: “Ma don't drink that pop in there, I got purple in it/I know it look like Alka-Seltzer, it's a perky in it”

Louie’s best line: “Let me cut my arms off before I ball, make it fair”

15. Ratboys - “My Hands Grow”: “My Hands Grow” shines like an early-morning sunbeam, hitting that circa-2001 Saddle Creek* sweet spot with aplomb. But “My Hands Grow” is more than just a throwback–it’s an oasis, populated by sweeping acoustic guitars, electric leads with just the right amount of distortion, and especially Julia Steiner’s affectionate vocal, which blooms into gorgeous self-harmonies during the bridge.

*Obligated to add that this song came out before Azure Ray signed to Saddle Creek, but the point stands.

14. J Hus - “Triumph”: J Hus and Jae5 have the kind of telepathic artistic connection and song-elevating chemistry only present in the best rapper-producer pairs. A great example of how their alchemy blurs the lines between genres, “Triumph” is the J Hus/Jae5 version of a boom-bap rap track. Hus rides Jae5’s woodblock-and-horn-accented beat with unassailable confidence, gradually elevating his intensity level as he sprays his unflappable threats. Like most of Hus’s best songs, “Triumph” is home to an irresistible hook, which I can’t help but recite whenever I hear the words “violence,” “silence,” or “alliance” (more often than you think!).

13. Sada Baby - “Aktivated”: Every post-disco classic from the early ‘80s could use a little bit of Sada Baby’s wild-eyed intensity and dextrous flow. On “Aktivated,” Sada runs roughshod atop Kool & The Gang’s ‘81 classic “Get Down On It,” turning it into an irresistible and danceable anthem about going dumb off a Percocet. Sada is a master of controlled chaos, modulating his voice from a simmer to a full-throated yell within the space of a single bar. It really makes lines like “Coochie made me cry like Herb in the turtleneck” pop.

12. Yves Tumor - “Kerosene!”: Prince is one of the most-imitated artists on the planet, but while most artists can only grasp at his heels, Yves Tumor’s “Kerosene!” reaches a level of burning passion and sexual literacy that would make The Purple One proud. A duet with Diana Gordon, “Kerosene!” is a desperate plea for connection, each duet partner thinking that a passionate dalliance might cure the emptiness inside. The song vamps for five minutes, filled with guitar pyrotechnics and moaning vocals, its extended runtime and gradual comedown consigning the partners to a futile search for a self-sustaining love that won’t burn itself out when the passion fades.

11. Special Interest - “Street Pulse Beat”: “Street Pulse Beat” sounds like “Seven Nation Army,” as performed by post-punk legends Killing Joke. It’s a strutting, wild, propulsive anthem–part come-on, part self-actualization, all-powerful. Dominated by an insistent industrial beat and the fiery vocals of frontperson Alli Logout, whose performance more than lives up to the song’s grandiose lyrics (““I go by many names such as Mistress, Goddess, Allah, Jah, and Jesus Christ”), “Street Pulse Beat” was the song released this year that made me miss live music the most.

10. Megan Thee Stallion - “Savage” (Remix) ft. Beyonce: The first-ever collaboration between these two H-Town royals was the most quotable song of the year, firing off hot lines and memorable moments with an effortless majesty. Megan does her thing, bringing classy, bougie, and ratchet punchlines about the men who grovel at her feet, but it’s who Beyoncé elevates the track to transcendence. She prances around the outskirts of Megan’s verses, applying the full force of her lower register to her ad-libs (“THEM JEANS”), and during her verses, the Queen proves once again that you can count the number of rappers better than her on your fingers.

9. DJ Tunez - “Cool Me Down” ft. Wizkid: WizKid is almost alarmingly prolific, releasing enough amazing songs per year that he would be a worthy subject of his own “best-of” list. My favorite WizKid song of 2020 didn’t come from his excellent album Made In Lagos–instead it was this team-up with Brooklyn-based DJ Tunez. A favored collaborator of WizKid (Tunez is partially responsible for career highlights like 2019’s “Cover Me” and 2020’s “PAMI”), Tunez’s organic and textured approach to Afrobeats is an excellent fit for his voice, mixing swelling organs, 808 blocks, and the occasional stab of saxophone into a percolating concoction. The “Starboy” rises to the occasion, hypnotically repeating phrases in English and Yoruba, making octave-sized leaps in his vocal register, and stretching syllables like taffy as he sings the praises of his lady love.

8. Sorry - “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star”: Part swaggering indie anthem and part skronking no wave, “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star” struts with the woozy confidence of someone who’s had just the right amount to drink. It’s the ideal throwback to late L.E.S. (or Shoreditch) nights, sung with irresistible gang vocals on the chorus and a detached sneer on the verse that jibes with the sinister undertones of the deliberately off-key backing track.

7. Destroyer - “Cue Synthesizer”: As Dan Bejar ages, he becomes less like a singer and more like a shaman, his incantatory near-spoken word verses grounding his band’s instrumental heroics. On “Cue Synthesizer,” Bejar plays the role of conjurer, summoning synthesizers and electric guitars in celebration of music’s ability to breathe life into modern mundanity.

6. Chloe x Halle - “Do It”: Pillow-soft R&B that walks the fine line between retro and futuristic, powered by the Bailey Sisters’ playfully twisty melodies and sumptuous production from a somewhat unexpected source. That’s right, piano man Scott Storch took a break from smoking blunts with Berner to deliver his smoothest beat since he teamed with Chloe x Halle mentor Beyoncé for “Me Myself & I” in 2003.

5. Fireboy DML - “ELI”: Nigeria singer Fireboy DML is an unabashed fan of ‘90s adult contemporary, worshipping idols (‘90s Elton John, Celine Dion) that even some devout poptimists wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. A modern-day retelling of the Biblical fable of Samson and Delilah, “ELI” seems to take inspiration from Ace of Base’s “All That She Wants,” its rocksteady beat, wobbling bassline, snake-charming flute, and “lonely girl, lonely world” lyrics recalling the 1994 Swedish pop smash. It’s a testament to Fireboy’s charisma and melodic mastery that “ELI” is as invigorating as “All That She Wants” is annoying. He switches from playful flirtation on the verse, to hopeless devotion on the chorus, to lascivious swagger on the bridge, gently ratcheting up the intensity in his vocals until the song’s climactic guitar solo* grants glorious release. *The build-up on “ELI” is so great that it makes it easy to ignore that the guitar solo itself is a mess. It sounds like the producers couldn’t get Carlos Santana, so they settled for Andre 3000 instead.

4. The Beths - “Dying To Believe”: If you’ve ever audibly cringed while thinking about something you’ve said or done in the past, The Beths have the song for you. Carried by its driving backbeat, “Dying To Believe” chronicles singer Liz Stokes’s rumination on a crumbling friendship, her fear of confrontation preventing her from removing her toxic friend from her life. Though the lyric is pained and uncertain, there’s no such lack of confidence in the music. An adrenaline rush of muscular, sugary power pop, “Dying To Believe” is an immaculate construction, each fuzzy guitar riff arriving with mathematical precision and each “whoa-oh” chorus hitting like a ton of bricks. Jump Rope Gazers might not have been as consistent as the Auckland, NZ band’s self-titled debut, but “Dying To Believe” is as good as anything on that album and helps solidify The Beths’ deserved reputation as some of the best songwriters and tightest performers on either side of the International Date Line.

3. The 1975 - “What Should I Say”/“If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”: I know, I know. I was supposed to only pick one song per artist, but sue me, this is my list and I just could not decide between these two. The 1975 have always balanced their affinity for ‘80s-style pop anthems with an interest in experimental electronic music. In 2020, they released the two very best songs of their career, each seemingly fitting into one of those two boxes. On its face, “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” is the band’s transparent attempt at recording their own “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”–it’s in D Major, it has a chugging backbeat, an echoing two-chord riff in the verse, and an ascending E Minor progression in the pre-chorus. Where the Tears For Fears classic takes a birds-eye look at the yuppie generation, Matty Healy uses his song’s swelling bombast and gleefully cheesy sax solo to explore the awkward intimacy of cyber sex. The burbling Eno-style synth that opens up “If You’re Too Shy” evokes a dial-up connection, simulating the thrill of discovery felt by those whose only connection to the outside world comes through their screens.

“What Should I Say,” meanwhile, combines Boards Of Canada-esque bloops with bassline that strongly resembles Mr. Fingers’ oft-sampled “Mystery Of Love”, over which Healy sings in a heavily-manipulated voice that sounds like the lovechild of Travis Scott and Sam Smith. Fittingly for a song about loss for words, the best moments of “What Should I Say” spring from vocal manipulations, imparting more emotional resonance than mere words could ever hope to provide. The final minute of “What Should I Say” is almost tear-jerkingly beautiful, as a single computerized voice cuts through cacophony, determined to let the world know how it feels, language be damned.

2. King Von - “Took Her To The O”: His career was far too short, but King Von had plenty of chances to demonstrate his god-given storytelling ability before he passed away in November. Accompanied by regular collaborator Chopsquad DJ’s chaotic, circular pianos, Von recounts an eventful night in his home neighborhood of O’Block. Von’s gripping narrative is packed with writerly detail (“Nine missed calls, three of them from ‘Mom,’ other six say ‘Duck’”), peeking into his justifiably paranoid state-of-mind (“My Glock on my lap, I'm just thinkin' smart”) and ending with a smirk on a bit of gallows humor that recalls prime Ghostface. Long Live Von.

1. Bob Dylan - “I’ve Made Up My Mind To Give Myself to You”: It’s impossible to escape that 2020 was a year of mass devastation, on a scale not seen in American life since the second World War. In the midst of the cascading chaos of this year, I married my best friend. So it’s fitting that the song that resonated most with me this year was “Throat Baby (Go Baby)” by BRS Kash.

*Ahem* Excuse me. It was a love song, and not just any love song: the finest love song of Bob Dylan’s six-decade, Nobel Prize-winning career.

Bob Dylan spent much of the 2010s trying his hand at the Great American Songbook, applying his craggy croon to standards made famous by Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. It felt like a weird turn for such an iconoclastic figure, one known for his massive (and valuable) library of originals. “I’ve Made Up My Mind To Give Myself To You” proves that Bob’s covers and Christmas albums weren’t larks or cash grabs, but an old dog’s attempt to learn new tricks by digging into the past.

“IMUMMTGMTY” shares a lot of DNA with “The Way You Look Tonight” and “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” bringing florid metaphors and touching pledges of devotion, but it also inherently understands that love is a decision–a weighty decision that imparts great responsibility–as much as it’s a feeling. What really makes “IMUMM” sing is the tastefully folksy arrangement, which ties into the old weird America explored by Dylan’s compadres in The Band, filled with bright Telecaster leads and easily-hummed choruses. And the lyrics are excellent even by Bob’s elevated standards. It turns me into a puddle every time I listen. I’ll let Bob take it from here:

Well, my heart's like a river, a river that sings Just takes me a while to realize things I've seen the sunrise, I've seen the dawn I'll lay down beside you when everyone's gone

Here’s the rest of the list. Check back later this week for my albums list!

26. Katie Gately - “Waltz” 27. Bonny Light Horseman - “Bonny Light Horseman” 28. Bullion - “Hula” 29. Omah Lay - “Lo Lo” 30. Greg Dulli - “Sempre” 31. Fiona Apple - “Shameika” 32. Anjimilie - “Your Tree” 33. Key Glock - “Look At They Face” 34. Lido Pimienta - “Te Queria” 35. Morray - “Quicksand” 36. Obongjayar - “10K” 37. Xenia Rubinos - “Who Shot Ya?” 38. Kiana Lede - “Protection” 39. Flo Milli - “Weak” 40. G.T. - “What You Gon Do” 41. Chris Crack - “Hoes At Trader Joe’s” 42. Lil Baby - “The Bigger Picture” 43. The Orielles - “Memoirs of Miso” 44. Shoreline Mafia - “Change Ya Life” 45. Masego - “Mystery Lady” ft. Don Toliver 46. Junglepussy - “Out My Window” ft. Ian Isiah 47. Siete Gang Yabbie - “Gift Of Gab” 48. Rosalía - “Juro Que” 49. Black Noi$e - “Mutha Magick” ft. BbyMutha 50. BFB Da Packman - “Free Joe Exotic” ft. Sada Baby 51. Andras - “Poppy” 52. Lianne La Havas - “Weird Fishes” 53. Crack Cloud - “Tunnel Vision” 54. Lil Uzi Vert - “No Auto” ft. Lil Durk 55. Fred again… - “Kyle (I Found You)” 56. Burna Boy - “Wonderful” 57. Lonnie Holliday - “Crystal Doorknob” 58. Mozzy - “Bulletproofly” 59. Tiwa Savage - “Koroba” 60. Frances Quinlan - “Your Reply” 61. Ariana Grande - “my hair” 62. Bad Bunny - “Safaera” ft. Jowell & Randy & Ñengo Flow 63. Yhung T.O. & DaBoii - “Forever Ballin” 64. Katie Pruitt - “Out Of The Blue” 65. Sleepy Hallow - “Molly” ft. Sheff G 66. Niniola - “Addicted” 67. Prado - “STEPHEN” 68. Drakeo The Ruler - “GTA VI” 69. Boldy James - “Monte Cristo” 70. Caribou - “Like I Loved You” 71. Andy Shauf - “Living Room” 72. Hailu Mergia - “Yene Mircha” 73. Kabza de Small & DJ Maphorisa - “eMcimbini” ft Aymos, Samthing Soweto, Mas Musiq 74. Gunna - “Dollaz On My Head” ft. Young Thug 75. Roddy Ricch - “The Box” 76. The Lemon Twigs - “Hell On Wheels” 77. Sun-El Musician - “Emoyeni” ft. Simmy & Khuzani 78. Madeline Kenney - “Sucker” 79. Natanael Cano - “Que Benedicion” 80. ShooterGang Kony - “Jungle” 81. Don Toliver - “After Party” 82. Chicano Batman - “Color my life” 83. Pa Salieu - “Betty” 84. Chubby & The Gang - “Trouble (You Were Always On My Mind)” 85. Dua Lipa - “Love Again” 86. Rucci - “Understand” ft. Blxst 87. Skilla Baby - “Carmelo Bryant” ft. Sada Baby 88. Bartees Strange - “Boomer” 89. Jessie Ware - “Read My Lips” 90. The Hernandez Bros. & LUSTBASS - “At The End Of Time” 91. Brokeasf - “How” ft. 42 Dugg 92. Mulatto - “No Hook” 93. Eddie Chacon - “Outside” 94. Veeze - “Law N Order” 95. Polo G - “33” 96. Bktherula - “Summer” 97. Jessy Lanza - “Anyone Around” 98. Perfume Genius - “On The Floor” 99. ComptonAssTg - “I’m Thuggin’” 100. Mario Judah - “Die Very Rough”

Honorable Mentions: Jamila Woods - “SULA (Paperback)” Demae - “Stuck In A Daze” ft. Ego Ella May Good Sad Happy Bad - “Bubble” Guerilla Toss - “Human Girl” Kaash Paige - “Grammy Week” ft. Don Toliver Kre8 & CJ Santana - “Slide!” Laura Veirs - “Another Space & Time” Angelica Garcia - “Jicama” Malome Vector - “Dumelang” ft. Blaq Diamond OMB Bloodbath - “Dropout” ft. Maxo Kream SahBabii - “Soulja Slim” Shabason, Krgovich & Harris - “Friday Afternoon” Skillibeng - “Mr. Universe” Waxahatchee - “Fire” Westerman - “Float Over”

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the-poppy-outie-effect · 5 years ago

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it’s not the first enby rep I’ve seen and not the most extensive or the “best” (you guys DO know about the Penumbra Podcast, right?) but even still I haven’t had a piece of media that I latched onto quite so hard and just hearing my comfort characters just,,, validate me and my friends,,, there is very little that has ever caused me this much joy. One thing that... I don’t know, I wouldn’t say it’s something KFAM has over Penumbra and Night Vale and She-Ra and other media with abounding queer rep, but one thing that really emphasizes how great it is that it has this rep at all is that it’s almost a Slice of Life style piece of media (with, y’know, supernatural shit) in that it isn’t a fictionalized, utopia of a world where the identities of queer people are automatically recognized and respected, like the worlds of Penumbra, Night Vale, and She-Ra. As amazing as it is to fantasize about a wonderful world where my identity and the identities of other queer people are seen as legitimate, that isn’t where we are as a society yet and it can be twice as heartwarming to see acceptance in media set in the world that we live in from day to day. While I have faith that we can and will come to a present with acceptance like the aforementioned media, I have no illusions about the fact that spaces where queer people are seen and validated are few and far between. I have come to accept that not every show I love will have people like me, facing the troubles that I and others my community face. To go to a podcast with no expectations to be publicly accepted and to be told that I matter, my identity is real and valid without expecting it... it’s a small thing, but it means more to me than I can possibly say.

Ben Arnold saying ‘guys, gals, and non-binary pals’ is a little gesture, but so completely and totally appreciated nonetheless. Thank you so fucking much, King Falls AM.

Everytime ben arnold says “guys, gals, and non-binary pals!” I smile like an idiot and laugh bc like?? It’s little but it means a lot that he says it after learning what non-binary means and being so excited to use it. kfam is so good :’)

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themiddlelayer · 5 years ago

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Stayin’ Alive

It was a really hard weeked for me. When I say stayin’ alive, I’m saying that there were a couple moments when I had to remind myself to do that... stay alive. This isn’t something I talk about a lot, but it’s the reality of living with mental health issues.

(CW: Suicidal ideation)

tl:dr There is hope and a reason to keep fighting to stay alive.

My mental health has been a battle for as long as I can remember. I’ve had times when I’m mostly fine and the ‘dark & twisty’ is barely audible background noise. There have also been times when I was genuinely a danger to myself. It’s been over a decade since I actually tried to hurt myself... deliberately, but there have been moments that in looking back, I know I was treating my life carelessly.

Java Bear was one of those moments. I consented to rough play, but I could see in his eyes that I was in actual danger. He could have slipped and lost control very easily. I got lucky in that I got out of that relationship mostly unharmed.

I remember being as young as 11-12ish, sitting in my open 2nd story bedroom window wondering if “tumbled” just right if I could hit the fence and make sure I didn’t survive the fall. I imagined I would be dead by 16, then 18, then 21... I never planned for my own future because I genuinely didn’t think I would live that long.

Later in life I began describing it as my ‘self destruct button.’ It would light up and go crazy sometimes and my job was to keep myself far enough away from it that I wouldn’t push it.

When ExH was deployed for the first time, I actually took a swing at the button and missed. I’d been spiraling for months and nobody around me really saw it. Or if they did, they didn’t step in and try to help. I lived with my mother for a few months and she only fueled the fire... she continued to treat me like an equal, like another adult who was a friend and peer.

I was 25 at the time, so yes... technically an adult. But I had moments when I really needed mothering and she failed spectacularly and instead treated me as she always had... I was the mom. I was the adultier adult. I had my shit together. That’s how everyone had always treated me, LONG before I should have been treated as such.

By the fall of 2004 I’d lost a ton of weight and bought my boobs. This was right before buying a house via POA while ExH was still in Iraq, and in the time before people talked about the dangers of opioids. I was prescribed xanax and percocet after my surgery then I had a complication about a week later... another surgery and another prescription.

I was living in a house with roommates, one of whom I’d been cheating on ExH with for months. I’d given custody of My Kiddo back to her father because she accused my roommate of ‘being mean to her’ and I was in no shape to fight with him and his threats that he’d tell ExH that I was cheating on him. I had a meltdown that Christmas Eve and after getting as drunk as I could, I opened the bottles and took all the pills I had left. It may or may not have been enough to do the job had I fallen asleep. It just happened that ExH was able to get online that night and I stayed awake chatting with him for several hours.

On New Years Eve I had a meltdown and quit my job. The month of January 2005 was spent literally in bed dealing with what I know now was a detox and withdrawal from the meds. I threatened to slit my wrists on a night when I’d finally ventured downstairs and was super drunk... as usual. My roommate, who had literally brought me food and carried me to the shower periodically threatened to take me to the ER to be admitted if I didn’t agree to find a therapist the next day. Cue therapist #1 who, like those who followed, treated me like I had my shit together and didn’t actually need help.

A few months later, I’d moved to TX with ExH and I had another episode of sorts while he was away at a school. I went to my doctor to ask for antidepressants and showed him my journal where I’d pondered what would happen if I slit my wrists with DNR. I was admitted to the psych ward for 3 days where I had a tech tell me that just because I’d been there didn’t mean that I couldn’t work there. I was given meds that made me feel worse (that I didn’t continue) and referred to another therapist who treated me like a peer... He was the one who recommended that I buy a puppy training manual and apply the techniques to ExH.

Over the years, the worst episodes have all happened when I’d get really drunk and lose control. There was a Christmas Eve just a couple years ago when MM said that I scared him... that I was on the ground sobbing about how badly I wanted to die. I only remember bits and pieces of that night because I posted some bad poetry here.

I’ve been on a single antidepressant for 5+ years and the last time I upped the dose I had panic attacks and needed xanax to sleep. There were still nights when I would ask MM to open the bottle and give me one because I didn’t trust that I would take them all.

After the quad, things got really bad again. I didn’t tell anyone about the worst moments but I started fantasizing about the irony of just drowning myself in the hot tub by closing the lid on myself. I didn’t use the hot tub for months because I was afraid for myself. My leave of absence from work saved my life. Literally.

Since moving into my own place I’ve opened my eyes on several mornings and immediately started crying. I’ve pondered if the memory foam mattress would soak up all the blood so I don’t make a mess of the new carpet. This morning as I went to put away the rope Puppy tied me up with last weekend I imagined hanging myself with it before chuckling out loud because I can’t tie a knot to save my life... ra-cha-cha.

My self-destruct button has been blinking bright, but every day I pull myself up and fight to stay alive.

This morning I took my shirt off and put it on my pillow after soaking through a pile of tissues with tears and snot. Puppy told me he loved me in the throes of it. Matter of fact, that almost made it worse. But I managed to get up.

I ordered my groceries to be delivered so that I wouldn’t have to get dressed and worry about running into Tampa at the grocery store or shopping at another store I’m less fond of. I printed a letter to Tampa that I wrote yesterday, outlining why I’d cut communication and telling him that if he contacted me again that I’d get a restraining order. I addressed the envelope and found a stamp. I put away all the laundry I did in my portable washing machine then hung to dry. I got my Frida puzzles and print up on in my office and made myself biscuits and gravy. I skipped the cannabutter because I didn’t want to lose control of myself with how scary my morning had been.

A friend from middle school posted that she needed to talk and she disclosed that her boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic who verbally abuses her when he drinks and even pushed her to the ground once. I encouraged her to get out and told her that she’s strong enough to make it without him... that she can’t put a price tag on her life, no matter how expensive it is to live out there.

Puppy went on for awhile about how much I mean to him, how much I’ve taught him (referring to before we got all sexy-like together) and how much he credits me for good things in his life. He even said that he’d thought about “kidnapping me and taking him with me” when he moves away.

A friend from TX reached out tonight asking how I was doing, then disclosed that she’s considering seeking professional help for “emotional issues” of sorts. I encouraged her to look for a therapist and invited her to a page that an acquaintance in Baltimore runs where she talks about self-love, positivity, and her own experiences with mental health issues. I’ll call her my Baltimore Babe or BB.

And on Friday, I showed a co-worker FetLife...I’ll call him Tor because he was technically my mentor when I came to the department but I’ve ended up being a life/relationship coach of sorts for him. He’s been asking me about polyamory and working on breaking out of, as he calls it, his sheltered life.

Another co-worker has been helping in that endeavor as well... sending him sex toys and talking to him about her experiences swinging. Of course, I gave Tor the link to my page because I’ve had a bit of a crush on him since day 1, and I even posted a new pic after he said that I should post more. It was fun to talk about that kind of thing on FB while chatting work stuff in the official work chat platform.

The point of all of it is that no matter how hard it is to stay alive... no matter how bright my self-destruct button blinks, I keep getting reminders of why I didn’t jump, why I didn’t go to sleep, why I didn’t cut and why I didn’t get in the hot tub alone. I hang onto these things for dear life, literally. This is what keeps me alive when my brain screams at me that it’s time to die... that I’ve already outstayed my welcome in this meat suit and that’s why everything hurts so much all the time.��

It hit me as I was about to climb into bed that I need to book a coaching session with my Baltimore Babe and talk to her about how she got started with her blog and ended up making her living at keeping other people alive. She has had times, like me, where keeping herself alive was hard to do. I’ve said it over and over that I’m going to do the coaching thing and make it my career. I need to take action! Bippity bobbity bitches!

**Disclaimer** If you feel you might be a danger to yourself... if you are considering suicide I’m here to tell you: STAY ALIVE. And ask for help. You matter more than you know!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

#stayalittlelonger #keepgoing #youarenotalone #stayin alive

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sadisticdxsire-blog · 6 years ago

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The 10 Steps to Learning to be a Pro Gamer

Video gaming for a full-time income always appeared like some kind of adolescent desire growing up. Being paid to try out your preferred game was something most kids only fantasized about, but in 2012 now, it actually can be considered a fact for the truly hard-working and talented. also, check out Four Possible TRX40 Motherboards Unintentionally Listed By Gigabyte For The AMD Ryzen Threadripper 3000

eSports worldwide has exploded, and with it, there's a whole course of 15-30 12 months olds who now play video games for a full-time income. From the hundreds of thousands that play game titles like Starcraft, Halo or Little league of Legends, they've gotten so excellent that lots of can make a full-time living out of video gaming. The very best few players in the world even draw in six physique wages between sponsorships, team incomes, and tournament earnings.

So, how will you follow their business lead? A very important factor should be clear right away, it's a great deal of effort. These ten steps should send you on the way.

1. Practice

It could be nice that you will get to play a casino game you like and think you're very good at. But do you like it enough to try out it six, seven, eight hours a full day, every full day? Because that's what must be done if you even want a prayer to be a pro. The very best players have a regimented practice routine against rivals at or above their level, as it is the only way to seriously progress in skill. Make certain you're constantly using folks who are much better than you, as it is the only way you'll develop as a new player.

2. Keep YOUR ENTIRE DAY Job

It certainly is good to truly have a back-up plan, and I'd not advocate anyone drop out of college or quit their current job until they have at least SOME indicator they can generate income and support themselves by video gaming. If you've received some tournament reward money, or your stream gets a respectable amount of advertisement dollars, you can look to begin scaling back again your everyday activities, but trimming them chilly turkey right from the start is a risk you ought not to be taking.

3. Studying

Like finding success in virtually any field, it is critical to study those people who have excelled before you. Watching pro replays over and over until you begin to absorb their strategies and tactics is a must. These players have been perfecting their artwork for years, as well as for someone just getting started, it's of the most important to learn higher-level tactic first by viewing, by practicing then.

4. Homework

Playing the overall game all night is good practice, yes, but sometimes you may want to focus on one particular facet of your play to be able to get the advantage on your opponents. The term would be that the best Terran Starcraft player in the world, MarineKingPrime, methods splitting marines, a complicated, click-heavy game maneuver, all night at the same time. It takes merely a couple of seconds in each example, but it's like capturing one thousand free throws so you can come through in the clutch if you want to.

5. Community

Understand that virtually all pro gamers are part of the community, and you ought to be too. Be it participating in discussion board discussions or developing your team, you mustn't be training in vacuum pressure. Outdoors insight and strategy conversations with friends who also play is important when wanting to go pro.

6. Practice

Do I point out you will need to practice? The very best tier benefits often live collectively in homes where they play against one another for hours each day. That isn't something you must do when getting started, but it shows how important continuous play and practice is when it comes to trying to be the best.

7. Rage Control

Understand that you are going to lose. Even the best players on the planet lose from thirty to 50 percent of their video games. Losing is a part of the path to becoming a much better player, and raging and garbage talk does nothing at all to help you improve. Pro Ukranian Starcraft player White-Ra famously experienced this to state about dropping, learning and maintaining your cool. "ONCE I starting play, I very unsatisfactory and very unfortunate after my loss. If you wish to make one goal to earn, you must lose. You can't win all the video games. We are people, we make a mistake. We aren't a computer. And if you realize your mistake, you may evaluate the game. And continue steadily to play, try to correct it. More GG, more skill."

8. Balance

Just as much as we've emphasized that hours of practice are essential for success, you must have balance, meaning a life beyond the game. Many pro players began as teens, but now have become up and also have groups of their own. Friendships and family are greatly very important to your mental well-being, so don't shut people out and only holing yourself up to try out whatsoever hours.

9. Talent

Recognize that not many people are cut out to be always a pro player. Even if you are good, you merely might not have the physical capability to be on par with the professionals. eSports requires mental and physical prowess, and the very best players have to make a huge selection of activities one minute all the time, making them play at almost superhuman velocity. It simply is extremely hard for everyone, no matter how much they could practice. You may be proficient at golf, but it doesn't indicate after 10,000 openings, you are going to be PADRAIG HARRINGTON.

10. Practice

In the event, I haven't managed to get clear up to now. For anybody aspiring to be another Fatal1ty or Boxer, You are wished by me the best. Keep each one of these steps at heart as you play, and understand that most of all, games are said to be fun, when played professionally even.

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jamieclawhorn · 6 years ago

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There are old investors and there are bold investors…

Thanks to a summer spent playing American Football computer games 20-odd years ago, my childhood neighbour and I still meet every year for the Super Bowl. My friend continues to watch as many regular season games as he can and dreams of his team – the Pittsburgh Steelers – recapturing past glories. But I only really go now for the ritual and the chat. Honestly, most of my attention is spent thinking up new ways to stay awake until 4am. The past few years however have given me something to root for – Tom Brady, the quarterback for The New England Patriots. Brady and his Patriots have won the Super Bowl so many times it’s a wonder the other teams still bother to show up. But that’s not why this All-American hero gets my support. No, I cheer him on because in a brutally competitive sport – where one dangerous tackle can end a career – Brady keeps winning at the grand old age of 41.

Pretty fly for a 41-year old guy

Theories abound as to how Brady can outplay opponents young enough to be his sons. Some point to his near-vegetarian anti-inflammatory diet, or to the healthful influence of his supermodel wife, Gisele Bündchen. Rivals suspect a pact with the Dark Side of the Force. But I believe the real reason Brady continues to win Super Bowls is because he still has a lightning fast (American) football brain. After all, the word “quarterback” is synonymous in U.S. vernacular for strategic leader –from CEOs to generals to visionary middle managers. While Brady may no longer be able to outrun or outmuscle his foes, he can still outthink them.

Golden oldies

You’ll understand it’s easy for someone who has watched dozens of Super Bowls as an adult to warm to a guy who flatters us 40-somethings into thinking we’ve still got it. Though in truth, with sport I never really had it. But in investing – where I might fantasize I’d be quite the star in some alternate universe where cheerleaders ra-ra-ra great share trades – I’ve long been comforted by all the famous old investors who put in long shifts.

Warren Buffett, Charlie Munger, Howard Marks, Carl Icahn… very few legendary investors are exactly in the first flush of youth. Of course, you’ve got to make a few billion before anyone calls you great. Compounding takes time. But the point is these old sages are untroubled by their dodgy hips or fading eyesight. Investing is something I’ve long assumed I can grow old doing well.

Middle-aged masters of the investing universe

You can imagine my disappointment then to see an academic study concluding recently that investing performance peaks somewhere between your mid-30s and mid-50s. Worse, the academics saw a sharp drop-off in average performance over 60. There goes my retirement hobby! Of course, we’re talking about averages. The careers of octogenarian investors like Buffett and Icahn prove old age need not lead inevitably to investing failure. But I do think the research raises important issues for any of us managing our money. Because it’s a fact of life we tend to accumulate our greatest wealth in our later years. For most of us that’s the point of investing – securing a nest-egg to see us through a comfortable retirement. Yet if our ability deteriorates with declining mental acuity as the academics suggest, then we could be managing most of our wealth just as we begin to do it badly.

Seek help if you need it

It’s all very well being a great stock picker in your 20s, 30s, and 40s. But I wonder if it’s better to look more towards collective funds – or even to a financial planner – in your 60s and 70s? At the least, any big financial decision might be worth a second opinion or sanity check.

This is especially the case if you have a spouse or other dependants who stand to lose out too if you begin mismanaging money earmarked for their wellbeing. Of course I hope we all remain sharp and on top of our portfolios well into our dotage. But it’s as well to be alert to the danger that this might not be the case. The sad truth is we tend not to see our own declining abilities until some damage has been done. (Spend ten minutes with me on a dance floor nowadays to see what I mean.) Quarterback Tom Brady will get obvious clues the game is up for him. Clues such as a 20-stone linebacker squashing him flat on the football field. But in a worst-case scenario, our wake-up call could come only when we’ve done real damage to our finances. A blow we might no longer have time to recover from.

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