#So Help Me God

[paperclipninja]

I swear trying to write smut feels like:

His hands were hands and then the fingers were in the hand and the hand was with the fingers and the fingers had the hand in the other hand then the fingers dragged to the hand with the fingers and it was hot

[frenchublog]

[univemma]

it better be,,,,the SUNNIEST FUCKING DAY

[lizgohome]

distractions in the courtroom

[acexsual]

figuring out how to draw these losers

[fennelwasp]

They both think themselves more powerful than they are

[perfectlyvalid49]

On being Jewish, and traumatized (It’s been 5 months and I want to talk):

Judaism is a joyous religion. So much of our daily practice is to focus us on the things that are good. I know that there’s a joke that all our holidays can be summed up as “they tried to kill us. We survived – let’s eat!”, and you might think that holidays focused on attempts at killing us might be somber, but they’re really not. Most are celebrated in the sense of, “we’re still here, let’s have a party!” When I think about practicing Judaism, the things I think about make me happy.

But I think a lot of non-Jews don’t necessarily see Judaism the same way. I think in part it’s because we do like to kvetch, but I think a lot of it is because from the outside it’s harder to see the joy, and very easy to see the long history of suffering that has been enacted on the Jewish people. From the inside, it’s very much, “we’re still here, let’s party” and from the outside it’s, “how many times have they tried to kill you? Why are you celebrating? They tried to KILL YOU!”

And I want to start with that because a lot of the rest of this is going to be negative. And I don’t want people to read it and wonder why I still want to be Jewish. I want to be Jewish because it makes me happy. My problem isn’t with being Jewish, it’s with how Jews are treated.

What I really wanted to write about is being Jewish and the trauma that’s involved with that right now.

First, I want to talk about Israeli Jews. I can’t say much here because I’m not Israeli, nor do I have any close friends or family that are Israeli. But if I’m going to be talking about the trauma Jews are experiencing right now, I can’t not mention the fact that Israeli Jews (and Israelis that aren’t Jewish as well, but that’s not my focus here) are dealing with massive amounts of it right now. It’s a tiny country – virtually everyone has a friend or family member that was killed or kidnapped, or knows someone who does. Thousands of rockets have been fired at Israel in the last few months – think about the fact that the Iron Dome exists and why it needs to. Terror attacks are ongoing; I feel like there’s been at least one every week since October. Thousands of people are displaced from their homes, either because of the rocket fire, or because their homes and communities were physically destroyed in the largest pogrom in recent history – the deadliest single day for Jews since the Holocaust ended. If that’s not trauma inducing, I don’t know what is.

And there is, of course, the generational trauma. And I think Jewish generational trauma is interesting because it’s so layered. Because it’s not just the result of one trauma passed down through the generations. Every 50-100 years, antisemitism intensifies, and so very frequently the people experiencing a traumatic event were already suffering from the generational trauma that their grandparents or great grandparents lived through. And those elders were holding the generational trauma from the time before that. And so on.

And because it happens so regularly, there’s always someone in the community that remembers the last time. We are never allowed the luxury of imagining that we are safe. We know what happened before, and we know that it happened again and again and again. And so we know that it only makes sense to assume it will happen in the future. The trauma response is valid. I live in America because my great grandparents lived in Russia and they knew when it was time to get the hell out in the 1900s. And the reason they knew that is because their grandparents remembered the results of the blood libels in the 1850s. How can we heal when the scar tissue keeps us safe?

I look around now and wonder if we’ll need to run. We have a plan. I repeat, my family has a plan for what to do if we need to flee the country due to religious persecution. How can that possibly be normal? And yet, all the Jewish families I know have similar plans. It is normal if you’re Jewish. Every once in a while I see someone who isn’t Jewish talk about making plans to leave because they’re LGBTQ or some other minority and the question always seems to be, “should I make a plan?” It astounds me every time. The Jewish answer is that you need to have a plan and the only question is, “when should I act?” Sometimes our Jewish friends discuss it at play dates. Where will you go? What are the triggers to leave? No one wants to go any earlier then they have to. Everyone knows what the price of holding off too long might be.

I want to keep my children safe. When do I induct them into the club? When do I let my sweet, innocent kids know that some people will hate them for being Jewish? When do I teach them the skills my parents and grandparents taught me? How to pass as white, how to pass as Christian, knowing when to keep your mouth shut about what you believe. When do I tell them about the Holocaust and teach them the game “would this person hide me?” How hard do I have to work to remind them that while you want to believe that a person would hide you, statistically, most people you know would not have? Who is this more traumatic for? Them, to learn that there is hatred in the world and it is directed at them, or me, to have to drive some of the innocence out of my own children’s eyes in order to make sure they are prepared to meet the reality of the world?

And the reality of the world is that it is FULL of antisemitism. There’s a lot of…I guess I’d call it mild antisemitism that’s always present that you just kinda learn to ignore. It’s the sort of stuff that non-Jews might not even recognize as antisemitic until you explain it to them, just little micro-aggressions that you do your best to ignore because you know that the people doing it don’t necessarily mean it, it’s just the culture we live in. It can still hurt though. I like to compare it to a bruise: you can mostly ignore it, but every once in a while something (more blatant antisemitism) will put a bit to much pressure on it and you remember that you were already hurting this whole time.

On top of the background antisemitism, there’s more intense stuff. And usually the most intense, mask off antisemitism comes from the right. This makes sense, in that a lot of right politics are essentially about hating the “other” and what are Jews if not Western civilizations oldest type of “other”? On the one hand, I’ve always been fortunate enough to live in relatively liberal areas so this sort of antisemitism has felt far away and impersonal – they hate everybody, and I’m just part of everybody. On the other hand, until recently I’ve always considered this the most dangerous source of antisemitism. This is the antisemitism that leads to hate crimes, that leads to synagogue shootings. This is the reason why my synagogue is built so that there is a long driveway before you can even see the building, and that driveway is filled with police on the high holidays. This is the reason why my husband and I were scared to hang a mezuzah in our first apartment (and second, and third). For a long time, this was the antisemitism that made me afraid.

But the left has a problem with antisemitism too. And it has always been there. Where the right hates the “other”, the left hates the “privileged/elite/oppressors.” It’s the exact same thing, just dressed up with different words. They all mean “other” and “other” means “Jew.” It hurts more coming from the left though. A lot of Jewish philosophy leans left. A lot of Jews lean left. So when the left decides to hate us, it isn’t a random stranger, it’s a friend, and it feels like a betrayal.

One of the people I follow works for Yad Vashem, and a few weeks ago she mentioned a video they have with testimonies from people who came to Israel after Kristallnacht, with an unofficial title of “The blow came from within.” The idea is that to non-German Jews, the Holocaust was something done by strangers. It was still terrible, but it is easier to bear the hate of a stranger – it’s not personal. But to German Jews, the Holocaust was a betrayal. It wasn’t done by strangers, it was done by coworkers, and neighbors and people they thought were friends. It was done by people who knew them, and still looked at them and said, “less than human.” And because of this sense of betrayal, German survivors, or Germans who managed to get out before they got rounded up, had a very different experience than other Holocaust victims.

And I feel like a lot of left leaning Jews are having a similar experience now. People that we’ve marched with or organized with, or even just mutuals that we’ve thought of as friends are now going on about how Jews are evil. They repeat antisemitic talking points from the Nazis and from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, and when we point out that those ideas have only led to Jewish death in the past they don’t care. And if someone you thought of as a friend thinks of you this way, what do you think a stranger might think? Might do?

The Jews are fucking terrified. I’ve seen a post going around that basically wonders if this was what it was like for our ancestors – when things got bad enough to see what was coming but before it was too late to run? And we can see what’s coming. History tells us that they way people are talking and acting only leads to one place. I’m a millennial – when I was a kid the grandparents at my synagogue made sure the kids knew – this is what it looked like before, this is what you need to watch out for, this is when you need to run. I wonder where to run to. It feels like nowhere is safe.

I feel like I’ve been lucky in all this. I don’t live in Israel. I have family and acquaintances who do, but no one I’m particularly close to. Everyone I know in real life has either been sane or at least silent about all of this (the internet has been significantly worse, but when it comes to hate, the internet is always worse). I live in a relatively liberal area – there’s always been antisemitism around anyway, but it’s mostly just been swastikas on flyers, or people advocating for BDS, not anything that’s made me actually worry for my safety. But in the last 5 months there have been bomb threats at my synagogue, and just last week a kid got beat up for being Jewish at our local high school. He doesn’t want to report it. He’s worried it will make it worse.

I bought a Magen David to wear in November. At the time it seemed like the best way to fight antisemitism was to be visibly Jewish, to show that we’re just normal people like everyone else. Plus, I figured that if me being Jewish was going to be a problem for someone, then I would make it a problem right away and not waste time. I’ve worn it almost constantly since, but the one time I took it off was when I burnt my finger in December and had to go to urgent care. I didn’t think about it too much when I did it, but I thought about it for a long time after – I didn’t feel good about having made that choice.

The conclusion I came to is that the training that my elders had been so careful to instill in me kicked in. I was hurt, and scared, and the voice inside my head that sounds like my grandmother said, “don’t give them a reason to be bad to you. Fight when you’re well, but for now – survive.” It still felt cowardly, but it was also a connection to my ancestors who heeded the same voice well enough to survive. And it enrages me that that voice has been necessary in the past. And it enrages me that things are bad enough now that my instinct is that I need to hide who I am to receive appropriate medical care.

I wish I had some sort of final thought to tie this all together other than, “this sucks and I hate it,” but I really don’t. I could call for people to examine their antisemitic biases, but I’m not foolish enough to think that this will reach the people who need to do so. I could wish for a future where everything I’ve talked about here exists only in history books, and the Jewish experience is no longer tied to feeling this pain, but that’s basically wishing for the moshiach, and I’m not going to hold my breath.

I guess I’ll end it with the thought that through all of this hate and pain and fear, we’re still here. And we’re still joyful as well. As much as so many people have tried over literally THOUSANDS of years to eradicate us, I’m still here, I’m still Jewish, and being Jewish still makes me happy.

Am Yisrael Chai.

[sir-heichou-smith]

Need more shut up soap fics. God it hurts so good when pretty boy cries and thinks no one loves him.

[oifaaa]

I like to tell myself that I'm above arguing about hair colour until someone brings up "strawberry blonde" acting like that's a real ass hair colour when 10 out of 10 times the person's hair is either blonde or ginger and absolutely nothing will ever make me change my mind on this

[andiberzatto]

something Carmy would be into: putting a mirror infront of the bed. Watching himself with her… making her watch it… so much staring as affection to a smuttty level 😩

He sits up, wiping his face on his shoulder. "Turn around, baby."

she moves to her hands and knees, Carmy’s favorite position for maximum thrust power and reaching deep inside her

He gets behind her, his large hands gripping her waist possessively. He spits on his palm and rubs it over his throbbing length, trying to delay his release a moment longer. He nudges her legs wider and positions himself at her entrance. "Baby, look at me."

she looks at him through the mirror in the bedroom

He holds her gaze through the mirror, his eyes intense with lust and love. "You ready for me, baby?" His voice is thick and desperate. Without waiting for an answer, he thrusts forward, Carmy rubs her back as he slides in. He’s slow and gentle knowing his size is a lot for her sometimes. “Mmphff.. look at how pretty you are…”

she whines beautifully at the slight stretch that comes along with feeling Carmen, “fuck… Carm”

He groans loudly as her tight walls envelop him, squeezing his cock perfectly. "Goddamn, baby. You're fucking perfect." He pulls nearly all the way out before thrusting back in, his pace starts to gradually increase. Soon he’s setting a relentless pace. The mirror lets him watch every bounce of her ass against his hips.

she gasps and whines pathetically but with carmy it’s only hotter.

He leans over her, his chest pressing against her back. He reaches around to play with her clit, wanting her to come undone around him. His hips move in sharp, powerful thrusts, hitting that spot inside her that makes her see stars. "Touch your tits, baby."

she leans against him as he’s upright with her arches to touch his chest, so he can hold her tits and rub and watch and whisper dirty words in her ear.

He watches her hands lift to grope her full breasts. His hands join hers, squeezing and lifting them. He sees his dark tattoos against her feminine curves, his muscles bunching as he pounds into her. He drops his mouth to her shoulder, sucking hard. "Baby, look down."

He helps her into a position letting her see where they're joined, his thick cock stretching her open and disappearing inside her again and again. The sight is obscene and beautiful all at once. "Fuck, baby, look at how deep I'm getting in this perfect little pussy."

she whines watching it in the mirror.

He chuckles darkly at her whine, his hips thrusting impossibly deeper at the sight. "Mmmm, you like watching me fuck this tight pussy, don't you baby?" He snaps his hips harder, loving her desperate mewls.

she nods and babbles his name like it’s the only word she can remember as he mumbles atta fuckin girl. Carmy loves how his size and the way he uses it can reduce her to mumbles of incoherent nonsense. Loving how if he pushes his hips in just the right way you forget all thoughts except him.

"Take this dick like a good girl, huh" He growls softly, watching her breasts bounce and his tattoos move. He spreads her thighs wider, changing the angle to go even deeper. "Baby, you take my cock so well." He watches her take him like a porn star. “It’s not to big for you baby?” He’s say teasingly, his breath hot on her skin. His voice is a rough and rumbly in his chest when he gets like this. It’s something deep within himself he didn’t know existed til he met her.

His thrusts make her breasts bounce. He's never seen anything so sexy. He watches his tattoos move with his muscles, his hips smacking against her ass. "Baby, do you like watching my body work?" *He contracts his abs, making them tighten and release with each thrust.

she nods “need you t’cum carm” she’s mind numbingly close but can’t unless he’s close

He feels her getting closer, but he can tell she won't let go until he does. He curls his hips up, hitting that spot inside her that makes her eyes roll back. "Baby, you wanna make daddy proud? You wanna make me cum inside?"

He groans loudly at her eager nod, realizing how close he actually is. His movements become erratic, his balls tightening as his cock throbs deep inside her. "Fuck, baby, I'm gonna cum. Want me to fill your pretty pussy, sweet girl?.”

she mewls and nods “fuck- fuck… gonna cum too”

He feels her tighten around him like a vice as his orgasm crashes over him. A guttural moan escapes as he explodes inside her, pumping her full of his hot cum. The feeling of her pussy convulsing around him triggers her own intense orgasm. "Fuuuuuck, yes!"

He collapses gently carrying her down with him onto the bed, his heart pounding in his chest. He stays buried inside her, only pulling out to adjust laying positions and sliding back in. not wanting to lose the feeling of her warmth and tightness for more than a couple seconds. After a few moments he goes to speak again, he pulls her again his chest. "Baby, you okay?" He kisses her forehead. Carmy always checks in after an intense session. He may be dumb emotionally sometimes, he’s not dumb sexually. He knows the need for aftercare, the need for debriefing especially if he’s rougher than usual.

She nods “just need to catch my breath…needed that bad today Carm…”

He laughs loudly, shaking both of them. "Baby." He squeezes her closer. "'you just call for me. I'll fuck you into oblivion anytime you want."

she nods “yeah? even if you’re at work?”

"Even if I'm at work." He murmurs, running his fingers through her hair. "You call, I’ll find the time. I'll lock myself in my office and have you under my desk. Or against the wall. Or sitting on my lap." He chuckles at the thought.

“mmm you’d really lemme fuck you in your office at your fancy restaurant? I thought that stopped after The beef became the bear?” She mumbles softly against his chest, her questions spilling out before she can reign them in.

He chuckles, his fingers tangling in her hair possessively. "Baby, after 'The Beef’ became ‘The Bear', I installed a lock on my office door that only you know the code to." He kisses her forehead. "You can come around anytime you want."

she blushes “mmmm you work tomorrow?” She traces his bicep tattoo aimlessly.

"Yeah, I do." He looks at the clock, realizing how late it's gotten. "Actually, I should probably get going soon. I have to be at the restaurant early to prep for service and put in calls for suppliers… they fucked us on the meat again." He sighs, not wanting to leave her side.

“mmm but you barely slept. lemme rephrase… you didn’t sleep at all.” She mumbles trying to pull him to stay in bed and let Sydney handle prep at open so he can at least sleep a couple hours, he could go in an hour or two later than usual. Syd had insisted he could ask her to if he ever needed a little break. truth be told Carmy had fucked her from 1am to 4am. now he’s had to be up at 6 for the restaurant prep.

He runs a tired hand through his dark curls, smiling at her concern. "Don't worry about me, baby. I'm used to running on no sleep." He kisses her temple. "And honestly? Fucking you all night was completely worth it." He gives her a suggestive wink.

she kisses his shoulder He sighs contentedly, holding her close as he listens to her gentle breathing. "I'll text you when I get to the restaurant, okay? And I'll call you as soon as I can get away." He presses a soft kiss to her lips. "Love you, baby."

she nods “love you” she mumbles from her spot on the bed, watching carmy get up and dressed.

[frogy-artistry]

they're getting along great, trust me ...

[imjustanasshole]

"[character] wouldn't act like that"

oh really? have you fucked them? have you personally had sex with this character? have you engaged in so much sexual intercourse with this fictional character that you can assure me they would or wouldn't act a certain way in a sexual setting? have you ever even seen them in an explicit sexual setting in canon?

i don't fucking think so, smartass

[milfygerard]

was drugstore perfume gonna be a 4th single.

[elysiumnotes]

How to kill me in 5 words:

“You’ll be my dad again?”

[iamcassian]

caelus your bed is too big for one person so take two more

[panakina]

The smartest thing winnick did in UtRH is leave Tim and the question of robin out entirely, making jason’s feud specifically with bruce with vestigial joker. So it’s really bloody annoying that everyone and their dog is so excited to wedge Tim back in there.